Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 4669. page

>>17353360

A few things.

as for 'wont i always be depressed' the real question you need to ask yourself is 'do i always want to be depressed?'

and that can mean two different things.
1) do you actually enjoy being depressed because its the only way your life has any meaning, and thats the real issue here

OR

2) you know you are capable of achieving things. with certain things may come happiness. but do you want to sit here and guarantee depression simply because the other way is unknown.


ultimately you dont know if you will be happy if you go out and achieve something. im not saying you have to have a wife and kids and good job, there are other routes to happiness and achievement other than that. but life is like a game. you have to play to win.

if you dont play, you never win, and in the analogy here you are stuck being depressed.

at least if you play, you take the chance to find happiness.


one thing to think about is that life isn't like a movie. there isn't a climax to your life where everyone lives happily ever after and you enjoy the simple things.

life is much more like a TV show, the kind that never seems to end. there are many many many many many many many many little journeys that make up the path you are. the little ones build into big ones. you have your victories, you celebrate. you have your hard times, you buckle down. you grow, you learn, and each year it feels like you're experiencing a new high moment, a constant escalation, a finale, and yet next year it starts again.

there will always be struggle. but you can always have fun along the way.

>>17353360
>- I know I can assign myself some sort of intrinsic purpose and go out and wrap the world around my finger with a lasso,
Do you really know that, though? You've said a couple of times that it would be easy for you to get a great job/acquire wealth, etc., but in your current state (suicidal ideation, obsessed with meaninglessness) you obviously can't do that.

In my experience, inertia like yours is often driven by deep-seated fear--perhaps a fear of failure, a fear of actually not being able to succeed as easily as you say you could. Of course, these negative feelings can be exacerbated by depression.

>but is it really worth the effort?
Probably. But you'll never know without making the effort.

>Won't I always be depressed?
Maybe. But depression is usually manageable, and the meds you say counselors have suggested (along with more counseling) are probably a good place to start. I've been dealing with a depression that is sometimes nearly immobilizing--nearly as disabling as what you're dealing with now--for years. But I have many more good days now than I once did.

>I want to die.
I hope you are just being melodramatic when you say that. You say you don't want to hurt your family or fiancée (I don't know what you mean by 'can't afford to'). You have no idea how much more pain and injury your death would cause than whatever trouble you've put them through already.

I say this as someone who has both contemplated suicide and lost someone dear to me to suicide. I wish every day that I still had the terrifying, infuriating, exhausting junkie in my life rather than her absence. She was sometimes truly awful and sometimes I felt I hated her. But not having her hurts much more.

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>>17353390

Really great advice anon, thank you. I had written a long response and misclicked some keys and now it's gone.

>>17353405

Not trying to be inflammatory, but this is the kind of stuff counselors and some others have tried to tell me. It doesn't really click. Yes I really know that it would be easy to be successful (obviously not in my current state, it would require great effort/sacrifice of time and entertainment), I just don't feel like it's worth attaining as I feel like being "successful" anymore means doing a lot of things I just really don't give a shit about. However, I feel like I would need to sculpt myself into someone who could function in society and be financially independent in order to be anywhere near comfortable with continuing to live. My real question is, how do I care about society/money/self-improvement enough to become financially stable/independent while I am this depressed and far gone from reality?

The last part of your post is useless, honestly. I feel like dying is honestly the easiest way out of this and to deny that fact would be to lie to myself. I could kill myself right now and not even be aware that it happened. I would become nothing. All the mundane and irrelevant drama people like to bitch about would become absolutely meaningless. It's quite intoxicating to think about, it's truly one of life's greatest unanswered questions, what does happen when I die? It would mean one thing for certain, peace of mind. I didn't post here to be melodramatic.

To imply I'm being melodramatic is kind of silly, and honestly shows your disconnection from my situation. I appreciate your attempted help though.

Where in Asia? SEA or East Asia?

She might be looking for a green card out of her dump. If you like her you should be honest with yourself and those around you and say she's there to see you. Shouldn't stop you from showing her around Australia while you're at it though.

>>17353314
Korea, she's got a good life there, and has no interest in leaving, it's not a scam or anything

But am I encouraging/implying the wrong idea if I let her go to that much effort just to see me?

>>17353330
It depends on what you want, if you want to see how it goes and take it further into a real relationship then by all means go ahead, unless she is from SEA like how >>17353314 said in which case do not because she is just looking for a green card.

People that get abused are retards. If you don't like something, don't do it, if you don't like somebody, stop doing them. I don't know why you would ever put yourself in a position to be abused.

I make my money, drive my car, and live in my house. Who the fuck is going to be able to abuse me?

>>17353297

ignore this person, he doesnt know shit and is unable to see life from outside his perspective.

>>17353297
I suffered from physical and mental abuse when I was three up until I was almost five. How am I retarded?

Read a book. Stretch. Do yoga. Learn about something. Do math/any subject for fun. Do squats. Learn an instrument. Learn a skill. Do push ups. Do mountain climbers. Fap. Learn a language. Learn to bake. Etc etc

>>17353273
Try to find something that truly motivates you, sports are fine way to use the excessive time you have, also you can meet new people while you're having.

>>17353273

everyones different, but for a lot of people, there is a great sense of happiness and fulfilmment that comes from accomplishment. i feel the majority of free time should be spent on some sort of creation based project. not necessarilly art, but something that you do work at.

learn an instrument, make a movie, write an advice column, make music videos, draw a comic, write a book, make an audio play, build furniture, etc.

Just chill, don't get so nervous and be friendly with everyone.
Get interested in people's hobbies and join them, just relax.

I've been in your shoes. I was homeschooled and then moved to the forms, was pretty nervous about it going into it. My first roommate on the other hand was a high school quarterback. People tend to be really friendly in the dorms, so welcome your new dorm mates openly and be friendly. Don't ever close your door unless you're changing clothes, banging a girl, or sleeping. (I almost never studied in the dorms because it was too loud and inviting/distracting).

If you're invited to go to something, go. It's the fastest way to making friends, and people are usually very friendly towards the people who live with them.

"Hey, ______.
Looks like I'll be your roommate this year. You want to start talking about how we're going to set up the room? I'll be able to bring/I am definitely bringing ______ (utilities, tv, game system, etc.). Looking forward to hearing back from you.
Sincerely,
Anon"

>>17353207

Get a job and pay them back.

>>17353207
Try to defy the fact that you fucked up collage, maybe is a good idea to find a job to pay your parents.
Do something to get your mind away from the situation, it's pretty normal.

>>17353207
i feel the same way. I'd love to just pay back my parents half a million dollars for raising me and be done with it. Except I'm still broke and lazy and a dissapointment

i made a similar thread and no one answered: >>17353151

i don't know what i'm going to do. i thought i could live with getting a job and making money so i don't get into trouble until i die, but it seems like i can't. it's like i have to have a kid or a lady or something

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>>17353191
Find something you really like to do and just get autistic at improving yourself constantly.

????

PROFIT

>>17353235
i like maths and music but i'm bad at both. also i need make money from what i do, there isn't much money in either maths or music

>>17353174
https://www.reddit.com/r/giftcardexchange

>>17353209
I had no idea this existed. Thanks anon!

After checking the subreddit, seems they don't allow trading Amazon gift cards nor stuff over $100. Rip

Any other suggestions?

Your OP sums up the fears I currently have about what my life might turn into.
So ironically I would be asking you for advice.

>>17353652
i don't know be prepared for this to happen. load up on whiskey? i don't know how to proceed

You're not going to do it for 20 years. You're gonna cry and pussy out and fall off the wagon and fall into a deep spiral of misery and poverty in less than a decade while someone better than you takes your place and betters their life further with it. Just do the right thing and clear the room you're taking up for someone who can use it well.

>>17353094
>Why is 4chan considered better than reddit?
It's not, they're both shitholes in their own ways and both communities think they're superior to the other.

>>17353094

4chan is a shithole.

Reddit contains shitholes but also contains some bleached holes and even some deep holes.

Not anonymous, too many rules, SJW's trying to get upvotes.

I was a one post and done out there, man.

Delete and block any way you can jerk it after one last memory fap.

Then finally, abstain from using your imagination.

It'll be hard, but not impossible

Start riding a bike. It kills sex drive like nothing else.

I mountain bike a lot and I have near zero sex drive. I'm not impotent, just have no desire.

>>17353062
I stopped fapping for one day then gave in. Even waiting one day can make it feel super sensitive and make you blow huge loads. But I am 21 so I think fapping a lot is normal because this is when men are in their prime.

Where were you?
People go to bars and clubs just to get laid. If you want to find more reserved girls that give men a run for their money; talk to them somewhere else.

You did the right thing. Don't sleep with drunk girls.

dumbass. being drunk brings the truth out and she wanted to fuck. you fucked up.

>>17353064
It was a club/bar met her outside when we had that sexual conversation so she was about to go home with her friends that time

Then PayPal me some money to help a friend with a tumor on her brain. At least TRY to do something for someone other than yourself

>>17353019
I'm living an empty life, and empty existence. I'm tired of tthe problems I have to deal with and their never normal problems. I'm losing hope, losing my will to live, the only two things I actually have left.

move away. if you don't have any money, then yeah, do it

>>17352995
Women don't want sex without love, and you don't want to give love without sex.

That seems to be your primary problem.

Does she live with you?

>>17353040
Correct!

To further elaborate:

She constantly wants affection, but cuddling and kissing in previous relationships always gave me a boner. In those relationships if that happened and I wanted sex I got it, no problem.

With her she never wants to, so I somewhat avoid the cuddly kissy stuff, which works against me. Because I don't show affection but am willing to have sex, she tells me I just use her for sex.

Now with that being said, I've been the bigger person more times then I can count. I'll cuddle her, watch dumb movies she knows I have no interest in. I'll take her out and do whatever she wants, eat and drink wherever she wants. Basically be the perfect gentlemen.

It still does nothing, and I see it as a slap in the face and withdraw back to my original ways since my attempt got me nowhere.

She on the other hand will never make the extra effort to try, she never comes on to me in anyway shape or form, never dirty talks me, never texts me kinky pictures while I'm at work. Sex with her is extremely robotic, it's almost like a doctors appointment.

Also, she uses sex and blowjobs as a bargaining tool and doesn't see anything wrong with not holding up her end of the deal. And becomes extremely angry when I get angry over it.

Example: can we go do this or that? I know you don't want to but I'd love to! I'll blow you when we get home and I'll wake you up to your dick in my mouth if you do! We get home and she goes to sleep she wakes up and doesn't touch me. I become bitter and quiet and she acts like she's confused as to why I would have any reason to be that way. When I tell her she lied and used sex as a manipulation tool she gets extemely defensive and acts like its no big deal.

Your parents most likely spend money on the stupidest shit. Food, cigarettes, alcohol all add up

>>17352987
either:

your parents are spending that 80k on luxuries that you dont know about

they are in crippling debt and havnt told you

they dont make 80k

>Being this poor pretty much gave me a minority state of mind but I'm white so it doesn't work

kek

>>17353028
I know they have crippling debt but Jesus we live in rags