Archived threads in /qst/ - Quests - 638. page

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This was your party, once upon a time. The one-eyed Rogue, the righteous knight, the level headed priest and you. The wise old mage. After saving the world, you were all rewarded. The rogue married the princess and became the one-eyed king. The knight was made head of the kings guard. The priest was made leader of the church and chosen by his god . You were given a tall tower, outside of town that was built at the intersection of two lay lines. You began moving in and at about half way, you lost your keys. You have been trapped in this room for 25 years. You know the basics of all schools of magic from your adventuring days but you hadn't moved your books into the tower when you lost your key. You are a master of only one school because you were carrying a single book in your cloak. Which school was it again?

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In the words of the doctor who delivered you, you were a "deformed mutant retard baby" and he advised your parents to dispose of you while he turned a blind eye. However, your folks had religion in the brain, and thought of all of God's children as blessings to the world, and decided to keep you.

Along the way, they tried to help as much as they could, but there's only so much they could do to compensate for your flabby physique, slowness on the uptake, and the pervasive aroma of excrement that followed you around, no matter how much you bathed or how much cologne you slathered on.

You have just graduated high school, with no friends, no academic prospects, and not much in the way of skills. It dawns on you that at summer's end, you'll be 18, and your parents will probably expect you to have some kind of paying work by then, maybe even able to support yourself.

>What do you do?

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your move

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>"Welcome Adventurer, it has been a great, great while since we've had a visiter."
The voice reverberates throughout the canyon of looming statues.
>"Many a dreams have led here, many a dreams have ended."
You look around in both awe and caution, as you follow the voice. Striking quick glances at the different facial expressions of the shadowy statues when the coast is clear.
>"And remember to follow The River Styx upstream to go back home.
You encounter a fork in the road, there is a small creak leading upstream on the left and a thicket of deaden oak trees to the right.
>Which shall you chose?

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Hey, you're Chandler. You're a guy and you can do pretty much anything.

So what do you do?

roll for a high number or something and you win

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Holy shit, /Qst/, you just robbed a fucking bank! The cops are hot on your tail and you've got to think fast. You scale the nearest wall you see, bag of dosh dangling over your shoulder, clutched tightly in your fist. You don't know where you're going to go, or what you're going to do, but you do know why you did it.
Over the wall, a cityscape lays sprawled in front of you. The sounds of car horns and bar fronts echo through the labyrinthine streets to your ears.

>I did it to feed my family
>I did it as a rite of passage
>I did it to pay off the mob
>I did it to feed my drug addiction
>I did it for the l0lz

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Sleep.

Dreams. Except, not a dream.

You remember. You don't exactly remember but you know that you are awake- kind of.

Flashbacks.

What's do you see?

>Pick one
>[]Fists
>[]Wires
>[]Lies

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You encounter a strange frog

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Bob is wanted for robbing a bank. The Government is tracking you, sending in the Military to find you. The most picked option will continue Bob's Adventure.

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You are in control of the corporeal being known as PERRY THE PUMPKIN and PERRY is currently attempting to get off of an insane cocaine high.

The problem is, the farmer who owns the land HE treads is currently moving towards HIS location, and PERRY is unsure how to move, for HE is a pumpkin after all!

The first EVEN numbered reply will guide PERRY to HIS fate.

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You are a BARD named DEBDEN.

You like to think you are pretty good with the ladies, if not for your crippling aversion towards being touched by other human beings. You just arrived home after a long tour through Underhill and the surrounding counties only to find that your village has disappeared. Not the entire thing, just certain buildings. More importantly, your house is missing.

You are very surprised and concerned by this but it may be difficult to tell due to your SHABBY BARD BANGS.

How do you proceed?

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Oh shit son, you are an anime protagonist!

You don't know how it happened, or when, but you've got ridiculous spiky hair and a deck of incredibly expensive trading cards.

Speaking of which, your deck. The most important part of any duelist.

What deck do you run?

[ ] Macro Rabbit Speedroids
[ ] Fire Fist Speedroids
[ ] Speedroids
[ ] Burning Abyss Speedroids
[ ] Phantom Knight Burning Abyss Speedroids
[ ] Blue-Eyes Speedroids
[ ] Performapal Odd-Eyes Speedroids
[ ] Speedroid Monarchs
[ ] HATS: Hands Artifact Traptrix Speedroids
[ ] Stunshit feat. Speedroids
[ ] Speedroid Psyframes
[ ] Speedroid Evilswarms
[ ] Speedroid Kaiju
[ ] Write In?

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You don't want to admit it, but you're lost- you have been, for hours. None of the surrounding landscape looks familiar, and you're 99% certain that the teleportation circle you used malfunctioned and shunted you off to a completely random location in the world. In the distance, you see and decide to investigate:

>Some inviting caves in a nearby mountain to the north of you
>Smoke off the horizon to the east
>A river running south, not too far from here
>A gigantic fissure in the ground, due west of here. The river seems to bend deftly around the fissure, oddly enough.

While you're walking, you reminisce somewhat on who you are.

>A sorcerer trained with swords and shields, for an ultimate defense. Magic runs potently through your blood, and is directly tied to your stamina.
>A warlock trained with heavy weapons, to annihilate your enemies with powerful blows. Your magic comes from sacrifice and service, and is directly tied to such.
>A mage extensively trained in the use of ranged weapons, so that even without mana to work with, you're a deadly foe to go against. Your magic comes purely from knowledge of how to manipulate ambient mana, and thus is directly tied to the world itself.
(All classes are trained in the use of Heavy Armor, for that foreboding look that we all know and love. Spells known will be dictated by class chosen.)

You also happen to know for a fact that you're a:
>Suggest a race!
>Lack of consensus on a race will lock you into being a HUMAN.

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You are Kishima Kouma, hobo half-demon and master of the Chaos Dunk. What will you do today?

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YOU are ANON, glorious lurker of the interwebs, most magnificent of all poorly drawn stickmen.

During your usual evenings perusal of the hottest internet locations, you have, unfortunately found your evening's glow interrupted by a stupid online argument. In the course of said argument, your opponent happened to utter a particularly vulgar phrase. Yes, he told you, amazing, genius you, to go piss up a rope!

Now, normally such a comment would simply flow past you as water from a duck's back, but this one, this one has stuck. It has taken root. It grows, slowly, eating up your thoughts like a ravenous beast. You must obey it. You must attempt... to piss up a rope.

Sadly you have fallen not even at the first hurdle for you haven't even reached the starting blocks, indeed you have yet to even don your ceremonial numbered shirt for you find yourself struck by a terrible realization: you have neither a rope, nor the need to piss.

What do?