Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2336. page

>>18082964
Two parts bad to 1 part good.

>>18082964
>called her a stupid cunt
Trying not to laugh so I don't wake my roommate

Yeah, I run into the same problem all the time, I just practice until I find works that don't work. 'Cunt' is one of the ones that didn't work for me either, but cum-slut is still on the table

>>18082964
Built into BDSM play is the danger of going too far. That's what safe words are for. And maybe you need some kind of safe word agreement even with online chat. Someplace at the very beginning you have to say "Look. It is possible that as we play this game I might hit a wrong note in some way. You have to allow for that and give me the opportunity to back up and take a different line." And she has to be open to that.

>>18082936
Ask her

>>18082936
i dont know, it not standard in western europe or usa.

>>18082936
Does she do it with everyone?

>>18082928
You could always ask something like "You never talk about your boyfriend. How's that going?"

My general feeling is that pursuing a girl who has a boyfriend is a waste of time.

You can't control her response. If you really want to try something with her, you're just going to have to suck it up and let things turn out how they will.

When you do this, you are inherently showing a lot of disrespect to her existing relationship. If she's ok with that, or actually decides to go out with you instead, you are going to have to be concerned about any other friendship she has with a guy. If she's not, it's almost certain to damage the friendship.

>>18082928
since you caught the feels this girl is not your friend but your romantic interest so if you do not state your intention you are not being honest about why you hang with a girl with a bf. You tell her and let her decide if she wants to ditch the bf or you.

Having said that if she ditches her bf because she caught feels with her guy friend you must ask your self why she continued to seek other men when professing to be in a relationship. She will do the same with you.

I don't know if perfect record is expected of you, but honesty is therapeutic. Chances are, if you already have one secret, you'll be likely to add another, and then 'might send' gets closer to 'will send'. I have no experiences in this field though.

If you make it clear you dont self harm as a suicide attempt, they can't involuntarily admit you. Self harm in itself isn't legally a reason to do so, and they always assess this before admitting someone. So feel free to tell them, just be careful to make it obvious you didnt try to take your own life.

If you promised people you wouldnt and you did, you should tell them. Fuck them if they get mad at you. I lost my best friend because I told her I self harmed and she was angry about it. Its a time to support them, not get mad at them.

>>18082899
If you see something, say something

>>18082899
Yes but if you do you'll be questioned by police, but I don't think you're required to answer any questions. I'm not sure though.

I wouldnt. One, because if he's dealing in cocaine he's got bigger friends. And they'll find out who snitched. You're gonna get skinned alive. All they have to do is ask all their employees who they told about the laundering, and your name will come up.

I get you hate your ex gf but unless you want to move to a diff country then dont do this bro. Just leave it.

>>18082740
I'm 21, about to graduate with a Mechanical Engineering degree. In high school I was on a competitive robotics team where we consistently made world championships. I loved it, and decided I wanted to do engineering. Four years later, I really don't care for mechanical at all. I like doing math, and I've always been strong with it, but I'm not sure that chugging through statics formulas is what I want to do anymore.

Over the summer, I had my first internship (I've been working since I was 16 as well) with a HVAC firm. They took me on as a Mechanical intern, but as the job went on I was doing mostly parts cataloging. Eventually it became monotonous enough for me to ask my boss if I could create a macro to sort through things faster, and he agreed as long as I didn't mess it up. By the middle of summer I had picked up VBA, moved on to VB.NET, and now I continue my internship doing work in C#, developing applications to increase workflow for other employees. I've pretty much decided that come may, I'm going to take a job with this company although they can't pay me well and I won't be using my major, because I enjoy what I do.

So for me, I thought I knew what I was passionate about but I discovered my real career by accident.

>>18082757
Thanks

Sure. My current job is the least shit I've had and I stumbled on it by accident. My manager needed an emergency person and asked if I wanted to train for it. I still hate it, but I'm glad I discovered it.

But what am I supposed to do? Go to school for 4 years just to see if I love a job? There's no way I can know what a job is really like until I try it, and you can't try jobs. I can't intern somewhere and tell the person "I don't actually have any qualifications, but I might enjoy this job so let me in"?

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i'm a 23 and a high school drop out who works minimum wage part time

my life is hell

If you are not sexually attracted to her then I don't see why you should bother hooking up with her. I mean, unless you want to get laid with a potential 4.5/10 then go for it. College relationships don't usually last long either, so you could just break it off after a month or two.

>>18082734
Either be yourself or fake it 'till you make it. I'm not of much help, so here's a bump.

>>18082739
More experience doesn't hurt.

>>18082694
no you can't undo all those dudes you fucked. sorry about that.

>>18082694
I wouldn't say a short amount of time, but you can start today

Change it around how? OK, times I have decided to reinvent myself.

>Age 14-16 completely unsuccessful with girls.
I was pretty fat and kind of hideous, my outlets were unpopular music before that really was a thing and computer games (like really boring simulations and 4x) and programming.

I stopped wearing everything except plain tshirts and jeans. Started circuit training whenever I took a break to make coffee or go to the toilet or do anything different and started to live on black coffee. I started to learn bass guitar and tried to join bands, eventually starting my own with the remnants of those that died out. I took up skateboarding and socialised with people on the street.

So previously I was a fat unfashionable kid who never left the house and within a few short years I had some friends and a band and I was stupid skinny and girls were actually attracted to me.

>Age 24, got kind of fat again and wanting to end a shitty LTR.
Took up swimming twice an hour after work. Cycled to work and back each day. Used this time to think about what I wanted. Started weight training and broke up leaving my ex with our house and moved in with an old university friend. Started online dating and hooking up. Suddenly realised that amongst my friends lots of women were down to fuck and I wasn't without options like I feared.

So now I was in arguably the best shape of my life, dating and having a great time and living with a really fun friend with a great social group and prior to that I couldn't see any way out of this relationship that had grown to consume everything.

>Age 26 decided to take work seriously and grow up.
I started doing some bullshit training here and there and realised that I wasn't utilising my degree. I started applying for jobs and internal roles with my current job and I started caring about work and applying myself. Within 3 years I was a regional manager and earning four times what I was earning at any point in my life so far. I bought a house.

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>>18082662
I was going to recommend you take the level that you're supposed to, but because you're deliberately going out of your way to underachieve then just stick with it, it's not like you're going to do anything meaningful with the degree or career anyways

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>>18082666
I wholeheartedly disagree with your outlook on how I'm going to use my education, but I appreciate your input anyway.

Thanks.

>>18082587
yeah it's the same thing. go ahead and put rubber bands around your teeth anon

>>18082587
>rubber bands around your tooth a good alternative
That's all I've read...No. No, it's not.

As long as you put lube around the rubber bands it should be fine

>>18082581
keep trying it until you get it.

try doing a hand stand against a wall and use the wall to catch yourself and balance off of, so you can get a better feel for your body in that position

try bending your knees once you're up, so that you lower your center of gravity and are more stable

Meditation
You have to learn to quieten your mind and trust your body

>>18082601
>>18082589
thanks m8s. I noticed that even when drawing, it helps to see everything as a whole instead of analyzing details hard

Women evolved to take loyalty very seriously because for 99.9999% of human history if a woman didn't have a man to look after her and her kids for several years she would starve to death in a bush or not even make it that far and die from the effects of childbirth.

Meanwhile it is of no biological cost to men to pump and dump a woman, a man can get a thousand woman pregnant at once if he can, which is why men have higher sex drives than woman and are fine with just having casual sex, some even preferring this to a relationship.

>>18082563
then why do 75% of my exes break up with me and it emotionally effects me but doesn't them

my anecdotal evidence trumps your anthropology

Smh

LOL clarence im telling ur mum

>>18082550

Just sleep with the ones you like?

I don't really understand why women think dating is hard for them.

Prepare answers to common interview questions. You can find lists of these by searching on Google. Also go through the job description and think of how you can demonstrate each of the skills, competencies and experience that they're looking for.

Also prepare questions to ask them. To do this, you'll need to research the organisation, as well as look at the job description.

And sometimes, it's not you, it's just that other people do better.

>>18082517
What kind of jobs are you looking for?

Mainly, what I look for during an interview is confidence and energy. I guarantee the reason people aren't giving you calls back is because you're conveying with your body language is insecurity. You don't believe you can do the job you're applying for so your manager believes it as well.

Are you qualified?

>>18082517
You are a salesman. You are selling a product. The product is you.

Never forget that for a second. You are NOT there to answer their questions. You are there to sell yourself. You are NOT there to beg for a job. You are there to show them why THEY want - no, NEED you.

Continuing on the topic of cultural loneliness, everyone on social networking or online dating sites present themselves in a way that demonstrates what they think their target viewer wants from them. Especially on dating sites, no one's honest in their descriptions of themselves, and there are way too many times where a connection is established, and the next day the other party breaks that connection to sever contact even if the conversation being had was pleasant. I've told one of my few friends left about this and she seemed genuinely surprised to hear about this, but I was surprised she hadn't heard of this happening, because it seems to happen a lot.

Anyway, so interpersonal and cultural loneliness, as well as 3rd one I have yet to address: social loneliness. This is markedly different from interpersonal and cultural because I am specifically talking about how a previous group of friends, even though we only communicate via social media anymore, have no desire to continue communications with me, and this really kind of hurt me last year, and I've just kind of grown numb around the pain. Specifically, it started when a close friend got married, and I was very happy for him. He didn't invite me to the wedding, which didn't bother me or offend me, until literally every other interaction with him and my other friends that were invited to the wedding completely ceased. I would reach out, try and engage, and would just be outright ignored. It would be insecure of me if it were just a few isolated incidents but after so many months of the continued same behavior, it just feels like a social rejection the likes I haven't really experienced before.

(2/3)

So final thoughts, I feel like I've reached a point where I absolutely DESPISE my free time.

I've been trying to be very active in Meetup.com to try and join groups to get involved with, meet new people, I've been scouring local news to try and find some sort of cause for me to get involved in, just anything to get me out of my apartment.

Some days this works fine. I feel like I'm good at keeping myself entertained and busy. But other days, and it's almost always the weekends when I have days off work, it can really really get to me, and it almost makes me feel like I'm developing a bipolar disorder, because I'll go from waking up feeling confident that I can get through the day and be totally happy with myself, happy to have the "me" time that every single person is told they should get in touch with, and then the next moment I just feel an absolute crushing loneliness. Sometime being in a crowd of people increases the feeling of loneliness, especially if no one feels like engaging a completely random straight cis male without some sort of skepticism, which happens quite often.

So I don't know. I think next week or sooner I'm going to look into therapy. I don't think I can go on like this for a sustainable amount of time. I've never disliked my free time before, and I thought maybe it was because I don't really have any good friends out here to enjoy that time with, but I don't know. I've never been this uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I'm waiting for my family back home to all grow old and die so I don't have to feel guilty about taking my own life when I've grown old.

(3/3)

I don't have anything rosy to say here.

I prefer being alone so I doubt I can offer ace advice about solving your multi-level loneliness, but I have a comment or two.
Firstly, I concur with your observations of social media etiquette. The insincerity with which people conduct themselves extends into their offline lives, as well, of course, and that dishonesty is partly why making friends is so hard. Once you notice it, it becomes a barrier that's hard to penetrate, if you even wish to try.
As far as people having one-night connections with you, I think we can chalk that one up to boredom. That's always true in my case, anyway. Everyone has different appetites and it doesn't take a lot for some of us feel full.

So if you just want friends perhaps lower your standards. Accept the artificiality and just say what they want you to say. If deep, sustained connections are most important to you, it could be a lonely life indeed.