therapist time?

Continuing on the topic of cultural loneliness, everyone on social networking or online dating sites present themselves in a way that demonstrates what they think their target viewer wants from them. Especially on dating sites, no one's honest in their descriptions of themselves, and there are way too many times where a connection is established, and the next day the other party breaks that connection to sever contact even if the conversation being had was pleasant. I've told one of my few friends left about this and she seemed genuinely surprised to hear about this, but I was surprised she hadn't heard of this happening, because it seems to happen a lot.

Anyway, so interpersonal and cultural loneliness, as well as 3rd one I have yet to address: social loneliness. This is markedly different from interpersonal and cultural because I am specifically talking about how a previous group of friends, even though we only communicate via social media anymore, have no desire to continue communications with me, and this really kind of hurt me last year, and I've just kind of grown numb around the pain. Specifically, it started when a close friend got married, and I was very happy for him. He didn't invite me to the wedding, which didn't bother me or offend me, until literally every other interaction with him and my other friends that were invited to the wedding completely ceased. I would reach out, try and engage, and would just be outright ignored. It would be insecure of me if it were just a few isolated incidents but after so many months of the continued same behavior, it just feels like a social rejection the likes I haven't really experienced before.

(2/3)

So final thoughts, I feel like I've reached a point where I absolutely DESPISE my free time.

I've been trying to be very active in Meetup.com to try and join groups to get involved with, meet new people, I've been scouring local news to try and find some sort of cause for me to get involved in, just anything to get me out of my apartment.

Some days this works fine. I feel like I'm good at keeping myself entertained and busy. But other days, and it's almost always the weekends when I have days off work, it can really really get to me, and it almost makes me feel like I'm developing a bipolar disorder, because I'll go from waking up feeling confident that I can get through the day and be totally happy with myself, happy to have the "me" time that every single person is told they should get in touch with, and then the next moment I just feel an absolute crushing loneliness. Sometime being in a crowd of people increases the feeling of loneliness, especially if no one feels like engaging a completely random straight cis male without some sort of skepticism, which happens quite often.

So I don't know. I think next week or sooner I'm going to look into therapy. I don't think I can go on like this for a sustainable amount of time. I've never disliked my free time before, and I thought maybe it was because I don't really have any good friends out here to enjoy that time with, but I don't know. I've never been this uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like I'm going crazy. Like I'm waiting for my family back home to all grow old and die so I don't have to feel guilty about taking my own life when I've grown old.

(3/3)

I don't have anything rosy to say here.

I prefer being alone so I doubt I can offer ace advice about solving your multi-level loneliness, but I have a comment or two.
Firstly, I concur with your observations of social media etiquette. The insincerity with which people conduct themselves extends into their offline lives, as well, of course, and that dishonesty is partly why making friends is so hard. Once you notice it, it becomes a barrier that's hard to penetrate, if you even wish to try.
As far as people having one-night connections with you, I think we can chalk that one up to boredom. That's always true in my case, anyway. Everyone has different appetites and it doesn't take a lot for some of us feel full.

So if you just want friends perhaps lower your standards. Accept the artificiality and just say what they want you to say. If deep, sustained connections are most important to you, it could be a lonely life indeed.

>>18082568
Appreciate the response anon