Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 6329. page

OP, bumping

along similar lines, another question:

we have a lot of friends in common- that's actually how we met. if we end up around each other, how do you keep things from becoming tense? I don't really want to be her friend, I want to be her boyfriend. I want more with her, which is why I pursued her in the first place, I felt like she was really special and different.

how do I be friendly? should I be friends with her? this shit is just too wierd for me right now, and I don't know what to do, or how I should act towards her.

My experience with getting back together with exes was terrible. Chances are if things have gotten this bad even with you making an effort, it's just futile at this point.

As for your other question, just be decent towards her but just don't engage with her if she's around. Say hi if she says hi but don't attempt to talk with her.

>>16755157

I mean, I don't want to be a dick and not talk at all. like I said we have a number of common friends and I don't want them to dislike me because I'm being an asshole and not talking to her when she talks to me.

I know someone else besides me has been in this situation before, and has got to know how to handle this better than I do.

>>16780947
pugs are always in pain, that's why they breathe that way and have such erratic personalities

I don't understand how people can say they love dogs but get a pug.

>>16780947
For me I think of it this way.
When Im old and can barely walk and lose control of my bowels, start wheezing, fuck anyone who wants to put me down. Theres still plenty to enjoy from life.

My dog has almost the same issues. BUT its happy so I'm not uthenizing it.

>>16781268
I mean is it wrong to ask for help?
Its not like you copied the answer right... If your dad was a physics doctorate would asking him for help be cheating.

>>16781268
What the fuck? Were you "asking for help" (i.e. you posted a problem you were having trouble with and asked what the fuck?) or did you get people to do it for you and then plagiarize their answers? Basically, could you plausibly spin this as an attempt to get an explanation on something you were having trouble understanding?

"Asking for help" certainly wouldn't have violated the Code of Conduct at either of the universities I've attended. Please explain the situation a little more.

I really doubt you'll be expelled, though, for this one incident, so stop panicking.

You could still face disciplinary action. Dropping the course does not absolve you of your actions, and it doesn't mean that you won't do this again with other courses. The best thing to do here is to accept responsibility for what you did and express remorse. Do NOT try to make excuses or to shift the blame onto the professor or whatever. Stay consistent within the whole process, don't change your story.

>>16777736
Its Saturday night. Give the guy a break.

Why WOULDN'T you leave a guy like that?

>>16777736
Break up, no excuses. Even if he's really busy rejecting calls is just rude.

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>>16780393
2/2

I agree that flirting with other guys while in a relationship is not okay, but the 'have a nice life' was snarky and unnecessary and it's obvious you're lying when you said you meant it. Honestly, your tone overall is very hostile, right from the 'please respond' text to the carrying on the conversation about this topic when she obviously didn't take kindly to what you said. You should have left it at that first text in that series of three in a row in the first screencap. You're coming across as very butthurt but still trying to save face and come out as righteous and the 'winner'

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>>16780393
It's sorta douchy. I mean if you come to a disagreement with someone and then after that write "have a nice life" then you're sort of saying "good riddance and fuck of let's be done with this shit since I have literally zero effort to continue with this conversation."

If you would be in person then you could probably pull it off in a nice way, there's no doubt about that. But it gets tricker by text and I can see why she's pissed.

Once again when talking via texts it's harder to read in the intended tone so depending on how you've written she may think that you are trying to change her. Though it's her responsibility as well to not instantly assume things, it's hard to judge without the entire convo. But it could basically be 50/50 or just her assuming to much. You'll have to be judge of that since you're the only one here with the entire convo and i doubt she's gonna find this thread.

Wow, you are insane. Unless you can find some kind of study that says "women who sleep with black women are significantly more likely to cheat", there's literally no reason to believe that. It's just ridiculous.

I understand that you can't choose who you're attracted to but this sounds more like you have arbitrary and retarded standards than that you're actually unattracted to women who aren't racist idiots.

>>16778542
So you don't think its likely that a women who has a fetish I can't provide would cheat?

>>16778539
Please do not reproduce with anyone under any circumstances. Your gene line needs termination.

She doesn't deserve you, you sound like that type of guy that judges people because of their past. Or wants females that love going to church alot and save their v-cards for jerks like you. Good luck finding a "pure" woman in this day and age.

I cant stand people like you. It does't matter how many people she slept with in the past if she is riding yours right now and nobody else's.

>>16779220
She also lied and fooled. Please don't forget that.
The situation of the nudes was really slutty, tho.

>>16779220
Don't you mean the OP doesn't deserve her?


OP, it seems to me that you are a shallow judgmental person, since the only things you listed about her were her physical appearance, nothing much about her personality, then determining her "worth" to you entirely on that by saying she's "nothing really special."

The only person that would be gaining something good from this breakup is her, since she'd be getting away from a toxic loser that searches for random strangers' validations on a anonymous discussion board.

call her ffs, if she doesnt pick up - be angry. If she does - talk.

>>16778012
Call her for what? I already told her how I felt and she went anyways

>>16778006
How long have you been dating?

asl?

I have a huge crush on a girl. I'm scared that if I get rejected, our friendship will be awkward. What do I do?

L O N D O N
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I think you just have the wrong definitions of "selfish" and "nice"

Assertive people are very attractive. Assertive people have no problem saying what they want, pursuing it, competing for it when necessary.

Passive people are generally unattractive. Passive people constantly put other people's wishes ahead of their own, they hope other people will psychically detect their needs and give them what they want, rather than having to fight for it or even ask for it.

You can be assertive AND kind (ideal), you can be passive AND selfish (worst). You were passive and kind, which is common. You've known lots of people who were assertive assholes who tend to get what they want, which is common. So when you started acting assertive, you thought you also had to act like an asshole in order to make it work.

This isn't true, and while your new assertive behavior is improving your life in many ways, your new asshole behavior will also start to create new problems for you.

>>16776675
How to be assertive and kind?
Also I didn't become assertive, I was like that. I just had a moment of conscience and felt I hurt way too many people so I tried to be kind but it didn't work out.

>>16776675
>Assertive people have no problem saying what they want, pursuing it, competing for it when necessary.

But competing for it as a nice guy is being "creepy".

OP, you have figured it out.

The path into the light seems dark,
the path forward seems to go back,
the direct path seems long,
true power seems weak,
true purity seems tarnished,
true steadfastness seems changeable,
true clarity seems obscure,
the greatest are seems unsophisticated,
the greatest love seems indifferent,
the greatest wisdom seems childish.

If you've ever read Plato's Republic, they discuss how it is better to seem good, than to be good, and to really be underhanded.

This plays out in daily life all the time while these same people rationalize why good guys are really pieces of shit and they would want to fuck them if they were really good guys, while playing underhanded selfish games in sex and love themselves.

Good guys think of others, and don't want to hurt people, and if they do try to get something for themselves, its abusive predatory asshattery.

Assholes try to get everything for themselves openly, so they are seen as not being underhanded liars, and also seen as "confident" so they get what they want.

Back to Plato's Republic, it is a lament that those who are truly good always get taken advantage of and shit on.

Maybe it just means that most people are fooling themselves.

For some edification

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4

The truth is that you must and should pursue all the things those other people get, because you're surely a better person than Jeff Dalmer or Ted Bundy or Charles Manson. You're an average, relatively decent, human being who doesn't mutilate squirrels, who doesn't rape and eat his victims, and who doesn't cause people to go on murder/suicide sprees.

And yet you get far less social and sexual acceptance than these people, because these people had "confidence".

If you complain, you're just an asshole who's trying to deceive everyone

I feel stupid and lied to and like I was deceived. I wonder if every time she said that she's only done this things with me, or that my dick was the only dick she's ever seen(in jokes and stuff) that at the back of her head she knew she was lying. And I won't lie, I feel like she's less I dunno pure. Before everyone jumps down my throat I know that's complete BS, I don't want to feel that way, I'm just being honest with my gut reactions right now. She had built up this idea in my head that it was only me and her and re-enforced it and I started to think it was special, and now im like "and now there
's this guy, she's had some experience with this guy and I'm the niaeve little virgin boy who's only been with her." And I get jealous and weird and get weird flashes of that night.

The other part of me wants with all my heart to just say "so what?" it doesn't matter. I feel terrible for her and that she had to go through that, I love her and I don't want her to feel this guilt and shame she clearly feels about it, I want her to forgive herself and know that I still love her. I understand that to her this was a shitty non sexual event. she wasn't even aroused. It can't be sexual if you aren't into it, that's like saying a dog sniffing your crotch is sexual. Until there's sexual feelings from both parties its just her being naked and uncomfortable, there was no actual penetration and she just gave him a blow job to fuck off. To top it all off it happened before I knew her and can not possibly change the wonderful memories I have. Everything we've ever done all the wonderful things still happened and she is the same amazing girl I've always known.

And the weird thing too Is I know she's not my property and if she had told me this when we first got together I'd have not even batted and eyelash, if she had told me she had 4 or 5 partners before me I'd have been like, ok cool. It was just this weird idea that has been enforced in my head for 3 years that suddenly got shaken the fuck up and is causing me internal struggle.

I just seem to be switching between these two mindsets and it's really bugging me. Like some stupid monkey brain keeps kicking in and refusing me to just let it go and move on.

If you guys could just give me your two cents, maybe help me be able to just lay the whole thing to rest I'd really appreciate it. Just being able to vent the whole thing on here makes me feel better as is.

Please don't think I'm a bad person, I know some of my fears and thoughts are irrational and the last thing I want is to ever hold this against her, which is why I'm trying to sort my brain out here, in a place where I don't hurt her.

What she did doesn't seem to be the issue, it's the mindset and your image of her over the years that's been "corrupted". That and the fact she tried to keep it a secret.

Personally I'd me more angry at her lying. However, your not entitled to her secrets and neither is she to yours, we all have them. We also all have our moments of stupidity and regret, growing up is built on them.

You seem to have a good thing going, I wouldn't let this ruin it. Maybe your image of a perfect, virginal relationship full of first times for each of you needs to come back to earth a bit and appreciate that your both human and both still have a lot to learn from one another.

You've still both got a lifetime full of first times to look forward to together, don't fuck it up man.

You acted like a hoe, you get treated like a hoe. Learn from it and next time if you want the guy to respect you say no to a quickie.

>>16778667
That's fair.

>>16778648
why did you regret it? if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore then he is not worth your attention.

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oh and it has only been 1,5 years since they broke up. and he lost his virginity to her.

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also, she's fucking gorgeous... god damn it.

Before you take any action, have you cut contacts will al your exes ? Have you ever flirted with someone during your relationship?
So many threads on /adv/ with the genders reversed, so you can read them.

Hey bro I love sushi and you should too if she is really hot go for it fuck that bitch raw

>>16777653
I don't think it's worth the risk or price, but I'm a 30 year old virgin so...

>>16777675
Sushi?

>>16777653
>Is it a good idea to have sex with a Korean escort without a condom?
No. Did you have sex ed in school? A lot of STDs don't show symptoms immediately but are spreadable immediately. A lot won't even show up immediately after contracting it on STD tests but one can still spread them around. Are you willing to have your dick fall off because of some exotic STD that wasn't showing symptoms on her or was too early to detect on STD tests (if you even believe she takes them regularly)?

>>16777592
this is why a lot of people get into relationships

careful they're a lot of work and get dull after a year or so. then you'll breakup and "chase the dragon" again

>>16777613
I've been single for a decade now and it's getting old. Pretty sure at this point I'll die alone

>>16777619
Asl?