Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 6336. page

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I'm confused and need some help working through it.

So, I'm getting married on Valentine's Day. Awesome! And I'm sitting in a resort hotel room, with the ocean lapping a stone's throw from my window. My fiancé is out getting a massage and I'm laying in bed thinking about my life. And I'm confused. Five years ago, this is all I would have hoped for, but now? Maybe I want out.

My fiancé is well off, to say the least. I am extremely not well off. I have never been able to afford a car and have taken public transportation most of my life. We flew here in her father's private jet. I am still uncomfortable about the money she has, but she has made it clear that the money means nothing, and that's that. I still feel insecure. We are both late twenties. She is a little bit away from finishing medical school, and I'm a (so far) failed writer. There's more to it than that, but I want to make it clear: our circumstances are very different. To top it off, she is a knockout; she is a literal 9.5/10. I'm 100 pounds overweight. I have given up on sharing in the outdoorsy activities she enjoys. Despite all this, I love her and she loves me.

I have crippling anxiety that it just can't work out. We have been together for three years, and over the past two years I've been cheating on her constantly. I developed gonorrhea about six months back but managed to treat it before she became aware (of course, we were traveling; I pretended I was sick for three days and couldn't do anything). She wants children immediately and I do not. And my weaknesses overshadow hers... My infidelity, that I sometimes slip into mild abuse, that she gives in too easily, and that she doesn't really consider her own feelings... We both have our issues.

I am afraid to be with her, but Im afraid to not be with her, too. Life with her is a guarantee at all my dreams coming true and, if we have kids, that my progeny will have wonderful lives. But I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know. That's about it.

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Is there any guys in here who have been successful on completely giving up on girls? Likewise for girls giving up on guys?

It's just frustrating. It's a emotional roller coaster every fucking time. It's a ride I don't want to get on anymore yet because I'm a human being, my mind still thinks of girls. I just want this to end. How can I stay focused off girls so I don't have to deal with this emotion anymore?

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Is it normal for a sister to do this?
>My older sister moved in with me a few months ago.
>She walks around my apartment in a thong sometimes , like I'm not even there or something.

Does anyone else's sister do that? I'd assume this is relatively normal , or at least not horribly weird. I haven't said anything to her about it.

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My best female friend had an abortion. Shes been trying to play it off as no big deal but I can tell shes upset by it. She tries to talk about it but I immediately change the subject and run away.
I do this because I disapprove enough to consider breaking off our friendship but I dont want to face that reality yet so Im just running.
What should I be prepared for when we talk about this?

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Is nofap a bunch of bullshit or legit?

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Pretty much all women are kinda ridiculous during arguments, right?

I'm probably wrong if I think I'm dating one who's particularly ridiculous during them, right?

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Got a quick question?
Doesn't deserve it owns thread?
Ask a training psychiatrist here.

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Before you post a question, check here to see if it's already been answered
Keep your questions short and sweet for more answers.
And please no derailing arguments.

Avoid asking these common questions:

>Do girls/guys like <insert specific look>?
Some do, some don't. Our answers are not going to help you.

>I'm shy and afraid of people/rejection. What do I do?
Think positive, and get over it by practising and exposing yourself to it.

>I like someone. What do I do?
Ask them out.

>How can I tell if someone likes me?
Ask them out.

>Where do I meet girls/guys?
Anywhere outside. Or online.

>Is my body part big/small enough?
>Am I short/tall enough?
Most likely

>Someone did something insignificant. What does it mean?
Nothing significant. Stop overthinking it.
Alternative answer: we don't fucking know.

>XYZ happened. Did I fuck it up with this guy/girl?
Maybe, maybe not. We're not in their head, we don't know. No amount of your walls of text will fix that.

>This person did something that hurt my feelings. Why do guys/girls do this?
Because shit people are shit people. It's not a gendered thing

>Would you date a virgin?
As long as they aren't insecure about it. Complexes are a total turn-off.

>Someone has made it abundantly clear they're no longer interested in me. Do I still have a chance?
No

>Where do I go on a first (or subsequent) date?
Pick one or more of the following: coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, ice cream, movies, zoo, aquarium, museum, art gallery, <activity in your city>

>That one guy who keeps asking about cuddling in platonic friendships
No one wants to cuddle you. Stop asking

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My husband is a very attractive man, who is used to having sex at least once a day (in our relationship) and when he was single, several times a day with different women on the weekends. Basically he's a very sexually-driven person.
I just had our baby on January 25th. He has been coming home around 8 every night. I don't have a car at the moment and no friends because I'm in a new city. I'm feeling very depressed and lonely at home. Around 7 I just pace the living room frantically, then sit on the couch and cry. I suppose it's post-pregnancy hormones/post-partum depression.
He used to be super busy because he was building a house, but that's done with, and his HVAC company is slow lately because of the weather. When I ask why he's coming home so late he says something like "lots of paper work at the office". In the background I can hear him watching the news on his laptop, something he does at home. He quit smoking when we started dating, and suddenly took it up again a day or two after I gave birth. He's gone back to smoking regularly now.
Why is he coming home so late and smoking again? I'm the one that 100% takes care of baby and diaper changes, etc.
I get very little sleep but still try and make his life easier. This morning I got up at 6:30 to make him breakfast before he left. The other night I surprise attacked him with a blowjob.
I would do this more often but he hasn't asked. Also it's hard to put baby down without her crying.
Is it possible that he doesn't want to be around me because he wants to take his mind off of his horniness? Could smoking have anything to do with that?
It is true that he's always been a workaholic, and has always had a huge sex drive. But before baby, even during my pregnancy he would drive 3 hours to my college town to stay with me every weekend, and we were intimate up until the day my water broke.
>Is it possible that no sex for 6 weeks is really that hard on him, or does it sound like something else?

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should I feel bad that my boyfriend cut off some of his friends for me?

before we started dating, he was close with his ex's twin sister, brother, and two of their friends.

we got in a lot of fights about it. the sister seemed disrespectful of our relationship, would ask my bf out to breakfast with her and her mom, say I love you to him, and stuff like that. idk where shes from but that's completely inappropriate.

they act like its innocent beause she has a bf, and says he's "like a brother". fact of the matter is that hes not her brother. and how does my bf's ex even feel about her twin sister being bffs with him? I thought it was wrong for him to be close with them, so I didn't wanna hang with them too and make it worse.

so now like 11 months pass by and he chooses to tell that girl they cant be friends anymore. she told him he deserves someone better than me who "trusts him no matter what" and said I didn't even give them a try (they are his ex's fucking family, sry I never wanna be close w. them. weird) she has no understanding of the situation from my perspective and thinks im just a bad person. the entire situation made my life feel like a soap opera, and i prob would have broke up with him eventually bc it was so stressful to deal with.

since he hung out with her, her brother, and two of their guy friend in a crew, they are all giving him shit for telling her they cant be friends anymore, and its making me feel bad, and I feel like it shouldn't. I kinda feel like they are non-understanding and cant just be happy for my boyfriend. he broke up with his ex two years ago(they were together for a year) and I feel like he should have moved on and distanced himself from them as most people do. the fact that they are making him feel like a bad person & saying he did that girl wrong is really weird to me.

am I unreasonable? I think they are being hard on him, it bothers me because I think theyre trying to make him hate me. insights, advice, opinions?

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What did this guy do wrong?

What could he possibly had done better in his approach of 500 women and a 0% success rate?

His story makes me want to give up.

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How do you get past trauma? I was assaulted by my boyfriend, and he just keeps escalating his behaviour since he got out of jail. I've had to change my phone number and I've been staying at my parents place, but he just keeps escalating. I don't eat unless I really force myself, I barely sleep. I haven't been going to work.

I've been in contact with victim services, and I'm waiting to hear back from them about counseling, but just what do I do? I've been in contact with either my worker or the police because of something new he's done nearly every day since he got out of jail. I feel like I can't go to work because I need to be around to damage control. I almost made it to work today, but when I was making my lunch I suddenly couldn't stop shaking and even though I tried to calm down I started throwing up.

My worker told me that abusers will do this to try to get a reaction, and it's working. I don't know what to do, and I can't miss any more work. I can't live like this, feeling out of control of my body and mind. What do I do? I don't have any money, I'm trying to wait for the free services I can get. I wish I had someone to talk to.

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Here's a question for you /adv/:

Do you prefer traditional values or modern values?

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I'm seeing a counselor but don't know what to talk about. She's free from the school and I started seeing her because one of my profs recommended it after saying she hopes none of the students in her class "crack" from the coursework. I'm scared I'll do poorly in the class and also have bad social anxiety. And deal with other stuff like being trans in a shitty red state.

When we spoke before we ended up talking about my social anxiety but I'm not sure if that's the best use of our time together.