Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 5351. page

Explain

>>17159856
im in a relationship with someone who has a lot of insecurities and boundries that I respect but he still gets very upset when something on the internet, tv, or when someone else says something triggers him and he takes it out on me and thinks its my fault for triggering him. I try to soothe him but he starts calling me names and making me feel below him. He never apologizes after he feels better even though he agrees when I tell him that it was wrong for him to take such strong emotions out on me. I put up with the emotional rollercoaster because I love him endlessly. I'm confused to why I love him so much and can't leave him because I had a partner like this and I left him so easily.

Please help me find a way to think of him and his behavior as disgusting rather than excusable.

>>17159873
How about the fact that the behavior being exhibited is basically emotional abuse.

And...triggered? Fuck that shit. If I ever had a relationship where I was accused of "triggering" someome, I'd cut it off right there. The adult world doesn't have time for tumblr/reddit level pedantic bullshit like that. Sounds to me like you're involved with a self centered manchild

Talk to your doctor. You might just be overthinking it, and that's making your thoughts darker. Depression thoughts tend to snowball. "I don't feel good/I'm not sure if the pills are working" turns into "I feel terrible/Nothing will ever work for me." Fixating on things makes them worse.

It takes a few weeks for antidepressants to build up in your system. That is when they are supposed to start helping.

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>>17159844
It's really hard sometimes. I appreciate your advice. Thanks.

>>17159831
It's just you the pills are fine if after 2 or 3 weeks that feelings doesn't ease up call your doctor

>>17159742

End it.

become a unicorn.

unicorns are rare and special.

Ask them fucking why

>>17159722
Ask to watch

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>>17159734

>>17159700
You encouraged this and now have second thoughts. You're a fucking idiot, OP. Clean up your own goddamn mess

>>17159704
yeah but we had always agreed to share...and or veto rule if one of us did not like the girl they can fuck off.

wife has not honored this

so how to fucking clean up this mess easy to say but how.

>>17159712
Sounds like onision

>>17159688
why you want that?

>>17159689
I've never had a gf so I feel like this would be the easiest way to get one. Plus they'd be clingy so they won't leave me.

>>17159697
low self esteem =/= low standards. You should know that since you're probably literally an example.

Her parents left her at the age of 7 or 8 to her grandparents, not exactly sure which of those two ages. But anyway, she was left to her grandparents, and she never felt wanted by them, because her mom and dad just left her there. Her grandparents were the closest she had to parents, but they are very old and she had to take care of them during her teens and even earlier, which left her with no free time and she honestly felt like a servant to them, didn't feel much loved from them either even though I do believe that they loved her. Her grandmother passed away and she was forced to see her mother after so many years, she is 19 now and hadn't seen her mom ever since she left her and her dad for a couple of years as well. Her mom was at a ward because of her addictions for a couple of years. After she left that ward she had another child and didn't even think of visiting her current one, so she has no excuse. Instead of coming straight away and apologizing, if being an addict was her excuse, she had another child.

So, she met her mom when her grandmother was about to die, and she was mad and didn't want to see her, because of course after the first seven years of her life being treated bad by her own mother, and then after so many years she had another child instead of seeing her, she wouldn't be pleased from seeing her mother. They talked and got into a fight, her mom got angry and told her many harsh things, like how she never loved her, how it was her fault for her grandma dying, since she was the one taking care of her, I mean what does she fucking expect, leaving a child to take care of her mother AND father and she's MAD at her? That she wasted her child's years taking care of their parents? The years that people say to be the best of your life?

She called her a lot of other awful stuff, but that one got to her uncle as well. She never really had a lot of relatives supporting her except for her uncle, grandfather and grandmother, and her uncle's wife. I don't know why but her uncle started defending his sister, her mother, even if it's his sister she left her child, and then when she got better, she made ANOTHER child, her mother should be ashamed of herself not mad at her. And that basically ruined her relationship with her uncle, one of the few people she could trust, and her grandfather is pretty shocked because of his wife, her grandmother's death, and she doesn't want to talk to him because she doesn't want to stress him out.

She recently saw her mother again at a store, a bad coincidence, her mother was with her boyfriend and daughter, she apparently introduced them sarcastically and before she left she told her that she's happy for ruining her relationship with her uncle, because she says that she doesn't deserve anyone to love her, how even she her mother, didn't. And that's really bad because my girlfriend has felt really bad about never being loved, how her parents raised her, then how she was left to her grandparents. How fucking psychopathic do you have to be? What's her mother's problem? Why are such people like her allowed to have more children when they can't be good parents?

unfortunately, even the shittiest people on earth can have children. That sucks for her. Hope you're good to her.

>>17159654
Let's see. First, you could get a better picture that's oriented correctly.

But given what you have, you're actually pretty fine OP. I'm not just saying that out of pity, you look like a guy who's one good haircut away from looking pretty damn nice. Eh, maybe change the shirt too. And either go full goatee or shave entirely, don't keep that mediocre stubble.

>>17159658
What kind of haircut do you recommend?

>>17159667
Go for something short. I'm no expert, but you should probably avoid the shaggy-Bieber thing you got going on. Just get it cut short, comb it nice, and it'll do wonders for your confidence.

I guess I should preface that I am already friends with the girl in question and we can have good conversations, but it's not all the time and usually it's when we're doing/watching something. So is not having conversation ALL THE TIME a problem or do we have to constantly be in conversation mode?

bamp

>>17159646

Being a good talker is moslty about being a good listener. Asking the right questions and making the right time to make jokes.

>>17159614
Older anon Medfag here.

Weight gain and depression are nasty combinations. With seizures you mentioned, you have a complex issue that feeds into a negative feedback loop. Demotivation, diminished neural activity due to medication, weight gain, high bp, poor oxygenation of the blood stream because of lack of activity. All nasty stuff.

You're also stuck in this rut that makes you believe you can't do better, so you gravitate towards these instances of minor achievement feelgood moments (old video games) to cope.

You're in a comfort zone that will prevent you from growing. I imagine you're afraid of trying due to negativity from othets as well.

You need to find the strength to break this cycle. Get rid of the video games, do things that give you a real sense of accomplishment. Replace the crutches with a structure that will reinforce positive change. It may sound like frufru bullshit, but you have to scrap this she'll you're living in and choose something new

>>17159673
Shell not she'll

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Yes. There is something you can do to address your weight gain and depression. You can see if a practice in mindfulness is helpful for you. Stress hormones make it hard to lose weight, and if you are depressed, chances are you are feeling a little anxious and stressed?

-slow down how you eat and don't worry about what you eat for starters

- take ten extra minutes to eat your meals so you can slow down

-our emotions play a huge role in how we eat

-take 10 deep,complete breaths before you begin eating and if you find you rush, take 10 more breaths

- take meals outside and away from devices

-oxygen burns calories so breathe

-meditation can help with depression and so can journaling

I hope you find this helpful. Be gentle with yourself.

Have you done any fingering or oral on her yet? It's going to take a few sessions of that before you should attempt penetrative sex. Start with one finger, your pinky even, and then the next time do a bigger one, then the next time add one more, and so on. LOTS of foreplay beforehand each time to make sure she's aroused and relaxed. I'm talking like making out for more than 15 minutes and all that jazz. Be gentle and slow.

Also, you and her can't honestly expect you to make her cum if she has never made herself cum, especially not at first.

And remember to use contraceptives.

>>17159603
/thread

>>17159603
Oh and I forgot the most important thing. COMMUNICATION. Talk. To. Each. Other. About everything. I know it's embarrassing, even more so for her probably, but it's essential. Talk about what you like, what you don't like, what you want, what's off limits, boundaries, talk during the act of sex, talk about it during completely nonsexual times, talk before, talk after, talk about what you want in terms of contraception and what you two would do if there did happen to be a pregnancy. It's all important.

>>17159569

It's called having a personality. Black speak of 'spitting game' is just trying to say things to get a woman interested in you, but let me tell you a secret:

>if you're looking for a normal, reasonable relationship, you don't want to 'spit game'.

>>17159587
I just want girls to be interested in me, enough so that they will contact me. I can hold conversations and even managed to get 2 phone numbers/facebook in one night but they both had boyfriend and I don't know how to approach them/talk to them

>>17159591
Why would you try to fuck them if they have boyfriends? Are you specifically looking for a challenge? Then try to fuck women that are more attractive than you, not ones that are already in relationshits.

>>17159542
hot if they're tasteful and sparse

Tattoos are fine, I don't even care what they're about honestly.

It looks unprofessional from a business standpoint if you're unable to cover them, though.

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I'm kind of in the same boat myself, but I'll listen to you.

What's up?

>>17159538
latest thing is school. found out today i'm suspended again because my GPA didn't go up in spring semester. i switched all my courses to audit because i was doing badly and honestly didn't know it would result in suspension. i can appeal it but by the time that's done and over with the one class i wanted to take next fall will be full. wanted to take it with a friend.

guess i'll be lucky to be go back in the fall at all.

I love chat threads. Such an 2006 internet vibe.

What's up?

Oh, nothing repels spiders, OP.
It's a well documented fact that spiders lay eggs in our orifices as we sleep to allow their eggs to incubate in our bodies.

Oh, and if you own a mattress? They love living in mattresses. I'll put it this way, a single spider can lay up to 300 eggs. A mattress makes a perfect breeding ground, and it's usually always close to a human orifice.

Just embrace the spiders, OP.

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>>17159533
ah ah i tink ur lyin to me therr m8

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>>17159533
I thought spiders could lay up to a thousand eggs? At least get that right

Honestly OP, I'm surprised you're finding so many random spiders just scurrying around, most spiders once they find a corner/place with food they will not leave there for fucking months - if ever, literally until they die unless the food runs out.
I hate having them everywhere but think about how many OTHER bugs they are eating too.

Hell I even had a tiny little spider in my bathroom take down a big spider!
Honestly though they are rather hard to get rid of because the lack of movement once they do find that certain crevice. Google some remedies but really try not to let your brain go overboard, I'm genuinely almost phobic to them but I understand once they find a place they don't move and they really do not want to be around you
So no, they aren't really attracted to mattresses, or clothes unless they are dirty and on the ground.