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>be me revtan
>get into my hover vehicle
>auto straps engage
>before I even respond my Tessa 2000 scans my mind for brainwaves
>askes me would i like to have a genital massage.
>before I can respond It reads my brainwaves as [yes].
>a flesh colored human hand extends from my front and applys lube from its cufflet to my dick
>robot hand jerks me off
>i cum
>it cleans me up with cleanX and requires me to either watch a ad, or pay a fee of 7.84 barracks for its services or it shuts me out of my vehicle for 5 minutes.
>i pay the toll, scans mind, auto deducts from my account
>takes me to California, but won't take me to north cal because its technicly off limit due to flooding [global warming]
>realize its 12 already and I haven't prayed to mecca
>I say well fuck the police they can't make me pray.
>vehicle insted delivers me to federal prison for reeducation.
My whole day is ruined but at least I see the light of the profit Muhammed now.
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>>36558811
Why would a world with an enforced religion like islam allow your car to jerk your pickle?
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>>36558903
Everyone one loves a jerk off, islam is a evilmans paradise, why wouldn't a islamic man want a jerkoff. You act like religion us conista----
WARNING THE ANONMOUS USER HAS BEEN DETAINED AND WILL BE REEDUCATED. PLEASE HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEBER SHARIA IS LAW.
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>>36558993
Praise allah, he is the great lord and we are not worthy of his love.don't detain me
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ITT: We post our 4chan rap sheets
Mine:
1 day ban for "posting garbage outside of b"
3 day ban for "posting garbage outside of b"
Both times by by butthurt liberal janitors
What about you guys?
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>>36558804
I think my first ban was for replying to a coupon thread in 09 or 10 on /b/
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>>36558804
I've been locked up so many times for posting "garbage" that I can't even remember. Hardest time I ever did was like a month for ban evasion. I'm a bad, bad man.
Recently it's only ever happened on /a/, and only when I made posts shitting on NTR or cuckoldry. I honestly think at least one of the /a/ mods is an actual cuckold, because I've been banned there multiple times for even passing comments about how it's a shit fetish.
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>>36558804
Janny blocked me for 15 when I criticized his shit.
>entire thread of ebbin pence meams is fine
>one obvious troll thread, and in fact probably a false flag, isn't
nice vanity board you have here, faggot
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Going to need some help, bots. I've lost the majority of my weeb reaction pictures by accident. Please post some for me and I'll share what few I've rebuilt since the loss.
Anything goes. Feels, smug faces, lewd, gifs, you name it. But weeb trash only, please.
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>>36558788
Probably my favorite one right here
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>doesnt have several backup usbs
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>>36558830
Thanks anon, bonus points for knowing my favorite anime.
Hey anon, what are the very very very very smaaall things in life that you consider valuable and makes your life even just a teensy bit worth living for?
I don't have any friends, my family is embarrassed by my nature but doesn't care enough to help me, and I'm very stupid, emotional, and unloved, but I can draw kinda well. If I don't have a job when I hit 24 in the industry, I think that's when I'm gonna jump off of the golden gate bridge and disappear.
Just say it! Anything you like doing or having?
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3 things that I can still enjoy; Weed, Audiobooks and long lonely walks.
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pizza, music, seeing people post cute anime girls
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>>36558810
Nice, anon. What audiobooks?
>>36558856
Tell me your favorite pizza topping. Mine is baked ziti!
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>cuddling with little sister in her bed
>father comes in
>he looks at me angrily and screams to GTFO to my room
wtf guys did he think I was molesting her or what
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>>36558611
What are your ages anon?
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>>36558611
Some people think everything is sexual. What's the age difference?
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>>36558611
he wanted you to leave so he could rape her desu
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>tfw not pleasant to be around
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>tfw so used to wallowing in self-pity and not enjoying small talk no one would want to be your friend
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>tfw every memory I have is of me embarrassing myself to various degrees
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>>36558585
Im pretty sure i should not stay on this board any longer.
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>Be me
>2 months ago
>fell for the college meme
>huge chad
>just joined a frat
>went to cool parties and got girls
>somehow talk to shut-in neet on my floor
>persuades me to browse the chan
>at first am disgusted by the culture >now it consumes me
>become a neet myself
>browse day and night to satisfy my guilty pleasures
>lose all of my chad and stacy friends
>get dropped by normie frat
>stop going to gradie classes
>gpa goes from 3.3 to 1.6
>now on verge of dropping out
>life is in shambles
I have become one with the chan against my will. My life was perfect. Fuck all of you. Fuck this board. Apologize now fags, you know you are all guilty
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>huge chad
Instantly hate OP. Hope your life falls apart. Hope you fucking die. Wrong board. Zero sympathy.
My sides at failure of OP
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You better gun down a pack of roasties if you want any reverence here you failed normie piece of shit.
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>>36558569
Don't blame us, piss brain
it was you who stayed despite your superior life. You dug this hole yourself
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What's for dinner tonight my robuddies
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Tendies with a side of self loathing
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>>36558524
>>36558644
If you went vegan you'd probably be happier.
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>>36559811
>If you went vegan you'd probably be happier.
this desuyo
I'm eating garlic naan with channa masala
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>third year at college
>never dated
>never had a gf
>sudden and terrible moment of clarity that brings me out of the escapist haze
>realize my situation is painfully strange and abnormal
When did you realize your life wasn't normal?
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Good question. The escapist haze part really hits home. It was like waking up from a dream slowly.
I think I was around 21. I finished undergrad with zero friends, and also had zero friends in hs and my whole childhood too. My entire life was vidya, sports (alone), fapping and studying. I started law school and noticed that despite no one knowing each other at first, everyone just sort of randomly made friends and had relationships right away. yet again I was starting another new phase in life and was just repeating the same pattern. Then I started thinking about all the common high school and college experiences and saw my life was nothing like that. Saw all the skills people had developed that seemed natural to them that I didn't come close to having. Started to wonder wtf was wrong with me, and that I was truly growth stunted and abnormal.
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>>36558738
I relate a lot to your life. We will need to push past this somehow. We must continue to live in spite of our stunted beginnings. I don't think we will be guaranteed salvation if we try, but at least we can strive to better ourselves.
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It wasn't until I was 24 and started working my first job where I came out of that haze and realized how fucked I was. Because the job took me away from my computer 8 hours a day, I had to sit and actually think about my life. It was fucking horrifying. Like how do you even escape this? I'm 26 and I never had a gf in my life dude. I'm gonna be 30 in 4 years.
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It is now the year 2027.
Where do you think you'll be in the next 10 years.
>inb4 on here still
>inb4 prison
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either:
>neetbux in own home
>dead from drinking
>in love with some whore
>or having children with my one and only
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>>36558459
Career with family.
If not that, probably a lonely anon.
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I will unironically still be posting here, it's already been 12 years
Anonymous
Asian woman got wrecked 2017-04-26 03:48:40 Post No.36558440
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Asian woman got wrecked 2017-04-26 03:48:40 Post No.36558440
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Yesterday i attended a party.
Being bored i decided to come however i arrived pretty late,There was 2 seats left at table where everybody was already assembled and people already started to mingle. Thus it was a nobrainer to me to take a seat and join in with the others.
Asian woman who's late comes to the party, she walks to the last available chair which happened to be besides me. She just simply stared at the chair and on me for a very long time. I got confused but i snapped out of it and told her that the chair was not occupied. Finally she sat down, i decided to strike a conversation with her but was cut short as she turned her head to a white guy and talked with him.
I just shrugged the insult away as i thought she didn't see me wanting to talk. Anyway no problem i got other people to chat with however after the a while the crowd at the table started to disperse and i decided to give the asian woman a second chance and tried to talked with her again only to hear her yelling at me "I don't date asian guys can't you guys stop being creepy!?"
After that she promply tried to squeeze herself between two white dudes on the couch(not really a surprise here lol) who refused to give her space. I could feel the people in the room watching and listening to us.
I was upset and ready to burst. I shouted back while pointing at myself "Fuck you i'm hapa and this how you're future son will look like!". I then proceeded to say "No matter how much you worship white dudes you will always be a gook". People were starting to laugh when i stormed out of the party.
The good news is that my friends at the party later sent me text message and told the asian girl got bullied all the way out of the party by the attendees.
So haha integration failed cunt!
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This is originally the most hilarious story I've read on any board all night. Enjoy this (you) sire you've definitely earned it.
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fucking kek. self-hating people are the fucking worst.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/hapas/comments/67b0fq/asian_woman_embarrased_me_yesterday/
faggots
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>Late at night
>Playing Baldurs Gate 2
>Suddenly hear some roastie shouting
>Window is closed so it's almost indecipherable
>Only hear something about getting hit
>Suddenly hear a man shout back
>Think I heard him say that he can hit her whenever he wants
>Shouting match continues
>Suddenly hear loud ass banging noise
>BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM
>She's screaming bloody murder
>She sounds like she's crying
>Complete silence afterwards
>No slamming of doors, no car driving off, just silence
>mfw
>continue playing vidya
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Sounds like roastie is getting put in her spot to me.
Roasties deserve no respect.
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>>36558528
How much do you wanna bet that the dude was Tyrone?
kek it was probably the same bitch who kept shouting at night during summer
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>>36558423
Mind your own business, she likely deserved it
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is the gym director, dare I say, /ourguy/? he btfo'd a roastie
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>>36558416
>Whore goes to gym dressed like a whore because she craves validation and attention
>Gets BTFO
>immediately goes on Facebook with it for validation and attention
Women were a mistake.
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>>36558416
They lack self-awareness. They see other people wearing it so they think it's okay for them to wear it too.
Which is fair enough. Most girls dress incredibly slutty.At least these retarded girls give us eye candy?
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>>36558416
I don't get it, that's just normal female gym wear
This gym sounds like it's full of virgin autists
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I lost my home, my career, my wife, my daughter. I have nothing left to look forward to and I am too old and weak to rebuild, and so I am exiting this world this Friday night by stepping off of the Leaside Bridge. Thanks for all the laughs over the years, guys. Love you.
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>>36558369
Sorry to hear, but you should consider your daughter. What would she think knowing you killed yourself?
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>>36558369
Hi OP.
I too, am planning to kill myself. It doesn't hold a candle to yours, but i'm going to none the less. See you on the other side...
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>>36558460
She's a woman, she probably doesn't think at all. She'll find a Chad to replace OP as a more dominant father figure.
Anonymous
This is it lads!!! Wish me luck! 2017-04-26 03:44:14 Post No.36558319
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This is it lads!!! Wish me luck! 2017-04-26 03:44:14 Post No.36558319
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This is it lads!!! Wish me luck!
Anonymous
2017-04-26 03:44:14
Post No. 36558319
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I finally have a path to escape this place! And is was just handed to me!
>9/10 tsundere qt3.1215926 comes up to me
>chats me up
>asks my number! (Yes I have a phone, but I'm still a robot! REEEE!!!)
>asks me out on date
What did I do to deserve this!? Why has Kek graced me with this incredible gift? I'll miss you all, you bastards. I'll visit and let you know how the normie life is.
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>>36558319
great thread anon. See ya tomorrow
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>>36558319
This is shit go to /fit/
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>>36558319
>turns out to be a trap