Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 6201. page

>>16791652

i feel ya. i spent a year in a daze cuz i woke up many times in the middle of the night. sleeping entirely through the night is a life chaning experience. its like having a fully charged phone for a day versus waking up with a 40% power phone. sure it will last, but you cant do everything you wanted with it, and it acts weird.

as fow how to fix this, even low stress can cause it. i learned that if i lay out my outfit for the next day on my desk, have my lunch packed / breakfast planned (like if its just cereal leave a bowl out with the cereal on the table and just go for the milk later, or just have the fruit laid out on the table, etc) i do better.

basically all i do is wake up, put on my clothes, pick up my bag, brush hair and teeth and im out the door. nothing to worry about.

for bonus points, right before bed i sit down and i write a list of everything to do tomorrow. not just work, but home and errand stuff. it stops me from tossing and turning thinking about what needs to be done. writing it down literally gets it out of your brain and ont o paper.

Bump.

The thing is I suspect my father asked them to lend them some money,
without me knowing, because for some time I've been refusing giving him any.
My uncle was not direct about this, and I'm too embarassed to ask so the whole thing becomes even more difficult.

They are family.
Assuming they are on the level they will hear you out and this will stay between you three.

It would not guarantee it but you can be sure what they would do with the info. Then just tell it like it is.

>>16791776
Ah I'm sure that wouldn't be the case,
my aunt gossips like fucking hell but they already knew something was up,
and I don't really mind if other people know about this.
I could really use the help, I just don't know how to face the "humiliation" (lend me a word here) of opening up to them.

>>16791609

not sure what the 4-7-8 method is.

as for falling asleep, humans are diverse, so there are a variety of ways. it really comes down to you.

how is your sleeping situation at the moment? is your bed comfortable? or are you justd used to it? i didnt realize how awful my bed was til i slept at my friends house in his bed. slept through the entire night without waking up. didnt wake up sore.

in addition to that
>what noises are keeping you up?
>what lights
>what temperatures?
etc.

some people like to listen to a radio play. some a song. some an audio book. some a sitcom. some hypnosis. some white noise. some nothing. me, i cycle through all these cuz different things will do the trick in phases. find what works for you. switch it up when it doesn't. though most people respond well to absolute silence, some people have really intense minds that wont stop thinking and worrying. stories distract from that.

how is the light? do you leave a computer on? does it flash lights? TV? cell phone? windows? light is perhaps the hardest thing to fall asleep with, even a small tiny red dot or th red lights of your alarm clock. my advice? get rid of it all. put everything on surge protectors and turn them all off before bed. maybe put your cell phone jut outside your door wiht an alarm to go off in the morning. some evidence suggests that just having things powered on in your room can interfere with your sleep in some stupid scientific way.

>temperature

most people dont realize this, but its eaiser to fall asleep in the cold. i dunno why, i think it ssomething about how when you sleep your body temperature naturally lowers itself. maybe its the other way around? idk. but if its too hot its hard to fall asleep. consider turning on your air conditioner or buying one, or not having the heat on too high in the winter. cover yourself in blankets to get warm, but the colder it is the easier it is to fall under.

>>16791609
>>16791646

finally

>stress

the hardest way to fall asleep is when you left something unfinished. i would be up til 2 am having trouvle sleeping cuz i didnt do my homework. in my junior year i developed a work ethic and this changed my life drastically. but i stil had some trouble.

i found that if the night before i laid out my exact outfit, had my bag already packed, etc. then literally all i had to do was wake up, put on clothes, brush teeth/hair and go to work. stress free. leaving things laying around and having to do extra work in the morning sends you to bed thinking about it.

as for the things that simply CANT be finished, make a list the night before. writing down what oyu need to do tomorrow organizes it in a way your brain simply couldn't on its own. you go to bed feeling relaxed that you know what to do instead of worrying about what you might forget.

>>16791609

I do heavy cardio before going to sleep. It works very well for me.

I cannot believe I am going to write this, because it's the same advice other people gave me as well - but you always only know what's best for others.

1. You are still young.
2. No, seriously, you still are.
3. How do I know? I am the same age, and people way older than I am told me. We are talking about ~50 years old. And if it applies for me, it applies for you as well.
4. At least you are not grinding yourself when you are comparing to other people. You "only" grind yourself because you didn't archive what you wanted to do in life. That's OK.
5. There is no reason worrying about the past, you cannot change it. No reason worrying about the future, you have no control over that one. And that last thing is IMPORTANT, because - if you are like me - you are a constant thinker and worrier, and you have to imagine how the future is going to be. Let that be. In the end, it will only hinder you and prevent you from doing what you want to do.
6. Again: Do not think about the future. Do not do not DO NOT. Think about the present. The present is important, the present is what matters, nothing else.

>>16791571

>I'm 23 years old, 24 in july

are you me

>and i dont have shit to show for it and am no where near what i pictured

nevermind.

>i recently found out ive had adhd which caused me to get suspended from college 3 times.

either learn to control it, or take meds. the best thing i can offer for learning to control is plastering the word 'focus' all over everything you own. in class? suddenly not paying attention? you see the word focus, and it draws you back in.

>it will take 2 years to graduate, minimum

not ideal, but not the worst thing ever. lots of people dont graduate until they are 26 or so these days. its just the way the worlds changed. it slows down life a bit, but thats not the worst thing ever. if you know your classes will put you in the right degree for the job field, then just keep doing it. thats the endgoal. then you go from there.

>my job i tolerate but its a dead end

its just to support you til you finish colelge. though if you can find a job in a field that will help but is laso convenient in terms of classes, do take it. no harm in looking around once a month to see whats out there.

>consider to friends but not truly

never ever ever ever ever measure your life or success in relationships. if. this is an indifferent universe, it does not think and plan or carry out. things simply happen, and your success is measured by how well you handle the things the universe arbitrarily creates.

people are the opposite. you cannot make an equation for relationships. you cannot break down the science of interactions. there is the random element of all of humanity that stops the relationship, and all do end in one way or another. so to measure yourself based on what other people are going through in relation to you is not good.

instead always focus on expanding yourself socially. as long as you are putting yourself out there, as in not giving up because of the random nature of humans, than you are successful in terms of relationships.

>>16791571
>>16791614

finally, you are not lost. you...
>know what you want to do
>know what classes you need to take
>know when you are going to graduate

what else is there to do? im a big planner so i understand your frustration about how slow moving this process can be... but now that you have your target in sight you just gotta keep steady. you said two years minimum? focus every ounce of energy in to making it EXACTLY two years. not more. less if you can do something like summer classes.

thats the best step you can take mate.

Hey, just because you relapsed doesn't mean you haven't made progress. Being clean for an extended period of time from one of the most addictive drugs in existence is something to be proud of.

Keep working with the recovery programs. Do you have a sponsor or anything like that? Do you have people you can call when you feel like you're going to relapse?

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>>16791545

thats basically the life of an addict after they seek recovery. dont feel TOO bad. the hangover(even if just a spiritual one) always makes you realize you were on the right path.

remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes. not just drug addicts. no matter how good you are at losing weight, you'll binge on junk food at some point. no matter how great you are about exercise, you'll stay home and rest one day. no matter how many times you win employee of the month, you still check your facebook at the office once in awhile.

you made it six months. its fucking amazing. this time, everytime you get the urge to do drugs, think ' i wanna make it to a year'. and when you finally do, consider stretching that into two.

for bonus points get a roommate who hasn't had any drugs in a long time, like 5 years or more. they will help keep you steady. bonus bonus points: makes sure its osmeone with a different addiction than yours. if ur on IV, find an alcoholic. it makes it harder for you guys to convince each other to give in.


the rock will keep sliding down. but you'll keep pushing it.

Fapping isn't bad. It's porn that kills people's sex drives and shit. Go ahead and beat your meat but quitting porn would be good for your mental health.

>>16791993
I know. I dont want to fap because my dick feels like its been revitalized barring the lower libido.
Like I no longer need to touch my dick to get a boner, and I get random erections again.
But yeah porn is the worst. But its was my favorite bj scene and I only watched 3 seconds of it. I didnt actually want to watch the scenes because it felt like watching porn again.

>>16792414


Yeah what the other guy said. Fapping is fine as long as you only do it when you need to, like if you can't stop thinking about sex and it's ruining your productivity.

Or if your blue balls are so painful that you can barely walk.

Otherwise save your energy. No need to fap everyday, I try to do it only once every week and only if I don't have sex that week.

>>16791513

I mean, it's normal.

The transmission is on it's last legs. The car costs 2 thousand bucks.

WIll cost 3 grand to repair it when the tranny breaks.

So the car is worth around $400-$500 for scrap metal.

He's trying to get you to buy it, fast, without asking questions, before that tranny dies,

So how cheap is it? Let's say KBB price is $3,000 and he's selling it for $1,000 then yeah, it will need everything.

But if he's selling it for $4,500, it better not even squeak.

>>16791541

If he's selling it for 4,500 then the KBB better be 5,000+ and it better not squeak

No one buys/sells at KBB prices.

>>16791493

"chances" mean very little.e about once a day we get someone who posts 'i fucked my girlfriend without a condom. what are the chances she got pregnant?'

as if 'chances' will ease your mind or change anything. so in terms of what are your chances of being deployed... does it matter? you could be. you could not. its almost arbitrary. my brother went in and never got sent to the middle east. other people go straight there.

>>16791499
I honestly dont mind being deployed.
Im just concerned about it for the sake of my parents and other loved ones.

>>16791503

which still wont matter with 'chances'. you either will or you wont.

How did you know you were gay?

Was there a time when you thought you were but was still more aroused by women?

>>16791483

>i just need somethign to say to people who aren't understanding.

literally the only thing you can say is

>sorry, its just the way the world is

id stay in the closet, its easier than you'd think in this day and age. but if you must come out just lead wtih 'turns out im gay'. and if they get mad, leave the room. give them time to cool off so you can talk about it calmly later.

You can come right out and say "Just thought I'd let you know. I'm gay" or you could assume they know:

you: "I'm going out tonight on a date."
parents:" nice. who are you going with?"
you: "this guy I met at work"
parents: "you're going out on a date with a GUY?"
you: "yeah. you knew I was gay, right?"

Having said that, I was thrown out of the house when I came out as lesbian. If you have any inkling that may happen to you, don't come out until you have a place you can go to live, a job to support yourself, etc...

Just in case things go south quickly.

Self bumping

Trust me this isnt the time to ask about career advice I can already hear the carpentry faggots typing a long and descriptive reason of why you should do carpentry but the best advice I can tell you is
>Stem is meme
>liberal arts is meme
But medical cant be outsourced to Indianirnos so you should be ok with a career there

>>16791442

porn addiction. kinda have it myself. was turning down regular bareback sex with a really fucking hottie because i wanted to watch porn instead. not good for you.

the best you can do is just stop. dont masturbate for a week. then ur drive begins to come back. when it comes to ur qt try doing something a little kinky to get you motivated.

never masturbate before bed. it makes you lazy. i know when you were younger you could cum 8 times a day and still do your homework, clean the house, workout and kill the president, but ur not 12 anymore. your hormones have settled down and are now tied to your creative energies. you need those for work.

so only masturbate right before bed, and never on the day / day before you intend to bed your woman. trust me i know this sounds boring but your orgams become more meaningful. not in a lovey way but in a personal enlightenment way.

as for skipping lectures... don't? not sure what advice you expect to find here. there isn't some magic trick. it all boils down to you having some ounce of personal responsibility. if you claim you have no control over your life, your life becomes meaningless. you stop being a person and start being a tool used to carry out the universe' will.

and you REALLY think the universe has a plan that involves you staying home and masturbating?

>wanting to get deathgrip this badly

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Theyre looking for a strong and tall carpenter who knows how to use his hands come and wreck their vagina.

Best start learning now.

>>16791410
As a girl who used to do that, I dunno.

I can't speak for all women, but sometimes I'll get cold feet right after giving someone my number. It's not that I suddenly lose interest, I'm just too much of a social autist.

Don't take it personally. Just move on, mang.

>>16791517
Not taking it personal, its just kind of puzzling and a rather dumb thing to do.

>>16791393
facebook

>>16791401
I have it circulating around facebook already.
Thank you for the reply.

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You're too lazy and prefer to use disposable income to pay for the company of women? That's my first impression.

I've always been successful with girls so I've never even considered the notion, even at my laziest I've had at least a couple of different girls who I could text or call and probably cop a root off pretty quick. Maybe you're not quite there yet young padawan.

>>16791415
What are some advanced things I should know?

>>16791542
Be yourself

>>16791380
Cart before the horse anon.

Worry about finding a job before you worry about hours and let your financial need dictate how many hours you try to work.

Look at it this way: there's a lot of people out there that work part time and would kill for full time but can't find anything. I'd say go with full time. If you don't like it, stick with it for as long as you can while you look for something else. It depends obviously on what kind of job, but full time isn't that difficult to deal with. You might even like it, who knows

>>16791380

>am i being too picky

yes

>it would be the best way to adjust

in what sense? so you can slowly get over the fact that you cant stare at your ceiling and play video games all day?

you're being really entitled right now anon. the world doesn't care if you aren't 'experienced' enough to handle full time, which isnt a thing btw. either you can handle the job or not, 6 vs. 8 hours isnt a thing.

>but i want it to fit me best

the world doesn't care. the world has its own businesses to run and things to do and doesn't care if ur scared of working an extra few hours a day then you'd like to.

you go out, you get a job, you show up, and that becomes your life. its no different than when you started going to school. the world cannot coddle you and say 'oh well here is part time if you want to go full time later its all up to you!'

the reason most places offer part time is because they dont want to pay for full time benefits. if you find a job offering full time, you take it. cuz tthats going to pay well and treat you well. if you dont like the job you start looking for a new job in your OFF time, you do not quit while at the job. you trade up when you find the right one.