ITT: We post our foodpranks
>be me
>living on a flat with three other people
>chilling with two of them in the kitchen
>third comes from work
>"Fuck man, I sure as fuck would love me some potatoes."
>he cuts 'em all up and put them in the oven, and in the meantime he went to lie to the teally
>we still in the kitchen and whenever he comes to check on potatoes we hear him coming
>after an hour of baking he comes to the kitchen
>"What the fuck, why are they still raw?!"
>this went down for another two hours, because everytime he left the kitchen we turned off the oven
>didn't tell him to this day, but shit me for how much fun we had when he always left
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>take friend's bottle of vodka
>pour vodka down the drain
>refill bottle with rubbing alcohol
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>>9365383
>get charged with murder
>spend rest of life in prison
>it was worth it for the lulz
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>friend needed a piss and asked me to watch to make sure his soup doesn't boil.
>I let it boil.
I'm absolutely mental, I am.
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I am as of now one week without the ability to coock any food for kyself /my electric thing broke/
I usually rely on meat and things like whole weat pasta and cauliflower, brockolli. All coocked, boiled, all dependent on that thing.
Help me please plan a healthy diet for the coming week until my new one arrives, how d i keep up my nutrition intake w/o all this?
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>>9365365
Care to be more specific about exactly what "electric thing" broke? We need to know what appliances you do and do not have access to.
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>>9365370
I basically have no furnace
I got an oven and microwave, watercooker and coocking material, but no source to coock from.
This is what i have to work with
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>>9365370
Are you out there?
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So hi /ck/
I've just started trying for the first time in my underachieving, lame life to better myself and begin improving - my health being part of that.
(If this question is better suited for /fit/ though please let me know and I'll head over there instead)
I'm not an expert on health or weight loss but an obvious first step was eliminating soft drinks, juices, and beer and making the switch to no-calorie alternatives. Water, tea, and coffee are obvious but I'm a bit naive and confused when it comes to other Zer-Calorie drinks.
I've been hitting Vitamin Water Zero for a while now and even though I like it, I've heard and read that even though it has 0cals it actually DOES cause you to gain weight (especially in the stomach area) because of something about the artificial sweeteners.....
Is this true? Redpill me on Vitamin Water Zero, please guys. Am I fine drinking this stuff, or is it just as bad as pepsi/coke/SunnyD and I'm gonna keep packing on the atrifically-sweetened pounds if I carry on drinking it?
Help, and thanks my dudes.
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>>9365186
I've only read that drinking diet drinks correlates with gaining weight later in life, but I have yet to see anything that says the drinks themselves cause people to gain weight. The drinks themselves aren't going to cause you to gain weight but you should probably stop drinking them anyway to reduce your dependence on sweet things.
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>>9365242
Cheers.
Most of what I read is along the lines of "science indicates that artificial sweeteners still effect blood sugar levels and that causes you to gain weight anyway" or "studies show that splenda and other non-sugar sweeteners make your cells more likely to expand and store more fat even through there's no calories"
But I'm pretty uninformed on all this kind of stuff so I don't know whether to take it at face value or if it is all pseudoscience BS that gets white middleaged soccer moms into a panic.
But if this stuff is just a bad idea in general, what would be a good substitute? I love coffee and tea but what about anything with a hit of fruity flavour? I fucking love orange flavoured stuff and orange juices but I don't know if there's a natural zero-calorie orange juice out there.
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It's bad for you. Drink tea, coffee or water.
Decisions, decisions.
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>>9365168
Yeah, nah, if you don't have bbq sauce loaded up you're just some basic bitch
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>>9365185
bbq sauce lower right
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Thoughts on onions in sauce? Those of you who live in an area where it is a common condiment, are there many variants?
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>>9365166
Sure, onions can be great in sauce. I use them in my homemade BBQ sauce, and also when making pan sauces after cooking beef or pork.
Sometimes I leave the onions in pieces, other times I'll puree the sauce after I make it. Depends on my mood and the exact dish I'm making.
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>>9365166
You mean Greek onions like at Papaya King? They're OK. Sauerkraut and mustard is better IMO.
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>>9365166
I live in Flyover, USA so I may be using the correct local jargon. I'm referring to the condiment also known as Pushcart Onions or New York style onions. It's possible they're not even as common or popular as I thought among street vendors.
thoughts?
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>>9365088
nobody on 4chan has ever been able to try one
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>>9365088
Filthy Muslim fruit
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>>9365088
quite delicious
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When I was a kid I thought my mum was an amazing cook, and everybody used to praise her cooking so much, but now I'm older and know how to cook I realise that she's not a good cook at all
Everything she cooks is ridiculously oily, I visited recently and she made lasagna where the layers slid off each other and it sat in a puddle of orange grease. Anything she cooks almost slides off the plate
Anyone else had similar experiences with "good cooks" that ended up not being good?
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>>9365009
As a golden rule everyone's mother cooks goods, no matter what.
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>>9365018
fpbp
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>>9365009
Your parents cooked for you? Consider yourself lucky, seriously
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how often do you dine out in a restaurant with your significant other?
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Once every few months at somewhere cheap because we're poorfags
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fuck you man
fuck you
How would you improve this salad?
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Croutons galore
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Needs WAY more ranch. also add cheese, bacon bits, ham and croutons
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No Thousand Island? WTF
Anonymous
spotting bad cheap steak 2017-08-30 05:16:07 Post No.9364893
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spotting bad cheap steak 2017-08-30 05:16:07 Post No.9364893
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for for £10 today i bought a carrier bag filled about a quarter way with steak from a big fuckoff van at my local market, but theres a bit of a problem. they had some bad discoloration, which i was inclined to assume is just a result of them being frozen in storage containers, but they also smell odd. some of them smell sweet, others smell fishy, some smell fine on one side and fishy on the other side. am i in for a rough night on the shitter if i eat these, /ck/?
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>>9364893
What the fuck even is that? Shank?
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>>9364895
dunno senpai, its a big bag of "steak"
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Nothing could possibly be wrong with shady meat sold from a van
Any tips on not making your cake dry?
My cakes usually have great taste and texture but turn out a little dry too often. Do I need to cook it on a lower heat longer or something?
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>>9364803
more fat idk
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http://joyofbaking.com/ButterCakes.html
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>>9364820
Fat? You mean butter?
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jesus christ he found a way to mention Knorr® in a Q/A session about seasoning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bjQy0S6Un4&feature=youtu.be&t=1238
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>>9364698
Maybe after toiling away in the industry for years, he realized that stockpots are fine as just one ingredient in a larger recipe. He literally says here (2:15) that he thinks technique matters more than ingredients:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxQf-iPfXQ0
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He probably gets drilled in his sleep by wearing heasphones that repeat thousands of ways to use stock pots
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>>9364698
Doesn't surprise me at all. He was recommending their use as a seasoning (as opposed to an actual stock replacement) for years before he started doing Knorr commercials. I'm not sure why this would be news to anyone.
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Lads!
Want to get into baking. Tried making a gingerbread, but as I didn't have a cake stand and used a mixer instead I think I failed to whip the butter and got an ultra-dense bread. Which, fair enough.
Anyway, what is the most accessible thing for beginners to bake (other than cookies)? What are the minimum set of tools one should have if they want to bake?
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banana bread is EZ
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>>9364610
Standing mixer and measuring cups as baking is very precise. Sifter would be my next recommendation. Also you'll need two large balls, testicles, to bake.
Lastly and most importantly is patience.
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>>9364619
2nding this.
As for what tools you need? A fucking scale. More precise than using cups, and less cleanup as well.
Anonymous
The most important meal of the day 2017-08-30 03:15:01 Post No.9364584
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The most important meal of the day 2017-08-30 03:15:01 Post No.9364584
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The most important meal of the day
Anonymous
2017-08-30 03:15:01
Post No. 9364584
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What's your goat breakfast /ck/? Pic relevant: Bacon and some basted eggs over rice.
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>>9364584
>The most important meal of the day
Nice momscience
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>>9364600
It's the most important because it's the only reason to live when you get up and have to get ready for your shit job
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>>9364602
>shit job
yeah that's fucking right. your job is shit and therefore you need a breakfast to get out of your bed
you working a shitty job is highly correlated to you being retarded, which also causes you to believe breakfast is "the most important meal of the day"
sad life desu
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What's your favorite sausage?
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>>9364576
Polska kielbasa
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Frankfurter, bought in or around Frankfurt of course