Archived threads in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 - 9612. page

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>family is sick of my robotness and they are trying to fix me
>older brother came home today and said we were going to a bar and that if I said no mom would take my internet out
>first time at a bar
>the place is awful. Normies dancing like drunk monkies to shit music and everyone is smoking even though that's illegal (I have asthma)
>brother buys me a beer that tastes like old man piss
>no place to sit so we just stand there being bumped by retarded normies all the time
>suddenly a shitfaced girl appears and hugs me saying "Mike! you made it!"
>she then does what I believe was an attempt of kissing me
>literally licked my lips as if she was a dog
>she then says "shit you're not Mike!" and goes away
>mfw literally a drunk whore robbed me of my first kiss
>I can't accuse her of rape even though she probably could in my situation

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>one chance at life
>born a dicklet

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>Ate a bowl of chili
>Drank a cup of milk
>Ate an entire Hershey's chocolate bar (1000 calories in chocolate alone)

I'm 20 years old, 5'7, and 122 lbs.

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In 2008 I went to the emergency room 2 times. I didn't pay. I was sent to collections. In 2009 my mom wanted to help me "fix" my credit and she created a bank account together. She was -1000 dollars and I got fucked.

I'm from California so the statute of limitations is 4 years. It's 2017 and I still can't fix my fucking credit. I tried to check my credit score at annual reports website and the 3 main credit companies don't tell me shit. I tried Credit Karma and it says I need to verify my identity. So they can't tell me shit.

I said fuck it. I'll apply for a "secured" credit card where it's basically my own money that is at risk and the bank loses nothing. I get denied.

I'm advised to "raise my credit" before applying again. There's no fucking way out. I don't know how to fix this. It seems rigged. I have money, I have a job, I am no longer in debt but I still have no credit. I can't even check my scores. I don't exist.

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>tfw so bored of video games that I decided to start doing something productive today
>start learning Japanese, might as well
>already memorized all the a- vowels in hiragana
>start feeling good about myself

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What's happy and funsies and joyful?

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>be me, 3rd class in navy
>walking home from work one day and make a wrong turn into the marines neighborhood
>the smell of BO and burnt tar dip overwhelms my eyes
>start crying
>a horde of Mini-Marines playing in a patch of warm dirt see my crying as weakness
>stampede at me on all fours on maximum overdrive like a flock of retarded orangutans
>the marines roar "semper fi!" the charge into battle advances
>right as they prepare to haze me they see shiny crows perched on my collar
>they all snap to attention and begin saluting me whilst shaking in fear yelling "SIR! APOLOGIES! SIR!"
>mfw they think im a 20 year old colonel
>i make the biggest marine give me a piggy back ride to my barracks
>the others march in perfect formation behind me singing cadence
>my small bus soon turns into a parade as marines keep joining in
>trumpets, tanks, and floats appear
>they lead me onto a giant wooden stage with a crowd of thousands of marines cheering me on with short grunting noises
>some kind of old Mega-Marine arrives on stage to present me with the Marine Medal of Motto
>upon seeing me he freezes in confusion, squints his eyes, and sees through my bullshit
>veins on his neck pump out into pythons as he screams his siren roar
>iamlegend.avi
>brain shoots adrenaline through my legs as i sprint away like an ostrich about to have its ass pounded by a tribe of aboriginies
>need to make it to the shore to find sanctuary aboard my ship
>my pupils dialate as the march of the marines is fast approaching World War Z style
>Master at Arms on the bridge of ship sees the stampede
>throws life ring at me as BMs begin to unmoore ship from pier
>im hoisted to safety as the marines begin slamming into the metal hull
>mfw marines cant swim
>we go underway
>get promotion from captain and 4 NAMs for my demonstration of the Navy's core values
>mfw autistic murines thought they could out match a Sailor

I received the best damn gay sex of my life on that deployment.

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What do you guys use to draw stuff on the computer? I'm looking for something free just to practice my calligraphy with chinese characters.

Also, general drawing/calligraphy thread, I guess.

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does anyone else find nipple stimulation way better than masturbating? Even as a guy, it's so much more fun

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>that annoying slutty voice most asian american women have
Anyone else notice this?

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>tfw no fat smelly sweaty robot cock to worship
i'm a guy btw

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Astrology is the real redpill about relationships and why you all hate women. Just read about the signs and pick people that you like based on that

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I understand why you guys hate women, chad and yourselves.
But why do you robots hate each other?

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I truly believe that most of us here are sensitive philosopher types who were born in the wrong time.

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>see interesting thread
>open it so I can leave a reply
>immediately lose interest as I begin typing
>close page