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Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1097

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Discount Pony Edition.

Last Thread: >>27499903

IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiE
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>PiE corner
>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.

PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy
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>>
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Shit
>>
>>27554943
It happens.
>>
Guys can I post green here? it will be my first time
>>
>>27554672
What was it this time?
>>
>>27555722
I don't know. Board moving fast today? Only 2 out of the normal 6 Durnks were around today to bump things?
>>
>you are Anon
>you are a demon
>currently you are in your domain
>it's kinda hot in here
>you get a summon in someplace
"Well, looks like I'm leaving"
>you leave
>you're now in a room full of pentagrams, circles, and ancient writings
>the room is dark but lit only by scattered candles
>you look down and see a creature, it's small compared to you
>it's an orange pegasus with a purple mane
>judging by this pegasus, you're in Equestria right now
>and she's reciting an incatation
>she stops and looks at you
>"A-are you a demon, mister?" she says in a trembling voice
"I am Anon and yes I am a demo--"
>before you could finsih talking she interrupts you
>"Are you here to grant me my wish!?"
>I was going to say that before you were gonna interrupt me bitch
"Yes, so what do you wish for? money, fame, or power but first who are you?"
>"My name is Scootaloo and I wish fo--"
>before she could finish talking you interrupt her
"but in exchange for my services, I will take your soul"
>"M-my soul?" you can see the fear in her heart, this excites you
"Yeaaahh, after you die I get your soul, it's like this you wish something now and I take your soul later"
>"O-ok mister, are there rules to my wish?" she asks with a broken smile
"Yes, I cannot bring back the dead..."
>"O-oh"
>she looks sad
"and wishes have consequences"
>"Can you be my dad, Anon?"
>wut
"wut"
>>
>>27555767
No.
>"B-but"
No. I've got too many kids as it is and I don't need anymore.
>"Oh..."
I'm calling child services and then I'm going to eat them when they show up.
>"At least we're spending time together."
Don't make this weird.
>>
>>27555761
Spergs a sperging again.
Got it
>>
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Discount funposting from >>27551024
>>27552095
>be clergyanon
>purple come to you with WeeJee board
>ask how it work
>tell her 'devil magic'
>say she hear voices
>beat her with bibble
>kill posessed purple and save day
fin
>>
>Be anon in deadquestra
>"Breadquestria"
>Pinkie Pie is interrupting your internal narration again
>She is really fucking ir
>"BEST PONY"
"Worst pony"
>Pinkie Pie pouts
"Shoo, get out of my bathroom"
>"But then I won't be in the story"
"I'll put my foot in your ass if you don't give me some privacy"
>Pinkie looks at you seductively
>"I just might have to take you up on that"
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT FUCK OFF PINK HORSE!"
>Pinkie pie leaves
>You return to doing whatever it is humans do in the bathroom
>And then discover that she stole your toothbrush again
"FUCK YOU PINKIE PIE!"
>>
>>27554672
bump
>>
>thread 404'd
Guess it's an ITS HAPPENING sort of episode this week?
>>
Christ you people are incompetent at keeping a thread alive.
>>
>>27557967
Something like that I guess.
>>
>>27557970
You too
>>
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>Anon outlives all his pony friends
>>
>>27559476
Mr Potatohead?
>>
>>27559476
Shouldn't have been the Highlander then.
>>
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>>27554672

>Posting the Ponychan version

Come on OP, step it up.
>>
>>27559517
yes
>>
How the fuck are you idiots so bad at keeping a thread alive you can't live one new episode day?
>>
>tfw somewritefag will never be back to finish Captain Anonymous
>>
>>27561147
Hey man, don't get mad cause you weren't, like, here, dude.
>>
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Coincidentally
>Tripfags in Equestria
>>
>>27561147
Great job helping out!
I love your green!
>>
>>27561216
Shoim pls
>>
>>27561293
>Be Anonymous.
>GF is out with her BF Tyrone and left you to watch her son.
>He's tired of calling you a faggot after you watched the new episode today so he stopped bullying you.
>Got so caught up in your feelings after Fluttershy's brother reminded you of yourself that you forgot to post your green and AiE died.
>You let all the other Anons down.
>You decide to swallow some pills that night.

How's that, queer?
>>
>>27562222
awasteofquads/10
>>
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>>27562928
>>
>>27562963
neat
>>
>>27562928
>Pizza in a dash
>IN A DASH
>Rainbow dash masturbates using Anon's leftover pizza slices
>It is her shameful secret
>Until one fateful day, when the fire nation attac-
>When she started getting really bad pains in her pony puss
>She goes to the horsepital, where the doctors diagnose her with a case of "Dear Celestia that's nasty"
>The only treatment is to amputate her butt
>However, because of just how fucking nasty that shit was, the amputations had to go a bit further
>They managed to save her wings at least
>Not so much the rest of everything behind her forelegs
>Now a freakish truncated mosntrosity, she is a nightmarish creature with just a pair of wings where her torso should have gone
>Shouldering this burden is a brand new challenge for her, but her shoulders are one of the few parts she has left
>I'm sure she'll do fine.
>>
>>27562231
awasteofalife.
>>
>>27561147
It's almost like people have better shit to do than to play lifeguard for the thread.
>>
>>27564119
You'll find a purpose someday. Relax.
>>
>You are Anonymous and you're watching some TV with your buds Rainbow Dash and Bon-Bon.
"Bon, is your girlfriend gonna come home and get pissed?"
>"She's not my girlfriend, Anon." Bon says.
>"Tch! Yeah right! We see you guys everywhere together!"
>Bon Bon glances at Rainbow. "I see you and Anonymous everywhere together too."
>You laugh.
"She got you there bro..."
>As you look back at the TV, your eyes pass over Bon Bon's cutie mark. You had never noticed before, but it looks like the candies you used to eat as a kid.
>You missed those...
"Say...Bon?"
>"Yeah Anon?"
"Does that...taste like candy?"
>Bon Bon looks at her flank. "Does it taste like WHAT?"
>You can't hear her, you're already bending down.
>You take Bon Bon's meaty flank in your hands and glide your tongue across the mark.
>Your taste-buds light up with the familiar flare that you used to experience all the time back as a kid.
>By Celestia, it tastes just like your favorite candy!
>You continue to lap up the flavor as Bon Bon writhes into the couch and moans.
>You twist your tongue and swap between the three candied marks, trying to appreciate the flavor of each.
>The one on top tasted like caramel, the one in the middle was taffy, and the bottom one was pure dark chocolate.
>You were in heaven, the sweetness of these treats was driving you mad. You continued to lick and suck Bon Bon's cutie mark as she moans and twists.
>"ANON!" Bon Bon cries. "ANON I'M- I'M GONNAAAAAH!"
>Something wet seeps out from underneath Bon Bon, something that smelled like vanilla.
>You only just realize what you may have done and sit up straight to look at Bon.
>She's panting and her cheeks are flushed but her eyes are narrowed. "Wh-what was that about?"
"I uh...tasted candy."
>You needed help here.
"Rainbow, you got my ba-"
>You look over and catch Rainbow Dash with her wings erect and throbbing and both hooves in between her legs.
>"Uhh...I can explain."
>>
>Be Anon.
>There's a pony sleeping on your couch.
>He's been there a week.
>He pays you in brojobs. He's shit at it.
>You're going to throw him out.
>Maybe he'll go live with his sister again.
>You don't care.
>Maybe next time he'll learn to swallow.
>>
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>>
>Be Punches Pinkie Pie in the Face Everytime He Sees Her Anon.
>You're sitting in Ponyjail again.
>You have no idea why.
>Equestrian customs are strange.
>>
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>>
>>27556524
keked/10, good job anon
>>
>>27565968
YES
>>
>>27567920
Well too bad. You're too old.
>>
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>>27568406
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Does anyone have any wizard/sorcerers in equestria greens? I was only able to find one, although I remember there being quite a few
>>
>>27569162
>Be Anon
>You are a horserer, like a sorcerer but you specialise in equines
>ZAP
>There's a pony in front of you
"Bring me some coffee"
>"Okay."
>The pony goes off to the kitchen
>Shortly afterwards they bring a mug of coffee to you, all without you having had to get out of your chair
>Fuck yeah magic is awesome
>>
>>27569681
Would horserers be shunned by the normie sorcerers like we are by non-magical normies?
>>
>>27569772
Their only spell is summoning ponies to do shit for you. Not really ostracized, just looked down on for not being terribly useful.
>>
>>27565968
I already have one tho
>>
>>27570175
>I'm Mr. Whinnyseeks, look at me!
>>
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>>27571003
>>
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The entire population of ylilauta is now in equestria.
>>
>>27571707
"Twilig."
>Twilight lets out a sigh.
>"What is it S-"
"Benis. :DDDDDD"
>Twilight exits the castle, then blows it up.

Benis
>>
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>>27571746
>>
>>27555243
go for it.
>>
>>27569162
http://pastebin.com/PcGdaxTj
>>
>>27572382
a wizanon was fine too
http://pastebin.com/u/wiz_anon
>>
>>27572950
So many nearly forgotten names...
>>
>>27573606
So many people used to post here. Where have they all gone? Were they all just Durnk having identity crisis? Should we pick up the slack or let this die?

I say we all write shorts. Even if they're bad.
>>
>>27573775
>Anon buys some pants from Rarar.
>Later that week.
>Shit, it's fucking hot and humid as hell outside.
>Cuts pant legs off.
>A little too short but fuck it.
>Who wears short shorts?
>Anon wears short shorts.
and fuck you captcha I selected all the goddmaned icecreams enough fucking times just work you cocksucker
>>
>>27573775
Chill m8, work happens
>>
>>27570175
That's not such a big problem when you can summon magic ponies to cast other spells

>Be Horserer Anon again
>Some punk insulted your magic
>You're gonna teach them a lesson
>ZAP
>ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP
"Go fuck that guy up for me"
>The six little ponies all rush off

>"Okay girls, how do we fight this one?"
>"RIP AND TEAR!"
>"But Pinkie Pie, think of all the shampooing it'd take to get that blood out of our coats"
>"Ah say we lynch the bastard, just like granny used to do."
>"Um, can we just write them a letter asking them to apologise?"
>"Anon said to 'fuck him up', right? I think I got this one."
>"Okay, you can try your idea"
>The ponies watch as their blue friend grabs the rude mage and flies into the air with them, pulling their clothes off with deft aerobatics
>Then fucks him, still in midair
>Higher and higher they go, the sharp turns thrusting their bodies together
>Today horserer Anon learned to be more clear with his commands
>>
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>>27573775
k

>Be Anon inna Equestria
>Wake up to the sound of loud banging inside your house at night
>Grab a nearby bucket and slip downstairs to see what the racket is
>Peek around the corner and-
"Fuckin shits."
>Yup.
>That's right.
>You got Zombie Poners in your house.
>The undead herd swagger about your living room like they own the place.
>The blue one is dripping her insides all over your couch while purple is running into your bookcase with her head.
>Repeatedly.
>Hopefully she won't drill through it with her horn.
>Anyway, your current equipment is certainly not going to cut the mustard with these ponbies.
>You turn towards the stairs to go back to the second floor and get your other battle bucket.
>But as you do, you're hit with the hot stench of death.
>Actually, it's mostly hay, but the stench of death is there too.
>Zombie Shy breathes heavily into your face.
>You respond with a bucket to the muzzle, roaring out
"Zombies don't breathe!"
>Flutter Gutter goes down like a sake of hammers
>Unfortunately, you've also telegraphed your presence to the other undead.
>As they whinny and pound their hooves against the ground in the other room, preparing to charge, you bound up the stairs
>At least, until you hear a still quiet voice from the ground.
>"Excuse me, Anon? You should probably pay that bill on your storage unit."
>What?
"What?"
>Glancing back, you see a clearly non-zombie Fluttershy staring up at you.
>"That bill, it needs to be paid. You're about to be late."
>You open your mouth to ask what the hell is going on when she lunges at you and bites you.
>As you collapse, your final words ring out through the ages
"Fucking, FLUTTERSHY!"
>Then you wake up, drenched in sweat
>You lay still for a moment, then roll out of bed to your laptop
>After a few seconds, you get to the homepage of your storage company
>Still half asleep, you type in your payment information and stumble back to bed
>Squirming under the covers, you sigh
"Thanks Zombie Shy."
>>
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>>27573944
>"Don't care. Got laid."
>>
>>27573775
okay, have a short that I wrote a little while back.

"BONBON! LYRA IS DANCING ON MY BED AGAIN!"
>You wait a second for the candy-maned mare to walk in the room and start scolding the shit outta her girlfriend.
>But when she trots on into your room, something different happens.
>She climbs onto your bed and begins dancing in the exact same manner, right next to the mint-colored unicorn.
"Bonbon, what the fuck are you doing?"
>She gives you no answer, but just keeps looking at you and dancing.
"DAMNIT, WHY ARE YOU TWO DOING THIS?"
>As soon as you yell out, two more mares walk into your room, climb up onto your bed, and begin dancing as well.
>You recognize them as Lyra's friend Minuette and the town drunk Berry Punch.
"What?! Why?!"
>None of them speak, but continue to dance.
>As you start to banic, a whole lot more ponies enter your room.
>All of the stallions begin loudly fucking each other, while the mares begin throwing wine bottles and pillows all over the place.
>Within a matter of minutes, your room is a complete and utter mess of chaos.
>Discord would probably be enjoying the shit out of this.
>You, however, are not enjoying this.
>You begin to flip your shit, quickly jumping out of bed and proceeding to screech and jump around your room to try to scare off the insane ponies in your room.
>This does the opposite of what you intended.
>Some of the mares throw wine bottles at you, missing your head every single time, while the stallions try to pin you down on the ground.
>You can't evade the flying wine bottles forever, though, as one of them hits you square in the face.
>You somehow remain conscious, but you were knocked to the ground when you were hit.
>Two stallions quickly strip you down, while three more line up in front of and behind you.
>They begin to spitroast you while a few mares continuously dump wine all over the place.
>how_would_you_like_your_morning.mkv
>>
>>27573975
>that pic
...thats not how vampires work
>>
>>27574102
Uh oh, look out guys. We've got an expert on PONY VAMPIRES here.
>>
>>27574045
Goddamn Tuesdays.
>>
>>27574113
I didn't graduate from vampire school to deal with your sassy ass
>>
>>27574138
Relax Simon, she's not even a real vampire.
>>
>>27574138
I did though.
Majored in sass
>>
>>27574235
I majored in interanal communications.
>>
>>27574647
>"Please speak directly into the vagina."
>>
Why are there so many different Anonymous in Equestria Thread s, if it now Anonymous in Equestria Thread lives? /mlp/ is fun
>>
>>27575298
Couldn't tell you. Mostly I think they wanted to start their own AIE threads with blackjack and hookers.
>>
>>27575321
Is not /mlp/ popular? I thought /mlp/ is popular in 4chan.
>>
>>27575298
After over 1000 threads they started to get more and more shitposting so they started splinter threads
>>
>>27575546
>implying there weren't even more splinter threads prior to 1000
>>
>>27575557
Point them out
>>
>>27575298
we're meanies
>>
>>27575785
The thing is we're really not. Sure there are a few assholes that pop up now and again, but over all I've found this to be a relatively supportive group of people. That doesn't mean we put up with bullshit.
>>
>>27575943
Fight me. I fucking hate you, and your smug-ass happy-go-lucky attitude.
>>
>>27576068
Better watch out. I'm a master of the Dick in Mouth Marshal Arts.

I can blow you from across the room.
You'll cum without ever getting your pants off.
>>
>>27575943
I believe when Luna's Anonymous was posted some asshat started getting assdamaged that it was getting so many (You)s and the author also got assdamaged and left, and somehow this progressed into the rest of /mlp/ thinking we're meanies

I don't get it, either
>>
>>27575335
It's popular, just not very well liked.
we get some of the highest traffic and most visitors, but most other boards hate us and still see us as a shitty containment board.
>>
>>27576328
We had that reputation beforehand because of namefag drama.

I thought the guy who was assdamaged was more annoying than the (you) guy. No one else really gave a shit.
>>
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>>27565968
>>
>>27576563
Snu snu.
>>
>>27576563
>"Hey kid, wanna ss?"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>You lift into the air, screaming
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
>Your hair stands on end
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
>This continues for a few days
>Ponies come and go, but you keep screaming
>With a pop your hair turns yellow
>"Huh, is it done?"
"Yes"
>"This /ss/ stuff is much less awesome than Cherilee led me to believe."
>You punch a tree
>It explodes
>"Okay, that's pretty awesome"
>>
>>27577010
That was pretty awesome.
>>
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>>27577886
The same thing we do every night
>>
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>>27577934
>We suck the anonman
we kill the batman
>>
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>>27576563
>>
So I'll post this shit here too to keep the green flowing. Someone in RGRE came up with the idea that an Anon ended up in ancient Equestria is accidentally the source of gods, myths and legends.

Yaks

>"Gather round yaklings. And I shall tell you ancient tales."
>The little yaks gather closer round the fire, eager for the old yak's story.
>"Hear the tale of the Three Gifts of the Death God."
>"In ancient times, before the founding of our great nation, the gods walked with mortals."
>"The King of the Gods decreed he would find a permanent homeland for his people, for in that time we were nomads and homeless wanderers."
>"He gathered our ancestors and led them forth, with the other gods acting as protectors and guides."
>"But the road was long and harsh, our people were stalked by many dangers. One by one the gods fell, protecting our people from the perils of the world."
>"Until only the death god remained, for how can you slay Death itself. Anon! Lord of Death and Punishment! Sometimes he wore the form of a hornless minotaur at other times he was like a great ape of the jungle."
>"But always was his fur patchy and decayed, constantly it rotted away revealing his skin, pale and cold as the snow."
>"He led our people into the north, but they had no shelter for their tents had washed away in a flood."
>"So the Death God looked to the forest and taking many great trees in his hands, broke them. Thus he made wooden huts and gave us the gift of building."
>"It was at this time also that he gained the Branch of Punishment, but that is another tale."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"GOD DAMN YAKS QUIT EATING MY VEGETABLES!"
>A man in rags emerges from a nearby hut.
>Pausing only to break a branch from a nearby bush and screaming obscenities he swipes at the intruding beasts.
>Leaves fly everywhere as the creatures flee terrified.
>>
>>27578993
>-------Present Day---------

>"But the journey was not over, our people grew afraid. All but one of the gods had fallen"
>"They worried that the Death god could not protect them from all the dangers of the world. For even death cannot be everywhere at once."
>"Then Anon stood forth and decreed that we would go into the mountains of the north, for the mountains and snow themselves were his servants and would rise to defend us in times of need."
>"Thus our people found what would later become our home."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"Fucking yaks, muh garden, vegetables grumble grumble"
>The man in rags spots a yak in the distance.
>"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'm moving house, somewhere there's no fucking yaks."

>-------Present Day---------

>"Our people where glad in those times. We had escaped danger and our great home was nearly built."
>"The khans of the clans turned to Anon and bade him take up the mantle of King of the Gods and Great Khan of our people."
>"But the Death God refused and more, decreed that he must leave us. Our people were saddened and confused."
>"The Elders asked him why he would refuse to lead his people and Anon answered 'All the other gods have fallen, there is none left to maintain the halls of the afterlife but I. And so I must go into the beyond and do the work of the many who have fallen'"
>"Thus our people knew the meaning of duty and perseverance. And to this day we hold to those lessons."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>"Ha fucking lost them. Stupid yaks. Where to now?"
>The man in rags observes the horizon in all directions
>"That forest looks good."
>>
>>27579012
Deer

>"Gather round young bucks, for it is your first mating ruck and you must know why we do this."
>"In ancient times when the forests were wide and wild. When they were not only the haunt of strange beasts but strange beings. I speak of the Unknown Shadow!"
>The young bucks look unconvinced, some even snickering at the Elder.
>"Unknown Shadow? That's just a story."
>"No. The Unknown Shadow, Anon in the ancient tongue. The God of Predators and Mating is real. And he is the reason we perform the Great Ruck. Listen well."
>"In ancient days, the woods were wild and the tribes wandered freely."
>"But danger was always near, for all year round a shadow stalked them. A being with the power to become one with the shadows and possessed with great and vile cunning."
>"The Shadow hungered for our flesh but he was no beast filled with rage and brutality, it played a devious game."
>"It stalked young doe in spring, emerging from the shadows it would seize hold of them and..."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>A man in rags wearing moss and tree branches with a small shrub on his head crouches over his bound prey.
>12 hours wearing a fucking tree and finally success, he thinks.
>But she's a bit scrawny, maybe I could follow it back to its herd. What would /k/ do?
>>
>>27579037
>-------Present Day---------

>"Having taken her most secret juices and with them baited his trap."
>"The heavenly scent luring many a stag to his doom, until the Forest King decreed that it must end."
>"No more would the tribes wander at will in spring but instead gather for the Great Ruck. For there was safety in numbers."
>"The Stags would compete in tests of strength, skill and speed. So that future generations would inherit their virtues and evade the wiles of the Unknown Shadow."
>"Thus was its malice confounded but be wary of the dark places in the forest young bucks for the shadow lurks there still. And it still hungers."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>The man in rags and tree branches observes a great gathering of deer.
>"Look at all that meat. Wish I had a gun."
>>
>>27579049
Zebra


>"Come closer apprentice, if practice voodoo you must. Then you must learn of loa in which you'll trust."
>"I will speak of Baron Anonedi, a spirit you would not want to see."
>"Departing souls are his charge, he ferries them to the underworld on his barge."
>"At full moon, he walks among the graves. You might catch a glimpse of him if you are brave."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>A man in robes wanders a graveyard making spooky noises.
>I feel like an ass, he thinks. But it's worth it.
>He couldn't deal with anymore weirdness, so he hatched a cunning plan.
>He moved far away and built his home near a graveyard.
>He plays the part of a ghostly spirit, in hope it will keep annoying creatures at bay.
>"WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He says, while waving his arms about.
>Yeah this shit is haunted, he thinks. Stay the fuck away.

>-------Present Day---------

>"If his favor you seek, for spells and hexes you wish to speak."
>"Make an offering at the graves, and about his aid you'll surely rave."

>-------10000 years ago--------

>An annoyed man back his bags
>"God damn it" he grumbles.
>Last night he went out to spook around but he didn't like what he found.
>Zebra's worshiping an effigy. Of him.
>Chanting spells and rhyming words. Leaving offerings in the dirt.
>"To hell with civilization." He mutters.

Other races in the pastebin http://pastebin.com/9G2Xx8Ar
>>
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>>27579092
>>
>>27554672
anon is a skinflint
>>
>>27577010
I don't get it.
>>
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I'M BACK, and I brought a new story with me.

This is Familia.
>>
>Your hooves find purchase on the ground as you clear the top of the latest hill. You’d been walking for hours and you really can’t place why.
>But there’s no better way to learn then by asking.
“Princess, can you tell me why we’re walking instead of flying there?”
>Princess Celestia tilts her head down to look at you and smiles slightly.
>”We always walk to this place.”
>That puzzled you, the Princess wasn’t one to stand on tradition when it was negatively effecting somepony.
“But that doesn’t make any-“
>”Everything will be clear in time, Twilight.” Celestia interjects.
>You’d been hearing that a lot lately ever since you became an Alicorn.
>The last few weeks seemed like a blur of movement when you thought back to them. From emerging from the astral plane with a new pair of wings to being coroneted as the Princess of Friendship and the litany of crash courses in politicking and decorum from Celestia and Luna that followed.
>You hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while.
>As the two of you crest another hill, you turn back to Celestia.
“Princess, can you at least tell me why we’re out here?”
>Celestia is quiet for a moment as she shuts her eyes and nods. “That much you deserve to know.”
>”You and your friends have been at the epicenter of many world shaking events since you moved to Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle. I suspected the course you were on early but needed to be sure before I brought you here. Now with your ascension, I have no doubt in my mind.”
>That was Celestia, always thinking how she could improve.
>You listen intently as she goes on. “As soon as any of us, those who’s fates it is to alter the course of things, truly begin on that path…we are beckoned here, to insure we get the perspective we need to wield the power that we do properly.”
“Here?” you ask.
>Celestia stops at the top of a hill and looks out over it towards a small cabin near the edge of a forest just beyond.
>”Yes, home.”
>>
>>27581569
>The cabin was by all accounts normal. A single floor, a healthy chimney in the middle, illumination coming from the windows on one side and the dark windows of spare rooms on the other. So unremarkable that you couldn’t figure out why you were here.
>You’re about to turn and ask when Celestia composes herself and begins to trot down the hill.
>Scrambling to catch you, you get her ear.
“Uhh…Princess? What is this?”
>She’s silent again for a moment. “It will all be clear soon, Twilight.”
>That wasn’t enough this time, though.
“Does someone LIVE all the way out here?”
>Celestia nods. “A sage…of sorts.”
“Of sorts?”
>”Yes. An ancient being who has resided here…for as long as I can remember.” She adds quietly. “This is where those with power learn how to wield it.”
>That sounded impressive, Starswirl impressive.
“So he’s a mage of some sort?”
>Celestia shakes her head. “You’ll see, you will be coming here often for your lessons as opposed to what I did…you’re a bit of a special case.”
“Why is this sage going to help me?”
>Celestia smiles warmly as she reaches the wooden door. “It’s just his way.”
>Celestia takes a deep breath and knocks on the door with her hoof.
>”One moment!” comes a voice behind it.
>You hear someone rummaging around behind the door before it swings open.
>On the other side was something you’d never seen before. A biped, clearly intelligent from the way its deep eyes were looking at you, dressed in soft looking clothes of warm colors while a healthy beard rested on its chin. It smiled down at you in particular. “Hello there.”
“Er, hello. My name i-“
>You’re interrupted twice in the same day.
>”DADDY!” Celestia screams.
>Wait what.
>>
>>27581581
>Celestia bounds forward to the creature and nearly tackles him to the ground, indeed he takes a step back to brace himself as Celestia thrusts her had onto his shoulder.
>”Whoa-ho! Hello to you too, my little sunbeam.” He says, running his hand through her mane. Celestia nuzzles her face into his shoulder.
>You stand, mouth agape, in the doorway.
“HUH??”
>”Poozer, I think your student is confused.” He says.
>Celestia looks over her shoulder and her cheeks turn scarlet. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry Twilight I simply got…caught up in the moment, yes.”
>She turns her head back. “Daddy, may we come in?”
>”Celestia you know you never have to ask that. Come! Come, the tea is just about done.”
>Celestia darts off his shoulder to the small kitchen near the back of the house. “I’ll get it!”
>The creature chuckles and waves for you to come inside as he slowly heads over to a large faded chair.
>You walk inside and shut the door behind you.
“Princess Celestia what the TARTARUS is this?”
>”Language.” The owner of the house says.
>>
>>27581597
>Celestia returns with a piping hot teakettle and pours the contents into a cup on and end-table. “Of course, I’m sorry again, Twilight. This is Anonymous, the “sage” I was talking about earlier. He was Luna and mine and…other’s cartaker for much of our early lives.”
>Anonymous looks at you again and smiles, offering a wave. “Hello.”
>”Daddy, this is Twilight Sparkle.”
>”It’s a pleasure, Twilight.”
>You blink twice.
“But Princess, the legends always say you and Luna were the daughters of Queen Galaxia and King Cosmos!”
>Celestia pours some tea for you and finally herself. “The truth is slightly more complicated, Twilight.”
>Anonymous chuckles. “Not THAT much more complicated! I still remember it.”
>Celestia gets excited and sits on a couch next to Anonymous. “Oh! Can you tell the story? Twilight hasn’t heard it and it’s been FOREVER since I have. Please? Twilight, do you want to hear this story to clear things up.”
>You just silently nod your head, you really wanted things to make sense now.
>Anonymous nods and strokes his beard. “It’s as clear to me as if it were yesterday…”
>>
>>27581610
-A long long time ago-
>You stand in your doorway and stare down at the two little fillies hiding behind a pair of legs in front of you.
“What the hell is this.”
>”THEY are two little fillies, alicorns, and they have big destinies ahead of them. Their names are Celestia and Luna.” The red maned alicorn at your doorstep explains to you.
“AND?”
>”And I’d like you to take care of them for me.”
>You blink twice.
“For how long?”
>She rubs the back of her head. “It will be a long while…”
>You blink twice more.
“I’m sorry, it sounds like you want me to raise your kids for you.”
>”They’re both good fillies, but I think this is the best home for them.”
>Your mouth nearly hits the floor.
“WHAT?”
>”I’m involved in so many other creations…I don’t know if I can give these two the guidance they need for their destiny.”
“What makes you think -I- can?”
>She chuckles a bit. “Anonymous, how long have we known each other?”
>Since you ended up in this world.
“A while…”
>”And in that time I can already tell you’ve got the heart for these two.”
>You look down at the two. One looked barely old enough to walk and sucked on a pacifier, the other had pink hair and looked up at you with big trembling eyes.
>It broke your heart.
>You sigh and step out of the way.
“Say your goodbyes and let them in…I’ll watch them for you.”
>>
>>27581623
>After their mother had left, you have the two fillies sitting on your couch while you sat across from them in your favorite chair.
>The clearly older one, Celestia, hugged her sister close to her and stared up at you. The babe looked around as she suckled her pacifier, interested in every glittering surface of your home.
>You didn’t know what the hell to do with kids, man…
>You clear your throat.
“Celestia?”
>The girl jumps a bit and hugs her sister that much closer. “Y-yes?”
“What uh…what was her name again?” you ask, pointing to the smaller one.
>She looks down at her sister. “Woona.”
“Huh?”
>Celestia straightens. “Woona. Her name is Woona. L-U-N-A.”
>You work that out in your head and suddenly your heart hurts.
“Nnngggghhhh…are you two hungry?”
>Celestia just nods. “Woona needs her food mashed up!”
>You get up off your chair and go to the kitchen, grabbing a few apples to cut up and beginning to mash a few up into a bowl. When you return, Celestia seems to have relaxed a bit, but she still looks at you like prey would a hungry predator.
“…I know this is strange.”
>Celestia is quiet for a second. “Anon-e-mous? Do you…know why we are here?”
>Now you hold your thoughts for a second.
“You’re here…because your mom wants the best thing in the world for you, and sometimes that means letting you go…”
>Celestia hangs her head. “Oh…”
>YOU WERE NOT GOOD WITH KIDS.
“Hey…”
>She looks up at you.
“Ever seen shadow puppets?”
>The filly shakes her head.
>You take the shade off a lamp next to you and fold your hands into shapes that appear on the wall. The store of two dogs who walk into a bar, only for one to say ouch, plays out on the wall.
>Some giggles and laughs come from the mouths of the fillies and when you next look down, you see them sitting next to you, enthralled by the tale you spun now. It made you feel…warm.
>The rest would come later, for now you were breaking the ice.
>>
>>27581632
-The present-
“So…you were left here as a filly, Princess?”
>Celestia nods. “Yes Twilight, Anonymous took Luna and I in when we were just little fillies. I wouldn’t be the ruler I am today if I didn’t live here.”
>It was now dawning on you why you were here.
“What did he teach you?”
>”Well as a start-“ Anonymous says, before holding a teacup out to you with fresh tea “-food and drink are an excellent icebreaker, along with a story.”
>He sets the saucer down. “We’ve moved onto tea in our older years, but the story part has stayed, hasn’t it, poozer?”
>Celestia nods enthusiastically.
“Okay, and the rest?”
>Anonymous looks up at you. “Hmm?”
>You present yourself forward the same way you used to at Unicorn School.
“The rest of the lessons? I’m ready to learn whatever you can teach me to be a good ruler.”
>Anonymous chuckles again. “Lesson two, Twilight, is patience. There will be time to learn all the rest later, now is the time for meeting! All friendships are built on the first moment two people meet, after all.”
>Anonymous takes a sip of his tea and Celestia motions for you to sit back. Another tale starts getting spun and you silently wonder what this will teach you about magic, but you can’t help but feel comforted in the presence of this oddity in this little house at the edge of the world.
>>
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>>27581645
Pastebin updated.
http://pastebin.com/u/Mandroid
For...whoever the fuck does it now: http://pastebin.com/SYxZ2Xwg
Thoughts?

Hooo. Been a while, huh? How's everything been hanging witchu? Huh? That's cool.

I got through maybe one game on my backlog, it was Witcher 36/10 and enjoyed a vacation but the urge to come back and give more green to you guys was too much for me to bare anymore so heeeeeere we are.

This idea was a little ditty of one that I've had floating around in my head for years now. I gave it to someone else long back but they bungled it up so now I'm doing it. Hope you like cute kid crap because that's gonna happen a lot.

At least until Moonie comes back.

Till next time, nerds.
>>
>>27581007
Super Saiyan
>>
>>27581710
YOOOOO Mandroid is back! Hype fuckin intensifies!! Can't wait to see where this goes.
>>
>>27581710
>prepare to be bullied
https://youtu.be/fxCKb-kPysk
>>
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>>27581710
>>
>>27580665
Read as skinwalker
>>
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>>27573975
>>
>>27581645
Lesson three, always cradle the balls.
>>
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>>27581710

>cute kid crap
>>
>>27584975
I once knew a six year old girl who could drop logs as long as her forearm.
>>
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>>27581710
>cute kid crap
>>
>>27554672
Is there a story to go with this picture? I'm curious as to why Anon wouldn't pay 50 bits for Twilight.
>>
>>27585670
Because she's only worth 40.
>>
>>27585670
>Be Anon at the PoneMart.
>You see a discounted selection available.
>Hmm, smart, literate, friendly, princess? You think she might have mange or something.
Do you have mange or something?
>"No no no no, I've just been here a while and the owners are trying to clear stock."
Right.
>"Everyone seems to want a filly or colt, but I can be a good pony for you. I can do magic and I won't ever complain or run away."
I don't know.
>"Please take me home, I'll do anything. You can rough me up, rape me, I don't care!"
Look, I'm really just looking for a pony to help around the house and watch the kids. I'm not in the market for a toy pony. My wife wouldn't approve.
>"I'm good with kids! I can help them with their homework! I'll never mention sex again! Please, they're going to put me to sleep if I don't get sold!"
...fine.
>>
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Make sure to feed your pone and take her for walks.
>>
>>27581710
Nice
>>
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>Yo Anon!
>Head on down ta da PonyMart and buy me some kibble.
>I'm freakin' starvin ova here.
>Hey! I don't need ta lose no weight!
>And if I was fat it's cause you never take me nowhere.
>Like you're embarassed o' me or somethin.
>>
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Multiple celestias bestlestias
>>
>>27587577
What if from different timestreams/realities?
>One is Momlestia
>One is Anton's wife/lover
>One is Anon's adopted daughter
>>
>>27587636
Middllestia has seen some shit.
>>
>>27587636
who the fuck is Anton?
>>
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>>27587577
>split personality Celestia
>Anon is one of them
>>
>>27587694
He won't stop touching himself in public.
>>
>>27587658
Let's say he's Anon's father.
>>
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>>27587658
>>27587723
I'm on mobile, phone autocorrected Anon to Anton, didn't catch it.
>>
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>>
>>27587711
>naturally, Celestia made Luna the ruler of Equestria
>Luna now have to manage:
>day court
>night court
>Equestria
>purple smart
>diplomacy
>and dealing with endless stream of Anonlestia public embarrassments
>to top that off, she also have to deal with Discord, pleading him to at least limit his chaos shenanigans to Ponyville
>but every time he just doesn't seem to care
>so is Anonlestia
And this is how Luna started to drink.
>>
>>27587733
Needs sad anon in pic
>>
>>27587771
Anonlestia learning how to walk on horselegs.
Anonlestia swearing in front of a school full of children.
Anonlestia trying to talk Luna into making out during court.
Anonlestia not using the three seashells properly.
Anonlestia is actually two humans in a horse costume.
Discord and Anonlestia don't get along well, but respect eachothers' abilities.
Anonlestia writing pornographic and disturbing friendship lessons to Twilight.
I'd drink too.
>>
>>27587758
Gee anon, how come your mom lets you have two Celestias?
>>
>>27565968
>"Hey kid, wanna sing 'Shout?'"
"W-what?"
>"Weeeeeeeeeeeeelll—"
"You can't be serious."
>"You know you make me wanna Shout!"
"I don't believe it."
>"Kick my heels up and Shout!"
"How do you even know that song?"
>"Throw my hands up and Shout!"
"You don't have hands."
>"Throw my head back and Shout!"
"Ponies are starting to stare."
>"Come on now! Shout!"
"What are you even trying to do?"
>"I'm TRYING to get you to sing so we can bond."
"Bond how?"
>"Over this song, duh."
"I would like to ask again how you know it."
>"I listened to it on that thing you always walk around with in your ear."
"My Dad's walkman?"
>"I guess, I dunno."
"How? I always keep that with me."
>"I got it from your room while you were sleeping."
"You were in my room?!"
>"Yeah; which reminds me, can you start keeping your door unlocked? It feels like I'm doing something wrong when I climb in through the window."
"..."
>"Wait, why are you heading to Stars and Bars? Oh, are you going to go get some of those awesome glow in the dark star stickers?"
"No, I'm going to use my allowance, which I WAS going to spend on candy at Bon Bon's, to get some metal bars for my window."
>"But that's the opposite of what I wanted!"
>>
>>27589330
I preformed sexual acts unto her nether regions.
>>
>>27576563
>"THAT'S IT! Either you give me sensual snuggles willingly or I'll take them myself!"
"I need an adult!"
>"I am an adult."
"No. No you are not."
>"Yes I am."
"You have the sense of responsibility of a teenager and half the development. I need a real adult."
>"Fine, I'll get Pinkie."
"Think about that again and tell me she's not a child in an adults body."
>"Twilight."
"Closer, but given her repeated identity crises I'd consider her a late teenager."
>"Princess Celestia."
"Please. She is so ignorant in her ability to protect people I wonder if she always sends you guys due to laziness or forgetfulness. You may want to test her for Alzheimer."
>"Then who would you consider an adult?"
"Me in about 10 years."
>"But I can't wait that long!"
"Bye Rainbow. Be in bed by 9."
>>
>>27589588
rad
>>
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>>27585697
>>27585884
This makes me very sad. I'd actually like to see where this could go.

Reminds me of a similar story i came up with, where ponies were common and sold as pets/workers and such. Thought of the idea after lurking a Ponies in Earth thread a long while ago. I guess those PiE threads died off.
>>
>>27587658
Anton is Anon's retarded Italian cousin.
>>
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>>27587658
A very small Anon.
>>
>>27591825
What is this? An Anon for ants?
>>
Are we being raided? /mlp/ is never this fast.
>>
pls give me story related thing to draw.
>>
>>27592499
Anon, Y, and Mous on a Jeopardy set with stupid answers on their podiums while an ever growing frustrated Twilight contemplates suicide or murder.
>>
>>27590698
You could always give it a shot here.
>>
>>27592499
Rainbow Dash trying to get Anon to SS.
>>
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>>27563518
>>
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>>27554672
>>27585670

>Eugh, this place is a real shit hole, absolutely awful conditions for the ponies.
>Unfortunately, buying from such a shit-hole is about all your price-range will net you, though you'd be lucky to find something even here.
>But you might've finally snagged a deal.
>You've been looking over this purple horse for defects for the last 10 minutes and you were stumped.
>Friendly, literate, princess pony for 50 bits?
>Bullshit. You couldn't find a down-syndrome mud horse for less than 100 anywhere else.
>You would know, you've been looking around for a while now, trying to find yourself a companion for your depressing and lonely existence.
>There's gotta be something wrong with her, though the manager has been adamant to the contrary since you first started looking her over.
>"I thought the exact same thing you know? Had her listed for 600, thought she would be out of here in a day and I'd have some easy cash."
>The grizzled man sighs heavily.
>"But she's sat here for months, people just walk right on by her like she isn't even there, no matter how much I drop the price!"
>He shrugs.
>"I dunno, maybe there's something me and you ain't seeing. Thought I might've been crazy before you came along."
>Yeah right, he's just trying to pawn off some chinese knock-off or something onto you.
>>
>>27593910

She can read and write, right? Got all her shots too?
>A grin spreads across the mans face as he nods.
>"Yes and yes. Listen pal, I don't usually do this, but I really want to get her out of here, 40 bits and she's yours right here right now."
Thirty.
>Your terse makes him grimace, but he nods.
>"Whatever it takes."
>10 minutes later the paperwork is done and you're on the way home with your new, hopefully totally normal, purple princess pony.
So, uh, you don't talk much do you?
>The pony starts at the sudden question, sprawling herself across the backseat of your shitty sedan.
>"S-sorry! I guess I just got so used to being ignored in there that I was kind of... spaced out."
>Her tone and the dejected staring at the back of the passenger seat plucks at your heartstrings.
Well that shouldn't be a problem from now on, you're in the dependable handle of Anon Y. Mous from here on out purple pony.
Say, mind telling me your name? Or should I just call you pretty purple pony? Triple P for short?
>She smiles as she meets your eyes.
>"I'm Twilight Sparkle, it's nice to meet you Mr. Mous!"
>You flash her a grin before you turn to start your car.
Nice to meet you too, and please, all my friends call me Anon.
>As if you had friends.
>The engine of your car shudders for a tense moment, before finally turning over.
Let's go home, Twilight.
>>
Is there a limit on how many stories can be going at a time? I remember reading that before but it might have been a different thread.
>>
>>27593910
>>27593914
Unsure if I should try and continue, might be worth a shot? Bad/mediocre green is usually better than ded thread, to me at least.
>>
>>27593939
No limits.
>>27593944
Go for it. I was expecting a fart joke and was surprised their wasn't one.

Why so cheap?
>"No reason."
>*phhhhrrrrrrt*
>>
>>27593954
*there

I need to go to bed.
>>
>Be anon
>be out of shape
>walking up to your front steps and reaching for your keys you pant slightly from the weight of your bag on your shoulder
>laziness, a lack of time, and a lack of motivation all compounded into who you are today
>being brought up in a family of people who eat like shit didn’t exactly help either though
>whatever, not like it’s going to change any time soon anyway
>the keys exit your pocket and are aimed at the keyhole ready to unlock the entrance to your humble living quarters
>foooooooooPTOOOOOOGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
>a cacophonous sound erupts up from around you
>suddenly your feet lose purchase and you begin to plummet into a milky white galaxy of an abyss
“FFFUUUCCCCCCKK!”
>before the word leaves your mouth you’re hurtling downwards into an endless chasm of swirly white as wind whips and licks around you like a playful spirit
>vvvvVVVVVOOOOOOMPPP
>another sound and with it a rush of force
>it felt as if you were being struck by a large animal who’s territory you had entered without consent
>you’re sent flying and with a tremendous thud you land, hard, and are sent rolling until you collide with a hard object and the world snaps to black
>…
>”Yo you ok?”
>your neck feels stiff as you turn your head to locate the sound and as you do a sharp pain burns its way up the back of your head like a lightning bolt
“Son of a bitch…”
>you groan as you open your eyes
>you put one hand down to sit yourself up and survey yourself
>a twist of your head shows your neck to be a little stiff, you seemed to be lying at a weird angle which is probably the cause so you mustn’t have been out too long
>at least you won’t get brain damage
>maybe
>your head hurts but aside from that you seem fine
>>
>you look up to see where the voice had come from but only see a green field bordered by a dirt road that passed by a cottage leading into a forest beyond which you could see the sun setting
>behind you is a tree which you presumably head dived into
>”Up here train wreck”
>the voice once again along with the beating of air catches your ear
>your eyes drift farther upwards to see a shape moving against the sky but it’s hard to make out as your eyes are still blurred from the impact
>slowly you force them to focus as the object comes into view
>hovering a good 6 feet in the air is a light blue, sky colored pony with messy hair in streaks of various colors and hues, each one blending into the next seamlessly like a finely rendered painting
>behind the snout an eyebrow was raised above the maroon colored globes that peered down at you
>”what did you forget how to speak or something? Whatever, listen, my name’s Rainbow Dash. Do you need help or what cause you look like you just took a bat to the dome”
>ok, maybe there’s a little bit of brain damage
>you wince as you prop yourself against the tree behind you
“My name’s… my name’s anon. I think I hit my head pretty hard or something”
>as you say the words you reach down and pinch yourself slightly
>oww
>stop being a little bitch it’s just a pinch
>not like it’s any worse than your head right now anyway
>you know where you are
>you know who is hovering in front of you
>but you ask anyway
“Where am I?”
>she looks at you quizzically for a moment
>”Where do you think bub, we’re just outside of ponyville. Geeze you really did hit your head hard huh? By the way, what uhh, are you?”
>she punctuates the last sentence by tilting her head and peering closer to try and discern your anatomy
>>
>where to start, no way could this get complicated
“I uhhh, im what you call a human”
>you decide to keep it as simple as possible
“I honestly don’t really know how I got here…”
>the flying pony lands and trots over to you while looking you up and down
>she doesn’t seem to know what to make of you, and with good reason
>as she does you give your head another twist which prompts a sharp intake of breath through gritted teeth
>she looks upon you with a sympathetic visage before turning to look at the fading sun
>”Look guy, the sun isn’t gonna be up much longer and I don’t really feel like freezing my flank off soooo.”
>at those words you swivel your head around trying to find your bearings
>the thought of staying out at night isn’t a pleasant one
>seeing this dash sighs and rolls her eyes
>”Don’t you have somewhere to stay for the night?”
>you shake your head despite the discomfort
>”Any money? Can’t you go and get a room at the hotel in town?”
“I’ve never been here before and I don’t know where anything is. You really think I decided to come smash my head against a tree for fun or something?”
>she snorts a little and chuckles at you
>”I don’t know, you don’t seem too smart to me.”
“Oh really wise ass? Maybe I’ll just show you how it feels if you want to keep laughing.”
>this prompts even more laughter from dash
>”Alright, calm down buddy it’s just a joke. You really don’t have anywhere to stay though huh?”
>you look at her and laugh a little grimly at your own situation
“I guess not, what the hell am I supposed to do?”
>she looks around thinking and turns back to the now almost completely set sun before sighing and whipping back to face you
>”Alright well I’m not staying out here any longer and I can’t really just leave your butt out here to freeze so come on”
>>
>with that she turns in the air and starts flapping off down the road before noticing you’re still exactly where she left you
>”Oh come on dude let’s go. It’s getting cold.”
>you look at her confused
“Where are we going?”
>she rolls her eyes again
>”My house you twit. Now come on.”
>with that she turns back down the road and carries onward
>as quickly as you can you scramble to your feet and chase after dash
>she hadn’t gotten very far but the burst of energy that it took you catch up left you breathing rather heavily
“Hey…h… hold up”
>you pant as you finally reach her
>she turns around and grins
>”What? Too fast for ya?”
>the grin stings your pride a little as you settle into a quiet walking pace.
>minutes pass in relative silence apart from your heavy breathing and footfalls accompanied by the flutter of wings next to you
>the arches of your feet begin to ache when a small one story house comes into view on the edge of a town.
>dash flies over the gate at the front and lands on the doorstep before reaching behind a potted plant and retrieving a key
>turning over her shoulder she sees you still standing at the gate, unsure of what to do
>”Dude what are you a vampire or something? Come on slow poke.”
>she swings open her door and heads inside as you push open the gate and follow suit
>once inside, to your left you see a living room adorned with a sofa and an arm chair facing a tv on the wall and farther past the living room an open kitchen that can be seen from the living room and front door
>to the right is a wall and a hallway that presumably leads to a bedroom
>walking into the living room you look around
>>
>the floor has some clothes strewn about and there are some plates left on an end table next to the couch but otherwise it seems free of clutter or dust
>as you survey the area dash calls out to you from the kitchen
>”Hey! You hungry? I’ve got some salad that my friend fluttershy made for me the other day. It’s pretty darn good.”
“Yes please. That actually sounds pretty good. You don’t have any, like, meat or anything though do you?”
>dash looks over at you with another cocked eyebrow
>”Ahh, so you’re one of those kinds that eats meat too then. Sorry but no dice, there’s a couple places in town that serve some fish and chicken and stuff for visitors like gryphons but I can’t say I eat that stuff myself.”
>figures
“Ok that’s fine. Just thought I’d ask.”
>soon enough she comes flapping towards you with a plate in each hoof
>how she’s able to hold the plates, nobody knows
>better just not ask
>”Here you go”
>she hands you a plate of greens and sits down on the couch to eat her own
>you join her and sit in the armchair that’s angled towards both the tv and the couch and begin to eat
>”So why don’t you go ahead and tell me how you ended up with your head in a tree” she says haughty as ever
>you pause from your food for a moment and think of what to say
>eventually you decide to come clean and tell it as it is, aside from the whole tv show centered around her and her friends thing
>she listens in between chews of her food with questioning eyes
>once you finish your tale as well as your food she chuckles again
>”Well that’s one hell of a story anon. I might have to take you to see my friend twilight and see what she can make of all this. I guess for now you can crash here though. Not like I have any roommates to bug so it’ll be fine. Just don’t trash anything ok?”
>you nod back to her and thank her for the dinner
“Dash?”
>>
>>27593944
Please continue
>>
>”Hmm?”
“Why did you help me?”
>”Everyone needs a little help every now and again. And besides, I was worried you wouldn’t even make it into town if I left you alone after I heard how hard you were breathing after catching up with me.”
>she chuckles again and your pride deflates just a little bit more than last time.
>she puts the plates in the dishes and disappears into the hallway while telling you to wait in the living room
>she re-emerges with a couple blankets and a pillow and tosses them to you
>”Go ahead and get set up on the couch. You can come in and shower after that then we can hit the hay.”
>you do as you’re told and construct a makeshift bed from her sofa and blankets before following her into her room
>she leads you into the bathroom and lets you use her facilities before she herself showers and you both end up back in the living room
>”So uh, if you need anything you know where I’ll be”
“Thank you for everything Dash. Goodnight”
>”Goodnight.”
>with that she trots off and you lay down on the couch to reflect on what had happened over the course of the past few hours
>it doesn’t last long, however, as the trip to her house along with the stress of the events leading up to this have drained you of your energy and soon sleep finds your eyes and your mind fades into the black abyss

That's all for tonight. If anyone gives a shit about it in the morning I'll write more. It will be an RD fic obviously and it will be focused around anon's weight issues and how he attempts to overcome them. Clop intended to be a natural progression of the story after some time. In what form that may take, I guess we'll find out, or not it's up to you guys
>>
>>27593944
As the anon who first asked about the OP pic, i would enjoy to see you continue. But don't feel pressured if you don't want to.
>>
>>27593944
Continue but put quotation marks around the rest of the speech.
>>
>>27594467
"the rest of the speech."
>>
>>27595121
That's a good start.
>>
>>27594280
Keep going you massive faggot. We need as much green as we can get that isn't garbage, and you're not writing like a retarded gorilla so you're fine.
>>
>>27595461
>Day ook ook in Equestria.
>You are Anonymous the manape.
>Well, not really. The little horse things that run this place put you in a zoo next to the gorillas.
>You've tried showing them that you're intelligent, but nothing works.
>Plus they get mad when you build fires in your enclosure.
>At least the food is alright, and that one caretaker tries to get you to lick the peanut butter off of her. So at least there is that.
>>
>>27595461
This
>>
crosspostan
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>At the library.
>Book lizard is giving you shit about not having a library card.
"Fuck you Spike, I can read what I like."
>You punt the dragon out of the room and go back to your book.
>Harry Baggins just poisoned his brother Jeffrey at his wedding.
>Shit is cash.
>Oh hang on there's someone next to you.
>The purple pony who sleeps in the loft is there.
>She has a ponicemare with her
>"Sir, put the book down"
"FUCK THE POLICE!"
>You use one hand to pull out your dick while still reading your book.
>You charge dick-first to glory.
>While you are busy buggering the ponicemare she arrests you for parking your car illegally in front of a fire hydrant.
>Clever girl.
>>
>>27594247
>light blue, sky colored pony
In the past few years of my dabbling in this fandom, you are the first mother fucker I've seen actually describe RD's color correctly. Thank you.
>>
>>27596426
I think you'll find that it's more of a light blue, Rainbow Dash colored sky.
>>
>>27596426
Its technically very light cerulean (#9FE7FF)
>>
>>27596426
>>27596436
>>27596446
Colorblind Anon in Equestria when?
>>
>>27596482
When people learn the difference between sky blue and cyan, and not a minute before.
>>
>>27596523
If I turn the lights off they are the same.
>>
>>27596731
That's beside the point. Also, maybe a little lewd.
>>
>>27596731
Not really, Granny Smith is still like sticking your dick in a jar of old mayonnaise on a hot July day.
>>
>>27596986
I am legitimately disgusted. Bravo.
>>
>>27595461
Fair enough anon, i'll be back to it later tonight
>>
>>27597017
Thank you. I take pride in my work.
>>
>>27596986
Read this whie eating my sammich. Taste better now.
>>
>>27590698
Dedicated PiE threads come around about once a month. About two weeks on and two weeks off. We migrate here in the meantime. So go ahead and post here and then repost in PiE when it comes around. We were just discussing when the next thread should drop.
>>
>>27593939
12
>>
>>27596986

>You awaken in a darkened room the only light comes the thin rays of sunshine peeking through the drawn curtains.
>The rope wrapped around your ankles and wrists pull your limbs toward the corners of the bed you’re lying on.
>Your clothing removed and draped over a chair on the other side of the room.
>Nothing to do but wait
>It is not long before you hear the clopping of hooves in the hallway.
>As you look over the door opens and the figure of a pony walks in.
>Her light green coat, silver mane pulled up and tied into a bun and an image of an apple pie emblazoned on her flank.
>It’s Granny Smith
>As she walks over to the bed, a grin never leaving her lips, she looks into our eyes.
>”Well now ain’t you just a sight.”
>Rising to place her fore hooves on the bed she reaches to begin stroking your leg
>”Ah just love havin a big strong stallion all trussed up like this, makes me all tingly.”
>Her grin broadens to a smile, accentuating the already deep lines on her face.
>Reaching back behind her head she pulls out a clip allowing her silver mane to cascade down her neck.
>Placing the clip upon the bedside table you hear a slight plop as she removes her dentures and places them down as well.
>She looks back to you with lust filled eyes.
>”Now then sonny, how about we have us some fun.”
>You lay there watching as she drags herself onto the bed.
>She places a hoof on your chest and glides it down to your stomach stopping just before reaching your groin.
>Lowering her head she plants a light kiss on your cheek, then your neck and then moves down to your chest.
>Opening her mouth she begins tracing a circle around your nipple with her tongue.
>>
>>27599389

>Working her way down your chest and abdomen, alternating between licks and kissing, she once again stops.
>Stepping over you she straddles your chest facing your feet.
>Her tail is still drawn into that little bun shape she keeps it in.
>Giving you an unobstructed view of her slightly sagging flank and wrinkled marehood and anus.
>You can see moisture on her lips as they lower in front of you
>You can smell her.
>The scent of fresh baked warm apple pie.
>You feel her breath on your member just before she gives the head a quick flick with her tongue.
>This was maddening.
>She knew just what she was doing.
>Running her broad tongue along the underside of your throbbing cock ever so slowly.
>Pulling the head just inside her mouth and holding it with her gums just below the crown.
>Moving her tongue around it in slow deliberate circles.
>Pushing forward she takes you fully into her mouth.
>Right down to the base.
>Not even a hint of a gag reflex meets you as hit the back of her throat.
>A testament to her years of practice with her experienced lips.
>She pulls back only to dive forward once more.
>It repeats at a slow and steady pace.
>All the while you are just lying there.
>Staring up into her hind end.
>The slight swaying of her hips as she works your cock.
>Watching as her marehood winks at you.
>Beads of her fluids forming on her lips.
>Falling to your chest.
>>
>>27599399

>Her lips make a little pop as she releases your cock.
>With a kiss to your tip she stands and turns around.
>”Mmm nice and hard just the way ah like it.”
>Once again she is straddling you.
>She is looking into your pleading eye as she lowers herself to you.
>Rubbing her marehood along your shaft
>Wetting it with her juices.
>Her gaze never leaves your face.
>Even as she reaches back with her hoof and takes hold of your throbbing member.
>You still have no idea how the fuck they do that.
>” Ah hope yer ready because ah know I am.”
>Placing your tip at her entrance she lowers herself once more.
>You feel yourself enter the warm wetness of the elderly mare above you.
>There is no resistance only the gentle grip of the walls of her sex.
>Whether this is due to her advanced age or the size of her late husband you are not sure.
>The photos of her and her former husband show him to have been a massive stallion.
>It is easy to see where Big Mac gets his size.
>The thought of that large stallion tied to a bed and at the mercy of his tiny wife is amusing.
>At least it would be if you were not so distracted by that same mare now riding you.
>You feel her thighs griping your waist as she sits her weight upon you.
>Her eyes closed as she enjoys the sensation of being filled.
>”Ain’t nothing like the feel of a warm hard male inside ya.”
>She is rocking her hips now.
>A slow rhythm in her movements
>Her silver mane sways with every thrust.
>>
>>27599403

>You begin moving your hips to meet hers.
>She looks down to you and grins her toothless grin.
>”See now yer gettin’ into it.”
>Leaning down she kisses your cheek.
>Her movements begin to speed up.
>The grip of her marehood tightens a bit.
>You can tell she is getting close.
>With all the teasing and foreplay you are nearing your own.
>She really starts bouncing on your hips.
>The bed is shaking and the headboard begins tapping the wall from her motion.
>Thrusting your hips to meet hers you feel yourself at the edge.
>Though she is the first to climax.
>Her loose marehood grips you a tight as it can as her body stiffens.
>It is all it takes to push you over.
>Slamming your hips to the elderly green mare you hilt yourself into her.
>You release into her depths, filling her.
>As her orgasm subsides she falls onto your chest.
>With a contented sigh she looks up into your eyes once more.
>Reaching up with a hoof she pulls the gag free.
>Leaning in, her lips meeting yours, her tongue invades your mouth.
>Breaking the kiss she pulls back and smiles down at you.
>”Same time next week sonny?”
“You know it sweetie pie.”
>Untying your wrists and ankles she moves back up to you.
>She lays her head down on your chest and the two of you drift off to sleep.
>>
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>>27599414
>Big Mac walks in
"Granny, are you aslee- Huh? Anon? What are you guys do-"
>*sound of gears turning*
>*ding!*
"NOOOPE!!!"
>door slams shut
>loud nope'ing can be heard through the entire house
>in a flash of red, and a little bit of green, Big Mac bursts from the front door, running into the sunset screaming:
"NOPE!"
>such is live in no door locks Equestria
sorry, I couldn't resist
>>
>>27599414
I remember
>>
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>>27587771
>>27588787
Part I: Good morning Luna! 1/2

>Thou art Luna, Princess of Equestria
>And thou desire to return back to the Moon

>you are exhausted, tired beyond measure
>but you must endure, for the fate of Equestria depends on you
>Yakistan delegation is at the table, once again with their territorial disputes
>you wade your way through lies and twistsed truth, striking time and again, parrying and disarming your opponents, leaving the yaks speechless and angry
>they will come again, this war is far from victory
>but for this day, the battle has been won

>delegation is escorted away
>as they leave the room, a sigh of relief escapes your lips
>you compose yourself as yet another batch of diplomats and politicians marches in, demanding your undivided attention
>minotaurs have extended an olive branch - a chance to prevent the upcoming war
>you open your mouth to greet them as you hear it...
>a wicked cackling down the hall, whose source will present itself shortly

>in a flurry of white, Celestia slams through the doors
>wielding a huge hammer
"Surprize!" - she yells, castle walls echoing her loud appearance
>startled, you try to reason with what's left of your beloved sibling
>in return she laughs like a maniac, swinging her huge hammer, babbling obscenities at nopony in particular
>as if to punctuate her tirade of bad manners, your sister lowers the huge tool on unsuspecting diplomats
>leaving a small coin with the face of the victim where it once have stood
>>
>>27600086
Part I: Good morning Luna! 2/2

>finished playing whack-a-mole in high politics and giggling like a little filly, Celestia looks at you
"Gee, Loonie, what's the matter? You look like someone just died. HAHAHAHAHA!"
>this time the giant appliance looms over you
>a moment later the hammer falls and the world goes black

> . . .

>your eyes fly open
>the heart is threating to burst from your chest
>for a whole minute you lie motionless, drenched in cold sweat, listening to your own heartbeat and ragged respiration
>finally, you blink
>taking a deep breath, you close your eyes and turn to glance at the clock
>it's about time to lower the Moon
>closing eyes again, you wince, drawing another deep breath, and get out of the bed
>the waking world awaits

God help me, now I have to finish it...
>>
>>27600100
Yes, yes you do. And there is no God here. Only FartAnon.
>>
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>>27590698
Pretty much what the subjugation thread is about.
>>
Link me to Nebulous's pastebin pls
>>
>>27602163
Doesn't mean we can't post stuff like that here.
>>
>>27602285
Of course not, just pointing it out.
>>
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>>27602293
Indeed.
>>
test
>>
>>27602594
This is not a test.
>>
>Be Anon.
>Ponies try to rape you every day.
>But they do not succeed.
>Because you can't rape the willing.
>And boy are you willing.
>So much so that no one tries to rape you anymore.
>Except Rainbow Dash, but you feel bad for her so you pretend to struggle a bit when she "catches" you.
>>
>>27602626
Seems reasonable.
>>
>>27602605
Oh shi
>>
>>27603461
Whatever it takes to survive and adapt.
>>
>>27604618
Sometimes you just gotta open up your asshole for a couple of maredicks if it puts a roof over your head.
>>
>>27605030

Roof? Nigga I'd do that for some KFC and a ride to the post office.
>>
Continued from http://pastebin.com/fAz0cZ0F

>The guards came for you in the morning, sounds really sinister when you think about it that way.
>They only came to show you the way to Luna's 'Teaching room' which was not nearly as kinky as your imagination would have liked.
>You could swear the 'Teaching room' used to be dining room. In one corner was a pair of desks, complete with blackboard and a pile of books.
>Your chair looked like an unpainted copy of the princesses throne. Not surprising really, chairs your size are something of a rarity.
>Built down the length of the room is a target range, rather hastily assembled by the looks of it.
>And then there was Luna herself, in a huge blue robe decorated with a pattern similar to her butt mark.
>She insisted it was appropriate attire for a teacher, even though it was about 12 sizes to big for her, the thing was blanket.
>"When thou art finished mocking our robe we shall begin. Unless you would prefer detention?"
>Detention? You're already detained, you're a bloody prisoner.
>But yeah you're done mocking
>"Good, then we shall proceed."
>"There are three stages of progression to true wizard status."
>"The first is magic by incantation. This involves spoken words, ritual objects and so on."
>"The second is horn magic, spells are cast through movements of the horn and body."
>"The final stage, the supreme proponents of magic, are wizards of pure thought, who need no words or gestures but by their will alone pierce the heavens."
>What follows is an hour long lecture on the basics of magic.
>>
>>27605328
>Not to disparage a princess but it was a bit boring. You already knew this stuff.
>What with the whole locking yourself in your house with a pile of books and doing your best Twilight impression.
>"Now Anon as thou can see we have prepared a target range. We wish you to demonstrate what you know."
>"Well, I only know a telekinesis spell and it doesn't really work well......"
>"We are aware of this, the Element of Laughter told us a great deal. Now demonstrate it."
>Moving over to the range you find a bucket of small rocks and a large archery target at the other end.
>"You may want to take cover."
>Luna just huffs and stands next to you.
>Concentrating on the rocks, you lift three into the air and hurl them downrange before the inevitable happens.
>Which does, just before they reach the target showering it in high velocity basalt shards.
>Luna has a look of intense concentration on her face.
>"Again."
>15 minutes later, the bucket is empty, you're tired, the far end of the range has been pulverized and Luna is studying it like you've hidden the secrets of the universe in the rubble.
>"That will be all for today Anon, thou may join us for dinner this evening if thou wish."
>"Will Celestia be ok with that."
>"Do not worry Anon, our sister is nothing if not relentlessly optimistic."
>>
Continued from http://pastebin.com/gig14V1d

>You are Femanon and you're on your way to breakfast after a weird night.
>Weird because you had some particularly vivid dreams.
>For one you remember the dream incredibly clearly which isn't normal.
>And two, you er, made a mess of the bedsheets because of it.
>Luna busted into your room and like some horse dominatrix, tied you to a chair, gagged you and then spent the entire night cliteasing you with some kind of alien stripper dance.
>Pushing open the door, you find Celestia, Luna and breakfast waiting for you.
>"Good Morning Femanon, did you sleep well?"
>"We are sure she did dear sister."
>Luna looks unbearably smug when she says this.
>Can a horse look smug?
>It doesn't matter, breakfast appears to consist of fruits and some kind of cereal looking stuff.
>The lack of bacon and eggs is disturbing.
>But food is food and while you eat Celestia continues her explanation of the world.
>Wait what?
>"Hold up, could you repeat that last part."
>"I control the movements of the sun and Luna the moon."
>"Luna also sometimes observes the dreams of my little ponies, to offer advice and-"
>The rest of her words fade into the background as you pokerface so hard your jaw begins to hurt.
>Smug horse being smug suddenly makes sense.
>You maintain eye contact with Celestia but you can practically feel Luna's grin burning into the side of your face.
>Eventually breakfast ends and the princesses depart to do princess things.
>The guard who shows you back to your room is just as twitchy as he was yesterday.
>You'd think he'd be a bit more comfortable around you by now.
>Maybe he's not the same one, they guards do seem to making an effort to look as similar as possible.
>None of the other pony aliens you've seen had shared same colour scheme.
>Dyed fur is probably part of the uniform.
>>
>>27605342
>You are Swift Spear and oh stallion was Golden Helm right.
>It's right there at eye level, for all of Equestria to see.
>Its just like a mares but it could hold unknowable secrets.
>Tentacles could lie within that wrap around your stallionhood and prevent you escaping until this monstrous beast has had her way with you.
>And those spidery claws, she could rub your belly while you do it.
>You're not sure which fantasy is more lewd.
>Oh tartarus, think unsexy thoughts. Discord naked on a cold day, Discord naked on a cold day.
>>
You guys remember that one story?
Something about a future with anon were they reversed engineered his stuff then all of a sudden it was a techno future.
Then the mane 6 became all recluse with each other.

Something about spaghetti in the mix too.
>>
>>27605142
You have superior chicken taste, my friend.
How can Anon survive without ever tasting the 11 secret herbs and spices ever again?

>Be Anon innaQuestria
>Be depressed as fuck
"Le sigh."
>"What's got you all mopey and French, Anon?" asked Pinkie
"I will never again taste the absolute glory and perfection nor experience the morning-after bowel evacuation that is Kentucky Fried Chicken."
>"Wowie zowie. It must be delicious if it's got you down in the dumps like this. Can you remember what it tastes like?"
"Oh yeaaah..." you moan. "The hot, juicy chicken and that perfect blend of spices that just makes you wanna-"
>Suddenly Pinkie's tongue forcefully finds its way into your mouth.
>Try to pull away but she's holding your head tight.
>Eventually she lets you go and you fall back on your ass.
"Pinkie, what the fuck!"
>"Mmmm, that does taste good!" she cooed. "Be right back!"
>She zooms away.
>About three hours later, you had long left Sugarcube Corner and were sitting innaTreebrary.
>Pinkie shows up once again.
>"Hey Nonny! I got a present for you!"
"What is it Pink- *sniff sniff* No fucking way."
>Pinkie slaps a bucket of chicken on the table
>You are speechless as you slowly reach out and grab a thigh before taking a slow bite.
>It tastes EXACTLY like genuine KFC
>The golden, extra crispy gloriousness is too much for one man to handle and you break down into tears
"This is the greatest thing I have ever tasted."
>Pinkie hugs you and pats your back
>"Just let it all out, Nonny," she encourages. "And then stuff your belly full of Auntie Pinkie's fried chicken."
>Before you totally lose yourself and gorge on the food, a thought comes to mind and stops you
>Holy shit, Pinkie can literally tongue-fuck flavor out of your mind
>You set your thigh down and turn to Pinkie.
"Yo Pinks. Think you can whip up some of their mashed potatoes too?"
>Pinkies eye go half lidded and she sloppily licks her lips
>"Of course I can," she said in a sultry voice
"Tits."
>>
>>27605331
>a wizard anon story that isn't garbage
Oh boy oh boy. I've always wanted one of these!

>>27605342
>femanon
Meh. Not my cup of tea. But I can forgive it because it the wizard one.
>>
>>27605980
Slaw too.
>>
>>27606767
>be Anon the spoiled bastard
>Pinkie's been making you all sorts of awesome Earth food
>except one
>you slam your fists on the table
"I WANT MY SLAW!"
>"YOU HAVE YUR SLAW, ANON!" yells Pinkie
"I WANT MY SLAW!"
>"YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, ANON!"
"I WANT MY SLAW!"
>"YOU HAVE YOUR SLAW, ANON!"
>look down
>why yes, yes you did
"Shibby~"
>>
>>27594280
So i tried to upload more of this story last night but i kept getting a bad gateway error, cant say i know what that means exactly but i'll try again tonight, posting this from my phone so i'm not exactly sure if the issue is resolved yet or not
>>
>>27606988
>"You see, I was a man once like you, and I wrote for autists on a taiwanese stamp collecting forum, just like you."
>'But I don't wr-'
>"DON'TLOOKATME!"
>>
>>27601711

You're wrong, of course. Nobody cares whether most of us live, die, or grow mushrooms on our asses. People are assholes.
>>
>>27607075
>>>/r9k/
>>
>>27607060
>I wanted to be a princess too, you know. But then one day everything went horribly wrong!
>*boom*
>The point is, all of your dreams are doomed to become hideous implosions.
>>
>>27606988
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPKpPFjPGAs
>>
So is the whole old vanguard dead now?
What of;
>Pale
>Wuten
>Brainhorn
>Bastinator
>shin
>Sherman
>Sorc
>Chron
>>
>>27607882
Brainhorn's alive and well. He just posts directly to FimFiction now. He lurks but doesn't post.
>>
>>27607908
That's the same as being dead.
>>
>>27607882
>Not mentioned.
I was worried about my record for a sec with them spoilers.
Also, howdy again
>>
>>27607935
Well he asked. I just told him what's goin' on with Uncle B.
>>
>>27607942
Shit dude, the list could be endless. I think I've still got the original picture of all the old writers drawn on one piece of paper.
>>
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>>27607954
>>
>>27607998
You're my fucking nigga.
>>
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>>27607998
>>
>>27608013
>AnonAligheri, Now that shit is old school.
>>
>>27608013
>PonyGone
>FEELING THE LOVE
>>
>>27607882
You can't kill me, only I can kill me.
>>
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>>27607998
>mfw still have BettySpaghetti's pastebin bookmarked
>>
>>27608040
Classic >shinposting

>>27608037
Damn, nice to see some old face around here. Other than Jffry of course.
>>
>>27608023
Had an older, smaller one saved while talkins to g-g-ghost while hr drew it but a harddrive died. At least was able to recover a little.
>>
>>27608047
Started a new story three days ago, senpai. This curse hasn't beaten me yet.
>>
>>27608160
I aint no senpai, If I remember correctly almost everyone wrote better than I. I'm just glad that I decided to lurk as long as I did.
Had some real feels with some stories.
>>
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>>27608304
>>
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>>27608047
>Other than Jffry of course.
Well that's rude.
>>
>>27605954

http://pastebin.com/u/bettyspaghetti
>>
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>>27608040

Even after they are long dead and some deleted their pastes I still have them
>>
>>27608885
I still update, friendo.
>>
>>27608023
I'm still mad that I missed his meltdown. I was on vacation and wasn't near a computer.
>>
>Be Anon.
>Ponies don't know about Netflicks and chill.
>You know because Twilight is watching the documentary about some nature bullshit and gets mad if you try to start anything.
>That and she brought Spike along.
>Something tells you you're going to have to get the whiteboard out again to explain this to her.
>You never have this problem with Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie.
>>
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when the fuck will all the autistic flavor of the month anon in equestria offshoots fucking come home jesus christ, we could have 1 active thread rather than 10 dead shit cancer nigger nigger nigger nigger fuck
>>
>>27609510
It would require Scruffy to move them forcefully and would cause more issues than it would solve.
>>
>>27607908
I dont know where you got your info but brainhorn doesnt write at all and he doesn't lurk either
>>
>>27609573
He doesn't even use Steam anymore. Is he okay? Do we need to mount a rescue, or at the very least send flowers?
>>
>>27609510
Because then the board will be bare the day after an episode drops.
>>
>>27609592
>>27609573
If we're lucky he has rolled into a ditch and died.
>>
crosspostan
>>27610056
>>27609843
>Hugbox
>Anon and his house arrive near ponyville
>Anon discovers cute talking pony friends
>Ponies have no idea what Anon is
>Anon sometimes brings a pony home to cuddle like a teddy bear
>Traumatized ponies are left on the edge of town after Anon wakes up
>All they remember is being brutally snuggled in a dark room, repressing any further details
>The town is in a panic about this "Hug-Box", obviously the work of some evil madmare
>Elements of protagonism investigate
>Detective noir all up in this shit
>Sepia, long coats, self-narration, the works
>The cuddling keeps happening, clues slowly get found
>The cuddler is suspected to have a hideout at the edge of town
>Kindly Mister Anon who lives nearby the search area lends a hoof or whatever those wigglers are called
>He's kept in the dark about the specifics since it's not something you talk about in front of a stallion
>They just warn him of potential danger and tell him to remember to keep his house locked up.
>One of the investigators strays too far from the group late in the evening during a search
>They are discovered the next morning as another victim.
>The cuddler is obviously taunting them!
>Will our brave detectives stop this monster?
>>
>>27610020
Oh be nice. It's not like you were never young and autistic on the internet.
>>
>>27594280
>rays of sun stream in through the partially open blinds in the living room
>you roll over and think about going back to sleep but the sounds of someone singing out the onomatopoeia of a song rouses your brain
>you bolt upright and look about yourself
>you’re still inside of dash’s apartment
>I guess it wasn’t some crazy dream after all…
> where’s that sound coming from?
>”bwa bwa bwa bwadududoooooo”
>you look over to the kitchen to notice Dash rocking out to some song that must be in her head
>she’s getting her whole body into it as she prepares breakfast unaware of your watchful gaze
>she’s even shaking her butt a little bit
>huh, cute
“Morning Dash”
>she jolts upright a little bit before relaxing and turning to face you
>”Sup sleepy head; you were out like a light so I started to make some grub. You hungry?”
“Yeah I could go for some breakfast; what are you making?”
>”Hay cakes, not the tastiest but they’ll do for now.”
>she brings over another plate and hands(hoofs?) it to you
>on your plate is something that looks similar to a corn cake but with more vegetation intertwined in the cake itself
>you take a bite and are put off by the grassy flavor that assails your mouth
>Dash must have seen your reaction because she snickers a little
>”Not used to this kind of stuff?”
“Can’t say I’m used to eating grass…”
>”Well shovel it down champ. You’ll need the energy; we’re goin into town today to see twilight about whatever the hell might have happened to you.”
>you look down at your plate again and force another bite down
>dry, earthy, disgusting
>you keep eating, however, at the behest of RD
>>
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>>27610214
>>
>>27610267
>in between bites you pipe up a question
“So what was that song I saw you getting lost in a few minutes ago?”
>Dash pauses and looks down at her own plate momentarily
>”Oh uh, saw that did you?”
“Oh come on, it isn’t that embarrassing. It’s not like you say me with my head planted in a tree the other day or anything.”
>this prompts another small laugh from the pegasus
>”Can’t deny that, it was just a rock song from a band I like. I get pretty into music when I’m working out and I guess that kind of carries over sometimes…”
>fuckin cute
“Can’t say I don’t enjoy some good rock myself there Dash. Got a speaker?”
>”A speaker? For what? You actually want to hear it?”
>Dash shifts a little in her seat uncomfortably
“Well sure, why not?”
>”I mean, most of my friends aren’t really into my music… I don’t see why you would be.”
>you flash a little smirk
“Try me.”
>”Alright…”
>dash mutters under her breath as she sets your now empty plates in the sink
>on the island counter separating the living room and kitchen she goes over to a speaker and plugs in a small rectangular device before hitting a button and turning up the volume to a comfortable level
>the song starts to play as she returns to her seat and sits on the edge rocking back and forth a little
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Too7nGq_GNA
>as the music starts you can see dash moving a little from side to side and mumbling under her breath along with the song
>you sit and watch her as much as you’re listing to the song itself
>her hair keeps jostling in front of her face as she slowly dips her head to and fro
>she seems to want to get into the song but she’s also aware of your watchful eyes
>you figure it’s rude to stare so you look off and focus on the music but every now and again your eyes drift back onto Dash
>>
>>27610272
>as the song goes on she gets more and more into it and starts tapping out the beat along with the track on the player
>soon her head is fully bobbing forward and back to the music and you can see her full on mouthing the lyrics as well
>it’s a cute sight to see as the little pony gets caught up in the music and lets her body move on its own to a tune that she had probably heard hundreds of times
>after a couple minutes the song comes to and end and the next song begins to play at which point she comes to her senses
>looking up and around she blushes deeply before getting up and quickly flying over to turn off the player
>”I… I’m sorry… I don’t usually do that around most ponies…”
>she seems to be trying to hide behind the record player like she’s ashamed of liking her music
“I like it”
>you see dashes ears which were previously flat against her head poke up over the speaker
>”Wait, what?”
“You heard me, I like it. I’ve always kinda liked rock music back home and that song was pretty good. Why are you so nervous about it anyway?”
>she removes herself from behind the speaker and comes back to sit by you on the couch
>”Well, it’s just that most of my friends aren’t into that kind of stuff and living in ponyville hasn’t exactly gotten me a whole lot of friends with similar taste if you know what I mean. All the ponies here are too mellow to like the kind of stuff I like so I usually just kind of keep it to myself”
>she looks a little scared at the idea of sharing her musical taste with anybody and points her eyes towards the ground while gripping the seat under her
“Well hey, I don’t mind it, play some more.”
>>
>>27610278
>she looks up at you suspiciously
>”You sure? You don’t have to pity me just for the sake of making me feel better.”
>her gaze hardens and her eyes narrow as she finishes her sentence expecting that to be exactly the case
“Nah come on, let’s hear it.”
>at that dash lightens a little bit and a smile spreads across her face
>she jumps up and heads back to the speaker turning it on and returning to her previous seat
>”Ok so this is one of their best albums and I love how the guitar in it mixes with the beat of the drums and…”
>she continues on at an excitedly hurried pace as she explains to you in depth why she loves the music she does so much
>once the end of the album rolls around you two are both getting into the music and rocking out like no one is watching
>all the while dash has been singing in her own off key way that’s almost more like saying the lyrics passionately than it is singing but as you watch her you can’t help but love seeing it as she gets so into the songs
>finishing off the last song she looks at you and you at her
>you both burst into a fit of laughter
>”Oh that was so totally awesome! No one here likes my music but you just get it don’t you? You’re a pretty cool guy Anon.”
“Hey speak for yourself Rainbow. You’ve got some pretty good taste in music. I’d love to hear some more.”
>Dash checks the clock and gets lost in thought for a second seemingly conflicted
>”So would I but it’s getting on towards noon as it is. We should probably drop by Twilight’s to see if she’s there.”
>you check the clock and see that she’s right and agree to head into town
>heading out the door you both begin walking towards the center of ponyville where your destination lay
>on the way you both discuss different types of music you’re into
>>
>>27610288
>rock, a little metal, alternative to a degree, different single songs from other genres also pop up even though neither of you know what the other is referring to past what you tell each other
>as you walk the sun beats down on you from above and your breath comes a little more shallow with every step until you’re finding it hard to walk and talk at the same time
>Dash seems to take notice of this
>”You alright there bud? You don’t look to hot.”
>she’s right, sweat has begun to drip from your brow and your pace has slowed considerably from when you first set out down the path
>by this point ponyville is fairly close however and you brush it off telling her you’re fine
>”Alright… so tell me about yourself anon. What kind of stuff do you like to do?”
>you list off the different types of things you like to do back home
>videogames, movies, books, tv, all favored past time
>a few of your hobbies ring true with dash as well, namely videogames and books
>you swap stories back and forth about all the things you like to do and slowly little bits and pieces of each other’s personalities trickle out
>at this point you’ve passed the threshold into ponyville and are making your way towards what you assume is where Twilight’s house is
>on the way a few ponies stare but not many, it would seem that exotic creatures aren’t very uncommon in equestria
>a few glances are curious but not much past that strikes most of the ponies in town
>Dash is quiet for a moment before speaking up again
>”So Anon, don’t have, like, sports where you’re from? Don’t you like getting out and doing things sometimes; it seems like most of the stuff you like are indoors-y type things
>now is your turn to remain silent
>You’ve always been self-conscious of your body and you’ve never felt confident enough in yourself to play any sports on a team outside of small pick-up games with a couple friends from when you were a kid
>>
>>27610297
>you explain all of this as well as the situation with your family and your weight to Dash
>she looks at you slightly worried and then a grin appears on her smug face
>”Dude, we could totally screw around and play some sports or something. I promise I’ll go easy on ya.”
>you look down at her hesitantly
“Maybe Dash, I don’t know, besides Twilight might be able to send me home anyway right?”
>the thought honestly scared you a little bit
>you had only been in equestria for around a day and you were already loving it here
>Being wrapped up in your own head you fail to notice that as you say that dash’s smile fades slightly before she perks up again
>”Yeah but if she isn’t able to today we could totally hang out right? Maybe listen to some more music or something.”
“Yeah that would be cool. I don’t want to be a total freeloader though…”
>”Ah don’t worry about it, I get plenty of bits as a cloud manager and I live in a tiny house so it’s not like I can’t afford it.”
>that was something that had been bugging you actually
“Hey what gives anyway? I see all these clouds shaped like houses and stuff. Don’t pegasi live there or something? Why do you have a house on the ground?”
>Dash snorts out a laugh
>”Anon those are just like rest areas we have for when we’re working. It gets way too cold up there at night for it to be any kind of comfortable. Besides, how would our furniture even stay up there? It’s a cloud; it would just fall right through.”
>good point
“Good point.”
>>
>>27610304
>by this time you’ve reached the library and dash knocks on the door
>after a moment a clacking sound approaches the door and it swings inward
>standing there was Spike the dragon looking up at the both of you
>”Sup Dash, who’s this?”
>spike asks eyeing you up and down
>”That’s anon, he’s chill, is Twi around?”
>you wave as Dash introduces you
>spike shrugs and steps aside
>”Yeah she’s in the lab”
> walking in you are surrounded by books and are led by Spike off to a side door and down some steps into a room filled with beakers and burners as well as machines all around that could have any number of uses
>sitting pouring over a book was a purple pony deep in thought
>”Hey Twilight, Dash is here with some guy named Anon.”
>this catches the unicorn’s attention as she twists around to see all of you
>”Oh, hi Rainbow, and you said this was Anon?”
>you wave once again at the mention of your name
“Hello.”
>”Nice to meet you Mr. Anon. My name is Twilight Sparkle.
>I know
>”So what brings you here with your friend Dash?”
>at this point both you and Dash start recalling all that had happened up until this point whilst Twilight listened astutely
>at the end of it all Twi was deep in thought over what she had heard and seemed to be puzzling something out in her head
>”So you’re from another reality you say?”
“As far as I know yeah”
>”Hmm… that might be kind of tricky to figure out. I don’t think I’ll be able to get any research done on it soon but I can definitely look into it. In the meantime do you have somewhere to stay? I’ll probably only be able to work on it on the weekends for now since I have other projects going.”
>>
>>27610312
“Uh, well I mean not rea-“
>”He can stay with me for now.”
>you turn to see Dash who has piped up rather suddenly
“You sure?”
>”Of course knucklehead. Besides we both know you wouldn’t make it on your own out here in ponyville Mr. ‘im from another world’”
>you cock an eyebrow
“Alright blue butt. If you think I’m so cool and you just have to have me as a roommate then I guess I can oblige for now.”
>you put in an aloof tone on the last bit of that sentence to poke fun at her even more
>Dash responds by sticking her tongue out and scrunching her eyes before you both end up laughing at one another
>Twilight looks a little surprised but rolls with it after seeing you both end up laughing
>”Well you two seem to get along pretty well already. I guess that settles it then. Why don’t you drop by every weekend Anon and we’ll see if we can’t get this sorted out.”
“Sounds good to me.”
>”Cool, it’s settled then, let’s head out Anon.”
>Dash once again pipes up
>you both are guided to the front door by spike who speaks before you head out into ponyville
>”Hey, if Anon’s going to be here for a while maybe you should head over to Rarity’s to get him some more stuff to wear. I’m sure she’d be able to whip something up for him with how talented she is.”
>you both look at each other and agree that it’s probably a good idea to get you something other than the simple shirt and jeans you’ve been wearing for two days now
>as the door closes you both head down the path towards where Rarity’s boutique rests close to the center of town
>>
>>27610320
>>27610312
>>27610304
>>27610297
>>27610288
>>27610278
>>27610272
>>27610267

Okay, that's what i got for tonight. sorry about the weird post length on some of these; I'm not really good at determining how much can fit reasonably.
>>
>>27610330
Eating the grass should make Anon sick. Never eat the grass especially if it is prepared by Rainbow Dash.

She pees on it.
That's her fetish.
>>
>Be Anon the vampire.
>A mage sent you to this land of sunshine and rainbow farts.
>You told the Prince it was a bad idea to deal with them. He probably set you up on purpose the silly French douche.
>It sucks here.
>It sucks hard.
>Pony blood is tasty though, so at least there's that.
>You live in the basement of the green pony and her not girlfriend.
>They fuck like rabbits.
>They let you drink their blood.
>You miss television and internet.
>There is no night life here, but no werewolves or other vampires.
>Maybe it's not all bad.
>>
>>27610270
>combat petting
kek every time
>>
>>27609573
I talk to him daily on Skype and that's what he says.
>>
>>27611544
Let him know that I miss him and I hope he's doing okay.
>>
>>27611556
I'll call a homo just for you too
>>
>>27611900
Thanks, I miss the way his course ass hair would rub against my dick.
>>
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>>
>Be Anon.
>Got a new horse from the PonyMart.
>It's kind of dumb.
>All it talks about is: my apples, my brother, my granny, my sister, muh job.
>You try to brake her it, but she just moaned and called you daddy when you whipped her.
>The two of you can't even look each other in the eye anymore.
>You should take her back.
>Maybe after she wakes up from her side of the bed.
>Maybe not.
>>
>>27612496
No.
>>
>>27607998

>still remember the day I made it on that

Memories. Oh well. Time to go back to being dead and mostly forgotten. Who am I?

I'll never tell.
>>
>>27614033
Well if you made it, wouldn't that make you Ghostkid?
>>
>>27614566

No, no, I didn't make it. I made it -onto- it, as a writer. That's what I meant.
>>
>>27614641
Okay Beholderblood.
Or Jazzteeth
Or FartAnon
Or Whoever.
>>
>>27615099
>there was an attempt
>>
>>27614566
I wonder what 2spooky is up to
>>
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>>27616801
sleep tite poner
>>
>>27612653
>changling num:66859934 "that changlings a spy!'
>anon shoots him in the face with a revolver.
>>'what was that?'
'Uh nothing my queen'
>>'hmmmm'
>>
>>27617743
They tolerate having Anon among them. Mostly to avoid getting new holes, but he also does good work collecting love for some unknown reason.
>>
>>27617662

You will never snuggle a pony loaf
>>
>>27618887
You can always just fuck a piece of bread instead.
>>
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Can you recommend me some fanfics with Anon that's incredibly awkward around females?

I would like some spaghetti.
>>
>>27619473
Not off the top of my head, but that does sound like a good premise.
>>
>>27579092
>http://pastebin.com/9G2Xx8Ar
Nice
>>
>>27619473
Fuck you, I come here to read about my emerald savior slaying horsepussy like an alpha, not a dose of reality.
>>
>>27619857
Too bad
>>
>>27619857
True, but it can be very cathartic to read about a hopeless loser who is so awkward even ponies fond him hard to be around.
>>
>>27619857
But that's the point, Anon - when the main character is autistic, then it's easier to relate to him.

>>27619473
Writefags, make it happen.
>>
>>27620067

>you are Twilight Sparkle
>and you're in the library
>you bury your nose in your book, but you're not reading it
>oh no
>you're checking out that apelien across from you
>so silent
>so mysterious
>and he likes books too!
>he flicks his eyes from his book to yours, then back to his book
>he's so engrossed in his copy of "Equestrian Castle Design"
>ooooh, you could sit here and watch him all day!

>be anon
>why is this pony staring at you
>you just wanted to read your book but she had to sit across from you
>you quickly flick your eyes towards the purple horse sitting across from you, then quickly flick them back towards your book
>is she checking you out?
>you try to silently inhale through your nostrils
>oh god do you smell?
>you probably smell so bad right now
>why is she still staring at you
>do you have something on your face?
>is it a zit?
>oh god is she staring at a giant zit on your forehead that you didn't know about and think you're really gross and jesus christ
>WHY IS SHE STILL STARING
>don't move, you try to move and you might move the chair so it squeaks and it sounds like you farted but you didn't really
>just focus on the words in front of you
>just breathe
>oh god are you breathing too loud
>you were probably breathing so loudly
>you try to make your breathing quieter
>SHE'S STILL STARING
>LITTLE HORSE LEAVE ME ALONE
>>
>>27620273

>Be Twilight Sparkle
>the aplien doesn't seem to be breathing anymore
>oh wow, he must be so interested in that book, he forgot basic body functions
>just like you!
>now you have to make conversation
>you lean your book down and clear your throat
"So-"

>be anon
>OH GOD SHE'S GOING TO TALK TO YOU
>SHE'S GOING TO TELL YOU HOW BAD YOU SMELL OR YOU WERE BREATHING TOO LOUD OR YOU FOLDED ONE OF THE PAGES WRONG
>EJECT EJECT EJECT EJECT EJECT
>OPERATION NOPETHEFUCKOUT

>be Twilight again
>as soon as you opened your mouth, the aplien closed his book, got up, and left the library without a word
>he must have been late for a study session or something with that amount of urgency
>he didn't even say hello to you
>how mysterious!
>you have to learn more about this colt
>one day he will tell you his secrets
>>
>>27620290
lel, that was a good kek, thanks m8
post more
>>
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>>27618887
>>
>>27622601
Needs more skub
>>
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>>27607075
Mr.Rogers does
>>
hellishly good crosspost
>>27622719
>Anon accidentally becomes pony satan by demonstrating that he is capable of greater evil.
>He put postal tubes onto the legs of a townspony so they'd walk funny
>Lucipon resigned in disgust
>"Nope, I'm out. I can't compete with that."
>Pony hell (Which is a real place where you WILL be sent if you rebel) becomes a much worse place under Anon
>Even though he's trying to be nice to the little ponies
>"He gave Songjumper chocolate milk? That sick fiend, she's lactose intolerant!"
>"WHAT?! Tuesday's dinner is baked potatoes, BLT, or spaghetti with a garlic sauce?"
>"All these new books he's gotten for the library are too scary! What if that hungry caterpillar tries to eat me?"
>Anon continues to try to show these ponies kindness in hopes of rehabilitating them
>Outside help is called in by his demonpone underlings
>Can the magic of friendship save the day from Anon's friendly nature?
>>
>You are Anon and you've planning to celebrate 4th of July, otherwise known as Murrica Day
>Unfortunately your attempt to get hold of fireworks went badly.
>Marshmallow ponies strictly control them, because you know BOOM.
>And Twilight wouldn't let you get a license because she hates Murrica.
>Also you're Anon and 'Celestia only knows what would happen if you got hold of fireworks Anon.'
>So you're wandering canterlot looking for shady merchants.
>It's not going well, ponies aren't shady.
>Wait, what the hell is this? An indian restaurant? Ponies have an india?
>Oh yeah, Saddle Arabians.
>"Huh, I bet this place sells illegal fireworks. Just go in and act casual like you're not a 6 foot green biped"
>Stepping inside you're greeted by a fat pony who smells vaguely of curry and goats.
>"Hi, um let me get one of those curry taco things and the little flat breads, some poppadoms, someillegalfireworks and the special."
>The fat pony glances around nervously as the last few customers walk out the door.
>"I am sorry sir but the sale of fireworks is prohibited in canterlot and is punishable by a- Follow meee..."
>Ackmed Saddlopolis, as you've dubbed him inside your mind, leads you to a back room.
>"Any red-blooded flag waving Equestrian would love the E-320. Celebrate the friendship in our nation by blowing up a small part of it."
>"Alright"
>>
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>>27622945
Nice reference
>>
>>27622911
Das nice mane
>>
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>>27623527
>>
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>>27622927
>>
>>27622945
Murrica
>>
has anyone from the old captain anonymous thread noticed the I'm still alive message in somewritefag's pastebin?
>>
>>27624972
DESIGNATED.
>>
>>27625630
That was two months ago, and he still hasn't said anything beyond that.
I'm still waiting.
>>
>>27624972
Good Lord they poop a lot. Maybe if they didn't poop so much they wouldn't be so little.
>>
Would someone be so kind as to direct me towards some decent, preferably finished fics about the Diamond dogs and their lands/culture?
>>
>>27625965
By which you mean thicc dog booby and thighs, right?
>>
>>27626229
Ur still ded.
Get back to it
>>
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>>27623847
>>
4chin fucking around again?
>>
>>27626283
no u
>>
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>>27628726
>>
i have a question for you AiE, take your favorite story/green text, and insert yourself in it but everything already ended, the anon in the story got there before you and everything played out word by word as was written, how would the characters react?, how would you react? what would happen? p.9 bump
>>
>>27629790
stuff and thingss
>>
>>27629790
Id be frozen in time because
http://pastebin.com/WMC8N5ue
Was never complete
>>
>>27629790
i'd be dead before it even began
>>
>>27610320
>Before long the rather lavishly decorated boutique comes into view and you follow Dash through the door
>the chime of a bell on the way in announces your presence and a gorgeous white coated pony descends the stairs to attend to you
>”Ah hello Dash, dear, and who might this interesting fellow be?”
>she says as she eyes you up and down curiously
>”Hey Rare, this big guy’s Anon.”
>ouch
>even if she didn’t mean it like that it still stung a little
>you can’t help but feel as though comments such as that are always pointed towards your weight
>”He’s new in town and he’s a little less comfortable without clothing than most ponies and we we’re wondering if you could give him a hand.”
>Dash motions towards you with her head as she speaks
“Ah charming, my name is Rarity and I am the premier fashionista in ponyville. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
>her voice rings out in sing song tones as she extends a hoof up towards you which you shake
>it’s a slightly humorous sight as the glistening white pony only comes up to around your naval in height and she is forced to reach her hoof almost up past her head to shake your hand
“Hello, I was hoping you might be able to help me out with making some clothing. Where I’m from it’s more of a social norm to wear clothing all the time considering most of don’t really have a coat to cover ourselves with. I’d feel a bit less naked, literally and figuratively, if I had a few outfits to wear.”
>you explain to the mare standing before you
>Rarity looks you over for another moment as she thinks on the preposition
>”Well I am always happy to help but I can’t exactly say I have much practice designing for… uh…?”
>>
>>27630125
”Humans?”
>”Right, humans, but I don’t think it would be all too different from ponies and I do love a good challenge. So I say why not, we’ll have to take measurements of course, will you be comfortable with that dear?”
“I don’t see why not.”
>”Alright, then why don’t we head upstairs and begin, shall we?”
>She smiles and turns to lead you farther into the shop
>you look at Dash who motions for you to follow as Rarity ascends the stairs
>once at the top you head down a hallway and through a door to what appears to be a fitting room
>rarity levitates over a small pedestal for you to stand on while she takes your measurements
>everything went smoothly until she gets to your inseam and you tense up slightly
>Dash, who had been watching the entire time, let’s out a snigger as you blush brightly but soon the moment has passed
>”There, all done, you can step down now dear.”
>you do as you’re told and regain most of your composure
>”Now, if you don’t mind I’ll be taking a couple pictures of your current attire for reference. While I do that why don’t you describe to me what you’re looking for in an outfit.”
>you try your best to describe what kind of fit you’re used to and you give some detail on what kind of clothing you’d like
>a fairly simple shirt and pants combo, nothing extravagant or anything as well as a few pairs of shorts for the hotter days some extra socks as well
>when you feel she has the gist of what you’re imagining coupled with the pictures she’s taken you feel fairly confident in what the end product will look like
>”I think we’re all set, as for payment I doubt there will be too much cost materials wise and I’ll cut the labor price down as well as it’s for a friend. That’ll bring it to around 15 bits for everything.”
“About that… I don’t exactly have any money…”
>>
>>27630133
>”Oh my, I didn’t realize that was the situation. Well how about for now I put you on a tab and we’ll see how things go from there.”
“Thank you, I’m sorry about the inconvenience, I’ll try to repay you as soon as I can.”
>”Not to worry dear, it shan’t be an issue. It may take me a small while to finish the order however seeing as how it’s a little bit of uncharted waters for me. How long are you planning on staying in ponyville?”
“Well at the moment it doesn’t look like I’ll be leaving any time soon so probably for a while.”
>”Splendid, it’s always nice to have a new face in town.”
>she smiles warmly at you and you return it in kind
>you thank her before you and Dash turn to head for the stairs but Rarity calls out stopping you
>”Oh Dashie, you’ll still be joining the rest of the girls and I for brunch on Saturday won’t you? Perhaps your new friend here could join us as well?”
>Dash looks up at you and smiles
>“You know it, sound good to you Anon? You can meet the rest of my friends while we’re there too.”
>you shrug
“Sure, should be fun right?”
>Dash puts a hoof into your thigh
>”Of course it’ll be fun, I’ll be there you dork.”
>you let out a chuckle and thank Rarity once again before following Dash out of the shop
>once outside you can see the sun is lower in the sky than it had been and time is dragging on towards evening
“Anything else we have to do today?”
>”Not that I can think of, let’s head back to my place.”
>side by side you walk out of town and down the path leading towards Dash’s house
>and once again you find yourself short of breath by the time you reach the front door
>you both traverse the front door and you immediately head for the couch while Dash heads into the kitchen and grabs a couple glasses and some water for the both of you
>thanking her as she passes you your glass you take a deep drink of the cool refreshment
>>
>>27630137
Forgot to namefag for the last couple

“So I’m a little out of my wits here. What day is it exactly?”
>Dash cocks an eyebrow as she drinks before pulling the glass from her lips
>”It’s Friday dude.”
“Shouldn’t you have been at work today or something?”
>”Nah weather team has rotating shifts. I’m off from Thursday to Saturday this week.”
“Huh, cool.”
>”Yup, got a good amount of time to do whatever I like.”
“And what does that usually consist of?”
>”Well most days I get up and go for a run in the morning, I usually get up pretty early to go but I didn’t really feel like leaving you alone in the house, no offense.”
“Yeah I get it, can’t always leave random strangers you picked up off the street alone in your house.”
>you both laugh a little at the idea of it
>”Man when you put it that way it does sound weird. I don’t know though, you seem like a pretty cool dude Anon.”
>you smile at the compliment
“Right back at ya Dash.”
>”You know you could always come with me in the morning; I could use a good workout partner you know.”
>you get slightly anxious at the thought, you know there’d be no way you could keep up with her on foot let alone if she intends to fly
“I don’t know, you’d probably leave me in the dust anyway; you might just want to go by yourself. I’ll even get out of the house for a while if that’s what you’re worried about.”
>”Nah man there’s a track not too far from here that a lot of ponies do laps on but it’s pretty barren in the mornings and I usually stay on hoof anyway, can’t go wearing out my wings before work.”
>she seems pretty insistent on you joining her and it’s not looking like there’ll be an easy way out of this
>>
>>27630141
>you think for a moment, you have a decent pair of comfy shoes that’ll support your feet and Dash has a washing machine for your clothes so that wouldn’t be too much of a problem
>the workout itself is a different story though…
>seeing your apprehension RD speaks up
>”You can go at your own pace; everyone has to start somewhere so I won’t judge. Come on, it won’t be that bad
>reluctantly you agree to go with her in the morning but you tell her not to expect much out of you
>”It’ll be good for ya, besides, it’s not like you have anything better to do.”
>she’s got you there…
>changing gears she hits you with another question before you have a chance to change your mind
>”So what are you gonna do about your tab with Rarity?”
“I’d been thinking about that on the way back here actually. I don’t really know how long I’m gonna be here and I know you said you’d cover for me but I think getting some kind of gig for the time being would be a good idea. I really hate the idea of being a freeloader; especially after all you’ve done for me already.”
>Dash shakes her head and laughs a little
>”Look dude I said it’s fine, it’s nice just having some company for once.”
“I know but still, I feel bad about it.”
>”Well if you’re really that stubborn about it maybe one of the girls can help set you up with something. I can bring it up to them tomorrow at lunch.”
>looks like you’ll be even more in her debt before the week is up if she can actually land you a job somewhere
“That’d be great if it works out.”
>”Eh I’m sure it will, for now just don’t worry about it so much.”
“If you say so rainbutt.”
>Dash squints her eyes at you again as you chuckle to yourself
“So what do you want to do now?”
>you ask to get yourself out of some seemingly hot water
“How about some more music?”
>>
>>27630148
>this brings lights to Dash’s eyes as she nods and zips to the player and back again as music starts to play
>as the music plays you both begin to talk and ask questions about one another
>you talk for hours even though it feels like only minutes pass and soon it’s time for dinner
>once again it’s a simple salad, nothing too crazy but not quite bad either
>if you got a job you’d have to look into that place that sells meat that she mentioned though…
>laughs are had over stories that you pass between each other and you recall different key points in your lives as you both try to give the other sense of what your life was like before you’d met
>you assumed a lot about Dash’s past based on your knowledge of the show and it seemed mostly accurate but with far less detail and with a much less kid friendly spin to some of the tales
>you refrain from mentioning that you know some about her life however as you assume it would only complicate things
>soon both plates are cleared and you place them in the dishwasher
>as the she bends down to place her plate in you can’t help but stare at her toned backside
>the muscles of her glutes seem rounded and tight from consistent exercise and you can’t help but be reminded that it’s been a number of days since you’ve been able to do anything
>Dash’s head turns back around just as you avert your eyes from her posterior
>her eyes linger on you for a moment in suspicion but she seems to quickly let the thought go
>you both head to the bathroom and Dash gets out a spare tooth brush she had in a drawer for you to use
>you take turns using the restroom and shower before returning to the couch for a small bit more of conversation, you now only in your boxers after the shower
>before long however you’re both yawning and Rainbow rises to retire to her bedroom
>>
>>27630149
>you both say a goodnight and once again you rest your eyes and allow the swallowing embrace of sleep overtake you
>in your sleep you dream of a bright moon overhead as you stroll through forest pathway
>everywhere you go the light of the moon seems to follow even if it does not make sense such as through thick tree canopies
>you feel as though you’re not alone but not entirely joined by someone else
>the sound of a muffled voice suddenly booms through the air as the world shakes around you
>you open your eyes to see Dash standing next to the couch with a hoof on your shoulder nudging you
>”Rise and shine sleepyhead. Let’s go hit the track before all the other ponies get there.
>you groan simply at the thought

That's the last bit for now. Tell me what you guys think of it so far. Questions, comments, concerns, constructive criticisms. Hit me with all of it
>>
>>27630155
Some sentences run on WAY too long. Its difficult to read.
Now, im no professional, but i heard that you are supposed to write variedly. If the action runs on for too long the reader will have to make an effort to concentrate, therefore lose interest.
You need to mix up actions, descriptions and conversation-pieces.

Like here:
>”You can go at your own pace; everyone has to start somewhere so I won’t judge.
>She nudges you with her side, eyes looking up at you pleadingly.
> Come on, it won’t be that bad

On second tought, what i added may be too long aswell, but you get the idea.

Oh also continue fag
>>
too hot to go outside
gib request
>>
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>>27631095

Anon in hippoquestria
>>
>>27631126
>Be Anon in hippoquestria
>It's just like equestria except it's not
>All the ponies are actually not ponies, they are hiphip-
>Hiphaphophop-
>Hip hop artists
>Let's go with that
>Snoopy Pie welcomed you to town with some sick beats and mad jives
>Twiggy cent wanted to study you but you warded her off by playing some jazz at her with your phone
>She cried herself to death at the soulful tones and now the other hip hop artists are keeping a wide berth
>That means they've backed the fuck off, for you non-nautical types
>Snoopy Pie still tries to get you to drop sick rhymes each morning
>Nothing you've tried has stopped her for more than a day
>At the moment she's on your porch dressed in gold-painted chains
>"Fo shizzle i'll get dat humie ass, yo."
"Snoopy Pie, please go."
>"Nizzle tizzle that shizzle, nigger"
>She looks at you with a face like she expects that to help her case
>There's no way you're going to be able to dislodge her with all those chains weighing her down
>Fucking Snoopy Pie.
>>
>>27631095
Anon doesn't like Rainbow Dash very much. So the entire town keeps trying to get them to hook up.
>>
>>27625640
>>27625917
I have no idea why that image gets deleted constantly. And yes, they do poop a lot. Must be something in their diet.
>>
>>27630471
Thanks for the input anon. I've written a decent amount before and I usually end up stalling if I concentrate on sentence structure and grammar too much. I like being able to just go and pour out whatever i'm thinking when i'm writing a fic but i'll keep it in mind next time I get around to it. One thing I've been worried about is how the characters feel, does RD seem like Dash in her dialogue? Is it all believeable? Because I know one thing that'll rip me out of a fic is if the characters are acting like someone totally different.
>>
>>27632148
Same anon here, i havent noticed anything OOC.
At least nothing so jarring that i had to stop reading.
>>
>>27630155
Capitalize your sentences. It kills my green boner when writefags don't do this.

Please continue.
>>
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>>
>You are Anon and it's Sunday.
>Well, you call it sunday, fucks knows what ponies call it.
>Briefly you wonder why you never took the time to find out.
>Taking another sip of coffee, you continue observing your front lawn.
>There's a bunch of cow people outside, chanting and singing.
>Every sunday this happens, 10am.
>And it's not just cows.
>The dogs show up at dawn, then the cows.
>The deer come at lunch, then the desert ponies.
>Gryphons show up in the evening.
>And it ends with a bunch of changelings at 11am once all the ponies have gone to bed.
>You didn't know what was going on, getting followed around town by priests and shit once a week.
>But then Twilight and her friends up and solved that mystery like an episode of Scooby Doo
>Except it wasn't Old Man Wilikers, it was you. You bear a passing resemblance to some ancient gods.
>You don't go out on sundays anymore.
>The familiar FWOMP of a teleport spell echoes through your house
>"Enjoying your worshipers Anon" says a voice behind you.
>"Discord. You know it's polite to knock. And enter through the door too."
>Honestly he's as bad as Twilight when it comes to barging into peoples homes.
>"I thought you would welcome my company at a time like this. After all, I'm practically a god myself."
>You swear the coffee in your cup is being affected by the gravitational pull of Discord's ego.
>"So is this a social call then?"
>"Actually Anon it is in a way. It's also about this god business."
>Discord floats closer to you and puts a paw on your shoulder.
>"Anon. Did I ever tell you about my father...."
>*SPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFTT* coffee sprays everywhere
>Awww hell no.

http://pastebin.com/9G2Xx8Ar
>>
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>>27633518
>>
>>27633518
T h a t i s g o o d s t u f f
>>
>>27632718
Gotcha, good thing we havnt had much boner fuel so far anyway. I don't tend to think of green as an actual sentence so I don't usually capitalize but I will for your boner
>>
>>27633446
>The worried look from Twolgot
>>
>>27635630
You'd be worried too if your friend was doing a better job of drawing than you were while using her butt.
>>
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>>27635670
I see Derpy bumped into the antenna again.
>>
>>27635670
Just leave the tape on top of a Redbox machine
>>
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>9 days old
RIP
>>
>>27636490
Bye
and you stay dead this time.
>>
>>27636577
>Trying to shoo away ANY potential writer in this drought.
You are the one who needs to die friendo.
>>
>>27636619
Welcome newfriend.
>>
>>27636650
>Implying
>>
>>27636880
If you haven't even been here long enough to hear of the shinstorm then yes, you are a newfriend.
>>
>>27636994
The thing that happened literally YEARS ago? Nigga pls.
>>
>>27636994
>>27637002
Shitstorm?
>>
>>27637004
shinsprinkle at best
go to bed Shinobo
>>
>>27637043
I don't get it
>>
>>27635659
Buttpainting is a time honored earth pony technique. Few can truly call themselves master.

Now imagine those butt muscles working the shaft instead of a paintbrush.
>>
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>>
>Be Anon.
>Sitting on your front porch drinking coffee and petting Purple Smart.
>She seems embarrassed as the other tiny horses point and laugh at her.
>You just scratch her behind the ears as she makes little horsey noises and gives zero fucks.
>This is a good way to spend the morning.
>Much better than learning how to speak horse.
>Your accent is terrible anyway.
>>
>>27633446
Aj drawin with her ass
>>
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>>27633518
>"anin back in France me and the other lil girls used to pick pretty daisies. The boys from the village would call my name.*discord ooooh discord,why dont you show us dat fine pussie?*
>>
>>27638210
Discord is popular in France.
>>
>>27638662
I see
>>
>>27638200
Correct
>>
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>>27607075
Or you can take that as a challenge to do anything you want, so long as you don't infringe on other's rights to be assholes.
>>
crosspostan weird butt stuff
>>27639481
>Be Anon in Equestria
>Pinkie Pie summoned you using a bathtub full of noodles
>The ponies have decided that this means you are a demon
>They were wary at first, but warmed up to your presence quickly after you made a deal with the local librarian
>She makes sure you have food and shelter, and you be friends with the ponies and not pilfer souls
>This turned out to be a mistake on your part
>"Being friends" apparently involves them sticking things into your butt
>Ponies just come and shove things up your backside on a whim.
>They seem to believe this to be an essential component of friendship
>This morning you woke up to find a pair of the townsponies in the middle of stuffing tray-full after tray-full of baked goods into your rectum
>At least when they saw you woke up they brought you a mug of coffee before they shoved more things in
>>
>>27637646
Could get a better seat
>>
>>27640059
Ponies and butt stuff go together like old people and track suits.
>>
>You are Anon and you're at a book signing.
>Somewhere you never thought you'd be. Cause lets be honest, what kind of idiot stands in line for a signature that doesn't involve a contract and lots of dosh.
>But you're not an idiot, you're celebrated author Anonymous Incognito!
>Well sort of, ponies and gryphons celebrate your books.
>But you know full well that the best selling series, Nona! Warrior Prince!
>Is just a rip from Xena with a bit of character switching.
>No guilt about it though. As the only human you have copyright on the entirety of human achievement.
>But it's not all fun and games.
>True you're no longer a charity case, Twilight was very supportive.
>And you got to do the horizontal mambo with A. K. Yearling. Never found out why she dresses like an old lady.
>She's the same age as Applejack. Demon in the sack too.
>But there are downsides to literary fame.
>The strong male lead in your book sees you regularly accused by stallions of being a Spike.
>As Dash helpfully explained they are not calling you a tiny dragon.
>>
>>27641505
>They're calling you a dyke, sort of. A spike is a big marely stallion who, well, the name refers to how they spike other stallions in the butt with their penis.
>This promptly made you see Bulk Biceps in a new light, and partly explained his friendship with Dash and Fluttershy.
>Then there's the fans, you had believed being an obsessive fanmare was a Rainbow Dash thing.
>Should've known better. No wonder Daring Do uses a disguise.
>Still no explanation for choosing an old lady disguise though.
>Which brings you to possibly the biggest downside.
>See it turns out the Daring Do adventures are real and happened.
>Well, mostly anway, artistic license and all that. It's a big secret too.
>Daring told you after you bucked but guess who else was in on it.
>Yep, your six best pony friends.
>And you guessed it, they believe you are Nona, Warrior Prince. And your stories happened, just like Daring Do.
>Now you have a pair of royal guards following you everywhere lest, as Twilight put it, 'You run off to fight a one stallion war against changelings again'
>You've never seen a changeling in your life.
>"You know you guys can go away for a while, I'm going to be here for the next 3 hours."
>"No Sir! We were ordered to protect you at all times, Sir!"
>Stupid pony jarheads
>Maybe you should try the Minotaur disguise like Daring said.
>>
>>27641516
Huh
>>
>>27608885
link all of them you won't
>>
>>27642444
Shhh, don't break my streak
>>
what it do
>>
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>>27644346
MORE
MOONIE
WHEN
>>
>>27644577
When 8th stops trying to fit a saddle on huntsman and ride them around the neighborhood.
>>
Since I lost track of where it was being posted, and AiE is somewhat appropriate for it, does anyone know where the story about Twilight summoning Anon (her dad) to Equestria and things going from there?
>>
>>27645033
>>27624413
i think it was amphetanon or something like that
>>
>>27645033
Why would Anon be her dad? Isn't there another male pony at her house who had that job?
>>
>>27645466
The story was that Twilight Sparkle was born from a night of Twilight Velvet going to a massage parlor and ending up doing the horizontal tango with a human, who was summoned in by a cult. Long story short, Sparkie found out when she was older that her dad isn't her 'real dad' and starts looking for Anon. Hijinks ensue.
>>
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>>27644776
So never.
>>
>Be Anon.
>Pinkie is hiding under your bed and won't come out.
>You warned her about reading creepypasta.
>You told her it would be too much for her.
>But did she listen? No, of course not.
>Which is why you are trying to sleep while a pink pony is whimpering under your bed.
>She won't get into bed with you because you keep "bad touching" her.
>If she wants you to stop then she should put on clothes.
>Stupid ponies.
>>
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>>27646862
>those aphrodisiacs

>Hear air horn
>cum buckets
>>
>>27646862
that's not full version
post full version
>>
>>27647010
Didn't realize there was one. Educate me senpai.
>>
>>27619473
bump
>>
>>27647070
I don't have it.

I remember that some time later anon enters twi's library and see her wearing slap bracelets, air horns and shit
>>
>>27647292
Messing with Twilight's head would be the best part of going to Equestria.
>>
Crosspostan
>>27647765
>Thus rises King Anon, ruler of Equestria.
>With his trusty steedwife, he roams the nation righting wrongs, beating up evil, and making up laws.
>Luna is in over her depth, powerless to stop Anon's enthusiasm.
>"Anonymous, thour laws art too numerous for ourth subjectums."
"No time for those sonnets of yours, my King-Sense is tingling!"
>Anon leaps from the back of his queen and kicks in a random door
>Inside is a pony on the toilet
"EVILDOER, YOUR FOUL WAYS END HERE!"
>Anon holds his kingly sword out at the pooping pony
>"What?"
"THIS SICK FILTH STOPS NOW. STOP DEFILING THIS GOOD NATION WITH YOUR WASTE AND TURN YOURSELF IN."
>"B-but I have irritable bowel syndrome, I have to poop."
>STAB
"BOWELS? NOT IN MY KINGDOM!"
>Anon cuts the intestines out of the pony.
"YOU'RE SAFE FROM THOSE FOUL ORGANS NOW, CITIZEN!"
>Luna just stands there watching in horror at her bloodsoaked husband and the freshly disemboweled pony.
>Anon wipes off his sword and jumps onto Luna's back.
"HEIGH HO LUNA, AND AWAY!"
>The siren of an ambulance can be heard as Anon rides off to his next adventure.
>>
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>>27644776
>>27644577
>>27646145
It's been like 6 months since I posted Moonie, but I'm getting there.
>>
Alright, didn't take long to finish at all.

>"Hey, Anon. How are you?"
>The little dragons calls from his balancing act upon a large stack of books, chairs, and other assorted items that are teetering back and forth.
>It seems Spike has dared to make that tower just to hang up a welcoming banner despite that it looks like the lightest breeze could bring the whole pile down and him with it.
>Before you think to reply you scoop up the lizard and place him on the ground before placing the banner yourself.
"There's how many unicorns or pegasi around, why'd you have to go try and do it yourself?"
>"It's part of the dragon code of honour."
"Dragons don't ask for help when they can't do something?"
>"No, dragons complete any and all tasks they were given, no matter the hardship."
>He proudly puffs up his chest in a triumphant pose.
>You want to explain to him how stupid he is but you recall getting a massive migraine last time you attempted something that.
>Instead, you swiftly changed subjects.
"So, when do the princesses arrive?"
>"Around noon, I think."
>You nod and stand there, unsure of what to say next.
>You've never really had the chance to get to know Spike before.
> And part of you wants to but the other part of you has noticed Pinkie alongside Twilight and thinks that'd be a much better way to pass time.
"Alright, I'll catch you later Spike.”
>"Oh? Uh, yeah. Later Anon!"
>He gives a small and disheartened wave as you leave.
>It's been a little while since you've seen Pinkie what with your new job and all.
>>
>>27648918
"PINKIE," you excitedly bellow.
>She spins around and stands on her hind legs while sternly squinting at you.
>Her fore hooves hover around her waist, reminding you of more than a few old cowboy westerns.
>"You've got a lot of nerve showin' yer mug round these parts. Anon," sounding more southern than the entire Apple family combined.
>Her voice is coarse and hardy, again reminding you of westerns.
>But the thing is, her tone also has you on edge because you can't really think of a time where Pinkie even jokingly tried to be serious around you.
>She's always giggly and bubbly when you're around. Or when anyone is around as far as you're aware of.
"What did I do?" you chuckled, nervously looking around for some kind of clue or out.
>"No more talk. On three, ya hear?"
"On three what?"
>"Two."
>She knuckles down slightly, readying herself for whatever she's about to send your way.
>You’ve never seen Pinkie mad before, in fact you’ve kind of thought her incapable of it but now that you see her so tense, you’ve begun to experience a new kind of dread.
"One."
>The counting doesn’t help the nerves either. She drops down and you recognise the stance she’s making.
>"Pink," is all you can muster before she charges into you like a cannon ball, knocking the wind and your senses right out of you.
>Your entire torso lets out a scream as the fuzzy little ball hits harder than one could imagine while sending the two of you fly for a solid few metres, rolling and tumbling together as Pinkie's grip tightens around you.
>Once you come to a stop, Pinkie leaps up and lets out a cheer.
>"WEEEEEE! That was so much fun, want to go again?"
>She hunches down like an excited puppy, her eyes brightly shine as her tail wags.
>There's a temporary lapse in your judgement as you consider the idea but your common sense returns before it’s too late.
"Another time. Perhaps with more of a warning."
>>
>>27648927
>"Oh… No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so rough with you, old man," she answers seemingly apologetic at first but her cheeky grin and tone shines through at the end.
"Woah! Old man? I've yet to get my first grey hair," you defensively shout as you point to your head.
>"How can you tell? You always shave it," she curiously replies with a tilt of the head.
"Exactly!"
>She giggles while helping you to your feet, then you both take a seat beside one another.
>"How old DO humans live for anyway?"
"You knock the stuffing out of me like that ever again and you may never find out."
>Then the two of you spend the next little while catching up.
>Pinkie talks about all her parties she’s thrown, how all the folks in town are and the cakes, as well as a few adventures she’s gotten up to with her group of friends while you just tell her Moonie stories.
>Part of you feels bad that it’s all you’ve got to talk about, especially when she leads such an interesting life in comparison.
>You want to claim that Moonie is just a handful like you always do, but you know it’s because you just haven’t really gotten yourself much of a social life since her arrival in your world.
>Then again, you can’t really admit to having one before her either.
>”Anonymous. Pinkie. How are we today?” Twilight injects herself into the conversation as she looks over her checklist for who knows what time this would be.
“Hey Twi’. When are the princesses meant to get here?”
>Twilight looks up from her checklist and pauses as her mind seems to collect itself.
>”Any minute now,’ she goes back to her list then a thought brings her back to you, “Are you and Moonie handling it alright so far?”
“Yeah, of course... Why do you ask?”
>”Well--”
>”I HAVEN’T FINISHED MY STORY!”
>>
>>27648943
>Twilight apologetically smiles at you then sits quietly so Pinkie can finish her grand tale of the time she and her friends helped some distant land find the friendship they needed all along that you faded out of part way through.
>There’s something about Minotaur now plus griffins when you tune back in, so you have no idea how she’s gotten to this part.
>As Pinkie Pie continues to talk about, your eyes wander around until they find Moonie across the way from you.
>She can be seen playing in the park with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
>According to Moonie the two have reformed in some capacity, or at least DT did and Silver Spoon mimicked by making up to the other kids and ceasing their bullying for the most part.
>The three of them all get up to a lot of “pranks” but you’re sure it’s just a part of them that are unable to kick old habits.
>”THEY’RE HERE,” shrieks a colt from somewhere in the crowd.
>The ponies all gather around making it impossible to see from your seat on the grass.
>A little disgruntled at having to be active, you rise to look over all the mares and stallions as they all cheer and excitedly hop around as the Princesses leave their golden chariot.
>Princess Celestia and Luna naturally tower over the ponies too so your eyes meet with theirs.
>You smile and wave while they give a nod of acknowledgement.
>There’s plenty of ponies swarming around hoping to greet the royals personally, so a nod is all you’ll get right now.

>Deciding there’s little reason to wait around and watch the Princesses greet everyone individually, you head over to where you last saw Moonie.
>As you try to track her down, you find yourself wondering if any kings or queens back on Earth dedicated time to trying to be as gracious to every individual as the Princesses here do.
>“Hello Anon,” Moonie coos as you approach.
“What have you done?”
>She just laughs in response before falling silent.
“Moonie?”
>“Wait, that wasn’t a bit?”
“No.”
>>
>>27648952
>“I… Am shocked… And appalled that you…My caretaker and most TRUSTED confidant don’t trust me,” she replies as she does her best to seem hurt but you’ve never fallen for that.
“Where are Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon?”
>“Tied up in that tree,” she confesses alongside a giggle.
>With a shake of the head, you walk over to the little tree.
>It’d be kind of tall for a pony but considering your height, this is easy.
>Pushing apart the foliage you see two pony shaped objects tied to the trunk of the tree.
“Hey you two, let me get you out of there,” you call out as you pull the closest rope.
>Then your attention snaps behind you as you hear three victorious cackles.
>You catch a glimpse of blue, pink and grey as you are thrown around and upward into the tree.
>Somehow, you are now upside down beside the two stuffed pillowcases that are shaped like fillies.
>The cackling doesn’t end, it instead grows into a raucous chorus of laughter as the three send a barrage of water balloons your way.
>Autumn has only recently begun so it’s not like this is a bad thing, but damn are they getting you good.
>“Surrender,” squeals Silver Spoon.
>“I can’t believe he fell for it,” jeers Diamond Tiara.
>“Keep going,” Moonie eggs.
>Then, around the base of the tree, you hear a creak as it gives way for weight.
>You land on your head but it doesn’t really hurt as you were only a few centimetres above the ground to begin with.
>There’s a laughter inside you that is begging for revenge, so badly that as you get up and chase the little hellions you don’t bother to untie the tree.
>The leaves are dragging on the ground and making it hard for you to run, but those cute little stumps these fillies call legs aren’t able to outrun you no matter how fast they scamper or whatever weighs you down.
>>
>>27648958
>You feel as strong as the titan Atlas through comparison, holding the weight of the world as you try to exact your petty revenge on three fillies.
“Got you,” you bellow as you scoop up Silver Spoon, the slowest.
>“No, please, they made me--”
“It’s too late,” you wide-eyedly cackle.
>You pick up some of the water balloons that were sitting in their bucket nearby and rub them into her face so hard that they pop.
>Silver squeals and squirms as she becomes soaked.
>You let her off easy, she is the third wheel plus the other two might get away if you dawdle too much on one filly.
>So you release her and begin the chase all over again.
>Diamond Tiara never got far, so you begin to pelt her with a few water balloons.
>One of them hits the grass under her, causing it to be slippery enough for her to fall.
>That was unintended but it was such a good shot and seeing DT flail about mid-air has filled you with a sense of pride.
>“MERCY,” she pleads, but all you feel is barren inside as you drop the remaining water balloons on her. Save for one.
>Just for good measure, you tickle her some.
>“NO! STOP... I’ll tell my--DADDY!”
“Apologise!”
>“I’LL PAY YOU!”
>She wriggles and desperately tries to flee like you’ve never seen someone do before.
>You can hear her gasps for air fail as the laughter is endless.
>It’s kind of infectious.
“Coins won’t help you,” you laugh.
>“I’m--”
“What was that?”
>“STOP!”
“What were you going to say?”
>“STO--SORRY!”
>Without a moment to lose you dart off, leaving Diamond Tiara to finally catch her breath.
>Moonie has hidden behind a tree, and a faint bit of her flowing tail is what gave her away.
>Tired and out of breath yourself, you lean on the tree while you surprise her.
>>
>>27648976
>She lets out a scream just as this tree also gives way under your weight. It was tiny and frail, so it’s no surprise.
>“You fool,” the little nightmare boasts as you fall and she flees.
>You pushed yourself too much too quickly, you’re too worn out to give chase right away.
>So you lie there.
>Moonie comes over to you with a hop and skip, bragging as she throws another water balloon at you.
>So you fire your final one back at her, sailing right over her head.
>“HA! I expect more of a sport from you, grandpa. How dare you let your queen down like this.”
“I know where you live,” you exhaustingly utter
>“How is that a thre--”
“I also make your food,” you say with a sly grin.
>Moonie climbs up onto your chest.
>You thought she was about to give a triumphant pose, gloat, or something, but instead she puts her ear to your chest.
>“I knew it,” she whispers.
“What?”
>“There’s… Nothing... Only the cold winds of winter.”
“Oh, I’m the heartless one?” you snicker as you ask.
>You’re halfway through picking yourself off the floor when you notice Princess Luna looking at you with wild bewilderment.
>Not that you can’t understand why.
>There’s a tree tied upside down to your back, another broken tree to your side, with two fillies exhausted as well as soaking wet.
“This... Is... exactly what it looks like,” you state with a glowing smile.
>“How did three fillies get the jump on you?”
>Using her magic, Luna helps lift you to your feet then frees you from the tree.
“They took advantage of my kind-hearted nature.”
>“Oh, when did you get one of those?” She cheekily giggles.
>You clutch your chest and feign being wounded which elicits another laugh from the Princess.
>“Ugh,” Moonie dry retches, “I think I’m actually going to help my failed minions.”
>Moonie darts away, in the opposite direction of Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara.
>Then Luna’s face relaxes into a more serious one before she speaks in her regal aura.
>>
>>27648976
>“Unfortunately we are here formally.”
“Life of a princess never stops it seems,” you sigh.
>“I am afraid so… My sister and I would like to request an audience with you later this evening to discuss a few matters with you.”
“I look forward to it,” you smile, half expectantly.
>“Thank you, we won’t be able to stay long,” she nods, “Thus we will leave you to the events of the day.”
>Before she goes, she gestures her head to the nearby hiding location of Moonie.
>You smile and wait a while as the Princess leaves.
>While you try to give as few clues at first while you head in her direction, you break the farce as you madly dash at Moonie.
>There’s a sudden shriek as you tower over her.
>While Moonie does her best to scamper away, you scoop her up.
>If there’s one thing you’ve proven over the years and especially more so today, it’s that fillies have no hope in fleeing from you unless you want them to.
>“It was all Silver Spoon’s idea,” horridly lies Moonie.
>You don’t listen to excuses, instead you warmly cuddle her and give her some kisses on the cheek.
>She making some dry retching sounds and tries to push your face away but you’re not letting her.
>Plus you spy the tiniest smile on her face as she fights back a joyous giggle.
“Aww, who is my widdle mischievous demon?”
>Your voice is as sickenly cute as you can manage.
>“Oh, please no,” she screams, the hint of joy still lingers.
>By now Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara have long since caught their breath, they were just watching to see Moonie’s punishment.
>Moonie realises they're still there once they giggle to themselves and it sends her into a panic.
>All her strength, even her magic, goes into trying to pry herself loose.
“Moonie, my widdle Moonie. You’re hurt. Stay, have some kisses to make it all better.”
>Now she has begun to plead while continuing the struggle, so you offer some loud smooching sounds as she tries to fight you off.
>>
>The more she struggles though, the more you turn up the embarrassment which leads to more laughter from you, which in turn spurs on Moonie’s desperation for freedom.
>A viscous cycle that you continue for a while, then you leave her be with her friends to pile on the harassment.
>Her face has lost all hint of being that midnight blue, instead her blush has made her as bright red as a rose or tomato.
“Adorable,” your breathlessly mutter under your breath as you leave the park.

>You wander around the square, taking in the sights of the fair the residents of Ponyville have put on for their beloved Princesses. >You can still see the Princesses talking to an endless line of ponies.
>It makes you wonder how Luna managed to slip away long enough to speak with you, even if it was brief and formally.
>“Cider?”
>The stall beside you has a green elderly mare giving you a toothless smile.
“Hey Granny. How are you?”
>Placing a few bits in her hoof, she passes a mug your way. You’re not really thirsty, but you felt an impulse of obligation as you wandered near the stall.
>“Good. How are you faring today?”
“Heh, that’s not a bad one.”
>“How would you know, you haven’t taken a sip yet.”
“No--I was talking about… the fair joke.”
>You examine her with a curious eye as you try to decipher if she did do that joke intentionally or if she’s doing that senile bit.
>She smiles at you warmly, giving no clues as per usual.
>Normally you wouldn’t be suspicious of an elderly person being crazy but Granny has proven time again to be one of the sharpest ponies in this town.
>Despite her age.
>However reading a pony’s facial expression is something you’ve still yet to get the hang of, you’re not convinced that she’s the senile type with few rare moments of clarity.
>“Well?”
>You take a quick squiz of your cider.
>>
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>>27649012
>The soothing liquid cools your throat and tickles your tastebuds with that crisp apple flavour.
>The heavy carbonation and fiz catches part way down, causing you to release a small burp but even that’s a pleasurable feeling as it feels like it released a knot in your gut.
>The aftertaste of crisp apple and yeast tickles and dances within your mouth, inviting more the the splendour in this mug.
“Great as always.”
>“I meant your day, how have you been Anon? ... You’re not going senile on me are ya?”
“Not that age yet, thankfully.”
>“Good, what with you being human, nopony can tell if it’s time or not,” she replies then pauses before speaking once again in an offended tone, “But there’s nothing wrong with going old.”
>She swats at you so you reel backwards enough to make her miss.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
>“I know.”
“Besides, I’ve got plenty of years in me yet.”
>“Oh, so do I deary,” she remarks with a wink.
“No, I mean it. Humans live to be twice as long as me. I’ve actually got time.”
>Granny eyes you for a moment, then smacks her lips a little as the conversation falls silent.
>“Well?” She suddenly asks impatiently.
“Oh! Yeah, I’m good. You?” you answer as you take another drink.
>“What? Oh… I’m good too but enough about me, what about you?”
“Good,” you awkwardly repeat.
>Again you eye her to gauge if she’s really sane or senile. It’s so damn hard to tell.
>“No, I’m asking about you. If you’ve found yourself a special somepony yet.”
“Heh, I don’t really--”
>“Because it’s not good to be all alone, everypony needs a somepony.”
“I know--”
>“I’ll tell you a secret. Applejack still hasn’t found herself a special somepony yet.”
“That’s awfully nice of you, to try and suggest but--”
>“The two of you would be perfect for one another. Plus a big strong man like yourself would be a massive help around the farm. AJ and >Mac can only do so much you see.”
“Sounds like you’re more interested in a spare hands on the farm. Still, I’ve--”
>>
>>27649031
>“How’s this weekend sound for you? Oh, I’ve got this old thing of mine that’d be just perfect for Applejack.”
“I really can’t--”
>“Great! I’ll pass the great news onto--”
>Finally she’s interrupted by a large red stallion who sternly towers over her.
>“Oh, Big Mac. You’re just in time, Anon here is planning on asking AJ’s hoof in marriage. The kind dear was just asking for permission, weren’t ya Anon?”
>She looks up at you, hopeful.
>You’re only capable of looking at the two apple ponies in pure terror as you try to recall which part of the conversation lead to marriage, but then Big Mac’s huffing at Granny grabs your attention.
>“Fine.. I’ll stop me dang meddlin’.”
>Mac looks to you and nods.
>You nod back in understanding, the kind of understanding two bros have when they feel each other’s needs on a deep level.
>He sure saved you from being reeled into his family against your will plus not being able to get a word in is always irritating to no end. So rather than risk waiting around for granny to try round two of her conscription, you head off for something else to do.
>There’s things like drinks, food, and a few small rides like sitting in the back of a wagon. None of it really takes your fancy. Not that you’d fit in a single one even if they did. So you wander around aimlessly without a thought or care. That is, until you bump into a princess.

>“Careful dear--Oh, Anonymous. How are you on this fine day?” Celestia smiles warmly.
>You know she controls the sun, but it’s still strange how warmly inviting her entire demeanor is.
“Heya Princess, I’m well. How are you?”
>“Wonderful. It’s so nice seeing all everyone here enjoying a day they’ve worked hard for, is it not?”
>You look over the square and see some foals are enjoying a quiet cart ride while the adults are happily smiling as they eat, drink, and talk amongst themselves.
>>
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>>27649041
>Naturally there are some who are working stalls and things, but even they are chatting away and enjoying a treat or two.
“They all seem pretty content with the day.”
>“Indeed.”
“I’m surprised to find you without the swarm of subjects trying to garner your attention.”
>“Yes, well everyone is enjoying the fair for now. We’ll all speak again later, I’m sure of that,” she lightly chuffles.
“So, what is it you and Luna wanted to speak with me about? She said you’ll go into it this afternoon, but I’ve really got nothing to do until then anyway.”
>“Well… It’s about... Moonie.”
“You two of you haven’t been here for an hour yet,” you state with a long sigh.
>“Oh, she hasn’t done anything wrong if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“That’s great… Then, uh, what about her?”
>“My sister and I thought it to be a good idea to test Moonie, in order to see how well she has reformed under your care.”
“Well, she hasn’t tried the world domination thing in a while. That’s gotta be good, right?” You nod.
>Celestia lightly chuckles and smiles at you.
>“True. There’s no doubt she’s reformed, but we were curious about how far she has come in that regard.”
>You nod in response for a little before you question her.
>There’s something about Celestia’s air, like she’s of royalty but not quite that way in particular that prevents you from talking.
>Then again, there’s some aura she’s always giving off that makes it uncomfortable whenever you have any type of question for her.
>You can’t really relax, especially in a formal setting when talking with her about something serious.
“Why?”
>“Despite... her history, she is royalty. Like Luna and myself. And as a princess--”
“Don’t let her hear you say that.”
>“Hmm, why is that? If I may ask.”
>Your sudden remark catches her and she looks with you with genuine bewilderment. Which you find calming to see the usual poised demeanor falter, even for a moment.
“She prefers queen,” you smile.
>>
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>>27649058
>“Ah, yes,” Celestia laughs softly as she returns to being composed, “Either way, we thought it best to test her... I hope that’s alright?”
“Of course, just… I’m still wondering why. Are you going to need her to rule or something? You two are immortal I though. So why does it matter that she’s royalty?”
>“We will cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, I think I should spend some more time with my subjects and you, yours but we can talk more about the matter later if you wish.”
>“Sure… Let me know how the test goes,” you reply rather casually.
>And with that and a low bow, Celestia heads off into the crowd to mingle.
>Even when she’s disappeared, you find yourself unable to think of how you to respond to any of her words.
>There’s something nagging at you that you should protest her but you don’t quite understand that feeling.
>Why would it be a bad thing to see how well Moonie has reformed?
>Perhaps it’s just a nagging feeling of what the punishment might be if Moonie doesn’t meet the standards, but that doesn’t feel right either.
>All you can think to do right now is to find Moonie.

>It’s not a surprise at all to find Moonie in the middle of terrorising a pair of colts.
>“Hurry it up you feeble twi--”
“Moonie,” you bark, startling all three of them.
>“This isn’t wasn’t it looks like, I swear!”
“Oh, really? We’re going to have a few words so you two can clear off.”
>The two colts look at each other then at Moonie. But they don’t seem to be checking if it’s okay, they instead seem almost annoyed.
>“Moonie, this wasn’t part of the game.”
>“Yeah!”
>“Well, that’s because he doesn’t--”
>“AH-HAA! Your tyranny has finally come to an end--Woah, hey Anon,” chirps Sweetie Belle as Scootaloo and Applebloom dart out from a nearby bush alongside in superhero costumes.
“A game?”
>“Well, I do excel in playing the part of the villain above all else,” Moonie states in a matter of fact kind of way.
>>
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>>27649079
>“Yeah, until your pops ruined it,” one colt mutters as the other ribs him for his remark.
>The two boys smile innocently at you while the Crusaders wait for some kind of cue on what to do, and Moonie looks up at you for a similar cue.
“Moonie and I really do need to talk, so come with me please. I hear Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are good at playing villains too.”
>The fillies are all sorrow-stricken until your comment.
>Then they excitedly light up as they realise their game doesn’t have to end yet before darting off in different directions.
>“I didn’t DO anything wrong this time.”
“Yeah, but you might have.”
>“Come one. It was just a game.”
“No, I mean… Look, the princesses have ulterior motives for being here.”
>“Well. That’s kind of their job you know.”
>You hesitate before you speak further.
>Naturally you feel a voice of reason saying not to notify her.
>Normally you’d ignore her and just try to steer her onto the right path but being the impulsive little bastard that you are, there’s that voice that feels particularly sobering.
“I just mean… The princesses are always trying to keep an eye on you. I don’t want them thinking you’re still the same old demon they once knew.”
>“It’s not like they don’t have good reason,” she mutters lowly.
“Don’t murmur like that. Speak clearly or not at all.”
>“I said, you’re being paranoid. It was a game.”
“I know now, it just didn’t seem that way. I’m sorry.”
>“Very well. I accept your apology,” she huffs up as if she is doing her duty in taking the higher road, “However, if you are truly repentant you would buy your queen some kind of confectionery as a token of apology.”
>>
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>>27649090
>For a brief moment, her eyes dart towards a sweets cart. You’re not an idiot, you know it’s a clue for exactly what she wants but her over-the-top nature has a bizarre way of putting you in a good mood.
>So you go and buy a little bag of candy and hand it to her. While you tell her to share it before she happily skips away, you have no confidence that she will.

>So now you’re alone again.
>The fair is rather small and you feel you’ve seen all there is to see. It seems like the best option for now is to retreat into your house, and take it easy until later in the afternoon.
>You can already tell the wait is going to wreak havoc on your nerves but you push those thoughts aside as best as you can until that time comes.
>Once you step inside, you slink into your couch, it’s padded leather cushions sink low inviting you into slumber.
>Your nap is brief as Moonie comes darting inside, tracking mud through the house. She’s made her way to the bath and dives in soon after getting the water running from what you can hear.
>You wait where you are for a time, hoping she’ll be responsible enough to clean after herself without reminders. But after the bath water has drained, you hear doors closing then silence.
>Figuring she’s retreated into her room you stamp up the hallway to find her standing there with the mop in her floating grip.
>“I know,” she states before you even open your mouth.
>You hover over her as she mops up the now hardening mud hoofprints. Clearly that seems to make her grumpier than she already was.
“What were you up to?”
>“Just playing,” she dismissively grunts.
“What’s--”
>“Door,” she states before there’s a brief knock at the front door.
>You open the door to see Luna standing there, you also happen to notice your nap took longer than you thought as it’s now night time.
>>
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>>27649105
>The princess seems rather caught off guard briefly but composes herself into a warming smile.
>You smile back at her, just as fondly as you find yourself staring at her.
>Her coat matches the blanket of the night sky and her mane seems to glitter and twinkle just as brightly as the stars above.
>Then you notice a bit of mud on her tail that snaps you back to reality.
“So… Is the test over already?”
>Luna nods, as Moonie takes the cue from your quick glance towards her to step into her room.
>Then you step aside and hold out an arm to gesture inviting Luna in.
>“It’s been quite some time since I’ve been here,” she states, sounding almost wistful.
>She draws a deep breathe as you think over a few responses that’d be the most welcoming. But you keep your mouth shut for a fear of stuttering.
>You’re not sure what to say.
>It’s not like you see either Princess often, let alone Luna but you also need to know about the test.
>“My Sister and I didn’t really have much of a test for her to be honest. It was just a few questions, which was rather... enlightening.”
“Did she pass?”
>Your voice catches as you ask, the words feeling almost acidic as they leave your lips.
>“Yes, for the most part. We wanted to tell you, we think she’ll be better off staying here with you as long as you’re still willing to be her caretaker” her eyes meet with yours and while you try avoiding direct eye contact, you can tell she’s deeply looking into yours with a lot of intent behind every word, “You’ve been a great influence on her.”
“Thanks… It hasn’t been easy sometimes.”
>“And for that, you have our thanks. We can’t stay long, there’s some minotaur and griffin delegates arriving in the morning but I wanted to at least deliver this news.”
>You nod, not wanting to make things more of a pain than they already might be for her.
“What was the plan then?” You formally ask.
>>
>>27649121
>“I believe you already clued in when talking with my sister earlier. Moonie is not quite ready for that, she still has much to learn... But she has made more progress than we thought she would at first.”
“So… One day you two are--?”
>“One day. But not today.”
>Her words feel like a massive weight is lifted from your shoulders, yet you can’t help but feel a little pensive.
>In a hurry, Luna takes her leave without a word.
>As she walks past you, you feel a brush along your arm which grabs your attention.
>She smiles at you warmly then nods goodbye, which you return.
>You stand outside your house for a while as you watch her fly away, even when she’s out of sight you still stand there gazing up at the sky.

>“What’s with the goofy smile?”
>Moonie has appeared next to you, looking up at you curiously with a raised brow.
“I just found out you’re going to be my problem for a good while longer,” you remark, being dramatically sad.
>“I failed, huh?”
“Depends on how you look at it.”
>“How should I look at it?”
“Either you failed because they think I can still be a good influence on you or you passed flying under their notice and don’t have to live with them watching over you.”
>She shudders, “Celestia would probably make me call her Auntie.”
“And you’d have to be up for a certain time for breakfast,” you jeer, “using the proper fork out of fourteen to eat soup, never to see another pancake again.”
>“Oh, yes, and I’d have to bow to everyone.”
“Don’t forget the misters and madams.”
>“Mister Anon,” Moonie mockingly bows.
“Madam Moonie,” you bow with a stifled giggle.
>Moonie chuckles a bit herself then looks up at you with a serious gaze.
>“What about you?”
“What about me?”
>>
>>27649135
>“How do you feel about this, still having to care for me and all?”
>You take a brief moment to ponder that question then take a deep breathe to speak.
"They say that when a star goes out, you can see its light for millions, even billions of years. I think the same can be said of the light I've brought you. You'll always have that little bit sweetness that I brought you, and you're welcome for it."
She dry retches at your shoes. You know she’s faking it but you reel back anyway in surprise.
>“That’s so sickenly--”
“Sweet? Sappy? Cute?”
>“Please don’t, I’m going to be sick again.”
>“I’ll show you sappy,” you bellow and you scoop her up into your arm and make kissing noises.
>She tries to fight you off, keep your face away from her but you blow a raspberry on her belly that gets a laugh out of her and her strength fades enough for you to plant a kiss on her cheek.
>She giggles and protests but it’s all a farce, you know this little devil enjoys every minute of this.
>And you do too.

Pastebin Link: http://pastebin.com/1WnvssN1
>>
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>>27649149
>>
Cool it's 8th
>>
>>27561179
>>27625630
>>27625805

I hope he comes back.
>>
>>27649149
Mah abbo Australian
>>
>>27651233
8th-Sin is an abbo?
>>
>>27651261
abbo pls
>>
>>27648321
So not waever?
meh
>>
>>27581710
Is it just me or was this something you perhaps posted before? Maybe a trial run when the idea first hit? It seems AWFULLY familiar.
>>
>>27649149
Damn son.
>All this Anon getting old talk.
Fuck you, fuck you right in the ass.
>>
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>>27653296
Looks like someone's getting too old for this shit!
>>
>>27653410
I was hoping fo Danny Glover
>>
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>>27653410
The time has come.
>>
>>27653732
>>27653410
I like the idea of an Anon that slowly withers away while all his pony friends helplessly watch. It's cathartic.
>>
>>27625630
Is he really alive? That's the best news I've heard in a while.
>>
>>27636490
Write something, then.
>>
>>27632537
Post more cute rainbow anon
>>
>>27654480
ur the cute one here m8
>>
>>27651261
Mate, I'm as pale as the Nullarbor Salt Mines.

>>27653957
Anon grows older as the years go by while none of the ponies age a single day to remind him of the youth he's loosing? I love it!
>>
>>27654521
Thanks m8 But I'm a filthy negro
>>
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>>27630155
Boy howdy here I go writing shitty green again

>It’s too early
>Head’s itchy
>Ass is itchy
>Why the fuck does she get up this early to go and do exercise of all things?
>Now she’s dragging you along too
>You can’t really say no though, especially with how she put you up in her house and all
>Alright Anon, up and at ‘em
>You push yourself off the couch and immediately the blood flows from your head making you dizzy
>This is gonna fucking suck
>”Come on ya doofus let’s get goin!”
>Dash, rather excitedly yet impatiently, is waiting for you to get ready
>You can see she’s put on what look like spandex and has her hair in a ponytail Irony
>She’s also sporting a wife beater of sorts
“What’s all that for? You’re usually naked anyway so why wear clothes to work out?”
>”I just wear em to keep a little warmer in the mornings. It can get pretty chilly without it.”
>You don’t see how such little clothing could help much but whatever
>You soon get dressed and are ready to head out the door
“Alright speed demon, let’s go.”
>The walk to the track isn’t very far as it lays on the outskirts of town
>A large open space was necessary to facilitate the track which led to it being close to RD’s home
>RD trots along beside you as you both make your way there
>After a few minutes you reach your destination
>As Dash had said there was no one at the track at this time of day
>At least they won’t see you jiggle
>Dash will though…
>”Ready to start?”
>She looks up at you with an expectant smile
“No, but we may as well anyway I guess.”
>”Alright, remember though; go at your own pace. Don’t want you keeling over out here.”
“Hey! I won’t die from a little run.”
>You think
>Dash chuckles and soon she’s off to the races at a rather quick trot
>>
>>27654995
>You fall in behind her at a slow, lumbering jog of a pace
>From this vantage you get a nice view of her spandex clad backside
>Watching it bounce up and down as she moved was mesmerizing and even took your mind off the effort of jogging
>Somewhat anyway
>She soon pulls away however and picks up her pace even further
>Your eyes trace her as she moves around the track for a few moments
>With every passing second she puts more and more distance between the two of you
>Your eyes drop from her and you focus instead on your own breathing and pace
>Each impact and footfall jars your body and your legs are already getting tired
>That’s nothing compared to the burning emanating from your lungs however
>Sweat begins to bead from your brow before you even round the second turn
>By the time you reach the point at which you began you have to stop your slow gate to breath
>”Keep it up Anon!”
>Dash gallops past as she sprints down the back straight completing her second lap
>How does she do this shit?
>You spend the next half a lap catching your breath and in that time Dash is able to once again pass by you
>Shit, you can’t let her get a mile done before you even do half
>You pick your arms up once again as your breathing has settled and you begin to jog once again
>Your legs protest as your weight crashes down upon them, joints suffering all the while
>The dirt under your feet crunches slowly as you patter along
>It might not be half bad if you had something to listen to
>A steady clip clop coming up behind you snaps you out of your thoughts
>It’s Dash and she’s about to lap you again
>Shiiiiiit
>Alright Anon, pick up those damn ham hocks and move
>You increase your pace as much as you can which isn’t saying much
>As you get halfway down the back stretch Dash comes up next to your nearly wheezing form
>She slows down to keep pace with you as you round out your second and fourth laps respectively
>>
>>27654999
>By the time you cross the line you’re sucking air through a straw
>Bending down you put your hands on your knees to rest
>Your lungs feel as if they’re being ripped apart from the inside by microscopic shards of glass
>Your legs aren’t fairing much better as they spasm slightly from the shock you’re putting your body through
>”You good Anon?”
>Dash asks you as she walks over to your hunched figure
>Doubled over as you are you’re almost eye level with her and her worry is apparent
>You nod your head while still inhaling heavily
>”Come on, let’s walk this next one together and then you do one more while I finish up ok?”
>You stay as you are for another moment before straightening and falling in beside her
>You walk in silence apart from your heavy breathing most of the way
>Once you get around to the beginning of the track once again Dash makes sure you’re ok before taking off like a rocket
>You watch her as she speeds down the straights and lightens up on the turns before repeating the process
>By the time you finish your final lap she’s lapped you another two times
>You go to the fence surrounding the track and lean heavily on it
>You watch her finish three more laps before turning off in your direction
>You see a sheen of sweat on her brow as she hovers over the gate Ponies sweat right? Sure they do
>You look a little worse for wear as you’re clothes look drenched through and through
>”Not too bad eh Anon?”
>You give her a little bit of an evil eye but smile none the less
“It’s not exactly something I do too often. I guess it wasn’t horrible though.”
>Lying straight through your teeth
>From the smirk on her face Dash seems to know it all too well
>”Well I guess you won’t mind coming along every day then huh? I could use some company when I come to work out.”
>She snorts at the look that presents itself on your face
“You’re joking right?”
>>
>>27655003
>She looks at the ground before quickly snapping back up to you but not meeting your gaze
>”Well I mean it’s your choice but I was serious about the company thing. Gets kinda lonely coming out here by myself almost every day.”
>You see that the smile adorning her visage a moment before has sunken into a small pout of a mouth
>This shit sucks
>Is it really that bad though?
>Yeah
“I’ll think about it Dash.”
>The walk back to her place is uneventful and soon you arrive at her door
>Once inside Dash strips and heads to her room nodding for you to follow
>”Why don’t you go ahead and take the first shower so we can put your stuff in the wash.”
>Taking her advice you head into the bathroom and undress and wrap up in a towel
>Opening the door you poke your head out attempting to obscure most of your body
“Hey Dash, where’s your washer at?”
>She looks up as she’s piling clothes into a basket
>She takes to the air with the basket in her hoofs and tells you to toss your clothes on the pile which you do
>Thanking her you close the door and turn on the water
>Before you get in the shower you look at yourself in the mirror
>Saggy and fat
>Unappealing
>You hate your own body
>You can’t stand to look at yourself for very long
>You can’t stand seeing yourself naked, it reveals all the truths about your body that you hate to think about
>Maybe you’d take Dash up on that offer after all…
>Turning away you step in the shower
>Before long you step out and push open the door
>Dash is waiting on her bed flicking through some adventure book
“All yours.”
>She looks up and puts the book aside
>”First door on the left is the wash. Should be close to going in the dryer by now; mind throwing that stuff in there if it goes off?”
>You say you will and she heads into the shower herself to get rinsed off
>A few minutes pass and your hear the washer spin to a stop
>>
>>27655007
>You rise in your towel and begin transferring the clothes from one machine to the other when something catches your eyes
>A set of rainbow socks are among the pile of clothing as well as tie-dye undergarments
>Must also be for when it gets cold out…
>Out of respect for her privacy you quickly put the clothes in and move back to your seat
>In the meantime Dash gets out of the shower and starts drying out her mane
>Some of it sticks to the side of her face acting as a frame making her deep maroon eyes pop
>You can’t help but stare as you’re fixated on the sight before you
>Those eyes then turn to stare directly at you
>”What?”
>You snap back to reality
>Dash is looking right at you with an awkward blush on her face
“Sorry”
>You quickly mumble and turn away looking anywhere but at her
>The dryer thankfully buzzes and you volunteer to get the clothes
>Seemingly recovered from the previous situation Dash tells you to just leave her stuff on the bed
>You head into the bathroom to get changed as she begins to fold and sort her part of the laundry
>Once both of you are finished you head into the kitchen and grab a light snack of oat cakes
>By this time the sun is rising higher in the sky and you figure it’s getting close to when you’re supposed to meet the rest of the girls for brunch
>You mention this to Dash and she tenses up a little
>”Shit! I usually just leave right before we’re supposed to meet since I can fly; we gotta get goin man.”
>She quickly ushers you out the door and down the road towards town
>It takes around 15 minutes of walking but soon you’re outside of sugarcube corner
>Your legs are protesting heavily but you suck it up and refrain from complaining
>The air conditioning inside does a good job at easing your discomfort from the growing heat of the day
>Dash leads you over to a table with a group of ponies all of which you recognize
>>
>>27655011
>From left to right around the table sits AJ, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity
>Dash quickly greets them as do you and she introduces you to the remainder of her friends who you haven’t met
>AJ: “So yer the new fella these two have been talkin about?”
>Applejack gestures towards Rarity and Twilight
“That’s me alright; they’ve only said good things I trust?”
>You crack a smile as you say the sentence and AJ returns it in kind
>Pinkie:”Of course! Any friend of Dashie’s is a friend of ours.”
“Good to hear.”
>You say with a chuckle at the excitable pink pony
>FS:”Twilight’s told us all about what happened to you. It must be really scary being so far from home.”
“Well it is a little bit yeah. So far Dash and you girls have been very welcoming though which has helped an awful lot. Thank you for that.”
>Conversation quickly turns to where you’re from and what it’s like as you explain to the ponies what your world is like
>Once they’ve gotten their fill of the human world (well all of them except Twilight) they catch up on what they’ve been doing the past few days
>A lull in the conversation while everyone eats provides Dash with an opportunity
>”Hey Anon, didn’t you say you were gonna be looking for a job around town soon since you’re kinda stuck here for now?”
>Taking her cue you pick up where she left off
>”Yeah actually, you girls wouldn’t happen to know if anyone is hiring around here would you?”
>You prompt the girls with your inquiry hoping for the best
>TS:” Actually I’ve been looking for an assistant around the library. Spike is helpful but he’s too young to really help me out with some experiments in the lab and if you think you can handle it I’d be happy to have you on. It’d work out especially well considering you’ll have to come over some days for me to experiment with how to send you home anyway.”
>Jackpot
>You look at Dash and pump her hoof under the table
>>
>>27655015
>pump her hoof
meant bump

“That sounds great actually. When would you want me to start?”
>TS:”How does Monday sound? I’ll get you introduced to the work I’m doing and we can get to work on some of my projects.”
“Sounds fine by me, you’ll be working most of the weekdays anyway right Dash?”
>”Yeah, that’ll work out pretty well.”
>TS:”Then it’s settled I’d say. This should let me get more work done than usual which will be great. I might actually have some down time for once.”
>You remain mostly quiet as the conversation drifts once again this time to work
>You pipe up and interject a joke or a question every now and then making polite conversation
>Getting past the awkward initial phase was always the hardest part of making friends for you
>Time rolls on and the brunch wraps up with the girls all saying goodbye and that they were happy to have spent it with a new friend
>Are they seriously already calling you their friend?
>Ponies sure jump to being friends quick huh?
>Whatever, not your culture
>As you and Dash head out you finally stop by the food mart that serves meat
>You pick up some chicken breasts as well as fish for you to dine on
>Tonight, you shall feast
>After another quick stop for some basic supplies you’re on your way back to Dash’s place
>Once home you place the supplies in the fridge and cupboards before plopping in front of the couch
>Dash joins you and turns on the tube to some comedy routine
>You don’t understand a fair amount of what’s being referenced but it’s still fun to watch Dash’s reactions
>After a particularly funny joke (apparently) she rolls back in her seat clutching her sides in a fit of laughter
>You watch her smile with delight until once again her eyes catch yours staring at her
>This time you hold her gaze and she yours
>”What dude?”
“You fuckin dork.”
>Your comment raises an eyebrow as she stares you down
>>
>>27655020
>A quick burst of air shoots from your mouth as you try to stifle a laugh only to burst out into a full fit
>Dash jumps to her feethooves?and flares her nostrils at you
>”Oh so that’s how it is huh? Come here you doofus!”
>Dash lunges at you and before long you’re both mock wrestling until you separate and end up on opposite sides of the couch
>Both of you breathing heavily, you more so than her you stare each other down
>Dash is the first to crack but you’re hot on her heels as you both burst into laughter
>Settling down you finish watching the stand-up routine and switch to some sitcom to pass the time
>The sun begins to hang low and you take it as your cue to begin preparing yourself dinner
>Luckily Dash had a grill plate to cook vegetables on and you had at least some experience cooking
>Dash puts on some tunes as you get to work and she prepares herself some dinner as well
>In the kitchen both of you start dancing individually to the music while preparing your meals
>Dash sings along as you hum along to the tune due to your lack of knowledge with the band
>The track switches over to another song as Dash sets down her plate
>The tune begins to ring out and you find its tune catchy and smooth but Dash quickly shuts it off
>Turning around you see her with a somewhat coy look of surprise and a light blush across her cheeks
“What’s wrong? That sounded pretty good to me, don’t like it or something?”
>She turns around sheepishly
>”Just not feeling it right now you know? It’s a boring song anyway.”
>She’s clearly lying and you call her on it
“Come on. Can’t even let me hear it once? I liked what I’d heard of it.”
>Reluctantly she turns to switch the player back on and the song rings through the house
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz177-qqLWw
>The song isn’t anything too crazy but as you bring your plate to the table you can see Dash’s eyes drift off
>>
>>27655023
>She seems to be in her own little world and her breathing quickens slightly
>All the while the small blush she has persists
>By the time the song has finished she’s once again swaying from side to side getting into the music
>Looking up at you she goes a deep crimson and takes her now empty plate to the dishwasher
>You quickly follow and do much the same before you return to the couch as the next track begins to play
>Seeing that the song had a bit of an effect on her that you weren’t expecting you decide to avoid bringing it up
>Instead you begin to focus on the movie that’s on right now
>It’s some D-list garbage along the lines of what the Sci-Fi channel back home would have
>Seemingly back to normal Dash starts harshing on it
>You and Dash joke about how terrible it is while doing impressions of the terrible actors and actresses
>By the time it’s over you’ve both had a good laugh and the moon is high in the sky over head
>You both decide to turn in for the night seeing as Dash has work in the morning
>Before you head over to your couch bed however you turn to Dash who’s already on her own bed
“Hey, so uh, you working out tomorrow?”
>”Yup, as usual.”
“Well make sure to get me up too ok?”
>Dash’s brain takes a moment to process before she beams at you and nods twice
>With that you head to bed and are quickly taken by sleep

That's all for tonight. I tried to tidy up some stuff based upon the previous suggestions. More are always welcome. I need to stop doing this shit between 1 and 4 a.m.

Also
>>27632537
>>27630471
God damn that's cute.
>>
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>>27654586
>Calling yourself filthy because of your race
No. Bad Anon.
>>
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I feel its high time for another cute dash green.
The thread is ripe.
The soul is eager.
But the green is weak and lacking.
>>
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Remember to beat your meat thoroughly before serving.
>>
>>27655386
Get to it
>>
>>27655183
>>27654586
You just need to scrub harder to get the filth to come off.
>>
Archmage Anon. Continued from http://pastebin.com/fAz0cZ0F

>And that pretty much became the routine.
>Each day you'd have a magic lesson with Luna, she'd have you try certain spells.
>And you'd unintentionally obliterate whatever it was you were magicking on.
>You tried all sorts of things. Concentrating so hard you got a headache.
>Draining your magic reserves, holding onto a unicorns horn while casting, casting spells slowly, quickly and everything in between.
>Discord was called in when Luna suspected you might be accidentally channeling chaos magic.
>Nope. Discord said negatory, though he did thank you for the fireworks display before leaving.
>And then in a moment of desperation Luna had the bright idea of casting spells through your 'horn'.
>But despite a copious amount of nervous sweating over the possibility of exploding your dick, that turned out to be a dead end too.
>In the end Luna decided to call an end to the lessons. Deciding to go back to the drawing board, she'd spent the last week locked in the castle library.
>Which means in the meantime you're bored, what with being confined to the castle and all.
>Though it did give you time to invent a new sport. You call it guard tipping.
>It's like cow tipping, only for fancy people instead of rednecks.
>>
>>27657266
>"Luna are you in here?"
>You don't like the idea of Luna hiding away like this.
>She can get very emotionally invested in things, to put it tactfully.
>"We are here sister."
>"Wher- Nevermind."
>Luna is nose deep in a dusty tome, surrounded by towers of books.
>It reminds you of the book forts Twilight would construct when she was a filly.
>"What are you reading?"
>"We are researching sister and we believe we have found the solution to Anon!"
>Solution?
>"Luna, what are you saying?"
>"The reason Anon cannot control his magic Sister."
>Oh thank the stars, you can put this issue to rest. The sooner the better.
>If Luna and Anon keep experimenting like this they'll destroy more than the spare dining hall.
>Seeing your relieved expression Luna continues.
>"He has no horn!"
>Is that it?
>"I see."
>"Sister, without an appendage specifically for channeling magic Anon cannot control his power."
>That does make some kind of sense but...
>"But what about Discord, he doesn't use his horns to cast spells."
>"Discord is chaos incarnate sister, thou should know that. The normal rules do not apply to him."
>Well now you feel like a silly filly.
>"I don't see how this will help Anon, Luna he can't just grow a horn."
>"Perhaps not on his own but there is a way."
>What way? She can't mean magic, any spells like that would be temporary at leas-
>No, she can't mean that.
>"Luna. no."
>"Sister-"
>"No Luna, how can you even consider that. It's too dangerous."
>"Dangerous to who?"
>"We don't know what it could do to him!"
>"Doth thou prefer things as they are?"
>You don't have an answer for that.
>Anon is a danger to himself and others right now, perhaps it might be worth the risk.
>"Let me think on it, please Luna, don't do anything without me."
>"Very well Sister."
>>
>>27657293
>This silence is dragging out. Are we in a staring contest?
>"So are you two going to say something or are we just admiring the view?"
>In response they both scrunch up, you love it when ponies do that.
>"This is not a time for japes Anonymous, we have important news for thee."
>A parole hearing.
>"Luna believes she has discovered the reason for your... magical inconsistencies."
>Oh that's even better.
>"So what is it, don't keep me waiting!"
>You can almost feel your inner Merlin rubbing his hands together in glee.
>"Thou cannot cast as you should because thou lack a horn."
>The horn thing again, jesus.
>"Luna we already tried that with my-"
>Luna holds up a hoof
>"Nay Anonymous we speak not of thy bending branch."
>"What Luna means is that you're not really built to cast spells, even though you can. Your hands aren't a good conduit for magic to flow through, it's why your spells end the way they do."
>"And a horn is?"
>God damn hornists, keeping the hornless man down.
>"Yes, most creatures that can use magic channel it through a horn or horns."
>"And Discord?"
>"I did say most creatures Anon."
>"Enough exposition Sister. Fear not Anon for we have found the means to give thee a horn."
>You give me the horn everytime you turn around. Internal high five!

Tune in tomorrow for more horn related puns
>>
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>>
>>27658021
Do it wimp
>>
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>>
>>27659457
Mint jumper
>>
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>>
>>27657325
Is it tomorrow now?
>>
>>27661275
Nope, still today.
>>
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Newfag here. Is it ok if I post my virgin green in here so I can get some feedback? It's super short, but idk if I want to interrupt the other greens going on already.
>>
>>27661598

sure
>>
>>27661598
We have two rules
The story has to be about Anon and the story has to take place in Equestria
>>
>>27661887
Ok, thanks for the feedback, I'll stop.
>>
>>27661834
Nice, I'll wait for more.
>>
What the fuck? Wasn't there green here a minute ago?
>>
>>27662573
Huh, that's weird.
>>
>>27662573
Yep, he deleted it. Apparently it didn't meet the two rules stated here >>27661887
>>
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>>27657325
>"Thou cannot cast as you should because thou lack a horn."
>The horn thing again, jesus.
>"Luna we already tried that with my-"
>Luna holds up a hoof
>"Nay Anonymous we speak not of thy bending branch."
>"What Luna means is that you're not really built to cast spells, even though you can. Your hands aren't a good conduit for ma- wait what was that about a breeding branch!?
>"Um nothing sister"
>"lunaaaaa we agreed to do that together if we talked him in to it~.
>you like were this is going
>>
>>27657325
>Remove horn from unicorn (Unicorn being dead first is optional)
>Attach to human
>Fukken magic
Is this why wizard hats are pointy?

>Be Anon in Canterlot Cemetary with a shovel
>Luna is here with you, also with a shovel
>You're both here to loot graves for useful pony bits
>Primarily the horns, but you also want to snag an extra skeleton to prank Twilight with
>CHUNK
>You just hit the coffin in the grave you're digging up
>You dig around a bit more and soon have the whole thing exposed
>Now how do you open this?
>You don't have a crowbar, so you try using the shovel to pry the coffin open instead
>It breaks
>No not the coffin, your shovel.
"Fuck."
>"What is it Anonymous?"
"Broke me spade."
>"Guards, go get the excavator from the gardener's shed"
>Wait what?
"What? You had an excavator and had me using a shovel like some kind of chump?"
>"Yes."
"Cunt."
>You take a break until Luna's guards return, driving an excavator.
>They park it next to you, smashing a few headstones in the process.
>"Here you go, sir."
"Thanks."
>You get into the excavator and lower the - CRASH
>Well the coffin is sorta open now
>Destroyed does count as open, right?
>You lift the thingy with the diggy bit up out of the hole
>Part of the coffin comes along too, spilling bones around
>You get out of the excavator and start poking through the remains of the remains for the skull
>It's utterly ruined, you fucked this one right up.
"Damnit. Let's call that a practice run."
>You get started on the next grave along
>You'll look bad if Luna gets more horns than you
>>
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>>27554672
>"Anon, stop trying to sell me."
>>
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>>
>>27663807
No
>>
>>27664571
He can't get a good price on her anyway.
>>
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>>
Crosspostan
>>27659520
>Be Flower Horse Number Two in Equestria.
>Where else would you be?
>You are at your stall with Flower Horse Number One and Flower Horse Number Three selling flowers
>You aren't selling as many as you'd like, probably because the worst flowers are right next to the best flowers, driving off customers in disguse.
>I'm looking at you, Posies.
>You're only here because FHN1 is your friend, despite her shit taste.
>The alien filly is now standing in front of your stall.
>SHIT A CUSTOMER!
>"Miss Pony, I can't find Purple Mom. Can you help me?"
>Not a customer, stand down from battle stations.
"Sure okay."
>The alien wraps its grabbers around your barrel and squeezes you.
"BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!"
>>
>>27657325
Luna and Celestia have just filled you in why you cannot into magic.
Apparently they have the solution too.
"Behold! The Alicorn Amulet!"
Luna holds up a necklace with her magic. Kind of looks like the logo of a heavy metal band.
"It holds great magical power, we intend to use it to give you your horn."
"There is some risk involved however."
Always a fucking catch.
"What kind of risk?"
"The amulet is evil, it corrupts the wearer. They begin to lust for domination and power."
Something is off here.
"That doesn't seem the kind of thing ponies would create. And you two are the only alicorns...."
Both princesses look shocked by the accusation. Stupid big mouth.
Celestia recovers first.
"You are correct Anon, we did not create it and nopony is certain who did."
"Indeed Sister, there are many conflicting stories. Some say it was Discord's doing, others say it was the evil King Sombra."
"Some believe it was Starswirl the Bearded, created in a moment of arrogance to his eternal regret."
"That's all well and good but how does it help me?"
"Sister, if you would explain while I prepare."
Luna leaves the room, leaving you alone with Celestia.
>>
>>27665992
>"Anon, it takes a great deal of magic to even temporarily change somepony's form. And even more to make it permanent."
>Celestia looks, and sounds, alot less confident now that Luna is gone.
>"I'm not blind Celestia, you're holding something back."
>She glances around nervously, refusing to look you in the eyes.
>"I don't think this is a good idea Anon, the amulet is evil."
>"And you think it will turn me evil."
>"Yes. But I also worry you'll be hurt. Something like this, I don't think it's been attempted before."
>Just like Celestia. You could be the next Hitler but she's still worried about you getting hurt.
>She places a hoof on your shoulder.
>"Anon, you don't have to do this."
>Oh but you do. You've come too far to give up now and as for the risks.
>You've risked an exploding dick already, what kind of injury can scare you off after that.
>And evil, oh sweet naive ponies. You already committed the most grievous crime in history when you massacred those changelings.
>Placing a hand on her hoof, you look her in the eyes and smile.
>"I'll be fine. Let's not keep Luna waiting."
>>
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>>27666008
>>
>>27665171
Any new one yet?
>>
>>27666737
Lewd
>>
>>27658021
One day Bon Bon is going to just snap and slap the hay outta that haybrain humanboo.
>>
Post oneshots to get to the next thread.
>Be Anonymous.
>Be in Ancient Equestria.
>Everybody else out worshiping Celestia or Luna or Discord or something.
>You worship The Great Grape. Everyone laughs at you, but they don't know why your faith is so strong.
>Your God talks to you.
>Even when you don't want her to.
>A knock comes from your door.
"Oh great..."
>You rise to your feet, open the door, and who should be standing there swaying while the griffins from Her chariot shit on your fucking lawn?
"Hello, Lady Berrysus." you mutter.
>"AAHHHH-*HIC*-HHHNOOOOOON~...HOW'S M'FAVORITE ACACOLYTE, BUDS?"
>She sways to one side, almost losing Her balance.
>With practiced speed, you dive down and hold her up.
"AAAAAAWWWWWW, THA'S THA -*HIC*- SHTUFF I SPECT FR'M MY NUMBER ONE PRIEST, WOOOOO!" Berrysus shouts as she holds her chalice high before tossing her head back and downing the contents.
"I...live to serve you, Lady Berrysu-"
>"SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH! SH SH SH SH SH!"
>She paps her hoof on your mouth a few times as She shushes you.
"Ano-Anon. Sshhh. Don' talk. I-I need to tell you somefing..."
>You look into her magenta eyes.
>"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII luf you, 'Nonymous. I luv you a whooooooole lot."
>You feel your cheeks redden.
"L-lady Berry-
>"GIB US A KISSY, AHNON!"
>Berrysus throws her chalice behind her and proceeds to make out...
>...with your eye.
>As She glides her tongue over your eyelid, you try to calm her down.
"Uhhm, Miss Berrysus, I think tha-"
>*hurk!*
>What?
>You look her in the eye long enough to catch her bringing her hooves to her mouth a second too late as the wine colored vomit comes rocketing out of her.
>It shoots out with such force that you're thrown against the wall at the rear of your house.
>When your vision clears, you see Berrysus passed out on the floor.
>She pissed herself.
>Fucking drunk Gods.
>>
>>27667581

Originally My Little Progress green.

>"Anon. Hey, Anon."
>The first thing you feel is a hoof booping your nose
>boop boop boop
>You crack an eye open and look over to the edge of the bed
>first to the pony-head shaped object staring at you, then to the illuminated alarm clock on your bedstead.
>you angrily snuggle deeper into your borrowed futon
"Dammit, Twiggles. It's 3AM. What is it?"
>"It's Twilight. And I have a question."
>You groan. Normally she waits until daylight to ask things but here she is anyway.
"Fine, what is it?"
>I've been looking over the records for the Apo-lol missions, and I noticed that all of the ass-tro-nots were all good humans."
>she hovers up a small pocket manual of the Apollo Program.
>Twiggles was looking through your books again.
>At least she stopped trying to dismantle your laptop
"You woke me up at three in the morning to say that?"
>you can see her frown in the darkness.
>"I wasn't done. They were brave and selfless, they didn't do anything wrong; so why were they banished to the moon?"
>...
"Come again?"
>"Three men, banished to the moon for several days, then they come right back. And your space agency did it seventeen times!"
>because it's 3AM and you have no coffee, you had to chew on that question for a minute before it clicks
"Twilight, they weren't banished. They were chosen in order to explore the moon."
>"As punishment?"
>what
"No, as part of a program to explore the moon and gain a better understanding of it, and to bring back samples for study."
>"...as punishment."
>evidently your brain isn't the only one not working at 3AM
"Twilight. Listen. They volunteered to go to the moon. They got chosen out of a bunch of other people who wanted to go to the moon, and they were the best."
>...
>"They chose to be banished?"
>>
>>27667638

>you do not need this
>you do not need this right now
>you want to go to sleep
"Fucking- no, Twilight. It was a science program. Deeper understanding of the universe and how the moon was made and what it was made of and that it wasn't fucking made of cheese. Can I go to sleep now?"
>...
>"Your moon was made of cheese?"
"GOODNIGHT TWILIGHT."

>You woke up the next morning cranky as fuck because Twilight couldn't wait until morning.
>As you're walking by her work desk, you see her sprawled on top of it
>open books and discarded scrolls litter the workspace, schematics (official and hoof-drawn) of the Apollo capsules line are tacked onto an adjacent blackboard (accompanied by equations crammed into the remaining space), and an upended ink bottle had long spread its contents over one hapless piece of parchment
>Twilight is fast asleep, a puddle of drool forming out of the corner of her mouth as she snorts in her sleep, quill stuck in her rumpled hair.
>judging by the bags under her eyes, she really needed the shuteye right now
>no wonder she was abnomally thick last night. She was probably doing her "study and ignore basic functions" thing again
>she shifts in her seat and mutters
>"....zzzz*snrk*-mmm.... farting during day court, two days mo-moon...put in the..capsu....zzzzzzz..."
>as you approach her, you spot a piece of parchment with smaller scribbles on it, but the main title catches your eye
>"APOLLO SPACE PROGRAM- INNOCENT SPACE PRISONERS HARVESTING MOON CHEESE?!"
>you gently and gingerly pluck the scroll from under her drooling chin. As you turn to chuck it into the wastebin, you hear her mutter
>"...zzzzz-*mlem*-mmm...Aldrin...punchin' Blueblood.... medal of hono...zzzzzzzzzzz"
>you drape a nearby blanket over her shoulders and leave her to dream.
>such is life in no-space-program Equestria.
>>
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Never forget. Or always forget, that works too.
>>
>>27668062
Forget what now?
>>
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>Day last straw
>You were trying to get your cutie mark in break dancing
>You sure got the break part right, your room is a mess
>Rarity comes to check on the noise and opens your door
>With a weary and halfhearted complaint she yells out your name
>She grabs her newspaper and you prepare for the same old routine

>"No. Bad."
>The rolled up paper hits you like a limp noodle
>At first it was nice that she gave up on grounding you
>But this is just demeaning
>You're not some pet
>The hits don't even hurt

>If she keeps this up you are going to lose it
*bonk*
>One of these days
*bonk*
>One
*bonk*
"THREE!"

>Later, at Anon's
"Hey Mr. Anonymous. What's black purple and white, and red all over?"
>"Uhhhh, a fucked up news paper?"
"That's one way of looking at it."
>>
I can't find that story about chosen undead anon in equestria.
Did it get deleted?
>>
>>27669550
http://pastebin.com/u/OverlordAnon
>>
>>27669613
thanks man
>>
The end.
>>
>>27670156
and then they all hugged
>>
NEW THREAD

>>27670235
>>27670235
>>27670235
>>27670235

NEW THREAD
>>
Thread posts: 503
Thread images: 125


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