>favorite pokemon >darkest secret

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Salamence
I once took two free samples of a cookie being advertised at the grocery store, not just one.

Golisopod
I never started playing pokemon until high school, starting with pokemon Y

>>32857031
Savage af

>>32857031
I'm calling the Police.

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>>32856992
Scizor
I struggle with severe depression despite my friends, family, and girlfriend believing I am incredibly successful and happy.

>>32857077
What do you do?

Minccino
I go online without my parents' permission

>>32857087
I'm a high paid technician at the office of an international electricity company.

>>32857077
Don't we all

>>32857099
Is it monotonous?

>>32857114
No, my job is fine. I'm just dissatisfied with the world I suppose. Money really doesn't buy happiness.

>>32857137
i'd gladly be in your shoes,

happiness will never come to you if you refuse to realize the luck and things you have

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I use 4chan

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Togekiss
I get turned on by my own farts.

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regice
I've fapped in a public restroom three different times.

>>32857213
Did you cum

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>Tyranitar
>I took a pair of my mom's black satin panties as a child and hid them in my pillow because I liked how they felt

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I have falseflagged as certain starterfags and genfags while acting obnoxious as possible to annoy everyone involved

>>32857229
of course

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I press A when a game tells me to press start

Haunter
I took quite a few creepshots back in the day a couple years ago and got my ass banned from one specific place and location not I give a fuck about it anyway lmfao and I lost those creepshots anyway

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>>32857253
You know it doesn't count if you accidentally touch your dick

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Claydol

My pathological need to be useful is no longer enough to support my motivation to live and I may be dead by the end of the year, even if I don't have enough money saved to pay for my corpse processing.

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Raticate
My bestfriend's girlfriend sexually assaulted / raped me a couple months ago

>>32857313

Now please tell me the rest of the story

Alakazam
once I was at a friend's house and after he fell asleep I went through is phone, found nudes from his girlfriend and sent them to my phone.

>>32857433
We're waiting

>>32857313
Good taste, anon.

Was it good for you?

>>32857433

How'd you manage to have sneakily transferred the photos? How'd you even unlock his phone, unless it didn't have a lock screen?

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>>32856992
Gardevoir
Sometimes, when I'm having a really bad day, I alleviate stress by indulging in a bizarre fantasy where I imagine I'm at Andrew Anglin's apartment holding a gun to his head and ranting about how fucking awful his godforsaken website is like holy shit it blows my mind it's so fucking horrible. It always ends with me putting the gun to my head and pulling the trigger. I've never told anyone about this, and I don't plan to. Hopefully it just stops soon and I find some other way to soothe myself.

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>>32857190

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my friend made his dog fuck me, it didn't feel nice.

>>32857490

Are you a girl

>>32857508
Up to you to decide

>>32857490
>favorite pokemon is zoroark
>my friend made his dog fuck me
>it didn't feel nice
how?

>>32857468
I knew his passcode, he'd told it to me a while back so I could unlock it to make a call while my phone was dead. As for sneaking the pictures, i just erased the messages on his phone after sending them.

>>32857516

Just spill the beans

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i voted for Trump while I say I voted for Hillary because all my friends are hyperdramatic cucks

>>32857526
His dog was pretty heavy and rough. It just hurted a lot. Worst is my friend has videos of me so I am forced to be with him

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>>32857455
>Was it good for you?
No

>>32857393
>bestfriend is kind of fragile
>he gets exhausted with doing bf obligations so he implicitly tells me to do it cause we're both in school for the same thing
>Don't lie the gf cause she's really touchy
>go on for about a year meanwhile doing some of his duties
>taking her shopping, hanging out with her, talking with her on phone at night, go get dinner etc.


>not really part of the story but she's really descriptive with her sex life
>Constantly talks about it in a disgusting way
>pic related
>also refers to me as her gay bffl despite not being gay


>take her to a bar one night cause I wanted to see someone there
>person isn't there so we just start drinking with some of the people at the bar
>she dresses slutty so she gets a lot of male attention
>around 3am, both of us are really drunk, and 1 or 2 of the guys wants to take her home
>don't really feel comfortable with them taking her since they're sketchy guys so make excuse that her sister was calling for her
>literally drag her 5 city blocks to get her back to her apartment
>in her apartment, she drags me into the bedroom simultaneously removing her clothing
>i move away into the living room but fall down cause I'm really drunk
>pass out for a bit
>her hand is down my jeans and she's placing my hand on her breasts
>takes off my pants
>i tell her i have to go right fucking now
>straddles me for a little longer
>finally push her off
>get up to leave
>fall down a little and end up headbutting her wall and vomiting in the lobby of her apartment
>dented wall

She got mad at me for denting the dry wall.

Kingdra

I have a foot fetish

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>>32856992
>pic related
I've had a better relationship with my pillow than any real girl I've been with.

>>32857558

Basic pleb. What else about your foot fetish?

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Chandelure
I've been having very romantic and sexual thoughts towards my best friend, I've even masturbated to thoughts of him. I'm getting to the point where I don't know what to do anymore because of how attached to him I am. I literally cannot fall in love with anyone else because of this and I'm too anxious about the thought of him not wanting anything to do with me anymore if I tell him I love him. I don't even know if he considers me a best friend.

>>32857547
But I thought Trumpfags loooved those libtard tears, eh? Just goes to show what cowards the r/the_donald crowd really are.

All hail Assad our lord and saviour!

>>32857031
For some reason this actually angers me and I dunno why.

>>32857555
Why were you doing shit your friend is supposed to be doing for his girlfriend? Seriously this shit
>taking her shopping, hanging out with her, talking with her on phone at night, go get dinner etc.
was a big sign that this wasn't going to end well.

>>32857255
what place?

>>32857555
Dude, she's yours now

>>32857563
Are you fugging a snorlax pillow, anon?

>>32857582
Just tell him already faggot, odds are he feels the same about you too

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>>32857254
Amazing taste
I do that too

>Vespiquen
>I'm in a loveless relationship nearing a decade long

>>32857636
Haven't talked to her in months. They're still together i think. They're still fucking, I know that for sure.

>>32857604
Because my friend knew i was "loyal" and he's not wrong. She's repulsive to me. And he's my bestfriend. If i can make his life a little easier, that's not so bad.
>big sign it wasn't going to end well
I didn't think it'd end with her sexually assaulting/raping me.

>>32857583
Its more than you think, were I work you get fired if someone know if you voted Trump, always under another excuse but those libfags are still salty, what a bunch of bad losers, this is why I voted for the right wing, at least you can talk with a rightwing about contrarin thing to their political position, leftwings jump to your throat if you do that.

>>32857455
>was raped
>''WAZ IT GUD''

Man you autists are so fucking retarded

>>32856992
ninetales
when I was a child my sister and I used to perform oral sex on each other

>>32857582
If you're a grill, tell him. 99% chance he's down. If you're a guy, oh man is that a mess.

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>>32856992
>Sylveon
>I was unfortunate enough to develop a vore fetish.

>>32857667
Take this somewhere else /pol/tard

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>>32856992
My family thinks I'm gay, I'll feel sorry for disappoint them...

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I let one of my dogs lick my dick until I came. It wasn't that enjoyable.

>>32857683

Did she like sucking you off more?

>>32857678
Some people are into rape fantasies anon
Personally I enjoy getting fart raped by a stranger expressing his male dominance on a train when he farts.

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>>32857678
/vp/.

>>32857683

>>32857705
if you enjoy it and want it to happen, by definition it is not rape

>>32857704
When I say "on each other" I guess what I really mean is she would lick my dick a few times and then push me down and straddle my face, forcing me to eat her out. So the answer is no.

>>32856992
Sharpedo

I have a small penis. Not totally dark but i'll take it to my virgin grave

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>>32857712
But what if you get raped and you end up liking it before you realize you're into it?

>>32857692
>>32857582
This. Unless of course he's already in a relationship

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I'm in love with a girl and I don't think I'll ever be able to get over her.

I always push back girls I get along with because I don't feel comfortable dating them knowing that I'm already in love.

I met her at work 3 years ago, we instantly became best friends. She's in love with a guy with the same name as me who likes everything I like. Literally EVERYTHING I like. I've been planning their anniversaries and helping her finding him gifts for his birthday for the past 3 years because I know she loves him more than anything.

Once I stopped talking to her for like 3 months because I couldnt stand it anymore and it ended up hurting her so much. I could never do that again.

>>32857213
>ONLY 3 times

>>32857616

A Starbucks. The ban was just from that particular location so I can stop by any of their other locations if I want. Pretty much thot centrals

>>32857764
>Once I stopped talking to her for like 3 months because I couldnt stand it anymore and it ended up hurting her so much. I could never do that again.
This is where you fucked up, you came back. I was where you were a few years ago, but when she turned me down for someone else? I cut her out. Over time I improved myself, I strove to become a better man. And awhile back? SHE came crawling to ME. Now we are in love and couldn't be happier.

You don't deserve this pain, anon. If you aren't good enough for her, she isn't good enough for you.

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>>32857695
show exactly were I was politacly incorrect

>>32857841
She didnt turn me down for someone else, she was already with him when I met her. I'm not ''not good enough for her'', I'm good enough for her, that's why i'm her best friend.

I never tried to make any move on her, she has absolutely no idea I'm in love with her and I don't want her to know. She's not with a retarded Chad, the guy she's with is a great person.

I just wish I could get over her.

>>32857871
:(
Make a move on her. You have only one life, do this, or live the rest of your life in regret

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>>32857705
What the fuck

>>32857927
It's a joke anon.
Though people actually do enjoy pseudorape foreplay.

>>32857871
I know she's not into me. Not because she doesn't like me but simply because she's totally in love with her boyfriend.

I never gave her any hints I was into her because of that.

She's traveling in asia for the next 2 months, she's leaving in 2 days. I'll try to get over her during that time.

>>32857943
meant to link to this >>32857920

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I lost my virginity to a shemale escort

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Pic related
I completely cut contact with near everyone I knew from high school and undergrad, including a guy who now I'm sure had a crush on me. Purged facebook, stopped responding to messages and calls, the works. Only person worth keeping around was my best friend, everyone else drained too much energy to continue interacting with them.

>>32857957
Is that your darkest secret? I did the same thing, it's part of growing up.

>>32857552
What did he do to make you agree to it?

>>32857753
I am a guy, and said friend is bi as well. The biggest reason I'm scared to admit feelings is because he's been in past relationships that have always ended in abuse towards him or the other person obsesses over him so much to the point where he can't take it, and that's where I'm scared I'll fuck up.

>>32857974
Hey, I don't know how old you are, but here's a quick tip. If every relationship someone has been in has been bad, it's probably their fault. You might be better off giving up on him.

>>32857964
I guess? Felt a little guilt after seeing people trying to get my attention but now that's gone. Maybe it's cause I'm still youngish. Can't think of any scandalous secret.

Lol fuck off /r9k/

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I want to get fucked by a cute dog but have no interest in having sex with a guy. I'm a girl.

>>32857702
shame on u doggos are pure and should not do stuff like that

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>>32857999
I'm so, so, sorry in advance for what is about to happen. Trolls are going to come into the thread and they will be saying some very hurtful things about you. They will call you some very hurtful names. But none of those things are true. How could they possibly know? How could they possibly know how beautiful you really are? How sweet and compassionate you are? I'm so sorry about them, please do not let them hurt you.

>mfw thinking about you hurting

I just want to see you shine and flourish. You are so precious to me. I want to write poetry and sing songs about my love and adoration for you and all of your perfections. My name is Brian, by the way. I know that you're tired of all the assholes and jerks. I know how you feel baby doll. I know. I am different. I am the nicest guy you will ever meet, and if anything I'll be the one in the kitchen. I live in London. Please be in London.

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>>32857455
>first question he asks a victim is "was it good"

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>>32858017
>my name is Brian

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>>32858017
goddamn it this gets me every time

>>32858017
Thank you so much anon, please come destroy my pussy. You've shown me that no dog can show me true love like you've demonstrated to me here.

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>>32857678
>implying one of the most traumatizing things about rape isn't that women don't know how to process enjoying it

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I work drawing porn commissions. My parents have no idea about computers and they think I'm a sort of web developer, and when they ask me about my "works", I use 4chan, telling them it's a new website that I'm creating.

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>>32857764
>>32857841
>>32857871
>>32857943
>Being a fucking orbiter
>Ever taking back a woman
>Not just taking what you want

>>32857487
The Daily Stormer's stupid, but there are worse websites out there anon calm down.

>>32857999
Sufferage was the greatest mistake.

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>>32856992
Porygon-Z
I just got penis surgery about one week ago.

>>32858065

Are you a male or female artist?

>>32857487
N-no, Goy! He's one of us. Don't kill the controlled opposition!

>>32858071
>being such a loser that you end up on /r/redpill
>thinking about women as a way to have a sexual release instead of as human being
>deciding on who you fall in love with
>using the word ''taking'' instead of developping a relationship

I understand that the added IQ of the alt-right is about 95 but please stay in /pol/, they made you a containment board for a reason

>>32858109
>everyone I don't like is the spooky /pol boogeyman

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>>32858021
It's so easy to spot newfags. Do you actually know what website you are on?

>>32858123
Newfag would be if I was surprised,i'm not surprised,i'm just pointing out that he's retarded

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>>32857702
>favorite pokemon is also noivern
>was going to confess this exact same thing
Really makes me think

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>>32857213
>he didn't fap in the high school stalls
>he didn't fap in the college stalls
>he didn't fap in the work office stalls
>he didn't do it nearly everyday
I think I have a problem.

>>32858154

You are me

>>32858148
So uh, how's it going, me?

>>32858154
I don't see the problem in wanking no more than once a day more days than not, though
>polishing your doorknob in public stalls

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>>32858109
>Falling in love
>Falling in love with a worthless hole
>Falling in love with a worthless hole who has no interest in you
>Falling in love with a worthless hole who has no interest in you but hoping she'll show interest one day
>Falling in love with a worthless hole who has no interest in you but hoping she'll show interest one day after she's finished riding the cock carousel
Your life has been a series of mistakes, anon. Just end it.

>>32857077
Get help. Life is too short to spend it being fucking miserable all the time. I speak from experience.

You are defective, but your defect can most likely be repaired through medication and therapy.

>>32857077
Kill yourself, loser.

>>32858135
Did you consider the fact that 4chan is a circlejerk of trolls and he was probably being retarded on purpose? As the old song goes:

You've been trolled, you've been trolled
You have probably been told
Don't reply to this guy, he is just getting a rise
Out of you, yes it's true
You get mad, and that's his cue
To start trouble on the double
While he strokes his manly stubble
You've been trolled, you've been trolled
You should probably just fold
When the only winning move is not to play
You just keep on trying
Mindlessly replying
You've been trolled, you've been trolled
Have a nice day

Replying to shitposters just gives them more (You) to encourage further shitposting.

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>>32856992
[spoiler I'm gay]

>>32858216
>someone admits they are unironically severely depressed
>"kill yourself lol"
God I hate this website

please tell me this is someone else posting with Lily's name on, i don't want to believe another meganiumfag would say this

>>32858084
please explain

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Gastrodon

I masturbated in a hotel room where my brother, mother, and father were sleeping in three times just this week.

I'm actually so ashamed that I don't want to list my actual pokemon in fear of being remembered. I do love gastrodon though.

>>32858227
What about "Asshole of the Internet" don't people understand? Oh wait, it's summer...

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>>32858216

>>32858201
Are you implying that I'm hoping she will end up having interest? That's just you projecting my boy. This is the difference between sane persons and red pilled beta losers. You guys are so pathetic and have such a low self esteem that you can't think of women as anything other than a hole.

>>32858227
They should kill themselves if they're going to be a faggot

If it makes you feel better believe that!

>>32858243
>every board is /b/ and I've got to look like I'm not underage by posting M-MUH SUMMERFAGS

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>>32858188
i enjoyed it quite a bit though so im not exactly you

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>>32856992
>grovyle
I stole over $200 worth of pokemon cards and I don't regret it one bit, actually I do, I wish I quit the Pokemon TCG earlier and stole more YGO

>>32858255
Namefags should be gassed

>>32858216
>>32858216
Don't listen to a namefag,their word means literally less than nothing

>>32858248
>You guys are so pathetic and have such a low self esteem that you can't think of women as anything other than a hole
What's the connection here? Genuinely interested in how you came up with that. Show your work.

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>>32856992
Metagross

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>Gengar
I'm really bad about holding grudges for shit. I don't even know why, if someone does something even remotely annoying to I mark it as like "oh, x did y, nice." It's not really a secret but it's a terrible habit I try to work on getting rid of.

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>>32857699
>lost virginity at 15 with a girl
>tell dad
>almost certain he didn't believe me because never really had a gf or had any interest to get one
>always gave me hints that he considered a probability that I was gay
>"Fucking faggots... THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM AGAINST THEM BTW!"
>finally force my way into a relationship with a girl I barely knew at the age of 20 but break up after a month
>dad still throws the hints

>>32858229
>be 12
>noticed dick was somewhat leaned to the left
>tell dad
>"it's normal, son"
>be 16
>notice it's pretty curved
>can't pee while standing up anymore from now on
>"it's normal, son"
>be 20
>penis took a 1/4 circle shape
>spasms on penis frequently
>hard time peeing
>"Oh shit, son!"
>get checked; it's Peyronie's Disease
>dad tells me he wants to save my sexual life even though my sexual life is as active as a rock
>dad flies me to capital city and gets me a $8,000 penile surgery
>stitches all over my dick now
>erections hurt now (really, really bad)
>wake up twice per night because of wet dreams
>quite literally owe my dad a girlfriend

>>32857583
>all voters are the same
This is why I hate American politics.

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>>32858320
holy shit anon just learn to crossdress and get SRS at that point

>>32858331
I'm not gay, though.

>>32858339
Become a lesbian.

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I've requested foot fetish stuff of this guy on /trash/

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>>32858237
Damn, I thought this would be considered gross even for /vp/, I don't feel as bad now.

>>32857583
> Just goes to show what cowards the r/the_donald crowd really are.
>1 poster on vp is everyone
Also that's not being a coward,it's only being a coward if you are a 12 year old like you with no social interaction.

>>32858339
We're telling you to go trap.
What part of that is gay?

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>>32858340
>>32858356
I haven't seen enough anime for this shit.

>>32858320
well that sucks

>>32858348
I masturbated under a blanket in the back of a van during a road trip so youre not alone

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I paid for something with exact change, but instead of a penny i used a Canadian penny despite being in america

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>>32858291
>image
>filename
Singularity can't come soon enough.

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>>32858237
I used to do that all the time.
>you'll never masturbate in clean, good smelling, hotel bathrooms with your iPod Touch 3 again.

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>>32858223
>being a closet gay in the decade of the non-cis
Literally what's stopping you?

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I still bite my nails and pick my nose. Picking my nose is the only way I can accurately clean it, I think more people should do it honestly.
>>32858369
Fucking diabolical.

>>32858392
Do what i do and do it in the shower, so you can just rinse it down the drain.

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>>32858320
>Mfw my cock is slanted
>Mfw I need to turn a little to pee
>Mfw I may have Peyronie's Disease
I-it's probably nothing, r-right anons?

>>32858392
Eating them also supposedly helps your immune system. It's like weight lifting for your spleen.

>>32857137
>Money really doesn't buy happiness.
Than I guess you'll just have to rent it.

>>32858414
If it's always been like that you're fine.

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Araquanid

I have saved copious amounts of degenerate porn on my computer. If anyone found out the kind of stuff I fap to my social life would be destroyed and my family would endlessly ridicule me.

>>32858437
Never save porn anon, it can only end badly. Put it all in a Dropbox or something.

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>>32858420
I don't eat them dude I did as a kid but stopped.

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Bulbasaur
I have met and had sex with at least ten different people from 4chan. I've only had one partner not from 4chan, and that was two months ago.

>>32858392
Use cotton swabs and a mirror instead, it's cleaner and easier.

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>>32858433
Not necessarily.
Source: me.

>>32858414
How slanted is it? Also, there are two kinds of penile curvatures and can only be diagnosed by a doctor. Don't Google your symptoms and don't get overly-stressed like I did.

The surgeon said my problem was due to a circumsision mistake, but I'm not too sure about that. I masturbated quite a lot through my life, never with lotion (just dry) and did horsemanship all my childhood which can hit your nuts quite a lot.

>>32857742
Than under North Carolina's new laws you can't claim rape.

Typhlosion

I'm a home nudist.

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>>32858470
>cleaner and easier
I stick my finger in my nose, can't really be easier then that. Also safety? I don't think I can die picking my nose.

>>32858493
Cotton swabs are smaller and more accurate is what I meant. And I never said anything about safety, but if you use cotton swabs and throw them away afterwards you won't have to bother with handwashing.

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Flygon!
I dress up in girls clothing like thigh-highs and gloves and fap, even though I'm mostly straight.

>>32858465
Do you frequent /soc/?

>>32858491
does it really count if youre home alone?

>>32858512
>straight
kek

>>32858513
It's my main board alongside /vp/.

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Crawdaunt and Sharpedo

I want to fuck and be fucked by a japanese trap girl so much, its one of my biggest dream and im not even gay

>>32858513
>>32858522
Guys...

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>>32858507
Sorry, my mistake on the "safety" part. Honestly I don't really care about how accurate it is, does it fine enough.

>>32858514
Not really but theres nowhere for me to do it with others without taking a 6 hour drive

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I don't have any favorite Pokémon. I don't have any secrets. My life consists of eating,, sleeping walking and shitposting. And sometimes studying. I don't have any Friends. I barely talk with anyone.

I spend my time monitoring all of you from the shadows

>>32858545

epic story man

>>32858465
London?

>>32858522
>>32858526
"Guys" what? A few years ago, I regularly posted there, and I was very active when it was new. Being a camslut for gayboys who liked twink porn helped me with my self-esteem issues and made me more comfortable with the concept of sexuality and being nude in front of others. Sadly, my only friend I ever made there hated one of my other friends once our circles met, and he disowned me for it. It kind of hurts, since he was the only person I knew who liked to play Borderlands 2, and we otherwise got along pretty great.

>>32858545
Fucking based

>>32858545
Are we doing a good job?

>>32858420
This is probably why I never get sick. I honestly think nose picking is like masturbating, everyone does it but no one wants to admit it to.

>>32858553
No, I'm not in the UK.

>>32858545
I got one up on you
I do all that except study

>>32858545
Literally Zygarde

>>32858516
I get this a lot. People have a hard time differentiating between transvestic fetishism and transgenderism. It kind of irks me, especially when women do it. I've been forced to date a bunch of SJWs, and each one turned into a disaster.

>>32858545
But than who watches the watcher!?

>>32858433
It's relatively recent. It's been within a few years.
>>32858475
I tried to get erect and do some trigonometry. As it turns out, it's really hard to force an erection. I'd say it's within the 15°~45° area, but I'm not sure.

>>32858581
That's not what I asked.

>>32858603
Then what did you ask? If I'm from London? If it's not that, then I don't know what you're asking.

Blaziken
Greninja
Metagross
Gengar
Garchomp
Tapu Koko

>>32858628
>>>/out/
It's summer. Go outside.

>>32857974
Kill yourself FAGGOT

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>>32856992
I "accidentally" killed a friend. That's the story my lawyer had me stick to, at least. It was more the result of my stupidity than an accident.

>>32858678
Go on.

>>32858678
>Involuntary manslaughter
>On /vp/
Do tell, anon. I want to hear about this.

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Empoleon
I been having crushes on fictional characters since I was 8. And my crushes are anthropomorphic animals 90% of the time. I don't fap to furry porn, though.

>>32858641
It's 2 in the morning anon.

Druggidon
I really want to make online friends but talking unanon flares up my anxiety and I'm an extremely flaky person.

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>>32858523
>>32858512
wew

>>32858688
Nothing dramatic. I was out drinking with 7 of my friends/colleagues, a fight unrelated to us broke out, we tried to "smooth" things up by force because we felt alpha enough, didn't realize another one of friends who didn't come with us was also amidst the chaos. We thought he had passed out, from drinking too much or otherwise, didn't realize how serious it was until too late.
Got away mostly because I had money, my friends ended up helping out and I got a good lawyer. Stopped drinking ever since.

once in a home party i drank so much rum i began to puke compulsively and my vomit literally covered all the walls, floor and the bed of the girl room and also her bathroom. The weird thing is she didn't make even the minor fuss about it, this happened 4 years ago and she's still my friend and i still go to her home parties

>>32858695
>Involuntary manslaughter
>On /vp/
I know, if anything you would think it would be voluntary.

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>>32858749
damn forgot the pokemon

>>32858748
So you guys smashed his skull in by accident?

>>32858749
Why aren't you fucking her, you dyke.

>>32858764
Well, the only "accidental" part was WHO the target was. We did join a fight by choice. We certainly didn't do that hold hands.

>>32858771
I'm male and we fucked sometimes but she has a boyfriend since two years ago

>>32858790
And?

>>32858749
who could stay mad at a 4 year old?

>>32857985
>person I knew dated two people
>one turned out to be abusive
>the other was an alcoholic who couldn't manage money
>but it was totally her fault in the relationship for not knowing these things right from the start
You're a fucking idiot
Don't listen to this anon, and just go for it >>32857974 ,if you love him that much, give it a shot

>>32858832
Yeah, two is totally a significant sample and its not heavily implied by >>32857974 that the other guy has been in a larger number of relationships

Moron

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>>32858465
>Gen. I starter
>sex
>most likely uses /soc/
Fucking roasties.

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>>32856992
Lampent
I use 4chan

>>32856992
Ditto
closet gay

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I fug my sister on regular basis but can't help but feel like she's only in it for the sex while I've been head over heels all my life and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding desperate.

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Zubat line
I secretly enjoy other people's stupidity. When people get together and argue over the most inane shit it brings an almost sexual pleasure to me.

>>32858897
that's fuckin hot

Chansey
Over the years I have pushed away everyone I've cared about because of how paranoid I am about how they feel about me, and I'm also very self-conscious. Coming out to people has also killed any desire for a relationship because it has brought me nothing but abuse.

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Aggron.
Steven Stone is my husbando.
No, really. I've been legitimately, autistically obsessed with him since RSE. I've also never been romantically or sexually interested in real people.

>>32858897
You're fugging your sister
Can't get more desperate than that

>>32858237
Ayy I did this too, sex drive is too damn powerful sometimes

>>32857190
Are you a boy or a girl?

Kingdra

I'm a pathological liar and will say anything to make others like me. I have my coworkers convinced that I have tons of friends and go to parties every weekend, when in actuality I don't do anything but sit alone at home and browse the internet. I struggle with moderate depression and while I know I should seek treatment, I view myself as weak for even considering it due to the mentality I gained from an abusive, hyper-masculine household while growing up.

I'm 21 and still a virgin. I'm far enough from a lost cause that I've been able to convince people I'm not

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>>32858990
forgot pic

>>32858990
It's not hard to convince people you're not a virgin if you're 21. I pretty much assume everyone over 20 ihas had sex unless they're a complete and utter intolerable autist.

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Croagunk
I raw my gf in her sleep to this day. We have a baby on the way. She thinks she's Mother Mary because we planned on not doing it till we get married.

>>32858990
21 year old virgin is not bad at all dude, if you were 30 then yeah. But 21 is just the beginning of the golden years my boy.

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>>32858951
yeah but imagined you were dating a chick and you tell her you love her but she just considers you friends w/ benefits, thatd be awkward as fuck

>>32859004
holy shit that's amazing

>>32859004
I had a gf who got turned on by the idea of this and asked me to do it whenever I wanted. She said it gave her good dreams.

>>32859004
She doesn't tell people that does she? People probably think you're a cuck.

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I once tried turning myself gay because I didn't have any success in finding a love interest of the opposite sex
[,spoiler]It didn't work
I'm still a virgin

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My 12 year old niece is trying to blackmail me into becoming her boyfriend

>>32859004
How does she not wake up during your rape of her anon?

>>32859093
she doesn't exist

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>>32859088
>flygon
>virgin
no surprise there

>>32859090
What's the blackmail?

>>32858990
I'm 25 and still a virgin, but I look young enough to pass for a 16, so I'm just going to lie when I do finally find someone

>>32859090
Stick it in.

>>32859099
Dubs confirm. Thanks anon for helping me prove i was a fagot all along.

>Umbreon
>I have no sex drive or desires whatsoever, I've never even jerked off.

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Pic related
>be a 24 yo virgin
>video game autist with no real friends, let alone a boyfriend
>finally come to terms with the fact that I will never find a real partner
>buy a dildo
>try shoving it up my vag
>it hurts like hell
>didn't manage to push it past the tip
>pulsating pain in the vagina for the rest of the day
Guess it's nature's way of telling me I should never breed

>>32859161
What are you? Asexual? Gayyyy

>This meme was brought to you by the 90's.

>>32858365
I know a few people who did this, both of which were named Mathew funny enough (though different spellings)

>>32859167
you might want to go see a doctor, it could've just been your hymen but that's not really normal

>>32857597
It's because you're AUTISTIC anon. Get with the program and try to keep up.

>>32857555
Dude she obviously wants you and not him. She calls you gay because it's how she explains it to herself why you're not attracted to her. She is explicit about sex because she's trying to make you jealous or to be interested in her. And I don't blame her if her bf is too lazy to do anything with her. Why the fuck are they even dating then? Clearly she's not satisfied with that and wishes she could be with you instead.

I'm actually slightly angry about how incredibly oblivious you are to the fact this is a drama bomb that could explode at any moment.

>>32857943
Play Pokemon nonstop during that time anon and forgot all about her. Win Life gg

>>32858154
>he doesn't fap in the nursing home
>he doesn't fap at all his friends' funerals

>>32858030
>>32858030
Still a better love story than Twlight.

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I'm addicted to erotic hypnosis and can make my small cock cum hands free effortlessly either listening to some female voice "hypnotizing me" or pounding my prostate. I'm not attracted to men but I'm an extremely submissive male and would probably squirt like crazy if one ever fucked me

>>32859196
yeah that's what I'm considering doing, had problems with my reproductive system since puberty but this pushes it over the edge
honestly I'm glad I found it out by myself and not during my first intercourse, would've probably killed myself from embarrassment

>>32859277
best of luck to you anon. If it's any consolation, the first time I had sex it took like half an hour to be able to comfortably get it into the girl since she was a virgin also, so maybe sometimes it's just hard to do

>>32859167
This is me except my favorite Pokemon is Noivern
I can't even use tampons

>>32859167
You have to stretch it over time. You don't just shove the whole thing up the first time, you dumbo.

Also get a vibrator instead.

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>>32859285
Thanks anon, feeling slightly better about myself now
>>32859289
Damn that's rough, though tampons are thankfully easy to substitute

>>32858545
>Literally me.

>>32859316
i wish i could shove it up whole, but I literally didn't manage go further than the tip and that was already painful enough for me

and sorry, it was a vibrator not a dildo, though I guess the experience would've been the same either way

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I'm sort of a fatfag (as in a girl doesn't need to be a landwhale or chubby in order for me to like her). I've only had 2 gfs and the second one thought it was cute I liked tummies.

>>32859167
>24yo
Had you never masturbated or just not that way?

>>32858721
Join a Disqus channel. You take up an identity and they'll never know the real you.

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I had sex with my cousin when we were ~10, been avoiding him since. It's been ~14 years now.

>>32859354
By vibrator I mean one that stimulates the clit from the outside without penetration.

Also it takes several times to get anything more than a finger up there comfortably.

Just keep at it, you can do it and you'll be glad you did.

>captcha: mission entry

>>32858882
It's 20 fucking 17. What the fuck is stopping you?

>>32858721
Same, gave up trying when I hit 24 years old.

>>32858902
I feel like your spoiler totally fits in with the Zubat line. They would be giant trolls in real life.

>>32859167
L O N D O N???

>>32859379
Maybe he lives in a shithole like I do

>>32859379
not him but being gay is still illegal in a lot of countries and even if it is, your family might still be religious bigots who will throw you out and cut contact with you if you do.

>>32858948
Yeah I'm a Hoenn fag to and I always thought he had a unique design that I really liked.

But Flannery is still better anon.

>>32858948
Did you feel like ORAS did him justice?

>>32859393
The desperation is really cringeworth anon.

>>32859445
>>>/fit/

>>32859359
I finger myself occasionally but that's it. Wanted to try "the real deal" without finding a partner, especially since everyone from my friend circle is either married or in a long term relationship. Feels bad.
>>32859373
Yeah, might do, though I'm pretty discouraged right now. I'm still going to visit a doctor first though, I suffer from other sex related problems that just keeps stacking up as I get older. Thanks for the kind advice though.

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Gardevoir


Been jerking off to dicks, traps and gay porn for 3 weeks now, pretty sure I'm bisexual. I'd do anything to suck some dick desu. Fucking kill me.

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>>32859472
Stop watching porn

L-london?

>>32859458
Well I mean, I am sure there are thousands of dudes that are willing to help you on this site.

>>32859472
do it yourself faggot

>>32857660
Why not just end it anon?

>>32859488
No one deserves to have to settle for the pencil dick, self absorbed beta males that populate this site.

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I was raped as a child

>>32859535
Details

>>32859535
How many times?

>>32859535
By who?
boy or girl?

>>32859546
>>32859543
you sick fucks

>>32859543
>>32859546
>>32859548
we're degenerate

>>32859549
Look, it's pretty obvious they're a faggot who went back for more. Liking Scizor is just asking for it.

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Chingling
I have broken heart and I have been wronged by some fucking retarded cunt and it took me at least 3 years to get out of that mental sinkhole. I felt terrible because she threw everything away over nothing and I don't even know why it got to me so much since we only met. I guess I had scarcity thinking and this crap just broke the camel's back and one night I drank too much because of all that happened and barfed and that was regretful too. I usually don't even drink and haven't for years. the day we met was Friday 13th and I'm not really superstitious but it was indeed a terrible day for most people involved.

>>32859559
i know you're baiting but knowing that there's probably someone somewhere who really believes that is just sad.

>>32859379
>It's 20 fucking 17.

don't pull that card and stop being a leftist.

>>32859563
Keep going.

>>32859563
you need to have passed fifth grade English class to post on this board thanks

>>32856992
Hoopa
>20 y.o. virgin guy w/foot fetish who secretly faps to female-related porn.

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>>32859564
Learn to laugh at others' pain, anon. Life will be a lot more fun.

>>32858545
You are nihilistic, intelligent, and have a wicked sense of humor.

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Bayleef
Probably the most secrecty secret that I have is that I'm a scaly, I've only told one other person and they're surprisingly not telling anyone given that said person is notorious for giving away secrets

Actually, even juicier is that person is a girl and we've actively shared about masturbating and tell each other when we're horny while texting so we can go fap. I've liked her since we started talking about that shit but she has gf, she's bi

>>32859580
>but she has gf
But you've got a dick, anon. Learn to use it.

>>32859569
keep going what? that's all there is. the depression hindered my progress in college and here I am just trying to forget and cope. it's a bit easier now. at least the feelings about revenge have faded.

>>32859399
No one is better than my husbando in my eyes, Anon. But you have good taste.

>>32859403
I have conflicted feelings because I know we won't be seeing Hoenn again in a long time, if ever, and he's not guaranteed to appear in other games or the anime, which makes me sad.

I didn't like his redesign initially - not fond of Sugi's art, especially male characters, but it grew on me. I have some issues with ORAS in general but I'm still happy that those games exist. They gave me that Latis roaming scene, tag battles in Maison, official merch and a scale figure and Mega Evolution specials. They also attracted a lot of talented fanartists, so I'm glad. Wish they'd done Emerald instead though because I was so looking forward to his cave fight.

Honestly, GF could make a "game" with a single, linear route and I'd buy it if he was in it.
I played the demo after ORAS was released because he was in it. I know I'm everything wrong with the fanbase but if USUM actually ends up having a PWT-style thing and he is in it, I'll buy those games even though I didn't like SM.

>>32859587
Elaborate on what happened.

>>32859572
fuck off.

>>32859592
nah, I don't wanna.

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>>32856992
Sableye
I've had sex with my cousin (male) multiple times when I was a teenager

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The sound of my friend's laughter pisses me off and makes me want to hit them. I don't even know why it pisses me off.

>>32859595
Is it almost time for summer school already? Don't miss the bus, buddy.

>>32859597
Fag or Slut?

>>32856992
What even qualifies as a "dark" secret? I have secrets but I wouldn't consider most to be dark.

>>32859602
Misophonia?

>>32859602
If you have anxiety you might be suffering from sensory overload or something. The sound my mother makes when she eats makes me irrationally mad and she's not even a loud eater.

>>32859624
It mostly happens when i'm focusing on something else and i hear it repeatedly. It's over a discord call, so i can't actually hurt them, at least.

>>32859619
I've never heard of this

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>>32859602
>>32859624
>>32859633

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Feraligatr. Specifically 2nd fen because of the superior sprite

I steal panties ALL THE TIME. I can not help myself when the opportunity arises. I've stolen/sniffed/jerked off to almost every single female that has come into my life. Friends' sisters, cousins, female friends. I made a secret space in my junk drawer in high school to store my collection. Dozens of plastic bags of panties. They are probably still there unless my parents cleaned out my old room.

>>32859650
Nice. I wish I had your balls.

>>32859650
>unless my parents cleaned out my old room
Why is this not a bigger fear for you?

>>32859674
I'm across the country. Not much I can do from here. I'm planning on going back next summer so hopefully they survive another year

>>32859690
I meant more like you're not worried about your parents finding bags of panties and their reaction?

>>32859719
Years of disappointment has lowered the bar enough to where some panties are not going to rock their world.

>>32859650
I think I only ever did something like that twice, once in high school with a girlfriend that wouldn't put out. The family was away for the weekend and I was feeding pets, so I jerked off on her bed, but didn't actually take the panties.
The other time was a roommate, we fucked years later and she doesn't know... she did know I stole nudes off her computer though.

>>32858902

Which is why you're on /vp/?

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>>32859445
fucking newfag

>>32859781
That was worded awkwardly, I didn't rape her, she knows we fucked. She doesn't know about the panties.

>>32859580
>they're surprisingly not telling anyone given that said person is notorious for giving away secrets

I guarantee you they already told someone and you just haven't found out. They just didn't want you to know they did. I would know this because I'm a horrible secret spiller myself.

>>32859543
>>32859546
>>32859548
>>32859549
>>32859557
>Bout 5 times between 6-9
>I'm male
>Was my older brother (+2years)

it was awful during,but think made me gay and I kinda wanna see if he would do it again

>>32859833
Why do you think you do it, Anon? I'm not very good at keeping secrets either. I think I want to be liked and to sound interesting, but I'm very boring so I just do that instead

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>>32856992
I'm a bit of an exhibitionist

>>32859861
wow