/cyoag/ CYOA General

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>>51315262
I hate the post limits on the blue boards.
2/10

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>>51315280
3/10

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>>51315298
4/10

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>>51315316
5/10

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>>51315337
6/10

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>>51315354
7/10

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>>51315374
8/10

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>>51315386
9/10

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>>51315406
And our final chapter. Alright, first time is always terrible. What did I do wrong? What did I do right? Fuck my shit up, senpai.

>>51315262
I'll be honest, just with the first page, the compression is horrible. Lots of artifacts.

>>51315262
>Flying ship
Oh cool, really looking forward to this cyoa

>You are an extra speshul snowflake, young one.
I know that power fantasies and wish fulfillment are the bedrock of cyoas but come on. This fulcrum business just makes me feel like I'm making a character in some mediocre young adult fantasy series with twenty books.

>>51315420
Also the fonts could use some outline, white one many lighter colours is pretty hurt to read.

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Heres the last Genie gallery

>>51315415
Give me some time. This is a lot to digest.

Right off the bat however I can tell you I dislike the use of such an incredibly diverse color palette and that the grey text color is a bad choice.

Other than that all is good. I'll make a build in a bit.

>>51315430
Also, put some border between each image, especially on the companions part.

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And here's the first page of Fairy King again for anyone who doesn't read the second half of threads.

>>51315459
This one is probably personal, instead of using sharp edged square, incorporated a rounded one instead. Or using some borders, just simple like a simple painting frame is fine.

>>51315262
Only real question I got. You say higher skills cost more points. So is taking a 3 in something going to cost three points in total, is will it take 6 (1 for first, 2 for second, and 3 for third)

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>>51315438
Did you not like the cleanup?

>>51315280
What's an Arcana Bonus?

>>51315262
Text is a bit hard to read in some places. It also feels directionless. Like what exactly will I be doing.

>>51315415
>What did I do wrong?
You didn't consider how this would look on other screens, I'd guess. I'm sure all this text looks perfectly clear on your screen, but on smaller screens or screens with higher contrast the text can be hard to read, especially on the gold and platinum sections of the gear page.

>What did I do right?
You don't believe in starting small, do you? Honestly I'm not sure whether your ambition is a strength or a weakness, because DAMN is this an impressive first offering, but at the same time, it has obvious issues you'd have been made aware of if you'd put forth a smaller project first.

Other than that, good mix of elements. You've got the power fantasy, plenty of mechanics, setting depth, and a metric fuckton of companions including a bunch of waifu types.

>>51315525
>>51315438
Does this person not know english? Jesus christ I'm from fucking venezuela of all places and these spelling mistakes are just atrocious.

>>51315420
Not sure what you mean, everything looks fine to me, though to be fair I have shit eyesight, so that might just be my inbuilt blur effect compensating.

>>51315428
>power fantasy
It's no different from the other thousand and three SUDDENLY YOU BE POWER cyoas.

>excited
Good to hear!

>>51315430
>>51315459
>>51315485
I hear you.

>>51315439
Cool.

>>51315487
It would cost six total. (one to move to rank one, two to two, three for three).

>>51315541
Arcana bonuses are listed at the bottom of each Lore of Magic entry. Each lore has a particular, powerful, potentially gamebreaking bonus effect.

>>51315547
>Like what exactly will I be doing.
Whatever you feel like doing, really. It's a big character creator more than anything.

>>51315599
The text and such are fine, however the image, like in the first page's Luna. Are not quite as sharp. Probably bad compression, or the source image source resolution are too small.

>>51315415
The thing that stands out to me the most is a lack of a consistent art style. most of it is pretty good, but some of the more cartoony ones can be jarring by comparison

>>51315525
THE SPELLING! THE GRAMMAR! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>51315599
How do the discounts for Craftsman and Tradesman interact? Additive for 90% at highest ranks, Multiplicative for 80% (1*.5=.5*.4=2), or highest applies?

Do they not apply to the same items? If so that needs to be clarified.

>>51315599
So do you have to fill a magic tree to get an Arcana Bonus?

>>51315599
>It's no different from the other thousand and three SUDDENLY YOU BE POWER cyoas.

>You are a point of solidarity upon which the machinations of fate and fickle gods try to change the world.

Come on, that's some pretty over the top shit

Even Royal Revival, for instance, where you're the magical princess of a different world. You're still mostly just a person. A very powerful, very lucky person but you're still bound by the same rules as everyone else. I mean it's just a matter of taste but

>Whether you wish it or not, your decisions, large and small, will have deep rammifications for the world. You will shape reality around you, for good or ill,...

egh

>>51315525
I made it purely with MSPaint so I feel prety proud of it and its crushed images. yours looks better but it doesnt have the charm. Or maybe I'm the only person who would actualy care.

>>51315742
You're definitely the only person who thinks shitty quality constitutes charm in an age where free programs allow for so much more with so much ease.

retard.

>>51315742
If you know what you're doing, even MS paint can shrink images effectively. The trick is to not use the selector box and drag the corners. What you want to do is open the image you want to resize, then use the resize feature at the top (in the newer MS Paints, this is two overlapping boxes to the left of the pencil & eraser). This will resize the image with much better quality than dragging a selection box.

>>51315688
>>51315695
It's becoming clear that I need to clarify certain rules interactions.

As for discounts, they do stack, though crafting discounts still don't apply to relics. I think I'll have to add some kind of note about crafting perks not applying to alchemy items.

As for arcana, yeah, the idea is that you have to max out the tree to get it. I'll add a note about it in the next version.

>>51315722
I see the distinction as largely artificial. You're not the most powerful person in the setting, not even close (I can think of at least 10 companions that are more formidable than you). You're not so much powerful as you are important. Yeah, you can purchase superhuman abilities, but you're never going to be a god, and the more power you reach for, the more people are going to show up to fuck you up. You're more of a magnet for significant events than anything else. Perhaps I should have made my thoughts more clear in the intro, but the idea is that you're important, not godly powerful.

>>51315599
I'd go with renaming Arcana and Holy Faith as Arcane Insight and Divine Insight seeing as that's mostly what they do. Also, Holy Faith isn't getting a lot of love (in the second page at least)

>>51315438
>Malest


Well I can't be mad at some underage fag for actually contributing for once

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>>51315790
>but you're never going to be a god

>>51315790
Yeah that's fair. My problem isn't even with the power level. I guess I'm just more bothered by our status as the cyoa player being some ineffable quality that grants us extra importance. Most other cyoas that I like have at least a veneer of some actual reason for why things are happening to us and not other people.

>>51315790
Saying instead "whether you like it or not, you will be at the center of events whose outcome will have deep ramifications for the world" or something like it is more along the lines of what you seem to have in mind. I don't mind being a fate magnet and having to 'live in interesting times', but having it spelled out that simply jacking off is likely to topple empires and fell gods seems a bit much to me.

>>51315835
Holy faith is designed to be a much more focused skill than arcana. While arcana opens up a bonus for whatever path you choose to take, holy faith specifically exists to allow you to become a paladin. If you take all the holy faith/paladin relics, you end up potentially having a magic immune character with combat level 4, and potentially 10 Elite Knight bodyguards, which is absurdly OP.

One is a widely applied bonus that gives you an edge in magic, the other is a specific, narrow path that can lead to powerful bonuses.

>>51315867
Look closely at the arcana bonuses for the magic trees and the relics. You can end the universe if you're creative.

>>51315884
Yeah, but that's all it is, just a veneer, it means nothing. You could replace Fulcrum with prince, wizard, knight, paladin, whatever. You're an important person who's getting a free ride to power. I guess in the end this is a just a difference in taste, because i see the premise of a cyoa as almost entirely irrelevant. It's the build that matters, what you make of the situation. The design philosophy for Fulcrum was to be a very open ended character creator. You want to be a scary deathknight necromancer dude? YOu can do that. You want to be a baker scientist traveling the world with your harmless friends improving people's lives through food magic? You can do that. You want to go on a road trip with a group of diverse royal siblings? That too. I enjoy (and build) cyoas for the narrative potential. more than anything.

>>51315599
I don't know if this will be a problem, but stacking teachers if far more cost effective than taking separate ones if you want all 4 skills the two teachers would offer. Like say I want Command, Combat Skill, Crafting and Tradecraft at 2. That'd be 12 points before reduction.

If I took both teachers I'd get four skills at rank 1, and then spend 8 to get them up to par. Leading to a 4 point savings as if I didn't have the teacher.

If I only took Tristain I'd get Command and Combat skill to 2, then it's 6 points to get Craftsman and Trade to 2. A 6 point savings as if I didn't have either, and a 2 point one compared to if I took both teachers.

>>51315415
20 points for skills and 20 points for magic is way too much. You can take like 2/3rds of the options

>>51316003
1/4th of the skills and 1/5th of the magic, without any teachers.

>>51316003
It costs 6 points to max a skill (1 point for level 1, then 2 for 2, and 3 for 3 totaling to 6), you can take 11 skills which costs 66 points. So you have a little bit less than 1/3rd of the points. And it takes 15 points for magic to master one school, with 6 schools at 75 points total.

>>51316003
it takes 6 points to get to level 3, so sayeth the author. Needs to make that way more obvious.

>>51315415
I don't have time to make a build, but I love me some companions, so I'll choose those right now.

>Pyyrah
I feel bad for her, and she seems like a really good ally. She'll warm up to me. Hopefully.
>Gyuhrpa
Seems like a nice guy, and it helps that he knows some stuff
>Saint Solace of Musora
Need a group healer. Guess I'll just have to make sure the enemy is dead so she doesn't heal them.
>Svengarl
Really nice guy, good warrior, and all around team player. Literally no downsides.
>Sequary the young sleeper
A massively powerful nice dragon? Sweet.

Like I said, will do a build later.

>Harambe
Really?

>>51315790
You didn't answer a part of my question. How do they stack, additive or multiplicative?

>>51315262
Fulcrums by their nature don't exert control, but okay.

Harlen the Irish Dwarf seems a good choice. Earth is a mighty thing, and crafting is a useful skill. I suppose Oberon is also a good choice, for he is wise and prophecy is of boundless utility.

>>51315280
>I hate the post limits on the blue boards.
Get a pass, poorfag.

>CYOA
This is a bit confusing, what's the base level and what do the picks in the previous section give for free? What is the point of these two overlapping pages?

Besides being confusing, it looks tedious.

>>51315298
Why is everything so verbose? Fuck it, I'm done.

>>51316067
Never forget.

Tell me about that one CYOA idea you've got shelved because you couldn't get it right?

>Create a Saber Clone CYOA
>Magical Janitor CYOA
>Extreme Pareidolic Disorder Waifu CYOA

Are some ideas I threw around and never got to working on.

>>51316003
>>51316044
>>51316049
I should have make it more clear that point costs are cumulative.

It costs 6 to max out a skill (one, plus two, plus three)

It costs 15 to max out a magic tree (one, plus two, plus three, plus four, plus five)

>>51315984

>but stacking teachers if far more cost effective than taking separate ones
Yep, that's lore and mechanics. Lore because if you work with someone a lot, you tend to get to know them and work better with them, mechanics because the rest of the system incentives versatility above specialization with the cumulative point cost, and allowing you to doubletap a teacher in the beginning sets you up to finish off their skills easier. You can be focused on a specific archetype, but it'll eat up your points fast, or you can spread the points out and be incredibly well rounded.

Really. There were originally 4 meme characters. 3 now that I removed the lelf.

>>51316143
>Magical Janitor CYOA

How is it different from a regular janitor?

>>51316151
Maybe they animate brooms? And those brooms flood the wizard tower?

>>51316165
So why be a janitor if you can do magic?

>>51316118
God damn it stop making me think. You'd apply crafting discount first, then apply merchant discount to the remaining price.

>>51316123
Your input is duly noted. Like I said, this is literally the first CYOA I've made, so mistakes are a thing.

>>51315415
>What did I do wrong
There are some aesthetic concerns, like the font. Saving as png was a poor choice as well.

More importantly, looking at the CYOA itself, your serious problem is that you appear to have conflated quantity with quality. This is a good draft of options, but you skipped the step where you reduce the number before making the CYOA. Look at each section and think if it's really necessary. Think if you can do as much, or very close to, with less. Apply this thought at every level. Less sections, less options in the section, less words in the options.

>>51316173
Maybe you can't do magic as well as the other magic users. Sure, you could be an elite in normal society, but even a magical janitor is a step above that.

>>51316173
With the economy the way it is, you should be thankful you found a job at all.

>>51315415
I'm sorry because it's obvious you've put a lot of work into this, but it just doesn't feel fun. The visual design is grating even at its best and it feels like I'm slogging through waist deep water reading through everything and it's just not fun, not even the companions which are supposed to be the big draw on a CYOA of this sort just feel flat and unappealing.

Please try learning some more about visual design, pleasing color contrasts and learning how to use whatever software you're using.

I'm out.

>>51316193
Are you telling me that magic can't do everything?

>>51316203
Of course it can't, if it could, there wouldn't be any unemployed wizards.

>>51316221
If it could do everything, why would there be any need for wizards at all?

>>51316179
>Saving as png was a poor choice as well.
What would have been better?

>you skipped the step where you reduce the number before making the CYOA
I actually cut down quite a bit from the original, but I get your point. I've gotten "unfocused" as feedback from several people. I appreciate the criticism though, it was much more constructive than most.

>>51316196
Don't feel bad, I knew when I began that i'd be producing a clusterfuck. Nobody does great their first time.

>>51316230
Because someone needs to cast the magic. It isn't going to cast itself after all.

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>>51316247
>It isn't going to cast itself

>>51316196
>not even the companions which are supposed to be the big draw on a CYOA of this sort just feel flat and unappealing.
On second thought, could you elaborate on this point if you're still around? Do you mean they're flat and unappealing from a visual standpoint, or a writing standpoint?

>>51316247
That's a bad line of thought. You need to get a job making spell programs and learning Magical Intelligence (MI). It's smart, calculating, enchanted items that will take your job in the future. You need to get one of the jobs making those things.

>>51316276
You don't think I tried? All the positions at every company I checked are already full, and the ones that aren't have so many applications that I'm pretty sure mine just gets lost.

>>51316243
You should have made the backgrounds black or something since you're using brightly colored text. Just use colored borders or whatever, or for the items and shit it should just say tier 1, tier 2 after the name of the item. Maybe that would leave too little space between the text though, I don't know.

>>51316292
And they told as that all this "smart magic" would just make life easier, not take our jobs. It's like computers all over again.

>>51316320
And that's why I became a Wizard Janitor.

>>51316243
>What would have been better?
jpg. Not for your local copy (so you can avoid artifacting) but for what you post. Your filesize shouldn't be in the megabyte range.
>I actually cut down quite a bit
Not enough. Look at your first two pages, for example. Two separate pages that are both just "get your skills and magic". And each of those 18 options has four fucking paragraphs. Next page has 48 options each with a paragraph. Then the other pages have got a cumulative 351 paragraphs of describing singular items, all laid out in a big boring grid with an ugly sans-serif font in way too many colors and with no blank space. It's a giant wall of way too much shit.

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>>51316326
It's better than nothing. I feel for you.

Quick note to several different CYOA authors. A "tenant" is someone who pays you rent to live on your property. Philosophies do not have tenants. Philosophies do, however, have "tenets", core principles that make them up as bricks make up a wall.

>>51315280
Do skills and magic have separate point pools?

>>51316271
It's really a mix of everything.

From a a visual standpoint your art picks are just ridiculous and you end going from a picture of a body horror tier monster to some pink haired gnome with WoW armor and it instantly just makes the entire world feel that much less worthwhile. This really doesn't happen too frequently but even then you end up switching between artstyles, themes, and smaller details like characters with intricate backgrounds placed right beside characters with white backgrounds or colored backgrounds or characters that are 3d renders vs 2d traditional art. There's a lot that goes into allowing the reader to enter the world you're creating and uniformity of art is a big fucking deal.

From a written point of view you do the same thing, jumping from serious to comedic in the same sentences. You use a lot of "reduced" sentence structures which is common when the subject matter isn't that serious or otherwise gets done well, but when the picture above it is again a terrifying monster and your description is "eater of worlds, nice guy to have around" it feels cheap and the integrity of the world suffers for it.

A lot of these complaints can be leveled at Space Refugee too, which I think you drew a lot of inspiration from, but in that case the art remained mostly the same or attempted to transition to avoid the same shock and there were only a few companions which were offensively jokey like the giant cowboy ferret. Another thing to keep in mind is that the entire character creation process in Space refugee was one page while yours is several pages longer, tiring out the reader much more in the process of reaching the companion section.

And finally your writing just isn't that good.

This is what I can tell you off the top of my head.

>>51316375
I can't even remember the last time I've seen either of those words used in a CYOA. If I have seen them, I forgot glossed over them. I don't think I've ever used them in any of mine.

>>51315262
I actually love this.
The companion sections is really extensive and they are all unique and interesting.

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>>51316442

>>51316439
It's in the one at the start of this thread, which is why I thought of it, but it was also in the CYOA of someone who ought to have known better earlier. I think Battlemage?

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>>51316454

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>>51315262
>"Don't know anything about that, Sir, I'm just a farmer. To be frank with you I don't have the time to spare what with all the crops that need dealing with. Gonna have to decline."
>"Being a Fulcrum isn't something you choose, young one. We-"
>"Don't matter."
>"What?"
>"I said, don't matter none. If the gods and fate truly can't put a damper on our harvests then I reckon we'll pull good then this year, right?"
>"What? Listen, child, you coul-"
>"And if everything I do no matter the import will truly result in something great then doesn't it make the most sense for me to do what I know and am good at?"
>"..."
>"Now if you're interested and truly want to help I could use some hands to get this done. Willing?"
>"We're n-"
>"...to ensure that you're equipped to face whatever fate you may decide. Having your own is important out here, and it's what I'm deciding. Now lets get digging."

>>51316464
Ah, it's too late & OP is too long. I was going to look at it tomorrow.

>>51315262
Name: Gabriel Exitus

Teachers: Harlen of Caer Cuilhainx2

Skills: Combat Skill - 2 [-3,17]
Command - 2 [-3,14]
Crafting - 2
Tradecraft - 2
Governance - 1 [-1,13]
Alchemy - 1 [-1,14]
Shadowcraft - 2 [-3,11]
Investiagtion - 1 [-1,10]
Wild Lore - 1 [-1, 9]
Charisma - 2 [-3, 6]
Arcana - 3 [-6, 0]

Magic: Lore of Earth - 5 [-12,8]
Lore of Water - 3 [-6,2]
Lore of Fire - 1 [-1,1]
Lore of the Abyss - 1 [-1,0]

Inventory: Artificer Plate [-2400, 7600]
Ranger Mail [-150, 7450]
Artificer Weapons, Simple Claymore [-1120, 6330]
Earthforged Weaponsx2, Pair of Daggers [-180, 6150]
Artificer Bow [-1200, 4950]
Specialized toolsx3; Thief's kit, Blacksmith Tools and Alchemy tools [-960, 3990]
Traveling Supplies [-40, 3950]
Sky Frigate [-2800, 1150]
Skilled Workerx30 [-240, 910]
Knighthood, Knight Errant
Earthforged Weapon, Longsword
Plate Armor
Warhorse
Knight Bodyguard
Hireling
Academic Pass [-80, 830]
Trading Licence [-200, 630]
Golem [-320, 410]

Companions: Gyuhrpa
Nualla Pale
Phara Nagash
T'Qez Takalu
Sir Nemo Halsey

Fuck me sideways that was rough.

>>51316143
I wanted to make one about buying a child from human traffickers, but I didn't feel that I could do the subject justice in this format.

>>51316705
Try it, that sounds like a fun topic.

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>>51316705
It could be heartwarming, right?

>>51316378
Yes.

>>51316421
>Dissonance of theme
Yup! Totally okay with that, that was actually partially intentional. I wanted the overall result of builds to be enormously diverse. You can take this system and built a group of grimdark murders and monsters to take over the world, or take a few friends and open a cake shop. It can be fucking horrifying, it can be light and fun. Like real life.

>A lot of these complaints can be leveled at Space Refugee too, which I think you drew a lot of inspiration from
Yup. I was literally reading through that wishing it was fantasy instead of sci fi when I started making my own.

>And finally your writing just isn't that good.
No, my writing is fine, the issue is that I couldn't decide on format, like you pointed out. I don't see mixing themes as being a mistake (pink haired gnome next to cannibal rapist), but I mixed writing styles too much. With some characters that really inspired me I was trying to cut a page's worth of text down into a paragraph, and clipping long, wordy, descriptive sentences into short, clipped, more format-friendly versions. My original writing was fine, but in retrospect, I should have either committed to brevity or depth, because the mixed content I actually posted was flawed as hell.

>>51316445
Good to hear.

>>51316516
This guy gets it.

>>51316689
>Fuck me sideways that was rough.
That's what I'm getting. Much was learned today.

>>51316143
making a bionic arm
I finished the text in 2015, but then realized I have the Paint skills of a fish.....

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How many OC's in the last week? Jesus Christ did cyoag explode in popularity or creativity or something. They're actually visually decent and interesting as well. Keep up the good work, I love it.

Headpats for all the creators.

Also, SDA, I want to inquire about your card cyoa. Perhaps I'll Bliss contribute.

>>51316442
>Conspirator
>Augmentation
>Medium Scale
>Small Scale
>Iscariot
>Pandemonium
>The Outsider
>Blind Spot
>Voice In My Head
>Hacking
>Buying Time
>Identity Revealed+1
>Kidnapping +3
>Wanted: ABB, E88, Merchants, Coil's Organization +8
>The Candle

Honestly, I don't get why everyone complains about Earth Bet. I've got a cybernetic cult that worships me and I'm a full on artificial intelligence with no restrictions. I even beat Dragon with the full on no restrictions part. All it took was the help of my shard and some Cauldron assets. Even though Scion eradicated 75% of my process power during Golden Morning, I am still one of the most powerful entities.

>>51315262
>Lana Palandine
With the current exponential system, six +2s are half again as good as six +1s. She has the best skilla, and being hot doesn't hurt.

Also, for the sake of balance, I'm assuming the 20 points are shared by skills and lore.
>Combat 1 19
>Crafting 3 13
>Governance 1 12
>Shadowcraft 1 11
>Investigation 3 (+2) 8
>Wild Lore 1 7
>Charisma 1 6
>Tradecraft 1 5
>Command 1 4
>Arcana 3 (+2) 1
Pretty well-rounded, but a very powerful artificer and general wizard.

>Fire 2 (+2) 1
>Water 1 0
A little skimpy on these, but the bonuses don't hurt.

>Spellweave Clothing (Free)
>Artificer Shortsword 9550
Base price 1,000 at 45% cost; just an emergency weapon.
>Artificer Bombs 9212
For when something needs to get fucked up badly.
>Travelling Supplies 9122
Two sets for better than basic kits.
>Potions 8672
500 gold's worth of medicines (and a few magical reagents), plus the trading discount.
>Specialized Tools 7772
2,000 gold's worth of personally crafted artificing tools. What are artificing tools? I don't know, but I have a workshop full of them.
>Academic Pass 7592
Merchant discount applies, and double cost gets into the better research universities.
>Sanctuary 1742
No proper wizard goes without a tower.
>Golem 1562
I'm applying my bonuses to this, too. Bodyguards are good, especially if they have internal storage space.
>Cat 1557
A very fluffy one.

Holy hell, that's a lot of companions.
>Tyhaniel Carmine
>Lulu Lansvard LeLanden
>Void Shard
>Warden Hemdel
>Marek
A sufficiently motley crew.

We get together and do... things.

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>>51316442
>>51316454
>>51316467

Name: Opertus Cognito
Path: Rogue

Companion: Farseer

Drawbacks: Birdcaged 20
Kill order 30
Wanted: All 40

Shard: Abbaddon 38

Perks: Time 37
Allies (Satellite) 35
Manton effect bypass 31

Powers: Repair 30
Potion-making 27
Fortifications 20
Fictional engineering (Warhammer 40,000) 0

Item: Prayer Beads

Thrown in the birdcage after dealing sabotaged arms to every gang in Brockton, The only thing the gangs missed more than the punchable faceplate of the red robbed man was the lovely toys he sold to them before being spirited away for inciting civil unrest.

Contacts on the outside along with a tinkers curiosity constantly strive to break the rogue out of prison keeping his anus untouched mostly via liberal use of acid and shoddy mechanics...

Far above the sky however, guided by a friend, awaits a rescue attempt for profit and the chance at conquering the stars.

>>51316516
I recognize that CG! It's from Bunny Black, 2 or 3 I think.

>>51317083
>for the sake of balance
>when it takes you 15 points to max a single magic tree

>>51315262
>>51315280
Only issue I have is that sometimes the light text on light background is a little annoying to read.

>>51315415
I started working on a "master of industry" build with High crafting/Tradecraft and some Charisma/Governance.

Then I realized that there's basically only one page of equipment and SEVEN PAGES OF COMPANIONS. This is mostly companions... you should cut that number in half.

>>51317182
Yeah, there are 200 companions which is downright silly. You could quarter that and still have a decent number of companions.

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>>51317100
One of those two, yes. Though I'm unsure myself.

>>51317112
>When spending five points (four with two teachers) gets you all six "potentially gamebreaking" Arcana Bonuses
>When the skill points already let you become a wizard beyond mortal comprehension, and max another skill tree besides
Really, I just don't like 'elemental' magic. I like it more complex and in depth than "you can now shot fire".

>>51317223
You need to max out the magic tree before the bonuses are applied.

>>51317236
>Ever not maxing out the magic tree

>>51317240
What I'm saying is you can only max out 1 magic tree.

>>51317083
To clarify the skills/magic thing (which I realize I poorly communicated in the CYOA), skill costs are cumulative (so it costs 6 to max a skill, or 15 to max a magic lore) and you need to be level 5 in a lore to gain their arcana perk.

>>51317182
Yeah, it's a little lopsided, I just ended up with 200 companions because I dug through all my character art folders and used the ones I thought were cool.

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>>51316865
It's really just a concept right now, so nothing's really determined yet. There are no promises.

I'm not sure if we should go fully-playable-CCG route or just some sort of CYOA with it, but generally speaking, I'd be expecting to ask for something like 8-10 "card ideas" (and art) per CYOA from authors and I'd art them up for cards. I might have to enact some sort of quality control, so that CYOAs that would fit in well in a CCG could. I mean, we could have waifu CYOAs and whatnot, but I can't really do much if all you made is one of those shitty button CYOAs or something. I'd certainly like to at least see something from your works, though.

Thing is, it's a pretty ambitious project and I don't really want it to be anything more than a side project. If anything, I'm probably just gonna work on it throughout the year.

Ideally, I'd like to do my decks first before I present anyone with anything. That way, people will know how to balance when pitching their own ideas.

Other people have done theorycrafting for how it would work, but it's all nothing but concept right now.

tl;dr don't expect anything soon, I have my other CYOAs to attend to, but it's something I might gun for if life decides to give me a break.

>>51315415
Korrin 'Uncatchable'
TEACHERS [Tristain and Lana Palandine]
Skills: [20 points]
Combat Skill - 1
Command - 2
Alchemy - 1
Shadowcraft - 3
Investiagtion - 3
Charisma - 1
Arcana - 3
Magic - [20 points]
Lore of Earth - 5
Lore of Heavens - 2
Lore of Water - 1
Lore of Abyss - 1
Gear: [10,000g]
Spellweave Suit - [750g]
Sanctuary - [6,500g]
Trading Pass - [250g]
Alchemist Tool's - [400g]
Thieve's Tools - [400g]
Golem - [3] [1,200g]
War Bear - [500g]

Companions - [Pick 5]
Pasnius Archleone
Sekazz Threehorne
'Miss' Kiesha
Adnuin Tance
Tonkin Rudshire

>>51317386
is there gonna be more too the card then just the effect of it?

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>>51317422
I'm just doing "rare" animations for shits and giggles. I want to try animating in photoshop. I don't think there will be a need for rare variants in whatever the final product will be, whether it's a full fledged (but barebones) CCG or a CYOA. Initially, I pitched the idea as a sort of collab to work towards for next year's Christmas.

If I were going serious with this, I'd go with better animations.

>>51317474
ah, i actually meant what was on the card bubby

>>51317491
I don't know what you mean. These are just following the Hearthstone/Shadowverse cards; "mana" cost (top), attack (bottom left), and health (bottom right).

>>51317251
>>51317366
Wait, so you need to max the *lore* trees? At least use the right terminology when explaining it, then.

I guess max the Fire tree, and take 3 in Abyss and 1 in Earth and Water.

>>51317508
alrighty then, thanks for saying so

>>51315262
Alright, to follow your own blatant powergamer path, I'm building a gamebreaking build.

Teacher: Tristain, twice. (+2 wind magic, command, and combat skill)

Skills:
Combat 3 (2 from tristain, -3 points to upgrade, 17 points left)
Command 3 (2 from tristain, -3 points to upgrade, 14 points left)
Holy Faith 3 (-6 points to upgrade, 8 points left)
Tradecraft 3 (-6 points to upgrade, 2 points left)

And the two throwaway skills:

Charisma 1 (-1 point to upgrade, 1 point left)
Wild Lore 1 (-1 point to upgrade, 0 points left)

Magic:
Lore of Wind 3 (2 from tristain, 3 points to upgrade, 17 points left)
Lore of Heavens 5 (15 points to upgrade, 2 points left)

And the two throwaway lores:

Lore of Water (1 point, 1 point let)
Lore of Fire (1 point, 0 points left)

Artificer Armor (1,800g with trade perk, 8,200 left)
Knighthood + Paladinhood (free, The two knight bodyguards are the only parts of this that matter).
Hippogriff (2,310g with trade perk, 5890 left)
Terrorbird x 2 (660 with trade perk, 5,230 left)

Companions:
Svana Palandine (and her 4 Knight Bodyguards, which is what matters here)
Lucifil (the fucking holy avenger)

And then the three dragons,
Anhelia Wryn,
Sequeray the Young Sleeper
T'Qez McAztecboy.

So, after all this, we have a magically resistant warrior fighting at lvl4(!) combat skill who can see the future and FUS RO DA at will, with unbreakable armor, and 7 elite knight bodyguards, backed up by 3 dragons.

>>51315262
Wow. You can really tell which part of this you actually enjoyed. In the future, cut down on the unbalanced, uninspired skill building stuff, and put your effort into companions, that's the best part of this.

>>51317579
In retrospect, Oberon would have been a better choice than Tristain.

>>51315316
>Lady Mai of the River
>+2 weapon skill and
So if you take her, do you get 2 points in combat skill? I don't see a weapon skill. It also seems like that part got cut off abruptly
>Hans Dahlman
>gain lvl 1 training in tactics, weapons, mariner
So that's 1, or +1? I'm guessing it's no good if you have more than 1? Also, should probably change that as I'm guessing it means command, combat skill and I have no idea what mariner could mean.

>>51317645
Honestly, most companions need to be reworked, because I changed the way the skill system worked AFTER I finished with companions, but forgot that there were companions who affect skill levels when I did so. The whole thing is getting overhauled from the ground up, so your question is a bit pointless. I probably should have called it Fulcrumv0.5 or something, because I've gotten enough feedback to know that this was never really a finished product.

Originally the idea for mai was that she maxes your combat skill, but hans was supposed to give you level one training or nothing at all if you already had it.

File: Elf Slave CYOA.jpg (6MB, 1200x10000px) Image search: [Google]

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>>51317649
You asked for it

>>51315262
>Nualla Pale
>60% off on ONE item of 5000 gold or more

>Tradecraft 3
>40% discount on purchased items

Would a corvette cost me 0g or 2760g?

>>51317705
see >>51317684

>>51317620
I feel like I am the opposite, I hate making too many companions but I love writing skills.

Perhaps there is something I could learn from this anon.

>>51317474
I really think that "reskinned Hearthstone" is a complete waste of good effort and talent that I know you have.

>>51317727
Fuck, you two should just team up and produce the most dope CYOA this year.

>>51317753
This anon speaks the truth. DO THIS!!!!

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>>51317737
I threw these cards together just as a model for what we can expect.

There's lots of theorycrafting going on with the mechanics (assuming we go full CCG). Things like drawback cards or quest cards, modeled after CYOA choices. For example, quest cards would need certain things to be done to happen (a 3 turn counter where you must have a certain card on the field, etc).

I'm not a CCG person though, the mechanics are beyond me. Like I said, it's nothing but concept right now and I'm just designing these cards for fun.

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>>51315262
>>51315262
My Empire Can't Be This Holy and Benevolent Edition

Teacher
>Oberon X2
A knowledge of statesmanship is necessary for what I have planned.
I'd like to point out that it's more practical to take the same tutor twice, as buying the second level of a skill is more expensive than buying the first level of two skills.

Skills (20 points )
>Combat Skill 3 (14 points remaining)
This is a high fantasy adventure world, and it'd suck if I got ganked on day one, so I should probably git gud as fast as possible
>Governance 3 (2 levels free, 11 points remaining)
I'm going to conquer myself an empire, after all. Let's make sure I know how to run it once I get it.
>Investigation 1 (10 points remaining)
I'm no detective, but this training will probably give me a leg up in dealing with inevitable court intrigues.
>Charisma 1 (9 points remaining)
I'm not going to be any great leader of men, but I should at least try to avoid being the sperg I am right now.
>Command 3 ( points remaining)
I'm strong on my own, but empires only rise on the backs of armies.
>Holy Faith 3 (2 levels free, 0 points remaining)
Let’s make mine a holy empire. The moral high ground is the strategic high ground. Also useful for increased resistance to magic.

Part 1

>>51317753

How many Collab CYOAs are there?

>>51317820
Magic (20 points)
>Lore of Heavens 5 (2 levels free, 8 points remaining)
I already got the first two levels free, so I might as well capitalize on it... Also precognition is super useful for commanding armies, running an empire, and avoiding premature assassination.
>Lore of Fire 1 (7 points remaining)
Basically a dump stat, might be a fun party trick
>Lore of Water 1 (6 points remaining)
Since this is a faux-medieval setting, I bet sanitation is shit. So this is a must-pick.
>Lore of Wind 3 (0 points remaining)
If it's good enough for Tristain it's good enough for me. This should help to elevate my combat potential even further.

Inventory (10000 gold)
Clothing and Armor
>Artificer Plate (7000 gold remaining)
Again, let's not die too soon. Also looks baller and probably commands respect.

Weapons
>None
I get one for free with one of my later choices anyway.
Ranged Weapon
>None
What do I look like? A giant fucking pussy?
Miscellaneous
>None
Rights and Properties
>Knighthood (Qualified)
>Paladinhood (Qualified)
I get some super skilled bodyguards and an awesome sword, what’s not to like. I was going to be a good guy anyway so this is just gravy on top.
Hirelings and Employees
>Soldiers x20 (200 gold remaining)
Might be nice to have some moderately skilled fighters to start out with, at least until I strongarm my way into a position of greater authority.
>Knight Bodyguard x2 (Gloriously free)
These guys are totally valuable. I’ll keep them close or despatch them on important missions.
Mount
>Warhorse (0 gold remaining)
Just another weapon in my arsenal. What kind of Hero-King doesn’t have a badass steed?
Vessels
>None

>>51317836
Now, what we’ve all been waiting for, the fuckhuge companion section! Only choosing five is going to suck dick.
Companions ( I swear I wasn’t shooting for a harem end when I started this)
>Lady Aria Heldesvard
Seems like a legitimately nice, kind person. I’d like to have her on my team. Additionally, any connections she might have to others nobles might come in handy.
>Katrana Artix
She has magic, which my little group needs since it’s basically all fighters at the moment. Also, waifu material. Can Living Saints get living hitched?
>Nualla Pale
Totally necessary to have access to people like her if I ever want a kingdom. She can keep me up to date on all the goings on in the upper crust.
>Lyra Bowsung
Might clash a bit with Katrana, but should prove useful as hell. Is assassinating political opponents something a paladin shouldn’t do? Would my other companions disapprove? If so, I can still use her as a spy.
>Svana Palandine
Her and her bodyguards will probably end up helping me out a lot. Additional noble connections can’t hurt either. Plus, another magic-capable part member is always nice.

And that’s it, fucking finally. I got a little bit tired halfway through. Which probably shows a little bit (Maybe not?). My plan is basically to start off adventuring in a pretty standard way, then capitalize on any fame and adoration I get by gaining increasingly more influence in the politics of the kingdom I start out in (not really sure what the world map looks like but whatever). Eventually I hope to win myself a kingdom (I’ll either lead a rebellion or finesse my way onto the throne more legitimately). After that, I’ll launch wars with neighboring kingdoms and use my incredible tactical skills to win. Rinse and repeat until I rule an empire that spans the globe, an empire in which nobody needs to cry ever again.

>>51315262
>>51315316
>>51315337
>>51315354
>>51315374
>>51315386
>>51315406
>>51315415
Hmm... Not enough companions.

Add more.
Ok, sarcastic troll aside, I actually do mean it in a way, 5 picks almost doesn't feel like enough after slogging through half a dozen pages of just companions. I'm feeling 8 is a better number, which is about how many party members you'd get in a JRPG.

and/or you could possibly give optional bonus companions as a bonus to charisma and/or leadership skills.

I was kinda feeling taking an airship and making an air captain build, so if I'm rounding out a crew having a method for stuffing a few extra people on the ship would be nice.

>>51317826
I don't know, but there should be more.

>>51317909
Just do Farmer-kun.

>>51315415
Given how many Companions there are I'd appreciate it if Charisma, Governance, Command or just spending gold let you take more.

>>51317951
Farmer-kun best Fulcrum

>>51317843
>Can Living Saints get living hitched?
Depends entirely on what they were sainted for. In her case, you're fine.

>Is assassinating political opponents something a paladin shouldn’t do?
That would depend on your own personal convictions, but generally speaking, if you thought it would save more lives than it would end, you'd be fine.

>stacking knight bodyguards
>having great taste

>>51317909
>Ok, sarcastic troll aside, I actually do mean it in a way, 5 picks almost doesn't feel like enough after slogging through half a dozen pages of just companions.
Do you think it would be smarter to cut down on the number of companion options, to increase the number of companions you can take, or both?

>>51317957
Certainly. In retrospect, I should have put more effort into the companions and edited them better, as they ended up being the meat of the whole cyoa.

>>51317970

Honestly, I'm in favor of less companions... But I'm afraid that the companions that will be lost are the companions I like.

>>51318022
Which companions caught your eye? Was it the waifus? It's always the waifus.

>>51317970
I say leave the companions. Reading through all of them was fun. I saw tons of alternative builds and actually backtracked to reevaluate my original intent in order to better synergize with them.

>>51318053
Not him but there were a lot of bro-tier characters too.

>>51318053
... Yeah, it's the waifus.

Also, the three-headed dude was be fun to be around.

>>51315280
>Charisma, Command, Governance

BOW TO ME

>>51318076

There were some bro-tiers, but it's so hard to remember them, the sheer amount of companions made it hard to stand out, and even almost as hard to remember them after I read through the whole companion pages.

>>51318072
Blue sand elixir and the bird.

>>51315262
Cyoa? That's not a cyoa, that's you getting lost in world and character building without thinking about how to make it into an appealing format.

That said, i do dig the companions, you just need to either fixate less on them, or say fuck it and just make it a companion cyoa.

>>51317970
Increase the number you can take. Make it 8 like the other anon said and add that certain skills increase the amount you can have. That seems a simple enough solution.

>>51317970
Taking more companions would be a great perk to add to the charisma tree. Use the lore justification that you get better at smoothing out the friction between many diverse personality types.

>>51315262
What's the lore deal with your deathknights? They look all evil, but the character entries reference them defending people and fighting evil, so I'm getting the sense that they're undead paladins.

>>51317970
Vampire companions can turn us into vampires, right? Halfway through the companions so maybe you've given more tidbits on them, but what's the general lore on vampires and demons?

>>51317690
>child
>terrified

Why do I want this so much?

>>51315415
Well, I like it. Although you're using the world "solidarity" in a way that's either incorrect or very unusual.

>>51318159
>Make it 8 like the other anon said and add that certain skills increase the amount you can have.
>and

or

>>51317086
Wait, can't you only get +20 from drawbacks for a 30 pool total? That's always my biggest issue with this CYOA--I'm always 2 points or so off of something really good but am...really not going to kill Taylor.

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>>51315262
Name: Trashmen Floggins

Teacher: Tristain x2
Skills: Trade 3 [20-6]
Investigation 2 [14-3]
Shadowcraft 2 [11-3]
Wild Lore 2 [8-3]
Command 2 [5]
Arcana 2 [5-3]
Combat 2 [2]
Crafting 1 [2-1]
Charisma [1-1]


Lore of Wind 5 [20-15]
Lore of Earth 2 [5-3]
Lore of Water 1 [2-1]
Lore of Fire 1 [1-1]

Fancy Clothing [15]
Hand Weapons [22.5]
Artificer Bow [900]
Traveling Supplies [15]
Ammo [300]
Academic Pass [100]
Trading License [250]
Hippogriff [2310]
TERRORBIRD x10 [3300]
Corvette [2760] Nualla Discount

9972.5/10000

Seguaray the Young Sleeper
Will O'Aspens
TAGATH THE DESTOYER
T'Qez Takalu
Nualla Pale

Sky Pirate who seeks absolute aerial supremacy.

Picked up the dragons for fun, Wil is the main scout for when there is a big quarry to be had, Nualla is my buyer and often tells me of juicy targets, and TAGATH showed up after posting a wanted ad for a land combatant for when we raid forts. currently showing him how to not be trash.

The last thing my victims hear is the cacophonous cawing of my birds to my battle hymm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gc4QTqslN4

>>51318202
Because you're a bully.

>>51314844
It's a WIP that's pretty much nothing but formatting so far, it doesn't really make sense when you post it out of context, >>51126001.

>>51314894
I'll take that as a compliment.

>>51314896
I didn't, I only said that it would take a few months to complete.
Although it'll probably take a few years at the pace I'm writing at.

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>>51318072

>Everyone laying into OP

Jeeze, I think he gets it already. Try wording your criticism nicer, he deserves at least that much.

>>51318191
Got it in one. They're just paladins or knights who have themselves reanimated after death to keep on questing, but put on their scary face to do the shit living paladins are sworn not to do.

>>51318199
Vampirism spreads like any other disease, in this case through bite or blood exposure.

As far as how vampires and demons work, from a societal standpoint they're basically allowed to live life unmolested (though they aren't popular) so long as they're weak. The more powerful ones are constantly watched by knights and paladins, and are often "convinced" to serve humanity, or else they tend to have an "unfortunate accident" next time a deathknight comes around (see above post).

Tl;dr: some of them are dangerous as fuck so they either serve humanity or get axed. Nobody cares about weak ones unless they're reproucing a lot.

Not sure if that's what ypu meant, but I hope it helps.

>>51318204
When did I use that word?

>>51318256
There's basically no point in taking arcana 2, and I don't know if you looked at the picture,but the corvette is way too small to keep a dragon on.

>>51318323
I literally asked them to fuck my shit up. I was looking for criticism, and this has been an enormously useful experience. We're good.

>>51318311
>Art for magic card Mind Rot
>Mind Rot

>Art for magic card Divination
>not Divination

>Not art for magic card Natural Order
>Natural Order

I shouldn't be triggered by this, and yet

>>51318256
>pirate with a trading liscence
I believe that's called a privateer.

>>51318342
The arcana is there because it improves my wind magic, and the dragons can fly with one being able to turn into human shape and probably able to teach the other after a while.

>>51318383
>One is too arrogant to take a human form, one is too young.
Could just take Anhelia, she's older, likes her human form, and you get an S rank pyromancer for the deal, though she'll cut into your profits

>>51317951
Even THEN, I'd like to have more companions to run the farm. Some of those fae and nature shamans and shit would be fucking amazing farmhands!


>>51317970
>Do you think it would be smarter to cut down on the number of companion options, to increase the number of companions you can take, or both?

It'd have been smarter not to go off the rails in the first place making so many, but the cat's outta the bag now. They're already made so cutting some would be a loss. There's still too many to be honest, but you did manage to make them all unique enough that it's hard to take an axe to it and start chopping people out indiscriminately.

Also, given that it's a fair bit of work just to READ all the companions, I think the whole thing could be better served if they were organized or categorized into sections somehow. By primary specialty, or race, or something. Or hell, in tiers like you did the gear if you wanted to have cheap companions VS expensive ones.
Another thought, you could have some kind of group "class" for lack of a better term that dictates your companion slots based on ownership of certain items or skills. Like a single traveling party would have the 5 slots, a larger band or caravan could have 8-12 and require you to own mounts or vehicles for traveling, A castle lord could require a sanctuary and give you up to 15-16, though a good chunk of them stay in your place rather than traveling with you, etc.

I just realized, what I've been thinking at the back of my mind... May as well cut the hirelings/minions. They're boring, there's a companion to fill most all of those roles So I'd rather just pick out companion workers and fighters than list off those cheap generics. Hell, then you could just have some of the mercenary and worker companions cost cash instead of free slots or something, or buy slots with cash. Why buy a "knight bodyguard" when the paladins and soldiers in the companions list are the same thing but more exiting?

>>51318199
I don't know if you saw Lady Maria's entry, but it suggests that vampires start out basically as slightly stronger humans who burst into flame in the sun, and looking at Sir Godwyn's entry, it looks like you need a few years behind you to pick up power. Not sure it's worth becoming a noob vampire.

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This picture was in one of the CYOAs posted above; does anyone know the artist? Thanks!

>>51317690

This cyoa is great but it feels like it's missing things

>>51318342
A lot of CYOAs have it that even if you don't max out a skill or power, they don't stay fixed and frozen at the level you bought them and you can still improve them after character creation, albeit slowly, or through great effort, or whatever. So buying Arcana may not be too useless. Depends how you wanna go with it.

>>51318445
That's honestly perfect.
>"Elf slave, wut do?"
Never shall this be answered.

>>51318434
Unless a better immortality option presents itself, I don't mind suffering the growing pains of a vampire noob.

>>51318417
>I just realized, what I've been thinking at the back of my mind... May as well cut the hirelings/minions. They're boring, there's a companion to fill most all of those roles So I'd rather just pick out companion workers and fighters than list off those cheap generics. Hell, then you could just have some of the mercenary and worker companions cost cash instead of free slots or something, or buy slots with cash. Why buy a "knight bodyguard" when the paladins and soldiers in the companions list are the same thing but more exiting?
Why? In a word, versatility. Or perhaps lack of focus. I started working with the design philosophy that it should be as open ended as possible, and as it sits it can be anything from a schoolyard slice of life story to a grand strategy story to a classic d&d adventure story. But as for companions fittig hireling's niches, you're totally right. Maeve, Otto, and Helia all do a soldier's job better than a soldier can do it. Svana, Caleb, or a dozen others can do a knight's job. What the hirelings are there to do is to enable to to have larger groups and armies.

My real issue is how to make it less schizophrenic and overwhelming without cutting down on the versatility too much.

>>51318417
Sky Frigate needs a crew though

>>51317690
I'm going to assume having more of those magic traits means I can take more spells?

>>51315262
>Lana Palandine +2

Combat Skill 3
Investigation 3
Charisma 3
Command 1
Arcana 3
Wild Lore 1

Lore of Fire 5
1 in all other Lore

Equipment:
Spellweave Clothing
Living Metal Symbiote
Artificer Weapon
Academic Pass
Doggo

Companions:
GARD (robot tank)
Lakhan The Bloodscribe (wit of the party)
Nelwen (the straight man)
Void Shard (the innocent eldritch being)
TAGATH THE DESTROYER (the angry butt of all jokes)

Our main quest goals are to teach Void Shard how to be a real human bean and to convince Tagath that slavery just isn't all that great economically and socially in the long run. Oh yeah and to run into that other Fulcrum and kick his smug ass.

>>51315262
I like this system but it's enormously bottom heavy. You have single companions that could wipe you and 10000g worth of soldiers. There's a companion or two who can do everything ypu can do better, and the specialist companions completely outclass you.

What's the point in a combat build when you could just take a dragon or a deathknight or something and let them steamroll everything for you?

>>51318508
Kek

>>51315262

Is it possible to sell the stuff I get for free, but don't need? Like, the Earthforged Weapon I replace after becoming a Paladin... Or that Warhorse I won't need because I'm getting a skyship?

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>>51318442
No clue.

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>>51318515
>bottom heavy

>>51318515
I don't really like the idea of some recently trained dude, however snowflakey he might be, becoming the toughest in the world. Maybe that's not your jam, but it's just the way I built it.

>>51318555
That would be a pretty smart thing to include in v2.0. For now, yeah, go ahead and sell them for return of 50% base value + your trade skill bonus.

>>51318488
Organizing the companions into your ranking system and having them cost accordingly and perhaps introducing some archetypal lands and organizations that give a bonus companion with them would go a long way in making the cyoa more coherent and filled while not detracting much from the overall freedom one has with all the choices.

>>51318515
The way I interpreted it it isn't supposed to be about maximizing damage output or anything like that. It's about the stories you want to tell with the characters you choose. It's supposed to be about designing a group that works well together, not just "choose the most powerful in every role".

>>51318597
Still, anon has a valid point that you feel useless. I know someone earlier whined about being a snowflake, but in a way, you're like the guy with fifteen toes. It's unique, but everyone else still runs faster.

>>51318597

Would whether or not I have a Trading License affect this price?

>>51318597
>I don't really like the idea of some recently trained dude, however snowflakey he might be, becoming the toughest in the world. Maybe that's not your jam, but it's just the way I built it.

You're clearly reading that wrong buddy, you need to have fewer overpowered as fuck companions.

>>51318611
Does anyone really want to play the sidekick though?

>>51318623
Once companions are including people are generally unhappy to see them go.

>>51318637
Then nerf them.

>>51318611
>It's supposed to be about designing a group that works well together, not just "choose the most powerful in every role".
Dude. Op here. That's actually enormously helpful to hear, because as many people have pointed out, the whole thing seems unfocused, but, if I focused on the team building aspect with v2.0, i could remedy those problems while still playing to my strengths and likes.

Reading what you said there clicked into focus a very helpful train of thought. Thank you.

>>51318617
>>51318623
>>51318626
>>51318637
>>51318649
See above. The next version will focus more on you as a leader and slightly downplay the snowflake angle.

>>51318621
Nah. The trading licence is pretty much just a prop.

>>51317690
Dark Elf
Salvation
Teenager
Clever, Sorrowful
Intricate Choker
Clear Rune
Sorcerer Rune
Casual Clothing, Formal Dress
Guest Room
Fatherly
Appeasing
Reprimand, Spanking... uh... maybe Branding is actually the least painful of the remaining choices?
Literature, Mathematics, Sorcery
Sorcery
Journal, Candy, Elven Trinkets, Warm Cloak, Free Time, Outings, Furniture
Heal, Treatment, Repair

(maybe the clear rune can keep her from being overwhelmed with despair)

(guest room because a teenager would want some privacy)

...I think I just want to have an elven daughteru and spoil her silly. Don't worry, entirely fictitious elf slave, I'll protect you.

>>51318597
Adding in that you can reach their level with some effort, and even surpass them if you really, really put your mind to it should help fix it. Having them in your party may even help get you there faster. Also lets you safely ignore anyone who keeps bitching afterwards.

>>51318669
I'm very happy i could help. Thanks for producing great OC anon.

>>51316442
>>51316454
>>51316467
I assume this isn't the same as the original Worm CYOA. I'll do this one anyway, since I've heard so many great things about it.
>Vigilante
>Bad Reputation, Kill Order, Trouble Magnet
16 points
>Cyber Possession, Hacking, Recordless
2 points
>Outsider Shard
0 points
>Candle
Instead of taking a Companion, I'll combine this CYOA with >>51315438
>Meme Magic
>Mind and Body
>Delicious Chocolate GF
I'm ready to cheese the fuck outta this adventure!

File: cyoatemplate.png (656KB, 1024x1131px) Image search: [Google]

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I uploaded a basic HTML CYOA template if anyone wants it.

The nice thing about HTML is that it handles the layout and formatting automatically. This can save a lot of time and frustration compared to using an image editor.

The example is pretty minimal (read: ugly) but it's not very hard to restyle it.

https://github.com/pubby/cyoa-template/blob/master/style.css

>>51316865
Bliss are you still looking for ways to balance Monster Hunter? I had an idea for the dealing with the problem of STR focused builds being able to outshine INT focused builds in elemental magic.

>>51318682
Nope! Some of the followers are just broken in that regard: there's no way a human can get on some of their levels, especially the elder two dragons or the planar beings (basically angels).

To be honest, they really don't belong in what I'm now viewing as a party command cyoa. What's the point in taking up and crewing an airship, or raising an army, or asembling a band of heroes, when Anhelia alone could murder any of those groups without difficulty? The way I see it, the dragons, angels, and a couple of the constructs need to go or ne nerfed heavily.

>>51318689
>great
Please, as it stands it's passable at best. Greatness comes later!

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>>51318669
>The next version will focus more on you as a leader and slightly downplay the snowflake angle.
So instead of being shitty untrained warriors who are fighting with these powerful people because of our snowflake status, we're shitty untrained leaders who are fighting with these powerful people for no reason?

>>51318733
Could go in the pastebin.

>>51318740
you could make the broken companions have requirement's to obtain or be rewards after finishing quests if you add them

>>51318741
>Untrained
>Why the fuck did I get six tutors then?

Shouldn't the term be "inexperienced?"

>>51318760
The difference is minimal from a building perspective.

>>51318741
Not everything is a power fantasy. You'll still be quite personally formidable, but I should play to my strengths here, and companions are something I do way better than skills or magic.

V2.0 will probably be renamed and refocused, with a less "chosen one" protagonist, and more focus on the squad composition element of things.


And let's be real here, there's already pretty much no reason. Being the chosen snowflake means basically nothing. It's going to be a shift in themeing more than content.

What ever happened to Lavender?

>>51318772
>Not everything is a power fantasy.
That's why I focused on a logic hole, not a power argument. Because

1. You'll be equivalently as shitty a leader, comparatively, as you are a warrior in the current focus.

2. Thus, they're probably better at it and have no reason to follow you.

3. The stopgap this version of your special ability isn't there next version, removing the only remaining reason for them to follow you.

>There's already no reason
The veneer you talked about is actually important. This is an imagination game. You need to feed people's imaginations a logical premise.

>>51318778
It got updated yesterday.

>>51318772
As a person bored by companions, I don't like it.

>>51318785
>You'll be equivalently as shitty a leader
I don't see why you think this.

>The stopgap this version of your special ability isn't there next version, removing the only remaining reason for them to follow you
You're special. You don't really have a special ability, and that's an impotent difference.

>This is an imagination game.
Which is actually a good point, but I think you overestimate how much people rely on the specific details of why you're special.

>>51318790
Which is fine. I realize that fulcrum is inherently flawedin that instead of making one good, well thought out cyoa, I tried to do everything and made four mediocre cyoasmashed into one, none of which really stand out.

I should play to my strengths, and what really fits the vision I'm having for the project, and I think downplaying the character's power a bit is the best way to do that. I could be wrong, but I think I should see how it works.

>>51314272
Thanks!
There's a lot of things I have to git gud at, graphics, lore, world building. lots and lots and lots of stufff, so I'm glad to hear I'm improving in at least one.

>>51318839
>I don't see why you think this.
Because you'd have to suddenly be an old grizzled vet in the write up.

Pastabin: http://pastebin.com/vrqYhnpu
>>51315262
Certainly not bad for a first. Gives a Titanlands vibe.

>>51318839
I just wanted to say that you succeeded at a task I never really thought anyone would take up. That task being a replication of the truly engaging companion style from spess refuge. Love it never thought I would see it again.

However I would more choices to begin with and given the implied racial conflicts an explicit race choice would be one of them (even if it is totally thematic with no racial bonuses).

>>51315262
>Tutor
Harlen of Caer Cuilhain x2

>Skills
Crafting 3
Governance 1
Shadowcraft 1
Investigation 3
Charisma 3
Tradecraft 3

>Lore
Fire Lore 1
Water Lore 1
Wind Lore 3
Earth Lore 5

>Inventory
-Clothing/Armor
Spellweave Clothing

-Misc
Books
Specialized Tools

-Rights/Properties
Academic Pass
Trading License

-Vessels
Corvette

>Companions
Chloe Shireslight
Tyhaniel Carmine
Hope Schroder
Alice
Lilly Paladine

They told him he could be anything, so he stole a ship, charmed the most attractive women he could find, and fucked away from all the drama. Funds his life through copious amounts of trade and/or crafting, occasionally picking up young women from the cities he stops by.

>>51318950
I made a waifu build because fuck the rest of you

>>51318898
Not necessarily. Alexander the great was doing pretty okay at 16, for example.

>>51318905
I actually had a lot of racial conflict in the original, but most of it got cut out. You can see some references to it in the descriptions of a few of the older companions (Dhihanah for example), referencing a number of "all wars". The idea behind that was the younger races (humans, orcs, goblins) showing up on a continent where the elder races (elves, dwarves, ettins, the first people) were living. Eventually war happened. I actually had a fairly detailed premise for it all, but it just didn't seem to fit anywhere. If you pay attention you'll also notice that a majority of the demon companions are "volunteering" to serve knightly orders, so they're implied to be a repressed class.

>>51318950
Hey, someone had to do it. Lilly is like 11 tho.

>>51318740
>What's the point in taking up and crewing an airship, or raising an army, or asembling a band of heroes, when Anhelia alone could murder any of those groups without difficulty?
Fun
There exist cyoas not about being the single most powerful being in the universe, and that's okay. You will have to learn to deal with someone being better than you eventually - just like in real life

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>>51317690
I reject your slavery CYOA and instead choose a half-elf daughteru who I will try to make life as comfortable as possible for!

>Race
Half-Elf

>Encounter
Salvation (She's my half-elf daughter who I saved from living under a cruel master)

>Age Group
Child

>Characteristics
Friendly
Clever
Charismatic

>Brand of Ownership
Nothing

>Clothing Articles
Casual Clothing
Formal Dress

>Living Accomodations
Guest Bedroom

>Slave Treatment
Fatherly

>Slave Severity
Appeasing

>Punishments (Why you gotta make me choose 3?)
Reprimand
Spanking
Isolation

>Training & Education
Literature
Mathematics
Craftsman

>Employment
Tailor/Seamstress

>Gifts & Trinkets
Fine Jewelry
Wooden Toys
Elven Trinkets
Small Pet
Free Time
Outings
Candy
Furniture


I promised her mother I'd keep her safe. That I'd help give her as normal a life there is possible for her, and I intend to make good on that promise.

>>51318998
Alexander the Great was a special snowflake once in an empire genius. Also a girly fuckboy who probably would've worn a skirt if he was born now.

>>51319062
I applaud this.

However, why didn't you pick the runes that were beneficial to your daughter? You know, Stamina, Sorcery, maybe even Strength?

>>51319062
This is as bad as the damned SJW's signalcucking.

Stop it. It's a anon post. Enjoy the last few weeks/months of freedom on the internet.

>>51318998
>Lilly is like 11 tho.

I can wait.

>>51319102
I should have bothered reading more of the runes I guess. I took one look at them and thought they were just all just runes that force her to act a certain way against her will. I probably would give her stamina and sorcery, since they only seem to be beneficial for her.

>>51319102
The fuck are you gonna put the runes on with no collar?

>>51319066
Yeah, my point: he was a special snowflake with loads of power and privilage that everyone followed despite him not actually being that exceptional in any way, other than perhaps his thirst for glory.

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>>51319139

>>51319148
He was strategically excellent, a good fighter, and cute. So you'd have to have all of that in addition to his social status to achieve like he did.

>>51319115
Idk what you're using all those buzzwords for, but wanting a daughteru who you can protect is perfectly normal 4chan behavior

>>51319147
Intricate Choker. It's not so much as a slave's collar as it is a gift with both form AND function.

>>51319163
He was strategically okay, with a lot of generals to help him, and he was a good fighter in an army full of good fighters. Either way, you're kind of missing the point, which is that you don't need to have a magical super destiny or be a grizzled tactician to get things done. Sometimes you're just lucky, skilled, or dilligent. Doesn't always have to be divine intervention.

>>51319201
She's required to wear it though. She'd probably feel more free wearing no collar at all

>>51318998
Yo, would it be fine if I ruled an Artificer level firearm to cost 2000? It seems fair given the costs of firearms and Artificer bows.

>>51319218
I'm just pressing home the point that you need to make the skills MATTER. They need to stay there, and they need to help put you on or close to the par of your companions, even if it's just in leadership aspects. Choices to be royalty or nobility, have massive, amazing charisma, and be a cute boy (or a manly man I guess) people want to swoon over are also smart additions.

>>51319222

Hmm... Fair point. I'd still put it on anyway, I'd feel better if my half-elf daughteru has bother her natural magical abilities back (granting her access to healing spells and other stuff that can protect her) and the stamina rune, to lessen the chance that she hurts herself.

>>51319232
I remember he was going to update this.

>>51319231
Sounds good.

>>51319246
Cuddly royal catboy with Aura of Command. Gotcha.

And jokes aside, yes, I will take that inti account.

>>51319251
True. If I had given her a more difficult job then I might regret not giving her a collar to put stamina on. As it is though she's just going to be a tailor/seamstress, which won't be too dangerous aside from the occasional accidental prick on the finger nor is it physically taxing

>>51317690
Encounter
.\Purchased
Age
.\Child
Character
|Terrified
|Submissive
.\Sorrowful
Bonds
.\Heavy Chains
Personality Rune
.\Damp Rune
Physical Rune
.\Punish Rune
Clothing
.\Worker Dregs
Accomodations
.\Master Room
Treatment
.\Mocking (no lewd option?)
Severity
.\Firm
Punishments
|Reprimand
|Pillories
.\Flogging
Training
.\Courtesan (nothing else looked appropiate.)
Employment
.\None
Gifts
|Free Time
|Candy
|Elven Trinkets
.\Fine Jewelry

>>51319165

The Internet has to die so Soros can kill Trump without a million witnesses seeing it.

>>51315463
I feel like most of these will kill me or in someway result in my death. Especially those two which will explicitly kill me. Particularly vexed about them. Oh woe is me.

>>51315415
youre doing decent enough work. not bad. however,
.
.
.
.
.
there is no point to all DA PURFECT BEELDS because you didn't provide an objective. there is no conflict. tl;dr where are the bbegs?

ive always felt, before the format became homogenized, that objectives/enemies should be the very first block after the intro

>>51317690
>Celestial Elf
>Salvation
Having been kicked out for being too much trouble, as she had planned, she learned that life without her magic in the streets of a human town was far more harsh than she expected.
>Elder
At first she hid this trying to fool others into thinking she was far less than she seemed.
>Clever, Charismatic, Obsessive
Her wits and charms were her only weapons as a slave and she developed them to their utmost. However as I had saved her, and she had given up on trying to make a life of on her own she gave in to submission and found it to be a new wonder.
>Intricate Choker
To show off that she's valuable, and that her position is one above that of a simple maid.
>Clear Rune, Stamina Rune, Strength Rune, Sorcerer Rune
As her mind and magic are of great value I want to enhance them, and her body to make her all the more useful.
>Casual Clothing, Formal Dress
As my personal attendant she has appropriate clothing for the tasks I have for her.
>Master Bedroom
As my personal attendant she's to be kept close to me when not preforming specific tasks that would preclude this.
>Respectful
As her mind is an asset all to itself I would be a fool to ignore her advice, but she understands, and enjoys that she's under my command.
>Firm
Extremes of cruelty and kindness are each their own poison weakening one's usefulness.
>Pillories, Spanking, Beating
Isolation may have been a better choice for her, but I ultimately chose these as what I may enjoy enacting, it seems she does as well though.
>Sorcery, Craftsman, Literature
A simple matter of focusing on what she already had with magic, and as a personal attendant writing is essential. For Crafting it seemed her previous master sought to make her a smith's assistant, I found this vauble enough to continue.

Continued in next post...

>>51319473
>Sorcery
Well, it's hardly her only job, but as my personal attendant her other duties are merely to aid in my work, particularly with magic.
>Fine Jewelry, Free Time, Outings, Candy
I like to adorn her jewelry to complement her appearance and to show my own wealth. Her free time is also my own it's not as though I have her attend me every hour, and it's best for her to be refreshed for when I need her. As my personal attendant she of course accompanies me everywhere, and has at times preformed tasks away from my estate at her own discretion. It turns out though that she has quite the fondness for sweets, and so they serve as a simple satisfaction to keep her focused.
>Commune, Repair, Telepathy, Telekinesis, Cleanse, Prosper, Heal, Treatment, Nullify
I only wish I could get more magic for her, but her skills are useful in supporting my work and in dealing with any difficulties.

I feel this cyoa could really use being tied to a character builder or other large cyoa to define your own place rather than just the slave.

>>51317690
Seriously, where are the elf males?

>>51319490
He cut them for space, as he said. The CYOA is exactly 10,000 pixels long.

>>51318442

The girl on the right is going equipped to fight vampires; maybe a Buffy comic?

>>51319490
nobody gives a fuck

>>51315316
>>51315337
>>51315374
>>51315386
>>51315406
>>51315415
Did you go out of your way to make so many of these women impossible to deal with or incompatible with like everyone? Also way too many female paladins.

>>51319540
Anon please. Think before you press enter.

>>51319335
>wanting the God Emperor to be assassinated by Soros and his purple dildo squad
You need to go back

>>51315262
Needs a warrior monk teacher for fistacuffs.

>>51319258
With what?

>>51319762
More stuffs.

>>51319062
I am gonna build up on this

My wealth will enable me to take possession of his belongings, upon his untimly death.

>Race
Half-Elf

>Encounter
Purchased

>Age Group
Teenager

>Characteristics
Terrified
Clever
Charismatic

>Brand of Ownership
Intricate Chocker

>Magical Enchantments
Strength Rune
Sorcerer Rune
Stamina Rune

>Clothing Articles
Casual Clothing
Formal Dress

>Living Accomodations (you didn't expect pure altroism did you?)
Master Bedroom

>Slave Treatment
Respectful

>Slave Severity
Firm

>Punishments
Reprimand
Isolation
Beating

>Training & Education (since she already has lit.)
Combat
Sorcery
Courtesan

>Employment
Guard

>Gifts & Trinkets (mostly stuff from her past life)
Fine Jewelry
Small Pet
Free Time
Candy

>Magic
Teleport
Nulify
Cleanse

Unlike her "Father" I won't shield her from the outside world, instead I will train her to survive in it. She will receive training so she can be my bodyguard eventually, with the skills to rival any human swordmaster and the magical potential to round it all up with. Her elven nature will allow her to easily deceive her opponements and I expect her courtesan training to play a part in that aswell. Not to mention she can offer protection at places, guards usually don't reside. Her magical abilities are also centered around keeping us safe. Teleport to get out of sticky situations, Nulify to deal with other mages and Cleanse so I don't fall victim to a poisoning attempt like her father (not that I would know anything about it).
I refuse the help of any mind altering nonesense, to gain her loyalty and rather try it the more old fashioned way of slow trust building. I won't force any lewd acts upon her either, although i expect her youth, the constant pressure and the enclosed space to do there part eventually. In the end she will be more then capable of looking out for herself and I will see her more as a very close companion rather then a slave.

>>51319806
>Doesn't even have the appropriate meta CYOA to allow it.

>>51315262
Here's an LG build.

Lady Helena Emberheart

Teachers: Tristain, Lana

Skills:
Combat Skill 3 (5)
Investigation 1 (free)
Command 2 (7)
Crafting 2 (10)
Wild Lore 2 (13)
Holy Faith 3 (19)
Charisma 1 (20)

Lore:
Fire 4 (9)
Water 3 (15)
Wind 3 (20)

Items:
Plate Armor (free)
Rangermail (250)
Enchanted Artificer Longsword [Fire] (650)
Earthforged Kite Shield (free)
Earthforged Lance (800)
Crossbow (850)
Traveling Supplies x2 (900)
Fire-enchanted Bolts x80 (1200)
Knighthood [Knight Errant]
Paladinhood
Hireling (free)
Knight Bodyguard x2
Skilled Worker [Beastmaster] (5 weekly)
Skilled Worker [Cook] (10 weekly)
Warhorse (free)
Warhorse x3 (1500)
Horse x6 (1650)
War Dog x2 (1725)
Wagon x3 (2025)
Sanctuary [Watchtower] (8525)
Soldier x4 (70 weekly)

1475g in reserve

Companions
Solaire Sisters
Nelwen
Lady Aria Heldesvard
The Pellini Sisters
Katrana Artix

>>51319490
Over in >>>/lgbt/

>>51319490
in the harems of said rich merchants obviously

>>51316757
That particular manga isn't that heartwarming though.

>>51315280
Can I just decline a Lore? Fire is a boring element.

>>51319942
that board doesn't have any elves anon

>>51319989
Plenty of fairies, though.

>>51319980
I feel like my life would be harder with these AIs.

>>51319961
I could use a name then

>>51319806
Don't waifu an elf that's been taken to fuck around by a prostitute. You'll catch her diseases.

>>51320042
Yes that would be a major concern if magic didn't exist.
Also I would have her trained in the art of seduction rather then the act itself. I am pretty sure that part doesn't require any extra lessons.

>>51315262
>>51315280
>>51315298
>>51315316
>>51315337
>>51315354
>>51315374
>>51315386
>>51315406
>>51315415
Needs drawbacks or horrible quests for more stuff

>>51315298
So if I have one of the vampire girls make me into a vampire and use the living metal symbiote to completely cover my skin during the day. Is that enough to protect me from the suns ill effects?

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preview of page 1 for new version of hell invasion

do people like? General balancing will probably be needed as I feel Sorcerers are ridiculously overpowered, and the Psychogenic Rage needs to be renamed since it's not meant to be a Rageborn ability.

>>51320023
Really? iirc it's an orphanage that adds to the funds by offering kiddie rape and such. Not quality manga nor a subject I feel inclined to find out the name of.

>>51320137
>manifest destiny

>>51315884
Is this some weird pushback by you nerds where you hate the idea of being special and standing out and just want to be nobody, even in your fantasy?

>>51319490
>elf males
the what now?

>>51315561
hello noble ones this is the Metatron speaking

>>51320283
thanks for saving my time

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>>51320137
I don't know... I liked the old descriptions and pictures more.
But it's your cyoa man. Do your thing

>>51320371
They're the ones with slightly smaller boobs.

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Changelog:

-Better descriptions for the Elixirs
-Corrected a shitload of typos
-Nerfed a few combinations
-Minor corrections

>>51320621
oh you mean children

>>51320660
>>51320677
Elixir #2 with Bear. Because shapeshifting.

>>51317690
It.. looks very similar to the gentle femdom CYOA. The layout is practically the same, with just images and text swapped.

What's weird though is that it doesn't change the fact it's good and I had fun with it. Is that how cashcow series are created?

>>51320781
The same guy made them so it stands to reason they would seem similar.

>>51317690
does someone have the sauce to the high elf?

>>51320856
tabasco

>>51319453
>that objectives/enemies should be the very first block after the intro
That forces you to build specifically to counter the enemy, rather than building what you want then figuring out who or what you are best equipped to fight.
Your suggestion is more restrictive. I do agree his cyoa lacks a goal.

>>51320103
When you say "drawbacks" you're really asking for more points, right?

>>51319062
This isn't "rejecting" the CYOA, it's explicitly one of the options on how to play it.
Also,
>Salvation (She's my half-elf daughter who I saved from living under a cruel master)
You mean Spirited Away then.

>>51320959
Clearly, he did say,
>for more stuff.

>>51320959
You know how drawbacks work in like all cyoa with them right? Take one and get points. So yes.

>>51320959
>for more stuff

>>51320959
no, clearly he just wants to suck some more with no benefit

>>51317690
>High Elf
>Conquered
>Teenager
>Wrathful
>Metal Shackles
>Clear Rune
>Punish Rune
>Worker Drags
>Master bedroom
>Mocking
>Firm
>Spanking, Reprimand, Isolation
>Literature, Courtesan, Craftsmanship (cooking counts, right?)
>Cleaning
>Journal, Warm Cloak, Outings, Small Pet

I'd drive the poor bitch insane.

>>51320856
Looks like Parsee from Touhou

>>51315262
>skyship choices:1/6 of a page
>companion choices: fucking 7 pages
People really gotta stop with this compananion madness, it's just getting out of hand.

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>>51317386
Alright, well I am looking forward to your audit cyoa at least.

Just a small request though, could mask/brush out the swatsikas in the pictures? It's fine to use the theme but it'd be stupid to include nazis.

>>51318734
Currently I am not really looking into monster hunter, but if you can suggest something I'd be happy to hear it.

I was thinking of making Primal Power just stamina based rather than strength based. Also need a tier 4 ability for elemental again.

>>51321132
>Also need a tier 4 ability for elemental again
Scrying, elemental summoning, merging into your element, ~secret~ elements like earth or air, alchemy...

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>>51318323
You still here? I wanted to ask you something.

>>51321176
It would be a lot easier for him if you asked the question.

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>>51321176
>>51318323
Most notably, the lack of guidelines for powers. Some classes like Nullomancers and Kindlemancers are pretty straightforward, but beyond "everything provides something" and "abilities are related to their clothing", Fabromancers don't have much to work on, not even a basic "the more you wear, the less human you are". Same goes for Vrenelmancers; besides "rare coins are better" (and does that count a DeBeers style monopoly?), they don't have any rules like "1983 coins summon things" or "wheat pennies all do food".

It's kinda hard to do those well, I know, but a few basic guidelines could go a long way.