it's storytime boys

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this shit happened last week. also win stories

>be me at store
>trying to find some my favorite pop tarts when suddenly
>goddamn
>beast of the century hobbles through my aisle
>my fucking aisle
>crashing down every shelf like steel beams on her way down to me
>whyme.jesus
>it's cool i'll just keep doing my thing
>iceberg incoming mfw i'm titanic
>i hurry to find me tarts and gtfo liek now
>this bitch gets right up on me and starts grabbing everything she can get her hands on
>yells at me in her native gas giant tongue to move and to not "BE SO RUDE"
>NO. NOT MY FUCKING POPTARTS YOU SWOLLEN CUNT.
>porkbag has already wiped her god awful stench of sour milk on me from reaching over my entirety for pop-tarts
>won't fucking move so i can leave
>i've been triggered
>tip her whole cargo ship of war supplies onto the floor and book my ass into the next aisle
>gargling shrieks fill my soul
>obese witch couldn't turn around fast enough to see my face or what i even begin to look like
>victory dance in next aisle

>ff bout 10 minutes later... almost done shopping, still need my pop tarts
>walk my ass right up to her
>BITCH STILL PICKING UP SHIT
>see my brand right there in her cart
>look at her and see that glimmer of ohshit in her eyes
>take that shit and run to self checkout
>make it out before she even gets out of the aisle

I WIN