Psychological Issues #39

Hey Nick. How are you?

>>36414952

No good. You?

>>36414900
I don't really know how to start this but here it goes.

I've been homeless twice as a child, I've watch my father beat my brother, I'm currently watching my mother slowly die from a disease, and I've been beaten senselessly by my brother a dozen times, and have watched him almost kill himself and my mother with a knife before. Hes been gone for a while, but I tend to have moments of anxiety and stress when I hear slamming. My mother usually gets mad because I feel no motivation to do anything really and I don't clean the house 100%. So we'll argue. During our arguements she'll slam and do things that give me this anxiety and worry, and it almost feels like I'm reliving the times shes beaten me and my brother has. These events have occured a while ago, and my mothers growing sick. I take care for her a lot. I feel barely any will to live. I can be happy in normal situations, but its only very little, then i go back to my default, which I guess I can consider sadness. I don't even know if its normal or not. Its been forever since I've truly experienced happiness or remained happy for extensive periods of time. I'm so lonely. I can't keep living like this.

I'm
>>36402925
>>36403161

>>36403258
>How often is time to time though?
I think around one a month or two, been like that for 3 years now, I think

>How long does it last?
around a week, it depends on some stuff, like talking with my friends or actually drawing something I like

>Are you a woman, by any chance?
Male, 20

>>36414984
I'm not doing too well either. I pissed my bed tonight at about 18 minutes ago.

>>36415026

All right, heavy stuff, my friend.

For one, you've exerienced many, and repeated, forms of abuse. All of which are traumatic and leave mental scars which have consequences later in life.

Because of this, you are most likely suffering from C-PTSD, your general condition, but also PTSD, which your mother heinously uses against you, one of the most hateful things I have heard in this thread, and I've heard a lot. I'm genuinely angered and outraged.

Reading for you:

http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/


http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

And two tests:


https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

(Everyone ends up nuts with this one, so don't worry too much about the results, and don't worry about diagnostics, they're just rough maps to help find therapy, not labels to identify with).

>>36415065

Take that test seriously. You'd get very similar questions from a professional, and, having done both myself, I can confirm that you'd get diagnosed the same way by a psychologist. Your depression is real, even if it doesn't seem so bad: you're just not used to being happy and healthy.

>>36415079
>I pissed my bed tonight

Does that happen often?

I'm feeling under the weather as well, but that's just the drink I think. I'll take a break from it for a few months.

>>36415117
>I'll take a break from it for a few months.

Good idea. What's up?

>>36415112
No, this is the first time in years.

>>36415133
Hung over. Feeling on edge. I know the wolf had a conversation with meta last night. So in essence, I failed. Though I did a pretty good Joker impression so it's not all bad.

>>36415152

Did it happen in your childhood?

>>36415170
>I know the wolf had a conversation with meta last night. So in essence, I failed.

How did that go?

>>36415104
so, what should I do now?

>>36415184
>Childhood
Yes, but it wasn't very often.

>>36415184
Well, looking back over it I learned a bit about him. Namely, he wants permission from someone else in order to rampage without feeling guilty.

>>36415195

You should see a therapist, but while you're here, tell me about your childhood, parents, family, any traumatic event in your past, etc.

>>36415205

Was any cause found?

>>36415210

Like a vampire needing permission before entering a house. Can that permission come from you or only the house owner?

From last night

>>36402409
>You are likely the heaviest case I've seen in these threads.

This is why I like going to the therapists. Being a mental case (which I don't particularly believe) makes me feel strong in someway.

Therapist said personality disorder not otherwise specified and said goodbye pretty much.

Also Nick, when are you moving to Devon so we can end the normie menace?

>>36415251
No, it was just the basic dream of peeing pee in real life.

>>36415251
I think it would need to be someone else. If only because I wouldn't give it. It was easier when we had someone to tell us what to do.

>>36415258
Oh. Forgot to add name

>just got home
>had to walk from bus stop up a country lane that has been eaten by my town, so quite a few cars
>mini roars past me, pisses me off
>see exhaust on side of the road and throw it in the middle (mischiveous pepe)
>cut my thumb but adrenaline made me feel no pain

Silly idea but fun

>>36415258

Ian? If I recall.

That therapist got rid of you, quite a shameful professional conduct.

As to being strong, it's both ways: you're stronger in some ways and much weaker in some others; the strengths are usually there to compensate for unusual weaknesses.

>>36415267
>No, it was just the basic dream of peeing pee in real life.

Usually, you pee first in real life and your brain makes it a dream within seconds, not the other way around.

>>36415251
I've put on a name.

I went to 3 therapists, last one of them told me I have SPD.

I don't think there's much to say about my life, I was the shy kid, always the best in school and never really had any real friend.

>>36415303

Try this.

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

>>36415324
>SPD.

Which one?

http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/spd/schizoid.php
http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/stpd/stypal.php

Use whichever applies and report back.

>>36415306
Devon. End. Normies. When ree

>>36415382

I don't end people, and I have no plans to move to Devon.

Do you hate "normies" and what are they to you?

>>36415312
Huh, I didn't know that. It would make much more sense.

>>36415089
Thank you a lot man. It means a lot that some people care. I'm a tad busy right now so I can't fully respond to this thread. Thank you.

Oh, and meta compared him to a 'hungry ghost', which is fairly apt. Can eat, but never full.

Don't really know how to word it properly so I'll just greentext

>always been weird, especially as a kid
>bullied through most of school
>used to be fairly chatty and sociable
>battled depression for about 10 years, tried therapists and medication but they didn't help, ended up fixing it myself by cutting the depression off at the so
>"fixing" it resulted in me basically giving up on life
>now 30 and cold and distant
>find hardly anything funny anymore
>can hold a conversation but can't connect with anyone
>lost interest in everything, don't honestly care about anything anymore
>I'm fairly sure I have an uncanny valley affect that turnls people off
>can no longer feel love, don't even really care about family anymore
>only regular emotion left is rage, get angry really easily. Fly into rages remembering past slights and seeing people being assholes, but the rage quickly subsides once my mind's off it
>with no hope of a real future or a family of my own, will likely kms sometime in the next couple of years

>>36415417

Dreams only last a very short time in "real time", whereas in your mind, it's much longer. Inception used this concept a lot.

>>36415422

Don't worry, I get swamped within minutes of opening this thread.

>>36415434

Serious stuff. Try this:

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

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>>36415335
Well. I did the test. Don't know what to gain from it lad. What you answer depends on your mood at the time as well so it isn't anything to go by

>>36415407
Looked up your username in the archives and a pic of the guy who lives in Lancashire popped up. So I guess someone has been using your picture amd saying you're moving to Bideford and would end the normies with me... Or you are lying rn. Ree

A normie is someone mentally sound who hasn't been through much hardship

>>36415437
So, I had my friend verify this test to see it's credibility, and it seems to hold pretty well.

https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html

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>>36415443
Here you go, for what it's worth

Please analyze the OP of >>36411421

>Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES) Screening Results

>Total score of: 77.5(30 or Above - Higher Association With DID)

>Your answers to this Dissociative Identity Disorder screening test fall into the range with a higher association with DID.

Minimum wew

>>36415592
>What you answer depends on your mood at the time as well so it isn't anything to go by

Answer more generally, then.

>Don't know what to gain from it lad

You don't, but I do. Patience.

>>36415592
>Looked up your username in the archives and a pic of the guy who lives in Lancashire popped up. So I guess someone has been using your picture amd saying you're moving to Bideford and would end the normies with me... Or you are lying rn. Ree

I'd like a link because I have no idea what you're talking about.

In the archives, I found a guy who had the same tripcode as I used in the first threads, but that wasn't me.

I live in Switzerland. If there's an impostor, I'd like to know.

>A normie is someone mentally sound who hasn't been through much hardship

Best to drop that concept, then. Most people aren't mentally sound and everyone goes through hardship. Dividing everyone between various categories is called splitting, and if it's done to a serious degree, it can be a symptom for various mental illnesses.

Decribe your symptoms in your own words.

>>36415600

I wonder if Facet did that one.

>>36415624

http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/spd/schizoid.php

Try this. I've done all these tests and I'm not sure anyone will ever get a disorder with this website.

>>36415739
>>36415600

See
>>36415685
por favor

>>36415654

Probably narc parents, dependent, values self based on acts, not who he is, likely because raised that way.

There might be much more, but OP's behaviour is compensating for something else that makes him very anxious. It could be that his siblings are treated better than he is.

>>36415685

Spoopy. I'll do it too.

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>>36415739
>I'm not sure anyone will ever get a disorder with this website.
Seems to work just fine for me.

>>36415739
Done. I got 80%, guess I'm schzoid or whatever

>>36415798
>>36415802

All right.

Time to look up schizoid, guys.

Doing that DID test and it's unsettling... I answer way more positively than I thought.

>>36415902
>Dark Nick arc incoming
I wonder if you're good at Yu Gi Oh when you're evil

>>36415902

>Score: 21.8(Below 30 - Lower Association with DID)

Still not much.

I feel like what you have, Facet, is not really recognised by DID. Maybe it's a spectrum, with alters at the end of it, but this DID doesn't really address the whole alter deal.

>>36415929
The test seems to give out answers like yours to folks with no real signs of DID. Seems to be that anything below 30 is completely inconsequential.

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>>36415685
If uh, if this is real then that means that I'm almost on the same level as you. Pic related, it's my results.

P.s. My friend got a 96 on this.

>>36415918

Nah, I just dissociate to some degree, but I don't turn evil.

That said, when my situation was very, very intense, stuff like this would happen:

>find myself wondering where I out my glass
>glass of water in my hand, no memory of filling it up

When I'm thinking about other things intensely, this happens. Not lately though, but I don't feel like I'm "all there".

Am I going to develop alters?

>>36415974
>Am I going to develop alters?
How do you know you already haven't?

>>36415949
>The test seems to give out answers like yours to folks with no real signs of DID. Seems to be that anything below 30 is completely inconsequential.

My opinion to.

>>36416005

>to
Too.

Keyboard is still the same shitty cheap crappy one.

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>>36415707
Shame this isn't you lad. One day...
>Best to drop that concept, then. Most people aren't mentally sound and everyone goes through hardship

>says I'm one of the worst in these threads.
I mean they haven't been through hardships like mine! Ree

Right. I am off out

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>>36415961

Then this may be more your problem than mere psychopathy as previously thought.

You should take this test to a psychiatrist. It seems you got done DID.

>>36415961
Don't worry about it, all the cool kids get high scores on this test. But as Nick pointed out, dissociation doesn't necessarily imply alters.

>>36416034
Huh, well I don't really feel like there's something wrong with me most of the time, but sometimes I know something is definitely wrong.

>>36416011

That wasn't me. Obviously.

>I mean they haven't been through hardships like mine! Ree

You'd be surprised. People you'd think are "normies" end up having pasts like yours, they're just good at hiding. I can tell from experience.

The main point being that it won't help you to decide that most of humanity is not on your side.

>>36416052
Yeah, I was thinking that I probably don't have alters. When did you find out that you had them?

>>36416071
>I don't really feel like there's something wrong with me most of the time,

And I didn't think I had an abusive childhood or clinically insane parents. We're all retarded sometimes.

If you've been in it long enough, you can't tell. Imagine a man in a blue world, where everything is blue. That man would say that there are no colours in his world, because the concept wouldn't exist. Same with the taste of saliva, your disorder, my past.

>>36416096
Yeah, I know, but sometimes I'm so convinced that I actually believe that I'm completely normal.

>>36416090
I have no idea really. Sometimes I think it's 'new' and then I realise that I can't remember a time before it.

>>36416148

I know, it's been a frequent thing between us.

See ego syntonic and ego dystonic; disorders that are perceived as disorders by the sufferer, and those which aren't felt to be disorders.

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New here, so might as well start out with my stats.

>>36416268

Better tests for the disorders you scored very high on:

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

>>36416175
So, you don't remember a time before feeling like this?

>>36416313
Actually I'm fairly certain that it wasn't the case in early childhood.

>>36416376
Huh, I don't ever remember a time where I didn't feel like this.

>>36416396
Talking specifically about alters here.

I feel stuck.
I can't bring myself to go to uni(or anywhere really) anymore and I won't allow myself to have any fun because of it.
It started about half a year ago. At the beginning I was
really hyped for uni and the first two months went pretty well, made a few friends, attended lectures, so on.
Then suddenly I felt so overwhelmed by everything (waking up really early, drive to uni for 1.5h, lots of homework).
It felt like I had no more free time (which really just was a feeling).
From there I even developed a fear of going outside because I got really hungry randomly and feared
I'd faint somewhere. This has gotten a bit better by now.
Now the new semester started and I still can't get myself to go to uni. It feels like a huge waste
of time my mind won't allow me to make.
Because of that I feel unaccomplished, despressive and won't allow myself to have any fun until I fixed this.
As a consequence I often just sit on my bed and ponder how I can get out of this or just lurk on r9k
or YT the entire day, regretting not having taken any action to get out of my miserable state.
I also always fear that any action I take might be a false choice and I'll nuke my future with it.

I hope this makes sense somehow. I also have trouble sorting my thoughts and actually presenting them understandably.

(Also my issues feel really less serious than most on here. Wish you all the best.)

>>36416427
Okay. I see now.

New topic:

I've been thinking about problems we have in the thread and ways to handle them, and also new possibilities.

A problem I have, often, but not right now, is that I get overwhelmed, and if I mean to give serious answers, I end up being 20 to 30 minutes late on every post.

One way to handle this is to have helpers, like Facet and Dan, and this has already happened naturally.

Another way is that you must get dubs for your problem to be addressed. No, I don't actually mean that.

Another way was for me to use vocaroo and speak my answers instead of typing them.

As to possibilities, I've thought of scheduling appointments in a chatroom or something of the sort, maybe even some audio medium or something, if I get more comfortable with the idea.

Opinions?

>>36416535

I'd say you're in a serious state of emergency (anxiety and the likes), and you're stuck in a loop.

>From there I even developed a fear of going outside because I got really hungry randomly and feared
I'd faint somewhere.

Has this happened before?

Can you see a therapist at uni?

>>36416575
This could indeed be faster, but it would place greater demand on you given your anxiety over speaking.

>>36416655
>This could indeed be faster, but it would place greater demand on you given your anxiety over speaking.

Indeed, though I could get used to it. Depends how we do it. There are some therapeutic values to hearing an actual human voice.

Nothing will replace having someone in the flesh about a meter from you, but a voice is still more human than pixels on a screen.

I'm almost more stressed about using the microphone I had bought for my Loved One.

>>36416575
I think the vocaroo idea is the most fitting. As I think some people (probably including me) would be to timid to engage in a One to One chatroom appointment. Maybe in fear of wasting your time.

>>36416613
No it hasn't happened before. The worst that happened was me was that as I was once taking a walk with a friend I felt so hungry we had to sit down and I had to eat something before we continued.

I already went to the doc with this issue and it has gotten better, seems to be stress related/some form of hyperventilation.

My uni does have a therapist if I recall correctly, though the wait time is natuarally pretty long. Also I've refrained from taking this step until now because I'm too stuck up on wanting to solve this myself if at all possible (I seem to have very high expectations of me for some reason. Might've also been at play with my initial issue.)

Well. Speaking of vocaroo here's my Joker impression from the room last night. Quite pleased with it desu

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0ByFOvzHHLO

>>36416687
>As I think some people (probably including me) would be to timid to engage in a One to One chatroom appointment. Maybe in fear of wasting your time.

Have no fear, I'm wasting my whole life just fine on my own. Giving you my time, if it helps you, is the only thing that makes me feel like I may not be completely wasting my own time, in fact.

>The worst that happened was me was that as I was once taking a walk with a friend I felt so hungry we had to sit down and I had to eat something before we continued.

Fainting in public is a thing for me as well. Happened rarely but it happened. I don't always go to the whole way, but I have on two occasions.

> seems to be stress related/some form of hyperventilation.

Yes, other symptoms will help clarify what the deal is exactly.

Max, this is an interesting situation, and I hope I can help, and I probably will.

Describe your parents and past.

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>>36416696
>my Joker impression

Not sure if I want to hear that... Still scared from the "Facet impression" from last time (since it wasn't actually you, but one of you pretending to be you, "basic setting" my fucking ass).

Gotta have more Silence of the Lambs pictures.

>>36416696

As expected: terrifying.

Have you been involved in acting at any point? Seems you'd be good at this stuff.

>>36415344
66% the first
50% the second

>>36416535
>From there I even developed a fear of going outside because I got really hungry randomly and feared
This happened to me often when I was in freshman year of uni... are you skipping meals? If so take a bottle of fuzzy drink with you, or a candy bar, if you feel like fainting then consume it. It sound like you have suffered from low blood sugar, that is because you are probably not eating enough or very stressed0. You should absolutely avoid driving if you feel like fainting, do not take it lightly.

Hey everyone how are you?

>>36416696
Genuinely chilling

>>36416798

Some light case of schizoid, then. Read about it and see how it may help you understand, but don't automatically accept the diagnostic, because some of the questions can be answered the same way for very different reasons.

>>36416797
A malleable sense of self does lend itself to acting. I often wonder how many of them have BPD or some other disorder, especially the hardline method actors.

I did act when I was younger. I've not had occasion to get back into it though. A shame really, since my tutor wanted me to try for RADA (the drama university where Ian McKellen et al all went). I did enjoy it though. Played a vampire hunting priest at one point, a hellish shade at another.

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>>36416847

Surprise image for ya.

>>36416753
Well interesting is one way to put it, but glad to hear my strange thoughts intrigue you enough to offer your help :).

My past was quite boring. I always was one of the best in school without any effort. I got A's and B's with studying one, maybe two days before an exam so I really didn't take school too seriously.
I also was always hooked on PCs and generally really good with them (still am. Learned multiple programming languages and even a lot of low level stuff). So I was kind of an outsider but never friendless. Though I always kind of preferred my PC over other stuff.

My parents are quite ordinary I'd say and my relationship to them is quite good. I still live with them and except for small petty stuff I never had a serious issue with them and they've always been supportive. Though probably because I always did well without effort I now also don't want to disappoint them by effectively being a NEET who can't free himself.
Though lately I've kind of felt the urge to move out. As because of this mentality of not wanting to disappoint them, I fear interactions with my parents a bit.

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I definitively have some form of depression as a part of some personality fuckup im sure.
I think of suicide almost every single day. Sometimes its just a flash, "kill yourself", or "i should die", others (usually when i try to sleep without staying up to the point of exhaustion) are drawn out microepisodes of all my fuckups rushing past my brain and all i can imagine is slashing my arms or blowing my brains out.
I have a hard time making or maintaining friendships that arent centered around some form of mutual drug use.
And now im being charged with felony drug possession and might go to jail. They put me in jail under bond for 2 days before i bailed out. I cried, banged my head on walls, paced, slept probably a grand total of 2 hours spread across those 2 days and looked for whatever i could to slash my wrists. Didnt eat anything other than a handful of food and ive only had a slice of pizza and a couple cups of coffee today. Somehow i lost 10 fucking pounds in there.
Im back home now with my parents and my mind has come out of the haze of panic, fear, and anxiety but it doesnt last.
Im scared /r9k/. I dont want to go back. I could barely pull through 2 nights. I sure as fuck wont survive with what little remains of my sanity in a month or a year.
Currently im ignoring getting a jump on court shit because i just get so fucking anxious i cant think and just default to "FUCKING KILL YOURSELF".
IM FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED FUCKING WHY WHY WHY

>>36416865
>A malleable sense of self does lend itself to acting. I often wonder how many of them have BPD or some other disorder, especially the hardline method actors.

I know Winona has it. I've noticed I like actors and actresses who either share my INFJ or have BPD traits.

Get back into acting. Go to auditions. Join a drama club.

>>36416871
Thank you, I needed that after today

>>36416853
i don't understand if that has anything to do with how I feel.
I think that the thing that affect my mood more is drawing, since when I fail at drawing something is when I start to feel like shit
but I can't stop to do that, it's the only thing that makes me want to keep going, without it I'm less than nothing.

>>36416887
>Well interesting is one way to put it, but glad to hear my strange thoughts intrigue you enough to offer your help :).

I haven't seen anything strange so far, worry not. I'm here to help you, because you're worth, for just being who you are.

>because of this mentality of not wanting to disappoint them, I fear interactions with my parents a bit.

Let's dig there. Why do you fear interactions with them?

>>36416901

You need urgent psychological help.

You exhibit many Borderline traits.

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

Try this.

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>>36416925
Loved Girl, Interrupted. Probs her favourite too. That or Frozen.

>>36416847
I'm alright ta, still a bit off balance after last night but not bad. How are you?

Thanks, watch out though as you can see I'm a few hobnobs short of a tea party.

>>36416943

What happened?

>>36416945

It's not drawing per se, it's failing. You judge yourself on what you do rather than who you are, maybe from your education, and as a result, any failure is a direct hit to your ego, which makes things very difficult for you, as if you fought a battle without any armor: everything hurts instantly.

Is that about right?

>>36416946
Thanks a lot for your kind words.

Well, I basically had two interventions of sorts. The first one end of last year when I didn't go to uni for two weeks straight.
My dad talked with me about why I won't go to uni anymore.
I answered with my fear of randomly fainting.
He told me I should see a doctor about it as if I were to just be caught in my room forever it'd be better fainting trying to go out.
Which I did and the doc was very kind and understanding and told me I would put too much pressure upon myself and thus I coulnd't really "digest" my situation.

The second occurrence was about two weeks ago.
On the topic of why I wouldn't go to driving school.
Same issue, hunger attacks, fear of fainting/vomiting & thus embarrassing myself in class.
Again, they told me it's OK and I should go see my doc again and maybe see a therapist.
Saw my doc. Again, very understanding. Told me about the hyperventilation and that I should try to breathe into my hands if I get one of these hunger attacks to get rid of some oxygen in my blood and calm me down. Also prescribed some light medicine to strengthen me (It's a doctor with homeopathy as his main point) and some cream I should apply If I feel that I begin to get nervous/my stomach feels empty.

That's basically it. I don't want to have another intervention, as after having two I'd expect of myself that I could present some form of progress or have some sort of plan. Which I don't as my mood shifts often from feeling pretty OK to crawling up in my bed and thinking that nothing has any purpose anyways.

>>36417011
>>36417051

Had another awful day at work today. Being harassed, plus another day of constant worrying because I thought I might of left my laptop open (I didn't, and there's nothing on there anyway). Why do I think like this? I know I'm doing it but it won't stop. I thought I was beginning to overcome it, but obviously not. I'm just going to quit my job, I can't stand it anymore

>>36417051
it may be that but what hurts more is the NO FUCKING IMPROVEMENT IN 6 YEARS,
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS

>>36417138
>told me I would put too much pressure upon myself and thus I coulnd't really "digest" my situation.

Kind doctor but this is the sort of crap platitudes that make you feel responsible for what's happening to you. You're not the one putting too much pressure on yourself.

>Same issue, hunger attacks, fear of fainting/vomiting & thus embarrassing myself in class.

I suspect a much tougher situation underneath these symptoms. I've known similar things, apart from the hunger attacks.

>I should try to breathe into my hands if I get one of these hunger attacks to get rid of some oxygen in my blood and calm me down.

Did that help?

>(It's a doctor with homeopathy as his main point)

So it's not a doctor. Homeopathy is absolute bullshit based on the idea that water has memory and that the more you dilute something, the stronger it gets. If water had memory, and diluting it made the element stronger, it'd be powerful shit and piss water. Homeopathy is basically water and sugar and nothing more. It's a scam.

Fuck that cream too. You don't need a cream, you need way more serious help.

Other symptoms?

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>>36417007
>37
CONFIRMED
I have suspected borderline before in my binges on late-night psychology but the core bit of dissociation is hard for me to digest or rather comprehend, or rather identify in myself.
The lack of a coherent "sense-of-self" does hit a close chord.
Would... does criticizing yourself using the personality of danny devito on its always sunny count?
I dont know.
The suicidal urges are mostly under control because i have a good strategy of blanking my mind which is why i havent sought help, except when i hit my first big wave of true major depression some 4 years ago in college. One of my skype 4chan friends had to tell me to go to the health services center and that no, cutting off a finger to present a "real" reason to go was not ok.
I dont know i think im just rambling now
Im just enjoying being heard i suppose i suppose i dont know i dont know FUCK
Im not going to shoot myself yet but the option is comforting if that makes sense

>>36417143
>Being harassed

The same guy? You know you can legally do something about this now, even if it's just a threat.

>Why do I think like this?

Because your brain is wired on high alert, the slightest thing will send you into a frenzy of worry.

Make sure to discuss this with your therapist. You can probably get some of them "Bennies" for your condition, until you find a job you prefer.

That said, the problems you have now will follow you, so don't quit your job so hastily, at least not until you give me details on the harassment.

>>36417143
What may help is to make yourself a checklist. Put together a sequence of steps, however arbitrary they may seem, and tick them off as you go as part of your routine. Checking the laptop is closed, the oven is switched off, your hair is brushed etc etc. Structure may provide you the security that you're missing.

As well as that, a break from routine may be what's needed. Plan a trip out to a new restaurant, catch a film, reach out to an old friend.

You're stressed lately because of that cook, and in turn you're focusing on other things - like the laptop - as a reaction. Thus these things may also subside once the matter is resolved via your boss or some other figure of authority.

So, to recap:
>Give yourself a break
>Create a more structured routine
>Commit to addressing the colleague issue

>>36417193
>NO FUCKING IMPROVEMENT IN 6 YEARS,
>WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS

Well, in more ways than one: nothing.

Consider a book called something like "Drawing with the Right Side of the Brain," it's very good and people improve shitloads with it.

I was sexually abused as a child.

Now I really want to be in a rapey "little" type relationship.

What do?

>>36417273
I've read that, I've read loomis, I've gone to an art school, I draw almost daily,
I did improve a but, but so little it makes no difference, and if I open a drawing from two years ago I feel that's better than the one I make now.

My friend is always procrastinating. She also forgets stuff easily and sometimes forgets to eat or pee. What's wrong with her? Is she just clumsy?... She's been like this forever without any improvement. I'm worried for her future since she never gets anything done like this.

>>36417248
>but the core bit of dissociation is hard for me to digest or rather comprehend, or rather identify in myself.

You don't have to have it all. I myself have that bit and very little of the other ones.

>Would... does criticizing yourself using the personality of danny devito on its always sunny count?

It sure means something, and sounds hella fun.

>i have a good strategy of blanking my mind

Could be dissociation too, different sort.

More generally, try to relax, you're being listened to and cared for here, and it won't be just me, others will help you.

Are you all right?

>>36417295
No comment, someone else handle this one

>>36417250
>details
Mostly constant verbal abuse. Constantly calling me names, threatening me, etc.

>>36417264
Thanks for these tips, this could actually genuinely help me

>>36417295

If what you mean is some role playing rapey scenarios, then that is fine, but is it more?

>>36417211
I didn't put much hope in the medication anyway as I feel this has to be psychological/Physiological.

Not really.
If I had to describe how I feel once they come up: My stomach being completely empty, no energy to even talk much, feeling quite shakey, throat feels dry and feels like it's cording up, dizzyness/disorientation.
This is the absolute worst case that only ever occurred once. (The already mentioned walk with a friend of mine).
These symptoms are quite inconsistent aswell. Sometimes when I take a walk i can go on for kilometers without anything major other times it came up after some seemingly random time.

The advice to pay attention to my breathing has helped though. Since that appointment I at least feel capable of driving somewhere with my family for taking a walk which I also feared before that.

Though most of the time, being home I feel allright.

>>36417302

Post some of your art. Don't be scared.

>>36417381

As a "little" i.e. I dress and act like a child. I am kinda worried that it's fucked up and might perpetuate the type of abuse I recieved.

But I also want to "redo" my abuse and make it nice, if that makes sense.

>>36417303
>My friend is always procrastinating. She also forgets stuff easily and sometimes forgets to eat or pee.

We're far beyond procrastination here. What are some other symptoms? Other oddities?

>>36417295
When you say rapey relationship, do you mean you being the submissive one?

Because if so, a similar thing happened to me.

My advice is that if it isn't harming anyone, and you enjoy it, then go for it. Just make sure you have some control in the relationship and that it isn't too one-sided. What can seem like fun at first can quickly start hurting you

>>36417319

Wise of you.

>>36417341
>Mostly constant verbal abuse. Constantly calling me names, threatening me, etc.

This is unacceptable. Get in touch with a lawyer or something, don't accept it. You're his superior, right? Tell him to fuck off your kitchen if he can't respect you.

>>36417418

Yep, I want to be the raped / submissive one.

Just worried it will get out of hand and fuck me up more accidentally or soemthing.

>>36417392
sorry but I won't,
some people have seen it, and they all say that they like it, but I know that it's not good, I'm sure no one would pay a cent for it, and also the finished pieces are a small part of all the things I try to draw but fail, and no one sees them.

>>36417383

It's clearly psychological in my opinion.
>>36417397
>As a "little" i.e. I dress and act like a child. I am kinda worried that it's fucked up and might perpetuate the type of abuse I recieved.

It's not that fucked up, if you understand it.

>But I also want to "redo" my abuse and make it nice, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense, actually. Basically, what you're doing is you're going back to the past and trying to repair it. To "make it nice" as you say. A lot of people do that. Some people even get in relationships with abusers to "win, this time" and other such ideas.

The question is, does it work?

>>36417443
Like I said, maintain control, and do it with a partner you trust. If you think they might have any malicious intentions, stop right away. Use a safe word if necessary

>>36417473

Yeah. So you'd suggest just seeing a psychotherapist about it?

I sadly gotta go for a bit. Thanks a lot for your help so far. It shouldn't take too long. I'll answer/read as soon as possible. If not I hope you'll open a new thread quite soon.

>>36417443

What Ethan said was essentially what I would have said as well.

Have you seen a therapist about your abuse?

>>36417471

Well, if you are so sure that it's not good, there's no reason to fear anything, then, right?

I'm curious.

>>36417509
>Yeah. So you'd suggest just seeing a psychotherapist about it?

Always. I suspect a few things but haven't had the symptoms for it yet. Or clues.

>>36417473
>The question is, does it work?
No. Lo will end up finding someone who will, over time, experience counter-transferrence until their behaviour more closely mimics the abuser's.

This is something that warrants careful treatment and in fact, therapy would be more advisable than playing with this stuff. Before you know it, twenty years will have passed and you'll have spent a lifetime being abused trying to recreate that first pass. Don't let it control you.

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That's a four out of ten! What did I win?

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>>36417540

I'd lean towards that type of advice.

I wonder if you took your own advice, though.

>>36417427
Yeah I'm superior (I'm a sous chef, he's a line cook) and like I said before, during work, he takes all my orders fine. But as soon as there's any kind of break, he'll start going off on me again

>>36417568

A new hobby: therapy.

Find the appropriate tests in the list here:

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm
http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/
https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html

>>36417576
Far easier to give advice than to heed it.

>>36417583

Next time he says anything, you speak to him very calmly, or you write him a note. He must be officially warned that any further abuse will lead to legal consequences for him.

See if there is any free lawyer service where you are, for information. You have witnesses, you have everything you need. Intimidating him will be easy. He cannot win this case.

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>>36417620

For sure. For sure...

Ravioli.

>>36417533
i can't, please

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>>36414900
Hey Nick hope everything is going better for you than it was last time.

>>36417631
Thanks I'll keep your advice in mind, and I'll also tell my therapist all about it tomorrow

>>36417510

I have seen a therapist but it didn't help because I couldn't stop crying to speak. I am a bit older now, but can't afford therapy anymore.

>>36417660
>i can't, please

No need to say please, if you don't want to, you don't have to. I will never force you to anything, and nobody can force you to anything. I wanted to insist on my interest in your art. I am really interested, I love seeing people's art. That's all.

>>36417672

B-BAKA!

Things are worse now for me but I am glad to see you! I actually made a huge image of our conversation, but still haven't found a place to upload it.

How have you been doing?

>>36417676

Also inform him/her about the work harassment, they'll know how to help, surely.

>>36417713
Been okay. Went to a job fair yesterday, turns out wasting 5 years learning nothing for this degree was worth it, as two different companies both want me for internships.

>>36417709
>I have seen a therapist but it didn't help because I couldn't stop crying to speak.

That's the reason? Did you quiet or did they stop it? If you cried, you had to cry. You need someone to let those tears flow.

It sucks that you can't afford therapy. I'm thinking of ways to help people better here, for free, of course, and we'll see what happens.

Do you have symptoms, other than rapey fantasies?

>>36417745
>Went to a job fair yesterday, turns out wasting 5 years learning nothing for this degree was worth it, as two different companies both want me for internships.

Awesome!

How has your former problem evolved? Is it still improved?

>>36417791
Comes and goes. Talking with you helped a lot, but still have the depression pop back up occasionally

>>36417718
Will do, thanks a lot

>>36417852

Have you considered seeing somebody about it?

>>36417862

Welcome, Ethan. Proud of you.

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Fuck I didn't realize I was full tard. I'm gonna take the relevant tests you gave Solomon just now, brb.

>>36417936

Don't worry, this test is touchy. And you're not a tard, by far.

You may have issues, however. How heavy is your past?

>>36417398
She may have some trauma from a certain incident(rape). She only mentioned it once when we were about 13-14, she is 17(almost 18) now. I don't think she ever got help or closure for it. Could that be what is affecting her current performance now? Or is it a separate issue?
If it's hurting her still I wish I could help but I have trouble adressing her issues or getting to see what's on her mind because she will dodge my advances really hard and I don't know her in real life either. So I'm sorry I don't have much as I could have had to say.
All I can say now is that she isn't really that sharp. It shows even online and with how her friends treat her like a pest and all. She annoys people often and crosses lines she shouldn't by sticking her head in other's business without a care in the world even though it's obvious it bothers them and sometimes they even get mad and argue with her. She just keeps on trucking unaffected though. She does has her good friends and close family and is pretty cheerful at least from what she shows. But she isn't heading anywhere good when her grades are failing. I don't want her to be a NEET... Should I encourage her to talk to a psychologist? But I'm worried the stigma of that will frighten her too. And it seems like she doesn't want to confront her problems either. And ah. She also told me recently that she wishes she lived in the anime/manga world with her 2d husbands. So maybe she doesn't really enjoy the 3d world or feel in touch with it...? Idk. Sorry for the long post, I really do appreciate the help you're offering.

>>36417907
Nah. Mainly because I can't afford it. Besides, I've dealt with it so far well enough. I don't even like taking motren(fuck spelling) when I have a headache. I like handling my own problems.

how do I feel emotions other than anger and sadness

>>36417958
Not heavy at all, that's what I hate. I know I've had some form of depression since I was ~10 years old, but I have no reason for it. I was a smart kid all the way through elementary, middle, and high school, successful in school and athletics. I had loving parents, and a simple family situation.

>>36417967
>Could that be what is affecting her current performance now?

Fuck yes. She may be dissociating so hard that she "forgets" to eat.

>Should I encourage her to talk to a psychologist?

Yes.

>she wishes she lived in the anime/manga world with her 2d husbands.

Who are her husbandos?

See if this fits her:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

>>36417992
>I like handling my own problems.

Seeing a therapist IS handling your own problems. Not even therapists themselves avoid resorting to therapists for their problems: even with the knowledge, you need someone else.

>>36418004

Heavily abusive childhood?

>>36418035

I thought the same until recently, so maybe it's not all as good as you imagine.

Describe your parents.

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>>36418062
>Who are her husbandos?
If it's anyone other than pic related, shit taste desu
>Tfw no gambling addict bf to manipulate into a contract for sexual slavery

>>36418086
>Heavily abusive childhood?
Nope, not at all. This is just who I've always been. I'm ashamed of who I am, I have no control over myself

>>36418062
Damn. How should I approach her about talking to a psychologist/therapist without overreacting and scaring her? And she likes those guys from that volleyball yaoi(?) anime. And guys from shoujo manga I think. And no way does she have borderline personality disorder. She doesn't fit that at all. Except for maybe the dissociation part.

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>be me
>be benevolent helper in Robotland
>puts in 10-12 hours of amateur therapy
>for almost a month in a row
>followers arrive
>a cult commences
>consider joining my own thread as someone else to get help
>"You should ask Nick, he'd know what to do."

>mfw I am Pagliacci

How do you answer these yes/no questions anyway? I always have trouble deciding what box I should tick.

Like, if you are cruel to animals or somesuch. Should I say yes if I was during my childhood or no because I'm not anymore?

>>36418178
>Nope, not at all. This is just who I've always been. I'm ashamed of who I am, I have no control over myself

Don't be ashamed, you didn't make this happen.

What's an abusive childhood in your opinion?

>>36418229
You definitely deserve help from people the same way you help us. It's unfair how much you do for everyone with barely anything in return

>>36418096
Mother
>full normie
Happy, carefree, lives a normal life with normal range of emotions. She is an emotional person rather than a logical, not to say she's unintelligent though- she's a little above average but not by much. She had a decent childhood. Her parents went through a divorce early but they were both loving.

Father
>ascended robot
He's the reason I honestly believe only stupid people can be happy. As a kid he was ADHD and smart as fuck, but it pissed off his mom. So she took him to a therapist on base (military kid) who prescribed a dangerously high dosage of something or other. I forget the details but he ended up getting serious, permanent brain damage from it. Different psychologist evaluated him when they moved bases and took him off the pills, evaluated him, and gave a post-damage IQ test and he was still 140s. Dude said my dad was cheated out of possibly the most intelligent minds he had ever seen.

He battles depression and is on serious antidepressants now. He had a super shitty childhood, with an abusive/drunk father.

Present day
Parents are loving. I am close to my father, but I love my mother as well. They are disappointed with me though. Neither are substance abusers or anything, good Christians who go to church and stuff.

>>36418237
I would answer yes to that question. Childhood cruelty towards animals is a notable indicator for possible mental disorders and future antisocial and violent behaviour or diagnoses, while relatively few of these people continue the behaviour towards animals into adulthood.

>>36418238
>What's an abusive childhood in your opinion?
Something actually abusive? I had everything I could ever ask for. Only thing was that my mom was never around, since she would leave for work before I woke up and get home after I went to bed & mostly wanted to be alone on the weekends. But I've been like this forever, including when I was a very small child, so I don't think that has anything to do with it. I used to be in trouble all the time at school because I'd get mad and do something violent. I don't remember much since it was a long time ago but I do remember being told
>if you keep doing things like this when you grow up, you will be locked in jail for life
by teachers when I was five years old. And now I'm 20 and I feel the violent urges daily. I hate everyone and I hate myself for being this way, but I have no control.

>>36418237
>Like, if you are cruel to animals or somesuch. Should I say yes if I was during my childhood or no because I'm not anymore?

No, because you don't anymore. If the question is about now, you say no, if the question says "ever", you say yes.

>>36418297

People here have been helpful. I'm getting professional help as well, and there are others who are in touch with me, and who want to help.

I'm just not sure anything will ever be enough, and I should not speak about myself in the thread. I normally do so if it's useful, which it often is, so people can know that I have first hand experience of certain things; beyond that, I should keep it down.

I'd fare much worse if I didn't do this thread. Helping others is its own reward, as they say of virtue.

>>36417785

>Did you quiet or did they stop it?

I literally just cried for 1 hour a week every week for like 12 weeks. The therapist said that they couldn't understand me and they felt therapy wasn't helping and I wasn't ready yet, etc.

>>36418365
Why shouldn't you talk about yourself in this thread? There's no need not to talk about yourself, I'm sure we'd like to hear it and give our own advice. Unless talking about yourself brings up bad feelings/memories, in which case, I understand

Man there's so much things I'd feel I would need to tell for someone to understand any of it I never know where to start.
>>36418337
Okay thanks.

>>36418318

There's very much enough ground for an abusive childhood here, even if none of your parents meant it.

My reaction to your father's origin story goes something like this:

>I don't think he had ADHD and potentially, whatever problem he has started before the whatever he was prescribed
>I tend to think his IQ would have been the same without the meds
>medication doesn't help your father and won't help him

Has he seen a therapist about his own abusive childhood?

>>36418441
>Man there's so much things I'd feel I would need to tell for someone to understand any of it I never know where to start.
Why don't you try us?

>>36418486
The problem is I don't know where to start. I have a suspicion that it all is interconnected and such but I have trouble putting it all into an order.
What's even more bothersome is that I often forget to mention some events which makes it look like I'm lying.

>>36418363
>Something actually abusive?

You don't seem to know what abuse is.

>Only thing was that my mom was never around,

Neglect is abusive, whether it's voluntary or not. Abuse is abuse and the mental scars it leaves are the same. Psychological abuse tends to be worse than sexual abuse due to its insidious nature, and the fact that people go decades, sometimes their whole lives, without ever seeing the abuse done to them; so they feel responsible for how they feel, and this never ends well.

> I went to bed & mostly wanted to be alone on the weekends.

In a functional family, you would have wanted to spend time with your parents, and it would have been quality time.

>But I've been like this forever, including when I was a very small child, so I don't think that has anything to do with it.

This only shows you've always lived in the same type of environment, and that it was always a problem. Kids don't act up for nothing. I know that, I'm a teacher.

>by teachers when I was five years old. And now I'm 20 and I feel the violent urges daily. I hate everyone and I hate myself for being this way, but I have no control.

Something is definitely up. I want you to consult this resource and read it carefully, and challenge your idea of what abuse is.

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

>>36418086
I just might go see one, soon as this new job gets settled and I'm making a lot more $. But what were you saying earlier about an image?

Question open to all

Is there a difference between considering suicide everyday and thinking about suicide everyday. The former being you are actually thinking about doing it and the latter being just in a theoretical sense?

>>36418396

>quiet
>quit

Damn... I imagine that tapping into this stuff is very emotional for you. If I were your therapist, I'd book a long time before the session, just so you can cry for 3 hours straight if necessary.

I can't believe they said you weren't ready... (Meaning, I believe you, but how unprofessional of them, goddam.)

>>36418528
Just start anywhere you'd think is good. You don't have to figure it all out on your own. It's a dialogue after all.
>What's even more bothersome is that I often forget to mention some events which makes it look like I'm lying.
None of us are here to judge you, so even if you think you're being inconsistent, it's not an issue.

>>36418430

I talk of myself too much as it is, I feel. The main reason why I shouldn't, unless useful, is because I'm here to help, not be helped. I'm here to fully focus on others, the same way actual therapists do. People here must feel that they're the focus by default, and that they're not "taking room".

That's why I ought to take a backseat more seriously.

>>36418566
I don't know. A while back it started as theoretical, evolved into "why haven't I yet?" If you may end up doing it seek professional help. I realized I couldn't do it so I don't worry about the voice telling me I should just kill myself. Now that my station in life is improving that voice hasn't shown up as frequently.

>>36418537
well, what's done is done I guess, but what can I do to try to fix myself?

>>36418528

Start with any of these:

1. your parents
2. your childhood
3. your symptoms
4. your problems

More generally, start with whatever feels like a good start. Don't worry about where you start, all roads lead to Rome anyway.

And don't worry, nobody here assumes you're a liar. Mistakes happen to everyone.

The FBI inspectors have a saying: "If someone tells you the same story 50 times, and 50 times it's the same story, they're lying."

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>>36418566
Yes, there's a difference. Actively planning to kill yourself is notably worse than simply keeping the possibility in mind. Pic related is basically my day to day attitude to suicide, while I've only ever considered it actively at my very worst.
To me it's the difference between things being really fucking bad now and just being glad that if things in the future get really bad, there's always that beautiful ticket off the ride.

>>36418595
I understand, but I'm sure most of would want to help you as much as you've helped us.

I know I do, I feel in debt to you now, and if you ever want to talk, I'll definitely have one with you. If you don't want to "take room" in the thread, you can always email me if you want to. (Or any other method of communication)

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>>36418549
>But what were you saying earlier about an image?

I wanted to show a good friend what I was doing with my life (kek be praised), so I made a montage of all our posts in one big massive picture. But I can't find a website to upload a picture without it being resized (mostly because I don't have time to look for one with the thread, I just type and read all the time).

>>36418566
>Is there a difference between considering suicide everyday and thinking about suicide everyday. The former being you are actually thinking about doing it and the latter being just in a theoretical sense?

Yes, and an important difference at that. Thinking about it, imagining yourself doing, imagining people's reaction, I believe all this is called suicide ideation. It's serious, but not as alarming as actually planning, preparing a method, etc.

Therapists and other mental health experts will ask you questions to make sure which it is.

>>36418684
Does Imgur require resizing?

>>36418217
Nick! Did you miss my post? Sorry I'll use a name now.

>>36418684
Uhhh wow. Idk what to say.

>>36418588

Hitler dubs on Hitler's birthday.

I like your style, would you get a name?

(I'm actively looking around for people who might help in a more official capacity for the near future, because I can't handle all these people on my own much of the time.)

>>36418643
>well, what's done is done I guess, but what can I do to try to fix myself?

I told you what to do: read the abuse link.

>>36418737
I'd like to say I could do more, but with my new job I'll have markedly less time quite imminently.

>>36418679

I appreciate your offer (be careful, I might take it!).

I'll drop my e-mail address, which I should do at least once per thread:

[email protected]

>>36418773
Me of course. Trip slip.

>>36418607
Yeah every once in a while it turns to why haven't I but thankfully my paralyzing fear of death always trumps them.

>>36417533
May I know what these suspicions are? Or would that not be adviseable for psychological reasons.

>>36418737
>Hitler dubs on Hitler's birthday.
Not quite. 1488 is the true Hitler dubs.
>would you get a name?
I've already got one, if you can count this as a name. I just forget to change it between shitposts on other boards and threads.
>I'm actively looking around for people who might help in a more official capacity
Between trying to study for college application and dread of detachments, I'm afraid I'm not up to it. I'll just keep lurking when I can and picking up the slack where capable.

>>36418217

Sorry, I did miss it. I'm getting fatigue from this thread thing. Apologies!

You can ask her about the idea, if she has ever seen anyone, etc. Start slowly without suggesting it.

You could advise her to come here, perhaps?

The rest depends on how receptive she is to the idea of therapy.

Sorry, freaking out for other reasons. I'm probably going to take a break for a bit. I'll let you know.

>>36418777
Just realised I didn't even put my own email in the post. I would probably just worry about it the whole time anyway. I'll send you an email in a second just so you know my address.

>>36418821
>detachments
Attachments, dedications, dependence. Something along those lines is what I meant. My linguistic abilities haven't been functioning too well lately.

>>36417011
Girl, Interrupted. been desiring to watch that again.

>>36418914
Do it, it's great

>>36418870
Don't worry too much bout us, take yourself a break to readjust your head if you need to. Any way I can help?

>>36418645
Okay, Ill start with childhood and parents I guess.

First things first, my parents were Jehova's Witnesses and I was introduced to that belief system basically since I was born.
What I remember is that I've always been very energetic and ambitious, I started walking and talking very early according to my parents and even learned a bit to read and easy math like addition and substraction before I entered elementary school. I was also cruel to animals at that time but I don't know why, it was fun to hurt them and see them struggle I guess. But it didn't stop with animals I was cruel to other children, too. I remember convincing a little girl a year or so younger than me to eat a nettle and I also reveled in tormenting my older brother.
Elementary school was kind of a shock because I was used to being pampered at home until I was 4 or 5 and I was used to the belief system of the religion I was part of and the school was nothing like that. I wasn't important anymore and had difficulty adjusting to that. I think my cruelty towards other beings also stopped at that point.

>>36418963
I never really adjusted to school because my parents and other JWs kept telling me that there would be no point in trying to fit in because the world is evil and everyone not part of our club would be bad influence that would eventually lead you astray anyway. Didn't help that my clothes were basically passed down to me from older children as well. Weirdly enough I don't remember being bullied in elementary school, people were mostly pretty accepting of me or I was at least oblivious to it. Had a few friends as well but never thought about it that much, only my teacher was a nightmare for me. But even she used to praise me when she talked to my parents, or at least that's what my parents said she'd do. I always had the feeling that she detested me, though.

Middle school was a different beast, though and that's where things got confusing.

>>36418711

I had, yes, I'm sorry.

>>36418728

Let me know if you're OK with the image. I'd like to know if it's OK to show it, sort of a showcase of what the thread is about.

>>36418805

I don't like telling too early on, but I often think of C-PTSD.

>>36418821
>Not quite. 1488 is the true Hitler dubs.

Dubs are two digits by definition. So dubs!

You're welcome to help, even without a name.

>>36419077
Sure! I have no problems with that.

The thing is that I feel left out,
do my friends care about me?
I fear that it's a one way thing

also I can't talk to them directly, I only talk in group chats or similar things, like online multiplayer games.

>>36418912

Hehe, figured. I responded.

>>36418914

Hello nobo.

>>36418938

I'll be taking a break in about 15 minutes, to do my work out routine.

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>>36419122
apparently neither does someone else

>>36418963

Try this:

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

Also, you're Jehovah now. (If that's OK.)

>>36419122

Thank you.

Dubs, Kek be praised.

>>36419129

That fear is probably unfounded. Do they ask you out? Do they speak to you? Do they ask questions?

>>36419075
My father always had a problem with alcohol and was a gambler at some time during my childhood, though I don't know exactly when. I just got told afterwards that it went to a point where he would gamble away too much money and my mother said that he had to stop or else she'd leave him. But I am not really sure if that was during my childhood or even before I was born. He's always been somewhat violent and angry, not that he ever hit my mother but he did occasionaly have outbursts of anger where he'd hurt my siblings or me. He was always that guy on top who played dictator in hiw own family and thought that only a firm hand could guide his children to a bright future.
My mother was always kinda depressed and for most of my early childhood she played along with whatever my father decided, probably because she lacked the energy to stand her ground because she believed that children need freedom and care and not much authority. But she also always had some form of victim complex I'd say. She usually complains more about anything than trying to actually do something about t.

>>36419203
Of course. Just link me to the image when you find somewhere to post it to.

>>36419121
Allright, interesting. I'd be happy to provide more info to strengthen (or dispute) your intuition, if there even is any meaning in going on.

Take your well earned break first though :)

>>36419228

The dynamic between your parents is pretty clear. Your father probably reproduced what he had known himself as a child, and believed it was good.

Your mother may indeed be somewhat of a self-willed martyr, which I'd imagine works very well in any type of Christian ideology.

All in all, this couldn't have been a nurturing home for you, and the way you felt it very early on is evidence of that. You were angry and cruel, you were not nurtured.

>>36419287

I'm going to work out now, leaving you for around 2 hours or so.

Here's an article for ya.


http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

>>36419221
I should point out that they are all Internet friends, I don't consider anyone IRL a friend,

it's hard to say, since i only talk in group chats, from time to time it may happen that someone asks something to me directly but usually it's just someone talking about something and everyone else replying.

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Does anyone here have a strong belief in the supernatural?

>>36419135
hi nick , a pleasant Thursday to you.

>>36419317
Thanks.
Have fun working out!

>>36419177
>http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php
44% Narcissism
58% Machiavellianism
58% Psychopathy
53% Average

>>36418870
No worries and ok I will try that! Thank you for all your help. Really. Have a good day

>>36419303
>Your father probably reproduced what he had known himself as a child, and believed it was good.

He had many freedoms his children didn't have, though. His father would beat him up every now and then but only after blowing up his own toys with firecrackers on the carpet or trashing the family's car by driving it into the garage door.

Meanwhile I received the spanking of my life because I refused to play prince and princess with my little sister and my father got annoyed by her whining.

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>>36419358
None at all. Wish the stuff existed though.

>>36419452
Cool gashadokuro.

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>>36419358
i neither believe nor disbelieve anything.

>>36419452
Arigato skeltal-sama

>>36419452
Why would you wish that? Do you have any specific entities or forces in mind? Any you would definitely prohibit from materializing if you were in control?

>>36419504
Another epistemological skeptic, eh? Can you really say you don't believe basic facts about your circumstances?

Still crossing my fingers for demonic possession since Nick suggested it. I've tried ouija boards, some Wicca-flavoured stuff in the past. Generally though, I go along with the chaos magic line: belief itself is powerful, and can cause changes of various kinds.

>>36416074
Still, I'm just not fond of people... Born into abusive family and go into a foster home and find my dad has been fapping on my bed

I'm not a good example myself, more people are cunts than less it seems

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>>36419518
>Why would you wish that
Because my fantasies and daydreams are full of such things and I find my inner world more interesting and wonderful than the real one.
>Do you have any specific entities or forces in mind?
Not really. Most anything from across the board. Specific tastes are pretty much flavour of the month, based on whatever I've been reading or what music I've been listening to.
>Any you would definitely prohibit from materializing if you were in control?
I don't think so. Though I suppose were I burdened with control, I'd try to create some sort of balance, so that no power gains too much control over the world. Don't want to be in control though.

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>>36419609
>Still crossing my fingers for demonic possession since Nick suggested it
Why do you want to be possessed by evil?

>>36419541
no way you can know anything for certain. I could be nothing more than a dream of a butterfly.

>>36419609
A family member of mine has some weird stories associate with the use of a Ouija board. I've used one. Nothing happened. We still burned it after, though.

>>36419654
I'm joking. Unless I get spooky powers in which case I might be willing to compromise.

>>36419690
I have a very nice slate and glass one. It never gets used these days though, just looks nice on the shelf.

>>36419679
But do you really suspend belief in day to day objects you interact with? You can always doubt something intellectually, but do you experience genuine uncertainty about everyday stimuli?

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>>36419609
huh, chaos magic ay. i will investigate.

>>36419621
So you would permit evil beings to cause suffering as long as it remained in some manageable proportion to its opposite?

>>36419781
Yes. Though less than "manageable" and more like hardly interacting with mankind. I'd rather not be in charge at all though.

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>>36419779
/x/ usually has related info

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>>36419714
Some of them are nice to look at, aren't they?

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>>36419840
More "how do i sumon succubus" threeads and shitty roleplaying though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw_HKzo9Ync

>>36419835
Would you consider yourself amoral?

>>36419880
>Would you consider yourself amoral?
Yes, very much so.

If you have the time Nick, you should read through >>36408529 and tell me what issues you think this person has

>>36419740
As in, stuff i see, touch , feel and interactive with? then indeed i do.

the only thing i truly believe is that i know nothing.

>>36419893
Were you always this way?

>>36419915
Why do you privilege that belief in particular? Surely you could doubt it too?

>>36419861
Mine is rather heavier than that, and sadly lacking a planchette. It's black slate with a sheet of glass over it.

>>36419926
No. As I matured and introspected I grew into the person I am now.

>>36419375

Pretty high stats.

I'm checking the thread between sets. Not fully back.

>>36419386

I hope she gets the help she needs.

>>36419450

So he made things worse for you than he had? Make sure your father wasn't narcissistic (read about it, it's not vanity at all).

>>36419504

Nobody is skeptical.

>>36419972
Is there any philosophical conception underpinning your lack of moral concern?

>>36419615

Focus on the fact that people aren't like the people you've known, thankfully.

>>36419654
>Why do you want to be possessed by evil?

Easier solution than what he suffers from.

>>36420005
Hey, Nick. I don't know if Facet showed you, but I saved our conversation. With his permission and blessing, I can send it to you.
Facet, did you send it already or would you rather I not share it?

>>36420077
If you think that it would be helpful, I don't mind.

>>36419944
>>36419944
it contradicts itself. nothing is certain , certainty is nothingness.

this makes sense in my head.

>>36419905

This person needs positive attention but only believes themseles worthy of negative one.

Call to push them to suicide sounds like the person is flipping a coin: either you do as you're told and this becomes negative attention, but attention nonetheless, or, better, people tell them not to kill themselves, and provide help, against the specific stipulations of this person, which is a way to make the gesture even worthier on the part of the benevolent anons.

It's a complicated way of asking for help without feeling humiliated any further.

Tell this person to come here and talk with us. You can copy/paste my message.

>>36420090
Well, I thought it was at least interesting.

>>36420120
Fair dos then. As ever, I'd rather not read it myself.

>>36420028
>Is there any philosophical conception underpinning your lack of moral concern?
Not really. I've simply formed my ideas from what I've experienced. I'm sure there's names for all of them, but I've never found reading philosophy to be especially interesting.

>>36420066
>Easier solution than what he suffers from.
But being possessed would just make it worse, by all means.

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Time for pullups now...

>fearing that moment when anon recognises me from the fitness thread and post my nudes

>>36420111
Are you certain or uncertain (or both!?) about the ontological status of self-contradictory things?

>>36420149
>But being possessed would just make it worse, by all means.

At least, that way, he'd know the cure. As things are, it's difficult.

>>36420130
What's the harm? Do you remember most of it?

>>36420005
>Pretty high stats.
How so? Everything around 50% is usually average, no?
>So he made things worse for you than he had? Make sure your father wasn't narcissistic (read about it, it's not vanity at all).
Doubt it because he usually loathes himself. He also has an alcohol problem that persists until today.

>>36414900
Hey Nick when you are done working out I would like to see the image, even if you have to send it in parts or something. I'm actually interesting in going over it and re-reading it for myself.

>>36414900
Hey Nick, it's me again.

>>36420225
I can't really explain it but somehow, reading what 'someone else' wrote terrifies me. Just makes me feel really uneasy.

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>>36420179
i am neither certain nor uncertain

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>>36420230
>How so? Everything around 50% is usually average, no?

Here are my results for comparison.

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>>36420305
Yeah, but yours are well below average.

>>36420305
Maybe you're just too good for this world.

>>36420284
I think I can appreciate the feeling you're attempting to communicate.

>>36420230
>Doubt it because he usually loathes himself.

That's what you find at the heart of narcissism, that's why I told you to read about it, it's not mere vanity or self-love, quite the opposite.

Can you get a name? I will forget who you are without a name. Thank you.

>>36420240

Shoot me an e-mail. I'll send you the whole thing.

>>36420261

Refresh my memory. I see about 30 different posters every day, forgive me. I'll remember once you refresh my memory, however.

>>36420334

True.

>>36420342

Or too dumb.

Guys, Dan has an IP problem. He moved and now his IP changes: sometimes he can post, sometimes he can't, as 4chan has rangebanned his area, apparently.

If you know a solution, e-mail me.

>>36420066
>Focus on the fact that people aren't like the people you've known, thankfully
How does that work? Kek

>>36420380
>How does that work? Kek

Find good people, imagine most people are like them.

>>36420365
The thread i first posted in is still up.
>>36347338
I'm (of course) Move, i should be near the end of the thread

>>36420418
>The thread i first posted in is still up.

In the archive?

>>36420418
>I'm (of course) Move, i should be near the end of the thread

I'll take a look.

>>36420418

All right, have you been thinking about this stuff since last time?

>>36420500
Not very much, but yes i did.

>>36420523

What did you find out?

>>36414900
Hey Nick, no psychological issues in particular, just wanted to thank you for doing this fine work, it's appreciated and respected.

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>>36420542

I appreciate your kind words!

>>36420533
I think that the definition of the narcissistic disorder is way too broad. Since you told me that it only needs to be a few symptoms, it means that about 95% of the people around me are narcissists. That's what i mean by "way too broad".

>>36420365
Sure, made one just for this.
[email protected]

>>36420621

It's not broad at all, but you may find many of them in the same family. They often join together, or recreate themselves in their children.

In my direct family, I can count 5 easily.

If they are toxic and make you feel bad whenever you're around them, it's a fairly good sign.

>>36420649
>[email protected]

On it, captain.

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>>36417307
>You don't have to have it all. I myself have that bit and very little of the other ones.
Im aware but i havent looked at the diagnostics recently but other than an intuitive "fit" i cant say. Im going to a rehab/mental health facility before court. I need it and itll look "good".
>It sure means something, and sounds hella fun.
My inner monologues tend to be in second person and sonetimes patterned off actors roles. Mostly george clooney for the latter for some reason.

>Could be dissociation too, different sort.
Probably.
>More generally, try to relax, you're being listened to and cared for here, and it won't be just me, others will help you.
I appreciate the kindness and open hearts for this worthless sinner, o my stranger brothers yet.
>Are you all right?
Im out of jail for now, have cigarettes, coffee. Ill be stable until i have to actually go out and do responsible things. Thinking about the future always produces anxiety in me. Which is why ive been "living in the moment" as a reactionary instinctual fucking animal.

>>36420721
>cigarettes, coffee.

I found coffee exacerbates my anxiety quite significantly (to the point of getting anxiety attacks), so try easing off those things.

I'm curious about your name.

>>36420365
>That's what you find at the heart of narcissism, that's why I told you to read about it, it's not mere vanity or self-love, quite the opposite.
I don't feel comfortable diagnosing my father when I have problems identifying what the issue is with myself.
Can you get a name? I will forget who you are without a name. Thank you.
Sure.

>>36420699
>It's not broad at all, but you may find many of them in the same family. They often join together, or recreate themselves in their children.

No family such as that comes to mind. They are usually separate persons.


>In my direct family, I can count 5 easily.

In my direct family i can count 2 that "fit the type" (between quotes because of what i said earlier.).


>If they are toxic and make you feel bad whenever you're around them, it's a fairly good sign.

And that's not the case either.

Could we please discuss any other of the things i mentioned to you last time? I'd rather not talk about my mother tonight.

>>36420699
I'll be lurking that email an hour or so. After than then I'll have to get ready for work, so take your time sending it

>>36420770
>I don't feel comfortable diagnosing my father when I have problems identifying what the issue is with myself.

Interesting. Why does that make you feel uncomfortable? Does hit home too much?

>>36420810
>Could we please discuss any other of the things i mentioned to you last time? I'd rather not talk about my mother tonight.

Sure, which topics exactly?

>>36420813
>I'll be lurking that email an hour or so. After than then I'll have to get ready for work, so take your time sending it

It's sent already.

>>36420851
Any one of them, really.

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>>36420758
I probably should drop the coffee but its comforting. And filling since i dont feel like i want/deserve to eat.
Waaaaay back on /b/ in like 2008 or something when i was a wee underageb& i used to moonlight in furfag threads pretending to be a 20 or 30 something priest rambling about whatever religious bullshit and imagery i could come up with on the fly. Name stuck with me, and i still know peoplefrom those threads/theyre still on /b/.
Im calmer now. Brief flashes of anxiety but thats to be expected.

>>36420851
Fantastic I can read it. Thank you boss!

>>36418105
Facet, are you a guy or a girl?

>>36420965
To avoid ambiguity, biologically male. I also identify as male.

>>36420875

I don't remember the list, Move, that's why I'm asking you.

>>36420918
>And filling since i dont feel like i want/deserve to eat.

Eat, drop the coffee.

Glad you're calmer now, and thanks for the explanation.

>>36420933

Jesus dubs for good news!

>>36420984
So what's your sexual orientation?

Did you miss this post of mine perhaps
>>36419332

hey, it's me again. i just want to continue what we were talking about in the last thread. you seemed to stop responding after a while.
>>36401153 this was my last post
hopefully we can at least figure something out today, because i'm afraid i have something i need to do very soon. thank you.

>>36421028
>So what's your sexual orientation?

Is love in the air tonight?


>>36419332
>I should point out that they are all Internet friends, I don't consider anyone IRL a friend,

Nobody at all?

Do you exchange e-mails?