Psychological Issues #38

Hi, I'm sorry about last night, I hope there aren't any arguments like that that in the threads again, I'm still very touched you made a thread just to tell me not to leave.

You were mostly right about people reacted at work about my story. Only one other person sided with him, but most others were caring. What annoys me now is that even though they're being nice about it, they won't stop talking about it, and are basically just trying to be my friend to look good about themselves. I don't know if I can take this job anymore

>>36394884
>Hi, I'm sorry about last night, I hope there aren't any arguments like that that in the threads again, I'm still very touched you made a thread just to tell me not to leave.

It's entirely on me. I chose to act as I did. You have nothing to feel sorry about, you did nothing wrong.

I was reading to kick serious ass in your defense.

>they won't stop talking about it, and are basically just trying to be my friend to look good about themselves.

Ethan, consider the possibility that they really care about you. You're the sort of person people like more than you realise. I honestly think this isn't about looking good for themselves, but really, they care about you and want you to feel OK and safe.

Value yourself more and embrace the love. OK? They care about you, for real.

>Only one other person sided with him

Probably his secret lover, at that.

How did you feel about therapy? How often are you going?

>>36394962
>consider the possibility that they really care about you

The only reason that I think they don't is that until now, they didn't want anything to do with me, but I suppose their opinions could change after hearing that.

My next therapy session is on Friday, I felt good about the last one, we got the basics out of the way, so now we should start making real progress

Posting resources. Here are all the tests I have in store for now:

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

>>36394884
I'm going to expand a little on Nicks point.

>Ethan, consider the possibility that they really care about you. You're the sort of person people like more than you realise. I honestly think this isn't about looking good for themselves, but really, they care about you and want you to feel OK and safe.
At first, this idea will feel very alien to you. Your thought processes are most likely set to "constant doubt". It's very reasonable to doubt sometimes, but when you're constantly doubting everyone, after a while it becomes automated and it's the first thing that pops up in your head.

Maybe it's not like that for you, but if it is, try to recognize this, try to approach your emotional responses in a rational manner and maybe you will find that you are in fact jumping to negative
conclusions. As did I.

>>36395020
>they didn't want anything to do with me,

This could be for many reasons, but obviously, it wasn't that they didn't like you. If they all talk about it and show you signs that they care, trust me, they do. Seize the opportunity to get closer to them.

I'll tell you a story you need to hear, because it may apply.

When I started university, I was still very unfit considering my background (think guy who escaped Scientology village isolated from the rest of the world, that level of "unfit"), and on the first day, people make sure to socialise, to introduce themselves, to make friends, to get to know each other, etc.

On my first day, I saw this and thought, "Fuck, they all know each other already? I'd better leave them amongst friends, then." I didn't actually understand that they didn't necessarily know each other, but that everyone wanted to connect with everyone else, and that *I* would have been welcome to connect with them, that *I* would have been valued as a friend. I had no idea this was possible, so I stayed away, scared to breathe someone else's air.

People approached me sometimes, but I never assumed they liked me. Don't make that mistake: people like you, you're a good person and people feel that. Good people will come to you, as they have. By all means, connect.

>>36395049
You're right that doubt is my natural reaction. I don't often realise until later though, or until someone like you points it out. Thank you for the tip, I'm going to really try and stop thinking like this

>>36395100
Thank you for your story , I hope you're right, I'll try to talk to them

>>36395105
Damn, I forgot my trip in the first post, lol.

>Thank you for the tip, I'm going to really try and stop thinking like this
It's good to stop thinking like this, but from my own experience it's VERY overwhelming to undo years of this negative "programming" of your brain. What I'm saying is, you don't have to change yourself immediately. Even being aware of it is a HUGE change. So try being aware, don't try to change yourself into a completely different person instantly. From awareness comes change. Slowly, gradually, but surely. It might not even feel like things are changing, but they will.

>>36395049
>>36395180

Approved.

Dan, do you realise you could literally run the thread on your own?

You and Facet, who should arrive soon, could both handle things smoothly if I weren't around, I'm sure.

Even with those crazy ass dark triad results.

>>36395180
>>36395227
I agree, from what I've seen you give sound advice.

>>36394884
Don't worry about yesterday. You're among friends.

As for your workmates, it must be irritating but somewhat heartening as well. They're virtue-signalling right now, but that likely means they'll rise to your defence against that vulgar cook. In any case it will die down given time. You could always milk them for free drinks. That's what I'd do.

>You're the sort of person people like more than you realise.
Seconded, but they probably were gossiping. Some of them anyway.

>>36395105
>You're right that doubt is my natural reaction
I find this surprising. You seem like the sort of person to whom people flock: nice, genuine and without guile. Universally, traits held in high regard by all but the most jaded (and even then, coveted).

Guys, I'm going to test some tests, for disorders I don't have, so it should be a boring pain in the nuts, but I want to have tests covering every personality disorder there is, that's ten, and then other tests for conditions relevant to the people of this board.

I told my therapist I didn't believe in ADHD/ADD, and why, and that depression was only a symptom to me. She was very much in agreement.

>>36395253
>You could always milk them for free drinks. That's what I'd do.

Ideas like that never occur naturally to Ethan or myself. I'm trying hard to think more like a Dark Lord, but this didn't occur to me at all. I just can't get into thinking this way, "How can I use these people for myself?"

>I find this surprising. You seem like the sort of person to whom people flock: nice, genuine and without guile. Universally, traits held in high regard by all but the most jaded (and even then, coveted).

I don't know why this surprises you. I'm the same, and I'm the sort of person people single out in a crowd as the "nice person that will help me find where the post office is".

When you spend your life second-guessing yourself to make sure you don't offend anybody, it works. For good and bad reasons, people feel you.

>>36395253
>they'll rise to your defence against that vulgar cook

I'd honestly rather just be left alone. They seem like nice people and I'd be fine socialising with them in my free time, but I'm at work to do a job. All this drama reminds me of school.

>>36395227
>>36395249
It's going to sound crazy, but giving advice helps me big time. Hard to explain.

>You and Facet, who should arrive soon, could both handle things smoothly if I weren't around, I'm sure.
We all just have different experiences. You're further down the good road, while we're not. Our advice will probably be more raw.

>Even with those crazy ass dark triad results.
I lol'd.

>>36395320

Most of it is cool drama: it's people caring about you.

I have some of that at my own workplace, but it's more discreet because we seldom work together, and I'm seldom seen anymore. Ninja teaching.

Embrace the care, open up to people.

>>36395329
>It's going to sound crazy, but giving advice helps me big time. Hard to explain.

Do you really think that's going to sound crazy to me?

>#38
>380 hours spent reading and typing since March

I'm glad you're getting something out of it.

>You're further down the good road, while we're not.

If that's the good road, don't follow me. Pretty fucky in here.

Psychological Issues Archives

1 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35498409/
2 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35521806/
3 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35541735/
4 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35547290/
5 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35567230/
6 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35668421/
7 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35689780/
8 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35716442/
9 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35740738/
10 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35763440/
11 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35777773/
12 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35803625/
13 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35835561/
14 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35855848/
15 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35876435/
16 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35882457/
17 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35906378/
18 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35926221/
19 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35945942/
20 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35971403/
21 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35994443/
22 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36019645/
23 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36040635/
24 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36089774/
25 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36093480/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36108068/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36132647/ I misnumbered
27 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36158561/
28 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36183284/
29 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36210653/
30 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36244000/
31 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36259571/
32 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36284773/
33 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36294613/
34 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36315834/
35 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36347338/
36 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36362980/
37 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36376102/

Hello, this might be really long and unorganized, also not a native english speaker.. I expect nothing, but at the very least I'll be able to rant a bit about my life..

I'm 18 and I come from a poor family, not poor enough to struggle to survive but poor enough to not move anywhere in life (never been outside of my country, never traveled by airplane). I live with my mother and grandparents. I've failed HS once, I'm trying for the second time now but I'm failing again. I don't really feel like studying, even if I know my life depends on it - even more so when my mom literally told me that if I don't get a good education and a proper job our family is done for. She works a $2.5/hr 12hrs/day job, so I feel bad talking back, but I'd never work for that amount. I wouldn't even wake up early for that kind of money.. I feel like if I get into that sort of life I'll be stuck here forever and I don't want that. I have no skills whatsoever that I could make money with, my biggest achievement is probably making $300 on csgo with clever trading. I'm just so depressed all the time, the first thing that comes to my mind when I wake up is sucide, I'm not even joking. Even though I would never do it (at least I think so), thinking about suicide every single day really takes a toll on me, I feel like. I also feel like I might have ADHD, but upon reading the local doctor's reviews I feel like there's no point even going for a diagnosis, it costs $30 for a single sitting, takes numerous meet ups and from what I've heard they recommend you therapies first before meds, which I am not interested in.. (also adderall is not prescribed here at all) I have some other problems like being short, insecure, but those things are not what defines my life, so I'm okay with them for now.


I swear my english isn't as bad as it seems like LOL, I'm just really bad at putting my thoughts into text. Sorry for the wall of text, it looks like more of a list than a legitimate text, doesn't it? D:

>>36395306
>I'm trying hard to think more like a Dark Lord, but this didn't occur to me at all.
My thought process would be as follows: These people are trying to befriend me in order to feel good about themselves (Ethan himself got this far). This is selfish of them, as well as annoying. How can I benefit from this parasitic arrangement, and make it at least symbiotic? I'll encourage them to show what good friends they are by getting the rounds in. They get to feel good about themselves and I save some money. Mutual exploitation. Everybody wins.

>When you spend your life second-guessing yourself to make sure you don't offend anybody
Whereas I spend my life second-guessing everyone else to work out what their angle is, and whether I can turn their knives, real or imagined, against them. Our attitudes might be contrary, but they're equally hamstringing I suppose.

>>36395320
I quite understand. Things are simpler when work stays work.

>>36395329
I do try, but I get bored after a while. If the thread is active I'm happy to contribute but once we hit real NEET hours I lose interest.

>>36395349
>I have some of that at my own workplace, but it's more discreet because we seldom work together, and I'm seldom seen anymore. Ninja teaching.

>Embrace the care, open up to people.
I genuinely tried at my last workplace. I just didn't understand it. I worked very hard, went over-and-above in support of a colleague and tried to arrange social events. However, she never took me up on the offer despite my best efforts. I thought a double date would be fine but over the course of a year, nothing. Then, on one of the occasions she was 'planning to stay at home' she started discussing her plans with the rest of the staff to go out that weekend as a group. I was slighted. I didn't try again, and I haven't since. She was a stupid bitch anyway; lazy and untalented. Not worth my time.

>>36395423

And my e-mail address is here:

[email protected]

Some people needed it last time and I hadn't posted it in that thread.

>>36395349
Yeah I'll try to talk to them more, if need be I'll just ask them politely to stop talking about it, it was stressing me out today and I was already really stressed

>>36395436
>I expect nothing

You won't be disappointed.

>even more so when my mom literally told me that if I don't get a good education and a proper job our family is done for.

Parentification, the fate of the family shouldn't be on your shoulders, you aren't a parent. Each his own task, yours isn't to save everyone.

(Parentification is a form of abuse.)

>I also feel like I might have ADHD

I don't believe in it, but you certainly have symptoms for something, usually misdiagnosed as ADHD/ADD, but it's all bullshit. Your condition is real, however, but it it's only tangentially about attention.

>. Sorry for the wall of text,

That's what the thread is for. Trust me, I am used to reading novels like Moby-Dick 3 times and other activities of the sort; there are no walls of texts to me, just paragraphs.

You are more depressed than you seem to think, and you struggle with courage, but probably aren't aware of just how courageous you are.

Here's a fun test for you:

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>36395439
>My thought process would be as follows: These people are trying to befriend me in order to feel good about themselves (Ethan himself got this far).

Ethan went this far by low self-esteem. It's a wrong assumption based on the assuming that he couldn't possibly be appreciated truly by his workmates.

You apparently do the same thing.

>mutual exploitation

Do you see love-making as "mutual masturbation by way of the other's body"?

>>36395439
>She was a stupid bitch anyway; lazy and untalented. Not worth my time.

You probably thought this from the get go, and she probably felt it. So she never wanted to give you positive signs of anything.

>>36395558
No, I see it as masturbation. Like hell I'm selfless enough to give them more than 20 seconds of pure bliss

In case you haven't understood this yet, I am held captive by a sadist who inflicts pain on my person as soon as the thread hits page 2, and the higher the number, the worse the pain gets.

Keep it bumping.

>>36395650

Doesn't this make you sad?

>>36395436
You mentioned having no skills, yet your english isn't bad at all! It depends on the country obviously, but for example I come from eastern europe (judging from your text and how you use articles, I get the feeling that you might be too) and your english level would be considered very good.

Also with the internet, you can acquire many skills, there are many interesting things you can learn. Surely there must be something. Right?

>>36395583
Not quite from the get-go. I really did try to support her, and I think I hid my disdain well, but it didn't take long before I considered her inferior.

>>36395667
It was a joke, but only a half-joke. I have gone the extra mile in the past but for reasons fairly bizarre in their own right, both of my longterm partners haven't got much out of sex. Thus, not entirely through any fault of my own, it's a pretty selfish affair and not tremendously enjoyable.

>>36395714

I honestly believe this makes you something like a virgin. It may take the right person and the right therapy.

>>36395746
If you're talking about 'making love' or something like that I've attempted to approximate it but I don't think it's ever happened.

I was promised cartoons and alcohol induced personality shifting.
A question for everyone: What is your primary mode of thinking? Verbal, visual, auditory, something else? If you're attempting to describe a thought ir sequence of thoughts, what occurs to you during that process?

>>36395794
Oi the plan is specifically no personality shifting. Did Nick email you yet? It would be nice if nobody arrived before we kicked off but if not we're ready to go pretty much.

>>36395794
>I was promised cartoons and alcohol induced personality shifting.

Hello Meta! Chinese cartoons and fantastic feats are all provided by Facet.

>Verbal, visual, auditory, something else?

Depends for what. When my students spell words out, I can never make it an image in my head, but I realise I try. So, for words, I'm mostly visual. If you spell something, by voice, I'll try to build an image of the word in my mind, and I'll always fail because people spell too fast (even when they go slow).

Describing a thought seems impossible to me. It's like asking me to describe my own consciousness. I can only tell you my consciousness is everything that isn't, and isn't everything that is (pillaging Sartre here).

>>36395818
If I thought the plan would work perfectly , I'd be much less interested. No offense. I of course want the best for you anf everyone. I'm a child of light

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>>36395818
>Did Nick email you yet?

I did.

>did

>>36395861

I'd like to see your results on this test:

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

>>36395818
>nobody
here i am

>>36395908

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Ravioli.

>>36395860
I often wonder if I encode words and other sounds in a more "musical" way than others, especially if I'm performing a line or something. The succession of phonemes are the salient experience of memory rather than the way the words look.

>>36395908
Good to see you. Well then. It looks like we're all gathered. Ethan, you're welcome to come along too as well as any lurkers.

Head over to cytu dot be slash r slash glasscage. The password is 'clarice'

>>36395861
>I'm a child of light
As are we all, I'm sure

>>36395794
I'm going to play my special snowflake card here, since it's kinda interesting, but for me, most thoughts are colors thanks to this condition

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia

So I would say visual and spatial. I see facts and information around me in vivid colors, I see them merging when I'm making conclusions, like a colored liquids flowing on a plane full of dents and hills. It sounds kinda trippy, but it's the closest explanation I can think of. Pretty much everything in my head is categorized by colors.

>>36395955
>As are we all, I'm sure

The only light children around here, so far, are Ethan and myself. Don't forget. Ye Dark Lord.

>>36395967

I thought I had never done any synesthesia until I recalled a few thoughts, especially from my childhood.

It'll sound crazy, but oh well.

Around 1987, when I was 5 or so, maybe later, I played a lot of Zelda on the NES, the first game. I remember the blue map, and the way I saw it was not the way it was meant to be seen, I didn't see a roll of paper, basically, or parchment, I saw something that didn't quite make sense. Here's the crazy part.

As my origins have to do with Italy and Italian as a language, I had learned a few words, including "grazie", and for some reason, I associated that word to the blue map. Why? I don't have a clue. The two got stuck together for no reason, making me feel bad for thinking crazy stuff, making me experiencing shame.

Another thing I did was I connected the name Padme (yes, from Star Wars, don't ask me why, I don't know either, I'm not especially a fan of the prequels, though Natalie Portman is cute) with the number 42, as part of a password I had. The sound for 4 and 2, in French, was connected to "Padme", for no fucking reason either.

I spent years typing my password thinking of Natalie Portman because of this.

It's not exactly like smelling colours and seeing tastes or feeling red, but there you go.

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>>36395900
Behold, my results.

>>36395683
>>36395526

depression: 33 (extremely severe)
anxiety: 21 (extremely severe)
stress: 22 (moderate)

I don't feel that sad if I'm at home playing videogames or escaping through some other means, but as soon as I think about my future or where my life is heading, I get depressed. I started to get the "automatic" feeling of wanting to end it all at the beginning of this year, I guess it was then when I realized I wouldn't make it this time either (in HS) and nothing really changed in my life.

I've tried getting into several hobbies, I always lose interest and give up early, so I don't feel like I could actually learn a profitable skill.. I'm failing a goddamn high school, I'm probably not really good at learning am I. :/

thanks for complimenting my english, I'm from the czech republic (as you might have guessed based on the amount of money my mother makes). Okay country to live in if you have no aspirations to travel and don't buy things off the internet, terrible country otherwise. Not sure how a country can be so behind economically, especially when Germany is right around the corner. Maybe it's because we still don't have euros as our mainly used currency? not sure

Regarding your 'character narrative' rebuttal.

I'll be blunt Nick, you are in no position to judge how accurately you perceive yourself, I described your mechanic, not how you describe or experience said mechanic using slightly varying semantics.

I recommend you discuss this twisted perception of yourself elsewhere before it springs narcissistic root.

File: Dark Triad Nick Results.png (36KB, 679x568px) Image search: [Google]

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Test this test for me; I wanted to do it myself but I don't have time!

http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/stpd/stypal.php

>>36396111

Another Dark Lord. Fuck.

>et tu Meta?

Here are my results which you won't believe.

>>36396126
>I don't feel that sad

Depression isn't sadness. Mark that difference in stone.

>I've tried getting into several hobbies, I always lose interest and give up early, so I don't feel like I could actually learn a profitable skill.. I

Your state isn't something you get out of with fun activities; it's much deeper.

>thanks for complimenting my english, I'm from the czech republic (as you might have guessed based on the amount of money my mother makes).

I had imagined those to be American wages.

>>36396078
It could be synesthesia, it's a neurological abnormality that manifests itself in many ways. These strange relations that shouldn't be there but are could all be connected. Like the memory aids that students use.

>>36396139
I'm not really. I'm committed to alleviating suffering. I just have to overcome my innate selfishness. I have guilt and empathy and all those other positive traits. I can even cry on command. If that doesn't prove I'm an angel, nothing will.

>>36396135
>I'll be blunt Nick, you are in no position to judge how accurately you perceive yourself,

If that were true, it'd be the same for you, and you'd then not be in any position to judge your own "mind simulation". The fact is that every time you were wrong, it wasn't a matter of subjective opinion on my part. So you can be as blunt as you want, you'll still be wrong.

The idea of passing something as blunt, to make me think, "OK, he's being brutally honest and I should his honesty" is just a red-herring to distract from the fact that you were just wrong, very wrong, from the beginning to the end, and you might have been upset at being this wrong when you thought you had a supernaturaly ability which I reduced to what it is: a delusion.

> I described your mechanic

You didn't, you described a behaviour that made sense on its own but one that did not fit me for 90% of it.

>not how you describe or experience said mechanic using slightly varying semantics.

That's just muddying the waters. "Semantics" is always a red flag when used as an excuse for something.

>I recommend you discuss this twisted perception of yourself elsewhere before it springs narcissistic root.

Such as my therapist's office? I've done that a lot, and my perception of myself is instructed and guided by this as well.

Why would you tell me to discuss myself, or anything else, elsewhere, when I'm in my own thread?

>before it springs narcissistic root.

That's not how narcissism works, and narcissism is the least of my concerns when it comes to my own person.

I'm sorry you were so offended by being wrong, but this should only hint at your own narcissism.

>>36396126
>thanks for complimenting my english, I'm from the czech republic (as you might have guessed based on the amount of money my mother makes)
Yeah, I have guessed that, because as it so happens, I'm also from Czech Republic. Czech text incoming. Teda vlastne z Brna, coz spoustu lidi uz povazuje za dalnej vychod.

>Not sure how a country can be so behind economically, especially when Germany is right around the corner.
Our ties to Germany is one of the few things that keep our economy alive I'd say. I don't think euro would help us. Also traveling isn't so bad here, but yeah buying things off the internet is a nightmare. Electronics always cost double the fucking price.

>I'm failing a goddamn high school, I'm probably not really good at learning am I. :/
It's tricky. I never really studied in high school and I never really learned much, I think you have to find your learning style. For me, it's questions. I have to ask myself questions about the material and give answers. There is lots that you can do, don't give up on yourself.

>>36396182
>Like the memory aids that students use.

I used loads of these in my classes.

>interested IN something
>INterested in something

>on Monday
>on MONday

>bad AT maths
>bad at mAThs

Groups of words, for prepositions, where the answer is inside the word. They only need to remember that one phrase and they're good to go.

>>36396252
>and I should his honesty

Should trust*

>supernaturaly

Supernatural*

>>36396257
>I'm also from Czech Republic.

So I guess that makes you both check mates!

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Is this a viable test?
http://personality-testing.info/tests/LSRP.php

Pic related. It's my results.

>>36396620
>my

Who are you?

>>36396632
Eh. I just wanted to see.

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>>36396654

All done.

I assume you'll find my results hard to believe. On my end, with results like yours, I wonder how you can be so honest in such a test. I couldn't, for the life of me, ever think the way you do.

>>36396786
That's fine. I'm not really concerned with whether you could or couldn't think like me. Your score seems more like average or below which is likely. I'm not too surprised about my score. Why do you find my honesty surprising?

Popping back in here. That room is stuffy. How is it going today, Nick?

>>36396257
>>36396620
Hey Dan, I'm curious to see how you would perform on this. Would you mind taking the test?

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>>36396620
As expected...

It kind of makes sense that the secondary is lower for me, since I've never been incarcerated.

>>36396833
>That's fine. I'm not really concerned with whether you could or couldn't think like me.

I didn't assume you'd be. I'm just informing you for your own curiosity, if you have any.

>Your score seems more like average or below which is likely

Did you read it? Type 1 is above 0% of the population, that's not average, that's angelic tier, thank you very much.

12% for type 2, still means 88% of people are more psychipathic than me; again, cherubim level of empathy and concern for other people.

>Why do you find my honesty surprising?

I'd be ashamed to responding the way you did, so I'm surprised you did it at all. I guess you feel zero shame, though.

"You use people for your own benefits."
"TOTALLY AGREE."

I'd feel instant shame if I thought that. I don't, so I don't feel shame at all, but it's alien to me to think people can get results like yours without trolling.

>>36396861
That's pretty interesting. We are not so different. Could you describe some of the reasons why you are here?

>no u

Classic narc

>>36396923
>Could you describe some of the reasons why you are here?

: D
|
/\

>>36396917
I feel shame, but only when I break my own rules.

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>>36396786
We're quite alike with these tests

>>36396929

The quality of your effort has dropped drastically. I imagine you no longer think your case salvageable, so you don't bother making an effort anymore.

>no u

If your superpowers are so weak that you fail to see how little of the narc there is in me, we can both consider this case closed and sealed.

>>36396992
Kek, you and Nick are the only two decent people in this thread.

>>36397026
Decent is overrated.

>>36396985

They say shame comes from the outside (other people) and guilt from the inside (yourself).

Would I be wrong to suggest you don't feel shame at all, but more like regret that you didn't live up to what you wanted to accomplish? Something like frustration rather than genuine shame or guilt?

>>36397059
Agreed. Did you take the test?

>>36397089
Not yet. I'll give it a whirl.

>>36397075
Actually you're right about that. Mainly because I feel like complete shit for a minute or two then I'm back to normal, or as normal as I can be.

>>36396992

We are. One of my best friends is doing them too, and she has results like yours and mine, reassuring me somewhat as to my ability to estimate people. I still don't fully understand how I get along with the Sith Lords around here, but then again, I grew up under much worse people, so I shouldn't be surprised that Darth Junior seems pretty cool to me when my parents were Lord Murdergore and Lady Sinistra.

>>36397112
Okay cool. I'm really curious about your results in particular.

>>36397019
Did Seethe turn into a troll?

I'm preoccupied, we'll play more later ;)

>>36397059

You like my decency, admit it.

>>36397179
Wait. Do you mind taking the test if you're available?

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>>36397189
Decency is a spook.

>>36397126
>I feel like complete shit for a minute

Would you believe I feel complete shit for months about things I feel both guilt and shame about? Mostly guilt, though. The opinion of others doesn't shame me too much. I don't hide my sin from people I speak with, concerning my recent past. I feel much worse about the guilt, having made my Loved One suffer. Thinking about this makes me cry automatically if I think about it enough.

>>36397228
Yeah, I believe it. Shame and guilt will kill a man if untreated long enough.

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I haven't read others' results yet but I imagine that it's lower than the other edgelords. I'm feeling pretty upstanding today because I'm in a good mood.

>>36397228
I've been meaning to ask for a long time and I suspect I know what you'll say, but what are your opinions on the concept of "free will?"

>>36397168

No, he played a game he lost and now needs to lick his wounds.

>>36397179
>I'm preoccupied, we'll play more later ;)

We won't. I only play when I know there's a chance for me to lose.

>>36397261
Yeah, I get in moods sometimes and I'm automatically a better person. It sounds stupid, but when I feel better, I treat people better.

>>36396923
What can I tell you, in short, because I always knew something was wrong. This might end up being quite a long rant.

As a kid, showing emotion wasn't easy for me. My parents always described me as exceptionally quiet and well-behaved kid, because I didn't have the urge to display the typical willfulness that kids usually do. Nowadays I think I wasn't just well-behaved but that I was emotionally stunted, flat, however you want to call it, when I saw other children responding emotionally, I never understood why they were doing that. Until I was about 11 I spent most of my time reading and studying (not school subjects, but random subjects that I found fascinating, my parents would never deny me a book despite not having much money). I did spend time with other children, they didn't like me much and who could blame them. I was indifferent to them. I was however mostly left alone.

When I turned 11, I changed schools since the school I previously went to was only up to 5th grade and then it began. I started being bullied for my uncommon responses to social situations. When I say bullied I don't mean just insults, I mean beatings, humiliation (being stripped down and thrown into a classroom full of girls for example). I had to go to the hospital a couple times. During this time I learned the most valuable lesson, that is to mimic others. I do it to this day, after knowing some person for some time, I mimic their phrases and behavior, it's natural to me now. Well through this skill, I was able to integrate myself into a social group. Oh and also by getting straight As effortlessly and helping the dumber members of that group, for which I got protection. Prison-like kinda arrangement.

So after turning 15, there I was. Able to integrate myself with people, to mimic people, often getting into new groups of friends only to push them away later.

I started going here, because I always felt I learned how to be a human, instead of being born one.

>>36397306
Doesn't sound stupid to me. In fact I imagine that most people are the same way; they just lack the honesty to admit it.

>>36397306
Let's try to draft a bill to make depressed people less culpable for the crimes they commit. "Innocent by reason of bad mood"

>>36397261

You're still Darth Vader's fukkboi.

>Facet, forcechoke me, baby

>>36397405
Not going to lie, I would be absolutely down with that. Where are you, man?

>>36397261
I have a bit of a theory that people with DID have a level of disregard for others is almost on the same level as a psycho. The reason why I suspect this is, because Facet's scores are either on the same level or beyond my own. My friend with DID is also on similar terms with my own lack of caring.

You will not know you are playing, you haven't for some rounds, good luck.

>>36397265
>I've been meaning to ask for a long time and I suspect I know what you'll say, but what are your opinions on the concept of "free will?"

I don't believe in a deterministic model of the universe because of quantum physics and also because that model died in the 1920's, so free will is up for grabs.

All in all, I think practically: we don't know for sure, so I may not concern myself about this too much, and choose to think I'm responsible and choosing my own course of action. The truth is probably in between.

>>36397388
Kek, I'd probably abuse this bill. That would be the worst law to have for someone like me.

>>36397306
>It sounds stupid, but when I feel better, I treat people better.

It's not stupid. It's a staple of my approach to people.

>>36397501
Snap. Or at least, for parts of us. It seems ripe for abuse since after all, how do you distinguish which parts are depressed and which parts are acting?

>>36397460
I'd like to hear more about this. Honestly, any insights you have into DID I'm eager to hear.

>>36397484
I completely disagree. It's not possible even conceptually, as far as I can see. I don't believe the words "free will" even refer to anything. I expected you to believe in it, maybe to be a compatibilist. Glad you're more skeptical.

>>36397431

I really need to stop being such a tease.

Down with the Force! Is your lightsaber big enough for me, though?

>>36397484
And I asked because I think belief or lack thereof in free will potentiality interacts in fascinating ways with psychological foibles, and certainly with most systems of morality. So I was wondering how your sense of personal responsibility colors your approximation of yourself, with respect to past mistakes.

>>36397460
>a level of disregard for others

Thing is, Facet can care. He's selective as fuck, and certainly, his selection is based on how people can be useful to him (we all do that to some degree, not doing it would be self-abuse), but I do believe he doesn't have that strong of a disregard.

Unlike you, I think other people mean something to him, and for this reason, maybe, he keeps them even more at bay, while, to you, other people aren't really a thing (or they're precisely just that, a thing).

>>36397467
>You will not know you are playing, you haven't for some rounds, good luck.

You've just lost again. Now I really have no reasons left to try and help you. Just know I was genuine the whole time, unlike you.

Since trust is now broken between us, there is nothing else I can do for you.

>>36397615

My model of the universe is so abstract and volatile that I expect anything, including free will.

Interesting topic.

>>36397352
Huh, I'm the exact opposite. I'm pretty sure I wasn't born this way. I was just bullied by my brother everyday that I saw him. He never said anything nice to me. He would physically hurt me if he could.

I was very emotional, and this was shown often. I was VERY angry. I was bullied in elementary school, but I beat the kid so bad he switched schools. I never fit in anywhere. I never really cared about this though. I eventually found friends, and soon after my best friend. Inever strived for success, just happiness.

It's 3pm and I haven't done shit yet, what is the issue?

About 30 mins until we start. We're all assembled but we begin in earnest in 30

Seethe, why are you here? What are your issues? Sorry for putting the burden on you, but I don't want to waste my time reading or even skimming your previous posts if you're just a troll.

>>36397680

For all intents and purposes, I consider myself responsible, because when I think about a choice, I experience my freedom in choosing this or that, for this reason or that one.

It's more a matter of principle than physics: I could imagine myself the pawn of causality, but it wouldn't helpe me make better choices, it'd only make me feel like nothing is my fault, making me an unsufferable person.

>>36397711
I keep telling you, I do care for some people, just very few.

>>36397826
>It's 3pm and I haven't done shit yet, what is the issue?

You'll have to tell me more.

>>36397871
>I keep telling you, I do care for some people, just very few.

And it's only a coincidence that they'ren all useful to you, am I right?

>>36397802
I feel the same way with most things, but I can't conceive of what a free will would be. Indeterministic or stochastic processes don't imply free will or offer a possibility of it. I'm very interested in having someone who believes in free will clearly articulate their thoughts on the topic, because there is nothing I can imagine that would lend credence to the idea, other than that the universe is radically incomprehensible (which I suspect is the case)

>>36397918

I used to have a defence for this, in a Christian context.

If you've ever seen some crazy Christian arguing for 10 hours in a row on /b/, that was me.

I trained myself in apologetics and preached the Word on /b/, of all places. Cool threads, though.

>>36397853
Sometimes I wonder if a lack of belief in being the final decision maker for your own actions might actually be a hindrance as some people have suggested. I do feel as though the present "me" is absolved of past sins because of my fatalism. So, I would prefer people hold a naive belief in a rather uncomplicated morality including something akin to free will, to preserve their sense of duty to maintain positive actions.

>>36398002
>the present "me" is absolved of past sins because of my fatalism.

Probably a cop out indeed.

Ten minutes. We're going live, as it were, at 20 past. Ethan and I are getting bored

>>36397808
Yeah, it's interesting. It seems we might have similar problems, but you were made this way, while I was born this way (I think).

Or maybe I'm just autistic. But I don't so, because I always felt very aware, even though I never knew (and still don't) what exactly was I aware of.

>>36397554
Well, I think that the whole thing is very interesting. DID is a fascinating illness, but it's a shame that people have to suffer, because of it. I just find it very suspicious that my friend and I are so damn similar. The way that I describe how I am, he identifies with it. Most of the things he describes about his DID, I can relate to. It's to such a large extent that when he found out about his condition he automatically assumed I had it too. When I describe what I'm going through he'll say that it's exactly how he felt when he first started losing himself. What's even more interesting is that you have either really low morals or similar things to me as well. I just can't help, but notice similarities.

>>36397915
And it's a coincidence that all Facet's loved ones are purely useful to him as well. You literally said he judges his loved ones by their uses.

>>36398053
Yeah, you have a sense of difference and you feel special.

>>36398074

Do you think your friend would like this thread?

>>36398112

I was asking you, though. Facet doesn't keep useless people around, true, but I suspect his motives are more narcissistic than psychopathic, in that he cares to be liked by people he respects; and I am not sure the concept of respecting people means anything to you (not trying to being disrespectful to you, I'm making guesses).

>>36398024
It's more complicated than that, but do you believe I'm intentionally constructing a more permissive philosophy to avoid facing responsibility for the harm I cause or would you imagine it to have arisen subconsciously?

>>36398074
>it's a shame that people have to suffer, because of it.
You see, Nick? A veritable Mother Teresa

>I just can't help, but notice similarities.
Tell me more. I do get the strong inkling that we're very much alike but I couldn't say exactly why.

>>36398112
I cannot imagine how it would be possible to behave in any other way. I'm being completely honest: if they were of no use why would you bother?

>>36398199

I don't think you're doing it intentionally, I think a system without free will makes more sense to you, because you think of the universe as a machine.

A machine, to me, is a small bit of the universe doing a flip.

>>36398215
>You see, Nick? A veritable Mother Teresa

I've learned that saying words doesn't make the person feel the feels, though I appreciate Eh's apparent concern.

>>36398192
I was already talking to my friend about coming here.

I want to be praised as well, and the only reason why I have friends is because I respect them and care about them.

>>36398300

I'm sorry if I had sounded rude to you in the past. You must understand that I've very recently come out of the fog concerning demons I had failed to see as demons. Now I'm paranoid of everyone and everything.

I also fail to figure out how it feels like to be you.

It's like we come from radically different world.

I'm fascinating by how abuse turns people one way or the other. You either become like your abuser, or the nicest person there can ever be (with some shares of evil, and a potential lifetime of abusers cuing to use you).

>>36398215
Well in my case, I don't ever feel in control. I never feel conscious. I feel like I'm just watching myself do things without actually thinking or wanting to do them. I never feel "in my head", much like I'm just playing a third person video game.

>>36398366
I tell you this every thread. I am completely capable of caring, and feeling it's just that it's better not to. If I don't, I don't have to care.

>>36398379
>I don't ever feel in control. I never feel conscious. I feel like I'm just watching myself do things without actually thinking or wanting to do them. I never feel "in my head", much like I'm just playing a third person video game.

Because that's exactly what it is, Eh. You're on automatic mode.

What happens when you try to meditate and observe your thoughts?

I'm not rly sure what u want, but hey,

>I have dermatillomania, low-key OCD, low self control and lack of motivation, bulimia sometimes, depression sometimes, derealisation less sometimes, type one diabetes, I'm generally a sarcastic asshole, and I'm pretty asexual but

I love tests

So hit me up
>I don't care what u call me.. banana?

>>36398438
>I am completely capable of caring, and feeling

I hear this as: "I'm capable of feeling pain if I want to, I CAN feel the fire burn my hand if I want to, but I don't HAVE to! Look, hand in fire, no pain! Now, pain!"

It's like we're not talking about the same thing but you're convinced we are.

>>36398447
That's called derealisation, look it up :-S

>>36398379
Oh, whoops wdghhjd
>>36398496

>>36398496

It's OK Seethe, no need to hide.

In most cases, I would have suggested that, but for Eh, it's a different thing, I'd assume.

The way he describes it doesn't match derealisation. Only if you have a literal approach to the definition. It's a bit more subtle than that.

>>36398447
Nothing changes. I don't know what else would happen if I did.

>>36398379
Drifting along. Do you find it hard to appreciate consequence as well? It's not all the time for me, but I often struggle to truly 'buy' that things will be persistent. It's why I keep checking things like, for example, touching a hob. Just to maintain immersion. I'm never really sur eI'm awake.

>>36398595
Yeah, I never really accept that things are going to be the way others say that they are.

>>36398585
>Nothing changes.

Not exactly what I asked. If you do it, what happens? What's going on in your mind?

>>36398478
You're right, we probably aren't.

>>36398595

See object constancy or something. Might be related to the child development about the idea that objects don't cease to exist if they're not in sight.

>>36398379
Maybe it has something to do with how you developed these behaviors? Look here >>36397808

Maybe after these experiences, you switched into "survival mode" or however you want to call it to cope with the abuse. Maybe that's why you don't feel in control? Because you're still going by the emergency protocol. By the autopilot.

>>36398656
I don't really know if I'm conscious about my thoughts. I can think that something I thought about was a certain way, but I don't really control my thoughts. What I usually think about is fuckin' and fightin'. Maybe give an example of obseving thoughts.

>>36398684
Now this is something I've talked a lot to my gf about. She's talked to me about object permanence as a necessary developmental stage and I've talked to her like an idiot for not seeing that it's nonsense within a solipsistic context. So yes, I do think it's a stumbling block for me. I just don't quite buy it. I feel as though the conditions of reality are only ever provisional; as in, one day I'll head into the bathroom and find myself in the Netherrealm or spontaneously turn into a plane. Trusting that that won't happen feels naive to me.

>>36398764

Have you ever played with a ouija board?

>>36398804
No, why?

There's no way that this is original.

>>36398783

It's a very early stage for a baby. I must now assume that your parents were shit at taking care of babies. Your development, for this, was arrested very early.

I've heard of this in someone I know, who was abandoned as a baby, and who has very, very strong reaction about not seeing their loved one.

>>36398822

Ever been interested in the occult?

>>36398705
The way you just explained it makes it sound like I have DID, but that's my point I don't. The similarities are uncanny.

Anyways, I don't know if that's how it is. Shit, it could be.

>>36398833
Absolutely. IIRC my mother suffered post-natal depression and as you're likely aware, that can be fatal for a baby. I survived anyway.

>>36398843
I'm starting to wonder about your Faith. Are you a believer after all?

>>36398843
Yeah, a bit. Why?

>>36398549
Aha ok first, what ?

And 2nd
It's a spectrum. The way someone interprets it will be different from the next person. It's better to have a diagnosis than not, because at least someone can can see what others experience and try to treat it.
>but u kno,
Ultimately it's up to them

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>>36398888
checking those original quads

>>36398901
>I'm starting to wonder about your Faith. Are you a believer after all?

I lost it over a year ago. I believe this has greatly damaged my considerations on life.

>>36398888
Okay. We've talked about many things. Me and others asked you many things. Where do your answers come from? Try to focus on this question, and tell me, why did you answer me the way you did.

>>36399060
I just did. I don't think about any of my answers. I just say. I don't have to though, because I know that it's true if I just say it even without thinking.

>>36399060
>>36399106
Why do you want to know?

Need to spice this up with originality.

>>36399106

It's like your unconscious is running the show and allows you to watch from the backseat.

>>36399142
I'm just wondering to what extent are you aware of your mental processes (if that's the right word). What about when you're doing something that requires contemplation? Let's say long division.

Actually, is there something you're not sure about? How do you know, that you don't know?

This might sound tedious, but I think there is a point.

>>36399193
I've said that already Nick. You said it better though.

>>36399265

I know, I'm trying to make sure you hear it a lot.

Most therapy is about making unconscious things conscious again.

We have to dig you up from the ground.

How aware of your body are you?

>>36399212
I visualize it in my head, and even then I feel like someone else is doing it for me. There's a voice that tells me, but it's not mine. If that makes sense.

>>36399319

Have you ever thought you were possessed?

>>36397900

What else do I have to tell you? That I'm addicted to the internet, I have no willpower or motivation. I have goals but no confidence to accomplish them.

>>36399364

Classic, but hardly the causes of anything.

Rate your love for your parents from 1 to 10.

hey, i'm that weird faggot from a couple threads ago who wanted to be a little girl. i'm hoping you can maybe help me out a bit this time. here's my post again in case you forgot:

>what does it mean if i want to look like a child?
>i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i feel distressed thinking about how i look, i have all of the typical gender dysphoria symptoms. except without the gender.

>i like the idea of being a girl, but only if it's a young one. i want to be shorter, have a rounder face, have a higher voice, wear more "childish" clothes. but i don't want to act like a girl or a child in any way, i just want to look like one.

>i've figured this must be some kind of "autopedophilia" of some sort comparable to autogynephilia, because i am also attracted to little girls and of course the idea of myself as one. but i'm not sure what to do about it.
>do you think there's any way to fix it? is there anything i can do to look more "childlike"? what do you think about all of this? am i crazy?

thanks.

>>36399319
Dissociative states of mind are very common for PTSD. Doesn't have much to do with DID itself (although it can).

>>36399390

Around 6-7 I would say

>>36399364
Let's hear about the goals first. What do you want to accomplish?

>>36399395

Have you been abused when you were young?

>>36399301
Most of the time I forget that I'm in this. A lot of the time I see my arm and I think "Oh fuck! That's right, this is mine."

>>36399442

What keeps them from being 10/10?

>>36399460
no, i have never been abused in my life, luckily. i'm not sure where my attraction comes from.

>>36399498

I forgot: are you seeing a psychiatrist?

>>36399332
Yeah, I wasn't sure if I was though.

>>36399515

Is there anything where you feel like you got stuck at a younger age? Do you have interests that are childlike?

>>36399516
No, but I did a couple times. It wasn't long enough for him to determine anything though.

>>36399546

WWhy did you leave?

>>36399411
I really doubt that I have PTSD.

>>36399567
It got too expensive.

>>36399529
no, i feel like my own age mentally. i don't really have any childlike interests or needs. the only thing that i don't like is how i look.
sometimes the genuineness of children seems preferable to how adults seem to behave, but the innocence and childlike nature don't really appeal to me at all.

>>36399571

I don't think this is a dissociative state, despite what Eh said.

The reason being that the way Eh describes it sounds like something very different, even if he uses similar words.

Eh is disconnected from himself in a different way than you would with derealisation.

Derealisation doesn't last for years and years, and is not stable over time.

I believe Eh has a stable form of it, hence not the classic one.

Am I right?

>>36399499

Because they were overprotective mainly and unpredictable. Which made me more reserved. But why do you always want to know about the parents when it comes to psychological issues

>>36399597

Let me sum it up: you want to look like a child, a little girl, but you are a grown man, right?

What would you say if I asked why?

>>36399621
>Because they were overprotective mainly and unpredictable.

I'd like to know examples of this.

>But why do you always want to know about the parents when it comes to psychological issues

Because the way you were raised throughout your childhood has immense consequences on how your brain and mind function once adult.

Mental abuse, over years, is more damaging to people than going to war. Some of the worst mental illnesses come from having horrid parents.

>>36399623
you are correct.
i don't know why. that is why i compared it to autogynephilia or dysphoria, it just feels wrong having the body that i do. i wish i knew exactly why, but as far as i know the need is just there. i am also attracted to how my ideal body would look like similar to AGPs, if that helps any.

>>36399673

What's your ideal partner?

>>36399607
I don't know, maybe. I'm going to check out derealisation.

>>36399694

If you had classic derealisation, you'd have checked a doctor a long time ago, because it's absolutely horrendous. It feels like hell.

You feel delayed, very far from others, and you don't hear things so well, and don't speak so clearly either.

It's very debilitating.

>>36399694
Your description sounds more like depersonalization to me, rather than derealization.

>>36399607
>Derealisation doesn't last for years and years, and is not stable over time.
I'm not quite sure, but I always thought it can be either episodic or chronic.

>>36399726

Almost the same thing. Some say it's the same experience but with a different interpretation.

>>36399740

It can't be chronic and stable over time, or it's something else. Its function is like a safety valve, for anxiety. I'm not sure it's related to psychopathy like Eh is experiencing.

Maybe Eh has DID, but his alters are ninjas and he isn't aware of them.

>>36399726
I don't really think it's depersonalization.

Omnia mea mecum porto

>>36399771
Nah, I can't have DID. That's not possible.

>>36399812

You do say someone else is in charge and you're along for the ride. So why not?

>>36399853
Nah, that's not it. In fact, there's nothing wrong with me.

>>36399884
>In fact, there's nothing wrong with me.

Sounds like your alter is speaking. You, yourself, said there was a lot wrong with you.

Why now say there's nothing wrong with you? Do you think it's normal to feel like you're not in control?

>>36399653
They wouldn't let me go to friends' birthday parties. They would often snap call me worthless and stupid when they would "help" me do homework. Wouldn't let me go outside. It wouldn't be that bad.

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>>36399723
>It feels like hell.
It wasn't that bad to me, to be honest. Just "blunts" the external world in a way. The outside world doesn't FEEL like anything really, at least not like it used to. Harder to focus on the outside world and you turn inwards to your own mind. I did go to a doctor for it though, but he wouldn't really listen to me and my description of what I feel like, so I just went back home and stopped seeking help.
Frankly, I tend to have a little of the same kind of issues these days as well, just not as bad as I did, back when I was 14 or something. I'll naturally just fall back into my mind and mindful, active observation of the world takes actual effort.

>>36399771
>Almost the same thing. Some say it's the same experience but with a different interpretation.
Could be. I would describe derealization as if you're taking a step back from your ordinary view, so the focus you'd normally have on the outside world turns on your own self and this new point of view just feels wrong, including the way you view your own body and the way you move it. Depersonalization could just be that same thing taken a bit further, on your own part.

>>36399900
I'm fine. I think I'm thinking too much into it. I'm willing to accept that it's not normal to lose control.

>>36399904

Pretty clearly: narcissistic abuse, as often. This type of psychological abuse leaves worse scars than sexual abuse, just so you know.

Years of this treatment and you come out with C-PTSD.

Reading for you:


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

And a test:

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

>>36399803
Weird. Google translates it as "My All"

>>36399954
>Could be. I would describe derealization as if you're taking a step back from your ordinary view, so the focus you'd normally have on the outside world turns on your own self and this new point of view just feels wrong, including the way you view your own body and the way you move it. Depersonalization could just be that same thing taken a bit further, on your own part.

Derealisation is when you feel like the world has become different, fake, dreamy, etc; depersonalisation is when you think your self has become fake, wrong, etc.

I've had episodes of derealisation so bad I wanted to die to end it. Imagine being extremely drink, or badtripping, for days and days, with ups and downs. It's absolute hell.

>>36399969
>I'm fine.

You are not. You have one of those disorders where you don't feel out of sync with it, but it's clear that you are in need of very, very serious help.

>>36400037

"I carry all that is mine."

>>36400037
mecum porto seems to be "I carry." You yourself carry everything or something? Nick, did that Catholic baptism impart any latin proficiency?

>>36400088

http://latindiscussion.com/forum/latin/omnia-mea-mecum-porto.9697/

>>36400119
>Nick, did that Catholic baptism impart any latin proficiency?

No, but it seems to make the Google easy to use.

>>36400088
>>36400119
Mystery solved! These stupid captchas always make me post things that have already been addressed.

>>36400160
>These stupid captchas

He hasn't bought a gold account...

>>36400141
I put it directly into translate. It's more fun than straight googlin but less accurate

>>36400171
I had an ununoctium account but it fissioned out

>>36400037
Google really can't into Latin, or even slightly obscure languages.

>>36400062
>I've had episodes of derealisation so bad I wanted to die to end it. Imagine being extremely drink, or badtripping, for days and days, with ups and downs. It's absolute hell.
I suppose I was lucky then. The worst of it only lasted a year, (or I got used to it), though I'd have maybe a dozen minutes every morning of relative clarity, until it'd set in.
>Imagine being extremely drink, or badtripping, for days and days, with ups and downs
Yeah, it does kind of feel like being drunk, or seriously sleep deprived, just without the drunken stupor.

>>36400207
>I had an ununoctium account but it fissioned out

Too unstable.

>>36400021
I'm very high on avoidant

>>36399683
in a perfect world, it would also be a child (or at least something that looks like one) that looks similar to me.
ideally they would be at least somewhat mature and have the mind of an adult.
doesn't really matter what they have between their legs as long as they look like that. (would prefer a biological girl though)

sorry for the late reply by the way

>>36400349

Would you get sexual with that partner?

>>36400379
yeah dude for sure. again, we would both look similar and have similar levels of maturity.

>>36400435

Tell me about:

- your relationships
- your parents
- your worst childhood memory
- your worst fear

Hey Nick, do you have any tests about DID?

>>36400546

God, I'd love to. Never come across one yet!

>>36400546
I'm not Nick, but this seems fine.

https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html

>>36400546
She asks (note that I'm still here) "literally HOW could you? It's all over the place, it'd be like doing a person test or whatever". I'm still here. I'm still in control.

>>36400637

Only one of you does the test, that's how.

>>36398783
I feel the same way. It seems weird that people take the fact that it has yet to happen to them (that they noticed) as assurance.

>>36400724
>It seems weird that people take the fact that it has yet to happen to them

You expect another room when you open the same door?

How do you know if you're just depressed and introverted or legitimately a schizoid

>>36400750
Not particularly. I do believe it could happen though. My mother once went into the bathroom at a restaurant and saw someone in a wheelchair in a hospital. She told my dad and they then asked the !manager of the place used to be amything, and they said it used to be a hospital for the disabled. My dad doesn't like my mom, but he insists a few strange things like that had , in fact happened, he doesn't give her credit on anything else and is bright so I believe it

>>36400502
oh jeez that's a lot. alright i guess.

> your relationships
non-existent. i've had a few friends as a child but they never lasted longer than a month or so. i have a few online "friends" now though.
> your parents
they're very nice and supportive. sometimes they were a bit too lenient and didn't give me enough discipline, but i think they raised me fine i suppose. they tried their best.
> your worst childhood memory
>about 10 years old
>at grandfather's house
>in his garage
>he's showing me his cool science stuff
>eventually he says he has to go do something
>tells me to stay in the garage
>do as i'm told
>wait for about 30 minutes before i start to worry something might be up
>want to try and go into the house but there's a hornet's nest in front of the back door and i'm scared
>eventually build up the courage and do it
>get inside
>grandfather and his (second) wife are arguing with his wife's sister
>the sister's kid is sitting on the couch
>their arguing about the kid or something
>decide to sit next to the kid and try to comfort him
>a couple minutes pass and i'm just sitting there with a straight face trying not to lose my composure as they have a full on screaming match
>after a couple minutes my grandfather tells me to come with him
>get into the car
>the sister is screaming at him telling him not to take me
>the whole time grandfather seems unfazed by all of this and extremely calm
>just shuts the car door and takes me home
that's probably the closest thing to a "traumatic experience" that i have. my parents didn't let me stay alone with him after that. it wasn't too bad though.
> your worst fear
there isn't anything close to a "worst fear" that i can think of off the top of my head. i am pretty claustrophobic though with really small spaces. also spiders, kinda.

>>36400799

Introversion need not be a problem: being with people tires you, even if you like it, and being alone charges you up again.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>36400835

What happened with this scene?

>>36400637
Yeah, I guess that's true, but there are little indicators. You could take it and see the results.

>>36400922
what scene? did you mean to respond to someone else or something? could you elaborate?
sorry if i'm just being stupid and not getting it, but i don't understand what you're trying to say.

>>36400929
Too bad there's no test then. Hey, where are you from anyway?

>>36400799
Through a professional, preferably. Does any of this ring a bell?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Guntrip#On_the_schizoid_personality

The Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders of ICD-10 lists schizoid personality disorder under (F60.1).[35]
It is characterized by at least four of the following criteria:
>Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
>Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
>Consistent preference for solitary activities.
>Very few, if any, close friends or personal relationship, and a lack of desire for such.
>Indifference to either praise or criticism.
>Little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking age into account).
>Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
>Indifference to social norms and conventions.
>Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.

The criteria are admittedly quite loose and a depressed introvert may very well have multiple, but in general the difference would be that an introvert truly wants friendships, wants to form and connect closely with people, while a schizoid will withdraw and seek to not reveal himself deeply to people.
Do you feel tfw no gf?

>>36400986

The scene you described; did you ever get to know what it was really about?

>>36401053
i'm not sure, the memory is really fuzzy. a lot of my memories are. but i do remember that it was kinda scary for me and i didn't really know what was going on.
i guess maybe his wife's sister thought me and the kid were unsafe with him or something? he's really a nice dude most of the time, i think the sister was just kinda nuts. unless there's something about him i don't know about.

>>36401110

Did you ask other family members?

>>36401125
nope, too young to care at the time and the only people i told the story to had no idea either. either that or they just didn't want to tell me anything? still not sure really.

I've got really bad issues with resentment and failure.
Had really bad anxiety in school in general, got bullied for being quiet. Got really bad grades for most of it because of the bullying. Still have really bad issues with studying, it just reminds me of my past in school. (I'm 18, by the way graduate two years ago). Every time I pick up literature related to what I'm studding I feel a really bad pain in my spine, something that just ekes me.

>>36401188
>I feel a really bad pain in my spine

Was there an event in which your back was hurt?

>>36401207
It's just a sheer emotional reaction.

I've always had issues conversing with other people. Like, I never know what to say or or how to respond to what other people are saying other than "oh cool" or something like that. Sometimes it feels like my brain shuts down when I talk to people and just focuses on getting to the end of the conversation without making a fool of myself rather than engaging in it. I'll constantly finish a conversation and then a few hours later finally think of something I could have said.

>>36401288

Something to dig.

Which part of your back? Right below the ribs?

>>36401310
I used to have that, went away when I started making more friends.

>>36401310

You worry too much. You think you're on stage and in charge of entertaining others, you're not. It goes both ways.

In doubt of what to say, just ask questions. Ask and listen. People will talk. Then ask another question, be interested. Enjoy listening. Enjoy asking. People love questions about themselves.

Occasionally, you'll feel like commenting or saying something yourself. You don't have to, it'll come naturally. Eventually, you'll have more to say than you can.

>>36401317
Base of the spine. Just I horrible surging feeling. I guess pain is a bit disingenuous, but It's just a horrible feeling.

>>36401359

You're convinced it's 100% psychosomatic?

>>36401358
I've still got issues like that. My main issue is I run out of ideas and start spouting bullshit.

>>36401371
Completely. I've never had any issues biologically. The worst thing I've ever had is the flue.

>>36401393
What country do you live in? Would sitting silently and not saying anything for a while be considered awkward there?

>>36401393
>My main issue is I run out of ideas and start spouting bullshit.

Focus on this: in a conversation, nobody is forced to speak. Silence is acceptable, and not your responsibility.

>>36400999
The US. What about you Facet?

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Hey I have been to these threads before in the last few days, and since then my circumstances have worsened substantially. It has had a heavy effect on me mentally as when I become angry I have the feeling like I'm going to hurt someone and proceed to take it out physically on objects around me, and I'm conerned I might do something stupid in a fit of rage. I have had major mood swings lately with little feeling of content anymore, with it mostly being a depressed state of indifference. I don't know what to do anymore, I have attempted to call the suicide helpline in the past day, but ended up not doing it, and am starting to lose it. My depression has also apparently worsened according to this test I took awhile back.

>>36401432
Nah, I'm in Britain. I'm just very argumentative and like to be contrarian on every issue. I end up just saying shit because I want to feel gratified.

>>36401449
Where did you do that test?

>>36400999
https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html
Here's a test. You can take it to test the authenticity of this test.

>>36401495
https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html This was one of the tests recommended above.

>>36401035
>Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
>Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
>Consistent preference for solitary activities.
>Very few, if any, close friends or personal relationship, and a lack of desire for such.
>Indifference to either praise or criticism.
>Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
>Indifference to social norms and conventions.
>Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.

And people do nothing but get attached to me. I like sex though as long as there aren't expectations

>>36401495

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>36401449

You need real help, as soon as possible,

Can you see a professional?

>>36401535
Currently kinda seeing someone and keep making excuses not to because it just makes me more depressed

>>36401358
>Eventually, you'll have more to say than you can.

Sometimes that's part of the problem too. I'll think of a few different things to say, but I don't know which one to say and by the time I decide the conversation had moved passed it.

Or along those lines, sometimes I know what I want to say, but I can't start speaking fast enough to say it and then the conversation moves on.

How do I figure that out?

>>36401439
I'm UK. Unfortunate.

>>36401583
>the conversation had moved passed it.

Observe, "Oh, by the way, I forgot to say it before but," and tada.

>>36401554
Not at the time no, I haven't really the needs to go to a therapist.

>>36401620
>Not at the time no, I haven't really the needs to go to a therapist.

You do. You really, really do.

Your depression is massive, you may think it's normal, but it's not. You need help, right now.

Believe me. Don't do what everyone else does and wait ten fucking years before you get help.

I did that, more, even. Just go so an expert.

>>36401598
Why's it unfortunate?

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>>36401535
>And people do nothing but get attached to me
Do you understand why?
>I like sex though as long as there aren't expectations
Yeah, that's not contradictory to being schizoid, though the criteria do imply that. At least if it's just one night stands and the like, with no relationships.

>>36401575
Do you want to be close to her/him/it/xir, or do you find the idea unpleasant, making you want to withdraw away?

Do you identify with this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Guntrip#On_the_schizoid_personality

>>36401644

>go see

>>36401649
>Why's it unfortunate?

Teeth. Nobody cares about teeth in the UK.

>>36401603
It seems so easy when you say it haha I'll try

>>36401671

It actually is as easy as that.

Observe: would YOU object to someone saying this to you? Would you be upset at them for going back into the conversation to say something about it?

If not, then bingo.

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>>36401603
hello nick. my mom is finally out of the hospital and safe at house

also, is a piss fetish statistically normal and/or psychologically healthy?

>>36401644
It's not worth it man, in past experiances the therapist usually just generalizes my situation into an everyday typical case and just tells me the same thing I hear all the time that I need to get out more and talk to people, I need to learn to relax, learn to walk away, learn to manage; I've been told my opinions are toxic to myself and that I'm just overeacting, as they claim people aren't depressed for no reason and believe that I am the only cause to it, that I am fucking responsible for feeling this way like I want to. They will probably just suggest some short term solution such as meds, but I'm not having it, it's not worth it anymore anyway.

>>36401805

Good news!

a piss fetish is fairly common. It's not infrequent at all, especially if done in the shower.

>>36401701
No, I guess I wouldn't.

But I'm not so worried about them being upset as I am that they don't care what I have to say anyway. What makes what I have to say so important as to interrupt everyone's conversation by going back to it?

>>36401865
>a piss fetish is fairly common. It's not infrequent at all, especially if done in the shower.
nice! i feel like a weirdo for having indulged the fetish in my past. huge weight of my back

>>36401857
>and believe that I am the only cause to it

Are they retarded?

These professionals suck massive balls.

I can do a better job for free.

I'm tiring very hard right now, I can't do much for much longer.

[email protected]

In case.

I'll help you, in the next thread or otherwise. Don't worry.

- it's not your fault
- there are reasons
- you may be surprised
- things will get better

>>36401886
>as I am that they don't care what I have to say anyway.

Do you sometimes not care what someone has to say to you in such situations?

>What makes what I have to say so important as to interrupt everyone's conversation by going back to it?

Don't interrupt, wait for your turn. If YOU don't mind a thing, chances are others don't mind either!

Simple.

Always apply symmetry. People will care for you and be interested, just as you can care and be interested.

Trust in symmetry.

>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia

Stopped all that shit. Was arrested last year for hacking into emails for nudes though, since found happiness at a job I enjoy with people I enjoy.

Came home yesterday though to find my foster dad had copied an email and password of a girl I hacked last year that I forgot to delete. Then I checked the history and found porn so he is fapping on the edge of my fucking bed.

Just really pissed off, had a few bad days this week though for reasons unknown, just want to kill someone

>>36402003

Holy shit, man...

Are you seeing a therapist?

>>36401656
>Do you understand why?
No, and when i ask them their answers don't make any sense. Just some "you're different" blah blah blah

I haven't had any one night stands. They're just fwbs until they get too attached or my life gets too stressful to deal with it anymore.

I guess it would be nice to have someone who understands me, but I know that's not going to happen. The closer people get to me the more I'm reminded that will never happen. They don't say anything to make me feel bad, it's just that their lack of understanding just makes me feel lonely when I wouldn't be otherwise. So it makes sense to be alone.

As for relating to that, yeah I do pretty much completely internalize my emotions and vulnerabilities. I am very self sufficient because I've always needed to be, but also because I never remember to ask other people for help. I know how to sugarcoat things but can't be bothered to, so things come out really bluntly. Some people apparently like that a lot. Overall, I guess people don't add anything to my life, so I only interact because I know I have to.

Also got 37/25/25 for the depression/anxiety/stress thing. Not surprised, I came off remeron a month ago and my doc upped my wellbutrin to 450mg. Probably just going to insist on effexor the next visit, because wellbutrin by itself does jack shit

>>36402145
>I guess it would be nice to have someone who understands me, but I know that's not going to happen.

It can happen.

I'm sorry, I'm too tired to be much help currently.

>>36402071
I was but they can't help people with possible personality disorders... NHS is state funded so it's not great... And it only gave me a platform to boast and get attention.

Besides, I work too much to see one. And I don't need a new one. Seen three

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>>36402145
>I know that's not going to happen. The closer people get to me the more I'm reminded that will never happen
What do you think they won't understand about you?
>so I only interact because I know I have to.
What's forcing you to? Is it your circumstances, or knowledge of what life's like when you're utterly alone? The latter's what pushes me into socializing, limitedly.

At this point I'd seriously consider you having SPD, but you're on a bunch of meds, assuming for the depression, so those might fuck with your brain. Have you been like this before the medication, or depression kicked in? Have you had notable social anxiety and fear of going outside? If so, you might want to look at avoidant personality disorder, or schizotypal disorder.
Is there any schizophrenia in your family?

>>36402314
Maybe. The part that makes me resentful is that they can get attached and claim to love me without knowing shit about me.

There's a reason I've been on this board 7 years I guess

>>36402330

You are likely the heaviest case I've seen in these threads.

You need help. The NHS deals with personality disorders all right.

You need to try again.

>>36402393
>they can get attached and claim to love me without knowing shit about me.

The way you are, how you move, speak, think, etc. There's a lot to know about someone by just being with them.

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>>36402459
Not if you put on a front and fake most of your interactions.

>>36402485

Indeed, so don't do that, silly.

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Good night, everyone. Good night.

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>>36402492
Well ok, I guess I can stop seeing people.

>>36402409
>You are likely the heaviest case I've seen in these threads.

This is why I like going to the therapists. Being a mental case (which I don't particularly believe) makes me feel strong in someway.

Therapist said personality disorder not otherwise specified and said goodbye pretty much.

>>36402382
They get the basics, but they have no idea how I feel or think. It's easy to know someone likes tea, it's hard to understand who and why someone is. They just get confused. Maybe they never cared in the first place. Who knows.

I go to college and realize I need a social network to get anywhere. People are also interesting, but that's separate than intimacy or anything. I like observing.

I don't really have social anxiety. People say one thing they like is that I'm confident (which I think they're confusing with not caring) but I am the same way off meds and not depressed. There are years I've probably left the house on a monthly basis and I'm 21. But I've always just stayed in my room and entertained myself in down time.

My mom is an abusive, controlling schizoaffective who is now homeless and stalking me (moving 10 hours away while homeless to be closer to me level of stalking) She thinks Trump is secretly communicating with her through tweets about KFC or something. Dad has OCD, his dad had worse OCD. I'm pretty normal in comparison with just depression/anxiety (getting much better lately)/ADHD

>>36402459
I guess I don't know what makes it any different from what casual friends know about me except the physical side of it. Just seems hollow.

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Well then,
I know that this stuff shouldn't be taken too seriously, but I've been feeling down lately and it happens every month

>>36402632
>They get the basics, but they have no idea how I feel or think. It's easy to know someone likes tea, it's hard to understand who and why someone is. They just get confused. Maybe they never cared in the first place. Who knows.
What if you opened up to someone, tore down the facade? Would it just cancel out everything they think of you, ruining what relationship you have with them?
>schizoaffective
Schizoid PD's linked genetically to schizophrenia and its family of disorders, so that gives you more reason to assume you've got SPD. From what I know of the disorder, I'd honestly say you've got a solid argument for a self-diagnosis.
Then again, self-diagnoses aren't exactly reliable.

Tfw was waiting for a reply but he is gone. Guess I should sleep also

>>36402925
Everything seems to be in order.
Consider seeing a psychiatrist or therapeutist. That's severe depression, according to the test and going by the fact that you've the same score as I, you probably are.

>>36395022
>tfw you got 38 points and severe depression

>>36403102
i don't think that I'm depressed, it's only that from time to time I think that after drawing for 6 years I'm still in the same place where I started and that my life isn't going anywhere and that the few people that I call friends actually don't care about me.

Hello. With my friends I put up a facade; I rarely speak what I think because I fear what I say will be ostracizing. Not that I am afraid of speaking with people. I liked speaking to people when I worked in Customer Support.

I find myself rarely getting along with anyone unless I pretend that I do. I fear this is keeping me from becoming successful, given that I need to become more social soon.

The reason why I am posting here instead of seeing an in person professional is the only ones I have access to are the on-campus ones, and I don't trust them. And probably my shyness.

>>36403161
> it's only that from time to time
How often is time to time though? How long does it last? Are you a woman, by any chance?
>I'm still in the same place where I started and that my life isn't going anywhere and that the few people that I call friends actually don't care about me.
Quite typical mindsets for depression. Quite possibly a symptom, instead of a cause.

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>>36403220
You should try again tomorrow, at an earlier time. Namefags have gone to sleep and I'm not sure if Anonymous are willing to offer help and guidance, or capable, for that matter. You sound just slightly avoidant (personality disorder) to me, but without further questoning and digging it's only harmful to go guessing disorders.
I also need to hit the sack, so can't continue today.

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How bad is this actually? I've seen so much shit in my life. People die, dead bodies, blood, sexual abuse, I don't know who I am or what I want to be.

>>36402952
Happens all the time when I'm drunk. They just look uncomfortable and confused then pretend it never happened the next day. I've tried to while not drunk and I think people just don't know what to say or do. They just don't get it.

Not really sure what a diagnosis would help anyway. Just an answer, I guess.