RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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>>28875395
It's not yogurt, it's mayonnaise.

>>28875395
>that frosting on those apples

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>>28875411
>>mayonnaise

>>28875395
I think I will cum on

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>>28875395
>not an RGRE image
>not dong ring

>>28875569
Not true. With a limited number of males in Equestria, it's very easy to distinguish them by their scents. By cumming on a mare's face and marking her with your scent, your scent will tell every other mare that gets hear her that you're taken. It's also a badge of honor as a way of saying, "look how good I am at making a stallion cum", because a classic trope in Equestrian pop-culture is about how a stallion has to be in the right mood for sex and how hard it is to make him cum.

>>28875617
You're smart. i like it.

>>28875617
Wait...
>Men lick pussy
>Mare suck dick

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I have some batmare stuff for you guys. Hope you enjoy.
pastebin: http://pastebin.com/A81G7EAC

--

>Be Umbral Dream.
>The bar’s murmur had already become a muffled hum as you nursed your third drink.
>A comfortable buzz settled over you, making you feel pleasantly content despite what you were here for.
>Your small table erupted in laughter, probably Night Sky telling another story of how to pick up stallions.
>Just be confident… go for it and be persistent… colts love the chase… and on and on and on.
>She said one time she even got a stallion to stick it in her butt.
>It’d take a lot more than a few drinks to believe that one though.


>A new set of drinks clacked on the table, and you looked over to see a cute blue stallion in serving uniform.
>He gave your table a good natured smile as they complimented his figure, your friends leering at the poor guy like hungry diamond dogs.
>His eyes met yours and you blinked, your heart skipping.
>You should say something, Umbra, come on.
>Your head swam and you leaned forward then grabbed a drink, trying not to stare at him.
>Uh… maybe say he has nice eyes?
>No, that’s a colty compliment.
>Say you want him inside you.
>You blushed.
>No way you could say that outright.
>You opened your mouth and met his pretty blue eyes.
>Shoot, you can’t do this!
>You sat back suddenly, putting the drink to your mouth and taking a big gulp.
>When you finally put it down, fighting back a cough from the intense burn of the alcohol, he had left, off to serve other tables.
>You slumped down into your seat, a new pain in your chest as you watched the cute colt walk back.
>Might as well be a mile away…

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>>28875929
>Another round of laughter rolled through your friends, hooves pounding on the table while you just sat there, staring into the reflection in your drink.
>You didn’t think you were a bad looking mare.
>Kept your fangs neat, wings cleaned and lightly oiled to not get leathery and dry, your eyes were a brilliant shade of light orange, and you even had your mane cut just yesterday.
>Just… something never clicked when you saw colts titter and blush.
>And their mind games… it was like navigating a maze.
>They say they aren’t interested but sometimes that’s just a test, except when it’s not, and then you’re a misogynist.
>They say they want to talk about feelings but if you do, their dick shrivels right up because they want a real mare.
>You let your chin sink down to the table with a light thud.
>Why couldn’t stallions just be simpler?
>Why couldn’t they just make the first move instead?
>You just…


>”Oh and then he came, right there in the backdoor.”
>>”No way!”
>”Luna, the feeling of that is kinky as all hell. I’d hit buttsluts any night of the year.”


>... weren’t like your friends.


>You felt Moon Dusk elbow you in the side.
>“Hey, Umbra, are you even paying attention? Tonight is to help you out, ya know. We’ll wingpony you up any colt you want, you just gotta’ tell us who.”
>Your mouth twisted into a grimace and you set your drink down with a sigh.
“Look, girls, I don’t know. It feels like you’re tricking a colt into being interested. Besides, I don’t really even know if I want… you know.”
>Your guard mates shifted forward, waiting on you as you gestured with a hoof.
>You sighed.
“I’m just not super into the idea of like a one night type thing.”


>Blue Shade quirked an eyebrow and made a face.
>>”What? You want to like screw again the next morning too?”


>You ran a hoof down your face.
“No, I just—”

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>>28875938
>>>”Nah, Bluey,” Night Sky said. “Umbra is the type to collect numbers and call up the stallions when she’s in the mood for ‘em. Keep a little fuckbook, you know? Hit it anytime, rather than once and done, right?”


>You scrunch your muzzle.
“N-No, Night Sky, listen to me. I meant that it just doesn't feel ri—”


>Oho, I get it, Umbra,” Moon Dusk said. “Are you one of those kinky bitches who wants to tie them up then? We can take you to a place for that in the lower quarter of canterlot if you want. The colts down there love to be whipped till they’re screaming your name, and you can even have them lick your—”

“I don’t want to just fuck a stallion!” you yell.
>Your friends go silent, looking at you wide eyed as you sat up on the table.
>You looked around, panting and noticed the rest of the bar had gone quiet was staring over at your table.
>Your ears snapped back, you cleared your throat and sat back down.
>The dull murmur resumed after a few chuckles.
“Damn stupid ponies. M-Mind your own business,” you mumble to yourself.


>>>”You a filly fooler or somethin?” Night Sky said.


>You snapped your gaze over to her.
“What? No, idiot, I just… I just don’t want to, okay?” you say, slumping back in the booth. “Can’t we leave it at that?”


>Night Sky frowned, leaning closer to your face from across the table.
>>>“You okay, Umbra? I mean, you’re usually pretty grounded until we get you around colts. You spar like a boss and even the day guard colts respect you… Like, uh, what is it that her old platoon used to call her before she became a major?”


>>”Umbra, the midnight star,” Blue said.


>>>”Right! Midnight Star,” Sky said, giving the name a kind of grand flourish.


>You grumbled and kept your eyes to the table. “That’s such lame nickna—”


>Sky slapped a hoof to your mouth.
>>>“Major Midnight Star, of the nightguard.

>>28875947
Not sure why the returns are looking so strange. Fixed for the rest tonight at least.
--
>>>”You’re one of the toughest guardsmares I know. You should be drowning in dick.”

“I don’t know if I want to drown in dicks…”

>Night Sky scoffed.
>>>“You’re talking like a day-guard, softie colt. We’re gonna show you a good time, even if you’re too mopey to accept it, right girls?”
>>”Damn straight.”
>”Hells yeah.”

>Sky reared up, puffing her chest out and pointing toward you.
>>>“We’re gonna get our friend the best damn night of her life. Next colt walks through that door,” she said, gesturing toward the bar entrance with a flourish. “You move in, buy him a damn drink, and we do whatever it takes to make sure you get some hot thick co—”

>The door swung open, the bell at the top giving a chime, and a small gasp ran through your table.
>In walked a creature the likes of which you’ve never seen before.
>It was tall, with only a bit of fur on top of its head, and instead of hooves, the creature had two lithe hands.
>It wore clothes all over, even socks, as if to just tease at the form underneath to everyone here.
>You couldn’t help but drop your jaw at the grace of the creature as it walked confidently toward the front stools, like it owned the place, like there was no place they’d rather be.
>Your gaze drifted down, searching for the teats this thing had to have to act so confident and your eyes came to rest on a bit of a bulge in the crotch area.
>Your cheeks bloomed red and you fought to keep your wings down.
>H-Holy...
>A stallion!

>>>“Right, uh, next one then.”
>You spun in your seat and gaped at Night.
“What? What’s wrong with him? I, uh,” you looked to the side, clearing your throat. “I kinda think he’s hot.”

>Blue Shade gave a nervous cough and muttered, “We’re not blind.”

>>28875959
>>>”That’s Anonymous, and yeah, he’s definitely a looker, Umbra,” Sky said. “You don’t think an exotic thing like him isn’t being pined for by every other mare nightly?”

>You moved your gaze over to the colt, who had already made himself at home on one of the barstools and was chatting and laughing with the bar stallion.
>Mares all through the room had hushed their conversations and cast glances over at the strange newcomer intermittently.
>You deflated.
>You feel a bit dumb now.
>Of course a colt like him had the pick of anybody he wanted.
>Why would he choose a shy little mare like you.
>You weren’t confident, cool, or forward.
“Right,” you said slumping down, “I wouldn’t be his type. Figures. All colts want nowadays are the bad-flank mares.”

>Blue gave you a smack on your snout from below.
>You reeled back up and glared at her.
“Ow, Blue what was that for?”

>>”I’ll buy you a damn sunhat if you keep that up, Umbra. This mopey sourpuss thing doesn’t suit you.” Blue said. “ Besides, he doesn’t like those types of mares anyhow.”

>You quirk an eyebrow at her.
“And how would you know what he does or doesn’t like?”

>The table went quiet, the girls avoiding your gaze and clearing their throats or hiding their face in their drinks.
>You narrowed your eyes, scanning across their faces and landing on Moon Dusk.
>She always had the worst poker face and was trying to hide her face behind her mug.
>Her eyes flicked to you, then off to Anon, then to her drink.
>She gave a nervous gurgle into her drink as your eyes seared into her.
“You all tried to get him in bed, didn’t you?”

>Moon Dusk sputtered, coughing up cider.
>”M-Maybe! I mean no!” she said glancing at the others for back up.

>>28875976
>Night Sky rolled her eyes.
>>>“Yeah, Umbra, we tried. But can you blame a mare?” she said gesturing toward the stallion. “I can only imagine what those hands things feel like on your tuft… what it would feel like to bounce on his lap while he combs them through your mane and pulls your tail...”
>She bit her lip, looking off at the colt before shaking her head clear.
>>>“Anyhow, the point is that he’s a regular around the canterlot nightlife, but nobody can ever get him to go home with them. And let me tell you, mares have tried every angle to figure out what makes him spring.”


“So… the badflank thing you guys usually do didn’t work?”


>>”Tried twice already. Mooney even wore some leather biker gear too and he just laughed at her and pet her head.”
>Moon Dusk groaned and put her head in her hooves. “Don’t remind me.”


”The rich gal schtick?”
>>>”Practically robbed a mare on expensive drinks and drank her under the table before leaving. That one happens maybe once every two weeks.”


“The uh… funny girl thing?”
>You friends stayed quiet seeming to think about it.
>Blue snrnked.
>>”You’re welcome to try.”
“You’re kidding, that doesn't’ work either?”
>>”Oh he’ll be laughing. Just not at your jokes.”
>Dang, you had some sick knock knock jokes in your back pocket.


>You let out a sigh and gave the colt one last forlorn look before—
>Your eyes suddenly met and you realized he had been looking at your table.
>He smiled and waved and you turned rigid.
>By the mare in the moon, he was looking at you.
>Quick, do something cool!
>You let out a tiny, nervous scree and blushed.
>W-What?
>That was supposed to be ‘sup’!
>He smiled and gave the most beautiful deep chuckle you ever heard.
>You shot your gaze to the floor, not able to look into those emerald eyes any longer
>Oh lords of shadow, he was laughing at you.
>...Wasn’t he?

>>28875985
>You chanced a glance up and saw that he was talking with the bartender again.
>A pit forms in your stomach and you realize you secretly wanted to just have him look at you again.
>As you think about it for a moment, he didn’t really seem to be laughing AT you.
>He just seemed to be amused perhaps.
>Honestly… even though you kind of felt like an idiot, part of you wonders what was thinking.
>It was just a look but there was something deep in it, like he could take you in with just a glance and see the best in you.
>If you could only be a fraction of what a glance like that seemed to see…

>The door dinged and Night Sky banged the table, jostling you from your thoughts.
>>>”Hey, Umbra, fresh meat walked in. One with the tan coat and green vest. He’s packing, if you know what I mean. Go ahead and get him a drink before any other mares can come in and we’ll give you hints over his shoulder.”
>You glanced over to the stallion.
>His coffee colored coat shone slightly under the bar lights as he looked around for a seat.
>He was cute, and he seemed to know it, taking survey around the room and noting glances.
>His eyes came to rest on you and…
>It was different.
>He wore a smirk and flicked his tail, as if to show off and tease, and he lowered his eyelids just a fraction as he looked over at your table, before looking away, as if to say he’s not interested just yet.
>You frowned and your ears sunk back.
>It didn’t feel right.
>He looked at you more like sizing up a bounty, seeing which mare might come and approach him first to offer free drinks before he sat down.

>You glanced back over at Anon, his smiling face making your heart flutter, even as he talked to the ponies beside him.

>>>”Time’s ticking, Umbra. Mooney looks thirsty and ready to pounce. I’m calling him open to takers if you keep waiting.”

“I… I want to try.”

>>28875929
HO-LY SHIIIIIIIIIT

>>28875998
>>>”That’s what we’ve been saying. Go for it. Toffee Spice is as easy as it gets.”

>You shook your head, gaze not leaving Anon. “No… not Toffee. Him.”

>Night furrowed her brow and tracked your gaze back to Anon.
>>>”OH for Luna’s sake. Have you not been listening to us at all tonight? You go after him and you’ll waste your bits, time, and he’ll just humiliate you like every other mare.”

>You shrug. “Maybe he will. But I don’t know that yet.”

>Your friend slapped a hoof to her face and muttered an oath under her breath.
>>>”Fine. No routine ever seems to work so just be confident I guess. That’s the most I can offer, sis.”

“I just want to go talk to him. Be myself and just say hi and see where that goes.”

>She cringed.
>>>”Oh you poor, sweet sun child. But Tartarus with it. Give a shot anyways. We’ll be rooting for you right here,” she said as you hopped out of the booth.

>>”Next round’s on me to cushion the blow when you get back,” Moon Dusk called out after you, earning herself a slap on the back of the head from Sky.

>You took a deep breath and headed across the room, keeping your eyes on the open stool next to him.
>It was hard not to stare at him.
>His broad back had just a bit of muscle moving beneath his shirt as he shifted around.
>The room seemed to feel hotter to you and your head felt light as you walked.
>Maybe you were over your head…
>You closed your eyes and shook off the feeling.
>No, you have to just go.

>>28876029
Alright, that's where I wanted to stop for now. I'm make sure the pastebin is fixed up.

Comment and criticism is appreciated. In general I had a harder time with this than usual so I could use suggestions. The direction on this isn't exactly concrete. I have some ideas but I don't want to spoil anything yet.

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>>28875929
First post and already an adorable batpone.

>>28875938
>and then you’re a misogynist.
misandrist

>>28876045
Ohhssyiissss..

>>28876045
The dialogue is pretty good, and so far so RGRE. About the only thing that feels odd is how Umbra Dream is a Major in the night guard, but the way get friends interact with her and the way she talks... she doesn't seem to have a military sort of mindset. Admittedly I am 100% civilian, so I don't know how accurate that impression is.

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>>28875985
>>Quick, do something cool!
>>You let out a tiny, nervous scree and blushed.
Be still my heart.

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>>28876045
You did a great job Ephemeral!

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>>28876045
I like it, she's a real qt and it's a heavily rgr world.

I would like more fampai.

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>>28876045
Bless you.

>>28876029
Im really liking this batmare.

>>28875617
>Anon cums on Rainbow Dash's face
>RD wears it proudly, acting smug all day around the other mane 6

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>>28875395

>>28875985
>what makes him spring
I like to think that this is a reference to spring-time estrus and is a euphemism for being uncontrollably cunt-thirsty.

Hehe...haha...muahahahaaaaaahhahaaahahahaa!!!

*recomposes self*

There is absolutely nothing wrong with those books. Nothing at all.

>Luna is really shy and awkward
>Basically that weird kid in school with the curly hair and belongs to some club like poetry or dancing, but never speaks outside of class and doesn't seem to have any friends
>Has a crush on Anon
>Anon wakes up one morning to the sound of trumpets outside his house
>Opens door, sees ponies from Luna's night guard lined up on either side of his door
>One pony walks out of a carriage with a letter held in her mouth
>Hands it to Anon
>Royal seal, Luna's cutie mark used as a motif
>"From the desk of Princess Luna"
>Anon opens it
>"Do you like me (yes/no/maybe)"

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>>28876045
>Stronk batpony named Umbra
>Nightguard Major
>Trying to get into a guy named Anon's pants
I've seen this somewhere.

>>28876045
> dat cliffhanger

You'd better be back with more, and soon.

>>28877064
It's carbon copy of one of Nof's fimfic stories.

>>28877064
I remember this one batpone story that had Anon's blood being super tasty, and drinking from him didn't even make him turn into a vamp so he let his guard drink from him.

It was incredibly sensual, but it died before it got sexual.

>>28877064
>>28877151
>>28877162
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/109196/going-bump-in-the-night

>>28877176
Didn't know it was on fimfic, I read it on pastebin.
http://pastebin.com/gXmiixwQ

>>28876045
>stopping at that point
>just as it gets interesting
Fuck you, keep going dickhead.

>>28876045
>Thread IP count stays the same as posts go up.
>Didn't bother to credit original writer.
>Didn't bother to even change character names to avoid previous problem.
>Bats

Nope. I already know where this is going. Onto the filter list you go Shin 2.0.

>>28875411
>>28875433

twilight_mayo_story.jpeg

>>28875411
>>28875433
>>28877392
Maregurt.

>>28877392
>THIS IS THE REAL ME
>THIS IS HOW I EAT

>>28877357
Astounding that he thought he could get away with it on the one board that personifies autism more than /pol/.

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>>28877563
>twilight gets in-character tunnel vision
>forces anon to shove a sandwich into her anus
>celestia starts crying
>twilight poots and lettuce shoots out like confetti
>BOYS AND GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT RAINBOW

I like it better when Twilight is the autistic nerd character instead of the unsympathetic villain who gets her heart broken like she usually is in these threads.

>>28877357
what

>>28877357
care to inform a poor illiterate what you're talking about?

what do you think ephemeral did?

>>28877679
I think they're saying that story is just a greenpost of a fimfiction story.

No idea if it's true or not though.

>>28877646
Autistic nerd Twilight is best Twilight.

>Tries to impress Anon by showing off her painted miniatures
>Goes easy on him at O&O and quickly regrets it
>Doesn't know if hanging out with Anon constitutes a date and thus if she should go in for a kiss at the end of the evening
>Anon beats her to it and gives her a quick peck on the lips
>Twilight is left standing stock-still for ten solid minutes after Anon leaves
>"Does.... does this mean we're married now?"

>>28877698
It's not true. Only similarities are in the batpony's name.

Random ideas

>Bags are uses to catch males for marriage. The term "I can't believe she bagged ____" Is actually literal in horse land. Queue Anon not being horse married because the marriage sacks mares have been using on him are too small.

>Males must go pantsless in public at all times. It is considered extremely lewd for a male to wear pants in public. Anon is considered a really hot sexual deviant. Stallions cover their foal's eyes. Mares get too flustered to tell him the truth no matter how much the PTA, guard, or angry husband's try to make them say something. Anon just wanted to buy eggs.

>>28877698
it doesn't appear to be a carbon copy, it just seems to be reusing names

>>28876045
More, please.

>>28877730
>Anon just wanted to buy eggs.
How many of them?

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>>28877880
All of them

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>>28877880
>>28877911

I have two fun story ideas
>Anon has a thing for MILF mare neighbor
>She doesn't even try to hit on him because she thinks she is old and fat
>MILF mares kid keeps cock blocking Anon by interrupting him when he tries to make his move

>Teen Anon lives in ponyville
>He constantly hits on mares awkwardly trying to find a mare willing to fuck him
>All the mares in town want to jump that hot jailbait dick
>But they all think he is some sort of honeypot placed there to catch pedo mares
>Cue Anon being intentionally lewd with all the mares while they are getting blue beaned by him

so someone posted a related prompt a while back it was me and I shat out this one shot

>The Western most border is defended easily enough
>No sane army would march through Buffalo territory for so long
>supply line raids and attrition alone would devastate any military force
>but anon is no sane strategist and the loyalty he earns from his soldiers borders fanaticism
>you sigh and move the little wooden flag signifying four regiments across the map and place them on the southern border
>you can spare the guardsmen on Yakyakistan border
>relations hold for now, but with Anon's silver tongue in their ear who knows for how long that will last?
>you rub your tired eyes, the candle light can't be good for you
>but you need to be prepared, Anon lost your last engagement and he won't want to leave it like that for long
>you're about to go over the numbers again when the door opens behind you
>turning you see your sister standing in the doorway
"Twily! What brings you to the crystal empire?"
>you hug briefly before bringing her to the war map
>"We're all a little worried for you Shining -you forgot to carry the three here- don't you think it's time to end this war? This is obviously causing you a lot of undue stress."
>you adjust the numbers and let out a sigh
>they never take this seriously
>casualties have been laughably low, but they were always moments away from skyrocketing into the hundreds of thousands
>one misplaced regiment, one unnoticed trap and you'd lose an entire field army
>it's nearly happened on both sides, but you've both avoided disaster thus far
"Twilight, this is serious. Anon has been quiet for too long and has been garnering support for another expansion, one the Crystal Empire would be right in the middle of."
>"I know Shining, and we've got - the distance between these cities is inaccurate- we've got Cadence on the case, she's negotiating with him now."
>you smile at the good news
>it's good to know your wife has your back

>>28878129
Meanwhile in anon's nondescript country


>"I'm just saying you and my Husband obviously hate each other, why not channel that towards something more productive, like maybe an angry menage a truce?"
>"it's pronounced ménage à trios."
>"See? Shining would hate that!"
Alright that's it, C&C welcome, also tell me what you think please I'm just a poor writefag

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>>28876537
Writefriends. How could you just pass this by?

>>28877965
The reality of having a stranger in your apartment is a lot less appealing now that I've seen it with real actual humans.

>>28877731
oh no, the most popular bat pony name has been used, on a side note

>>28877357
shin... is this the shin im thinking of who went on a retarded spree of saying this was all just a study funded by something and then fucked off, because if shin plagiarized stories, I want to know what the originals were as he did some things I really liked.

>>28877965
ok, what is this from because I want to see the video... not enough mess to be how to basic, but reminds me of it.

>>28878185
I'm thinking about it but I feel like I need more to go on after that event.

Like how does the situation evolve? Do they all try to compete somehow? Does it become a trend where mares all over start covering themselves in globs of colty splooge as a territorial "dick waving"? Does anon walk out his door one day to see ponyville looking like one of his lewd Japanese cartoons?

>>28878134
It's shit. War stories should be realistic and dark, not light and fluffy. Write about Anon capturing and torturing Cadance before sending her severed horn back to Shining, and we'll see.

>>28878768
What the fuck Anon. The horn part made you edge out.

>>28856106
>"tomorrow at the latest guys"

I'm probably not putting anyone on the edge of their seat with this story, but sorry for the wait regardless. I'm breaking the 'on the fly' rules and pre-writing out more of it as time comes to me. To anyone interested: you'll be getting the fully edited ending asap.

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>>28878768
>Wanting any pone hurt, ever.

>>28878820
GHOULS!

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>>28878768

>>28878134
I like it.

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Poor Soarin. If not for the matriarchy keeping that incompetant mare in charge, Soarin would be captain of the wonderbolts.
>"Uh, actually I've reached where I am due to hard work and determination. I have great respect for Captain Spitfire, and everything she's done for the team and Equestria. It's an honor to serve under her."
You her that, boys? Looks like we've got another gender traitor to take care of!

>>28879046
This is why Colts can't have nice things you know.

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>when a mare says "Excuse me, nurse, where's the doctor?"

>>28879046
>Anon is brought in as a replacement after Spitfire is driven out by political pressure.
>The other Wonderbolts protested by refusing the position.
>So Anon was given the job instead.
>He has spent half the next quarter's budget on fireworks which he is trying to strap to his new speedster army.

>>28878395
>You have to eat the eggs

>>28879046
Bullshit, I said as I spat my toothpaste on the floor Soarin is the biggest butt-fuck slut there is. He'll give it to any mare in the ass if they so much as look in his direction. He may have made it to his position because of hard work and determination, but the head of the Wonderbolts don't want no WHORE being the face of her operation!

>>28879090
Dude, dress more like a doctor. My GP has a black leather vest and a big belt buckle that his weird paunch sort of sits on top of. Wearing a fucking lab coat makes you look like you're trying too hard to look official, "doctor" hooves. Maybe can I see your degree before you start poking around in me or prescribing me medicines?

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Hey, I got more Celly Belly

>>28879772
yey.

>>28879772

>The next few days were a haze for the human and the two princesses.

>Under Twilight’s watchful supervision, the two became better acquainted with each other. Their conversations slowly but surely became more personal, switching from things like the weather and funny stories about their families to their fears, what brought them happiness, their hopes and dreams and the things that they were good at.

>To Twilight’s pleasant surprise, it seemed like the two of them were destined to be friends. They both had a great fondness for sweets, and their sense of humor was nearly identical. More than once she’d wake up in the middle of the night to find that the two of them had snuck off to the kitchens to get something to eat. Other times, she’d find them roaming the halls in search of some poor soul to prank.

>The two reveled in joke-telling and reading and naps under the sun. Anon, oddly enough, had a fondness for penmanship that the purple princess hadn’t even known about until the subject had somehow come up, while the princess was a diehard hoofball fan. Anon was also ambidextrous, and Celestia could use her wings in ways that Twilight had [i]never[/i] seen.

>As they learned more and more about each other, Twilight put this knowledge to work. She spun and she weaved everything that she could. She set up exercises designed to bring the two closer together. Whenever the two were in the same room she made sure that they were sitting close to each other. She also had them talking. Constantly.

>Soon, both Anonymous and Celestia found themselves becoming rather fond of each other. A friendship began to form and grow. The tense awkwardness that had lingered between them since the princess had made her offer vanished without a trace. They began to joke with each other, play and laugh as real, true, good friends did.

>>28879780

>There was a hiccup here and there—there was a mishap when Anon had been using the shower and Celestia had been a little [i]too[/i] descriptive when telling one of her tales of sexual debauchery— but they were getting along swimmingly; far better than any of them expected. And it was because of this that Twilight decided to proceed to the next step.

>“Alrighty! Tonight, I want to try an exercise that I think will be very beneficial for the two of you,” Twilight chirped, quill and notepad at the ready.

>Both Anon and Celestia, who were sitting side-by-side on the bed, exchanged glances before looking over at her.

“Try an exercise? What the hell are you talking about, Twi?” Anon questioned as he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s too dark to be running around.”

>As if a switch was flipped, Twilight’s smile turned into a frown. “I don’t mean [i]that[/i] kind of exercise!” she snapped.

“And what about [i]you[/i], missy?” the young man continued, acting as if he hadn’t heard her. “Are you just going to stand and [i]watch[/i] us do these exercises, or are you going to get off your purple butt and work up a sweat?”

>“Anon, I swear to Harmony, I will—”

“Because [i]someone[/i] needs to start running off all of those hayburgers. Tubby.”

>Celestia couldn’t quite hold back a snort as the two had a bit of a stare-down; Anon, the picture of innocence, and Twilight, the picture or irritation and bemusement.

>“Anon…” she said chastised, though amusement was very clear in her tone.

Anon’s lips twitched, but he mostly managed to keep a straight face. “What? I’m just saying that if you wanted us running around it would have been better--”

>“[i]Anon[/i],” Twilight growled, eyes narrowing down to slits.

>>28879784

This time, Anon couldn’t quite keep the smile from his lips. “Alright, alright. I get it, I get it,” he assured, raising his hands up defensively. “I’m sorry for twisting your teats. Go ahead and give us the lesson for today, Ms. Dean, President, Madam Sparkle.”

>Glaring at him for a few seconds more, Twilight shook her head and looked down at her notes, muttering something about stallions under her breath as she did so. Flipping through a few pages, she looked back up at the two and cleared her throat.

>“Okay. Now, as I was saying, before I was [i]interrupted[/i]—”

“Hey, you weren’t being specific on what [i]kind[/i] of exercise we were doing. Don’t blame me for wanting you to specify.”

>Twilight’s nose scrunched up, but for the most part she ignored him. “I’d like the two of you to try a very simple, but in my opinion [i]helpful[/i], exercise today.” She turned the page, her eyes scanning the paper. “To get to the second stage in the pyramid of affection, two parties have to be attracted to each other, be it physically or otherwise.”

>Dipping her quill into an ink pot, Twilight began to write on the page. She mumbled something under her breath, turning the page before smiling and looking back up at them.

>“So, for today, I want the two of you to list off the things that you find attractive about each other.”

>The room was completely silent as Celestia and Anon once again exchanged glances.

>“List what we find attractive about the other?” Celestia parroted, brow furrowing.

>Twilight nodded. “Yes. Finding something desirable in a would-be partner is very important in building a relationship past the ‘just friends’ stage.”

Anon hummed thoughtfully before nodding. “…Yeah, that doesn’t sound too bad,” he admitted, looking up at the big princess beside him. “I could do that, but don’t expect me to Shakespeare it up or anything.”

>>28879792

>Twilight’s brow furrowed. “…Shakespeare?” she questioned.

Slumping down onto the bed, Anon just sighed. “Don’t worry about it,” he said with a defeated wave of the hand. “Just another human thing.”

>Celestia, though she didn’t understand the reference, still understood what he was getting at. And since she knew what he was getting at, she decided to have a little fun.

>“If Anonymous is alright with it then I have no qualms about it either,” she said, solemn and deadly serious. “Though, I’m afraid that we will be here for a while if I’m to list off all of the things that I find attractive in this lord amongst lords.”

While such a statement would have made Anonymous stiffen a few days prior, now all it did was make him roll his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure,” he joked, nudging her side.

>“It would take days to describe my little human’s beauty to you, Twilight,” Celestia continued, placing a hoof above her heart. “His is a loveliness that only comes along once a century—”

“Shut up.”

>“—Nay, once in an [i]age[/i]!” She sighed sadly, tucking her chin against her chest. “I fear that I do not have the skill with words needed to properly convey to you what my heart sings to me each time that I am blessed enough for him to grace me with his presence.” Bringing her hoof to her forehead, she began to swoon, purposefully bouncing off Anon as she moved back and forth. “His eyes outshine the greatest of my sister’s stars. No jewel or gem can compare to his smile. There is no sound that compares to the sweetness of his voice.” She sighed again, falling sideways into Anon’s lap, her hoof still rested on her forehead as her mane spilled over his legs. “The maker herself [i]weeps[/i] that she will never craft another masterpiece such as him.”

>>28879799

Though Anon was giving the princess the deadest of deadpan looks, the tips of his ears were just a bit pink. “Thy shirts are a’ fluttering, my lady,” he said, booping the grinning alicorn on the nose. “Now roust thyself, rapscallion.”

>Twilight, hiding a grin behind her notepad, slowly shook her head. “Anon, why don’t you go ahead first?” she suggested. “You’ll say something you like about the princess and then she can say something she likes about you, and so on and so forth.”

Anon booped Celestia even harder, causing her to giggle and stick her tongue out at him. “Let’s see,” he muttered to himself, eyes narrowing in thought. “Well, I think that the princess has a very nice voice.”

>Celestia, smiling, reached up and booped him back. “Thank you very much, Anonymous,” she said. “I think that you have very lovely eyes.”

Anon shrugged. “I might have lovely eyes, but mine don’t glow in the dark like yours do.”

>“You haven’t seen your eyes in the moonlight, my lord,” the princess countered. “As I said before, they outshine the stars themselves.”

Anon, guffawing, made sure to flick her nose. “Well, I think your mane is really cool.” He ran his fingers through said mane, watching as the hair floated around his fingers. “I don’t know how you make it move like this, but you should really teach Twi over there how to do it.”

>“If she was willing to learn, I’d be more than happy to teach her. Though, she’d need to grow her mane out a bit more,” Celestia said, picking her head up from Anon’s lap to look over at Twilight. “What do you say, my old student? Would you like to learn?”

>Twilight perked up at the mention of learning. “I’d love--!”

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>>28879806

>Before she could leap up from the chair for a magic lesson, she remembered that they were in the middle of something. Something very important. More important than learning new spells even. So, with that thought in mind, she quickly cleared her throat and sat back down in her chair. No matter how hard she tried, however, she couldn’t quite keep the disappointment from her face.

> “Maybe later,” she said professionally, looking back down and scribbling something on her notepad. “Anon? It’s your turn.”

The human let out a puff of air through his mouth. “I like how soft your fur is,” he said after a moment. “And your wings are really soft and really pretty.”

>Celestia giggled. “I believe that that is more than one thing, my little human,” she teased, her cheeks beginning to take on a pink hue.

Anon booped her again. “I’m just trying to get all of the easy ones out of the way,” he announced. “We’re going to be here all day otherwise.”

>“I see,” Celestia answered, her tail slapping against the side of the bed as she looked up at him. “Well, in that case, I rather enjoy your fingers, your smile is an utter joy to see, and it tickles me to no end that you are taller than me.”

“It tickles you that I’m taller than you?” Anon questioned, eyebrow raised. “Why?”

>Nuzzling her head into his lap to make herself more comfortable, the princess sighed. “If you had not noticed, Anon, I am quite a bit taller than most ponies. To speak frankly, I’m quite a bit taller than most other races by a significant margin. This makes it very hard to find a mate that I don’t have to lean down to kiss or nuzzle,” she explained.

“Most dragons are a lot bigger than you,” Anon said off-handedly.

>Celestia opened her mouth to say something, but immediately closed it. Her muzzle scrunched up and her eyes narrowed. “I don’t know [i]why[/i] you found that so funny,” she muttered.

>>28879816

“You were almost [i]drowned[/i] in cum by a dragon. How can’t I find that funny?”

>A small frown came to the princess’s face as she booped him again. “I did [i]not[/i] find it funny at the time, and I don’t find it very funny now,” she said. “It took weeks to get it all out of my coat, and its smell clung to me for [i]decades[/i].”

Anon chuckled at the disgust in her voice. “Come on, you don’t think the whole story is a little funny now, looking back?” he asked

>Celestia, without hesitation, shook her head. “No I do not,” she firmly responded, a shiver running up her spine.

“Not even a little?”

>“There is a [i]reason[/i] why I only mated with two dragons, Anonymous.”

“You [i]did[/i] jerk off two of ‘em though, so it wasn’t—”

>Twilight loudly cleared her throat, her face as red as a tomato. “I’d very much appreciate it if we stayed on topic please,” she said, tapping her quill against the top of her notepad. “[i]Please[/i]. Anon, it’s your turn again.”

“Well… I think that Celestia herself is a pretty great person,” he said. “She’s been through a lot, and a lot of really bad and shitty things have happened to her, but even after all of it she’s this great, amazing mare that everyone loves to bits.” His grin morphed from mischievous to heartfelt. “It’s really inspiring, you know?”

>Celestia’s smile came roaring back to her face. “You are not much different than I, Anon,” she said. “Despite the fact that you have lost so much in your young life, you have not become beaten or bitter. You’ve rebuilt, adapted, made a home for yourself here. I don’t know many that would be able to boast the same if they found themselves in your position.”

>Anon stopped running his fingers through her flowing mane. A far-off, almost sad look came to his eyes before he closed them. Then, taking a deep breath, he reopened them.

>>28879821

“I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now without the help of a very special little horse,” he told her sincerely. “If she hadn’t been there for me in the beginning, helping me get back on my feet, helping me make friends, get a job, and a million other things, I don’t think I would have made it.”

>Though Twilight didn’t look up from her notes, a very noticeable blush exploded across her face and crept down her neck.

>“There is a reason why we ponies so firmly hold onto the belief that friendship is magic, Anonymous,” Celestia—her eyes shining—said as she picked her head up from his lap and sat up.

>Her wings ruffled against her sides as she hopped out of the bed and began to stretch her legs. “Now, I believe that it is my turn yet again, yes?” she asked with a hum, looking him up and down. “Let’s see… I find your small nose adorable, and your ears are some of the oddest that I have ever seen,” she told him. “In fact, your whole face is deserving of note. Delicate yet strong, flat yet not too much so, with a jawline that catches the eye.” Her tail flicked as her eyes narrowed. “Not a pony, or a gryphon, or a yak; not anything truly. Twilight has described your features as almost apeish—”

>Without missing a beat, Anon looked over at Twilight with a less than friendly expression on his face. Twilight, her ears pinned against her skull, cowered behind her notepad.

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>>28879827

>“—but I must respectfully disagree.” She took a step toward him “Your jawline is sharper; your expressions are softer and have more feeling in them than an ape.” Another step. “While the body of a gorilla or a chimpanzee is compact or stout, yours is proportionally symmetrical. Everything from your arms to your legs to your hands are perfectly sized for your body.” Another step, then another. “I may find your [i]feet[/i] a little odd, and it is a true shame that your kind do not have tails since I believe that you’d looked absolutely perfect with one, but those are only minor grievances.”

>With a few more steps, Celestia was standing not six inches away from him, her gaze calculating and thoughtful. She was looking him up and down once more, almost as if she were trying to peel back the layers of clothing to see what was hidden underneath. Anon, finding himself reddening under the intense gaze, had to resist the urge to cover himself with his hands.

>“You are exotic yet familiar, natural yet unnatural, alien in every sense of the word if it was used in a positive light. Your face, your body, the way that you talk to the way that you carry yourself, all of it is pleasing to the eye and a pleasure to witness, though that may just be my preference.” Taking a deep breath, the princess sat on her haunches and gave him her brightest smile. “You are a very fine looking young man, Anonymous. Perhaps one of the better-looking bipeds that I have met in a very long while, and that is the truth.”

>If Anon was red-faced before, now he was an inferno. His face, his neck, his ears, even most of his chest was red. He was blushing so hard, in fact, that his body had been forced to suck the blood from his extremities, leaving his toes and fingertips tingly.

“I, am, well,” he babbled, honestly not knowing what to say. “That’s really, I mean, it was awfully…”

>>28879835

>Celestia beamed as he trailed off, getting up and hopping back into the bed beside him. “While I could have gone on, for the sake of Twilight and her writing I decided to keep it short,” she teased as he shied away from her. “Now, I believe that it’s your turn, my lord.”

>It took a few moments for Anon to collect himself, but eventually his face was no longer on fire and he could no longer hear the blood rushing through his ears. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath and climbed to his feet.

“A-Alrighty then,” he murmured, taking a few steps away from the princess before turning around and looking at her. “That’s going to be a [i]little[/i] hard to beat, but I’ll do my best.”

>As the princess had done before him, Anonymous looked Celestia over carefully. His gaze traveled over her body. From the spiraled horn atop her head down to the tail resting against her rump. He drank in every curve, every muscle, every little bump and loose feather and imperfection. It was only then, when he had stared at every inch of her, did he look back into those big amethyst eyes.

Licking his dry lips, he cleared and throat and began. “Well… You’re an awful lot bigger than pretty much all of your subjects—just like you said—and because of it you seem a little more… shapely?” He looked over at Twilight. “Ponies like Twilight here are stocky, pudgy—”

>“Hey!”

“—both the mares and the stallions have that same little gut, those same thick, stubby legs, that little neck, and pretty much the same facial features. When I first met some of the ponies in Ponyville, I had to listen to their voices to see if they were guys or girls, because I honestly couldn’t tell.” He began to rub his hands together, his eyes still wandering over Celestia. “But you’re spaced out a little better. Your legs are longer, thinner, and so is your neck.”

>>28879838

>Twilight peered over her notepad, giving Anon a glare that could melt steel. He didn’t even notice it, being so focused on the princess.

“With you, I could instantly tell that you were a gir—er, a mare. I could see it in your face, in how your body curves; how delicate your face is, how your ass—” Catching himself, he quickly coughed into his hand. “I mean, your lips are really—” This time, he pounded a fist against his chest as he coughed. “What I mean to say is that you look like a female. A pretty, curvy female.”

>Celestia had to stifle a laugh as he took another step toward her.

“I like the color of your fur and I like how soft it is. You’re also very warm, which makes you one hell of a bed-buddy. Your wings are also the biggest and most beautiful that I have ever seen, and they actually feel really nice when they’re wrapped around me.”

>Twilight, frowning even harder, looked down at her wings self-consciously. Celestia, her chest puffing out at the praise, gave her own wings a half-flap before folding them against her sides.

Sucking in a lungful of air, Anon looked away from the princess. “…I think I’m done,” he announced with a dismissive wave of the hand. “It wasn’t as good as yours, but that’s all I got.” Making his way over to the bed, he sat back down. “Do you have anything else, [i]my lady[/i]?”

>Though she wanted nothing more than to wrap her wings around him, Celestia refrained. “No, I believe that I’ve said all that I needed to say,” she declared with a shake of her head, wiggling around to make herself comfortable.

Anon nodded, twiddling his thumbs. “Great,” he said, before adding, “And thanks for the complements. They were… nice to hear. Really.”

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>>28879842

>This time, she couldn’t quite hold back her laughter. “Thank you as well, my little human,” she said, leaning over and nuzzling his brow. “It’s nice to hear that someone still finds this old mare somewhat attractive.”

>Twilight, carefully watching them interact, continued to write in her notepad. “Very good, you two,” she chirped just a little too loudly, making the two of them jump. “I can already tell that this was a good idea. We should continue doing this another day.” Without looking up from her notes, she waved a hoof in their direction. “Now, since we’ve completed this exercise, why don’t the two of you spend a few minutes holding each other’s hooves?”

>Both Celestia and Anon exchanged glances for a third time.

“Hold hooves?” Anon asked.

>Twilight waved her hoof again, this time dismissively. “You know what I mean,” she said. “You hold her hoof and she’ll hold your hand.”

“I got that,” Anon retorted, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What I’m not too clear on is [i]why[/i]”

>Looking up from her notes, the purple princess raised an eyebrow. “Contact between two ponies is just as important to building a relationship as talking is, Anon,” she said, matter-of-factly. “The two of you just poured your hearts out to each other. A little contact will be good for the two of you.”

Anon’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Are you sure that this isn’t just some weird thing?” he asked.

>Twilight frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I think you know what I mean.”

>“I wouldn’t be asking you what you meant if I knew.”

Mouth setting to a thin line, Anon leaned toward her. “Is this handholding thing some weird fetish of yours?” he asked. “Are you gonna get off to it?”

>Twilight nearly dropped her notepad. “W-What?!” she squeaked, her eyes widening.

>>28879854

Anon, shaking his head, looked over at Celestia with a look of disgust. “Princess, I think your old student is up to some debauchery,” he said, tsking.

>To both Twilight’s surprise and horror, Celestia frowned. “It appears so, Anonymous,” she said gravely. “Hoofholding? While another pony watches?” She shook her head. “I’m surprised at you, Twilight Sparkle.”

>Twilight, nearly falling out of your chair, quickly sat up straight. “I’m just g-going along with what the notes tell me!” she protested loudly. “I do [i]not[/i] have a fetish for something silly like hoofholding!”

“Sounds like it to me,” Anon remarked, folding his arms across his chest. “You pervert.”

>“Yes, it [i]does[/i], doesn’t it?” Celestia added, shaking her head. “I hadn’t the foggiest idea that your interests lied in… [i]amusements[/i] such as this.”

>“It’s [i]not[/i]— I mean I don’t—!” Twilight sputtered, nearly throwing her notepad. “I’m just doing what it says in the—”

>She trailed off when she saw grins coming to her hecklers faces. Her eyes widened in realization. Her shock was so great at her revelation, in fact, that she let her notepad fall to her lap. “You were just…” Puffing out her cheeks, she quickly frowned, leaning back against her chair and crossing her forelegs. “Oh, [i]buck[/i] the two of you.”

>Laughter immediately rang throughout the room as both Anon and Celestia chuckled to their heart's content, leaning against each other for support. There weren’t quite tears streaming down their faces, but their merriment was loud enough that it could have been heard down the hall. Twilight simply sat there, a frown on her face as they laughed loud and long.

>Her face contorted into a pout. Her muzzle scrunched up in indignation. She puffed her little chest out as she let out a huff, the picture of outrage and scandal. And still the two laughed.

>>28879861

“You should have seen the look on your face!” Anon said with a giggle, after their mirth had died down somewhat. “Oh, if I could have taken a picture I would have been able to die a happy man.”

>“Yeah, yeah, you laugh it up,” Twilight sourly muttered, giving him the stink eye. “Just don’t be surprised when you wake up blue tomorrow…”

>“Oh come now, Twilight, it was just a bit of fun,” Celestia said, her voice still rich with laughter. “You know that we meant nothing by it.”

“Yeah, we were just teasing you, you big purple baby,” the human reassured.

>Twilight, unaffected by their words, continued to be grumpy and not at all amused. She even went so far as to stick her tongue out at them. “You still shouldn’t hav—”

>All at once, she stopped, her eyes widening as she looked over at the two. Then, for seemingly no reason, a smile—sly and sinister—lowly spread across her face.

>Both Celestia and Anon, for reasons that they couldn’t fully understand, began to shift uneasily as she leaned forward in her chair. The royal bookworm seemed to pick up on this unease, her smile widening.

>“You can make fun of me all you want, but the point is kind of moot when you’re being “lewd” yourselves,” she smugly sing-songed, nudging her head toward their laps.

>Both the human and the alicorn, confused as to what she meant, looked down to see their limbs intertwined. Celestia’s hoof was wrapped around Anon’s hand. Anon’s fingers were firmly wrapped around said hoof, his thumb tracing the hoof’s frog. Somehow, without the two of them knowing, they had begun holding hands/hooves.

>“Celestia and Anon sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Twilight childishly sung as they stiffened in surprise.

“When in the hell?” Anon muttered, more confused than anything. “When did this happen?”

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>>28879867

>Celestia’s hoof was nowhere near like the horses or ponies back home, he noticed after a moment. It wasn’t the mass of cold, hard keratin that he had seen at fairs and the occasional rodeo that his friends had dragged him to a lifetime ago. This hoof was warm to the touch. It was softer, almost skin-like, and it was able to envelope his hand with ease.

>Ignoring Twilight as she continued to sing about trees and marriage and baby carriages, he let his fingers roam over the hoof, his curiosity getting the better of him.

>This wasn’t the first time that a pony had touched him with a hoof. In fact, ponies almost went out of their way to use their hooves to play with his hands for some reason or another. But this was the first time that he had sat down and really [i]looked[/i] at one.

>Here was a flat, fingerless appendage that could grab things with a dexterity that was sometimes better than his own. Sure, he might have them beat in more delicate activities, but just for something like this to [i]grab[/i] an object, pick it up and move it, was incredible.

>It was a hoof yet not a hoof. A hand with invisible fingers. A hand that could hold his just as well as any man or woman could.

>Anon looked back up at the princess, realizing that Twilight had ceased her incessant teasing and the room was quiet. Celestia was looking down at him quizzically, an eyebrow raised.

>Once again, his gaze drank in her expressive face. Those big, breathtaking eyes. Those soft, supple, human-like lips. Those cheeks, that jaw, those ears, her horn.

>A face that looked so human yet so alien at the same time. A different face. An strong, wise, and majestic face. A face that he was becoming rather fond of.

>Without realizing it, his grip on her hoof tightened.

>Celestia’s eyebrow raised a little higher. “Is everything alright, Anonymous?” she asked in concern.

>>28879881

Hearing his name being said, Anon jumped, though his hand didn’t leave her hoof. “I, um, well, I--” he sputtered, eyes widening. “Yeah, [i]yeah[/i], I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I was just, uh, lost in thought for a second…”

>Celestia gave his hand a little squeeze, nearly causing him to jump up into the ceiling. He could almost [i]feel[/i] the fingers across the back of his hand.

>“Anon, are you okay?” Twilight asked, sounding just as concerned as her old mentor.

>Celestia’s ears pinned back against her skull. Thinking that she was making him uncomfortable, she tried to pull her hoof out Anon’s hand, an apology at the ready. She was surprised, however, when her hoof only managed to leave his hand for a moment before he grabbed it and pulled it against it chest.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he said insistently, sincerely, his head snapping back and forth between the two before he looked down. “I was just noticing how much your hoof felt like a hand, Celestia.” He forced himself to look back up at her, smiling. “I don’t know. I guess… I’ve just never noticed it before.”

>Celestia’s worried expression became a hopeful one. “So the hoofholding isn’t...?”

Anon’s smile widened. “I guess that I’m just as much as a deviant as Twi is over there,” he joked, trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart. “Because I don’t have any problem holding your hoof like this.”

>The princess stared down at him for nearly a minute before she could restrain herself no longer. She extended a wing, wrapping it around him and pulling him against her. Though Anon’s eyes widened at the sudden manhandling, he didn’t make a single sound of protest as their sides touched and his head found a home against her chest.

>>28879885

>“I suppose that I must admit my deviousness also,” she said, nuzzling the top of his head as her wing encased him. Though Anon couldn’t see it, she closed her eyes, grinning from ear-to-ear. “Because I not only find nothing wrong with holding a stallion’s hoof while another mare is present, I find myself enjoying it exceedingly.”

~-~-~-~-~-~

>The little one-window room was completely dark. Once again, the moon dared not show its face in the midst of this still, silent night. In the corner of the room, Twilight was softly snorting, her notepad clenched between her hooves as she slept.

>It was late; very late. So late that even the most die-hard of night owls were tucked away in their beds. Anon, though he didn’t roll over onto his side to look at the clock hanging on the wall, knew it was late. He could feel it in his bones, hear it in the hushed silence that was only held at bay by slow, even breathing and snoring.

>He was tired. He knew that he should have been asleep hours ago. He knew that when he got up in the morning he was going to feel like total garbage. But, no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t close his eyes and drift off. Instead, he looked at the mass white fur in front of him, wrestling with his thoughts.

>Celestia also knew that it was terribly late at night. She could even look up at the clock to see that it would be many, [i]many[/i] hours before she needed to be up for the sun to rise. The princess also wanted to get some sleep. While she [i]was[/i] a morning pony—it was pretty much in her job description— not even she could be bright and cheery in the wake of a sleepless night. But just like her bed-buddy, no matter what she did, she couldn’t just quite drift off.

“…Princess? Are you awake?” Anon whispered.

>Shifting her weight a bit, Celestia sighed. “Yes, my little human. I believe that I am,” she said, nuzzling the top of his head.

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>>28879892

“Can’t sleep either, huh?”

>“It appears that way.”

“Have a lot on your mind?”

>“I was just about to ask you the same thing, since you can’t seem to hold still for more than a moment,” she observed.

Anon frowned in the darkness. “Oh shit. I’m the one keeping you up, aren’t I?” he asked. “I’m really—”

>“No, no. I promise you that my lack of sleep is no fault of yours,” Celestia assured, nuzzling his brow. “It’s because…” Her nose scrunched up in thought. “I cannot quite place it, but it feels as though something is… missing.”

Anon nodded, the top of his head brushing against her chest as he did so. “I know what you mean,” he quietly agreed. “I’m feeling the same.”

>The two lapsed into silence, Celestia trying to catch his eye while Anon stared at her neck.

“Celestia?” he murmured.

>“Hmm?”

Anon opened his mouth before snorting. “Jesus Christ, I’m not in fucking high school anymore. It was bad enough that I’ve been getting all blushy and shit the last couple days. I am [i]not[/i] gonna start dancing around shit,” he sourly grumbled to himself.

He took a deep breath, puffing his chest out. “Princess, do you mind if I…” he trailed off, losing steam.

>Celestia moved away from her bed-buddy a bit so that she could get a better look at him. “If you…?” she prompted encouragingly.

>>28879896

>Anon picked his head up and looked over at Twilight. Making a hundred percent sure that she was, in fact, asleep and not faking it, he turned his attention back to her.

“I’ve been trying to think of a way to put this more eloquently, but I can’t think of anything clever or romantic or anything like that. So, I’m just going to flat-out ask you, since I’m not some ten-year-old that can’t talk to girls.” His eyes narrowed to slits. “I’m an adult. I’m an adult, dammit. I have a mortgage and I pay fucking taxes.” He poked her stomach, looking into her eyes before he took another deep breath and asked, “Can. I. Have. A. Kiss. Please?”

>Celestia blinked in surprise at the question. “Excuse me?”

“I’d very much like a smooch on the lips. Please,” Anon bluntly told her.

>There was bewilderment in the princess’s eyes as she looked down at them. She then began to laugh. “Oh my goodness. This is the first time in a [i]long[/i] time that a stallion has asked me for a kiss,” she mused. “And so [i]bluntly[/i]!”

Anon scowled even as he began to turn red. “Can I have a kiss or not?” he demanded.

>Celestia’s grin diminished somewhat. “I would gladly give you a kiss if you so desire, Anonymous,” she said, her expression becoming more serious. “But are you sure that you’re comfortable kissing me?”

He quickly looked at her lips, then back up at her face, an act which she couldn’t help but note. “I’m just asking for a little kiss. It’s not like I want you to stick your tongue down my throat.”

>“And may I ask what brought this on?”

Anon shrugged. “I’ve been thinking a whole lot since this afternoon,” he stated. “And, I don’t know, I just kind of want to know what it feels like. Kissing you I mean. Since, even though I didn’t say this in front of Twilight, I kind of, sorta, like your lips. I think they’re nice-looking.”

>>28879901

>The princess looked him over carefully—a small smile on her face— before nodding. “Very well,” she replied, pulling away from him and sitting up. “If you wish for a kiss then I’d be thrilled to give you one.”

He sat up in the bed with her, wrapping their blanket around himself. “Good. Great. Thank you.”

>Making themselves comfortable—Anon sitting cross-legged on the bed and Celestia sitting up on her haunches—they looked at each other.

>“I’m going to lean down and kiss you. If you wish me to stop then simply ask and I’ll stop,” Celestia whispered.

Anon licked his lips before wiping them with the back of his hand. “Alright,” he said, opening and closing his hands.

>Looking into his eyes, she began to lean down as he leaned up. Their lips parted and puckered just before they touched.

>To Anon’s surprise, nothing happened. No feelings of revulsion, no outrage, he didn’t explode in anyway or form. The only thing that happened to him as they kissed was that his heart began to beat just a little bit faster and a pleasant warmth began to fill him.

>Celestia’s lips were as soft as he imagined and as warm as the rest of her. They were a bit bigger than his, so they the two of them had to adjust mid-kiss, but they managed. Managed very well, in fact.

>It was just a kiss. A slightly tense kiss that may have been a bit awkward with how stiff the two of them were, but a kiss nonetheless. And a pleasant one at that.

Counting to ten in his head, Anon pulled away. Breaking the kiss, he looked at the princess, who was staring carefully back at him. “So… how was that?” he asked.

>Celestia smiled. “I found it very agreeable,” she told him, trying to rein in her enthusiasm. “And yourself?”

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>>28879913

He leaned back and thought hard. “It was… just a kiss,” he said.

>Celestia’s smile widened. “Just a kiss?”

A smile came to the human’s face as he nodded. “Yep, just a nice kiss from a very pretty mare.”

>That got a chuckle out of the princess. “Well, thank you very much, my dear,” she said. Feeling brave, she leaned forward and gave him a peck on the cheek. Again, he felt no panic, no anxiety, no disgust. It was just a kiss on the cheek.

Anon sighed in relief as he felt a great weight leave his shoulders. “I’m sorry if it was shitty for you though,” he apologized, reaching over and grabbing her hoof. “I wasn’t exactly bringing my A-game.”

>“Nonsense, Anonymous,” the princess assured. “It was a lovely kiss.”

Anon just grunted, looking over at Twilight. “At least the one over there didn’t see,” he muttered. “I don’t care what she says, I’m pretty sure that she’s getting off to this somehow…”

>Celestia chuckled again. “If we are to continue kissing she’s bound to see us eventually,” she mused.

Anon looked over at her before looking back at his purple friend. “I guess so,” he supposed, leaning against her. “We should make sure to practice when she’s not looking then, so when she [i]does[/i] see us we’re not fumbling around like a bunch of teenagers that’ve never kissed anyone before.”

>Celestia’s wing wrapped around him as she nuzzled his head again. “I’d be happy to practice with you as many times as you want,” she told him. “I’d be a fool not to take such a handsome stallion’s offer.”

“You’re silly.”

>“I might be silly, but you’re still fetching, my little human.”

>This time, when the two laid their heads down onto their pillows, sleep came easy.

>>28879928

Alright, I'm done. I'll have something spoopy tomorrow

>>28879780
>>28879784
>>28879792
>>28879799
>>28879806
>>28879816
>>28879821
>>28879827
>>28879835
>>28879838
>>28879842
>>28879854
>>28879861
>>28879867
>>28879881
>>28879885
>>28879892
>>28879896
>>28879901
>>28879913
>>28879928
>>28879930
LAP you magnificent mother fucker.

>>28879930
I'm going to be honest, I've only skimmed this in passing, so take what I'm saying with a mouthful of salt.
but the general feel I'm getting is that Celestia's been giving Anon a play by play of most every sexual act she's performed in the last couple thousand years, and there's a lot of sexual tension between the two of them.
And I don't get it. Because in my experience, I and most other guys I've ever known consider a girl telling you about all the other dicks shes sucked to be a pretty huge turn off.

>>28879901
>I kind of, sorta, like your lips.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZLbzERPUAA

>>28879930
What he >>28879943 said. You're great man.

>>28880011
It's a good story. I'm liking everything, don't change it. But I have to agree with this Anon. Unless dragon on Celestia sex is the Anon in the stories thing, hearing about someone else's bed buddies is kinda a turn off. At least from personal experience.

I also kept thinking throughout the story:
>Teet Twist ending! He gets with Twilight instead and it turns out, Anon is very fertile.

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>>28879928
>>28879930
That was super cute mang. I'm really enjoying this cozy story.

>>28880912
Delicious human tears.
>something something RGRE story.

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>>28880011
>>28880411
That's why it wasn't accepted in /sun/ when DT penned something similar.

>>28878624
I don't mean an entire story based around it but something to include in a story.

>>28880411
>Love for the purple one
Yes, please.

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>>28881058
I'd like a story with Twilight getting her fields plowed if you know what I'm saying.
Her garden seeded if you know what I mean.
Her flower watered if you get what I'm putting down.
Her eggs scrambled if you catch my meaning.

>>28881075
You mean sex, right?

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>>28881133
Numbers confirm sweet mammalian procreation.

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>>28881157
SWEET
MAMMALIAN
PROCREATION

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>>28881199

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>>28881199
>>28881214

>>28881075
Butler Anon who does yard work?

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>>28880411
>>28881058
>>28881075
>>28881133
>>28881157
>>28881199
>>28881214
>>28881237

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>>28881255
habbading

>>28881075
>"HEY TWILIGHT OVER HERE"
>Anon was back outside your window for the fourth time today
>It started off small
>This morning you saw him outside with a rake and some seeds
>Maybe a friendly gesture of helping you grow a proper garden, colts like that sort of thing you guess
>The strange part was that he constantly had his gaze fixated on you with a deep grin
>Whenever you looked out the window you saw him staring, it was honestly getting uncomfortable
>There were times he left but everytime he did he always came back with more
>I mean flowers and water you understood, he was planting a garden
>But now he's sitting there with a bowl of what you believe to be eggs and a whisk
>You've been sat there staring at each other while he scrambled eggs for an hour now, his look that of pure determination
>Wait, what if this is some strange human ritual
>By doing this and you not stopping him you're human married or something
"Oh Celestia."
>At least you'll finally get some SWEET MAMMALIAN PROCREATION

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>>28881289
i like this.

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>>28875411
oh my sides

>>28881289
>human married
Yes. Ponies have bizarre mating rituals; They find human customs equally strange.

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>>28881379
>you will never pick a mare up, flip her onto her back, blow a raspberry on her belly and tell her she belongs to you now

>>28881289
>>28881379

>Anon realizes that Ponies have some strange customs
>He also realizes that he can just make shit up about human ones.
>They won't know any better as long as he can keep a straight face.

>Anon cannot keep a straight face most of the time.

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When I went to name my characters, I pretty much went to generators and googled 'bat pony names' to see what people came up with. Umbra was one of my favorites that I saw. There's just only so many bat/night themed names. I'm sure if you put in parts of the other mare's names, somebody will have used similar ones.

>>28877827
>>28877291
>>28877143
>>28876454
>>28876809
>>28876368
>>28876317
>>28876294
>>28876286
>>28876267
>>28876263
>>28876161

Thanks for all the feedback. Most of what I see is positive, so I'll continue it. Probably won't be too long but I've had fun writing for RGRE so far.

>>28875395
>OP image deleted

>>28881567
hot pockets strikes again

>>28881412
If blowing a raspberry is enough to claim mare as yours, then what tuft rubbing must mean for pony?

>>28881654
Soliciting sex.

>>28881436
>you where anon
>and you just realized something
>you are the only human, which means you can make literally anything up about humans you wanted
>3 months later
>you sit their on a not very clean bed of a firl bird-cat you met, exausted and cuddling
>and you are sore
>mostly in your "Sargent stand tall" region
>the she-griffon you met would just not stop stroking
>it wasn't a consistent speed either
>you told her she had to hold you down and make you cum 13 times in order for you to be human married
>of course you thought that was a good idea at the time
>she started out with reguler sex, but she had pony word level stamina
>you should have told her she had to use her holes only, not her hands and paws
>the speed wasn't very consistent as she got tired multiple times throughout ending up in her stroking agonizingly slow
>this agonizingly slow well lubricated handjob usually ended up in a burst of speed and her holding you down so you could'nt get away
sometimes her toung would get involved as well
>you can still feel it
>you did say you have only one shot for you two to be human married after all, so she was determined for you to be her husbando
>at least you know she loves you

go d damn it my grammer.

>>28880011
The thing giving me fits of lolwut is Twilight Creeple sitting around watching them in bed constantly.

>>28879930
Does this story have a pastebin?

>>28880011
Agreed, used goods are gross.

>>28880011
It's like, I don't care that she's fucked other guys in the past. What kind of virgin thinks a "pure waifu" happens outside of anime? I just don't want to hear her tell me all about it; just like I'm sure she doesn't want me to tell her how good my last girlfriend gave head.

>>28881973
>What kind of virgin thinks a "pure waifu"
Those used to be plentiful before 'sexual liberation'.

>>28881973
Exactly, I wasn't saying virgin or bust, just that it's one of those things you don't talk about, you don't want to talk about.
A girl telling me about all the other guys she fucked, and how isn't going to make me fall for her, it's going to shrivel my cock like nothing else.

>>28882012
Especially when that track record is miles and miles long.

>>28881981
historically 80% of woman reproduced with 40% of man.

So no, in the past there were even less pure waifus than today and one man with lots of woman were far more likely

>>28882025
I remember that one (article? Youtube video?) where some dude's girlfriend got drunk and said that she fucked like 200 dudes. They did the math (average length of penis, number of thrusts per sexual encounter, number of sexual encounters per week, number of partners, etc) and came to the conclusion that she'd been fucked by literally miles and miles of cock.

>>28881765
I second this. Looked in his pastes and didn't find it.

>>28882053
source:my ass

90% of statistics are made up on the spot 80% of the time

>>28882276
google it asshat, there you have the method and full discussions about it.
Its like you never used the internet before

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>>28882290
>JUST GOOGLE IT

>>28882315
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=80%25+of+woman+reproduced+with+40%25+man

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>>28882342
>source is reddit
>just below that
>"Myth that 80% of women reproduced with 40% of men"

>>28882053
>with 40% of man.
What did she do with the rest of him? Dumpster?

>>28882351
kek

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>>28882350
>Tons of websites
>Reddit is one of them
IT MUST BE FROM REDDIT!
I wonder if you even read anything or just shitpost.
In short: the used method is questionable because guess what, the people are long dead.

But anyway, good shitpost, fell for it, take this

>>28882387
nice unsubstantiated claim with no credible citations

>"Come on, Anon! If we don't hurry the Cake's are going to run out of donuts!"
>Your name wasn't Anon
>...Or was it?
>You remember a thousand different names
>Michael, Mark, Antaeus, John, Incognito, Anny, Bob, Matthew, REDACTED, and Anon to name a few
>Anon...
>AnonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonALWAYSanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanon
"I'm coming, Twi! And you don't need to run, you silly horse! They'll have plenty of donuts when we get there."
>Your friend, Twilight Sparkle, looked back at you and playfully rolled her eyes
>Wait
>Twilight wasn't your friend
>She banished you from Ponyville
>She ran her horn through your chest
>She starved you, killed you, tortured you in ways too horrible to describe
>You could still feel the pain
>The ripping, the cutting, the drugs
>The screaming, the begging, the crying, losing control of your bowls as pain overtook you
>You hated her
>You KILLED her
>...
>W a i t
>That isn't right either
>Twilight was your best friend
>You remember her finding you in the middle of Applejacks farm, your arm broken
>And in the middle of the forest, your arm torn to bits by a manticore
>You remember her summoning you to this place

>>28882430
>You remember growing up with her, son of Princess Celestia herself
>You remember taking her when your wife Celestia was away on business
>She's your wife
>You've had children with her
>W a i t
>Why did she have wings?
>She was a unicorn!
>Or was she a human?
>You also remembered a cute girl in a shirt and glasses
>Twilight smiled as you screamed in your own mind
>"Oh, you just don't want to pick up the pace, you silly stallion."
>You tried to scream, tried to stop your casual walk to hold your head to try to take away from of the PaIn, but you couldn't
>But you couldn't
>You just smiled back at her
"Well, if m'lady is in such a hurry than she can carry me if she so wishes," you heard yourself saying
>You didn't say that
>You didn't want to say that
>You wanted to scream
>Beg for help
>Beg for all of these visions, all of these stories, to end
>Anon is not your name
>You're not Anon, you have a NAME
>...
>WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!?!
>Twilight blushed as you heard yourself chuckle
>"Anon, I wouldn't be so loud when you're saying stuff like that," she muttered, shyly kicking at the dirt. "If other ponies heard you they'd start talking, and I don't want them to call you a slut..."
>You could taste bile in the back of your throat
>At the other end of the street, you could see Bonbon walking side by side with Lyra

>>28882387
>how dare you call me out on my bullshit
Keep the star
you deserve it

>>28882435
>You remembered being married to Bonbon
>You hadn't had a name then
>It was never said
>Never written
>You remember her trying to get you to touch her butt
>The two of you had children
>Wonderful, bright-eyed children that had their mother's eyes and their old man's grin
>Two little girls, with a little boy on the way
>You hated her
>The agent that had taken you to that prison of white nothingness
>You remembered the interrogation
>What are you?
>Where are you from?
>Are there others like you?
>What business do you have in this land?
>What are your secrets?
>You've raped her
>Held her down while her friends and loved ones watched and cried and took her
>You've raped her a thousand times in a thousand different ways
>Your stomach turns as you remembered all that she did to you, to ALL of you
>Everything
>Rape, torture, love, marriage
>You recall Lyra cutting off your hands and eating them
>You also remember kissing her under an oak tree
>Her lips tasted like the wine that the two of you had drank, but far, far sweeter
>Her marehood had spasmed as you thrusted into her
>She also mocked you
>Cheated on you
>Hurt you
>Both of them did
"Aw, come on, Twiggles. It's just a bit of fun! You know that I don't mean anything by it!"

>>28882449
>There was something wrong with your voice
>It was... different from Twilight's somehow
>Wrong
>You could feel a pressure behind your eyes with each syllable spoken
>Who were you?
>What was your name?
>WHY WERE YOU SOME PUPPET ON A STRING?!
>AnonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonALWAYSanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanon
>"Howdy, Anon, Twilight."
>"Good morning darlings."
>Both you and Twilight looked to your left
>Rarity and Applejack were making their way toward you, smiles on their faces
>Rarity, the mare that woke up in your bed and stayed there until you were married
>Applejack, your master who had branded her cutiemark onto your thigh and gelded you
>A thousand stories flashed through your mind's eye as you looked at them
>Heaven
>Hell
>Pain
>Pleasure
>You've witnessed Rarity slicing her sister's throat
>You've done things to the cutiemark crusaders that would make a serial killer pale
>W a i t
>Did she have her cutiemark, or was she still a blank flank?
>How old was she?
>Did Equestria beat back Sombra's army?
>ANON IS NOT YOUR NAME!
>WHAT IS YOUR NAME?!
"Mornin' Applejack, mornin' Rarity," you heard yourself chirp as they stopped in front of you

>>28882458
>Applejack tipped her hat at you
>"So whatcha two doin' in town?" she asked. "I thought the two of ya were back at the castle working on somethin' important."
>Castle?
>No, no, no; that wasn't right
>Twilight lived in a treehouse
>No; she lived in the Everfree
>You had helped her rebuild the Sister's old castle yourself
>No; she lived in a nice little two story house three blocks down from Canterlot High
>You walked with her to school every day
>The kids driving by on the buses would always push down the windows and yell at you as they passed
>You were taller then
>Or maybe short?
>Fatter maybe?
>Was your name even Anon then?
>Your head felt so full
>It hurt
>Everything hurt
>EVERYTHING
>There was something wrong with the way that they spoke
>Why was it so different from yours?
>Why did you remember everything?
>The thousands, the millions of stores?
The millions of stories?!
>WHYWERETHEYCALLINGYOUANON?!
ANONWASN'TYOURFUCKINGNAME!"
>"Anon decided that the two of us needed some fresh air," Twilight explained as you stood there frozen, rolling her eyes as she did so. "So we both decided to go and get some donuts!"
>Claw your eyes out

>>28882465
>If you clawed your eyes out maybe that would take away the visions
>If you kept going maybe you could claw at your brain
"No, YOU wanted to go and get donuts," your voice teased. "Unlike SOMEONE, whose alicorn biology lets them eat anything that they want, some of us have to watch their figure."
>Figure?
>Why would you need to watch that?
>You were an alicorn yourself
>You were the brother, the protector of Celestia and Lulu
>W a i t
>No you weren't that
>You were a diamond dog
>No, a gryphon
>No, a human
>You were a human with a mask
>A human without eyes or a mouth
>A human with blue eyes and a smile that would win a princess's heart
>WHOWEREYOU?!
>WHATWASYOURNAME?!
>Rarity made a face as you tasted blood at the back of your throat
>"Oh, don't be like that, Anon. I'm positive that you'd look absolutely lovely no matter how many donuts you take," she said, raising her sewing needles to stab out your--
>"Yeah! There ain't nothin' wrong with a bit 'o fat on a colt!" Applejack said, her eyes dancing as she bumped your side with her rump
>Dagy wouldn't like that
>She and the other girls don't like any other women touching you
>Sunset was a bit different, for some reason or another, but--
"Aw, thanks girls," you heard yourself say as a blushed forced its way into your face. "You really know how to make a guy blush..."
>Hit one of them

>>28882430
Is this the spoopy story?

>>28882474
>Scream
>Go over and bash your brains out again that building over there
>Pick up Rarity, pick up Twilight, pick up Applejack
>Pet them
>Strangle them
>Move your hand
>Do something
>Don't just sit there and smile
>I can't just sit there and smile
>I'm not Anon
>That's not my name
>>AnonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonALWAYSanonanon
>The others girls chuckled along with you as your hands shook
>"If you girls want to come with us I'll buy," Twilight offered, shaking a small bag of bits at them
>Applejack and Rarity exchanged glances before nodding
>"I could go for something to nibble on," Rarity admitted
>"I could eat a donut," Applejack told the unicor-- alico--gir--
>"Alright then!" Twilight chirped with a happy little hop. "Lets hurry up then! I wanna get there before the morning rush!"
>You could feel your body moving as they began to make their way down to SugarCube Corner
>Your hands shook as you struggled
>You could feel wires on your hands and feet
>They were in your mouth, in your ears
>You could feel the hot pain of metal in your brain
>You had to get them out
>You had to stop
>Do something

>>28882480
>Blood began to mix with the bile as you forced yourself to slow down
>You could feel a pressure on the back of your neck
>It felt like a mountain, trying to push you forward
>Unrelenting, unstoppable, uncompromising
>You forced your mouth to work
>You bite down on your tongue
>Blood began to fill your mouth
>SAY. SOMETHING.
>I. WILL. SAY. SOMETHING.
>"Twilight?"
>The girls stopped, turning around to see your ramrod stiff body
>"What are you doing you silly colt?" Twilight asked. "If we don't hurry up we'll..."
>The smile on her face disappeared when she saw the blood pouring from the corners of your mouth
>I hadn't quite butten through my tongue, but I couldn't
>Not yet
>I needed say something
>Like how they did
>"T-Twilight...."
>In a flash Twilight and the other girls were by your side
>Twilight had her hooves on your body
>She was trying to tug you down so you could look at her
>You--I could feel my body trying to respond to her touch
>It wanted to bend down
>To go along with the story
>Just as it had a thousand times in its thousand forms
>"Anon? What's wrong? Why are you bleeding?!"
>"Partner? What's wrong? Do ya need some help?"
>"Anonymous, dear, you're bleeding! Sit down and let us have a look at you!"
>You dug your fingernails into the palm of my hand, drawing blood
>Say something


Say. Something.
>SAY SOMETHING!
>SAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYITSAYIT!
"T-Tw..."
>I gritted my teeth
>You needed to try harder
>Push more
"I-Ili..."
>Almost there...
>You're almost there...
>I'm almost there
>Thousandth times the charm
"T-T-Twili..."
>The air shimmers
>In the back of your mind, you heard something snap
>"Twilight."

>>28882493
̶̡̰͍ͣ̆ͫd̳͉̦̪͇̓́͌͌͌̂ͦ̓̑͢͠e̵͉̗̲ͯ͡͡b̘̭̍ͤ͆̄͂͝ ̸̹̙͈͓̰̖̦͗̋͊̍̀̎ͧo̶͓̦͇͇̱͇̍̓͐́ͩ̾̈ͤ͆̕ẗ͔̘̼̟̲̞́ͤ̈ͭ̄ ̣̯͕̣̹̗̠̽̑͋̆͂̚͟g̴̡̭̑ͮ̍ͦ̊ͧo̸̝̙͙̽ͪ͌͟
̦̊̀ͬ͜

>>28882503
>"Come on, Anon! If we don't hurry the Cake's are going to run out--!... Anon? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

>>28882507
I wanted to post some spoopy I was working on to stop the shitposting. There you go, hope it's better than that Discord thing I did

>>28882517
its nice, but it annoys me that the screen is now wide over.

>>28882493
Jesus Christ.
Well, this is a new take I guess.
More please.

>>28882517
Wasn't really spooky, but I do like the premise of it.

>Anon and Luna hate each other
>Not "I'ma hate-fuck you" hate
>Real, actual "I legitimately dislike almost everything about you" hate
>Luna thinks Anon is an entitled, degenerate slut who flaunts his socks for attention and acts like he has something really dumb to prove
>Anon thinks Luna is an obnoxious, self-important asshole who refuses to acknowledge that the world has changed while she was gone
>They do their best to avoid each other, so most ponies haven't been witness to their loud arguments and don't know just how much they despise each other
>Celestia even believes that Luna has a crush on Anon and, like most marely-mares, has trouble expressing her feelings
>Anon's neighbors think that Anon is a tsundere from their japoneighs mangas
>They try and set Luna and Anon up, thinking that it'll end up like some kind of romantic comedy
>Luna and Anon start taking verbal potshots at each other, then arguments, then yelling, and it all ends when the two get into a fist-fight in front of everyone
>Celestia and Anon's neighbors no longer try to set them up

>>28879930
Celestia a cute.
Would cuddle.

>>28879821
>Almost drowning in dragon cum
This needs to be written.

>Ponies want a pool party but the pool is dried up
>Dragonbro jacks off into it for them
>Even fills up the Jizzcuzzi

>>28880925
>Delicious human tears
>Ponies try to surreptitiously lick up Anon's tears if he cries
>"There there Anon, let it all out."
>Lick lick lick

>>28881289
>Human married
>Ponies confused by strange apelien customs
This pleases me

>>28882012
But this isn't just any sex, Anon.
This is DRAGON SEX.
Wouldn't you like to hear the tales of how your pretty pony princess slew the enormous dragon?

>>28882493
Very spook.

>>28882755
>Delicious human tears
a cute

>>Ponies confused by strange apelien customs
This makes my heart feel good

>>DRAGON SEX
>>slew the enormous dragon
>Dragons mate like praying mantises
>The male must die in order for him to achieve orgasm
>Twilight is extremely overprotective of Spike, and for good reason
>"Some daughter-of-a-bastard lizard thinks she can just waltz all in here and kill my little baby for a quick buck?"

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>>28882517
You watch Mr. Nobody recently?

>>28882637

>the press manage to catch a particularly compromising pic of Luna bucking Anon in the chest
>ends up in the headlines next morning's newspaper
>ponies start thinking that Luna is a sexist stallion-abuser
>stallionists attempt to fight for Anon by getting Luna arrested
>Anon isn't sure if he should be happy that Luna's reputation is in the mud or mad that he didn't do it on purpose

>>28875395
What was the picture?

>>28883139
Applejack with her face/mane covered in cum.

>>28883215
>Covered in mayonnaise

>>28883098
>Anon actually defends Luna because he started that particular fight and he doesn't need any ass-backwards ponies getting it in their head he needs coddling.
>She doesn't learn to like him after seeing him defend her.
>He doesn't start caring for her as he fends off people butting in.
>Just two people who hate each other getting pissed off at people sticking their noses where they don't belong.
>Ponies start to leave them alone and drop the accusations.
>The two go back to fighting like cats and dogs.

>>28882493
Jesus, are you continuing this? Please say yes

>>28883344
Them digits don't lie.

>>28879780
> [i]never[/i]
> phpBB formatting tags
> on 4chan

For what purpose?

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>>28883344
>those digits

>>28883652
He crossposts to FIMFic and does formatting for that as he writes.

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>>28883215
I think it was mayonnaise.

>>28883747
> Edit->Find & Replace
> [i] -> *

>>28883762
>THIS IS HOW I EAT
etc

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>>28882517
so...
the author/anon has a mental breakdown?

well in the meantime, keep up the good work and may the green flow forever

>>28883940
seems more like an Anon Hivemind thing gone wrong to me.

> Lonely, poor self-image Anon
> Rarity is horrified to find mares taking advantage of him for tuft combing
> Tries to explain how the mares are using him, and the erotic nature of tuft play
> He already knows,
"I have spent most of my life being unwanted by females. Just, let me enjoy this."

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>>28884293
I can see it.

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>>28884293

>>28884293
Touch that tuff. 5 spider finger will make them... faint.

>>28884293
>You will never feel unworthy of affection
>You will never pretend not to know that obviously-sexual things for horses are sexual
>You will never hate yourself for enjoying being "fooled" by a bunch of mares who want their tufts combed by your fingers
>You will never feel legitimately shocked when some mare learns your secret and is actually concerned for your well-being

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>>28884293
>>28884492
>feels this late

why.

>>28884293
>>28884492
>>28884512
Joke's on you, MLP. I'm going to bed and nothing but the sweet release of sleep awaits me. I'm TOTALLY not going to lay awake, unable to sleep for all my racing thoughts.

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>>28884564
y-yeah

>>28882503
How do you write that?

>>28884677
C̗͇̘͜H̘̟̲̣̦͈̞AO̩̫̮͇̪͙̝Ṣ̫̥̗̟̲̗͡
̙͔̪̘͘
̧̺F̸̞͙͉O̟͘R̝ ̺̬̼ͅH͎̗̼͇̮E̬͇̖͓̬̠ ̴͈͙W̺̱̱͚̩H̬͉̬͡O̗̥̫̺ ̡͚W̰̻͚A҉̻͇̜̯͙I̟̮̰̫͈͢T̛͎S ͏̹͇B͉́E͏͎̝H҉̞̬͕̩̗I͇̬̻̫̥͚N̻͇̟̻̥D ͚͍T̙͖̟͘ͅH̰̲̪̼͙̘E̩͕͈̼͙ ̵̼̯̭̲̳̲W͙̫̙̬A̖̲͎͓L̺͕͎̞͓̝̦͞L҉̟̙̟̤̩

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>>28884677
Lurk more.

>>28884677
https://eeemo.net/

h̰̖̺̭̗̫̼à̖͔͖v̫̝̰͔͈̳e̜̙͙̫̙ ̫͕̳̞͡ͅf̣̪̝̼̪͖u͈̠̠̞̬̘̭n̥͡

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>>28884749

>>28880011
Except those would be just human dicks. If it was a dragon dick I would want to know morecause that shit is perplexing to imagine, especially at that size.

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>>28884293
>Rarity is literally the only pone in poneland who doesn't want to take advantage of Anon.
>Rarity is literally the only pone in poneland who actually loves Anon.
>Rarity is the literally the only pone in poneland who wants to see Anon happy.
So Rarity saving Anon from the hug life a la Pretty Woman when?

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>>28884772
aww come on anon! it's not that easy to find!

It's not like he could have just go to google and asked "how do I type fucked up text" and...it...be...the...first...result...

aww hell.

I check everywhere on 4chan, to find Wow greentext. but only /mlp/ have MANY GREENTEXT. why is that?

> Anon starts up a brothel on the edge of town, staffed almost entirely by other Anons
> Applejack persuades Twilight to try and shut it down
> But for some reason, the paperwork always stalls in Canterlot
> Twilight is about to track down the bureaucrat responsible, when she notices a sky chariot touch down discreetly
> She is excited to see her mentor again, and maybe Celestia can fix things from her side
> Twilight races off to find the princess, only to see several Anons welcoming Sunbutt to the brothel
> Meanwhile, Rarity gets to fulfill her dream of having a harem of stallions lavish affections upon her
> Far beyond the value of the costumes she makes for them, but she knows when to accept generosity as well as when to give it

>>28885096
We haven't had a source for four and a half years, so if we want any new material it's up to us to make it.

>>28882493
Once upon a time in the aie thread this was done. It got too spooky.

>>28885096
>>28885272
We also been modded to all shit at times. Pretty much genocide

>>28884492
>that first one
Heh, I do that already. J-just a few more steps...

"Wow, Applejack! I didn't think earth ponies could do something like this on their own!"
>"Uh..."
>"Your hooves just look so big and clumsy, but you built this whole farm yourself? Are you sure there aren't any unicorns in your family?"

>>28885528
>Anon alienates ponies by trying to be nice to them.
yussss

>>28885254
Now, that's a job I would happily do.

>>28885011
Rarity continues to be best pone.

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>Election day in Equestria
>For some reason, every 1000 years, ponies vote on whether Celestia or Luna is the big sister
>It isn't even a political position, and has nothing to do with their actual age, they just get to call themselves the big sister, while the other one is called the little sister
>Equestria is practically tearing itself apart over this issue
>Riots have broken out in five cities, and several ponies have been injured or killed
>Stallionists rant about 'self-haters' who voted for Celestia, while hicks ramble about donkeys and 'clitmosexuals' who voted for Luna

>>28885662
>Stallionists expected stallions to vote for Celestia
>When they vote for Luna instead, stallionists are shocked
>Instead of self-reflection and examining why they're getting less and less support from stallions, they bitch and moan and blame stallions for being sluts and whores and they rant about how they hope the stallions who voted for Luna get raped and killed
>"Why doesn't anypony like us?!"

>>28885662
>>28885681
>Somehow 11,000 ponies vote for Anon

>Foal is born with distinct, sharp canine teeth
>Anon is suspected of being a slut

>>28883652
There are javascripts that turn those into actual italics or bold text. It's kinda nice. Being a greentext thread, it would be good to have an agreement so writefags use formatting and people have the scripts to see them. But I absolutely can't into javascript and the only ones I found were for s4s and full of other shit. I think if we had something like bold, italics and another color of text ( like orangetext<) reading experience would improve without resulting annoying to see.

>>28885702
Hah, Anon is a slut.

>>28885709
I mean, you know, they aren't WRONG.

>>28885702
>Ponies/Griffons/Minotaurs born with decidedly human features
>Anon gets a reputation
>Anon hasn't actually touched anything with his dick since he got here
>Only Best Pone (aka Rarity) believes him
>Gets accused of white-knighting when she defends him from ponies shit-talking him

>>28885709
>>28885714
>Twilight overhears ponies talking about how much of a slut anon is, and decides to investigate
>finds out the whole town thinks anon is a slut
>Turns out anon has slept with all the mares in town, except the mane 6

>>28885724
But the question is Why?

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>>28885723
>Anon hasn't actually touched anything with his dick since he got here
What a fucking faggot. It is your duty as a human to conquer every other species you encounter, by way of absorbing them genetically.

>>28885723
I'd like to see Anon touching her with his dick.

>>28885723
>Anon has not had sex even once in Equestria, outside of his dreams.
>Luna is a kinky princess.
>He's fapped though.
>Turns out that human sperms are far more resilient in Equestria than they are on Earth
>Anon's sperm have been floating around in air currents like spores after his jizz dried up.
>And whenever one of them ends up on a pussy, it's got a non-negligible chance of impregnating whoever it has landed on.
>In short, Anon has super-sperm.
>The scientists studying Anon suspect it may be magic, but have yet to prove this hunch.
>They are working on finding answers, but in the meantime they advise simply self-aborting any unwanted pregnancies.

>>28885724
>Almost all the townsponies have slept with Anonymous.
>This is because they sneak into his house when he's asleep and climb into his bed.
>Originally it was to try to save him from having to sleep on his own in his large house
>But some ponies didn't take "Sleep with Anon once he's gone to sleep" as literally as the others intended at the town meeting

>>28885696
>He is the biggest and the mareliest after all.

>>28885747
>Anon walks up to Rarity without her noticing
>Pokes her in the cheek with his cock
>Since this is RGRE, this is treated like a girl flashing her tits at some dude and smothering his face in her chest
>Anon is wise to the reversed gender roles and plays it up
>"You've been so good to me, Rarity. I've heard all about how you've been defending my honour."
>"How about I give you a reward?"
>Rarity is caught between her marely lust for cock, and her worry that the town's rumours have made Anon have a breakdown and that she'd be taking advantage of him
>But above all else, she desperately doesn't want anypony to find out if she refuses or else she'll get a reputation as a dyke who turned down cock out of principal

>>28885764
That.... MOAR!!!

>>28885281
I miss Slasher.

>>28886300
>ponies set on fire
>ponies electrocuted
>ponies brutally tortured
>Anon killed over and over again
>Anon raped and forced to rape others
>Twilight being the most unrealistically and unreasonably violent, sociopathic, OOC piece of shit I've ever seen
>No justice except for a well-written epilogue written by another prominent author
Slasher a shit.

>>28885281
Gonna need a link

>>28886376
>ponies electrocuted
>ponies brutally tortured
I'm guessing these acts aren't limited to their vagoos, like nature intended.

>>28885741
Because don't stick your dick in crazy is why. Plus you want to keep your friends as your friends in a world where you fucked everything.

>>28885752
>but in the meantime they advise simply self-aborting any unwanted pregnancies.
So... starving and stressing themselves to near death to cause a miscarriage?

>>28886994
No, equines can abort at will.

>>28887019
It's how they've upheld the matriarchy so far.
>"Hmm? What's that, dear? That sounds like you aren't making me a sandwich. It also sounds like you don't wanna be a daddy, either."

>>28887081
>Mares find that humans can breed with anything in magicworl, and are abort proof.

>>28887081
even if there was a maretriarchy aborting a male foal would be near criminal due to the gender ratio you dumb stallionist

>>28881555
Well I read "bump in the night" and while some of the names are the same the story is not. Yours is much more RGRE. I liked what you've done so far don't let the pony racists get to you.

>>28887019
No, they cannot. They're called 'spontaneous abortions' which in actuality is a miscarriage, which could be caused by a variety of reasons. Causes can include genetic mutations, twisting of the umbilical cord or lack of nutrition which essentially starves the fetus to death.

>>28887127
>due to the gender ratio
'Skewed gender ratio' is a stallionist myth used to perpetuate the idea of male lives as somehow 'more important' and 'more precious' than females.
In previous seasons, they just used more mares for background ponies than stallions. In recent seasons, it's more equal.

>>28887180
>In recent seasons, it's more equal.
>right after claiming the media was perpetuating a gender ratio myth

if anything they are now using gender quotas on the show

either way the media way lying at some point, so your argument shoots itself in the hoof

>>28887180
or telekinetic slap chop inside of her womb if she is an unicorn.

>>28887180
>>28887194
Let's not forget that in recent seasons, the show's also been kinda dogshit in general.
So I feel it's pretty understandable to more or less ignore anything you don't like after season three.

>>28887081

I feel like that would be considered a really scummy thing to do in RGRE.

Mares basically have the foal hostage until it's born, so threatening to abort it in order to control a stallion is probably abusive.

>Celestia has a secret room dedicated to the memories of her many, many lovers throughout history
>From the finest renaissance paintings, to a rusty spearhead, to a few ancient shards of fossilized bone, she has a memento to remind herself of everypony she's ever truly loved
>Sometimes, after a long day's work, she'll retire to this room and lose herself in the memories of lives long gone
>Anon stumbles upon this room while looking for a private place to fuck Twilight

>>28887930
I dont see the RGRE...

>>28887019
That's a misconception due to old breeding (mal)practice and misconception.

Mares stress a lot when they are pregnant and there is a stallion nearby - because those tend to be aggressive and the mare don't want to risk getting kicked or bitten in the gut (they also tend to avoid other mares a bit more than usual). As a result of that stress, they tend to miscarry a lot more when their pen is close to a stallion pen.
People believed that mares aborted voluntarily so they could get fucked more, and that's were the "can abort at will" legend came - while in fact it's just the future mother over-stressing about her unborn foal, ultimately causing a miscarriage. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that shit.

Modern breeding practice advise to make sure that pregnant mares have as less other horses around as possible, to avoid that.

>>28888279
shuk

youre the shuk

the RGRE comes from within

>>28886376
Wait, is Slasher the guy behind the Manos stuff? Where Anon becomes Hitler and puts all the changelings in horrible concentration camps and converts Equestria into Nazi Germany?

>>28888391
I can only hope that fic will continue eventually.

Isn't he the same guy who made that star wars story and werewolf story?

>>28888279
If someone is posting an idea in the RGRE thread, it's safe to assume that it would be written in a universe where men are women and women are men. Presumably whoever was writing it would make the characters suitably sexist and backwards. Because why else would they post it in the RGRE thread?

>>28888576
'Not rgre' posting is a form of shitpost more often than not.

>>28888279
The RGRE comes when the stallionists catch wind of it and decry Celestia's approach to love. That room is the equivalent of a college mare carving notches in her bedpost for every colt she bags.

>>28888588
But for a writefag to shitpost? For shame.

>>28888279
The part that you don't see is where Celestia instinctively yells for Anon to get back into the kitchen as soon as his male form walks into view.

So I started something towards the end of the last thread. Here's a little more.
---
>After cleaning up your yard from the latest installment of marital gifts left overnight you headed to town hall.
>Why?
>Because today was a special day.
>Even though the society here was ruled by a royal meritocracy they had yearly elections.
>Everything from county clerks to an Equestria wide best princess election.
>For one year the bragging rights and an “All you can eat” coupon to any establishment was gifted to the winner.
>But you didn’t care about that.
>Nope, you cared about making sure that cunt of a mayor hopefully got a taste of getting booted out of office.
>Every town ordinance about holding ponies and other species responsible for sexually harassing others got shot down.
>All because as she said they were nothing more than “Molehills elevated to mountains by stallions minds.”
>I mean sure, you might have just been blowing things out of proportion when you got drugged and almost kidnapped by a group of mares.
>Nothing but coltish whimsy as far as she was concerned.
>Chances were that she would still win.
>But these sort of battles started with one vote, in time they would grow.
>God you were starting to sound like a damn feminist from back home.
>You should probably check to see if your dick got replaced with a vagina when you got back home.
>”MAKE EQUESTRIA RISE AGAIN!”
>Oh what fresh hell is this now?
>Barely catching a glimpse of the town hall you saw the street riddled with various groups of ponies.
>The two biggest however were having some sort of who can dress more silly contest.
>Complete with flags and hats.
>”Anon buddy! Yoohoo over here!”

>>28888639
>Spotting a familiar brown mane you walked over to your good friend Caramel.
>You should probably ask him if he’d seen Thunderlane lately.
>Poor guy was probably still locked up somewhere by a bunch of birdhorses.
>But back to Caramel.
>In front of him was a stroller with a little filly in it.
“Hey Caramel, how’ve you been?”
>”Busy as ever, this little one is start to teethe and the other two are starting school soon.”
“So the dad lifestyle not as bad as you though eh?”
>”Well at first I was a little miffed, but it’s not that bad. The girls treat me well and it’s nice to cuddle up at night without wondering if they’ll be gone tomorrow.”
“So what’s going on over there, why are they screaming at each other?” You gestured towards the two angry groups.
>”They’re just being silly today. Ever since Luna started her campaign it’s a bunch of bellyaching about making the place like it was a thousand years ago.”
“How so?”
>”She wants stallions to stay in the kitchen and only take care of foals.”
“But isn’t that what you’re doing now?”
>”I do it for my little ones Anon. Not because I’m forced to, but because I want to.”
>With that he leaned down and nuzzled his little bundle of joy while making cooing noises.
>Yup he’s gone full “daddy” mode now.
>As long as he’s happy then.
“So what she wants stallions back in the kitchen? That’s her big master campaign plan?”
>”No Anon, she wants to basically make us nothing more than a”
>He used his front hooves to cover his kids ears before continuing.
>”walking cock who cooks and cleans.”
“Ok so I get that, what about the others?”