Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1107

>>28669998
Crosspostan familial love
>Be Anon in Incestquestria
>It's a magical land of magical talking pastel ponies who fuck their relatives
>Unfortunately for you this means they won't have sex with you.
>"It just feels weird."
>"Sorry Anon, it's not my fetish."
>"Yer like family ta me Anon, but only like. Ah hope this doesn't make things awkward 'tween us."
>"You're a cute guy, but what kind of role model would I be for Spike if I had sex outside my family? Maybe we can get my mom to adopt you? You can come along next time I go to Canterlot and ask her with me."

>>28670081
A more extreme version of the stallion ritual?
How many generations has this been going on?
Do the ponies have many genetic disorders?
Is Anon going to have to explain why genetic diversity is important?

>>28670350
>In incestquestria it is just like normal equestria because the ponies are all technically related to each other, just very distantly. Anon is literally the only creature in all Equestria that is not related to them and thus nor for sexual.

>>28670377
Celestia and Luna understand genetics and want to steal his DNA to prevent all those inbred pony conditions that plague their society.
Problem, no one wants to fuck the monkey so they start a public relations campaign to promote interspecies copulation.

>"He can mate even when drugged."
>"We magiced his junk so he gets you pregnant every time!"
>"Petting is nice."

>>28669998
Traps in Bulk Gymnasium

>>28670350
> Anon finally understand why ponies are so childish, naive and silly
> They are all literally inbreed retards
> Side effect of all the monthlies "world ending threat" who often wreck Equestria and leave only a handful of ponies to repopulate
> Celestia finally getting the elements of harmony out of the shelf was just because ponies where starting to become too stupid to bake proper cakes
> Her next objective will span across millennia, trying to create to the Kwisatz Ponerach : a pony with more than 90 IQ, able to follow the most complex recipe

>>28670542
>Everything goes off without a hitch
>Of course Discord has to have a giggle
Hover Color-spectrum Heresy
Purple Perfectionist smurf chapter
Sweet Apple Acreia breeds the best tree kickers known to Equestria short of the princesses
Velvet Pastry gives into hedonism and joins Hover
There is no neutrality in the heresy and Quivering Lightening is peer pressured into joining Hover
Ivory Tart finds spikes on army gaudy and fights with the loyalists for the sweet uniforms
Spike the Dragon is sad

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Has anyone ever done green based off this?

>>28670690
I'm still waiting for the one where Anon has to return the slab.

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>>28670958
Have you a Pastebin for that I'm curious?

>>28671724
That's not where Anon needs to be kissed.

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I wrote this for a thread late last night, and I'm cross-posting it here because I can. So here's "Bottling It Up."

>There’s a knock on your door.
>From behind the wood, comes the muffled voice, barely decipherable with the fog clouding your mind, of someone you know.
>“Anon, hi. Um, do you mind if I come in for a second?” Twilight Sparkle asks.
>Grumbling unintelligibly, you rise from your sprawled position on the couch and stumble over to the door, fumbling with the knob for a few seconds before finally opening it.
>“I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you but I really wanted to talk to you. It's been awhile.”
>You say nothing, but let Twilight enter.
>“It's - uh - kinda dark in here. With all the blinds closed,” she says, looking around your apartment.
>Other than the couch, there’s only a small coffee table with some plates and books stacked on it; a flickering television set playing some blasted commercial for Barnyard Bargains or some other idiotic blasted store or product; and the kitchenette, with the sink overflowing with white dishes and steel pans covered in unidentifiable, crusty brown stains.
>With a click of the remote, you turn the TV off.
>“Oh, that's quite a collection of cider bottles you have there,” Twilight says, noticing the collection of glass lying in a heap near the couch.
>There was also that.
>You’d taken to cider lately because it was in season, and you had a store of it stashed away that would last you a couple weeks because your boss had given you a bunch as a gift.
>“Well uh, you see what I wanted to talk about was that...”
>She shifts her hoof back and forth against the grey shag carpet.
>“... I'm worried about you."
>You blink mindlessly, like some sort of great grazing cow, the words slowly worming their way to your prefrontal cortex for processing.
>Like an analog computer coming up with a solution, the unlubricated (which was funny considering the amount of liquid you’d consumed) gears of your mind clank and grind past one another.

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>>28672611

“Why?” you ask.
>“I don’t know. I just am. You always seemed to be cooped up in here doing… whatever it is you do.”
>You grope towards an intangible flask at your hip, before realizing you don’t have a flask and that your last bottle of cider is on the table.
>Turning around to reach it, you raise it to your lips and take a swig, the sweet nectar running smoothly down your throat.
“Well, I’ll tell you what I do then. I go to my job to pay the rent and by . Wake up at seven-thirty every morning, Monday to Friday, head over to the farm, work my ass off till five, and then I come back here and open up my first drink. Four hours later, I open my last one, hopefully drunk enough that I can just pass out on this couch.”
>Twilight frowns.
>“Is working for the Apple family going well for you?”
“Yes, it’s fine.”
>“If you need Applejack to give you raise, I could always just -”
“No. I don’t need more money. I’ve got enough as it is.”
>Taking another long drink of cider, you suck out the last of the alcohol and drop the bottle on the floor with a soft clunk.
>With her magic, Twilight picks it up, along with the rest of the pile, and neatly places the bottles in the wastebin.
“Thank you,” you mutter.
>She nods, a quiet means of “You’re welcome” which somehow pleases your dulled senses.
>“You’re unhappy with something,” Twilight says.
“How do you know that?”
>“Happy ponies, or - uh - humans, I would assume, either by consequence or by cause, do not usually loaf about doing nothing.”
“Well, I’m not unhappy.”
>“Look me in the eye and say that.”
>You do as she commands.
“I’m not unhappy,” you repeat.
>“I don’t believe you,” she says. “So you’re going to tell me what’s wrong.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me.”
>“Okay, then maybe I need to point out what’s wrong with you, because it’s right in front of your face.”
>She points with her head to the pile of green glass in the trash.
>“You do this every night, you said? Do you think that’s healthy?”

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>>28672620

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger,” you answer.
>“More like what doesn’t kill you immediately kills you slow instead. You know what alcohol does to your liver, right?”
“I don’t need a science lesson from you. Don’t tell me how to live my life.”
>“That’s going to be a difficult thing to do then, because clearly you need an intervention.”
>You can’t help but chuckle.
“Where’s the camera crew then? Pull out horse Jerry Springer or whoever the fuck and let’s get started.”
>You walk over to the fridge to grab another cold cider.
>As you take it, Twilight’s telekinesis finds its hold on the bottle, lifting it and setting it on the counter by the sink, a few steps away from you.
>“You’re drinking to stifle something, to shield yourself from some pain,” she says. “What is it?”
“That’s for me to know, and you to never find out.”
>“That’s too bad, because I’m awfully good at figuring out people’s problems.”
“Maybe you should be a shrink then.”
>“Could be. Too bad I’m too busy running a library. So, let’s see. Lie down on the couch.”
“Gladly,” you say, lumbering over there and flopping onto cushions with the grown of over stretched springs.
>“Alright,” Twilight says. “So you’re clearly not unhappy with your job or living situation, otherwise you would have told me about it. I think we can rule out things directly about your life in Equestria entirely. So that just leaves… you miss Earth?”
>You roll your head over and look into the other cushion.
>“You do,” she says.
“I don’t miss Earth,” you say, your voice muffled by fabric and cheap foam. “My life there was worse than it is here.”
>“But you had your family there, other people you cared about. Friends?”
“My family wanted to disown me and I didn’t have any friends.”
>You turn over to face her.
“Twilight, I literally wanted to die every single day for as long as I could remember. Then, I finally did. Even that was robbed from me.”
>Silence.
>“Anon, I… I’m so sorry.”

>>28672628

“What for? You didn’t make me the way I am. At least here, I have a job and a good roof over my head. I’d rather not take the same gamble twice. The next circle of Hell could be so much worse.”
>Twilight’s ears droop slightly.
>“I want to help you. Please. Just tell me,” she says.
“You can’t help me,” you say. “I don’t want your pity.”
>She thinks for a moment.
>“Do you know what I do when I’m feeling sad?”
“What? Read a silly book?”
>“Well, yes, I do that too, but, when I’m feeling really sad. I go out on the balcony and look at the stars. Do you think that, maybe, you’d like that?”
“I don’t know,” you say.
>“Would you try it?”
>You shrug.
“Sure. I guess I have time.”
>Twilight lifts her chin with her hoof so your eyes gaze directly into hers.
>The vibrant twin pools of amethyst entrap what little thoughts you can have.
>“I know at times it can seem like the world hates you, and that there’s no point to anything, not even living. But we have to fight against that feeling with all our might. Giving in or bottling it up… that doesn’t do anything,” she says.
>A rising pressure fills your chest, and a tingle of fluid drips on your eyelids.
>With a heaving sob, you collapse onto Twilight’s shoulder, hot tears running down your face.
>Despair runs forth like a bursting wine barrel.
>You would no longer give in.
>You would no longer bottle it up.

And that's it. Short little thing, but eh. Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/Ax4hw4jN

Comments, criticism, whatever, all accepted. I may or may not continue this later, but I have some other things I need to work on, e.g. a political science paper, cough cough Mad Science Chapter 7 cough cough, etc.

>>28672637
If this turns into a Twiggles love story then I am going to fucking love you

Continuing Anon goes Camping http://pastebin.com/39ymYnfz


>"And when he opened the door, there was nothing there! WooOoooOOoo!"
>"Fluttershy, Angel discovering you're out of carrots isn't scary."
>"It was kind of scary..."
>"The market is like a five minute trot away."
>Fluttershy doesn't really do campfire horror. And apparently Dash agrees.
>Though to be fair, Dash didn't do much better with her 'Trainer helps rookie get on the wonderbolt team, only he turns out to be the ghost of a dead wonderbolt.'
>How cliche can one story get?
>Hopefully Applejack can bring up the standard.
>So you wait and listen as she goes on about this old mare.
>Hoping and assuming it's going to be some sort of witch or hanzel and gretal scenario.
>---------------
>"Whose got my rusty horse shoe?"
>Fluttershy is hiding behind her mane and Dash is a little wide eyed.
>And you? You're wondering if they're fucking kidding.
>It's story about an old mare who has lost her fucking shoes.
>Fluttershy's was better than that.
>Unfortunately the internal ranting is brought to a close by three sets of eyes fixed on you.
>"Oh, my turn then."
>"I'd like to see ya outscare that partner."
>Oh Applejack if only you knew.
>You could outscare that and still stay soundly PG-13
>Actually that might be a good idea, last thing you need is Luna on your ass for causing nightmares.

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>>28672637
Shoulda played some Smile Empty Soul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDl0LLH4q7I

>>28672804
>Ok, here we go.
>"Once there was a peaceful town, near a river."
>"One day the town merchants travelled to the city, to sell their wares."
>"But the nightwatch saw a strange thing that night, all the merchants who had left the day before were found unconscious at the edge of town."
>"The last thing they remembered was approaching the bridge over the river then nothing."
>"A brave knight declared there to be evil afoot, and set off to investigate."
>"He too was found that night, out cold on the edge of town with no memory of what happened."
>The tension is ramping up, Dash and Apple are leaning in. Fluttershy is covering her eyes.
>"The captain of the town guard went next, with three brave men. But the same thing happened."
>"The townsfolk were terrified, some curse was preventing them from leaving."
>"Then the town innkeeper stood up and said he would go."
>"If the townsfolk weren't so terrified they might have mocked the fat old man, but they let him go all the same."
>"The innkeeper strode up to the bridge, huge footfalls shook the ground and out of the mist emerged..."
>"EEEP!"
>Oh joy, you've made fluttershy faint.
>"Well, damn."
>Applejack hops off her log seat. "I'll put in her in her tent. It's time to turn in anyway."
>"Yeah I guess you're right."
>Standing up you start putting out the fire.
>"Wait! What happened next?"
>You smile maniacally at Dash.
>"I'll tell you tomorrow night."
>She lets out an annoyed whine. "Alright but it better be good."
>------------

>>28672809
>Climbing into the tent is turning into a bit of an issue.
>It's long enough sure. Two pony tents lengthways solved that one.
>But it's not quite broad enough to give you room to manoeuvre
>"Anon?"
>"Oh, sorry for waking you Shy. Just trying to get comfortable."
>"That's alright. Let me help."
>A bit of shuffling and turning and eventually you're comfortable.
>Though you're one arm movement away from spooning Flutters. You can feel the heat from her body
>Let's keep this platonic Anon.
>"Anon. How did the story end?"
>"You sure you wanna know."
>There's a brief but noticeable silence before she answers. "Yes."
>"Ok then. Out of the mist emerged... A troll!"
>"The troll-"
>"Anon. What's a troll?"
>Damn you didn't think of that when you started telling this, they don't have trolls here.
>"Imagine me, if I was the size of your cottage. Then I had a child with a boulder. That's a troll."
>"Oh....."
>"Anyway, the troll emerged from the mist. Fist raised to strike the innkeeper down. When the innkeeper pulled out a bottle of cider."
>You nearly said vodka there. Another thing ponies don't have.
>"Instantly the troll froze. "Thank there stars, I haven't had a drink in weeks" said the troll. The End."
>Her face lights up.
>"So he made friends with the troll?"
>"You could say that."
>"That's nice. Goodnight Anon."
>"Night Flutters."

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bump

>>28673200
Need the Lyra dancing version

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>>28672697
That could happen, now that I think about it.

>>28672807
Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with that band.

>>28673903
Just thought it was a fun song choice for that story of yours is all. Give it a listen, its fun.

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>>28672637
Also great job with the Mad Science update. Can't wait to see Anon squirm with all them friendships.

>>28672819
Your output is crazy man.

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Bump

>>28674481
Thank you.

Crosspostan
>Be Anon in Equestria
>At the arcade
>Playing Bop Bop Turn Around and Bop
>Going for the high score
>You're bipping and bopping and smacking and whacking
>Lights are flashing and you keep on bip bop bapping
>There's a crowd watching you
>None of these ponies have ever seen someone come close to beating this score
>But today that's changing
>You're going to beat whoever "Sunny" is and take number one for yourself

>Be Applebloom in the crowd, watching mister Anon
>You've never seen a colt so into a game before
>He's so hot
>You want to Chris his Hansen all night long

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>You are Nemo Aristeides, and you have no idea where the fuck you are at the moment. Gatecrashing is a gamble even in the best of circumstances, and even ignoring the more ludicrous rumours (you were fairly certain that time travel was still not a thing) the strange tales you had managed to verify were enough to make your hair stand on end. (Well, if a Remade had hair. Homo sapiens facticius (version 8, release 34) had edited that out from the beginning.)
>You had entered Discord gate with six others; a cursory inspection of your surroundings reveals a complete lack of human presence. The red desert landscape evokes memories of old Arizona or the Martian plains; a far cry from the dark regolith and airless landscape you had expected from the moon of Kepler-186f. Behind you, the twisted geodesic dome of an unfamiliar Pandora gate looms large - and you don't have a fucking blue box - the key to activate the goddam things. Fuckity fuck fuck. Time to see if your muse has anything to add.
"Christ on a stick. Sitrep, Khan?"

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>The powerful form of a Bengal tiger silently pads beside you. "No one is home on TacNet, no noosphere, no comsat, no artificial radio signals. I believe that we are alone in uncharted territory. On the positive side, the atmospheric composition and pressure falls within pre-fall Earth standards, and there is enough moisture to indicate a source of water. I do not see any radiological threats, but you will need to fabricate the proper equipment to preform a standard habitation test. Save for the presence of the gate, and the emisions of the local star, I would have said we were in the American southwest."
>You glance upwards at the alien star, visor darkening to compensate.
"A bit more orange. Less UV, as well. K-type? I'll have to put together a proper spectrometer later. And hey! If my recycler doesn't give out, I can expect to die alone after decades without human contact!"

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>Khan rolls his eyes and speaks in his usual rumbling tone. "Well, aren't you a pollyanna today. I realize that we have a backup on Ephesus, but it is my duty to see to your mental and physical health, and that includes making note of what resources we have available."
>You wave him off.
"I'm just blowing off some steam. Having an entire planet to explore is part of why I became involved with gatecrashing. Let's print off some drones and get the lay of the land."
>But still. You're pretty shaken from the gate "malfunction". They might be the only way to explore new worlds without centuries of sub-light space travel, but they're the stargate program as designed by H.P. Lovecraft and H.R. Giger. Going by the story of an Argonaut who entered one gate and walked out of two, there might be a second you at your original destination.

That's all for now. Coming soon: a man from 2190 makes contact with tiny horses in the (mild) west, longs for the days when he had to face killer robots.

>>28676270
Ooh, EP stuff.
Nice.
You could probably fit more text in each post though.

>>28676641
Rainbow Dash, why do you have that pillow?
>"Hey kid, you want to stop suffering?"
I need an adult.
>"I am an adult."

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Read VillainAnon for the first time and sort of had a thought

Has there been any green along the lines of "Almost Got 'Im" from BTAS with MLP villains?

cause if not then i've got some writing to do

>>28676667
Someone did it, can't remember who. Probably some super nerd like Mandroid.

Write it anyways. That was one of the best Batman episodes.

>>28676243
> 3 lines per post
> Human OC instead of Anon
It's like you are trying to trigger autism on purpose.

Also, you may want to crosspost this in the "My Little Progress : Technology Isn't Magic" general, especially if your story will focus a bit on how AnoNemo's technology impact his interaction with ponies.

>>28676270
MOAR

I'm really interested in this setting! Based on anything?

Nemo is latin for nobody. Also, I deliberated on whether this belong in the tech thread, but Nemo isn't interested in trying to uplift the ponies, nor can he tech-up without an industrial printer or mesh access - he wasn't equipped for homesteading. The real issue is the conflict in worldviews; Eclipse Phase is a post-apocalyptic setting where death is cheap, x-risks are plentiful, and nothing nice is ever expected to happen. Equestria, in contrast, is a nearly picaresque fantasy land where the frequent disasters are solved with friendship.

It's EP.

http://eclipsephase.com/
https://robboyle.wordpress.com/eclipse-phase-pdfs/
http://eclipse-phase.wikispaces.com/
http://www.aleph.se/EclipsePhase/
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/36317552/Seedware%20Blog.pdf

Read the History page to see what the heck went down in the future.
http://eclipse-phase.wikispaces.com/History

The following is a transcript of a recovered audiofile recovered after the catastrophic decompression event on Walther-Pembroke Station. The audiofile is believed to have been created by Donovan Astrides and to be a summation of his unpublished work A People’s History of an Unfortunate Universe.
[Sounds of scratching on the microphone, creaking of furniture, the noise of a woman clearing her throat]
What?
[Indistinct murmuring]
Fuck you. I do this how the fuck I want, though it was nice of you to put me in this nice young woman’s body.
[Sounds of hands running along fabric]
Does my vulgarity shock you, corporate lackey? No matter, I’m sure you can edit it out for your proles. Now—you asked about my book? Is it a history book you ask? No. It is an anti-history book. I shall tell you about the future.
[Mumbling, questioning tone]
What does it hold? The future, you mean?
[Indistinct “Yes.”]
No. I don’t think you care about the future. What you really want to know is: will you get the future you want? And that is an easy question to answer. No. No, you will not get the future you want. Because you are stupid enough to ask this stupid question about the future.

Does anyone know what the character limit for a post on this board is? The FAQ and the Google were not particulary enlightening.

>>28677253
2000.

crosspostan sisterly love
>Anon's in Equestria.
>Staying at his house in the woods, annoyed his utilities stopped working.
>Gets in car and drives to town.
>Road just stops in the forest after a while of driving.
>Anon is confus.
>This isn't justs a few trees blocking his way, there's no trace of the rest of the road.
>Tries walking.
>Ends up in a weird town.
>There's sound coming from one of the buildings.
>When Anon enters, it's full of ponies someone decided to paint or something.
>Also they're talking.
>Anon asks what's going on.
>Ponies ask what's going on.
>Neither knows.
>Since they have their princess coming for some festival soon, they decide to ask her what to do.
>Big white princess horse is suspicious of the timing.
>Also the fact Anon has her sister's cutie mark on his jacket.
>She has him go to the doctor ponies for seeing if anything weird is up with him.
>"I think we should have the doctors at the horsepital look at you and see if they can find anything unusual, maybe that'll give us a clue about what happened."
>Anon goes along with it.
>Doctor horses find Anon's tattoo his friends got done when he was passed out drunk after a musical concert.
>It was the band logo, the same one that's on his jacket.
>Princess horse finds out about the tattoo.
>Believes Anon is actually her long lost sister.
>No trace of evil nightmare monsters is found in him.
>Clearly Luna was abandoned by the Nightmare entity and has gone mad from isolation.
>Being turned into some weird mutant minotaur stallion thing would not have helped with that.
>She knows she'd not feel right without her candyvag.
>"Luna" is still clearly behaving like a mare, adding more evidence to the "It's totes Luna, really" theory.
>Celestia vows to help her sister recover.
>Anon is not her sister, but cannot prove it.

>>28677453
>Celestia takes Anon back to Canterlot.
>When he complains about his house, she promises to have her guards look after it.
>She's not going to let something happen to what was probably Luna's only bastion of sanity and normality while banished to the moon.
>Again, Anon is still very much not Luna.
>With the summer sun festival canceled, Nightmare Moon is left with nopony to spook and gets defeated differently.
>Elements of Harmony from Twilight ad her friends on the lookout for whoever it was that did that to Celestia's sister send Nightmare Moon blasting off again.
>Actual Luna is now stuck in some foreign place where we don't have to care about her for the purposes of this story.
>"Don't worry Luna, that TFfag can't get to you here. I'll keep you safe." Celestia promises her sister.
>Anon is not actually her sister.

>>28676641
>"Geez Anon, I just walked by your laundry hamper. You really need to stop sharting."
I can't help it. Pony food goes right through me. Plus you guys don't have real toilet paper so it's a massacre every time I wipe.
>She scrunches her snooter.
>"Humans are so gross."
Well excuse me for not having an anus that pinches perfect loaves every time.
>"Dude, stop."
No, you started this, and don't act like you guys are all rosebuds under the tail. I've walked behind you on hot summer days. Less than pleasant.
>"Alright, you made your point! Sorry I said anything."

>>28677453
>"Luna" is still clearly behaving like a mare, adding more evidence to the "It's totes Luna, really" theory.
Gee Luna, you sure do swear a lot.
And you really enjoy staring at female pony butts.
Is it because you're a stallion now?
1000 years on the moon has certainly made you lazy.
What do you mean I should 'sit and spin?'
Are you referring to that thing we used to do when we were younger?
Okay! Stick out your horn, err hmmm.
I suppose you can just use your tongue.

>>28677492
Nightmare Moon on the other hand is now stuck on Earth.
She gets a job at Burger King because selling flesh to be consumed is the most evil thing she can think of.
Then she discovers internet porn and abandons all plans on going home.

>>28677605
>"Anonymous, you're the best damn employee I've ever had."
"My name is Nightmare Moon!"
>"You're as productive as a Chinese sweat shop."
"Chinese sweat shop? What's that?"
>"You know, those places where kids work in poor conditions making cheap trademark goods consumed by our materialistic society sold at ludicrous prices for pennies a day."
"You don't say..."
>Nightmare Moon was later arrested for child abuse

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>>28674519
Being a writefag isn't as hard as you think. I always think more Anons should have a go at it.
My method is take a one line concept, then expand it into about a half a dozen one line bullet points. Then take each bullet point and flesh it out into a paragraph of story. Job done.

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>>28677651
>Take a one line concept
>Expand it into bullet points
>Expand them into paragraphs
>Expand them into chapters
>Expand them into parts
>Expand them into volumes

>>28677673
I... really can't write like that. I like to include as much factually correct information as possible, and I try to take the knowledge base of each particular character into account - when writing a confectioner, I read up on the technique of candy making and try to get into their head.

Planning for my fic, I've had to dig up my notes on Computer Science, research plate tectonics and rock formation, look up the mechanics of stellar spectrometry, and dig through half a dozen sourcebooks. Working with an established setting that has a detailed background can be a bit of a chore, even when I'm not opposed to making up things to suit me.

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>>28677753
I once sat through an MIT lecture on Artificial Intelligence and psychology just to write the opening scene of one of my stories. The struggle is real, my friend.

>>28677804
>>28677753
>Spend months researching Operation Barbarossa and tracking an individual German Army regiment's actions between 1939-1943 for a "quick" scene in my story
>End up with 10,000 words just for that scene
>It's not even fully written yet

It is VERY real.

Doing what He-Anon said is good for quick, silly stories and thread bumpers. I find that it's very therapeutic to write like that, especially since my normal writing style is so autistic that it can't go outdoors unless it's wearing a helmet.

>>28677651
I normally take a sentence I find amusing and expand on it. My stories are short.

>>28677804
So, robot ponies with AI or genetically engineered ponies made as smart as humans?

>>28678220
Pone accidentally makes an AI

>>28677753
>>28677804
>>28678138
I have as many Ted Talks and research papers bookmarked as I have writefag pastebins and music libraries.

While I agree with being factual there are many cons to consider as well; the most obvious being time spent vs word count. A bigger one is how being too factual can damage the flow of the story.

Take Rarity for instance. Just because she's in a scene doesn't mean you have to be as accurate as to describe her dress as 'strong mulberry.' A sudden switch from using low end color descriptions to high end color descriptions throws a wrench in the wordplay as much as any other jargon. It works if Rarity is arguing with a rube like Anonymous about color pallets, but unless it's a key element very few people care about the difference between aqua and turquoise.

I've been deliberately trying to tone down my fact hunting for that reason. It's fun to learn such stuff, but sneakily becomes another form of procrastination after gathering the basics needed.

Unless you're writing sci-fi. Then you're screwed no matter how much you research.

are there any stories that are like this?
>>28677733
>>28677791

>>28676675
Why do people keep summoning me? I wrote that like four years ago.

http://pastebin.com/UntkS8Tx

>>28678282
yes

>>28678503
I knew it was one of you turbo nerds.

>>28669998
>artist doesnt bother to remove the circle around celestias head

Just... why?

>>28679518
It's not called a shitscribble because it looks pretty.

>>28679656
But the rest of it looks fine

>>28679676
>after giving birth to six Anonymous's, Celestia's back legs melted together with her hindquarters into an amorphous mass.
>All her subjects assure her she still looks fine

>>28679518
To trigger you specifically

>>28678503
Because you're the only one who'll talk to us.

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>>28681529
Oh....

>>28681529
I'll talk to you.
faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagLove you bby

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>>28671724
>this will never, EVER, be you

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Another day
Another dollar
And another lost
Creative hour

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>>28682576
>Had three days off
>Haven't written at all
>Overdue a month

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>>28683555
Not t' worry Anon. You'll pick up on the writing eventually. You'll do fine, no need to be upset.

>>28683555
r u me

You know what this thread needs?
Probably something like this.
Crossposting
>Be Anon in Equestria
>You have been living with these ponies for a while now, might be a few months but who knows?
>It's not like days are a useful way to measure time when they're based on when the princesses feel like taking a nap.
>Anyway, you're a human.
>A human who has a cup of coffee and a nice outfit.
>An outfit that you are kind of suspicious of with its gloves and neatness.
>And strange resemblance to that one chinese cartoon.
>And how you can't find any of your other clothes.
>The point is you are going to kick rarity's ass next time you see her.
>Unfortunately she's gone missing.
>Fucking bitch.
>You turn to exit your kitchen and find that this isn't your kitchen.
>It's all concrete and not at all your kitchen.
>There are ponies going to and fro along the hall outside.
>Not again.
>You're back in that fucking underground base they built under the town.
>You leave the kitchen and try to find your way back out.
>You walk along the corridors and try to navigate.
>It's hard because all the signs are in Korean.
>Nope, this isn't the way out at all.
>You're in that fucking command center.
>It's easily bigger than your house and has a huge open area with holograms and shit projected in it.
>None of the information being shown appears to be in any way useful.
>You turn to leave but an alarm begins to sound.
>"Sir, MAGI reports an incoming contact, type blue."

>>28684243
>"Pilots are notified and on their way."
"Goddamnit stop trying to get me to do this."
>"Sir, your daughter is refusing to get in the fucking robot."
"I don't have a daughter"
>You are now moving downwards?
>There is no good reason for an elevator to be here in the middle of this floor!
>There aren't even any safety rails.
>You end up overlooking a filly in front of a giant pony mecha
>"Dad I don't want to fight."
"I'm not your dad."
>"I know i'm not a good daughter, but how could you say this to me?"
"Because I'm not your father. Stop trying to get me to end the world."
>"Okay I'll do it. I'll pilot the NEIGHVA."
"Please don't get in the robot."
>The filly gets into some kind of robot-suppository thing and is shoved into the side of the mecha's head.
>You try to walk away but another stupidly hazardous elevator picks you up and takes you back into the control room.
>"Sir, Unit 1 is ready to deploy."
>"Launch corridors ready, energising deployment rails."
"You're making this up as you go aren't you?"
>You give up and sit down in one of the chairs.
>"Unit 1 has cleared the tower."
>"Max-Q acheived. Jettisoning launch clamps."
>You sit there in silence as the control room ponies continue to talk nonsense and the displays show the mecha ruining the town as a giant monster chews on a water tower.
>Maybe destroying the world wouldn't be such a bad idea.

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>>28684245

>>28677649
>Be Luna.
>Nightmare Moon left when she figured out the cows here aren't sapient.
>Delicious though. Too bad they give you the trots.
>She wanted you to leave but you just got promoted to assistant manager. Plus the moon here moves by itself and everything. Easiest job ever.
>Everyone calls you Anonymous.
>You stopped correcting them.
>Your manager Jeff is nice. He lets you eat as much food as you want as long as no one sees you.
>He just wants to sit in the office and get high anyway.
>Your pretty sure he realizes you're not human.
>He doesn't care.
>He does stare at your flank an awful lot though.
>You make sure you raise your tail enough to entice, but not enough to give everything away.
>He has to earn that.
>Plus from what you've experienced not many humans have dicks big enough for you.
>Not their fault, but you need at least 8 inches.
>Thankfully there is Bad Dragon and porn.
>They banned you from the library though.
>And they say this country is free.

>>28684751
>Be Anon.
>Everyone thinks you're some kind of horse princess.
>Even though you're obviously a human.
>And you also have a penis.
>That you show them at every opportunity.
>Too bad they are all nudists, but you also assume that is better than going to horse jail for indecent exposure.
>They don't have TV yet.
>You got cute little scientist ponies working on that.
>They don't have internet either.
>You asked that Discord guy to put that together.
>He's alright, a little on the asshole side, but better than nothing.
>No one else can hang with you when you go drinking.
>Celestia is just happy both of you are friends.
>She praises you constantly for "Redeeming" him.
>Really you just get drunk and then go spit roast that yellow chick in Ponyville.
>All's well that ends well you guess.

>>28684338
Hue

>>28686645
>Be Twilight Sparkle
>Day 6 of Advent of Anon
>He hasn't been observed to sleep
>He hasn't been observed to eat
>You really don't want to find out how he goes to the bathroom
>All he does is stand in the town square and demand hugs from passerby
Hmmmm...
>Obviously, you're taking notes and watching from a nearby bush
>Current theory is that he's some type of weird bipedal changeling who eats love derived from hugs
Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....
>New behavior
>He's shaking
>No one wants to hug him anymore because the banana in his pocket is uncomfortable to be pressed against
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........
>He's gone three hours without hugs
>Whoop, there it is
>He has fallen to the ground shaking
>This needs to be documented!
>You take more notes

>Be Anon
>Going through withdrawals
>Hugs are one helluva drug

>"And you're sure you'll be okay?"
"Nothin' to worry about, Mrs. Mash. I did a lot of video games when I was young."
>"Just make sure he's in bed by 9 o'clock."
"Twenty-one hundred, sharp. Yes ma'am."
>You give her a sharp salute.
>Button's Mom rolls her eyes.
>She gives him a nuzzle and pats his head.
>"Be good for Mr. Anon. I mean it."
>Button folded his ears back at her almost threatening parting words.
>Foalsitting is easy work.
>Good way to familiarize yourself with everyone.
>You shut the door and turn to the colt.
>Already his eyes glare at you in challenge.
>"At last, I will have my-"
"Homework done? Good idea!"
>"Wh-What? No! You stole that axe from me the Palace of Princess-"
"I won the roll fair and square. Now how much homework do you have?"
>"You can't make me do it."
"You're right, I can't. I can only tell your mom. Try as I might I couldn't get that little colt to stop misbehaving."
>The color drains from his face.
"I wouldn't charge her, because clearly I just wasn't good enough to handle a rambunctious, uppity brat."
>A look of terror.
>"Y-You wouldn't."
"Try me."
>Man, that boy can run.
>He bolts up to his room and pulls out a few worksheets.
>You idly chew on a pen and watch him work through it, even helping with some little corrections.
>Barely an hour's worth of work.
>After you're satisfied that it's done after some more threats, you take your position on his bed.
"You know this is gonna hurt, right?"
>"Ha! You don't have any idea how skilled I am!"
"Skilled at getting pounded maybe."

>>28686645
>feelsfluffymann

>>28682576
When you had an idea at work at now forgot it at home.

Trying to find an AiE fic, and I can't remember if it was on this board or on fimfiction. Celestia became annoyed at anon for constantly calling her a faggot, so she tells an newly returned Luna that it's a term of respect in his culture and has her greet him loudly in public as a massive faggot. Anon is overjoyed that Luna thinks of him as such a close friend.

Anyone know the one I'm talking about?

>>28688327
I just know of that one picture

Does Gatorbait still come here?

Well shit. Somewritefag has been alive and writing for the slave pony thread. We need to drag him back in here for some more captain anonymous stuff.

>>28688566
So go tell him.

>>28688743
tell him I said hi

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When work is done
But play is work
What saves one
From becoming Applejack

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what do you guys think of a story involving the apothicons?

>>28690580
Apo-what?

>>28690594
google it

>>28690580
sounds like lazy transformers

>>28690580
Yes please. Richtofen in Equestria or all four? Haven't seen anything involving zombies.

>>28691439
sweet think imm try it it

>>28689975
Not liking appol
Not being a dirty mudhorse

>>28691770
>Implying single moms have any free time

>>28692108
Naw, foal services just keeps taking them away. Applebloom is only there because she's a sibling and not under Applejack's guardianship. Granny did threaten to kick her out if she got pregnant again though.

>Ponies control the seasons directly, unlike on earth where it's a function the slight tilt of the planet
>Celestia has no reason to change how long the days are, so barring pony intervention, the middle of winter should have as much sunlight as the middle of summer
>Anon tries to explain the concept of Daylight Savings Time to ponies

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>>28692285
>It's December and the sun still doesn't set until 8pm

>>28691439
I've seen a few back in the pre-Origins days. They were mostly shitty slashfics. I can't bother myself to look them up.

>"DAMN YOU! YOU STOLE MY ONE TRUE LOVE!"
>You awaken to the sound of shouting and crying.
>"CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!"
>Disentangling yourself from Discord sultry snake like body-
>Ooooooh, you can feel your wings rising already.
>Down girls.
>You make your way to window.
>Outside is Anon, clawing at the ground and wailing in agony.
>"MY TRUE LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE!"
>Slowly things click into place, you'd just revealed that Discord was your special somepony to your friends last night.
>Though Rarity insisted it was hardly secret.
>Could Anon have been secretly in love with you. Oh dear.
>"Fluttershy, what's all this racket?"
>"Anon is outside, I think he might have been in love with me. The poor dear must be heartbroken."
>Mustering up your courage you lean out the window.
>"I'm sorry Anon but I'm in love with Discord!"
>"YOU STOLE HIM FROM ME!"
>Oh dear, wait what? Him?!
>"Oh my!"
>It's worse than you thought. You look up at your special somepony, hoping for help.
>A strange grin creeps over his face.
>"Dearest Fluttershy, how do you feel about herds?"
>There's an audible fwomp as your wings shoot out.
>T- Two stallions? Oh my.

http://pastebin.com/9fgbZ2kK

>>28692285
Their days are also only 20 hours long which fucks up Anon's internal clock. The fact he has OCD isn't helping things.

Through a series of events, Anon finds himself trapped in the middle of a huge sex cult with no way to exfiltrate. He'll have to fight his way out.

>>28692644
And by huge sex cult you mean the Cake's house. And by fighting his way out you mean he politely excuses himself.

You must be English.

>>28692660
No, I have autism.

>>28692285
desu, Daylight Saving Time barely make sense on Earth.
It was of very dubious usefulness when first proposed, but nowadays it accomplish nothing outside of fucking everyone's biological clock for 2 months every year.
Unless Anon really want to make human look weird and stupid, it's not the kind of stuff he should talk about.

>>28692681
They're already shell shocked from the concept of divorce. Daylight savings time would be nothing. Twilight is still Hitler though.

>>28692664
You and everyone else here. Including me.
Also, the series of events was Anon trying to get his DVD of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome back from Pinkie.

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Never break a Pinkie promise.
In fact, don't even make one.
She'll know.

>>28692617
>Their days are also only 20 hours long

all the months are 30 days, there's only ten of them and pi is exactly three

>>28693149
I like the way you think, but why would Pi be 3? Unless they don't use base 10 like we do. What is pi in base 4 anyway?

>>28693170
Rhubarb

>>28693682
>Not saying it's apple

Take your be-boppa-rebop rhubarb pie and get out. The answer to all things in Equestria is apple.

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>tfw i have no idea where to start
i was thinking of going with maybe
A. Richthofen 1.0 and 2.0 are sent to equestria with 2.0 having to keep 1.0 in check
B. Nikolai 1.0 and 2.0 go to equestria

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>>28693863
Why not Anon 3.14159?

>>28693931
>Anon 3.14159
>Anon Pi
>Anonpony in Earth

Hmm...

>Twilight attempts to send Anonfilly to a pocket dimension for timeout because Anonfilly always walks out of the timeout corner
>Fails miserably, Anonfilly is now on Earth
>Anonfilly tries talking to people
>They treat him like a normal horse and act like he's not speaking
>Picked up by animal control and dropped off at a petting zoo
>Timeout finally expires and Anonfilly returns to Equestria, but not before Mrs. Geller's preschool field trip learns a bunch of new words
>Nobody knows how 4-year old kids learned to call people things like "creampie-cunt slut" over the span of a single afternoon

>>28693170
http://turner.faculty.swau.edu/mathematics/materialslibrary/pi/pibases.html

>>28694156
>>Twilight attempts to send Anonfilly to a pocket dimension for timeout because Anonfilly always walks out of the timeout corner
this really does seems like something she would do.

>With another limp of your bruised and battered body, the entrance to Canterlot castle finally comes into view. One of the guards recognizes you, and jumps up with a start. "Anon? Is that you? Where the buck happened? You looked like somepony dragged you up the steps of Tartarus!" Judging by the voice, it's Lieutenant Fortwell. You hit it off with him a few days after you were brought here to meet with the Princesses. Definitely bro material, and a decent wingpony when you're chasing pony poon.
"Good to see you, LT, and yeah, I certainly feel like it. Let's just say I have a new respect for safety procedures around unkown magical artifacts."
>You pause for a moment to catch your breath.
"Are one of the Princesses free? We might have another emergency on our hands. I found something out past the badlands that about put the fear of God in me."
>Fortwell quirks a brow at your human colloquialism, then gives a nod. "Princess Celestia is should be meeting with treasurer at the moment, but I don't think she'll object to an interruption from bureaucracy right now. Plus, she'll want to hear that you're still in one piece." He trots up to you and works his shoulders under an arm. "Brass! Help me with this sorry excuse for an ape!" The second stallion jumps up with a sharp "Sir!" and braces your other side. You flip Fort the bird and he rolls his eyes.
"I don't want to hear insults from a broomhead who couldn't find his own dick with two hooves and a map."
>"Good to see you too, Anon. We still on for poker night this week?" Fortwell asks.
"Assuming Equestria still exists, I'm game. You're bringing drinks this time, though."
>And with that note, you enter the castle.

>>28694468
>"Anonymous! It is good to see that you are still in one piece. Where did Ttrotsky's Triptych of Translocation send you after it activated?
>The princesses appear to be having tea with a tan and gold mare with a balance scale for a cutie mark. Luna seems as if she would prefer something a bit stronger, given her slightly haggard look and the way she grips the mug in her hooves. "We second the words of our sister. I am gladdened that our friend has returned without undue harm. What hath transpired since your displacement?"
"Princess. Princess." You nod to them in turn. "I bring grave news. I found myself south of the badlands and made my way north until I reached civilization again. However, I have learned of a dire threat - there is a gateway, a portal through which unspeakable evils may seek to enter this fair nation. I didn't see any sign of use at the moment, but this needs to be seen to before it can become a problem."
>Celestia frowns and adopts a look of contemplation. "Tartarus?... Your caution does you well, but I assure you that the Cerebus has prevented any prisoners from escaping ever since we managed to defeat Discord."
>Wait what?
"Tartarus is an actual physical place? Like, I could walk there?"
>Your mind reels at this information. You'd heard reference to pony hell, but you thought it was a metaphorical thing. You should probably finish reading those reference books Twiggles gave you before you accidentally unleash an ancient evil or start a war by accident.
>"Actually, I commisioned a railway to it a number of decades ago. A small garrison is stationed there to keep an eye on the entrance and send back word if something is amiss. However, it seems that you are not speaking of Tartarus. What is it that you found?"

>>28694476
>Luna decides that now is a fine time to interject. "Mayhaps the seals preventing the denizens of the underdark from returning have began to weaken? We have not finished renewing the enchantments and barriers that we laid down before our absence."
"I... No, I don't believe that's what I came across. It was something I recognized, a particular mirror-"
>"Blast that teacher of ours! Starswirl's research 'tween this realm and the others has precipitated far more calamities than he prevented!" Luna appears to have strong feelings on this matter.
>Celestia shakes her head. "No, I'm certain that the last that remains of his work is the mirror I sent to the Crystal Empire. Unless Starswirl did not chronicle his construction of another portal - and he was exceptionally meticulous with documenting his research - we have sealed or rendered inert the gateways to the Abyss, the Land of the Frozen Dead, and the Barathrum of Nightmares."
>Luna shivers at the name of the last one. "And we are safer for it. Would you be able to render a sketch of what you have seen, Anonymous? It will allow us to determine what precisely you have encountered. Futhermore... Nightbane! Fetch us Malacar's Magnificient Magical Compendium of Malign Apertures, Archways, and Avenues. It should be in the Disasters and Portents section next to the Starswirl the Bearding wing." Her assistant salutes and darts off in a blink.
>Celestia nods and stares pensively into the distance. "That should make this a bit easier. Still, that reminds me that I have not checked the security surrounding a number of threats due to my excitement at Luna's return. Let's see... the Old Ones shouldn't be able to make any inroads with the stars as they are... The entrance to Pandemonium is still sealed beneath the ocean... Neptune still keeps the seaponies trapped in the old lands..."

>>28694482

>Luna downs her tea and taps a hoof on the table. "What of the gateway to Limbo? Or the seal of the Outer Gates? It could not have been easy to contain those without our presence. It is fortunate that the Queen of hearts has no means to return here after we destroyed that looking glass... Aha! What of Naraka? The Lady of Neighpon and the Kirin has not sent a missive in some time."
>You resign yourself to waiting until the sisters finish discussing existential threats to ponykind.
"This... answers a great deal of questions I had regarding Equestrian insurance premiums and property values.
>You sigh. Frikken' ponies. No wonder it seemed that they had a new crisis every other week.
>You haul yourself up and grab Fortwell.
"Where can we get a drink at this hour?"

fin

>>28693931
>You are Anon 3.141592
"Hi."
>A purple horse looks at you warily
>"And you're related to—"
"Pinkie. That's right. We're long long long long long long long long distant cousins, twice removed."
>"Rrrright."
>Big ol' pony gasp
>You know that voice from anywhere
>You throw your arms wide open
"COUSIN!"
>A pink torpedo rails you square in the chest threatening physical damage
>Luckily your bloodline is immune to such things
>"NON-NON!"
>Mmmm, the smell of bakery hair
"If it isn't my favorite PP."
>Pinkie merrily hums the affirmative
>Twilight's jaw drops to the floor
>"What brings you to Ponyville?"
"You played the secret trombone solo, remember?"
>"Oh yeah! And you waved back before the screen went black."
"Well duh. How could I say no to my favoritest 2D relative? Sorry I'm a week late. Had to wait for the next episode."
>A meek clearing of the throat begs your attention to the pony still on the ground
>"Excuse me, but what do you two mean by screen and episode? And what does 2D stand for?"
>The puffy lump against your chest looks to her and then you
>"I don't think she's ready."
"Kinda thinking the same."
>"Ready for what?"
>"The Pie family's secret ability."
>"Do all Pie family members have this ability?"
"Yup."
>"Anyone else?"
"The jury's out on that one."
>Twilight examines you more closely this time
>"Okay, HOW are you related to THAT."
>"Twilight, don't be rude."
"That's okay, it's a fair question, but hey, wanna go hang out for a while before this whole thing turns into a rehash of Feeling Pinkie Keen?"
>"Would I?! Let's go! Just be sure to bring me back before the credits."
"Word."
>You and Pinkie Pie suddenly disappear
>Twilight remains sitting in the road questioning whether she did or did not drop that acid

>>28693809
Ew apples

>>28693931
Why not cake?

>>28694468
>>28694476
>>28694482
>>28694498
>And that's how Equestria is constantly under threat of being unmade
This DOES explain something I was wondering about.
Apple/5


>>28694662
>Cousins doing cousin things
Needs more bowling.
3.14/5

>>28695680
Cake isn't a number.

>>28694498
Keep going.

>>28694662
>"COUSIN"
"LET'S GO BOWLING!"

>Ponies cannot into multiple lines
>When Anon opens his new supermarket with multiple registers they riot
>"WHO IS THIS MADMAN!?"
>"SO MANY!"
>"Goshdarnit Anawn, can't yeh understand even basic queue theory?"
>"BURN IT DOWN!"

>>28694498
Neighpon is kept busy fighting off Kaiju and sorcerers from long-past Kingdoms that should really stay dead.

Now with a pastebin!

http://pastebin.com/u/Lafcadio

>Twilight shakes her head. "I don't know all the circumstances, but everything you've told me about human history paints your kind as incorrigibly violent and warmongering. I glad to be your friend, but the human world you've described is worse than Tartarus in many respects, and it sounds like humans made it that way, not monsters or demons or ancient evils."
>Celestia gives her student a slight frown and sets down her tea. "Please forgive my student, Anon. She sometimes speaks without considering how her words will impact others. And Twilight, must I remind you of the Yakyakistan fiasco?"
>You wave her off.
"I can see where she's coming from, but let me field this one."
>You settle down in your seat, staring out at the meticulously groomed castle gardens, and collect your thoughts.
"If I have have learned anything since I arrived here, it's that ponies and humans are remarkably similar. An anthropologist looking at your society for the first time could make remarkably accurate guesses about your interactions based if they treated you like humans. We have similar family units, social structures, similar drives and goals, the same kind of architecture and music and sculpture and literature and film... it's easier to talk about what's different."
>Celestia seems to know where you're going with this, and sits back.
"There hasn't been a single conflict involving more than a hundred individuals between ponykind since the three tribes united 1500 years ago. And what was it that drove them together?"

>>28696976

>Twilight perks up. "The magic of friendship, of course! The tribes would have perished from the encroaching Windigos if they hadn't banded together." Her tone becomes inquisitive. "I thought you knew the Hearth's Warming play was a reenactment of a historical event?"
"I know. But it's a good place to illustrate a major difference between our histories. You can look at it as a triumph of the magic of friendship - or you can consider it as the path of lesser evil to the tribes. Better to live with mudponies and featherheads, or groundpounders and pinheads, than loose everything to the Windigos. They, at least, are still ponies, of a sort. They united because they faced a greater enemy than each other."
>Twilight grimaces at your language. "That seems like a very cynical interpretation of what happened. But how does this connect to your first point?"
"What would have happened if there were no Windigos?"
>Her face becomes pensive, and she speaks after a moment. "You're saying ponies have peace because of the Windigos? I can see what you're getting at... But if not the Windigos, then Discord would have pushed us together. Or the Minotaurs, or the Griffin armies... Oh. Humans didn't have an outside threat? But couldn't they see that infighting would only make things worse?"
"We're the only sapient species on the planet, yes - but we did have grave threats to our existence. Western civilization almost perished several times, and Mankind itself was almost strangled in the cradle. We..."
>You think for a moment.

>>28696983

"Consider how things would have gone without the Windigos, without Discord - even without any kind of magic. You can only endure the elements and you have no way to prevent drought or flood. You can't speak with the earth to find ore and coal; you don't have the strength to plow a half dozen fields in a day and plant them; you can't heal blight or sickness from the crops or ensure good harvest or dowse for clean water. No earth pony vitality to endure sickness, no unicorn magic to clean wounds and accelerate healing. No Alicorns who can focus on the larger picture. No manticores and dragons and hydras - but there are ten thousand new plagues and parasites for which you have no cure. No magic of friendship. No tree of harmony. No elements - and most of all, no answers. You bury your dead and comfort the dying and pray to whoever's listening for something to change and it never does."
>You look the unicorn in the eye.
"You can't always giggle at the ghosties. Good does not always triumph over evil. Sometimes, all you can do is survive."
>You slump back into your chair.
"We didn't have magic. But we had our own ghosts and demons. They lived inside of us. And sometimes, they won."
>Celestia finally speaks to her student. "I have seen the path of history in many, many worlds, dear Twilight. And we have been extraordinarily blessed. Never forget that, or why we fight to preserve it."
>A human philosopher had said something that resonated with you. "Our suffering does not make us better. But it certainly makes us more profound."
>You stand and strech yourself out.
"It was good to see you two, but I've got to meet up with some friends in town. Same time next week?"
>The princess gives a small smile. "Take care then, Anonymous. I should get back to work myself."
>Twilight looks up at a elaborately designed grandfather clock and startles. "Oh! Spike! I've got to get back myself. I'll see you two later!" She teleports out with a flash of magenta light.

>>28696993

>And you? As you walk down the streets of this magical city, in this magical land - you smile and give thanks for another day in Equestria.

fin

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>>28696997
What? I was really hoping for more than this, damn you Anon. Make this at least three times longer!

>>28697021
I'm spending most of my time researching the Vietnam war and the culture of the time so I can make a timeline to keep everything straight as well as trying to get inside the head of a soldier with PTSD. And man, it's kind of startling how different the late 60's were.

I liked the idea of a Vietnam-anon in Equestria, but I hated how I've seen it done before.

>>28697104
What about an Anon that didn't necessarily go through the war, but lived during the time of the war? Maybe the Anon's brother or somethignThat sounds like it has a good amount of potential.

>>28697168
Piece of shit reply button hit before I ended.

Maybe the Anon's brother or something WENT through the war.

>>28697168
I'm playing with the idea of someone like the dude from Apocalypse Now or the veteran from Rambo: First Blood being introduced to Equestria. Basically, someone who is very disturbed from their experience in the war - it gives a lot of room for delicious ideological and social conflict.

>>28687011
>"Skilled at getting pounded maybe."

unf

>>28694662
>Twilight remains sitting in the road questioning whether she did or did not drop that acid

If she touched Pinkie or accepted anything from her then yes, yes she did.

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>>28698165

>>28698486
All the nonsense around Ponyville is really just the contact high from being around party pone.

>>28698717
>Day IT TOUCHED ME in Equestria
>You are Anonymous
>Living your regular life doing Anonymous things
>That one pink pony walks by and drops something
>You reach down to get it for her
>She also reaches down to pick it up
>She beats you to the punch, but not before her hoof accidentally touches your hand
>"Whoops. Silly me."
>Your pupils drop
"Ffffuuuu"
>Time goes all wishy washy
"uuwwuu"
>The many bright colors of this world fade to greyscale
"ucccckk"
>Shit just got real
>This is a trip you are doomed to take
>There is no getting off this ride
>And while you do whatever you can to prepare for the coming roller coaster Pinkie trots away singing about not talking to strangers

>>28698821
Ponies are poisonous like tropical toads? I'll buy that.

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>>28669998
Does anyone here have a collection of Project 100's stories?

>>28698821
>>28699158
>Day Ponk in Equestria
>Be Ponk
"Oh, oops! Are you alright, Anon?"
>His eyes become unfocused and his jaw drops open, drooling
"I'll take that as a 'no.' You must be high as... what's the word you use for it?"
>"Ffffuuuuuuwwuuucccckk."
>Anon is super high because he touched you
>It's a quirk of Pie family genetics that all the colorful relatives are full of weird chemicals
>Yours is LSD
"Yeah, that one. Stay right there, I'll be back in a jiffy."
>Trot off singing about being careful around strangers
>The kids watching this show need to learn a moral from this
>It was that or "don't touch Pinkie unless you're covered in fur or wearing rubber gloves or something," and you couldn't think up a good melody for a song like that
>Plus they don't exist in the same reality as you, so it wouldn't be a very useful moral
>Arrive at Twilight's place
>Open the door
>Get on the floor
>Everypony walk the Gummy-saur
"Hey, Twilight?"
>"Huh? What's up, Pinkie?"
"The ceiling. Minor emergency. What's the opposite of acid?"
>"Should I bother asking for details?"
"For the sake of what little sanity you still have, nah."
>"Well, the opposite of an acid is a base, presuming your talking about the pH sca-"
"Awesome thanks bye!"
>Run back to where you left Anon, abducting DJ-P0N3 and her audio equipment on the way there
>He's trying to turn a streetlight on using "The Clapper"

>>28699537
"Okay, Vinyl? See that guy there?"
>She continues nodding along to whatever beat is pumping through her headphones and glances towards the human
>Hopefully this is what Twilight meant
"I accidentally touched that guy's bare skin, so he dropped acid. Twilight said that base is the opposite of acid, so if we drop that on him it should cancel it out, but I'm not dropping a secret underground base on him because it'd take too long to dig it out and she didn't say which baseball base I'd need to drop on him so we're going to start by dropping the bass and hope that it's close enough. Can you do that for me?"
>The white unicorn looks back at you and nods a couple of times off-beat
"Sweet! Thanks a bajillion."
>She saunters over to her turntables and puts on a suitable dubstep track
>Anon's response to the bass drop is to cling to the streetlamp and make a noise that's somewhere between a scream of terror and an agitated flock of geese
>This isn't working
>Wait...
>Of course!
"Vinyl! I got it wrong! If he dropped acid, we need to LIFT the bass!"
>She stares at you for a second like you're a madmare, then shrugs and reverses the polarity on her speakers
>The low notes come out as high and the high notes come out as low
>Anon climbs down from the streetlamp and plugs his ears
>"Sweet fucking Christ, it's worse than G-major!
>He looks around in confusion
>"Oh hey, I'm not tripping balls anymore. Huh. Seriously, turn that shit off."
>It worked!
>You are a smart Ponk

>>28699542
>Day Loud Music Makes You Angry in Equestria
>Be Cranky Doodle
>Some riffraff is outside making noise of the excessive variety
>You can hear it all the way from home
>Grabbing your toupee, you head down outside to holler at the whippersnapper or the plural variety
>That plan comes to an immediate end as soon as you find the culprit
>It's Pinkie
>Fuck dealing with that
>You turn around, go home, and tell Matilda to get in the panic room

>Day very quiet in Equestria
>You've only started noticing recently, but pretty much the entire town disappears late into the evening.
>No, they don't go into their homes to sleep. They all follow a singular, distant road, as if in some sort of trance.
>You're already calling magic shenanigans.
>The sun's already close to setting, and a whisper of wind, and chime of a bell punctuate the unsettling atmosphere.
>Finished picking your next hiding place for the night, you resolve to shadow this movement.
>After all, you might get to kick someone - or something's ass.

>>28700718
moar

>>28700795
i am not a creative man

>>28700829
I am tho.
Just lazy.

>>28700718
This sounds just like the beginning of Clocktower Society.
Not sure if want.

>>28701938
I could do that if you want.

anon in equestria but the ponies reproduce by budding

>>28702172
Americans reproduce by Budding too.

also tiny crosspost
>Anon's in Japquestria
>Emperor Celestia's student Twiright Sparkre discovered an ancient evil samurai artifact
>She opened it and out popped Anon.
>Silly samurai, foreign devil is not literal devil.
>Anon is brought back to the Ponyvirre Shrinebrary which is also a tree.
>Twiright determines he is the purest husbando
>The wicked Bon-Bon and her henchpony Ryra learn of this and now seek to steal Anon for their own wicked ends
>Can our brave hero save the day and maybe also get the pettings she secretly craves?

>>28699524
seconding this

>>28702168
I already said I'm not sure if want.
Give it a go and see what happens.

>>28702199
>get the pettings she secretly craves?
oh baby

>>28702241
I'm actually cringing just thinking about it. I'll hold my hands.

>Be Anon.
>Twilight tried to send you home.
>She failed.
>Now you are in the magical land of Spider Pones.
>They look like rejected Monster Manual 7 ideas.
>Half spider half pony and always hungry.
>That's why you are now working as a short order cook at a greasy spoon restaurant you opened in town.
>They won't think to put you on the menu now. No one else knows how to make pancakes and bacon as good as you do.
>You're still forced to cuddle with 8 ft tall 400 lbs spider pones every night.
>If you close your eyes you can almost pretend that you're getting molested by a hairy fat woman. You keep you eyes open most of the time.
>Spider blowjobs are surprisingly good.

>>28702738
It does sound really weird, now that I think about it. A serious fic along these lines would be creepy. A lampooning with Anon being a total jackass has potential, but would be pretty hard to make both funny and not creepy.

If you had another idea for where to take that first post, you might as well use that instead.

>>28702738
Could be fun, aside from the whole "let's base a fic off another" thing.

>>28703320
bite him.

>>28703740
>Bite him
If they bit him who would they cuddle?

>>28703320
Spiders/Spiders
Do more spiders.

>Be Spiders in Equestria
>You are a giant pile of spiders.
>For some reason you are no longer in your conquered park in America
>You are in someone's basement and hello horsey
>You always wanted a horsey, ever since you saw those policeman riding on them
>They fled before you could collect them
>But now there is one that cannot escape, today is your lucky day!
>As you crawl onto the purple horse it vanishes.
>Fortunately some of you were on it when it vanished, so you can tell that it is now outside with lots more horses.
>You rush forwards in a chitinous wave through the basement opening any doors you come across
>You reach a staricase leading up and soon surge out into a well lit library
>Daylight!
>You exit the building through every opening eager to meet your new best friends

>>28702215
Thirding.

>>28703940
>Be Equestria in spiders
>Actually be Spike, but Equestria is covered in spiders
>Nearly every surface has at least 500 spiders on it at any given time
>If there is a hell, you hope dragons can go to it because there's no way it would have more spiders than this
>Nearly EVERY surface has at least 500 spiders on it at any given time
>You hate spiders
>Nearly EVERY surface has AT LEAST 500 SPIDERS on it at any given time
>Even if they're smart enough to move out of the way when you're walking around and get off of food when you want to eat it, they are spiders
>Nearly EVERY SURFACE HAS AT LEAST 500 SPIDERS on it AT ANY GIVEN TIME
>The worst part is that they're doing some Charlotte's Web stuff and leaving notes everywhere, having conversations with ponies
>NEARLY EVERY SURFACE HAS AT LEAST 500 SPIDERS ON IT AT ANY GIVEN TIME
>They want to be friends, so of course everypony else is fine with this turn of events
>Cobwebs are everywhere
>Twilight insists on leaving up all of the old conversations for reference, even if they're strung across a hallway
>The note about making a livestock industry out of houseflies just got in your mouth
>AND NEARLY EVERY SURFACE HAS AT LEAST 500 SPIDERS ON IT
>AT ANY GIVEN TIME

>Be Anon
>Spike is screaming something about spiders again
>Twilight shoves past you to go check on him and the spiders
>Let the little fucker whine
>Mosquitoes just went extinct
>Spiders totally bros

>>28704706
>Anon just shrugs it off like nothing
Anon confirmed for being an aussie cunt.

>>28705060
I don't think you understand just how much damage mosquitoes can and do cause.

>>28704706
Spiders make just about everything better.

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>>28705132
>>28705061

>>28705132
I used to live near the river. Every spring the water would rise and then back down, leaving marshy land aka industrial-grade breeding grounds for mosquitoes and gnats for the whole summer. The image of literal black fucking CLOUDS they'd form still haunts me in my nightmares. It's the kind shit you can read about in the bible.
I, for one, appreciate the complete and thorough extermination of mosquitoes, but I'd rather spider population being under control as well.
Ironically enough, I'm an arachnophobe that used to love spiders and play with them when I was a kid. Go figure.

I need a good humanity fuck yeah story in my life

>>28705210
this thread is more for ponies fuck yeah stories. >>>/tg/ does HFY fairly regularly.

I started writing a green, please tell me how bad you think it is.
>You’re Anon
>You’re in your bachelor apartment wasted as fuck listening music on your Walkman while you wait 1988 to finally end
>You contemplate the night sky from your window while taking a sip from your beer
>”Dead Man’s Party” starts playing in your headphones
>Your mate comes into the room with more beers
>”Hey if you’re going to listen music at least plug your Walkman to the speaker so I can hear too mate”
“Ok”
>You grab a cheap speaker and plug the Walkman to it
>”For another lousy year”
>You mutually toast with your half-empty beer bottles
>You suddenly hear an electric kind of noise
>“What the hell was that?”
“Probably nothing”
>”I think it came from the bathroom”
“You always have an excuse to go to the bathroom”
>”I’m serious mate”
>Your friend goes check the bathroom and quickly calls your thereafter
>”Hey Anon, did you always have a green hole in your bathroom?”
“Huh?”
>You go check and find a big flat green hole between the washbasin and the toilet
>There’s green mist coming out of it
“Dude, what the hell?”
>”Well, I didn’t make this!”
“Huh… Well, there’s only one way to guess its purpose then”
>You prepare to jump into it
>”What the fuck! Wait!”
“You’re right, I’m taking the speaker with me”
>You grab the blaring speaker, quickly drink what’s left of your beer and then jump into the hole

>>28705513
>You’re Rarity
>You carefully go to Twilight’s castle, taking care to be seen by as few ponies as possible
>You knock the door and Spike quickly opens it
>”For Pete’s sake, what are you doing here?! I told you nopony can see us together here!”
“I can’t do it anymore, Spike!”
>”No, don’t you say that, Rarity!”
“I can’t, I can’t, it’s too much for me, it’s something terrible what we’re doing!”
>”No, look at me, Rarity, Spike is here with you, I won’t leave you, ever!”
“The consequences of Twilight knowing would be terrible”
>”But that won’t happen, I swear”
“How can you know?”
>”Because I know, Rarity. We’re being extra careful. And you can’t just quit like that, you know how much I need what you give me. I can’t live without it”
“But are you sure Twilight’s cooking is that terrible?”
>You both hear Twilight’s voice from inside the castle
>”Spike! Where are you? I made grilled plums for lunch”
“Okay, I believe you… I have some fish and vegetables at home”
>”Oh Rarity, you’re the best! Eh, Twilight, I’ll be right back; I have to help Rarity with something!”

>>28705518
>You both start walking towards Rarity’s home
>”Thanks for everything, Rarity… I know hiding things from your friend is quite stressing for you”
“Exactly Spike, you’ll have to learn how to cook as soon as possible, sweetie”
>You start hearing music
“What’s that… noise?”
>You look around and find the noise coming from an old house you thought was abandoned
>Some ponies briefly stop when they pass near but don’t pay much attention to it
>”What’s going on there?”
“Well, that house has been abandoned for quite some time now since the granny who lived there passed away, maybe somepony is renting it”
>”And killing cats inside it?”
“You know how much has changed; you should be the one to know. That thing you listen called ‘swing’ is a bit rude for me. Maybe that’s just a variation of it.”
>”If you say so, Rarity…”
“In fact, I think we should greet the new neighbours. They’re living really close to my house, after all. And it would be a great excuse to remind them of our noise regulations”
>You knock the door gently, trying to ignore the… music? coming at an atrocious volume from inside
>”I don’t think they can hear you, Rarity”
>You use your magic to open the door
“Problem solved”
>You both enter the house and the smell quickly hits you
>This place needs some urgent airing
>Let alone some cleaning to get rid of the dust everywhere
“HELLO?”, you try to yell over the music
>You walk around and find the bathroom half opened
>You both get shocked when you see somepony or something laying on the floor groaning
>And he has a green face!
>You doubt that’s because of him/her/it feeling envy of your beautiful Spring clothing
>He painfully grabs a small square machine and touches something that makes the music stop

>>28705527
>”Finally!”, says Spike
“Uh, excuse me… are you al—Oh no! You have blood coming out of your head! Well, I think it’s your head”
>”Yes, it hurts a lot”, he says while covering his eyes with his hand
>He’s clearly in too much pain
>”Let me help you, dear”
>You heal his head with your magic
>”Oh… I suddenly feel much better… Wow! I don’t know what you did but—“
>She looks at you
>”Are you… a talking horse?”
>”Rarity, be careful, he might be some kind of monster!”
>”I’m not a—What are you supposed to be?”
>”I’m Spike!”
>”Well, that surely puts things in perspective”
“Excuse me, who are you and why are you here?”
>”I’m Anon, I ended up here… I ended up here after jumping into that green hole inside my bathroom”
“Green hole? Are you serious?”
>”Oh dear, I can’t believe a talking horse is questioning me”
“Stop calling me like that! I’m a mare, thank you very much. And I came here to give you a warm welcome to our neighbourhood”
>”Rarity, I think that someone already welcomed him although not very warmly”
“Oh yes, you’re right! Who hurt you? I’ll make sure whoever made this ends behind bars!”
>“Nobody, maybe I just hurt myself after jumping inside that thing… I can’t remember what happened after I jumped into it.”
“Poor thing, he might have a fever… which is logical since this place seems to have germs everywhere”
>”What are you, anyways?”
“Spike! Don’t be rude… But seriously, what are you?”
>”Eeh… a human being?”
>You and Spike look at each other confused
“Okay? Look, whatever you are, let’s get you out of here. I have some salmon and grilled vegetables at my place and you’re invited of course”
>”Eeh, thanks, I suppose, I’m really hungry”
>He stands up (not without some hassle) and you get shocked just by looking at his size
>Definitively not a deformed pony like you thought it was
>You and Spike lead him to the exit
>”Since when horses can cook?”

>>28704706
>lil' dragon's arachnophobe
Poor Spike.
Imagine how he feels when he goes to sleep. Actually, scratch that, when he /tries/ to go to sleep.
It's kinda hard to rest when you're surrounded with walls, shivering with spiders crawling on them. And on the ceiling too. Just waiting for you to fall asleep so ̙̩th͙̦͙̜͖̳e̟̳̭͖̲̲y ̞͚͓̻c̙̫͙̭a͙͔̳͍̝̩n͓̹͈̰ ̗̤̫̣j̬̺̺ͅum͍̯p͓ ̖̩̱̦̤͎a̞̺̥̰n̙d̻̫ ̟̱͇̹ͅc̣͍̲̣̟r̰̠̝̹͖͇̗a̤̝̺̼̪̺̺w͍̼̝̩͕̘̻l̥̹͚͇̯̜ͅ a̬̳̰ͅl̫̦͔̯̤l͎ ͉̬͉o̞̬v̤e̯̩̤r̘ ̖͕̬̤ͅy̭̟̺̪̯͔̝o͖̞͓̘̭̘̪u͎͈̳͖r͔͙̤͍͎͖ ̮͎̞̘̖h͕e͓lp̣̝l̦̤̮̩͓̫e͖̭̠͚s̯̹̤s̝̙̣̱̲̙̙ s̗̫̦̺͈ͅl̯̹e̤̮̜̠̫e̲͈͉̞̬̹p̥͚͎in͔̩͈g̻̭͈̯ ͙̫f͕̣̦̗o͖̞rṃ͔͖̝,̝ f̶͚̙̞̻i͏̵̘͕̻͇̱̙̻͉l̢҉̗͉̝̝ļ̖̥i͟͏̬̺̻̥̪̯̩͓̳n̵̯̩̙̕ģ̴̭͍̀ ̵̢̣̝̺̘́e̡̛͔͈̼̻v͉̤͖̥͠e͏̢̧̺̦̮r̷̵͕̭y̵͈̗̪̻̞͎̟ ̡̤̦̜̖͇͚͢ͅơ͕͍̦͡p̱͚͜͟͝e̸̛̪͔̯̱͓̯͙̫n̳̱͠ͅi̸͏̻́ͅṇ͔̗͔͟ģ̵͏̖̤̪̬̠̬͓̖ ̸̧͎̝́t͕̮̪̪̤̟̪͟ͅh̙͉͎̖̲͝è̵̲̙͝ͅỳ̴̡̮̙͎̤̜̹ ̷̢͎̬c̛͚̲̠͕̲a͕͇n͚̪̺ ̸̦͍̕f̸̶̢̩̜̘̥̲i̷͇̠͍̕ṋ̳͓͔̣̝̭̭d͏̴̹ͅͅͅ ̟̠̜͕͞ẁ͚̹̤͇̹̝̳͚̤i̶̞͖͖͡t̻́h͏͍̝̜̫͈͜͝ ̴͍̝͖͉̰̀s̥̘̗p̞̘͈͎͇̟̙ị̵̶̛̘̝͔̠̳̖̭͍d̦̥͙̫̣͝͡ḛ̗͞ŕ̹̜̙̭̩̀s͈̳͚̺͘.̸̦̥̞͔̠̜̺̖̮͝

>>28706069
>be Spike, the arachnophobic dragon
>and you are having a nightmare
>shooting upward, covered in cold sweat, you kick away your blanket with arachnids all over it
>or so you think
>the insomnia took turn for the worst, you started started to hallucinate, which did little to alleviate the growing paranoia
>those spiders are onto you, they want to drive to crazy!
>...welp, looks like they're doing well so far - you are a few steps shy from flipping your tiny sheets
"Maybe if I set my bed on fire they will leave me alone, if only while the bed it burning." you think aloud
"Nah, it will only piss Twilight off and she will make me apologize for scaring them." you continued, shuddering at the though
>the spiders around nonetheless back off a bit, letting you relish your small victory, if only accidental
"And stay away!"

>you are still Spike, the dragon afraid of spiders
>and you are tired, more than you've ever been in your entire life
>maybe glass of water will help prevent another sleepless night, who knows
>stepping carefully from the bed, you makes your way to the kitchen, wading through the hundreds of six-legged horrors covering the floor like some madmare's hellish joke of a carpet

>pouring yourself that glass of water you stare into the darkness outside the window
>the darkness outside the window is surprisingly bright today
>gears in your head, though screeching in protest, slowly begin to turn and you realize it's daytime
>closed blinds may have their drawbacks, but the last thing you'd want to see in the dead of night is a huge spider outside, staring at you in all it's horrid multi-eyed glory
>downing the glass in one go, you make your way back to bed, no doubt occupied by damn spiders by now
>one day you're going to snap and...

>>28706077
>"Spike!"
>you nearly turn to face whoever's calling, nearly tripping over your own tail
>"You're awake, great! We have so much to d- Spike, are you okay? You didn't sleep again, did you? Of course you didn't..."
>must be the bags under your eyes that gave you away, although "bags" is not the right word, since you could fit entire royal treasury in them, each
>Twilight goes on in her tirade
>"What is it this time? Spiders, again? Spike, I've told you many times already, it's rude to talk about friends like that."
*thump*
>"You'll have to apologize and get some rest."
*Thump*
>"We're going to Canterlot tomorrow, princess Celestia wishes to discuss something in private."
*THUMP*
>you slowly turn away from irritated alicorn, what you see makes your blood run cold
>A GIANT. HAIRY. BUCKING. SPIDER. in the hallway
>fangs already drip with venom, looks like it sees you because it's walking in your direction
>Oh sweet merciful Celestia, make it end. Make it end!

>>28706086
>"Spike! Are you even listening?" Twilight makes you face her once again, taking your eyes and your mind away off the impending web-weaving doom
>"Princess Celestia, Canterlot, train, tomorrow morning. Got it?" but instead of listening, you are looking, looking at her face, to be precise
>every time she opens her mouth, a spider crawls out, some of them already making their way over the purple-furred bridge to you
>you push your purple landlord, causing more yelling and more spiders to come out, and slowly back away until you bump into something
>a hand enters your field of vision, made entirely out of the thing you hate the most in this mad world
>yep, a hand made out of spiders

>your eyes, seemingly on their own, follow it back to it's owner, a tall figure that looks like Anon
>if he had six hands, one of which rests on your shoulder
>when you two lock eyes, it lets out an otherwordly screech that trumps all other sounds, leaving only it's echo to linger in the halls of the castle and inside your head
>you'd think you should run away, or at least scream like a filly, but you don't, you can't
>it is as if your mind was paralyzed, just standing there like a statue, eyes wide open, waiting for the beast to open it's maw and swallow you whole
>which so it does and all you can do is watch your demise as time seem to stretch into infinity, right until it's mouth close around your hea-

>>28706094
>be the biggest cunt in the two universes
>not literally of course, that would be quite scary
>so you must be Anon, or Bruce as they call you back at home, or Cunt as they call you back at that kazakhstan tapestry website
>Wait, Kazakhstan? Is that even a real place?..
>anyhow, who knew that by simply waving your hands and yelling "Boo!" you could immobilize a dragon
>granted, it was a baby dragon, agitated-looking even
>still it was fun, you're definitely doing that again
>the wide-eyed stare, the pinpricks of pupils, shaking ever so gently, staring into the abyss...
>all this make worth whatever scolding you will surely get from Twiggles for breaking her dragon child servant or something
>you're not the one to judge

>speaking of certain friendship princess, who stomps to check on the living statue
>"Spike? Spike, wake up. Spi~ike!"
>"Well hay, he won't be around 'till midnight. Thanks a lot Anon. Really appreciate it."
>meanwhile, in his mistress' embrace, purple and green lizard seems to loosen up a bit a~and... goes limp
>all the perfume in Prance, horse puns be damned, couldn't offset the stink of the stink eye she's giving you right now
>guess the princess will have to wait, hopefully Spike will come around soon
>Twilight just can't pack her stuff even if her life depended on it
>it is entertaining to watch her try though
>right until she catches you havin' a giggle
>then it's not so entertaining anymore
>there are certain things you just don't fuck with, pissed off alicorn late to the meeting with a princess is definitely one of them
>no one enjoys being a banana, even for just an hour
>"Well in that case /you/ will be carrying the groceries. Go dress up. You've got thirty seconds."
"B-but..."
>"MOVE IT!"

>>28705537
Well it seems okay, but a bit short. Also his reasoning for just jumping in a hole is somewhat lacking. So far, it's a start much like any other story, try to differentiate it in some way. All I know is we've got an 80's Anon coming through, which might make for some interesting reads. I expect he'll be full on things like Aerosmith and Duran Duran, TMNT and He-Man, and spewing off Ferris Bueller and Terminator lines, amongst other things.

>>28700718
>First things first.
>You've kept track of every house that left it's lights on past evening.
>Or, ponies who don't join the parade.
>You've been doing this for the past three days, now. Find a branch or a ledge somewhere, haul yourself up, and silently watch.
>Like a cat, or something. Whatever.
>Time flies by like the autumn leaves. You fix your gaze upon the front door and lit windows of an otherwise unremarkable cobble of hay thatch, wattle, and daub.
>Pinkie once joked that if you got drunk and stumbled, you'd crash all the way through the walls.
>And, you believe her. Your own home is made from timber and stone; designed by you, built by you. All it's missing are the conveniences and comforts of technology back on Earth.
>Matters little, anyway. You haven't been in your own home for weeks.
>You pause your inner monologue as a shadow is cast down the alley.
>A cloaked figure is making their way down...
>And stops. Right in front of the lit house.
>The door opens, revealing a nameless couple.
>There's dialogue. You can't really make it out. Instead, you focus on the visual.
>The couple is holding tight to each other and... hold on. The one... you'll call em' cultists; the cultist is giving them some sort of small device. Or rocks. Whatever.
>They're all leaving as a troika, now.
>One of the last lights in this town have gone dark. And with it, your suspicions are confirmed.
>You were right to avoid your own home.
>Eyeing a horn on the figure, adds to the "magic shenanigans" hypothesis.
>Altogether, you're going to find out what's going on, now. Evaluate it, then stop it.
>Into the woods.
>Okay, after you find something to eat. You're starving.
>Or maybe you'll find something in the woods.
>...
>That couple left their door open.
>They won't mind if some bread is missing.

>>28706286
>troika
Ivan, you are using of Google Translate, aren't you?
I been of telling you to not be using of it. Is bad for you.

>>28706407
I just looked up synonyms for trio and went with what sounded coolest.

>>28706414
I am of doubt. You should have gone with the "trio".
Instead you are coming off as a vodka-guzzler struggling with the translator. I shit you not, that happens. I have personally witnessed one such precedent.
Still, I am wait more.

>>28706176
Thanks!

>>28703940
people are easier to cuddle when they are lovingly sedated.

>>28706077
wading through the hundreds of six-legged horrors covering the floor

>six-legged

>>28705537
>At home, Spike, Sweetie Belle, “Anon” and you share the same table
>You have no idea who’s more scared: Spike or your sister
>”Anon” looks clearly distressed
“So, uh, Anon… when did you move to the eh, lovely house of yours?”
>”Well… I have no idea”
“Are you relatives of Granny Netta? May she rest in peace”
>”Netta? How do you know the name of my grandma from Vancouver?”
“Well, I have no idea what Vancouver is, but I’m glad to hear you’re a relative of her! That doesn’t explain why you walk using only two of your hooves though… Sweetie Belle, what are you doing, sweetheart?”
>”I’m looking at Anon’s wrist game”
>”This is a wrist watch”, says a clearly confused Anon. “Can you believe it costed me just $10 at Consumers Distributing? Wait, what am I doing? I’m talking to a horse!”
>”Well, Rarity”, says Spike, “I thank you for the lunch but it’s time for me to do uh… you know, things with Twilight”
“I see, well, bye-bye”
>Spike leaves and you let out a sigh
“I cook for a friend and this is what I get: a lame excuse to leave as soon as possible. At least you’re enjoying your food”
>”Are you kidding? This salmon is delicious! And these vege—OUCH!”
“Sweetie Belle, what are you doing?”
>”I’m sorry, I thought his skin would taste like spinach!”
“That’s it, young lady! No more ‘That Pony’ for you! Now go to your bedroom!”
>”Sorry, Anon”, says Sweetie Belle before leaving the room with a sad expression in her face
>”Aww, you shouldn’t have punish her, everyone makes mistakes”
“It’s ‘everypony’, dear, and now I know how to take care of my sister, thank you very much. Now tell me, what are you?”
>”I’ve already told you: I’m a human being. You know, those things that sit on you and make you carry tumbrils”

>>28706765
“Nopony has ever sit on me, I can assure! And I would NEVER carry a tumbril”
>”This is madness, I wanna wake up from this nightmare… hopefully after finishing this food, but I wanna go back home!”
“And where’s ‘home’, exactly?”
>”Toronto, obviously, where else?”
“Toronto? Is that anywhere close to the Crystal Empire?”
>”Eh, it’s in the Golden Horseshoe”
>You start to think he really is a pony, only a very strange one
>You found him wounded in an abandoned house, maybe he was kidnapped for a long time and tortured, hence his erratic behaviour?
>You can’t imagine who would be so sadist to torture a poor pony like that
>Although that still doesn’t explain why he is so tall in comparison to, well, the rest of Equestria.
“Say Anon, do you have any furniture for that, uh, lovely house of yours?”
>”Well, not really”
“What say you if I lend you an old bed of mine for now? It seems you need some rest, and you’ll feel better after sleeping for a while”
>”Well…”
“Say no more! I’ll go find the bed and take it right to your home!”

>You lay in the bed Rarity lend you among the dark of your “home”
>There’s nothing to do besides looking at the ceiling
>You need music urgently
>You’re glad that talking horse lent you a battery recharger
>You take the batteries out of the socket and out them inside your cheap Prosonic Sports Walkman, connect it to your speaker and press Play
>”—ney for nothing and your chicks for free…”
>You need to find out the way to escape from this place as soon as possible
>It seems nobody, sorry nopony… NOBODY here knows where you’re from
>The only way to escape would be finding that strange portal you jumped into
>WHY DID YOU HAVE TO JUMP INTO IT NOW YOU’RE SURROUNDED BY ANIMALS WHO BELONG TO A BBQ NOT A TOWN
>You realise you’re really tired and finally let your body rest if only for a couple of hours while your music keeps playing
>”Hello? Is there anybody there? Just nod if you can hear me…”

>”Aww, you shouldn’t have punish her, everyone makes mistakes”
“It’s ‘everypony’, dear,

I am reminded of a story reading that where Anon tells off the other ponies for pushing that kind of wording around.

>>28707107
Ah, right, it was this one. Day Intolerance In Equestria.

http://pastebin.com/FbUqV5s7

>>28707129
that last part cracked me up

File: Don Quixote.jpg (123KB, 998x801px) Image search: [Google]

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Story Theme- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2rd8rRQqe0

>You are Anon Quixote
>You're riding through emerald plains a good distance outside of Ponyville upon your noble steed, Rocinante
>Garbed in your grandfather Sir Anoncelot's armor, passed down generation to generation, and gripping a sword in your hand that shimmers in the light of the afternoon sun, you are truly chivalry incarnate
>As you reach the pinnacle of a hill, you tug on the reins you hold in your left hand, bringing Rocinante's galloping to a stop
>You gaze at Ponyville and all that surrounds it, searching for whatever cruel being may seek to reap peril
>Fortunately, all seems to be well as the Ponies go about their lives heartily, without a care in the world
>No beasts are seeking to
>For now, at least
>One never knows when The Enchanter may strike out at all that is good in the world
“No sign of any fell beings today. Perhaps they fear my might, and rightfully so! The moment I spot one, he shall be smote!”
>You flourish your blade in the air, holding your lightly-bearded chin high
>Rocinante lets out a sigh
>“Anon, could we...go home for the day? It's just that...you're very heavy, and my back is getting-”
>You cut her off by lightly slamming your thigh into her side
“We shall do no such thing, Rocinante! Evil never rests, why should we?”
>“But...monsters haven't attacked Ponyville in months, Anon.”
>You let out a scoff
“Subject to change. They are clearly waiting to strike once they have formulated a proper strategy. I have seen this all before, and soon, you will have seen it too, Rocinante.”

File: don_quixote_by_leventep.jpg (607KB, 1160x560px) Image search: [Google]

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>>28708147
>“My name isn't 'Rocinante,' it's Flutter-”
>You cut her off once more with another nudge of the thigh
“Silence, Rocinante! I need to maintain my focus, in case that dastardly Enchanter attempts to get the drop on me. If I am slain, then Equestria shall have no defense against evil!”
>Just before Rocinante can say anything more, you take her reins, pull them to the left, and slam both of your thighs into her sides, directing her to set out again
>She resumes her trotting along, and you continue watching the land around you with eyes like an eagle and ears of an elephant, paying attention to every gust of the wind, shifting of the bushes, and falling leaf
>Once, you swear you notice a cloaked figure moving through the green, only to lose sight of it moments later
>Perhaps it was nothing, but perhaps it was something
>If the Enchanter was powerful enough to whisk you away to this world of Ponies, then he could very well be capable of an Invisibility Spell, in which case nowhere could be safe
>You must be always on your guard, lest the worst should happen
>Suddenly, something falls into your sight that widens your eyes and pales your cheeks
>There, at the border between the Everfree Forest and the plains, rests a great Dragon
>Fortunately, it appears to be a mere adolescent
>You point your sword in its direction, straightening your jaw and furrowing your brow
“Gaze upon it, Rocinante! It is exactly as I said, The Enchanter's sinister forces are near, and ready to advance!”
>Rocinante stares over her shoulder at you, a brow slightly raised
>“Anon...That's a windmill. But...I guess it sort of looks like a Dragon if you squint.”
“Never to fear! I shall slay this beast, and whatever fell beasts may accompany it! He shall never awaken again!”

>>28708165
>You promptly dismount Rocinante and tie her to a tree stump
>You wouldn't want to lose another steed, after the last two ran away when your back was turned
>Even if Rocinante is a bit on the meek side, at least she listens, and it's not as if steeds don't grow on trees
>You pull your shield off of your back and ready it as you begin a slow approach towards the slumbering beast ahead of you
>You occasionally glances at the ground just ahead of you, to make sure that you don't step on anything that may alert the Dragon
>Finally, you stand mere inches away from its great, fat head, its nostrils steadily exhaling and inhaling in its slumber
>Such a creature was unwise to let its guard down so close to Ponyville
>You follow the monster's head until you reach its large, scaly neck
>Thankfully, the Dragon is sleeping on its side, so the fleshy underside of the neck is facing you, leaving it vulnerable
>You place your shield back on your back, not taking your eyes off the beast in front of you, being careful to make nary a noise
>Both hands now on the grip of your sword, you inch closer to the Dragon's neck, closer to a swift victory
>Now directly next to the weakest point of your foe, you take a deep breath, to calm yourself
>You have to be precise, or else you'll have to deal with a completely awake monstrosity
>After several moments, you finally plunge your blade into what you believe to be the jugular vein, until all that you can still see of your sword is the grip
>Withdrawing your sword, crimson blood begins to pour from the wound
>To be certain that you've done the job right, you stab the neck twice, more blood continuing to pour with each strike
>Now assured that the beast is dead, you sheathe your sword and stroll back to Rocinante, your chin held high and a grin stretched across your face

>>28708170
>As you untie Rocinante, she gives you a worried glance
>“You...just stabbed a windmill, Anon. Are you feeling okay? N-Not that I think that you're...you know...insane, or anything.”
>You give your steed a laugh and a sure smile as you clamber onto her saddle
“If that was a windmill, then it was a most sinister, scaly windmill.”
>Rocinante opens her mouth to say something, then promptly closes it
>You gaze at the fallen Dragon, and point a gloved finger at it
“Let this beast's death be a lesson to all who dare threaten the land of Anon Quixote, Man of Equestria!”
>Rocinante stares at the dead Dragon intently
>“Anon, you're beginning to worry me...”
“All that you need to worry about is the stench that the creature's foul remains shall leave behind. Now, let us be off! Who knows what else threatens to lash out at Ponyville? Onward, to glory!”
>You point in the direction from where you came, and Rocinante reluctantly starts trotting back onto the established patrol route, where oranges and purples paint the evening sky

Well, this has been my first attempt at a greentext story. I know it's really fucking short, so I could keep going if anybody actually likes it.

>>28708180
Great green! Honestly, I never thought I would read a cross between Don Quixote and MLP.

>>28708452
Well, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my little attempt at green. To be honest, I never thought I would WRITE a cross between Don Quixote and MLP. Especially since I've only actually read the first chapter of the book and only listened to around 2/3 of "Man of La Mancha."

>>28703344
I got a decent lampoon idea. Have a oneshot of Anon being a jackass.

>Anon investigates why all the ponies are out of town at night
>They all go to this clocktower by the gorge
>He follows some inside and bullshits the bouncer about being on the guest-list (the dumbass totally buys it, too)
>Quickly figures out that this is some sort of state-sponsored sub/dom slavery role-playing sex cult
>Subs wear collars, and doms wear masks
>Our plucky human protagonist always happens to be wearing a mask
>How convenient
>Anon makes a mental note to give Celly a slap on the ass next time he sees her for being such a kinky horse
>However, the sheer scale of the whole thing puts him off
>This is a global network of town-sized sex dungeons all linked by pony Stargate magic fuckery
>Most of them have "public use" stations for subs to lock themselves into
>He concludes that Ponorrhea and The Clop are probably running rampant
>There are also a few dungeons in Zebrica, and Anon ain't getting no pony AIDS
>Still, this is a slavery roleplay dungeon with Monopoly money for slave trading and such, and that gives him a cunningly capitalistic idea
"Pull the plow faster, you useless horse!"
>"Y-yes master!~"
>He cracks his whip
"Horses don't talk! They don't moan, either. Seriously, don't make this weird for me."
>Using slaves for actual slave labor
>Anon can't believe nobody's thought of this before
>Nor how rich he's getting in pretend money from selling his crops
>He can totally believe that these ponies are getting off to doing farmwork, though
>Weirdos

Testing
IGNORE ME

>However, the sheer scale of the whole thing puts him off
>This is a global network of town-sized sex dungeons all linked by pony Stargate magic fuckery

This alone is what puts me off about the whole thing.

I'd light a fucking match and drop it.
Then again, it wouldn't really catch on anything, considering there's just fluid everywhere.
Unless ponies cum gasoline or something.

>>28709457
No

>>28709499
meant for
>>28709078

>>28709499
>cum gasoline

>>28709499
you might be on to something with cumming gasoline

>>28709671
>>28709677
>anon's car is low on fuel
>sighs and jacks off a random stallion into the fuel tank

>>28709677
>anon is a serial arsonist who has a pony partner-in-crime
>he fucks said partner and sets the resulting gasoline on fire

>>28709702
>Anon's car to the ponies is what a car running on semen would be to us.

>>28701938
>Anon follows Twilight to the best of his ability
>Finally finds her again after peeking through an air duct
>Becomes very disappointed in her

>>28707129
Ha! Damn, that's funny

File: de8[1].png (110KB, 482x482px) Image search: [Google]

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>>28710162
>Your hands rapidly sift through the papers on the desk.
>Society? Slavery?
>The number of new members every bloody day...
>A very clever and not very subtle way to take over the world.
>Now you're not very well informed on magic, but it must be related to ESP, all in the mind. That's why you're not affected.
>And extra-sensitive minds can be controlled, right?
>You think. You'd have asked Twilight, but well, it's too late for her now.
>Damnit!
>Your eyes scan the papers again.
>Note to self: invent the handheld camera.
>A series of hoofsteps echo down the immediate hallway, stopping you cold.
>Shit! The desk is open air... plants too small...
>You probably won't fit in a cabinet full of collars.
>There's only the corner with the uhh... statues.

>The double-doors ahead of you burst open, and a pair of well-dressed mares walk in.
>"And so I said to her, "That's no piano! That's my husband!"
>Mare number two looks in your direction...
>And straight at you.
>Don't move a fucking muscle.
>"Hey Sunflower, I never noticed these new statues before."
>"Huh... neither have I!"
>"You think the boss got new ones? Freshen up the bedrooms?
>Rubbing her chin, Sunflower gazes at your features
>pic
>"This one is so weird! It's like some sort of monkey I've never seen before!"
>"Oh, I KNOW, blahblahblah..."

>20 minutes later
>"Blahblahblah..."

>35 minutes later
>Can these two fucking move on already?

>40 minutes later
>Fuck it.
Hmph!
>Springing from your stillness, you grab Sunflower's head and the other's, and quickly bash them together.
>Ow, your joints.

>Side-stepping the unconscious ponies, yet another airduct in the immediate hallway becomes your saving grace once again.
>A busy crowd hurries through the hall while you haul yourself through yet another metal tube.
>Phew.

>>28711463
Gross. I bet she'll blame it on her animals.

>>28711849
Hnnnnnng

>>28712252
It's not like they have a choice.
>"Okay Mr. Mousey, time for you to play cave explorer."
>"You can't say no or Miss Kitty might find out where your wife and kids are, and that would be so sad. Now, in you go."
>"Ooooo, squirm for me Mr. Mousey."

File: I am Jack's reaction image.jpg (86KB, 705x960px) Image search: [Google]

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>>28706077
>>28706086
>>28706094
>>28706149

As the guy who wrote >>28704706
This made me kek. I like how we've been bouncing oneshots off each other recently.

Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug.

>>28713524
I've had fun with that in the last few weeks as well. It's nice to see a one shot I wrote or an idea I posted get expanded on. Durnk needs to be thanked as well. He's a funny guy.

>>28710939
Every day I'm on the internet and I see this stupid pose

ded

>>28715062
We just got a season finale that introduces yet another dramatic change in the series. Why would you expect anyone to be posting here right now?
Thanks for the bump, tho

>>28715062
U ok?

>>28672819
>You awake to the smell of sweat, still waiting for your body to adapt to the warmer climate of Equestria.
>Pretty much the only time it gets cold is when the Weather Squad starts chucking snow around.
>How do these fluffy fucking ponies stand it. Do they even have the capacity to sweat?
>A sudden thought hits you, looking over at Fluttershy's sleeping form.
>You begin to lean forward, eyes fixed on her face, listening for any sign of waking.
>Your nose finally reaching the joint where her foreleg reaches her shoulder, you pause for a moment before inhaling.
>You can't fucking believe it.
>It smells like fucking flowers, god, fucks sake.
>Flopping back into your blanket you contemplate that pony sweat smells of flowers and yours smells of... of smelly human.
>In comparison to ponies you must seem like some horrid smelly orc. Lumbering about town.
>"Hey Anon! Fluttershy! Time for breakfast!"
>Fluttershy begins to stir, while you yell back "In a minute Dash!"
>-------------------
>Everyone's gone their separate ways for the day.
>Applejack and Rainbow went running, training for some kind of autumn marathon thing.
>Fluttershy went off to talk to her animal friends.
>And you, you're staring at a rock.
>In the perhaps very vain hope that it will reveal it's secrets.
>Unlikely, one you're not a geologist. And two this isn't earth, so even if you were it wouldn't help, probably.
>Again you're not a geologist or a xeno-geologist either.
>It'd be a bit shit if you fell at the first hurdle, you came on this trip to do manly things.
>Build a shelter, build a fire. Come to think of it survival-ism is mostly about building.
>Pondering the problem for a moment, you decide to channel your inner Neanderthal.
>And smash two rocks together until one of them breaks open.

>>28716016
>--------------------
>Returning to camp you find Anon sitting next to the fire, running a knife along a thin branch.
>Next to him is a pile of branches, all shaped and- Why is there a pointy rock tied to each of them?
>Are they meant to be spears?
>As you open your mouth to ask Anon about them, Applejack cuts across you.
>"Anon, what in tarnation are these?"
>"Cool, you're back. They're spears you silly pony."
>Oh, so they are spears. You hope Anon isn't planning to hurt anypony.
>"Erm, why are you making spears Anon?"
>"Cause it's the kinda thing my ancestors would do around a fire, thousands of years ago"
>Rainbow meanwhile has got her hooves in Anon's spear pile.
>"These are pretty terrible spears, it's a just a rock tied to a stick."
>Anon's eyebrows move and his forehead skin creases up, you're pretty sure that's the human equivalent of scrunching your snoozle.
>"Well I'm sure my ancestors would have done a better job than me. They'd hunt creatures the size of house with these."
>Anon starts telling stories of the creatures his ancestors hunted.
>You try to not listen, some of the creatures sound really frightening.
>After he's done everyone lapses into silence for a minute before Anon breaks it again.
>"Hey why aren't the crusaders here, do little fillies not go camping or what?"
>"We done offered to take them, but they're too busy in training for the Sisterhooves Social."
>"The what now?"
>"It's a sort of family day for siblings with races, food and all that good stuff."
>"Tell me more."

>>28716030
You're my favorite new writer.

>>28715062
2spooky

>>28706789
>You’re Robert Anderson, 20, living in Toronto, Ontario
>You wake up surrounded by your own vomit in your friend’s bathroom
>And he’s not here
>You start panicking… did he really jump into that hole?
>You start checking the other rooms… nothing
>You check the time: 6:27am
>No way he could have gone out… although he was as drunk as you, so who knows.
>Wait a minute… the speaker; you remember jumping into the hole with his Walkman and the speaker
>Please, let the Walkman and the speaker be here
>You look everywhere but don’t find them
>He never leaves anywhere without his Walkman and you doubt he’s gone to the store to buy milk on a 1st of January morning
>You go wash your face, spray some deodorant on your body and get the hell out of there

>You’re Rarity, and you’re going to see your friend Twilight
>You knock the door of his castle and Spike shows up
>”Oh hi Rarity! How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. There’s lasagne and my house and the door is open”
>”Oh Rarity, you’re the best!”
“Wait, Spike! Have you told Twilight anything about our guest?”
>”Not really, I supposed you wanted to tell her yourself”
“Good boy, now go have lunch”
>”Thanks!” says the dragon while running towards your house
>You go inside the castle and find Twilight in the chicken trying to make fried eggs in the kitchen while reading a chemistry book
>”Oh hi Rarity! Do you want to have lunch with Spike and me?”
“Thank you, dear, but I like my fried eggs without shell”
>”Is everything alright, Rarity?”
“Well, so-so. I suppose you haven’t met my new neighbour”
>”New neighbour? Who is he?”
“Eh, he likes to be called Anon”
>”That’s a weird name”

>>28718184
“That’s the least weird part of him, Twilight. That’s why I’m a bit worried. He’s really big, his all green, uses weird attachments on his body and has a strange machine that plays bizarre swing music
>”Oh my… I have to see that with my own eyes. Can you take me to his house?”
“Sure! It seems he’s relative of the late Granny Netta, remember her?”
>”How could I not remember her? Her kindness towards everyone in Ponyville is missed… It’s strange nopony has occupied that house before”
>You go to Anon’s house and Twilight knocks the door, but nobody answers
“Oh don’t worry dear”
>You open the door with your magic
>”I could have done that myself, but I didn’t want to be rude”
“Don’t worry, I’m already used to it. Anon, are you there?”
>The house is empty
“This is odd, where could have he gone?”

>You’re Anon
>You were tired of that awful looking house and decided to go in search of a way home
>Unfortunately you’ve found a stash of cider first
>It was in a nice and surprisingly comfy barn
>You started drinking bottle after bottle of this 2% alcohol drink while blasting some Def Leppard
>You never cared is they looked a bit faggoty, they’re fucking awesome
>You turn the volume to the max
>”Pour some sugar on me, ooh in the name of love…”
>Suddenly the barn’s doors open widely
>”WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE??”, screams a yellow horse
>You quickly turn down the music and stay quiet, as if she haven’t seen you yet
>”What in Celestia’s name are ya??”
“Uh… well!”
>”And you’ve been drinkin’ our cider!! Big Mac, come see this mess!”
>A big red horse comes to see your mess and he isn’t happy
>”Are we gonna let this… thing drink our hard work?”
>”Nope!”, says the red horse before running quickly towards you
>This is going to hurt
>The horse hits your chest with his head and yoke

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>>28669998
Just finished A Foal Moon, are there any other really long stories that are worth reading?

>>28718307
Bros in Equestria.

>>28718307
That bughorse one from Heshie is aight

The Adventures of Anon Quixote,Man of Equestria now continue.

>You are Anon Quixote
>Yesterday, you slew a slumbering Dragon that threatened to awaken and sear Ponyville at any moment
>Nobody was harmed in the end, other than the Dragon, but who knows what could have happened if you had not noticed the beast
>Now, you sit upon a barrel in an alleyway, with your noble steed taking a nap on the ground beside you
>You're deep in thought, wondering what the land of Equestria would do without you
>In all likelihood, it would collapse under The Enchanter's might, and fall into chaos
>Fortunately, you are well-trained in the art of the sword, so all will be well as long as blood flows through your veins
>A new thought suddenly pops into your head and your eyes widen
>You turn your gaze to Rocinante, noticing that she's sleeping but hardly caring
“Rocinante, I've just had an epiphany!”
>Her eyes flutter open drowsily as she raises her head to look at you
>She gives a light yawn, almost like a squeak
>“That's nice, Anon...What about?”
>You swivel your entire body around to face her fully
>Placing your hands on your knees, you lean in close to her
“It brings me great pain to admit this, but someday, I will perish. And, in that hour, the world will no longer have Anon Quixote, Man of Equestria, to defend it from evil.”
>Rocinante rubs her eyes with her front hooves, waking herself up further, and raises a brow
>“I...think my friends and I do a decent job of protec-”
“Which is why I need someone to replace me and continue my life's work! I need a squire, someone to educate in the ways of chivalry!”

>>28718751

>Your yellow steed gives you a skeptical look
>“That sounds...nice, but who are you going to convince to join you? You aren't exactly popular...Not that I d-dislike you or anything like that.”
>You consider her words for a moment, lightly tugging on your chin hairs
“Heroes such as I are rarely appreciated, Rocinante. But, for once, you may be right. Finding a squire will be no simple task.”
>You retreat into your mind and stare at a pebble on the ground as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, thinking through any potential candidates for a squire
>Most of Ponyville's residents are too delicate to make good knights, and even fewer are probably willing to become become your squire
>You don't blame them; a life of chivalry isn't the life for everyone, but it is certainly a noble lifestyle
>Even so, you will need to find a squire one way or another
>Finally, you rise to your feet after getting an idea
>Your eyes meet Rocinante's
“Rocinante, I know exactly where I can find a squire! Where is the local brothel?”
>Rocinante stares up at you with a face that screams “You aren't well”
>“We...don't have a brothel, Anon. But Sugarcube Corner is the next block over?”
>You let out a disappointed sigh
“Shame. My master taught me that the greatest of squires are found in brothels.”
>“...He found you in a brothel?”
>You let out a proud laugh
“That's a story for another time, Rocinante. Now, come along, steed! I'm of a mind to find a squire before day's end!”
>As you begin strutting down the alleyway, Rocinante rises to join you at your side
>“What's a 'steed,' Anon? You keep calling me that, but I've never heard of it.”
“Something that doesn't ask its master questions.”

>>28718762

>A stroll and several brief speeches about chivalry later, you stand just outside Sugarcube Corner with your noble steed
“Now, Rocinante, would be the part where I instruct my squire to step forward and announce my presence. But seeing as how I'm lacking in the squire department, you shall have to fill the role.”
>Rocinante's eyes widen and her cheeks turn crimson
>“You...mean I'm going to have to go stand in front of everypony and...shout?”
“Yes, precisely! They deserve to know that the great Anon Quixote, Man of Equestria is among them, how else are they to know?”
>“Well...you do stand out from the crowd pretty well, Anon. You don't exactly look like an ordinary pony. B-But you aren't ugly or anything...I think you look a bit dashing.”
>In response to Rocinante's compliment, you give her an affectionate pat on her head
“Thank you, Rocinante. I'm aware that my looks can be rather overwhelming if one isn't used to seeing a proper knight in all of his glory. But tradition must be upheld! Now, go announce my presence!”
>With your gloved hand, you push her rear end, sliding her forward by a few inches
>Rocinante glances back at you worriedly, her lip quivering
>Getting fed up, you point at the door aggressively
>Her head held low and treading softly, Rocinante enters the building and, after a few moments of glancing around, raises her head
>“A-Anon Quixote, Man of E-Equestria!”
>She made your name sound rather undignified with her stammer, but it's better than nothing
>You'll be far better off when you have a squire for this sort of thing
>You take off your helmet and tuck it under your arm before striding in through the door
>You walk to Rocinante's side, and glance around the room
>Every pair of eyes has its gaze firmly locked upon yourself and your steed
>Most are looking at you as if you were, God forbid, insane, and others just seem unsure of what to think