Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

>>28758908
My picture is being used again! This makes me blush. Want a new one? Any requests?

>>28758914
Rarity slapping Anon's ass while he folds the laundry making some snarky comment.

Or just telling him he's doing a good job.

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I want to pull that fake tuft off and molest her bare chest.

>>28758908
>anon becomes a singer
>he just copies songs from earth
>is put into a mental horsepitle shortly after his first show
>his songs are written off as coltish whimsey
>while in the mental horspitle he has to have his dick milked to cure the whimsy

>>28758986
"What are you doing?"
>"It's a cure for stallion's hysteria, I swear!"

>>28759024
to be fair
it did work on women

>>28759024
i was thinking machines like the venus 2000 would be used but that is also acceptable.

>>28759024
>>28759072
>>28759116
>Deepthroat Cockslut, MD

>>28758986
>stallions are required to be milked because the population is declining
>this includes non pony species
>anon shows up thinking hes in heaven
>dick milking is his fetish
or he resists or something.

>>28759207
id resist out of fucking principle

im not fucking cattle

>>28759215
eh fair enough, maybe its not required and its more of a vollenteer thing. but i guess its up to the writfags if they write it.

>>28759225
>donating to a known scam artist

>>28759141
This...weirdly makes sense. 50s style doctor with a stripper name, or slut name as the case may be.

>>28759225
Don't worry, the jews are helping pay. Shkreli, to be precise.

>>28758908
What if Equestria was the Meme Sweden of Equus?

>>28759979
>Young colt kidnapped and raped by a gang of donkey mares
>Donkeys are acquitted and given cash as an apology; Ponies stage a protest and are arrested for racism

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>>28759979
>Zecora comes to Equestria from her war-torn homeland
>Works her hooves to the frog and builds a successful alchemy business
>Her citizenship request is refused; She's deported to Zebrabwe while her property is given to a bunch of terrorists

>>28759979
>>28760009
Yeah no. If I want to get angry about life I can directly go to /pol/. Let's keep ponyland as NOT earth.

>>28760009
I was thinking more as in 'Feminism has become so strong in Equestria that gender roles have been reversed for thousands of years', unlike everywhere else.

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>>28759979
>Colt cuddlers are regularly raped and tortured by breezie immigrants
>Nopony says anything for fear of being labelled as racist

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>>28760033
Zecora a qt.

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>>28759979
>A wealthy and successful stallion claims to be worse off than any mare; Is considered a masculist hero
>Meanwhile, a mare living in a cardboard box under a bridge is beaten to death for her horseshoes

>>28760054
>>28760038
>>28760033
>>28760009
Okay Eurofag go back to poll. We know your countries are going to shit, we don't need it here.
>>28760077
Dub dubs confirm, Anon marries Zecora to get around the laws and fucks up terrorist in her free time.

A small update to It gave me Goosebumps. http://pastebin.com/ivLcbi1h

>There should be a law that states that any man who receives a full spa treatment have his man-card revoked.
>”This is the life, let me tell you Anonymous.”
>Earlier that day you were suddenly drug out of the writing room by Yearlings dad for what he called “Stallion’s day out”
>A pair of hooves was currently doing their very best to get a knot in your shoulder out, the spa mare doing her very best at fighting a losing battle.
“I still don’t get why I’m here.” You managed to grunt out feeling the pressure on your shoulder increase.
>Gentle Quill, as he introduced himself while dragging you to the local spa, gave you a calculating look before smiling.
>”Us colts sometimes need to treat ourselves, otherwise we’d go insane.”
>Yeah, you’re not buying it.
>Small horse thinks he can trick you with his sneaky methods.
“No really, why am I here?”
>”Nothing gets by you does it dearie, I just wanted to get to know the colt who swept my daughter off her hooves.”
>Had you been drinking anything it would have been messily spit out at around this point.
>”There I was at a nice little café when one of my friends starts pestering about grandfoals and proclaiming I would be a great grandpapa.”
>Is this horse drunk?
>He sounds drunk.
>”And then that picture my dear wife presented me when I got home” Moving a hoof to his brow he let out a pained sigh “ I nearly fainted.”
>Picture?
>The gala… fuck.
>Your ego caused this, that and Yearling getting drunk, but mostly your ego.
>”So while my wife was ready to come down here and give you a walloping I managed to convince her otherwise.”

>>28760094
>A look on Quills face turned into a sly grin.
>”I of course still had my reservations about you being a goldigger, but now knowing that you’re a successful writer yourself I know that’s not the case.”
“I think you have the wrong idea about me and Yearling.”
>The copper coated stallions expression changed in an instant.
>”Ooooh I do love some gossip, spill the oats colt.”
>Before he was just teasing, now he was like a giddy schoolgirl ready to hear the most juiciest gossip.
>God this place was turning you into a damn woman.
“We’re working together. Nothing more, nothing less. What happened at the gala was just a misunderstanding.”
>Like a balloon who’s air got let out all to quickly the stallion deflated at your words.
>”N..no.. grandfoals?” He sniffled dejectedly.
>You silently pondered whether or not you could use the massage oil as poison.

>Your daughter was always an odd mare.
>She never chased colts, often rather choosing to sit in her room and write.
>At her age you were chasing every piece of dick that you had set your eyes on.
>Alpha’s aren’t born, they’re made.
>But Yearling…
>She took after her father in her talents, and sadly his shyness, and while you were nervous about her career prospects you were happy that she was doing well with her writing.
“Now when Anonymous comes back you need to show him just how big your tuft is. Stallions love mares with a big tuft.”
>Now however you were going to help her in a way her father could not.
>You were going to teach her on how to seal the deal.
>Stopping to take a sip of the mint tea set before you, your eyes returned to your daughter.

>>28760116
>Your daughter was tightly curled up on the couch, rocking back and forth, and covering her face with her hooves.
>Timeforthetalk.exe
“Though I have to wonder… those grabbers of his… have you two”
>”Mother please!!!”
“Don’t you ‘Mother’ me young lady, I had almost given up any hope of having grandfoals, so you’re not going to buck this up if I have anything to say about it.”
>And she’s doing that rocking back and forth again.
>Your daughter got too coddled by your husband, it was way past the time to show her how to be a mare.
“Now onto picking out a good pair of socks for the wedding night.”

>You smelled like flowers and other expensive oils as you walked back from the spa with a slightly dejected stallion.
>Ever since you told him the chances of you putting your dick anywhere near Yearling the wind had left his sails.
>”Anonymous?”
“You can call me Anon.”
>”Anon. Can we stop and get something to drink, I think I need it.”
>Looking to the sad pony you had to refrain from just picking him up and giving him a big hug.
>No homo.
>You hated seeing ponies sad, especially when they were sincerely nice.
“Sure.”
>You remembered a nice little coffee shop not too far from here.
>Maybe a nice piping hot cup of coffee would lift his spirits up.

---
And pastebins updated.

>>28760124
Aw yiss

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>>28760087
>Dub dubs confirm, Anon marries Zecora to get around the laws and fucks up terrorist in her free time.

>Anon is a legal Equestrian citien, yet can't own property because he's a stallion.
>Zecora can't legally settle in Ponyville because she's a zebra not a legalized citizen or married to one.
A match made in a hut smelling to herbs and marecum.

>>28760009
>Stallions are treated, socially and politically, as the untouchables for decades
>A mare doesn't even need to touch a stallion to be charged with rape
>Donkey mares immigrate and stallion-rape skyrockets
>City guards suggest that the stallions "dress less provocatively"
>Princess Celestia is quoted as saying "I'm sorry" to the donkeys

>>28760116
>>”N..no.. grandfoals?” He sniffled dejectedly.
NIGGA THEY DIFFERENT SPECIES

>>28760375
hes a stallion he doesnt know how babies work.

>>28760360
>Celestia immediately leaves to go golfing

>>28760399
thanks celestia

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I want to fuck this butt.

I want to ravage it. I want to molest it and make it mine.

I want to completely destroy this butt with my penis.

My crusade upon this delicious, god-blessed ass will be as strong as the righteous erection I currently sport just thinking about the conquest of this delicious gift of the heavens.

I want to thoroughly demolish this succulent ass so hard that the next generations will talk in whispers about the legend of 'The Man who fucked The Butt'.

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>>28760497
Oh yeah, and I would follow with every other delicious ass in that school after that one, regardless of age, species or gender.

>>28760124
I've been waiting for this to update.

>>28760507
>A round, plump ass isn't attractive on women in RGRE/RGREqG
>Pinkie is showing off to Anon why Sonata isn't prime picking
>Anon cannot contain his erection
"Does she always sit like that?"
>"Yes."
"Perfect."

>>28760497
But... what about her neglected ladybits?

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>>28760375
>NIGGA THEY DIFFERENT SPECIES

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>>28760566
Of course. They come with the full package, both lower and higher ladyparts.

>>28760629
>Three mature ladies
>They corner Anon and via typical bullshit laws that are more at home in Equestria than EqG-Earth, Anon must become bound legally to all three of them
>givehimtheV.png
>But Anon is not locked in there with them
>They are locked in there with him

>>28760656
>>But Anon is not locked in there with them
>>They are locked in there with him

>They try to crawl away after 4 hours of continuous ravaging
>anon drags them back in
>no escape
>THE RIDE NEVER ENDS

>>28760688
>EqG-humans have the stamina of a typical mare
>Because reasons
No complaints, to be honest.

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>>28760537
>>A round, plump ass isn't attractive on women in RGRE/RGREqG

>>28760497
I think this falls under "to each their own"
I just don't get how that's supposed to be attractive

> Be Principal Celestia
> You thought after the demon, the sirens, and the god-transfer-student, you were prepared for anything
> You were wrong
> "Good morning, Miss Celestia. Might I say your hair is looking quite lustrous today?"
> You smile mildly at Anonymous F. Aggot, struggling to remain professionally distant
"Thank you, a-"
> You catch yourself
"Mr. Aggot. Is there a particular reason why you are waiting outside my office?"
> He gazes at you with a very earnest expression
> "Yes, I was hoping to get your impressions on a club I want to set up. I know you are very busy, but it shouldn't take too much time."
> Anonymous absently tugs at the hem of his shirt, pulling it taught across his lithe muscular torso
> You tear your eyes away from the spectacle, focusing on unlocking your door
"I suppose I can spare some time."
> You glance to either side, the hallway is vacant except for the two of you
> You open the door, holding it for him
"Lords first."
> He smiles at that, and slips into your office with a beguiling sway to his hips
> You close the door behind you, feeling a little nervous at the prospect of being alone in a room with the nubile young man
> You stride forcefully behind your desk and get settled, skimming a note you had left to yourself the day before, and moving some paperwork to the side
> Only then did you meet his eyes again
"Now, what is your idea for a club?"
> He leans forward, elbows on his knees
> The neckline of his unbuttoned polo shirt hangs loose, offering tantalizing glimpses of his pectoral muscles
> "It's too easy nowadays to fall into unhealthy habits, be that eating, exercise, or what have you."
> Anonymous clasps his hands together, the subtle chords in his forearms flexing
> Your eyes jerk back to his earnest, impassioned face

>>28760124
I like this, I want to see Yearling squirm more as we tease her endlessly muwhahahah

>>28761158
> You nod encouragingly, ignoring the bloom of heat in your stomach
> "And while the physical education and health classes do teach good principles, they do too little to train good habits. What I propose is a life fitness club, with both a comprehensive curriculum and regular activities to cultivate a healthier lifestyle."
> You lean back, considering the prospect
"So, exercise, cooking, positive thinking, that sort of thing?"
> He smiles
> "Indeed. I was also thinking that there could be a sharing time, where we talk about what has been working for us. It'll help bring us all closer together."
> What a typically boyish idea, but there is nothing wrong with it
"It sounds like you have really thought this through. Do you have any prospective members, or do you need time to recruit?"
> Anonymous pulls a paper from his backpack and sets it on your desk
> "I believe the minimum requirement is five members, counting myself?"
> You glance across the signatures
> Rainbow Dash and Applejack, no surprise there
> Big Mac, isn't he a senior?
> The boy has some decent growth on him, you suppose he would be a good example for the group
> Rarity, though, you have some suspicions about her motives
> Well, it's not like you were completely innocent when you were their age
> You set the paper aside and smile at the young man
"Everything seems to be in order. We'll let you know by the end of the day what rooms and times are available after school. One last thing, do you have a club councilor in mind?"
> Anonymous smiles shyly at you
> "Honestly, I wish you could take that position. I've always admired how fit and toned your body is. I suppose I could ask coach Spitfire, but I know she has a lot of sports clubs to handle."
> You are suddenly very aware of your body, and the way Anonymous' gaze is drifting

>>28761176
> You lick your lips, crossing and uncrossing your legs under the desk
"I'm afraid both she and I have little enough time for this sort of thing. Think about it, and I'll see if a faculty member will volunteer."
> You stand up, your arm starting to swing forward for a handshake
> In a fit of boyish whimsy, Anonymous stands and embraces you, his arms clasped behind your back, your now sensitive breasts pressed against the firm planes of his chest
> "Thank you so much, Principal Celestia!"
> You awkwardly pat him on the back, desperately hoping no one sees this compromising display
"You are welcome, Anonymous."
> He gives you a little squeeze, his warmth melting into yours for a brief moment
> Then he pulls away, leaving you both warm and oddly cold, and unsteady
> "Thank you once again for meeting with me. Have a nice day!"
> You nod
"It's no trouble. A good day to you too."
> Anonymous grins and walks away, swaying a bit more noticeably than before
> You sink into your chair, feeling loose and warm in all the right ways
> No, you were not prepared for this

>>28760688
>>28760656
>>28760688

>"Principal Celestia?"
>One of your more favourable students, Twilight Sparkle, looks up at you in concern.
"What is it, Miss Sparkle?"
>"I noticed that you're limping a bit. Are you alright?"
>You feel a blush heat up your face despite your best efforts to keep your mind out of the 3-day-long-weekend-sex-bender gutter.
>You nervously shift from one foot to the other, trying to ignore the sharp twinges in your groin that result from the movement.
>You and your sister had no idea what you were getting into.
>Neither did your niece, for that matter.
>You had expected Anon to last a minute before he blew his load; two minutes, tops.
>But five?
>Ten?
>Twenty?!
"Oh, yes. I'm quite alright, Miss Sparkle. I went skiing and I'm afraid that I'm not quite as fit as I thought I was."
>Your forced chuckle is replaced by a pained grunt as you shift your weight in just the wrong way.
>Twilight looks unconvinced.
>YOU look around for a chair to sit on.
>"And... and what about Vice Principal Luna? I was in the office earlier today, but she didn't answer her door."
>Luna.
>She just had to go and try to prove she was the woman with the biggest tits there ever was.
>While you and Cadence were alternating between napping and sitting down on bags of ice, Luna decided that that shit was for chumps.
>Whenever you had to sit down and try to get the feeling back in your legs, Luna would go out of her way to go and do something - ANYTHING - with Anon's cock.
>At first, you were thanking god for teenage stamina.
>Now, you were cursing it.

>>28761199
"Ah, yes. Vice Principal Luna."
>You lean up against the wall and try to take some pressure off of your everything.
"She, uh.... went skiing with me. If you could believe it, she's even more out of shape than I am."
>Twilight nods her head slowly, turning the information over in her head.
>Thankfully, you don't see any big gears turning in her head, and she seems to accept your bullshit story.
>"Oh, alright. I was just checking."
>Twilight walks over to you and does that weird face-nuzzling thing she always does to you.
>"Feel better soon, Prince-er, Principal Celestia!"
>And then, the's off.
>As soon as she closes the door behind her, you let out a moan and collapse onto the ground.
>After a few moments to collect yourself, you crawl over to your comfy, ice-bag covered office chair.
>When you get yourself nice and comparatively comfortable, you let yourself reflect on your situation.
>On the one hand, digging out that weird family marriage deed from 250 years ago (something about under-age young men with no living relatives that are under your career-based legal power) was probably one of the best decisions you've ever made.
>On the other hand, you regret everything you've EVER done.
>All in all, things were pretty amazing for Principal "Formally Single At Age 36" Celestia.

>>28761179
I require significantly more of this. It tickles a lot of my fancies.

>>28761214
Pluggo delivers

>>28758923
I feel like that would only work if it was 50s housewife anon, what with the house wife mentality being the only mentality

I always feel bad for Principal Celestia. She spends her days keeping a bunch of rowdy teenagers in line, in exchange for just over minimum wage and no medical. Meanwhile, her alternate counterpart? Immortal princess of a magical kingdom!
Then again, I suppose there's not much difference after all.

>>28761394
>A fucking principal
>Not getting dem union teacher benefits

>>28761394
It's fine, though. She's got a deal with Princess Celestia and gets small shipments of bits each month through that one statue-portal.

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>Anon in RGRE-EQ
>Anon was a shy nerd on Earth.
>He let a personality of "I don't give a fuck." overtake him when in Equestria.
>Now that he's back in highschool those traits show back up again, though not as strongly.
>Once he realizes it Anon takes full advantage and become a gamer-guy, embracing all of the stereotypes.
>He gets money for livestreaming in shorts and a t-shirt, receives gifts in online games from thirsty girls, and uses his wiles and skills to seduce someone who genuinely shares his interests and is a complete sweetheart.
>Tons of 10/10 girls are considered ugly here for some reason he can't even begin to comprehend, Anon ends up with one such person.
>Fluttershy.
>They play D&D and watch anime bi-weekly with her friends who are mad jelly.
>Anon likes to reward her for playing well with lewd heavy petting during breaks.
>They don't realize her friends can hear them, every time.
>Mad jelly.

>>28761214
Making RGRE great again, I see.

>>28761179
YES
I NEED IT

>Formerly Evil Sorceror Anon from last thread
>In loving relationship with the also formerly evil night princess
>Nobody else knows of his past misdeeds
>Luna fears that Celestia would disapprove and perhaps even react rather poorly if she found out.

>Political bullshit happens with neighboring nations
>Celestia seeks Luna's counsel on what to do
>Anon tags along and can't resist adding his two bits to the conversation

>The more he talks, the more Celestia wonders just where he gets these ideas
>They are some awfully devious insights for a colt
>Especially one who claims to have been of common birth back home
>Even the seasoned aristocrats in Equestria were rarely so sharp
>Then again, she thought, her nephew Blueblood was the top colt in those circles these days, and his sharpness could be compared to that of a spoon...

>Then he continues to predict, with startling accuracy, what her ill-intentioned counterparts will do and how they will react
>She could get very close herself as well, she'd been playing this tedious game of politics for quite some time after all
>But that he could do it too, was surprising.

>>28761433
Gamer Weebshy?

I don't think I can say yes enough to this

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>>28761214
fucking unf

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>>28761433
>>Anon likes to reward her for playing well with lewd heavy petting during breaks.
this fucking thread man

help me im dying

>>28761176
>> "And while the physical education and health classes do teach good principles, they do too little to train good habits. What I propose is a life fitness club, with both a comprehensive curriculum and regular activities to cultivate a healthier lifestyle."
>> You lean back, considering the prospect
>"So, exercise, cooking, positive thinking, that sort of thing?"
>> He smiles
He's /fit/ isn't he?

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>>28761482

>>28761617
Honestly, I intended it to just be a set up for perving and stuff, but I am somehow writing vague advice and things. I don't even browse /fit/, which may become obvious.

>>28761628
aww shiieeet nigguh

>>28761433
I NEED this.

>>28761433
>>Tons of 10/10 girls are considered ugly here for some reason he can't even begin to comprehend

>Socially awkward chubby nerd girls confused but delighted when Anon takes interest in them

>>28761794
that sounds too cute

>>28761179
> The afternoon sunlight drifts lazily through your office window, dust motes floating in its amber beams
> The school is nice and quiet, once most of the students have left
> You can feel yourself drowsing in your chair, the urge to take a nap rising
> With a surge of will, you stand up and stride out of your office
> You might as well check on the clubs, see how they are doing
> The halls echo with the faint voices of students laughing and working
> You smile at the sound, a reminder of why you come to work every day
> One by one, you slip into classrooms and make small talk if the advisor isn't busy instructing
> There are the occasional requisition forms and the like, and a proud demonstration or two
> Inevitably, the physics club has fused with the paranormal club, and you sign off on their new charter
> You pause outside the third floor music room
> You see Anonymous worriedly checking his watch through the window in the door
> He glances up and sags in relief
> Before you can react, he opens the door and pulls you in
> You find yourself facing nearly a dozen students, boys and girls
> Anon beams at you
> Too cute
> "Thank goodness you're here, our guest speaker hasn't shown up, and we only have so much time for this part. Would you mind telling us about how you stay healthy?"
> You shrug
"There's not much to say. Eat slowly so you know when you're full, try to get all the food groups, things like that. Well, there is one thing. I like to take a walking break when I get too tired from working."
> There is some polite applause, and you nod graciously
> You move to leave, but Anon tugs on your sleeve
> "Do you mind if I point some things out that you missed?"

>>28761899
> You suddenly feel uneasy, but you aren't sure why
> Still, what is the harm in staying just a little longer?
"If you think it'll help, I don't mind."
> Anonymous crouches down by your feet
> A hand presses upward against the back of your knee and you stifle a squeak
> Anonymous gestures towards your raised foot
> "Note how she is wearing a short heeled shoe. When you are walking all day, it is important to have comfortable footwear with enough support."
> He lowers your leg and stands up, startlingly close to you
> He grasps your upper arm and turns you around
"Mr. Aggot?"
> You don't want to protest too much if he has a legitimate reason, however...
> "Pardon me, Principal Celestia. Now girls, this is a good example of why high heels aren't essential for every outfit."
> Rarity calls out,
> "Nonsense Darling, the lift is essential for true fashion!"
> You peer over your shoulder at the good natured laughter of the students
> Perhaps this won't be too bad
> Anonymous clears his throat
> "In moderation, Rarity. Everyone, look at Miss Celestia's legs. Notice how the slight tension in her calf,"
> Fingertips trail up your calf, leaving tingling in their wake even through your slacks
> "and thigh muscles, and just the right amount of perk to the posterior."
> You bolt away before his touch slides any higher
> You scowl at the young man, your face flushed
> Rarity wolf whistles and her neighbor elbows her
"Mr. Aggot, that was quite inappropriate. I hope this sort of thing isn't the club's usual activities."

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>>28761214
>>28761199
The arrogance of women is thinking cock is in their control and not the other way around.

Let them fuck.

>>28761906
> He raises his hands in surrender
> "Sorry about that, I just got caught up in the moment. I assure you, this is a wholesome club, aside from Rarity."
> "Please, I am the soul of propriety."
> You frown at the assembled students
"We shall see. I don't want to hear anymore of this sort of thing in the future, do I make myself clear?"
> Anonymous bows his head contritely
> "Yes ma'am."
> You make eye contact with Mrs. Cake and jerk your head towards the door
> She joins you out in the hallway
"Does he usually do these sorts of hands on demonstrations?"
> She smiles a little, before sobering up
> "Not in this sense, no. Usually it's just cooking tutorials or modeling proper exercise posture and so on."
> You sigh
> You are beginning to have a suspicion, and you see Mrs. Cake shares it
"Keep an eye on him anyways. Let me know if things get out of hand."
> She nods, then pats you on the shoulder
> "I'm sure it's just a harmless crush, it'll pass."
"If only this sort of thing happened with men my age..."
> The married woman chuckles
> "I wasn't much younger than you when I got hitched. Give it time, you'll find someone."
> You sigh once again
"Perhaps. Well, until then I have my paperwork to keep me company, and I'll let you get back to the club."
> She gives your shoulder a quick squeeze, then turns back to the classroom
> You walk back to your office, trying to forget Anonymous' touch

>>28761927
I think I will continue this, I have always wanted to do a slow seduction story.

Required listening:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM

http://pastebin.com/Xn4riUdY

>>28761953
Slow seduction is my fucking JAM

>Anon was legitimately abused as a child by his mother.
>He never fully got over it.
>As an adult, it's left him wary and distrustful of females with authority over him.
>Gets pulled into RGRE, where all the females are aggressive, numerous, and considered the more powerful sex by default.
>And as both an alien and a male, he gets no shortage of attention from everyone, especially the alicorns.
>Anon now knows what real hell is like.

>>28762360
I came here for sweet, RGR. Why you do this to me.

>>28762584
Have some bittersweet RGR

>>28761482

Earlier in their relationship

"Luna, are you alright?"
>"We-I, I am fine"
"You don't seem fine."
>He ran his hand through her mane
"Matter of fact, you seem to think I'm going to fade away if you let go of me."
>She hugged him tighter
>"It's...been a long time, a very long time, since I've been granted this luxury."

>He'd heard the story of course, the broad strokes anyway.
>He didn't really have any frame of reference that could properly put it into perspective.
>He had a few decades of life behind him, whereas she had spend a millennium trapped on the moon.
>Instead of trying to spout some meaningless platitude, he decided to lay in silence, listening as he pet her, and let her talk, she obviously needed too.

>"I...I wasn't really myself all those years, but even so, I remember being alone. Utterly alone."
>"There's something indescribably comforting about a stallion's embrace, even a chaste one."
>"It was a great relief to have my sister hold me again, like she used to, before...but it's not the same."

>She nuzzled his chest.
>"You say I think you're going to fade away. Part of me fears exactly that."
>"In my more lucid moments, I would imagine that things were different. More than one fantasy disappeared right before mine eyes, replaced with nothing but barren rock!"
>He reached to wipe the sudden tears running down her face.
"Shhhh, it's over now. I'm here."
>She said something, so softly he couldn't make it out.
"What's that?"
>"For how long?"
>"You came from another world, what if you get taken back. What if you *can't* stay?"

>They each had their own demons of the past to deal with.
>It was surprisingly rewarding to assist her in dealing with hers, far more so than attempting to tackle his own.

"Then I'll rip the boundaries of the multiverse asunder and make my way back by force."
>He suddenly found it rather hard to breath, what with the alicorn doing her best boa constrictor impression on his ribs.

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>>28762623
reminds me of this a bit

>>28762623
>"Matter of fact, you seem to think I'm going to fade away if you let go of me."

he will
she is immortal, he is not
time is different for an immortal from a mortal, then is effectively the next now.
she is just a new immortal and 1000 years only seems long to her because it lacks perspective

even if he becomes immortal, a breakup is then mathematically guaranteed.
familiarity breeds contempt.
peoples desires change.
etc etc etc
all counterexamples are all prefaced with deaths inevitability.
alicorn relationships only work in our minds in fiction because we ignore that issue or dismiss it

>>28762662
Well aren't you a ray of sunshine.

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>>28762699
I aim to please

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>>28762623
daww

>Anon gets cluster headaches (look it up)
>unkowable suffering, bedridden for days
>literally slamming his head into the wall
>mane 6 think it's just a colt over reacting, can't deal with pain
>"if it hurst so much anon, then I've got a spell to 'borrow' some of the pain from you."
>all six of them immediately collapse when it's done
>Anon skips merrily along now that he's only dealing with 1/7th of a headache

I want some ponies underestimating anon's pain tolerance

>>28759215
>Not fucking cattle
They even talk anon

>>28759224
>>28759215

Resist till paid per shot fired

>>28762912
This could be fun, human bodies can take an obscene amount of damage before collapsing or dying. And we know the have empathy magic, so shared pain spell should be simple. Funny thing is, I imagine Redheart of all ponies knowing the spell.

>>28763009
>Anon gets promise to be paid for semen
>Fucking sold!
>Gets to the milking station
>The pay is per volume
>Gets about 3.50 for his troubles
"At least got dick milked by cute mares"

>>28763017
unless they get it to go off in under 10 minutes, not worth my time.

>>28763017
And it was at that time that Anon noticed that the mare was a crustacean from the Mesozoic era.

>>28763013
>Redheart has a pain fetish so she works in the hospital
>Since she works there she can take as much pain as she wants from the patients for her own use

>Magical boy Anon starts a hookup service for monster
"A Tentacle monster raping innocent stallions? Not on my watch! Halt evildoer, take one of my pamphlets!"

>>28761953
We'll be waiting.

>>28763048
"Just think, Neighnoha, you could help save people by trying out my new dating service. And that's not even getting into how many eligible mares you could meet. Just give it a try and let me find Miss right for you."
>Anon tries to get the other magical boys to discard their sexual inhibitions and use his service, which incidentally will make him a tidy profit

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>Twilight learns that Anon eats meat
>Immediately tries hooking him up with the only other meat eater she knows
>She's not exactly Princess Cadence

>>28762360
Can I have more of these? To dilute all that "sweet and nothing more"

>>28762360
>abuse story

hurt me anon.

make me feel things.

"Before I introduce myself I'd like you to meet Debt, Anxiety, Anger, Memory Loss, Halitosis, Apathetic Relatives, Distracted Doctor and Neglectful Nurse, Degrading Job, Adulterous Wife, Mediocre Achievements, Profound Regret..."
>Suddenly pony tries to hug you, but you push her away.

>>28761794
>>Socially awkward chubby nerd girls confused but delighted when Anon takes interest in them

Chubby in this world happens only in the right places
That bit of fat in the face that makes women not look like a skeleton with skin stretched over their bones
That bit of fat in the arms the hides bones and lack of muscle
That bit on the sides that hides the rib cage
But mostly, it all congregates in their tits and ass, to actually be fat you have to just stop moving while someone feeds you doughnuts for a few years.

To top it all off, the sexual stamina of a pony, Along with the doughnut and vagina of a pony, instead of coarse wiry hair, fine as silk tuft that doesn't look like shit when its a bit long.

Literally any girl in this universe is a 10/10 to anyone from earth, Imagine an anime, where everyone is 10/10 but for some reason you are to believe this 10/10 is really a 3/10

Anon loves dem nerdy girls, enjoys the human figure but also loves what ponies bring to the table sexually.

This world is like he died and went to heaven.

>>28762662
I call bullshit.

Anon would have what, princess of the night to fuck and relate to... so you have that going for you, and i would bet a good 200-500 years on that alone being able to fuel you in the relationship...

but you are literally fucking the princess who can see everyone's dreams and manipulate them, during the day you and her may go about doing your own shit, but at night? mother fucker you are about to find out how godzilla has sex with a tentacle monster while mother watches.

You are also in a world of magic with the most powerful mage being a good friend, the second most powerful either being who you are fucking or her sister and the third also being among those two... are you telling me magic would become boring?

you and luna are going to die of something celestia pissed off or fucked up with LONG before you would get sick of eachother.

>>28763097
>Be twilight
>Be in a VERY crowded sugar cube corner with anon and rarity
>You are trying to hook them up
"But rarity you said you eat meat all the time"
>Rarity is regretting all her life choices beginning with telling twilight her sexual encounters in code
"You eat meat, anon eats meat, you are perfect together"
*Smile squeek*
>"No offense twilight, but I don't want HerpeSyphiHepatirhea aids"
>Rarity takes great offense at this
>"Ill have you know I check every single dick that comes close to me"
>Anon scoffs
>"Where do you find the time to make dresses?"
>Everyone around you is looking in...
*Squee noise*
>They are hitting it off well
>You may give cadence a run for her money.

>>28763254
The entire town gets together, and decides to call in all the neighboring villages and cities, This is the most advanced depression anypony has ever seen, and you decided you will hug anon till the sad feels go away.

Be anon, there is a literal wave of ponies trying to crash into you.

>>28763254
>>28763373
Moar

>>28763373
>Be anon, there is a literal wave of ponies trying to crash into you

>little pones just rub into anon like a cat
>slowly and gently
>they take turns nuzzling him

>>28763373
>The entire town leaves Anon alone and decides not to interfere if he decides to kill himself
>He's suffered enough, they figure

>>28763428
>cat-pones
yess

>>28763370
Gilda and Nons hit it off because they both hate poners?
>tfw birdwaifu will never do things to her with her beak https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwJjssBMAp0

>>28763723
Not so much, I honestly think of anon as someone who would fuck anypony given the chance, but would you want to trust your dick in someone who never knew how to say no?

>>28763737
Anon doesn't know the concept of saying no to free pussy.

>>28763742
Do you want to trust 'magic' to save your dick? I mean sure, if I accidently got herpes or aids, or some other fucked up poner std, and it was proven effective, sure, have at it so long as she isn't leaking cum, but before I know for a fact it works? not a chance in hell would I stick my dick in someone who couldn't name everyone they fucked in under a minute while having every name written down in front of them.

>>28763737
>>28763742
If I were confronted, I would immediately play the victim. I'd go on about how my gender was worthless in my world and how the shock and novelty of people actually caring went to my head. Because it would probably be true. How fucked in the head would you be at first if you found out that if you said "somebody hurt me", the reaction from the vast majority of people was outrage, shock, and concern for you?

>>28763737
OH FUCK
That was RARITY
I'm blind
fuck Rarity
I thought
fuck
I have no excuse
but still
>Gilda and Nons hit it off and torment poners in more ways than one

>>28763773
You sure you responding to the right posts?

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>>28760009
>>28760054
>>28760084
>ywn be the warhammer-swinging /pol/ack hero RGR Equestria needs

>>28763790
I woke up 10 minutes ago, Anon, cut me some slack. I'm still struggling with incredibly basic typing errors.

>>28763814
Not typing errors, I mean the response does not seem like it belong to the conversation.

>>28761522
GRAB THEM BY THE PUSSY

>>28763723
HHHNNNNNNNGGGGGG

>Gilda and Anon hate fuck in mid air.
>It's worth the broken arm.
>Gilda has to nurse anon back to health out of guilt and not be a cunt.

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>>28762360
Shit, that's me...
My dad was gone and my sister wouldn't stick up for me...

>>28763820
Sorry. I meant I'm still waking up to the point where even typing is hard right now. It's possible I'm clicking on the wrong posts to reply to.

>>28761794
>Nerdpone girl is bragging to her friends that she has a boyfriend
>None of them believe her and make fun of her
>"He likes eating pizza and playing video games? Are you sure you aren't describing your body pillow?"
>"Uh-huh. Next you'll be telling us that he likes that dumb cartoon show for little boys."
>Anon, with impecable timing, slides up behind Nerdponegirl and wraps his arms around her
>The girl's faces when he nuzzles her neck and kisses her cheek

>>28763254
>Loser Anon
>Not autistic, but not enough social experience or confidence to be skilled socially
>Distrustful, self-doubt is eating him up inside
>Little failures tear him apart, and he's uncomfortably aware at how emotionally-immature he is
>Doesn't have any friends, but feels dead inside enough that he doesn't feel lonely
>Suddenly finds himself in a world of magic and friendship where ponies dote on him and seem genuinely concerned for his well-being
>Anon is completely overwhelmed

>>28763901
I want to see this written well.

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>You will never have a waifu who values you enough that she feels like she has to prove her worth to you
>Your waifu will never see you as something to treasure instead of something she can replace as soon as something better comes by

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>>28763987
life truly is suffering.

>>28763987
G-godammit man.......

>>28763987
My right hand loves me very much, more than enough for me, though I would like a fleshlight.

>>28763901
Fascinating.

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>>28763987

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>>28763987

>>28763326

Then wouldn't this mean that all the boys are also 10/10s, and Anon would be considered ugly in comparison to even the least attractive RGREqG boy?

>>28764349
Just looked them up, there are far more unattractive guys in eqg world then there are females, I mean barring granny smith and one other, id say everyone is dickable, But the gqg world this thread has come up with buts females are more skewed than equestria and/or are more horney, anon may not be the hottest, but he also isn't a complete bitch like most the boys are.

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>>28763987

>>28764462
I didn't think this image would make me feel better, but it did.

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>>28763347
I never said you wouldn't have a good run, or to not try, or it would be boring.

i was pointing out it ends.
all good things end.
even your imaginings has them dying.

>>28764833
My ending has anon dying, and fighting his way out of hell, possibly becoming king of the place, and introducing a new... playground? yes a new playground for sexual misadventures.

>>28763347
Ever have a dream that feels like it lasts for longer than you were asleep for? Luna can make those happen too. With your perception of time stretched as far as magic will allow it to be, you and Luna have as much time together as you want. Anon is effectively immortal as long as he's with Luna.

>"Anonymous, love, do you want to have that dream again where we raise a couple of foals to adulthood over the span of 20 or 30 years?"

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>>28764916
This is some horribly depressing shit. I think I would kill myself after waking up from such a dream. I don't want a perfect, but fake life. Give me a trying, but real one any day.

>>28764943
That's the best part, Anon. When what you experience (measured by time) is 95% dream and 5% real life, then the dream becomes your reality and real life becomes inconsequential. And you get to go back to your world with kids and a loving wife every single night.

>>28764916
Had one that lasted several thousand years.
No, it was not literally that long, realistically it was very condensed, major events being the thing that happened, I take over a slave shit, we fight for independance, take over the planet the aliens were taking us to, fuck their electronics, and take the facility over. From there concure/bring under our control space and shit, mostly just highlights but enough to get a good feel for the passage of time, up till the last week, where I died heroically kicking some fuckers shit in.

But more commonly is a recurring dream in the same setting that gets more and more fleshed out each time, about a week at a time is lived there.

Personally, would not wish these dreams on someone who wants to be a productive member of society, as they will seriously fuck with your perception of time for days along with questioning what is reality.

luna wants to have a nice dream with me, I'm all for it, but doing this to someone else... god no, not unless everyone I care about is dead and gone would I accept this.

>>28764943
Had dreams like this that were realistic, I grow older, usually never have kids as this is something I would never wish on someone I live knowing what my genes can spit out, but it plays a big roll in why I'm so accepting of my lot in life. I get a good enough dream every now and then.

Though I will admit, have considered offing myself after a few of the longer ones as really, what in the fuck could I do in life that would ever be better then them?

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Hey, I got something new for you guys. Now, this might not be the final product, and not everyone that needs to look at it has looked at it, but I wanted to post this to see what you guys think.

Hopefully this won't take three fucking hours to post.

>>28765264
I hope it has something to do with pic related.

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>>28765264

>“Come on, come on! If you don’t hurry we’re going to be late, Anon!”

>Twilight Sparkle was excited. You could see it in the way that she moved, the way that her wings fluttered against her sides and the way that her tail flicked from side-to-side as she walked. This wasn’t the excitement that she felt when discovering a new spell or teaching somepony the magic of friendship. No, this excitement was explosive, intense.

>She could feel it from the tip of her snout to the end of her tail. It filled her lungs with each breath she took, made her feel light and happy and alive as she walked and talked and looked around.

>Today was a very important day for Twilight “The Book Bomber” Sparkle. Today—harmony willing—she would change the world. Today, she could make an old mare very, very happy.

>The person that would be her catalyst for this change, however, was not very happy. In fact, one might even say that he was quite upset about the whole situation.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Anon grumbled, trying to free his sleeve from the alicorn’s magical grasp and failing spectacularly as both him and the princess dodged and weaved through crowds of ponies. “There’s no need to run to the castle, Twi. We got plenty of time.”

>“No we don’t,” Twilight replied, looking over her wither at him. “It takes twenty minutes to get to the castle from the train station. After that, it takes about eleven minutes to get to the princess’s room. And that’s not counting on the traffic that we can get caught up in if we’re not careful!”

She gave his sleeve another tug, causing him to stumble forward. He very nearly fell face-first into a very overweight stallion in a sky blue business suit, but by some stroke of luck he managed to righten himself just in the nick of time

>“Now come on, lazy bones. Mare up and get those feet moving!”

>>28763839
Violence is the best answer, kill them all.

>>28763901
This is me...

>>2876530

>The human gave her a withering glare before his gaze traveled up the city streets. At first, the roads were packed with ponies from the train station, but as Twilight took him through the city’s many alleys and back roads the crowds began to thin until they were very nearly empty except for a local or two.

>Up above all of the old stone buildings, he could see Canterlot Castle looming over the grand, quiet, old, smokey city. It was massive, obscuring much of the sky above with its high walls and its towers that looked like they could touch the sun hanging in the sky. It was a great thing to look at, and it made one feel small, as if they were looking at a piece of art that they would never truly understand.

>Anon found himself dryly swallowing as he looked up at it.

“So, are you finally going to tell me [i]why[/i] you dragged me all the way up here or what?” he asked as the purple princess continued to lead him through the cobblestone streets of the capital. “Because I have a very bad feeling I’m going to be sleeping with the fishes by the time that Princess Luna’s moon comes up.”

>Twilight slowed her frantic pace to look back at him. “…Sleep with the fishes? Why in Equestria would you sleep with a fish?” she questioned.

Anon had to resist sighing, not quite managing it. “I mean that I’m worried that the princess is going to murder me and dump my body someplace where no one will find me,” he clarified.

>[i]That[/i] nearly caused Twilight to fall over.

>“The princess wouldn’t [i]murder[/i] you!” she squawked, her eyes wide. “The princess would [i]never[/i] hurt anypony!”

“Well, what am I supposed to think? You grabbed me out of bed, told me that we were meeting the princess, and dragged onto that train like some furry Gestapo!”

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>>28765354

>Twilight snorted. “Anon, now’s not the time to talk about [i]candy[/i],” she chastised. “The princess isn’t going to hurt you; she just wants to ask you for a… favor. Now come on, lets—”

Anon frowned. “A favor? What kind of favor would she need from someone like me?” he questioned.

>Twilight stopped. “She, um, well… she needs help with something that she’s been working on for a very long time,” she said, her ears lying flat against her skull as she nervously looked everywhere but in his direction.

This caused the young man to frown. “But why [i]me[/i], though?” he prodded. “There’s got to be a load of other people that she can call on to—”

>“She’s tried with other ponies, but it never works,” the bookworm interrupted as she ruffled her feathers. “So the two of us thought—” She sighed, trailing off. “Look, the princess will explain everything when we’re up at the castle, okay?”

Anon, still frowning, walked over to the little princess and squatted down. “Is someone going to whack me when I get up there?”

>Twilight owlishly blinked, causing him to sigh in exasperation.

“Is someone going to [i]kill me[/i] if I go up to the castle?”

>“No!”

“Am I going to be castrated?”

>“What?! [i]No[/i]!”

“Are you going to perform some kind of weird experiment on me?”

>“…No.”

“Am I going to be kidnapped and shipped off someplace?”

>>28765397

>Twilight’s nose scrunched up. “Who in Luna’s name would want to kidnap you?”

Anon opened his mouth to to retort, hand raised, but slowly closed it. “…Shut up,” he said as he let his hand fall to his side, standing up and dusting himself off

>Twilight rolled her eyes at him, muttering something about ‘colts’ under her breath before turning to address him head on . “Will you stop being a little colt and let me take you to the castle now? We’re going to be late!”

>Anon made a face, reaching down and pressing his pointer finger against the princess’s nose. Twilight’s body stiffened, her eyes crossing and her wings fully extending.

“Not telling me what’s going on is all well and good, but if I get murdered in that castle I’m going to haunt you for eternity,” he threatened, applying a little more pressure against Twilight’s snout. “And I’ll be the most annoying ghost that you’ll ever meet.

>He then gave her snout a little flick, causing her to sneeze, before once again applying the pressure.

“I’ll put your books all out of order on your shelves, I’ll switch the sugar with salt in the morning when you’re drinking your coffee, and I [i]swear[/i] to God [i]above[/i] that I’ll stay at the edge of your bed when you’re about to sleep and [i]watch you[/i].”

>After another moment or two, he relinquished his hold over Twilight, who promptly scurried away at a safe distance, a wary look in her eyes and her tail between her legs.

>“I told you to stop doing that, you jerk,” she grumbled, rubbing her muzzle with a hoof.

The young man chuckled. “Oh, you love it, you big purple baby,” he replied, playfully sticking his tongue out at her.

>A dozen blocks away, a train whistle let out its shrill cry.

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>>28765454

~ -~-~-~-~-~


>The rest of the trip was spent in relative silence as the two jogged toward the heart of Equestria. It hadn’t been a short run, and by the end of it Anon was drenched in sweat and Twilight looked around ready to fall over, but they made it on time. Mindful of their state, however, Twilight had made the two stop just a block short of their destination to clean themselves up as best as they could.

>Anon had complained but was staunchly ignored. With only a few quick spells, and Twilight fussing over her friend’s shirt, the two were ready and once again moving toward their destination.

>The guards at the front gate had been expecting them and ushered them inside at record speed. One of the guards—who looked no different from any of his brothers—had led them through the labyrinth of halls and corridors.

>Something seemed off about the castle. There wasn’t a single pony roaming the hall except their party. No sound whatsoever echoed off the thick stone walls. Every door that they passed was closed and every window only half-opened. Even the birds, which liked to fly around the support beams overhead and chirp at the castle’s guest were absent. Anon, though he thought it odd, did not dwell on it too much. Twilight seemed not to notice the distinct emptiness at all, or at the very least chose to ignore it.

>Minutes passed by as they walked, the only sounds being that of their feet/hooves making contact with the stone floor and breathing. Finally, after what felt like an hour of walking, the guard stopped in front of a seemingly normal wooden door, which looked exactly like the hundred others that they had walked past.

“The princess is expecting you here, my lady,” the stallion announced.

Both Anon and Twilight looked at the door, brows furrowed.

>>28765494

>“…That doesn’t seem right. The princess told me to meet her in her chambers,” Twilight muttered.

“She doesn’t want to get my blood all over her carpet, I guess,” Anon muttered, only to get a nudge to the ribs for his efforts.

>Twilight turned toward their guide, still unsure. “Sergeant Phalanx, are you sure that this is the right room?”

>The guard nodded. “Yes ma’am. The princess ordered me to bring you to this room,” he said, nudging his head toward the door. "She was very specific."

>Both Anon and Twilight looked toward the door again. They then looked at each other. The alicorn smiled at him sheepishly while he eyed her in suspicion.

>“…I’m sure it’s not—”

“This is a setup, isn’t it? I’m going to walk into that room and get hit in the back of the head with a baseball— umph!”

>Twilight smiled nervously at the guard as she closed Anon’s mouth with a spell. “Thank you very much for showing us the way, Sergeant,” she said politely, bowing her head. “The two of us will take it from here.”

>Eyeing the human for a moment—an eyebrow raised, though his expression was as solemn as ever—the guard turned toward the purple princess and smartly saluted. “You’re very welcome, ma’am,” he said, nodding his head in respect. “I will take my leave now. Both of you have a good afternoon.”

>Twilight, giving the guard a wave, waited until he had disappeared down the hall before she released Anon’s mouth. “Anon! You can’t just go saying stuff like that in front of the guard,” she chided with a frown and a stomp of her hoof. “You’re going to us get in trouble!”

lap you my nigga

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>>28765541

“I’m already [i]in[/i] trouble,” Anon retorted, looking back at the door. “The second that I step into that room you, Princess Celestia, and whoever else is in there are going to off me.”

>“Nopony’s going to hurt you!”

“That’s [i]exactly[/i] what a murderer would say!”

“>Aurgh! You’re [i]impossible[/i]!”

“Yeah? Well, you’re purple!”

>Twilight opened her mouth before covering her face with a hoof and groaned in irritation. She sat down with an angry flick of her tail. Taking a few deep breaths through her nose, she removed her hoof from her face and looked up at him.

> “…What’s it going to take for me to convince you that nopony’s going to hurt you?” she asked, irritated but resolute, like a mother whose child just stepped foot into the toy department.

>Anon crossed his arms. His bright green eyes looked her up and down carefully. If Twilight would have listened very carefully, she would have been able to hear the gears churning in his head.

“A Pinkie Promise,” he said after a moment’s deliberation.

>Twilight raised an eyebrow. “A Pinkie Promise?”

Anon nodded. “Yep. Pinkie Promise me that I’m going to walk out of that room in one piece,” he said. “If you do get me, at least Ponk will avenge me.”

>>2876557

>Clearing her throat, she stood up straight and placed a hoof to her chest. “Anon E. Mous. I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, promise you that you will not be harmed in any way, shape, or form by myself or anyone else in Canterlot Castle. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Anon’s eyes narrowed. “…Poke yourself in the eye.”

>Twilight’s eyes narrowed in return. “I’m not going to do that, Anon. It hurts.”

Anon’s eyes narrowed down to slits. “The pain is what makes it a Pinkie Promise.”

>Twilight’s tail flicked in disapproval. “That’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t care how stupid you think it is, I’m not setting a foot in that room unless you poke yourself in the eye.”

>The two had a bit of a stare-off before the princess groaned. “[i]Fine[/i],” she said, beginning to go through the motions. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my—ow!”

>A small smile came to Anon’s face as Twilight began to rub her eye, a frown on her face

>“Are you happy now?” the princess demanded.

The young man nodded. “Yep, let’s go,” he said. He gestured toward the door. “Ladies first.”

>Smacking him with one of her wings, Twilight brushed past him, “Ladies first, my butt,” she grumbled.

>>28765608
>“Ladies first, my butt,”
that's an invitation anon! go for it!

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>>28765608

>Loudly clearing her throat, she walked over and knocked on the door. “Princess? Are you in there? It’s me, Twilight. I brought Anon like we talked about.”

>For a few moments, not a sound came from the other end of the door. No breathing, no talking, no movement. Nothing.

>Twilight’s ears perked and Anon took a cautious step closer. Seconds turned into a minute and still no sound came from the room whatsoever. Twilight was just about to knock on the door again but then a voice finally came from the other side of the door.

>“Ah yes, come in ,come in, Twilight. I’ve been expecting you.”

>Twilight smiled brightly, relief easing the tension that had been building up in her withers. “Alright, we’ll be right in!” she said, before she looked back over her wither at the human. “Don’t you [i]dare[/i] say or do anything weird in there.”

“What the hell would I do in there?” Anon demanded.

>Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know, but Celestia help me if you do it,” she growled, pointing a hoof at him. “Now act like a stallion once in your life and remember to show the princess a little respect. Please.”

>Anon made a rude gesture, but Twilight ignored it, turning her attention back toward the door. Her horn glowed, encasing the doorknob in her purple aura. With a flick of her horn the knob twisted. With another flick and a high-pitched squeal, courtesy of the door itself, the door was pulled open.

>“Alright, Anon, let’s go,” the princess said, making her way into the room.

>She was halfway through the door when she stopped and turned around. “Be. Good,” she growled, pointing a hoof at him before turning around and disappearing through the door.

>>28765652

>Anon bit his lip. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he looked around the seemingly empty hallway. He then looked up at the ceiling, putting his hands together as if in prayer.

“Do something really silly to Twilight if I die, Pank,” he mumbled, bowing his head. “Do something really, really, [i]really[/i] silly.”

>Mustering up his courage, he made his way to the door. He poked his head inside—ready to jump back out into the hall if the need arose—only stepping into the room when he saw that the coast was clear and that no one was lying in wait with weapons.

>“Anonymous? Is everything alright?” A voice called deeper in the room.

>He knew that voice; he had heard that motherly, powerful, beautiful, elegant, one-in-a-million tone that seemed to hang in the air for a few seconds longer than it should have many a time. Sure, it had been a few years since he had heard it, but never in his life would he never forget it or its owner.

>It was the voice of Princess Celestia, Lady of the Sun, and the Biggest Horse in the Land.

>Anon paused mid-step. He then looked back at the still partially opened door. He frowned, before shaking his head with a small, bemused smile on his face

“…Everything’s alright. I’m coming,” he said, reaching over and grabbing the doorknob. “I was just… tying my shoe.”

>The door shut with a click as he closed it before making his way into the room.

>Once upon a time, he had lived in a room just like this for a number of weeks. Back before he was a worker in Bonbon’s candy shop, back before he managed to buy himself a small but comfortable house with a lovely little garden out in the front.

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>>28765682

>The walls were a warm tan color. Below, the floor was a plush red carpet. There wasn’t a speck of dirt or dust everywhere. Every single piece of furniture was made out of old, polished hardwood in some way or another.

>Since the city had had its Summer Strawberry Celebration just a few days prior, the room, along with the rest of the city, had a faint smell of strawberries to it. It was a pleasant scent, a calming scent, and with each breath he found himself relaxing more and more.

>As he made his way into the room proper, Anon saw that three chairs had been put in the middle of the room. They were around a small coffee table, which had three tea cups, a pot of steaming tea, and a plate stacked to the brim with yellowish, round cookies that, even from ten feet away, smelled lemony and sugary.

>Twilight was sitting in one of the chairs, stuffing her face with a hoof full of cookies while one of the tea cups, full and steaming, floated around her head. Princess Celestia—whose chair was a good deal bigger than Twilight’s, as was the empty seat sitting across from her— was seated right next to her. The Princess was pouring some milk into a tea cup, stirring it slowly as she did so.

>She wasn’t wearing any of her royal finery, he noticed, and her mane and tail weren’t floating on some unfelt breeze like they usually did. At that moment she looked like a normal pony. A normal pony who towered over most and had both wings and a horn but a normal pony nonetheless.

>As he entered the room, both of the princesses looked up at him. Celestia smiled, setting the small jar of milk onto the table.

>“Ah, there you are, Anonymous,” she said. “Please, please, sit down. We have much to… discuss.”

>>28765307
>>28765354
>>28765397
>>28765454
>>28765494
>>28765541
>>28765577
>>28765608
>>28765652
>>28765682
>>28765736
GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

>>28765264
how did bugbutt get her grove back??
i must know

>>28765736

>Anon gave the princess a careful once-over. He then looked over at Twilight, who was staring at him [i]very[/i] hard. Drumming his fingers against his thigh, he walked over toward the two. Ignoring the empty chair completely, he walked to Princess Celestia’s side. Kneeling down, his head bowed, he grabbed her left hoof with both hands and gave it a kiss.

“It is very nice to see you, Don Celestia. I come to you, a humble acquaintance of the famil—Ow!”

>Twilight—who was trying her hardest to frown despite the fact that her cheeks were comically overstuffed with cookies—glared at the human as he began to rub his head.

“What the heck was that, Twi?!” the human demanded, looking over at her. “What the hell did you hit me with?!”

>Twilight, too polite to talk with her mouth full, began to gesture wildly at him.

“Whatcha’ mean? There’s nothing wrong with kissing a princess’s hoof!”

>More gesturing, some of it bordering on inappropriate.

“I did not! You [i]told[/i] me to act politely before I came in here and that’s what I’m doing! And quit stuffing your cheeks like a chipmunk, you purple pig.”

>Celestia—who had a small, amused smile on her face—carefully lifted her hoof from the human’s hands. She then loudly cleared her throat, causing Anon and Twilight to look at her.

>“While I… appreciate your courtesy, Anonymous, there is no reason to bend over backwards for me,” she said, not unkindly. “This is a casual meeting; treat me as you would any other.” She gestured toward the empty chair. “Now please, sit. Have some tea and cakes. If Twilight is any indication, the cakes are quite good.”

>Twilight, blushing, quickly swallowed. “…Excuse me, Princess,” she said, rubbing her leg. “I forgot to eat this morning and I’m a little… peckish.”

>Celestia’s smile turned into a grin. “That’s quite alright, Twilight. I’ll be sure to tell the chief’s that you enjoyed them.”

>>28765784

>Anon, nervously looking around, stood up and made his way to the empty chair. The whole time that he did this, he could feel Princess Celestia’s gaze on him. While this was nothing new—a lot of ponies would stop what they were doing to stare at him, even after all of this time—there was… something about how she looked at him.

>Her gaze was intense, almost piercing. He could see sadness in her eyes; hopefulness, fear, trepidation, excitement.

>This was not the gaze of a solemn, powerful ruler. This was something else. Someone else.

>Trying to keep the growing concern from his face, Anon sat down and leaned forward. He grabbed an empty teacup and slid it over to him. Carefully grabbing the tea pot—rubbing his thumb over the slightly warm, smooth ceramic— he then poured himself some tea. Bringing the cup to his lips, he gently blew before taking a sip of the slightly bitter, though refreshing, beverage.

>Celestia, along with Twilight, watched him the whole did he did this.

>“Is the tea to your liking, Anon?” the Princess of the Sun politely asked, having a sip of tea herself. “I was told by the servant that brought it in that it had been made with a new blend of special tea leaves.”

Licking his lips, his eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to discern the various flavors in the tea, Anon put his cup back onto the table. “It taste fine,” he said. “It’s a bit more bitter than I usually get, but it’s alright.”

>Celestia smiled, her wings ruffling against her sides. “So how have you been, Anonymous? Have my little ponies been treating you well?” she asked, leaning toward him.

“The Flower Sisters still pass out if they don’t see me walking by until the last minute.” he answered with a half-smile. “I always make sure to put them in funny positions. Other than that, I really can’t complain.”

>Celestia nodded. “Very good, very good,” she said, her wings ruffling again.

>>28765776
She had a grove?

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>>28765820

>She tapped a hoof against the arm of her chair before shifting in her seat. Her feathers ruffled for a third time as she leaned forward again before leaning back just as quickly. The chair creaked as she moved around, doing its best to hold her not insignificant weight.

>Anon, helping himself to a cookie, realized that she was fidgeting. He looked over at Twilight to see that the purple alicorn was also staring at the princess, also not able to sit still in her seat.

>This did absolutely nothing to inspire any confidence in him.

Putting his crumbly, sugary cookie back down onto the plate, he leaned back into his chair. “So… not to sound rude or anything, but do you guys mind telling me what’s going on?” He looked at the two princesses, tapping a finger against his thigh anxiously. “All of this hush-hush, cloak-and-dagger stuff gets a guy nervous…”

>To his surprise, Celestia let out a quiet chuckle. If he hadn’t been looking at her, and paying attention, he doubted he would have even heard it.

>There was no joy in the sound, no amusement. It was empty; empty with just a twinge sadness.

>“My apologizes, Anonymous,” the princess said, shaking her head. “For the last two days I have been wondering how to broach this subject with you. Unfortunately for me I haven’t had the slightest idea how to go about it…”

>Twilight, now looking very concerned, set her tea cup down with a spell. “Princess, maybe if I just—” she began, only to stop when Celestia raised a hoof.

>“No, no, my old student. Though I wish more than anything for Anonymous to agree to my request I will [i]not[/i] dance around the issue or lead him astray.” Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. “He deserves to know what I wish clear and plain, so that is what I will do.”

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>>28765860

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>>28765784
>“It is very nice to see you, Don Celestia. I come to you, a humble acquaintance of the famil—Ow!”

>>28765860

Biting his lip, Anon picked up his chair and scooted it away from the table and the princesses and toward the door behind him as discreetly as he could. "Is this the part where you tell me that you have a bunch of clones of me underneath the castle that you’re experimenting on?” he carefully asked

>Celestia chuckled again, staring at him with her big, beautiful, sad eyes. “No, no, my little human,” she said. “I simply brought you here to ask if you would try to put a child in me.”

>For several seconds, the room was so quiet that one would have been able to hear the bacteria on the floor crawling around. In fact, at that moment, the entirety of Canterlot was so silent that one would have been able to hear a bumble bee fart.

>Anon looked between the princesses. He then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He brought his hands together, intertwining his fingers as he let out a puff of air through his nose.

“…Put a baby in you?” he asked carefully, weighing each word as if it were a gold coin. “You brought me all the way up here to put a… to put a baby in [i]you[/i]?”

>Twilight cringed, leaning back into her chair and hugging herself with her wings. Celestia, however, did not react to the incredulity in his voice. She simply sat there, looking him straight in the eye.

>“Yes,” she said with a nod. “I would like you to try to impregnate me. Please.”

>Several tense, sound-void seconds ticked by before Anon nodded, his eyes narrowing. He rolled his jaw, which popped several times, as he leaned back against his chair. Then, all at once, he cracked a smile.

“I had heard that you were a bit of a jokester, princess, but I didn’t know that you were willing to take a joke this far.” He chuckled, leaning forward. “You know, you had me going there, Twilight! Making me think that—”

>“It’s not a joke, Anon,” Twilight quietly said.

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>>28765921
fucking hell that caught me off guard.

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>>2876592

>Anon’s jawed snapped shut. The amusement that had been coming to his face disappeared. Concern began to replace it; concern and confusion and even a little fear.

“…What?” He quickly stood up, knocking over his chair. “[i]What[/i]?”

>Both alicorns flinched as a loud, heavy bang filled the air. Celestia looked down at the table, her ears pinned against her skull, while Twilight quickly stood up.

>“Anon, if you just sit back down and let us—”

“Put a [i]baby[/i] in you?! Why in the name of Mr. Roger’s holy ghost would you want [i]me[/i] to put a baby in you? We're friends--I think-- but you don't know me that well!”

>“Anon, plea—”

“I mean, you can’t just drop something like that on a guy! I haven’t even gone out on a [i]date[/i] with one of you little horses! Why the hell would I—”

>Twilight’s horn glowed.

>Before Anon could say another word his mouth was forced shut. His chair was lifted back into the air and sat up. He was then forced to sit in the chair.

>“Anon! Stop your yelling right this instant and let me explain, for Celestia’s sake!” Twilight shouted, marching over to him.

>Though his mouth couldn’t move, Anon continued to look between Celestia and Twilight. His eyes were wide and slightly wild, as if he expected that they were going to jump him at any moment.

>>28765951
it did?

>>28765997
yeah, but to be fair im half asleep and dehydrated.

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>>28765921
>“I simply brought you here to ask if you would try to put a child in me.”

>>28765855
how did she get it back?
HOW?

>>28765968

>Twilight ignored this however, stopping right in front of him and plopping down. “Anon, I know that the princess was a little… blunt, and you have every right to be a little concerned, but I promise that if you just listen to me for a minute you’ll understand what’s going on.” She looked back at the princess, who continued to look down at the coffee table. “The princess is just nervous. I’m nervous too, but like I said, nothing’s going to happen to you. You’re going to be totally fine. I’m sorry that I sound like the two of us are going to do something to you but trust me; [i]nothing[/i] is going to happen to you. Now, I’m going to let you talk again. [i]Don’t[/i] freak out.”

>The princess cut off the magic from her horn, releasing him. Anon gave her a glare, wiggling his arms and his legs to see if everything still worked, eyeing her as if he expected her to explode at any moment.

He frowned, scooching his chair away from her before making himself comfortable.“…Explain.”

>Twilight bit her lip. Closing her eyes, she quietly counted out loud to herself before inhaling. Holding the breath for a few moments, she exhaled explosively and opened her eyes.

>“Anon—”

The human shook his head. “Nuh-uh, not you.” He gestured toward Princess Celestia, who looked up at him. “Princess? You mind telling me what this is all about?”

>Slowly, Princess Celestia rose from her seat and made her way over to him. Her steps were measured and graceful, and her head up held up high, but there was very real fear in her eyes. She sat next to Twilight, sighed, and looked down at the ground.

>>28766047
this

if a fucking princeass says "fuck me til i'm preggers", you say "how high?"

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>>28766055

>“I have done many, many things in this world, Anonymous,” she began. “In my youngers years, I was an adventurer and a seeker of knowledge. As the years passed, I found myself as a blacksmith, a shopkeeper, one or twice I was a knight in the service of some noble. I have been a scribe, a beggar, I have worked the fields alongside earth ponies and woven clouds with pegasi.” She smiled ruefully. “I have also been, and still am, a ruler and a princess. For some centuries, I have been a ruler without equal and for others I have been something akin to a tyrant.”

>Her wings ruffled as her withers sagged. Her smile became a little more forced, as was her body language.

>“I have done and seen and experienced so, so many things in my long, long life, but there is one thing that I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing.”

It took a minute, but eventually Anon connected the pieces together. “You’ve never had a kid before?” he asked, brow furrowing. “How? Aren’t you like four thousand years old?”

>Celestia’s muzzle scrunched up. “I’m not [i]that[[/i] old, Anonymous,” she said indignantly. “And it hasn’t been for a lack of trying, I promise you.”

>“The princess has spent over a thousand years trying to conceive a child, Anon,” Twilight said. “But each time that she’s tried it’s been a failure.”

>Though it looked painful for her to do so, Celestia nodded. “I have laid with hundreds of stallions. When I saw that their seed would not take, I began to lay with gryphons, then yaks, then minotaurs, then diamond dogs. In my desperation, I have even tried to mate with dragons.”

“Dragons?” Anon said, his voice laced with both fascination and just a bit of horror. “Little ones or the big, giant ones? Because, while you’re big and all, I don’t see how it would work out with the big ones...”

>>28766097
Damn celly, you be thirsty

>>28766097

>“I used my magic to stimulate the drake and positioned myself so that the following emissions would go where they were needed,” the princess bluntly answered.

“…Oh,” the human murmured, chewing on his lip before leaning forward in his chair. “You know… A small part of me wants to know more...”

Both princesses watched the young man’s internal battle with himself. A minute passed before, with a straight face, he nodded. “Yep, I want to know. Now, did they cum so hard that—”

>Twilight, blushing, was quick to cut the line of questioning off. “What the princess is [i]trying[/i] to say is she has tried to have a child with every creature that she could get her hooves on.”

“…Every creature?”

>“Anon…”

Anon raised his hands up defensively. “Hey, I was just asking. No need to bite my head off.”

>Giving him a look that only promised pain, Twilight cleared her throat and continued. “From what she has told me, Princess Celestia has gone through every sapient species on the planet numerous times and no sperm has taken. Pony, gryphon, dragon, elk, diamond dog, every species had failed to impregnate an alicorn. As far as the princess is concerned, there is nothing on this planet that can get them pregnant. ”

“…But then I came,” Anon muttered.

>Both of the princesses nodded.

>“That is correct, Anonymous,” Celestia quietly said. “I have never laid with a human before, not in all of my years trying to conceive a child. Not in all of my years of living have I seen one of your kind until you came.”

“But how do you know that having sex with me would do anything?” Anon demanded, wringing his hands.

>“I don’t,” Celestia answered honestly.

“Couldn’t you just be infertile?”

>>28766148
>every sapient species on the planet
> there is nothing on this planet that can get them pregnant
What about non-sapient creatures?

>>28766175
what about plants? rocks? ideas?

>>28766097
>she fucks everything
golly that reminds me of a nice green DT posted for us in /sun/ once

>>28766183
Changeling
Ovipositors

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>>28766148

>The Princess of the Sun shook her head. “Since the practice of medicine began, I have been going to doctors to see if something is wrong with me. For the last five hundred years, I have been told that I [i]should[/i] be able to conceive.”

“But I’m a human and you’re an alicorn! How would something like that even work!?”

>“As I said, I have seen many things,” Celestia calmly responded. “You would be very surprised, Anonymous.

“What about adopting? That’s practically the same thing if you get a kid that’s young enough!”

>“I have adopted, many times in fact,” the princess admitted. “And each and every one of them has brought joy and light to my life. But it is not the same. I did not feel any of them growing in my belly. I did not give birth to them. They did not suckle on my teat.”

>Anon looked around the room, his mind racing. With them this close, he could smell both of the alicorns. Sweat and lavender clung to Twilight, like it usually did, but Celestia’s scent he couldn’t quite identify. Vanilla, frankincense, sugar, chocolate, some type of sour-smelling soap. It was everywhere in the room, overpowering the smell of strawberries and the varnish of the chair that he sat in.

Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Wait, wait, [i]wait[/i]! What about Shining! He had a kid with that pink love princess!”

>“Cadance ascended just like me, Anon,” Twilight said carefully. “Me and her aren’t like Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”

>“And even if he could, I would not ask Shining Armor to forsake his wife to bed me,” Celestia added firmly. “I may wish for a child but I will not cause two ponies that love each other pain such as that.”

“You don’t have to fuck him! All you’d need to do is—” Groaning, Anon covered his face with his hands.

>>28766220
>anon fighting this hard to stay out of the pony pussy
Alright there is no saving him. Take the faggot out back and shoot him.

>>28766236
Ironically, this is probably how a RGRE stallion would react.

>>28766220

>He hadn’t been expecting this. He hadn’t been expecting anything [i]close[/i] to this. This was supposed to be a simple visit. He was supposed to come up here, embarrass Twilight in front of her old teacher, talk to both princesses and some of the castle staff, and then he was supposed to go home so he could get ready for work tomorrow.

>Something like this wasn’t supposed to happen. It was nonsense, impossible. It was too much too fast. He couldn’t handle it; he didn’t know how to act or what to do in this situation.

He groaned again, so loudly that the sound bounced off the walls “…Why couldn’t you just try to murder me like I thought you were going to?!”

>Twilight, a bit of worry coloring her features, placed a hoof on her leg. “I know that this is a lot to take in, Anon, but I really need you to think about this,” she said carefully. “Could you imagine living as long as the princess has, seeing all of these ponies having children, and not be able to do the same?”

“I don’t need to imagine, Twi,” Anon retorted hotly. “I’m never going to have kids either because there’s—”

>A ripple ran up his body as the realization finally settled in; a realization that hadn’t crossed his mind since he had fallen into this world with nothing but the clothes off his back. He had no idea why he had never thought of it before—it was so obvious that it may as well have been right in front of his face.

>The air left his lungs all at once. A creeping coldness ran up the length of his spine. For a few seconds, he had trouble breathing. His face grew pale and his eyes grew huge. Even the room seemed a little darker and a bit more bleak.

>>28766256
IT'S A CHANGELING MIND TRICK

>>28766256
"No one who can survive my spaghetti flood."

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>>28766256

“…There’s only one human on this planet. Me,” he quietly finished, all of the energy draining from his voice. He looked down at his lap, feeling his stomach twist as the cold, hard truth washed over him. “I’m never going to have kids. No one to pass the legacy on. No one to throw a ball to. No diapers to change or babies to feed.”

Not knowing what else to do, he snorted. “Why the hell did I just realize that?” he muttered to himself, hugging his now shaking arms to his chest as he leaned forward. “It’s so obvious. Like the most obvious thing in the world. I should have known about it as soon as I landed here. I should have… I should...”

>Something as soft as spun clouds and as warm as a blanket that just got out of the dryer touched his shoulder. Looking up, he saw that it was Celestia’s wing. The Princess was giving him a small smile, understanding and pain in her eyes.

>“That doesn’t have to be the case, Anon,” she said. “You could still have a chance. [i]We[/i] could still have a chance.”

Anon looked back down at his lap, overwhelmed and sad and desperately wishing that he hadn’t gotten up this morning. “…Did Twilight mention that I don’t see any of you guys in that way?” he whispered.

>“Twilight told me you would be resistant to the idea,” Celestia replied. “I had thought of tempting you with bits, as I’ve had to do in the past, but decided against it.”

>Anon nodded, only half-listening to her.

>He could feel emotions raging in his stomach. Anger, fear, disbelief, outrage. His dad had had five kids. His brother had had seven. His sister had had a beautiful little girl with a little boy on the way.

>For most of his life, he had wanted kids. He wanted to find someone nice, build a nice little house near a lake, and have a couple of brats that made him want to rip out his hair. But now—now that he was in a land of magic and friendship— that was never going to happen.

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>>28766256
As if he was going to have kids back home either.

l-lap pls
my weaknesses

>>28766303
Yeah I'm just not seeing what this has to do with rgre

>>28766303

>Sure, he could adopt, just like the princess had, but was it really the same? If he adopted it would be his kid but it wouldn’t be [i]his kid[/i]. He wouldn’t be the one to help make it. He wouldn’t be there to watch them be born.

>With a shaky breath, Anon placed a hand to his chest. Though he honestly didn’t know why, there was another emotion welling in his chest. A mad emotion, one that he knew he shouldn’t be feeling, thread-bare and thin as it was. Hope.

“This… this is a hell of a lot to take in on a Tuesday,” The human admitted. He looked up at the white alicorn, tears in his eyes. “Why now? Why not ask me later??”

>“I only go into heat twice a year,” Celestia told him. “While we needn’t do anything [i]now[/i], Twilight and I decided to see if you would have an inkling of an interest in helping me with my... problem.”

Anon looked her up and down carefully. “So that means you’re…”

>For the first time since he had entered the room, a bit of pink came to Celestia’s cheeks. “Yes, I am in season,” she said, almost shyly, her free wing dipping down to cover her side. “Which is another reason why I was so eager to bring you up here and ask you.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Anon just nodded. “…Alright.”

>He looked back down at his lap. For the next ten minutes, he didn’t say a word, lost in his thoughts and feelings. During this time, neither Twilight or Celestia said a thing. They stood there quietly—Celestia’s wing still on the human’s shoulder—and waited.

“What would happen if we, you know…” he whispered, keeping his gaze glued to his lap.

>“If we were to conceive I would have you come to the castle to live with me,” Celestia answered without hesitation, her voice like iron. “Both you and our child would never want for anything. You would also be crowned a prince-consort and he a prince and be given all of my love and affection.”

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>>28766324

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>>28766344

His mouth twitched. “So we’d get married and live happily ever after, huh?” he asked bitterly.

>Celestia’s wing curled around his entire back with a tenderness that almost made him get up and pull her into a hug. “Anonymous, I swear, on my title, my life, and even my sun, that I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest stallion in the world if you bring my dream to fruition.”

>He didn’t know why he continued to sit there. He should have told her no. He should have gotten up and left. He should have gotten on the first train back to Ponyville so he could go home and sleep the rest of the day away and possibly the next few days after that.

>But he didn’t. He just sat there, staring into his lap as Princess Celestia’s wing tickled the back of his neck, a cold, dull pain in his chest.

“…Can I talk to Twilight for a bit before I say anything, Princess? Please?”

>Immediately, Celestia nodded. “Of course,” she said, lifting her wing from his shoulders and tucking it back against her side. “I understand that this is quite a thing to ask of you.”

>Though she was doing her best to appear regal and calm, cracks could be seen at the edges of her mask and heard in her voice. “If there is anything—”

“Something very strong to drink. A whole bottle of it, with two glasses.”

>Celestia nodded, her movements tense and jerky. “Very well. I shall go to the kitchens at once and see that you get what you need.” Her feathers ruffled as she looked at Twilight. “Twilight, if either of you need anything, anything at all, you know how to contact me. “

>With that, the princess all but fled the room, leaving Twilight and Anon alone.

>Twilight, working up her courage, once again placed a hoof in his knee. “…Are you alright, Anon?"

>>28766324
Cruel, anon.

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>>28766373

“No,” the human said, shaking his head. “It feels like someone hit me in the stomach with a sledgehammer. The stress of this is probably going to shave ten years off my life.”

>Twilight flinched, quickly looking down at the ground, regret coloring her features. “I know we keep telling you that this is a lot to take in, but we wouldn’t ask you unless there wasn’t anything else that we could do,” the Princess of Friendship said. “When the princess told me that she was never able to—”

>Not looking up, Anon grabbed Twilight’s muzzle and snapped it shut. Twilight, both surprised and a little confused, looked at him as he sighed.

“When that servant or chief or whatever comes to the door with that bottle of liquor we’re going to drink every bit of it,” he proclaimed, finally looking up at her. “I’m pretty sure that I’ll be doing most of the drinking though. And forget about either of us getting any sleep tonight.”

Giving Twilight’s incredibly soft, furry muzzle a little squeeze, he released it and let his hand flop onto the arm of his chair. “What time is it?” he asked.

>Twilight’s frowned, looking over at the clock on the wall. “A quarter past two. Why?”

Anon leaned back into his chair. “I work at eight in the morning tomorrow,” he said. “That means that you have eighteen hours to convince me.”

He crossed his legs, staring at her hard as she stared back in slack-jawed disbelief. “I’d hurry up and think up some good reasons though, because I plan to get so fucked up that I can’t see in a couple of hours.”

>>28766405
Alright, I'm done.

This idea was from a story that someone post in /sun/ a very long time ago. I wanted to try my hand at it and here's the first chapter of hopefully five at the most. I'll probably have some bugbutt tomorrow too, so look forward to that I guess.

Also, thanks to editAnon and Amphetanon for their help. appreciate it guys

>>28766422
>tfw can't read it until I get home

>Trap Anon in RGRE Equestria
>Pretends to be a chick so none of the mares will go after his junk
>Doesnt have to deal with all the bullshit sexism
>Gets a decent job that involves manual labor
>all goes well until one mare finds out his dirty little secret
>Has to convince her to not spill the beans

>>28766422
>bugbutt tomorrow
>not shared
Ok.

>>28766482
It's under three thousand words

>>28766515
You think I care? I like reading.

>>28766546
I'll send it to you then

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>>28766324

>>28766220
>Suddenly, his eyes widened. “Wait, wait, [i]wait[/i]! What about Shining! He had a kid with that pink love princess!"
>“Cadance ascended just like me, Anon,” Twilight said carefully. “Me and her aren’t like Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”
>“And even if he could, I would not ask Shining Armor to forsake his wife to bed me,” Celestia added firmly. “I may wish for a child but I will not cause two ponies that love each other pain such as that.”

LaP you make top notch green, but this story's premise is blown out of the water by this issue.
I assumed the princesses ascended too, and if not, that still doesn't explain their inability to conceive with mortal pones.
I can stomach anon not being a horsefucker, but unless candies conception vs celetia gets adequately explained, this reduces sun-butts motivation to pursue anon, instead of her pursuing shining's mojo.
knowing your work you might actually explain it further, but i would think anon wouldn't let that point go, as he is so reluctant.

if the gynecological pones had actually identified some mechanical difference between Celestia and mortals or candy this could be acceptable

At least you started "is this love?" before candyass and shiny episodically conceived allowing its continuation in "this is love?"

>>28766422
>Anon freaks the fuck out with no warning in the beginning
>only half-way through the chapter we're told (and not shown, I might add) that he desperately wanted a child

I'm not sure what you were trying to do here but it felt really odd.

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>>28766422
10/10 made me lament on my own foreveralone life.

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>>28766422
I kinda was expecting lewds.
Very, very drunken and awkward lewds.

>>28766599
>Anon freaks the fuck out with no warning in the beginning

Twilight dragged him to Canterlot for reasons that she won't tell him. I don't know about you, but I'd be plenty worried

>only half-way through the chapter we're told (and not shown, I might add) that he desperately wanted a child

That I'll fix

>>28765784
>“That’s quite alright, Twilight. I’ll be sure to tell the chief’s that you enjoyed them.”
And now I'm imagining "A bunch of happy buffalo cheifs smiling giddily and clapping when they hear the princess liked their cakes".jpg

>>28766236
Anon, in real life the normal reaction to one of your friendly acquaintances asking you to give her a child is not "Do you want me right here, or in bed?" What story-Anon is going through is a realistic reaction to somebody out of the blue asking him if she can make him a father. If you want your silly "lol teh randum XDD" reactions, then ponychan is more for you.

>>28766336
Give it time Anon. Not everything posted here has to ham-fistedly remind you every other line that it's RGRE.

>>28766831
I meant the part when Celestia drops the bomb and he just starts shouting until Twilight magically muzzles him.

Up until that point he's been joking and deliberately trying to rile Twilight up and it just feels off to me.

>>28766422
Please more

>>28766984
see
>>28766939
Anon for realsies how would you react is some girl you don't really know says "fuck a baby in me and legit knock me up"? Fuck you guys all these "how do emotions work why does anon feel things" posts are really autistic

>>28767061
I'm not saying that he shouldn't be surprised and overreact, I'm saying that from the initial glimpse into his character that I am given it doesn't seem right for him to start shouting. The problem is that there's so little of this story available to me right now and what's in it isn't very substantial so to me it is just some guy shouting about something I don't care about.

>Anon for realsies how would you react
If you want to go there, I'd most likely say no thanks immediately, then confirm what they are saying several times, ask them why, feel unsatisfied with whatever answer they give me, and awkwardly walk away to go pretend to do something else. Also, I'd be up the entire night wondering why they asked me that, and probably for the next week as well.

>>28767168
So backstory then?

>>28767168
>>If you want to go there, I'd most likely say no thanks immediately, then confirm what they are saying several times, ask them why, feel unsatisfied with whatever answer they give me, and awkwardly walk away to go pretend to do something else.
>The socially-awkward fuck doesn't understand emotions
Surprise, surprise.

>>28767257
Yeah, it'll probably make sense later on in the story.

>>28767342
>random shouting is "emotions"
Excuse me for trying to offer advice to an author.

>>28767415
Again, the normal reaction to a question as heavy as the one Celestia gave him IS an emotional one. You don't go up to someone you've spoken to a few times, go "Make me preggers", manage to convince him you're serious, and expect him NOT to be upset.

>>28767447
I'm not saying that he shouldn't be upset. I don't even know where this is going anymore, so fuck it, I'm going to go eat some brownies and go back to lurking.

>>28766422
will there be more?

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>>28767842

>>28765784
>chief’s
Fucking dropped.
Never write again lap. Ur a disgrace to writefags everywhere!!1

>>28766831
>That I'll fix
Nothing to fix. why would the topic come up previously? It would give away too much if mentioned anyway. AND your explanation of him not really thinking about it before is acceptable IMO.

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>>28767061
>some girl you don't really know says

And thinking about it from their perspective makes it even better. Since this is RGRE this is, from their perspective, the equivalent of a prince asking a female friend of his and taking him to their god-king to be impregnated.

They must feel like such fucking scumbags it's hilarious.

Also the mental image of Celestia paying for sex.

Did you know that LaP posts his RGREQG story in the Dazzling thread too?

Not a single one of them whined like a bitch over that part where Anon complained about Sonata dragging him off for sex.

>>28768304
Yeah. I don't understand why anyone thinks that Anon's reaction is unreasonable or weird considering what he was asked to do.

Hey, speaking of dazzling, thanks for giving their thread some traffic over there guys. It's nice to see their thread speed along like it's been doing

>>28766422
shits great thanks

>>28768350
I think the problem was, we don't get a lot of set up for how he feels about being in Equestria. If he had expressed some dissonance at hearing female voices from strange horses, and/or hints of loneliness for more humans, it would help set the tone of the fic, and help us understand the source of his protests earlier. Also, if there was a disgusted reaction at the idea of near-bestiality in his mind, then the intensity of his refusal would have more context.

>>28766466
This...is one of the few ideas I wouldn't give the reflex drowning it deserves.

>>28766553
SEND IT HERE!

>>28768378
I want more here.

>>28768304
>Be emperor Napoleon Bonerparts, king of France.
>You want to make some babies.
>Because as any doctor would tell you, babies cure rabies.
>You are deathly afraid of rabies, it's a horrible disease.
>Unfortunately none of the french women you have tried having sex with had babies.
>So you tried with some spanish women, since Spain is next door to France.
>That did not produce babies either.
>So you went to Italy and fucked some italian women, stopping by the Vatican to ask the Pope for advice.
>He told you to keep on trying, and offered you a few of his nuns.
>None of the nuns produced any babies either.
>So you went to Germany and fucked some german fraulins (That's german for women).
>No german babies either.
>You must end this rabies threat once and for all, no matter the cost
>You went all through western and eastern Europe, conquering any nation that tried to prevent you from fucking their women.
>Still you do not have any babies.
>So you return to France and sulk in your castle, having fucked every netionality known to mankind.
>Then one day your faithful student, Louis Pasteur, sent you a letter about finding a talking horse after one of his experiments.
>You have never fucked a horse before.
>You'll give it a try, maybe it'll work.

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>>28766598
>>28768483
>>You have never fucked a horse before.
>>You'll give it a try, maybe it'll work.

>>28768430
>Also, if there was a disgusted reaction at the idea of near-bestiality in his mind, then the intensity of his refusal would have more context.
You don't get it. The problem isn't "Anon doesn't want to make a baby with Celestia because horses and adjusting to Equestria and etc", it's "Someone just asked Anon with 100% seriousness to father a child with her" How hard is it to understand that there are situations that people, regardless of personal background, will react strongly to?

>>28766422
Lord bless you LaP.

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>"King Sombra is kinda hot, for a 1000 year old stallion."
>>"A GDILF? I can get behind that."
>"I'd love to get behind that! Heh."

>>28768522
>The problem isn't "Anon doesn't want to make a baby with Celestia because horses and adjusting to Equestria and etc"
Not that Anon, but THAT is part of the problem as well including the whole 'all-of-sudden-baby-making'.

>“…Did Twilight mention that I don’t see any of you guys in that way?” he whispered.

>>28768522
Because the way he is portrayed, most of his emoting is in dialogue. The narration is pretty vague about what he is feeling exactly. It's obvious and stated that he is stressed, but it isn't obvious what parts of the scenario are so distressing to him.
Is it the difference in social status adding pressure?
Does he resent being Celestia's last hope for children?
Does he wish he could have a normal human family, and having a child with Celestia feels too wrong?
Does he not want to let her down, but he can't bring himself to accept the situation?
There are nuances that can't be determined from what was written, and that lack makes it hard to follow Anon's emotional reasoning and feel empathy.
Let's not blame this all on the reader's autism.

>>28763835
>Gilda in a nurses outfit.
Anon, my dick can only get so hard!

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>Fluttershy is a stallion
>Nopony ever noticed due to his feminine voice and personality
>When his razor breaks, he's shocked to discover that nopony ever figured it out
"Did you never notice I always use the colt's bathroom?"
>"I thought it was because it's so much nicer than the mare's bathroom!"

>Nopony is sure of how to treat him now
>Mares begin showing up at his cottage either to 'give the tranny a piece of their mind' or 'help the poor colt with all those nasty animals'
>Stallions want to give him a makeover so nopony mistakes him for a female ever again
>Fluttershy just wants to go home and help the animals get ready for the winter

How do you react?

>>28768822
So nobody ever looked under his tail? Not even once in passing?

>>28768842
>>28768822
>"It's just so small, we didn't even notice! We're sorry, Fluttershy!"

So I'm trying something different. Let me know what you all think.
---
>”Why would a colt live in a set of abandoned ruins, by himself no less?”
>A series of similar questions followed Rarity’s as the girls pondered the latest piece of information.
>You all gathered at Sugarcube corner for your weekly meet-up.
>And because Pinkie had some new cupcake recipe she wanted you all to try.
>But mostly because you had important meeting things to discuss.
>The first thing on the agenda was the what all of Equestria was abuzz about.
>A week ago a group of researchers headed out into the desert lands and found ruins of some ancient city.
>The scholar in you was more than ecstatic, who wouldn’t want to read the about the discoveries they made.
>The history and… and… the SCIENCE!!!
>But everything turned for the worst when some minotaur-like creature attacked them and chased them off with a broom.
>Only after the fact did the researchers deduce that the creature was a colt, how? You don’t know.
>But you were going to find out.
>You weren’t the Princess of Science…err Friendship and stuff for nothing.
>”Equestria to Twilight, I hate it when she gets like this.” Applejack sighed dejectedly.
>You’d have to get in touch with Celestia about the proper permits for going out there, not to mention proper planning for cultural resource management…
>”Oh look a special sale on ink and parchment.”
“WHAT!?!? WHEERE?” Your eyes scanned the area, looking for the marvelous deal.
>”I thought that would get your attention dear. We were saying that a colt out there by himself could get hurt, maybe we should take a look.”
>Way ahead of you.
>A plan began forming in your head as you looked at your friends.
“I have a plan girls. Go pack your bags.”

>>28768894
Elsewhere…
“Damn scorpions.”
>You flung another critter out of your sleeping bag before trying to settle in for the night.
>You were crashing in the Lincoln bedroom, or what was left of it anyway.
>DC sure as hell went to shit.
>When you woke up the place looked like something out of those cheesy apocalyptic movies where everything just got overtaken by nature.
>Wait deserts are nature right?
>The capital was now more sand than politics.
>Building that fell apart replaced the silenced cries of young female interns who looked for ways to get “ahead” in politics.
>Usually these situations would be dire for a homebody like yourself.
>But you were resilient.
>You managed to scour the empty supermarkets for any canned goods you could find.
>Unfortunately the only stuff that managed to survive whatever it was that happened to the human race was vegan shit.
>And a short trip to a half collapsed sporting goods store netted you a sleeping bag and clothing.
>Feeling something crawling on your leg you saw another scorpion trying his very best to get comfy and settle in.
>Seriously what the fuck happened to this world?
>These little bastards didn’t even try to sting you.
>You nearly had a heart attack the first morning you woke up and found several of them using you as a source of heat.
>Picking the little buggar up by the tail, cause being cautious no matter how friendly they were, would keep you alive longer, you walked to the giant opening in the wall and put him on the ground.
“Go be a nuisance somewhere else.”
>Turning back around your shoulders slumped in defeat.
>There must have been at least ten more now on your sleeping bag.

>>28768899
>You could feel their little beady eyes all trained on you. Waiting patiently.
>This is how you die, not from some crazy adventure or balls deep in a some sloot.
>But from frustration.
>Fuck it, that moldy couch in the oval office would have to do for the night.
>Walking to the door you turned back and regarded the vicious creatures.
“You did this, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight and it’s all your fault, I hope you’re happy!”
>They looked sad…
>Seriously what the fuck?
>You might be going a little crazy.
>Talking to bugs.
>Wait were scorpions bugs? It feels like you should know the answer to that.
>Maybe you should go to the library of congress tomorrow and try to find out.
>Hopefully you could avoid the other manifestations of your brains descent into insanity.
>Like seeing small talking horses.
>With little explorer hats and compasses.
>Horses don’t talk.
>Or wear hats.
>Or use compasses.
>Except on tv, but Mr. Ed was the shit when you were growing up so he got a pass.
>You being the perfectly sensible creature chased them off with the most deadly weapon you had found in this wasteland.
>Mr. Broom or Jeff as you liked to call him.
>The horses scampered off, the fear of getting fucked up by Jeff a very convincing argument.
>And their screams of fright and yelling was something you had written off as the heat getting to your head.
>Reaching the oval office you pushed the wooden door open and surveyed the room for anymore unexpected guests.

>>28768907
>We’re in the clear.
>Walking to the dirty and dilapidated couch you flopped onto it.
>An action that earned you a nice cloud of dust and whatever else was in those cushions.
>Beggars can’t be choosers you guess.
>Closing your eyes you sincerely hoped that your dreams would be filled with big tittied-girls and beer.
>God do you miss beer right now.

>Want to know the downside of sleeping on a shitty couch in the middle of damn desert?
>It gets pretty damn cold at night.
>You expected that and planned for it.
>However the damn desert viper, who was currently curled up on your chest, chose to forego the need to find adequate shelter and chose to mooch of your body heat.
>You had a nice run in with one when you were younger.
>These bastards would chase you like assholes.
>This one was simply eyeing you, daring you to move and disturb his comfortable spot.
“Can I ask you a question?”
>The snake only stuck out it’s tongue.
>You’d take that as a yes.
“Let’s say hypothetically I start screaming and flailing in an attempt to get a snake which would probably kill in a single bite off. Would that make you upset?”
>You could have sworn the snakes eyes grew a little wide.
“Okay then.”
>Channeling your inner child you flailed and screamed like you never had before.
>The snake, being of better sound mind and body retreated off to parts unknown.
>After a few more seconds of mindless yelling, just to be sure the snake didn’t get any ideas and come back, you calmed down.
>If there was any humans left in this crazy world you really hoped one of them was a shrink.

>>28768914
>”But darling it’s soooo hoooot out here!!!”
>Just ignore her Twilight. Maybe she’ll be quiet and let you navigate this desert in peace.
>”This sand is completely destroying my hooficure, just look.”
>Deep breaths… deep breaths.
>Looking down at the map, which floated in front of you, you peaked at your compass.
>If the coordinates those explorers gave you were right then you should be there in another hour or so.
>If you didn’t have to make anymore stops because
>”I got sand in my tail, how can anything live in such abysmal conditions.”
>Celestia help you right now.
“Rarity please, I’m trying to concentrate here.”
>”But it’s in my tail.”
“Concentrating now.”
>Somewhere off to the distance you could have sworn you heard screaming.
“Girls did you hear that?”
>”That almost sounded like a dying ostrich.”
“Fluttershy how.. wha? You know what never mind, forget I asked.”
>Ignoring the continuation of Rarity’s comments about how her coat would take weeks to fix from all the sand you pushed on.
>You had knowledge to find.
>And to save a colt.
>The knowledge would just be an added bonus.

At a slightly worn down library
“Huh well who would have thought. Scorpions are more related to spiders. Guess I’m never going back to there again.”
>Sitting in the library of congress you were doing what came best to you.

>>28768920
>Wasting time in pursuit of useless knowledge.
>The stack of books on the table next to you was a sheer testament to that fact.
>It would have probably been easier if there were any working computers around but even then you would still have one minor problem.
>No electricity.
>So sans computer you had fallen back to the old ways.
>Books and catalogs.
>Apparently the library of congress also had several years worth of playboys in its collection, which would no doubt come in handy later on.
“Alright next on the docket… ah” Looking at your little notepad you read off the next thing you wanted to figure out “What the fuck happened to humanity.”
---
And that's it so far.

>>28768928
breddy gud so far, like the idea to.

>>28767061
>Anon for realsies how would you react is some girl you don't really know says "fuck a baby in me and legit knock me up"?

if they aren't a ham planet, or a landwhale, i would ask for legal guarantee they would not fuck me over.
once i had it in writing i would pound their vagoo until a baby popped out. maybe even afterward.

seriously marriage in the west is dead due to the one sided legal ramifications against men, and the amount of fraud women get away with

>>28768661
>and that lack makes it hard to follow Anon's emotional reasoning and feel empathy.
It really doesn't. I'm not denying that there are other factors to Anon's reaction, but there should be no confusion as to why Anon is reacting in the first place. This is basic human emotional understanding. If Anon came across a pony's corpse and was sad, you don't need to delve into his motivations and wonder how he feels about ponies and questions about his own mortality to understand why a dead pony would upset him.

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>>28768868

>>28768894
>>“WHAT!?!? WHEERE?”
>repeating "!?" is unnecessary
>"EE" in "WHEERE" is either a sloppy mistake or an attempt to put emphasis on "where" much like "!?!?" in "WHAT!?!?". Either way, it looks bad
also
>>”Equestria to Twilight, I hate it when she gets like this.”
Run-on sentence. Legitimate, non-snarky advice: If you have to stop and really think about whether you should use a comma to separate two sections of script or if you should split them and start a new sentence; default to using a period. I notice that you have a lot of run-on sentences.

HeliAnon, you write well and the quality of your work is better than most. That being said, you really really need to work on your grammar. Really.

>>28768899
>>Wait deserts are nature right?
>Wait. Deserts are nature, right?
Also, consider reading each written line out loud. It will help you figure out where to put pauses (commas/periods) so that each sentence flows naturally.

You're a swood grommet, HeliAnon, but there's always room for improvement.

>>28769111
Yeah the WHEERE should have been WHERE.
And the extra !? shouldn't be there either. I need to stop writing this late at night.
I will do my best to work on the issue with the run on sentences.

>>28768928
More when?

>>28769042
>Expecting me to feel empathy for someone wanting a baby
I don't get why someone would actually want babies.
Seriously, those things are disgusting horrible monsters.
I get that we need a supply of new workers, but the idea of wanting one is alien to me.
And that's not getting into the ethical problems involved in creating sapient life.

>>28769186
Oh absolutely, fuck babies. From what I get watching these guys go back and forth the issue is why Anon felt feelings and had emotions when someone offered to drastically change the rest of his life. >>28768661 said it isn't reader's autism but it seems like it really is

>>28769152
Looking through it with your and >>28769111
comments I see the issues. I honestly appreciate this feedback. I'll fix as much as I can and at the very least the bin will have a better version of this green.

>>28769186
I have a little more written, but I want to revise it just a bit before posting. Give me a few.
In the next part Anon learns what caused the disappearance of the human race. Want to guess what it was?

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>>28768928
please continue the story

>>28769209
I'm happy to have helped and am looking forward to seeing more from you.

>>28769227
Can we play this like a game of CaH and you pick the best suggestion?

>Black people
>A thermonuclear detonation
>Child abuse

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>>28769227

the atomic bomb and nuclear winter

>>28769227
Looking at the thread we're in - either white knights or tumblrinas

>>28768928
>You should have known that it would be those damn furries that would be the downfall of humanity.
>It’s always the damn furfags!
>So after spending another hour or so in the search for the answers to what happened to the human race you did find them.
>Oh boy did you find them.
>So get this, some faggots decided that their creepy obsession with people in fur suits just wasn’t cutting it anymore.
>They up and went with genetically altering and combining animal mRNA with a humans.
>The end result? People that were more animal than human.
>The pictures of these abominations only made you sick.
>Unfortunately for humanity the retards in charge decided that due to these hybrids being more disease resistant it would lower the cost of healthcare.
>So enter the doctors who say that everyone should do it to be healthier.
>As time passed however the genetic information being passed down was more animalistic that human.
>THE FURFAGS KILLED OF HUMANITY!
>Seriously why the fuck didn’t anyone say “Hey how about we don’t destroy the human race?”
>Now that you think about it tThere was probably a forest somewhere filled with deer and shit that descended from humans.
>Wait, so if you hunted a deer for meat would that count as murder?
>God dammit, that’s another thing ruined for you by those damn deviants and their fetish.
>”Girls this place is amazing! LOOK AT ALL THESE BOOKS!”
>Sitting up you looked around for the source of the voice.
>That was definitely a female voice.
>”Calm down Twilight, remember we have to find the colt first and make sure he’s okay.”
>”But books”
>”Maybe after Sugarcube.”
>Sugarcube?Twilight?Colt?