Depression

To finish, yes ive been diagnosed with depression, no i have not taken any prescription drugs, yes i tried to become gay, but all i did was make out a bit with a boy and then just got weirded out because i simply am not gay. And god damn it the older i get the less patient i am with people. We live in an age where people are considered smart for stating the obvious, like Jordan B Peterson. It's not exactly suffering, i am honestly just bored of feeling like this.


>tl;dr
Someone who has been through that, tell me what did it for you. How do i git happy and stay happy?

Of course, feel free to ask me anything.

I think ascetics are onto something when they talk about letting go of attachment. And I don't mean hippie spirituality, I mean properly training your mind to meditate and reduce the dependence of your pleasure on objects or goals.

I'm 24 myself, got some problems involving mental nd physical health, but I've managed to become less angsty about things. Training myself to like things as they are, not worrying about how they COULD be, has helped me to become more content.

>>9431227
Nice blog faggot.

>>>/r9k/

Not literature, get on your pills, you have an illness

>>9431227
You need to be ready to die before you can truly know existential meaning
-Someone who almost completely fits your description

>>9431263
I second this anon.

As you said, your story is the same story that repeats itself throughout many of us. Maybe it's a condition, a requisite for people to browse this imageboard, but that's besides the point.

I second the anon before me because where I've struggled with depression before, I've learned how to channel it into productive things which in turn help me feel better about myself and the things that surround me. Music, art, literature, cinema. I've learned to accept that at 23 years old I am still very young and have a load of time ahead of me to do other things which might make me happy, like getting /fit/, or having a healthy diet, or quitting tobacco, or becoming engrossed in hedonist practices, or travelling, or whatever. Throughout my life I've noticed I've done so much and yet there is still so much I want to do.

But there's time, still, and I take comfort in that. Time won't go away, time won't run out. I've been diagnosed with mild to severe depression, and I've learned to accept that I'll never truly be happy, and that's okay. Sometimes I'm sad, sometimes I'm less sad, sometimes I'm not sad at all or sometimes I feel like never going outside again.

But I guess it's okay to be sad. You don't need to be happy. The quest for happiness, and I apologize for taking part in /lit/ memes, but the quest for happiness is most definitely a spook. Don't buy into it.

Also, English is also not my first language. That's no excuse. Read more anglo authors, senpai.

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>>9431300
>As you said, your story is the same story that repeats itself throughout many of us. Maybe it's a condition, a requisite for people to browse this imageboard

Just in case there's any doubt, it really isn't. So please post your "muh depression" shitthreads on /r9k/ where they belong.

This is a literature board, which you'd have noticed already if you were actually literate.

>>9431227
>2 daughters and one son. Mideia, Semeli and narcissus
please don't do that

Max Stirner cured my depression.

>>9431321
Then you weren't depressed, you were just a self-obsessed teenager.

>>9431263
I am grateful for what i have, don't get me wrong. We have been really poor before. Like actually poor, not having anything to eat. For example, i was 58Kg at one point, which is pretty nasty considering that i am 1.85.
In fact, i am that guy who keeps telling people, i did it today again actually, to appreciate the things how they are. Yet it seems that the better my quality of life gets, the more i want. How long have you been training yourself and how long have you been in this content state?
It's not exactly what i was trying to say. I am not thinking about how things could have been.

I have never been honest in my life, not even with myself, like i said before, i just know what people want to hear and that's what i am always telling them. I don't remember the last time i was honest with anything or anyone. Even now i choose my words very carefully. That doesn't mean that i am never an asshole, i am, but i am the kind of asshole that people want at that specific moment in time.

>>9431299
I tried to kill myself by swalloing 25 aspirin pills at once. I pussied out and called the ambulance after the 15th. Meaning that i am not ready to die just yet. Probably.

>>9431300
>which in turn help me feel better about myself
That's the thing, isn't that feeling of feeling better just forced? I mean, you know that you have to feel better when you do productive things. It's artificial if you ask me. And yes there is time, but at what age would you finally accept that ''No, i am not young anymore and it wont get better'' ? When do people actually take you serious when you tell them that you are depressed? And yes, ''Just live with it, accept it you will feel better'' is jsut temporary as well and my way of life from 2015-2016.

Recommend me some anglo authors.

>>9431317
I thought it would be funny naming my duaghter Medea, me being named iason and all.

>>9431230
>but all i did was make out a bit with a boy
not to turn this into >>>/lgbt/ but how did you come around to this?

Go to the doctor and get medication. It works, especially combined with all the other lifestyle changes you mentioned. You know this already, but it takes a bunch of repetition to really 'hear' it.

> I could have written your story verbatim

>>9431310
There is a hide button, you know? Why would you feel the need to come in here and insult those who are just looking for some comfort among their peers? I admit, this is far from being a discussion about literature, but perhaps OP is just looking to consult with like minded people. /lit/'s userbase is generally smarter and more sober than the average anon at /r9k/ or /adv/ or /soc/.

Though I guess you're right, this thread shouldn't be here because it's against the rules. Either way, I find your hostility uncalled for. Take it easy, my man.

I have depressive tendencies.
I am 22 years old. Currently in my 6. Semester. I work out 3 times a week, around 2,5 hours every time. Cardio 40 min 1,5 h weigts. It's inconsistent though, mostly like 20 min more. This gives me relief.
Find purpose. Go for something the whole distance. You seem a little like me, i try things, but deep down i feel like it's all a joke. I'm talking here about conventional stuff like economy, popculture, in short all the shit normal people do.
Try writing something, there is no limit. Go for something which isn't bound. Creat, don't partake.

>>9431403
Also, and I know this gets shat upon on /lit/, but read some Stoic philosophers and Pierre Hadot. As anon above said, 'the quest for happiness is a spook'. Those of us with depression are just slightly less fooled/entertained by the glittery illusions surrounding us. Nonetheless, everyone has this feeling to some extent (thus the prevalence of vices among even the most basic plebs), so stop feeling isolated and start being honest with yourself and others. Of course you think you know what everyone else wants to hear, and so do they. Reminding yourself that this thinking is a dead end is a nice start for practice, but as Hadot points out with his writing on the ancient Greeks, this shit takes practice and constant self-reminders. You can't be even a little bit happy if you're lazy about it.

But before any of that, get medication.

>>9431375
It's not much of a story.
2014. Early august. Go camping at the beach with the Lads and a few girls. We weren't the only ones there. Three other groups had already set their tents and fire.
Around 01:00 AM, we go and talk to them because they seemed like fun people. After an hour of beers and laughter, we play truth or dare. iirc i suggested it. It was interesting to say the least. Then one girl dared me to kiss any of the boys. I refused but told them that if i were to do it it would probably be X. X being that hairless long haired 16-17 year old boy in their group. He was a bit shocked considering that we didn't exchange a single word with each other during that night. The night continued and i flirted with that idea the whole time. He stood up and went to take a leak. Well i made my move and followed him, fully aware that people would probably notice. I approached from behind (lol), (it was a clear night sky btw and the sea didn't have any waves at all, it was calm ) so yeah, i just hugged him from behind, and slowly kissed his neck, he turned around and we made out for at least 1 minute. Until i just pushed him back a little, and just went back without saying anything.

When i returned to the campfire, people just started laughing. The thing is, i felt bad for that guy because they made it seem like it was all a prank, them laughing and all. I asured him later that i didn't say anything and they dont know what happened. iirc i did not get a boner during said make out.

So, yeah.

>>9431277

Was waiting for this. Kek.

>>9431427
Thank you for your reply.

>>9431310

Fucking savage. 10/10. 100 senpai

>>9431431
>i did not get a boner during said make out.
Wow you're lucky

>>9431466
I don't quite understand what you implied there.

>>9431230
>yes ive been diagnosed with depression, no i have not taken any prescription drugs
Wut.
>guys, I've got an illness. What do? No, I haven't taken any medicine

>>9431474
Lad, are you really that naive? I guarantee you that pretty much everyone would be diagnosed with depression. Ranging from ''mild'' to ''severe''.

>>9431473
Getting a stiffy while taking part in homoerotic acts must be quite embarrassing!

>>9431489
would get*

>>9431489
Wrong. This may surprise you, but you don't actually understand medicine better than a professional doctor.

>>9431493
I would challange that thought. Wouldn't it be more emberassing to not get it standing? I mean in the intimate atmosphere 2 boys are in at the time?
It would more over be an insult to said boy.

>>9431431
>i just hugged him from behind, and slowly kissed his neck, he turned around and we made out for at least 1 minute. Until i just pushed him back a little, and just went back without saying anything.
Don't like the whole middle school Truth and Dare shit but otherwise it is cute somehow
>>9431493
not embarassing but interesting

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>>9431517
Kissy time for two boys is not to be corrupted.

>>9431526
me on the left

>>9431403
>>9431427
These are me, wanted to add a bit more. I'm a year older than you and, as I said, have had nearly identical experiences. Last two years have been an upward trend, but every day is still a struggle. I think the biggest change in my thinking has been toward recognizing this as a processes without an end. There will likely never be a moment when you think, "Oh, I'm happy now. Cool." Just as an addict will never think, "Oh, I have no desire to over-indulge in ___ now. Cool."

This just to reinforce the idea that this requires constant effort, and that everyone is engaging in this struggle in their own way. Even normies. Yes, I feel isolated around them every single moment I'm with them, but I remind myself that that's dead-end thinking, that they're also struggling in their own way. Whatever is real to them is _as_ real to them as this inability to enjoy things in themselves is to us. Being ironically involved and 'pretending' to enjoy is only a defense against this self-tendency; to enjoy things might require constant effort even through the feelings of non-fulfillment.

"A hermit said, 'When you flee from the company of other people, or when you despise the world and wordlings, take care to do so as if it were you who was being idiotic."
~ Sayings of the Desert Fathers (ca. 4th century)

>>9431451
Cheers.

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>>9431526
Is homosexuality something only for young men?

>>9431573
Short answer yes.
Though the vile old men do like to have a party on the interwebs.

>>9431559
>There will likely never be a moment when you think, "Oh, I'm happy now. Cool." Just as an addict will never think, "Oh, I have no desire to over-indulge in ___ now. Cool."
I think this is what i wanted to hear. This did it for me.

>>9431606
I'm just interested, was there nothing of worth in >>9431423?

>>9431423
>Go for something the whole distance
Like i said whenever i did something, i really got into it, but actually never went the whole distance for the same reason you mentioned after. I never found something that trully made me feel that it's worth it. Not a joke per-se, and i think you didn't mean it like that either.
I am actually writing something but it's just a sarcastic blog website i share with 2 friends. I am not good at it.

>Go for something which isn't bound

Can you go into detail?

Since this shitty thread is being spammed, I'll still save it but put in my thoughts.

I'm not depressed. I legitimately am not. My life situation isn't the best, sure, but depressed? Wow, that's reaching. You seek to psychoanalize when you have an extremely primitive understanding of the subject. Just because you say a thing is so, does not make it so. Likewise, you choose to be either slave or master of your own mind, which constitutes depression as well. If you let depression affect you, it will. But it is also in your sphere of choice to focus on a different thought. You can meter your sadness simply by understanding that no one, no thing or entity, no discouragement is guaranteed to affect you. Stop allowing it to, you plebeian.

>>9431678
My mind is too much for me.

>>9431678
There are so many out there who have been diagnosed depressed only because they rather convinced themselves they are so. It is especially annoying to think that this trend is actually taking away focus from folks with severe depression.
Similar to how morons need to go out and buy pills because they believe they have OCD because they can not look at a crooked picture for a bit.
>>9431698
meh. Prove it.

>>9431489
As someone who snapped out of depression through a drug: you have no idea what you're talking about.

>>9431709
Tell me about it. How long does it take?

>>9431718
It was an illegal drug at a festival (I suspect some amphetamine variant).
Of course there was the instantaneous rush, but the months after I'd get "flashbacks" (like 50/50 of the time) where I'd actually feel pretty happy and confident. I'd suddenly "get" a lot of the social stuff.
It's starting to wear off these days, so I'm considering getting professional help. I never would've done so before, but the experience has convinced me that it might really be the best option.

>>9431227
>>9431230

You sound like an interesting person, anon. Here is the part of your post I find most praiseworthy: you *tried* to be happy. To my mind that is everything. Even if it fails. You tried and are still trying.

As such I have no advice but to say, continue trying. Eventually you will succeed. You sound like a normal enough guy and good things come to those who work hard for what they want.

Good luck my man.

>>9431744
Do LSD.
It is an eyeopening experience and you will get flashbacks as well.
Just get a trip sitter if you aren't familiar with drugs yet though.
LSD is unlike any other drug. It is really incredible

>>9431744
That sounds risky. It might've had the opposite effect on you.

>>9431770
Well thank you for your kind words. You too, have a nice life.

>>9431642
Well, i feel disconnected with my studies. I never thought of myself as something special, was just going with the flow. Now as i start noticing people being where i am because they wanted to achieve it seems almost comical to me.

You tried understanding things, constructs, imersed yourself in them.
But all that you went for and tried had a sort of endgame. No way to get further than the ceiling. You need to find an oppucation that you yourself can construct. For example writing. Your problem is that you try to abide to someones world, whilst you seem a lot more like someone who would be exeptionally good at creating.

>>9431885
>Your problem is that you try to abide to someones world, whilst you seem a lot more like someone who would be exeptionally good at creating.

This made it worse. It's probably the truest thing ive read in quite some time. What made it worse for me though is the realization that i knew this all along but i am way too lazy to do that.
Come to think of it, i always liked the stuff i did way too much, be it my 12 year old youtube videos where i throw water at cats, or the sand castles i build at the beach, meaningless small things like that. Someone told me last year that i am a narcissist and i think he was right.

The thing is, everything i do, feels planned out in advance, doesn't matter what it is. And i also have to share everything with everyone. No idea why i do this. I always try to get as many opinions as possible.

What is it that i want to create though? Something that's worth sharing, to feed my ego?

Dude i could go on and on about this realisation but you get the point. I might be a bit closer now. You got me excited. No clue where to start but now i have the general idea.

>>9431976
What is for you to decide.
Worth is a personal thing, if you feel invalid by where you draw your worth i'd advise you to think about yourself and reflect.
You said you're never true to anyone? Start going for what you truely are. Not the stuff others see as worth, try to accept yourself.
Then you can see your capabilities and your worth. Selfreflect and be open to being wrong.

I've been on this road for around 2-3 years and i do truely feel like my existence is more valid, more real.
If you don't overcome yourself you'll never get anywhere. (That is of course from your personal standpoint)

>>9431698

You lack discipline. Completely and unironically. If you don't even attempt to meter your thoughts and perceptions you will obviously be carried away by them.

God has granted us the faculty of reason above all other life. Use it.