Cosmic Storytime of Pain: ALL of Bendis' Guardians of the

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We're going to see some SERIOUS synergy in this couple of issues

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But there a couple of good Hawkeye moments.
This is the first one.
Also great Art Adams art, if only for the first issue.

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The transition from issue #1 to #2 is jarring.
And is Rocket finally looking like an actual raccoon here?

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The Chitauri look so bad even for a meme race

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>since when were you under the impression that it wasn't *me* who cloaked the ship?

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Did they just Starbrand that 7/11?
Also taking the ship to to downtown wasn't probably the brighest idea

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>JaneThor in the Avengers pre-ANAD
Time is broken indeed, Hank

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The team they have here seems really random

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Spider-Woman BTFO
How could she ever recover?

>>86121262
Thanks, anon

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Why not shooting at them before decloaking?

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10/10, he learned from NOT LIKE THIS
Bravo Bendis

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Cool Dad Clint telling the newbies the ol' Avengers stories is great and we should've had more of it in New Avengers v4

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Hyperion and Cannonball could tear into the Chitauri's ranks in two seconds

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Based Adams, really.
Too bad he's slo slow nowadays, you can really see the work that went in these pages though

Wow, Art Adams is REALLY phoning it in.

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Starbrand is probably just toying with them
Seriously this Avengers roster was ike 80% useless and then those 5 power monsters

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>>86121545
Less than you think, I'd say. If you look at the inking I get the impression that the original pages were really huge and were shrinked down too much to appreciate the effort

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Not in every page sure, here and there it looks quite shoddy and almost unfinished.
Still I quite like it.

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MOVIE
O
V
I
E

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It's so weird to me that Nebula was at some point a huge Avengers villain and the main antagonist in 2-3 arcs + the whole Kang Nebula deal and then she's only here because she was used in the movie

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I bet you're missing Adams already
>Thanos sensei

>>86121336
You welcome.

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>waking up sequence
The Bendis bingo has no brakes
And considering that Gamora has solo adventures every other issues in the GotG book, couldn't she have waited until then instead of taking on the whole Guardians AND Avengers?

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What IS a genetic disrupter anyway? Not two people there have the same DNA with being all mutates and shit

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Does Bendis only remember D-man's existence to make gags?
Thank the Lord for Spencer then.

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It's entirely possible that Gamora and Nebula interacted in some Starlin's Infinity Watch spioff, but I honestly doubt it was so preminent. This is just movie bait

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>many enemies
>like, uh, the Badoon
>who out a bounty on her head for, uh, reasons.

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This doesn't really scream "the galaxy's most dangerous woman"

>>86121885
Why are cops such spastic fucks in Bendis' books?

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Jessica, your banter means nothing, you were already destroyed.
Now I actually think this was the reason why she changed her look.

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Notice how you can only tell Flash from Peter from Clint by the costumes.

>>86122021
He thinks he's still writing Powers

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Is Rocket's line in the previous panel just Bendis trying meta?

Anyway the spaceship has warp drive but let's give Eden some use

>Gamora is the adopted daughter of Thanos.
>Gets shat on constantly, even though she's reformed, and wants to kill him
>Thane is Thanos' son by blood.
>Gets a following of worshipers. No questions asked.

Wut?

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Seriously, Gamora is taken out ALL OF THE TIME in Bendis' Guardians, it's annoying.

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Ok, so the whole deal here is that this guy is the planet in some werird way

>>86122086
So was Flash asleep through all that?

Why is he so useless?

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>>86122163
Well, Thane is an Inhuman for once, so he gets a bonus by default in current Marvel.
But not having Thane and Gamora interact in the BV shows how little Bendis wanted to have with it

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Kindun is one ugly ass mother

>>86122245
Dude, we're saying he is useless on panel, this makes him being useless not bad!

>>86122307
I meant why is he so useless in this comic?

I love Flash.

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For her, it was Tuesday.
But boy do I hate this THANOS THANOS THANOS mentions

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Crop the first panel and you have Gamora's entire character in this run.
Meanwhile, Drax just hangs around, I mean, Thanos is just some guy, isn't he

>>86122363
So he hates Gamora, but was perfectly fine with dealing with Nebula?

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So the plot for all this was
>Gamora was abducted buy some guy who had a beef with MUH THANOS
>the Guardians break her out
Oh, and Hawkeye and Spider-Woman have some lines and a teleporter.

>>86122357
You're out of luch bruv
I mean, stick with this and someday I'm going to post Venom Spaceknight

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SHIT I DIDN'T POST THE LAST PAGE
>So technically what we just read should've gone before the Black Vortex and even before the planet of the symbiotes arc
>I've posted it here for imagelimit reasons and for another reason you'll see soon

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Aand done

>>86122441
I mean, it's not like Nebula's ENTIRE CHARACTER revolved around wanting to be identified with Thanos' legacy even when he wanted to have nothing with her

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I hadn't really thought of that
Fuck, now that story goes from "stupid" to "completely nonsensical"

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This cover gimmick was so stupid I didn't even remember it was a thing

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Summary of the Black Vortex's consequences for this book: Gamora and Kitty now have a powerup.

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You'd think they'd be trying to recover from being encased in amber
Did Peter even reveal to them that Mr Knife was J'son?

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That haircut is awful

>>86122680
What am I looking at? What happens a minute late on classic covers?

That only works with comedy. With action, it just beaks down to "and then they fought some more"

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>Jewish mom teaming up with Kang to stop her daughter from marrying a goy
Holy shit I'd read the fuck out of this

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Remember that time Claremont tried to make a big deal out of Kitty's father?

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>>86122824
>Thor battling the original Guardians
*record scratch*
*Camera zooms*
>So you'll probably wonder how I got here...

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We animu now

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>it's a Spartax guards episode again

>>86121024
>as simple as it was, Bendis DID NOT understand the premise behind Battleworld, so his Secret Wars minis make absolutely no sense
Really? The only thing I remember from his SW minis was that page where Gamora and Valkyrie argue about religion and that other page where there's like 6 different people in the Nova Corps and none of them were Richard

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Post-WW2 really screwed with the terms by not having glorious Ministries of War called so

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Is Bendis following up his own joke in the OS tie-in with the Gamemaster/In-betweener comparison?

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>>86122994
No, I mean like how Bendis thought that Battleworld inhabitants did not know what Battleworld was and its structure. and let's not even get into Ultimate End territory

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I don't fully buy that the Kree empire disappeared overnight because Hala was blown up, those crazy blue militaristic fucks would stick together against the other lesser races instead of fractioning

>>86121170
>>86121139
>It's a Chitauri episode

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>all of these missed opportunities at having something here look really alien feeling

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Drax is literally doing what Taskmaster did on AIM Island

>>86122994
Guardians of Knowhere had nothing happen for several issues save for a sneak peek at two jobbers he introduced in his ANAD run, bickering, and a pointless flashback.

Like all his tie-ins, it ends in a open ended climax that lazily leaves the main book to finish it; but they're never addressed.

P.s. fuck Ultimate End.

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>Wait, wasn't *I* a coach in high school until a month ago?

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If this was a bit less of Memelord, say it was even just AvAss' Peter, this scene could've turned out so good

>>86123091
He also thought Doom did the whole thing to get back at all earth's heroes.

>>86122969
Also, this the most energy I've seen from Drax in this entire run.

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>This is madness?
>Madness? THIS IS SPARTAX!

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>>86123302
Secret Wars was the single greatest editorial coordinated project in Marvel's history, literally every book tied in to that, and Brian Micheal Bendis did not bother to read the three lines that were the premise of it. I still can't believe it.

Dammit, why couldn't Bendis have ANAD GOTG with the Guardians running Spartax?

Oh wait, that would require him to write sci-fi AND a Political thriller

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What did Carol even got to do with the Guardians except be there to save Peter's ass once and in that Nick Fury annual?

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>>86123418
He writes the stakes and the implications of politics quite well, see Alias, but he never gets into it

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Let's not even TRY to imagine what would happen to Spartax's gravity here

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>>86123142
You were saying?
>thos fucking scooters

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>energy sword
Still no godslayer s m h

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A good plan would be to try and understand if they're only there for Gamora again or if they are exacting punishment on the whole planet anyway

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>a traveling living planet was more defenses than the capital of a space empire
huehuehue

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>she is inside me
L-lewd

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ATTENTION EVERYONE
FLASH THOMPSON IS DOING SOMETHING USEFUL IN THIS PAGE
THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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>thinking you can against Thanos just like that
Sure, buddy

>>86123743
Reset the clock

Useful Flash, and Rocket's dumb catchphrase in one page.

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Merciful.

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>>86123807
It's like there's a balance, like here
A good joke, and the meme catchphrase

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Yeah, this is so unlike the Chitauri's established race character, which is... Uh...

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One day I will really have to trace back the origins of the "dual wielding means a swordsman is a pro" meme

>>86121944
Nebula was on Gamora's lady warrior team during Annihilation. But yeah, movie-bait.

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We're going that thing again when a Bendis character cries and tells the others they love them

And this doesn't exactly protect them from people going there imagining that if anyone knows where Gamora is, it's the Guardians

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>>86124033
Fuck you're right, in Ronan's mini. I only remembered Ceryse (who died) there

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AND THEN THE UNIVERSE EXPLODED AND EVERYONE DIED, THE END
EXCEPT PETER WAS IN RICHARDS' SHIP AND GOT TO BATTLEWORLD AND WHEN THERE HE WAS A MASSIVE FAGGOT WHO SANG DISNEY SONGS FOR THE LULZ
Read all of this in the thread linked in the OP

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Why don't we take a trip to Battleworld ourselve?

>>86123863
I haven't read much cosmic Marvel beyond Annhilation and everything after. Did people frequently come after Gamora for reasons, or is this just something Bendis came up with.

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At least there won't be good art wasted in this mini

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First page and we already have our first error, as there are no starts in Battleworld's sky, there's only Knowhere

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OFFICIAL DEODATO CONTEST: what did he trace here?

>>86124195
What do you think?

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>Cebulski
Marvel editor for the three of you who do not know

>>86122277
Didn't the original GotG (not the DnA team, the Guardians 3k guys) have a battle cry?

>>86124191
FUCK ME!

I hated this piece of shit so much, I ended up writing an Amazon review for it to warn others away from it.

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>when you realize that Deodato's Drax is just green Deodato's Luke Cage

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>>86124335
I haven't read that in forever and I don't have my psysical copies at hand, so I can't remember. Maybe? They didn't even fight as much as nuGotg do

>>86122357
Bendis doesn't really know how to write the characters that he likes, but he still puts them in his comics. He also uses the "stupid plot point is seen as stupid in-universe as well, so it's justified" to avoid criticism

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>>86124359
Now I'm curious, anon. What did you write in it?

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>single movement direction panels
Makes you understand the fight, but it looks like we're supposed to scroll through them really fast like those motion-picture comics drawn at the edge of books

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At least he's using Angela's ribbons.
I know those were symbiotic in the Spawnverse so they will never be here, but it's neast that they still get to do stuff

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Yeah, what did she mean by this? Not even memeing.

>>86124440.

https://www.amazon.com/Guardians-Knowhere-Secret-Wars-Warzones/dp/078519844X/ref=cm_cr-mr-title

It's the only one star review

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>repeating panels for comedic value
I'm sure it's not laziness

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>>86124603
>It's the only one star review
Doing God DOOM's work.

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Mantis actually looking more like Mantis here than under Pichelli

>>86122828
>Marvel would never publish a story with a ridiculous premise such as this
>But shit stories like Trouble and Civil War II are perfectly fine
I don't get Marvel

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*tips cosmic fedora*

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Remember: these are NOT the 616 characters.

>>86122969
>It's a Spartax guards with ever-changing uniforms walk in a bar episode
FTFY

>>86124636
Reiterating what everybody else has already said:

This look-beat-look thing works a hundred times better in film.

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>To summarize, Guardians of Knowhere actually felt like a chore to read, even though it stars many characters I enjoy. The conflict in the story is lost in a sea of pointless battles and contrived melodrama that go absolutely nowhere. This is very disappointing considering that this was written by the man who wrote Ultimate Spider-Man, Alias, and an awesome run of Daredevil. The only saving grace is Mike Deodato art, which make the battles nice to look at. Otherwise, I would not recommend that anyone buy this book.
Nice, you don't sound like a hater but your review of this shit is fair.

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>>86124837
All of these actions sequences try so hard to be like a film

Anon u made your point pls. I cant take anymore storytime of pain

>>86123012
>You're going to have to deal with this like an adult
>I'd really rather not
Are we supposed to like this guy?

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At least they're actually sort of pirates here?

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He looks like a WoW OC.

>>86123061
>Mr. Quill, I'm Delegate Glogug
>Uhh, you don't get to bring friends

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>>86124890
Not everyone was bad, but this is definitely the lowest point by far and actual SoP.
Tomorrow will be much better, I promise.

>>86124940
AW YEAH, PAGE WASTER CHARACTER #1.

HERE WE GO!

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>>86124982
>they were trying to steal your prize, they work for the mercenary... the amber man
>Thane?

>>86124335
>>86124412
I seem to remember "For Earth!" being a thing, but I can't remember if that was introduced when the DnA team met the original team.

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I know I always posted the summaries so far, but there's really no point this time since there is no story

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Chitauri mention

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Literally who asked for this.

>>86125049
>For Attilan!
>Uh... For Cleveland?

>>86125058
That's fine, especially because NONE OF THIS FLASHBACK IS RELEVANT TO THE STORY AT ALL!

>but what about Yotat?

Neither is he.

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>I can feel the warp overtaking me
He looks like Thor there

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>>86125132
Neither is Hala to be honest

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If this was written by Aaron, there would've been a mead joke

>>86123537
We could fill a whole thread with
>it's a Bendis trope episode
It's incredible

>>86125183
Yeah, that's why she's Page-Waster Character #2

>>86125113
>For Cleaveland

Oh Jack Flagg, where art thou?

Probably stranded on an inhabitable micro-planet with Bug.

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>What's the next step of your master plan?
>Crashing this Knowhere...

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wrong order again

>>86125268
>Oh Jack Flagg, where art thou?
IN SPENCER'S CAP NIGGA
BEING ALL IMPORTANT AND SHIT
(and in a coma, but he'll get out of it we hope=

>>86125273
>Perhaps he was wondering why you would give backstory to a minor character before throwing his plot out of a plane.

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Not that these pages matter in any way

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>>86125335
This mini was really just a showcase for the new two OCs

>>86124155
Why was Peter even there (on the FF's ship) to begin with? The Guardians did almost nothing during the whole Time Runs Out story, so i don't get it

>>86125368
OCs that ended up doing nothing, but waste several issues?

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I... do not hate this lineup?

>>86125382
Meme value? The only characters there who did something were Miles, T'challa and Reed.
Oh and Carol who mindraped the Sinister army

>>86124601
The first panel's 3D model is very obvious

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>>86125436
Of all the things that Hala's destruction could've ushered, we got a shitty overpowered OC

>>86125444
>Moondragon
>Warlock

I mean, Warlock's like my guilty favorite, but Heather's always okay. Was she still Drax's daughter in this universe (Doomverse? I didn't follow Secret Wars at all)?

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Also wait a minute nigga
What about Kree-Lar?
Was the last time we saw that the Annihilation's ending with the peace treaty being signed that conceded that to Annihilus?
Because that would be a great thing to bring forth again

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>>86125608
We'll get an answer to that soon.

>>86125023

>The flight plan I just filed with the Agency lists me, Gamora, Drax, Groot, Rocket Racoon here, but only one of you
>(points to Iron man and Cpt. Marvel)
>(opens airlock)
>FIRST ONE TO JOB GETS TO STAY ON MY SPACE SHIP

It literally writes itself

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This doesn't even have the usual charm of Young's variants.

>>86125621
I think the last time Kree-Lar was mentioned was in Hickman's FF run?

For all the bashing he gets for Infinity, I think Hickman actually picked up on several threads from Cosmic Marvel fairly well. Mostly due to the way he integrated them into Johnny Storm becoming roommates with Peter Parker. Because Parker suffering must transcend the planetary sphere.

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>>86125672
>Tell me about Iron man! Why does he wear the armor?
>If I pulled that off, would you die?
>It would be extremely painful

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>and murdered Mantis

>>86125713
Is that Nightow on Venom?
Trigun is one of my favorite manga/anime.

>>86121721
I like Nebula, so I'm glad that she's back to being prominent, I don't care if it's just because of the movie.
I hear that she'll be a major supporting character in Thanos' upcoming solo. And so will Starfox and Thane

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*tik*

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>>86125746
>not Blood Blockade Battlefront
Get with the times, grandpa

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Thorgela is a great concept

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>>86125777
>Thane and Nebula before Pip
REEEE

>>86124108
Ceryse didn't die, Tana Nile did

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This art is so lazy

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What was he even getting drunk about?
Thinkgen of Thanos in a world with no Thanos?

>>86122166
Bendis has characters taken out all the time in every book. He always writes characters as much weaker than they logically should be, but then paradoxically will give them bullshit wins if he feels like it.
He's very inconsistent, he's not very good at action involving powers.

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So Heather died but she wasn't Drax's daughter here except it might be implied that he feels in his guts that something is off

>>86125890
>kill you

Is it only Marvel characters that keep saying this under intense physical stress?

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What happened to Starbrand and how do you get rid of a Starbrand

>>86125878
Right, derped a bit

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>>86125958
>He's very inconsistent, he's not very good at action involving powers.
This
Also almost never used in a creative way or in combination with one another or with some strategy

>>86125782
>Tik

...Bug?

>>86125958
The plot seems stuck in a kind of jobbing pendulum, which dictates that everybody loses until a certain point.

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That's heretic as fuck and you're blowing your chances to score some hot lesbian action tonight

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Fedoratippers get out

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>>86126034
I think that was the obvious implication, yes.

>>86123141
And like I said last time, Hickman ignored the whole "SI is dead and the Kree are in ruins" during Time Runs Out by having the Supreme Intelligence lead the Kree armada to Earth.

>>86126072
And exactly what is this "punishment" you speak of?
>Space Lesbian intensifies.

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DO NOT SUFFER THE WITCH TO LIVE

>>86125974
>>86126005
>>86126033
>>86126051
>>86126072
>>86126102
>Let's keep talking so nobody realises how shallow this book is

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So is that Mantis' corpse

>>86126111
Weird given that he himself referenced the death of the SI when he had the remaining Reeds from the Reed Dimension given over to the Kree to form a new one.

But
>continuity
>ever surviving events

>>86123423
Yeah, why did Bendis even add her to the team in the first place?
He keeps doing it, adding characters to teams and then doing nothing with them.

>>86125782
>That bug
Jesus, can't Deodato find higher-resolution models?

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Mind that Doom really is a literal God in Battleworld, the only false thing is that there was never a multiverse before

>>86126161
I'm sure it was a company mandate

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>>86126138
When he started on FF, that happened years ago so it was a brick he used to build his autistically constructed run. In Avengers/NA, that happened like 5 months before the end when he was struggling to tie up everything needed before SW and plotting SW already
I doubt editors even brought it up with him

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This is awful

>>86126177
That might explain her presence, as there are a couple times the character felt oddly misplaced. The biggest character moment I can remember is her sending a message to Luke and Jessica, which made me wonder why he was bothering keeping her around the Guardians if not just to bitch.

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>>86126177
And to think that she, as Venom, had a huge space connection in the first place.

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>this "dialogue"
>this "art"
Fuck this page.

>>86126260
Because KSdC had her in space.

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>no universal translator

>>86126331
>>86126346
Did they ever explain why Hala the Accuser appeared to be even more powerful than Ronan?

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I feel like at least the goggles guy is supposed to be someone

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>>86126374
The answer is Bendis.

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Warlock has patrician taste

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Reminder that Bendis could've literally just make up an actual fallen Kree Empire in a random unused domain

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Yeah, who and how gave Carol those powers here? We will never know.

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>Honor me as I honor you.
GAYYYY

>>86126473
I am depressed at the state of marvel cosmic. It could have been as tight knit as DC cosmic, which entailed not just the Lantern corps but also the darkstars, omega men, dominators, mongul, LEGION/REBEL, Captain comet and the ultimate badass adam strange.

The only time it came
close to that was the DnA run. Why is marvel trying so hard to forget that happened.

>>86126509
Almost nothing made any sense about the "history" of Battleworld if you thought about it at all, it was that way on purpose.

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As I said before, this makes no sense because this is not 616 Gamora and the part of her memories that would've been rewritten would just be "there wasn't a before Battleworld"

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>>86126568
I'd be happier if they pretended it never happened, but they keep acting as it did, that's my problem

>>86121105
I do love the way Adams draws Nat. Floof is love.

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>>86126579
Nah, each domain was allowed to have its own history, except it's not clear what Knowhere's deal is. Is it just where the "alien" races mostly reside?

>The whole "Black Vortex messed up Cyclop's soul" thing never got addressed

Fucking Bendis

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Definitely not murdered then

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>>86126688
Well, it was Humphries who established that when Bendis only had one last arc on ANXM and it was already planned as the Utopians, so it wasn't entirely his fault

>>86126675
But their histories made no sense. Most domains were based on America, except that America is a nation founded by immigrants, mostly from Europe, so where did they all originate from? And who did their Captain Americas fight in WWII? Without other countries, America's history is impossible.

>>86126696
Plot armour at its finest

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>what is a Thanos?
A miserable pile of secrets.

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Assume this is after he stops fucking around in Humphries' stuff

>>86126735
The geography was different as most domains were just large chunks of land, but you could sort of imagine that there were different countries there, I think DoFP said it.

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Even Peter basically says the fight was filler

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And this is fucking over at least.
Well, thank you all for reading, and a goodnight to me.
Catch you tomorrow for ANAD GotG, the last Bendis thread we'll have!

>>86126894
Thank you