Cosmic Storytime of Pain: ALL of Bendis' Guardians of the Galaxy

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I warn you, my connection is a bit wonky, so this will take a while

>>86014131
Are you going to storytime The Black Vortex in full later on?

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And in a stunning moment of clarity, Bendis' entire tenure of cosmic starts with the words of a bald man saying "I am cancer".

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>>86014159
Yes, I definitely plan to. I have everything downloaded and fully organized.

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Also I don't believe anyone has ever storytimed The Black VOrtex crossover in full on /co/.

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PLANNED SCHEDULE FOR THE THREADS UNLESS I SUDDENLY DIE:

Bendis:
thread 1 - AvAss #1-8 + GotG Infinite Comic + 0.1
thread 2 - #1-9
thread 3 - #10-12 + ANXM #22-24 + #13-17 (#14 minus the non-Bendis parts?)
thread 4 - #18-#23 + Annual + explanation from OHOTMU update
Spin-off: Humphries' Meme-Lord #1-8, (A God Up There Listening?)
thread 5 and 5bis - Black Vortex + LSL #12
thread 6 - Guardians Team-up #1-2, Gotg #26-27, Guardians of Knowhere
thread 7 - vol. 4

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Remember that this huge Avengers celebration was happening at a moment where the biggest plot point in Bendis' Avengers books was "the public and the media fucking hate the Avengers"

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Yeah, despite multiple footing over the years of the Hulk and you laying siege to New York and transforming Manhattan into an arena, I thought you were a myth

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To be completely honest, it wouldn't be fair to say that this arc wasn't 100% mandated for the movie though

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What is it with Hulk and the military anyway?

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Thunderbolt Ross isn't even around and just by chance he finds himself in this situation

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Oh, reminder that it's never explained how these guys got their powers anyway

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Unless you want to consider that Bendis' run mostly uses THANOS as an all-catching response

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Forgot to say: consider every thread a spoiler thread where things will get spoiled for you if you haven't read this

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More moviebait

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Well, at least NatxClint went a completely different direction in AoU

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If they are in Latveria, shouldn't they be there as part of Steve's blackops Secret Avengers?

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Because these guys definitely aren't fit for black ops

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>jobber Thor
ah, a classic after all

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And with this very unintimating scene the first issue is over.

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>>86014503
>unintimating
*unintimidating
Leaving this ad in for pseudo-nostalgia

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I mean, after all, AvX was a much better event than Civil War II.

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And here we get a hint to the possibly single overarching theme in Bendis' cosmic run.

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Wait, wrong page, meant this one

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Of course it's a "theme" that is just there to be repeated over and over, but not be carried in actual plotlines

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Characters of course have to reference it and pretend it's motivation but then drop it and so something else

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>earther
Oh boy, prepare to see a lot of this in the threads

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Because clearly he got there unseen

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I want to say Banner was doing some shit in Aaron's run, but that was so awful everyone pretends it didn't exist

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It was a fucking crime to have Tony stop using Bleeding Edge armor

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Insightful dialogue

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Isn't Thor like 200kg legit?
Damn Clint.

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>poor little white Tony

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So far we had too few characters for some serious Bendis speech

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>Natasha doesn't know the zodiac
That's gommunism for you

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And this is where we go full retard in the mere space of a page.

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It's a revered Helicarrier tradition to be boarded and eventually destroyed.

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I could honestly avoid the covers.

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Both the covers and the recaps actually.
Is anyone reading?
Because that's one of the things I wanted to ask.

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I guess everyone really is in the Akira storytime.
Good taste.

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>they actually stop to listen

Why

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Thor looks seriously nerfed here

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>>86015013
Thanks for the much needed bump, anon.
Why, you ask? Because God hates you.

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Also it's stated in the OP; I mean, I thought I was clear there

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>that ass
Bendis' GotG isn't really completely awful to the point of being unreadable: it's just bad most of the time

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Not to mention he gets all of the pretty artists.
McNiven, Pichelli, McGuinness, Schiti

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Anyone from /m/ or /k/ who recognizes the aircraft here?

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F

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I sense some pottery here.

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Where was good ol' snarky Maria in Bendis' Uncanny X-men?

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Fury's old toys > everything

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If Songbird was there we wouldn't have made this mess in the first place

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Nice one, Thor.

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>ywn speak your own name in your logo
why live

>>86015259

Why would you want to inflict Bendis writing on Songbird, though.

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3 issues down.

My favorite part was how quick he dropped Bug once he found out he wasn't in the movie

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>>86015304
...I hadn't thought of that.
Are you reading along, anon?

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>>86015325
Was that really the issue, though?

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I mean I heard the story multiple times, but many on /co/ believe themselves to be junior editors on Bleeding Cool, so

>>86015325
The original sin tie in is much more bullshit

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Remind me again why we need to see this shit from Obama's perspective

>>86014131
You're a sick man, OP.

I'm in

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>>86015408
I reread that and it's baffling how the idea behind it is (imho) great and then he ruins it completely with utter bullshit that only proves he didn't care to actually continue from what we saw in TTI
It's boggles the mind

>>86015361

i assumed so

>>86015408

I literally cannot take any complaints of it seriously because all i hear is "muh DNA" when people complain, despite being sure it is loaded with problems.

>>86014170
Well he warned us.

>>86014217
You're a monster, OP.
Yet I commend you.

I'd be willing to Storytime Zdarsky Horward the Duck this week as well.

>>86015301

The idea to put out a lot of Thanos content before Infinity Wars so that you have a huge backlog of stories to sell to people once the movie hits isn't bad business-wise in theory...in practice, though, Marvel has jobbed him out to death and removed any impact he might have as a villain.

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>>86015503
I've actually found a page of the update to the Marvel Universe Handbook that explains the Cancerverse issue tying it a bit more tight to the Thanos Imperative so it makes sense

>>86015503
Did you not read Thanos Imperative?
Bendis just wanted to use Thanos for movie synergy and didn't bother thinking of an explanation for 2 years.

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>>86015521
Noice.
You embarked in a much lighter task than I did, though

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>>86015567
The Infinity bait and switch wasn't a bad idea in itself... But he had to lose to Thane of all people. And when he raised again to fuck shit up with the Cabal he was hardly the protagonist out of those even, Namor stole his thunder

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>>86015594
More like he was mandated to use Thanos and keep the previous run's baggage out for a while
He complied but I doubt he had much say in it

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Okay, another moviebait with controlled Hulk is over

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>John King

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at least BagleyWidow is delicious

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This still is too similar to EllisCap condoning torture and torture threats in SecretAvengers

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IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

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We're going to discover what the name of the game is
But you're not going to like it

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Can you hear the noise of Cosmic Marvel going down the shitter?

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I mean, not like this is worse than Spider-woman

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And here we can see BMB starting to seed for his upcoming GotG run.

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Basically:
>the Badoon have a plan
>the Badoon play the long game
>the Badoon pretend to play nice but plan to fuck everyone
>the Brotherhood/Sisterhood split will be highly relevant
>the Badoon allied themselves with Thanos
>the Badoon killed Starlord's mom

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And guess what?
Absolutely NOTHING out of all this will end up being relevant in the run. Ever.
10/10 Bendis

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"The Badoon are now cosmic slavers" is literally the only thing that will be picked up again in the future. Barely.

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It's nice to see that at one point the plot made sense.

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The Thor/Gamora thing here reminds me a lot of Wolverine/Squirrel Girl in NA

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I for one would've welcome a return of Conqueror Thanos of the 70s, but they barely did anything with it aside from the Infinity prologue

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>why.png

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>Star-lord not agreeing with that sentiment entirely
By the way, here you have it, the grand plan behind Bendis cosmic.
Spoiler: it's about Earth

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Nevermind that this edict only makes sense if you actively implement it with force

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>general Whedon

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>revealing national security secrets out of fear that someone with a no-kill policy could hurt you

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At least it turns out that it's not a real cosmic cube

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I mean, they had to cover for having a real one by working to remake Kobik after all :^)

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Let's finally go to space

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>outer space swashbucklers
Worried_laughter.jpeg

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Have we talked about how these issues all sold out multiple times?

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>Strange still with the white streaks

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Man, poor Badoons.

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>page 7
A bump maybe?

>>86016501

You don't deserve a bump... aw shit...

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Every artist drawing Rocket differently is basically a meme in itself

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>>86016524
Thanks mang
This unholy thread will need to stay around

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More than anything, this first trade is quite boring
I promise it becomes more lively later

>>86014159
I don't see why not. Black Vortex was part of the crossover, as well as the trial with Jean Grey.

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There's this weird thing that makes some things feel a bit like DnA GotG while others are already full Bendis
It's some sort of passage

>>86014277
>I somehow always thought you were a myth.
I hate this kind of line. And you can find one almost in every single Bendis story.

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>>86016594
To be frank ANXM/GotG is just your usual crossover among two titles, while BLack Vortex was much bigger

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>>86016668
No one knowing shit is a known Bendis-ism

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Was getting caught part of your plan?

>>86016677
Ah I stopped following ANXM before the black vortex fluff. You will still do the trial right?

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Remember when Clint totally beefed it?

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>>86016741
I'll do everything.
EVERYTHING.

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>ooh yeah that's the good stuff

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>>86014170

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I could honestly skip these but fuck it

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Reminder that the Ancients of the Universe DON'T manifest in a Giant form since they're not abstracts

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>>86016826
Why would you start your allegedly great, pushed, genre-defining run with that panel.
Why.

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Meanwhile...

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What's the status on Hulk being able to breathe in space again? I think it fluctuates.

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>space isn't near absolute zero-cold
Nice to know

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At least they remembered that Thor consistently can survive in space.

>>86016928
hold his breath like thor? Also isnt the inbetweener not an elder? Why was he there with them

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>it's the super-soldier serum
Just how much more bullshit can they add to that

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>>86016997
I think the rationale here was "here are some of those space guys from the 70s stories you nerd like"

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You can no-prize it if you somehow try to fit it with Vengeance's story

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What would've been wrong with keeping Peter in this costume until the movie and then explaining why he went casual?

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Fucking McNiven and his bullshit redesigns

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based Groot sitting this one out

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Remember when Thor stories were all about that cosmic lore?
Jason Aaron sure doesn't.
I look forward to the Asgard/Shi'Ar war, if only for the art,

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>holographic variant Thanos

>>86014187
Why do they look so silly?
And Libra reminds me of Maxima.

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Last issue before we get to the series actually called Guardians of the Galaxy!

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>>86017233
Cannon fodder does not need to look cool

>>86014793
>>86014811
Why the fuck are the Avengers acting like they never faced the Zodiac before?
There've been like a dozen different iterations of them. One of them was lead by Nick Fury's brother.
Fucking Bendis. Worst part is that they didn't have to be ignorant of the Zodiac cartels of the past for this story to work. It's just Bendis ignoring continuity for no reason.

>>86017174
The only thing FemThor has it going for it is the beautiful art. It is a shame it is wasted on Aaron's shitty run. Seriously I could look at FemThor all day.

>>86015576
Does it explain why Captain America was leading the Revengers instead of Lord Mar-Vell?

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>>86017281
Until GotG started, this run was so wildly out of character that I personally considered barely canon.
Then it started to be referenced so the only thing I can tell you, at least from a meta point this is supposed to be entry point for moviefags.

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>>86017343
Don't think so (maybe it does), but at least it explains why we left with "universe collapsing" and we got the Cancerverse back right in the issue I'm posting right now

>>86017348
>this is supposed to be entry point for moviefags.
Then why the fuck is the Hood's cousin John King, one of the biggest literally whos ever, acknowledged in this story and Steve Rogers knows who he is even though they never met?

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Press F to pay respects.

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>>86017387
>sweating nervously
Bendis would probably tell you becasue the Hood is kind of a big deal, I mean, don't you remember when he assembled the Infinity Gauntlet? The Hood is totally cosmic marvel

>>86015706
He wanted to use Thanos since Dark Reign.

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BagleyReed gets me PTSD of Fraction's run

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>>86017448
Yes, but point is, whether he wanted or not, he couldn't help use Thanos.
Mandated doesn't always mean forced down the writer's throat luckily

>>86016668
That line would work only in a universe where the Hulk was powered down like the 70's TV show version and there were less flashy supervillains and no superteams or bombastic alien invasions.

>>86015902
This page is actually insulting.
>This is BEYOND us
>A cosmic threat is beyond us
>We only have enough power and intelligence to deal with Earthbound crazy
>We barely know what Thanos is
YOU'VE FOUGHT AND BEATEN THANOS DOZENS OF TIMES.
YOU'VE FOUGHT GALACTIC EMPIRES AND MAD GODS.
YOU HAVE FACED COUNTLESS COSMIC THREATS, INCLUDING ABSTRACTS AND MULTIVERSAL ENTITIES.
Bendis is basically calling the Avengers noobs that don't know anything about space.
Fuck you Bendis.

It's even worse because later he tries pulling the "Earth is dangerous and aliens are afraid of it" card, which contradicts the idea that the Avengers can't deal with cosmic stuff.
What a load.

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At last some explanation
Why would it lead to the Cancerverse specifically is never stated and it'd probably be a bullshit explanation

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>anons starting to rage
Thread is already successful

>>86016093
>It's me
>He won't kill me
Bendis has never read actually read any comics with Thanos and Gamora interacting, has he?
Fucking daddy issues ruined Gamora's character.

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>>86017512
I agree with you 100% except for the contradiction -the point Bendis wants to make is that they're children playing with the gods' toys, they're supposedly ignorant noobs (which they aren't) but find themselves with reality warping mutants by the dozen

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I mean, it's not like that's a novel idea.
It was the whole point of Maximum Security. You know, the big event of 16 years ago.

>>86017539
>You forgot to carry the two
>I always do that
Literally what does this add to the story or even the conversation. Bendis speak at least usually makes sense in Bendis speak.

>>86016116
It's weird, Bendis ignores everything about the Avengers and GotG's history, yet acknowledges the fact that Thanos and Gamora as well as Drax and Hulk know each other?
What madness is this?

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>>86017586
Ehhh, I can still buy BBEG Thanos not wanting to actively go against Gamora if he could simply avoid conflict. At least at this point of the run the characters still have motivations behind their actions.

It's Gamora he fucking slaughtered with muh daddy is ebul

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I mean, Thanos' plan wouldn't be bullshit if then it wasn't derailed by
>I went through incredible bullshit so I wouldn't have to go to Earth myself, that's why I'll go to Earth myself

>>86014838
AN Ultimate Nullifier? I thought there was only one.
How did the Latverian black market get a fucking Ultimate Nullifier?
How come Thor doesn't rmember the UN? He's seen it a bunch of times.

>A battle that no one can win
>The ultimate terrorist attack
??????

>>86016429
>Have we talked about how these issues all sold out multiple times?

Which, Avengers Assemble? That only got a second printing, which doesn't mean much.

In fact for a comic intended to get the movie audience, it didn't really sell that well:

03/12 Avengers Assemble #1 - 100,883
04/12 Avengers Assemble #2 - 53,024 (-47.4%)
05/12 Avengers Assemble #3 - 43,886 (-17.2%)
06/12 Avengers Assemble #4 - 43,022 ( -2.0%)
07/12 Avengers Assemble #5 - 38,951 ( -9.5%)
08/12 Avengers Assemble #6 - 36,131 ( -7.2%)
09/12 Avengers Assemble #7 - 36,259 ( +0.4%)
10/12 Avengers Assemble #8 - 36,453 ( +0.5%)

Also a shocker at that time since Bendis' Avengers used to get higher numbers years prior.

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>Carol's breasts in the previous page
;____;

Okay lets make something clear since this seems to be a marvel hate thread.

Currently there are 3 or 4 franchises that either no doing well or are hated by the fans and these are: The x-men, the Inhumans, GotG (or cosmic marvel in general) and Captain Marvel.

The first one is obvious since Marvel doesnt own the rights for the x-men they are trying to make them less prominent which is the reason why x-fans hate x-men, this strategy seems to be failing because x-men are still able to sell more than most marvel franchises even if the quality of the comics goes from bad (All new-men, Extraordinary) to good/blad (Uncanny x-men,old man logan)

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>>86017735
You have to add all of the following months' sales though.
#3, #4. #5 sold out, #4 multiple times

>>86015539
The foreshadowing here!! Hawkeye shooting hulk right in the mouth
Wow amazing
Bendis is GOAT

>>86015325
It turns out, Bendis actually wanted to keep Bug, but editorial told him no.

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>>86017763
>Okay lets make something clear since this seems to be a marvel hate thread.
It isn't though
It's a SoP

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>>86017733
I mean, what terrorist group wouldn't completely annihilate the universe to further their goals

>>86016231
>>86016253
Maximum Security did this much better

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Look at the page that completely derailed Fraction's run intended ending AND Gillen's first couple of arcs!

>>86017791
BRAVO
R
I
A
N

>>86017777
Only #3 got a second printing though, which still didn't mean much. Usually when they say sell out they mean at the distributor level. When it gets more than second printings or the price on the first printing goes higher, then that means it's really been selling out at a lot of comic shops.

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>>86017847
I plan to storytime MS as well in the future

>>86017763
Then there is the inhumans, the sacred cow for new metahumans that marvel could use in their movies which marvel has been pushing in tv shows, animation and comics since the end of infinity event.

They are part of the group that do no sell, even if we include ms marvel solo as part of the inhuman push her numbers are too low (28k) which is higher than the flagship inhuman book, uncanny inhumans which sell at 24k, which is nowhere near the mutants numbers, it doesnt help either that inhumans have received hate for replacing the x-men which has stopped their increase in popularity amongs comic fans.

>>86017845
>>86017882
So, what did the Elders (plus Stranger and the In-Betweeneer) do to Thanos?

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That was it! To the next issue! Did you like how ominous the Badoons were? Too bad!

>>86017894
Never said the distributing system isn't thoroughly fucked up

>>86017905
I'll give Bendis credit. Even after it turned out that the Badoon weren't going to be in the movie, he still used them.

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>>86017931
Apparently literally nothing, since next time we see him it's in Infinity and he has an evil empire going on with the DARK AND EDGY crew

>>86016864
Why isn't the Grandmaster there? He's actually an Elder unlike the Stranger and the In-Betweener.

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Note that these stories are from the repackaged version adapted for print
The digital native version is a lot better and I recommend reading at least Gamora's and Groot's

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Oeming's style really works here, dynamic as it can be

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The Rigellian thrust sounds like a sick dance move

>>86018041
>Single-handedly carved the Badoon into two warring factions
When did that happen?

Casual fan here
I read dark regin as it was coming out and never once got the impression that Bendis wanted to use Thanos, why do people say this
He spent a lot of time developing sentry and at least to me, it felt completely natural when he was made the villain of Seige

>>86018078
It's just an urban legend with no evidence behind it.
Why would Thanos even help Osborn anyway?

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>>86018077
In Bendis' mind.

>>86018041
She doesn't look like any Rigellian I've ever seen. They all have big heads and yellow skin

>Rigel tribe of fire
I guess that's a thing...?

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Peter's bullshit with MUH DAD MUH EARTH aside, this wasn't half bad

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Unf Del Mundo art

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Also,
>D'vorak
At least it's better than Merz-bow?

>>86018141
Yeah, these Infinite Comics actually came out for free originally, and reading it I was actually hopeful that Bendis' run on GotG might not be so bad.
How naive of me.

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Old Man Dad series when

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>>86018187
Well, there were SOME reasons to be hopeful back then

>>86018141
I still don't get HOW making a law saying you don't touch Earth puts in trouble. Earth already had a reputation and was getting attacked all the time.
As far as I recall, we never actually saw anyone attack Earth based solely on the law existing. Way to fail at a premise Bendis.

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Fuck yeah Groot

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>>86018229
As we'll see in the next arc, it was J'Son's plan to actually invite someone to raze it once and for all because of [reasons]

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Time to read the worst one of the bunch
Buckle up

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Also this sounded like something that would've been important in GotG but was redirected to Young's Rocket series

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We also witness the birth of made-up, alien-sounding swear words!
Truly epic for the win.

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I'll likely storytime Skottie Young's series as well

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I mean, at some point in the future

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RIP

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*Dun dun duuuuun*

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And Del Mundo again

>>86016197
Someone doesnt like Clintasha :^)

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If you can find the original digital one of this I recommend to track it down, it has a nice Western movie feeling about it

>>86018450
>All life was wiped from the planet
Cyclops believes this is totally OK as long as mutants come back

>>86017718
>>86017738
RIP

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>>86018471
It was literally there for moviebait and doesn't even make sense in the plot.
Not considering that Bendis was pining hard for Spider-woman to the point of breaking up Bobbi and Clint

>>86018514
>>86018514
Plus, Natasha was secretely going out with Bucky

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>>86018506
The Phoenix was coming to Earth anyway, if there was reason to believe Hope could channel it and become a host if made more sense than shooting at it with a giant mecha
It's a cosmic force, for Jean's sake

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>>86018561
I believe this was more or less around the point of closing Brubaker's run with the mindwipe

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>first panel
Gamora has mastered the Forbidden Kage Bunshin no jutsu

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How's that for a 'fuck you'

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Don't you know that Gamora and Peter are both totally about DADDY ISSUES?

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Now, for the 0.1 issue, the last one to close this thread.

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Just so we've dealt with all the setup, tomorrow we'll start from the """good""" stuff

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Nothing like the epic, cosmic feeling of a bad breakup.

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I actually liked that all the cosmic books started with a space page 2bh

>>86018749
So Peter Quill is 29 years old?

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This kills the sense of wonder.

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>American Earth English
FFS

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>>86018842
His age is now set to 29, yes.such as myself Needless to say he was older in previous canon.

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Spoilered for lewd

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Absolutely haram.

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Literally
>I must go, my planet needs me

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>give her the gun

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Now, I sure don't know much about female reproduction, but I doubt she'd notice anything before she misses her period before.

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Okay, Peter reading that was nice

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>I don't have a father!
We Anakin now

>>86019059
High ground

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>>86019068
I wonder if he will try to spin
Also lost opportunity to have Young Peter be obsessed with space, you know, that was kind of the point

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I mean, interested in space and fucking obsessed are two different things

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Poor Meredith.

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There is literally no reason to change his origin to Badoon from the original Ariguans if this doesn't influence your story in the slightest

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I mean
You'd expect this would be relevant, right?
You saw the Badoon slaughter your mom in front of you
J'son knows who did it

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GOOD GUY WITH A GUN

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>mommy was an alien

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I mean, you'd expect aliens to have some other form of picking up lifeforms that isn't "kid was inside, blow up the house and that'll be the end of it" if you traveled to Earth specifically to make sure that kid was killed

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He's a lot less antisocial than he used to
I really hope that Zdarsky revisits the Master of the Sun in some way, he was the one that gave Peter the Element gun originally
This retcon simply rewrites over the original story without bothering explaining what changed

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>the element gun is Spartax royalty
Okay
>an illegitimate halfbreed bastard is "next in line for the throne"
okay
>J'son allegedly never had any other child even if it was so important
okay
What the fuck should J'son have done about the Badoon anyway if he believed him dead? They reconciled back then and that should've been the end of it
Why is everything about this so stupid

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Did you like Mass Effect, /co/?
Steve McNiven sure did

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That's it for today!
We covered the origins part and the Avengers encounter, tomorrow we start with the REAL retardation!

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Please keep the thread bumped, at least for a while, and don't be afraid to start some discussion or ask questions here.

We'll cover the entire Bendis' run up to last month's issue in some days, after that I'm going to go further in the 2013-onward Cosmic Era, but feel free to suggest what you'd like to read first in order.
Nova? Guardians 3000? Rocket Raccoon? Captain Marvel?

>>86014624
>Superpowers are stunting the development of this world, and making it weak.

>Here, have some Superpowers for keepsies.

>>86019573
No

>>86015063
>>86015048
Why are Hulk's speech patterns so inconsistent. Either he talks like a 'tard, or not. Make up your mind.

>>86016826

Bendis has transcended the genre and has become the metaphysical manifestation of cancer.

>>86015952
How many times have we had covers like this only for them to turn out to be nothing?

Stuff like this makes me certain the whole Miles/Gwen this is going to be a one-time thing that just ends after the arc.

>>86016009
I guarantee you he did this to make the team contrast with the original iteration of the Guardians.

Making the Badoon their antagonists, and initially making almost each member the last of their respective races are prime examples.

>>86020302
Those cards they gave out with the first issue that had comic Drax's description as MCU Drax instead of Arthur Douglas had everyone lose their shit.

>>86020302
That's a great concept I could get behind if Bendis didn't squander every opportunity to make interesting.

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bumping for cancer

Thanks

>>86014202
just in time for the movie!

>>86019688
I think the easiest way is to just do it alphabetically