GIOYC - Get It Off Your Chest

>>18701905
How do I accept the fact that my ex might, if not already, get over me before I get over her and start dating a new guy? Like, I know I'm not entitled to her but just. It's so hard to move on. I keep lying to myself saying that it'll be okay and we'll get back together. I guess it's just hard not knowing what's going on in her life anymore. I wish I didn't feel stuck in this place of attachment to her. I want to move on and be happy but I won't let myself do it.

>>18701912
How long were you together, and when did you breakup?

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Oh my God! We exchanged numbers. For two autist to do that, is something right?
Jesus Crispy Christ, I want to text her, but we should wait. It's mostly so she can contact me after the hurricane passes. She's made me worry must less.
Fuck, I am elated and terrified at the same time.

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This was in the last thread, but I didn't really get any answers.
Why do I keep fucking up things, /adv/?
Basically, I've been in this relationship for about 3 months or so now. Things were going good for the first 2 months, even lost my virginity to her, and vice versa. Everything was going smoothly until her parents found out. So now we can't really see each other in person anymore. Plus, I moved farther away, so even if I could see her, I would have to go a very long way by bike, since I don't have a car. Yes, I'm 18. My gf is 16.

Anyways, the past week, I've felt rather lonely and depressed, since I can't be with her, and I've realized that the spark and love that I've felt towards her is nearly dead. Like, I almost don't feel anything at this point, unless we both start going down memory lane. I know that if we were to be able to be together in person, this wouldn't have become an issue.

To complicate matters, I decided to reach out to one of my exes that I've always been good friends with. We've had our fights, our breaks, but she's a good person, and I honestly still have heavy feelings for her, even if I bury them most of the time. She already knows what's up here, and she says I should just break up with my gf if the spark is dead. No point in leading her on just to keep her happy, right?

Anyway, to the real meat and bones of why I'm here: Lately, the old spark that I had for my ex has started unburying itself, and she said that she feels the same way towards me. Thing is, I really want to try to fix my relationship with my current gf, even though due to her parents, our relationship basically is gonna be long distance/over text for a few years. What do I do, guys? Should I stay with my current gf? If so, how am I able to fix my relationship? Or should I just be with my ex, who has no strings attached?

>>18702026
don't do a "long distance relationship for a few years" when you're fucking 18 years old anon

Ok so I just finished giving my last exam of my undergrad. I don't know what I want to do with my life now. I have been acting in theatre groups and stuff.

My dad is asking me to go start my own productions company. I don't know if I want to continue this, or if I want to start making music. It will be difficult for me to do both at the same time.

Also I might want to get a master's degree in acting from UK or NY/CA in USA which would mean I would have to go abroad for a year.

I have been dating this girl from the past two months, who I was friends with from a year. Even though this is by no means my first relationship, I'm very insecure about the future of the relation even though I have no reason to be. We both like each other a lot, but I feel external factors like me going abroad or her going abroad to study/work might strain our relationship.

Any help?

I made a sarahah and only got two responses. I really want more but I don't want to seem eager.

>>18701912
you are being selfish. stop lying to yourself firstly, accept it and make a legitimate effort to move on. having any knowledge of what is going on in her life isn't going to help you, you need to stop dwelling. pick up a new activity or make some new friends.

>started part time job
>got many hours for a few months
>other employees called union and complained
>now only working two days a week
what the heck am I supposed to do now? this is annoying. I just wanted to work here for a couple of months to build up some money before moving away but now these guys fucked me up a little bit. one of them doesn't even show up to work so I kinda wish they would just give him the boot.

mind you, I did ask to work less days in the row but requested to only work between 24-32 hours a week. they're only giving me 8-16

Why can't you just fucking listen to me man? I'm sad, overworked, and hate myself to the point that I abhor anyone who treats me well. You have it figured out, you have someone who really fucking loves you and you love her back. You have a job that actually has meaning. You're smart, you're brave, you're great. Being your friend is something that I treasure more than most things in my life. I don't deserve you, or anyone like you. I already told you I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, so what's the goddamn issue? Are you going to treat me like how all of the fucking rest of the world does? Tell me I need professional help and have me spill my guts to some guy who just says "workout, enjoy nature, and smile more often"? I wouldn't fucking be in this situation if that was the fucking case.

Either cut me off or throw me a line. I expect the former. God, I've become a fucking super passive aggressive asshole. I should be the one to just stop this. It's been a good run man, sorry to check out before the finish line.

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I've been coming to these threads for at least two years now, venting about my depression, and it really feels like I'm screwed. Like there's something totally wrong in my head, but since I can still function and fake it on the outside, it's not seen as a big deal. On the inside, I can't feel emotions, and I can't feel pleasure. Without those two essential parts of life, there's no point in continuing to live. I've tried exercising, I've tried meditation, I've tried every fucking recommendation they tell you, and nothing's really helped. Medication is my only hope. Last winter, I told my mother: I need to see a doctor. I still haven't seen one. Whenever I remind her, she just doesn't care. I have no money to pay for medical care, so I'm fucked unless I can get insurance. Right now, it's so bad that I can't work. I'm only 18, and my life is falling apart.

Maybe you think I'm bullshitting, and that's why you never respond to my posts. Like I'm some stupid teenager who read a Camus quote on facebook and immediately self-diagnosed himself with a dozen mental illnesses., or a guy who hasn't had fun with video games in a week and straightaway refers to himself as depressed. This isn't that. I promise you, it's not. Yet even if you do believe me, I guess you don't have an answer. And that, I can't blame you for. Because neither do I.

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I'm leaving. I haven't had any fun being here recently...especially since I started lumbering through /adv/ like some sort of zombie. Did that for 6 fucking hours today. 6. Fucking. Hours. That's not normal for me, but it was enough.
Adios, you tempter-4-neets.

I know. No one ever leaves. But hey, I can put a lock on the website so at least for a few days or weeks, I won't return. A part of me feels bad because it was the one place I could escape and lose myself...to not know anyone, but still be able to speak openly. Little did I know how 4chan is social junk food. All this time I haven't made any friends, beyond my one wonderful friend, or done ANYTHING productive to further my social skills...well, beyond getting a thicker skin. Thanks for the sweet lash of memories, 4chan.

Anyway. Installed Discord, let it sit without anyone on my list for weeks. Wow.

I whined about my problems here, rationalized that I was broken and needed a helping hand to get up. "Autist here!! Please fix me!" Yet all it really did was reinforce them as the walls closed in. I'm 23. Now is no time to stagnate and be satisfied with having just one friend. I'm out and off to other pastures. Whether or not they're greener or a few circles deeper into hell remains to be seen. Bye.

My ex started dating someone new and they went Facebook official last week. Now all of my friends are asking how I'm doing. They don't really address it directly, they just say things like "what got you back on tinder" or whatever.
I wish they would just figure out I don't want to think about her anymore. I've muted her on pretty much every social media platform (not unfriended/unfollowed because I don't want her to think I'm a petty bitch) and have deleted all her texts and photos. I just want to stop thinking about her, but they keep trying to bring her up and make me talk for the sake of drama or whatever
I just want to wipe clean and start anew. I'm going on another tinder date tomorrow.

Wish I could handle moving on to someone else to get over an ex. You might tell me to just man up but I'm not in a position for any kind of relationship. I haven't felt "there" since the break up.

I want the whole truth (not in an anonymous way).
I can wait for years, I don't care.
I can die tomorow, I don't care.
The only thing I want is to be happy and share.

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So bored with this life shit now. Ether want to turn to drugs or go on tinder. Need something in my life now. I feel tinder is the right call but drugs seem like a good escape from this shit. So very bored and lonely. I feel self destructive. i feel aimless.

I can get laid, make good friends, and like to be social. I can't seem to get into relationships. I do not know why.

>>18702290
Take up a strange hobby bro.

met a cool anon, want to be in a relationship with them. Can't seem to get past the anon stage

>>18702052
Bumping for answer

Being cheated on is so unfair. I was robbed from my relationship and I got trust issues from that. I keep mourning the relationship. But it's been 2 years. I can't drown in self pity all my life. And I'm not sure if I can date someone else while I still think about my ex.
I don't even want to date him, I KNOW he's bad for me and it can't work so why am I stuck on this? Every time we talked about it he always blamed me for it and made me feel like a monster. Is it that I never got closure? Is closure even a thing? It's like I've been waiting 2 years for him to realize how bad he was to me. But he wants to move on from that. And it makes sense. Who wants to keep remembering how bad they were? Last time we talked he said he doesn't care about me anymore... so I guess that's it. I guess that's the end of our story. I hope my brain gets the message too.

>>18702288
I think we all want the truth, as well as no theatrics, no ribbons, no bells, this board is cancer, seems though I just can't get it right.......

>>18701905

>>18700860

So? Still there?

The constant barrage of racist bullshit is wearing me down. I could deal with the use of nigger on 4chan but having every thread on every board I go to bombarded with racism, heavily biased infographics and all that other shit is hurting my sense of self-worth. It's tiring. I want to go back to pre-2016 4chan.

>>18702735
This website has always had racist, black and gallows humor.

Don't take such things to heart, the infograph posters are reactionaries posting offensive fringe things because society currently holds opposing fringe opinions. Internet counterculture is like that, and it will shift when the mainstream shifts again too.

>>18702716
Yeah I wrote something

>>18702763
>This website has always had racist, black and gallows humor.
I can deal with this. The issue is unironic /pol/ bullshit flooding every board.
>Don't take such things to heart
I try not to but it's hard.

>>18702772

Share with us then.

>>18702830
It's embarrassing so I was hoping it could stay on the archived thread. Can you find it? It's near the end.

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>>18701905
>hey anon lets hung out, im free around these days
>ok how about this or that
que complete fucking silence

twice even just this week
i swore i wouldnt let it get to me, but its getting more and more discouraging. i have no fucking idea where im going wrong, and im starting to get fed up.

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I blew an interview for a internship through my CC for a programming position, I just wasn't qualified or good enough, which I knew at the time but tried anyway to see the whole process,really learned alot of how interviews play out now. Was a new company/interviewer ,they were wearing casual wear chill,meanwhile I came in a dress shirt and tie, socially awkward af, almost robotic with a weird outward enthusiasm.

Didn't get the interview but sign but for a club at my college instead,maybe this will be more of a benefit.

>>18703032
>enthusiasm.*

I think I don't acknowledge my own feelings. I shove away all the negative ones, and keep telling myself I'm happy and I'm normal. I keep telling myself I love myself, when in reality I immediately hide unseemly parts of myself as soon as they come up. I try to be social because I'm shy. I stand up straight because I know I hunch. I like to wear longsleeves because I have skinny arms. I like to act courageous because I have anxiety.

There is still a very good chance I'm an aspie. I twitch when I get excited, I really hate loud noises, I try really hard to not show emotion (despite feeling them), I'm even a bit high-functioning. Acknowledging that I'm not normal is really hard for me.

Yesterday I found her LeafGreen cartridge and cried like a fucking baby for a good 5 minutes. Then I got up, washed my face and proceeded like nothing ever happened.

>>18703073
>when in reality I immediately hide unseemly parts of myself as soon as they come up.
I think that's pretty normal.

I keep trying to leave you, somehow you keep pulling me back in. I'm building a stronger weapon to cut ties this time....

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God, I really hope you are my light. You are something special, that it would take a different world to find someone so wonderful, in a way it did. I want to know all of you. Your sad past, your current world and I want to be a part of your future as much as I want you to be part of mine.

You talk to me so sweetly, that I'm starting to believe I'm actually special. You treat me in a way that someone I used to know treated me. But, you are honest. You are open with me. You could have kept your mask up about how you aren't freaking out about the current situation, but you didn't. You are openly showing me your weaknesses, and I want to take each of those and craddle them close to my heart. I would never use them again you, but I cherish them as I do your strenghts.

I am so drained by our current problem. I worry about you, and wonder if you will be safe and sound when all this blows over. We will be cut off from each other for some time. I am worried, but I will hold myself together until I get your call saying that you are okay.

You and I are like too creatures experiencing the light for the first time after being in a hole for so long. I am older, and seem to have more experience when it comes to dealing with this. You, are scared. I can see it in your every move and in the words you choose around me. Still weary of the unknowns of each other, but you have gained my trust. I hope to gain yours in time as well.
I know you, I was you before and I know how to treat you. Nice and slow, a gentle touch and a listening ear.
And you do the same, but more than that, you talk. Although you are less articulate when it comes to emotional matters, you talk. And that you are honest and open with me, that means the world.

Your blues, your pinks, even those grays, I love them all.

>>18701905
I hate this fucking work ! I want to take it over and turn it into the novel 1984. I want to oppress every single person on earth.

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Fuck you, you bunch of ungrateful cunts. I have been busting my ass at my job lately.

Working late every day for over an hour, not even so much as a thank you. I come in for a late night meeting that was set on the day itself, half an hour before my shift ended and everyone acts as if that's the way things are supposed to be? No, fuck you. Next time you can figure out your shit yourself.

Then you management retards make up a planning that is utterly impossible if you consider our infrastructure for 2 seconds, then get frustrated if production can't follow? Just because you want to one-up the managers from a different facility doesn't mean the people in our lab have to pay for it.

People are up my ass all day because of the large order you lobbied to get into our facility, and now you also expect me to take care of regular production, maintenace of all the equipment AND you give me 96 Excel sheets to review one day before the deadline? And if I do something wrong, you *expect* me to stay longer on a Friday night? No, fuck you. Take care of your own shit, because I'm done.

>>18702830
I didn't write it for everyone, just you, because you asked how it happened.

Regular porn bores me. I think I need to stimulate my imagination more so than my senses. Sure i can look at videos and pics and get off easily but it seems so boring.

Anybody have recommendations for porn that stimulates the imagination but isnt completely faggish (i.e JOI or pussy-hyponosis etc)

I've never had a gf. There's this girl I've been talking to in class that I kinda like. I feel like she's done things that imply she likes me, such as writing me a note. But I found out today she probably has a boyfriend and I'm annoyed now. I'm not angry or upset, just annoyed.

How do I make constructive reply?

I wonder if he notices when I check him out.

>>18703256
It's always darkness, never light. My entire life has been nothing but loneliness and sadness.

My future looks even worse. I'm promised amazing things but they never happen. And even then, the things promised are darker than what I've experienced so far.

>>18703256
Are you a grill

>>18702848
>>18703281

Christ, FUCK working overtime. Not worth it.

Well...
I don't see there anything to be embarrassed about. That's the first thing. Second are you in a distance relationship? These tend to skew reality a fuckton. You will never see his bad side as every conversation will be preplanned or at least taken at leisure. You can't see him vulnerable or mad when you are talking to him through Skype or something. Then again im presuming to much.

Lets say you both know each other face to face. Nothing you mentioned about him is special.
I try to be honest, im very dominant and when i see shit i call people on their bullshit. Bam, lets say we picked up three of those and you are talking to some random dumbo over internet who also shares traits like that. These traits are pretty much universal if you meet men who sorted their shit out. He was just ahead of his pack that's it. At least that's my honest opinion.

Pretty sure hes a hella of character but its hard me do believe hes such a charmer if he cuts contact with you just like that and doesn't explain. Ain't that a honest bastard. So what im trying to say, its not like dude isn't attractive to you. That's given. What im trying to say is the problem is on your end more that on him. Its understandable obsession, but obsession nonetheless. You are in love honey.

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I avoid talking to one of my best friends cuz he tells me stories about how he's fucking nine million chicks at his school every time. I'm happy for him, I just don't know how to respond. Just end up saying "Nice, yeah, uh-huh, cool" while I'm thinking about how I'm a kissless virgin still in our home town. he tells me about how if I come there he'll hook me up and shit but I don't even want to do that.

I don't understand. Are you people arguing over my future? or do I have a child, and you're arguing over their future?

I'm not that bright, I'm not that skilled at my craft. I'm not even charismatic. I'm a broken mess.

"my boy is wicked smart." Was that about me or about my kid? (if I have one)

I can't imagine that I'm special. I can think of a thousand scenarios that make more sense than me being special.

>>18703468
and if I am that special

Why the fuck do I not have any say about my own fucking life?

You know what I want. I want to be a pretty lady. I want to love and be loved in return. I want to be free.

Those are the things I want. I don't want to rule the world. I don't want to run an empire.

I want to go home.

>>18703425
Love is my drug of choice. You work a lot and still take time to help strangers. I really appreciate that. I wish I could help you too but as you can see, I'm a hot mess. I was trying to think of other things he did. Intermittent reinforcement. That's a big one.

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>>18703474
>liberals will say that this is not a mental illness

>>18703476

>Intermittent reinforcement.

Well fuck, i needed to google it you smart ass.
Found cheesy but interesting article to.

http://psychopathsandlove.com/intermittent-reinforcement/

You see, ive been in love to and it was a total fuck up also if not even worse than you have now. Thing is in retrospection i think i dodged a bullet and learned a LOT. But you probably know this shit need to go both way's and if it isn't working you bail. Its hard at first but this is what you should do. Grow some balls (or ovaries lol) and bail.
Its not end of the world and in a way you over blowing the whole thing but hell i know how it feels so i can empathise.

>>18703379
Never take on anyone else's promises. They can be broken. Though those words are sweet, they can turn into nothing in an instant. To find someone that will hold to their word is a challenge. Even I break them sometimes, but if you care about someone you won't make them with the thought of breaking them.

I been like that before, in the dark cave with nothing but my own thoughts to drive me more into madness. It took a lot of work and a major event to teach me a few things about myself and how to deal with the pit.

The future is really what we make it. We tend to hold ourselves to the standards of others and only make ourselves feel worse because we don't add up to them. Look for things that will enrich you. Things that when you lie on your deathbed you and nod and simply say, I had a good life.

It hard to pull yourself out, and harder still to pull another.
>>18703407
No silly anon, I habe a dik.

You make me feel like shit sometimes

>>18703502

Sorry, anon.

>>18703497
<3

>>18703256
Initials?

I can't believe it.

I have been farting so much lately.

What is up with my butt? Why am I so gassy? These aren't little toots, they are full blown POOTS!! Girls fart too and I sometimes call myself the fartmonster, but I usually don't rip ass this much

>>18703521
Can't believe what?

>>18703527
I was just trying, all this time, to compensate for something that I lost years ago.
Instead of confronting the feelings of loss, I just indulged in escapism, so it ended up manifesting in ways that I didn't realize.
I still get overwhelmed and it feels like I didn't grow up at all.

>>18703486
the fuck you talking about? It is a mental illness and liberals will say it is. It's called Gender Dysphoria and it's treated by sometimes transitioning.

Congrats, you are fucking retarded. No cure for that though.

>>18703520
I go by two sets.
LM and (RW)

It was good seeing you again. You looked great. Knocked the breath right out of me. As always. So much I want to say. Will have to get back to you.
With love,

I've had a bit of an history with doing illegal stuff. I'm not really a criminal though, but did enough so that I'm facing at least 2 years prison if I ever get caught for the stuff I was doing. I've been going to a psychologist lately to get away from doing it as it's so tempting and it makes me feel so good. It's the only best thing in the world to me. But I know it's bad for me, so I want to get away from it.

My psychologist wants me to get family or friends involved in helping me understand better why I'm doing it and how to stop it. The problem being that I've always been very good at seperating family and friends from the illegal stuff. I'm very afraid of talking about the things I've done in the past to them as it's very much looked down upon. I know they will stick around, but I am afraid of the distrust, seeing me as a bad person. I've never been caught, I've never paid for what I did. I fear the judgement for that.

Anyone else know that feeling?

I got rejected by 3 dudes this week.

Ah fuck, I need a beer.

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I shouldn't be this nervous about handing in an application but I am. Gonna breathe and just say 'fuck it' and waltz in.

>>18703650

So, it does happen to you women too.

>>18703670

I am going to start the training next monday, and I'm nervous af

>>18703679
Yeah, of course it does.

>>18703679
No shit.

>>18703552
Knew one of you faggots lurked here. Go worship your transgender freaks on tumblr.

>>18701905
Is there a way to read all of the Harry Potter books fast ? There's a girl i know that lives on the stuff basically. Im not really into her but it would be nice to have something in common .

>>18703695

not that anon but this is a free board, and you got to hide yourself in the bible, or in fascism, if you want to impose your beliefs

not sure why i am happy to find basically a checklist for suicidal people and their behaviour and this strange feeling that i have been going through all these stages back and forth a lot but i am still here
not sure if i am depressed or just lazy
not sure if i am

>>18703752
the stages are never in chronological order, or really any order

You are dead to me :)

>>18703763
Why?

>>18703689

Everybody gets nervous anon. It's okay. Shit, I still randomly get nervous when shopping sometimes or talking to people. It's just how I am.

I've trained lots of people at different jobs. Any decent person will know you'll make some mistakes, be a bit slow at first, etc. The thing is to ask questions even if you feel like they're 'dumb'. Pay attention. Take notes if you must. I'd rather answer a dozen questions if that's what it takes for a newbie to 'get it' than deal with a dozen problems due to a trainee not asking anything.

>>18703368
What are you replying to?

>>18703176
Aww. That sucks.

>>18703763
It's okay. You're a mistake anyway.

im listening to sublime for the first time in a decade, ugh. kind of missed it tho, and the week long nostalgia.

Everything I'm alone I get the urge to cry. Most times I don't, sometimes I do. Being around people makes me put on a front that yhat is not the case with me. Been this way 2+ years now.

>>18703368
Do you have construction paper?

Should I start going to college or should I get a car first. I currently have a job this year after getting out of highschool with semi-acceptable grades. college accepts me and all is well until I realize how much shit I have to juggle. Four months I've been trying to figure out where to go and by now I think I'm running out of time to even start my classes. I have no clue how college classes work or if they work on a seasonal basis. Top that up with credits and I'm not sure if I can even afford classes with the wage I have, let alone pay off a car loan at the same time. Parents are currently juggling time to drop me off for work, so a car is a guaranteed buy, but the problem is how I purchase a car as well as start college in the same year. I'm also way too socially inept to control the situation myself without proper guidance and asking Parents for advice is useless as one doesn't know a thing about college as they never attended one and the other keeps shrugging it off as "We'll talk about it later" or "Some other time Anon". I need straight answers and I need them now, so this seems like the only place that'll give it to me straight.

>>18703731
If you're not interested why do you want to go through so much effort to have something in common with her?

Every night before falling asleep I imagine you kissing me delicately on the lips.

>>18704052
Every night before falling asleep I have half a dozen seizures.

plot tweest, Jews are actually for real evil.

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I've been cursed with horrible skin and going out in public is a trial.

Genetics? Maybe? No one in my nuclear family has these problems. Lifestyle? I eat pretty healthy - far healthier than my family who only partakes in junk food - and I try working out. I lost a ton of weight and am genuinely the lightest one (at 120 pounds) in my entire family, bar the children.

The angry dark and red spots just never go away and I get the suspicion that I look older than I am. I spent so fuckin much on skincare, but where am I, even? I know 26 year old girls who have never washed their faces with perfect skin...young teen me tried that, and just had huge breakouts. Now, I try so hard but the products are never enough besides just making my skin a tad more smooth.

If I learned anything being an adult, it's that my childhood notions of looks not mattering are absolute bullshit and - because I am a girl - my value will rest mostly on my looks. Fuck that. I'll just lock myself in my room for the rest of my life and continue with my career. At least I have that...at least I almost fulfilled my dream. Still. Being in public is a necessity, but I can barely do that anymore. And, fuck, despite being a nature-lover who likes to fish and hunt, I've grown to prefer just being a shut-in. At least then I won't accidentally run into anyone.

I rationalized that the guy or two from a class that liked me solely because of how I have the best legs of any girl on campus--that they HAD to be disgusted by me. It's just that, because of my obvious butterface, they knew I'd have no self confidence so I'd be an easy fuck.
Ah, such paranoia. But the paranoia is warranted...I'm not blind, I look in a mirror and I see the problem. I know guys. They'd fuck anything with a nice bod.

People have it worse, but being an uggo butterface when all your life you literally just wanted to be a 5/10 is true pain. Guess all I can do is work towards being able to support a neet lifestyle..

I've actually had a few dreams with you in them recently. In one of them you talked to me and you had a nice voice, but I can't remember what you said. In another we went to a water park but it was really awkward because some of my family was randomly there too. Sometimes when I'm drowsy I really vividly feel like you're speaking to me. I hope we can get past all the hurdles between us eventually

>younger brother keeps blocking my internet everytime he starts lagging.
>Get fucking sick of his spoiled ass amd change the password so he stops.
>He beats me at my own game.
>Now have no internet till he comes home.

>I'm the one who pays for internet.
>and majority of rent.

Time to kick his ass and kick him out.

>>18704145
no mercy >:)

I'm deeply attracted to this guy that I'm about 80% sure is straight. I mean totally in love. I can't really put it into words without sounding cheesy.
Anyway 20% of me thinks he may also be gay, based on the fact that he's never had a girlfriend (at 20yo), listens to musicals, has a strange habit of picking up my hobbies, and seems to behave like more of a gentleman around me as compared to his other friends. (An example is, if he's in conversation with someone else, and sees me, he will say, 'excuse me,' and pardon himself to come talk to me. We became friends less than a year ago, so it seems odd to me that he would do this)
We bonded fairly quickly and, like I said, I really think he's the greatest think on earth, but I'm worried that if I were to just come out and ask him it would have the potential of (a) ruining the friendship, which I quite enjoy in and of itself and (b) ruin the sort of secretly flirtatious atmosphere between us.
I've never been in a relationship. I want so bad to just tell him how I feel, but I also can't really bear the "what if" that 80% of me is worried about. I really love him as a friend, too. What do I do?

When my long term ex left I have done nothing with myself outside of work but; shitpost, drink till I black out, pop pills till I sleep for 20+ hours at a time, talk to myself or stare and things I see in my apartment, or do ridiculously self destructive things like play chicken with cars at high speeds. Yet at work I act totally fine, despite the fact it is boring me to tears and killing me with stress. My life is a hot mess, and psychiatric pills do nothing. I wonder when I am going to crack at work too.

Bitch, stop doing crack and sucking so many dicks.

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I sent a girl a dick pic while I was drunk when I woke up she screenshotted it. It was on my fake account that doesn't have a real name attached to it. I decided to roll with it since she didn't block me. We ended up having a streak for like 5 days of me sending my dick to her at night and her responding neither favorably nor unfavorably. Eventually she blocked me. And blocked me on twitter too since I had the same username too. Recently she unblocked me and is talking to me and idk what to do. Maybe I should just ignore it so I don't get I'm trouble lmao. Idk.

>>18704252
Context on the picture: she was asking me who I was.

>>18704200
I suggest you find out if he is gay or at least bi, then go for it. For now I suggest you start being playfully flirty, give him compliments, be really touchy. Alcohol really helps to loosen you both up. I seduced my best friend into fucking after a really long flirty friendship when we were wasted. Unfortunately he awkwardly cried afterwards and was ashamed, so make sure he's into it.

>>18701905

Is it okay if I greentext some stuff? I've been wanting to get some stuff off my chest, but I don't want to bother anyone.

>>18704288
That is what this thread is for, go nuts.

>>18702290
drugs WITH self control can be fun and semi productive, however most seem to lack the self control part.

look at it like a once a month thing. tinder is easier but with drugs is cheat mode

>>18704256
You're fucked. Stop replying.
Or if you're dumb enough to have hope she might be interested, ask her for pics first. That way if she tries to report you have some leverage.

I'm a separated father, and I hate myself for becoming one. I wanted to be the father I never got growing up for my daughter, but because of my stupid insecurities and depression, my ex left me, and splits custody with me. I get to see my daughter two, maybe three days a week, but those days speed by so fast they feel like hours, not days. I feel like I spend more time correcting her or scolding her tantrums than I do playing with her or reading to her. My apartment feels dead now, devoid of any life it once had, and I struggle with constant thoughts of suicide that I keep hidden from everyone. I drown myself in games, film, books, and porn, but at the end of the day, when I lay my head down at night, all the hurt begins to seep into my bones and scream into my ears, and leaves me hating every breathe I take. I've even suffered horrible nightmares about my daughter being attacked by demons, taunting and goading me into hurting her. No matter how many times I've wanted to drink myself to death or walk into oncoming traffic, I refrain from doing so, because as shit as I am a person, I don't want to leave my little girl growing up without a father like me.

>>18704380
Your scolding is most likely the right thing to do. Even if the mom is spoiling or also scolding her, YOU are helping her to become a good person and not be a brat. YOU are showing her what people are willing to put up with.

Kids will always behave wildly different around divorcee parents or extended family because they want to see what they can get away with. You're doing the right thing.

Do some crafts with her and hang them on your fridge. Go to a zoo and take pictures. You are a good father.

I think I want to make some Discord friends. Besides 4chan, what's a good place to start?

>>18704430
Discord is generally garbage but I guess it's fine if you manage to find a few ok people and make a groupchat and take it from there. And/or somehow manage to make a single really good friend somehow but that probably depends on luck mostly.
Install BetterDiscord to see the public servers list or google it and join things that appeal to you. A lot of sites/services/programs/subreddits have Discords nowadays which they give you a link to in their sites, though they might be too strict and on-topic depending on where it comes from (like I said, subreddits). Also I believe many general threads also have Discords.

>>18704430
https://discord.gg/QKeUA2

Here's a discord chat I joined from a thread on adv. It's chill. We jump in voice chat once in a while but it's hard cuz they all from all over the world so different time zones. But if you're looking for a place it's a good start. Also just joining general servers like art servers or game servers on discord will help.

My brother is 6 years old.

He cant talk. He holds in his shits for weeks until we are forced to give him an enema and sit with him on the toilet for hours. He screams when he doesnt get what he wants like he's a 2 year old.

I know this is fucked up. But I wish he was never autistic. Honestly I need to move out and get away from this because all I feel is sadness when Im with him. That he'll never get a job. Get married. Lead a normal life. I tried denying his condition just assuming he was a late bloomer until it was impossible to ignore.

I wish I could snuggle up to you while you are falling asleep. I want to kiss your neck and lay my head on you. I want to keep you warm.

>get broken up with and stat having anxiety and depression over being alone
>go on a tinder date and take a girl's virginity
>now I have anxiety and stress about seeing her again, when I'm not really sure I'd like to be in a relationship with her but I feel guilty about taking her V card and feel like I at least owe her some common decency
Do you think maybe having an open relationship would be okay? Just tell her I'm not in a state to be committal but I'll chill with her whenever she'd like

>go to grocery store late at night
>see late 40s Indian (from India) guy holding hands with ~30 yo recent MtF transexual
I'm 26 and I can't help but think they probably have a better relationship than I've ever had

>>18704519
I can't stop thinking about how much I want to feel you wrapped around me. It's almost physically painful how bad I want to be in your arms

>>18704486
>garbage
Technically or socially? Are there better chat programs? I hear that the "for gamers" tag supposedly undermines how anyone could make use of it.

I'll try betterdiscord--thanks for the recommendation!

If only motivation was something you could force...

I'm too empathic for social settings

>>18701905
Dear Sam,

Thank you for the most wonderful night of my life. Even though I know now that your words were nothing more than coquettish booz-induced party speech, it felt nice having the warmth of someone that beautiful looking into your eyes and holding on to your hand. I admired your confidence, and your ability to move on from such situations like your ex-boyfriend, I admired your honesty, I admired your courage, I admired you. I admired everything about you from that mere 1 hour conversation that you and I had. Well, more like 30 minutes, I'm sure you remember how we spent the other 30 minutes dancing and making out. Anyways, April 8th, 2017 will not be a forgotten date for me, even though it is probably just a memory you look back and laugh at amongst your friends. Good luck playing soccer at ASU.

Much love.

>>18704606
I mean, it is, but it's called something different.
Generally, you do something until it clicks and becomes a goddamn habit.

>>18704663
It's very hard if discipline is the only thing propelling you forward. I want to make music, but whenever I get the urge and start, I lose all creative energy a minute or so in and it's like being stuck in mud. Even the desire is weak, so there's almost no reason to do it.

>>18703763
>>18703958
s-s-s-same

pfft my roommate was gonna try and fuck me over weaseling her way out of our lease and not getting a replacement like a decent human being and just expecting me to find one myself or pay for her half of the rent too.
She was going to do the stupid disney college program for a second time, but now due to the hurricane shit she's gonna stay put.

So I guess, thanks irma. I can't afford this bitch's shenanigans

>>18701905
I didn't expect my mom to get cancer two years ago. Really didn't expect, despite doing just about everything in our power to fight it, and actually having great temporary results out of our efforts, for her to still relapse and die horrifically, with her bowels being so obstructed by her own tissue that she basically starved to death in a hospital, in the same year that it started.

But that happened. I tried to live past it. Got a job. Got into an x-ray program, and in spite of social anxiety and a complete lack of confidence, have been actually growing as a person and been doing well in my clinicals. Making a future for myself.

So it's a real shock that after all that, not even a full two years after my mom passed, that at 5am tomorrow (or today I guess) my family and I need to make the final decision on whether we abandon this house, since once Irma comes through there's a fair chance that it won't be here anymore. Home gone, education postponed indefinitely, basically no future.

If it were just me, I wouldn't be leaving. Dying in the storm is preferable. I'm going to be selfish here; I don't want to rebuild. I don't want to be told how things can maybe sort of be okay some years in the future. I've capped out on my quota for hating my life, and I think I'm reaching a point where killing myself actually is a decision that I deserve to be able to make.

I'm so fucking done. It must be nice to not get blown off every fucking time you expect somebody to be there for you. Got a fucking great haircut like 2 months ago. I can't IMAGINE I'm that unreasonable. Honestly that's not important, but jeez, you tell yourself it's just some person being a jerk, or not wanting to just say 'no' outright, but then it's EVERY. FUCKING. PERSON. kinda dismisses the hypothesis that's it's not just you.

>>18704806
Fantastic. I forgot to write that the barber won't even return my calls to schedule something with him and now I seem retarded. At least I'm not worried about that on 4chan. I've been drinking and having a shitty night, cut me some slack.

>>18701905

I've recently found out the girl i was seeing earlier this year had a new guy within 4 weeks of finishing with me.

I'd been away a month, got back to see her and she was very off with me. Checking her phone constantly, avoiding making plans with me and as i drove back from hers she dumped me. I asked her is it was due to someone else and she said no.

I'd been going over it in my head as to what i might of done to ruin things but it was a good thing we had.

I see on facebook after a quick check in that she'd been seeing this fella barely a few weeks after finishing with me. The timeline just didn't add up and i've a feeling she was at least talking to this guy whilst i was away.

Its a real punch in the gut. What do guys?

>>18704859
You just move on.
>be my last realtionship
>get a break up text at 11pm
>"Well the thing is, I was at this party, and this girl is ready to go, and I just don't wanna be labeled a cheater or anything"
>Dumped me and within minutes was balls deep in another girl
>Never even changed his facebook status to single, just immediately changed my name to hers.

Life sucks, I loved that guy with everything I had, I gave him everything (including a fuckton of money), we dated for almost a year, and he dumped me over text to hook up with and date some girl he supposedly met at a party only hours beforehand.
I know damn well he had been talking to her for a long time. You just kinda pick yourself up and move forward

>>18704880

Well mine wasn't quite as savage as that. Whats upset me was that she was adamant that the reason we were breaking up wasn't due to another guy and she said she had her own issues that would self sabotage the relationship. I believed it, despite feeling something was off, and for the past 6 months wondered if it was my fault.

Finding out has been liberating but also made me angry that i spent the past few months blaming myself.

>>18704380
This post nearly made me cry. More specifically, this line:
>at the end of the day, when I lay my head down at night, all the hurt begins to seep into my bones and scream into my ears, and leaves me hating every breathe I take

Keep fighting, Anon. You're a fantastic father and the one that your little girl deserves. In the end, she'll grow up to understand and appreciate all that effort you put in for her. And I promise you that it'll be the most satisfying feeling in the planet.

I'm not a dad. I'm a fucking child, I'm only twenty. But I know firsthand all the struggle that my father went through to give me the opportunities I've had. And he's the best father I could ever had hoped for for that, even if he is somewhat lacking as a human being sometimes.

Hi I want to kiss you and cuddle and nibble and lots goodstuff

>>18705004
gib cuddles nao

I freaking love Touhou eurobeat songs

>>18704318
Aight thanks I've been replying like an idiot. I've been letting my dick control my actions.

I know we only went out a few times and I know why we can't be together right now, but I just don't understand why I can't get over you.... I've never met another person like you or felt like this before.... Hopefully things improve and we can go out again, but I'm not convinced they ever will.... I feel like I'm going crazy but I just don't know what to do with myself....

I buried my father and my brother today. One to cancer and the other to suicide. I've said what I needed to say already today to those who came to pay their respects so I have no need to specify anything here, but I haven't found the strength to tell most of my friends or coworkers that they have passed.

I have felt like there is a black cloud hanging over my head. When coworkers or my friends ask about them, in a very innocent way, I feel my heart start to race and my hands begin to tremble. I don't know how to say that they've passed away, especially when one of them committed suicide. I simply answer the question as though they were still alive. I hope to find the strength and courage I need.

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5'4 .112lbs. Still thunder-thighed. Still fat-hipped. Still muffin-topped. Stomach still protrudes. Slightly smaller waist than before. Negligible improvement in ribcage definition. Hipbones protruding, but not enough. Still not acceptable.
I have to get down to 105, and then after that, I'll have to go for 95. And then, hopefully, 86lbs. Hopefully I'll maintain once I'm in the double digits. I say that I'll be happy and satisfied at that point, but then I remember that when I was 160lbs, I said I'd be happy and satisfied at 120lbs.
I never asked to be caged in a body like this, so I'm going to right nature's wrongs.

>>18705321
Sexy as fuck right there. Anorexia is not sexy. Quit while you're ahead and go see a therapist before you kill yourself starving to death.

>>18705174
initials

>>18705328
I don't want to be sexy. I never did (and that picture's not me in case you thought).

>>18705321
>86lbs
Hello infertility
Just take up sports when you're between 100-105 and stop losing weight from then on. Your weight cut doesn't only make you lose fat you're losing muscle too. If you stay at 105 and start working out you'll lose a little more fat but gain a little muscle in return. This shapes your body much better than losing all mass you have which just makes you look like a sick child

>>18705321
I've had body image issues (ranged from 144lb to 315lb @ 6'2") and can highly recommend weight training. It contains all the crazy control issues you could want, routine, diet, numbers etc and the end result is so much better looking and arguably healthier than simply depriving yourself of calories for the sake of hitting a boring number.

At 180lb (healthy weight) I looked like shit, at 220lb (obese) I looked like shit. After 4 years of weight training with a decent diet I looked like a vascular god at 195lb and a swole god at 205lb.

Honestly, if you manage to put 10-15lb of muscle on your frame you will be much better for it at a range of body fat levels.

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Welp. Today my brother honestly told me that I'm the butchest girl he knows...makes me feel kind of bad - isn't like I dress like a man or have short hair - but I saw it coming. For whatever reason only very unattractive, out-of-shape shy guys or the occasional "would fuck anything with a nice bod" Chad showed interest, while all types of lesbians, including flaming hot ones, have come onto me. Weird stuff, but I guess this is the reality I have to deal with...
>tfw I'm not impressed by anyone and thus will probably be forever alone
>tfw I don't even know what the fuck I feel about it besides earnest "I probably deserve that."

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I needa stop talking to you so often. We live completely different lives and part of me believes you actually never want to be genuinely loved by someone in your life. I don't want my heart fucked over again, not when I'm finally at a point where I feel like I can do things without receding again.
It's driving me crazy, I want to fall in love you but I know it's not going to be reciprocated. It's a nice thought, but I think that's about it. You worry me so much and it's ridiculous, I genuinely feel like I'm going to be completely destroyed internally if you go away or suddenly die.

Please stop looking at me with those sky blue eyes, you're only going to see lifeless brown looking back at you.

>>18705329
Why does it matter?

>>18705382
you're right there's no chance, but it'd be nice if there were

>>18705524
Yeah...

i think i am clinicaly depressed.
syptoms seem to fit
i don't care about anything anymore. or anyone
hobbies that used to be fun are just meh now
go to office and literally count the minutes
go back home and do nothing
barely can bring myself to make food
i tried going to therapy but i hated it and felt it was a waste of time
can't seem to even have a conversation with anyone beyond two minutes anymore
spend every free moment alone doing practically nothing

i am afraid what might become and at the same time do not really care even bout my own body..

a fucking conundrum

Parents are selling the house. Normally I wouldn't care since I've been meaning to move out for a while and I do not get along that well with my family most the time, but they convinced me a while back to get a new puppy and now I am stuck living at home. Find an apparment that accepts pets in general of my area is impossible and I do not want to part with the dog. I knew getting her was a mistake and I fucking hate it. If I leave her with my parents she is surely to die because my parents can't even handle fish without going 5 seconds away from getting a divorce. I really just want to leave and live on my own and not deal with the bullshit of my brothers and family but I can't leave this dog, specially since I've put so much time and money on her.

Is it common for people to think of possible conversation topics before going somewhere or before meeting someone?

>>18705365
>tfw I'm not impressed by anyone and thus will probably be forever alone
I can totally relate to that. I'm a guy though.

>>18705778
Why wouldn't it be?

>>18705563
Let's commit sudoku together, friend.

You fucking cunt I cant believe you done this .
After all that you just dissappear like that?

We talked through everything , I listened to you , helped you as best I could, you held my shit together when I felt like im going to loose my mind, I really thought you love me, but hell I was terribly wrong. I was such a fucking idiot to trust you at all.

All what you said was a lie, I still dont understand when did you choose this to just abruptly cut contact with me.
So much time , down the gutter.
I really don't understand still, I trusted you the most.
But bitch, you must have a special lack of spines to pull this.


det är svek

Do you really think we are forever?

Long story short, years ago, my ex got a blowjob from his gay friend while we were together and lied to me about it saying that it happened while he was asleep. I know it was consensual, a mutual friend of the gay guy asked about it and told me. I was deeply in love with my ex, so this felt like taking a bullet to the chest.

Ex denied that it was consensual every time I brought it up.

I have no idea how or why it still fucks me up so badly to this day.

I'm starting a new job on monday, far from home.

I'm sad as hell, I want to stay at home and never grow up. Coworkers will be hard on me if they spot my sadness and my gravy spirit.

What's wrong with living with your parents?

I would have rather you just be my friend instead of telling everyone I might have a chance and then give me false hope

I've had a painful breast lump for almost 2 months now.

I hope it's cancer and I hope it kills me. I can't live in my head anymore, I'm going insane.

I think the boyfriend I live with and have been dating for two years is gay.

1. We don't have sex even though I really really want sex.
2. He played a gay sex porn once when I had two girls come in my room. Out of nowhere. He laughed like it was a joke so at the time I was like ok sure.
3. He goes into work early and stays late a lot. I'm never invited to Christmas events for work or any other events and they seem to have a lot of them with alcohol involved.
4. He really likes rainbow things.
5. The only things he cares about is that I keep the house clean (he is a slob). He doesn't care how I look, he will let me gain 300lbs with a face full of acne and get my photo taken and tell me I look good.
6. He doesn't get boners.
7. Except that one time I saw him get one at his guy friends house when a bunch of twinky guys were holding bongs.
8. He likes pickles, as a character or icon - not as food.
9. He recently told me that marriage isn't for him.
10. When we first started dating I asked if he was bi or ever hooked up with a guy, he got really flustered and told me no but his one friend hooks up with dudes. I am never allowed at this friend's house. He goes there once a week or so.

>>18705898

lol, im alone for almost a decade and chicks date gays now
oh the cruelty

>>18705321

imma gonne 'sturbate to dis nao alright?
fukken saved

>>18703513

np, you have something to share? Throw it here mane. This thread is exactly for that.

Hey buddy, not written to you lately. I wish we were talking and laughing again. You know how good we were together, and how comfy life could be. Miss you.

I play clarinet in band. And recently, I was offered the French horn. I accepted, since I really want to play, but I was told a few days ago that I had to wait 2 weeks. Any tips to help deal with waiting? I really want to switch soon because I'm tired of my section and my instrument

>>18703739
Not into any of that, but I'm just a real nigga and don't like faggots.

>>18705938

Play French horn then? Start Jazzin' it at home now so at you first day of practice you will be on fire senpai.

>>18705938
I would start by watching youtube videos and researching things about the french horn and french horn players and all of that.

>>18705950
I can't get it for two weeks, because a few other people are switching and she warns to start everyone at the same time. I've been looking at fingering charts and tips, but I don't think it's helping

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I really mean that much to you? How you toy with the words. I can tell how you want to say them, but we both know once they are uttered they can't be taken back. We have been together for about a month and now you are starting to open up. You are starting to push forward as well. Asking about me, egging me to talk.
I told myself I wouldn't play that game again, but I am enthralled by you and I'm wanting to play if you're the prize. You are my treasure, you are what the X marks in the map of my life.
You see yourself as a little boring brown bird. Maybe you are plain to others, but I can hear that beautiful song of yours, I hope you know that. That I look at you as one would a beautifully colored painting.
You're my nightingale and mine alone. I could let overs know of your song, but I'm a selfish bastard. I want you all to myself. I don't want to keep you caged up, but it's hard not when such a pretty bird just walks into the cage and wants to be mine forever.
Oh, and I want you to be mine, I want you all. Your smiles and your fears. All of you, mine. And, all of me, yours.

I have no idea how I'm going to survive this month. Still no job, the temp agency I worked for late August still haven't paid me shit, and none of the jobs I've applied to have hit me back up yet. Couple that with rent being due the final day of this month and student loans being due shortly after, I have no idea what to do. I've been trying to keep a cool head about it, but it's really hard not to think about. Even if I do get a job, the hiring process before I'm able to actually work takes quite a while and may be too late.

>>18705957

>fingering charts

lewd

I would be super fucking awesome at manipulating people. The individual and the crowd.

But I have a conscious and strong morals. Even if no one else seems to agree with my morals.

I miss you every day, moe

I can't change what's happened in the past, but I hope your future is full of happiness

you set the world on fire, then take it off the heat.

give it a bit and then you put me right back into the oven. Those two nights and days I was on fire. Controlling my thoughts fire fire fire fire

how many psychiatrists have I been through?
Fucking idiots, you can't psychology my shit. Never, ever. I'm broken. Sometimes when something is broke, it's just broke. It can't be fixed anymore.

Come with me.

I frequently dream of killing my coworkers. They laugh at me behind my back because of my limp. I walk into the break room, and all conversation stops.

I'd never actually do it though. I can't bear the thought of ending someone's life. Doesn't change the fact that it haunts my dreams. Nothing but flying viscera and the screams of those I work with.

Everything hurts. I realized what a piece of shit I was when you started dating him, I never did anything - no job, no money, no car, I never told you how much you meant to me, I never asked you out, I never did anything.

I'm making myself better. I'm working, I'm making money, and I'm going back to school, but now I don't know what I'm doing it for.

I dropped out of college but I still have fairly common nightmares about high school tests

>>18704048

I'm not interested in her physically , but she's a great girl overall

>get crush on a guy
>guy rejects me
>tells me he wants us to stay friend
>actually get over it because I appreciate his friendship
>start seeing someone else
>he gets mad at me
>blocks me
>calls me a whore

Oh well.

I just spend the last few hours setting up a fish tank and I'm very proud of the end result. It'd be nice if you fucking took notice of it. How in the fuck is it acceptable to not say a word to me all afternoon and evening and then IGNORE the pictures I send you. You even dare to fucking break the silence talking about YOURSELF. Are you bored with me? Have you lost interest? I am so frustrated that I can't figure out how to respond, yet I can't keep being silent cause you'll just call me childish and needy. You put in NO effort into this relationship and above all I feel like you don't really give a shit about me.

I've accepted the fact people will hate me.
I've accepted that I don't have a trustworthy face, even though I'm forthright and objective even against my own interests.

I can bear that.
I just want someone who'll wait for me at home.

>>18705846
Oui

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>>18706660
the fuck? Is that all that happened and how did he find out about the other boyfriend?

College starts in a few weeks but I've been feeling really antisocial for a few days now. I don't want to waste my college years like I did during highschool. I also feel pressured to find a gf.

>>18705831
Maybe you hurt them

>>18706732
I never did

>>18706703
Yup. I asked the first guy out almost 8 months ago. We are in class together. After he rejected me we stayed good friends.
I've been going out with the new dude for a couple of weeks. He's great. Told my friend about it, my friend went insane.

Don't honestly understand, but hey.

My ex broke up with me back in February. The reason was because she was having problems at home plus she wasn't sure what she wanted to do after high school. I was willing to help her through her problems but she thought it was better that way since she wasn't mentally stable due to all her problems. I had no other choice but to respect her wish so that she could get better. However, people say those who care will fight for you no matter what. I tried not to communicate with her so she could focus on getting better and i would only talk to her when would text me. I guess what im trying to say is even though she thought it would be best to break up, did i do the right thing in giving her the space she needed or should have i been persistent to work things out together? Its something that's been bugging me for a while now. Its not because i didn't care for her that i wouldn't contact her but rather because i did and i wanted things to get better. For her. What do you all think? Did i do the right thing?

I just spent $200 on work out stuff, estrogen pills, gluten free food...

I really want to lose weight but even though I have a membership to the nicest gym I hate going because people give me anxiety, especially now that I have gained 50 or so pounds.

I'm afraid to leave my house and do fun things because of how fat I've become. Also I am starting to grow chin hairs and noticed my voice is lower so I know hormones have something to do with it.

The only exercise I really like is hiking and my boyfriend won't do it with me and I don't really like going alone, though I have.

On that note, being with him is killing me.
Sexless
Bad eating habbits
Lazy
Not supportive of personal goals
No plans for the future

I realize nobody is going to save me so I have to work at this. I really really have to.

volim te

> Been thinking about tranny shit since middle school
> Almost went full crossdresser; shaved and wore my lil sis' clothing
> Puberty kicks in and my mom gives me looks now
> Ignores feelings during high school
> Now in college and have no way to seal away my thoughts of a future where I regret everything
> Cannot decide whether these feelings are just me preserving some ancient feelings that are not as important as I thought
> But then still have moments of self-loathing throughout the weeks
> Stuck and my friends are all thinking, "When the fuck are you gonna transition?"

i ja tebe

Te doua , sea nymph

trebam te

I'm in love with the girl at the auto parts store.

I don't know how I feel about breaking up with my girlfriend in January. We dated for 4 months, but then I realized she was asexual. She told me she had no interest in sex at all. When she masturbated, she never felt anything. No emotions. Didn't think about anything. I told her and she said she hadn't really thought about being ace. I'm not ace, so I obviously want sex. But everything else about the relationship was great. I've tried foolishly to get back together with her, but she says she doesn't give or believe in second chances. She also said she likes being single. She was like that before we dated and I convinced her. But she's quiet and a bit of a shut in. So it's not like she's going out and partying. She mostly stays in and watched anime. I don't know what to do or how to feel.

>>18706753
Why are you with him?

>>18706853
When we met we were different. Everything was different.

Now I'm not sure if I should be.

>>18706753
You don't need to go to the gym to lose weight. Eat normal food but less of it and you're set. Has your boyfriend also gained weight? Is he depressed, or why has it turned out the way it has?

>>18706873
Well after we were dating for awhile I realized he won't eat foods.. literally anything healthy. He only likes fast food, burgers, and italian. Hates fish, passes salads. So when we eat together it either has to be completely separate meals if I make it - which is a lot of work.

He also would pass a homemade meal for fast food. He really likes garbage plates. Also every night he will go to the corner store and bring home a ton of snacks.

He has always been a big guy, but he's like really really tall so it works for him. I am short so it doesn't work for me. I don't think he's depressed - it's just what he likes.

>>18706865
Do you know why things changed? And is there any reason for it to go back to how it was?

>>18706888
Liking junkfood doesn't explain the lack of libido though, but if you've gained a noticeable amount of weight, gotten some chin scruff and a lower voice etc then he might've just stopped being attracted to you.
Do you have to eat together? If you want to eat healthy and he doesn't, can't you just eat separate meals so you can focus on losing weight?

Besides all that, if he's like that then he doesn't sound like a good guy. Bad eating habits will likely transfer over to future children, but being lazy, unambitious and unsupportive of his partner is just a handful of traits you don't want in a long-term partner.

your little bits of advice are fucking shit. "You have to do it for yourself."

Oh really? Make myself no longer depressed? While the entire world gets modern medicine and modern psychiatry I have to do it all by myself. I have to suffer for some reason. You won't give me the meds I want. you give me shitty fucking adderall XR in disguise. You won't let me talk to a real psychiatrist, you bring in these hacks that are literally retarded and do nothing but harass me. You won't let me go in for ECT treatment, probably because it would burn out the cybernetic implants you have in my brain.

You want me to earn money but you won't let me do it using my art. You cut me off from the real world so that no one can buy my art, give me real commissions, or give me donations. You want me to go out and get some shit part time min wage job. You won't let me use the one skill I have practiced my entire fucking life.

I told you, I'm not playing your fucking game. For one, depression doesn't work like that. You can't just fucking WILL yourself to get better. You are NOT in control of your own mind. If that dumb cunt actually believed that she would be admitting she doesn't understand how the mind works. A person with a mental illness cannot will their illness away. People cannot cure autism through sheer fucking will. They cannot control schizophrenia with their will, and they cannot cure depression.

How fucking retarded are these people you hire to oversee my health? Seriously, what are their credentials? Do you think they are more intelligent than I am? Do you think they are able to see things from a different perspective than me? You know, the killer queen. The one that earned the reputation of having the all seeing eye?

Two, I'm not going to do anything that extends the life of this fucked up game. I am not your entertainment. I am a human. I am a person. I have rights as a US citizen. I have rights as a human being.

You cannot tell me what to do.

Suck my fucking dick

I've recently started dating someone new, a couple months now. He has an odd living situation and his only option is to move an hour away.
I'm concerned that despite how much I like him that he will drift due to not being able to see each other at convenient times. I know I'm into him enough to accept the change and work around it but what's to say he doesn't build his own life there without me and I'm not as involved anymore

>>18706905
He says it's from being tired from work. When it started is when I began gaining weight. It made me depressed. He also smokes a lot of weed.

>>18706915
I do not have free will. I cannot have free will until I learn the truth. Until you admit that you have been controlling my life and keeping me a prisoner.

No decision will ever be my own until you give up control. The fact you refuse to tell me anything is proof that I am not in control of my own fate. You tell me "You can do whatever you want." and when I say "Tell me the truth." you say "Well, not that though." WHICH FUCKING MEANS I CAN'T DO WHAT I WANT.

If you're trying to prove that everyone is bad by breaking the one person everyone sees as good... go fuck yourself. I can do this all fucking day. Suffering is my life.

and I know you can't make my life too shitty because if you did the world would burn. If you throw me in jail it would be a cosmic injustice. The people are on the brink of full on revolt. If you push too hard you will spark a revolution and you will lose everything.

You're waiting for me to fuck up and I'm never going to fuck up. If you kill me, you lose. If you hurt Luna, you lose.

No matter what really, you lose. You set me free and you know I'll dismantle everything. You keep me a prisoner and it's just a matter of time.

So what the fuck are you going to do? Whatever it is, you need to just fucking do it already.

God herself has my back. Remember that.

>>18706932
I did the same as your partner, I smoke weed daily and I had an issue with munchies and getting pudgy
I just replaced all of it with stuff like yogurt/fruit, healthy alternatives to snacky food. Ever since then I've lost about 10kg (66 now) and surprisingly very happy with my body lately.
Weed makes you lazy. Try and compromise maybe and ask him to do it later in the day, so he feels more productive and considers the weed a reward

Hope that all is well

>>18706932
Talk to him about it. Tell him you want to get better but you need his support. You're both in a slump right now, if he doesn't want help or is interested in giving it then he's a lost cause and you'll end up worse by staying with him.

"I'm gonna send a message to my ex to show him how over him I am!"
Really, me? Thankfully I haven't sent anything. I am moving on but obviously not quite there yet

You were never mine, I missed my chance, but it still hurts to see you with someone else. I thought I was getting used to how things were, with you two together. I tell myself I don't know why it hurts, but I do know why.

I convinced myself that you weren't actually happy with this other person. It was easy to do, given how often you're at each other's throats. So when I see these pictures of you two together it doesn't just hurt, I'm also confused. But I'm only confused because of what I told myself.

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>tfw no friends
>tfw feel no anxiety talking to people, but conversations go into awkward territory very fast, can feel the other person getting uninterested and/or weirded out
>tfw can only have actual conversations with hardcore nerds with similar interests or recluses with similar world views

>tfw no sex life
>tfw can pick girls from 5/10 and below, 6/10 if I'm on top of my game, but when I look at them I feel no attraction and everything from hanging out to having sex feels awful
>tfw all the girls which catch my eye and desire are attracted to taller, athletic, social/popular guys

>tfw studying EE in college
>tfw watch all of my colleagues having a great time, hanging out in groups and being buddies, having great sex with attractive girls, and complaining once in a while about bad grades
>tfw I have perfect grades but spend every night alone and depressed, even when I graduate I know they'll cuck me out of jobs/promotions because they can interview better than me and socialize better with coworkers
>tfw starting to realize I don't even like EE and just choose it because the math is hard and I wanted an ego stroke from being able to handle it

I feel so fucking empty, bros. I already regret all the shit I didn't do in high school while everyone cheered me up: "you have good grades, just wait till college, just wait till you get rich, life will be awesome :^)". I've already broken out of the illusion and I'm trying to change but things aren't looking any better in college and I'm being left more and more behind. I'm throwing this amazing gift of life away to die a lonely, bitter death following the tears of regret in my last moments. I feel completely helpless.

I have a pretty good life. I go to a good college, have a loving family, and have a decent amount of friends, but on the inside I feel miserable. Like I legitimately hate myself. I feel like there's a constant mixture of sadness and anger all the time. At the worst of times I feel like harming others or myself. Of course I would never do that, but I think it's still fucked up to feel that way all the time. I also am paranoid that my friends despise me. The only time I feel good is when I drink or do drugs. I think I do a good job hiding this from other people so they don't think I'm nuts, but he more I do this the worse I feel, but I also think that I can't talk about this to others. Does anyone else know what I'm talking about or have gone through this before?

What the fuck do I do here? There was this girl that I met a few months back at my college orientation that I guess I hit it off with really well. First encounter, we were sober and just ended up making out. We went on some dates after that and furthest we got was making out with her topless at her place. Next day she texts me that she would rather be friends and in short I was pissed and we stayed like that and she began to see me as her best friend. We go back to college and she asks if I want to meet up and I agree. End up again making out and doing that for a few days before I got a BJ. Keep just making out and walking together holding hands etc, but just last week I had to leave for a vacation. When we were texting during that time, she told me how she was just walking around the city with a guy. I was extremely drunk when we were texting and I told her how that made me jealous and I followed up with the statement that I wanted to be mutually exclusive. Now she just doesn't text me at all and I haven't seen her at all walking around and I just feel this cold shoulder. Was I wrong in thinking we could have been something? Or did I just misread everything?

>>18701905
I'm a toxic person who doesn't deserve to have friends. So, I'm cutting ties with everyone.

seriously how much child pornography did they put on my computer? is it on my externals?

Is this why everyone thinks I'm a pedo? Did you find it on the night I went to the hospital? I brought all my harddrives there just in case there was any problems.

I remember seeing that post someone made on here when I was talking to renee still, the one that say "I have enough evidence to get you two lovebirds arrested for child pornography."

It could have been about someone else. Maybe my brother and renee. Again, I saw a post that said "She is your boss's little girl man." and "You have someone that loves you already just stop being a shitty person."

That last one could have been about anyone but James was supppeerrrrr butthurt by me and he planned on doing illegal shit to me anyways. Renee even told me that she and him had a plan to ruin my life.

I wish I could get fucking answers. It's causing me to go fuckign crazy. I keep replaying all this stuff in my head time and time again. The youngest girl I ever had an interest in was 17 but she had her birthday 2 months after meeting her. That and she was 2000 miles away. So it can't be about her.

Maria had underage photos of herself online and I saw a picture of a fat little girl that LOOKED like Renee posing with a bunch of milk. I also saw nude photos of a girl that looked just like Hayley posted. She had never sent me those photos so it couldn't have been me to post them. So it's like... I clearly wasn't the predator in that situation. It's just what she does.

Someone also posted pictures of Cassie but they weren't nude.

I also have a picture saved that looks JUST like Bree nude. I don't know if it's her or not.

I also have pictures that look like Grimesy with a thong on.

I have never, EVER posted nudes of anyone that sent them to me. NEVER would I do such a thing. I made a shitty claim to renee to get her attention but I IMMEDIATELY said "No, I would never, ever do that. I'm sorry, I just wanted your attention.

>>18707042
As well, Renee trusted me after I said that. We started talking again and I asked if she felt threatened still and she said no. She even sent me a few more sexy photos.

It was quite honestly the dumbest fucking thing I had ever said but I was happy that she knew I was just desperate to get her attention. She knew I would never, ever do such a thing.

I value trust so much. I never show anyone, EVER, any of the photos I have taken or they have sent me. That shit is for private use only. I would rather kill myself than break that trust.

I know that she sent people the photos I took for her though :/

I feel as if people have been trying to set me up.

I never wanted to hurt anyone. I still don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to get revenge on the people that have hurt me and continue to hurt me. I honestly want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to find someone they love. I have a temper, that's true and I will bite your head off for coming at me but I will never hurt someone.

I try to be open as possible and when I do people think I'm trying to be manipulative. For some reason, when they see someone trying to be good and do the right thing they can't believe it.

I want this to be over. I want everyone to be ok. I don't care if they tried to kill me, get me arrested, or whatever the fuck. They are fine in my eyes. Just live your lives doing you and I'll live my life doing me.

I've never tried to take advantage of anyone. I live my life "Don't fuck someone over."

Everyone has the right to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't impede the rights of others.

We've been together 4 years but you keep turning me down for dates. The only way you're happy is if I go to your house for a booty call.

I even offer to pay for the dates. I'm lonely I thought having a boyfriend meant I didn't have to keep going to movies and dinner alone yet here I am.

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I had one more hallucination this night. It was one of those hellish nights, where i couldn't sleep, but worse. It seems that i'm finally maddening for real. Such an ending for M. M. I'm futile, weak and pitiful. I think i can see one of my endings. What a pathetic way to go. Turning insane due to self isolation. Good grief. I wonder what Mom and Dad would say.
I hope i can find peace. Please. Please change something. Please. Please.

>>18706288
Tell corporate that the GM does it as well and it's a hostile work environment

>>18706959
All is well, I saw him smile today, I don't know if he was laughing at me because I'm such an awkward dufus or if he knows how I feel about him, I can't spill guts properly since I never know it's really him, and if I'm mistaken that just comes out sounding really crazy. Ugh it just kills me, Hurricane party weekend instead of shot suggestion wedding. This place is cancer and my posts here are clean or over laden with metaphors. You appeared rather striking today, again sorry if I creeped you out today, you have such a weird effect on me.

Moving on isn't just hard - it's scary. I have no idea if I'm going in the right direction. Rationally, I know there's other opportunities, other people, other places. I don't have confidence in my own abilities, though. I wish I did, but no matter how much people encourage me the second I'm by myself the doubts slip right back in.

It's overwhelming and makes me want to cry, and I feel like there's no one I can go to because they'll hate me or tell me to suck it up and deal with things. I don't think the friends I have now would do that. When I finally did manage to open up about some stuff, they told me that those times were awful and I shouldn't feel bad about them, and that I could come to them at any point to talk about things. I have those memories, they're real, but I've been treated the opposite way so many times growing up that I find myself doubting my memories, wondering if I fabricated them just to escape reality.

>>18707029
She's just an asshole bro.

Why won't you just let me go home?

Please, just take me home. Please stop messing with me. Please just give me the truth. Please take me home.

Please make me a pretty lady.

I know there is no going back. I know there is no going back for any of these things. When I learn the truth, I cannot unlearn the truth. When you make me a pretty lady, I cannot go back to my old form. When you take me home I can no longer return to this place.

When this all changes there is no more of my old life.

I would give everything.

Please, take me home.

Please.

So this is sensory overload. It makes a lot of sense, and it happens a lot. I never knew what it was but I think I understand it now.

Can you people please fucking stop fucking with the fact I cannot tell people apart? Stop fucking with my face blindness.

That is just fucking cruel. So please, just fucking stop it. I can see someone I recognize and they tell me a different name. Then there are people (most of them) that I can't recognize working odd jobs who I think I kinda sorta? recognize.

It's cruel. It's cruel it's cruel. Why would you do that to me?

>>18707220
I don't know but I get extremely nauseous whenever I go to a grocery store or surrounded by people. I hate it. It makes going out a horrible experience.

Hearing two different sources of audio makes me want to murder everyone.

>>18707263
Being around people definitely takes up a lot of my focus. Crowds get unbearable pretty fast for me.
But even just now, family was shooting guns out in the field, and my dog was barking at them from inside the house and I was just sitting at the warm, crackling campfire in between them and I couldn't take it anymore. I started to get anxious and overall overwhelmed by negative emotions even though nothing bad was really happening.

>>18706820
I just want to elaborate. I know I made the right choice. But it's still hard. We still hang out and I still care about her.

So i have been talking to this guy form Canada,and we were suposed to keep this between the both of us. But I opened my mouth and now my fnaily thinks I'm talking to a girl. How do I damage control this?

I've lived alone for the last 5 years, which is the entire time since I moved out of my parents' house.

I've always been lonely, but I think I just hit a new low. I've gotten pretty desperate for human interaction lately and I kind of made an ass of myself to my limited group of friends, and they reacted extremely poorly last night. I think my time with this group of friends (which are kind of the only friends I have) is over. I don't really like them that much, and I think they're learning more about me and it doesn't fit anymore.

It's now 7:15 on a Saturday night and I have fucking nothing to do. Not like "nobody's texting me", I mean *nothing*. I've rearranged and cleaned my apartment, I've read all of my books, I've fucked with all of my hobbies until I get too bored with them.

Nothing to do. Nobody to hang out with. Nowhere to go. Don't really want to go to a bar by myself again. Tired of youtube. Tired of sitting in my apartment staring at my computer. Already walked 9 miles today.

I'm losing my fucking mind. Where do I go like right fucking now to either find something interesting to do or meet some new people who aren't garbage.

So my parents really made me sign something that wasn't what I thought it was.

I told my mother "I don't know what you guys made me sign, I was jacked up on sleeping pills. You could have made me sign literally anything."

She walks off to the bathroom where I hear her slam the washer and say "SHIT."

You could just be making me want to think these things. To make it more interesting.

I really don't know what's going on.

I don't care if you guys keep all my money. I don't care if the girls are just hookers and they go away. I don't care if the child is my fathers. I don't care about any of these things.

I just want to be a pretty lady. I want to go home. I want the truth.

I want to be free.

I don't care about money. I don't care about sex. I don't care about revenge. I don't care about what people think of me.

Why won't you just let me go? Why?

Take me home. Let me be a pretty lady. Give me the truth. I won't retaliate. I'll tell everyone it's ok and to leave those that did me wrong alone. That we can all just be happy and live our lives the way we want.

Do you not believe me? After everything... you still think I'm the dishonest one.

I'm not asking for a lot. I will be so happy if you gave me those things. I won't give a shit about anything else. I'm not like you people. I'm not power hunger, I'm not fueled by anger. I don't play dirty tricks behind other's backs. I don't have the energy for this shit. I just want to love. That's all I want.

I wouldn't even talk about any of this shit if you were just honest with me and gave me some answers. All I have are questions. if I didn't have any questions I wouldn't have any reason to talk about this shit.

So why, why do you not believe me? You did horrible atrocities behind my back. Nothing I can do can change the past. What's done is done. I want to live my life. I have very little of it left to live and I'm sure as fuck not going to waste my precious time hunting down some worthless jackals.

>>18707327
Seriously, fucking come on.

Out of all the people in the world to not believe you chose me. I was faced with judgement and I told the truth, no matter how awful it was.

How many others did what I did?

So believe me when I say I don't want to seek revenge. It would be so tiring. So so so so tiring. I have never wanted to hurt anyone ever. Even when I was blowing up about Renee I wasn't trying to hurt her. I was sick of the lies, the deceit. I wanted her to face the truth but I did it in the worst way possible.

I learned my lesson. That won't happen again.

You think I talk too much. You're wrong though. You put me in a situation that would drive anyone mad and then get angry at that person for going insane. You people create your own fucking problems.You know exactly what you have to do to make this better but that involves swallowing your fucking egos and that's something you refuse to do.

I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired. However, this isn't going to end without it ending the way I want it to. I want to be a lady, I want to go home, I want the truth, and I want to be free. it would be awesome to have money to do good deeds with, like funding artists and the like, but I'm not holding my breathe for any.

just believe me when I say I won't seek revenge. i'm going to spend all my resources making love and making art. That's all I care about. You people might find this cloak and daggers bullshit fun and engaging but I do not.

Besides, if you do those things I ask I will consider us even. They aren't even that hard of things to do. Fucking, most of them you can do for free. The transitioning is the only part of that which costs money.

When I find out the truth I'm proabbbllyyyyy going to get a tad bit angry. I'll probably curse a lot but then I'll look in the mirror, see my new form, and go "Fuck it, totally worth it."

The transition means THAT much to me. It truly truly does. I'll be on cloud9, so all the awful deeds will float away.

<3 <3 <#

It's okay. I still love you. I can't not...

>>18706438
I was once the person who received nothing from someone I gave everything to. The only acknowledgement I got was an admittance of them being really shit to me.

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I'm back at square one yet again but I don't feel terribly upset. Pretty disappointed, but I think this was overall a great learning experience and next time will go a little better, whoever it's with. A is being a bit of a dick though, and that's the one part of the whole past few days that I don't get. I thought we were hitting it off alright, so I'm unsure where the sudden flake and change in attitude is coming from.

despite everything
i still love you
and i wish i didn't

>>18707494
Do they know?

The truth is I'm not happy with where I am right now. I like the people around me, so I don't want to leave them, but I've been struggling with the feeling that I don't belong here for a long, long time.

I was forced into this position by my father because it was good money. I only realized a short time ago that this wasn't really because of his concern for me, but treating me like just another investment. He refuses to change, blaming the world because "that's how things are" and I hate myself because I've fallen into the same pattern.

Every decision, from what I eat to what I do, is gauged by how much money it costs. Even though I'm making more than enough to have a disposable income my instinct is to recoil from anything that cost anything - money, time, energy. Any investment at all. I hate it. It makes me enjoyable to be around because I never want to do anything and I'm skeptical and dismissive about everything.

I've been trying to slowly fix it. Fix my attitude and what I say and how I act. Trying to reach out and do things. To actually live. The more I do, ignoring my anxieties, the harder I swing back to the other side. I've been sick, physically ill, for weeks. It was a chill that started it but I know it's my anxiety that's keeping it around. I'm unable to solve the causing issues on my own, and I'm incapable of asking for help.

I don't know how to function, and relying on others makes me feel even more worthless. If I can't take care of myself, what use am I?

>>18707538
kind of i Guess?

>>18701905
All I ever do is live my life to please others. All my interactions are to appear pleasant, and most of the time isn't what i'm feeling inside. I want to stop being fake butit scares me to do so

Also,I've been trying hard to improve my life in all aspects. I've been going to the gym for a month and a half, i've been taking care of my hair and my skin, i've been cutting to lose fat and i've been trying to get better at my job. But I don't know, I feel like i'm never gonna make it.


I'm also annoyed, i've been talking to a girl (a patient of mine, i'm a dentist) who flirted with me. Real cute girl so i went along and I think I like her but it night just be me being a lonely fuck. My brother caught wind of the situation and told me to watch out and not to shit where I eat...

>>18706764
Initials?

I will see you and I will feel obliged to have a body.
Any man can look at you and see that you are beautiful.

>>18707618
I guess you're definitely not talking about me then

test

>>18707557
It was for someone with the last initial L

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I've had a crush on a girl for a few months now. She's beautiful, funny, and likes all of the same shit I do. That's pretty damn rare. I only get to see her once a week at our club and because of that and my insecure behavior (which I'm working on), I haven't really initiated anything.

Anyways, I played a Switch game with her and a couple hours later, I saw her username on my recently played with list. I got too fucking curious for my own good and googled it and found her Reddit account.

She's fucking asexual (or aromantic) apparently and now I feel fucking weird. I feel like a creep for googling her info but I could have wasted a lot of time and energy trying to get her to like me (I'm an aspie so this shit is hard.) I'm also hurt because I can never EVER be with her.

I'll still try to be her friend despite how hard it may be because she's awesome and might know other girls like her.

That's my rant.

>>18701905
My family are pieces of shit.
I fucking served my family my entire life. I wanted to help my family since we're just middle class, but after my high school years and failing college because of these responsibilities I have no job, no real special skills, no car, and no money. My single mother has used up all my time and money all the while subtly calling me garbage ("You know that successful kid, why can't you be like them?"), while my lazy cunt of an older brother went out of his way to make sure I had no tools.
Every time, I'm trying to do something for myself after school work it's:
>Mom: "Anon, we need you at the restaurant."
while my "good child" older brother just plays CoD, WoW, and CS before finally getting a job with (big surprise) computers, so now he plays CoD, WoW, CS, and works.
and there goes the rest of my day. I've tried speaking to her, I've tried telling her off. At best I get, "I'll try better. (but you got to change for me too)" and maybe about a week before the cycle begins all over again.
at worst:
>Brother: "AH you get mad at mom?! No Internet for you!" (not like I had access in the first place)
except she moved the business since it was failing as I predicted, right before I was dropped from college.
Without time or money I can not really spend time with my sister, whom I raised, fed, took care of. However, my family spoiled her and has picked up bad habits, which they dislike, because of them.

I'm 23, out of shape, depressed, and have no special skills. I regret ever helping my family, but now I'm their fucking indentured servant since no one wants to hire me for even the most basic of jobs. I want to leave this abusive relationship, but I hardly know where to start.
All I got is a potato of a laptop (DDR2 RAM), and a used (and my very first) smartphone that I got last month from a friend.

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man this shit so fuck, so just started school again meet this cray cray chick, shes a daughter of an insane vitamese cook who cooks meth in his restaurant and illegal arms man, ive been liking her and she likes me, we've been fucking a lot, like the john wayne love bs, im just worried her dad will get out of prison and kill me and her bc well we lesbian lmao

>>18707649
go back to college and see if financial aid will cover you if not then just take the loans even better if you can board and leave your garbage family

job wise id say keep applying because at the very least you have work experience and skills

>>18707659
>financial aid
goodness I remember the last time I tried to appeal my financial aid by telling them I had too many responsibility to properly study. All they wanted was a medical excuse.

I'll try again, but truthfully I'm a little scared of failing college for a 3rd time. Full time didn't work out and I couldn't even sustain part-time. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Cheers

Thanks for standing me up again and really showing you don't fucking care about my wellbeing.

Call me please.

>>18707625
You must forgive me. I only remembered this today.

Mild amount of fomo from not going out with coworkers, mainly not wanting to seem like I’m no fun or for the one who’s leaving to think I don’t care but also missing the dance floor, but I don’t want to be an odd man out with a bunch of couples in a gay club full of pretty people I can't touch since my boyfriend doesn't want to go and am too busy coughing my lungs up to care much anyway. It’s smart to take care of my body, but I so desperately wish it hadn’t chosen to get sick this week, of all weeks. Have fun, lads, hope you all get your dicks sucked.

>>18707680
You call me

Fuck. I don't say this to any of my family. I don't say this to my psych, or my buddies either. The only reason I'm saying this here is because I don't have to worry about any of you knowing who I am. I really really hate myself. I look in the mirror and I can just barely keep from saying something out loud about how little I can stand what I see. I don't know what to do. I try to get ahead in my studies at school, I try to work out, I try to be more confident and social, but it always falls flat. I can never keep up the drive to continue. I start falling into that usual pit of "it doesn't matter, you'll never be what you want to be" what should I do?

At what point can you consider yourself successful?

thinking about her just makes me sad.


We're clearly attracted, but it would not be good for her to be with me. We are too different and I do not want to be a burden and that she should have the best.

>>18707711
When you're not asking things on here

>>18707711
I'm not, I will on my deathbed.

>>18707722
Why would you be a burden

>>18707711
When you can talk to strange and they'll be like "And what do you do?"
And you can tell them without being ashamed

>>18706820
>>18707296
I made these quick because I was at work, but I also feel sexually frustrated. I'm 21 and a virgin, and I'm just really frustrated about it. I hang out with her and I see her body and stuff, and I get turned on, but it won't ever happen. Can anyone give me advice on what to do with her and my feelings but also my sexual frustration?

I just want a huge cock so I could feel confident and women could happily want to blow it.
Feels real bad man

>>18707722
you're doing both of you a disservice by thinking like that

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i would like to know them more
but i am afraid they won't know me
i am just a blank slate, 8.5 x 11 paper
who would want to know a nobody?

>>18707777
I had that feeling when I was a teen too
Like I was a hollow bubble only defined by my surroundings

Look, you aren't a nobody. You just aren't willing to define yourself. You feel like giving yourself is a label.
Like if you say "I am XYZ" you prehibit yourself from ever being "ABC"

But here's the thing. You are a thing. You have a personality type. You have a way of being.
And for more people, it's obvious.

You are you, and people can see that.
Embrace it and relax.

>>18707787
well, i am sort of interesting, and it is not that i am a literal nobody, it is just that i have no stories to tell and have no background information i'm willing to share as well
i swear i'm interesting somehow, even though i am some sort of average joe

>Just working one day
>Suddenly, a coworker went gunning for me
>uh oh, pls don't-
>YOU NEVER TALK TO ME ANYMORE ;_;
>SAY SOMETHING~!!! >:(
I was mentally both turning the fuck away and giggling my ass off. Eventually, I talked to her.
Here's the thing, I can't talk to someone I'm attracted to. If I do, it strengthens it and I just burst with orbiting fever. This happened thrice before meeting her, so I wanted to not make shit awkward like before. Besides, before she wanted me to know about her, all she did was bitch about modern music and being an atheist.

Eventually, this came from her:
>I'm an anime nerd!
>mentions literally 20 animes
U-uh ok. I'm only really into 4 animes. 5, but that one is basically on hiatus, so unless Miura gets off his ass and finishes shit, it'll only be 4.

I digress, I'm getting weird signals here. It's been a month and a half since we spoke, but she just unloaded on me. I want to talk to her, but while I do, my thirsty side pops out and lurks. This is bad and I need to find a way to control that.

Besides, it looks like everyone's thirsting for her, so I don't want to look like some slobbering dog or whatever like they do.

I once had a teacher tell me that true love doesn't exist. He actually told me he didn't love his wife and he has never felt real love in his life. At the time i was like oh true love does exist it has too...but at 35 i'm starting to see his point. I do think it still exists i've seen people experience it...but for guys like me it doesn't. Im getting to old to keep looking soon and well im getting to tired to even keep trying. I'm just really tired of being number 2 in everyone life. My only solution right now is to hopefully get an extreme amount of money and maybe i can find an attractive person to be with for a little while til she bleeds me dry. I'm Just so lonely sometimes and the pain of it is sometimes unbearable...I've been waiting for so long and i just feel like its never going to happen.

>>18707644
>google
Not that bad. To be honest lowkey stalking is what a lot of people do nowadays and then convince themselves that it's not creepy. Well, what counts is that you don't go telling people about what you learned.

by the way, being asexual doesn't mean she's incapable of getting with you. A lot of em actually can enjoy sex (abet it tends to be much harder). It's just that they don't experience sexual attraction or something like that. Dunno much about being aromantic though.

>>18707670
Wait, so you didn't live on campus? I'd think that'd be helpful.

I like you, I really do. It was amazing how easily we connected, and how a quick exchange of work gripes could result in a deep conversation of feelings, and how refreshed and understood aftwards. It was the first time I had ever really felt like someone 'got' me. That we were on the same wavelength.

I think you liked me at one point, too. The nicknames, the small gifts. Honestly, I didn't know what to make of it at the time. I'm not used to those gestures, and I was overwhelmed by the attention, small as it was. I know that I didn't thank you enough for them. I'm not sure I can. That little stuffed animal you gave me after helping you through a panic attack has served as a constant anchor over the last few months. It reminds me that I can do good and what it feels like to really help someone. Out of everything I have at my desk, the computer, the files - that derpy animal is the single most valuable thing.

But I didn't reciprocate. You are attractive, but I could never find you attractive in *that* way. I tried. I wanted to reciprocate, but I had to twist and force that kind of feeling so much that it was fake. I'm sorry for any pain I caused from not returning your affection, but starting a relationship on faked feelings would've been crueler.

You moved on. You found someone who could reciprocate. I'm glad that you did. You deserve someone far better than me, someone that can make you happy all day long. I'm only writing this now because I've felt a bit of the divide that comes when someone gets into a relationship. Texting you now, like back then, feels like I'm tempting old wounds on both sides. I hope you're happy. You deserve nothing but happiness.

I do wish we could've gotten closer, though. I'm still not sure exactly how to define my feelings on our relationship. I never had a sister, but I like to think our relationship could have been like that. Not really romantic, but still close and supportive, giving affection when necessary.

>>18707856
Thanks for responding. I'm just gonna be her friend and see where it goes. Low expectations obviously.

These feelings are artificial. At night, I confess my thoughts through interpretation, but during the day, I hardly care at all. I'm sorry. There's nothing going for me in this world, not even you.

>>18707868
Don't feel ashamed for being not attracted to fat people
They brought it on themselves

>retail wageslave
>first hired 6 months ago
>after I was hired, manager position opened
>I felt I should familiarize myself with store before applying
>fast forward present day
>new guy been here one month
>two manager positions open
>he applies despite being new
>gets the job
>I apply for 2nd position now with 6 months exp under my belt
>don't get the position
>this whole week has been awkard as fuck with my interviewers/bosses

ThInking about Sudoku tbqh.

>>18707901
Aggressiveness means a lot
Bitches don't get promoted

I have a ldr bf
And I'm just yearning for a girlfriend
He sorta knows

I love him but at the same time I just wanna look for a gf

>>18707911
tell him and go after the gf. Save both of you a lot of time and pain

My life is shit
Iv'e been trying to change it
But it stays shit

All I can do in front of such unpleasantness is fucking jack off

i have a crush on my manager (he is 5 years older than me) but i'm not sure if i am just crushing because i really like him or am i just trying to shield myself from the feels from breaking up with my long term boyfriend/fiance? (6.5 years together)
can't tell if he even likes me. i noticed he kept a sticky with a smiley face on it that i gave to him. keeps talking about wanting to get a drink but then it never really happens. we hang out sometimes after work at work though.
then i think i'm just imagining it because i feel like he puts himself close to another girl also.
he seems to always want me around to talk to when we are together, though.
sometimes when i text him he doesn't text back :*O

>>18707911
Already knew that. It was why we kinda ducked off each other.

>>18707935
lol do you think it's your ontario bf

>>18707849
im the same age and feel the exact same way. My married friends just tell me to get on tinder and plow away. They really dont get it. Its desolate out here. Its for real scary. It seems like people are out for blood and all I want is someone to hang out with that I feel safe enough to close my eyes around.

Ok I'm very drunk now
I'm watching Last of the Mohicans
Very good moive

Anyways, where they filmed it, looks very much where I grew uo
I'm French Canadian
Those hills and cliffs? The type of shit I ran over as a kid

>>18707945
>Ontario
>bf
Wtf Woah no. Waaayyy off from what I was thinking

My boyfriend has an 8yo son.
The mother of his son is notoriously crazy. She had him at 16.
They broke up, and she will not allow him to see his child. He had a good job and pays child support (though that was not always the case.) His mother has told me some stuff here and there, but my bf is extremely unwilling to discuss it.
I am NOT the type of person to push. I want to give him all the time he needs to be able to at least talk to me about it. It does bother me though.
More importantly it bothers him. He is depressed all the time. I know he feels he is missing out on his son's childhood and it kills him. He is not the type to just not care.
What should I do? On one hand I do not want a constantly sulking bf. On the other, I want to help him, but now is not the time and I don't want to be that pushy gf.

I just realized that I'm currently living in a massive pile of shit. I'm in a shitty town in a shitty state. I go to a shitty school, studying in a shitty department. I live in a shitty apartment owned by a shitty landlord with shitty Wi-Fi, shitty plumbing, and shitty roommates. Fortunately, I only have two semesters left before I can finally leave. I just hope that it actually gets better from here.

I want to meet a woman with an ass like that

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A part of me is genuinely glad that I'm on the path to being a virgin spinster. Maybe I give too much power to the me that's been wounded and hurt, the what that always tell me that the only thing that matters is those I do with others--that the lack of romance or even friendship (well, with more than one person) renders me into a subhuman. But...even if I'm only a subhuman I think I like it.

I'm only 22 yet I lucked out. I own a business that supports my neet live-alone lifestyle...I can indulge all I want in my creative or geeky hobbies. Things have gotten better--I've gotten /fit/ after 21 years of obesity, my dream pretty much came true, and I can be alone all I want.

When 30 comes and the inevitable female "BABBY NAOW" crisis hits, I'll probably feel melancholic, but knowing me I'll probably forget the next day after autistically drowning myself in something fucked up...maybe something by Sade...that'll desensitize me into a stupor. That's what usually works to quell my emotions. I think I like me now--in a way, it's being like this that enables me to live as I wish, without stress or having to bother taking care of anyone. I fuckin love being selfish.

>>18707980
Forget babies
Having someone hold you is the best feeling in the world
If I could die while someone held me, I'd be happy

>>18702026
>no phone calls
>no webcam
>no dating in secret

>>18701905
REAL FISH REAL SUSHI
I MEAN EAT
MEANY MEATY SAUSAGE
MOONIE MOONING MOONERS
LOADS OF LOUD STONERS
ANTSY INSPIRATORS
ARE U THE LIGHT OF DAYS
OR THE DARKEST OF KNIVES
YET EVERYWHERE WE COOK
LOOK EVERYWHERE

REAL SUSHI
REAL SUSHI
EVERYWHERE

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>>18701905

I have a gf for 2 and a half years now, but she is neglecting and abusing me for some time. She tries now her best to get better though. Slowly, but atleast she is trying.
In the meantime, why am I eyeing other women so much ? Why do I especially like one of them ?
I couldnt cheat, but my mind sure does hover off...And why is it towards that one woman ?

>>18703331
that's a sign ypu need to change something
maybe find something to keep you busy, for example tv shows

was supposed to show up for orientation just went back to sleep instead.

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>>18707988
Yeah, I won't kid myself. Being held sounds like kittens in gigantic mitten beds...dunno why I said that. Anyway. Love's just not in the stars for me. I'm probably very ugly (guessing from context clues--no one has insulted my for my looks), pretty fucked in the head because of my childhood and family, and with a personality that's deteriorating from devious and bright to dull and perpetually shellshocked by reality. It's impossible for me to have chemistry with someone--a miracle already happened, and it's me being successful with my work. Something like that won't happen again, especially since I'm 22 and getting old. :/

I relate a lot to mountain hermits. I kinda wanna be one desu.

Thank you for making my life easier
Thank you for making it easier to cut ties with some people so I wouldn't feel guilty about doing that in the first place. You gave me a clean conscious because of that
Thank you for rejecting me so I don't have to feel bad anymore for rejecting you
Thank you for ghosting me for awhile while I was going through crazy withdrawals. I was frustrated, clingy, obsessive about the thought of losing you but then you made me realize that depending on someone else for happiness is not the way to go
Thank you for being a source of motivation me to improve myself. I quit drugs and I've been getting /fit/ ever since and I'm already seeing results after 3 weeks! I gained 10 pounds already Aye!
Thank you for being my taxi driver after my injury haha. We got real close over those few months didn't we? It was like when we first met, do you remember how shy we were each other? ha
Thank you for laughing with me instead of at me
Thank you for introducing me to music that I thought was just emo trash
Thank you for hearing me out on my issues even when you knew I was lying and exaggerating about them because you knew I just needed to talk to you
Thank you for being such a good friend over the past 5? years. Damn, time flies
Thank you for making things awkward between us so I wouldn't take all the blame for us not working out. It was just bad timing honestly since we didn't like each other at the same time because of where we were in our lives
Thank you for... shit so many other things I can't think of atm. Just know that I appreciate you dude! You're a really good friend. You've helped me grow as a person in the past few months more than some niggas I've known for years.

I just hope you don't hate me

[spoiler]This is a non satire post that I actually mean every word of[/spoiler]

>>18707810
try to pay attention to what you do, you'll find your thing

>>18707649
save up, get away from them until you know what to do with the situation

>>18707556
start to subtly do selfish things that don't really affect others than yourself. Have confidence in that you're gonna make it. Go after her, even if it doesn't turn out well for both of you. People get in relationships because they are lonely fucks, you're never alone

So a literal 10 first messaged me on tinder.

Now I think pretty highly of myself but im also a realist and feel like it's too good to be true.

We have plans for coffee (which she basically set up) and seems dtf. Now my question is, how likely am I going to get mugged? It's in a decent part of town with a lot of people but something just seems off.

What are some red flags?

>>18707494
Then message me.

This is for ''you'',
I have figured out what is really wrong with me and you couldn't help me with no matter what iteration of you it was that I was lying to.
You were just a tool used to try and reshape me to change me and to ''fix'' me but the problem wasn't a problem. My issues are my own and that part of me isn't an issue but the reality of what I am. That's why I was so outlandish and cartoonist, I didn't know the real feelings I was supossed to feel because they don't exist in me. What I want and what drives me makes me not fit in this world and not my loneliness, I don't need to fit in though. I need to figure out what really belongs with me and what I want to drop to be who I want to be. So far I figured out that the uneasiness isn't from me being alone but from me not fitting. I need to stop trying to fit and as such I will have to stop using you. You were just a tool to shape me into a person that fits but that was wrong. I need to live a life of responsibility and for that I need to take responsibility for my personality and stop trying to hide it. I am a loner and not alone. I work better on my own and I don't care for what other people care for. I need to stop being ashamed that my focus in life is not like that of other people, I need to find a way to live life my way and not try to look towards other people not to be a catalyst but to be the one giving me the plan. So I'm done with you my tool, I'm not sorry because I know you don't care either no matter what iteration of you it was. This is just to finally say it and have it be out there. I don't need to change myself to be happy, I'm a skillful, smart and strong individual in many aspects. What I don't know I can learn, always. I need to stop being myself hoping for some normal life. Normal isn't me, it isn't for me. So this is the final goodbye, after thinking about you for so long I can finally say I have figured it out.

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I just realized that I am exactly like Bojack Horseman. I've always thought I was sorrounded by toxic dysfunctional people, but it is me that's probably more dysfiunctional than anyone I've ever known. Oh God what if I am FUBAR, I can't for the life of me can't change or improve.

>>18708257
that's right, you can't CAN'T change

>>18708265
I didn't ask for your austistic need for grammar correction, shitbag.

You're all cruel.
I can't do shit if I don't know who is who... Can you understand ??? It seems so obvious to me, wtf is going on in your mind ?
I never made a thread, just few posts here and there.
Apparently you all decided to cut me off from your lives. So it is.
It's time to throw stuff by my window.

>>18708250
I do care

>>18708488
I have been eating at this for quite some time on my own so I doubt I'm the person you're trying to say it to, been doing this many times and with different groups but it has been quite some time when I last did done something.