GIOYC - Get It Off Your Chest!

I hope you're doing okay, M

is it perfectly okay to be kinda upset over the girl your dating making out with their female ex right in front of you at the party you were invited too and ignored you the whole time?

as a guy i'm definitely not homo but could be bi.

why do i find men to be hotter than women w/o makeup.

like seriously is it b/c the contrast between women w/ makeup and women w/o makeup is too big? and we're used to seeing guys w/o makeup so it looks better?

like irl girl friends just don't seem more attractive than the dudes.

>>18432347
You're gay.

I am deathly afraid of germs. That's why I'm extra distanced towards you today.

I mean, we never were close, but I'm seeming like an asshole only because I seriously, truly, genuinely, absolutely do not want to get sick, especially during the summer.

You should've brought a mask, as should've I.

Now, let's see whether or not tomorrow my germophobia worked.

>>18432358
biromantic probs. i definitely would not do a guy's ass, let a guy do my ass, or suck or be sucked off by a guy

I'd probably kill my father if cancer wasn't faster then me

I'm not careful about entering relationships, I'm just a coward

>>18432300
nope. what does "okay" even mean? I haven't been okay in years.

>>18432319
any woman that remains in contact with their ex while with you is bad news. her making out with her ex, female or not, is break up time.

I don't want to have sex with anyone. I just don't. I'm far too anxious and stressed out. I'm also waaayyyy too fucking tired. I'm just tired all the fucking time. I have zero energy. If you guys expect me to go out on a date and then have sex afterwards you're really really missing just how fucked up I am.

Seriously. I'm so so so so fucking tired. I'm so so so so stressed out and anxious.

The medication I ask for helps with all of those things but you refuse to give any to me.

And I'm so tired. fucking christ I'm tired.

whenever I hang out with my frends they always talk about guys that are interested in them and all the dudes they are texting and all the casual girl shit. I always just stand in the corner quiet because I have never been in a relationship. Since I also have alot of guy frends, they always ask if I like any of them and stuff like that and I always say no. Once one of my frends and I got in to an argument because didnt like that I never talked about my romantic/sexual experiances with guys. I feel super fucking dumb, because I could get a guy, but at the same time I realy dont want to fuck with a dude I dont like or dont trust.

Dear girls, stop being sluts.

Dear guys, stop being sluts.

Throughout the entire weekend I kind of just... scratched at my arm. When I was feeling distressed or upset at myself I'd just run my thumb nail over my arm as if I was trying to cut it.

Is... there something wrong with me?

Has anyone seen The Leftovers?
Just watched another S3 episode and I want to talk about it

My last boyfriend, great sex and intellectually stimulating but for whatever reason I lost interest, broke up with him. He kept all of our mutual friends... and came out as transgender. Now she's prettier than me, was already cooler than me in almost every way, has awesome friends who definitely know by now what an asshole I was, AND has the leads on all the good music around town. Now I don't go out because I'm too ashamed to run into her and be publicly recognized for the piece of shit I am.

>>18432585
I laugh at you.
Because it's so silly.

Though to be fair, you couldn't have stopped him from being a her
Unless you wanted to eat fake cunt made from ballsac.

Also, that sounds Montreal as fuck

>>18432594
Outbitched by a mentally ill man. Your life really must suck.

>>18432603
Meant to reply to
>>18432585

>>18432594
I would happily be in a relationship with a trans woman, or a cis woman. Even before she socially transitioned we were a "queer" couple because we're both queer in our own ways inb4 faggot comments. But I did start dating her under the pretext of her being a man, albeit an androgynous one.

>>18432612
Again, I say very Montreal. That shit can't stop happening here.

But yeah, don't feel bad about what happened. What he/her is going through has nothing to do with you. He's experimenting and working out what he wants to feel and like.

The bottom line is that you have been reduced to being a queer XX woman. You can't help him there.
You aren't what he needs now.

I've been in that community before. It's an ironic fact that "What" you are has a big factor on relationships.

Let it go. Cry and get drunk as shit. But let it go. You contributed a significant page to someone's life story. Never feel bad about that.

>>18432585
you've got a real stupid life you know that? also
>calling it a she
it's a fucking dude, it will never be a woman, even if it turns it's dick inside out.

>>18432627
Thanks man. I think this will be a great chapter in her life and am happy to have contributed to her becoming comfortable with herself. She's probably already got another hotter girlfriend because she's so cool.

>>18432456
Don't worry you'll find someone out in this world for you. Keep your head up.

I don't know what to do. I can't see my life ever getting better. I'm a waste of space and I have no idea why any one bothers with me. I don't want to cause people hassle so I don't think I'm going to kill myself but at the same time living is causing others hassle. I can't stand being alone even though I feel people are better off without me, which is a pretty selfish as I know they would probably be glad to be rid of me. I wish I was happy but I don't even think I'm capable of feeling happy

gf is wonderful but she's also chubby and the dirty part of me makes me feel bad that I might never get to know what fucking a hot skinny lady feels like. I don't get girls often and she's the only girl that's given me so much love and I love her back but I just wish the sex was better. I'm really rooting for her on her weight loss. She's pretty cute but I've never felt that wonderful feeling of attraction where I can just gaze at her all day long or think about her all the time when she's not around. It was like that with my previous/first girlfriend, but we never had sex.

I was madly in love with some shit girl who didn't do much and was a terrible fit for me, and now I met someone that matches my humor, interests, and morals perfectly but I'm simply not super attracted to her physically. And it's not like she's obese and puts no effort into her appearance. What's wrong with me.

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Work is making me suicidal, everyone is telling me just to suck it up, thinking of packing it all up and moving to Europe to ran away from my problems. I dont want to wake up in the morning feeling nothing but dread anymore.

>>18432658
No one is useless.
What you're feeling is what so many men of our generation feel.
We are made to do something. But fucked if we know what it is.

Maleness is problem solving. We need to go hunt and kill something.
And people who can't feel like shit

That isn't you. That's the circumstances you feel yourself in.

I fucked up for 10 years without knowing what I was doing.
But I'm finding freedom now in military service.
It's something where I'm needed and I need to work hard to fulfil those needs.
That's what I think every sane person has at their bedrock. Someone needing them.

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I hope one day I can become happy, secure, and confidant. My whole life I have achieved nothing and I want to be the person I dream.

Spending time with you brings out the best and worst of me. You make me feel so alive and a reason for me to continue, but you also make me aware of my flaws, my neediness, and my insecurities.

Being with you shows I have achieved nothing and I wonder why you spend time with me.

>>18432670
No one will ever need me I have nothing of value to offer

>>18432675
That's not true.
You can recognize that you feel useless
Many useless people never feel that
The fact that you can, ironically, makes you less useless

Have you seen the show The Leftovers? I recommend it. It's all about what you're feeling

>>18432675
dude commies offer negative value, they are literally and figuratively in the red, and even /they/ are technically not useless. chin up fgt.

>>18432686
I've never heard of it, I just want to feel loved man. Like there's some one that cares about me, wants me around. I want to do nice things for some one, make them happy. I hate being alone, no ones ever wanted me, I think I got close to having some one a few times but fudged it on purpose out of fear. I think I'm just fundamentally broken, and I've been this way for so long some pieces are missing so I can never feel whole again no matter what happens

>>18432696
We all feel that way, mate.

Watch The Leftovers (a world that was broken so every person feels like you do) and also try Bojack Horseman (a funny cartoon that makes you laugh about a protagonist who feels just like you do).

You aren't alone. You aren't useless.
This world is stupid and difficult and some people just don't realize it

We do. And we need to just find the parts of it that make it worth living

Im autistic as fuck
Even with help and training, most of my prolonged social interactions are awkward and inappropriate.
Im not very good looking either.
It sucks, because I want to try and get a GF. Dont even mind if shes fucked in the head too, as long as shes at least somewhat attractive.
Thing is girl that are autistic still easily get guys, so it feels like there is no option for guys like me

whats the point even

>>18432711
I've watched Bojack a few times, I did like it as it was a little relateable. I don't really have anything worth living for, I've been pretty much in this same state of nothing for 12 years. I'm sick of it, no ones ever going to like me I'm pretty sure the one person I've ever actually let in and talked to is sick of me and only deals with me as they are worried. I really regret talking to them about this stuff I should have just kept it to myself. Which I try and do now, I wish they'd tell me to fuck off, I'm too selfish to do the right thing and cut them off myself

>>18432733
Have you thought instead of cutting them off, changing yourself to make it more fun when you hangout?
Like cooking.

>>18432741
I can't change I only get worse, this year it's been harder and harder to hold it together, I can usually manage a day or 2 before all my stupid thoughts start clawing back in then it reaches critical mass and I snap out of it for a day or 2 then it all creeps back in. It used to be I'd have off days now and then, now its the opposite where I have good days now and then

>>18432754
I feel you mate
I'm an alcoholic
I know what it's like to hear that growing need.

But in the mid times you can still better yourself
It makes it better and easier.

You can change.
I can't convince you of this truth
But at least try to think that it's possible.

Fuck me I'm 19 and I got fucking fired from my job where I lasted like a month and a half, by nothing less than FUCKING LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS and the bullshit I've always been told my entire fucking life that I just "don't let people in"

>tfw porn vids don't even turn me on anymore they just make me feel sad because I don't know how to fucking love and music is all I have

FUCK!

>>18432762
It's all I think about, how can I get out of this hole. But all I do is dig, I'm too far gone, no ones going to want a neet wizard. I try to get jobs but I can't seem to land one, I want it all to be fucking over I really hate this. I don't even know If I actually like any one. Maybe I am just best off having no one, at least then I'll probably finally feel so shitty I'll be ok with killing myself. I just cant bring myself to click that button which will do it

>>18432768
I can't talk about your life
I don't know it

What got me out of both my slumps was the promise of a future.
Just something that you can do that builds to something,

I'm joining the military now. I should have done it years earlier
The strict goals gives me something to look forward to
That's what you and how I used to be, lacked
The future.

You need future goals.
The military gave one to me

>>18432770
I don't have anything to work towards. I'm not fit enough for the military, and I don't particularly want to be a solider. I'm fucked dude, I'm sorry for wasting your time

>>18432780
You didn't waste my time.
The state I'm in, I just want to connect to people like me.
You are like me.

We can escape this feeling.
I'm on my way up. I just want to tell you want helped me.

As for the military, can become fit, and there are more jobs than just "soldier".
Anything in civilian life, you can do in the military. And at the risk of sounding like a recruitment shill, you can do so much more.
Soldiering is such a minor part of it

>>18432784
Its not something I want to do, I considered the RAF years ago when I was less fucked but it really isn't me. I really don't know what to do. I have this fantasy of taking what little money I have getting a passport and going somewhere I've always wanted to go, spending a few days there then when the money runs out killing myself. The problem is by the time I've paid for where I want to go I'll have fuck all money left so it's not going to be the best send off. I want to feel some one in my arms again before I die too as I can't remember what it feels like, I think if i spend a few months saving and not spending a thing I'll be able to afford both

I have little respect for people in the military, particularly the rank and file. I don't doubt their bravery, or their desire to serve their country, but they basically let themselves become tools that rich men use to become richer. Pissing off people in other countries doesn't make us safer, it only inspires a new generation of terrorists.

>>18432822
Lmao. This guy gets it

>>18432813
You want to escape your life
There is no shame in that.

I want to talk about my pop. He was military for a good number of years. He was a fuck up before he joined up. Got the "Enlist or jail" sentence.
He enlisted.
30 years later, he's retired and lives off a comfy pension. He's right now in the fucking Caribbean on a boat he owns.
He sales from island to island. With Canadian money (which is shit tier when it comes to UK or US money), he lives good.

He was in a shit place and made it out in style after some real hard work.

I'm gonna do it. You can do it.

Just don't give up mate.
We were dead for an infinite years before us and will be dead an infinite years ahead.
Better just live the few we have for as long as we can with as many experiences as we can

>>18432822
>>18432831
Look. mates, we ALL serve the over arching meta-nation.
You think you escape responsibility because you don't shoot the poor innocent brown people yourself?
Well how do you pay for those evil soldiers?
Taxes
You pay taxes
You earn money
You pay for the system

The soldiers are just the low down few who whore themselves out to the direct whims of the system
You are just the foundation of it.
You pay taxes. You buy things.
You are supporting the "evil system" that the soldiers are fighting for.

You're like the finger bragging about not being the trigger

>>18432832
I have no experiences. These last 10+ years have been the same shit day in day out. I've not done so much. No on wants an inexperienced useless loner, and I don't blame them it makes sense to me, I have no positive qualities

I am tired to be a good person
I am tired to be judged by everybody
I am seriously tired of getting fucking advice on how to live or what to do with my life, I am doing very good doing what I love, but you people always find reasons.
I didn't abandon my parents, I love them and probably call them more often that your own children see you while living in the same fucking city.
I am the only grandchild that gives money to granny not because I am taking moms responsibility, but because I want her to have all she needs and I love her, while your children go to visit and stay all friking day in their phones or using the ac mom pays.
When mom almost died you guys refused to help me to get a ticket to go to her saying she will be ashamed if I was asking for money, that ahe has more than enough... She was in the fucking hospital you idiots and I was pating my fucking permanent residence in another country. You assholes... A year later your stupid son asked for money to my mom and she did, he hasnt pay a dime and never will. You are not family, you are assholes. I am tired of being a good example, go to hell, you wonder WHY I AVOID VISITING YOU GUYS... If not for my parents and grannie I would had cut all contact with all of you.
Argh... I am so angry....

Anw.... Just keep swimming

>>18432839
Change it.
Change the inexperience
You can find stupid fucking jobs that give oyu shti

Even still, like I said, the military will take you.
So long as you're not an addict criminal

>>18432843
I mean social experience, even without knowing me I must be fucking unattractive anyway. A few years ago while I had a job I figured I might as well try online dating. The only matches I got on Tindr were bots and OkCupid was a nightmare. I ended up feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing then my job ended and I was back to square 1
I've known for a long time I'm never going to be happy, if i even am capable of feeling happy, I just need something to push me to finally ending it

*** why don't you love me anymore? We used to be best friends, and now it seems like I have to beg you to even receive a hello. I wish you cared about me even a quarter as much as I care about you, and I wish I was brave enough to admit this to you although the issue is that I doubt you'd listen. I hope life treats you well, and I'm sorry that at times I couldn't. I miss you, or at least I miss who I knew. My heart and my time are always open to that girl.

mom and dad

i know i'm going away to college for the first time in august and i know you're excited for me. i was excited for awhile too, but now absolute fucking dread has set in and i don't think i can mentally and physically do it. i've struggled with severe depression and anxiety since i was 14 and you supported me through it the whole time even when i was admitted into the hospital multiple times for trying to take my life. i don't want a roommate. i hate sharing with people. they just let me down and take my comfort space away from me. all my classes seem hard and i'm no longer as interested in the major that i was psyched about in the fall. despite this, i'm still going to put up a fight for you. i don't want to let you down. i'm going to try my best to stick with college for 4 years without having a mental breakdown and giving up. if i don't graduate that constitutes failure in my eyes. if i live at home after giving up, i have failed you and myself. i will do my best to not fail and if i do, i'll promise to hurt myself this time in a way that i'll never be able to take back

I hope you say yes. But if you don't, I'll be able to move on. And that's good too. Can't wait to see you and find out

I wish I could move on, or at least...
If there is a God out there, help me.

>>18432869

Initials?

I never wanted to upset you, I am sorry I was so pushy. I just want to rewind time. I just want the pain to stop.

I want to literally get something off my chest, my tits. Hate them so much and I feel god awful like I'm some kind of special snowflake whos just jumping on the trans bandwagon. I am always second guessing myself about it, but one thing for sure is that I absolutely hate my body.

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>>18433045
>my tits
aww, bb, don't think like dat, i wanna see dem cute dangly yummy-
>Hate them so much and I feel god awful like I'm some kind of special snowflake whos just jumping on the trans bandwagon
...uhh, pic related

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>>18432456
Like the other anon said...I wouldn't worry about you're shitty friend's. It's better to wait to find someone. I have been with a lot of girl's and I am blessed in that regard. The thing about it is even relationship's that lasted year's where nothing compared to someone who really cares. That one girl had trivialized all those who came before. It has made dating harder cause I now know the difference as you know already. I wish I had known that now but I wasted that situation.

My first gf broke up with me a month ago. I tried to ask her why or if we could talk one more time before we go but she refused. She already found a new guy and she told me that she thought I was crazy and a bad person. She said she didn't love me anymore and that she hated me. And I'm almost inclined to feel the same way because of how angry it made me when she told me those things.

I'm slowly but steadily getting over her. I just don't understand how it came to this. I remember how awfully she treated me at times and thats helping me realize maybe we weren't right for each other. But then I start remembering all the times we laughed and smiled. I remember the first time she came over and how scared and shy she was. I remember the first time we held hands in front of barnes and nobles. I remember all this shit and I just don't know how two people so close can grow to hate each other. It just feels all too unreal to me that just a few months ago she was telling me how happy she was to have me in her life and now she tells me she never wants to see me again. And I'm here regretting that we ever met.

I drink and smoke weed everyday and drink at work. I have a shitty fast food job and everyone looks at me like I'm a lost cause. I peaked in high school. I'm a recovering addict to opiates. I can't drive and I steal. I only think about myself, and I'm a piece of shit. I hate my life

When I was younger I couldn't understand why so many people hated black people, but now I see why. Half of us are nothing but a bunch of ignorant ass niggas that do nothing but inconvenience everyone around, and they fuck it up for the rest of black people trying to make it. I really do wish sometimes that I could just round them all up and gas them.

Please don't ignore me. I might look alright but I'm dying inside. Anyone.

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i don't want to be friends with you
i want you to just tell me how you fucking feel
i would tell you but you're married
i don't want to be rejected
i don't want to be repressed
i don't want to have sex
i don't want to be in love
i don't want to see you
i don't want to be alone
i love you from far away
i love you in your face
i love your tragedy
i love your childish angst
i love your narcissism
i love your honest self doubt
i love your hands i've never touched
i love your style and greasy hair
i love how easily you said i love you back
i love how you tore me apart saying it
i wish i could let go
i wish you could let me go
i don't want to be friends

>>18433259
If you need help say so, people can't read your mind, a closed mouth doesn't get feed.

I'm a creepy stalker and it is ruining my life. I'm letting jealousy and bitterness get in the way of everything I use to enjoy and even in future plans I had wanted.

>>18433454
bitch go fuck yourself.

after all this time monis, you're still in my head. fucks sake.

>>18433454
Give up stalking. No one appreciates it anymore and your effort is going to waste.

>>18433462
Bitch fucking kys. Tf?

>>18432838
tl;dce2r

Fuck Philippines, i hope ISIS topples this fucking hellhole. Hell, i´d help them if it means I get liberated of this country´s black hole shit of a system.

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We're all only 21, but a lot of the people I know from high school are getting married. Some had children a while ago and got fat. Outta high school I got much skinnier but wasted my youth being awkward and fat. Fuck, I'm still awkward, still autistic little me. No esteem.

I thought it a lie when that guy I liked flirted with me even though a secret part of me thrilled at the attention. I think smiles are lies. Compliments and kindnesses are lies. "Man, anon, you're so insightful. How do you do it?" they're kidding. Smiles flit away too quick, gone before they've made an impression on the wishy-washy swamp of my mind. Approval is stupid to yearn for...but 'll always appreciate their company, and I'll never spite them--because, if they lie, it must be my fault. But there's never any satisfaction in being with them, truly. No depth. I'm empty like a dead sea half-dried, I'm sure, and they're fishermen upon these still waters. Regret seethes in me. I loved so many people. I regret that I was never able to make anything with them. Not even one decent conversation...god damn it all.

So...so much time. Wasted. I'll never find love, never find companionship. I don't have enough time to become good enough for anyone. And I think that's okay, but it's not so okay when I feel the ache in my soul with the biting curiosity nibbling at my mind. Sometimes festering. I remember when someone offhandedly said they loved me. My 18 year long stoicism came crashing down with my tears. I felt so happy. And then...I knew what I felt all along. It was just loneliness. Pain. Just well-chained up pain.

Feels almost like I'm drunken and stumbling around now, whereas before I was little more than a chubby toddler, enthusiastically waddling around! I hate myself. I'd prefer to be any number of things and people, but I'm just myself. I want to lose myself in my dream. Yet, everyday the haze obscures more of it.

Maybe I'll die, and maybe it'll be fine.

>>18432481
That won't happen until girls stop liking mansluts. This is what you bitches wanted.

i have fibromialgy and everyday i have different kind of pain

let me die pls, im tired

>>18433688
You're trying to speak for the masses of women yet you don't know what a clitoris is or how to stimulate it? Sit down.

youre fucking cute n shit man but if you make me do all the work next time we fuck while you just lie there im going to fucking kill you.

>>18433727
>le you're just a virgin XD

Come back when you're 18.
My point is that women control who gets to fuck them and who can't.

>>18433618

Duterte is coming for you now. Just reported you to his death squads.

>>18432319
No it's not ok to be kinda upset, you cuck. Be actually upset.

>>18433732
>>>/r9k/

>>18433778
>>>tumblr

Please. Stop. OVERTHINKING.

>>18432780
>I'm not fit enough for the military
They don't care, they will take you. It's the military, they will make you fit...

I've been an opiate addict for about 2 years, started doing them 3,5yrs ago. I basically do morphine daily and can't miss more than a day or the withdrawal symptoms are kicking in and they're pretty bad - don't know if it's just my body or more than a year without detoxing - but they are definitely worse than they should be.
Basically nobody in my life knows this. My bestest friend knows I used to do a lot of different drugs for fun but thinks it stopped and now it's really rare. Friends that I used to get high with (some died, some I lost contact with and some got clean - last ones I talk to) think I dropped it before I got addicted.
The best/worst part is I am so good at hiding it that I live with my mom and siblings (because I'm still in med school so can't afford a place) and nobody knows. I do morphine daily at home and nobody knows. Well how could they? I have friends and go out sometimes, manage not to get thrown out of med school (and get into it in the first place), take care of my brothers, help out around the house sometimes and play to instruments.
i don't know how long I can keep this up because I'm not in control and all that delusional shit. I'm addicted as FUCK and can't even go to rehab - that would blow my cover and fuck up my medical degree.
This is the first time I let it out. On fucking 4chan

I cried at your mother's funeral because when we split up briefly i stole your mail including her cancer test results.

your mother died which people do but i spent a whole day with your loving family for the first time feeling their loss and it makes me physically ill to think i may have put you through that

fuck this i'm gonna go drink

Deep down I'm lonely. I miss having an emotional connection with someone. Been single for 6 years, I find it hard to let people in. Everything else in my life is perfect, but I'd trade it all for that special someone.

>>18433798
anon, check out akuamma

http://kratomguides.com/akuamma-seeds-vs-kratom-one-powerful/

>>18433821
Thanks, don't know if I can get it where I live (central Europe). I am actually planning to decrease doses gradually and come clean with minimal pain possible this holiday season.
Still, the main reason I even do morphine is to supress massive fucking anxiety (it's basically a problem where my mind doesn't really stress out over nothing (I am REALLY laid back, not even because of the drugs, it's just the kind of person I am) maybe excluding real serious shit every person would stress over, but for some reason my body is a raging geyser of adrenaline, even if I can't even imagine what could stress me out. It's so bad I used to get really bad attacks that for over 48 hours I could get no sleep, couldn't force myself to eat anything and hyperventilated to the point of almost passing out, all while my guts were tied in a overwhelmingly painful knot.
Of course, the drugs aren't helping my condition, I know that, but they are good sedatives. So when(if) I get clean I need a replacement. Thinking of just going to a psychiatrist so he can give me some benzodiazepines but they fuck with your memory and learning capabilities. Some of them even cloud your judgement. And in med school, well... I can't have something that inhibits my memory.
I'll look into that stuff. Thanks again

Was my ex a monster or did I turn him into one? This question keeps haunting me.

>>18433907
Nah, I don't think you did. People don't change when they are past their childhood. They only change how they behave, not how they are inside

i hate what i did and want to change

>>18433949
w-welp

>>18433954
Well you can't change what already happened. But you can change your behaviour so it doesn't happen again

>>18433907
That depends on what you did to him. A woman can have a profound effect on a man.

>>18432268
Can you guys help me, I need dating advice.

>>18433907
It's impossible to know now. I can tell you that some things are irreversible.

Welcome to growing up.

>>18433966
Context

>>18433966
Well I had sex last week with a guy I met at a party so I guess I am capable of giving at least some advice..?

>>18433966
I can tell you that getting both shitfaced works wonders

>>18433961
its scary because what happened shouldnt have happened and i don't even know how it got to the the point that it did. im scared for/of myself

>>18433970
I ended a very bad relationship a few years back and have been lonely ever since. I always hear girls say behind my back that im good looking, funny, smart, and kind. I think im just a normal guy but i always get talked about like im some sort of super alpha. I can always talk ANY girl i want and hit it off with no problem. But when it comes time to ask them out, it all just falls flat before i even ask. I dont know whether im driving them away or im driving myself away. Im starting to think that relationship caused some sort of psychological trauma.

>>18433962
I didn't do anything specific. I'm just slowly realizing what an impact my parents' upbringing had in me. I used to be very strict and critical. But I always tried to be a good person, so it's not like I insulted him or anything like that. I'm just wondering if my expectations drove him crazy. I feel so bad about how I used to be. The more I grew up, the better I became though.
However, he cheated on me and was horrible to me. I really don't think that's entirely on me. But I do wonder...

It's an awful feeling, to realize you hurt people without wanting to.

>>18434004
However cheesy it sounds, look within yourself. Even if it's painful, don't just block it out. Revise, step by step, what has lead to it happenig. You will learn why, so you can learn how to never let things get this far ever again.
Unless of course for reasons like mental health or addiction you weren't in control or you don't remember. Then you have to deal with those to ensure there is no repeat

>>18434009
I guess i wont find my answer here either

>>18433798
>do morphine daily and can't miss more than a day or the withdrawal symptoms are kicking in and they're pretty bad
that's opiate addiction summed up. once you're really addicted, going past 2 days without them is eternal pain, that lasts 3 weeks if you still can't get any. that's the reason addicts will resort to theft and other methods to buy another hit... and why it's so hard to quit. if you think the first 3 days of not having any are bad, the worst only starts after about 8-10 days. that's the point where you really start to hurt after being in constant pain for days already and not being able to sleep... if you're not drinking yourself braindead or taking other drugs, even drinking a bottle of vodka in a night during the worst of opiate withdrawals I still couldn't sit still without feeling like I was burning all over and being stabbed with needles.

> the main reason I even do morphine is to supress massive fucking anxiety
trust me, you'll have worse anxiety during opiate addiction. at a point the opiates hardly affect you besides suppressing the pain from withdrawals, that's where users end up taking harder drugs like heroin, or going from snorting to shooting up.
and on withdrawals you'll be 10 times worse

>The best/worst part is I am so good at hiding it that I live with my mom and siblings (because I'm still in med school so can't afford a place) and nobody knows.
they might not know, but opiate addiction is hard to hide in the end. either you get caught with drugs, get caught with paraphernalia (needles), or you OD and parents are called to the hospital, or worse, that you couldn't be saved from narcan. people dying from an OD without anyone knowing they were even addicted to opiates is common.

if you want to quit, cold turkey is the only way. ween yourself down over a month or so down to 1/8th of your usual dose then just endure the pain. i did that and haven't thought about touching due to that experience of withdrawals/quitting

I just applied for an internship and im freaking out right now because they said they would contact me for an interview and im a noob at all this.

I have tried too many times to be the best version of myself, I just couldn't, but I keep on trying, and it's utterly useless.

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Ever since I graduated high school I feel like Ive wasted my life. Been a NEET for a year now but before that I just wasted my time dicking around community college because my parents basically forced me into it and I had nothing else to do. Ofcourse the two years I spent there I only passed maybe a handful of classes because I honestly didn't care. I tried getting a job but thats basically impossible since Ive tried many places a thousand times over and nothing ever comes of it. So now I'm trying to see if I can go to a real college so I can start studying film but its really looking like I wont be getting in.
I don't know what to do with my life. I have dreams and aspirations but I never pursue them. I just sit around all day doing nothing but play video games and mindlessly browse the computer. Every day I just sit around my room and I can never find the motivation do anything else but those things. I feel like my personality has just gotten more bitter and hatefilled with every passing day and my anger issues seem to be getting worse. I just hate myself and my self confidence just gets worse with every interaction I have with another human being.
I honestly don't know what to do and it makes me want to kill myself.

I'm so excited that we're starting this relationship together. You'll have to excuse my lack of confidence - my self esteem is catastrophically low, but I'm sure if you don't get sick of me we can experience something wonderful together, given time. You know, the first thing I think when I wake up in the morning is, 'Has she lost interest?' I seem to be unable to convince myself that you really have romantic feelings for me; even when you provide reassurance, I'm afraid to kiss you for fear of your feelings having changed. I'm sure you can appreciate how awkward such a situation would be. I don't want to seem clingy, but I love you. I love you. Argh, you'd probably leave me straight away if you saw this. Thank you for letting me be a part of your world - it is a beautiful place. Now all I can do is pray that you don't lose interest. Never been particularly devout, I must say, but I think now I have a cause to be. I love you.

How to get over a crush that turns out to be a huge borderline cockcaroussel riding slut? I'm not exaggerating, she's a borderline slut that keeps on cheating on her partners and it just disgusting and embarrassing.

>>18434079
does she have real beautiful qualities or did you delude yourself into thinking she was interesting? Try and be objective in your analysis of her as a person.

>>18434059
>>18433904
also a lot of people say 'I won't go near OD levels I'm not stupid', but it happens. more with shooting up and you get a strong batch, or if you buy street drugs (but even buying pills on street can be counterfeit with fentanyl). but also just taking to much in one night because you have a bit and feel like taking more than usual.

don't 'quit' with any other opiate like kratom or weaker opiates. if you quit just quit cold turkey. the point of weaning down is for if you've been taking them daily for so long it's not easy to quit cold turkey at high levels like that. you ween down slowly at uncomfortable levels (like I said, to 1/8th of usual dose) then don't take anymore and stick it out. during weening down is hard because you will feel bad not having as much too and the temptation is there just to take a strong dose once in a while to feel actually high instead of just keeping at that small dose level. you'll also still get some withdrawals weening down as well, which aren't bad compared to bad withdrawals. for me weening down was like preparation for actually withdrawing. but you can't deviate from that level/amount during weening down.
if you do then you're back where you started and basically going through it again. same with qutting. if you go cold turkey and then 5th day of none decide you need to take a small dose, you're back the point of quitting again and have to repeat the process. doing it like that (1 dose a week or 2 a week etc) is no point, it's too easy to relapse or end of going back to everyday use.

but once you quit it will come on strong on the 3rd or 4th day, that pain lasts for 2 weeks or more straight, that's why people have trouble quitting.
if you do end up going through that though, for me remembering how bad it was made me not want to take them again.. and I haven't for over year, or even thought about it. even shitty opiates like codeine I wont touch and makes me queezy from the remembering pain of withdrawals

>>18433949
>People don't change when they are past their childhood
bullshit.

>>18434072
It takes a while to change. Don't give up. You're expecting too much. Start better habits and keep at it. Slowly but surely is the way

>>18434059
My man. I know in the long run opiates make anxiety worse. I'm not a child. But it supresses the symptoms. It works for me.
On the needles and stuff - I told you I am good at hiding it. You think I i.v. or smoke this shit? No. I get it in orally. Yes, I know I am wasting it but it doesn't really matter. I'm not chasing euphoria, I look for sedation. This way there's no kick, it comes slowly but lasts longer. It's more sedative. For the last 2 years I have never been so high I couldn't talk properly or would go to sleep on the spot. Otherwise my mother would notice. I don't even have that much money to raise the doses infinitely.
Is it fucking stupid? Oh yeah it is. I waste so much money and thought and time to get it even, and I don't get a great high. That's one of the main reasons why I want to drop it. The second one being that I know I can't stay like this forever. Eventually I will break and start rising dosages and in the end start injecting morphine - and move from medical-grade stuff I'm using now to street shit. And that's something you cannot hide.
So far I've been really lucky but I see it's starting to run out. I either go clean or go live on the train station sucking dick for heroine.

>>18434091
Sorry, didn't see this new one. On the OD'ing - I think I adressed it. For now I am safe but it really is coming to an end. You can't peacefully coexist with a morphine addiction, that's why I want to end it now, BEFORE my life gets completely ruined.
And I'm not planning to change my addiction from one substance to another. I just need medicine for occasional anxiety attacks. I can work on myself to win over the anxiety but I can't just make it go away. That's why I want to see a psychiatrist again to try treatment/therapy again, but I will also need sedatives, so an attack can't just disable my functions for 2 days, well because I can't have it what with a demanding university.

for once in my life I just want to fuck things up in an epic manner
been turned down by people, empty promises they vomit just to get what they want
when I'm actually in need they disappear
fuck me for believeing they would keep their word
fuck me for giving all my trust to them
now I'm just taking drugs and drinking
im sick of this shit
im sick of myself
but im such a coward I can't kill myself

>>18434132
The fact that you are socially aware enough to recognise that you are being fucked over by a lot of people illuminates a few things:

1. Yeah, most people are stupid cunts, get used to it.
2. You're a better person than them. When you finally meet someone or a group of people who are on your level, you'll fit in like a jigsaw piece.
3. Don't kill yourself. People like you are what the world needs at this crucial point in time.
4. What drugs do you do? I'm interested, as any serious addictions would definitely contribute to your negative feelings.

>>18434132
Well then thank the godly pasta you are a "coward".
Emotions are completely idiotic, they can make you do the dumbest shit. But the thing is, they are temporary. Some time from now you won't even remember how you felt. Drink if that gives you some time to calm before you make any decisions.
Don't do anything, don't think "what do I do now?" while you are in a compromised state. You are basically ill, so do what the doctor says, take your medicine and rest. In other words, get shitfaced and go to sleep. Tomorrow things won't magically go away, but then you can at least think

I swear fuck this thread. I've responded to a handful of people and they haven't replied. No one replied to my post. Why do I even try?

Thank you two anons for responding, at least I get a sense someone still cares

>>18434144
>1. Yeah, most people are stupid cunts, get used to it.
I've been called naive in the past but I'm so needy I believe when people come saying they have good intentions

>2. You're a better person than them. When you finally meet someone or a group of people who are on your level, you'll fit in like a jigsaw piece.
That happened so much but at some point everything went sour and who I thought I should trust acted as cunts, I think it's my fault, a group of people going against me I'm definitely doing something wrong

>3. Don't kill yourself. People like you are what the world needs at this crucial point in time.
I've tried twice this year, my wrists are healing now, but as much as I wanted I chickened out and didn't cut so deep... I don't wanto die but I hate everything and what I've become and I'm all alone

>4. What drugs do you do? I'm interested, as any serious addictions would definitely contribute to your negative feelings
I just started yesterday, mixing benzo and opiates with alcohol... I just want to numb

>>18434150
>Well then thank the godly pasta you are a "coward".
I've tried in the past but obviously didn't succeed

>Emotions are completely idiotic, they can make you do the dumbest shit. But the thing is, they are temporary. Some time from now you won't even remember how you felt. Drink if that gives you some time to calm before you make any decisions.
It's 8am and I feel like grabbing a beer, I'm still under the effect of benzo just because I can't stand myself and I'm feeling really dumb shit

>In other words, get shitfaced and go to sleep. Tomorrow things won't magically go away, but then you can at least think
It's been over a month I cant sleep properly, always waking up ad midnight and falling asleep near 6am, I'm grumpy depressed, and those who said they'd stick around are now "busy"

>>18434108
>and I don't get a great high
when I got that point is usually at high end of use. I had to use a 2-3 times a day, usually one in morning that either lasted till late in day, then use one then and either go to sleep, or stay up to not 'waste' it
i used poppy tea which is pretty much morphine mainly, but also other opiates in combination.

just wean down and start taking small doses. I drink a heap of alcohol now but its 10x better then when I was using opiates. I don't wake up in the morning in extreme pain and having to get some to last the next day. if I woke up with no opiates, and couldn't get anything else that day was basically fucked. I'd be miserable, watery eyes constantly, late in day even going outside my eyes would burn. and the body pain was just ontop of that

I mean with that it might supress your symptoms, but only when you have opiates. and when you get to longer use, you don't get that high that last all day like I said before. if you use for 2 years+ your probalby would've already... but for me at that point I'd be the doses would have the be 2-3 across the day instead of 1 of the same dose lasting a whole day and into the next even.. that's when it doesn't work anymore and makes anxiety 10x worse.

working on anxiety problems with other methods is better then opiates.
for me most of it was being stressed out and I was an angry person where I got stressed/pissed off too easily. I started to just not give a heck if anything went bad then I wasn't as anxious. anything negative I would avoid which made my anxiety better, hard to explain with that.. but say someone complaining about stuff in conversation, I'd change subject or walk away. driving in traffic and not caring that some fuckhead just nearly pulled out without a blinker infront in roundabout etc. doing that made me a calmer person and more mellow, and less anxious as a result.
then drinking caffiene helps me be more confident around people and stuff. both of those things mainly

>>18434009
Girls are sexually attracted to Chad but he isn't daddy or dating material. Not saying you should get fat but consistency, honesty, and loyalty are good traits to have. Start chatting with one nice girl and see where it goes. Dating around makes guys and girls look bad in my opinion and gives people the opportunity to destroy their reputation.

>>18434108
>>18434124
and also like I said with >>18434180 (becuase of character count)

being a more mellow or less agressive/pissed off at things I noticed I wasn't as anxious. but that's just me.. it might not be for you.
maybe your just stressed from having to deal with med school or don't get enough sleep.. being without sleep is just as bad as being strung out on opiates and will make you feel worse/more anxious around people

but if you haven't quit opiates before just to reaffirm, stick it out for the duration and don't take anything during that peroid to ease the pain. it's hard to eat or do anything. for me the best thing was fruit smoothies, easy to make and tasted good so easy to eat compared to eating a prepared meal like stir fry, steak etc. (which tastes horrible during withdrawals, everything tasted 'bland').

>>18434190
Are you saying i'm a chad? :(

>>18434180
Thanks for the conversation. It was nice to talk about my problem openly. I try to talk to myself about it, but when you're in it completely alone it's easy to trivialize. Like "it's not that big of a deal", "it's not that bad". But it is. Talking to you about it made me think about my plan for coming clean more seriously. And realise that it's possible. It's a real thing that I can do if I grab myself by the... ovaries. I have devised a plan at the beginning of the month. Started meticulously documenting every time i take morph. Stopped myself from taking more than once a day. Systematically dropped the dosages. The last 10 days of the month I am planning to stay on my working minimum, next month I will be decreasing by 5-10mg till I'm basically on five so I can go to nothing by 10-14. Plan I had already and been working on it but now I have renewed resolve. Wish me luck

>>18434200
Is that really the only thing you took out of my post when no one else wanted to give you advice? Replace CHAD with ALPHA then. Does your ego feel better now?

>>18434177
And YOU.
Yeah we anons care.
And don't you DARE ever try to kill yourself on my watch or I swear I will find your funeral and come there with All Star on full blast. You don't want your life to be ogre this way, do you?
Check-mate now you can't do it

>>18434013
>critical vs cheating

One of these things is not like the other.

Not saying you shouldn't be concerned about yourself - you obviously know what you need to work on. But don't fucking blame yourself for your ex being a cheating piece of shit. That's just dumb.

>>18434214
thanks mate
I don't plan to kill myself at least not on purpose
I just want to stop hurting and being angry at those people and feeling I'm all alone to rot

Dear diary,

The chest was flat, but dem legs were THICC.

I didn't leave you. I was in an accident and fell into a coma. I was gone for two years.

When I woke up, I couldn't find you. I'm sorry.

How is it fair that women have easier lives?

>>18434289
Duh we haz boobz

>>18434260
Would propose that you can talk to me but then I realized we are all anons ;(

>>18434293
They're just fat sacks and fyi, some men obtain them later in life.

>>18434299
I'm here anon, just willing to get drunk
We can talk
Tell me about your day

>>18434087
She use sex to get away from her problems, she got major issues but her lifestyle made me think lesser of her and it crushes me how much I have been blinded by her good side when you see how much skeletons she has in her closet. I loathe and pity her and it's hard to see her in rose tinted glasses anymore.

I want to take my girl's cousin's virginity

I made a thread on here yesterday. I hoped there were better people and solutions on here, but hey... I'm an idiot for thinking the internet could help. Now all I want to do is dunk my head in the tub and never intentionally come up or maybe I'll just keep collecting apple seeds till I get about 200 of em'.

>>18434305
Not really much to tell about. Spent the sleepless night laughing at shitposts. Took a 2 hour walk in the morning (to be real, like 100% - I am lazy af, spend all the time I can lying in bed. A full year ago - holy shiet how the time flies - when I was in a mental hospital for an anxiety breakdown and extreme insomnia I got into walking. Mind you I have asthma so I can't run, jump, dance for too long etc. But walking I can do. Started walking an walking, sometimes spending most of the day outside. When I felt better I got out of the hospital and went home. Never stopped taking daily walks - in the morning, afternoon, evening, midnight - whenever I have time. I only skip a day if I'm extremely sick).
I am derailing myself but you should really try. Makes you healthier and sleep better but that's just extra. It's a great way to calm down and take time for yourself. If I'm angry or stressed I put on headphones, blast metal and walk like no tommorow. Big steps, good tempo, your whole body swinging. Feel like a goddamn goddess.
But anyway, I then went home, took my morphine and spent next few hours studying for my exams.
How about yours?

>>18432268
¡I HATE YOU!

>>18434305
And sorry for slow responses, still middle of the day where I live :c
And I don't get notifications from 4chan obviously

>>18432319
You are so Cuck

>>18434370
Hey man. We're here. There's just so many broken souls here, you know? Who do I talk to first even. Tell me all about what's eating you

>>18432585
Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha seriously, this must to be joke. lol.

i told my family i was interested in therapy and last night my dad came into my room at the middle of the night trying to probe into why i wanted therapy and kept making random guesses while explaining why what he was guessing was normal for me to feel

in truth he's a large reason why i need therapy. i haven't been able to connect to him all my life because he used to make me feel worthless and unsafe by taking out his insecurities and frustrations on me

i don't think i can ever tell him that though. he's at a serious low point in his life and if i had anything bad to say about his personality it would kill him

i just don't understand how anyone can spend 50 years of their life chasing the approval of his family and getting depressed over it, and then taking it out on the people who actually care about him

i shouldn't be having to teach my fucking father how to regulate his emotions but it feels like that's the only way this family can grow

the burden of living continues to grow heavier

>>18434384
I just wanted to be over my ex. I keep getting replies like, "meditate" and find a "hobby". Whille these things seem like a helpful solution... it's just the situation and emotions aren't so simple. But i will say this making apple chips and keeping the seeds sounds like a great idea. That's hobby enough right?

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>>18434404
Damn he sounds like a chump. I mean why would he even care it's not like he's going to go there and it is for YOU not him!

>>18433949
fuck you

>>18434407
To be honest if it was the kind of relationship that leaves deep scares when broken - there ain't a magical solution. Sure, hobby helps if you're enjoying something it helps keep your mind off. Forcing yourself into one? Not really.
on meditation... really? Lol yeah sure let's spend a full hour on nothing but thinking about shit, that'll help.
One thing that actually 100% works is time. Yeah, sure you have to wait. But just know that someday you won't give any shits, guaranteed. Sometimes it just helps to know that there is an end.
How much time has passed? Usually it takes no more than 3-4 months.
The thing you can do bedsides just waiting is stopping yourself from cultivating the feelings so they can die quicker. Don't look at her facebook, reread messages, dwell on photos. Sure, tell your friends or anons how you feel, but don't bring up your ex constantly in conversations.
Apple chips are delicious

>>18434407
I think the worst reply i got yesterday was "you were used for sex (get over it)".

To me it's like whoever replied to my thread just confirmed that that's all I'll be and to go get a hobby... so yeah.. ill get a hobby.

Jessica

>>18434453
>Lol yeah sure let's spend a full hour on nothing but thinking about shit, that'll help.
the aim of meditation is the total opposite, which is why it helps
doesn't have to be a full hour either
but yeah it is by no means a magic solution, the hurt will still be there but it gets a lot easier to manage over time

>>18434466
Well what can you expect really. But you know that a hobby can be anything you like to do right? And they're here to get you a sence of accomplishment. If you like playing games you can dedicate your time to getting them 100%s
You don't have to play piano or get a pet turtle

>>18434453
>Apple chips are delicious
Imma die happy

>>18434479
I'm not saying that meditation isn't good. I personally love to lay down in darkness and feel my body dissapear. But for somebody who's never tried it and they have unpleasant thoughts racing through their head it can be frustrating

>>18434404
Whoa that's a bad situation. I get the part where you're trying not to shatter your father, my mother has been at the very edge of breaking for about a year now. She tries so hard to make her kids happy, but she is just one person and my father - well he lives with us but I wish he didn't. I'm basically a second parent for my 2 young brothers and the one pillar keeping my mom on her feet. I can't talk to her about my biggest problems, although she would want me to. If she knew, she wouldn't share her burdens with me. And they are fucking heavy but who else she's got?
How about the rest of your family? Can you even work together to try and do something?

I don't know what to do.

There's nothing i'm interested in enough to chase a career. What am I supposed to do?

>>18434524
Get a mediocre job and dominate there? CLimb the hierchy of titles since that usually entails more money.

I fucking hate living in the small town. The cops are all dicks. They have nothing to do all day so they sit around basically stalking all the 17-25 years olds trying to catch them doing anything. They just fucking made a "bust" of me and my one friend smoking weed in his fucking garage. How little do you have to do that your concerned of a few adults smoking pot in private

I'm in a fucked relationship. She is just such a bitch to me, but I can't stop being the nice guy. She leaves in just under 6 months to another country, and I can't just leave her. We've done so much together but it's like she's bipolar, one second she adores me and the next I don't hear anything from her in a few days. What the fuck do I do?

>>18434527
Would still have no idea what I would want to do.

>>18434524
Also, you could just dab your the in a bunch of stuff and see if anything piques your interest. There is some amazing stuff out there, you just don't know it yet.
Maybe your job won't interest you, but you could spend the money it gets you on some cool shit

>>18434541
Chances are a neighbor complained about the noise/smell/whatever coming from his house.

>>18434543
To be real I would take the opportunity of her going away and get the fuck out of a toxic relationship

>>18434541
Was the garage crackes open a bit? Because thats when private becomes public and the complaints come rolling in

>>18434553
Thanks man, really helps to get another opinion. I'll try to enjoy the rest of it, but once she's gone it'll be a fresh start.

>>18434557
We usually keep it closed. I know I've smoked a few times when it was open, but I was out of sight and no one was watching I don't think.

I still don't get why the cops even give a fuck.

>>18434250
I guess it does sound dumb. He did always justify it with my actions, so it's very easy to blame myself for it.

I just can't help but feel terrible for how I must've made him feel. At the same time, I don't think he ever felt bad about how HE made me feel.

Thanks for the comment, I think you're right. Every time I post about my ex here I get a sanity check. Thank you my anons

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Where do I go now?
No one needs me any more.

I have 78 apple seeds. :)

I am a dude (20yo),
Dear, *FRIEND (Guy, 20yo)*. I love you more than anything else in the world. I wish we could have a much more intimate friendship and enjoy the spoils of what a platonic couple may achieve such as kissing, cuddling, etc. I know you know of my feelings towards you. I know that you also know that I know nothing I say will affect our friendship badly (as demonstrated in the past). Can we maybe try some more platonic/intimate things together?

>>18434631
Bed? As in sleep in it.

>>18434639
Can't. Got a phone interview coming up.

>>18434643
Then someone does need you. Why don't you prep for the interview?

>>18434669
Working and being needed are two different things.
I'll just be collecting my pay only to go back to an empty home.

>>18434680
Sounds like my life.

I hope you're happy, C.

I hope your new boyfriend's treating you right.

I hope I helped you heal after your ex abused you.

I hope your family's been treating you right again.

I hope you've found the happiness you deserved.

I hope I find someone like you one day.

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>>18434716
C is for cunt. And youll always be the nice guy/girl.

>>18434728
It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Long distance is a bitch.

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m currently going through hypoglycemia from years of not eating enough, smoking ciggeretes, and alcohol withdrawls (i didn't think i was going to have after quiting cold turkey from drinking everyday for a little over just 1 year, it almost killed me from DT's and a seizure). Everyday i go through physical pain from heart problems, dehydration, throabing headaches, being lightheaded, blurry vision, and sensation of warming in my whole body.
I can't smoke weed anymore (been clean for 2 months and i grow it for myself, pic related), can't eat sugers or carbs (<pizza, pasta, bread, etc)
The only thing i could do is high fat and high protein diets
The shit thing is that now i don't have a crutch from a hard day of work, and during work i burn out too quickly because of fatigue from hypoglycemia.
I'm tired of living, i wanted to kill myself for the past 3 months, every night it's vivid, horrible nightmares that cause me to wake up in tremors, increased heart rate, and sweating terribly. during the day it always nothing but shit 2-6 times a day for hours on in.
The only silver lining is that it's gotten slightly better and it may be cured in a year or so.
All my friends smoke bud or drink and it's hard being the only person sober when we meet up.
My friends and even family treat it like it's a joke, like physical pain isn't a real thing and its all on my head, it wasn't until i had my blood glucose levels tested that anyone i knew took me serious (dangerously low) (also kind of fucked because before hand i was healthy and never complained about shit)

Every fucking day i just want to lay in a hole and die and be done with this shit

M
Stop stalking me on social media, you'd think 7 years apart and blocked everywhere would give you the hint I'm not inclined to let you in my life for any purpose
H
I did a lot of things wrong but it was for the best, I hope you have a happy life
N
I know you're married but damn I just wanna see/play with those boobies like one time, they're amazing. Also you're really cool and we get along better than my wife and I. Have some ambition though, you're better than that, and you're not alone. Sorry I have a massive crush on you, if I really said this, it'd probably be super awkward and put a strain on things
Wife,
Please don't hate me for that last one, I mean even you said that her tits were amazing. Also you can't deny that her and I have great chemistry.

I really wish I hadn't taken those years so lightly.

Now because of my stupid dick I'll never be able to achieve my dreams.

But that's okay.

There's no use crying over spilled milk and I should just focus on the stuff happening right now.

Since I was a kid I lived and still do outside of the city.I was raised with music and movies from the 70s and 80s.They were much more straightforward,optimistic and imaginative.I am 22 now my birthday was 11 days ago.I feel empty and cold inside.When I was a kid I was fascinated with the natural world and watched all of David attenborough's documentaries and wanted to become a biologist.I am majoring in biology now and honestly the more I learn the more I want to disconnect from the shitty reality our life is.Yesterday I read an article where neuroscientists say that our emotions and thoughts,virtues I loved like honesty,honor and empathy,love and imagination are all chemical reactions hardwired into our brains,a byproduct of evolution so we can survive and pass our genes.That we are just drugged biological computers and that life has no meaning since consciousness ends when we die.I watched my grandparents die last year and I could see how unglamorous our life really is.I used to identify with movies like lotr and star wars where yoda said that we are spiritual beings and not crude matter,I used to dream a lot and think that there might be something better after all this.I didnt believe in a specific god but I believed we are all connected somehow and that death isn't the end.Now I think I am really depressed,I am like that for a month,I never had a girlfriend as most people in my age are just swallow and don't connect with me like I would like to.Do you believe there might be still a chance?

I don't want to do anything.

I already knew that, but my computer breaking down revealed it to me even more. I just want to waste my energy browsing, and occasionally playing some games. I'm too old for this crap. Far too old. It was acceptable when I was still making the cursory attempt at education, but that's years in the past. Where did my time go? I just spent it on nothing.

And I *am* nothing. No skills, no constructive habits, no job, no prospects. But that can't be it, can it? A few years of inactivity surely can't be enough to ruin one's life forever? But it's feeling like it. It's like I have forgotten how to do things, how to get satisfaction out of doing things. Everything feels like a chore, unless I'm ramming out pages and pages of text on an imageboard or whatever. I'm great at that.

I'm addicted. Not to games, or weed, or drink, but to this. To the hyper-refreshing world of social media. And this is a social medium, though it's no Facebook. And when I try to wean myself off, I discover that I've burned myself out. I don't want to do anything other than this, like a junkie who knows the needle is bad for him, but loves it anyway.

I need to stop. Or better yet, I need to start. I need to start living a life. There's still time. I can be a real person yet. But, for the love of God, how did it ever come to this? Was I always just afraid? Afraid of failure, of rejection, or discovering my dreams would always be better than reality?

Frankly, I don't know if I can do it. The selfdoubt is so great, it's my constant companion. Confidence is such a fleeting feeling that I'm more familiar with the academic explanation of it than with the emotion itself. I feel like I'm trapped, suffocating. I'm standing in a dark room, and can only infer the outside world is there through echoes.

I'm really mental, aren't I? It's never going to be alright. I'm trapped in myself.

>>18434154
It's probably because they vent, and that's what they really need, so they don't come back for the possible advice.

>>18434471
Adam

>>18434373
ive bene through some sleepless night but was trying to detox from 4ch until yesterday
i was ocsiderig going to the mental hospital because i have suicide tendencies
now im a mess because ive mixed bezos, beer and brandy, 3B

i need a better release inded, don't go to gym in a month that sucks, i should at lest get fit and make all the guys who dump me jealous

so far just ranting online, drunk with friends, im feeling much better, i want to get a proper sleep soon

>>18434379
it's ok, i was just releasing being drunk a bit, i feel much betetrr been crying like a loser since yesterday, now i feel stable or at least less pathetic

Fuck man. I really should have stopped haha. It was just so perfect and so beautiful and so were you. I'm surprised you even came to the ocean with me that night. So many fucking stars... It was magical. Man. I know we're both going through a lot of stuff. I know you especially are. And I should have been the friend you needed. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have. You know how it is man. I'm fucking lonely too. I hurt too. just... Please talk to me... We were so close for one night to ruin it all. You are one of my only friends believe it or not and I fucked it up. I love you C. And I'm still here for you, even if you aren't for me.

T.

I constantly get the feeling that I'm surrounded by stupid people and everyone besides me deserves to live or die by my commands and I am superior to everyone and everything and even though I know that is not true and heck this isn't really what I think I wonder if I am schizophrenic all of these conflicting thoughts are driving me nuts.

>>18434847
Story time anon?

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My ex just told me she slept with another guy on the first date and it makes me sick to my stomach. We were both virgins when we met. I haven't had the same luck. Is it just jealousy?

How can I find someone who loves me

God just want to find a fucking swimsuit that fits and looks good. All of the bottoms big enough to fit my ass are designed to look good on fat people. I'm not fat. I just have a larger than normal ass. I want the thin straps on the side of the bottoms. I don't want fucking high rise brief-like ones. And that cute one piece. Don't even get me started. That would have been so fucking adorable of I didn't have wierd proportions. Not to mention if I do find bottoms that I like, I have to find a top in two sizes smaller. Even though my boobs aren't that small. Ugh this is the only time I'm not happy with my nice butt.

I want to know the feeling of holding hands, the feeling of kissing, the feeling of cuddling, the feeling of being in love with another. but i cant. i am ugly, poor, fat, dumb. i am not qualify to love anyone.

these negative feelings are swallowing me up. i am able to escape for a while by fapping, but this "cure" is losing its effectiveness. i know i am a pathetic human. i just need a new way to suppress these feelings. i have a plan to buy these "feelings" either by a hooker or an escort, in my current state i cannot afford them. everyday i wish i could just sleep and not wake up ever again. this pain would have end.

I think it's my carpal tunnel causing my back to go numb.

I'm broken.

>>18435441
HI BROKEN, I'M DAD!
GOOD TO SEE YOU!

>>18435383
>wonderful-sounding ass
>smol boobs
>swears like a sailor
I adore you tbqh.

>>18435549
Awwe thanks. Maybe one day I'll run into you at the pool after I find a bikini that actually fits...

>>18434847
std?
kids you didnt want?
anon we need a story

After many cycles of shit in my life, they are getting worse and worse. Last year i escaped, but i think i am entering again into this maelstrom called Depression. I will eventually drown...

>>18435363
Love yourself first.

So, my family is very poor and we're in a really bad financial situation we can't get out of. My step grandpa abandoned us like two months ago and he was our main source of income. Also my Aunt went to go live with her boyfriend so we have no car now besides my mom's. My mom doesn't live with us so that part is going to be a pain in the ass. I can't drive at all because my family wouldn't let me do driver's training. I'm also starting college soon and getting there and back is going to be awful because of this. I would do a dorm but its too expensive. On top of this there's a lot of fights going on in my family right now. I can't stand the arguing anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped in this situation.

So my ex kept me from seeing my friends for most of the two years I lived with her, after getting out of the relationship due to her hitting me a few too many times, now she's hanging out with them and I don't see them. She's actually dating one of them too. It's been a few months since I learned about that and it still drives me insane. Anyway, thanks for reading my blog..

We were together longer than most in our age groups.
We come from completely different ends of the spectrum in some ways.
We both said and did things to hurt or upset one another. But always managed to work it out.
Things started to go forward. To look really good. We finally sorted it out. We started to talk, instead of assuming or lashing out.
Then, more crap walks in.
We had to go our separate ways, we had to. Neither of us wanted it.
But now. So much has come to light.
My love for you has grown.
You literally changed my life for the best.
You're the only person to ever take an actual interest in me and my life.
You became my Sun. You shone bright. And even when times were bad, even when we didn't see eye to eye, I still saw you in that light.
I love you, so fucking much.
But you seem to be doing just fine.
I keep hearing "in time this in time that." No!
I know how I feel about you. I could never stop loving you, the man I could actually see myself growing old with.
There's so much I'm willing to do in order to better myself for myself but also for you.
I will never love anyone, the way I love you.
But your happiness also means so much to me.
I just wish, I genuinely do wish, there could be an us.
I want to be selfish, I want to be heard. But, I don't want to get in your way.

I will always love you. So much more than you know.

Because I guess everyone on this board things I'm fake or whatever.

How does one deal with the pain of not being able to able to feel your loves skin against yours because of the vast distance.

Me and my girlfriend talk daily, wishing we could visit eachother sooner, wishes so badly we could just see and sleep together. We talk a lot about how we will work hard to see eachother and honestly, with all this stress and wanting to be able to see and feel my love, it feels like there's a ton of bricks on my chest.

How do I feel less shitty about this.

We Skype, call, text, every single day, and haven't gone more than a day without talking to eachother in the last 6-7 months.

I still miss you so much

>>18435994
I'm in the same boat anon, it's not easy. Best thing to do would be to set a date when you two can see each other so that you have something to look forward to. It would help the relationship feel more concrete.

>inb4 lONg dIsTANce iS a JoKe

It's becoming harder and harder to fall asleep. I can't stop thinking about what is going on. This is fucking insane and it's made even worse by you fucking pricks not telling me fucking ANYTHING.

Worse are the seizures. They are becoming far more frequent. I can't fall asleep at all because I keep getting woken up by jerking around dozens of times a night. It's fucking horrible and you mother fuckers refuse to do anything about it.

The days are becoming worse as well. I'm so fucking bored. It's impossible for me to focus on fucking ANYTHING. Again, there is a cure for this but you assholes refuse to give me my medications.

Purposefully torturing me... for what? What the fuck are you getting out of this?

>>18436062
for fuck's sake you mother fuckers have musicians writing songs about my sleep disorders.

THANKS FOR THE HELP PRICKS

>>18436053
Bit hard to when you're an ocean away. :') But your understanding is really nice assurance. Thanks anon.

I hope that 45 minutes was worth it, i honestly dont see how i could care any less about you than i do now. Someday you might understand and appreciate me, I will never give you that chance again to hurt me or lie to my face as you have so expertly done.

I put my dog down today...

>>18436123
That sucks dude... Imagine how much it would suck if they lived to like 30 and then had to go..

Still... Sucks

>>18436132
>>18436132
Are you implying time length of knowing someone equates to greater connection and emotion?

>>18436132
That would of been great. All animals should pass from old age.

>>18436152
Yes exactly

>>18436115
>so expertly done
How so?

>>18436162
Interesting. That implies you have a strong connection with everyone you have known since childhood. Very interesting.

>>18436231
That's a loaded statement.

I guess I'll post here about this.

I don't know what the fuck is going on here.


So, I saw this girl once before like a month and a half ago at may day, we exchanged a few words, but nothing meaningful. (Well, I dont think at least. But she randomly came upto me during the main rally when we were doing some antagonizing)

But yesterday I was at one, and this same girl came up behind me and tapped me and asked my name. Along with asking some stupid questions on who was speaking at the pre-rally. (I also mentioned the guy next to me was with us at the first action, but she kinda half assed said hey, and went back to me) Also, later she tried telling me something during the march, while kinda hovering near me at parts. (seemed to bounce between me and another two people she knew (I think she actually knew them))

This girl is a legimate Hippie Communist type.
Lives in a Art collective thing, From her radio show description "They dropped out of college, protested, hitched hiked, train hopped, hippie vanned,lived on communes and traveled the underground lands of activism"

I also don't know how I actually feel about her. Kinda conflicted in a way.

>>18436132
Length of time does not mean greater or less feelings. It could result in issues regarding attachment.

>There is a person, lets call them H.
>be extremely close with H for a large portion of my life.
>Me and H are extremely close and were about to get married
>H became friends with some person.
>H slept with other person about three weeks ago
>H suddenly and abruptly told me that they want to be with other person two weeks ago.
>H has severe social anxiety disorder (diagnosed professionally) and likely has BPD.
>Have schizoid personality disorder, and psychosis (both professionally diagnosed).
>Never been able to feel any emotions for another person in my entire life, except for H.
>H meanwhile is extremely emotionally sensitive.
>Be completely dependent on H to help me understand other people
>H was dependent on me to understand many things from a logical perspective.
>Care for H and wish for H to be happy, but I cannot function at all without H.
>Don't want to lose H. Not only because I love H (which I am sure many of you doubt given my medical condition), but also because they are also the only person I have ever able to feel feelings for.
>Miss H nearly every moment of every second >Be unable able to sleep more than ten minutes >Diet is greatly impacted
>Can barely function at my job.
>Professional help has done nothing.
>No pills have done anything
>Not sure how I can prove to H I care about them and need them in my life.
>H has begun to think I am a dangerous, and emotionless robot. Despite showing emotions for them for years.
>H wants to "be my friend"
Robots aren't allowed to have love, or have non-robotic feelings I suppose.

Fuck you. I'm done trying to get close to you. I try to love you and be a sister to you, and yet it's not enough. For whatever reason, I'm just repulsive and undesirable to you, it's like you have some sort of secret, unexpressed resentment towards me. It's become abundantly clear to me that you don't give a shit about me, and I'd honestly have a hard time believing that you'd shed a single tear if I dropped dead tomorrow. You'd probably be happy. You'd get all my stuff, after all. That's all that matters, right? All that matters is that J is happy.

You're becoming such a basic, shallow, stuck-up snob that it's disgusting. Don't count on me when times get tough and you need someone to talk to. Fuck right off back into your little circle of equally basic, shallow, and stuck-up friends who you apparently consider more of siblings than you do me.

I didn't want to distance myself from you, but I'm tired of hoping that you'll magically warm up to me one day and we'll be close. It's obvious that it's not happening.

Don't expect me to bother interacting with you when you can't even say hello or goodbye to me, let alone "I love you".
Don't come to me for anything.

Heat pls go.

This is England, you shouldn't be here.
I'd deport you but the lefties would call me racist against the sun.
I'd build a wall but it'll never be high enough.
You have to go back.
Seriously, heatwave, go back to africa.

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>BE me
>Get a job in the real world
>Think all it requires to become successful is to work hard
>Start working hard since day one
>Stay late, take extra shifts in the office
>Work from home
>Get promoted in a few months
>Start training other people
>They get good since I trained them and than I'm useless
>Lose my respect at work
>Lost my friendships in the office
>Lost my self respect and gained weight
>Tried to be nice to them, but at that point they believed they were smarter than me and didn't need my help
>Found another job, making twice as much
>A week before quitting that job, found out what everyone had trouble with and they couldn't fix it so I worked on like 100 tickets in a week to resolution since they didn't do anything with them
>That job still fucks with me mentally since I lost a lot but gained another job with better pay
>I lost a lot since it was a good office job but I lost my respect from coworkers
>I became the guy who sat in the office late nights and worked himself practically to stress
>They acted like they were better than me, and I let their "projects" fail since I didn;t help them
>they maybe thought I didn't know how to fix some of the issues, but that wasn't the case
>I was one of the best engineers at the company, but I was forced out due to me not being very social anymore and not participating in bullshit water cooler talk


>They even went to the trouble of not involving me in very hard cases they worked on, they wanted to "win" and get credit by management, if it meant I was brought into a case and solved it which I did on many occasions they hated it to the point of excluding me from projects

>Why does it still hurt this bad? It has been months??

years ago some 'friends' photoshopped my head onto a bodybuilders body (i used to be into bodybuilding years ago, cringe i know). i guess it was in good humor but was it rude of them? i think im being oversensitive and that its a harmless joke but idk. what do you think?

>>18436504
it was posted on facebook years back if that makes a difference.

>>18436509
It does. Why you still remember it ?

M

You know I can't help myself. I'm sorry that you have to be involved with my own behavioral issues. Deep down, I'm not a bad person... just a very, very unfortunate one. I'm your friend if you need one.

A

I'M FUCKING HIGH AS SHIT ON THESE ENDORPHINS MAYNE. FUCK I forgot how good this feels. I am going to get fucking swole so quick. and I'm like this ll close to having my 6 pack back. 2 month cut really took off the fat, though I look kinda scrawny now. fix that soon.

DAMN I FEEL GOOD. I need to get paid, and I need a girl that wants some of this dick and to cuddle and I'll be set.

>>18436518
A,

the last words you ever said to me were "go fuck yourself"

M

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>>18436501
>posting a picture from the ultimate meme movie
you have to go back

>>18436512
A few weeks back it came up on the on this day thing so I remembered it. Was it a rude thing for them to have posted?

Why the fuck is every advice on this site contradictory or a catch 22? It's pissing me off and I don't know who to believe.

>>18436527
I note that they didnt reshare it from the on this day app

>>18436501

Unfortunately, that's just how shitheels everywhere are.

I've developed rules at my workplace, and the managers have taken note.
The rules are simple, "Force me to play office politics, then I start looking under beds and in closets for dirt, start researching workplace law, and generally play pretty dirty". They don't bother me anymore.

I would strongly advise you that, from now on, when someone crosses you, you make an example out of them. Collect dirt on people like that's what your job really is.

>>18436529
What do you need advice on?

>>18436539
It was more of a meta complaint about the site.
Shit like people saying "just bee urself" while other people tell them to confirm to what people want. People saying that a 22 yo virgin is creepy while others say it's perfectly normal. People calling others pussies if they have mental problems while others are super sympathetic.

From the outside my life is great. I've gained a lot of knowledge and experience throughout my life, I have a successful military career, I've traveled the world, I have friends in almost every continent who would die for me and vice versa, my family is supportive of me recently, and I've been successful mostly of my own accord. I don't know what's happened, it's been a slow transition to inner loss of confidence and feelings of failure, I don't know where I went wrong; I must have gotten complacent somewhere and somehow. Not to mention I made one very stupid decision last Thursday and it may seriously impact my life for the foreseeable future. It was a victimless crime, it was something people do all the time, and even though it isn't it seems unfair that everything fall to ruin because of it. And no. It wasn't drugs or alcohol. Maybe I'll just get out, live a simple hard working life as a rancher or something.

>>18436543
Wow it's like multiple people with different views browse this site.
You have to follow what you agree with.

>>18436530
That depends on a lot anon. The age time frame of you and your friends at the time. The type of friends they were, i.e maybe you just played vidya with them or maybe you trusted them with sensitive information. I think it was a harmless joke but I'm also a pretty jaded person.

>>18436549
That's the problem. I'm a depressed loser with low self esteem so I automatically agree with people calling me a retard/ugly/a pussy. I don't have any friends to ask for advice so I have to resort to a Kazakhstani guitar playing imageboard

>>18436543
lurk moar. you have no grasp of whos posting and who are trolls

>>18436557
Yeah I'm pretty sensitive to critizism so I struggle to tell whats appropriate and what 'goes too far'. We would have been about 16 at the time. They were kinda rude friends in all honesty, but partly I used to let them be rude because I didn't know how to stand up for myself

Fuck Me. Like everyday you all expect me to do more work. Fix this, fix that, but remember to do this programming project while still paying you a shit amount. If i dont fix stuff they complain, if i dont program they complain, if i go overtime because im trying to finish everything they complain. LIKE WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME.
They make fun of me when i try to better myself, they 'council' me when im at my worst. Then they wonder why i feel terrible when every day its like "Why dont you have GF" and "You dont do enough work, you're lazy"
Jesus, like im at a breaking point in my mind and i think im just gonna go to therapy so i dont stab myself to death or shot myself.
Just... in my mind its like this: I try to stand tall and walk straight and the people i work with demand that i stand straighter and walk straighter.
There's my awful analogy, but thats whats really pissing me off right now..
Thanks for reading

I'd kill for a 3 way with my girl and her sister. They keep acting very sexual towards each other around me and the other day we went skinny dipping together. I think they're just teasing me because they know I want it.

I thought they got rid of these threads? Why are they back again?

>>18436304
>six plus years of history deleted by one out of line sentence, and a temporary emotional high.
>They chases emotional highs to fill the void in themselves, while ignoring long term fixes because they can't love themselves.
H, this defective person will save you one day. I just hope you let me in again.

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God damn it I fell for the meme and feel like a manlet even though I'm 6' 1". Girls are taller than me. This sucks

>>18436628
because this shit is board culture.

>>18436628
There was a really, really bad outbreak of schizophrenia where one guy got infinite (you)s and basically tanked the fucking thread with his weird CIA/Darlin/Grey Kitty/Tiny Baby bullshit. Said janny got tired of it and decided to try and stop it by deleting these threads.

Eventually he realized this wouldn't stop the fucker, so he backed off knowing the importance of venting and shit here. Hence how these threads came back to life.

Now, as people noticed that giving the schizoid (you)s drives him, they've finally decided to disown him and go back to talking about their own shit.

He's still around, obviously. From the looks of things though, he stopped. Probably got bored, probably finally in a nuthouse, whatever. All that matters is that this thread is back in action.

>>18436558
You can't spend your life being a pussy. You need to believe what you think is right.

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Should I tell someone I have a crush on that I am attracted to her?

Peers say it is infatuation and it is impure, that you should save it for your special one. That emotions are brought about by chemicals in our brains.

Is it worth taking the red pill and tell her the truth?

>>18436736
>that you should save it for your special one
How do you find that if you don't start somewhere? Do it.

One can only hold on to hope for so long. I can't wait for you to get your life back together. I only wanted to help you in this endeavour, but it's clear you want to try at it alone. So I'll give you that. I tried to help, but you only pushed away. You told to grow up, and get you continue to act like lost child. I would have happily stayed by your side, worked along side you. I was even willing to put my dreams down for yours, but you never saw that. Now that Iook back I can see you wouldn't do the same for me. You only wish to blame me for the shambles your life has become. I am nothing more than a scapegoat to you now. So go ahead and demonize me, but know that now you only speak the shadows of who we were. I'm not listing to you anymore. I think I tried more than enough times to try to save our relationship. I'm tired, and I see you have wanted put for while now.

I wish you would have been honest with me. Told me all the things you disliked about me before I thought you the person I would stood along side with for the rest of my life.

Foolish of me to believe people can love me back. Foolish of me to be trusting. Foolish of to think we had something, and that you actually cared.

Time to wise up I guess and just leave you to your mess.

M

Last year I had a meltdown and wanted to kill myself so I took a bunch of pills. I was freaking out so bad that I contacted you and needed you, but what did you end up doing? You blocked me and deleted me from everything, I was told later by friends you were playing league of legends while I was in the hospital. No matter what you've told me it has always sounded like bullshit to me. No matter how scared or freaked out you yourself are you make sure the person you care about it is safe. You're the love of my life, but I struggle so much because I also hate you. It's the reason I treat you like shit sometimes and I believe you don't deserve to complain about it.

I wish I could forgive you but I cant right now, I hope I can one day so we can both be happy. So I can also stop treating your like shit

Love you always,
A

What does it mean if I don't like talking to women, don't like being around women and don't like having sex with women but fap to women?

Not attracted to guys at all. But not really attracted to women and with no desire for sex other than fapping a couple times a day.

I just don't understand why it's so hard for me to change. I love junk food, even though I know full well it's fucking me up internally. I love resting, even though doing so for too long ruins any chance of actually losing weight and even building muscle. I'm too scared to truly make conversation with people because I feel I have nothing to make decent conversation.
I don't know how to help myself out of this pit. I NEED to, that much I know, but how to do it in precise, probably slow fashion it's what I'm still trying to learn.
If I don't eat healthy and learn how to deal with the loss of my junk food side, then I'll be dead sooner than expected. If I don't learn how to socialize better, then there will never be improvement for my quality of life (which is ok at the moment, but it'll suck in the future where I SHOULD live above average). If I don't exercise hard enough, then not only will I not lose weight, but I'll never be able to look cool for anyone.

I just have a very hard time coping with this. I'm a loser who lost everything not once, but twice, and I'm just barely getting on my feet as a man for the first time ever. I work a fulltime job that pays decently (10.50 an hour, but around here that's pretty good), I got my own place, and I'm taking simple steps to cardio. I'm just not satisfied though. The people here suck, it's hot as hell, and I just want to get back to the way things were. I was a happy little fatso back then, but now, after this large and heavy amount of shit being dropped on me since 2012, I'm not the same happy fatso as before. I'm kind of dead inside and I need to rekindle the fire that was my happiness, my perseverance, and my power. I need to rekindle that fire through self improvement or else I'll wind up in this rut for an eternity.

I just don't know how to improve.

>>18436771
have you tried to actually say these things in person to them?

I worry to much about little things, due to overthinking I developed as a defense mechanism

I might have abandonment issues since I constantly worry about people leaving me if I don't constantly win them over

I'm in a relationship in which I constantly tolerate being hurt for my mistakes

Suicide has been on my mind for years

I want nothing more than to hurt him and see you cry. Ever since the day you two got together, all I have for you is spite and anger.

I did so much for you. I took you in and gave you a home until you got on your feet. I eased you in and encouraged you to make friends. I always stopped on a dime to help you any way I can and I feel like it all meant nothing to you.

And the worst part is I can't even trust you anymore. Everything you say feels like a fake laugh anymore. Something you do to pretend that you are interested or care. You say that I'm still important but you never even told me or talked to me about him. You just went with your gut and made it a thing and had the fucking nerve to tell me all about it the next day as if you didnt even know i had these feelings for you. You promised me we would make it happen once you got your life in order. So i spent all that time helping you along the way, telling you how important you were to me.

And don't even get me fucking started on you and your god damn sexuality bullshit! Every. Single. Fucking. Week. You had to tell the world that you were a proud Asexual. An amorphous fucking blob that does nothing but eat breathe and use pathetic losers until it makes them cry. I didn't have a problem with it at all at the time. All that mattered was that you cared about me I didn't need anything else. But not even a week after you hooked up with him you buy skimpy lingerie, fuck his brains out, and proceeded to tell the fucking world how you couldn't help but see him naked and play with him.

I know I wasn't perfect. I know that we had our moments, but I always snapped back to attention and looked out for you because that's what I thought couples did for each other. But I was wrong.

(Part 1)

I used to really like my girlfriend when we first started dating but now I feel like the spark has left the relationship. I just don't feel the same way as before. I don't know what to do, I don't want to break her heart but I cant force myself to love her.

there's your answer. and yes I know that's what you were hunting for. hope it puts your mind at ease. I'm still me, as much as it makes me restless and unsatisfied. though it'd just make things worse the other way, then I'd also hate myself.

(Part 2)

The only reason I'm even trying to pretend I don't care is so my friendships won't crumble in front of me and I have a new woman to be there for and it's not fair for her that all I do is think about hurting you two and not her. It's still early in out relationship and she makes me happy, but I'm so afraid to put the effort I did with you that I have nightmares of her leaving me.

It's not healthy to hate someone so much and I know that. But for your sake as well as mine, I hope you or that backstabbing shit i used to call a friend doesnt get within arms reach of me this weekend. Because I'm actually afraid all those daydreams of wringing your necks will actually happen. And As much as it would give me momentary bliss to see you both hurt, emotionally scarred and even afraid of me, deep down I don't want to. I remember the days where we laid together all night and just gazed into each other's eyes. I remember when he was there for me when I had that emotional meltdown and how he held me when I had those panic attacks. I remember when anyone said they wanted to hurt either of you, even as a joke, I would take it with a grain of salt and get offended that they would do something like that.

And now I look back and realize I'm the person who wants to hurt you. I'm the one I took with a grain of salt barely even a year ago now. And i feel like a monster who betrayed himself.

You,

I know that I can't offer you the emotional high that a fresh new relationship brings, but I can offer you so much more. I can offer you the love and support that only a long term commitment can provide, and the financial stability necessary to propel our dreams forward.
When you have been with someone so long, love is no longer a feeling it becomes a choice. I know that deep down you feel that there is still something there inside too, and I know that I will have to prove myself to you to bring it back out. But if we can get through this, then we can get through anything.

I have known you since you were an awkward shy young adult whom everyone took for granted, and I have stuck by you through your darkest moments.
Now days I am proud to see that you are slowly blossoming into the radiant person that I always knew you could be all those years ago.

There is no one else on this planet I want to be with, these last few years have been the most precious memories I have ever had. No matter what happens, I never want to leave your side.

I was blinded by my hubris and foolish to not see that you needed me, and I can not put into words how truly sorry I am that I have let down the most precious person in my life. I should have listened to your worries, and helped you more. I should have visited you sooner.
I know that this month I have failed you when I should have been comforting you to make you feel like I still loved you, but I allowed my emotional pain to cloud my judgement. I don't expect you to be able to answer it now,
but would you be willing to allow me the chance to undo this month so that I can show to you how truly special you are? I really don't want to lose you. Could you please find it in your heart to give this idiot a second chance to show that he loves you?

R

>>18436572
Initials?

WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE THINGS LIKE THIS WHATS YOU'RE FUCKING PROBLEM IT';S NOT DIFFICULT WHO DO I NEED TO GET RID OF FOR YOU?

>>18437119
There are many people I want you to eradicate and terminate for me. I sincerely believe my life would be better without them.
There are too many names and initials to go off of, but my point is it would be a balm to me if you eradicated some of those souls for me.
It would be such a balm, I would actually be able to concentrate better and be a much happier camper than before. You'd expect me to come with a rusty smile every time you see me, that's how happy I would be. I'm only hindered in progress because such souls are in the back of my mind all day.

You won't, though, but having some soul to talk about my anguish with comforts me almost as much. I'd prefer fucking in a jacuzzi, but let's be honest, that will never happen with me.

I have permanent muscle damage in my right calf and I think about finding a way to cut the leg off daily. Everything from causing a possible infection in a cut to cutting the circulation off to force an amputation.

>>18437140
>fucking in a jacuzzi
is not that great desu if that's of any consolation

>>18437154
For real?
I thought the vibrations, the heat, and all that did well for a fun night.
Is it just cleaning up after that's a problem? The positioning? Or something else?

Always heard from a buddy that it was euphoric.

>>18437157
From a womens point of view.... it hurts. Hot water gets all up in there and it burns. =/

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I found myself going to my ex's tumblr. She's reposted a bunch of shit about an ex leaving or missing them or shit like that.

It makes me angry. When at the end of our relationship she told me she hated me. She ghosted on me, abandoned me. She told me I was a bad person and all this shit that I was the one thats wrong. She made it clear that she didnt give a shit about me anymore. And she reposts shit like pic related. Like she actually gave a fuck. Like she actually cared about hurting my feeling. Like how i felt even crossed her mind. Its all bullshit. It makes me roll my fucking eyes out of my fucking skull. It makes me so angry.

i am weirdly, secretly confident about everything i do and instead feign awkwardness and embarrassment for some reason. i dont know why, it makes people laugh and i enjoy the ruse.

It reminds me of this quote, "The tendency of a person to allow himself to be degraded, robbed, deceived, and exploited might be the diffidence of a God among men."

>>18436724
Thanks for the explanation.

>>18437452
I stalk my ex's tumblr too. It's a terrible idea, try to stop. Shit doesn't mean anything.

Hey Anna

I didn't run away because your new relationship, after what happened in those months at the end of the year the last thing I was thinking about was to be with someone.

I ran because the insults and the humiliation from you, You hurt me a bit in Valentine's Day when you told me "why are you alone in this day?" I thought you knew me but I guess I was wrong, you opened a box full of shit, shit that I actively was trying to forget, but well, you just opened it.

So when I came back after a week of feeling shitty and trying to just get up in general, a friend comes to me and says that you've been insulting me and saying bad shit in your locked Twitter account... That was it. it was the end of the line.


Its okay to be angry at someone, you just need to talk to that person about whats bothering you about him/her, everything can be talked about, but to insult behind's someones back...its just low, I knew you were growing up, you were changing, you weren't anymore the girl I met, and for a good thing because at least you started to feel secure about yourself, but well, I wasn't expecting that tantrum coming for you.

Anyways, I hope life is treating you fair and shit, I've been doing well for my part, got a job, getting a license soon, getting in a car's degree, things are looking OK for my part.

C.

>>18436905
Sounds like the honeymoon phase ended. The "spark" is just lust and it's a surge of feel-good hormones that any new relationship or crush gives you.

Are there any serious deal-breakers (not just losinh the spark, that happens to everyone) at this point in your relationship? That should ultimately be the deciding factor when considering a breakup.

>>18437452
>>18437557
She probably doesn't get on. The image(s) could be queued so they repost at a certain time making it look like she's thinking about you

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It's early, I just want to sleep, onii-chan

I want to die.

keep seeing the same messages. About "winning" "new day is coming" "get anything you want." and... nothing ever fucking happens. you continually fuck with me just to fuck with me. There is no other reason. You torture me just to watch me be tortured.

I want to die.

I'm so fucking tired.

I want to grope a girl so hard while cuming inside of her. Please god i am super horny amd desperate. Just please anyone its driving me crazy.

are you people going to finally tell me what the fuck is wrong with me?

For awhile I have had times where my face goes numb. Recently, it has been my upper back/lower neck area going completely numb as well.

Right now, it's the right side of my face (all of it, mostly around the eye/cheekbone) and the upper back.

So... you know what's wrong with me already. Why the fuck won't you tell me? It's not a nice feeling, you know.

Add in all the other shit going on.... I fucking hate everyone. I want to die.

My boyfriend was trying to ERP with and trying to get contact information from other women on fucking /r9k/ of all places.

Seeing the posts makes me want to die. I cannot get myself to forgive him for what he did.

>>18436857
In person is not possible anymore because this person won't even see me. They just seem to be dropping breadcrumbs through texting. They say they will make time, but never do. They apologize for their behavior but never change. Really, there is no point in saying this to them.

It really feels as if this person was done with the relationship long ago, but just neglected to tell me. Just held in shit, made it seem like things were okay when their true feeling for me festered and became toxic. Then when I finally stood up for myself, I was the one at fault.

I been here before, had someone tell me that I deserved better. That they saw something good in my words, and that perhaps I was being manipulated without knowing it. I think they were right.

I should have walked away a long time ago. There's no point in putting in so much effort and care into something when you don't even get the time of day from them anymore. I held on as long as I could. It's been over for a while. The warning signs were all around me, but I ignored them wanting to save our relationship. Lost her and myself in the process. No worth it anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it ever was.
Hard to let go, well for me. Not for her. So I might as well take a page from her book and just stop giving a fuck. What else do I have left?

>>18437765
Heh. Don't we all?

I can't let go of you.
I wish I could keep you out of my dreams, but every night you haunt them.
It's been six months since you left.
Every day I want to die.
Now I'm seeing someone new who I feel nothing for.
I don't want to make her feel this way that you made me feel.
I'm so empty inside.

I don't want to help you, D. I don't ever want to even be near you. You are not the same dude I've seen from long ago. You're just a pale reminder of who you once were.
To even consider helping you would be suicide because let's be honest, you'll never get anywhere. You're a useless, whiny cunt who doesn't take matters into his own hands. I fought long and hard to get to where I am, and I can only support one man. That man...is me.

I can't help a loser who would just eat and shit all over my building. I'm sorry, but you're not worth the effort it would take to help you. Many have tried, many have failed. Why should I bother being a part of the casualty list? So I can be a 'good samaritan'? Fuck that. I know what you do. You'd never attempt getting a job again. You SAY you're '''trying''' when the fact is that you've never even done shit. You would suck the marrow off my bones if given the chance because you're such a lowlife scavenger.

Don't ever talk to me again. It was a mistake I was talking to my nephew about him sleeping over here when he'd just fucking babble my place to you. Fucking ingrate shithead bastard thinks babbling places is a good idea, especially to you. As far as I'm concerned he's dead to me until further notice.

Burn in hell. I dislike you being a mooch. You have the audacity to have an attitude towards me when you keep asking to see me? The fuck kind of creature are you? Learn manners and ettiquete or else I'll be nastier back to you. It's been a long enough time since I was nasty towards someone.

I am so beyond pissed, it's reawakened a part of me I thought I'd never see again.

A woman loves me. I'm 22 and she's 33. She's Turkish and I'm Australian. She's 7000kms away from me.
Backstory:
I met this girl in while I was living in Cambodia. She was a friend of an ex-fling. I immediately thought she was cute. Her English wasn't great, but good enough to understand and she had a most beautiful accent. She was shy, petite, and had a lovely smile. On first glance you'd think she was mid-to-late-20s, but indeed her birth year was in fact 1984. I start to talk to her, she remembers me. A few days later we've practically moved in together.
3 months later, I'm fighting with my immaturity to not be a asshole to this woman. A part of me wanted to leave her as she was starting to be more and more forward. She's ready for marriage and children. Hasn't said it directly to me but is clearly implying it. I'm 22. Maybe I'm just worried of what people will think of me getting married. Maybe I just think I'm not ready to be a good husband/father.
The other part wants to make her happy. She's been very unhappy before, something I could relate to. I love to see her smile. We've never had an argument, barely even any disagreements. We spent the majority of every day for 2 months together.
She left to go to another town to make money as neither of us had any. We talked about places we'd travel together. South America, Turkey, Australia, etc.
Eventually I had to leave Cambodia to come back to Australia to make money. I don't know what to do about her. On one hand I'm relieved and the other I think about her. Some part of me hopes she will find someone else who treats her nice but I also know it'll hurt to find it out. I'm torn between being a 22-year-old boy and being a 22-year-old man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiunRkXHP3g

>>18438225
You don't deserve her, let her find a better man that's ready and able to commit to her.

I just want someone to love me

Quite funny how girls are either passive bitches who barely respond or then turn into clingy whores who want to text you everyday.

My dad has a girlfriend live close to me.
He visits her nearly everyday.
However he also stops by my place everyday, and he lends my garage to work on his computers.
At first it wasnt a problem since he came by once or twice a week.

Now he comes every single day. Multiple times per day even. And he doesnt announce that hes there, so I feel like I have no privacy.
I tried speaking to him about it and told he has to tell me when he visits. Didnt work. he just doesnt do it.
told him he doesnt have to come everyday. Still does it "ill be quiet".
And he even takes it upon himself to throw out things in my house he thinks are thrash and not needed. He thinks that he is helping me.

Its getting seriously on my nerves and hes autistic too so I dont even know if he understands why this bothers me.

As soon as I say that she isn't a bad person they turn on me because they want to screw someone over weaker than them and it's like this perpetually. Why would they even bother? I don't get it.

I find it a huge turn off when a guy that is in small crisis (like a car accident where no one is injured) calls his mom for help and money.

>>18438482
Are you able to say you can afford to get out of this situation yourself without help from you parents?

>>18438263
What the fuck do you want? A bitch that ignores you or someone who responds and/or texts you first? If anything you're being passive aggressive by bitching here instead of being direct with your harem about what you want. Even then you look like a jerk.

>>18438505
Absolutely yes. Already happend in the past and yes I handled the situation like an adult, called my inurance, got a tow truck and repaired that shit. I spent a 1.5k but I'm also the type of person that actually saves money in this day and age.

My arms and legs feel weaker every day and my resources are running out. Not sure if I want to die like that or just go outside and let them do it.

>>18438539
Well then girl, sounds like you need someone who is financially secure like you are. Good luck finding that this day and age where people spend more than they earn. They're few and rare but out there.

I hate this place, the people around me, and specially you all, who abandoned me after i did so much for us. Everyday here i dread my existence, and the uncertainty of my future makes it even worse. I'm tired of my pet, tired of it all.

I'm unable to love anyone as long as I'm here. Or not. Maybe this place, my past, also fucked my spirit up as well. Everything feels so annoying and...


...Tiring. I don't know where to look for peace, even in myself, since i can't find it in me.

>>18432268
She will never love me back

>>18437572
What up fuckboi?

We could help each other but because nobody else shares this mentality any help that I can provide soon becomes a sink hole for me that makes my life more precarious. It's good to have someone to buy a beer for though, and maybe it's best not to wish for anything more than this?

>>18434631
Get a pet. Preferably a dog. You'll have something that needs you and a in with women since they love dogs. I have a brown put mix and honestly I hate him but he is beautiful so women are constantly striking up conversation with me when I walk him. He's a four legged pussy magnet.

>>18432268
Am I seriously gonna talk myself out of love? This girl has made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I'm gonna pick that apart?

I'm hopeless.

Things are looking up. They're actually really fucking looking up. Got a raise at my shitty job, I've got two employers interested in me and an interview for one of them. I'm getting up early, the sleep pills are doing their job, I finally had a dream about a girl that wasn't my ex. I could be out of here before autumn if things go swiftly. There might still be hope for the rest of my twenties.

I really fucking hate getting my hopes up but I can't help it. I'm already thinking that at some point a whole lot of bad shit is inevitably going to happen in order to counterbalance this.

I'm going to kill myself if this goes on for any longer. I can't keep doing this

>>18439064
Welcome to my universe, pal.
t. Libra

(I know star alignments and birthdates and shit don't mean a thing to anyone, but to me there's some form of correlation that makes the causation look like stars did it.)

The shittiest years of my life started in '12, but in '16, it somehow got much better.

Let's hope the next Solar Eclipse fucks my life up again, shall we?

>>18437876
>anyone
it's worthless if it's just anyone.

>>18438539
what if i had to call for the number for the tow service cause it's not on the paperwork I keep in my car? does that disqualify me? I changed out my clutch by myself as well as a whole bunch of other shit recently. by myself meaning I did the work.

gratz on saving money, I made reallllly good money last year but because I was trying to grow a business aggressively to get it to a self sufficiency point I couldn't save. don't assume people that don't save are shit.

just irked me a bit. the entirety of our financial system is designed to punish those that save these days and to make it as difficult as possible to save. it's true a lot of people just frivolously spend money, some people are actually trying to do things with their money.

>>18438482
also, I had an ex awhile back that kept telling me she couldn't help with bills so I paid for everything and couldn't save, turned out she saved 10k and was just screwing me over. so people that save are sometimes utter cunts.

>>18439202
>Libra

Gross. Air signs are all kinds of fucked up.

Princess, Everytime I see you, you smile and wave at me and that makes me a little happy each time.

CG You're an abusive fucking bitch fuck you and leave me the fuck alone.

I still love you. I am writing this here after a whole year of trying and failing at making you fall in love with me. I know you only want my body and I hate you for that. I know you like me - why can't you love me? We would be a perfect match and you know it. More talking, less making out. Oh God, just give me another chance and for once try to establish a relationship.

>>18439219
Love you too, fire sign.

>>18439246
>We would be a perfect match
but you're not. there's your dose of reality for today, that'll be $20. the ideation you have of him would be a perfect match, that is not who he is apparently.

Sarah, I just want you to call me or text me.
I would kill to date you. I fucking adore how innocent and smol you are. You're like a little doll.
A little doll with nice tits, a cute little butt, and a dorky, adorable personality. Innocent like a child, yet the size and age of a young woman.
I fucking love you and would do anything to get you to be with me.

Too bad you're not reading this, but that at least gives me more reason to vent.

Oh Sarah, I miss you.

>tfw have to wait 4 weeks from getting hired to get paid.
two week pay cycles are fucking garbage. as is working for other people.

How is it that you're perfect and why is it that I'm not perfect also?

>>18439268
Am I me?

i shouldn't care about when you pay attention to other women but i do and it's ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.

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>>18432268
My hands hurt from learning how to play weebshit on the piano.

Well, if you hadn't noticed, I'm in heat.
In more ways than one, but my heat is a burning cauldron of lust.

I'm just saying if I ain't getting any, I might as well do some window shopping to sate my cravings.

You're hot, too, but I assumed you hate that attention. Besides, your ass is looking worse every day I look at it. I try not to mention it, but goddamn, get some better pants.

I'd gf you if I were better as a man, but also if you found a way to make your ass look better.

>>18439429
>brendanfrasersniggering.jpeg

>>18439773
And my hand hurts from playing too much weebshit on the phone. You keep at it anon,at least you are doing something productive.

>>>18439956
New one is up