Storytime of Pain: The Unfunnies

F I N A L L Y

Please stop I beg you

Go ahead. Do your worst. I've got nothing to lose.

>>94013505
OH BOY HERE WE GO

>>94013505
> day one
> this and marvile

COME ON!!! WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO TO YOU PEOPLE?! Ease us into the pain! Not throw these two nightmares at us on day one!

>>94013614
Brace yourself because Trouble is also coming soon

>>94013801
just wait until I dump Boxman

I'm ready goddammit

>>94013939
Hardcore jpegs?

>>94013505
>just came out of the Marville thread
My body is ready.

>>94013608
Three pages in and I already hate it, pedophilia really Millar?

>>94014178
Oh boy just you wait

I don't even mind edgy humor but god is this so unfunny. It's not even an ironic funny.

>>94014147
Yeah, I'm weak. I'm done

>>94014227
It's not meant to be funny.

This is an Avatar Press horror comic.

>>94013801

No goddammit! Our bodies are not ready for this shit!

>>94014147
>suck
>with a beak

I don't follow.

>>94013939
>do I look like I know what a Jay Peg is.png

I wasn't ready goddammit

>>94014069
>>94014098
Jesus Christ

Wait it's too soon.
At least buy me dinner first before ya bend me over for the whole weekend.

How many issues of this shit are there

>>94014758
four

>>94013838
I'm planning on dumping Liberality for All

>>94014845
Boxman is my OC

I feel like Linkin Parking myself after reading this...

Goddamn, forgot about this.

Just so happened to coincide with my annual Kick-Ass run through, that started yesterday.

Doing Hit-Girl
>>94014056

>>94015052
edgier than the storytime.

>>94015052
Yeah, about that...
>http://www.telegraph.co.uk/music/artists/linkin-park-singer-chester-benningtondies-age-41/

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>>94015052
F

>>94015028
needing to go full ken doll for testicular cancer.

thats a load of bullshit. everyone and everything in this comic is evil, or exists only to be victimized by evil.

this needs to be printed and mailed to every editor he works with.

This comic seems like Millar got high after watching Fritz the Cat and Hanna-Barbera cartoons.

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>>94015005
Jesus who was this comic made for? It's like the most depressing Hanna-Barbera bootleg I've ever seen. Who legit bought this and had a good laugh unironically?

>>94015111
he obviously knows or he wouldnt have made that joke.

So is the """""joke""""" that edgy shit is happening to cartoon animals? christ this is like "dark" fanfiction

>>94015133
>posting images in a storytime
Not even in these days of pain anon.

It was for Millars over inflated ego.

>>94014147
Who's that

>>94015133
It's called the UNfunnies, what did you expect?

>>94014845
That has to be followed with Calexit in the same thread

>>94015253
what a wonderful idea

>>94015253
I'll dump Liberality for All. If somebody else wants to do Calexit they're free to do so.

>>94015303
>unf
this is actually funny now.

>>94015303
Does artificial insemination not exist in this world?

>>94015335
see
>>94015354
not her goal, she just wanted fuck tons of anonymous sex.
but before you imagine anyone in this comic got something nice, the bulldog had aids

>>94015200
Pretty sure it's Miller's dad.

>>94015401
>Hicks created a similar comic to the real one
This is going to go ultra-meta, isn't it?

>>94015276
The comments will be filled with arguments over which ideological nightmare is worse

>>94015463
Then it'll turn to shitting on centralists

>>94015477
>>94015463
everyone is wrong no matter what

>>94014687
WHAT THE FUCK
THIS IS A FUCKING MARRIED WITH CHILDREN BIT ONLY MARRIED WITH CHILDREN WAS ACTUALLY GOOD TELEVISION

FUCK YOU MILLAR I AM ACTUALLY MAD
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED BUT I AM ACTUALLY MAD AS FUCK RIGHT NOW

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Final issue lads

>>94015580
We can all agree that Liberality for All and Calexit are terrible. But I think they should be done in separate threads.

reminder that we share a planet with people who paid money for this

America when?

>>94015655
oh for fucks sake

>>94015648
i refuse to believe that. show me sales figures or fuck off

>>94015670
it gets worse

>>94015678
http://www.comichron.com/monthlycomicssales/2004/2004-01.html
>Est. sales
>10,716

>>94015731
Maybe most of them were crazy people who thought comics were the devil, and burned them?

>>94015648
>reminder that we share a planet with people who paid money for this
Reminder that we share a planet with someone who came up with this and thought it was a good idea

>>94015731
welp.

>>94015731
It made enough money to buy a cheaply priced new car.

>>94015633
Something about those Calexit threads makes me think that most of the commentators in those threads are not even aware that "Liberality for All" exists

>>94015767
There isn't anything wrong with fleecing sheeple

If I could shit out some garbage and make solid dosh doing it then it's frankly unamerican not to

the problem is being a sheep

>>94015811
>the problem is being a sheep
no we just had a sheep thread

>>94015770
it made $37,506.

minimum wage is 15k a year.

>>94015862
you know that gif of the guy opening the door and then shaking his head in shock?
>that gif here.exe

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Taking requests for storytimes btw

>>94015163
There's not even a "joke', really. There could be one by the way this could wrap at the end, but there's not even some sort of overbearing point made by the story. It starts taking itself seriously as opposed to trying to convey some sort of message.

This is not unreadable, insufferable garbage to get through (Marville managed to make me tune it off before the end, this didn't), it's a perfect storm of mediocrity wrapped in edge.

>>94013968
I wonder if it's true that this was a part of his marrriage breakup?

>The crow has a good reason for sucking his cock?

>>94016068
>>94016091
It's like what a tryhard teenage Stephen King would draw.

>>94015655
Did you guys know Millar is actually a devout catholic?

>>94016045
This is fucking stupid

>>94016093
the crow really didnt have a good reason though.

>>94013505

Hell yeah!

>>94016118
Nemesis is definitely a pro-life fable.

That time of year again? Give me an hour, and I'll start story timing Nemesis.

>>94015316
What's Liberality for All?

>>94016143
oh no

The meta-twist Millar tried to go for, I can actually get, something evil go into the toon world and things get more fucked up as we go along.
But really? Kiddie porn? Prostitution? Cuckolding? Not even Family Guy stoop this low.

Fuck Millar, I'm glad his wife divorced his sorry ass. Fuck him.

>>94016167
Al Gore becomes president, hi jinks ensue.

>>94016167
It's a rightwing fantasy/nightmare:

>It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression by ultra-liberal extremists who have surrendered governing authority to the United Nations. Hate speech legislation called the “Coulter Laws” have forced vocal conservatives underground. A group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and a young man born on September 11, 2001, set out to thwart Ambassador Usama bin Laden's plans to nuke New York City.

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From the other storytime:
>format the subject as "Storytime of Pain: *comic name*" for ease of searching
>link to other storytimes of pain in the second or so post so people that are following along can make sure they didn't miss any (optional, but appreciated)
>only storytime the absolute fucking worst comics imaginable, just being "bad/boring" doesn't make it SoP worthy, nor does "it doesn't fit with my political views"; this is for stuff that's physically painful to read
>don't SoP a comic just to throw shade at it or its fans (for example, don't storytime, say, King's Batman just because you personally don't like it or want to troll Kingfags)
Other than that, go nuts and let's all revel in some truly fucking awful comics.

>>94011836 (Marville)
>>94015371 (Trouble)
>>94014562 (Joker's Daughter)
>>94015704 (Change)

>>94016186
>I like the idea of things getting more fucked up
>But this fucked up stuff is SHIT

>>94016216
>>94016228
Funny, from the Marville thread, I thought that was Calexit.

>>94016210
Tim Roth?

>>94016247
Calexit is Trump becomes president, hi jinks ensue.

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Holy Hannah! Time to get my dose of Millar Edge

This is edgier than Crossed

>>94016186
It is as much nothing is done with it. Bad things happens to uninteresting characters and that is it. Normal media featuring story lines with horrible actions in them has desensitized us anyway.

>>94016280
So it's non-fiction then?

>>94016186
>The meta-twist Millar tried to go for, I can actually get, something evil go into the toon world and things get more fucked up as we go along.

That's the worst about this in my opinion, the concept's not a bad one if it wasn't trying to be so... well I don't think I can even call it edgy, this is like someone writing a SpongeBob fanfic when a self-insert goes around killing everyone

>>94015956
i've said it before and i'll say it again: this comic would way better if Millar had the foresight to actually make The Funnies before he wrote this. it probably still wouldn't have been GOOD, but at least it would have been BETTER.

>>94016210
>>94016240
Wait, what was the surprise?

>>94016307
Well, Cali hasnt become a gun toting liberal police state yet. so no?

>>94016333
The evil cartoonist teleported himself into his world, while Pete is taking the execution for him.

>>94016316
The problem is how the execution falls flat on its face at every turn. It's not told as if there is an overbearing arc to the whole thing, it basically tells itself straight like the real hook that is supposed to keep you reading is where the narrative ends, like it is a drama or a regular cape comic.

It isn't trying to say anything in the grand scheme of things because it's so enamored with its idea of "black magic fucks up a cartoon world because of course it can" so it has nothing going for it.

As >>94016297 said, pretty much: "Bad things happens to uninteresting characters and that is it."

>>94016333
He switched bodies with the penguin
The penguin's getting executed instead of Hicks

>>94016376
Yeah I get that, but the guard says theres a surprised that will make the execution even more horrible for him, and then theres no surprise.

>>94014845
Wait, is that the one where Al gore wins the presidency, and ollie north and the watergate guys are freedom fighters?

>>94016495
The same. And they don't just become freedom fighters, they become cyborgs.

>>94016495
Yep. The hero, born on 9/11, is named Reagan, and they fight against President Chelsea Clinton.
I think Hannity has a robotic arm.

Reminded of something by the fat lesbian coffee shop girl comic that Image just put out, I have a suggestion for an addition to the SoP marathon.

There was a webcomic about some morbidly obese girl with pink odango hair, her Boogie sized brother ran a bakery, and there was an effeminate redheaded boy that gradually ended up in more and more excruciatingly detailed medical equipment. Like hospital equipment and medical tubing was this guy's fetish.

Anyone know what I'm talking about?

>>94013762
How much times the characters speak to the audience because this is already boring

>>94016118
i wish he get excommunicate

>>94016426
Probably something like this
https://youtu.be/7s9RYLabxCg

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I liked it. It was different and went in an unexpected direction. "Edgy" isn't a valid insult.

Come to think of it, I'm now certain that Mark Millar and the guy who wrote the webcomic Jack would probably make good friends.

>>94015785
Well, liberality for all was made by some literally whos for a no name company decades ago. Is it that suprising?

Im gonna post The Deal and God's End tomorrow after my computer's ban ends

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>>94016630
>"Edgy" isn't a valid insult.
Spoken like a true 12 year old. Nothing about this comic is subversive or relevant to a meta discussion. It's edge for the sake of edge.

>>94015417
what in the fucking hell hahahaha

>>94016143
Honestly, I was expecting something a lot crazier. Something like Hicks killing everybody and the whole world collapsing into nothingness.

>>94016761
>It's edge for the sake of being an Avatar Press comic, a publisher that exclusively deals in edgy horror comics

I heard Millar renounced the comic after his wife found out about it and yelled at him

>>94016761
It's clearly not trying to be anything but a story, and there's nothing wrong with that. No, it's not particularly insightful or anything. I don't get the impression anybody wants you to think it is. Maybe you're just a pseudo-intellectual who mistakes his observations for insights.

>>94016909
This, desu. It's a horror comic, basically a ghost story about a serial killer who cheats death by escaping into a cartoon world.

>>94016880
https://www.bleedingcool.com/2013/08/22/has-the-unfunnies-been-excommunicated-from-millarworld-mark-millar-avatar/

>>94016967
It gets insane when people act like it's meant to be funny.

>>94016967
It doesnt read like horror. It reads like it's trying to mock the idea of gritty edgy comics.

>>94016909
>>94016967
>people unironically defending the unfunnies
Never thought id see the day

It really is irredeemable. Its nothing but edgy "jokes" from start to finish.

And its not scary. Its just offensive.

I mean, yes the idea of the story has some potential for something that is at least readable. But the unfunnies just squanders any potential it has. Its really just offensive in every sense of the word

>>94017083
>Its just offensive

What? Something from Avatar Press is offensive?
No shit.

So how do they fix it? I think having an actual protagonist would benefit it greatly. Someone to actually root for.

>>94017113
Ok, just because you expect it to be offensive doesnt make it less terrible.

>>94017158
Letting us spend time in the world as its "supposed" to be before things go wrong would help.

Show dont tell and all that

>>94017083
>It's not good because it's offensive
I think this is a pile, and the worst pile there can be in it it's just mediocre and it has nothing going for it, but I don't think complaining about it in the tumblr manner is any better criticism.

I'm not defending it, just responding to people acting like it's a serious tract for nihilism or something. The ending is literally the old "and the killer... was never found!" of every camping ghost story ever.

>>94017158
I like the idea of making an actual "The Funnies" one shot

>>94017158
Things just happen is the problem.
To fix it you need to establish the world in it's status quo, have a protagonist, then have the world turn to shit, have the villain reveal, then have some sort of conflict between the protag and Frosty Pete.

>>94017207
Its not bad because its offensive

Its bad because offensive is all it is

Im all for offensiveness when it actually has something to back it up.

For instance the movie In Bruges is offensive. The characters say plenty of offensive things. But it has actual comedy and drama backing it up.

>>94017273
>Im all for offensiveness when it actually has something to back it up.

The meta horror story conceit is okay compared to real shit.

>>94017005
>>94017052
Horror, satire, whatever, I think the best thing about this comic is that it starts out feeling like it's supposed to be funny. After a while, though, it keeps pushing the envelope so hard that it becomes apparent somebody's just trying to upset you. Then the comic shows its hand with the self-insert psychopath plot and it all comes into focus. I've seen that level of bait and switch done better in other mediums, but I didn't see it coming here and it was a pleasant surprise. It's interesting in that way. Nothing to put on the shelf, I guess, but interesting.

>>94017161
>just because you expect it to be offensive doesnt make it less terrible
You sound like a moron. I'm not really even defending this comic because I can totally see why somebody wouldn't like it, but you just sound like a real glue eater.

>>94017246
This would've been much better. It would actually be an incredible marketing gimmick to not advertise it for what it was at all, and have it spiral out of control unexpectedly two issues in. Like Petscop and that sort of thing.

>>94017329
>it starts out feeling like it's supposed to be funny
It starts out with a CP raid. how is that funny? Getting V& is a /b/ tier 'joke'

>>94017379
>supposed to be funny
>supposed to be
I didn't say it was funny. It felt like it was trying to be funny. Read.

>>94016186
>Mark Millar: My wife got about six pages into it when she was reading it in the bath the other night and she just threw it at me. She said it was the most horrible thing she'd ever read in her life and she didn't want to think this sort of shit even went on in my head. I tried to explain that the crow was sucking cock for a REASON, but it actually does sound kind of creepy saying it out loud.

>>94017398
How is that supposed to be funny?

>>94017474
Different anon, but subversion?
I mean, it isn't funny, so the attempt is nil, but that's what seems to be the case.

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>>94017474
Are you really too autistic to understand this, or do you just care so much about arguing on the internet that you'll keep going even when you've reached the point of tying nonsense like this?

>>94017555
I guess my problem in getting it is that it doesnt seem subversive at all, it's like South Park and Family Guy and any other number of works that have 'adult' themes with cartoony designs. Maybe it would have more of an impact if I had read it when it came out. 2004 was a different time.

>>94017632
Maybe? It isn't funny, it doesnt seem like it was trying to be funny, but it also doesnt seem like it was trying to be subversive. It just seems edgy, for reasons.

>>94015581

Even by the standards of this comic this is edgy

Speaking of Millar, is Wanted going to get storytimed this weekend?

>>94017454
Gee, Mark, you think?

>>94017454
Haha, what a story Mark

>>94016630

I like it too

This comic is the king of pain. Nothing else compares to this. It's so awful on almost every level.

So is Millar basically self-inserting as Troy Hicks?

>>94016426
They were probably just going to arrange for him to be gangraped or something before the execution.

>>94016582
That's what I figured.

>>94019227
Troy Hicks is his dad, I think. I dont know what compelled him to write a story about his dad getting a blowjob from a penguin while making his "cum face". Guy's got issues.

>>94014831
oh, gone postal...
now i get it.

>>94013556
Too late.

>>94015990
could you do bomb queen?

>>94015421

Has anyone asked Brownstein about him being used in this book? The CBLDF still lists him as a member IIRC

>>94021601
I'll get around to doing it tomorrow, but could you be more specific? I see several different volumes on the hubs.

>>94013801
Oh you fucker

I will always bump an Unfunnies storytime.

>>94015518
Persona 5

>>94013939
okay, I am spooked

>>94015744
>Don't be fool

is this the weekend of pain?

>>94016689
so's calexit anon. I mean it's made now but it's but a literally who company

>>94016372
>gun toting
>liberal
nice joke

>>94024337
Yes.

My friend is in the room reading this for the first time on his phone.

"Well this didn't waste any fucking time." A reaction to the kiddie porn, I assume.

>>94013822
is that last one supposed to be mr.krabs?

>>94014147
not going to lie, I got a few chuckles from this one

>>94024789
it is something that happens in the comic.

>>94016186

I've always believed that this comic is meant to be a huge fuck you to Grant Morrison, who if you remember had a huge falling out at the end of their run on Authority.

So all of a sudden we have this sick fuck who is an absolute monster and does drugs and all that good stuff...who uses magic and symbolism via writing it into comics to effect changes in the real world.

>>94025583
Y'know, I was going to say there's no way, but you might be onto something with the whole fiction-suit thing.

>>94026549

I'm saying go read Animal Man #5, that coyote issue, and it clicks for me

>>94013505
bump.

>>94025583
This makes a lot of sense

>>94026620
Yeah, it might be a stretch but I can see where you're coming from.

You know, if we could get /aco/ in on the weekend of pain we can get more comics storytimed like some of the more graphic crossed going. Me, I'd like to get Tarot in on this.

This was the worst fucking thing I have read in years and I thought Marville was tolerable

>>94031215
I think I prefer this one just because that as disgusting and stupid as it is, at least I can understand it. Reading page after page of Marville's pseudo-scientific rambling makes me feel like I'm having a stroke, especially when they just decide to abandon the word bubbles for an issue.

Although Girls is earnestly the one I hate the most due to trying to be taken seriously with so many overwhelmingly stupid plot points.

>>94013698
>You betcha, buddy boy! He just asked me what faggots do...

I thought this was supposed to be bad, not moderately amusing.

>>94014098
>Yikes! What's going on in here Mom?
Pffft

I'm still confused how these Millar acid trips get published if not for the fact that Mark Millar's writing them. If it was anybody else who submitted the pitch of "Hanna-Barbera characters being corrupted by edginess", they would have been laughed out the door.

>>94013505
>This exists
>Trouble exists
>Kickass 2 exists
>Nemesis exists
>People defend Millar

>>94014413
>average liberal doctor

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Honestly, this and Marville were pretty enjoyable in most of their parts. They aren't even revolting or anything. They're just a hilariously good brand of "bad".

Is that all you've got, /co/?

>>94014687
>>94014657
Hot.

>>94031638
He was by everyone by Avatar Press.

>>94014845
Are we allowed to do manga if it's of a /co/ property? Because I'm considering doing some of Spider-Man the manga.

>>94015180
HOT

>>94016240
This kinda makes me sad, but it does leave me wondering if any of that was real or if it was just a nutbar's delusions. I mean his plan does hinge on being able to get CP and seeing as how he is in prison maybe he just snapped and made these stories up in his head to deal with it. Plus I honestly doubt they would give a prison inmate a sharp and pointy object like drawing tools.

>>94032482
its real. this is connected to the wanted and american jesus universe. i think he even raped the antichrist once

>>94015253
Bigger challenge: How do you place both in the same Earth?

>>94015956
>One thing I learned in all those years I dabbled in the occult was that this is it, brother...
Of all the things wrong with this comic, this actually kind of triggers me. I mean I guess occult magic doesn't really necessitate an afterlife, but the unholy vibe, satanic imagery, and shit like the Ouija board all bring about an image of the occult that seems like it would be really dependent on the existence of things like souls and Hell.

I know it's a bit autistic to nitpick one sentence in this shitshow, but it just doesn't seem to fit with what's presented at all and could have been easily solved by just changing it to him wanting to avoid what he knows is in store for him after death.

>>94013968
>that guy
One thing I've learned after 21 years - you never know what's gonna come through that door

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>>94016114
He has AIDS, and he was the first to fuck the cat wife, and then she fucked everyone else, so the whole town has AIDS?

this guy wrote fucking Superman: Red Son

what happened/

>>94031956
Don't expect even enforcement from the mods. The general consensus is yes.

>>94031814
Of course not. There's all sorts of bad. They're Girls, there's OUR LOVE IS REAL. Someone is supposed to do liberality, I don't think assigned male or hathor or moon over june or Dobson's works can be done here, because of porn content or mods.

>>94031956
But the Spider-manga is fucking amazing. Definitely not SoP worthy.

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First time reading the whole thing. It's like a painter painting a piece of shit.
>This is shit.
>Yes, I made it that way on purpose.
So yes, it is shit. But not nearly as infurirating as I were led to believe.
But then I do enjoy reading Franken Fran, so what do I know.

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>tfw Millar rmoved this from his bibliography and pretends that it doesn't exist

>>94031814
Wait till War Machine 2.0. It will literally make your head hurt.

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BUT HOW DID HE SEND THE EMAILS? I UNDERSTAND HIM CONTROLLING REALITY INSIDE THE COMIC BUT HOW CAN YOU SEND EMAILS FROM THE REAL WORLD INTO A WORLD FICTIONAL WORLD YOU CREATED? IF HE CONTROLS REALITY WHY DID HE HAVE TO WAIT FOR ONE OF THE CHARACTERS TO ACCEPT?
FUCK

Have you ever read something so bad that you start to question the writers other works?

>>94033668
yea, thats the idea. even the characters not directly tortured still suffer

Survival of the worst bumb

Gotta keep them all alive as long as we can.
I wanna see a weekend of Pain so all-encompassing that /a/ does a few terrible storytimes in honor.

>>94039805
Honestly there's no point considering threads are archived for a few days now. Just keep the links and all the threads will be around the entire Weekend of Pain.

>>94014042
WHAT THE FUCK

>>94040177
Yeah but I hate when I read an archived storytime and can't post my two-cents. And I'm sure others feel that way too.

>>94015803
IT WAS ME DEPUTY
IT WAS ME ALL ALONG

>>94016118

So? You protestants keep acting like catholicism is the western version of Islam

A lot of Millar comics have been made into decent movies. What would have to be changed for this story to work on film?

>>94013852
Jesus this is worst than Jack.

Am I the only one here who enjoyed this comic? I mean the only the first volume was able to really make me chuckle consistently and the 3rd and 4th ones felt pretty weak but all in all I don't regret reading it

>>94036594
if, you're willing to hear me out, I'd like to take a shot at explaining it.

>>94036859
Yes, but Millar has always been pretty divisive. His good stuff is great but his bad stuff is horrible.

>>94044768
>>if, you're willing to hear me out, I'd like to take a shot at explaining it.

Why wouldn't you just explain it in your post? Are you just harvesting (You)s?

>>94044768
Eh, readers?

>>94044948
I have a hard time of putting my thoughts into words, so I'd like to make sure he'd hear me out before going through the trouble of typing it all out.

If it makes you feel better, you can just write a reply without replying to my post

>>94044768
>Am I the only one here who enjoyed this comic? I mean the only the first volume was able to really make me chuckle consistently and the 3rd and 4th ones felt pretty weak but all in all I don't regret reading it

Fuck off, Mark Millar. You're not fooling anyone

>>94045512
curses foiled again by eagle eyed Anon. Tell me, how did you know? What gave me away?

>>94045600
Mill Markar would make a pretty good pen-name.

>>94017379
>>94017398
>>94017474
Yes, it was a bit funny, you raging autists.
It really is pathetic how people are trying so hard to shit on this just to fit in.

>>94014069
FUCK HIM UP, BETTY! FUCK THAT EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIVE PEDO UP!

>>94051207
Hi, Mark, what are you doing on /co/?