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Anyone have any of those fuck yeah humans pastas? Giving aliens

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Thread images: 64

Anyone have any of those fuck yeah humans pastas? Giving aliens rabies and shit from bites
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I have a few..
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bump for interest
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This shit is cash. Bump
This is one of the greatest things I have ever read

Pls moar
Loved all of it. Pls moar.
Please more, what is this called?
Human worship?
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I have a few, if I can find them.
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This one is really good. I think it's also the last one I have that has not already been posted
Try tg. They have regular HFY threads.
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just imagine how boring it would be, if humans were really one of the strongest species.
Like we meet aliens, they freak and start shooting at us and it just feels like they're throwing dirt or something.
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This is my last one for the night, I'll check back tomorrow (I'm not OP just someone who has a shit ton of these) I might have some more laying around.
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what the fuck
hah loved the ending
Pretty much, i won't be getting any pussy for saving the earth from autistic carrot alien invasion
This thread was everything I needed.
Let the invasion begin. Or you know that? Splarg that. Too much work, let's just blow this planet up before they spread and let's move on. Let's invade the Moon instead, after all it is populated by several millions of qt3.14s.
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The ending to C.M. Kosemen's "All Tomorrows".
Look, I ain't the most educated fucker around. I dropped out of school to work the farm, and that's what I been doin' for a hot minute. I may not have book smarts, but I got what they call street smarts. I'm a common guy with common sense. Now I can't explain what happened to me out on the river, but I can damn sure tell it how it is.

I was in my boat doin' a little fishin' on the river like you do. I had me a case, my radio, my tackle. The day was sunny but a breeze was blowin' and I'd already had a few so I was feelin' pretty good. Now the river runs through my land, but then it goes off a ways out into some real backcountry. I reckon it's owned by the state or somethin'. Anyway, I wasn't really payin' no mind to the fish or the river, so I was driftin' pretty well down. I ain't noticed it and wouldn't have no how until my radio started flickerin' out. That was a new damn radio and I was pretty pissed so I picked it up to see what was goin' on. That's when I noticed how far out I was.

That's also when I noticed the shapes in the sky. It weren't no normal aircraft. It was shaped all funny like, like weird triangles and lines just sort of floatin' in the sky. It was small and I couldn't make out no details, but I saw it floatin' up there sure enough.

Then everything went bright white.

When I woke up, I felt like my head had been run through a combine. I looked around and had no clue where I was. It was a dim room, and I was layin' on some sort of metal table. There were weird machines all over the walls, some with blinkin' lights and others with what looked like drills and little miniature shovels and God knows what else. There weren't no windows, but there was a door and that's right where I was fixin' to go. As I sat up, my head exploded with light, but I bit down jumped off the table. Once the room stopped spinnin' quite so much, I realized I was stark fuckin' naked. Whoever had took me was one sick son of a bitch. I looked around for my clothes but they weren't there. Where I'd been layin' on that metal table there was a sheet or towel of some sort, so I took that and wrapped it around me.

The door slid open when I pushed a button beside it. I was in a weird sort of hallway, a little brighter than the room but not by much. Both ways looked the same, reachin' a corner a few yards down either direction, with doors on each side. I started headin' to the right, but then I heard someone comin'. I wasn't tryin' to get put back in that room no how, so I high tailed it the other direction.

Around the corner was more hallway. I knew I wasn't gettin' out runnin' in circles, and I didn't know if whoever that was was headin' this way, so I hit the button by one of the doors and ducked in.

This room looked like some sort of office. There was a couple chairs, and then a desk in the middle of the room with another chair behind it. There were a few weird machines on the desk, and some other knick-knacks and desk shit. I walked around to the other side to see if I could figure out from this stuff where I was. The papers were no help. They was written in some weird writin'. At least I think it was writin', I ain't never seen nothin' like it 'fore or since. The machine had some buttons on it but I didn't press 'em 'cause I didn't know what they did. But one thing on the desk about liked to kill me. It was a picture of what I figure was some kind of family, but they weren't like us. They were completely hairless except for the top of their heads, which had long hair. Their eyes were spooky, lookin' right at me so I nearly dropped the picture.

But their mouths. Their mouths were the worst. All three of 'em in that picture had their mouths open all twisted like, just enough so you could see what was inside.


That's when it all went bright again. I woke up on my boat, and came straight down here.

Aliens is real. I seen 'em.

Personal Journal, Dr. Tyrone Tsuzhen-Goldbergstein
23 May, 2977
Well today was quite a day. For what I think may be the first time in the 60 years of this program, one of our test subjects woke up during implantation. We drugged him up, but if he woke up in the first place there's no telling what he'll remember. Not that it matters. Even if he brought down evidence to the others, no one would understand it.

We finally find intelligent alien life, and they're fucking retards.

God I can't wait till I get back to Earth. I mean honestly, what more is probing going to tell us about these stupid fucks?

>mfw this will probably be exactly how it plays out
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Wow this one is really bad.
These are great but they get kind of samey after a while.

>be an alien
>think humans are weak/stupid
>humans kill everyone
>learn the true meaning of friendship
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Here's one that's slightly different
10/10 would r8 again.
I need more!
Humans have only been around for less than the blink of an eye. In this short time we went from monkeys breaking things with rocks, to colonizing planets. We even met some new friends along the way. Species who were of equal intelligence, yet had been around for thousands and even millions of years longer. Species who were at the end of their time here in the universe. Their civilizations had aged and were dying out slowly. Yet they had accomplished so little, in the grand scheme of things.
Just as we met new friends, we met new enemies as well. The wars raged for years. Slowly our forces, and our allies dwindled. Once faced with certain doom, our allies simply gave up. In the case of the Axion Confederacy, one of Humanity's greatest allies, they lost their home world. Although large chunks of their military remained intact, the thought of having no home to go back to crumbled their will. They surrendered to the Stratons, Mazzinons, and Korth Empire. And they were all put to death, or worse. The Korth Empire used some of them as incubators for their young.

best of thread
Human forces often found Axion being eaten from the inside out, but they had just accepted their fate. And laid there. Humans in the same position found ways to fight back, or simply kill themselves.
Only ten years into our first intergalactic war, Earth was obliterated by a Mazzinon destroyer. Mars soon followed. Our two homes, gone. Our enemies expected us to do just as our allies had done, and surrender. This was how war worked for them. If you lost your home, you gave up. It was almost like a game of chess to them. The home world was the king, and if he died, that was it.
None of them expected the move we made. With no home left to go to. No families left, we fought harder than ever. Even I, one who witnessed it all cannot explain what happened.
We fought like we were possessed. The Korth Empire, after several of their largest planets were raided, then glassed gave us a new name.
No longer were we human referred to as "Ythzt" which meant "Cattle". No, we became the "Kontuth". In their religion's eyes we became "Heralds of Torment".
The Korth Empire was first to go. The Fleet of Man gathered outside of their leader's sanctuary, the planet "Zotl". We burned it, and all it's inhabitants alive. The once lush green and purple world was reduced to a ball of ash. The Stratons attempted surrender. But we began hunting down their naval forces and using gravity beams to cook them in stars, or send them into black holes. Piracy was rampant among their colonies as well. Our favorite thing to do was send out a fake S.O.S, and attract rescue crews. The Stratons in the colony below could only watch as we destroyed their only hope of rescue right before we dropped our fury upon them. Just as they had done to us, and our allies. Revenge must have been something only we humans held to such a high standard. I'm not sure why no other culture's we've met so far have adopted it.
Once the Mazzions fell, we took their home world for our own. As it was one of the few planets left where humans could live. We enslaved their population, and set them to work rebuilding our empire. We had trampled all opposition. We beat all the odds. Simply by doing the one thing we know how to do best. The one thing that no other race has the ability to do. We took our losses and let them push us harder. We didn't think logically. We just let our instinct push us onward just as it has done since our humble beginnings.
Just like that, in the blink of an eye now. From monkeys to interstellar conquerors. And I can honestly say, we're just getting started.
Moar pls, this thread is really good.
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>*The dog-like alien stares off into the distance*
Last one I have
chills nigga, that last line gave me chills
We had been watching for some time with little interest. Even when they reached their natural satellite, and later established their own artificial satellites, both staffed and automated, we simply noted it in the logbooks and kept watching. While they seemed impressed with themselves, orbital travel is in the same class with self-propelled land vehicles per our protocols. We did have a good laugh when they sent a bunch of pictures and music into deep space; while not being noteworthy, it was unique in its ridiculousness.

But then a short while later, they made something that did catch our attention. In their inexplicable rush to get to their natural satellite, other technology advanced as well. One such technology, the focus of our attention, was a global network of digital information. It started simply enough, and we assumed initially that it would be a mere conduit of their rulers' wills. This was not the case. It grew quickly out of hand, and soon everyone had access both to content and to publishing. Any one of them, from those in power to the most worthless, could communicate freely with all the rest.

To explain our surprise, we must speak briefly about what it was we did. As Life Watchers, we watched any life-bearing planet, collecting data on their development and any events of note. This data we constantly streamed back, encrypted, to the Central Library. It was there that the Professors sorted, filed, and analyzed the data on the universe. In addition to us Life Watchers, there were Star Mappers, Mineral Collectors, and a number of other outfits throughout space. All data returned to the Central Library. All data was controlled by the Professors. They knew all, and they told us what to do. This was simply how it worked.
But this planet had developed a system completely foreign to us. Certainly those in power tried to prevent the free exchange of ideas and knowledge. And then too, a good 90% of the information traded seemed to be either pornography or complete fiction. But the info itself didn't concern us that much. It was when those in power started losing control to ragtag groups who organized themselves wholly over this network that we started paying closer attention. Those in power would use the network to watch their underlings, but the underlings would use it to dodge and thwart those in power as well. It was pure insanity on all fronts.

It also changed them. Where only a hundred orbits prior they could memorize entire books by reading them once, they were now completely unable to memorize even the names of their companions without checking the network. They became wholly and inextractably tied to it. They had, in essence, begun to offload their mental capacity.

This was the beginning.

Their network only kept getting better. A few dozen cycles into its existence, when wars had begun to be fought on the network and daily life had already become completely intangled with it, we thought that surely those in power would stop it before it was too late. But we realized that those in power were not actually in power. In fact, they were, individually, just the same as anyone else. All Men really were created equal; it was only their systems that really bound them into master and servant. What they came to call the Second Generation of their network was what did away with these systems. Technology advanced gradually but quickly to a point where the terminals they had used evolved from taking up an entire desk, to being portable, to being handheld, to being seamlessly implanted. The network was everything to them, and they became one with it.
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When they wanted to think, they had the network think for them. When they wanted to talk, they talked over the network. When they did anything, from work to play to love, it was on the network. Now that the network was seamlessly tied to their very being, they began to put aside the systems of power and weakness, masters and servants. When a leader might well be playing a game with a homeless waif on the other side of the planet every night, the inequalties no longer seemed to make sense.

It took time, but eventually they had stabilized their planet to a startling degree. No one died of hunger. No one went to war. Things looked good.

That's when they turned back to space.

With the network in its new form, space travel came easily. Where a few hundred orbits previously they had been struggling to simply break their own atmosphere, now they had colonized their natural satellite in a dozen orbits and had turned their nearest neighbor habitable within another 100. Their numbers kept growing, and they kept moving outward.

Of course they found us.

We had been so surprised and fascinated by their network and their rapid growth that we had failed to notice just how quickly they were expanding. As they would say, we didn't see the forest for the trees. The protocols forbid meddling with growth, but voluntary contact initiated by primitive life is not barred. Still, we weren't prepared for actually meeting a human.

From the very first transmission to us, we knew that this was a unique species. They first simply hailed our ship and asked if there was sentient life on board. We responded by explaining who we were in brief. The reply we got was merely two words, if they could even be called words: "ayy lmao."
It was clear that these humans were not the same ones that had been memorizing entire books and creating works of incredible art and culture. No, these humans were network people. They spoke in in-jokes and crude humor. A good portion of what they said was obvious lies, and they would almost always find someone gullible enough to believe them, even as that mark fed them lies in turn. Even their top scientists would build rockets that looked like the genitals of their males. They were at once geniuses and crude animals.

They treated us well, discussing our work and theirs. We began to form an affection for them, even as they trolled us and turned our visage into image macros. But it was only when they developed a way for us to interface with the network that we became more than mere watchers. We could not be implanted; our physiology was too foreign to their technology. But they devised a system similar to that of the first days of the network so we were able to access their social media networks and video-sharing sites. It was incredible. We were completely anonymous, and were accepted as if we were human.

As we watched cat videos and posted creepypasta that no one understood, the humans studied our station. They worked out the technology, technology that even we did not understand. They could now travel to new stars and inhabit their planets, and this they did.
The humans did not act of one accord. With the dismantling of their former societal systems came a new way of interaction. They were all independant nodes on a network. They would ban together in groups, yes, some short-lived and others more tenacious, but there was no central organization. We got a taste of this when exploring the network ourselves. And so, when some of the humans asked us to take them to the Central Library, we were afraid. We enjoyed anonimity. We enjoyed being independant nodes. We did not wish to return to the old ways. We did not want to do as the Professors told us. We wanted to play games and dick around. We wanted to be human.

We told this to the humans who had asked to be taken to the Central Library. They assured us it would be fine. They assured us they would take care of things. We told them where to find the Central Library.

The next we heard of them was when they had uploaded the entire Central Library onto the network. The network now spanned entire galaxies. It was growing exponentially. As it grew in space, it grew also in ability. The humans of whom it was now a part donated much of their brain power to its upkeep. We learned of artificial intelligences that lived on the network, sometimes being powered by one or one million or one billion human brains. Humans were idiots, to be sure, but the network was worth it. They seemed happy.

We still watch them. We laugh at their jokes and aww at their cat videos. Other races too are on the network now. Strangely, I've never heard of any Professors using it.

As the network grows, some people speak of it overtaking the entire universe. They call it the singularity, a point when the network itself gains sentience and exists only to increase itself.

But really, that point seems to have already passed.

In the words of first contact, ayy lmao
this was fucking retarded
We Aliens always liked to beat humans but last year was different. We discovered that humans have a willpower and a power that we can't beat. They are suicidals and they do not hesitate to sacrifice some of their people to beat us!

They have mouthes full of calcium and they spit h2o with their orifices. And we are vulnerable to h2O AND calcium!

These funny creatures sure are powerful, we are now afraid of them and we teach our child the mistakes they did in the past to show how mean they are.

>basically everything ITT
muh sides
More Alien human sex plawx
>be me
>be race from aquatic planet
>have tentacles
>all other spacefaring races are roughly humanoid
>everyone makes fun of us for looking like sea monsters
>humans suddenly step on the scene
>their men are strong and like killing people which is pretty much par for the universe
>their women are far more brutal in a new and hurtful way
>they gossip and bully other races
>they make fun of every humanoid race
>little green men: "kill yourself, manlets"
>greys: "enjoy your no gains, lanklets"
>reptilians: "wow please moisturize"
>finally meet a human woman
>after a life of being made fun of I prepare for the worst
>she takes one look at my tentacles and starts stripping
>fuck her stupid with every appendage I have
Guys human women are the best pussy in the galaxy bar none. Fuck what you heard.
HFY or Humanity Fuck Yeah
most of these pastas are from /tg/
Interesting. Tell me more.
Okay, that got a laugh out of me.
And this wins the thread.
My sides have been destroyed.
th-thanks you too

That was sincerely wonderful, more please!
You might try literally everything else in this fucking thread.

Already have.
Definitely tricked me into reading gay alien porn
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bump i have a shit load of these.

keep this thread alive ill post later.
i need sleep.

ayy lmao
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Bampity bamp
It's so bad but it's so good.
Humans eat each others offspring for pleasure and fun. Those terran bastards are fucking crazy
ayy lmao
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>mfw some anon eats human babies
This made me make barking noises.
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>slimy Badash assrammers
No one will try to enslave or destroy humans. because even if only a couple dozen survive the onslaught, related video will explain why that would be a real bad idea to not hunt down every last one.

>May Imperial Justice account in All balance.
>The Emperor protects.
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>Be me
>Sector commander of Dolza's fleet
>Receive standard planetary assault orders from HQ, proceed to direct ships to their respective positions
>Hyperspace fold to near Earth space
>Surround earth with billions of zentradi ships
>Easily best the planetary defenses, silly human ships are so tiny and frail.
>Begin orbital bombardment. Wreck a bunch of niggers faces.
>Gloat for a few moments over the total destruction of another civilization, begin to take positions to fold back to the fleet's original holding point
"Sir, we're detecting a large energy reaction coming from the North Pole of the planet"
>Gargantuan amounts of geo-magnetically charged earth particles suddenly begin to liquidate large swaths of the surrounding alien fleet
I don't get it did Santa save Christmas or what?
Wow, an anime board and I have to source a scene from an anime.

Fucking autism.

But, yes, Admiral Hayes (Santa) DID save Christmas.


Aliens could completely destroy us if they wanted to.

Pick up some humans, study their biology, create super-virus that constantly mutates so that vaccines are ineffective. Everyone dies except for a few in a bunker. Blow up the bunkers. Done. No warfare.
I-I actually think the internet might be like this when we reach the stars
>implying that creating a super virus with mass destruction capabilities for creatures with different biology wouldn't be extremely difficult and expensive even for a more advanced civilization
Who wrote that, was it you?
They would have to literally destroy the planet.

Even if you left just a few of us, we would multiply and return.

Better pray no one remembers who is responsible tho

Not all aliens are smarter than us, probably below 0,00000001%. We could destroy more than 99% of aliens too.
Yes, I've been looking for this for a long time! xDlolxD
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>find the xenos before they find us
>kill them all for the crime of being an xeno

Fuck aliens.
For the Imperium.
The Emperor protects.
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Meh, The Grand Cannon only fired once, and barely put a dent in the Zentradi fleet.

Everyone knows it was Minmei's singing that saved humanity.

>Be strongest military force in the galaxy, made up of 50 foot tall giants, born from vats ready for battle
>Bring force of 4 million capital class ships to bare on barely FTL capable planet of man
>16 year old girl starts singing over the comm channel
>All your forces go AWOL

>"This woman has a voice that can make a man feel sorrow." - Commander Bretai
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>you didn't see a scene in some obscure chinese cartoon, wow, you're such an autist
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Purge all of the xenos, that's what earth will turn into. Killing aliens will be a new form of hunting.
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I have saved every single pasta in this thread.
good work and bump, so others might read it
anyone got any more?
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>be me, junior science officer
>shit-tier spaceship
>fucked up in school, so now I’m here
>hear about new crewman coming aboard
>fuck, I’ve heard about these guys
>mouths full of calcium
>spit h2o with their orifices.
>we are vulnerable to h2O AND calcium!
>decide to show him who’s boss
>go to his quarters
>see him in shower, defenseless
>grab a power cable and coil it up
>try to say something intimidating
>“h-hey, human! you think you’re tough?”
>he turns around
>corners of mouth raise, teeth bared
>oh fuck, calcium
>See two arms, two legs and… wtf?
>some fucked up leg thing hanging there
>limp at first, but starts to stiffen
>oh my galactic overlord xenu what the fuck
>suddenly turns around
>bares some orifice at me
>“oh, yeah? Just try and hit me, then.”
>“go ahead, make my day”
>well fine
>if he wants me to hit him, I will
>hit his ass with cable
>hit him again
>fucking leg-thing just gets bigger
>freak the fuck out
>run away
>tell other crewman
>he laughs
>then he tells me
>mfw I accidentally initiated mating with human
>mfw nobody will let me live it down
>mfw some fucked up species mates this way
Toppest of hues.
mfw I am a green frogman from Venus
I swear to the Goddess herself, humanity gives me the mightiest headache!

When they first appeared on the galactic stage, they were already considered one of the more…let us say “interesting” species in the galaxy. A strange sense of humor, diverse cultures instead of one widely accepted one, and their militaristic yet cultured nature threw us for a loop. Then we found out about their crowning achievement; out of all the races that existed thus far, humans were the first species that had developed anything like the Variable Assault Frames (VAF’s).

These massive, bipedal units were the result of making vehicles in their image, with arms, legs, and some even had face shaped heads! The moment I first laid eyes on it, I nearly laughed at how ridiculous the idea was. The design seemed so impractical and economically infeasible when compared to a tank, fighters, transportable artillery units, etc. With the cost of one VAF, they could have made 5 of their high end space fighters. The systems and energy necessary for them to actually move would have been massive, and that’s not including the speed they would need to move at to be worthwhile as a combat unit. The idea itself was laughable…That was what I thought when I first saw an inactive one at 5th Galactic Military Convention.

When they activated it five minutes later, I didn’t feel like laughing anymore.

Goddess’s wings it was QUICK! It ran across the ground as if it were merely a weighted down human, the same went for its quick reaction speed, turning time, and booster movement. Yes, “booster” movement; the damn thing was ROCKET PROPELLED! It could glide, boost out of the way of fire, and even fly given the right frame design. Don’t even get me started on their weapon load out…
How this was even possible confused me to no end; NO sane species in their right mind would attempt to develop what, by our abilities, would be an inefficient, clunky, energy guzzling sitting target of wasted credits. Yet these “humans” developed them and turned them into a dominant force on the battlefield.

When I finally asked the general in charge of the demonstration how and for what reason they were built, his smile was all I needed to know I would need migraine medicine.

The truth was, humans KNEW how difficult, inefficient, and finicky these “Mechs”, as they call them, were. They understood the cost, research, time, resources, and effort was beyond reasonable for them; they already had advanced military vehicles that would get the job done, so why bother? Yet they did it anyway; they built them, they tested them, they improved their designs, tested them again, improved the designs again, fielded them for combat operations, improved them YET AGAIN, and so on. Their research in developing these things yielded new energy systems that would later allow them to leave the planet and enter the galactic stage. They created control systems and mechanical designs decades beyond what they already had at the time. They kept advancing until they had their reasonably priced “Mech”, and then some.

The project took over 15 years of development, and the cost for it all nearly bankrupted an entire country. A COUNTRY brought itself to the point of an ECONOMIC COLLAPSE FOR THIS! But it yielded increadible results, and their VAFs became the pinnacle of military prowess, both on their world and on the galactic forefront. Though it was an interesting history lesson, it still didn’t explain WHY. I swear, I was ready bash my head against the frame after what the general finally told me.

“Because we wanted to.”

I need a fucking Centauri Cocktail…
My first HFY, and I'm on a mech kick right now. Let me know if it's shit or not.

Now if only you could make a vastly superior alien race invade them only to discover that the humans are willing to die to fight back and eventually destroy the enemy and integrate their technology into VAFs.

That'd be pretty unique and awesome.
I'm not a Chinese cartoonfag, so I just pretended you were talking about Starship Troopers. Not bad.
I was thinking more Armored Core, but that still works
TY based Verhoven.
Good to know I'm not the only one who has considered fucking aliens.
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>some obscure chinese cartoon
Seriously, fatty?

Talk about one of the FIRST GREAT epic mecha Anime's.

>Something tells me you are a sperglord..
Weeb detected.
It was also out before most of the kids here were born...

Granted, Robotech is almost more American than it is Chi... Japanese. They developed a whole mythology in an effort to tie together three entirely independent series.

...and /x/ would love that mythology... All goes back to the founder of Atlantis astral projecting to steal the Flower of Life from a higher alien being.
>Meh, The Grand Cannon only fired once, and barely put a dent in the Zentradi fleet
You're kidding brah! It wiped out a solid 1/3 to 1/2 of the fleet.
Breetai and Macross-1 fleet mopped everyone else up (including Dolza's command asteroid).
I will concede that Minmei was great at stunlocking the baddies however. Fucking OP stun needs to be nerfed.
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>Be Invid.
>Just chillin', contemplating the meaning of the Flower of Life, getting ready to move to a higher dimension of being n'stuff.
>Suddenly, out of nowhere, human.
>All astral projecting n'shit.
>Fucker runs off with the Flower!
>How the fuck?
>Catastrophic spiritual fallout splits us in two...
>Half of us go looking for a "New Flower of Life" (freaking Reigess)
>Other half goes looking to smash us some fucking humans. (Hell yah Regent!)
>Run all over the galaxy, trying to figure out where this "Zor" muthah fuckah ran off to.
>Meanwhile, inspired by *our* flower, humans develop super crazy tech.
>They build a whole culture and civilization rotating around our fucking flower.
>Genetically engineer a warrior cast, by separating the males and females, and redirecting all that sexual energy into a blood lust for war.
>Also make them about a hundred fucking feet high.
>Run into these giant sexually repressed bastards and their giant pickle ships...
>Get our ass handed to us, over and over again.
>Fucking humans.
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>Dolza's command asteroid
That thing was a goddamned tree.

...Gives birth to all the other Zentradi ships.

Which is why they all look like angry cucumbers or something.
On the name of mankind. Never surrender.
"They say that every possibility, no matter how remote, exists in some alternate reality. If you wore your green sweater this morning, some you in some other reality is supposed to have worn his red sweater instead. In some reality, Comet MWDSS-Ternov-Delbert wasn't spotted in time all those years ago, and no one rushed to save Earth. In some reality, we did end up exploring the stars just like it happened, but we met ancient and wonderful civilizations who showed us the true meaning of friendship and cured all our illnesses and shared faster-than-light travel with us.

"But that's just what they say.

"No one has ever offered any evidence of any parallel realities. No one has shown such conjecture to be anything more than science fiction.

"So what do we know? We know we've colonized every inch of this galaxy and a few more besides. We know we have probes out in most of the known universe, and we'll be colonizing those corners eventually. We know we've never met anyone or anything up here, and we never had help from anyone but ourselves.

"So when you look down at the stars tonight, I don't want you to worry about aliens. Aliens don't exist, angel. You exist. You exist, and every one of those stars belongs to you."
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>dat subversion of the usual tropes
Not too bad.
I dun git it.
>be humanity
>aliens getting all upity near us
>offer peace treaty
>We get to build an embassy on their planet
>in exchange we give them 800 million slaves as long as they promise not to kill them
>they happily agree
>we send them the 800 million blacks in the world
>and send the jews to the embassy to allow them to do what they do
>global peace and we see their empire crumble as we eat popcorn

Humanity has the greatest weapons of any species.
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check my trip on any archive site you want

/x/ is my home board.

>implying this plan wouldn't work perfectly
The world is shit because of black and jews, not because people dont do shit to change the status quo. Such wisdom, much smart.
Humans = Michael Myers
I like this one
Haha, gave me a good laugh. 15 years seems a bit short though, wouldn't it take a lot longer to fully develop good mech?
>be me
>be on a transport ship going to colonize some new planets and shit
>my kid is scared of aliums
>tell him the truth, that we are alone in the universe
>humans are the baddest motherfuckers in existence because we are the only motherfuckers in existence
>humans fuck yeah

That's what I got from it, anyway. It's pretty bad, regardless.
Maybe....would 20 or 25 years work better? I've got no clue on what a decent timeline for that would be...
Cars are largely unchanged since 100 years ago. Cosmetically and performance wise they are vastly improved, but the basic function and idea is the same.

Computers are vastly improved over 20 years ago. They are not only way more powerful, they do different things and we interface with them in new ways. The next 20 years will probably be just as different.

Are mechs like cars or like computers? Is it a matter of some innate improvability that the one has advanced quickly while the other has not? Or is it simply a matter of the attention given them?

Personally, I would split the difference and call it 50 years of active development to move from "lolprototype" to "lords of the galactic trap." Much less than that before they would be able to kind of hold their own, though.
I thought this was gonna be a reverse creepypasta thread, pretty disappointed
>Be Kha'thul'yne
>Staying over at a friend's hive sector for the break cycle
>Friend works for galactic fed so stacked with credits
>Awesome night drinking and partying at his class two dwelling complete with accommodating females during breeding cycle and psychoactive essences
>friend takes girls upstairs while I drink alone and chill while watching the telecom relay
>hours pass
>hear ping on access port, go to see who's there
>an android; probably just a delivery
>I open it up

>Oh Kel'thull the Star-King, why did I open it

>It steps in promptly, closes and locks the port behind it and looks straight at me
>starts talking incoherently and moving as if it has biological limbs
>it doesn't have a translator
>what the fuck
>I ask it to clarify with the translate protocol (I'm a technician)
>It turns around and punches me right in my mandibles
>What the living fuck
>I scramble back and turn on my own translator as it screams at me
>"HUMANS ARE HERE, MOTHA FUCKA" it says as it takes off the helmet
>mfw it was a human this whole time
>I shit my pants as it barks in that horrifying way, just like you see it on the tele-com
>His teeth are shining white, calcium
>others come down hearing the noise
>"Hey man what the fu-"
>Friend stops cold seeing a human grab a nearby table and fling it at the three of them as it rolls around and pees everywhere
>I get up and throw a punch
>It spits in my face, covered with all the H20
>It burns like hell my face feels like it's melting
>I run out just in time before it unstraps its grenade belt and blows up the entire house
>mfw my friend was probably a high-priority target
>humans are fucking horrifying
>That ending
This was pretty fucking epic. Fuck yeah humans!
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>implying human extinction would be impossible without completely destroying the planet
>implying killing all but a few humans and destroying all traces of human civilization and society wouldn't effectively end humanity forever
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we're actually destroying our own planet.
won't be long now.
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>tyrone goldbergstein
Goddammit i laughed
It would only delay it for another couple thousand years
If you understood something about any living creatures you would know how hard it would be for us to destroy our planet.

Yeah, this. At best we'll just destroy ourselves and take a shitload of species with us.

But the Earth will survive. The Earth will recover from all the damage we've done, and, eventually, life will flourish again.
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>sperging about nobody watching your vietnamese cartoons
>calls other people autists
Anime website, not anime board.
Different things, sperglord.
Thank you for defending me from the vile wees, brothers.
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weebs pls go
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>implying I'm not the only one on 4chan
You forgot to change the reply link things.
Weird, what are they? I don't have them.
They're from 4chan X.
Fuck yeah, it's awesome.

I know it's basically fanwanking, but given how often you hear "baaw humen are bad >:(", it feels good once in a while to be reminded of how awesome we were.
Best ending ever.
Can't see shit.
That would make a great game.
>mankind is extinct
>a few aliens find some DNA from saliva in a time capsule
>they clone you out of it
>turns out you scare them
>they dump away from her base
>basic survival stuff happens
>craft weapons out of wood
>armour out of leather
>once you're ready, you ambush an alien patrol
>steal their stuff
>make icons out of their mutilated corpse
>looks for more time capsule to find more DNA
And finally
>the last area is the alien's laboratory
>your goal is to capture a scientist and get the cloning device to repopulate your planet with all the DNA sample you got
>ending has the clones building a town with materials recovered from the ship
>aliens prisoners are interrogated by the clones
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Have an old pasta I made for Danbooru.

Sounds like a cross between Destroy All Humans with the roles reversed and MGS3: Snake Eater.
I was thinking of something like a mix between your average survival game (Don't Starve, Minecraft, The Forest, and also because the idea of playing Rambo against high-tech aliens sounds fun), and that Fallout 3 expansion, Mothership Zeta.

Shit, now I'm hyped for this.
I like these stories where the alien is scared by a human concept that is unknown to it. I also like when they mention humans being versatile instead of just being bloodthirsty.
It's better than "hahaha human is pink".
>I like these stories where the alien is scared by a human concept that is unknown to it
So 95% of them?
>same result can be achieved by spamming Justin Bieber over the communications
Nah. Most stories are about mankind's resilience, aggressivity and adaptation.
Only a few of them are about humans thinking that scorched earth is an OK tactic, or that a pyrrhic victory is a decent tactic against an enemy.
In short, it's rare for stories to make the humans alien-like, instead of just making them amazing.
BUMP for humans
Sounds about right. Thanks, I'll fix that story up
I'd like ot play that.
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