That DM Stories

>Playing a female Wasteland Soldier, bent on revenge for dead family
>Other characters are a midget technician/doctor and a cyborg hacker, mine is the only woman
>Setting is a 'Grimdark' post-apoc cyberpunk
>First game, none of our characters have met yet
>The midget gets drugged with a literally impossible save DC roofie and is going to be raped in the skeezy bar for no fucking reason
>Me "Well, I have to go help him. I-"
>GM "But you're evil."
>Me "There aren't any alignments in this game. And she is still lawful neutral if you have to name it."
>GM "No, everyone in the game has to be evil. You can't be neutral because you can still choose to be good"

I convinced him that was fucking dumb and continued stopping the arbitrary rape scene in the first 30 minutes

>I slide up and roll to persuade the guy to fuck off, but ready my gun
>"You saddle up to him, and he notices your low cut shirt and-"
>"What? She's a soldier. Why the fuck is she wearing a low cut shirt? I specifically bought armor."
>"Well, how are you going to convince him otherwise?"

Our game lasted 4 sessions.

>>52085421
4 too long I see. Also mandatory kek for midget rape scene

>>52085446
I was desperate for a live game. I acknowledge my shame.

The games also included an insert that was literally his anime waifuHe even fucking gave her the exact same name, him forcing us to mutilate female mutant corpses for the plot, and him having our money stolen with no saves or prevention and making prostitution our only option.

But the joke was on him when my character was accosted, the cyborg went and had gay robot sex for money. The GM was pissed, but the player rolled a critical success on seduction.

>>52085421
Please tell me session 4 ended with the GM being murdered, that's the only way I can get closure.

>>52085509
The 4th session ended with my character adopting a child that the GM had set up for us to fucking murder, and then one of the players getting arrested.

Not the character, the player. The police knocked and took him away for robbery and breaking probation.

>>52085545
Jesus. I liked that you resisted all that edge, though, takes strength.

>>52085545
kek what a story.

>>52085421
That game was three sessions and half and hour too long.

>>52085292

To be fair, he was only sort of That Guy, and in fact tried to get out of running the game because he couldn't handle the autism.

>Have really huge LOTR nut in our gaming group.
>I mean, like, he writes articles about interpretation and can cite long passages from History of Middle Earth from memory.
>Anyway, we try to do a LoTR game
>And ask him to run it.
>And tell him to make it accurate to the books and general lore
>He tells us this is a really bad idea, but if the rest of us are on board with it, he'll give it a shot.
>Disappears for about 2 weeks, but eventually schedules a session zero.
>There is a LONG list of rules changes he wants to make to the system (CODA) to make it book-appropriate
>Most of them were comparatively minor, changes to this, that or the other spell, ticking around with what languages and skills could be learned how easily and by whom, that kind of thing.
>But he made it very clear that Elven characters, while being mechanically powerful, had certain notions of fate not well represented in the rules working against them, and he wanted to add them in.
>the tl;dr of it was that at a critical, dramatic moment, an elven character was virtually guaranteed to fail and lapse into somnolence.
>Very up front, very matter of fact about it, but also very adamant.
>Also, nerfed bows a lot, again with citations to the lore.
>Given how we had 2 different people who each wanted to play elven archers, it went over very badly.

We never even got to the actual game.

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>>52085292
Alright here we go lads. Let me tell you about Kevin.

Kevin was the kind of perma-DM that slaps a high school club together to try and get people to listen to him. He made Powerpoints (Fit with Deviantart pics and friends' not-too-good drawings of characters), talked about every detail he fancied, and tried to DM full 12 man groups because he was the club President.

Now all of this wouldn't be bad, if it wasn't for the fact that he

>Respected unnatural minmaxing
>Reward said minmaxing with ludicrous buffs
>Would also give said buffs to his personal friends on a whim

Now Kevin had issues, as in straight up issues like some kind of God Complex, hence why he preferred to DM. The issue is that he really REALLY wanted to be involved as God. So let me tell you about fucking Mortos Vivos.

>Mortos Vivos is a (sort-of) Human Artificer, and was Kevin's first character ever made
>Vivos is a borderline capital-G God, capable of opening black holes, killing souls, and creating pretty much anything he could imagine
>He has a pet/nemesis dragon named Ragnarok that has at least 2 confirmed world kills
>Vivos also has literal split personalities, one of which being the God entity while the other (His 'son') is a typical anime lolrandumb Artificer who also happens to be uber-powerful and know nothing about his actual power
>Despite being portrayed as the Lawful Good God of the games, Vivos was always an antagonist, and Ragnarok was a walking TPK
>Vivos is ALWAYS in the game, regardless of how different it seems from the last
>This all came to a head in a single game

>Game starts out in fairly neat Steam-punk esque setting, with the party heading towars the industrial Lawful Evil continent for various reasons.
>Land, talk a bit with natives (Who are crazy), realize that pirates are using Airships to do hit an run tactics on the edge of a desert
>Party decides to steal an airship to deal with the pirates

1/2

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>>52085499
>the cyborg went and had gay robot sex for money
>the player rolled a critical success on seduction

>>52085612
I'm listening.
Or, uh, reading.

>>52085612
2/2
>Successfully get Airship, travel into the desert
>Sudden engine failure, ship crashes, only visible landmark is a distant massive tree
>Get to tree, massive fucking thing, and we get inside of it to find a sleeping dragon
>At this point someone rolls perception on the tree, we find out it's made of souls
>"What?"
>To which the party Warlock (A WoW nut) responds by trying to absorb the souls and become uber powerful
>"WHAT?"
>He rolls bad, though, and we think it's all just going to pass
>Nope
>Tree begins to collapse, sucking itself and everything in it (us) into a small book located at where the base of the tree had been
>That was written by Mortos Vivos
>Who up until then had never even been alluded to, let alone mentioned
>In the book we discover his Lawful Good side and that he's constantly fighting Ragnarok, who keeps trying to end the worlds he makes
>Decide to kill Ragnarok with a trap, so he lets us out of the book
>Turns out fucking Ragnarok was getting busy while we were in the book, entire world is pretty much dead
>Lure him to castle to initiate the trap
>As he lands suddenly Vivos pops out and opens a black hole, TPKing the group and Ragnarok as we roll initiative
>Campaign ends basically with him looking over the horizon thinking of how to continue

And thus Kevin's last game as DM was utterly reviled and ridiculed behind his back until he graduated, after which it was openly ridiculed

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>>52085697
It's like the worst sort of TPK there is. Like a Deus ex Machina that just fucks everything up.

>>52085743
We called his time as President 'The Dark Ages' afterwards, with good reason.

>>52085292
>Playing a sandbox game, all right, but kind of dull.
>A few complaints to the GM, he wasn't making things exciting or gripping enough.
>Promises to do better
>We visit new city, of which we had heard there was a large gladiator arena, and frequent competitions, of which we, as fairly strong adventurers, might want to compete in.
>The Arena's owner is named "Dildo".
>About half the time, it's just "The arena" but the other half, it's "Dildo's arena", said without a hint of a smile.
>We join some of the games, and fight our way through competition, including, towards the end, Dildo's hand picked team, lead by himself.
>We win the fight, and while Dildo himself isn't killed, we beat him up pretty badly, crippled him really.
>Ok, that was a bit weird, but nothing too bad, right?
>We leave the city, and go on our murderhoboing ways.
>We get ambushed by a giant mechanical thing, which shouts that it is MECHA-DILDO, come to destroy us for revenge!
>Bear in mind, before this, this was a pretty high middle ages sort of setting, with no machine more powerful than a water wheel, but now there are apparently personal Dreadnought suits.
>Tough fight, barely win.
>This cycle would continue until I at least dropped the game (and presumably is still ongoing), of every 3-4 sessions MECHA-DILDO coming back with an even bigger and stupider battle suit to try to get his revenge.

>>52085816
that'll teach you whiny bitches not to wish for excitement

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>>52085760
How did he even get to be the president of the club? And why did that mean he was perma-DM? I've been president of a club before, and if someone else had been better suited to the task, I would've definitely let them lead instead.

>>52085816
Anon that's fucking great. Kind of stupid, but great.

>>52085832
He founded it and cemented himself by making the other officers his toadies. Like I said he had a literal God Complex and would disregard most criticism when it came to DnD, and because we typically met in a computer lab before going off campus he would just spend our entire time in the lab on his own Powerpoints to drown out any other DMs unless he permitted them. A month after he was gone we had three games running, a sandbox homebrew, a Deathwatch campaign, and standard DnD crawler.

He was a gigantic That Guy, and any time he came back to check on the club there was a discussion of which game would have to bite the bullet keep him at their table.

>DM continuously abuses fellow player's character, non-fucking stop.
>Wonders why he makes excuses not to game with us
>while talking shit about him for not being here.

It wouldn't be so fucking insufferable if he wasn't a big reason he's even DMing. Or playing RPG's at all.

Or if I wasn't the one who introduced them to each other.

>>52085816
This would be vaguely funny, in a kind of "No More Heroes"-ish kind of way, if it weren't COMPLETELY genre-blind. Hell, drop the whole Dildo schtick and you've got a pretty entertaining Saturday morning villain.

>Playing a futuristic dystopian mercenary game
>Think cyberpunk after the 'cyber' part has gone out of fashion.
>Make a combat monkey character, brutalized product of a private 'reform school'
>Based on Monstrous Regiment.
>GM likes the idea, and his face lights up when he hears the character is female.
>"So she was raped in that school, right?"
>Looks eager for me to go into detail about it.
>No, I don't want to go there.
>"No, she wasn't."
>GM tries to convince me that it's impossible NOT to be raped in that situation.
>Stand my ground, GM drops the subject. Think I've heard the end of it.
>The fuck I have.
>GM does a 'walking inside your own psyche' session.
>"Your character was the victim of incestuous rape! You open a door and come across the repressed memories!"

Seriously, this guy was pretty creepy about having female PCs raped, whether in backstory or in play.

>>52085901
Should've slapped him.

>>52085901
Did you walk out? That's too weird to endure

>>52085996
Damn fuckin' right I did. That wasn't even the end of it.
Fitting with the Monstrous Regiment theme, I had her in a lesbian relationship with another survivor of the school.
Upon coming across these memories, while I was sitting there in stunned silence, he tries to explain that the character is no longer gay now that she's confronted these repressed memories. She was now bisexual.

I don't even...

>>52086042
Jesus christ m8

>>52085611
I mean it doesn't sound great, but at least he was trying and there wasn't any deliberate malice behind it.

>>52087526
And they're the ones who wanted it accurate to the lore, and he warned them before working on doing so that it was a bad idea. He doesn't sound like a 'That DM' to me, and more of just that the player's expectation were radically different than what he made

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>>52085292
>Near novice offers to GM the occasional setting after our GM said that he was sometimes pushed for time to prepare content for us
>GM agrees
>New GM makes a '1930's island of doom' survival setting where we have to try and get off the island
>5 minutes in, and it's clear he barely understands or follows the rules at all, and acts like an obnoxious tv host
>"Woah, that giant sloth got a 20 on you! It mauls your face! Let's coin flip to see if you get an ugly scar or a sexy scar!"
>Coin flips
>"Ooh, it's a sexy scar! Permanent +1 to charisma!"
>A bit later
>"And as you finish wading through the swamp, you find...yourself covered in leeches! Quick! Get them off, get them off!"
>Night time (in universe)
>"So, Mr Barbarian, you suddenly find yourself shivering and vomiting all throughout the night. That's 1d2 str and con and you're fatigued! You just got malaria! Oh no! Those leeches were assholes after all!"
>Next day
>Fighting a couple of big tigers
>"Oh dear...haha, you all fucked your perception checks! An invisible giant chameleon tongues and swallows the ranger whole from behind before he can scream!"
>Since we all failed our checks,we weren't allowed to see the chameleon or where the ranger went. Half digested ranger eventually escapes however and we beat the encounter.
>Rules lawyer player starts complaining at him.
>DM looks a little sad

I'm not too sure how to feel. He might just be the Who Killed Captain Alex of GMs. Technically garbage, and yet, I was actually having a lot of fun with his naive goofiness and enthusiasm as he took the rules and used it as toilet paper.

>>52087638
This actually sounds funny. It sounds as if he was trying his best to keep the party on their toes and you're crying because he didn't let you rules lawyer.

>>52087638
I think he was trying to imitate the bombastic radio hosts of that time

>>52087638
Hah! That sounds fucking glorious.

He prob should've informed the players what kind of game he planned, rather than saying "DND" and roleld with it.
>>52087738
Prob this.

>>52085421
>Me "Well, I have to go help him. I-"
>GM "But you're evil."
>>GM "No, everyone in the game has to be evil. You can't be neutral because you can still choose to be good"

This made me do a literal double take and say what aloud, and now people are looking at me. Seriously, what?

>>52087738
>>52087756
>>52087653
That was exactly it. He put a lot of effort into his narration and voice.

Felt quite like the DnD equivalent of King Kong, minus the tribesfolk and the gorilla (He said he didn't want to have NPCs since he thinks the other GM's campaign had become the NPC show to an extent, and firmly believes that NPCs should never be on the same level of importance as the PCs, let alone overshadow them). It's a nice change of pace from the NPC heavy high fantasy stuff the other GM was doing.

I'll try talking the rules-heavy player down a bit, since the new GM was clearly having a great time in spite of his very shallow knowledge of the rules. Besides, he might get to better grips with the rules over time,

>>52087804
LOL! YOU SURE ENJOYED YOUR WACKY WEBSITE!!

>>52087891
You should also talk to the GM about using a system that's better suited for the kind of gameplay he has in mind. Paranoia, maybe?

The best DM I ever had was apparently aggressively hitting on the female player. In a text game on Roll20. Through whispers and private messages on the Discord group we were using for out of Roll20 contact. We got maybe 10 sessions in and then she left obviously, without saying anything to anyone, and the game just ended, no message from the DM, nothing. He just never showed up or logged on again. Me and the other 3 players were super disappointed because it was genuinely a gripping, tight and fun game. A few months later the girl showed up on Discord and explained what happened and why she left, we were all totally shocked. The guy seemed normal, a nice person, we never entered his magical realm or anything.

I mean this guy was a seriously good DM, never had another game as good as that. Guess some people just can't control themselves around girls in their hobbies.

>>52087908
?????????????????????????????????

>GM: You face a hallway, with a floor covered in caltrops. On the other end, two goblins with bows start shooting at you.
>Me: OK, I raise my shield and move slowly to avoid the caltrops.
>GM: Fine. You don't step on any of the caltrops, and move about a quarter of the way in. One of the goblins hits you and does 3 damage.
>Me: I continue moving carefully, while promising to myself to kill that goblin first.
>GM: You are now halfway across the hallway, still avoiding the caltrops. Both goblins miss with their attacks.
>Me: Good. I continue to walk towards them.
>GM: Aha! You didn't say you were moving carefully to avoid the caltrops, so you step on one! Take four damage!

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>>52088000
>You only checked [general space], you didn't check [specific object] for traps! Take [effect]!

>Aha, you fucked up [in universe slang never used before or since], the enemies are alerted to you!

More cancerous than even that shit is the DM who's a fucking munchkin. Every encounter, every enemy, every mechanic is all powergamed out the fucking ass. Every time we went anywhere it was a near TPK, to the point that the party glued themselves together like the fucking Delightful Children from Down the Lane.

Then he'd send me a tell after the game like "why do you guys always stick together so hard? seems out of character"

>>52088000
You clearly mentioned "continue".

That should be enough there.

>Party enters a magical doorway.
>Each character is teleported to their own alcove.
>After we spend an eternity determining what is going on in the room, examining the alcoves carefully.
>Getting no where, he finally mentions there's a wooden pole next to everyone.
>The puzzle is literally that each of the alcoves is an elevator, and that there's a lever you're supposed to pull.

>Kill evil boss man.
>Evil bossman has prisoners who are also evil, who did evil things.
>Spend half an hour discussing what we should do with them.
>Finally come to a consensus.
>Demigod warps in, threatens us with Demigod powers, and takes the prisoners.

I don't even.

>First 5E game a few sessions in
>Cleric player walks into a bedroom and searches for treasure.
>Rolls decent but finds nothing
>I walk in and check a specific place in the room (under the bed)
>Pow +1 magic shortsword

cleric is still salty to this day

>>52088330
Ehh that's okay. I treat search check as a cursory search, it won't discover hidden boxes inside the chimney behind a loose tile etc.

>>52088362
So... what, you want players to roll 20 search checks for every room?

>>52087913
I think Paranoia would be really up his street. He only started playing TTRPGs since last October though, so he might not have heard of it.

>>52088330
>5e phb actually advises doing this
>example given is searching a room not turning anything up vs searching a specific box on a specific cabinet finding a plot-important item
goddamn fucking why
i mean i get the sentiment because just 'i roll to search the room' is boring, but there comes a point where you may as well play a point-and-click adventure game instead

>>52088540
Well, as a player it's your duty to tell him about it, then!

>>52088593
I'll do that next time I see him. He said his campaign would only last about 4-5 sessions, and given session 2 is today, I'd say it's best he sees this one to the end.

>>52085816
You guys got fucking played.

>>52088000
That's where you start insisting on lavishly describing every breath until he gets the point.

I can deal with sadistic DMs, Bad DMs or just boring DM's
But I cannot deal with a DM who takes away your player agency nor can I deal with smug DMs

>>52089113
>Down one of the bosses
>'Ok, for my turn I-'
>GM cuts me off
>'Ok, cutscene time!'
>'I shoot him in the face, because I go by the 'double tap' rule (which my character has done pretty much constantly throughout the campaign so far)'
>'But you can't, it's a cutscene'
>'There's no way my character would just stand around and watch him struggle on the ground like this, since he's clearly not dead yet'
>Downed boss punches the ground, doing 1d4 damage to everyone
>'Right, NOW he shoots him! He's causing injury to him! There's absolutely no fathomable reason why he wouldn't put a bolt through his head right now.'
>'Cutscene'
>'Then what would my character be doing?! Stand there drooling like a retard? He has over 20 wisdom and intel, so it makes no sense from a story or gameplay perspective'
>'Just go with it, ok?'
>Boss transforms into a DBZ angel brawler after punching the ground two more times, causing 2d4 damage

Dunno whether I was just trying to kill the 'cool factor' or not, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

>>52089113
>implying you can handle /d/Ms

>>52085292
The worst experience I've had with a DM was dealing with his dmpc in 5e. I've played in a game of his before where he didn't have one, and it was pretty good and I actually count him amongst my friends. But dear god his dmpc was fucking terrible.
>Lawful Good Paladin
Hey that's not so bad
>Is actually an Ancient Gold Dragon, chosen child of Bahamut
>Read from the Book of Exalted Deeds
>Possessed a set of broken and uninspired artifacts that gave only major and minor benefits of his choice
>A +3 sword that was a Sunblade, Holy Avenger and a Vorpal Sword that could cast True Resurrection once per day without cost and as an action, destroy portals at will
>A set of +3 platemail that granted him resistance to all damage for 10 minutes once per long rest. Gives him golden wings in humanoid form that grants him a fly speed of like 120. Is bound to a magic rune placed upon his body that he could activate as a bonus action to don and doff.
1/?

>>52089447
>A shield that can cast sunbeam and sunburst on a spell charge basis, like 15 charges, recharges all points outright, and the spells only cost 1 and 2 charges respectfully. Can reflect any spell as a reaction, grants advantage for initiative and perception, can be used as a weapon to deal 2d8+str as a bonus action attack
>Has a guild of interdimensional knights that's his wow guild that hunts demons across various other mediums. They're all just below him in terms of mary sue power levels. Being in the guild granted you retarded bonuses like resistance to spell damage and permanent tongues
>As a golden dragon he gets Draconic Casting including wish, and 30 Charisma so his paladin aura gives +10 to all saves
>Like 8 Epic Boons
>His morality is the morality of the setting. Even committing mass murder is justified for him.
>I've heard from one player that one session involved entering his magical realm involving ogres raping female orcs to the point of feeblemindedness.

>>52089515
>Got super mad when someone tried to usurp his spotlight
>Actively went after players that weren't on board with his dmpc, would think of ways to nerf characters if they dared outshine him or just adopt what took the spotlight as his own
>Got tired of dming once and wanted to be a fulltime player (with all bonuses intact), when it did happen he got mad that his self insert was in any kind of peril
>Continued to get mad when spotlight was stolen in a game no longer run by him, and more livid when those artifacts were taken away by the new dm (who was his roommate and retired his character in order to dm), his bonuses reduced to more manageable levels so he doesn't eclipse the entire party
>Would simply refuse to act or sabotage other players if they didn't follow his strategies
Completely different man when he doesn't have a character on the board.

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>>52085292
>my first game of D&D - 3.5
>DM wants to run a one-shot in the Forgotten Realms
>He has us all make level 15 characters - um, okay...
>Very soon the party meets a powerful gnome wizard who is clearly a DMPC
>we're raiding a ruined temple of Gond full of undead and magitek
>In the last room is a magical version of an AT-ST
>Nobody's piloting it
>Turns out the DM only put it there because he wanted his gnome wizard character to have it
>He's under the impression that anything that happens to his character in his own game will carry over into someone else's game
>The rest of us get nothing and he never offers to run a game again

>>52089598
that sounds fucking horrible

>>52089659
And you'd never think that when two of our mutual friends were about to be evicted and lost their jobs he offered them shelter for months until they got back on their feet. It's almost like he's a completely different person when he's playing.

And this is the same man who argued with his roommate dm that sanctuary protects from aoe spells and when his roommate didn't give a fuck he just tilted his own character mini over and just let the party tpk.

>>52085697
Sounds like an incredibly shitty anime plot. Probably where he got inspiration for it too.

>>52085901
>Combat Monkey
My niggah. I played a Neo-Hominid starship pilot in Eclipse phase that was addicted to Speed, basically 'space-cocaine'. Having a prehensile tail and feet always makes things interesting.

>>52089284
That's not on you anon, there is no fucking thing as a 'cutscene' in a TTRPG in the sense your GM declared. That's some real bullshit.

>>52089284
Your GM wanted to masturbate while you watched. It's pretty normal to get put off by forced voyeurism.

>>52089316
Unless you're playing with a /d/M.

>>52088572
I always took that as if you roll high enough, then you should find it. But if you don't roll high enough, and then someone looks in the specific spot you hid it, they find it.

Only having to look place by place is stupid and tedious, especially for the GM who has to describe everything in every room in detail for that to work.

>>52085611
He did nothing wrong, you asked for it. You asked for exact, and stringing up bows is a little to impractical for getting bumrushed by orcs. Dedicated archers only belong in groups or more of an unrealistic pulpy game.

Nothing against archers, I enjoy playing them sometimes.

>>52089284
>cutscenes
This isn't a movie or a video game. It's just fucking stupid.

>>52085545
lmao where did you find these people?

>>52091127
Apparently, crack dens are really into dnd

>>52085816
That sounds fantastic, though.

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>>52085292
>the secret origin of Waluigi

>>52085816
I understand the plot irrelevancy and that your DM was probably a scrub or something, but by god I'm stealing this so hard and sending it at my players, especially since I had plans for the mad blacksmith to be constructing power armor in his spare time.

>>52092394

It wasn't really the plot irrelevancy, there wasn't much of a plot to speak of. It was mostly a combination of

A) It was setting jarring. Everywhere else we go we hear about how primitive everything is. This is a setting where he took plate armor out of the picture because nobody knows how to craft it, and while it's a point of ridicule in universe, you have superstitious peasants who think water wheels are demonic instruments, or something powreful mages use. To have a personal armored exoskeleton was just jarring as hell.

B) It was quasi-railroady. That fucker would not go away, no matter what we did to kill him. And yes, we did explicitly mention prying it open on defeat and stabbing the shit out of the man inside after the fight. I would think it was a running joke, if not for the fact that our GM gave no sense of humor off of it. Not to mention that the suit kept getting bigger, and by the time I called it quits it was like 30 feet tall, yet it kept sneaking up on us.

This more or less goes for the rest of the guys who responded to me.>>52091434
>>52088645
>>52085897
>>52085863
>>52085826

It was wacky, I suppose, but it wasn't wacky fun, it was just wacky stupid and annoying.

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>Star Wars: Age of Rebellion
>Set before, during, and after Return of the Jedi
>We're at about the halfway point in the campaign
>Nine goddamned players
>Already pissed at DM outside of game because he did stupid and careless that made me look really, really bad at work and he would disappear anytime it came up "because he didn't want to make me mad."
>Briefing for a mission
>DM is trying to be secretive and sly, but a lot of this is sounding like we're planning for the Battle of Endor
>Ask "Hold up, is this going to be the Battle of Endor?"
>"No it's not."
>Suspect he's BSing me, follow up with "Because there are a lot of missions where details can be hidden from its operatives, an assault on the Death Star is NOT one of them."
>"I already said it's not the Battle of Endor, 'kay? Sheesh."
"Very well then."
>Few minutes later
>"And then, as you drop out of hyperspace, you see the Death Star II. DID I JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING MINDS WITH THAT CLEVER FORESHADOWING?" (slight exaggeration)
>"You told us this WASN'T the fucking Battle of Endor."
>"I did?"
>Frustration from this combines with thing outside of game that I'm still mad about, making me pretty infuriated.
>He asks if I'm alright, seems genuinely confused as to why I'm not pumped up
>I brought up the thing he did outside the game and walked out

>>52085421
>"You saddle up to him, and he notices your low cut shirt and-"
>"What? She's a soldier. Why the fuck is she wearing a low cut shirt? I specifically bought armor."
>"Well, how are you going to convince him otherwise?"

I'm laughing hard, not just at the idea that the GM thought you would have to flash titties to convince someone, but also that you wrote "saddle up to him" instead of "sidle up to him", which has its own hilarious mental image.

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>>52092536

>Same campaign
>Friend is playing Commander
>I play an utterly deranged soldier who once got a shitload of noncombatants killed, and the only way he could live with that was to convince himself that this is unavoidable in war and steers everything in ways that will get more people killed so he can say "See! This is what happens! It's not my fault!"
>Basically, he kills innocent people to justify the first set of innocent people he killed
>I do this for RP potential to see how Commander Friend handles it
>DM has PC that acts as CO and support pilot
>Has severe PTSD, slight Booster Blue problem, hates my character for being a murderhobo
>Is actually pretty nonintrusive for a DMPC
>Do a mission where we have to kill some Black Sun dudes on a train, civilians onboard
>Murderhobo uses poison gas!
>Black Sun dudes put on gas masks while civvies die
>We kill them with guns like sensible people would
>Debriefing
>Commander Friend is furious at my Murderhobo for the dead civvies
>"THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY!"
>Some shouting back and forth, Commander Friend is about to slap down a court martial order
>DMPC gets angry and orders him to stand down
>allofmywut.jpg
>DMPC has a contrived fake death, other players get dragged down to Murderhobo's level and we effectively become a rogue unit
>Commander Friend is not complicit, but is helpless and outnumbered
>He also misses a few key sessions letting us do things behind his back
>I felt bad, but couldn't say anything
>Say what you will, but I'm dedicated to my RPing
>One player who stayed on the sidelines of our war crimes has had enough, and works out a ploy to take down our unit
>Fucking finally
>She leads us into an ambush
>DMPC comes back to take part in ambush
>At war crimes trial, Commander Friend receives dishonorable discharge for allowing his unit to go rogue
>DMPC gets credit for helping take us down

We're no longer friends with this DM.

>>52085612
>>52085697
I remember this pasta, it's still fresh. DMPC name gave it away but the intro is new

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>>52085816
So your GM gave the party an arch-nemesis who is essentially Damaramu with an even stupider name?

My first GM had some weird ass campaigns that made no sense and supposedly had a plot.
>3.5 campaign
>first campaign ever
>it's a friends' organized group
>a veteran GM and a weird guy he invited to help him
>make a generic halfling rogue
>party: a druid, a fighter noble heir, a cleric, and a wizard ran by GM's friend
>generic meet-at-the-tavern introduction
>GM's friend is a cunt about it
>also there's some dwarf npc I know
>GM doesn't give me any more details, but I roll with it
>party at the count's castle
>unimportant stuff happens
>we're at the party
>the count charms us for no reason and we all fail
>dwarf doesn't
>he jumps on the table and starts fighting the count
>some werewolf thing comes out of a window
>something in the wall starts eating the guests
>doors are locked
>panic and spend 30 minutes planning how to get out
>wizard casts open lock on the doors
>find dead guards and party loots a couple black swords from them
>rats are running from town
>the sword reacts with a statue in the middle of town
>someone hits the statue with it
>cuts through like butter
>almost kills us all
>run away
>end up in a desert for 2 weeks
>reach a town
>meet the not gyniu force town guards
>report what happened on last town
>nothing comes out of it
>there's also duelist
>and something about werewolves
>party almost gets wrecked
>end up as heroes
>another weird guy, joins with a sorcerer
>and we go into some sewers because reasons
>GM tries to pull some bullshit with doppelgangers and fails
>fight gnolls
>spellcasters hide in the back being smug cunts about it all the way
>invites a third guy, less weird
>he's a lvl7 rogue
>fight him
>runs away
>from here sessions become less regular
>we even end up in another dimension
>then my halfling and the druid wake up in an inn
>investigate a bit to no avail
>campaign just dies
We played some other of his campaigns, and we're still friends, but my friends were happy when he stopped GMing and I stepped up.

>DM brings back one of my PC's as a NPC boss for the session, tells me about this before hand.
>Comes to the session and doesn't let me control him, alright I can understand that ofcourse but I still give suggestions on what he would do.
>I take a certain amount of pride in how I play my characters with a bit of tactical inituion, simple things like taking cover, searching rooms like a one man SWAT team etc.
>He ignores my suggestions on each action and doesn't look up the way the he's using works.
>Character proceeds to get his ass kicked because he doesn't shred the only ranged guy who is taking pot shots at him.
>Takes a single point of damage and has one of his two melee henchmen come back to heal him.
>Has him fire a full burst into his own man in an attempt to hit two PCs.
>Doesn't balance range weapons against melee weapons. You get bonus's for firing a gun when it melee range with the target apparently.
>Gets out of the truck hes in to change his form, okay. I only ever had him change form once because he hated doing it, but I can understand. But he proceeds to get out of the truck on the side with everyone else, leaving him open to attacks from everybody for an entire round instead of getting out on the other side and flipping the truck at the players.
>Other players start making fun of me for how my character got so easily beaten.

What should have been a challenging boss fight was a damn joke.

I kinda feel like the DM was fudging the dice behind the screen since he has a habit of fucking with my characters for some reason.

>>52093581
What kind of fever dream madness is this?

>>52092607
What's so bad about this?

>>52094119
Commander Friend was about to take action against Murderhobo, DMPC stops him from doing this, then blames him for failing to stop Murderhobo.

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>Going in for a 5e horror campaign
>GM tells us to roll serious characters, UA allowed
>Roll a Changeling Spell-less Ranger
>Generic for a Changeling, "never true with anyone, always tries to get on everyone's good side so that when he wants to stray into evil, he can guilt others into going along."
>Another player makes a Grave Domain Cleric
>Fascination with death, works to keep people from going to the other side with near necromantic powers
>New guy picks a Dwarven Wizard, generic "village wiped out by demons, vows to fight them," solid 5/10
>Game day
>We're all part of the new army draft, sent to patrol a border village near giants
>All of us are part of a unit
>One more player joins in, DM's best friend
>It's a Catgirl Shifter Druid
>Acts like a stereotypical animu catgirl
>We all go to the village with NPC army mates >Catgirl plays all of his interactions with "I say (general statement) (command) (nya)," almost every time the character brought up
>DM completely plays into it
>Later find out the DM wanted this character in the whole time
>Later on, we make it to town
>Lichens attack us, kill most NPCs
>New PC is a possessed NPC, different persona from the NPC
>Supposed to be creepy as fuck
>Catgirl punches them while demanding they act like the former NPC
>Eventually we get to a Priestess
>This is where the DM comes in in full force
>Priestess is a lesbian
>Accepting of everyone
>Wants to fuck Catgirl
>When my character realizes this and tries being a girl, the DM retcons it to be "accepts everyone except Changelings"
>Spends half the session trying to make the Catgirl notice the advances
>Catgirl player knows this, wants this, but keeps rolling low
>So the DM has him keep rolling perception checks until it works
>Same DM that only allows one investigation check each dungeon room
>Eventually they fuck
>That keeps Catgirl out of the combat encounter
>We almost wipe
>DM wanted Catgirl to fight but also wanted him to be out of the fight
I still don't understand.

>>52094231
Ah ok.

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>>52093581
Another one:
>same friends minus two, and one newcomer
>another LGS type friend of the GM
>party: drunken monk(me), a conman rogue, a great weapon fighter, and a water orc fighter/barbarian/both(?)
>GM homebrews rules
>well all get a feat and a flaw of our choice
>begin at a pirate island
>end up at a tavern anyways
>fighter is bullied in and out of game by the GM when he plays his "addiction to women" flaw
>monk drinks so hard owners make and place his portrait on top of the bar
>gets invited to drink with some obviously evil captains
>lackeys come tell them they captured "her"
>get told to kill a tied up woman
>refuse
>get tied up too
>the rest of the party intervenes
>a ship begins shooting at pirate island right before the fight
>her friends rescue us
>captain is basically half magitech terminator
>meet water orc, the woman we saved and her fuck buddy/gf
>GM makes fighter roll will to check if he fell in love
>he fails
>fighter gets turned down and ridiculed
>he's still trying though
>everyone goes to sleep
>monk stays drinking and asking stuff to the lesbos
>they're going to a flying island to get a wish
>the ship also flies
>arrive
>disembark with some crew and captain
>follow a path
>water orc intentionally triggers a trap because hurr durr low int
>spikes render the captain useless
>it's up to us, and the lesbos now
>forgot to mention fighter has a sword with 6 personalities that influence his thoughts
>one of them is a dog
>GM rolls a d6
>dog wants to pee so you too
>has him describe the whole ordeal
>we finally get to a temple
>go through traps and enemies
>turns out water orc minmaxed for combat doing a fuck ton
>all combat is balanced around him while we barely poke enemies
>boss is a bunch of living statues on a platform
>water orc pulverizes one
>rogue manages to tie a rope to almost all of them
>monk manages to throw one out of the platform with the help of the fighter
>all the rest get pulled too
>water orc destroys the other one
Cont.

>>52095013
>>begin at a pirate island
>>end up at a tavern anyways
To be fair, the tavern is probably the best place to be on a pirate island.

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>>52085292
>friend helped crowdfund Blades in the Dark; wants to run a one-shot with me and my brother
>we usually play 40k rpgs, so this might be a nice change of pace
>we decide to run a cult, with my brother playing an alchemist and me playing a conman styled after pic related
>everything goes well until we run out of money
>ask GM what would be a good way to make money
>"You could get some work from a local crime boss, he wants you to heist money from a rival gang"
>Given that we have an alchemist and a talker (not exactly combat material), I plan on talking my way into the safehouse and hopefully retrieving the money undetected
>We're planning this out when GM informs us that this is a combat scenario, adding that you can use any roll for combat so long as it's justified.
>"So basically, my only way to fight is to talk people down?"
>"Yeah, but you'll need crits if you really expect that to work."
>thinking that maybe I should instead use my leet speaking skills to inspire my cultists to fight better and hopefully give us an advantage, I ask how many enemies we're fighting.
>Not only do they outnumber us, but they're all higher leveled than my cultists or either of the PCs.
>So basically, he took a non-combat party, and was telling them to go into combat against an enemy that even a combative party would have trouble with at our level
>Fuck it, back to plan A (with GM assuring me it won't work since this is a combat scenario)
>Run up to doorguard with my cultists and other PC in tow and tell them I'm part of their gang and was just attacked by someone who took our uniforms/colors/whatever.
>Roll crits; guard believes it. Also manage to convince the guy running the safehouse to leave with most of the gangsters there to go hunt the people who did this to us.
>There's like two gangsters left along with four or five guards watching the vault. We're still out-classed, but at least not outnumbered anymore.
cont.

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>>52095231
>Tell alchemist friend to go distract the gangsters while I figure out what to do next.
>He drops and starts doing pushups, challenging the gangsters to out-do him (his alchemist was kind of a jock)
>"The gangsters draw weapons on you and order you to freeze."
>"Why? They think we're part of their gang. Why would they be nervous around us?"
>" No they don't, you only told the leader and the door guard that. These guys never heard that."
>"...so they just missed everyone else leaving to go after the people who supposedly mugged us, and were ok with apparent strangers in their safehouse until one of them started doing push-ups?"
>GM rolls some dice. "One of your cultists freaks out and shoots at one of the gangsters. The vault guards are coming upstairs to see what's going on."
>omfg.jpg
>Guards come up and execute my cultist who fired, holding the rest hostage. Fortunately, they didn't frisk us (for some reason), so alchemist still had his bomb, and I managed to convince them I was a harmless old man.
>At this point, I'm convinced the GM wants to either kill the party and end the session or is planning on introducing a deus-ex-machina GMPC or something
>Say fuck it, let's fight.
>Unsurprisingly, we get our asses handed to us. All my cultists die, I'm in critical condition, GM majorly fudges dice so that alchemist kills the remaining guards, steals the loot, and leaves while also carrying my half-dead body.
>Afterwards, GM want to know what we think of system.
>We point out that this whole mess doesn't leave a great impression
>"It's a combat scenario, what did you guys expect?"
>mfw

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>>52089650
>He's under the impression that anything that happens to his character in his own game will carry over into someone else's game

How old is he, like 12?

>>52092709
I've put it in a few threads. I skipped Kevin's first few games because they were much less interesting though.

Still though, Mortos fucking Vivos.

>>52087638
>>52087913
This guy sounds to charasmatic and entertaining to be That GM. Anon, you MUST let him run Paranoia sometime.

>>52095013
>a humanoid demon manifests
>tells us he was enslaved by a princess
>he was tasked with bringing her back or something
>he can't leave the temple, so he sends us to be his errand boys
>transported to some town
>rest at tavern
>fighter doesn't drink, but sword influences him to join some random dwarves
>ends up in a duel with a dwarf because he refused his daughter's hand in marriage
>next day
>meet the same dwarf from the first campaign
>offers the fighter a cool ass flame sword in exchange for the cursed sword
>doesn't think twice
>try join a combat arena fight because we all need gold
>nope, sorry no fights going on today
>we inscribe anyways
>find out afterwards we have to go to the count for more clues
>wait a minute
>it's the same fucking vampire
>it's the same town
>there's also an interdimensional gate in his castle and what we need is inside
>the lock has the same shape as the cursed sword
>motherfucker
>dwarf is nowhere to be found
>our few leads take us to an elven city on the canopy of a giant trees forest
>on the way up a gnome illusionist fucks with us for no reason at all and leaves
>some beasts attack us too
>magic barrier around town saves us
>except for one of the lesbo pirates
>when we find her she's badly injured
>monk believes alcohol cures everything
>before leaving, he gives her a huge gulp of my infinite beer mug until fighter stops me
>turns I just got a doppelganger really wasted
Cont.

>>52095170
Fair enough.

>>52095568
>having accidentally ruined the GM's plan, we hit the tavern
>meet the champion of the previous arena
>more unimportant stuff happens
>water orc brother wants to joins the campaign
>something extremely blurry happens
>we find his spellcaster chained up and hanging from a tree or something
>he shows us his portrait
>obviously evil, plants even wither around him
>extremely broken too
>when we decide to question him instead of freeing him right away, he breaks free and floats down
>friend from previous campaign joins with an illusionist
>helps spellcaster in his shady bullshit for some reason
>they tag along, but no one really trusts them
>water orc player is getting annoyed by his brother
>return to town
>magic barrier is disabled
>beasts wrecked the elven paradise
>champion is nowhere to be found
>spellcaster takes the chance to pillage all the town with a bag of holding and fly
>water orc gets pissed and both start fighting irl
>next session never happens
>fighter player never wants to plays a campaign again
Funnily enough, when questioned about it nowadays, the GM blames the failure of the campaign on the guys he invited and the rogue player that started missing sessions to do more sane normie stuff.
That wasn't our last campaign either, we also did zombie gurps and CoC.

>>52095781
Well that was a ride and a half! Thanks for sharing mate.

I've got one.

>Be in party, escaping a town.
>Town guards are chasing us.
>Out jumps a hobo looking human with little teeth and a long beard.
>Starts dancing, the GM goes into abnormally great detail on the dance and his sketchy appearance.
>"Ihihi ahaha would you faaain gentlemen like to buy a cat's tail? Maybe two?" This was spoken in my language, which is not English. He sounded very crazy as the old man, like an autist trying really hard to do the emperor from star wars.
>But a happy whimsical emperor. It was awkward to say the least and the DM was really into it.
>We keep running and don't buy the cat's tail.
>...
>A few sessions later we need to pass the desert in a horseless transport machine. Would take too long to explain how it was really supposed to work.
>Need special government controlled tickets to board. We are not so friendly with that government.
>The ticket enforcer: "I see you don't have tickets... hmmm I am in need of a cat's tail however..."
DUDE! (later turns out he had this cat's tail twist planned long beforehand and even some logic behind everything)

>>52096304
What was the logic behind it?
I don't know about anyone else, but I'm usually pretty suspicious/attentive of something whenever the GM puts a lot of detail into it.

>>52096304
That sounds like some Golden Age Lucas Arts Adventure Game convoluted logic.

>>52096379
That's metagaming, anon. You wouldn't do that, would you?

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>>52096450
I wish to know

>>52096379

it was super weird, trying to remember now. Can't fully remember but I can recall keywords. Here goes:

Sick grandmother in slavery, a cat missing a tail, some mechanical genius who loves cats and the magical secret mafia group, who deals the drug that induces magic in the world. It's basically a plant that absorbs soul matter. Holy shit it's such a mad but cool and unique world, but the CATS FUCKING TAIL was a bit too far.

The fucking dance, I will never forget. Forgot to mention before that he danced it out in real life, not for too long, but let me tell you, long enough.

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>>52095358
get out with your normie tier gif.

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>>52097075

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>>52089284
Literally: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSynJyq2RRo#t=20m27s

>>52088572
Perception should be just a general glance about while looking in the obvious places like in cabinets and under beds and such. Investigation should be actually looking in every nook and cranny.

"That DM" here.

Last time I tried making a climatic dungeon my players used a Bag of Holding nuke on it.

This sunday I'm starting a new campaign, with AD&D instead of 5e and I'm putting a great big stonking castle on the map, completely intact, with the town surrounding it completely destroyed. Its lore is "An adventuring party tried to Bag of Holding nuke it but it didn't go too well. So don't try it."

Call me an asshole but I'm not letting it happen twice.

>>52085816

I lol'd like a like a little girl, 10/10 anon.

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>>52085611
Sounds like he busted ass writing that campaign and you made him throw it out because "waaaaah I can't be a pointy-eared ranged sissy"
You could have at least asked him to tone down the elf nerf.

>>52098900

It wasn't that, exactly; or at least it wasn't that for me, I hadn't any set ideas as to what kind of character I wanted to play.

But he was very much "If you play an elf, you'll be great to have along for the little things, but I swear to god I will DM fiat you into failing at the critical throwdown". And maybe that's true to LoTR lore, but it sure as shit won't make for a good game.

So yeah, maybe he was right in saying that lore appropriate LoTR wouldn't be good to play, but then he should have just refused to do it instead of stringing us along for a few weeks. Ultimately, it's pretty minor stuff, but it was still quite irritating.

>>52092536

You are that guy anon.

>>52085611
>most of them were comparatively minor, changes to this, that or the other spell

Wouldn't a lore LotR game have spells completely removed? Unless you had an Istari traveling with you for some reason

>>52085611
Why does it feel like I've read this story at least twice?

>>52087638
It might just be the way you explained it but that sounds fun as fuck

>>52100057

Not at all. You have other magic being used by people other than the Istari. Magic toys of Dale, the old Dwarves of the time of the King Under the Mountain had magical implements, practically everything the Elves do is magical in some sort of way, and even the orcs have spells for opening doors, if Gandalf can be believed.

>>52100146

I have mentioned it once or twice before. I just find something interesting and ironic of a game dying because of session zero.

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>>52097075
>Glhhk!

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>>52085292
if someone has it there's that story of the faggot who substitute-DMed for a group and made Anon's paladin fall and become a Blackguard for yelling loudly because he was the tippingest fedora in the history of fedora tippers and would get butthurt over even fictional servants of explicitly made-up deities, pic related.

Moral: Never let anyone substitute-DM for you. Ever.

>>52100395

I once heard a story about how the regular DM made an Anon's paladin fall because he tried to talk a psychotic fallen angel out of murdering explicitly Good people to swell his army of other fallen angels.

I don't think it's necessarily about substitute DMing, I think something about Paladin's brings out the edgy retardation in a lot of people.

>>52100460
thank fuck Paladins aren't bound to being LG or servants of deities anymore

"Nope here's my oath and I didn't break it you can suck a dick mister DM-hat"

>>52099456
>And ask him to run it.
>And tell him to make it accurate to the books and general lore
>He tells us this is a really bad idea, but if the rest of us are on board with it, he'll give it a shot.
> but then he should have just refused to do it instead of stringing us along for a few weeks.

shitplayer detected

>>52098550
What is a bag of holding nuke

>>52100601
yo dawg, I herd you like holding so I put a bag of holding in a bag of holding

this caused a catastrophic planar event centered on the bag

>>52100601

You rig something up to put a portable hole in a bag of holding for all the fun dimensional tearing stuff that it does.

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>>52085545
I love happy endings

>>52097075
I have a thousand questions right now. All of them are "why?"

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>>52094593
maybe the DM just wanted to RP lesbian sex with his buddy?

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>>52085697
Jeezus fucking christ.

>purposefully train wrecking his own campaign
>creates worlds that can at any time regardless of pc involvement be ended by some dragon.
>doesn't even drop hints or myths about said dragon or wizard

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>>52087638
We have a player who used to do this when he first took his try at gming. He technically followed the rules but most of the time said fuck it and just winged it.

Trick was though no one called him on it because we were all having a blast with his campaign.

In time he buckled down and became more serious as a gm but still runs almost universally fun games.

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>>52095231
>>52095250
>only way to make money is combat

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>>52100601
This. Not always as an arowhead, but same concept.
Putting a portable hole into a bag of holding is a big nono.

>>52085611
>people who show up to the game character in hand before knowing what the dm has planned...

>>52092532
>it was like 30 feet tall, yet it kept sneaking up on us.
My fucking sides.

>>52089858
You know speed is a real life term for a drug, right?

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>>52088079
>glued themselves together like the fucking Delightful Children from Down the Lane.
kek

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>>52092607
>>52092536
lmao you are a derranged asshole and you need a restraining order

I'm pretty new to TTRPGs, but are most of them glorified NPC shows?

My DM keeps passing out NPCs over lvl 20, and our PCs feel pretty ineffectual at times as things seem to be descending into the NPC show, given the story feels mostly about them, with the player characters feeling like they're just along for the ride.

Would you say he's 'That DM?'

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>>52087908

>>52102780
Uh.. yeah. That is definitely bad practice on the DM's part. He needs to be reminded that you're not there to watch his soap opera, the story should be driven by PC's. He should also probably be lobotomized

>>52102780
Sounds like he'd be better off writing a book. The main characters should always, and without exception, be the PCs in a TTRPG.

>>52092607
>>Say what you will, but I'm dedicated to my RPing

It's what my character would do

>>52085611

>Can you make my dish spicy?
>Are you sure? You might not like it that way?
> Yes, I like spice.

>Excuse me, waiter? This dish you made for me special is too hot for me now, can you remake it?

Sorry anon, you were the asshole all along.

>>52102780
Just playing devil's advocate here but it could be an effect he's trying to pull. There are stories where the main character (the one who frames the stories via his/her perspective) is weak and does not effect the story but instead bears witness for all the other cool guys to do their thing. Eventually the main character does get their one time to shine, but it is usually late into the plot line. Might be he is going for that?

Now if that is not your cup of tea, let him know. you are all human beings. You can talk to him, let him know this is not what you want and tell him what you want. Maybe he doesn't even realise he is doing it? Either way, talk to him.

>>52085611
Aw. Sounds like a communication/different expectations issues where things don't work out and it isn't really anyone's fault.

>>52085612
>Mortos Vivos the Artificer
I recognize that story! What a trainwreck finale. Having your DMPC TPK the party during a confrontation with his nemesis is the kind of masturbatory fanfiction you can only find in the SUE files.

>>52099571
No, read what he wrote. DM was giving them a mission briefing that omitted the fact they were going to be facing down a Death Star. That's not how mission briefings work.

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>>52097075
Finally, a reason to post this.

>>52085611
>Elves are most powerful mechanically but don't rise to the challenge because they've seen ten thousand worse things happen and wonder why this matters when their line has been fated to end in misery because of Feanor

I like what he tried to do there, but still, LotR elves never fail to make me sad.

>>52085611
I dont get how that's lore appropriate...I mean, the elves did shit in the battles and legolas never fell asleep in the middle of the big important fights. Did i miss something in LoTR?

>>52088412
There's a big difference between a high roll for general investigation and checking a specific location.
Sure missing something under the bad is a bad example, but if you just say "I search the room" and roll a nat20, that doesn't mean you know every inch of the room in and out.

>>52085421
Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, "Our game lasted 4 sessions.”

>>52102831
>>52102874
Not him, but the FOCAL characters should always be the PCs. The main character from a dramatic perspective is usually the BBEG.

>>52106237
this, it's okay to have important things caused by more powerful heroes happen in the distance and influence on the PC's quest. it's not cool to set up your PCs for a quest and have higher level heroes swoop in and steal the glory at the last moment, unless you specifically aim to frustrate players. (which isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself, frustration is a great motivator in small doses)

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>>52103364
>SUE files.

>>52105615
I think what he's going for is that while Legolas never fell asleep during the important battles, he never really does anything exceptional either, he's just kind of there. During the Balrog fight, he drops his bow and runs away. He's not the one to notice Gollum following them on the river, despite the fact that he has the best senses of the party. He kills some orcs on Amon hen, but they don't succeed in preventing Boromir's death or the Hobbits abduction, nor do they get them back. He's along for the ride through Rohan, and I don't even think he says anything to Theoden. He kills a bunch of Orcs at Helms deep, but in all likelihood less than the high level NPC with them in Eomer. He's again present at the confrontation with Saruman, but doesn't do anything. He tags along with Aragorn on the Paths of the dead, he's at the Battle of Pelennor but no special mention of what he does there, same with the Black Gate.

About the only "important" thing that the text calls attention to him doing was shooting the Nazgul's mount when they're on the Anduin, other than that, you could have more or less the same grand arc if he was never in the book at all; you'd lose some stuff with Gimli and his relationship, but for the Big with a capital B plotlines, the war of the ring, he's virtually a non-entity.

>>52097496
>not just "im sickened"

>>52088362
So how on earth does anyone discover that, reading your notes?

>>52107558
That specific example? They'd have to have learned about it from somewhere else. My point was that Search check is a cursory going through the motions thing, and finding well hidden things requires the players to interact with the scenery.

>>52089598
For some reason this reminded me of odenar the paladin.

He started off as a paladin with really shitty stats. The church who hired the PCs saw fit to send him to aid them because neither of them where warriors. So the PCs and odenar go into this crawl and find these 11 magical arrows of slaying that the church was looking for. They handed them to odenar. He said, "you should hang on to them, you're much faster and my place is in battle, I may fall." They wouldn't have it. They found a magical warhammer +3, gave it to him, then found some +2 platemail and hit handed it to odenar. He graciously accepted these gifts as he wasn't expecting anything, he was just there to protect them, not share in the loot. Then they found a Pegasus egg. They said, "hey, odenar, you are gonna have a mount some day, Right?" He nodded and they handed him the Pegasus egg.
So after the whole adventure they leave odenar at the church with multiple powerful magical items as well as 11 arrows of slaying with the magical quiver that makes them returning and can cast cute serious wounds 3 times a day.
So running around in my games (see on my random encounter chart) is odenar. A 5th level paladin with crazy magical items and a Pegasus.

The best part? Both of the PCs where evil. They just said, "well we cant really use this stuff, give it to the paladin"

>>52103132
Kek that would of been great in High School.

>>52108065
That's kind of cute, anon.

>>52093652
Awful feeling. I'm not sure there is a good way to do that. I had a PC who was used by GM as an NPC/early mid level boss in a followup game, and tactics were irrelevant, but watching the GM play him like an asshole was frustrating as heck.

>>52102780
remember that driving the plot =/= being the most powerful people in the room. If you play any of White Wolf's games for example (especially Vampire) it's mostly about manipulating people who are more dangerous than you are to do what you want, while they're trying to do the same thing to you.

Well the campaigns I played were, anyway.

>>52108698
>>52108698
>>52108698
He appeared later when another group of PCs rolled him. They where evil and they got their asses kicked. One was part of the duo that more or less made him that powerful. He had has no idea who it was until he final dismounted and pulled out the hammer to engage

>>52110921

That can only work when the players aren't idiotic murderhobos trying to kill their way out of every problem.

So it's only applicable to a tiny minority of TTRPGs.

>>52085816
>playing as murderhobos

You deserve a shitty DM like him.

>>52085292
>that guy who always rule lawyers, and it turns out that he's wrong.
>that guy who knows the rules well, and when it's his turn he goes through what he does incredibly fast, making rolls without me asking for them, pulls funny shit, etc.

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>>52085292
Alright, this one is fairly recent but requires some context. repost from /wodg/
>Be in a university RPG club.
>Start playing with a really solid group.
>Doing D&D and hitting all the notes.
>We have fun and we generally like each other.
>We're still together to this day, hootin' and hollerin'
>We rotate GM/ST duties so that no one gets burnt out.
>My turn comes up.
>Suggest Masquerade.
>They try it and I pencil in for the summer term.
>I'm the only person in the group who has any experience with WoD and it's quite extensive.
>I give them standard mortal character creation array and tell them come up with a regular person who has no knowledge of the supernatural.
>I get a Taoist Priest, A washed up martial artist, his aspiring actor student, a writer, a washed up 90's rock star, a hit man and a legit klansman.
>Son, I am proud.
>Oct 30, 2015; HAHA FUCKERS! SURPRISE SHOVEL PARTY!
>run vampire.exe
>run drinkblood.init
>I put them through a quick, diceless shovelparty heavily based on Young Goodman Brown.
>The washed up martial arts instructor tries to be a hero and gets a sucking chest wound for his troubles as well as the permanent wound flaw.
>Over the head they are bashed...
>Into the grave they go...
>And then...

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>>52112868
>...The PC's wake up in the back of the same Van used to speed them to the de-consecrated graveyard near Malibu Canyon, as though it were all a dream.
>As they pass through the city of industry, they manage to look out through one of the side windows just in time to see a souped up muscle car slam into their van before the occupants get out, Machine Gun the drivers and then poke around, looking to see what they were hauling.
>The gangbangers bust the lock off of the back of the van and open it up, take one look inside and shout "HOLY FUCK!"
>The fight is on and after liquidating the gangbangers, the shovelheads missed on their creation rites, still aren't entirely sure that they're vampires and are out on streets dodging the cops and free.
>The rest of the game is simple. It's about one thing. Unraveling the mystery of what happened to them, why it happened to them and what brought them to that point.
>It turns out that they were shoveled to attack a party being held by the Ventrue Primogen who was sold out by the... Ventrue Primogen who was looking to fake his own final death as cover for a defection to the sabbat.
>The players were offered the opportunity to figure this out in exchange for recognition from the Prince who was reigning over the recently conquered domain of Los Angeles and had to show a bunch of former anarchs that he was a new kind of Prince.
>I ran that game decently enough, though I had my share of slip ups and I wasn't totally innocent, the game went forward and people kept coming back. Then it comes time to rotate GMs again.
>He's a grad student and Ivy League Fuckboi. Like all Ivy League fuckbois, he's sure of his infallibility and the fact that his shit won't stink.
>His initial idea is to run a game about the Illuminati trying to kickstart the end of the world/ascension.
>And then...

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>>52112868
>>52112958
>...Despite the fact that he's a complete n00b, he picks the game up and moves it to the bay area. I can't really fault him for this because I rebuilt the Los Angeles setting from the ground up because I'm from the high desert and it was the closest metropolitan area.
>A n00b ST throws away a fully fleshed out version of LA, built from the ground up to take into account 2nd Ed. Metaplot and the continuation of revised minus the Kuei-Jin/Wan Kuei.
>He asks me for advice and outlines his plans.
>It involves an unholy alliance between the Sabbat, the technocracy and a mokole abomination.
>They are trying to reformat the universe by selling ancient hebrew charms to the world that function as fuel-less power sources.
>There are seeds of a good idea here.
>He also lets one of his players run an abomination.
>He doesn't do anything with that. He doesn't do anything at all. He ports over Sebastian Melmoth (AKA Oscar Wilde) from one of the oldest source books and that's the extent of the worldbuilding that he does.
>He focuses on running his story in which someone blows up a dorm room on the UC Berkeley campus (For some reason)
>This leads us to the Bohemian club in San Francisco in which we encounter female blood brothers that were just copied and pasted over from the primary Tzimisce antagonist of my campaign. All four of them.
>He sends them after all of us at once.
>In our desperation, we throw dynamite at them and hope for the best.

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>>52112868
>>52112958
>>52113013
>In the meantime, he's let our twackiest player, who is his old college buddy from Yale, play a Tlacique Setite/Wendigo.
>He's connected to all of this hebrew word magic through... umm... reasons.
>But that doesn't matter because when we meet Sebastian Melmoth (AKA Oscar Wilde), despite the fact that we just blew up the headquarters of the illuminati (Who want to market kaballah-powered cigarette lighters to the masses... because reasons) invites us to a hackathon.
>I Had built my character to be able to thrive in the tech sector. Another thing that he wanted to do in addition to the illuminati, Sabbat, etc.
>In addition to that, we were supposed to get Tech startups going.
>...Somehow.
>Also, this is somehow supposed to tie into the disciplines of Protean, Serpentis, Vicissitude etc. because reasons.
>All of the shapeshifty disciplines.
>So, we go through his game.
>We make a tech startup and we go with it... only that plotline is abandoned.
>We break into an illuminatus' house using a stolen wi-fi jammer... only that plotline is abandoned.
>In the meantime, he drops ten pages of home-brew rules based upon D&D first edition for his vanity project
>So, I'm there as the experienced GM whispering in his ear.
>I encourage him to abandon crossover bullshit and to find a way to run his game entirely within the context of vampire.
>The other experienced GM, I later find out, does the same thing.
>He never listens.
>So, after we abandon those plotlines, we go to a private concert staged by Mr. Melmoth's (AKA Oscar Wilde) super best friend, Ian Anderson.
>Yes, this Ian Anderson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZOeB-9D6Y
>Mr. Ian Anderson (AKA Jethro Tull) Turns out to be a super old English methusalah and...
>...Because he was out of time and we alternate between GMs per college term...
>...And then...

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>>52112868
>>52112958
>>52113013
>>52113062
>Now, considering that our Twackiest and most fratricidal player is, in fact, an abomination I built my character for extreme levels of violence.
>Abomination player has to go back and redo all of his work in international law because Trump wins the presidency and everything he's been working on these last few years is useless due to the fact that they were sure that Clinton was going to win so he leaves the game.
>We finally get a name for our adversary... the AGENTS OF UNSONG!
>The unholy Illuminati in collusion with the Sabbat and Technocracy who want to...
>...umm... market lighters and magic words that will undo your divorce and make blood from water...?
>Now some of these things have applications but if we use them before the street date, THE AGENTS OF UNSONG will send the HITMarks that they have somehow aquired after us.
>Oh, yeah. The last encounter was seven HITMarks versus our five vampires who started as mortals and had 100 XP dropped on them and not everyone invested in combat.
>So to pry an address out of the great and ancient Vampire, Ian Anderson, we need to best him in a trial. The Hit Man from >>52068310 who came up Toreador on the random shavelhead generation table chose to become the best Toreador that he could be and had learned how to play the Saxophone because his player was also in IDGAF mode like everyone else at the table.
>He beats THE GREAT METHUSALAH IAN ANDERSON at a saxophone duel and we get the location of the brains behind all of this horseshit.
>The Bohemian Club. We pretend to be a bunch of trump supporters and crash a van loaded with gasoline into it while the klansman turned Assamite (oh irony of ironies) starts screaming #MAGA and shooting guns in the air.
>Then, for some reason, n00b storyteller decides to drop ten pages of rules for hebrew magic words on us.
>I swear I am not making any of this up.
>And then...

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>>52112868
>>52112958
>>52113013
>>52113062
>...We ignore all of it.
>We proceed to kill everyone in the room.
>My Combat Elvira build is taking Sabbat Skulls like they're fucking Pokemon.
>Again, he photocopied every encounter so we were fighting three identical 10th Generation Lasombra with Abyss mysticism.
>He didn't make any of these NPCs. He just farmed them out to the players for 2 experience points per NPC.
>Guess who made all of them with the exception of Mr. Sebastian Melmoth.
>Yeah, me. The only seasoned player in the group. He just photocopied a template that I made (Complete stats with the biographical information left blank) and didn't bother to fill any of it in.
>He didn't bother to learn the rules. He was searching for virtues on mage templates that he ported over whole-cloth when someone used Presence 2 on one of the HITMarks that was SOMEHOW working with the Sabbat and the dreaded AGENTS OF UNSONG
>HITMarks that he threw at us four at a time at 1 AM when some of us had to be at work in the morning...
>Finally, I'm in dat Horrid Form, the single strongest physical buff in the game and I activate celerity and potence and I start busting through walls until I find the archives.
>We escape just in time to have N00b ST's character from the last game pick us up and exfiltrate us from the Bohemian club as he talks about something that happened in Paraguay (Or something)
>We wrap up, assign XP and hand the game off to a competent GM.
>A week or so later, N00b GM tries to introduce a house rule regarding the crazy shit we encountered inside the bohemian club. Any of the shapeshifty disciplines could be COMBINED to give us access to the 6+ disciplines. Like his character, who rolled Tzimisce (Yes I made them dice off for their clans when they got shoveled.)
>All of this shit that he dragged us through was solely so that he could get Vicissitude 6 on his 11th gen.
>A competent GM takes over his game and kiboshes all of that.

>>52085292
My first game, the first session.
We did character creation as a group, I built a fighter and had to argue with the dm to be able to choose my starting weapon

Later in the session I tried to intimidate someone and rolled a 1
He spent a good 10 minutes describing how my character instead dropped over and started sucking his own dick.

There hasn't been a second session

>>52087891
a game show of death with the dm playing a wisecracking host sounds neat actually. like total drama island with dismemberment.

>>52108069
you want high school stories?
this isnt that DM, but still funny:
>playing a quick meatgrinder thing because 2 group members are missing
>final room has chanting cultists
>dm gives a bit of the chant
>"funny guy" gets a gleam in his eye
>i cant stop this feeling
>deep inside of me
>girl you just dont realize
>what you do to me
>game is now completely off the rails
>the chanting cultists are now musicians
>and the undead wizard they were summoning is now bobby farrel
>musical fight and disco puns ensue
>eventually hes defeated and a party member takes his magical disco suit to become gobby farrel

Had a first time GM try to run a short d20 Star Wars game

>Roll a dual wielding jedi guardian cause Im young & think it'll be cool
>Start the game, party is me (human jedi), a wookie jedi, some human soldier & a scoundrel
>also a fucking overpowered DMNPC... He is our Jedi "mentor"
>he takes us to fight some bad guys at a base, we sneak into an unguarded area
>mfw its the armory, completely unguarded, full of firepower
>lootthatshit.exe
>find a box of thermal detonators
>my new best friend
>load my pockets with thermal detonators, & we continue to explore
>fight some dudes, no big deal, finally get to the top section of the base
>face overpowered sith dick, mentor is the only one strong enough to fight him
>fuck that shit, i throw a detonator, massive damage
>throw more, ask if i can technically dual wield them & throw two at once, GM says yes, i do so
>three rounds later sith is fucked up & mentor is dying
>sith dies, turns into black goo... lol wut?
>black goo grows bigger
>way bigger
>forms into a giant manthing
>GM had just played Shadow of the Colossus (It had just came out at this time, i hadnt played it yet but knew enough about it to recognise the thing)
>What the hell is this crossover bullshit in mah space opera?
>Fuck this, use awesome climbing skills & telekinesis to get to it's head, see glowing bullshit weakspot
>pull out both sabers, break them so they won't shut off if i stop holding them
>stab that motherfucker in the head with dual sabers, doing constant damage
>ride that motherfucker to the ground
>jump off & stand proud for fucking up every overpowered bullshit thing he had at level one, with limited help from party

GM didnt run that campaign again

>>52114620
How did you even describe sucking a dick for 10 minutes? Was he using you as a test audience for his erotic writing skills?

I was once in a group where we all had significantly different political opinions. We argued occasionally, including one blazing argument, but we could at least stop arguing long enough for two four hour sessions every week.
However, myself and the GM really did not get along, with both of us occupying diametrically opposed and incompatible beliefs. This resulted in him using every oppurtunity he could get to invent scenarios to 'prove' how his opinions were superior to mine, making sure to reward other players for agreeing with him.
He wasn't even subtle about it. Eventually It just came straight down to in-character and out-of-character declarations of "my beliefs about politics and socioeconomics are betters than yours and only an idiot wouldn't agree with me".

>>52102082
There also isn't a drug in EP called speed, but I bet he was talking about Kick, which is basically that drug from Judge Dredd that makes time seem slow, except it doesn't impair the user.

>>52087638
I've been the rules lawyer in that situation. I won't again, because that kind of fun shit is harder to find than people who follow the rules well.

>>52116978
why does anybody think its appropriate to crossover anything especially star wars, without telling the party.

>>52117210
>>52114620
I would think sucking your own dick is a small price to pay for having godly DEX.

>>52117701
Autism

Really though, I feel like they get so caught up in there own excitement that they dont think

>Players bitch when I railroad a tiny bit
>Players bitch when I let them do what they want and they get btfo by things way out of there range

>>52100999
Possibly, but at least when I RP lesbian sex with my DM I make sure it's in a solo session with a story that doesn't affect the main game. Otherwise I might have to explain why there's suddenly a lake a few feet from where a train derailed on its way to the desert settlement.

>>52085697

It's kind of hilarious, at least, to picture this Gary Stu DMPC sitting there, staring off into the distance going "Man... I really fucked everything up, didn't I?"

>>52088000
Athletics check to surf across the caltrops on your shield.

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>>52117758
>dexfags

>>52087638
>"Woah, that giant sloth got a 20 on you! It mauls your face! Let's coin flip to see if you get an ugly scar or a sexy scar!"
>Coin flips
>"Ooh, it's a sexy scar! Permanent +1 to charisma

>Permanently raising or lowering attriibutes on a coin flip
>doesn't give con saves to avoid disease and/or poison

That is shitty GMing

>>52093652
Fuck that DM

>>52094231
But isn't that just realistic?

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>>52085292
a player of mine says he had a past DM who straight up slapped my little pony characters as npc's into an otherwise normal game

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>>52087638
>>5 minutes in, and it's clear he barely understands or follows the rules at all, and acts like an obnoxious tv host
>>"Woah, that giant sloth got a 20 on you! It mauls your face! Let's coin flip to see if you get an ugly scar or a sexy scar!"
>>Coin flips
>>"Ooh, it's a sexy scar! Permanent +1 to charisma!"

>>52117880
Maybe you could telegraph things better?

Then again if the players wandered away from Flowerforest and into Deathdoom Skullmountain, met the lowest thing on the Skullmountain food chain, nearly avoided multiple PC death and decided to keep going, they did ask for it.

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>>52108065
10/10

>>52092222
quads of truth

>>52100245
Anything that can sing or make music has magic in LotR. Remember, in that setting the whole universe is basically god-forged cover art for angelic choruses representing good and evil having a battle of bands. So LotR is a metaphorical account of Gandalf outrocking Sauron.

The ultimate magical item in LotR would be a tape recorder. LotR is basically a hard look at what Disney-style musical numbers actually imply about the nature of a setting where they occur, simultaneously de- and reconstructing them.

LotR is also a tale about Singularity. The third musical theme, Iluvatar's Children (mortals), was actually self-aware and capable of adaptation and self-improvement. That's why battling it ultimately wore down even Melkor, until he was forced out of the stage, not to return until the grand finale. There, the Third Music will kill him and purge his influence, then create new music which is literally the paradise.

tl;dr the most epic metal story ever was written by an English literature professor.

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>>52088000
>Player refuses to accept a trap
>"But my character would have been checking"
>"who cares if I didn't actually say it"

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>>52095013
>>monk drinks so hard owners make and place his portrait on top of the bar

>>52089284
>>Boss transforms into a DBZ angel brawler after punching the ground two more times, causing 2d4 damage
If he was going to do that, he could easily have had the shotgun to the face be shrugged off via regeneration/transformation energy field bullshittery.
At least your character could have acted.

Inserting a cutscene is stupid and often wrong.
Insisting that the PCs not so much as shift in their seats during the performance is epicly stupid bullshit.

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>>52088000
>My fighter and the party's Paladin are side by side fighting a giant
>all other characters are far away
>Use protection on fighter three times over three turns
>fourth turn, giant hits Paladin after 1 dice roll from DM
"But I have been protecting him, the giant gets disadvantage"
>"But you didn't say it, doesn't count!"
>Paladin was the only ally with protection range, giant was the only enemy we were fighting
>I've been doing it for three turns previous

>>52085292
>Railroads like hell.
>Not DMPCs or power-wank or stuff like that, but to any problem there is One and Only One Solution, to which he will impatiently sit around and sigh until we get, while ruthlessly crushing every competing idea.
>Some players, myself included, complain about this.
>His reaction is to have a NPC wizard afflict us with a "stalking golem".
>As far as we can tell, the thing is invulnerable.
>It doesn't do anything, except follow the party around, occasionally muttering 'railroading piece of shit'

It's like being That DM on a meta-level.

>>52085421
>"Well, how are you going to convince him otherwise?"

A hammer-back revolver pressed against someone's liver usually does the trick.

>>52085611
Ancient pasta

>>52085611
You received exactly what you requested, you fuck. He even warned you.

>>52094231
Sounds like typical officer behavior, actually.

>>52120525
But in this case the character's player already had said he was walking carefully to avoid the caltrops. You shouldn't need to specify that you're continuing to walk carefully if you already said it twice before and are still in the middle of the caltrops.

>>52121027
I don't know about this one. with the original the guy said he would continue walking forward which implies he's continuing on the same manner as before, Whereas in this example you didn't specifically say you would continue doing what you were doing. That said maybe the GM should've clarified and asked if you want to continue casting protection

This is pretty tame next to some of the stories I see here, but it's mine.
>make a character I really wanted to play
>I talked to the GM about it (in case they didn't fit in with the rest of the party) and he liked it and said he didn't see a problem
>when I actually played the character it became clear very quickly that they didn't mesh up with the rest of the party at all
>I asked the GM in private if I could retire the character and play someone else
>He got mad at me for trying to change out
>I sat there for a couple weeks with a character I couldn't really use and just spectated aimlessly until I finally left

>>52124197
Ouch. Social character in a combat game or vise-versa?

>>52124338
Neither one. It was more a question of tone, You know, the brooding edgelord clashing with an optimistic party, or the optimistic character clashing with a party of edgelords. The "Why is this guy even working with this group?" question.

I don't blame them for that at all since it's the tone they agreed on beforehand. I'm mostly mad that I got duped by the GM and couldn't back out.

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>>52124197
>I asked the GM in private if I could retire the character and play someone else
>He got mad at me for trying to change out
>Like a good little cuck, I sat there for a couple weeks and just spectated aimlessly until I finally left

>>52124415
Yeah, I'll take the insult. It was stupid as fuck and I was completely humiliated by the end of it. Never again.

>>52120525
Are you retarded?
Do you tell players that they stumble when moving forward because they didn't describe how they were moving their legs?

>>52085292
>GM wants feedback
>his NPCs is goofy stereotypes, a lot of them is sort of DMPCs
>tried to be as polite as possible
>GM disabled my character's story arc because he doesn't want any bad feedback

>>52085816
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHgPgII5X3E

This would be a laugh riot in the campaign I'm running.

>Do quest to refocus from lightning mage to dark mage
>GM makes every boss from that point on be immune to dark magic
>One even absorbs it and heals
>No enemy did that before I switched

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>be playing bastardized version of AD&D
>DM constantly starts us off in dungeons with no prior warning and no equipment
>just wake up there
>wake up in random dungeon, par for the course so far
>get telepathic message from some wizard also being held here to save him
>break out, fight stuff to get to wizard
>my rogue has to hide behind the paladin as he doesn't even have a sharp stick to hit things with
>he's urging us to hurry up, says he's being tortured
>doesn't sound particularly in pain
>roll to see if he's lying
>nat 20
>DM teeth clenched says that he is lying
>go to source, find wizard guy with leg cut off
>wut.jpg
>paladin heals him, helps him out
>my rogue still suspicious of him
>he says he'll teleport out to get help
>we object, he does anyway
>question why he didn't just do that in the first place
>progress up to boss
>suddenly wizard crashes in out of nowhere and one-shots boss for us
>DM is surprised when we don't drop onto our knees and thank him profusely

Last time he DM'd though, thank god.

>>52120204
Did they at least have the good grace to make them human? Or did they just have pastel-colored horses pop out of nowhere?

>>52085292
I just love how no one has really questioned this image or even acknowledged it besides >>52092222, everyone's just like: "Oh yeah, that's whatever". It's hilarious.

>>52120572
I remember mentioning to the GM afterwards something like 'Why not just have some holy barrier he activates before he transforms? Sure, it'd be a little convenient, but it at least deals with the 'PCs standing around like drooling retards beyond the player's will'' problem.

>>52126709
Now that you've mentioned that I can't stop laughing about it.

>>52126541
horses.

>>52129149
Sweet merciful Christ...

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>>52092222

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>>52092222

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>>52129149
Fuckin' hell. What was the rest of the setting?

Real talk: Coming from a degenerate, why is it so hard to keep your horrible fetishes to yourself?

>>52130815
I've always suspected it comes from the desire to legitimize your own degeneracy by encouraging others to share it.
The idea being that if you're not alone in being a degenerate, then it's not degeneracy and you don't need to be ashamed.
This is, of course, wrong on several levels and just perpetuates the shame spiral.

And of course, sometimes they're just actually that damn clueless.

>>52125003
Wait, so the GM removed your story arc from his campaign because you offered constructive criticism? What a bitch!

>>52126709
Going by some of these stories, watching a man get pregnant is the least of out worries.

>>52131808
An image like that is always funnier when no one comments on it desu. Something about the idea of everyone carrying on like it's normal business is humorous

>>52103132
Fucking lost it picturing him greeting the party

>>52120204
gm of mine did that once, thank god I got out of that cancerous group.

This guy story's are full of that guy cring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JN8AbDYyCA&list=PL1kPi77BEvRfpFe7Us7vUgazOKlalPpjc&index=1

>>52123402
If your DM pulls that shit on you, pull it on them and see how they like it.

>I check where the still alive BBEG is.
>"He's fifteen feet from you."
>I check to see if the still alive BBEG has any weapons drawn.
>"He's holding a staff."
>I check where the BBEG is again.
>"Still fifteen feet away."
>I didn't say still alive! The BBEG is dead, you admitted it, no takebacks.

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>>52134785

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>>52134791

>>52085292
>>52085292
Here's mine.
>Be me
>Play a D&D 5e campaign for half a year.
>Underdark arc.
>Play a Tiefling warlock (Fiend).
>DM invites a mutual friend that's new to the game,
>The friend has read up on the core rule books but this is her first time playing.
>Since we need a damage dealing spellcaster, she decides to play a warlock (also fiend) since I'm playing one.
>The session begins and the party meets her PC.
>We RP as rivals trying to fulfill their patron's demands before each other.
>DM breaks up the conversation saying we're taking up too much time.
>I thought, "okay, maybe we were"
>The plot continues and we encounter NPCs
>I converse with the NPCs because, highest charisma.
>NPCs somehow manage to misunderstand everything I say if I roll lower than 18, even when the rest of the party helps.
>But the moment the new warlock speaks, all things become clear and all situations are resolved.

>Come combat situations
>I cast Hunger of Hadar (Area of magical darkness + damage spell).
>Creatures casually walk out of HoH with little to no difficulty.
>Cast darkness to "blind" enemy casters. (Area of magical darkness, disabling spells with "Target you can see" requirements.)
>The spells that should have been prevented are casted anyway.
>Because apparently, the drow we were fighting were mutant variants that had blindsight, and that counts as seeing.
>All this while the DM makes snide comments about how I should stop fucking up.
>Yet for some reason, when she casts anything with an effect, it is super effective.
>Creatures muddle around in magical darkness endlessly and armor catches fire, dealing extra damage.
>I ended up taking a session off the next week because nobody likes being treated like a piece of shit.
>When I came back, our mutual friend had decided that D&D wasn't really her thing and left.
>Kept fucking up on all things I did unless I rolled 18 - 20.
>Left 2 weeks later.
>Last I heard, the party disbanded because of a bad argument with the DM.

>>52137337
Was she cute?

>>52137600
Okay I guess.

>>52137645
You should fuck her and send him pics.
>Guess I rolled over 18 on seduction

>>52085816
Be careful what you wish for

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>>52134791

>>52137337
That's just a GM who has a player's vs GM attitude and doesn't realize he can "rocks fall, everyone dies" at any time.

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I think I might be on the verge of being Magical Realm'd. Can't tell if the GM just really likes my character because it ties into his whole 'evil dragons breeding super soldiers' plot, or if some terrible fetish fuel is about to happen to me.

wat do /tg/.

>>52140156
Get something out of it. The GM will be greased up with his hormones so take advantage to get a lot of magic items.

>>52118411

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaGZnLyCPXw

One of the few times that made me cringe in LOTR.

I had a GM that thought wish fulfillment substituted for plot. Magic items rained from the heavens and enemies always had "low rolled" hp.

>>52140156
Depends, are these male evil dragons or female evil dragons?

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>>52088000
>GM sets up traps to help stall for time because maybe he is behind on planning
>Assface McRulesLawyer smugly steps over them and then gets assblasted when you damage him and trigger traps anyway

I hate players like you. I bet you also bitched that he railroaded you too.

>>52141370
This is terrible bait. Try harder.

>GM allows (Thing) that is cool
>GM later thinks (Thing) is broken and retroactively nerfs (Thing) until your character is less than half as useful as before.
>Gets defensive if you ask to trade (Thing) out for (Less strong Thing) instead.
>GM gets paranoid and starts needing anything related to (Thing).

>have wife in setting
>have to leave her at the ranch in order to go and solve a few problems (hunter setting, so these problems involved removing a vampire)
>come back home to find her getting it up the ass by a ranch hand
>"shouldn't have left her home alone, anon ;)"
>mfw had the true friend merit on her in order to justify calling her every session to gain willpower back
>mfw I think the GM has a ntr fetish

I'll never not be mad at that.

>>52085499
Did you play FATAL?
Because that DM seems to fit right in there.

>>52094593
the fuckin nail in the coffin is that you'd use insight for that, not perception. fuck

Most of these stories are two-part in faggotry. The GM and the beta faggots who don't know how to stand up for themselves.

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>DM meme's us to death with a door of obliteration
>Have to roll from level 1
>Make a cleric, sort of excited to try out my new character
>"Oh yeah guys I'll be upping the difficulty a bit"
>Okay, more of a challenge I guess
>Fight our way through a dungeon full of nothing but ghouls and other nasty shit at level 1, take a hell of a beating
>Finally find a door that looks like it leads out
>Bugger about for 5 minutes until we eventually get it out
>"A huge category skeleton with 4 arms wielding large scimitars in each walks out, roll initiative"
>Eventually beat that down
>Follow through the tunnel, thinking it's the way out
>"You walk into a huge cavern, you can see a necromancer, and behind him is a gargantuan skeleton with a gargantuan club. Roll initiative!"
>Mfw

>>52142246
How you survived is beyond me. Especially because at gargantuan the strength bonus would be at minimum half your HP.

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This one always gets me a bit mad
>DM is a cool guy, but sort of favours one player he's been friends with for a while
>One day lets this player write up a dungeon and run it
>Okay, this can only go badly
>Fight our way through a fucking ludicrously hard dungeon
>Get to the end
>"There are 10 generic soldiers, one big guy and a man on a throne behind them"
>The big guy and the 10 come at us all at once
>My character ends up in a 1v1 against the big guy
>He hits hard but I'm doing well
>Eventually crit so hard I cut the cunts leg off
>Happy that I beat the stupid meme enemy the guy wrote up
>Look up, he looks unhappy
>By the rules of our game, the big guy has to roll a fort check otherwise he'll panic and be helpless
>"The man on the throne looks down and insults <big guy>, he goes into frenzy!"
>Somehow this fucking legless guy hops at me and bashes the living shite out of me
>Crit him again and smash him into bits
>Suddenly the big guy immediately flies at me, completely skipping initiative order
>Beats me within an inch of my life, stays alive for 4 turns after we kill him because "he's in rage!"
>Turns out the DM had planned for us to fight the 10 guys, then the big guy, then throne guy, but that guy bumrushed us because he was salty we beat his meme dungeon
>Turns out the big guy I had to 1v1 was level fucking 16, me being level 8
>2 party members dead, NPC gravely wounded
>"OH YEAH THE ENEMIES YOU WERE FIGHTING WERE DEMONS IN DISGUISE SO THE TWO THAT DIED ARE IN HELL NOW"
>Mfw

>>52142358
The DMPC saved us
Of fucking course he did

>>52120204
I did this once, but I have justification.

One of my players watches the show. I let him design a deity.

He names the deity "Luna" and gives it all the powers and responsibilities of the character from the show with the same name. I was kind of annoyed, but mostly let it slide.

When they actually met her (my campaign's weird, they sort of did a divine tour and talked to a bunch of gods for advice at one point) she was in "horse form," and the roll20 token was literally just a crop of her. My players were annoyed but also kind of amused.

My issue now is that the retarded setting I made is starting to become a serious project I might publish at some point, and I have to modify that god enough to make it non-obvious, while not removing all of that player's input. It's difficult.

>>52142563
Fuck the player. Dipshit doesn't care about your setting.

>>52125069

You know, I had never seen this show before. Now I wonder if it was inspiration.

>>52142730
What's their dogma & profile?

Personally id light the page on fire & replace the deity, but i understand not wanting to upset your friend so...
Try to alter it to be a cresent moon horned unicorn that travels on beams of moonlight. Never watched the show so Idk what the horse is like.

>>52141801
>>come back home to find her getting it up the ass by a ranch hand
Stupid and assholish for ducking with NPC family for a cheap joke

>had the true friend merit on her in order to justify calling her every session to gain willpower back
And it was essentially ignoring rules to do it.
Kill him with fire.

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>>52142363
>DM is out for the day, asks me to write up and run a small dungeon
>My character had died last session, so I was cool with it
>Spend the entire week writing up a dungeon, making DC's for everything I could think up, unique traps, fights, and even twists
>New player shows up, DM's friend B
>B is rolling up some Rogue/Swashbuckler with stupid high Dex
>DM actually signed a note that B had saying his character was okay
>Took a photo of the character sheets of every player, for reference and wrote down their saves
>They fight their way through a small group of Kobolds guarding the entrance and get to the Golem room
>1 Flesh Golem at half health lies still on a table in the center of the room
>Several traps in the room lie in wait, waiting to shock the floor and table
>Two massive Tesla Coils set up along the back wall and rigged to begin shocking whenever the doors are opened without a correct key
>Correct Key has an insulated handle

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>>52144507
>Rogue doesn't check for traps, instead gunning it to the Flesh Golem, triggers 2 traps, but rolls high and avoids getting shocked by either
>Shanks the Flesh Golem, but due to Golem, it can't get sneak damage
>Golem begins to activate, and starts swinging
>B dodges, running to the door, and starts trying to open it
>Party's fighting the Golem and actually doing pretty damn well
>Rogue fails to check for a trap, setting it off and engaging the Tesla Coils which fire off Chain Lightning
>Golem begins to get healed from the damage
>Party books it for the door and locks it behind them, trapping the Golem
>After attempting to cross a pit that's bridged by a greased pole that's middle half is an illusion, the players eventually make it to the end
>Wizard's room
>Players find the object they need, but are low on health and just want to leave
>B decides he's going to search for treasure and hide it from the party
>B gets attacked by a Mimic Treasure chest
>It rolls a Touch attack against the Flat Footed B
>Grapples B, engaging it's mucus glue
>B can't escape
>Party cuts off B's coin purse and leaves

Later I learn that B was put up to the task by the DM, because he thought it would be funny. Turns out the DM wasn't even busy that day, just didn't feel like running.

>>52144754
>>Party cuts off B's coin purse and leaves
Depending on which definition of "coin purse" is meant here this goes from harsh but deserved to extremely harsh and very funny.

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>>52144843
Sadly, they just took his money.
>>52144754
>Next session I roll up a Psion
>B is there, for some reason
>B's character is still alive, apparently he survived
>Suddenly the wall of the Inn explodes
>It's B, he's trying to kill the party
>First turn he uses Flick of the Wrist to crit on the Barbarian who's closest, somehow one hit kills him
>Use Telekinetic Force on B, attempting to lift him into the air
>B is now immune to Psionic Powers
>B's Dex is too high for anyone to hit him
>B sheathes his swords, uses Flick of the Wrist with Quickdraw to draw them again to 1 hit kill me
>Try to explain that Flick of the Wrist can only be used once per encounter
>DM tells me he changed it because it was underpowered, it's now once per enemy
>B proceeds to just wipe the floor with the rest of the team
>DM starts a solo session with B, asking the rest of us to roll up new characters

>>52088177
fair enough on that first one, clearly he didn't think the puzzle through but...
>Spend ages debating what to do about something
>Are surprised when the world continues without you and somebody takes that opportunity to get one over on you.
From what you've described he seems like a below average but visibly trying DM, perhaps you should give him some advice?

>>52144999
>>DM starts a solo session with B, asking the rest of us to roll up new characters
I'm going to hope that all of you dropped the session and called the DM a raging homosexual.

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>>52145042
Yeah, we all dropped that trainwreck. Players ended up having me run a campaign. Which turned into another trainwreck. I was far, far too new and didn't know how to properly balance the party though the nudging of items and enemy encounters.

For instance, if you have a Rogue in the party, you should always have a few traps for them to find and some enemies that they can sneak attack. Otherwise they feel useless.

>>52144310
I'm removing the horse aspect entirely, and modifying the lore and name to try and make it inconspicuous.