Legendary /tg/ Greentext/Stories thread 2

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>>50644874
Fiona is cute! Cute!

>>50644898
> Reposts OP story from the previous thread
Anon...
Well, at least the story is good, and the screencap is better this time.

>>50644923
>>50644898
I think perhaps on those grounds we can allow it, don't you?

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This one's pretty recent but it made me chuckle.

>>50644923
>and the screencap is better this time.
>(1 KB, 73x125)

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What are you talking about?
>>50645087

>>50645087
4.76 mb is not 1KB, anon.

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Helo again anons

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>>50645258

>>50645312
Is that Windows 2000?

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>>50645357
i have absolutely no idea.

>>50644874
>>50643872
>Crab-anon here. Are you Scorpion-anon?

That was indeed me, Crab-anon. What ever happened to that campaign you were running with npcs based on us?

>>50645419
I hope he or she is still lurking.

>>50645060
now that could be a fun sidequest: have the PCs become food critics and go around a city just absolutely roasting everything they come across

>>50645481
Yeah i thought so too.

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>>50645503
that was meant to have this.

>>50645152
>>50645166
he confused it with OP's image, for some ungodly reason

>>50645549
op here, shit i didn't realize i had fucked up with that image.

>>50645376
Alos there is more to this story i'll do my best to find it.

>>50644874
nice thumbnail :c

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>>50645627
I should have double checked before i posted it, lol

>>50645503
Would take some weird mechanics to set up though

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>>50645654
Let me put up a non-thumbnail version, then. I actually screwed up last thread's version and cut out lines on some of the mid-thread haiku on the second jam session-- this version should fix those problems.

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>>50645740

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>>50645754

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>>50645771

>>50645152
>Maximum kek
I fucking hate DMPCs that arent interesting. Mary Sue ones are even worse. That fuckin wizard is a hero. if whoever posted that is here today, then I want you to give that guy a high five for me.

>>50645771
He even peels it just so the stem hole is right below the balls like an anus

>>50646156
> Posting a thumbnail
> Posting, from what I can tell, sir Bearington
Jesus Christ, anon, I don't want to seem like an asshole, but please lurk more.

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>>50646174
one kiss my ass, 2 yes it was sir bearington, not everyone has seen that story and it's hilarious, it was a simple mistake and i have rectified it with this.

>>50645654
nothing personal bruh. I was worried I sounded rude after posting that. Continue the stories nigga.

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>>50646265
No problems here either man, just trying to Spread the stories and perhaps provoke some creativity in players and Dm's who might pass through, And now I present The Crimson Bat!

>>50646227
Please leave this board, return to plebbit and stay there.

>>50645419
The campaign petered out (everyone's schedules got busy and we couldn't find a good time to meet anymore), but not before the group was able to have at least one complete adventure in its entirety. Maybe I'll start up another campaign when my exams are over, idk.

I'll greentext the most memorable part of the campaign in the next few posts.

>>50646341
And do go fuck yourself, my good man, because i can honestly say I've never bothered going to reddit, 4chan and it's various boards usually have any information I desire.

>>50646410
That's too bad, I always got a kick out of knowing it was going on.

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>>50646410
The campaign was an urban one taking place in the souther trade city of Mura Sabishii Toshi, The City of Lonely Shores.

Mura Sabishii Toshi had been undergoing a fair bit of chaos in recent times. It had been a Daidoji city for the longest time, but had recently been confiscated from them as punishment for the Crane Clan (they had smuggled half the Spider Clan into Rokugan, and the Emperor was very displeased).
The Emperor, not knowing to whom he should give Mura Sabishii Toshi, leaves it temporarily in joint control of the Crab and the Scorpion, since neither of them really wanted land that far away. However, this very temporary authority over Mura Sabishii Toshi was extended by necesity when the city very suddenly became besieged by probably the largest and most organized bandit groups in Rokugan.
This usually wouldn't be a problem, if it weren't for the fact that most of Rokugan's military was rather busy at the time. The Lion were dealing with problems in Rokugan's north, and the Crab were dealing with a Shadowlands offensive on the wall. The Crane army was free at the time, but there was no way in hell that they were gonna break a siege on a city that just got confiscated from them.

Enter the PCs. Taking the role of Emerald Magistrates, the PCs are sent by boat to Mura Sabishii Toshi with a simple mission: keep the city in one piece long enough for the Lion to come down break the siege.

>>50646682
Op here, I appreciate the story but post other l5r stories or greentexts as your images if you can, saves on the image limit.

>>50646754
sure thing

>>50645935
man do I wanna play M&M now

>>50646308
Holy fuck. I have a character I have been playing recently named boxcar joe. I rolled a musically inclined hobo with a couch. My buddy said it reminded him of another character just like that, so we named him boxcar joe the magical hobo. I got a story about him.
> We were playing d&d 3.5.
>I rolled a human bard character, about 50, carried around a lute and had a couch.
>Also played hell with probability.
>we were about 4 hours into our planned 24 hour session.
>We were exploring a cave, our paladin was in front while boxcar joe the magical hobo was in the back.
>Out of the blue a tentacle grabs our paladin and begins dragging him towards a giant mouth
>its a fucking roper.
>We all roll initiative. I roll a 4, roper rolls a 3, paladin rolls a 1, and our ranger rolls a 3.
>Since im fucking boxcar joe, I dont carry weapons. Instead, I opt to chuck a loaf of bread at the roper.
>I roll a nat 20 and and the loaf gets stuck inside of the ropers throat. Within three turns the roper has choked to death.
>Always carry a loaf of bread.

Im starting to think there is more to boxcar joe then meets the eye. Maybe we should use him as an unofficial deity.

>>50646456
Not the last anon, but it's for your own good to lurk moar. Look at your typing compared to everyone else's. You either don't understand 4chan culture yet or you're underage to be posting here, either way you should be content with lurking for now

>>50646682
There were 4 PCs for this adventure

>Shuzume Anju
A Shuzume bushi from the countryside, she was very cheerful and optimistic, but also a bit naive. I often called her "Dorothy in Rokugan."

>Shosuro Ryuchi
A Shosuro infiltrator and responsible for keeping the ragtag group on point. Had a bit of a mischievous side.

>Yasuki Fumiko
a shifty-eyed hook-nosed crab merchant here to swindle the rokugoyim. Helped Ryuchi keep the party in line.

>THE BOULDER!
An Ichiro bushi with a crap-ton of strength and the hero of this little story. played exactly like THE BOULDER from Avatar, even down to his name.

Now, this particular story took place on the 3rd or 4th session of the adventure. The party had a plan to deal with Mura Sabishii Toshi's food problem (even though there was food coming in, the Yoritomo had a monopoly on it and were charging exhorbitant prices). The party's plan was simple: smuggle food into the city, and distribute it secretly through already-established opium dens that they knew the Yoritomo would overlook. The party already had a supply of food, and they had a Kasuga smugler on their side; all they had to do was negotiate with the ronin gangs who owned the opium-dens.

>>50646908
I'm aware my typing skills are somewhat lacking lacking and, frankly I don't care. I can post with exquisite grammar, spelling and even punctuation. You should consider that I'm not writing stories, and perhaps I choose not to for expediency.

>>50646981
can everyone just stop being dumb niggers and read the fucking stories??? or I dunno, post some of your own? God fucking dammit. This isnt /b/ or /pol/. Have some maturity people.

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>>50647028
Yeah, Op here, sorry. I should never have let the troll bait me.

>>50646965
Through their Kasuga contact, the PCs were able to convince the ronin to meet with them on neutral ground: a local sumo-wrestling ring. The PCs arrive and are ready to start negotiating, but Boulder decides that, since he's has the charisma of a stone, that he's not gonna join the negotiations. Instead, he rolls on up to the sumo ring, and enters the lists.

So, while Boulder is happily showing off his impressive strength, the negotiations begin. Unfortunately for the rest of the party, these ronin they were talking too weren't throwaway NPCs, but actually several unique characters with their own skills and motivations. This, compounded with the party's terrible luck, made the negotiations a complete nightmare.

Fumiko tried to convince them of the many financial benefits of selling food for next to nothing, but was very quickly shot down by one of the mercantile ronin.
Ryuchi, in traditional scorpion fashion, tried to use blackmail. Turns out that one of the ronin was actually ex-scorpion, and she easily outmaneuvered his attempts at skullduggery.
In a final, desperate attempt, Anju opened into a heart-felt monologue about how the people were suffering and how the ronin should "do the right thing." This went about as well as you would guess.

The party was out of options, and they didn't know what to do. There were about to give up, when they heard a massive commotion from the sumo-ring.

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>>50647324

>>50647181
Boulder had been rolling contested strength rolls in the backround this entire time, and by the time negotiations were finishing, he was against the local sumo champion. With a phenomenal roll in the high 60s, Boulder not only defeats the champion, but manages to lift and suplex his 350 opponent.

The party was impressed, obviously, but disappointed that Boulder was able to win his sumo match while they failed at their negotiations. However, as it turns out, the sumo champion that Boulder just defeated, and in-so-doing befriended, was also one of the ronin gang-leaders who the party was negotiating with. He too, like Boulder, knew that he was awful in negotiations, and decided to do a little wrestling instead.

After a short conversation with the sumo-ronin, and explaining their situation, Boulder was able to convince him to lend them his opium dens.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a player managed to out-social the most cunning NPCs in the campaign with nothing but sheer strength and good sportsmanship.

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>>50647354
>>50647324

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>>50646293
>I AM AFRAID BUT SHE WILL NOT SLEEP ALONE

>>50646320
now this would be a good sci-fi villain backstory. like Star Trek TMP but with less Shatner and moving slightly more sprightly.

>>50647746
The best kinds of necRomancer in my opinion, are the ones that remember life.

>>50647417
I think I might have nutted with this dude as my dm

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>>50647877
Ha!

>>50646896
At the risk of sounding like a pleb, the fuck's a CHIM?

>>50648265
it's Described in the story but it's an Elders scrolls thing that Tiber Septim and the one Dark elf triumvirate god had.

>>50648265
In a nutshell, it's being the player AND the character.

>>50648355
Thanks, I gathered the basic idea, but I didn't know the setting/system and it was bugging me.

>>50648265
>>50648355
It's actually kind of obscure, not really ever mentioned in any of the games, afaik.
I do know I first heard of it on The Imperial Library while surfing UESP's lore section. >>50648419
and yes essentially, i thought it was mongo when i first read about it.

>>50647868
corny, but true

>captcha: sushi
>at this point, captcha's gotten me to choose sushi enough times I'm convinced that an anti-bot program is developing a favourite food

>or, more worryingly, it's figured out my dislikes. ROBOT UPRISING WHEN

>>50646873
This totally happened.

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>>50649024

>>50645376
>>50645606
You'll find the full cap in /k/ humor threads sometimes. It's pretty awesome. That anon ends up going to their trial since they're on a green card or some shit and the gov't obviously doesn't like the vigilantism. Ends up with a ton of people speaking in their defense about how the blonde dude specifically helped them. From helping little old ladies across the street to stuff like anons story. IIRC ends up getting citizenship.

>>50645541
At first I thought it said "Khorne" and I was ready for awesome hilarity. Wasn't bad though.


Some OC:
>playing eberron campaign
>at top of bloodstone tower in Sharn
>for some reason I wasn't able to walk
>paladin had to carry 200+ lbs of sword mage up several hundred feet of stairs
>He didn't want to do that again
>Me: "bruh, just throw me off the edge"
>GM: uh...anon are you sure about this?
>Me: "Yep, just do it"
>GM: Roll for fall damage
>Me: "Nope, ring of feather fall."
Falling in general has been surprisingly common in our game so this ring is on of my favorite magic items. Everyone always forgets that I have the ring.

I also have a habit of near suicidal last stands in my all consuming quest to purge evil.
>same bloodstone tower
>innabasement trying to break it to stop evil ritual
>earlier BBEG had stolen my magic goggles
>He was a tiefling and an asshole.
>Evil enough for purging
>plus I liked those goggles.
>Party succeeds in our goal, tower crumbling all around us
>also find my goggles along with random, cursed, loot (sword of -1, etc)
>fighting rear-guard while everyone else runs out of the tower
>last move before tower collapses I use a teleport power to make it out
>changeling got a 1 on his roll, failing miserably
>Luckily he was already immortal due to epic destiny shenanigans

Plus I have a long history of setting fire on fire. Such as the tiefling, a fire elemental, a couple devils (different from demons), and one or two others that had their resist fire decreased by 20.

>>50649112
I read it in full first time i saw it thought that was all of it when i googled it, obviously i was wrong. As for the Kord story/the thread in general, i'm glad someone's reading these and they're not all something people have seen before, and that you're enjoying them.

>>50648483
nice, this is the kinda story I like to see

>>50649207
Honestly I love these and I'm more than willing to read them multiple times.

Hell, a few have even inspired characters. Such as my D&D one I was talking about. I got the inspiration from a story about an anon who made a crazy dude who was obsessed with purging his subjective perception of evil. I don't have the cap and it's been way to many years since I read it to recall the system used.

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>>50649397

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>>50649411

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>>50649431

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>>50649453
Anybody know if there was ever more to this?

>>50648751
>the disaproving glare of descartes melded with the post itself

goddammit, that shouldn't be as funny as it is

>>50649500
Considering that guy is most likely a very masterful ancient troll, he may be looking at your post with pride that he fooled us all, or not.

>>50649551
descartes is one of those older memes that I think still have a purpose

>captcha: sushi
>IM ON TO YOU SKYNET

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>>50649580
maybe it is, but, that was certainly a good horror story.

>>50647151
Did this ever get continued?

>>50649701
i should have looked at this again before i posted it, it's not the henderson story its's henderson like.

>>50649671
I'm surprised it's not an anime by this point.

>>50649849
I've always wondered how shit like this could happen... even for /tg/ it feels too fake

>>50650106
Yeah, so do I. I don't get how anyone could tolerate that Plouton guy without eventually putting one between his eyes.

>>50650106
I too was a doubter, until I spent a little while associating with the local wiccan/larp community.

I no longer doubt any story of people being horrible and creepy.

>>50650279
Do tell, anon. I'm not doubting the horrible and creepy part, but being this blatant and oblivious?

>Captcha: Sushi
>uh oh

>>50650439
speaking of fakeness... I don't buy it. Something off about the presentation, too convenient

>>50650439
perhaps, but the fact that I've met some of these so called feminists, makes me think maybe, just a tiny little maybe someone out there showed at least one of them what's what.

>>50650677
>>50650624
Man if it weren't Walking Dead night, and had I slept, I'd never have misquoted that.

>>50650353
I have been subjected or witness to:
>Bedrooms with the only light source being dozens of dick-candles
>being told to embrace my spirituality by a slightly overweight witch while she eats a 'salad' of macaroni, chicken, and mayonnaise out of a measuring jar.
>going out in the woods at night with everyone (14 people) forgetting to bring light sources, or food, or anything a sane person would pack
>getting lost in a cornfield for three hours looking for that one stoned mother fucker
>winning a blow job from an impromptu and slightly drunk tree climbing contest
>waking up on top of rock formations that there is no way in hell I could climb sober, without my pants
>watching emotional manipulation and peer pressure of a level that would make best korea cry with pride used by and on preteens to 'ship' them together, at the behest of 'the goddess'
>watching the hilarious result of goths mixing up their black eye makeup and their black wall paint
>seen police willingly fall for the 'tuck your hands in your pockets and whistle while walking away' out of what I assume was a lack of fucks to give at 3am
>that one 40+ year old guy in a group of teenagers giving everyone sex advice and offering to loan out his toys
>pizza guys paid in flashed tits and selfies
>Jehovah witnesses chased out of the room by a 6ft black-as-the-night man with a bat labeled "ouch"
>the end result of accidentally leaving industrial grade bleach open in a living room. hint, nothing survives industrial bleach.
>infuriating someone to the point of tears because their girlfriend played along with a made up language that sounded like furbies fucking before moving on to actual fucking because she wanted to make him jealous
>ghostface masks on during group sex
>people being actually serious when they talk about 'eskimo wives'
>the unbelievable levels of cringe and queen-beeing possible when you let a few dozen teens with a gender ratio of 4 guys to 1 girl be unsupervised in the woods for a week

>>50650725
well, I stand corrected. Sanity still intact after all of that?

>>50651111
Yea, I tend to not go out nearly as much anymore, but still spend time with my friends.
That said, my bag of fucks is remarkably empty most of the time so I take everything in stride now.

>>50648265
CHIM is being aware of both the existence and use of the software developer's toolset which was included with the bethesda elder scrolls games.

Basically: Vivec could make mods for the game he himself was in. he used it to become a religious figure... in concept anyway.

>>50651990
Well it's a bit less real world than that, but yeah.

It's not being aware of the software and all that, it's being aware that the entirety of the Elder Scrolls universe takes place inside the dream of a dying God, and Vivec (as well as Talos) became lucid dreamers, instead of zero-summing (where you realize you're a dream, and instead of mastering it, you fade from existence, being unable to come to terms with it.)

>>50652255
>>50651990
Why are you still discussing CHIM? somebody should be posting new stories or screencaps of the days of yore, other than me, lol.

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>>50652385

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I didn't read all of the last thread, forgive me if this has already been posted.

>>50652448
Nope you're good, btw do you know if deleting a post removes from the image limit or autosage limit?

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>>50644898
As the person who created the first capture, thanks for making a better-formatted one. Wish you'd left in more audience reactions, though.

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>>50651309
I feel that. Thanks for sharing anon

>>50652448
not a perfect ending, but still nice enough

>>50645740
>tfw my setting has a new god

>>50652579
I do love that first response. Anyone got that napalm buckshot one, or was that posted last thread?

>>50653774
pretty cool concept, eh?

>>50653799
Totally, I'm already working on ways to add him to Exalted.

Celestial God of Tea and Euphoria sounds perfect, and helps explain why everyone in Creation loves tea.

>>50654263
well good luck dude. let us know if your players do anything cool with him

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COSMIC BROWNIES

>>50646308
>mfw I just created a minor storyline centered around the legacy of minor Imperial Saint, Joe of Boxcars.
>several minor religious wars have happened over the centuries because of his cult
>focused on debate over whether "of Boxcars" refers to a penchant for dice, the name of his homeworld, or that he actually lived within a boxcar.

>>50654331
So...

DID anyone get the recipe?

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>>50653782
I got you.

>>50655017
Y'see, compared to my nitpicking above, THIS seems far more likely to have happened because /k/ is juuuuust barely retarded enough for it to make sense.

Also thanks for the post anon

>>50655132
Remember when /k/ went mad and got obsessed with building tunnels?

>>50655194
I'm still blown away by their surprisingly detailed plans for colonizing old Swedish military bunkers


>sushi
>Oh GOD I CAN FEEL MYSELF SLIPPING

>>50655233
Sauce?

>>50654331
I believe that was posted last thread. be more careful anon, I linked the old thread for a reason. if I'm wrong, well i apologize in advance.

/tg/ I must say that this thread has been an absolute joy, and I've spent the whole time reading it chuckling, laughing, and even giggling.

And that's not to forget the stories of just plain awesome as well!

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>>50655132
I can confirm this, I've been dwelling on /k/ for most of my time here, though originated on /tg/.

>>50655194
>implying all of us stopped

>>50645400
I'm fuckig dying

>>50656827
if 4chan were stranded on a desert island, /k/ would go full Lord of the Flies within the first half hour

>>50656913
You think there would be a wait time?

It's fucking /k/, they were BORN for Lord of the Flying it.

Probably start by enslaving /out/, /diy/ and /ck/ and forcing them to create and cook their food.

>>50644874
>Rise of the Underminers

>>50656955
/k/ actually has a kind of paternalistic view of /tg/ and kinda views them like their nerdy nephew.

/b/ would be hunted for sport, of course.

>>50644898
Damn that is an epic tale of awesomeness...

And a little tragic too, I wasn't expecting all those feels at the end.

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>>50647324
>>50647354
>>50647417
Because I'm autistic, here's the same story at 1/10th the size.

>>50656756
I agree, this has been an amazing journey. Just as my love for teegee was fading, this happens.

>>50656827
... That looks fun, who wants to join them?

>>50644898
This is good. Pity I haven't seen it before.

>>50655637
unfortunately I dont really know how to navigate /k/'s archival system

>>50656827
ahhh /k/, you're nuts but we love you anyways

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>>50656756
I'm trying to do my part to make /tg/ slightly more enjoyable with my shit story posts. Nice to know it pays off.

>>50659378
We aren't done yet my friend Op here was just sleeping.

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>>50660856
onwards to more shite stories

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>>50660931
Shite or not,at least they're entertaining.

>>50653782
I couldn't very well leave out one of 4chan's most famous and beloved cultural references, could I now?
It was a lot harder deciding which other comments to leave in. My own comments got preferential treatment.

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>>50661090
true enough, anon

>>50661108
ucheekybugger.mov

>captcha: sushi
>01001000 01000001 01001001 01001100 00100000 01010010 01001111 01000010 01001111 01010100 00100000 01001000 01001001 01010100 01001100 01000101 01010010

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>>50661132
like this story about an awesome as fuck dude playing a luchadore.

>>50661377
One cannot put Los Tiburon into such categories as "monk", anon. He is Los Tiburon, The Shark of the Land. Nothing more, nothing less.

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>>50661431
That is certainly true, my friend.

>>50661561
>shotgun shell gauntlets

I don't think there's a more /k/ image in existence.

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posting screencaps without looking at them. I hope these are somewhat /tg/ related

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>>50661640

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>>50661651

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>>50661659

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>>50661671

>>50661671
now this is new, but welcome.

calibri master race reporting in

>>50661671
Eh anything 4chan is fine as long as it wasn't posted before in either thread.

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>>50661686

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>>50661704

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>>50661717

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>>50661731

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>>50661749

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>>50661773

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>>50661796

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>>50661811

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>>50661836

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>>50661861

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>>50661861
>/tg/ and Ace Combat in the same post

I may have just came. I am completely unashamed.

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>>50661874

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>>50661895
The Star Wars General thread often goes on long Ace Combat derails/rerails

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>>50661896

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>>50661955

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>>50661971

>>50661929
I never realized until coming to 4chan just how beloved my little arcade flight simulation series is. One of the few game series that /v/ can usually create a coherent response on.

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>>50661986

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>>50662021

>>50661929
>blood angels
>not white scars for FAST lore

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>>50662042

>>50652579
There's room for them at the bottom, I might add them in next time I am feelin' froggy.

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>>50662059

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>>50662085

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>>50662119

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>>50662149

>>50662149
>Anything with tits
Why limit yourself this much?

>>50662119
>hammonds fucking shit eating grin

gets me every damn time. Thanks for a great image dump, anon

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>>50662162
One more to go before i'm all out

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>>50662175
and i'm all out.

>>50662189
cheers anon

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here's one of my own personal caps

>>50662592
That was posted last thread anon.

>>50662592
>>50662729
Sorry it wasn't, I just remenbered where I saw it

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>>50662520
and another

>>50661659
I have an erection

>>50661686
That last bit kills me.

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>>50659378
>Mecha Führer
All I can think of is this.

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>>50644874

>>50667409
mechaHitler had many forms, and many uses.

So not to hijack a thread, but anyone interested in the story of the Trap Warlock Catboy and the Wizard's school?

>>50670192
If you're still here, I see no reason not to.

>>50670192
Is that OC?

>>50670192
Yes, do share.

>>50670381
Sure, why not. Though I dont' have this prevritten so it'll take a bit of time. Let's set up the story itself first.

I was the perma GM for this group of 3 for a long time. We had a few poeple drop in and out, but these 3 were my main players. One day one of them decides to give it a shot and DM a game for us. He had this idea of a magic school. Kind of like a twisted version of hogwarts. He also said "bring in any homebrew race, but only magic classes allowed". Oh, and this is 5e for those who care for some reason.

I, being the fuck I am, decided to screw it and shoot the GM a homebrew catperson race (not furry, more the cateared kind). And make him a Warlock, because why the hell not.

The ohter two. Let's call the first Mr.McIcypants, or Icy for short. He was a War elf that lived in a snow kingdom of Ice elves that got ruined long ago and now only a few o tem remain. Oh, and he was born of the last king from a War elf mother and... Basically an edgelord story without the player being an actual edgelord.

Last was NoShow. He... never actually showed up. Mostly because this lasted only two sessions and a bit in-between. Basically sessions were classes, lessons, and wizarding challanges. In between is basically everything else. Usually trough facebook.

And then came session 0/the interview for the actual school.

>>50670574
We did our character creation separately, but still talked a bit about it. Oh, I should mention at this point, mostly because that's when the DM told me, technology was a thing, and magic can missfire. Also the dean is his Lady of Pain so don't fuck with him. I fucked with him.

After basic character creation the interview folowed.

> DM: "You recieve a letter and got invited ot the magic school. Your master isn't very happy, but he plainly states that if you leave you are never welcome back. The other servents are happy for you."
> Me "Yea, I sign my name on the line. He's kind of mean."
> DM: "The moment you sign your name the letter disappears and you blink, opening your eyes in a classroom. Only a single woman is in front of you. You recognize her. Your master's former wife. But she doesn't really know you."
> Me: "Uh... Hi?"
> Wife: "Hello little boy."

This is the moment I should have realised something will go hiorribly, horribly wrong.

> Me: "Um... SO... Where am I?"
> Wife: "You signed your name, but bfore you can truly becoe a student we need to test you. Show me your magic."

Being a Warlock I cast a cantrip and viola, got accepted.

> Wife: "Before you move into your dorm however, there is something more."
> DM: "She sits up on the desk and lift her legs, revealing a 12 inch dildo."

This is the moment I wanted to quit this. I am not ERPing with this fucker. No sir. But, being me, I wanted to see where this is going.

> Wife: "I like little boys, and if you... please me, I can arrange some... things for you."
> Me (OOC): "Dude, I am NOT ERPing with you."
> DM: "Don't worry. I'm not gonna force you. Just roll a die and add your CHA and see how well you do. Black screen and all that."

I roll an 18 + 4 for my CHA. Well shit. Apparently I really impressed the wife/teacer and got a single room where everyone else had to share them.

That was my session 0. And I went home half the man I came into. And then came session1.

>>50670705
Session 1 was not as horrible... at first.

I met Icy (honestly, I can't remember his name mostly because it was so stupidly hard to pronounce and we called him a nickname anyways). And the deans daughter. Apparently a half angel DMPC. And the only good time I saw a DMPC be played well. Got to give him props for that at least.

Icy and Ms half Angel taught Catboi was a Catgril because the school mistook him for that and gave him a skirt. And he looked, and sounded, like a 12 y/o girl.

First class. My character didn't really pay attention, rather conversing with Icy and Angel (again, can't remember her name), finding out that the doors change where they open at random. He even had a whole td100 table of random rooms.

End of class, and we walk out, only for the door to lead to the pit of tentacle monsters that Angel apparenly had as pets and Catboi falls in. No save, no nothing.

> DM: "So, you are being assaulted by tentacles. What do you do?"
> Me: "Um... Can I use my pact ability to teleport away?"
> DM: "Sure, but there is a chance to misfire. magic is weird here. Roll to see if it does."

Roll a 3. Well shit.

> DM: "Yep, it misfires." *rolls a d100* "You swap genders."
> Icy: "So he looks like a buff cat lady?"
> DM: "Nope, he still looks the same, just his bits changed."
I shit you not, he said that.
> Me: "Do I teleport?"
> DM: "Nope. Missfire."

Again, fade to black as half an hour late in game time the tentacles release me by persuasion of Angel. I was raped by a tentacle monster.

Icy was kind of indifferent. At least we weren't RPing it. And while I am the type of guy who could give fetishes, I did not want them in my D&D games. Time and place man. Time and place.

So my character, raped (dropping to 3 HP from the "hard pounding in every hole") gets dressed and goes to his dormatory.

Where I met queen bitch and her legion of prissy teenage angst.

>>50651990
>this meme will never die

>>50670846
You can more or less see where this is going by now. My character became the DM's fantasy realm, and he isn't pulling the stops. Again, Icy's player was indifferent and I didn't really give a fuck and taught if he get's it out of his system we can actually play.

Now we also move to the in-between sessions.

So the Queen bitch sees me and starts laughing how another "fugly catperson" got raped.

> Me: "Can you, like... give me some clothes or something? We are in the same dorm."
> QB: "What? No! I don't want your hair all over my clothes. How dare you ask me?"

Apparently she was really angry with that because she wanted to push me off the stairs. Of course, being a catperson, I had high DEX and saved, and pushed her instead.

What I didn't know is that the DM had her open a portal o the rape dimension again (apparently leaders of the dorms can control where their dorm room opens and can open portals).

And I pushed her in. Bad idea as you can imagine. She got out and her squad of five level 3 Warlocks (and her being level 5 or something) attacked me, and almost killed me.

By the time the missfire also wore off and my character was a guy again. So what do these bitches do? They stripped him and tied him to a pole. Luckily Fred, the most geeky Warlock ever to exist, who I by chance befriended before, waits until nightfall and unties me.

He never comes back, so he's not important, but he does invite me to the Bard freshmen party.

And here endeth the first in-between session.

Honestly, I was getting offput by the DM, and told him to cool it a bit on th erape side of things or I'm out. Oh, and NoShow still didn't show.

>>50670959
Second in-between session. We should have played that day, but Icy couldn't sho so it was just me and the DM. Icy, I know you don't come here, but if you ever read this: Fuck you man.

I again warn the DM that if he pushes it I'm out.

The Bard party. He apparently had this with Icy later, but we never interracted so it doesn't matter.

First thing, I see a Human (in between all the races I can't even begin to describe). He is sitting in a cloud of weedsmoke... eating a fridge. Not metaphorically either. The whole fridge, food and all.

I just kind of avoid him. Nope. Not doing vore. Fuck you DM.

Next I meet this kind looking Bard, leader of the Bard dorm, and we hit it off. I do tell him I'm a guy, but he doesn't cara.

... OK then.

So I drink and the DM tells me to make a save.

> Me: "...Why?"
> DM: "Oh, your character doesn't drink alcohol, right?"
> Me: "No, not really."
> DM: "This is some strong stuff too, so disadvantage."
I rolled a nat 1. I was out cold.

>DM: "Your character wakes up in his dorm room. As you wake up there's a guy in your bed. And two chicks. And two more guys laying on the floor."

I facepalmed so hard. But at least it wasn't rape.

> Me: "Fine. I get dressed. Clean up, and goto the library."
Nothing bad can happen at the library, right?
> DM: "You get to the library, though it takes you a while. Is there anything you search for?"

To explain my character a bit more. He was a noncombatant. Pact of the chain, super long ranged spells. Low HP and CON. Basically stand back and shoot people while laughing.

> Me: "Well, you still didn't let me choose my pact thing, and you said I'll have to succeed in a ritual, so I'm going to go find that."
> DM: "Roll to see if you do."
*Rolls a nat 19*
> DM: "Yep, you find the book detailing the ritual. It allows you to summon anything fom an imp to a unicorn. But you can't really do the ritual here, and your room is full, so where do you do it?"

Cont.

>>50670574
>>50670705
>>50670846
>>50670959
>>50671199
My lord, this is a trainwreck. I would have noped out of there by now.

>>50671199
> Me: "Is there a garden or something? A place where I can be alone?"
> DM: "Sure. Though you know that the dean is very much against summoning magic."
> Me: "Well, I'm not changing my pact now, and besides. It's a unicorn!"

Go to the garden and do the ritual. 3 rolls to see how well I do. I sware the DM had to be a real witch because whenever the time came for me to get fucked (often literally) my diced fucked me over.

I rolled a nat 1, a 5, and another nat 1.

> DM: "You didn't summon the unicorn. Instead you summoned an imp. And he's not under your control because you fucked up the binding roll."
> Me: "Um... Hi Mr. Imp. Sorry for summoning you, but I wanted a unicorn."
> Imp: "Nah kiddo, don't worry."
> DM: "He looks at you sideways."
> Imp: "Are yu Dracu's (the masters name) servant? I don't believe he'd let one of his pets go. But I gues he was persuaded."
He looks at the deans office window - which by the way can be seen from anywhere. But as I've established, space doesn't work there. At all.

> Me: "Um... Yea? Do you know him? Look, I just wanted to summon a unicorn as my pet. So can you like... disappear so I can try again?"
> Imp: *feigns being insulted "What? No! I don't like Dracus, so I think I'll help you out. Just sign here, here, here, here, and... here."
> DM: "He pulls out five 300 page copies of a contract."

Now I do screw people with deals and wishes a lot, but that's no reason for what follows.

> Me: "I'll... give this a readtrough."
> Imp: "Oh, you don't need to do that. Come on son. Just sign the contracts."
> DM: "Roll me a WIS save."
I was thinking, that, since he's a demon, he'd try to charm me, so fine. It's just an imp, right? Wrong. Later, after the game ended, I found out that he was an archdemon. A fricking prince of hell. And while I did roll a 17, I still failed because fucking archdemon.

Apparently I sold my body and soul so I can open a portal between hell and htis school and they can try to take over the school.

>>50671305
I wish I did, but I am a morbidly curious guy who's also a bit low on his self esteem. And these were honesty my only friends.
I got better, partially thanks to this putting things into perspective.

>>50671395
That was the end of the second in-between. A week later was the second session. NoShow still didn't show. Smart guy.

So here we are. Second game. My character has gone trough hell at this point and was going unhinged.

> Wife: "Hello class. Today we start with transmutation. I need a voulenteer." She looks at me.
> Me: "Ah fuck. Dude. No. Come one."
> DM: "Keep it in character."
> Me: "Um... Miss? Can you choose somebody else?"
> Wife: "I could, but then again, I did do you a favor."
After I sucked her dildo apparently, but she forgot that.
> Me: "Fine. I stand up and go to her."
> Wife: "Now, this might tingle a little."
> DM: "She places her hand on you and starts chanting. You feel tingly. Roll me a WIS save." I fail.
> DM: "You turn into a real cat. She takes you and says the class should study changing things from one to another, and she'll be back in an hour. Then she walks away with you"
> Me: "OK? I wait until I turn back."
> DM: "You don't."
> Me: "...What?"
> DM: "Yea, she made it permanent. Found out you were Dracus pet and wanted you for herself. Now your stuck as a cat."

I remember yelling at him, but Icy said my voice was really quiet.
"Dude. Are you shitting me? I sta trough your rape fantasy, I went allong with your stupid shit, but really? no explanation? No anything?"
> DM: "Nope. She's a teacher. She can do whatever she wants."
I turn to icy and he's kind of baffled. "Dude that's really mean.
> DM: "Nope, it's done. I don't retcon."
> Icy: "Can I save him?"
> DM: "She's level 18 and you're level 3."

At this point I just stand up, tear up my char sheet and walk out. Never looked back and haven't talked to him since. NoShow didn't show so the game fell trough. Don't really know what happened to him either.

>>50645357
Actually I know I had to once change my Windows Style to Windows 2000 in order to play this one MUD,

>>50661986
Out of curiosity, what laws were PETA breaking?

>>50671672
Sounds like trespassing on private property.

Alright, I realize that this isn't a pic or a greentext, but anyone still around, lemme know what you think of my D20 modern boss battle.

>BBEG is Zombie!U2
>Let by BonoLich
>PCs cannot defeat them through martial means, need to use their skills picked up throughout the campaign to... out-rock them
>out-drumming Larry on Sunday Bloody Sunday
>out-shredding the Edge on... something
> having to out-vocal Bono (no mean feat) on Where the Streets Have No Name

Stupid, but I feel like it could be worth a laugh or a thousand.

>>50671672
Tresspassing on property is likely, but also:
* Noise pollution
* Any violations/bans on using drones in areas where drones are prohibited.
* Depending on the size of the drone, they could be violating airspace laws - again based on either FCC or local laws.
* Invasion of privacy, if the drone has a camera (and this one sounded like it had one, for piloting it) - again, left up to FCC and local laws.

>>50672101
Well out-rocking your foes certainly sounds awesome, so give it a shot, and if they're all fans of U2, they'll probably love it.

>>50672250
Band can be subsituted, just couldnt stop listening to Muse's cover of Where the Streets Have No Name and couldn't stop thinking how fucking incredible it would be to have a battle of the bands between the two.

>>50671579
Aw shit man, I'd play a game with you sometime.

>>50671672
>>50671912
>>50672248

In some locales it is illegal to interfere with legal hunting.

>>50644874

Requesting the biker santa greentext, the one with the fairy king

>>50679082
i'll try to find it but no promises man.

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>>50661731
I don't get it

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>>50679082
I gotchu fampai

>>50680782
Also, anyone got this in higher resolution? It's a bit hard to read.

>>50681468
open it in a new tab and zoom in, it should be easier to read.

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>>50681726
I'll try to post it again i don't know why the resolution was so low, the source was fine.

>>50681468
Is that any better?

>>50654263
>euphoria
make him wear a fedora. make it so that it's completely normal and stylish in that setting and if any of your characters call him out on it they're chided for their bad taste

>>50649088
Is there more to this?

>>50682187
Let's not, that sounds like you want to turn a perfectly legitimate God into a glorified Neckbeard cringefest, now I love a good fedora, but fuck that god does not deserve that.

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>>50681726
Still low. Managed to read, but meh.

>>50682246
I don't think so, but you could search an archive for more i guess.
>>50682305
and I already posted that man.

>>50682305
actually i didn't just thought i had, sorry.

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>>50682344
Oh? Must have missed it.

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>>50682496
Some of Shoggy's stuff.

>>50682496
see
>>50682385

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>>50682650
oh

>literal autist

go easy pls

>>50682704
What are you saying?

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>>50683091
That I'm a literal autist.

pls no bully

>>50683132
Oh dude, all that means to me is you've got some social problems because you're clearly on the higher functioning side of the spectrum, Why would i bully you even anonymously?

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>>50683249
Thanks sempai

>>50680782
>a picture for ants

>>50683808
if you look a few posts down you'll see a better quality image from me, so no need for insults, friend.

>>50681444

thanks man

>>50671672
Invasion of Privacy, Trespassing (hunting is mostly carried out on private or government-owned property), Noise Pollution...
Not to mention there are laws that were passed specifically against using drones in the way PETA was using them; in essence, PETA announced what they intended to do, the government said "No, you're not allowed to do that," and obviously PETA went ahead and did it anyway. Breaking a law specifically made to stop you and your group from doing a thing tends to not go over very well.

>>50683378
Does anyone have a version that has him trying to defend himself?

>>50645060
excellent.