secrets/feels/vent thread

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I have scars from self harm. I want to get fit and get big arms and everything but I feel like no guy will ever like me regardless.... I'm going to be alone

M or F ?? What's going on where you feel that need?? I'm sure there are other ways.. Try expanding your mind.. Read abit.. Grow personally.. Life is tough for everyone.. Stop that stuff and grow.. So what if you don't have someone at your beg and call.. It's a big world.. Go out and explore.. You'll find more satisfaction in that I promise...

>>24004880
M. They are from 4 years ago. I've moved on since then but I still have the scars

Yeah that stuff follows you for a long time.. Don't worry about a relationship.. Worry about yourself, and grow as a person.. Explore the world if you have a chance.. The thrill of an upcoming adventure is awesome.. Never expect anything, and be open to new possibilities.. If you're single.. There's no excuse to not wander :)

I know, I'm just very bored with life. I can't be a normal person anymore. I have some good opportunities ahead but I'm not sure where I'm going or anything

I have been haunted with constant thoughts of suicide after my girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me with a complete jackass, and Im stuck in The mindset that i will never be loved again, and as much as i know its just a bump in my life, not a single day goes by that i Dont pull out my walther and just think about pulling the Trigger because Im so done with life.

my girlfriend hats me but wont dump me even though i want to be dumped. everyday for the past two years ive thought about being single but im too weak to actually break up with her so i sabotage the relationship, putting her through hell, but she won't pull the trigger.

>>24004938
hates*

>>24004938
You sound like my boyfriend, he makes every day absolute misery along with the rest of his family, I do break up with him and he begs me to stay.

>>24005001
Im sorry to hear that. If he's like me he's only begging to stay because he has an inability to be honest. its like he feels terrible about wanting to leave you so he makes you be the one who has to walk away. Even though I've been out of the relationship after four months I knew it wasnt going to work, I've stretched it into almost 2 years just cause i cant be honest. or it hurts to leave her. i mean today she dumped me, i spent money irresonsibly and she told me that I've fucked her whole life and that i need to go, I walked out the door and she stopped me saying SO THATS IT? YOURE JUST DOING THAT? YOU DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT YOURE THROWING AWAY?
and thus i couldnt leave, i had to say no no no, i do wanna make it better i just thought you were done, and shes like I AM DONE, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? and now im like oooh all i do anything. i just am so tired and frustrated and want to go. but im not letting myself

>>24005032
Well just leave it's not fair to her, you are also damaging her future relationships and ruining her self esteem and playing mind games. Man up and do the right thing. You sound just like him, and you sound kind of selfish.

>>24005048
Yeah I know, I call myself a monster for it. I go to therapy and I call myself a monster and yeah, I mean I could give you excuses and try to make myself sound sympathetic but ultimately I know I'm just being fucking horrible, its not kind of selfish its very selfish IN A WAY, but dude, its like, my life has been fucking hell, I mean I seriously hate life, I wake up hating life and go to sleep hating life so this is what I struggle with in understanding my own psychology is how is this selfish? what part do I benefit from besides that I'm paranoid about conflict I guess, or something. I mean I fucking hate it and I've done a lot for her, a lot, a lot I didn't need to do and she herself she's like, I mean none of my friends like her when they meet her or think shes right for me and I know what theyre talking about, some people even try to tell me shes "abusive" or manipulative and in a way i know what they mean but i almost cant allow myself to see it that way, i do think shes very innocent.

anwyay, yeah i know, I'm not being a man im being a huge pussy, which is also something i say on the daily about myself, I know I have to do the right thing, I know I should just fucking go. im fucking horrible.

>>24005048
anyway yeah, i do understand what Im doing to her and in a way thats why its hard for me to leave, i hate that im hurting her but i also hate the idea of hurting her by leaving her, I dont know, I see her as such a fragile thing but also such a hardened thing, i dont know, none of it matters anyway, all that matters is i wanna go and its like, uuuuuch god i fucking hate myself

After my father was diagnosed with Huntington's disease, my mom told me that she had an affair prior to my birth and that, most likely, I probably wasn't even his biological son. In addition to this bs i'm dealing with, i'm pretty sure that i'm bi and am falling hard for an old friend of mine. So yeah, life is just fanfuckingtastic at the moment.

>>24005069
Quit hating yourself and just go it will be better for both of you, she will get over the hurt with time but dragging it out is like torture and it's cruel, and it will cause more pain in the end

>>24005069
Do you sincerely believe you would be hurting her if you left? Im gathering quite the opposite from what you have said so far, it seems like The only person who would be in any amount of Pain is yourself. Are you just disillusioned in your own mentality that you would be hurting her any Worse than The Pain you are pushing her through now? Personally you should hang it up... Everyone is though AND fragile But you shouldnt let that get in The way of The Long Rin because currently you are doing more harm to yourself and her than anything el se. Buuuuuut thats just my 2 cents. Its not my place to judge

>>24005091
Tough* Run*

>>24005069
Now I am angry at my boyfriend again cause that's exactly what is going on between us, and he has already hurt me so much, I am complete damaged goods, have no self esteem, he's constantly fucking with my head I just want him to go away.

I'm going to start this off by saying I have a girlfriend. About a month ago, I started talking to a girl I met on here and I think I'm falling in love with her. She told me that she has feelings for me, too, but I'm a bit unsure about what to do right now.

My girlfriend and I are supposed to move to a big city together in a few months, but things have been pretty rocky. I was certain that I wanted to marry my gf, but the way she's acting these days is making me realize that this is not the person I promised to spend my life with. I don't want to break up with her for a girl I've never met, who lives halfway across the country.

We put my fiancés cat to sleep a couple weeks ago. I don't even like cats. Over the 6.5 years I knew him and 1.5 years I lived with him, I never thought of him as MY cat. I didn't realize how much I cared about him until he got sick. I keep looking at the empty spot on the couch where he used to lay. It makes me so sad that I'll never see him again.

My uncle was recently diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. They said he has a 50% chance of making it 15 months from when he was diagnosed. That will be the month of my wedding.

>>24005106
All I can really say is "just do it" because it will be better after its done...
Though it's harder said than done I'm sure. You have to think about yourself before others. No point in pleasing others if you can't please yourself. He may beg you to stay but that's all... Just begging... Because he can't see the pain you are going through. Buuuut this Is just me on the outside looking in.

>>24005091
nah, i mean i dont sincerely think that, i know she'd get over it and that it would really suck and be really depressing, i just have this image of everything being for nothing and her just being defeated, but i mean i would think she'd just get over it and it wouldnt be that big a deal. I don't think I'd be in any more pain than I am now if I left, I'd feel like shit for everything I did, all the useless pain and wasted time I caused her and me, but ultimately i'm good.
obviously in any situation like this no one is going to recommend I stay. I obviously need to go. I should stop making her be the one to do it. but in a way we are similar in that way. she tells me all the time she hates me, she wants me gone, she's done and im good for nothing, but then she doesnt leave. I dont know how that is so different from me, I know I should leave but don't, as well. I'm not making excuses, just analyzing the relationship, i guess

>>24005128
I have dumped him before and he comes begging relentlessly, until he gets what he wants he's so fucking childish and I am so angry and I am starting to really hate and resent him and I know we can never move forward because of all the shit he has put me through.

>>24005142
Do I hear the sounds of a restraining order being signed?? Nah Jk but onto a more serious attitude I sincerely wish I could give better advice on this matter....I could say ignore him... He isnt worth the time and effort to deal with even more, not even worth the dirt on the bottom of your shoes or boots whatever you prefer to wear. Complete and total disconnection from him sounds like the healthiest choice... Sort of reminds me of my sister's ex, until our neighbor threatened to shoot his head off with a 12 gauge... He never came back

I hate my coworker and wish she was illegal so I could call the cops on her.

Another coworker is like 10 years my senior and I think likes me... But I don't like him.

I get really angry at myself throughout the day for what I later see as minor things. When that happens I hit myself in the face.

I'm afraid I've got a mental disorder.

>>24005168
Well I am so angry and I have been hurt in life so much I almost want to get revenge on him and make him feel what I feel. My life is a mess because of him, and he doesn't even realize how fucked up he is and how he is ruining both of us but he doesn't even care, ugggh i fucking hate him.

>>24004853
>get fit and get big arms

Can't tell if gay or not but there is a cutter just like you with the same ambitions and desire for love just like you. Don't just wait around until one falls in yoru lap

M
i was a cam whore for 3 months and i feel ashamed about it

>>24005179
I can completely understand your frusteration towards him. You want him to realize and understand the pain and mental torture he has been putting you through. Again I wish I could drop better advice here but really all I can say is revenge is a dish best served cold...probably not the best phrase to use and As cliche as that is I guess what I meant to say is if he deserves it you better do it before he just keeps hurting you and it takes way too long then before you know it.... You are completely trapped.

>>24005181
yes I am gay. Some gay guys are very picky about certain things. It's demotivating

I still think about my ex, all the time, I check up on him on Instagram. I'm with someone new, but it's not the same.

i secretly want to start a BBW thread here on /soc/. so truly fat girls can post and get some appreciation. but i don't think anyone would post.

>>24005192
I am already feeling trapped. I am so depressed and he still has the nerve to hound me for sex constantly, and I am angry and don't even want to touch him. I think he might be a complete douchebag

I'm sad. There are so many things outside my realm of control that I feel paralyzed to do anything else except my routine for survival. Suicide doesn't interest me but I quietly hope that I can die sooner than later because I know I'm reaching my limits of enduring this.

After my ex dumped me like a bitch (I was starting to improve myself for her) I decided to keep self improving to hope she would regret it, become envious, crawl back to me so I can crush her. But regardless of that partially motivating me self improvement is going along nicely.

>>24005245
I'm sorry but you think? He IS a complete douchebag I mean everything stated above this yes he is a douchebag but if he tries to sit there and hound you for sex for everything he has done? Yes he is a complete douchebag... I really hope he doesn't use the "because you are my girlfriend" as an excuse to hound you for Sex. At least you have the mentality to know where you are, the only thing left to do is Take action

>>24005270
Yeah I know I need to move on. I am miserable and I could do better. It just such a waste of time, and I am so jaded now I am starting tonnage all men. I have left shitty relationships in the past and been happy when I am single. He always saying we've put so much time in and we should try to make it work you know the don't throw it all away speech. He does so much fucked up shit to me. I have had it. We had another huge fight tonight.

>>24005274
To hate all men

>>24005274
You're better off single, that way the only person who can really dissappoint amd hirt you is You...

>>24005284
Hurt* fucking despise this thing sometimes.

>>24005284
Yeah I know.

>>24004765
i have absolutely no friends whatsoever, not even online, and the loneliness makes me want to kill myself every day. also all my family is really far away or dead. being a permavirgin is the icing on the cake.

>>24005274
I hope this one literal douchebag doesnt make you come out of this relationship bearing complete resentment towards all Men, there are still Good ones out there in The World... Just The more prevelant ones are The dicks in The World. Its probably not my place to say Or judge here, But if you wouldnt mind indulging me here, what are The basis of your arguments? Is it Petty shite he creates?

i was robbed selling 65 bars of xanax the other day & got drug by a car as a result.. ( cause what else are you gonna do when someone takes off w 400$ worth of pills? )
i'm in some deep shit w the person i deal with & my family.. because it was a family member who did this to me.

i'm honestly thinking about killing myself because i'm facing jail time & will lose my future when i receive felony charges. any suggestions on how to do it? i was thinking of jumping off a bridge onto the interstate.

I hate my life. Im 27 and live with roommate. I do have some really great friends, but ive been single for over 2 years, while my roommates are in a relationship, as are all my friends. Ive been on dating website for years, but nothing has ever clicked. Ive been on a diet and getting back into shape for the last 3 months, but that hasn't helped my self esteem.
I failed out of college a few years back and now work at as a waitstaff in a retirement home for 11$ an hour, nothing to write home about. Even if I could have a career, i dont know what id even like doing.

My soul is void, and now I cant even find anyone on CL to mess around with. I only got into guys because it was much easier to hook up with them than women.

I really am just a waste of space, and if I wasn't so afraid of pain, id have killed myself already. I literally am worthless.

i have absolutely no friends or family whatsoever and the loneliness makes me want to kill myself every day. I work an antisocial factory job in a room by myself as a QA inspector. Nobody ever talks to me or shows any sort of interest in me and every time I try to talk to someone they just ignore me or give binary answers that obviously mean they don't want to be friends. Being a khv is just the icing on the cake.

>>24005304
I don't even know where to begin. It's petty now because I resent him so much, he's made life miserable, I think he may thrive on the chaos he creates and then likes to make me look shitty cause I am angry about everything so it must be me. He is probably the most immature guy I have ever dated. He sulks if he doesn't get laid. He really doesn't help me out very much with day to day life stuff, he always find some way to hurt me and it almost seems like it's on purpose.

>>24005297
It's alright, love can be found in many places just keep close the things that make you happy.

>>24005322
If its of any respite its certainly obviously none of your fault..
Its awkward though because i wont lie... I have Caused chaos for The sake of causing my significante other to feel down... Beneath me... But The Pain i felt realizing what i have done and the aftermath that happened made me open my eyes to the idiot i was.

>>24005336
There is a lot of pain caused by him, I am dumping him in the morning. He does like creating the shit, I can tell. He is a fucking douche, and he deserves to be alone and miserable not dragging me through hell for shits and giggles. I've had it.

>>24004938
she loves you, man
that's more than most of us here have ;_;

>>24005368
I encourage this action 100% i hope all goes well in The following morning

>>24005368
If it's any consolation at least you get to do it in person, the last Gf broke up with me via facebook. Sooo there is some situations that can always be worse...

I used to burn myself with a lighter so I could focus on the pain and not my anxiety or depression. It helped me pass some tests because I was able to study instead of just laying there.

I even had a phone conversation while burning myself occasionally in order to maintain my focus.

>>24005259

Keep at it, I'm doing the same shit right now.

I keep telling myself I hope she does, but I am trying to convince myself she never will. I hope she fucking regrets it, though.

So much I sacrificed for nothing.

>>24004765
>I made the only person I ever loved hate me.

>I attempted suicide not too long ago was even hospitalized for a few days but no one knows

>I'm going to kill myself in a week

>I had a dream where a former classmate of mine was eating dog shit and fucking a dog with the dogs own tail

>I kinda hate women. Like I don't want to but I hate the fact that they seem to be able to get sex so easily yet I'm almost 30 and a virgin.

>I get agressively angry when I see rule34 or hentai. Idk why but it turnss me on but makes me literaally besides myself with anger

>I once came in my own shit

As much as I want to move in with you, marry you, and fuck you...I want to really get to know you and not move too quickly.
We've known each other for 2 years, but I feel like somethings off about you. I think your ex left you because you two married too early in the relationship. I don't think you've learned from your past marriage.

Anyways, I need to work on developing myself and loving myself before I could be in another relationship.

Started dating a 24 year old muslim guy when I was 14, white, and atheist. Together 5 years later.

>>24004765
I've been thinking about suicide since I was 8 and I'm 23.

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183KB, 1161x687px

Probably the fact that I feel like I hold a lot of secrets.

I feel like an abomination. I always feel like I have something to hide, even though it was so long ago and bears no relevancy today.

But it still feels like I carry burdens, I can't revert to what I was like before. I feel.... unloveable, unacceptable. Dirty, broken. And I can't tell anyone about my status.

I mean, I try to hide it. I try to act like it never happened. I really do want to appear normal. But I'm scared something wrong is deeply rooted in me now, and people can just see right through me.

I just want someone to say I'm not some abomination. And that I'm worthy.

>>24005599
brah

imm the same

but i want to be a good person and make the world a better place

i realized im not a good person though. So I'm going to remove myself from it.

>I'm the eldest child, but none of my siblings respect me. Every time I try to knock some sense into them, my parents freak the fuck out.

>I consider myself to be Christian, but my mother's fervent attitude in dragging me to church is getting on my nerves.

>The only close friends I made in college were the people in my dorm. For two years at my university, I've never made any close connections with the people in my classes.

>I hate the fact that I'm a loner. I want to go out and make more friends, but I'm scared that I might get burned again.

>I've contemplated suicide, but hell is a concept that's been drilled into me from a young age to the point where I'm still too terrified to off myself.

I slept with a coworker that ended getting fired (unrelated).
I helped her start to get back on her feet after that and let her borrow a considerable amount of money which I'll probably never see again. It went on for a few months with nobody knowing about it until I backed off after I realized how her lies, addictions and bad habits were bringing me down. Even though I did my best to keep her happy, take her on dates, buy her groceries and do small chores around her place.
She would say I was her best friend and that she loved me. When I broke things off, she didn't resist or get sad she just accepted it. No we don't even talk at all. All I wanted was for her to be happy and in a better situation, but now I have no idea how she's doing or anything.
I'm hurt that she doesn't care, and probably never did.

If i say something will someone talk to me?

>>24005599

You could be me!

You may feel like an abomination, but I have so much fucking loose skin that I legitimately look like an abomination from warcraft lore.

>>24005717
I'm willing to. What's up anon?

>>24005717
I'm willing to talk too, anon

fuck it nobody gives a shit

>>24005722
I have a folder with divorce paperwork in my car.. After a while she admitted to having an affair. Idk how to feel especially sonce i told her my dad had cheated on my mom and that was the only thing i asked her not to do. So, after talking she agreed to not fight over anything the house/mortgage will be in my name. She moved out already so im in a 2 story 4bd house alone in the dark. I miss her somedays and hate her others. Were dual military, so after the house is mine since she admitted everything i know who she did it with, she told a higher ranking everything so.. I will burn her and the guy and when they ask for proof il tell em to talk to the higher rank, since he plans to stay in he will easily fold to save his career. I told her after she told me the truth that that was all i wanted and said i didnt care if she told her command what she did, that i wasnt. But she played me.. After 3 yrs of being together i always got this feeling for example, if she hurt i had to hurt, if she cried i had too if she laughed i had too etc etc i took it as selfishness and not wanting to feel alone but more selfish. So now i want her to feel played.. For once im gunna be selfish and let her remaining tome be hell with lost rank lost pay njp etc plus at the moment the kid was below her in rank which will add on. Anyway i had been feeling good until my friend who had helped me a lot texted me and said "i know how you feel" her husband askd for a divorce too and from there i went down hill again this was two weeks ago almost. Today i felt ok. But god damn.. The betrayal is fucking killer. My mom says she thinks i went down hill again cus when my friend told me i relived everything again.. I just need some words of encouragement. Please.

>>24005765
Sorry for the wall and thank you guys for being willing

i'm pretty sure i'm becoming a full fledged alcoholic

>>24005765
She played you and betrayed your trust man. We can't tell you what to do, only you know what to do. I'm not sure how things work in what you do but offer up that information to your higher ups since you all work together and it could affect the work environment.

But she sounds like a bitch man. There's just no excuse for her cheating on you.

>>24005772
Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong.

And sorry dude, that sounds horrible. I never went through anything like that, so sorry I'm of no comfort.

>>24005765
Different anon here, but damn. You can't make this shit up. What a bitch.

If you don't mind me asking, what branch of the military are y'all in? You don't need to give rank but I'm just curious.

>>24005669
Hah, I'm not a good person either.

Why do you think you're not a good person though? I mean, at least you seem to have altruistic goals, like making the world a better place, I don't even have that.

>>24005791
Thank you yea i know.. I understand what you mean by theres no excuse and with what im about to say dont think im making one up but, she had always been depressed she had a crappy upbringing and etc etc I honestly think her depression let her to it but even than sigh it didnt have to come to that

>>24005795 with you replying it means something to me so thank you..

>>24005813
As much as depression can play a role, she was pretty selfish about it. She didn't think about you and she didn't have any self control about it. I've been out with depressed girls, one even ended up in suicide watch but not one of them cheated on me and I never cheated on them. Cheating is the ultimate emotional "fuck you". So honestly, she doesn't have an excuse for it.

I hope you get better and move on man. It's going to take a while but maybe take some time inbetween relationships to work on yourself, career and just building on your friendships. So go out and see some friends dude, do something good for yourself.

>>24005797
I dont care. Marine, both cpl (nco) she cheated with a lance (rank below) and admitted to a sgt (rank above) and sometimes i wish i could be making this up. The thought of being alone again, with a house under my name having to rethink my life and what to do is just scary and punishing on my mond you know? Im 26 but that doesnt mean im not scared. Its so fucked up because we had the same views. Work make a living have kids.. We named em for fucks sake. I got an ok plan in mind for myself my friend and family are good supporters but when night falls.. Im afraid of the dark, especially being alone now.

>>24005828
:,) thanx, everyone says the same, thats how i know your words are genuine.. I think its just my fear of the unknown hainting me somedays again. The thoughts of restarting, on my own. Theres only one thing that leads me to believe that god has something better in store rather than him punishing me.

>>24005841
I think you'll be alright man. When the time comes you'll be able to move on. For now, just take things one day at a time. Family and friends is what you need most right now and it's good to hear they'll be here for you.

>>24005849
I really hope so. Im just scared of the unknown and loneliness. I wish you guys were here right now.

>>24004765
When I was younger I let a friend fuck me.

>>24005861
The unknown sucks man. But this kind of things happens, you get thrust into the unknown and it's scary but you just need time to adjust to it and time to think. You'll be alright.

I wish we could be with you but at least your family and friends are there for you.

Divorcee here. Im gunna try to get some sleep. Thank you guys for taking your time to help me in my dark time, for your words and for your time even though you guys are probably miles away you took time from your night to help. Honestly it means the world to me at the moment. So from the bottom of whats left of my heart thank you guys. I love you and send hugs to you all. Goodnight and i wish you the best in life. Thanx again. I will try to move on and prosper to not let you guys myself and everyone else down.
-kevin

>>24005886
Goodnight bro. Things will get better, don't doubt that.

>>24005878
You are all with me through thought and spirit . And it helps, this put a smile on my face the thought of total strangers trying to help made me feel a lot better so i leave you all with this. Keep being yourselves and do the same with everyone who needs you how i did, even if you dont know them. Sometimes all we need is an ear and an open heart.. At least i did and it helped. Thank you

>>24005895
:,) ok. Goodnight

>>24004926

Your bitch was nothing but a trick. You're being stupid if you think she's worth anything other than a thought and you're also at fault for not seeing the type of person she was, you had 4 years to figure it out and didn't do it.

I'm a bit of a man-child, I still watch cartoons and sleep with my stuffed animals, and I'm a 22 y.o man. Too afraid to tell my judgmental friends

>>24005986
i watch cartoon too also same age
dig up some theories about the shows you watch ... will make it seems more interesting .... that's what i do

i suffer from PTSD after getting kidnapped and the city i grow up at and lived my whole life turned into a war-zone

>>24005567
care to elaborate?

>>24005701
To your last point... that's what has stopped me in high school. Glad I haven't had those feelings now.

I consider myself Christian as well. I struggle with a lingering depression and loneliness. I really hope things change for you. I think we're always stuck with the lonely shitty feeling, and always feeling anxious of meeting other people. But you just keep pushing yourself, that's all you can do.

I'm gay, but I'm in the closed due to my parents being homophobic...

and that has closed a lot of doors in my life, with me not being able to act like myself or even have some freedom to hang out with someone that I would like. the only chance I have at being happy is getting away...

and my country is plain awful. homophobia runs rampant here, even if my parents accepted me, life wouldn't be all sugar and rainbows. things are hard. people die everyday because of homophobia.

and last, I don't think I can find anyone who would love me. I really don't believe anyone would love me. finding a relationship as a gay guy is hard in general. I've never had anybody interested on me.

now life...life moves on. there's nothing I can do about it but move on and work hard. I have plenty of important people in my life who encourage me everyday to stand strong and fight for a better future and that someday I'll find someone. but sadly, it's just that. I know they try to help, but they might not understand how I feel and how I'm losing hope quickly.

it's rather bittersweet, but life moves on.

I'm covered in self harm scars that will never fade. I think of suicide constantly and the only thing keeping me from it is I don't want to make my dog sad.

Also I have an eating disorder and I don't think I'll ever recover. I hate my body and myself so much I just want to die

I molested my friend's 8 year old sister on several occasions. I'm a young adult. I don't exactly feel too bad about it but I'm worried she will tell someone

I'm a 23 year old virgin but most people don't suspect it because I come off as fairly confident. My friends all know and don't give me grief about it but whenever they talk about their hookups I feel as if I'm missing out but I still hold on to this romantic ideal of relationships.

>>24004765
I was raped as a kid, my family threw me out and all I want is to belong, with someone, to someone, somewhere that I fit in and feel whole, where there's an interest taken in me.

The only stable relationships I've had were online, but once I've gotten my partner off, I start to lose interest and look for others to get off, sometimes a couple going at the same time.

>be girl, close guy friend from middle school driving me home from a get together with friends in the snow
>no romantic interest in each other and have never made moves, just friends
>friend following behind us in his car
>has been an extremely long time since I've been sexually active (years)
>liquor got me loose, and I express this sentiment to him, I am extremely horny for no reason, almost to a painful extent
>suddenly he places his hand on my knee and just gently strokes it over my pants
>oh god fuck shit
>cum from getting my knee touched Jesus Christ (I'm very sensitive and multi orgasmic)
>I play it off and just continue the conversation
>his hand ever so slightly begins to move up my thigh, just an inch
>I'm completely lost in this, the best sensation I can ever remember feeling in my life, desperately needed
>suddenly BAM our friend behind us wrecks in to the other lane of traffic
>friend who's driving me immediately u turns and i sprint out of car to my friend
>fortunately he's fine, my friend and I wait in his car, the adrenaline gets to me and ask
>"is this a bad time to ask you to make out?"
>he laughs and says I'm adorable and hugs me
>haha yeah sorry I'm uhh I'm real drunk I'm just ready for bed after all this
>takes me home, we say goodbye as we always do, like nothing happened
>it's never been brought up again, he is currently dating a girl who I'm pals with

Nothing has changed between us, he's a sweetheart, but I've never told anyone and I feel the need to.

My stupid fucking boyfriend thinks it's fine to lie to me and make up stories that are totally disrespectful, just to see my reaction. He told me he was doing drugs with my sister but didn't bother to tell me it was a lie until days later. A few days before that he went a visited his ex after he promised hevwouldnt and she has made our life hell. He also doesn't really he me out with day to day life tasks, especially if its helping me with my old dog. He drinks every day all day long and sulks and pouts when I don't want to have sex with him because of all the relationship problems, he has put our whole life in the toilet. He lies, he manipulates, he had been emotionally and physically abusive. He won't do any activities with me like walk the dog or ride a bike. He e pecks that I should do his laundry and take care of his kids and him and his whole family is so disrespectful to me, I am sonfucking fed up. He is a total douche bag who has never once kept a promise or been honest. He has shit talked me behind my back to his and his parents and he blames all our problems on me, yet I don't have. Lose to the baggage he does, and I don't lie to him. Fuck I gucking hate him!

I feel so much better about my situation after reading all these posts, and I mean that in the least bad way possible. I hope things work out for all of you, but know that you indirectly helped someone get out of a day that could've ended badly. Stay strong and be true to yourselves.

>>24006633
All my boyfriend does is lie lie lie. He is so disrespectful I fucking hate him. He is such a douche. His 15 year old son lies all the time and he looses it on him yet he learned it from his dad and his mom, who also lies constantly. He made up a complete lie yesterday and thinks it's fine to just say sorry and it should just go away. He has eaten away at every fibre of trust that we have ever had. He has made our life a living fucking hell. He is the most immature person I have ever met. He dumped me and kicked me out of the house we shared several times, now I moved back home because of it and he's followed me and doing the same thing here living st my parents house lying, shit disturbing, being disrespectful drinking all day.nhes overweight has health problems won't quit drinking treats me like shit and wines and cries to not break up.

>>24006633
Sounds like you should quit fucking him then.

Seriously, why do you volunteer for that treatment every day? Grow some self-respect and move on. You'll be happy you did.

I married someone that I am not attracted to physically like at all. She is so overweight and refuses to do anything about it. She is also extremely lazy and even the smallest household task is too much for her. We don't have sex and its mostly for those reasons.

>>24004765
I don't know how to go about teaching/showing/guiding/etc my gf on how to pleasure myself and also bringing up the topic to better pleasure her. She is very much a virgin and I don't want to come off to her strong (no pun intended).

>>24006751
Yeah he is overweight too and he hasn't made me have an orgasm in almost 2 years he hounds me for sex till I give in and it's pathetic it lasts for seconds and he's done, his belly gets in the way and if I don't give in he sulks like a child. He won't get in shape, he won't exercise with me we have zero activities we do together and I am far from overweight yet he will tell me I need to loose weight if I say anything to him. His ex just fucked up our lives so bad trying to have us charged criminally and he goes to the bar that she works at to visit her.

>>24005303
It's not hard to find online friends man. Just add people on steam from games you like it add people from the Skype or gaming buddies threads and talk to them. It won't be long before you have a couple of bros to game with and shoot the shit with.

>>24006792

depends if you have a mic or not. I'm in the same situation as him (though I'm not lonely in the slightest, for some reason).

and considering I don't even have running water I think getting a mic is behind on priorities.

>>24004938

Fuck dude my exact life except my gf loves me but too a ridiculous point

>>24006769
Should break it off and cut off all interaction with him and his family. You still have a chance and deserve much better. I am somewhat stuck in my situation but you can get out.

I'm hung up on someone I knew online and I've been agonising over it for years
I don't have the balls to talk about it with anyone, and it gnaws at me cos I know how pathetic it is
It's slowly destroying me and I have no way off this ride
I feel so fake all the time, like everything I keep doing wrong is psychosomatic of not being able to come to terms with the fact no one will dig me like I dig them

>>24004853
Why on earth should we care about that? At least for me, I'm just into personality

I'm so lonely :( Where did everybody go

I'm falling for a girl I'm meant to be helping get over or get back with her shitty boyfriend. He treats her like shit and is currently groveling a shitload and she's coming back around to him. But it's not my place to tell her she's better off without him because i feel like I'm bias because of how i feel about her. Plus i feel like a hypocrite because I'm single because my relationship was rocky and another guy came in and did the shoulder to cry on thing and took her from me. I feel like i'd be doing the same thing if i told her how i feel.

So really i'm just going to be there for her, and whatever she chooses with him, to go back to him or not, i'll accept it and just be the friend she needs.

>>24007365
Unfortunately, not everyone is like you :-(

>>24006880
Yeah well I am pretty sure we broke up,today

>>24005785
Me too, drinking every day for the last 6 months, I have chest pain every now and then, but just convincing myself it's anxiety. I can't remember anything anymore.

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Kinda promised myself not to get into any kind of long distance shit again. But yeah, here I am, started talking to the most perfect girl ever, pretty much been talking daily for the past 4 months, its been great, skype calls for hours on end etc. She lives on the other side of the planet though but... She's just perfect. Our plan is to meet up in October. Either way, been completely honest about myself, my anxiety troubles, being neet etc. How I'm currently busting my ass to get my shit together; got a part time job ready and I'm starting therapy in August. Either way, all-through June she's been very distant with me, I didn't wanna press the issue because I figured she just wanted some space. In my mind, everything was fine. Last Friday she just stopped talking to me for no apparent reason, haven't heard from her since, not a single message. Although I've seen her active a few times. So, I've been texting her to ask her what's going on, because I've been worried something serious has happened, told her how not knowing is eating me up inside. Still not a word. I can't think of anything I've done wrong to upset her either. Maybe she's met someone, maybe she's lost interest completely for whatever reason but... The least she could do is tell me if that was the case right? I guess its worth noting that she's very introverted. Is it possible that she just needs time to recharge? But couldn't she just tell me that so that I don't have to worry? I'm so confused. I kinda refuse to believe she's outright ignoring me intentionally, because she seemed like she genuinely cares about me. I've left her a wall of text telling her how I feel and how I'll be around whenever she feels like talking or telling me what's going on. Not sure how long I'm gonna wait though. That's all I can do right? Anyone been in a similar spot?

>>24007365
>>24008125

Honestly, cutting may be part of personality tho, it at least indicates a history of mental illness. I personally wouldn't judge because I've been so close so many times myself.

I have been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember and it has gotten pretty bad recently. I have also been trying to cope with my recent attraction to a trap and whether I should tell me current gf about it.

Nobody knows that I'm gay.

>>24008386
I'm currently very much in a similar spot with a female friend of mine. It felt like we were clicking, we hung out a bunch of times just as friends, neither of us having made any moves romantically, even though I feel very strongly for her. All of a sudden she started becoming very distant with me, standing me up anytime I would suggest we hang out.

I don't wanna confront her about it, like she's given excuses everytime she stood me up, and they might all be true, but it feels just a bit too convenient.

On the one hand I don't wanna be too pushy, on the other hand I don't wanna become too distant, I really don't know if I could have done something to set her off. I'm going crazy without her.

>>24008428
Same, for the depression part. I just recently booked myself in for a doctor's appointment. Been depressed for at least 15 years, since I was 12. It really felt like coming out of the closet to admit it to someone.

I was really afraid I might hurt myself this time, wrote up a suicide note and all that jazz but the thought of my niece growing up without an uncle made me sad enough to actually seek help.

>>24008435
Do you have any female friends that are close? Try telling them if guys make you feel too uncomfortable.

>>24005765

I want all the details of how you're going to ruin her. I haven't had a justice boner in so long.

Sometimes I have nightmares with a 14yo girl who said me she loves me and be willing to Ifuck her in the ass a year ago when I was 24

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So I am 21 years old. I live in the USA.
I got to a technical school/university. This school in particular caters to the full time workers and government contract employees. This means that I can't really make friends because 15-25 year age difference makes it fucking impossible to connect with others.

All my high school buddies are off either working full time in another city/state or in another university out of state or like 4 hours away. Haven't had a girls friend in 3.5 years, haven't made single new friend since grad 3 years ago. What am I doing with my social life?

Like I have no where to go to make friends without it being super awkward.
I used to have a stuttering issue back in freshman year of high school, which lead me to be very socially awkward. I got over it eventually and am able to talk to people with out getting too nervous but I digress.

I don't think i've spent actual time with a peer in like 2 years. I can slowly feel myself turn into a 30 year old man when it come to socializing. All I can talk about it work and my studies because that's all i've had to talk about with the older folks at my school. I think i've developed social anxiety against my peers but not with older people

Like, what in the actual fuck do I do? Is anyone else in a similar situation?

>>24008810
>25yo
>Was a member of a church since Was born til 21
>All my acquaintances was in there
>When I refuse god and shit, almost all of them gave me silent treatment 'til now
>4 years in a job with members of that church, so I'm whitout one single friend
>I've been manic depressive long, long ago, so don't care too much about friends
>There's nothing I could talk about
>Dont have one single peer
>social anxiety with everybody
>Feel like loneliness is ruining my life
Not similar at all, but I could try to help you

>social anxiety against my peers but not with older people
what's wrong with socialize with people older than you? My dead dearest friends was like 11, 8 and 5 years older than me (fucking leukemia killed two, other one was killed by a stupid drunk bitch driving) And I felt like age really doesn't even matter, being friends. I mean, I'm now a friend of a 15 yo girl, and if she recall this >>24008737 we just laugh about what could happened if I would be a douchebag

secret: the guy I'm currently dating has converted me to the cuckold/hotwife fetish and honestly, I only see myself dating cuckolds in the future. I was always into swinging but this lifestyle is so much better.

it's embarrassing because I'm so young and it's a pretty stigmatized fetish but whatever floats your boat right

There's this qt Mexican chick who I'm pretty sure is way into me. I'm way into her too. I just keep thinking that I'm not good enough for her and that she's gonna try me out then get bored of me and move on. I'm pretty fat so this plays into that notion. I act very confident and chipper on the outside but I hate myself so much on the inside. All I do is get high and study to distract myself.

Another thing is I have a weird ass fetish that I don't feel comfortable disclosing to anyone. I didn't tell a girl I dated for THREE YEARS about it. Hell I can't even bring myself to tell my therapist about it to ask for help. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and I don't feel like I can ever be at home with anyone as long as I have this monster in my closet.

I'm into IR cuckold porn and deeply ashamed about it to the point that I dont do things I like if I've jerked off to it recently. I hate myself for getting off to it and I've tried not doing it but sometimes I slip. I have a girlfriend who's super nice to me and loves me for who I am but I'm worried if she ever finds out about it she'll hate me and tell all my friends about it, making them disgusted with me too.

I have the urge to break a girl's heart and destroy her emotionally. I hate that I get this way when I'm heartbroken, but the normal shit doesn't seem to work for me.

>>24009325
what's the fetish?

all these stories about relationship troubles and i'm just sitting here as a 20 year old kv with no friends

t-thanks

>>24009348
fucking balloons man. and no not the kind you put up your dickhole.

>>24008455
Fuck, I'm sorry senpai. Guess we're kinda in the same boat, fingers crossed that at least one of them will turn up.

>>24009228
I have nothing against older people, but I just want some friends that are my age. Where I can make some reference and they'll get it because we're in the same generation.

At this point I just kinda gave up trying to make new friends.

I was sexually abused from age 10-12 by a male cousin that my family took in. I still haven't been able to tell my dad.

Been married for 3.5 years. I fucking hate it. Successful in my businesses I own, but know she'd take them. Don't know that I care. I mostly just want out. Feel like her happiness is dependent on me. That shit is so toxic to me. Know I'd ruin her views on life if I left. Been trying to just talk myself into being a sitcom drone dad. No clue how to get there.

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I'm sad.

I'm so depressed and mad at myself that i can barely contain it anymore. I feel like I'm incapable of love and monogamy.

I live with my boyfriend. We have been together for.about 4 months. I know. I moved in fast and it was probably a bad decision but it was one of those happenings. I was getting ready to move, i didn't tell anyone about my plans, and his father asked if i needed somewhere to stay. I say yes and he opened his home to me. I was really hesitant but less since i pay rent and really have fallen in love with his family.

But, he works a lot, and when he isn't working he is either at the gym or sleeping. Understandably so. That's really not the thing that hurts me.

I tell him that i need him because I'm in a new area and have no friends currently. I'm working on that. Because of this lonliness i get depressed. Really badly.

I miss him and i don't want to seem clingy so i don't really say anything. I am just sinking deeper and deeper into depression.

Especially now since i got into a car accident and i can't work because of some minor injuries to my spinal discs.

It just really fucking sucks, famalam. What do? How do i stop being such an autist? He just wants to see me happy and i just want to see him happy but i feel like i constantly have to wear a mask in order to do that.

I'm an idiot. Even more so since I'm on /soc/ telling you all about my stupid issues.

>>24009477
Not monogamy. Marriage. Incapable of love and marriage in the distant future because of my depression.

>>24004853
I'm a guy but it's interesting seeing someone with self harm scars. Like when you're depressed and you're in that hole, it's not something you can completely explain to someone who hasn't been there. It's like reassuring to see that so I could relate to them on a very intimate level and I know they understand and don't have there head in the clouds.
>>24005114
Well since you're unsure of this huge decision, you shouldn't go through the with it. That's something you need to be 100% on
>>24006357
You sound like someone i talked to for several months, she was very beautiful but sad and I was too far away to make enough of an impact. Sometimes I miss her but I remember it's for the best. Still though, we got along so well and it meant the world to me for us to meet and that was the pronblem, she didn't feel she deserved anything because of her awful self esteem. Wow even typing this is really bumming me out. It's been over a month since I cut contact with her and I still think about her sometimes. I really need to find someone new but I suck at talking to strangers so I'm pretty fucked

I wish that I would have done shit differently with the girl I am interested in.

If I did it slightly different, there would have been a good chance that I would be with her.

>>24004938
I'm in a similar situation.

My girlfriend has anxiety and blames everyone and everything for all her problems. She freaks out about the smallest things and every reaction is so over dramatic.

In the beginning it wasn't so bad because we didn't live together so she kind of hid it, since we moved in together our relationship has been in a steady decline.

Everything I do or say is rude or insensitive. Everyone question or comment is taken as a personal attack. She treats me like shit, so I started being indifferent to her existence hoping she would leave, she won't. I've broken up with her before and asked her to leave, in the moment she becomes very irratic and sometimes violent, starts packing and tells me all about her plans about where she will live and she doesn't need me. She then calms down and apologizes, sometimes cries, then won't actually leave, even if I remind her that I broke up with her and I want her to leave. Lol it becomes extremely awkward and I don't even know what to do.

I flat out told her that I've broken up with her so many times and she won't leave and that the only way to actually break up with her would be to throw all her stuff out on the lawn or deliver it to her sisters house while she was working. Otherwise I can't get out of this relationship.

So it's no secret if you read this far, I hate my girlfriend but can't get rid of her.

Currently we pay our own bills, buy our own food, and split the rent. I have a large sum of cash saved she is unaware of, once I have enough for a downpayment on a house, I'll leave her, buy a house, and hopefully live happily ever after.

>>24009634
HOLY SHIT R U ME

>>24009604
I guess I can be a bit more specific. Green text incoming

>Meet M. at end of January
>She sits infront in Pub Speaking
>She's cute enough,
>Start to like her
>Ask her out in Early April
>Say's yes, Friend R seems to force his way to tag along
>I ask her out to get coffee a week later
>"I'm Busy" with now counter offer.
>I stop for a month, other than occasionally speaking in class, and an odd text here or there.
>Most day's we don't acknowledge each other, sometimes talking around each other
>Mid-May rolls around. Invite her to hang out with friends in the City
>Busy (Her Bro's Graduation from College)
>We agree to hang out soon. No dates set, as we both have finals
>Text her randomly a week later asking about the graduation. We end up talking for 5 hours, with another short thing the following morning
>Invite her to a thing in the City that Saturday. (Again with my friends)
>This time she's doing stuff with friends. No date offered again.
>I asked her out a week or so ago, (Via Text as thats the only comms I have with her)
>Looks like her phone is kinda broken due to the text sending as an SMS and not iMessage like usual
>So, No reply
>Try to get my mind off her
> Randomly a friend texts me about her.
>Because of him reminding me of her, I check to see if shes back on iMessage.
>She is, so phone is back and working
>But still no reply.
>Spoke to her a week and half after I asked her
>She made no reference to when I asked her out.
>She either is avoiding it, or never saw it (Though she did accidently send ;) but quickly corrected it to :) )
>I sure as hell am not going to bring it up again.
>Text to see if shes free to hangout with a friend and I
>Busy, graduation party
>Did not buy it
>Sent this "I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but if you don't want to hang out at all just say so."
>She does not respond
>I check, and see that her sisters HS did graduate the following day.
>Now I regret it.

Cont'

>>24009658

Though things slip through that are semi common when a girl is interested in a guy. (More letters added to words, appears near me at random, locks eyes with me from a distance, increased Emoji use, and has show off her ass to me once or twice atleast.)

I suspect her friend R may have influenced her to a degree. Maybe he sees me a competition for her? She does speak differently to me when he's not near, seems more natural.

I suspect that R tried to get with her, but she friendzoned him. He tried asking her out infront of me. But she rejected him 3 times before reluctantly agreeing. She seemed a bit uncomfortable near him after that. Also, he seems to have emotional issues. So that may be a factor aswell

On the last day I saw both of them, he randomly says bye to me, and only me. Only spoke to him 2-3 times prior.


Honestly, I should have just told R to butt out of this, and been more assertive all together. Though who knows just how much influence he had over her.

I want to find an attractive and/or interesting woman to spend my time with while I shoot dope and finish the books I want to read before I either jump off a bridge or shoot myself in the head i haven't decided yet.

I wanna fuck a girl I barely know and impregnate her

I used to let older men use me sexually because I had no self esteem. last time I met one he raped me and just covered my mouth when I said no. I never told anyone because I didn't fight back and I don't know why I didn't.

I'm a fucking coward who won't put myself out there with women.

I don't know what the blockage is - I'm a social extrovert with a wide group of friends, male and female, but I just can't bring myself to ask girls out.

It's so frustrating because a good proportion of my friends are in stable relationships, which is what I want but I just can't work relationships out. It's difficult to explain but it basically feels like I'm playing a game that everyone else instinctively knows the rules to.

I feel like it may have to do with the fact that my one and only relationship came when I was 16, and I took a long time to get over it. I think I sort of missed that stage in emotional development when you start to get a handle on relationships because I was so het up with how lonely I was without this girl.

can't get with girls awful at it, still thin and skiny and almost perfer right now dressing up as a girl and trying to get drilled. Close to pretty much just shaving everything I can and slutting out on craigslist yet I just don't. Shits confusing.

>>24005305
Xanax overdose maybe

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>>24009956
the 3 f
flight,fight, and the most forgotten frezee.
it must had happen so fast that you couldn't react to it, so your body froze up to keep you safe from more harm

>>24009477
Try to ask if he wants to meet for lunch. You telling me he actually works on weekends too?

Not sure what's so depressing about it. If you'd see each other all the time you'd be tired of each other so not seeing the issue here.

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>>24009354
>fucking balloons

I want someone else to fuck my wife.

I would fuck a 8/10 Trans girl before I fucked a 11/10 female :P

>>24004765
want to fuck the shit out of my 16y.o. cousin
im 19

I secretly had feelings for a girl for 3 years, and she was into me and sent me nudes and all. I didn't want to go further with her because she was really overweight. I didn't mind, but I didn't want people to judge me for it. We kind of ended it this spring, and I just recently mer her again and without mentioning it the fucking lost 40 kg and looks amazing. Im so fucking stupid.

>>24009658
It seems to me you're overthinking things a lot.

>>24007387
Why dont you tell her?

I've never posted on 4chan before but have lurked for ages...I'm only posting now because the very nature of this thread immediately caught my attention and, after reading through a few of the posts, I can see it's no pity party, people seeking some skewed form of validation or justifying their wrongdoings...Just discussion, which is great. So...I'm a 26, M, Psychology student and English tutor. I'm also a myopic waste of human flesh and harmful to all those I'v gotten close to...I'm addicted to abusive hardcore porn, ruined a previous relationship (the only significant one I've ever had) by talking her into letting me share her with my friends, feign almost every emotional reaction I've ever had since I before I can remember and to top it all off I often fantasise about rape and homicide. The more brutal the better...The only thing keeping me from acting on these darker fantasies is the fear of punishment. I'm a pale, skinny, little white boy who wont last a second in prison. -I'm also smart enough to know that I'll probably get caught and that even if I don't, committing the act with more than likely result in escalation and subsequent repetition until I am caught. -Phew, that felt good to say.

>>24006469
What does molest constitute in specific in your case?

>>24011259
Yea.... No shit. I have been trying to just go with the flow, but I just can't stick to that.

Someone has said to just follow my heart, and ignore what ever my mind tells me


I just hope that I did not see something that was not there

I'm very lonely and sad. I have never had any real friends. I lack any social skills, I do nothing with myself. I feel so empty and useless and distant from the world and I don't know what to do...

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I'm MtF, independant and live alone.
All I want is a cute female pet to play non-sexually with giving her head rubs, play ball and punishing her when she bites me with a muzzle
and i really wanna try using a shock collar on someone

then get take away, play xbox and laugh about random shit afterwards

i can dream :(

>>24009288
Yet you obviously don't see yourself with your current cock in the future.

I am a guy but I have persistent body image issues. I am never comfortable with how I look and no matter what someone I am seeing days to me I always feel like I'm disgusting.

I look to strangers for validation and get depressed when there is none to be found.

I'm 24 years old and pick and eat my boogers every day. I've tried blowing my nose but I grow really big, thick boogers that almost block off my nostrils and airflow. I have to go in and pick it out and a huge booger ends up on my finger so i eat it. Then my nose bleeds lightly inside my nose and when the blood dries it makes another big booger, etc.

I only do this in private at home or in the bathroom and I always wash my hands really well afterwards

I like to "steal" photos from girls I know.... they leave their phone arround, computers left logged in, whatever I can get my hands on... even the girls who im not that attracted to... I also like to post them on the I telnet with the hopes they may find their way back to said girls.

>>24009288

I would love for you to cuck me and deny me your body.

>>24011574
I do this. I stole my sister's photos. I don't usually post them. Just like knowing I can see them naked

>>24011548
There is actually a neural reflex arc between your brain and nose that gives you big dry booggers if you keep picking your nose, it leads to acondition called vestibulitis.
When this happen blowing your nose doesnt really work anymore, what i recomend to my patients is t get some physiolocal serum, put it in a 5ml seringe and squirt it inside your nose, clean your nose with that.
In a couple weeks the problem will be solved.
Of course if you just like esting boogers there is no medical problem

I am honestly curious as to what my parents will think if I get with that girl.

As far as my parents know, she is Half Polish, 1/8th Irish, misc White otherwise. While in reality, she is 25% Black. (Though visibly, she looks completely white)

My parents are kinda Racist, and hate any non-whites. (Except for Koreans)

Feels for today: I'm too fat for normal people to be interested in me but not fat/hairy enough to a be a bear or fetish material or whatever. I know early 20s is a weird time to be having this crisis but fuck

Sweet! A thread for me to get the past 3 months off my chest!

Recently I quit school and decided to work full time. I keep lying to my parents about going back in a year, but I dont want to at all. School just doesnt feel right and cosntantly trying to just continually fail has hurt me for way too long. On top of this I've recently broken up with the girl I love and slumped deeper into a depression thats lurked for years. I wrote out my suicide note but threw it away and havent told anyone. I havent had many positive days in these months and just needed to vent about it.

im probably going to end up an alcoholic. probably going to an hero because i dont see it ending any other way.

I'm still a virgin at 34. I don't even care about losing it, I just wish I could have a relationship and do all the stupid things people take for granted like hug, kiss, and hold hands.

>>24011574
You're a worthless human

>>24012822
Same but I'm only 26.

I always fight feeling alone and tired. I'm an inescapably lazy bastard and allow my social hesitancies and lack of confidence to ruin me not only socially, but also pull me back from successes like the simple ability to just make calls for jobs or things along that line. I struggle with my own intelligence sometimes, if only for the fact that I never met my own standards. I struggle with the concept of being alone constantly romantically, I'm twenty goddamn years old and I've still never had a relationship or gone on a single date. I question my own sanity sometimes if for no other reason than I'm stir crazy. I was abused for a good portion of my child hood until I was size enough that my father wasn't as easily able to abuse me that way, but I'm still small enough that he was able to pummel me hard last year. I struggle to be positive about myself, which I think in part is to do with my father's hyper criticism about anything and everything I did. I don't want pity but that's all people claim when I attempt to talk to people about life issues. I curb my emotions and stay to myself far too much because I was always told having emotions was manipulative, that crying when I was being beat or being hurt when I was insulted was somehow me trying to do something wrong. I wish I the fortitude to drink the goddamn bleach, but for some reason something in the back of my head keeps me from doing so. I really just want a social life. I just want to find something to enjoy, somebody to love, and a life to live. That's about it, I guess.

So I'm 24, I'm a bad and lazy student but apparently pretty smart, or so I've been told by my teachers my whole life.
Since I was young I had this lack of anger management which made me the weird kid in school.
I've learned how to socialize and relate lately, but I still get this social anxiety with new people.
I study finance in a private school but I feel like I didn't learn as much as I should due to absence and now I'm worried I won't achieve all the goals I've set for myself.
I've been told I'm attractive my whole life and I've been liked by girls I liked.
Cannot get this burden of low self-esteem out of me. Every time I meet someone new I can feel my voice weak and my body language won't help either.
I fell in love once and blew it, now I cannot seem to relate to an emotional level.
I'm a jealous person, an underachiever. I don't work right now and I think I disappoint my parents for that.
I'm afraid to try new stuff. I'm scared and angry.
What worries me the most is that I'm aware I have nothing to complain about yet I complain and feel unsatisfied.
Been smoking 1 pack a day or like 7 years, I feel guilty when I smoke but I don't quit.

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There has to be a word for this...when your living situation is great and stable but inside of you it's chaotic as fuck.

>be me
>graduate from animation and VFX school after 3 year course.
>feel like i have not accomplished much, but i know i should feel fucking amazing, even my parents who have been separated since i was a 5 are there, despite not talking to each other for years.
>I'm supposed to make a short showreel, showcasing my skills so i can send it to potential employers but i don't ever have the motivation to work on it most of the time.
>2 months have gone by but i have fucked around too much nothing getting done, can't really concentrate at all unless im on Ritalin.
>had depression for many years only seems to get worse as time goes on
>its worse this year, made me hand in work very late last year, realize its time to see a psychologist
>ask dad for money to see said psychologist, still waiting for him to recommend me one after a month, despite telling him i have found one.
>these last few months i have been contemplating how my life is going.
>Realize social anxiety and general awkwardness have kept me from having meaningful relationships.
>Don't want to waste away like this.

I can rationalize with myself why i should be working but it feels like my drive is gone, the "energy" that drives me has faded. I mean fuck it, i could work until 3am but now i struggle to work at the best of times.
The crushing loneliness of going to bed alone is horrible, i just want to find a nerdy girl to cuddle with. (ha ha typical 4chan post)
I haven't had a relationship since 2014 november, lasted one month but the sex was amazing.
Never had a real relationship before, in the traditional sense, mostly hookups only. Honestly, I need to connect with more people in general, make contacts in my field so i can get my career going.
Having a fascination with weird people makes finding love hard, since i live on the wrong continent finding a kinky girl is a struggle.

>>24005305
Its just one script, chill lil homie. Theyll charge it too the game, you just keep yo head up and get off them benzos

I litterally tortured my gf's pet mouse, when I had the chance to. It felt damn good. Even when it got old, I didn't really stop. Now it's dead (not by my fault) but if I had it around, I know I'd do it again.

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I'm extremely ashamed of my small penis, it's 13x10 cm and looks like a fucking needle. I can't even think of myself as a sexual being, I feel like even though I could become the greatest man on earth I would be a inherently inferior half man.

my long term gf is unemployed. one day while fucking we were dirty talking about whoring her out for money. fast forward idk how many days she finds a thread about sugar daddy stuff and how much money they make. Now we are looking into getting her set up with a couple guys and hoping she can finally bring in some money. I find it really hot to whore her out in this way.

I have severe intimacy and positive feedback issues stemming from childhood. I felt like I couldn't confide in anyone because whatever I said would eventually be used against me, which has been proven again and again with friends that have used, abused, and discarded me when they see fit. I am a loner. All of my issues have made me unable to trust anyone and has handicapped any efforts I do to try to make friends and trust people. I feel disgusted when someone compliments me. I do not like hugs, but simultaneously have this desire to hold the one I care about forever.

I'm a faggot that cannot come out of the closet because my family doesn't understand and the one person in my family that could understand would sell me out in a heartbeat to make himself look better. This same person friends everyone my age and lurks on dating websites so I couldn't even do online dating if I wanted. The only people I can attract are people much older or much heavier than me, or have psychological/drug addiction issues.

Even if I met some friends or scored a date, it'd still all go to hell. I have no sense of social grace, and I am either so unintentionally offensive, I give Gwyneth Paltrow a run for her money with my unintentional elitism, or I'm so autistic that I can't form intelligible responses and stutter.

Also, in terms of sexual attraction I'm actually bisexual, but I have such a bitter mistrust and disgust for women in a romantic sense that I cannot even imagine a relationship with a woman, which causes me great agony when my mother makes comments about me finding someone to settle down with.

My home life is falling apart. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm so close to the end of my schooling but I can't help imagining myself jumping off a bridge or in front of a moving car from time to time.

I hope everyone else on here feels better talking about their stuff. It appears some people on here really have it rough. You're in my thoughts.

>>24014808
I used to do this too when I was younger, with rats I was supposed to feed my snake (especially if he didn't eat them right away). I grew out of it.

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>>24015417

I killed my dog by smothering to put him out of his misery, instead of my mom spending the money to put him down, I still feel like shit.

>>24015764

Length could be okay but it's thin as fuck, still inadequate for the average women.

I think I'm probably the main reason my little broher has extream social anxiety and depression issues. I wish he would kill himself or get into a car accident one of the few times he goes outside. He would stop being annoying to me and a burden to my parents. Also, I'm sure the pity I'd recieve for my dead brother wouldn't hurt in the friendship and relationship department.

>>24015729
Has to do with empathy, I imagine.

>>24015837
How does your brother condition affect your friendship/relationship dep.? It seems more like it sucks to be him, but I don't see how it should be your friends' problem

>>24015837
my brothers more of a social butterfly than I am but hes been getting into a lot of trouble with the police and keeps going out to fuck around, last week we had to pick him up from the hospital cause he drank and used some drug enough to land himself there

I hope he dies so that my parents can stop worrying about him but that just doesnt seem like itll happen

I hate the concept of race in society, and how it is treated as a determinant of human behavior. Me being mixed has put me into a serve identity crisis where I am unable to enjoy life anymore due to constant worry and life destroying neuroticism. I feel that while I can be physically, intellectually, and most of of morally superior than someone else, I am still less than they are because of my race.

I desperately want to find someone I connect with.

I'm sick of making so many shitty friends.

>>24015927
Why don't you try helping him ?

>>24015944
Ive tried, he broke my trust too many times and Im not getting hung up on someone that just doesnt care

were completely different from each other and cant relate at all I stopped fully speaking to him a couple of years ago

>>24015939
What's your "race"? Just curious.
If you want my 2 cent, it's all certified bullshit. Who talks about races didn't grow the fuck out of his puberty. I'm sorry that you have to be throught the social stigma and so on.

I was talking to two girls at once... a mutual friend of theirs outed me and the one I fell in love with won't talk to me. I wasn't exclusive to any fucking body so it's not like I cheated. Have felt like shit for a few days and am drinking away sorrows

>>24015960
I was that dickhead youngest brother, and I would hate it if my brother thought that about me. Then again, it sounds like you have tried more than my brothers ever did with me.

>>24015940
I feel you here. I'm nearly 24 and I feel I can relate and trust maybe 3, 4 people. Including internet friends. Got close connection with many others, but I don't feel I can't trust them. A couple of years ago I was in a way shittier situation.

The way I see it, it's a roulette. Either you find someone or you don't. Though, it will probably happen sooner or later if you keep trying.

>>24012522
How would I deal with this? Parents would probably hate me for going with a mixed girl, even though she does not appear it at all. Instead looks normal Slavic She's half Polish), with some Irish mixed in.

>>24015940
Yeah, I hear you.

Maybe some people on here? Unless you are looking for irl friends.

>>24015962
I'm half white half black. I was the only black kid at my school, therefore I didn't have anyone to connect to. The town was half white half black. I was rejected from the community due to my appearance, however whenever I did meet another black individual they would say I'm "trying to act white, and i'm not proud to be black" because I got good grades and didn't do activities I was "supposed" to do while black.

>>24015980
Shit the town was half white half Hispanic my bad

>>24015908
Oh for sure. I would never do something like that now, but up until my late teens I had a lot of trouble with empathizing.
>>24015975
If you're in a position where you're comfortable standing up to your parents for being racist, go for it. If you're living under their roof I would probably not recommend, it will come out sooner or later.

I'm not very manly and all my friends joke about it. I pretend it doesn't hurt but it does. I don't want to become a trap and I don't like men so that's not a choice. I bought work out equipment for home so I don't have to go to the gym to lift. I have some social anxiety but it's not severe. I just don't want to be judged and demotivated by people. As a kid I always liked being a sissy but now that I'm older I've realized men don't take me seriously, ignore me a lot of times when I jump into a convo, and girls see me as cute. As a man I don't want to be seen as cute, but I can't even grow a fucking beard. I am not a "man" and everyone keeps reminding me and I fucking hate it.

>>24015992
Yea.... Seeing as I still live with them I'll avoid bringing up that their racist as hell. (I was almost kicked out for saying I don't like Trump)

But if I start dating that girl, I suppose It would be best to avoid mentioning until it can't be hidden any longer?

>>24015995
Workout a different muscle group everyday. 15 minutes a day. EAT. Eat every fucking piece of meat you find. Go to vitaminshoppe / GNC / whatever and get body whey protein. The chocolate tastes like a milk shake. Drink atleast 2 full scoops daily (60mg). You will be amazed at how quickly you gain mass. Working out is like 10%. Eating is the most important.

>>24015969
nah, the only way were alike is how were both very good liars, he straight up told me and my dad to our faces that he was gonna change and it was gonna be different so that he could stay with me, my mom, and my sister again (my mom and dad are seperated) and the same day he left at like 2 am to go fuck around the next day the police brought him home and told us he broke into 30+ cars

the night after we went to the movies and when we came back our other car was missing and the police brought his ass back again and he refused to tell us the other fuckers that helped him take it

I want nothing more than to have the police knock on our door and tell us that he got in an accident or something and hes dead

>>24016004
Thanks for the advice anon, I had no idea eating was that important. I sometimes starve myself or eat light meals. Should I also stop doing cardio?

>>24016019
Yeah. I'd say no cardio for atleast a month. You'll gain some fat here and there but once you've gained some weight you can shred down. And when that happens I would CONTINUE consuming the same calories and only do like fifteen minutes of cardio. Remember you are burning calories while lifting. If you are EVER fucking hungry and you have no food you walk you go get fucking fast-food if you have to... your muscles CANNOT grow without protein. You should feel full pretty much all day.

>>24016019
Also Mac your weight. Find a weight so heavy you can only lift 7 or so times. Do three sets. Once you're fatigued go down in weight. Do as many reps as you can. Go down again. It's about tearing your muscles down. If you work in a physical job (like me) and the soreness affects your job then drink pickle juice or take NO Explode (eould not recommend though, can cause high BP/palpitations)

>>24016008
Right. Makes more sense. You gotta go for tough love man, kick tht dickhead out.

>>24015976
I'm gonna try on here. I'm starting to give up irl.

Lots of things are going wrong in my life right now, and when things are going wrong I can't help but stop and think about how much has gone wrong in my life.

Born with a disability that left me housebound until corrective surgery at 12. The disability was corrected but I was still the weird girl with that weird disability and I had horrible social skills. A few years later I ended up having a huge and rare tumour - my scar is hideous.

I'm the youngest and both of my siblings are horrible with money, leaving my parents in a lot of debt. My parents cried so much about money in front of me that I have a lot of anxiety about spending money and not having money. Despite all of this anxiety, I spend a lot on people to try to get them to like me and the favour is never, ever repaid.

I'm lucky enough to have a job, but they're going through a lot of administrative problem and I haven't been paid in three months. Every Monday I have to prepare myself for a week of work with no money and I'm just barely surviving.

I have so much anger and sadness and frustration built up from my childhood and it all gets brought up during times like this. Just ugh.

i cant believe how real these stories are. I was a good looking guy, and accidentally fell in love with a guy who has horrible anger problems. Hes mexican which doesnt help, sometimes hes just fucking stupid mean, as in kicking me out for hours and making me sleep outside once. I never know when his anger will set in. But usually hes the sweetest guy, and sexy as hell. Being with him has completely worn me.down though, physically and mentally. And now I feel like im stuck with him. My biggest fear is that he will leave me and ill be stuck alone while he makes some hot ass girl happy as fuck. Hes pretty hot. Im jealous desu. But not jealous of his intellect. Or his abilities as a human.. And looks are a pretty shallow thing to be ruled by. Especially when you once thought so highly of yourself

>>24015980
I'm sure there are social contexts where racial issues become irrelevant, or at least, the percentage of people who gives a damn about race lessens.

I'm sorry I can't give you sound advice. I'm just a white italianfag here. In my country, different "races" probably have even a shittier time than in USA most of the time, but that's a wild guess.

>>24009477
What you're descibing are complety normal experiences and feelings.
You know what is wrong and you just need to act on it. Trust that gut feeling.

You need to keep it simple. I think you moved in to quickly, although understandably as it was convenient at a difficult time. So find your own place asap and dont overthink your emotions.

>>24016041

Don't give up irl. There's bound to be someone out there that has similar interests to you that isn't shitty. Like the other poster said, it is really a roulette sometimes, even on here.

What are some of your interests, anon? Maybe someone on here shares some.

>>24016041
Online friends are great for support, but humans are social animals. You'll need the physical contact/proximity, on the long run.
So this >>24016121

Also, from personal experience: sometime you have to endure a superficial friendship for a long time, until, some day, it becomes deeper.

I don't fucking know why but it's pretty damn difficult to talk of significant issues in our everyday life. Everyone who has something intresting to say about himself is scared of being hurt. Ofc, that's mainly due to the empty dickheads around. TL; DR there are more people like you and me that you can imagine. They're just smiling and pretending to be the same dancing, laughing shit like everyone else.

The thing is, i actually want it to work out.. it was an accidental thing as i wasnt even gay before that, but he isquite a catch! He always has "perfect" reasons for doing shitty things and defends them to the death, even goes out of his way to write things down so he remembers what it was that i said wrong. but do I really ever deserve to be left outside with doors and windows locked until further notice? Over a simple disagreement. But it only happens sometimes... But the sex is fantastic... So many battling thoughts in my head. And im not talking anal sex btw, we do everything *butt* that.

That makes alot of sense! Things actually seem to be gettimg deeper, but this anger and punishment based mindset is horrible

>>24004765
I met and slept with my fucking dreamgirl on Saturday night, then got told she had a boyfriend after I had given her a ride to where she works. I can't sleep or get anything done at work because I keep thinking of her. Haven't felt like this since I met my last gf.

I'm just fucking frustrated, I really want to be with the girl, but I really don't wanna be a douche to her bf so I haven't said a word to her since.

Fuck, I just wanna be with her again.

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I literally have no idea how to start a conversation.

I don't know what to talk about.

No one ever relies to my chats in a group.

No one seems to want to hang out with me apart from going to town.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

This is me.
I have a bipolar, OCD, narcisistic and dissociative/schizoïd/schizotypical disorder.
What it comes down to is that it makes me think of myself as a genuine autist for most of the time. I have used medication but prefer to live without.
I have an emotional maturity of a puberescent and an IQ of about 140 (WAIS scale) - but not having the skills to use it- with an unsuccesful career, yet still managed to have lived through multiple long term relationships with attractive women.
Strangely enough wherever I take physical root for a longer period- be it in a student dorm, school, a job - someone falls in love with me (no idea why) although I don't ever hit on people afaik.
Whenever a woman has the balls to follow up and seduce me I do tend to stay with her as long it is convenient as it feeds my ego.
I'm unable to reciprocate her love or relate with her but I use her emotions as a mirror to see/feel myself and subsequently get dependant on the experience.
I fake a lot of what I think normal people feel and say but I'm empty inside. Because of this every relationshop is doomed from the start.
After it's over she gets a place in my memory gallery where I can finally admire her from afar and love her or her memory.
It's not all bad though as I am able to feel intimate during sex and act out at least partially, which I am very thankful for. At least here the women get something out of it.

I'm 38 years old now and haven't grown from my past experiences. I can only relive them. I'm cought in a loop. My last relationship has recently broken up and it already looks like history is repeating itself.
My brother owns a brewery and the female brewer has growing feelings for me and I sense she will act on them. I'm scared like a 14 year old again.

What do anon. Is it possible to change or should I just accept I will forever be like this. Should I protect me and others from further harm and not have any relationships again?

I just want a Mommy.

>>24016239
Then don't start a conversation. If you really really want to start one you'll find a way to just do it.
Then don't talk but listen and follow up on the other persons story if you are interested in that particular conversation.
No idea what you mean by that but stop chatting if it bothers you.
That sucks dude.

Waht you are doing wrong reading your text: following up on and meandering about stuff that gives you nothing back. Start doing stuff that gives something back. Exercising is usually the easiest thing to start with..

>>24016058
>> I spend a lot on people to try to get them to like me

If you think about it further you'd see they will actually appreciate you less if you freely spend your money on them. This is human. Money is the worst incentive to be friends. Surely you must understand this?

>>24004765
I have a phobia of touching people.It developed when i was a child, due to me suffering from severe anxiety and hyperhydrosis.I can touch people i go out with (or i wouldn't have sex) but struggle to force myself in social situations.

I am addicted to masturbation, even though i have a beautiful gf.

I used to compulsively lie. I still fight the urge to do it, to impress people.

I wasn't all that interesting until i met my girlfriend. She made me redevelop my hobbies.

>secretly gay/bi but cant tell anyone

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>>24004765
My grandmother was raped as a child.

My whole childhood when my dad was at work and I was at home with her and my grandfather, she was always so strict.

One day in a fit of tears she explained why.

An uncle of a friend raped/molested her when she was a child.

My father does not know this, and if he does, he doesn't know I know.

Most of my cousins and her other 3 sons probably do not know this.

I'll probably take it to the grave.

>>24016594
hey atleast you shared it with us

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>>24016602
I never talked to anyone about this.

And I get afraid of talking with even my closest friends, because it's something I don't want to exist.

I always tell people about my grandparents, it's some way of keeping their memory and ideals alive.

I figure if I help someone, or make a good impression, it helps keep them around, helps hold up the family name they cared about.

But something like that, I don't want that to be a permeation of her memory.

Maybe it's me being selfish because I couldn't handle talking about it to people who actually know me.

>>24016622
if its of any compfort my dad got brutally beaten by my granddad and the only person he's ever told is me

>>24016568
It's suffocating, isn't it?

Reported all potentially illegal posts in this thread to the FBI, good luck anons

>>24004765
I hate niggers, I hate muslims, I wish they were extinguished and I'm revolted at the way young men are being pussified by feminism. I also sincerely think women are too emotional to vote. Despite that I hang out with arty liberals and every time they ask of my political opinion on anything I say that it's private.

>>24016642
It actually does anon.

I really hope one day you don't have to deal with hiding your sexuality.

Just keep trying your best until then.

I've always had this strange little fascination about my straight best friend, he knows this already, since it's so easy for me to speak what I feel. He's starting to get a girlfriend (maybe), and somehow I got very jealous/interested in him all of a sudden... When I told him about it he suddenly got very assertive and dominant and wanted me to tell me about every single thing that went through my head, a lot of it was dirty. In the end I just got frustrated and just said "What's the point, it's not going to lead to anything anyway...", he gave me this strange look and grin, and he fucking petted me on my head before he said goodbye, what the hell, I haven't been able to think straight for over an hour now. I'm a dude, so is he.

>>24016696
Maybe take the hint and see where it leads?

>>24016666
ive tried telling people but i just cant bring myself to do it

>>24016690
thanks man, i wish the best of luck to you and your grandma. you should spend alot of time with her and show that you do really care about her and dont see her as a strict bitch but as a person who matters

>>24016721
He's fully aware of the fact that I want him to fuck my brains out, but he's straight, he says no every time I mention it. I think he just enjoys tormenting me, but I've never have him act so smooth and dominant before, I've just felt strange in my head now, and I just want to cling to him

>>24016729
Friends not accepting, family finding out, being thrown out/disowned, general phobia in your area, what's holding you back?

>>24016747
tell him that if he doesnt want what you want he shouldnt tease you about is so much since that'll fuck things up even more imho

>>24016755
well i live in the northest part of sweden, which is not well known for accepting homosexuals :/

>>24016758
I tease him all the time about it, so it evens out.

>>24016768
so is it like a mutual thing? do you think he'll ever do it or what? because otherwise that sounds kinda dick-ish

>>24016747
Ah, well that sucks. I suppose it's cool that you have a straight friend you can joke about that stuff with, but sucks that it winds you up from time to time.

>>24016773
I just don't know. Maybe some day. That soon-to-be girlfriend is going to be in the way, though.

>>24016784
Jokes and jokes... it's far beyond that by this point. I'm not afraid to talk about when I'm turned on by him and stuff, and he just asks if it's because he touched me and he starts poking my shoulder before I answer.

>>24016766
Ouch. I'm in redneck country in the US, so I feel you. I always thought Sweden was one of the most tolerant countries in the world though.

>>24016803
it is... in the south ( in norrland its way less appreciative to come out ot the closet )

>>24016798
I still think your situation has some potential for at least a drunken bj. That or your friend is a massive dick for leading you on when he knows how he makes you feel and still does it anyway.

>>24016814
Du vet, du behöver inte komma ut? Det är personlig information som ingen rikigt behöver veta. Ta det lungt, det är ingenting du behöver oroa dig över.

>>24016821
Ohhh, there's been drunken bjs, and cuddles. He's strange

>>24016798
this is a really interesting scenario... never heard of anything like it. so what are you planning on doing then?

>>24016825
kanske är mer accepterat i lule men har du varit i pite? he är it vanligt för folk som jag pga att de är skrattat åt av folket :/

>>24016814
I hope someday you will feel more comfortable coming out. It's sad that you cannot share this part of your life with your loved ones.

>>24016828
>>24016836
I don't know. I'm fine now, but if he does what he did back there, I will lose my composure again and act like a submissive mess. I'll probably just be me, and if he ever wants to fuck me, he will. And you'll be fine.

http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/love/#6

>>24016855
i mean ofc ill survive.. do you know this new girlfriend of his or is she more of an acquantance?

I've stabbed an ex lover, slashed his tires and threaten to harm a girl before,cause i caught them sleeping together.
&
The guy i'm currently into,i found out his FB, full name, address, job, and school all before i meet him for the first tie in person.

>>24016868
It's some girl he meet on some online dating site. She's obsessed with him.

>>24016888
have they met or is it long term?

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bump

>>24017540
pmub

>>24005181
Are you talking about me?

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I'm painfully insecure and socially deficient, so I act with anger and lash out at people to compensate.

>>24016886
I would suggest some anger management, sincerely.

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>>24017966
Rape is a great outlet of those energies, or how about a nice abusive relationship?

>>24016680
have you ever thought of all the bullcrap those guys already have to do, and then you truck in extra loads of files and shitpost quotes tucked up your anal retentive ass and shit squirt them all over the virtual office of this guy...his fuckin little girl is dating some kind 15 year old mongrel hoodilum...his wife is the neighborhood slut and his fucking dog leaves the room rather than spend time with him

i imagine cetain words are automatically searched by some filter...and if your blues clues that you handed in on the form are highlighted enough you will be a suspect yourself soon lol ...for all your good deeds...

>>24009634
hang in there anon
maybe somehow get the sex before you boot her ass out.

I'm a 36 year old virgin. This is so ridiculous that in 4 years, my life will literally be the title of a fucking comedy.

I'm a beta male but I want to be a female/tranny dominatrix.
I don't even understand.

I am lying to my wife about the fact that her IUD poke my dick every time we have sex because don't want her to feel insecure. It wasn't suppose to be noticeable but I'm on the upper end of the endowment scale so I'm afraid I'll have to deal with it permanently.

>>24018342
So far as I'm aware this tends to be a temporary problem.

That said, imo, tell her. Worst case is "hey bb mind if I have [shiny new penetrative toy] soften it up for me?", which really isn't awful desu

>>24018362
Toys don't really help since it's the choke point where the filaments come out that I'm hitting consistently. I dunno my plan is to stick it out and see what things are like in 6 months.

>>24018257
Mate, at that point you might as well just pay for it. There's no dignity in revealing that to a potential partner, are you overweight or socially inept in some way?

>>24018389
Not overweight, not particularly ugly and not even a totally socially inept person. Actually, just with girls. I don't know where it started, I had 4-5 girlfriends between 10 and 18 year old and then depression and shit.
Recently I met girls but I don't know how to escalate and be physical at all when I like them.

About paying...Same shit honestly, telling a prostitute or a girl I like that I'm a virgin is the same kind of shame, so I may as well not pay for it. It's not the money at all by the way, just...I don't like it. I want a meaningful relationship. Not being too romantic, just, I don't want the mechanical business shit.

Made a post on Craigslist that I was virgin. Got response from a chubby 20 something your old with huge tits. Took the bait got picked up by her. Went to her house we were in the living room she said her mom and daughter are asleep in the rooms. Said to fuck her on her couch was worried about moms. Said she pays the bills mom can leave if she doesn't like it. Proceed to pound her doggy style. Cum inside of her . Get dropped off. Get a text a week later saying she's pregnant. A few days after that she said it was her ex boyfriend. I left Oregon never to find out

>>24018433
Prostitutes don't care on account of them being whores. If you want a meaningful relationship at your age you need some kind of sexual experience. I've heard there are certain therapists who help with this sort of thing but otherwise just go to a brothel and get your dick wet.

I have a chance to fuck this fit girl but she's annoying and i don't really want her to be my gf, I'd fuck her as a FWB but not anything past that.

I don't know what to do, it's either getting a good fuck for a buck or leaving it .

I'm trying my fucking hardest right now not to go into the bathroom and slice up my wrists. I'm having a really, really, really hard time right now and honestly the only reason why I haven't yet is because it hurts so much to walk.

My life for the past five years has been nothing but shit after shit after shit. I got cancer in '11 and then after that literally everything has just been one thing after another. I can't do this anymore.

I just wish for one fucking second that I could just FEEL normal. Just for a second. But no. Because I got cancer and had to go on chemotherapy and had to have an ENTIRE BONE REPLACED now my entire life is so fucked up and I haven't even started fucking living it yet.

I moved across the country to try and get a fresh start and then my prosthetic broke which SHATTERED MY FEMUR and now I can't even take care of myself so I have to move back and move in with my mom.

I want to fucking kill myself so badly.

>>24018637
Oh man, I feel for you. That's got to be rough. Look at it this way though, you've still got a lot of life to live. Even if you are staying with your mom, it's not that bad to have the love of someone who cares. Even with all the pain and how endless the shit seems, you've still got a lot of ideas to realize, lots of people left to meet, lots of things to see. Don't look at how other people's lives are. No one is the same as you. Don't feel bad for yourself, you're on your own path.

>>24018653
It's so hard to see it that way.
I feel like every thing I do, every step I take towards making a better life for myself is in vain because ultimately I'll never amount to anything.
I'm just a pathetic cripple who can't even take care of herself.

I have brain damage due to the chemotherapy, and it's increased the severity of my mental illnesses. I didn't even have it this bad before, but now my brain is LITERALLY SINGING at me to kill myself.

"Kill yourself!
It'll only take a minute,
you'll be glad that you did it.
Just open up the oven and stick your head in it!"

As adorable as Bo Burnham's jingles are, having this one on repeat in my head for the past six days isn't really that adorable.

My mind is never fucking quiet between the constant ear ringing, the random intrusive thoughts that I'm starting to think are developing into full-fledged voices, and my constant, ever-present self hatred.

The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I genuinely love the people who would be the ones finding my corpse and I can't do that to them.

If only my leg worked, then I could go for a hike and never come back.

I'm not taking this breakup so well, and deep down I think he was cheating on me with his new girlfriend he got with 2 weeks after we ended.

>>24018667
Mental illness is alright. Some of the best people in history were fucked up. Don't have the ability to walk? There are millions of things you can still do.

Quit looking at what other people have. You're only going to get stuck feeling inferior.

You're not going to kill yourself because you know the body is just a body but your soul and humanity are still intact. You can train your mind. And brain damage doesn't seem to be affecting your articulation.

Just enjoy the time at home. Be peaceful, read some books. Enrich yourself because now that's what you need.

Oh and if you ever want to talk I'm here for you. I'll find some way to listen.

>>24018667
P.S. I feel that way every day of my life and nothing is physically wrong with me.

>>24018667
Do you ever post lewds? Point me to them

>>24018683
>>24018686
Oh my god why did i even post it was so fucking pointless
like i can't even list all the fucking ways my life is different now
im not fucking comparing myself to anyone but me
me before all this god damn shit happened to me
me when i had gorgeous, unscarred athletic legs
now i'm just a fat cripple fucking cry baby who cant do anything for herself
god my life is pointless
all of this is pointless

>>24004765
When I was about 6 my parents got me to see a speech therapist and a counselor to help me with social skills.

I had a baffling gift for memorizing facts but I guess I just didn't know how to speak in a normal way and my body language was odd.

I had very few friends and was bullied constantly. I spent hours and hours reading alone and arranging things.

I'm 32 now and finally confronted my parents about what that was all about. My father sat me down explained that I was diagnosed with autism.

>>24018690
>fat

Nvm

>>24018708
I never got very good at figuring what people wanted in close relationships.

Friends and lovers came and went but I didn't understand why. I make people uncomfortable without meaning to and when I get started talking about a favorite subject I can go on for hours.

I'm getting to the age where I want a family of my own but it's going to be hard to find that.

>>24011099
kek
thats what you get for being a dick, share nudes pls. thx

I hate my marriage. I have no happiness. All she does is treat me like shit and play games. It feels like she's using me for a hidden agenda. I tried getting away, but she takes advantage of how I have the personality to not give up on anything, took advantage of my kindness. So I suck it up, pretend everything is okay. Yet I look out the window wishing to be with someone else. But to be honest, I am being a little selfish. I'm in the military and I don't want to move back in the barracks.

>>24018792
Grow a spine and take control of your own life

>>24018792
You are ruining your family.

>>24018792
You're a stupid cunt.

>>24018792
>being this cucked

wew

I have a recent desire to give a bj. I don't like it.

I think I'm going insane. And I don't mean in like a sense of frazzled day to day shit, like genuinely mentally defective. And I don't know who to talk to about it.

>>24019036
Like Nicholas Gage in Vampire's Kiss?

>>24019045
I haven't seen that movie, so I really can't say.

>>24019063
Awesome movie. Watch it it will make you feel more than sane in comparison.

My gf is in russia, im in france, we're together online only..is it wrong?

>>24019357
Doesn't sound wrong.

>>24019362
Thanks for support..

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I've been obsessed with big dick porn for years
"It's not gay, it's hot because it makes the girls look smaller and hurts them"
"It's just like it when they say 'it's so big' vicariously"
Visiting family for the 4th my brother borrowed my laptop and confronted me saying 'no one would care if you're gay'

fucking dammit
the thought of sex with a man disgusts me tho but maybe I have some tendencies

>>24019454
stop it
find a gf dude
you can when you want

>>24019454
same
are you big as well?

I hate my face
I hate my skin
I hate my personality
I hate my mental problems
I hate my lack of energy

I wish I could cut it all away. I wish I could hurt myself until my brain was fixed. I wish I could place myself in acid or bleach until I felt beautiful.

I wish I could be perfect.

>>24019559
Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

>>24019569
Evolution starts with mutation. Unfortunately, I have the wrong genes. I am a runt that has only survived because there is no lion to eat me. There is no owner to drown me in the river.

My fate was to die.

>>24019579
Watch fight club dude.

I pulled my cousin's pants down and touched her pussy while she was asleep when we were 12.

Also kissed her when she was asleep

>>24019584
Fight club is dumb. f8 me m8

>>24019595
blasphemy!

>>24016239
I got the conversation thingie down. I'm associal and shy (well, less now), and the main trick is actually really easy : what matters is not what you say, it's the way you say it. Don't lie to yourself, don't "try" to be cool. Be cool in your own way (what makes you laugh? Use it. What are you passionate about? Talk about it.). You can't please everyone but trust me, as long as you're yourself and remember that most people are "you", you won't have any problems chatting.
Also learn to small talk by trying to be interested in subjects you're not usuallty interested in. Basically don't be a yes-man but don't discard any convseration.

I FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING T SWIFT AND RUINING HER LIFE

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I was guilt tripped into taking a cat that I am unable to care for (I have four others) and she needs medical care (kidneys etc) that I am unable to provide for her because I'm poor. My other cats do nothing but beat the shit out of her since she acts like prey... however... I'm no better. I'm the worst kind of human, I don't deserve to live.

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foot fetish freak here. i used to cum in my old roomates shoes all the time. i know for a fact my seed has touched her beautiful bare feet and that excites me to no end. once I got her to step on my back, but that didnt do much, she wasn't very heavy (in my defense, my back really did fuckin hurt). when she moved out, she did so before me, and left sone flip flops, some slippers, and some boots. i have cum in them literally every day since. i wish i had asked if she wanted a foot massage or something, even if she would've probably politely declined. i know what i am, i just wanted to tell somebody.

>>24019741
so get it put down

>>24019741
Antifreeze?

I've got tons of anxiety and paranoia as well as anger issues that pretty much everyone has no idea about. Worse is that I'm usually the leader or in charge when it comes to my group of friends. I'd take medication but I'm worried what'd it would do to me beyond "fixing" the problem.

On top of that all of my bigger sexual fetishes are either impossible or REALLY messed up or both

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I'm not a virgin and every single girl my boyfriend has dated/fucked has been one.
He said it was a little sad we wouldn't get to have the bonding experience that comes with me being one but he's fine with it.
I don't understand why men want virgins so fucking much. Now I just feel like used goods and I won't be good enough for him.

>>24020450
But he's not a virgin himself... Neither of you are virgins so why would you being one make sex more of a bonding experience than if he was?

>>24020450
It reassures him that you would have no one to compare him to.

>>24020450
You don't only feel like used goods, you are worthless used goods.
He will never be happy with you because he deserves more than the pathetic being that is you.

>>24020526
He thinks he has a small dick because 80% of the people I've fucked have had 7+ inch dicks, even though I remind him that that's too big for me.
And he doesn't even get his hardest when we camsex, so I can guess he's going to be at least 7 when we actually meet.
>>24020543
Kill yourself r9k faggot.

I love you more now than I ever have Lindsay. I'm sorry that I made a callous choice 10 years ago. I'm sorry that I trampled the love we'd born, we'd cultivated and grown with such delicate nothings.

I live the life of a shell. Happy almost entirely except within. I hate myself, and yet you pay the price.

At lease I think you do. It's been so long. Perhaps I dreamt that we ever shared anything. Maybe I'm just insane.

Regardless. I'm sorry, I love you more now than I ever had.

>>24020550
Triggered by the truth huh?
He will never love you because you are worthless, both in his eyes and in the eyes of everyone that isn't a loser or a overweight dyke. He had only virgin gfs before you, you think he will stick around with a inferior woman like you? No.
He will dump you after he had his fun with you. Accept it.

>>24020588
>>>/r9k/
Consider hanging yourself. You're probably a wizard who will never get a woman so you're taking it out on them.

>>24020550
Why would you tell him the dick sizes of the other dudes? And you never met the dude?

>>24020588
I see what you're getting at but, I don't think it's that extreme.

>>24020605
It was before we dated. I was super casual about that sort of thing.
I don't know why guys are conditioned to think they have small cocks if they're under 7". Just because you have a normal sized dick doesn't mean it's small. I think he's perfect.

>>24020598
Yes project your insecurities about yourself on me.
Deep inside you know that you're worthless otherwise you wouldn't have made your post. If you were so confident in yourself you wouldn't think about it further, but you do.
You know that he will never be able to love you but you try escape the reality. No man with self respect would be with you longer than needed for his pleasure.
Wizards aren't the only people that see the reality of people like you, normal men see it, christians see it and we muslims also see it.

>>24020616
Well, lie next time. Tell him they all had such a small penis. Tell him he is the biggest. That will keep the bs down.

>>24020641
Then why would he constantly remind me that he loves me and call me "Mrs. <Hislastname>" and shit?
And don't say "b-b-but he's lying"
I know when a fucker's lying, I've dated some real pieces of shit.
>>24020657
He's got a lot of girth which is something I have not really experienced. That is more important than length.

>>24020664
But he's lying.
If you were so sure about the truth of his remarks, why make this post here? Because you know it isn't the truth. You know you're not enough for him.
You seek confirmation from thr outside so you can stop worrying about it and I'm showing you the cold and hard reality against which you rebel.

>>24020664
Just tell him he is the biggest if you want to keep the peace.

>>24020697
You actually said "b-b-but he's lying"
Top fucking kek. Go take your shit defense elsewhere. You're just jealous you can't have a relationship and that no one will ever love you.
My insecurity stems from the fact that I am not perfect for him. I don't fit every single one of his wants, even though I fit most of them.
Does that help?

I met her in college, we are both Nursing students. She is a solid 9/10 for me (But many see her as maybe a 7, 8 max). Damn near perfect.

Same majors
Similar outlook on life
We both have a soft spot for country music (Kinda odd both of us being from NYC Suburbs)
Same selfless interests
Similar Politics
Both kinda nerdy.
Similar Mannerisms

I tried getting with her, but stuff happened due to both me and her friend. Maybe in a few months time we will be a thing, I kinda have a feeling that it will happen.


Also her Racial background could be an issue with my parents. Seeing as she is mixed (75% White, 25% Black) She does not look it at all, so I probably can hide it for a good long while. (Looks like a dark red haired slav)


I don't care about here racial background at all. I fell for her thinking he was just 100% Irish. Found out about her background, and it did not change a fucking thing for me. I "love" her just as much as when I fell for her

>>24020450
that bonding experience, don't mean much to him if he not with them anymore

>>24021235
True.Good point.

>>24020721

Let's say that if I end up marrying her (Virtually no chance, but lets say I do, or any other mixed girl) and my parents disown me for going with a mixed girl, I will probably take her last name. That way no trace of my parents racist ways are left in me.

Is this a stupid thought or what?

>>24021265
Yea.

>>24021272
Theoretically they may completely disown me for doing that. So why should I keep their name if they cut me off because they disapprove of the girl I love?

Really, I am adopted, so I could just try and revert to my birth surname instead

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I just want someone to do kinky shit with
I don't give a shit about relationships at all, I just want someone to explore weird sex with.
All guys I get in contact with have no fetishes apart from deepthroat or anal, it's fucking depressing

I'm a gay guy and I catfished my straight best friend for nudes.

>>24021281
Oh. Idk. Why change your name out of spite? Even if you did that ant going to stop them from being racist.

>>24021286
What you got in mind?

theres this chubby guy i know and hes really cuddly and awesome around everyone, i get rock hard every time he cuddles me and i just want him to fuck my brains out

>>24021295

True, but why should I even continue the family name down my line, if they disown me for going with mixed girl?

Think of it this way.

Her family wants you over for Christmas. They then meet the mother, or is more obviously mixed as she's 50/50. And then the grand father is sitting down and introduces himself to my parents. They put two and two together, and storm out, refusing to speak to her or her family again.

Fast forward several years, we decide to get married, and as is tradition, the wife takes the husbands name. But would you really want to take on the same name as those who began to hate you solely for your race? No you wouldn't. And would I want to keep my last name, even after my parents cut me off due to dating a mixed girl? No I wouldnt.

Makes sense I hope?

>>24021323
Where are you man? Nobody would be that overtly racist. Maybe little snide comments here and there but to disown you? Also they did adopt you. I doubt anybody forced them.

>>24004765

I just admitted to myself that I love trannies and want to have a relationship with a tranny, now I hate myself.

>>24021363
Would it make you feel better if I told you I hate you too?

>>24021372

stfu or be serious