Help preparing a fake journal article

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>>8561985
Journal so far.

ze fuq, just throw it to the trash can

>>8561986
lmao

>>8561989
that is ungrateful. They bought this gift thinking it was thoughtful so I don't want to be a dick

Keep the tree, asshole. Cherish your parents, it's Christmas.

Perhaps they are hoping that you will grow to be responsible through caring for it.

Remaining despondent and irresponsible will disappoint them more than returning / trashing the gift ever would.

>>8561985
you are really dumb, for real.

>>8561985
Are you by any chance the same sperglord who wrote that cringe-inducing, rambling sciency love letter?

>>8562020
no

>>8562013
I don't need a tree to be an adult

Because it's so hard to water a tree once a day or every other day?

All this time and energy spent on writing this fake journal article could be applied to caring for the plant.

You have autism, seek professional help.

I'm not a tree psychologist expert, nor human psychologist, but I'm sure your parents gave you this tree because you don't consider responsible enough to take care of a fucking plant.
I mean, trolls will tell you to kill yourself, but your parents are probably trying to help you get your shits together.

Ask >>>/an/ (or google) how to take care of it, but I'm gonna assume you have to water it every other day, without over-watering it, and don't bother trimming it for the first few months. You'll trim when you'll be confident enough (or ask someone to do it by then.)
Put a reminder on a calendar or on your phone to water it. Find an app on your phone where you can configure a alarm that rings every other day, and report by one hour if you're not home when it rings (so you don't forget once you're back).
I have one to remind me to take my sleeping medication and one telling me to go to sleep...

If you really don't want to take care of it, tell your parents why instead of writing the lamest fake article ever. Bonsai suck by definition, they wouldn't be bonsai to begin with if they weren't "held in captivity".

>>8561985
Bonsai trees are the smallest trees known to man. It is because man has learned to modify nature by stunting a tree's growth and subsequently allowing it to grow in smaller and smaller form. It is a lot like foot binding for trees. Bonsai trees are bad for the environment because too many small trees might replace big ones, leading to global warming. Small trees in the world cannot be cut down for precious lumber, instead they must use other materials. If Bonsai trees are nearly one percent smaller than normal tree, then it will take 100 times the effort to build house if only bonsai trees coexist in the Earth's ecosphere. Bonsai trees will make forests smaller, leading to global pandemic. If one tree somehow survived the tree shrinkage, then it would pass its genes as the arbor-power of the environment and would kill the smaller trees. If genetic manipulation of trees at the smallest level continues to evolve, then trees will be microscopic in size and will eventually come to grow in random and chaotic biological places like the human body and deep within the earth. The dystopian tree-world-civilization would certainly not be able to evolve any more than a normal tree could, and we would practically be trading our humanness for a tree's stoic survival. The only threat to a tree-world-civilization would be the harms that could be caused by an alien invader class of lumber seeking humanoids that would cut or burn trees at random. Hopefully a seed of a human-tree would be able to spawn on other planets in an infinite cycle of panspermia across the universe. If not, we are doomed.

For the love of nature please kill that fucking tree..

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>>8561985
Just keep it and stop caring for it in a few months so it dies. Preferably after your parents have visited once and seen it alive. How is that so hard?

Unless you are a botanist or flower shop clerk, nobody expects you to know how to care for plants.

>>8561985
very sneaky homework thread

>>8561985
>>r9k

I just hope they won't buy him a cat