How are you hoIdin up, /r9k/?

no-one? o-ok

>>39183473
>started looking through my old messages to highschool buddies
>I was a completely different person back then
>actually said funny things, could make conversation
>all of those relationships have died and I'm alone now with my life in
>hits me like a sack of bricks how lonely and miserable I am compared to just a few years ago
>grab the whiskey bottle and start chugging

And now here I am drunk reading your thread OP. How are you robro?

>>39183473
Living my life one prescription refill at a time. Every 30 days I get a bottle of benzos and concerta and its a good couple of weeks, followed by pure misery until the next refill.

Cant really complain.

i've had pretty rough month but i have 2 good days in row now feels pretty cool. When youre used to feel shit all the time it doesnt feel normal to be okay.. suicidal thoughts are daily.

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>>39183473
Pretty badly desu. I have zero friends and it's slowly eating away at me. I have no more self esteem and feel like everybody hates me. I just want to fucking die. I'm so lonely...

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>>39183845
Fuck all these goddamn fembot threads, 100+ replies to each one every fucking time and meanwhile real robot threads get slid to the bottom instantly.

wish I had some stimulants

>>39183473
Depressed. Depression is known by destroying the motivation to do things that used to cause joy, but in my case I still have desire to do things (martial arts, lift, study, work, social activities, etc.) but I just don't have the energy. I feel bad all the time. My emotions are fucked up. I want to think I feel like this for cold turkeying from klonopin. I may also be bipolar cause I whenever I feel better and not that depressed I feel manic.
Today I woke up at 2:30 pm and have been in front of my netbook browsing 4chan non-stop and watching nostalgic videos about cartoons on youtube, literally all day.

>>39183473
My fathers friend came by today for a birthday celebration of my step mother. A year ago he divorced his wife and today he came over with his pretty good looking 32 year old girlfriend, he is 60 himself. Meanwhile I am tfw no girlfriend since 2014. I realized that some people like myself just dont have what it takes and that I should give up on life and not live in any illusions of making anything better. There is no point trying. Even a 60 year old fat man has enough charisma to get a girlfriend but I am useless.

>>39183473
it's been worse but i'm not happy

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Absolute shit.
I have no one I trust to talk to, and apparently I made all my "online friends" run away from me because I know no limit.

Life is shit, no real friends, no job no nothing.
Lost all desire to do anything, including masturbation, I am just fed up.

I'm alone, Why can't anyone understand me?
Is it because I cannot process emotions at all?
I really want to off myself now more than ever before.

>>39183867
Nice.

I passed out from too many benzos in front of a cop lady today. I laid against her bulletproof vest for a while until the ambulance came. She was a total qt. Plus I got to ride home on an ambulance.

I know this cuz people told me, and they took pics, but I remember none of it.

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>>39183893
>tfw the only hugs I've gotten in years are from 60 year old lady I work with.

I think she can see how dead I am inside, and she has suffered quite a bit of abuse herself. While I appreciate her kindness it also weirds me out that at 27 people that old are the only ones I can relate to. I look and feel ancient compared to my actual age and according to anyone who mentions it I act "old" too. I'm done for.

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>>39183473
I'm about to get evicted from my apartment because I'm too stupid to get a decent job plus the given stuff like no gf, friends, or prospects yadda yadda. Just another day in the office.

How are you doing?

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I haven't had my regular days-long "consider suicide" moodswings in about a week but I can feel it coming.

Can't wait! What's a better way to spend my time than picturing how to kill myself, and trying to convince myself that it's alright to do so?

At least I'm keeping up with my moonrune studying, which makes me feel semi-productive.

>>39183943
>it's been worse but i'm not happy
My life's tagline.

I just broke up with a guy I've been dating for like 6 months. I'm completely dead on the inside and I don't have any drugs to numb the pain so I'm here instead.

>>39183967
It's fucking terrible. I'm too quiet and nobody will ever like me
>>39183975
>tfw you go from content to wildly suicidal in less than a second

>>39183473
actually doing pretty well. my parents are out of town and ive been doing nothing all day

i can't talk to people about my problems on here anymore. you all reject me for finally getting a gf. i'll try again but i'm sick of being rejected by my people

i just want to fucking trust everyone. i only ever trusted high school friends and they abandoned me. it's a serious problem in my relationship now. things are either going to work out soon or everything is going to collapse on me. fuck i want to be normal and i'm so close but i can feel that downward spiral

>>39183473
working hard as hell and still single

feels bad man

>>39184010
>tfw you go from content to wildly suicidal in less than a second
>tfw this happens right in the middle of a social situation and you have to gather all your strength not to cry or zone out in front of a bunch of people
>tfw you can remember being happy even moments before and it all just feels bitter
>tfw even in a wonderful situation you suddenly realize that suicide is the only answer, because at least you'd immortalize this great moment
>Sad for days, then find something to excite you, then sad again for days

I've never been one to self-diagnose, and I'll probably never go to a psych because getting a legitimate diagnosis is frightening and life-changing, but I'm absolutely sure I have BPD.

>>39184011
Kys u absolute normalfuck

I wagecuck, come home, and spend all day on 4chan. I have no motivation to get out of bed. The concept of getting excited over or interested in something has become alien to me

>>39184074
>tfw this happens right in the middle of a social situation and you have to gather all your strength not to cry or zone out in front of a bunch of people
Holy fuck, the amount of times I've had to hold back from breaking down at work when I remember I have literally no one

>>39183858

I used to go back and look at things from the past too, the nostalgia is always a a good feeling but it can be a double edged sword. What are you drinking?

I'm fine, thanks for asking

>>39183972
That sucks, what will you do?


I'm fine, thanks for asking

>>39184126
You're speaking to the choir, anon. It's a special kind of hell for us wagecucks when you have the burning need to break down in the middle of work, but absolutely can't allow yourself too.

>A lot of alone time at work
>A lot of silent work to be done
>Begin remember all the horrible things in life
>Zone out, fuck up what you're doing, feel worse
>Customers flock at this moment just to make things worse

>>39183943
>it's been worse but i'm not happy

I know this feel

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Had a 4-month summer break, so it was nice getting a break from the constant suicidal thoughts and endless failures. I'm hopelessly bored, but at least I don't want to kill myself.
Going back to college in 3 weeks, hoping this time will be different. I wanna start seeing a therapist and going to martial arts classes.

>>39184164
It's bad anon... reaI bad

>>39183947
>I'm alone, Why can't anyone understand me?

We understand. Socially well adjusted people though, which are probably most of the people in your environment outside of /r9k/, aren't capable of understanding. Their concept of loneliness is going 3 hours without a text, or going a week without sex, etc..

>>39183473

Nervous but hopeful

It's a long shot but I think I may of found a way permanently out of this hell.

>>39183967
I'm 21 and my hair is rapidly turning grey. I look like shit from years of smoking and drinking, feels bad man.

Feeling guilty taking a two week vacation from work.

>>39184229
Remember, put the gun in your mouth, not just under your chin

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>>39183473
I need a hug really fucking badly and I don't even know why.

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>>39184323
>l need a hug really fucking badly and I don't even know why.

>>39184222
This is how I felt with one of my friends, I desperately wanted to say that to you quite often but never did. I was afraid our friendship would end, but it bombed from some other shit instead.

>>39183947
>Lost all desire to do anything, including masturbation
I know this feeling anon. It was one of the biggest signs that I think I've become irreparably damaged.

>Friends used to make fun of me for being asexual because I never acted interested in chicks and was generally uncomfortable with sexual situations/jokes/movies, etc.
>In reality, just so un-confident in my ability to get women that I didn't even try
>At some point my absolute inability to even picture myself with a woman has manifested itself in a near complete destruction of my libido
>Jerk off maybe once a week, if that, and at this point it's more of a mental thing because I still enjoy looking at well drawn hentai
>Will probably never use my dick for sex, so what's even the point of jerking off?

It's my birthday today. I'm 25 now. Dinner with family at home, had chinese food with an ice cream cake from dairy queen. Can't complain too much since I have people who care enough to make me feel okay for a few hours. Just wish I had a friend or bro who would text me and say "happy birthday" or just someone to temporarily relieve this crippling loneliness. Family is an awesome and supportive thing, something I do my best to appreciate, but I haven't done anything social with a friend or had a real fucking talk with someone in over a year now. Would be nice to just talk bullshit with someone about things. The worst part of loneliness, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc, is having no one to talk with about it. Fucking just kill me already and make me a mc in an anime or some shit.

Feels like a drink myself to sleep kind of night. Here's to dreams of another life.

>>39184074
This is me down to a T, I also suspect I have BPD.

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>No friends irl
>No friends online
>No friends in my head

>have no family
>no friends
>everyone at work hates me
>abuse any substance I can get my hands on
>if I can't find anything I drink myself blackout drunk
>no self control
I'm just waiting for the crash at this point, gentlemen.

>>39183473
I exercise, I have money, I don't have any illnesses, my job is stable. I'm not happy.
I have no interests, no hobbies, absolutely nothing that excites me. I work and browse 4chan.
I don't care about anything, not in an edgy way, just in a totally tired and defeated way.

>>39183473
im doing alright i start again at my old job here on monday i used to work in IT but the contract was shit so now im back in retail

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>>39184420
>Other symptoms of BPD include
>intense fears of abandonment,
>stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality lasting from a few minutes to a few hours.
>ongoing feelings of emptiness
>Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
>severe dissociative symptoms

>tfw I have all of these at increasingly uncontrollable levels

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>>39184605
It's like they put my life into words

>>39184096
I feel each and every one of these feels.

>Wagecuck from early in the morning
>Get home tired and drained
>Sit around on the computer accomplishing nothing for hours
>Sleep restlessly
>No reason to even get out of bed, just know that not going to work will make everything in life slightly worse
>repeat ad nauseum
>can't get happy or excited about anything. Just lack all energy

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Not well. I don't have anything i want in life. I have no hobbies, no envy for sex, having a gf etc.. i have nothing to keep me going apart from being scared pf killing myself. I can't even blame mental illnesses, i am thinking this through rationally and i cannot find a singular reason to help me enjoy life.

This close to arranging a drug fuelled binge in some shitty country with my life's savings, inviting any robot who wants to come then killing myself at the end of it

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>>39184605
This is me exactly to the T and the dots on the i's. I don't know how much longer so can take living like this. Every day after work I can only think about hanging myself on my bedroom door. I've lost all sense of who or what I am and feel like a ghost trapped in a shell and all
I want is to be free from it but I'm scared of the void at the same time.

>>39184902
This actually sounds like a pretty good idea desu, fentanyl will do the the job at the end of a good bender.

Just started taking Zoloft. For once I felt... normal. I would watch a movie no problem. I was talking with family like normal. I was able to go out and do errands no problem.

For once I felt happy

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>tfw have bpd, schizophrenia, and autism
Is there hope for me?

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>>39185128
> autism
No hope anon. Sorry

>>39185128
Robots here are fucked from just experiencing one of those, you've got the holy trinity there anon.

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>>39185053
I'm in the exact same boat, anon, only my fear is Hell and not the void. I absolutely feel like there's no hope at all, but there's also no real escape. The older I get, and the sadder/more empty I feel, the farther I actually seem to be from suicide. I think about it every day, but I haven't attempted it like I did a number of times back in high school.

>>39185163
How old are you anon sempai? Originaldo

>>39183473
slipping into a depression again, this time it's coming on pretty strong but trying to stay positive and not let it consume me again.
Went for a walk in the sunshine today which was quite nice, would recommend

>>39185205
22. I've been suicidal since around 14, and I made half-hearted attempts on my life a number of times in high school (that no one in real life knows about). Promised to kill myself at 18, but things were kind of looking up for a time. If only I'd known how I'd end up.

Nowadays I lack even the slightest motivation in life, and while everything in life just feels terrible and lacking, I can't muster up the energy to kill myself. The fear of Hell is also very strong in me.

Never better, really. Grew out of my edgy nihilistic phase a year ago, I've never been happier. I finally have some friends I can genuinely trust and be serious about life with, and I'm more confident with myself than I have been in my entire life.
Still a relatively ugly 5'4" unathletic manlet but I'm seeing nothing but positives.

>>39185269
Shit anon. Youre young. Did you try meds? Im 31 my life is shit im thibking about suicide aswell. But dont know if i was 22 i wouldnt kill myself. Youre not lost yet m8. Seek help.

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>Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorder
>NEET college dropout living with parents
>Antidepressants, therapy, ECT do nothing to help
>Reclusive loner who spends all day watching Twitch streams and Let's Plays to pretend like I'm "playing" vidya with a friend
>No goals, aspirations, or dreams; just waiting for the end to come

Once the parental safety net is gone, I'll probably commit sudoku. Nothing in life feels like it's worth working for. I'm too pathetic to even consider the possibility that I could make things better for myself. I've put more effort into shitposting on 4chan than I have actually trying to change.

>>39185163
>the older I get the fatter so feel from suicide
This is pretty much me. I think it's because as we grow older and we've yet to pluck up the courage for self termination we slowly get used to feeling this way so it doesn't have as much of an impact and we start becoming numb to those feelings and the tortures of daily life except for a few short moments of absolute dread which eventually subside, because we're used to it and this has become routine for us.

>>39183473
Still dealing with crushing loneliness. But every time I work up the will to talk to a girl or send a message my mind flashes to all the times they hurt me. Most often to the one that stabbed me and sent me to the hospital. Then I have a minor panic attack and just go home or go to bed as soon as possible.

>>39183473

Better than usual. About a year left in uni, I'll be 26 when this is over with. Still lack motivation and discipline, not sure if I'll pass everything, and even if I do, I've had to quit every job I've had because the obligation of showing up started fucking with me mentally. Really want to be a composer, but I'm too lazy to even play my instruments; wish I'd gone to school for that instead of a 4th rate state school for fucking English.
And the usual no (irl) friends, no gf etc etc

That's just the bad stuff, though. I'm kind of ok with being alive for once. At least for now, that might change, but whatever.

>>39185297
>meds
>help
Not worth it. Admitting any of this to a person in real life is impossible to me. I'm both frightened and prideful; it just wouldn't happen. Plus, meds just numb you. I don't believe in spending money on prescriptions for nothing. I can just drink away the suffering.

Have you sought help yourself?

>>39185338
>This is pretty much me. I think it's because as we grow older and we've yet to pluck up the courage for self termination we slowly get used to feeling this way so it doesn't have as much of an impact and we start becoming numb to those feelings and the tortures of daily life except for a few short moments of absolute dread which eventually subside, because we're used to it and this has become routine for us.
Absolutely, and it's terrible I've grown so comfortable in sadness and suicide that I don't even know how to be happy anymore. It's normal. It's a daily routine to hate myself.

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It's never been this bad before. I feel my due date approaching.

>be almost 25
>virgin, have had a gf in middle school, but nothing serious, only kissed once.
>been a complete shut-in dropout since I was about 17.
>drugs don't work anymore without making me anxious
>drank myself into a week long psych ward stay
>started a journal,changed my sleeping pattern (waking up at 10\11am instead of 3pm) and forcing myself to get out of the house and go for nature walks
>starting to feel hopeful about future

I dont know anymore guys. I've been like this for so long. At one point I even forgot how to have conversations IRL because all I did was sit on the computer and drink beer.

I'm giving myself until 30.

i gave rat poison to my neighbor's dog an hour ago

>>39183941
>had a girlfriend
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>been in a mental hospital for a year
>doing a lot better but still far from where I need to be

I'll probably need one more year

And yes we can use a phone/computer in mental institutions in the Netherlands

>>39185791

I hope you make it man. I broke down after 3 years of heavy drinking to cover up my problems, ended up in a psych ward for a week and it helped me realize a lot. Also made me realize how worse off a lot of other people are mentally.

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>>39185128
>schizophrenia, and autism
nope
a diagnosis in one excludes the other

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>>39185854
to add

The essential features of Schizophrenia are a mixture of characteristic signs and
symptoms (both positive and negative) that have been present for a significant portion
of time during a 1-month period (or for a shorter time if successfully treated), with some
signs of the disorder persisting for at least 6 months (Criteria A and C). These signs and
symptoms are associated with marked social or occupational dysfunction (Criterion B).
The disturbance is not better accounted for by Schizoaffective Disorder or a Mood
Disorder With Psychotic Features and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a
substance or a general medical condition (Criteria D and E). In individuals with a previous
diagnosis of Autistic Disorder (or another Pervasive Developmental Disorder), the
additional diagnosis of Schizophrenia is warranted only if prominent delusions or
hallucinations are present for at least a month (Criterion F).

>>39185389
>It's never been this bad before. I feel my due date approaching.

whats wrong anon

talk to us

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>>39186614
Rapidly approaching critical mass, my friend. My delusions and depression are weighing down on me, hard. I'm so alone. I just want someone to love before I die.

>>39183473
I have absolutely nothing to look forward to, and no plans on what the FUCK I'm gonna do with my life. Still just as much of a failure as I've always been, except my face is now fatter than before from eating junk every day while on my break

I still think about the same girl who I learned enough to know we're incompatible yet I can't get her out of my mind no matter what. pretty sure everyone I know knows how much I suck and simply talk to me out of pity

>>39183473
Not great OP thanks for asking. I have a big presentation with the board of directors of the company I wok at on Monday. Basically it's an entire restructure proposal for the company. I've been working on it for 6 months if I can convince them to use it I'll be the one implementing it and get a big promotion. If it doesn't go well I literally just wasted 6 months of my life. Feeling really anxious haven't been able to relax at all or sleep for a few days.

>>39186708
>I just want someone to love

I think you want someone to love you.

>>39186708
If you die now, you won't get that person who loves you. However, you can't live because you have no one to love. It's quite the paradox, yes?

>>39187087
Interchangeable, really.

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>>39187087
Not im but... Fuck you anon! Thats the truth. Because i cant love me i want someone to love me instead.
Why is so hard to love myself? I want to love me but i cant. Im a failure

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>>39187090
But in both I am assured eternal loneliness.

I've got a nice job that makes my parents proud, a car, a cheap living situation, I'm artistically talented, physically fit and not deformed. Everything should be fine, right?
I feel so alone. All my friends are either deadbeats who don't want to leave the house or in committed relationships or busy working and don't have time to do anything. I don't have any willing to be a wingman for me- willing to go out, socialize, go on adventures, do stuff. I go out to try and socialize alone and get discouraged. I can carry on casual conversations easily enough but can't get past that. I can't develop intimacy.

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>>39183473
I've been abused by all of my immediate family. Long story short, I'm now living with my grandparents. Everything here is falling apart. The outside and the inside of the property is fucking trash. What has not been pissed on by cats and dogs has been scratch and covered in dirt by cats and dogs. I've been trying for months to get my stupid bitch grandmother to let me work on it but she won't let me do most things. Got up and worked on the back yard today because fuck it. Picked up hundreds of pounds of bricks, pulled plants, moved rocks... They want to put in a deck thing out there and that's what that's for. In my mind it's less grass to cut so it's pragmatic. I bent a wind chime while throwing bricks out of the way because it was literally hundreds of pounds of bricks I moved today. I simply could not be asked to move them by getting up. It was a standing chime. Come two hours ago (near fucking midnight) and I'm woken up by my grandfather yelling up the stairs to come down. Whatever. I do. "You bent thing hur dur dur dur dur". I WILL FUCKING KILL, YOU STUPID FUCKS. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD. I'VE BEEN BEATEN, RAPED, DRUGS AND MORE BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO TAKE MY LITERAL AUTIST OF A BROTHER INSTEAD OF ME AND YOU FUCKING DARE YOU FUCKING DARE GET PISSY WITH ME AFTER CLEANING UP YOUR MESS. YOU FUCKING SUBHUMANS. They horde and are hypocrites and lie to my fucking face and fucking goddamnit. I want retribution. Everyone is so sorry of all the things that happened to me but fuck me you didn't do anything about it when it was happening so how sorry are you really? THERE IS A COUCH SATURATED WITH PISS TO THE POINT IF YOU TOUCH IT YOU GET PISS DUST ON YOUR HANDS. SHE WON'T LET ME TOUCH IT TO GO THROW IT AWAY. I have offered so many times for months on end to help her and she just fucking pisses about. She's a cunty little bitch home wife who just sit around and does nothing. I will certainly go on a purge of these stupid fucks if it happens again. I hate them. HATE!

>>39183473
i will never stop holding up

people that commit suicide are weak

Not too well. I just have no real future except to wageslave for years in order to eventually become a neet. I'll probably never get a qt bf and it tears me up. I don't really know what to do. I rely heavily on escapism to get through my days.

>>39183473
>was on here intensively two years ago
>met other robot
>half a year of love and pining
>half a year of incredible love and sex and feeling happier than I could ever be
>break up due other robot not wanting kids and i really wanting to and freaking out over it
>do okay for a bit less than a year
>do less okay
>feel increasingly lonely
>less and less okay
>start drinking again
>start playing vidya again
>come back here
i ruined it, didn't I?

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>>39187727
We all will die eventually anyway. What's the difference between dying from natural causes, an accident or suicide? It doesn't matter.
people who commit suicide are not selfish, weak or coward.

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It's starting to get to me. Been doing the NEET thing for 5 years now and the ennui is starting to creep in. But I'm too much of a coward to succeed in the real world. Too fed up with the monotony of living the same day over and over gain, too cowardly to venture out into the world and find something new. What a "life".

>>39187782
I switch up my escapism with podcasts. People at the job think I listen to music. At least I'm learning something.

>>39187622
Your grandparents are hoarders. If you can, get a van and live on their property and keep clean there. My brother is the exact same way. There are little bags of food rotting in his fridge (he doesn't know how to use plastic containers, so he stuffs food in a plastic bag that he rolls tight) and cupboards and he and his wife will yell at me if they notice i threw some out.
I had to live with him for a while and in the end I preferred sleeping over on a friend's couch that wasn't toxic.

>>39187912
you can have the same ennui when you are working outside, in the real world. I think that's why normies are so much into travel.

I'm really starting to suspect that all of this is just a question of mindset but i'm not sure how to fight against it either.

>>39187888
makes me glad that you see successful and rich people kill themselves, clearly money cant buy happiness

there is an inherent lack of endurance if you kill yourself

>>39187930
My sympathies, Anonymous. This shit fucking sucks. I don't know how people do it. I'm trying to get out of it. Best of luck to you.

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hear me out anons.
i know you feel sad. you feel like no one loves you, you feel alone,
but I will tell you a secret:
kindness begets kindness.
be good to each other
try to help around your house
then go helping around your neighborhood
do this everyday
you will feel love
you won't feel alone
you will feel useful.

>>39188021
>then go helping around your neighborhood

i would be killed or robbed if i did that even though i have good intentions

good thing niggers are never expected to act like decent human beings despite being backed by every liberal in the country

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>tfw you didn't come from a broken family, suffered no childhood abuse or mistreatment, had every opportunity to succeed, and still ended up a miserable failure posting on /r9k/ alongside people who can legitimately blame other factors for their current circumstances

damnit

>>39188034
no anon, you can't think like this.
there's someone needing your help right now
if you could change just one life, if you could be a hero to at least one person, wouldn't you do it?

>>39188087
>if you could change just one life, if you could be a hero to at least one person, wouldn't you do it?

already tried with a mentally ill person

people can't be helped if they don't want to be helped

>>39188074
you are not a failure, friend.
everybody is precious

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It takes me three hours to sleep. Tfw shooting paina from chest to left hand when depressed. Failed normie. Cyborg.

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>>39188074

I BLEW IT

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

>>39188106
what about bring food to a homeless person?
or maybe helping in your local animal shelter?
have you ever visit a nursing home and talked to some of the elders there? it would mean the world to them

>>39188108
I really like your name and the thing what are you trying to do in this post. But sometimes life fuck up so bad that we cant even have a little of hope left.

>>39188087
i tried to be nice and altruistic, and it let to me getting taken of advantage of, on many occasions. it'd be nice to be nice, but now I'm bitter and cynical. I don't know how you come back from that. I can appreciate martyrdom in the abstract, for a higher ideal, but I don't see any higher ideals in the modern world, I don't see many people worth making sacrifices for

>>39188147
all that requires social interaction, do you even know who you're talking to here?

>>39188147
>or maybe helping in your local animal shelter?
considered that

>have you ever visit a nursing home and talked to some of the elders there? it would mean the world to them
considered that too

dont have a car or transportation

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i get that im on r9k, but im quite surprised how many of you have little interest in simply creating a purpose.
the most measly small interaction u have on the street could set u up for years of journey and new inspired thoughts, if ofcourse you decide to just fucking DO IT.

>suicides just gonna speed up death anyway, we're here so why not just experience life and do something good or cool
>and if ur really not afraid of dying then use it to ur advantage to enjoy living
>and if u really wanna die atleast don't go out like a pussy go and fight villains or smth

>>39188150
>>39188151

but that's the kind of attitude that makes you feel the way you feel right now
you want to feel good?
do good.

>>39188183
so, it would benefit you, yes? a little practice? hehehe
go outside anon, at least water some plants, talk to them, tell them how you feel. they can hear you, you know?

>>39183473
Fell in love, got friendzoned. Now want to curl up and die. So nothing new.

>>39188207

I'm getting there, anon. After seven years of being a neet, I finally have decided enough is enough. I'm still fairly young at this point to change and not seem like such a disappointment to everyone.

I've never even tried to change, just kept the same mentality I had when I dropped out of high school, that everyone hated me.

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>>39183473
>best friend's grandparents offer me to rent out a room since they need the extra money
>decide to move in, why not
>the following month my own grandparents sell their house and move out of state due to some random offer they got
>no turning back now
>get a good job, pay rent every month, offer said room up when their family or friends visit to be polite, signed up for classes this fall, buy my own food, ect
>months pass mostly fine, minus his grandparent's random old people bickering
>best friend's autistic sister comes over, literally uses and clogs the toilet badly
>his grandparents and said friendo wind up having to do a lot of hard work/drill down to the pipe to unclog everything
>was asleep from overnight shift during this time, didn't know
>his grandparents blame me for it somehow despite the fact I wasn't even home for two days with eye witness testimony of said friendo
>decide to kick me out with three weeks to move out randomly
>mom's homeless already and my grandparents don't want to take me in
>life yet again cucking me whenever I better myself

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>>39188147
>helping homeless, animals and elders
I dont give a fuck about any of them

>>39188304
i see... well that's unfortunate anon.
nevertheless, know that you are precious and irreplaceable, and you could do very good things in this world.

Still only feeling the need to kill myself.
Don't know why anymore. I've gotten /fit/ got a girlfriend with slightly less autism than myself. I'm better at hiding my autism than ever and things are going well.

All I hear randomly though out the day is old fags style mean comments; Kill yourself you ugly basturd, do a flip faggot, neck yourself faggot.

I hate it. Life's going well why do I still feel like ending it all when it's going good?

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i watched an anime called tsurezure children. It has made me remember how lonely i am and how i need a girl in my life.

I am attempting tinder again, the last 3 times i got a total 1 reply telling me my profile was too serious. I've quit in the past from getting no matches.

I'm going to attempt for a month this time. I've learned from my mistakes. No selfies, only pictures where it is obvious someone else is taking it. A picture of me with other people. Only pictures where i am doing something interesting.

I just want a girl to tell me i'm cute or interesting, a date or sex isn't even the goal.

Wish me luck

>>39188209
Gentileza sempai tell me about the worst moment of your life? Tell me about the time when you though about killing yourself because you have no future to look for.

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>>39188287
always remember that the payoff of trying and doing stuff really is what your heart and mind prefers, even if it gets you covered in mud or some crazy shit, it's an experience so why not?

i watched anime when i was 11-13 and was a complete hopeless fuck, the animes would genuinely depress me when the seasons ended because i felt as if i was shut out of their life and essentially just became poison to me. 14 was an edgy year of existential and philosophical paranoia up until 16, i went out with a lovely family a couple of times, slept at their house and got to know all their children and older sons and daughters.

its at points like that in your life you realize the most basic things can keep you going aslong as its not leeching at the pc watching anime, just that feeling of hopping into a jeep with a friend or acquaintance thats older and wiser than you that you can talk to the world about while going to do some errands is great.

just remember that what you are now in no way solidifies your final form. nobody has to see you how your parents and your current acquaintances do. you can get on the real track to life with a purpose, become useful and then be your own person that you know isnt autistic and people would want to see.

>>39188340
i love you anon, i believe in you, and i root for your succes! i'm glad to hear that some things are going well.
there are a lot of noise in this world anon, some good, some bad, try to focus on the good ones! don't forget to give flowers to your gf every other day and tell her you love her!

>>39183975
Same problem. Don't know why I wanna die so much anymore.
I'm practically a chad yet almost everyday it's like Roman's let's go bowling call.
"Hey Anon! It's your crippling depression let's kill yourself"
Another time depression.
Oh ok... I'll call later

>>39185128
Yeah

But you wont even try will ya?

>>39188403
What do you have in mind when you think about killing yourself? I mean what the "most terrible thing" you have in your life right now that you cant overcome?

>>39183473
Terrible
Only reason I havent shot up some place is that guns are really hard to get where I live

>>39188394
that would be 1999 anon. my best friend passed away, my father was in a car crash, and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. i tought that the world would end at any minute. i kept trying to be strong, but everyday i tought about killing myself. i wasn't strong enough, and wasn't fair that i had to look strong. eventually things got better, little by little, one day at a time.
and here i am today.
it gets better.

>>39188462
you really shouldn't make illegal posts like that

now if you ever try to get a gun you probably won't be able to (for good reason)

>>39188462
Where are you from suicide anon sempai?

>>39188462
fucking other peoples lives up just because yours is shit isn't a wise option. why dont u try to actually get in on the fun with other fellow humans too?

>>39188492
Let him take chads with him if he does get one. At least he's probably promised 72 virgins or a time in Valhalla if he actually kills a ton of them.

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>27
>making 30k pesos a month but still khv
>at least i have 2 doggies

>>39188576
>30k pesos.
Youre argentino nigga?

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>Somehow getting progressively worse at CS, WoW and LoL (Halo 3 & Halo: Reach Bloom + AA are the only games I'm above average at)
>No famous GF
>Drinking bottom shelf grog cause it's all I can afford
>Uncertain future, most likely doomed to wageslavery below the poverty line, homelessness or suicide barring a miracle

At least I flex like David Icke

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>>39188626
I used to be Mexican but I quit for 7 years and now I'm back to business.

>>39188651
Tell me something. Are mexican chicks hot? Im talking about the average of course.

>>39188678
I'd say it depends on what city you live in. The biggest cities have the prettiest women IMO. The country has an obesity problem like the US but you can still find a lot of cute women of all ages.

>>39188626
Why are there so many of us here compared to other latin countries
Probably the worst place for a robot to live too

>>39184323
>>39184345
This is me. I can't explain why, but I know its all I need to set my whole life straight again

>>39188769
Sos argentino?
I have no idea anon, our country is a shithole. And having no social skills here is worst that death.

I just ordered some AL-LAD.

>>39188807
Correntino
Es lo peor si, es esta cultura de mierda donde las unicas cosas que existen son mirar el futbol, ir al boliche a garchar minas y trabajar
Me dan risa los yankis quejandose de sus vidas pero la verdad no se aguantarian vivir aca

>>39188830
yo soy de buenos aires. la verdad que si, estos gringos no duran 1 semana aca. Ojo tienen una sociedad bastante de mierda ellos tambien, pero mas que nada sus minas, se nota que las chabonas son re superficiales. Pero yo te soy honesto a veces leo a los robots y se quejan de boludeces. Yo si viviera alla incluso siendo un manlet (1.76) me cagaria de risa, pero que se yo. Cual es el bardo mas complicado de tu vida anon correntino?

>>39183473
Please help me. I'll do anything just to hear a friendly voice. I'm literally about to burst into treats.

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not well. realizing all my dreams are dead and i have no hope of accomplishing them. realizing i cant learn the things i would like to, only so many hours in a day. realizing im an unemployed loser living with my mom, i have no reason to live. too old and too poor to go back to school for retraining, this is going to be my life until i die. how do you robots with no futures and no hope deal with the feelings, i really hope i get killed tomorrow.

>>39188852
No hay nada no complicado, sino no estaria aca a las 5.27 de la manana hablando pelotudeces
Lo peor creo yo es vivir en un pueblo chico
Si vivis en una ciudad podes ir a cualquier lado y no te van a conocer pero aca no es lo mismo

>>39188921
Si. Te entiendo, es un garron eso. Ojala tuviera las oportunidades para irme de argentina, empezar de cero en otro lado. En suecia, japon que se yo algun lugar flashero, pero aca es una garcha si no naciste en cuna de oro las oportunidades son minimas, pais de mierda la verdad. Pero que le vamo a hacer. Todos putos. Y mal boludo 5 y media de la maniana en r9k. Oh a donde se fue mi vida?

>>39185854
>>39185901
It literally says schizophrenia is warrented in autists with the condition of delusions or hallucinations for a month. Thats one of the most common and looked for things in schizophrenia other than flat effect. 1 month if delusions isnt even long either.

You can easily be autistic and schizophrenic at the same time..sheesh where did you learn to read?

>>39184184
> 4-month summer break
Whut??

>>39183473
I used to be a normal. I hard friends, girlfriend, got good grades and did typical kid shit.

I fell off the wagon junior year for some reason I can't explain, and i couldn't force myself to be normal anymore. I dropped out of a regular high school and did online. It's been a couple years since then, and I have so much regret. I sit around my house all day, watching tv, playing video games and using the internet.
I sleep 4-5 hours a night on a good night.
I don't get up til 10.
I have no job, hobbies, interests, or marketable skills.
My only social interaction with non family is with my friends on discord, where I spent a lot of my time, and on here.
I'm dying inside

>>39188915
I'm so fucking useless I can't even get someone to try and help me.

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>>39183473
>stuck in a job
>stuck in a lease
>stuck in a shit hole town
>stuck in student debt with still no degree

Im trying to shift my perspective but holy shit life is constantly bleak.

Maybe one day it'll get better, might as well keep pushing until im fucking dead

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Pretty bad. Starting uni soon, have no friends, dont know what I should pick for my major, my job is driving me insane, nobody likes me.

>>39183473

Not very good.

almost 26, neet since 1 year, daily suicidal thoughts, hate myself etcetc the usual

>>39189870
Do some push-ups

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>>39184323
You get a hug and bonus points for having an image of Woolie

>>39183473
its 3am and I gotta go to sleep but I also gotta fap first but I'm not really feelin the fap right now but I still have 30 tabs open from when I was feeling the fap before I got sidetracked

>>39185286
Good shit anon! Keep it up, you've given me hope in this black hole of a thread.

25, kissless, hugless, handholdless and of course a virgin.

Like a lot of other posters, I feel suicidal and over the past year I feel like I am a roommate in my own body - not in the sense that there are other personalities but here just I guess detachment?

I can't hold a conversation with others and I have no desire to yet at the same time the need for someone grows stronger e.g. send a message on tinder - they respond - I stop because I have nothing more to say - they move on but I don't.

Fuck I wish I was normal. I wish drugs worked on me. I want to die.

I wonder what my work colleague would think if those normal bastards saw this. I'm so happy, so good, everyone loves me, yet I feel nothing. c'est la vie.

pls respond

>>39183947
>I'm alone, Why can't anyone understand me?
>Is it because I cannot process emotions at all?
>I really want to off myself now more than ever before.
i know this feel all too well
lets suffer together in our inability to process emotions properly

>>39190736
I would hug you but sadly I'm in New Zealand

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>>39190736
hugging things out makes the situation feel a little less dreadful
even if it's a virtual hug

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>>39190821
And sadly I am in a 3rd world middle eastern country, but that is fine.
A virtual hug counts my dude.
>>39190829
Virtual hug's better than nothing my friend, thank you.

you know that feeling when you anticipate getting to something/completing something/finishing it will make you feel better?
I did it.

Nothing.

Almost worse to be honest.

Not as bad as you guys though. Keep on keeping on guys. I don't want to be an advice fag because I always hated listening to that shit. Just know I love you all.

>>39190930
You're welcome, anon. People say that touch is important, but when we're deprived of it, we put more value in the other kinds of senses we can attain. Virtual hugs are most definitely better than nothing.

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>Acne won't fucking go away even after accutane

>>39185742
thats pretty sick, maybe you should kill yourself

>>39187876
>>break up due other robot not wanting kids and i really wanting to and freaking out over it
you sound crazy, that person did the right thing

I got weed, so I'll survive, go on without me

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>>39183473
I can't tell if I'm holding up well or not.
I had a fight with someone earlier, over how I used words that offended them, and now I'm left punching pillows for the rest of my day. It helps, but I want to tire myself up enough to forget that person.
It's not my fault I was raised to have a sharp tongue. I'm trying my best to change for them, but they're not making it easy for me. I thought they agreed that they'll understand that I will have times where I stumble with my words, but it seems like they don't.
I'm calling everything we had into question, and whether everything was just from us wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Am I feeling sadness over how I keep being seen as a villain? Or am I feeling elated over how I finally realize things as they are and embrace how terrible I'm seen as?
I have no clue.

Hoping I don't have a panic attack today. I had a bad one last Sunday after drinking heavily with a friend. The attack made me abstain from alcohol for a whole week until last night. I don't want to get to the point where I have to give up drinking

>>39183473
Not so great as of late. I have a few mental illnesses and literally 0 friends so I was contemplating hanging myself but I doubt I will.

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Pretty good
Have officially diagnosed mental diseases, get autism bux, live at home, no obligation except paying visits to psychiatrist and psychologist regularly.

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>>39191762
Well, fuck. I should stop the pity party and just embrace how terrible I'm seen as. Do my best to be a damn petty villain with all my effort and all that.
Fuck caring. Fuck people getting offended.

>>39183858
I do this all the time it's a bittersweet feel opie

>>39183879
what's been rough pal?

>>39183894
Just report them then move on.

You are simply giving them more power by investing your emotions into them.

>haven't had a good night's sleep in 2 months
>literally up for 30+ hours at a time
>can't be productive during that time because im super tired but when I lay down I get restless and just think about horrible shit so I can't fall asleep

>>39183972
Check out the homeless thread in /out/, they can give you some good advice.

>>39188915
>burst into treats.

Sorry Anon but I couldn't help but laugh

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Got an ok job and a mortgage, however I don't really see the value in life. It has devolved into getting out of bed in order to get paid to pay my mortgage.

Also working in an office for all these years, I feel that women aren't women anymore and try too hard to be men. They will backstab you, yell at you, you name it, just like one of the boys trying to get ahead in office politics. I imagine guys that are into femdom are living the dream at the moment.

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>>39192564
At first I was thinking righto newfag, then when I googled it it turns out that it's a 7 year old meme. Kill me.

>>39184605
>going across the street instead of down the lane

Cunt is just an attention seeking whore.

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>>39183964
sounds like you had a pretty good day, all things considered.

>>39184605
>intense fears of abandonment
I don't have this. I don't give a shit about other people.
>stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
I had this happen with me once, shit was fucking scary. It made me break up with my ex.
>ongoing feelings of emptiness
All the damn time.
>Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
Yep.
>severe dissociative symptoms
Nope, thank god.

>>39188462

society will never ever love you my friend
that's what happens to be a shut in neet with no friends.
Your parents are ashamed to have a son like you, anon. thats the truth
Deep in your heart you know you can't change your situation. Everyone knows you don't have the guts to shoot nothing.
You know its their fault/society's the reason you're a worthless neet but man, you don't have any guts to make justice. They laught at your situation. You know they know you're worthless

>>39183867
What type of benzos you take? And how much? And how much concerta?

I'm taking 10 mg of Klonopin whenever I go outside. I have also Ritalin 10mg. Do you think I could mix these two for better results?

>>39188975
I believe what anon is getting at is the mental equivalent of the whole square vs rectangle thing

A square is a rectangle. But a rectangle is not a square.

Don't ask me why, I don't know. I failed math all through out middle and high school because of shit like this.

>>39187953
Money doesn't buy happiness.

But it does buy a shit ton of prescription and street drugs that can drown out your sorrows.

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>>39183473
not too good OP I'm tired of watching the slow demise of this board.
>>39183894
Pic related was taken minutes ago

>>39184402
Yo robro I know I'm about late but happy late birthday!!

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>>39188367
Anon I truly believe in you! Hope it goes well

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>>39192839

Fuck...

I remember when I was a small kid, I wanted to be an artist. Now though, I sit here alone. Surviving on milk, and bread. I wish I could try and make the world a better place. Even if I could would I want to help the degenerate masses. I just want things to be better. They can be better.

It doesn't have to be like this. If we could only break free from the chains that we are bound up in. The game was rigged from the start. Everyone's getting riled up with hysteria created by the lying press. Antifa is in the streets. The communists are trying to do as they usually do, and ruin everything.

If only there were a solution to this problem. A way to free us from unseen hands controlling the strings which enslave us. I just want my countrymen to be happy. This degenerate society we have now, are we truly happy?

If only there a solution...a final solution.

I have to go to work tonight but I woke up too early so I'm going to smoke weed and take a long nap.
Nightshift is comfy as fuck though, doesn't even feel like going to work.

>>39188207
>the most measly small interaction u have on the street could set u up for years of journey and new inspired thoughts

is this supposed to mean something?

>if u want to die then just be happy brah

lol

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>>39188403
>using the term crippling depression unironically

>>39189762
>2015
>Visable "User was banned for this post"
What?

>>39188975
If you llok at the symptoms of schizophrenia then you'll see that it probably just straight schizo and no schizo+burgers. High functioning autists can often end up with an incorrect schizophrenia diagnosis

>>39183473
pretty bad. Yesterday i saw gondola thread on 8ch where they posted sad but very comfy webms. I cried like a bitch.
my life is and will be shit, and after it - eternal nothingness. No matter how many times i steel myself, existential depression returns and with each time her grip on me tightens.

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Feels like I'm trying to bail water out of a ship that's going to sink regardless of how furious my attempts are at trying to save it. And all the holes and cracks that the water is leaking through are there due to my own negligence. I feel compelled to just "go down with the ship" at this point; it doesn't even feel like having a seaworthy vessel would make me happy anyway.

>>39185742
Dude from the bottom of my heart I hope you lose anything else that could have worth in your life. I highly doubt it since anything worthwhile must have abandoned the fuckup that is (you). This is why people hate you.

>>39183473
about to quit my job. dunno what i'll do after.
i'm worth more than given credit for.

>>39185742
My shitskin neighbors have a three of annoying little dogs that bark often for no reason (the little shits bark like they are big dangerous dogs lol) and it makes me want to kill them. But I know it's probably just because of my anger issues. If I feel calm I don't really care and don't pay attention

Failure to be able to fullfill by biological narrative, hell even being able to attract a woman at all, tends to make me feel worthless.

>>39192839
Proyecting a bit hard m8

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last friday i heard that i am terminally ill and i feel like shit

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>tfw I realized last night that either the CIA or equivalent government agency or some cosmic entity is influencing events in my life to cause me to become a miserable wreck and commit suicide because otherwise there's a chance I'd be a threat to their control

i dont have a roommate this semester eventhough i have a double room. xanax and black right now. shit is cozy!

quite comfy lad

>>39183933
I have the same feeling man. I once thinked about smithing. I even gathered needed equipment for pretty cheap and it's just rusting in the back of my dad's old garage. How do I find motivation to do anything? Only thing I do is smoke weed and work and browse 4chan. Maybe sometimes I go ride a bike or play bilard with my old friends. Only a strong coffee, weedpipe and my bike keeps me alive.

ru58841 might help, im using it but im not sure how its working as of yet, as i just started using it this month

>>39192735
>I had this happen with me once, shit was fucking scary. It made me break up with my ex.
>once
Try having it happen at random times
>In class
>On the highway
>In your very own home
You begin feeling like you're not real and the paranoia becomes far more intense. But the worse is that you never know when it's going to happen again, so it makes you even more anxious and paranoid.

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I've started muttering and humming to myself seemingly at random. Wandering around without purpose. Sometimes just screaming outright and punching walls or floors. I think my depression has reached the point where I'm trying to will myself into a psychotic state so I can fully dissociate from reality and take refuge in my imagination. The only reprieve I have from my daily psychic suffering is during dreams, where things can be exciting and unpredictable, and I don't have to worry about going to work or paying bills or whatever.

I feel like the guy in "Beyond the Realms of Death" by Judas Priest. Just take me out of this fucking world.

>>39192526
just put on someone on your computer, like a baseball game, you can also listen to a podcast in bed with headphones. thats maximum distraction, it helps.

I slipped today and bruised my ass

>>39201181
its ok, dont be butthurt about it

>>39183473
Family went out of town so I've been home alone for the weekend. I used to enjoy these kinds of weekends in the past but I just feel really sad and lonely now. Been drinking a lot, listening to emo music, and not doing anything.
Have some Toru Okada:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciPlxoa1NiA

>>39183473
It's my birthday and I want to kill myself

>>39183473
Pretty nice
I'm going to the gym every second day, I'm getting a pretty good education atm, I've made some good friends at college and my gains are pretty impressive
I'm not a regular /r9k/ browser, I tend to browse /fit/ /pol/ /lit/ and /tv/

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By realizing capitalism is what's ruining my life. I have since been radicalizing and becoming more and more of a revolutionary far-left extremist.

>>39201680
What a shabbos goy

>>39201680
>he thinks capitalism can be defeated

Not happening in your lifetime either way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hS0Xotr5hM
Video related.

>>39201680
How, originally, has capitalism ruined your life

>>39183858
Looked at old messages recently too for the first time ever. How i fucking wish i could go back to being that person. I don't even remember what it was like, but at least i had a modicum of social skills, seemed mostly positive and you know, actually talked to people

>tfw you peaked and it's only downhill from now on

>>39201680
>>39201852
>life sucks under capitalism
>vanguard party hangs the bourgies from the guts of the bureaucrat, births a socialist state
>life sucks under socialism

>>39183858
Where's the sweet part?

>>39201680
it's not a capitalism problem or a communism problem. the leftists look at the greed and graft of our current international capitalist system and want to tear it down. the right wing sees the danger of communism and the genocide it will bring and they want to stop it.

both international capitalism and globalist socialism create a massive underclass and place the same rootless people in charge of them. neither capitalism nor socialism can work without a strong national component, otherwise it's just an endless cycle of exploitation and collapse

>>39201680
fucking dank my dude

>>39202012
This is one of the worst posts on politics i think i have ever seen on this site

>>39189032
College
also I dropped out near the end of the semester

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>tfw stuck in nostalgia for the early 2010's even though back then I was doing exactly what I'm doing now (Pissing all my time away on 4chan)

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I don't have energy for anything anymore, i'm sleepy all the time, can't even play vidya, any drugs to fix it?

>Was a NEET for a couple of years from 2012 to 2014
>Went back to college, finished a few months ago
>tfw now relapsed back into a reclusive NEET
>Went to bed today at 10 AM, and got up at 6 PM.

>30 yo virgin
>dead end office job
>living with parents again
>acne

>>39202301
Well, the obvious question is what is your sleep pattern like?

Try going to bed early and waking up early.

>>39202473
Does the job at least pay a decent wage?

>>39188329
Jesus fuck, where are naive roaches like you coming fron? Get fucking back to Plebbit you piece of shit

>>39202301
You have to eat healthy and only drink water and tea.
I managed to pull it off for a few months but gave in eventually.
Let me tell you now that I've gone back to my unhealthy ways again, I can now see the difference it made, the difference I didn't notice that much while I was living healthier.

>>39202547
He's just fucking around I-I think

I haven't been on 4chan in like 5 years and I have come back to this board, it's not going great but its still better than most of these poor robots. I just assumed this place would be reddit by now.

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>>39183473
not good i don't enjoy anything anymore tv, vidya, talking isn't enjoyable anymore. barely enjoy this board like i used to, went to my aunts birthday today im the only loser there even my 17 year old cousin looks older and is more confident than me while im 22. I even have a sheltered country girl talking to me still a virgin yet i cant say im really interested in meeting been embarassed so many times before its hardly worth it. Well hope tonight will be the night i grow the balls to end it.

>26
>meet a girl at a festival
>hanging out for hours and getting on great
>she goes to grab my baseball cap asking if she can wear it
>"n-no...." (it's covering small bald patch)
>creates awkward moment
>she makes lame excuse and leaves

Fucking sick of wearing this hat. Anyone else know this feel?

Almost 3 years as a NEET.
I don't even know why I wake up.
I'm a 5'4 manlet.
I'm also bad at interacting with people.
I just wish I could stop existing.

>>39183473
>How are you hoIdin up, /r9k/?
i feel like I'm losing my visual ability. hopefully, I don't go complete blind or I would kill myself.

Who here /backacne/ ? Can't gete rid of this fucking shit

>>39202857

Visual ability lol, it sounds like it's a superpower.

But definitely go see a doctor,

>>39183967
You should fuck her

Maybe she'll even introduce you to her granddaughter ;)

Tfw no granny GF making me a cake

I'm not sure. I've escaped the horrible depressive rut I was in for a very long time, left behind a forum of similarly feeling people and made some progress towards being a better person. I feel like an imposter moving forward in my life for some reason. The good things that have come from my efforts don't feel deserved. At least when I was suicidal I had an end game in mind. Now that I am carrying onwards I don't know who I'm humoring or what. This is all edgy existential 14 year old trash and I should be relieved the worst seems to have receded for now.

>>39189032
That's normal so long as you don't take a summer semester

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>>39188367
>tsurezure children

It was too difficult for me to watch past the second episode. Over the years, I've had to drop many anime/manga/films when the romance starts to ramp up. I'll never experience anything close to that.
Anyway... Good luck on your endeavour, anon.

Well, todays my birthday lets see how this shitty day will end

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>>39183473
I've been feeling a lot better lately. I've had stuff to play and I haven't cried myself to sleep as much. After I've turned my sleep schedule back to normal again I'll take up losing weight again. I really don't want to be fat anymore, I've been fat since my early teens and it sucks, I can barely remember how it feels to be thin anymore. I envy skeletonfags who can eat tons of food and not gain any weight, being fat is painful and everyone looks down on you, no one cares about skelefags. Currently weigh 117 kg, I've only lost 3kg so far but I've quit eating snacks and candy, atleast not as much maybe just one time each week. Hopefully it works out to just keep eating 2 meals each day and walk on the treadmill 30+ minutes a day.

>>39204574
What are your meals on a regular day? One of the reasons why I stopped lifting weights is that eating 4000 kcal a day EVERY day is fucking hard. I can get 1g protein per lb of bodyweight but eating so much food to get the calories is just stressing.

>>39192706
Wrist slitting is trash method either way.

I already lost.

this is just my hell now, it ends when I kill myself

>>39187153
go to the gym then, read the holy sticky of /fit/
then you wont be a failure, how could you be with a 6 pack and yuge biceps

use that as a stepping stone to other things you always wanted to do, step by step, You can and will make it anon, it may take a while, but the journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step

>>39183473
I decided I needed to make a positive change in my life a few days ago, so I quit smoking weed cold turkey after three years of chronic daily use. I smashed my pipe, threw my grinder in a lake, flushed my weed down the toilet, and deleted my dealer's number, all so I couldn't go back on my decision, because I like to consider myself a person with some conviction. I feel exactly as empty as I did three days ago. The only difference is I'm not high.

>>39188087
I can't do this because I literally have no emotions. I cannot feel empathy toward other people. When I see somebody hurting I just stare.

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watch this video friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qSzTQScywo
listen to it, understand it, and internalize it
No matter how low you feel, how crippled you think you are
You still have potential, you still have greatness within you, and there is not a single thing anyone can do to remove that potential glory you Can, Will and Shall have

Success comes from psychological sources, not genetics
The mind is a powerful weapon, if you Believe in something, it shall become your Reality

If you feel that your life is terrible, then why not change it? if everything you are doing just creates more of the same, then change what you are doing.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
The only things in this life that you'll really regret are the risks - and adventures - you didn't take.

you're gonna make it, all of you will
The mere fact that you are here today, and haven't offed yourself just yet shows that you still have that fire in your heart, that you still have hope for your future.

>>39185337
same. im trying so hard to avoid this same outcome but it seems to approach closer and closer daily.

Is there any hope of meeting new girls after college?

>>39183473
Kinda tired at the moment.....searching for a job but I haven't given up yet!

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>>39185378
>>39185719
>>39186708
>>39206362
If you don't like how your life is, Change it
Learn where your comfort zone is, and march away from it, take not one step back, and never look back

More of the same gets you more of the same, if you do not want the same, then do not do the same

>>39188916
the thing that kills me most is i know i wouldn't even get anything done if i could turn back the clock. the same shit every day. i don't even try

>>39199851
what happened. tell me

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i'm 23 years old, only had a few dead end jobs, failed high school and don't plane on going to uni. never had any real experience with women except for kissing some drunk slut i met at the pub. still don't have my full license and live with my parents. i'm a brainlet and autistic but worst of all, all of this doesn't seem to really bother me.

>>39184889
that documentary had me rolling. the part where he's giving the black some hard truths in the room. fucking kek.
regarding your dilemma: u need to change your lifestyles desu. go out tomorrow and do something that scares the shit out of you. for me it's stuff like going up to a complete stranger who is hot as fuck and asking them out. getting rejected is beside the point, it's finding out that u can feel things other than your everyday, run-of-the-mill depression. another good one for me was dressing up in the only suit i have and going into a car dealership and pretending i could afford a new audi r8 to get a test drive. feel something dude.

>>39199851
How long do they say you have left, anon? How are you planning to spend your last days?

>somehow very slightly cracked a tooth
>hurts like a bitch
>can't afford to go to the dentist

life is pain

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>>39188916
>>39206758
>>39206825
There are people that start their careers at 50, and still become successful
You are never too old to change yourself, Never.
>>39206718
If want shit to be different, just fucking change it, Choose one thing, Right fucking now, and change it for the better
You would have spent over an hour jacking off, That hour shall now be gym hour
Tomorrow, Change something else, the day after that, another thing
One by one, change things you do not like about yourself for better ones, One by one like a fucking march, and you Shall become who you want to become

No matter how hard is seems, do it anyway, no matter the cost, no matter the effort, see it through, tear the world asunder to have it happen

>>39206850
>>39184889
people find meaning in the most arbitrary things, it's how the world continues to run. we're no different than the detestable normies we harp on about in many respects.

>>39206825
explore a little my dude. it obviously bothers you. people do things differently. you don't need to be like everyone else. my dad worked as a prison guard for 17 years between 20 and 37. then he went to uni, got a ba in psychology, masters in psychobiology and now he's a teaching fellow at a local uni. just find your way. if all the fucking normies who post cat memes on fb can do it u surely can

>21
>drunk outside of work
>see and hear things I know aren't real
>have delusions that my ceiling fan is out to get me
>work 10$/hr job at a reputable place
>see death and decay every day at work
>no friends
>lots of bills
>live with mother helping her bills
>somehow haven't relapsed into drug use
>always on the threshold of breaking

I've done well enough, I guess

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This is really autistic, but I have this story that I've been imagining since I was a young child, a war in a huge sci-fi world where the main characters have some psychic powers like foresight that works for their plot armor. Like Paul in Dune. Anyway, the first main character died when I left 7th grade and his son Orion became the main character. Orion did so much, all the best parts of the story involved him. And with him as the main character he was almost like an alter ego. So when I imagined the story it was almost always from his PoV. So after a while he started having visions of a final showdown with the enemy leader, ending in his death. And it happened, he fought the guy to the edge of a pit of energy then threw both of them in because he knew the enemy leader wouldn't expect it, and burning him to death was the only way to get past his regeneration. They both died, and twenty in-world years later his son and daughter came of age and became main characters. Problem is that his son is too different, and splits attention with his sister so it feels schizo. With Orion gone, the story feels like its lost some continuity. He did so much it feels just wrong that he won't make it to the end. So I began to make these plans to resurrect him. My justification was, they did it with the ghola in Children of Dune so its ok, right? But if I bring back Orion there will be there characters competing for the spotlight instead of two, which I already too many. And andromeda (the daughter) has had much not interesting storyline than Leo (the son) so I've focused on her more and more. So if I bring back Orion, do I have him become MC again? I truly miss this character, regret killing him off. But bringing him back also feels wrong. Dunno what to do and I'm approaching the moment where I have to decide.

I know its a lame problem but this story, autistic though it is, one of the most important things in the world to me so I don't want to screw it up.

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Fucking terrible. I've lost motivation to become social. I've been miserable this whole month. I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle going back to school.

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>>39206968
>>>/tg/
you have a talent for creating stories, why not nurture those talents in the place of story tellers

Try and you shall improve, perhaps you'll learn things you've never thought of

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>>39206942
but anon i'm a brainlet, i'm terrified of going to uni cause i want to avoid feeling stupid and being treating like i'm stupid. in school i was always placed in a box and treated as though i was inferior or subhuman, spoken to by teachers and peers like a was a dog or something, humiliated by being put into special ed i don't want to go through that again.

>>39206968
how can I follow your work?

I know you have a soundcloud I'm the guy who said you copied mgs

link plz?

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>>39207065
if you have the cognitive ability to understand your surroundings and that environment, I doubt you are retarded enough to be permanently intellectually disabled
If you aren't super smart, then don't go into academics, Trades don't take too much book learning, just hand eye coordination and the ability to follow the fucking manual

depending on where you are, some trades pay better than most academics, Canada pays their tradesmen like fucking kings

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>>39207116
I've always wanted to do a trade but my i have extreme anxiety when it comes to messing up and looking stupid. everytime people find out about my aliment that's it! i'm no longer treated like a human being and no longer trusted and respected. this is why i have no friends, it's always the same treatment. i really humanity!

>>39200392
Smoke the right kind of weed. Some strains make you drowsy and apathetic. Others give you a caffeine like buzz and make you want to do shit. Then combine that with a SINGLE energy drink. Like smoke a bowl of upper in the morning while drinking a Monster.

Make sure you don't do that in the evening or at night. A good sleep schedule will motivate you more than anything else. You'll wind up with too much energy and will have to burn it off.

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>>39207218
Just stop giving a fuck about what other people think
that's it
all Billionaires agree, once you unshackle yourself from everyone else, your potential becomes infinite
Truly, Just stop
giving
a
single
blueberry
bubble
fuck
about what any other human being thinks about you, not one, not two, ZERO. and just dedicate yourself to your passion in your entirety, and you will prosper, I guarantee it
though for curiosities sake, What is that ailment, I do not know of one that would cause such an adverse reaction

>>39202360
>Went to bed today at 10 AM, and got up at 6 PM.
Same here.

>>39202839
Just shave your head, dumb ass.

>>39207262
that's probably the best answer because it's also the most unrealistic and tormenting one.

you basically just told him to stop having the problem.

>>39206471
I am the exact same way.

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>>39207299
if you can't go around a problem, you gotta go straight fucking through

Grit your teeth and start hammering that wall, it will inevitably break and let you through to paradise

>>39206866
Pronamel sensodyne toothpaste. I had the exact same problem. It makes the pain go away.

At a bar right now sitting in the patio. My phone is on 1% so I'm just gonna be sitting here alone pretty soon. Friend left to talk to some chick feel so sad.

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>>39207262
essentially i'm just slow. i have auditory processing disorder, i have a hard time processing information. my sister pulled me of of the kitchen bench when i was a baby and i hit my head. thankfully i think it's not genetic

>>39206968
Open wordpad and start typing that shit out. Then get it published.

>>39183473
Planning to kill myself in a few weeks desu

>>39207338
it's good advice, only the tormented can put it to use, or succumb to his demons and become a monster in this hell.

I'm so far into learned helplessness I'm trying to police my response.

Pretty great actually, thanks.

>>39207405
Lucky for you, Neurotechnology is improving rapidly
It is very, very, VERY likely you'll be able to get augmentations and repairs in the next few years to make you good as new
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brain%E2%80%93computer_interface

You're in a shitty spot, but you will not be forever, we're heading into a golden age of technology

I'm always tired despite doing nothing and everything hurts.

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>>39207529
i really hope so anon, one thing i can be proud of is the money I've saved. that would save my life.

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Did two doses of acid at a cabin.

Was pretty fun.

I realized today how pathetic my existence is.
I'm 24. I have no job. I have been out of work for nearly 7 months now because of my illness. I've applied to over 300 jobs, and I've even given my resume to people to work for free, and only one call back. I have a chronic illness that is incurable and brings my quality of life to next to nothing, yet doesn't impact my life expectancy. I can't drink alcohol. I cannot eat 90% of food. Travel is next to impossible for me. I consume 3500 calories a day but I still lose weight every week. No woman, no, not just a woman, no average human being wants to be around a piece of genetic trash like me.

All I want is for someone to go through it with me. I can't keep going on like this alone anymore. My family has shunned me because they feel that I'm a leech/burden to them. They get mad at me for being sick like it's my fault I have an autoimmune condition. I just want to feel loved and feel wanted. I want a purpose but I don't feel like I have one anymore. I can't get disability for this condition because every judge knows someone with the condition and has it under control. I've exhausted all my options and nothing worked. Surgeries, meds etc. Nothing worked the way it should've. Now I'm stuck being sick all the time, not employed, and a waste of resources.

>>39184015
Le normie norman visiting the robolands of his past :,)

>>39184345

This is among the most heartwarming things I've ever seen.

Time to go try to get any motivation to do anything due to >tfwnogf. It wasn't meant to be this hard brehs. I feel like if some of us were born in earlier decades we'd have succeeded.

>>39183473
I finally realized that no one will ever respect me.
I have a job, I pay my taxes, I pay my rent and I help around the house.
It doesn't matter. People at work still make fun of me, my family still calls me a worthless leech.

I understand Evangelion now.

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I was feeling pretty bad for the last month. Deleted all social media and stopped intereacting with people outside of work. I was pretty much committed to isolating myself socially, but then one "friend" (I barely see him anymore) showed up at my house today because I didn't make it to his barbeque. We ended up talking a lot about a lot of shit that was going on between the two of us, so I kinda don't feel as bad as before.

Still pretty bad though.

>>39191762
>>39192181
Maybe that person has problems of their own and are trying to change as well. They say one thing because thats how they want to be and how they want to think about you but are finding it hard to change because of how fucked up they are. I don't think they are saying it for fluff but are just having a hard time like you are having a hard time changing. Have to see things from both perspectives.

really really fucking good. my best friend and I, who is the only person whose music taste I respect, though very different than mine, have decided to long term start a band (he doesn't yet play an instrument, but once we wrote lyrics together and it was SO good). we live in different parts of the country though and we're not going to put anything on hold for it but over winter break we're gonna write and record!

>>39208766
I've also decided to cut out all alcohol & sleep 8/9 hours/day because alcohol really knocks me out for a long time

>>39208642
thats neat anon, that guy seems like a good friend u should keep in touch

>>39208206
>I understand Evangelion now.

well there you go, you may have accomplished something nobody before you has

>>39183473

No idea anymore. I'm coming off of an SSRI and opiates and feel pretty bad. I got tired of being held down by drugs. hope I can just learn to cope with something healthy, or at least more healthy than what I was doing to myself.

>>39202839

should have just let her take it off, she didnt leave because she suspected there was a bald patch or something under it, but because you acted insecure

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heading to Europe soon, should be fun but im a little worried, but thats just part of the experience i guess

recommend me places to stay/go fellas google isnt cutting it

>>39202792

I'm 27 and my 18 year old cousin acts more mature and confident then me. Life isn't fair

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>>39208899
Can I wear this now senpai?

>>39183473
Not 100% broken luckily. I've still yet to hit rock bottom but i can slowly feel my life deteriorating and i don't know how to stop it

>>39196916
>And all the holes and cracks that the water is leaking through are there due to my own negligence

I feel similar, and here is something that gives me a bit of comfort; its actually empowering to accept and believe that where you are today is primarily a result of your own actions, and lack of action. I can point to all these things in my life that have put me at a disadvantage, I can point to all these people who treated me badly, but that just makes me feel powerless. At the end of the day, I made a lot of bad decisions, I was lazy and irresponsible, and I even benefited from it in some ways, but now I experience the results, now I pay for the consequences of my actions. And in this way I see my life as a story about me and the person who I am, a learning experience. The person who I am now and the situation I am in now as as a result of the person I used to be and the choices that I made. I own it, basically, and anybody can and should do the same with their own life.

>>39183473
>neet for four years
>forced to get a job or be homeless
>get job in retail
>nobody knows anything and just asks "which one is the better?"
>store charges like double the price online
>nobody wants to know anything, they just want to be told what to buy
I don't like this.

>>39209054
but let's say there are people who didn't ever act lazy or intentionally make mistakes, what should the difference be between u & them?

>>39183473
Fine with being totally alone. Studies are heavy duty but progress is being made.

>>39207976
AlDS? OriginaI illness

>>39183473
>tfw found a really good porn game
>Masturbated 4 time to it today
>tfw have to wait tomorrow to play again cause I've fapped 10 times since Sunday
Masturbation is one of the few things keeping me alive

>>39209405

what game

hurr durr originale original

>>39209105

Well if they are disadvantaged by others and circumstances outside their control, they can take comfort in the fact they did everything in their power to help themselves. And they need to forgive the people who wronged them in order to be truly free of that burden. For their own sake. To not allow other peoples negativity and ill will infect you is true freedom. I get negativity directed at me all the time for no reason other then being myself. Bad looks from strangers in public and things like that. Not aloqing it to effect me and just projecting goodwill to them is the only true refuge from it. I will probably always be viewed as undesirable by others and will never have control over other peoples attitudes but I can control my own attitude.

I just took a test in school i will probably fail and will have to retake the year.
I succsessfully passed 2 other classes last week but i think they only let me through because my mother died recently.
Feels pretty fucking bad desu

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>solid 9/10 petite blonde girl approached me as i was standing outside of a bar a few nights ago
>asked me if i could roll her a cig
>say sure and get to it
>she rests her head on my shoulder
>asks me for a kiss
>mfw
>kiss her for a little bit
>she starts literally crying for the cig
>she's obviously smashed
>i'm kinda sober so feeling a little awkward
>give her the rollie
>she asks what i'm going doing later
>say probably just gonna go back to mine
>mid offering to take her back to mine when i stop myself
>give her my number and call her a cab instead, tell her to call me if she has any trouble
>leave on my own

did i do the right thing, brehs
i could have probably slammed this girl