Reverse Gender Roles Equestria

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Twilight is not a sunhat tipper. She's a gifted mind who thought she was too good to hang out with plebs, because she had better things to do. She probably has the biggest Trixie (Chad) potential out of the Mane Six.

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We A L I C O R N M I L K now?

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>>30538505
Most nutritious

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>>30538591
They look very soft and squeezable.

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>>30538353
>being this beta

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>>30538353
No wonder I couldn't find the thread.

Learn to make OPs before you go an do one yourself, asswipe.

>>30538841
If RGRE doesn't work just type "Reversed" famalam.

Not op btw.

>>30538846
He didn't even bothered to link the previous thread.

It's common decency/general-making 101.

>>30538853
Emergency thread creation.

>>30538865
here we go again

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>>30538865

I need all the greens with overly aggressive and possessive mares
Fluff or smut, or even comedy idc

>>30538865
THICCC

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Nice milk themed thread. But now we get into the important questions, such as which alicorn has the best tasting milk?

Keep in mind Cadance is married and Twilight is still growing into her alicornhood.

>>30538841
Just highlight it.
/reversed? gender roles equestria|RGRE/i

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I really want a pic of Celestia wearing MEGAMILK bootyshorts with big full teats seen straining against the fabric between her legs.

I should post this in the draw thread.

>>30539161
Post a link when you do, I need to fill up my cereal bowl.

>>30539207
I'm sure it'll get filed under 'pics that'll never be made.'

>>30538892
I want to massage and rub Dash's tiny teats to make them grow until she's practically a leaky, grumbling faucet.

Previous Thread:

>>30518187

>>30539233
>Constant sexual stimulation out of season can fool a mare's body into thinking she pregnant.
>Dash loves the no-strings relationship she has with you and won't ever give it up.
>Hell, there's been no downsides at all! Kinky sex whenever she wants, a mister whose practically a sister, and no sharing.
>But she's felt off recently. Like literally her center of gravity is off.
>And there's the odd pressure on her lower belly.
>Eh. Probably nothing.
>One day while relaxing on her back, Dash looks down at gets a shock.
>Her teats, which were once just nipples on her lower belly, have gotten to the size you'd see on an expecting mom.
>But her still flat belly rules that out.
>What the fuck is going on?!

>>30538353
What happened to the last thread? Only 336 posts, did it fall off page 10 or did mods do something?

>>30539328
it's still in the archive, so it probably fell off in the middle of the night.

>>30539316
>Rainbow is equal parts embarrassed and shamefully aroused when you milk her, making the problem go away for a few days.
>This is a problem ponies would expect out of like Rarity or Fluttershy, not a marely mare like Rainbow!

>>30539335
>fell off
This never happens. Who let this happen? Are Australians being lazy fucks or did gookmoot finally ban them?

>>30539102
Celestia's milk is probably sweeter because of her sugar intake, Luna's is probably a lot healthier for you, but doesn't have as much taste.

>>30539102
>Celly
Thick, creamy and a little sugary. At that perfect "put you to sleep" temperature. Cures minor illnesses and can even slow aging if consumed often enough (a trait shared by all alicorns) Faint hint of whatever sweets she was eating that day.
>Luna
Impossibly smooth. Not as thick as Celestia's, but still thicker than normal. Refreshingly chilled and can invigorate even the most exhausted drinker. Rich creme flavor.
>Cadence
Normal texture and temp, but so rich in nutrition that you could sustain someone (or an alicorn foal) on a single mouthful a day. Flavor is indistinguishable, but it invokes loving and nostalgic memories.
>Twilight
Slightly watery, but so charged with magic that a single gulp will leave you wired for hours. More of a fizzy flavor than milk. Good luck getting any normal stuff, though. Twilight's fascination with her body's changes have lead to more than one experiment on herself. You're more likely to encounter self-made dairy products like various yogurts or ice creams than anything if you dare to ask.

>When you go back an realize that you just wrote stuff about princess boob juice
I need to leave /mlp/ and not come back

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>>30538452
>>30538505
>>30539102
>>30539161
>>30539316
>>30539522
Not RGR

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>>30539335
>>30539388
it's because the discussion in this thread belongs in other threads. this is no longer an RGRE general, but a lewd/fetish literally this time. see: breastfeeding/milking thread now. here's an attempt to bring it back on-topic:
how do stallions in RGRE, who are supposed to be the primary caretakers, view the task of breastfeeding foals? do they nag the mares to do it often enough, or to eat the right things until the foal is weaned?
could mares flaunt their tits at stallions, along with their hips, to show that they'd make good mothers, and the stallion wouldn't have to worry about them feeding them often enough?
"suck my tits" or "drink my milk" or something similar could probably be an insult when used by one mare on another, implying that you're so weak she takes pity on you.

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>Be Anon
>It was that time again
>The bad time
>And not the bad time during the night when you try to figure out how to make a hangman's knot without looking it up
>No...
>This was worse
>Much, much worse...
>"Come on, you're doing great, Anon! If you knead the bread a little more it'll be PERFECT."
>You were standing in a kitchen
>You had a lump of dough in your hands and a bowl of flour next to you, and you were kneading said dough with all of the fineness of a man who just couldn't quite find a fuck to give
>"No, not like that, Anon. You gotta be a bit more gentle with it. Look, watch how I'm doing it."
>Did you also mention that you were wearing an apron?
>Because you were
>It was frilly and pink and had hearts all over it
>The thing was also tiny--only going down to your belly button--and it did nothing at all to shield you from all of the flour, eggs, dough, and whatever else you had been working with today
>"Like this, Anon. Squeeze and flick. Just squeeze and flick."
>Spike was standing next to you
>Well, not standing exactly...
>Since he was such a tiny little lizard, he was forced to stand on top of a stool so that his stubby little arms could reach the counter top
>While this would have usually been HILARIOUS, you were so fucking giant that you had to bend down like some kind of idiot so you could work your dough
>To anyone watching, you were sure it made a startling contrast...
>"You're doing great, Anon," Anon voice said behind you.
>You snorted, looking over your shoulder so that you could look at the one that had dragged you into this kitchen
>Motherfucking Princess Twilight "these wings aren't just a phase dad" Sparkle
>The princess was sitting at a table, as she had been for the last three hours
>Sitting around her were the results of both your and Spike's culinary skills
>His looked fantastic; the kind of food that you'd see in a magazine

>>30539594
>how do stallions in RGRE, who are supposed to be the primary caretakers, view the task of breastfeeding foals? do they nag the mares to do it often enough, or to eat the right things until the foal is weaned?
It's up to the mare to feed the foals if she's available, but it's the stallions responsibility to make sure the mare eats right to produce milk, and to make sure there is enough milk or a viable substitute stored if the mare isn't available all the time. He becomes the micromanager when it comes to the foals.

>>30539594
Who the fuck do you think you're fooling? It's because of porn spam threads, retard.

>>30539538
>>30538452 is RGR.

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>>30539522
there is literally nothing wrong with milking your mare

it promotes a healthy and intimate relationship

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>>30539669
>Perfectly browned bread, salads, sandwiches, pancakes that looked like they'd melt in your mouth on the first bite
>And then there was your shit
>Bread that had been burned so that it looked like a hockey puck
>Pancakes that could have beaten someone to death
>A plate of cookies that were so foul they seemed to drink in the light of the room
>A bowl of soup that looked like swamp water
>And you weren't even going to get into your cookies...
>You eyed everything on the table, before looking at the princess
"I think you and I have a different definition for the word great," you said, giving your dough a squeeze before slamming it into the counter
>Spike huffed
>"Gentle, Anon, gentle," he said. "You don't want to upset the dough."
"The dough's not some fucking high school goth kid. It's dough," you replied
>"Anon, language," Twilight gently chastised. "And if I were you I'd listen to Spike. I've never met a better cook in my whole life."
>Spike puffed up in pride at the statement, finishing up his dough with a flourish and tossing it into a bowl
>You, however, weren't so moved
"That's all well and good, but why the hell do I need to learn this shit?"
>"Language, Anon," Twilight said, hopping out of her chair and making her way over toward you. "And you need to learn this because it's important for a stallion like yourself."
>"Yeah!" Spike said, tossing a wet towel over his bowl and pushing it away. "The best way to a mare's heart is her stomach after all."
>"That's right," Twilight said. "It's important for stallions to be able to prepare delicious, healthy meals for his herd and children."
"Really?" you said, tossing your ball of dough into the air before letting it fall onto the table. "Well, unlike ponies, we human's don't need to do any of that, since, you know, we drive our kids out of the nest right after they're born to they can fend for themselves."

>>30539669
>Spike, the master chef, teaching Anon how to be a kitchen colt

Yes.

>>30539695
You're right

>>30539594
Yeah, I can agree with teats and hips having special meaning. The mares with the biggest teats win, but only to an extend. If a mare has enormous teats (think, say, Fluttershy having teats the size of what you would expect to see on Celestia), the that would be unattractive. Stallions would see hips&teats that are too big, and the message they get is that the mare is only good for providing foals and won't be able to work and provide for the stallion and their child.

>>30539669
>"You're doing great, Anon," Anon voice said behind you.
My god. There's two of them. Ponuts everywhere will never be the same.

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>>30539806
>and the message they get is that the mare is only good for providing foals
Perfect, I'll take her.

>>30539806
Unless we're getting into Milky Way territory I don't think things like the back problems meme would apply to an equine body type.

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>>30539756
>For a moment, Twilight's eyes lit up
>The tip of her horn glowed, and with a pop a piece of parchment and a quill appeared out of thin air
>Oh here we go...
>You braced yourself as the alicorn opened her mouth, ready for the barrage of questions
>Thankfully, Spike, ever your little nigga, cleared his throat
>This caused Twilight to pause
>Gears started to turn
>Critical thinking was applied
>The smile on her face slowly but surely turned into a frown, and her nose scrunched up like it always did when you made up some bullshit story
>"Anon..." she said
>And there we go...
>Too her only a couple of seconds this time...
"What? It's a good way to weed out the weaker kids," you said, turning your attention back onto your dough. "No one gets all that hurt; except all of the kids that get taken by wolves I guess..."
>"Horse apples," Spike said, coughing into a claw
>Your gaze flicked up to him
"Why don't you go and horse apples yourself another loaf of bread or something, smart guy?" you said, sticking your tongue out at him
>Spike giggled, grabbing another bowl and sliding it over to you
>"I think you kneaded that enough, Anon," he said. "Now we just need Twilight to..."
>Twilight perked up
>"Oh yeah. Give me a second."
>The tip of her horn glowed
>Both you and Spike watched as her purple aura surrounded your bowls
>"You know, most ponies need to wait hours for their bread to set," the little dragon said
>You snorted
"Yeah? Well I get around all of this nonsense by sexually harassing ponies at the market until they give me things to eat."
>That tactic worked a little better than most people would think
>Once, you even managed to get a cooked turkey from flustered gryphon
>You had thought it weird that a bird cooked another slightly smaller bird, but you HAD eaten like a king for a couple of day
>Eventually, Twilight's aura disappeared from the bowl and the alicorn smiled

>>30539756
>Anon hates cooking
>Anon acts all cutey and lovey dovy to the one that forced him to cook
>Acts like they did it for her and gives her the worst food imaginable so she will eat it

>>30539838
>Fluttershy, with her big teats and wide hips, thought that the only way she could lose her virginity was to hire a prostitute (also known as a stallion of the night), but then Anon came along.
Dammit, now I want to read something sappy where Anon looks through ponies' perceived ugliness.

>>30539883
Anon is the worst house-husbando ever. I'll bet he doesn't even bring his horse-wife/wives their slippers and pipe as soon as they get home from work.

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>>30539880
>"There you two go. Now just put the finishing touches on your bread and I'll have it cooked up in a jiffy!" she chirped
"Yeah, let's get this over with I guess," you said, pulling the towel off your bowl and looking down at your bread
>It looked fine for now, but you knew not to get your hopes up
>Every time Twilight used her magic to cook your grub something screwy happened, as all of the carnage at the table showed
>You must have looked upset, because Spike places a claw on your shoulder
>"Hey, I'll be fine this time. You did everything you were supposed to," he said
"Yeah, but I did everything I was supposed to on the last dish, and the dish after that, and looked what happened there," you replied, shrugging.
>"Aw, come on, it's not that bad, Anon," Twilight assured
"If It wasn't that bad you wouldn't have almost broken your teeth trying to eat that donut I made, Twi."
>Twilight opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it
>"...At least you're starting to get better?"
>You gave the mare a look
>She giggled nervously
>"Welllllll, why don't we go ahead and see about that bread huh?"
>"Give me a second and I'll put the dough on pans," Spike said, quickly hopping off his stool and scurrying across the kitchen
>In a matter of moments, he had a pair of pans in his claws and he was climbing back into the stool
>Dropping both balls of dough into the pans, he gave Twilight a thumbs up
>"Alrighty, do your thing Twilight!"
>"Alright!" the alicorn said, the tip of her horn glowing
>Two beams shot from her horn, hitting the balls of dough
>There was a hiss, then a puff of smoke
>When the smoke cleared, you saw that Spike's bread was perfect
>Perfectly browned and a perfect circle, with a dorky little heart carved into it
>Yours on the other hand...
>You could feel an eye twitched as you looked down at the smoking, black... thing in front of you
>Twilight and Spike looked as well, one exasperated and one confused

>>30539973
Love slice of life RGRE

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>>30539973
>"How...?"
>"Oh Celestia, not again..."
>The three of you stood there in silence for a good minute or two
>...
>Goddammit
>Clearing her throat, Twilight gave your ass a little pat
>"Well... lets just hope you get into a rich her, A--HEY!"
>Frowning harder than you've ever frowned, you turned around and picked the princess up
>In her surprise, Twilight kicked and flapped her wings, but you made sure to hold onto her nice and tight as you made your way over to a corner in the room and sat down
>"Anon, what are you doing? Put me down!" a flustered Twilight said
"No," you said, staring at the corner resolutely. "This is your fault for making me do this shit so we're suffering together."
>"It's just cooking!"
>Your eyes narrowed down to slits
"It's a big deal when you have to do it for hours just to find out you're a giant fucking Sweetie Belle," you hissed
>Twilight frowned
>"Language."
>You growled
"We're. Sitting. Here. Dammit."
>Spike, looking at you, shook his head
>"Hyoo-mans are weird..."

>>30540033
Alright, I'm done

>>30540033
Silly nerd hoers

>>30539950
i think there are already some greens about that. if not in RGRE, then in AiE.
good luck finding them tho.

>>30539594
Or scary thought, the stallions do the feeding.

>You and your pals stumble out of the bar and onto the sidewalk one by one, hooping and hollering loudly as you egress.
>"Nooo, that's not truuuee! Shut up you-you big.... dumb!" Caramel laughs out, swaying.
"You are dude, you so freakin' are!"
>"You best be careful. If ah was fixin' tuh take advice on who was queer'r not, ah'd be hard-pressed tuh find more of an expert on the subject than ol' anon here," Big Mac sneers.
>Your group 'Oooo's loudly at well-timed diss.
"Ohhh, fuck you! Fuck you right up the face!"
>"Thanks fer the offer, but ah ain't inta' guys."
"Then maybe you should stop hammering Applejack you repress'd, country-azz bumpkin!" you slur.
>Another round of hoots at your retort, this one louder and seasoned with a slew of southern-flavored insults slung in your direction.
>The six of you continue with this sort of back and forth for three blocks before something catches your attention.
>A haggard-looking salary-mare trots quietly on the other side of the street, keeping to herself despite your loud volume and the shared direction your group had been heading in for the last minute or two.
"Oh shit boys, target sighted!" you cry loudly enough for both here and them to hear, tapping the big red one on the neck to gain his attention.
>The business mare turns her ears toward you but continues on their merry way, likely desensitized to your meaningless shouting and unaware that she had just been centered in your autistic crosshair.
"Okay shuddup you faggoos," you instruct, swinging your hand at them, "I'm gonna get us laid."
>Caramel shakes his head frantically.
>"Oh buck, what're you gonna do? Anon, don't do anything cr---"
"AYY GUUURL."
>Her head turns just a smidgen and your friends flinch.
"Yeah you! It's all you, baby!"
>She turns her head all the way this time, fitting herself with a nervous smile.
>She waves at your group sheepishly.
>"Oh buck, shut up you idiot! You're gonna get us RAPED or something," Caramel laughs out.

>>30539880
>"Yeah? Well I get around all of this nonsense by sexually harassing ponies at the market until they give me things to eat."
>>That tactic worked a little better than most people would think
>>Once, you even managed to get a cooked turkey from flustered gryphon
FANTASTIC

>>30540109
They mercifully don't have nipples, but this is a fairly strong possibility in EqG. Like women, men can lactate with the right kind of constant stimulation. It's said to be useful if the mother dies, and there are cases of it happening in places like Africa.

>>30540033
>>"Well... lets just hope you get into a rich her
>get into a rich her
Freudian slip?

>>30540146
>Anon lands a 20 on his seduction roll

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>>30540146
>>30540182
>you will never sexually tease and fluster a cute little griffoness until she fluffs up

>>30540200
I like to imagine that fluffing up is much more intimate than a pony poofing up their chest tuft. Making a griffoness so flustered that she fluffs up is like making someone cum in their pants.

>>30540264
If fluffing up also keeps the purpose of trying to look big and intimidating to whatever is triggering your fight or flight instincts, then that has some weird implications for griffon courtship.

>>30540113
more

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>>30540313
>griffon courtship is usually forceful and rough, at least in the beginning when securing a mate
I accept this.

>>30538353
>Do a porn dump on Friday.
>Stays up until Sunday.
>No more porn.
>Thread killed on Monday.
/mlp/ mods everyone!

>>30540113
>You ignore him, even going so far as to cup your hands around your mouth to spite him and focus your volume.
"Damn girl you are FINE. And I'm not talkin', fuckin'... CUTE, like all fuzzy rainbow horses are, I mean FINE. 'Call you for a rematch the next day' fine, you know what I'm sayin'!?"
>The mare's calm walk is disturbed slightly at that last statement.
>She begins to look around, as if she's trying to confirm that there isn't another mare directly behind her that was the real focus of your attention.
"Nuh uh! Don't look around! You know who I'm talkin' to!"
>The salary-mare swallows and attempts to speak, failing multiple times to offer a rebuttal to your heckling.
>"Oh my gooood," Caramel whines, hiding his smirking face behind his hoof, "shut up, ACTUALLY shut up, now."
>The white and blue stallion on your rear right snickers and lifts the can in his hoof to his mouth, chugging the contents before slamming the tiny thing into the ground.
>"Woo! That tie would look a lot better on the ground!" he joins in drunken stupor.
>There's an awkward pause as the lot of you consider his statement before he chimes back in.
>"You know, cuz you'd take it off! Uhh, before we had sex!"
>"Soarin!?" Caramel exclaims incredulously.
>You smirk and cup your hands back up to your lips.
"I would hit ALL THE WALLS, sweetcheeks. I'd do things to you that your momma WISHED your daddy did for her. I would tune you up so good that the ponies in the magazines you hide in your closet would blush!"
>"Yeah!" Soarin cries energetically, "what he said!"
>A smile slowly begins to creep up onto the little business mare's face.
>A real one this time, a confident one.
>Her back becomes a little straighter, head a little higher.
>Her tail swings comfortably behind her with the slight shake of the hips she was now adding into her walk.
>"What... the actual buckin' hay is goin' on right now," Mac mutters, wide eyed.

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>>30540500
daww
thats pretty cute her getting all happy and confident

>>30540528
Do not be a tease anon, make raw fucking with the salary mare behind the dumpster cuz that how you roll

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>>30540545
>make raw fucking with the salary mare behind the dumpster
>behind the dumpster
fuck that nigga im taking her home

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>>30540545
>>30540572
She's one of those poor, cute little mares you sling over your shoulder and carry home for some intense, all night screwing.

>>30540500
10/10
Would proposition mare in street while drunk.

>>30540033
>Anon isn't actually terrible at this.
>He leaves residual anti-magicness on whatever he's working on that screws up Twi's magicking it done.
>If he was cooking in Pinkies kitchen, with actual ovens and shit, everything woudl work out fine.
>It might not be a stupidly cute as Spike's loaf with a little heart on it, but it would be edible.

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>>30540698
>>30540572
>>30540545
>You guys all enthused about wanting to do that to the mare.
>Meanwhile i'm sat here imagining myself being on the recieving end of that sort of attention from mares.
I will never be randomly flung onto the back of a qt horse after being catcalled, taken to her home and ridden until i walk bow-legged for a week.
I never had that desire before this moment and i already want to kill myself.

>>30540789
Yes, I want this.
>A group of drunk, rowdy mares will never convince you to follow them home, where they proceed to fuck you until you can't feel your legs
>The next morning, you will never reassure some upset tiny baby poners that they did -not- rape you and that you are -not- going to go to the police

>>30540817
>not fucking them again in the shower now that they don't have whiskey clits and getting your revenge on their sensitive mare bits

I want to sexually tease a princess. I don't care which one; whichever is most easily flustered and is also most likely to try and awkwardly pursue a relationship with me.

>>30540033
I know how to make a damn good pizza. I'd seduce a mare with my cooking so fucking quickly, you have no idea.

>>30540782
>Implying twilight isn't fucking up his cooking on purpose
>Implying that's why she didn't mention finding a rich herd.

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>>30540833
>I want to sexually tease a princess.
Me too, Anon. Me too.

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>>30540500
This is interesting.

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>>30540833
>>30540864
>you will never

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>>30540833
>whichever is most easily flustered
Twiggles is still a huge sperg from her unicorn days. It would take no effort to rile her up whether or not you're dating her.

>>30540879
>Go to a family dinner with Twilight because she wants to show off to her parents that she's no longer turbo pathetic for being a lonely virgin as a princess.
>Everything goes well.
>Too well.
>Time to ruin it.
>Slip a hand under Twilight's lusciously thicc rear.
>No one is sure why she squeaked or suddenly started sweating bullets.
>But you and her know.
>The good ol' two in the pink, one in the stink.

>>30540879
I like to think she'd be less typical spaghetti and more like being a wannabe who thinks she's hot shit but everyone just feels embarrassed for her.

>>30540500
rip writefag

>>30541015
Well the obvious solution there is to play along with her, or get even crazier so you take the heat instead.

>>30541120
>get even crazier so you take the heat instead.

>Hoist Twi above your head in public.
>And GRAB HER BY THE PUSSY
"SEE THIS?! THIS IS MINE! THIS IS WERE MY BABIES COMES FROM! NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE ANY, BECAUSE ITS ALL MINE! MINE FOREVER!"
>Twilight actually has a heart attack. It's only thanks to her hardy alicorn self that she's not in the hospital after that stunt.

>>30539676
So pretty much how stay-at-home Dads are IRL. Wife uses a breast pump to leave breast milk for the husband to feed to the baby.

>>30540924
>The good ol' two in the pink, one in the stink.

>Not using 2 hands
>Not giving her "The Minivan" - 2 in the front, 5 in the back

>>30540493
I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that they don't give a fuck anymore.

>>30539679
When a thread is removed by mods, its not archived, its outright deleted, rgre fell off page 10, with the new rgre being made 2 hours after the last one died,

>>30539594
Have to respond just because people constantly guess wrong why the thread has so little conversation or green now, i'm not responding to anything beyond this spoiler as it always turns into a thread long bitchoff when I do.

no, it's not that it's not rgre discussion, its that people who write literally can not discuss what they write in thread without autism and bitchfits all round.
imagine lap telling us in thread that he was going to do an eqgrgre story, how fast would the thread have ground to a fucking halt?

So apparently the writers only really talk among themselves anymore before they make and dump stories, and they sure as fuck cant do it in thread or on board because of the people who sperg hard.
so its stay in thread with the spergs or find somewhere else to talk.
I use to love talking cannons and world building in threads, but something changed months-yearish back and autism found its way in, starting with johneybgoode making a great story, but all people could ever talk about was a supposed shit fetish that even at the time I could not see where they were coming from, and this is after reading everything in his fucking pastebin and the faggots that bitched him out never fucking left of had the decency to go down the road or take that step of the chair.

>>30541834
>When a thread is removed by mods, its not archived, its outright deleted, rgre fell off page 10, with the new rgre being made 2 hours after the last one died,
Yes...? Why are you telling me something I already know?

>>30541788
>>30540493
All the porn images were properly culled, but the thread being in the archive means it fell off the image board, the fact it took nearly 3 hours for a new rgre thread to be made should show more than anything how little activity there was.

>>30541864
It might have something to do with it being an early morning on a Monday, think of that? Not to mention only a few people tend to make the threads, everyone else just waits until ones made.

>>30541886
I want to say yes and no.
I have been in the threads when mods out right deleted them, and people made a new thread immediately even when it was late night/early morning on a weekday

I honestly thing the discussion ended and everyone watching the thread, all 106 of them posting at the very least, never noticed it went tits up.

>>30541851
Thought you were talking about the porn that got spammed in the thead not other threads being made to spam porn.

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>>30541907
are you implying we should go back to talking about nightmare moons moon colony

>>30541947
a moon colony that has a different culture then current equestria, and has potential interesting culture clashes with the characters involved, sounds interesting.

see that there, its not only about the threads main theme, but a new element that to my knowledge has not be tackled, 20-30 threads ago people were telling someone who wanted to write a luna/nmm looking luna centered rgre story to fuck off to the luna thread

>>30541981
>people were telling someone who wanted to write a luna/nmm looking luna centered rgre story to fuck off to the luna thread
>"""people"""
I can guarantee you it was one autist that severely needs to be euthanized for the betterment of humanity.

>>30541989
well aware and wish I could get the poll style id implemented across 4chan as a perk for paying for the pass just so I could confirm if it's just one faggot or if is just a deep seated cancer that is killing the thread.

>>30539880
>Too her only a couple
Took*
>Once, you even managed to get a cooked turkey from flustered gryphon
from a* flustered
>eaten like a king for a couple of day
days*

>>30540033
>Anon's food turns out shitty because he doesn't cook it with love...or baking powder

>>30542602
How can you cook something with love when you're dead inside

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>>30542676
Using death as an excuse.

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>>30538353

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>Anon is a Gordon Ramsay tier career chef who doesn't like to be compared to mama's home cooking
>hfw RGRE

even: write story
odd: make VN
0: drink more till i pass out.

>>30542866
Execute order 66.

>>30541325
>Wife uses a breast pump to leave breast milk for the husband to feed to the baby.
>Implying you wouldn't get your mare to milk herself all the time for sexy reasons, child or no child.
(I would love to make a mare breakfast using her own milk.)

>>30543216
I wonder if it's considered kinky in horseland. Cows are sapient so it takes away that unspoken ick factor about consuming something from a person, and mares probably aren't self-conscious about their teats in the way human women are.

>Anon is completely erect and noticeably excited.
>His wife is confused, because it's just a mundane freed source of food.
>Not that she's complaining, it's an easy way to get her husbando in the mood.

>>30542866
Even dubs demand a story.

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>>30543301
>Mare assumes it's some sort of food fetish, like how some ponies get off on covering themselves in chocolate or tubs of jelly

>>30543301
nips are still erogenous anon

>>30542866
Good thing, cuz we both know that vn wasn't going to happen.

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I SUMMON THEE, POPPEDANON!
COME FORTH AND FILL OUR ROTTING MINDS AND BLOATED CORPSES WITH THE HORSEWORDS CRAFTED IN THE PITS OF HELL!

Looks like my internets working again, quick post now, when I know it's stable ill post what I wrote, 21000 so far characters of unadulterated autism

just a bit that I thought was funny

>Your heart sinks
>No
>No
>No
>NO
>FUCKING NO
>GOD ABOVE CELESTIA IF YOU EXIST LET HIM CALL ANYONE ELSE
>'Unlock cadance and shining armor - 10000000'
"CELESTIA FUCKING DAMNIT DO MY PARENTS HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING I ENJOY"

>>30542823
>Anon meets the pony Gordon Ramsey
>They both have a shouting match, cussing each other out on their food
>Pony Simon Cowell comes in disturbed by the tone deaf and uncreative insults used and starts cussing them out about it as well
>Huge crowds of ponies gather to watch the spectacle

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>>30543615
>tfw poppedanon is dead
>yet another writefag to add to the obituary lists

>>30543584
Is this the >no hooves VN?

>>30539538
People like you need to die

>>30543216
Baby formula is a thing.

>>30540493
Mods don't give a fuck unless someone reports it. They don't come here unless someone calls them.
Some faggot made a thread on /qa/ to bitch about us having porn. Then porn was deleted.

>>30544371
God, the fucking reddit fags ruin everything.

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>>30541834
Don't fear the reaper, Anon. Nothing lasts forever, and every great city inevitably falls for one reason or another. Be like the balding young man who embraces his baldness rather than try to hide it under a hat.

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>>30544371
>>30544514
The person who is writing the reports isn't doing anything that bad. They're just warning RG** not to allow this porn because people will destroy their /mlp/

What do you expect with this many degenerates in one place?

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>>30543216
>>Wife uses a breast pump to leave breast milk for the husband to feed to the baby.

>>30543301
>>Cows are sapient
I can imagine Anon milking a cow and then later on getting chided for being so flirty and overly-forward.
>"You keep milking cows like that, colt, and ponies will start thinking you're a slut. Daisy already won't stop bugging me to give her your address."

>>30542823
But Gordon loves mama's home cooking.

>>30544836
"Did you give it to her? A foursome sounds hot."
>"..."

>>30545070
>A foursome sounds hot.

Anon, your hands don't count as 2 people.

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>>30545086

>>30543216
Then it is discovered that Mare Milk is rich with a protein Anon would usually get from eating meat.

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>>30543911
>>30543615
I'm not dead, but my coworker's dad died so I've had to cover her shift alongside my own.
Horsewords on Wednesday.

>>30539305
Thanks

>>30542823
>>30545014
This.

>>30545197
aw shit

>>30545086
Roseluck and Lily too, fool.

>>30544836
>That scene in season 1 where Twilight milked cows in the middle of the night to get milk for the Ursa Minor.
>Hearing the cows surprised to be woken up to being magic milked.

Was that the equivalent to a ghost bj or hand job in rgre?

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>>30545197
please don't give up writing it. your hoers-story may be the one to finally redeem TF as a legitimate presmise in AiE/RGRE

>>30545985
It won't. Too many people hate far too passionately.

>>30545918
Wouldn't the news have had something like "Princess' protege Twilight Sparkle magic-rapes 10 cows in middle of night to save town from rampaging ursa" the next morning?

I mean, they couldn't give consent, and it's a mare raping "mares", so it would probably be considered REALLY creepy.

>"Twilight Sparkle: Savior, or Dyke mass-rapist? More at 11."

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Little mares are so damn perfect for picking up and cradling, I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

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>Be Anon
>Be out in Sweet Apple Acres
>Like you did with most mornings, you were helping Don Granny beat some protection money out of some trees
>Since most of the trees, obviously either of very stubborn Irish descent or some kind of greasy horse-tree Italians, were tough nuts to crack
>They didn't want to give up their apples
>Fortunately for you, the Don wasn't against you using a bat to get what the family needed
>So you did what you could one swing at a time, all the while wondering if today was going to be the day when someone tried to knock the apples from your branches
>You could only hope you guess...
>"Anon, there ya are!"
>You grunted, swinging your bat as hard as you could
>When you had first started doing this, nine times outta ten a swing would hurt you more than the tree
>But, after doing this for hour after hour, you knew just the sweet spot
>The end of your bat connected with the trunk of that poor, defenseless tree--a store owner by the look of him-- with a satisfying crack
>You watched as the tree swayed violently
>You could also hear the tree scream...
>"Anon! Do ya got hum in yer ears, I'm talkin' ta ya!"
>You looked away from your victim and turned toward Captaino Applu
>Behind her was her sister, lil' Applu, and her friends Sweetie Belle and...
>And...
>The thing one...
>You took a deep breath, resting your bat on your shoulder as you wiped the sweat from your brow
"Is there something you needed boss?" you asked
>The Captaino nodded
>"Yeah, I was wonderin' if ya could help me with somethin'."
>From the look on the Captaino's face, you had a feeling that whatever you were helping with wasn't going to be particularly fun
>Not as fun as beating up trees anyway
>Still, she was a made mare and you weren't, so you had to shut your mouth and do what she said
"And what's that, boss?"
>Captaino Applu frowned, looking back at her sister and her sister's friends
>Turning back toward you, a bit of bashfulness colored her features

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>>30546247
>"Well, um, I..." the mare began, rubbing the back of her head. "The lil 'uns here have a couple o' questions that they'd like answered..."
>You turned fully toward the group beside you, eyebrow raised
>A twinge of suspicion pricked the back of your neck, but you made sure to ignore it
"Oh?"
>The Captaino nodded
>"The... um, well, ya see, usually when the girls here have a question they go an' ask Big Mac, but since yer here and stallions are better with the young 'uns I'd figured I'd bring them to you."
>You turned your attention to lil Applu and her friends
>They were all staring up at you hopefully, bright, innocent smiles on their faces
>If only they knew what was really going on...
>You squatted down and motioned the fillies forward
>They eagerly did so as you sat you bat onto the ground
"So what do you little munchkins wanna know?" you asked
>"Can ya tell us about sex, Mr. Anonymous?" Applebloom asked
>"Yeah! Tell us about sex please!" Sweetie Belle cried, her voice cracking
>Your eyebrow raised a little higher
"Sex?" you said, your gaze flicking back toward your captaino, who refused to look at you
>"Yeah! We're 'bout ta learn sex ed in class an' we wanna know EVERYTHIN' beforehoof so we can get a really good grade on it," lil' Applu said
>"We wanna show everpony else that the Crusaders known ALL about sex!" the... other one said, puffing her chest out
>...
>What was her name?
>You swore you knew it...
>It started with a S...
>Swirl?
>Skippy?
>Something like that?
>"I've been tryin' ta ask Applejack about it all day but she won't tell us ANYTHIN'," lil' Applu said, giving her sister a dirty glare. "So she brought is ta ya!"
>Scratching your chin, you looked down at the baby horses for several seconds
>You then looked back over at the captaino
>She was looking at you with a pleading expression, both hooves pressed together
>'Please help me' you could see her mouth to you in horse-Italian
"Hmmm... So you kids wanna learn about sex then?"

>>30546329
Story theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydrtF45-y-g

>>30545197
Really glad to hear it, so far what youve written is great

>>30546187
>News Headlines
kek. have a (you).

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>>30546329
>The Crusaders nodded
>"Nuh-ha."
>"Yep."
>"If you don't mind."
>You hummed to yourself, collecting your thoughts
"I guess I can tell you a little about sex then," you said, sitting down in the dirt
>The Crusaders let out a cheer, and your captaino let out a sigh of relief
>Without prompt, the fillies crowded around you and sat down, their eyes wide and their ears perked up
"Lets see... I guess we should go ahead and start from the beginning huh?" you said to yourself.
>You looked up at the sky, your eyes narrowed
"First, I guess, a mare and a stallion need to have an interest in each other. That interest can be physical, it can be one likes a character trait of the other, or the way they talk, or laugh, or a million other things. What's important is that both parties have some kind of interest on the other. You get me?"
>The fillies nodded
"Next, when there's enough interest, a mare usually--but not always--goes up to the stallion and tries to get to know them. They can do this by becoming their friend, or talking, or even taking them on a date or something along those lines. You all still with me?"
>Once again the girls nodded
>Behind them, you could see your captaino nodding to herself with a smile on her face, looking at you in approval
"After, that if there's still an interest, both parties do what they can to grow this interest. That usually means spending more time with each other, maybe having out with the other party's friends or even family."
>The Crusaders nodded, all of them leaned toward you, completely enraptured with what you were saying
"If both parties grow close enough, then they might start having a sexual relationship with each other. Now, all of this can happen in a timespan of a few hours or years if you're unlucky, but in the end most ponies are looking toward this end."
>"But what happens in the sex part?" the... other one said.
>You looked around the apple orchard before leaning toward the girls

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>>30546458
>They leaned toward a bit as well, practically squirming
"Well... a lot of times a mare will take the stallion back to her apartment or house--or their apartment or house, if they already live together. They might have gotten a nice dinner together or watched a movie or something like that. But when the mare gets him home she'll usually take him into her bedroom and..."
>The Crusaders leaned so close to you that if they had been just a little bit taller their snouts would have been touching your face
"And then... THE STALLION BITES THE MARE'S HEAD OFF!"
>The fillies drew back with a help
>Your captaino, who had been all but beaming, looked gobsmacked as you hopped to your feet
"HE BITES THE MARE'S HEAD OFF AND OPENS UP HER CHEST," you yelled at the top of your lungs. "AND THEN HE LAYS EGGS IN THE MARE'S TUMMY! AND AFTER THAT HE TAKES THE MARE OUTSIDE AND BURIES HER IN THE GROUND!"
>The fillies look beyond horrified, but you don't stop there
"AND AFTER TWO OR THREE MONTHS THE MARE'S EGGS CATCH AND ALL OF THE BABIES DUG UP, POOPING AND PEEING EVERYWHERE!" you shouted, wiggling your fingers at the fillies. "YOU'RE ALL EGG BABIES! ALL THREE OF YOU! AND YOUR MOMMAS RIPPED YOUR DAD'S HEADS OFF! I KNOW, I WAS THERE!"
>This was the final straw for the fillies
>"AH! RUN GIRLS!" lil Applu screamed, spinning around and taking off down the row of trees
>Her friends were quick to follow, both of them screaming at the top of their lungs as they ran as fast as their little hooves took them
>Watching them go, you stood up to your full height and placed your hands on your hips
>You looked at Applejack, whose jaw was nearly touching the ground
"That's why I'm not allowed to be a thousand feet from the schoolhouse."

~_~_~_~_~_
>Be Big Mac
>After clearing out the north orchard, you decided to go back to the house for a glass of lemonade
>The day's work was nearly done, and you found yourself humming a tune as you neared your house
>You could go to the spa today...

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>>30546541
>You had a voucher, and you HAD been working your tail off...
>But Thunderlane DID want you and the fellas to take a quick trip up to Canterlot for a shopping spree...
>As you pondered what to do as soon as the last barrel of apples was put in the barn, you made your way up the front steps of your porch
>Instead of seeing your dog, as was usually the case, you saw Anon
>The giant green stallion was sitting in a far too small box
>On this box, in your sister's horrible hoofwriting, were the words 'darned idget stallions box'
>You paused, looking at Anon with a raised eyebrow
>Anon just looked back at you calmly
>"Whatever you're thinking, I do kind of deserve this," he told you, pulling out a flask from his pocket, opening it and taking a sip. "And it was worth it. Really, really worth it."

>>30546583
Alright, I'm done

>>30546583
>not a clever human

>>30546591
Ah, there's the LaP I was introduced to with "Diggy Hole". Well done, LaP Well done.

Sorry for interrupting you at >30546413. This DYEL shall attempt 10 pull ups as penance.

>>30546198
I see you are also a man of fine tastes.

>Get free stuff in pony MMOs from thirsty mares.
>But it sucks playing with Twilight and a few other irl friends because they white knight you whenever possible.

>>30546900
>Go onto voice chat for the first time
>Get dead silence for 10 seconds while the mare players try to think of a response that won't make them sound like they're specifically reacting to you being a guy
>"Oh, neat."
>"Huh."
>"S-So are we, uh.... are we still d-doing that dungeon thing?"

>>30546106
Not as much as they did last year.

Had he tried to post his story then, he'd have been REEEE-ed off the thread before the second update hit.

Hell, our resident autists would probably have tried to do the same with anyone who asked for more.

>>30546900
>Lead tuftbeards and 12 year old fillies on in video games for free stuff.
>Don't even keep it for yourself.
>Give that stuff to your marefriend.
>The sheer salt when your victims see all the shit on her could poison a whole lake.

>>30547033
>word gets around that you're doing it
>people hate you now
>try to keep you from groups
>just open up voice chat and ask them if questing/raiding with your low, silky-smooth, masculine voice makes it all worth it
>they silently accept you

>>30547033
>MMO Auction house whoring.
>Lead a mare on with husky voice chat and generic stallion model pics from poneGoogle.
>Have poor autist mare bid huge on the cash auction house from something you want.
>She wins and gives it to you without a second thought. She doesn't care she just blew 1000 bits on a virtual item.
>Thank her with a porn pic you got from one of your marefriend's bookmarks, then openly trade that item to your marefriend for nothing.
>The outrage is unreal.
>Laugh as you become what you hate.

>>30546541
>>30546541
>YOU'RE ALL EGG BABIES!

my sides

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>>30546541

>>30547113
easy there Lucifer.

>>30546591
Never chsnge man, you are amazing. Never did I expect in my wildest dreams for Anon to end up in the box. The story istelf was hilarious and you should be proud.

I've been wondering, did that picture of the Cow Tipping girls ever get finished/posted?

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>>30547001
>that one /r9k/ mare who screams for normie chad sluts to get out REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>30546198
>>30546695
>Being cradled by a slightly larger being causes a mild soperific effect in ponies.
>It's thought to be instinctive reaction dating all the way to pre-tribal days, toensures parent and foal develop a healthy bond and to help orphaned foals quickly assimilate to a new family.
>Anon just so happens to be the correct proportions for most ponies to be effected when picked up by him.
>As it makes him the ultimate snuggle buddy, nopony seems to mind.
>Months later, half of equestria subconsciously regards Anon as one of their parents.
>Go to him with their problems, listen to his advice, almost start a crusade when a gryphon accidently scratches him, crawl into his bed when they wake up from a nightmare before luna can arrive, etc.
>Anon's surprisingly okay with being the kingdom's collecive dadmom, citing that ponies are for "hug" and not "fug".

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>>30548410
So you're saying he'd have to marry one of the princesses, Equestria's moms?

>>30548520
> Celestia and Luna get some seriously mixed signals
> On one hoof, he is a stallion of their stature with phenomenal patience and caring for the little ponies
> There's a sense of common cause, of a certain kinship
> Celestia is still taller than him, and begins to think of him as a cute, reliable younger brother
> Luna is slightly shorter, and begins to think of him as an admirable older brother
> One summer day, they join him and other ponies for a holiday on the beach
> They were not prepared for the sheer muscular definition he was hiding under his clothes
> The little ponies are unaffected, because Anon is projecting some serious dad aura
> Hawaiian shorts and a smudge of sunscreen across his nose the little ponies are too short to reach
> The royal sisters don't know where to look
> My Little/Older Brother Can't Be This Hot
> Meanwhile, Anon gets worried because the princesses can't seem to relax, even when they are supposed to be on vacation

>>30548410
I want to cuddle cute poners who are biologically programmed to like cuddling me. I would never not hold a pony.

>>30548520
I like to imagine that since they've got a new parental figure in their lives and are already in that particular mindset due to Anon's largeness, they start subconsciously thinking of Celestia and/or Luna (who are already pseudo maternal figures to begin with) as Anon's partner(s). I mean they've got mom, they've got dad, and your parents ideally love each other and are married, right? Cue ponies trying to get Anon and the royal sisters to hook up.

>>30548751
fund it. I don't care how much. just. fund it.

>>30548762
>I want to cuddle cute poners who are biologically programmed to like cuddling me. I would never not hold a pony.

whenever me and pony are going the same direction i would pick the pony up and use pony as a fast travel petting device

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>>30548751
>> They were not prepared for the sheer muscular definition he was hiding under his clothes
fug

>>30548762
>Well, there's Mom, Dad, any other herdadults, Day Princess Mom, Night Princess Mom, and Human Dad
>I guess Twilight and Cadence are big sisters/aunts?
Long story short, ponies have strange ideas of family.

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>>30548410
>>30548762
Would you cuddle a tsundere marely mare?

>>30548798
Also, guess it's time to shill collective shit that's on my bin because reasons.
https://pastebin.com/DEiT2qFg

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>>30548802
ye

>>30548802
Preferably one who would inevitably accidentally call me "dad". It's like calling your teacher "mommy" only worse.

>>30548830
>Rainbow is beyond mortified that she just called you "daddy" while you were carrying her around.
>You just let a predatory grin come to your face and slowly unzip your pants.
>That won't be the last time she calls you daddy.

>>30548802
>>30548822
This is the cutest canon for Dash.

>>30548887
>She can't call her own dad "dad" anymore because just the word is enough to arouse her. She has to use something formal like father or sire. How embarrassing.
>Stupid pseudo Oedipus complex...

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>>30548907
Tsundere in the streets cuddlebug in the sheets is best Dash.

>>30548922
its electra complex anon

Do we have any good tsun dash in the bins? I know Eph wrote some.

>>30548922
>Rainbow gets really loud and hammy during sex. Like, bad hentai quotes kinda hammy.
>And you've accidentally conditioned her to mimic a woman in bed.
>With both of those combined...
>None of her friends or your neighbors are really sure what to think about the time a window was left open, letting everyone hear marely Rainbow squealing like a loli and begging "Daddy" to fuck her into a coma.

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**prompt**
anon arrives in questria just before S1e1
decides to stop the "biggest mistake" in show cannon
runs out racing the rainbow laser, saves nightmare.
all the while screaming "that's my horse"
mean while NM gets saved by some weird ape/stallion thing and now it's proposing marriage.
you guess it's a fair reward for saving your royal life.
...

>>30549159
lurk for a few more threads. read some greens. you're clearly very, very new here.

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>>30549159

>>30548957
>Tsun in public
>Dere in private

>>30549280
>Tsun in the streets
>Dere in the sheets

>>30548247
>That one 12 year old filly with a mic who is convinced Anon is a mare using a voice synth and never ever shuts the fuck up about it whenever Anon is online
>Anon has only ever heard a handful of words from from the filly that aren't swears

>>30548816
why don't you write anymore?

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>>30548816
>you will never be called 'dad' by cute ponies
>you will never be called 'dad'
why must you hurt me like this

>>30549471
I wrote a singular thing that's at the bottom of the bin. All the rest is (mostly) Frosty's. It says so at the start of literally every paste.

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>>30549536
>>you will never be called 'dad'
S-stop.

>>30548789
Relax, Anon.
Take away the internet and horrific financial situations this world imposes on +99.999% of humanity, and most of us would quickly get a decently passable "male underwear model" physique.

Facial looks aren't quite as easy, but muscle definition wouldn't be hard in a world where you only have to work ~6 hours a day, the average lower pay jobs still pay enough that you can afford your own home/living expenses, and still have a decent amount of extra disposable income. If Pinkie (who works like 6 hours a day as an assistant baker/cashier in a ho-dunk town's pastry shop) still can afford lavish parties every few days, you'd be able to afford healthy food, a gym membership (with Bulk Biceps as a workout buddy/PT), plenty of physically active hobbies, and still have income to spare.

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>>30549317
>that one time her dad came in and took away her computer privileges because she was being too loud and swearing too much
>and everyone on the chat heard it

>>30549317
I'd make my profile pic (I can only assume you're >implying that this takes place in the chat of some sort of online game due to the context) of me playing with a mare riding my dick (tastefully angled so you can tell what's happening, but can't see any genitals).

And I'd change the profile pic to different pictures with different (half-removed) clothes every week or two.

That way, there's no denying that some stallion out there regularly games while riding his marefriend.

>>30541362
I think they would notice you suddenly wearing their daughter like a glove.

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>>30549850
Their first clue was when Anon would open and close his fand and make Twilight's mouth move like a puppet. Their second clue was when he drank a glass of water and threw his voice to make it seem as though Twilight was saying something.

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>>30546541
>Twilight comes to AJ's after hearing what happened, profusely apologizing for allowing Anon to read about Changeling emergency hive repopulation methods.
>The records from the Pre-Unification days documented rare cases when queens would take the appearance of a stallion to seduce mares, lay eggs in them via an ovipositor, kill the mares, and allow the eggs to hatch inside a large supply of raw (if less-healthy) sustenance in leu of love.

>AJ is horrified to find out that even was a thing, and that anon wasn't just lying. (HRW the poor colt must have thought that's actually how pony reproduction works... and she punished said confused stallion who simply didn't know any better!)
----
I know, I know. Edgy shit is edgy and shit. Please forgive me for my turbo-autism (I was compelled to share the random thoughts drifting around in my head).

>>30549904
On that day a star was born…

>>30549927
>Velvet is proud that her daughter scored a hot alien stallion into butt stuff (most stallions don't want anything to do with a mare's butt, because they think it's gross) and isn't at all afraid of others finding out.
>Night Light is shocked that his best chance at a son-in-law (and getting his beta mare of a daughter into a herd) is a total weirdo.
>He must never never allow his daughter's stallion to meet his friends among the Canterlot Nobility.

>>30549773
>Accidentally leave your mic open once.
>Of course, it's right before you and your marefriend fuck on the bed just feet away from the PC.
>What started as perfect joke and shlick material for the listeners turns sour quick.
>It's not the quick porno audio they were expecting, but a slow and almost hour long lovemaking session.
>Who knew listening to 45 minutes of quick, quiet breathing, faint bedframe squeaking, and barely audible "I love you"s could cause instant depression?

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>>30549019
Envy, probably

>>30550108
>>Who knew listening to 45 minutes of quick, quiet breathing, faint bedframe squeaking, and barely audible "I love you"s could cause instant depression?
kek

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>>30550108
Please stop that. It hurts too much

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>>30550108

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>>30550108
>lonely mare just sitting there listening to the whole thing through her headset
>her face when

>>30550108
>And on that note, the rest of the game mares learned that the squeaky voiced mare was an alcoholic midget living with her dad. And she began giving recipes away for booze drinks while crying a little bit.
How would Anon and mare react?

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>>30550108
>Never again did Moondancer catch another kissless virgin joke on Realm of Ruincraft.
>But know all her friends are asking her for stallion advice.
>How the hell should she know what to do? Her hyooman is the one who made the first move.

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Would Equestria be a paradise with all those qt waifus just waiting for a male to choose them with hope and excitement?

Or would Equestria be a hell, with all those mares seeing you with the mare you chose, deep sadness and yearning being seen in their eyes as you watch the hope and happiness inside them slowly wither away and die?

>>30549986
>hfw he finds out that Anon is already infamous in Canterlot.
>He just didn't know that Anon was the one they were talking about.

>>30550379
This is why herds are a thing.

Because sadpones need hug and fug too.

>>30550383
>"Twiggles and I did this routine at the Celestial Theatre last tuesday, we brought the house down; or I suppose the ensuing riot did that…"

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>>30550379
Literally this >>30550395

There is nothing awful even concept than sad poners.
Protect those smiles with your life, because even worst pone is still pone.

>>30550449
There is wisdom in those words

>>30550330
>At the very end, after they stopped.
>"Hey, Anon?"
>A pause, then a deep "Hmm?"
>"Do you think... Do you think a pair of nerds like us will make good parents one day?"
>"Mmm. I dunno how good a dad I would be, but you..."
>The quiet sounds of lips meeting.
>"... You'll be an excellent mom, that I know. You're a mare I would be proud to have children with."
>A giggle. "You mean foals?"
>"Bah. Tomato, tomahto."
>A pause. "Anon, I think we're ready. Do you... Do you want to start a f-family with me?"
>A gasp, then a pleased hum. "Moondancer, I would be honored. I'll go see a doctor first thing in the morning for a compatibility spell."
>"Good. My next estrus is in just two weeks. I love you, Anon. You make me the happiest mare on Equis."
>A sniffle, and a wet male laugh. "And I, you, Moonie. You don't know how much it means to me, to have a family again."
>Another sniffle.
>Oh wait.
>That's you...

>>30550395
>>30550449
You aren't enough for the numbers of sad, despondent and lonely little mares in Equestria. There's much too many.

>>30550449
>There is nothing awful even concept than sad poners.
What are you trying to say here?

>>30550478
>>A gasp, then a pleased hum. "Moondancer, I would be honored. I'll go see a doctor first thing in the morning for a compatibility spell."
>compatibility spell
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>30550487
Shut up retard. Get pissed at something that matters.

>>30550483
*There is nothing more awful, even in concept, than sad poners
I edited because it sounded stupid and forgot to finish editing.
Sad batpone had me rattled.

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>>30550480
Pic related (old but accurate)

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>>30550480
>not doing everything in your power to make all sad mares happy
>not passing on the torch to your offspring so that they can succeed where you failed.
>not making Cadence look like an embarrassment for all of the love you shared with despondent poners
It sounds like you don't care enough to me.

>>30550487
Mad because no satyrs or possibility of satyrs as a result of messing with nature?

>>30550527
Neither? Just go the DnD route of humans, like dragons, being able to reproduce with just about anything.

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>>30550521
Well I AM very apathetic and dead inside.

>>30550480
>>30550521
>not trying to bring in more anon's for the poor mares.
You just need to trust that equestria is not so cruel as to put the same waifu loving anon together, or that the new anon can learn to let her go.
Having an obscure waifu is perfect for this situation.

>>30550572
>obscure waifu
but anon, how do you know that she doesn't already have a hoersbando?

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>>30550478
it's everything i'll never have.

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>>30550478
>not getting horsemarried
heretical degenerate.

>>30550449
>"You're huge! That means you must have huge cakes! Cut and Slice!"

>>30550804
>Cut and Slice!
Redundant

>>30550824
Is this bait? Or is there some meme I missed?

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>>30550833
newfag detected

>>30550480
>Anon saw the world, and that it was sad.
>Too much for one anon to fix.
>Two paths lay before him.
>To give the stallions of the world a collective boot to the flank to be less horrible.
>Or to rip the cosmos asunder and let the horde of thirsty anons pour into Equestria.

>>30550848
No I got the doom guy quote reference, its just the fact that >>30550824 pointed out the "Cut and Slice" part as redundant even tho the original quote is as well, redundant.

I skim over everything that is not >green and was just wondering if there was some joke I missed where pointing out stupid things like that is the thing to do.

>>30550857
>and thus, LaP's most dangerous lay universe is created

>>30546591
I read this all imagining anon in a pinstripe suit

>Ponies were pretty cool with your wanderlust, at first.
>You were bigger than them, and only an annoying few didn't understand you were different.
>That was, until you came down with a debilitating fever, jaundice, and naseau.
>It turned out ticks were your most common foe in the Everfree.
>Because of course they'd have them here too.
>This time they lost the battle, but won the war.
>One of them gave you a long thought dead disease.
>This was thanks to you not having adaptions ponies developed to combat it.
>Since then, everyone in town treated you like a delicate waif.
>It was one thing to deal with a few white knights, but you couldn't boop the whole town!
>Sexism wasn't something you could just brush off with everyone against you.
>You hated how smug and relieved Twilight acted after ponies "finally started listening".
>Ridiculous!
>You've come back with bruises and worse without complaints.
>You got one life-threatening disease, and everyone thought you were made of glass.
>Sure, you nearly died ...and your friends had to go on a big, stupid quest to cure it, but aside from that!
>It didn't give them the right to gang up and stop you every time you tried to sneak out into the Everfree.
>The outdoors were your passion!
>You tried telling Dash how it was like being unable to fly -- that it was killing you, but you ended up having to explain to the panicked pegasus that it was only figuratively doing so.
>You just wanted things to go back to the way they were.
>But how?
>You'd have to prove yourself in some crisis and save your friends at this point.
>Too bad there hasn't even been a stray monster since this whole fiasco.
>Surely the friendship map would go off?
>Not a single blip from it in six months.
>It didn't even give hint that this was putting a strain on your friendships.
>Fine.
>If you couldn't find a crisis; you'd make one.
>You grinned with mischief on the mind, and slathered a chunk of your fish into the large pool of ketchup on your plate.

>>30551218
>>It turned out ticks were your most common foe in the Everfree.
>>Because of course they'd have them here too.
I refuse to accept this. Ticks, and by extension mosquitoes, do not exist in Equestria.

>>30551273
I dunno. They already have some objectively horrible creatures like parasprites and cockatrices. Some shitty bloodsuckers would fit right in the roster. If anything they'd probably have magical fantasy ticks which are awful in their own way.

>>30551273
>In a twist, there's a gut-flora or common bacterium in humans that's highly toxic to blood-feeding organisms in Equestria.
>In an ironic twist, Twilight has to work out a way to save the world's populations of detested blood-suckers from a growing, human-sourced plague.

>>30551218
PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS MORE

>>30551273
I second this.
Pegasi especially would be eaten alive by small insect parasites if they existed like they do on Earth.
Pegasi lived for at LEAST a thousand years in the clouds, never venturing to the ground except rarely to trade with other ponies.
Thus, they'd have virtually no exposure to said parasites, and so they would have literally ZERO defenses against them.

Lastly, the show indicates that anything dangerous in Equestria has to be big, flamboyant, easily noticed, and obviously threatening at first glance.
FFS, even when the TREES or VINES are out to kill you, they're massive with angry faces and forebodingly black all over.
If there were anything like our ticks or mosquitoes, they'd either be incapable of transmitting illness (and removed with a simple wipe of the forearm), or as big as a Mastiff.

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>>30551218
>>You grinned with mischief on the mind, and slathered a chunk of your fish into the large pool of ketchup on your plate.

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>>30551308
I'm sorry. It's just a prompt, but I may write something based off it later on.

>>30551307
Now THAT would be funny.
Equestrian illnesses would be incapable of affecting Anon, meanwhile, the bacteria inside Anon act like super-aids to parasites that try to feed off any matter from his body. (Obviously Chrissie would be safe, due to feeding off love, but ticks/leeches/mosquitoes/etc are dropping left and right.)

>>30551322
It depends on how long these parasites have been around, and whether the mutations to deal with them have been around since the three tribes' common ancestor. If that's the case, then they'd be a little worse off than their grounded cousins but not overtly so.

>>30551326
Please do

>>30546900
Obviously you have a second account that you give all of the good shit to.

>>30549921
Your autism is forgiven. Go in peace.

>>30551218
just eat two pounds of whatever would be pony cyanide in front of the whole town

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>>30551322
>ticks & mosquitoes as big as a Mastiff.

>>30551971
at least i can see them coming

anything that big can't sneak up on me

>>30551986
Mosquitoes, maybe, but not ticks.
Thats almost even worse.
>strolling through everfree
>you hear a noise
>like a dozen of tiny buzzsaws
>mosquitoes
>they swoop in like a bloodsucking luftwaffe
>you run
>suddenly
>from top of the trees
>its raining ticks
>roused be the commotion
>they cling onto you, slowing you down
>insect stukas swarm you shortly after
>you black out
>ponies find you next day
>pale with blood loss
>whole body swelled from mosquito bites
>rolling on the ground like a madman from the itching
>with severe case of malaria and meningitis
>it was remember to bring your repellent kind of day

>>30550330
Don't do this to me, Anon. I can't stand to see sad ponies. I want to hug them all.

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>>30550480
That's a bunch of bullshit lies, Anon. I'll rub my faces on -all- their tummies!

>>30550487
I know you're upset that you'll never (NEVER EVER) start a family with a pony, Anon, but there's no reason to shout.

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>>30551971
>Giant mosquitos
What is this, Dwarf Fortress?
The trick is to be so drunk that the mosquito is immediately overcome with nausea upon drinking your blood.

>>30552123
Gotta live DF man, crazy shit happens all the time.

>>30552664
Yeah, but if you know what you're doing, the crazy shit becomes pretty trivial. That uninvited guest becomes something you quickly forget about as long as you ensure there's no path between the underground and the fortress. Even sieges are defeated pretty easily by a hall full of traps. I think the craziest thing that happened to me (and I'm using the word 'crazy' pretty lightly) that I couldn't prevent was that one time a werebeast bit one of my dwarfs (after politely taking care of an ambush for me) and a full moon hit right as the bitten dwarf was in my dining hall. After about an hour, my fortress was populated entirely of weremice.

>>30539522

Wildcard: Chrysalis gives milk, too.

It's thick, black as pitch, and it smells like honey with a hint of something...chemical. It's taste is also like honey, with a slightly bitter aftertaste. One swallow will make you feel strong, alert, horny as hell and extra-aggressive for many hours, and you will crave more for days after the effect finally wears off. Weaning off of it isn't easy, either.

But drink it often enough for long enough, you begin to change into something both more and less than human, and a perfect slave to the will of the Queen of the Changelings..

>>30551218

>You figure out how to brew Poison Joke into something with about 70% alcohol with the power of SCIENCE!
>And Zecora. And Twilight's library.
>It's a glowing blue liquid that smells like cinnamon and nail polish remover mixed and it mutates whatever it touches like a motherfucker.
>You drink a half-gallon of it in front of the entire town while ponies gasp.
>other than a slight case of near-fatal alcohol poisoning, you're alive and now your piss and blood is horrifically mutagenic to everything Equestrian, including the ticks and mosquitos.

>>30551334

>Anon's human love is like heroin to Changelings
>Chrissie is hooked through the bag on it
>She's ashamed of her weakness and being brought so low by her addiction to Anon, it's just not marely, dammit!
>Their weird relationship has her going away for days at a time to try to kick her habit, and then coming back desperate and begging for her fix

Anon has a herd
Lyra is the alpha
Lyra feels like top mare because in the herd are all manner of not ponies and high ranking mythical and previously thought to not exist creatures.

>>30553089

>Anon's herd includes a shortstack cloud-gremlin femme, a highly submissive minotauress, a couple of griffons, and...something from Neighpon.
>With tentacles. Lots of tentacles.
>Lyra is Alpha and likes human movies.
>Lyra loves dressing herself up with the Minotauress like Master Blaster with herself as the Master (of course), or leading the cloud gremlin around on a leash for fun walkies.
>Anon is highly amused by the reactions of other ponies to his family.

>>30553069
>Mane 6 + 1 gets a notification of a friendship problem
>They learn about the addiction and stage an intervention
>Cue drama that ensues from said intervention.

>>30553047
neat

>>30553220

>"On a very special episode of My Little Pony..."

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i want to give my waifu a wing massage

>>30550478
That was quite lovely. Brought a tear to my eye.

>Octavia and Anon hook up and shag.
>NSA fun
>Anon wakes up a few days later with an itchy rash
>Octy shows up on his doorstep with a sheepish smile and a printout. "Uh...you should get tested."
>Octy gave Anon pony clap, along with half the single stallions of Ponyville and even some of the mares.
>Many ponies still treat Anon like HE'S the slut for sticking it in the walking fire ship, frustrating Anon, and there's a real double standard for the mares she infected

>>30553437
thats what the faggot gets

Doing a moon thing.

>You are Phoebos, youngest of The Clan, first of your name. Phoebee to your friends.
>The time has finally come for your first hunt. You must take down one of the many dangerous beasts that inhabit the local biome to prove yourself as a true mare, an alpha predator, and successor to the great All Father.
>There are no rules. No limits. You could take down one of the small, helpless sheep that aimlessly flit about the lunar landscape. Your mouth waters as you imagine your canines clamping against its throat, blood filling your mouth as its breathing slowly stops. No one would say a word. But that would not do for one such as yourself.
>Far larger and deadlier prey awaited you. A certain species of Ursine, a creature of darkness that would send the feckless terran ponies from the feeble world of Eques scurrying in blind terror.
>But your kind were of much hardier stock. While the terrans danced in their transient sunlight and feared the shadows dancing at the edge of it’s reach, your race thrived in the everlasting twilight.
>You spot it. The Ursa Lunar is over 40 feet tall, it’s skin shimmering translucent blue gossamer. They are solitary, only congregating for their mass rutting season when Equus and Luna are in perigee. You look up into the sky and smile, a sharp canine glinting in the reflected light as you recalled it was nearly full Equs, when the sun waned and the moon grew in power. Ursas were not the only species whose libido was affected. This would definitely be a memorable Lunar Secession Celebration for you...
>As your prey approaches the edge of the flocks pasture, you gave voice to the words of power etched above the mantle of every nursery in Cradle.
“I AM THE NIGHT!”

>>30553605
I LIKE

>>30542823
From what I've seen Ramsay doesn't have anything against home cooks; he hates professional chefs who can't into professionalism and amateurs who don't have the balls to follow through.

>>30553605
I liked thing

>>30553605
>>30553709

Yes. This thing is good thing.

>>30553605
>Pastebin https://pastebin.com/SHnmX2br

>The Ursa looks up in surprise as you charge down the slope. Your vorpal blades lash out as you mumble in old Enochian. You nimbly dodge it’s swipes, it’s fur ripped open as it comes into contact with the tears in space. A lesser being would have imploded, but the Ursas seem to share some aspects your kinds eldritch heritage.
>Tentacles lash out from the space in front of you finish the couplet, entangling your foe. You cockily move in for the kill, only to be struck from the side.
>Stupid Phoebee! You smash against a stone fence, breath driven from your lungs. The Ursa rips the remaining tentacles like tissue paper, sending them retreating back to their dungeon dimension. You cough and weeze as you try to ready a spell but to no avail. You can’t chant, your magic feels muffled, like when you snuck beyond the edge of the biome field into hard vacuum. It tickled.
>You reach for your saddlebag, gripping your most prized possession in your teeth. It’s a blade. A small dagger carved from a strange material, but covered in familiar runes. It was given to you by the All Father himself before you departed on your hunt. It was said the dagger was what sent him to Equestria in the first place, whatever that means. How could a dagger send you anywhere? It feels comforting as you grip it, like it knows where it truly belongs. You bare your fangs and growl. The Ursa bears down on you.

>>30549286
>tsun in the streets
>dere in the sheets
>yan in the basement

>>30550339
>she's really not even sure how it happened
>one moment she's bitching in chat about how Blizzard cucked everyone again
>the next there's some weird, green, alien stallion bending her over the back of her chair
>ten minutes and seven orgasms later he finally blew his load, bumped her hoof, said "good game, bro", and left without even giving her his name
>it's been close to a year since then and she still has no idea who he is or how he gets in to her house
>but hey, he's into anal, knows his way around a kitchen, and doesn't mind cleaning up from time to time, so it's a net win, right?

>>30540500
God dammit. Would you please finish your damned story? Please?

>>30550108
>Set Moondancer in your lap at the PC, dick firmly jammed on her.
>Slowly fuck her during a raidboss.
>Go faster the better she does.
>All of Moonie's friends think her breathy exclamations "Ohhhh buck yeah~!" and "Unf~ so gooooood" are just her really getting into the fight.
>Speed up even more.
>Now the sound of wet sex can be heard over the mic.
>A few teammates stop, puzzled by the sound. They get wiped by the boss
>Keeps happening until Moondancer is going solo.
>She kills it just as you nut with the force of a fire hose.
>Everyone realizes what was going on when she screams "YES! PAINT MY GUTS WHITE YOU BIG FUCK!"
>Not only did she get rutted the entire game, she gets all the loot because the team got distracted by the noise and killed.

>>30554235

POSITIVE SKILL REINFORCEMENT!

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>Be Anon
>It was market day, a time to restock your dwindling supply of alcohol, cheesy puffs, and other, less essential things
>You were in the middle of a rigorous haggling session with Ponyville's local grumpy horse and lesbian Bonbon
>And by that you meant you had your pants down and were shaking your ass in her face
>"Anon, I don't know how many times I need to see you that this does nothing more me," grump horse said in that bored, flat voice of hers
"I don't care. I'm gonna keep doing this until you give me those caramels for five bits."
>"Ten."
"Five."
>"Eight, and that's the lowest I'm going."
"Bullshit," you said, dropping it like it was hot, before jutting your ass at the mare, forcing her to jerk her head back. "Five, or neither of us is going to get anything done today."
>Bonbon's eyes narrowed
>You could see it in her eyes that she wanted to tell you to fuck off
>Unfortunately for her, she knew that you weren't some limp-dick sally that went back on a promise
>No...
>You'd keep shaking what your momma gave you until she closed her stand up for the night if you had to
>You've done it before, and you were more than happy to do it again
>Her nose scrunching up, Bonbon sighed
>"Fine. Just pull your bucking pants up and give me my bits you whorse of a stallion."
"I'm not a slut if I don't put out," you said, bending down and pulling your pants up with practiced ease. "I'm just a tease."
>"Yeah, well get your teasing flank outta here before I call the guard. Again."
>Works every time...
>You quickly reached into your pocket and pulled out a handful of bits, slamming them into the stand's countertop

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>>30554292
>Frowning, Bonbon took them and handed you your candy, which you took with a smile
"Pleasure doing business with ya," you said, stuffing the candy into your pocket
>Bonbon's frown deepened, and she made a gesture with her hooves that were you pretty sure was the horse equivalent of the middle finger
>Not that you gave a shit or anything...
>Cause you got your motherfucking candy...
>Stepping away from the cart, you looked around the marketplace for your next victim
>Across the street, you could see the gryphon that sold the town its meat sitting at her little stand trying very hard not to look at you
>Even from here you could see her feathers puffed out and her beak scrunched
>And we have a winner...
>Grabbing all of the food and what-not you had collected thus far, you began to make your way across the street, all the while wondering what'd you get
>A roast might be nice...
>Or maybe you could get some fat and bones and make a little something with that...
>If this little bird was particularly flustered today you might even be able to get a couple of really nice stea--
>"Hey there good looking, you miss me?"
>A shiver ran up your spine as a raspy, overly loud voice made its way to your ears
>You paused mid step, and as you stood there, eyes widening, you could feel hatred building up inside of you
>This kind of hate wasn't natural in the human body
>It was too concentrated, too pure
>It was almost like you were pulling the hatred from the earth just to feel it the moment that voice hit your ears
>In a matter of moments, you could feeling it welling up in your stomach, spreading out to your extremities
>Slowly, you turned around to see a certain grinning blue pegasus with a rainbow mane
>The hatred concentrated, and very nearly felt solid in your stomach
"Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu," you growled, channeling every bit of that hate into your voice

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>>30554321
>While the ponies walking around you flinched at your tone, many looking at you with worry and even a little bit of fear, the one that you had unleashed your malice on seemed completely unaffected
>"Yeah, it's me," Rainbow said, puffing out her chest. "I was just flying by and I saw that your flank looked pretty fat this morning, so I thought I'd some over and say hello."
>She gave you a wink
>"You're welcome."
>You said nothing as she began walking around you, poking around at the bag in your arms
>"Whatcha got here, hot stuff? Food for after the two of us rut later today?"
>You could feel the heartbeat of the earth
>The trees sang songs of silence and sadness
>On the wind, you could hear a single word
>H A T E
>"You know, I was talking to Rarity the other day and I heard you had a little fun with her in the showers," the pegasus continued, rubbing herself against your groin as she circled. "I didn't think you were into those kind of mares, big guy, but I hope you at least gave my sis a good time."
>You watched as Rainbow's mouth moved, but you couldn't hear a single word she said
>All you could see was her big mouth opening and closing, like a drying fish that was gasping for the air that would never come
>"I'm kinda wondering when you're gonna throw this girl a bit of cock too," Rainbow said. "I know, I know, you're probably just a bit nervous to ask somepony like ME to dirty dance, since I'm so awesome and all, but there's no need to be shy big guy. The Dash will give you a night to remember, you don't have to worry about that."
>Stopping in front of you, the pegasus winked, producing two tickets from under a wing