RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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RGRE is deeeeaaaaaddddddddfdjeg

>>30216265
MEMES

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>>30216297

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>>30216243
>>30216285

Humans are not for sexual

>>30209011
Heads up, I'm gonna post more Aftershock in a sec.

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>>30216265

>>30216403
fuck that actually scared me

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>>30216410
same
>>30216360
Hang with me boys. This scene/update is gonna run a little longer than the last ones. I hope you enjoy.

https://pastebin.com/k4uKn6Va

>>30208974
>Your sister keeps to her word and lets you be, leaving your room and your dreams to you and you alone while she manages the direct aftermath on her own.
>Unfortunate.
>You have a nightmare tonight.

<>

>Morning comes much earlier and much faster than you’re expecting.
>You manage to wake on the very second as usual though, managing to scramble out of your mess of sheets at six sharp to throw open your windows and begin the day.
>Your already overladen mind can do little more than drop bemoaning thoughts of your restless night for more important matters as you slowly reform your official appearance for the outside world.
>Every minute you weren’t in orderly shape was time you’d be making up for the rest of the day.
>You need coffee.
>You need food.
>You need to chug and gobble those things down respectively – and NOT irrespectively like that time you tried to drink your pancakes – in as quick and efficient a manner as possible, as soon as possible.
>If you made good time, then you might even be able to sneak in a pee break before going to reconcile matters with the dangerous fugitive you were keeping locked in the bowels of your home.
>… and before you needed to be present for the meeting in which you needed to address the bubbling tensions in Trottingham before a civil-race-war broke out…
>And… before you had to be ready and able to assuage public outcry over the shortage of corn in the morning presentation hall when it inevitably broke out – again.
>And before you had to—
>The sting of you sensitive horn being jammed into your door as you bumbled into it resets your frayed mind like a needle skipping on a record, startling you back to consciousness.
>Right.
>One thing at a time, Celesita.
>Sustenance, THEN the end of the world.
>Deep breaths.

>>30216418
>You step out into a much brighter but still low-lit corridor than the night before, the shine on your royal headwear hopefully blinding passersby to your sleep-weathered posture and eyes.
>Through the stained glass above you, you can just barely make out soggy gray clouds hanging in the sky, remnants of the storm from a few hours prior.
>You can still hear the occasional thud from a heavy drop of water striking the windows, but the rain isn’t nearly as bad as it was, and the lightning was completely absent.
>The night served as a great time to get heavy showers out of the way, and you could be especially judicious with the rainfall given your higher altitude.
>The night also happened to be when malefactors commonly did their best and most important work.
>Unluckily for your night watch, particularly extreme examples of each happened to occur at the same time last night.
>Through your sister’s vision you’d gotten but a small glimpse of the havoc, but from that vision you could discern, with much confidence, that you would have preferred staying inside given the chance, even with how ready you were to step out into it if it meant helping her.
>You might be biased, but a light morning drizzle was much closer to comfort than a late-night downpour.
>It was unlikely you’d be seeing either particularly close up today, though.
>Your public awaits you.
>Often loudly, and sometimes with torches.
>As you pass by Administration the door cracks open, just like yesterday morning, just like the day before and the day before that.
>A light-yellow mare steps out, the hum and rattle of productivity and adding machines creeping out of the opening behind her before she quickly closes the breach and falls into step with you.
>”Good morning, ma’am,” Miss Cream recites with the bare minimum of liveliness, her nose buried deeply in her work already.

>>30216426
>You return her a low, drawn out grunt, almost zombie-like from the roughness of your voice.
>She doesn’t notice.
>You clear your throat and try to conjure a little more energy, turning on her with a close-lipped smile.
“Did you sleep well?” you ask.
>”As well as always,” comes her succinct reply.
>Your happy expression smooths somewhat, but you continue.
“Oh? Nothing new? No, mm… no changes in sleeping arrangements? No… ‘newcomers’ to your room?” you say, hoping your salacious tone might mine a reaction out of her.
>All she does is scrunch her snout, pressing the clipboard in her sunny aura against the dark grey vest wrapped around her small chest.
>”Why would somepony else by in my room while I’m sleeping?” she says, confused.
>Her brow rises slightly, a mix of caution and apprehension appearing on her face.
>”Were you, uh… in my room last night, or something?”
“N-No, what?” you reply with a quirk of the brow, lips turning up in amusement at her odd choice of conclusion.
>She seems to take your improving expression in a different way, however, confusing your entertained look for something else.
>”Wait… did you… you didn’t look in my closet, did you?” she says through thin lips, paling.
>You chuckle softly, shaking your head at her.
“I was referring to courtship. You know, dating? Having a partner? ‘In your room’?” you say, simplifying your language to a point where the prudish mare might catch on quicker.
>She blinks at you, then turns away and focuses back on her clipboard.
>”Ah, yes, of course. Uhh, I see, I get it now,” she replies, rectifying her mistake without a single stutter or flush of the cheek like you were hoping.
>Somewhat put-off, you still can’t help but smirk.
“Would you like to tell me what’s in your closet?”
>”Pa-Paperclips,” Eggnog mumbles a little too quickly.

>>30216428
”Paperclips?” you parrot, your snort of laughter restrained but your smirk breaking into a full-on grin.
>The little yellow mare frowns and turns up her nose, clearly flustered now.
>”Y-Yes, well, moving on from office supplies,” she begins nervously, adjusting her glasses, “I feel you should know that I’ve caught up with your escapades from last night. I’ve cataloged the event in an official capacity, as well as the marepower needed to deal with the scuffed floors and water intrusion on the lower level. I’ve left the report on your desk.”
>She huffs, tearing a page of notes from her clipboard and folding it neatly to be stored away in her hip bag.
>”I would very much appreciate it if all these recent antics could be held off until a more reasonable hour.”
>You scoff, nodding to some passing ponies as you step onto the stairs and begin the descent with your aid, waiting until they were farther out of earshot for your reply.
“Yes, we really should encourage mysterious intruders to sneak onto the premises and then flee from questioning more often – in the day time.”
>”What?” Miss Cream replies, startled, stopping your trip to the dining hall short on the steps, “Mysterious… intruders?”
>You are taken somewhat aback by her lack of knowledge, but she continues walking a moment later, drawing up closer to you and speaking in a hushed tone as she continues.
>”I wasn’t told about any-uh… is this about… ‘you know’? Ugh, I’ll need to redo that report,” she remarks, her expression souring.
“No need, don’t bother,” you instruct carefully as you step off of the stairs and onto the proper floor, “this is too small and we don’t have all the details yet. Whatever my sister, or the guard, or whomever, told you, is what will go down on record . For now.”
>”I see…” your assistant replies quietly, throwing up several pages on her clipboard until she reached the planners near the back.

>>30216435
>”Ugh, of course,” she laments, squinting at one of them, “I knew ‘surprise dungeon detail inspection’ was too simple for somepony of YOUR stature to partake in without an ulterior motive…”
>She frowns, conking herself on the temple with a hoof.
>”Stupid, stupid of me; I rescheduled that for the afternoon. I’ll take another look over breakfast… of course, we could skip breakfast altogether and… hrm…”
>You let her thought be, floating around the two of for a while as you contemplate it.
>It isn’t until you begin to smell food and hit higher intensities of ponies, both civilian and guard, that you find the answer with which to address it.
”Let it be,” you say, smiling and tipping your nose to a stuffy-looking gryphon in bright purple clothes, “It doesn’t matter. She isn’t going anywhere. Oppositely, I might be heading straight for the ground if I don’t get something to eat before we start sprinting around the castle...”
>Your aid hums in the affirmative, the pen hovering poised in her magical grip drifting hesitantly away from the page on the clipboard.
>Leaving current affairs at that, you and she pace further down the hall and, inevitably, into the royal dining room.
>The average sound level picks up slightly when you step inside, and many of the ponies and non-ponies sitting around the table turn their heads to greet you in an official, pleasant fashion.
>Not all, but many.
>Good enough.
>You beam and return their sentiments, quickly strolling further inside to find the seat next to your sister.
>The usually sparse but long line of tables and chairs is unusually populous this morning; the usual odd dignitary or high-ranking soldier is speckled about a mass of musicians – the entirety of the Southern Canterlot Day Players, by your recollection – and the room is lined with a uniform set of acting guards overseeing the affair.
>There was even a supposed celebrity in your midst.

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>>30216440
>A high-profile Prench model now sits directly next to your kin and opposite you.
>Though you faintly knew of him before now, you didn’t know his country of origin until you arrived; his slim frame and beguiling eyes are a quick giveaway.
>Your younger sister, unsurprisingly, seems to have taken a keen interest in him, only breaking away from her conversation with the model to offer you a quick and simple greeting.
>Unfortunately for her, her usual charm has been somewhat… impaired.
>Her traditionally smooth speaking voice is going gravely and chafed, and she has to punctuate every otherwise alluring sentence with a messy sniffle to keep her sinuses in check.
>You, more than anypony, have warned her against her promiscuity in the past, but even you can’t help but feel pity at her floundering.
>Though he’d been quite polite up to that point, the Prench model actually scoots his chair back in physical revulsion when she, after interrupting her own anecdote with a less-than-dignified sneeze, swipes a fetlock across her snout only to create a visible bridge of snot between her hoof and her nose.
>Adding insult to injury, the young colt turned most of his attention to you for the rest of breakfast.
>He even goes so far as to demonstrate an intimate knowledge of your past exploits and significant moments with admiration shining in his eyes, clearly taken by you despite your lack of intent or effort to woo him.
>A pleasant if awkward surprise, one made sweeter by the tart looks Luna shoots you throughout your meal.
>Beyond that, your morning is pleasantly uneventful and plain.
>Neither the event that took place last night nor the decision of what to do about it are viable topics of discussion for obvious reasons.
>None of your usual table guests have much of substance to discuss.
>Thankfully your male company doesn’t seem to notice the size of your helpings, nor the energy with which you gobble them down and drain your coffee mug.

>>30216454
>You manage to slip out of your dining chair not twenty minutes after your arrival, bidding your visitors and chiefs of staff a formal farewell.
>Both your sister and your aid rise with you, the former grumbling about taking an early retreat to her bed before she slinks wearily from the dining room herself.
>Regardless of how frequently your mind strays to metal bars and musty subterra, noon does not arrive quickly.
>OR without a fight.
>The meeting over Trottingham does not go well.
>The discussion leading up to the literal, ACTUAL brawl in your treatise room was ALMOST productive until aforementioned event occurred, but by the time the guards were yanking the two factions away from each other’s throats and shooing you out of the room for safety, you were starting to get the feeling that this issue wouldn’t be a one-day quickie.
>The day court, unfortunately, is just about as constructive sans the fighting – though there were times when you felt as that the situation might be heading that way.
>Four hours.
>Four awe-inspiring, horrific hours of shouting from the moment the doors to your throne room were parted to the very second they were closed.
>The townsfolk argue amongst themselves more than they actually question you over Royal positions on matters, ignoring you entirely for the majority of the affair.
>The moment the first obvious, corn-shortage-related question was uttered, your throne hall morphed into a town hall, devolving into battle of LOUD STATEMENTS and ‘I believe’s.
>What was even worse was your own performance.
>Your strategy of ‘let them wear themselves out’ proved to be a poor decision at the two-hour mark.
>Even the usually chipper, sunny personalities of the Day Court stallion guard are eventually tested into obscurity, and soon they all began to cast looks at you, wondering what to do.
>You never give any signal.

>>30216459
>You sit in your chair fostering an understanding smile for so long that you start to forget what the expression even means, your eyes trained on the crowd as the metaphorical fires rose.
>When the clock in the courtyard began to strike twelve you practically leapt from your seat.
>You don’t even need to say anything.
>Your guards don’t even bother hoofing out ‘return tickets’ to the ponies they shuffle out of the room before slamming the front doors shut.
>There wasn’t any need.
>Only three ponies – four if you were being generous – had actually expressed a desire to ask you a specific question and have it answered before the assembly.
>The rest barely even acknowledged your existence.
>The mental fortitude of your stony, focused assistant had even been noticeably weathered.
>She’d given up taking notes on the unspecific babbling of the crowd hours ago.
>The one time you peeked over the side of your throne to see what she was scratching away at on her tiny scroll, you caught sight of a picture she’d been sketching of a unicorn matching her description flinging itself from the peak of Mt. Canterlot, the grizzly sight etched onto the page with an almost chilling level of detail.
>You have to convince yourself that you aren’t FLEEING your own entrance hall as you and she speed-walk back toward the safety of the dining room, eager to return to the calm, bored state of mind you’d left it with earlier in the day.
>Eggnog doesn’t even make it inside, instead mumbling about clearing her head before breaking away from you at the door and trotting off.
>By the time you’ve jumped the floors and traversed the halls necessary to return to the dining room it’s a quarter to one o’clock, and the cooks have probably been preparing and serving lunch for over a half an hour.

>>30216466
>The first sight you see as you enter is a pony, and a familiar one, the combination of them in their usual seat and the smell of fresh bread and ground coffee beans giving you a powerful jolt of deja-vu as you step farther in.
>Luna takes up the space at the very end of the table on the left side, turned toward the center.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping right now?” you ask your lone companion, doing your best to suppress the nag that might have otherwise been present in such a statement.
>Your sister opens her mouth to speak but instead looses a flurry hacking coughs into her hooves, capping the event off with a loud sniffle.
>Her bed-head hasn’t been tended to in the least, and gone are her dignified platinum pieces, revealing to you and the world how scraggly her coat had become in such a short time.
>The fur around her cheeks is constantly flared, the puff around the sides of her face giving it a swollen appearance.
>She looks terrible; quite the turnaround from her largely presentable morning self.
>”Was,” she replies after you take your seat next to her, her throat clearly torn to pieces from the onset of her cold.
>”Can’t anymore. Our sheets are too hot.”
“Are you sure it’s the sheets?” you ask with a hint of concern, offering her a pitying look as you light your horn to adjust the collar on her midnight-blue robe.
>She shifts in her seat at your interference with her clothing.
>”Yes, we are sure. Habbing the chamberers replace them with something better – not that it’ll soothe our suffering in this-this…” she trails off, snorting and grinding a gooey fetlock across her nose.
>You move to assist her for the second time, on this occasion hovering an unused dinner-cloth from farther down the table closer to her.
>She snatches it up the instant it floats within hooves reach and mashes around the end of her snout, desecrating the fabric with vigor as you watch.

>>30216475
“Maybe you should see Well Wishes? I’m sure she has something that could help. Cough medicine?” you recommend.
>Luna shakes her head, crumpling her ruined handkerchief and setting it aside.
>”Have something to drink already,” she replies, “better.”
>She wraps her hoof around the slim glass bottle at the edge of her side of the table to take a swig, drawing your attention to its contents.
“Luna, really?” you remark, frowning, “it’s almost one in the afternoon.”
>Your sister sets the wine bottle down with a heavy thud, snuffling loudly.
>”It helps,” is all she says, wasting no time on moving on to other topics.
>”We habben’t heard much about of thy recent dealings with ‘her’. We asked for little – and your ward told us little – but now we suspect our time should have been handled better. Who is she?”
>Your mouth twists, not too happy with the change of subject but nonetheless recognizing the importance of it.
>You take the warm kettle on the table into your magic and tip it gently over one of several glasses that had been abandoned nearby for the occasion, forming up your thoughts.
”She is Starlight Glimmer. She and I met face to face officially two weeks ago,” you begin, setting the kettle down.
“She had sent post before then asking for assistance in a matter concerning her small town, the one near the Crystal Empire? – ah, she’s the mayor by the way…”
>Horseshoes, that’s right.
>She’s the head of an entire town, isn’t she?
>You hadn’t thought about that until just now.
>Her responsibilities were surely going untended to in her absence, and probably would be for some time given her shifty actions afterward.
>You didn’t know what her motives were, of course.
>Maybe you’d get lucky and she’d turn out to much less malevolent than you thought possible.
>But that was when and if.
>For now, you had to consider the worst-case scenario.

>>30216482
>You should probably send a letter, or even an administrator, to make sure that her town was well seen to during her… ‘stay’, in the castle.
>You grimace at the thought of how messy the shift in leadership would probably be in that scenario.
>”How reckless,” Luna comments, thoughtlessly sipping away at her bottle.
“Indeed,” you reply with meaning, eyeing her drink with emphasis.
>She catches on after a moment and huffs in exacerbation, the dark blue aura holding her booze slamming it down and scooting it farther away in a show of surrender.
>You click your tongue at her exaggerated childishness, lips turning up slightly in gratification as you push the coffee pot closer toward her.
“Carrying on,” you continue, “in her letter, she informed me of issues she was having with a community of Diamond Dogs in the area around her home. Thefts, intrusions, that sort of thing.”
>”Were her citizens abducted?” Luna asks.
>You shake your head.
“No, their usual tricks weren’t an issue, actually, but there were other things happening. Co-ordinated, sophisticated, probably planned.”
>”Planned? Sophisticated?” Luna sneers through her scratchy throat, “The average hound skulking about in the mountains amounting to anything close to ‘clever’ is significant news to our ears.”
>You raise your cup to sample from the contents, rolling the bitterness around on your tongue as you mulled over your thoughts in the cocoa-colored mixture.
“I suppose I agree, but her report of the situation was quite clear.”
>Your sister leans back in her chair, thoughtful.
>”Well… Glimmer IS sitting in our holding cell right now. It’s possible that she was lying about the whole affair.”
>You shake your head a second time, gaining back her attention.

>>30216493
“I don’t think so. When I spoke to her the first time she held up her story to the letter. She didn’t seem… nearly as worried about the matter as when she wrote to me, but she did express the same doubts. I was skeptical at the time, too.”
>You set down your glass, pausing to remember your second-most recent encounter with her.
“That is, until she brought the supposed perpetrator to our doorstep.”
>Luna’s brow rises in surprise, her eyes turning up and away in thought.
>”That’s… that’s right! We recall it being mentioned that a Diamond Dog had been on the premises three-days past, but we hadn’t any reason to wonder about it until this. Is this connected? Did she really bring a cabbtive enemy with her?”
“No, actually. She came of her own accord,” you answer.
>The alicorn’s face becomes perplexed and you decide to go on.
“Apparently there WERE attacks and other operations being performed on the town at night under the orders of a ringleader. The dog that had come with her was that ringleader; she admitted to such right in front of me. She actually came along with Miss Glimmer in the hopes of making an accord and signing a treaty so they wouldn’t need to steal from her anymore.”
>Luna stares down at the crumbs on her plate, clearly flabbergasted.
>”We wouldn’t beliebbe it if it wasn’t coming from thine own mouth,” she whispers.
>”Diamond Dogs forming up a pack and following a leader like in the old days? Acting as one without infighting or treachery? That houndess must have been something to behold…”
“Not really,” you say, closing your eyes as you try to remember the details in your head.
“She was an old dog, hunched. Had to walk with a stick propping her up. Not particularly big, either. At least, not by any metric for Diamond Dogs I’ve seen. In fact, by my opinion she was on the scrawny side.”

>>30216502
>Your eyes drift open to find Luna shaking her head, absentmindedly reaching out for the coffee kettle with her magic.
>”Imbbossible, then,” she says, “she must have been an advisor or speaker of some sort. Diamond Dogs are simple, mean creatures; physicality is everything.”
>”She was a little gruff,” you reply, “but otherwise she didn’t seem particularly threatening. Eggnog didn’t even think twice about escorting her back to the entrance when she asked. Didn’t even bring any guards. Didn’t have to.”
“Both the old houndess AND Glimmer were also quite clear about her status in the pack.”
>Luna begins to reply but stops short, only narrowly managing to set the coffee pot back down on the table before a round of dry coughs shook her chest and forcefully dissipated her magical aura.
>You reach your left wing out and set it across her withers but she shakes her head, gently brushing your limb and her half-filled mug of coffee away.
>”Curse this,” she growls out, leaving her untrustworthy magic be and instead reaching across the table with a hoof to claim back her recently discarded bottle.
>”Fine, we know how she treats her neighbors – strange as they are,” she says after a hearty sip, “what about her ponies? What do you know of her town?”
“Not much,” you say, face falling as you reluctantly retract your wing and leave her to her devices.
“Her town rests more under my niece’s sphere of influence, but even so, my personal involvement with it has been sparse to non-existent until she mailed me. I’m actually a little surprised that she contacted me instead of Cadence in the first place…”
>”it’s not all that surprising,” Luna replies curtly.
>You turn, shooting her a puzzled look for the sudden bitterness in her tone.
>”After all, who wouldn’t prefer the service and attention of mighty Celestia?” she drones unconvincingly.

>>30216511
>“More goddess than princess; thy radiant beauty is only matched by the beauty of every Equis day, the same day that thou alone are responsible for creating. Any sane pony would be beside themselves with awe in thine presence. All hail.”
>You flash her a stale look, realizing the meaning in her two-faced adulation quickly.
>Her words are nearly identical to ones that were spoken to you in a conversation from earlier in the day.
“…I assume your lip is about that young stallion from breakfast?” you remark, unamused.
>Luna huffs in response and turns in her seat, clearly pouting.
“You’re being childish,” you comment, “he was very sweet – to BOTH of us.”
>She grumbles something that you miss, your ears swiveling in too late to catch specifics.
>You eye the mess off sick alicorn for several seconds.
>She does not return your gaze.
“Is it so surprising that a stallions might prefer my company to yours?” you probe, quickly becoming annoyed, yourself.
>Granted, you only had the opportunity to say what you said because of a situation in which your sister had a clear handicap, but you weren’t thinking about that right now.
>Her resulting and continued silence speaks volumes.
“Oh, ohohoh,” you laugh out, prickly, “I see. I understand now. You don’t think me ‘worthy’ of an attractive model, is that it?”
>A fun, haughty smile creeps onto your sister’s face, your combative reply obviously putting her in a better mood.
>She again refrains from answering, tipping her bottle of booze up for another helping.
“Maybe I should go and speak with him again?” you say.
>”Oh really?” Luna replies, the lack of attention her tone suggested only riling you further.
“Yes. I think he’d enjoy me visiting him very much. We could both have a laugh over your ‘interesting’ gauge of courting skill over dinner, alone.”
>You nail in that last sentence good, wanting to make sure she felt it.

>>30216521
>She sneers, rolls her eyes, even, sends all the physical signs she can think of to demonstrate that she doesn’t care about this, but you know better.
>You know your sister.
>You know this is getting to her.
“This colt liking me more than you is really eating you up, isn’t it? Admit it. You’re such a foal,” you say through a superior smirk, your smile growing as hers diminishes.
>”Be silent already,” she grouses, setting her bottle down on the table as she leans her temple in a waiting hoof.
>”Thine big head is giving ours an ache.”
“Ohhhh, MY ego is the problem, is it?” you laugh, replacing the coffee mug in your aura with a strip of newspaper that you’d been neglecting until now.
>”Yes,” she replies quickly, finally laughing with you.
>“Frankly, sometimes we think the space between thine ears would collapse if not for all the hot air.”
“Would you like to return to the moon, dear sister?” you comment with false callousness as you fan out the paper and set it in your open hooves.
>”The peace and quiet and lack of noisome relatives DOES tempt us,” she replies smoothly, mining out another laugh from you.
>For a while the two of you share a content silence, she holding her head whilst you absently scan the Daily Sun for interesting excerpts.
>When the paper fails entertain you sufficiently, though, you decide to do it yourself, grinning as you lean to your left.
“He likes me more than you, he likes me more than you, he likes me more than you, he likes—“ you whisper in a hurry, her drawn out groan of anguish transforming your taunting into silly giggling.
>”Sister PLEASE; if it will free us from thy sense of humor for a while then by ALL MEANS go and see the colt, go on,” she relents, waving her hoof at you.
>You regain control of your laughter and lean back in your seat, satisfied with the exchange.

>>30216526
>She, however, turns her head right to peek at you over your paper, a smug look returning to her face.
>”What?” she says, “Lost thy nerve already? I thought he liked thee? What is it that thou stallist for? Go and claim him, sister.”
>’Celestia’ – a phantom, masculine voice whispers in the shell of your ear, a tingle rushing through you as you imagine the tall biped who owned it lurking over your shoulder; waiting, waiting for your answer.
>”H-Hm?” you hum dully.
>”We said,” she begins, “Why dost thou not go now? Lunch instead of dinner, hm? There’s still time enough in the noon for it.”
>’Celestiaaa’ the voice whispers again, and you sputter for a reply, your lips crinkling in panic.
“I-I, well… that’s… I wasn’t really…” you stumble as her smile grows, clearly pleased with herself.
>Your snout scrunches as you continue to mentally shuffle in place, getting nowhere with your thoughts.
>The emergency light in your brain switches on and open your mouth to say something – probably something VERY stupid and cornering considering you had NO IDEA what it was going to be before it actually came out – when the doors to the hall behind you swing open to reveal your savior.
“Oh look, it’s Eggnog!” you say a little louder than intended, turning toward the small yellow unicorn who just entered with undue energy.
>She actually flinches from the raw attention you just threw at her.
“Come, sit here. I’ve saved you a seat.”
>You gesture nervously at the empty chair next to you, but that only draws MORE attention to the empty expense of chairs lining the table further down, further emphasizing the strangeness of your request.
>The bespectacled unicorn eyes the seat next to you nervously for a moment before actually moving to take it.
>”Th-Thanks…” she mumbles carefully, unclipping her saddlebag and setting it down on the table as she slides into the open spot on your closest right.

>>30216533
”Of course,” you return quickly.
>You carry on without a moment's rest, moving the conversation forward in the hope that you might escape your sister’s taunting without ALSO being put into a compromising position that the persistent and, frankly, mildly disturbing, bipedal specter who now haunted your every stray romantic notion might take the wrong way.
“How’s your head?” you say casually, propping up your paper like a shield.
>”Fine—“
>”Fine,” both your sister and Eggnog reply simultaneously.
>You cringe slightly at inadvertently tagging your sister back into the conversation, but continue with the topic nonetheless.
“Uhh – you’ve been getting those a lot lately, haven’t you? Headaches, I mean. Maybe you should drink more water?” you comment.
>Your assistant, visibly worn, props her head up between her hooves against the table and stares across the room.
>”Maybe,” she replies.
>The unicorn winces slightly as her horn sputters to life, her dim aura working to pop open her saddlebag and pull something from inside.
>It takes a moment of fiddling with things for her to reach her objective.
>Once she does, she lifts the item into the air and plops it down right on the funny pages.
>”Letter for you, ma’am,” she grunts as she deactivates her magic.
>She must have dropped by your study during her walk.
>Poor thing never turns off.
>You examine the envelope she just placed into your care with a modicum of curiosity as the kitchen door on the left side of the room pops open to reveal Sun Spot.
>Finally, some luck.
>Until that moment your sister had been nothing short of hovering, her eyes trained on you as she waited for her moment to strike.
>If your hopeful suspicions were right, and the letter was from who you thought it was, her onslaught might have been even fiercer.

>>30216535
>Thankfully, her attention is swiftly stolen away from your business as your buscolt enters the room, her entire demeanor morphing from rumpled and sickly to a state of richly dignified suffering.
>”Hello ladies,” the blindingly yellow colt greets you as he approaches, his forever-cheery attitude already reminding you of your age.
>He turns to your sister once he reaches your table, his expression twisting up in concern.
>”Miss Luna, you don’t look so good. Are you alright?” he asks, so eager to take the bait.
>The showmare recently known as Luna leans over in her seat and firms her face dramatically.
>”It is nothing,” she says, “our kingdom merely fell into a moment of need during an inopportune time and we rose to defend it like any mare would. It is unfortunate that our good deed did not go unpunished.”
>”You poor thing…” the buscolt comments pityingly as he sets tray down, approaching your sister for a closer examination of her ‘woes’.
>You take advantage of her distraction and deftly tear open your letter, eager to see if it held what you were assuming it did.
>Your face falls somewhat when two pieces of paper, including another envelope, all tumble out from inside and onto your newspaper, none of which appearing at first glance to be from your male, a-ah…
>Your male… something.
>You could think about that later.
>For now, you gently set your things down on the table in front of you and layer the items as they were stacked inside, picking out the topmost to read first.
>”Goodness, your face is swollen…” a male voice interrupts, earning the back of his head and your sister’s clever mug a sour look before you turn back to your own matters.
>From the penmanship on the first item it is quite clear who the writer was.
>The two of you had been exchanging letters for years.
>There wasn’t much to read from her, however.
>The missive only tipped past a hooffull of sparse lines.

>>30216545
>’Dear Princess Celestia,’ Twilight begins.
>’I don’t know what the situation is, so I can only hope this letter reaches you as it should.’
>’I understand if you can’t speak in detail, so please, anything you CAN say about this would do a lot to ease my mind.’
>You pause here for a moment; her oddly serious and formal tone isn’t exactly expected.
>’I found this on his dresser,’ she continues.
>’I just want to make sure that everything is okay and that he’s safe.’
>’I hope you’ll send me something back, even if you can’t say anything specific.’
>’I’ll understand.’
>And that’s… it.
>That’s the end of it.
>At least, that’s the end of that message.
>Your face scrunches in confusion as you flip the piece of paper your student sent you around once and then twice, searching for any additional post-scripts or explanations.
>There are none, nothing beyond the other item that was sealed inside with it.
>You examine that second item next, recognizing the broken seal and color of the paper from your own personal stock; the additional envelope inside is clearly one of yours, or at least made by the same ponies.
>You stop investigating once more, this time for more personal reasons.
>Is this…
>Does this mean that Twilight read the letters you sent him?
>Your face heats up at the embarrassing thought, the paper in your magical aura crinkling up as your focus wanes.
>That’s what was this is, isn’t it?
>She read that letter about your-your… ACTIONS with him that night, and came to an unkind conclusion about you, didn’t she?
>You couldn’t blame her.
>In your desire to be respectful you’d never actually SAID what you were referring to outright for fear of making Anonymous uncomfortable.
>Without knowing the context, any reasonable mare might become suspicious of your behavior with such cryptic descriptions.

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>>30216553
>”You should eat something to keep your strength up,” a bubbly male voice says a mile away, your sister’s reply toned out by your thoughts.
>A crippled smile sneaks onto your face.
>Oh sun, this is bad.
>You’re going to have to sort this out fast before something happens.
>A melodramatic scene begins to play out in your mind of your purple pupil, distraught and openly weeping as she tears up your photos and letters, all the while lamenting amongst her friends how she never knew her outwardly kind and reasonable teacher was really a rape-crazed sex pervert who ‘changed’ once she started drinking.
>Absorbed in your mental doom-saying, you almost miss the slip of off-color paper within the second ‘Canterlot Official’ envelope.
>Though you can’t tell right off hoof whether or not this one is one of yours, you tug the second page of writing free with the assumption that you know exactly what it is.
>Because of this, you find yourself somewhat surprised when you realize that the letter enclosed within it ISN’T a sordid and questionably worded apology of your own writing, but is instead a note that is completely unfamiliar to you.
>’Dear Anonymous,’ it begins.
>’I hope you can forgive my brevity.’
>’I wish to say much more than what I am about to say, but I fear I shouldn’t in case other eyes happen to find this message.’
>Your brow furrows as you scan the page further.
>Wait…
>What is this?
>Who wrote…
>As you continue, the speed at which you take in the words increases in an equal amount to that of your dread, your mind totally and utterly eclipsed by an enormity you weren’t expecting when you first started.
>Each new line turns your blood colder, until you feel as though all the heat has been forcefully drained from your body.
>Any semblance of the smile you once had is irreparably gone from your face by the end, like it was just a memory from a happier moment in time.
>Your lips part but you do not speak.

>>30216568
>”Miss Celestia?” Sun Spot says, eyeing you in your peripheral, “Do you want something to eat?”
>In one swift motion you rise from your chair, nearly knocking your seat to the ground with the force at which you stand.
>Now you can feel both the eyes of your secretary and your kin on you, observing quietly.
>”Princess?” the buscolt tries again, worried.
>You read it.
>You read through the entire horrible thing, but the last line, the worst line, continues to echo in your mind.
>’Sincerely, Princess Celesita’ it says.
>But you didn’t write this.
>You didn’t write a single damned word of it.
>Not only that, but the hoofwriting was a chillingly similar style to which you yourself wrote in, even if it wasn’t identical.
>If the additional item that came with it was any indication, this forgery had also come in an envelope similar to the ones you yourself used in your study.
>”Sister?” Luna says, rising from her seat.
“L-Luna,” you sputter, bewildered, unable to force out any more.
>You toss the fake message onto the table and scramble to pick up the previous one, scrutinizing Twilight’s every word for any sign of falseness or foreignness.
>You find nothing, but you can’t be sure.
>You aren’t sure of anything right now.
>Each time you scan through the piece in your hooves your eye catches on a single line over and over, hammering the severity of it into your mind.
>’I just want to make sure that everything is okay and that he’s safe.’
>She doesn’t know if he’s safe or not.
>She doesn’t know because he isn’t there.
>You’re too late…
>He’s gone.
>As you admit that fact to yourself you sway in place, lightheaded from your sudden flux in blood pressure.
>All three of your companions move an inch closer as you threaten to topple.
>”Sister!?”
>”Ma’am – ma’am are you…?”

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>>30216577
>Your body becomes stone, mind boggling with fear as the once whimsical approximation of the human in your mind shifts and changes.
>No longer does he whisper your name in a tempting hush, no; he cries out for you to save him before being wrenched into the shadowy unknown, forever.
>You take a hard breath, re-examining every memory you can summon from the moment he arrived to this very second, lingering a while on the events of the night prior.
>You’re a fool.
>You’re so, so stupid.
>How long has this been in the making?
>Since he appeared, or even before then?
>How long had the chess pieces been moving right under your nose without you seeing them, shifting and sliding as darker minds shoved them along behind the scenes?
>You let your guard down.
>You were careless, both with yourself AND with him, and now Anonymous is…
>You don’t even know.
>If these letters were real…
>Neither you nor your friends have a single clue where he is…
>…OR what’s happening to him right now.
>Nopony knows.
>Your once blank eyes narrow as your face forms an ugly scowl, chest pounding as you direct all of your silent, useless rage at the forged letter discarded atop the table before you – at the tool that had, in all likelihood, been used to steal him away.
>Your teeth grind as your horn comes to life, the magic flowing through and around your body whisked into a single point at the tip as you generate meaningless power.
>At the edge of your vision Luna’s eyes widen momentarily with surprise before she hastily scrambles away from the dining table.
>The buscolt and your assistant follow her lead, the space they had taken to come to your aid returned in triplicate as they cleared away from you.
>The spare napkins and handkerchiefs littered about are caught in a phantom breeze and begin flutter in the air, dancing about as if they were sounding a silent warning to anypony who witnessed them.

>>30216590
>Every breath that rushes in through your crinkled snout curls the imposter’s letter, the edges of the paper it had been written on slowly blackening and fluttering away in tiny orange embers.
>You have cast no spell; the mere act of concentrating on the fragile item with so much ire and so much magical force is causing it to slowly ash away, obliterating under your scorn.
>it isn’t until the windows lining the room begin to darken that you truly take notice of how your actions are affecting the environment around you.
>The next breath you take is a deep and measured one, the tempest of your mane and tail slowly but surely settling down into their once calm rhythm as the magic you had been channeling dissipates in an orderly manner.
>The light from outside once again begins to shine through the stained glass unhindered, glossy, colorful shapes flying briefly across the room before settling into their previous spots.
>The alicorn to your left cautiously approaches you, willing an apprehensive smile onto her face.
>”… Sister? What ails thee? Speak to us…” she whispers, and her words are soothing and gentle.
”He’s gone,” you say.
>”Who is gone, sister?” Luna replies carefully, casting a quick look at the two others in the room as she approaches you.
>She hardly manages to brush her wing against your side before you whip around, turning away from her.
>She, the buscolt and Eggnog each flinch slightly from your flash of movement.
>Your posture becomes taught like a board, sharpened stiff, your hoofsteps thudding heavily against the carpeting on the floor as you pace toward the exit.
>”Ma’am?”
>The timid voice of your secretary steals not an inch of momentum from your stride.
>”Where are you going?”
>The door ahead of you glows before gently hovering open.
>When you reply you tone is measured and calm, but they can’t see the hard, angry twitch in the corner of your mouth.
“The dungeons.”

>>30216601
Pheeew. Alrighty. That's it for that update and, unfortunately, all I have at the moment. I'm writing more right now, and I should have more updates for you guys in the near future. Until then, I hope you enjoyed.

Updated paste is here: https://pastebin.com/k4uKn6Va

Thanks for reading!

Woooah, page 7 in 33 minutes? Did my update not bump the thread or are then shenanigans afoot?

>>30216824
the thread is dead just like this board

>>30216629
Thing is gud. I like thing.

>>30216629
Was good, wanna know what happened to, Anon. But, I guess we have to wait.

>>30216824
I'm tired my undead comrade, mortals require sleep unlike your kind.

>>30216350
Think about this.
Many Anons land in RGREquestria.
The realize the gender roles and decide to fugg mares.
Then they find out about the disasters happening.
Anon go out and try to rehabilitate the wrong doers.Via Sex

Mugger
>"Somebody help!"
"Hey, that's not a very nice thing to do, little missy."
>"Who's going to stop me?"
"I am"
*Unzips*

Bank robber.
>"Everypony get down."
>Anon hangs down from the ceiling behind her in a black latex leotard.
"How bout you get down?"
>"Who said that?"
"I did."
*Unzips*

Canterlot wedding.
>"Soon, My changeling army will break through. First, we take Canterlot, and then-"
>Grabs her flank.
>"WHAT IN EQUESTRIA ARE YOU DOING?"
"Oh. Uh. Don't worry about me, you do your thing."
*Unzips*

>>30216459
>FOUR HOURS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aksrcv380GM

>>30216629
Overall good update, senpai!

>>30216629
I'm glad I discovered your pastebin yesterday. Just in time for these updates.

Nothing like green to start a new thread up.

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>>30216629
>Every breath that rushes in through your crinkled snout curls the imposter’s letter, the edges of the paper it had been written on slowly blackening and fluttering away in tiny orange embers.
>You have cast no spell; the mere act of concentrating on the fragile item with so much ire and so much magical force is causing it to slowly ash away, obliterating under your scorn.
>it isn’t until the windows lining the room begin to darken that you truly take notice of how your actions are affecting the environment around you.

OH FUKK

>>30216629
oh crap. An anger with the intensity of the sun. I do hope the forged letter isn't too damaged. It may contain clues. Excellent update ghouls. I'm eager to read the next one.

Anon getting intense public spankings when

>>30217617
Fuck off spanking thread guy.

>>30217632
I wont stop until Twiggles makes my ass red in the middle of Ponyville

>>30216601
She mad.

Somebody gonna hurt real bad.

>>30216629
Damn ghouls, how many words do you have written?

>>30216418
>The sting of you sensitive
your*

>>30216629
I don't say it very often, but I genuinely appreciate your work. Thanks, Ghouls.

>>30216629
I'll be honest, I find this story really boring

Ayy, thanks for reading and replying everybody, I appreciate it.

>>30217745
Not many if I'm honest. Little less than 1k. These last two updates were about 5k and 7k respectively if you want something to compare it to. It'll be a little while before I get out more, but I'll try to stay mindful about moving scenes along.

>>30217755
Oop, thanks for that. It's fixed in the paste. If anyone else catches anything like that, (you and your is a particularly common one for me specifically) feel free to speak up so I can fix it for future readers.

>>30217855
Ahh, unfortunate. Would you say it's on account of pacing or writing style, or the story/plot specifically?

*whoooooooot wheeeeeeeeeew*
>"Yo handsome! You want sum fuck?"
>"I got what you want right here"
*turns around and shows her flanks off*
>anon stops walking by the construction mares and looks at the one talking to him
>"ayy! He's thinkin ' about it!"
>"yo! Bring dat dick over 'ere"
>"I'll do you right, stud"
>"talkin' 'bout winking over 'ere"
>"I'm so wet, i slide down to ya. If you know what I mean"
It was a "Anon gets cat called" kinda day

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>>30217893

>>30217893
The pacing and the story
It just doesnt hold my attention at all, I hate to say it but I feel like I'm dragging myself through the literary mud trying to read it

>>30217930
Ehh, I understand. I guess all I can really say now is that I'm sorry I couldn't keep your interest. I'm not exactly a professional, but I do try, and I like to think I'm improving over time.

Could you recommend anything that you think would improve the story specifically, or is the core of the thing just not up your alley?

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>>30216601
>>30216629
Awesome, waiting for more.

>>30218086
>Nerdy bashful AJ

I didn't know I needed it.

>>30216601
>>30216629
Someody's gonna die

>>30217958
Not the Anon you are replying to, but most of the morning scenes were unnecessary. The prench model was merely fodder for sibling teasing, and had essentially no spoken lines. You could just as easily have had Luna tease Celestia about being pent up, and obliquely reference Anonymous.
The town hall meeting also had no specifics, and could be mentioned briefly as why Celestia is late and frazzled on her way to lunch.

Much like Luna, the event we are anticipating is the interrogation of Starlight Glimmer. Tedious things happening before that tend not to be interesting, but inspire a sense of impatience. This is fine if it is acknowledged in text, say with Celestia fretting over what Starlight's objectives are, and resisting the urge to drop everything and go and find out.

I have been enjoying the story thus far, it's just this update's only plot relevant content happened at the very end, unless the corn shortage and/or civil unrest show up again as more than a diplomatic problem to be solved off-screen.

>>30217894
More please

>>30218497
>I have been enjoying the story thus far, it's just this update's only plot relevant content happened at the very end, unless the corn shortage and/or civil unrest show up again as more than a diplomatic problem to be solved off-screen.

I think I understand where you're coming from. While I will say that this update did contain relevant information that will come up later in the story, I can see how I might have added too much in some places or blathered on in others where brevity would have been a virtue. It is, unfortunately, a weakness I've yet to completely tackle.

I felt inclined to add more content with this one in an attempt to mix plot-relevant details into the story in a way that doesn't stick them out and make them obvious, but I can see how certain places might have been too much.

I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you think. I'll take your critique into consideration as I continue with the story. Thankfully, I think what I have in mind beyond this point is a lot more focused on the task at hand since all parties involved are now aware of the situation. Annnnd, of course, thanks for reading. It's still humbling to know people read through my stuff so closely as to form reasoned opinions about it.

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We got a new Janitor. Prepare yourselves.

>>30218833
I SHALL FEAR NO EVIL!

jk rip

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>>30218833
welp, here we go again

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>>30218833
"Hi Janitor !"

>>30218833
I, for one, would like to welcome our new Janitor Overlord

>>30218621
Hi ghouls, Yet a different Anon here. I've followed you since you teased me with the "Reassigned" cross-post in the guardmare thread. It's ok. I have thoroughly enjoyed "First Impressions" and; for the most part, with what we have of "Aftershock". Thank you and please continue.

That being said I kinda agree with 30218497 . While I appreciate prose; the morning seemed to just drag on unnecessarily. A couple of splinters in my mind are Anon's 'whispers' and Twilight's letter. I would've thought Celestia would pay more attention to his 'whisper' considering the events of the previous night. I'm imagining that they share some kind of bond though neither quite realizes it yet. I'd like to think Twilight would've sent that letter with urgency if not at least send a note via Spike to let her know to expect the letter. (Because Spike-mail fire might taint any evidence found on the letter.)

Grammar, dialog flow, and character development were fine. YOUR use of contractions has been pointed out before and I believe YOU'RE working on it. The amount of foreshadowing and tension that has been built up only to be left on the cliffhanger is torture. While not your best work it was still a good update. I look forward to the next.

Page 7, Anons?
Really?
How could you let yourselves fall so far?

>>30219588
Jobs.
Portable pony pussies don't pay for themselves

>>30219588
For me it's a combination of being at work and not wanting to start something about Minotaurs because the new janitor might ban me (even tho Minotaurs are in the show)

>>30220197
It's much harder to police a greentext than it is an image. If it's not art you're pretty much safe.

>>30220207
It's just art and a prompt, I do it instead of just saying bump to bump the thread

>because of your marely personality and the fact that you have nipples you have been challenged to some friendly wrestling by a Minotaurs passing through town

>>30220243
Just realized there is a tie on her horn
Ether that is a very small tie or she is a very large cow

>>30192316
Looks like LAP also wrights for the casual sex thread
A man of good taste I see

>>30220253
Both

>>30217894
>anon starts to approach the mares with a noticeable bulge and a grin on his face
>construction mares start spilling spaghetti everywhere

>>30220347
>"I never thought I'd get this far! What do I do?!"

>>30220366
"so what do plan on doing to me~?"
>"i dont know iv'e never gotten this far"

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>>30220435
>"oh...ok"
>anon walks away
>mare spends yet another night crying into her pillow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4

>>30220243
U N F

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>>30220243
Gotta love dem Minogirls.

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>>30220243
>tfw monkeytaurs are legendary creatures in Bovarian culture
>at least that's what she thinks you are
>your species's strength and power has been shilled by minotaurs longer than either of you have been alive
>news of this 'little' contest has spread across the land, many tall bovine amazons have come from far and wide to witness it
>you've never set foot in a gym in your life

>>30220277
Isn't that the casual dogfuckers thread?

>>30220243
>>30221014
>However, as you soon discover, that's not needed
>For all their bulk, minotaurs are surprisingly weak
>Bovarian culture idolizes strength, and excessive muscle is considered a sign of beauty
>Over the centuries have perfected the art of easy, visible gains
>They look like roided up bodybuilders, but in terms of actual strength, they're not much stronger than an average human

>>30221131
>Too bad Anon is below average

>>30220243
>>30220995
>minocancer
Get out. REEEEEEEEEEE

>>30221147
>keeps insisting on being worse
Fuck off
>>30221161
Shut up fagget. Mino tits have tits, and they were made for groping.

>>30221147
Well yeah he's a beta faggot

>>30218621
I won't forgive you for making me wait for guard mares, ghouls

You know, for things like this the other generals (and the majority of the board desu) call us a secret /fur/ thread.

Also yall can be banned for posting >>30220243

Trust me, I may or may not know some of the mods/janitors

>>30221293
So the fresh mods are retarded, what else is new?

>>30221172
>keeps insisting

He's a different guy, but the point of the other prompt was more of a comedy thing first and foremost. And for me that means Anon reacting to pony bullshit, trying to survive pony bullshit, or being the butt of a series of jokes at his expense more than any powerwank or lewd stuff. With that in mind, he doesn't actually have to be worse than his competition specifically. With this
>>30221131added onto what I wrote here >>30221014 it would be revealed both Anon and the mino are below average shitters and have been bluffing each other the whole time. It looks like the match of the century because they're both struggling, if only they knew.

>>30221311
Ah, then that is much more fun. I wonder what their reactions would be if Anon started lifting afterwards, and doesn't look that much different.

>>30221293
Why? It's literally a character from the show just as a girl

>>30221324
>anon starts lifting
>he gets gains but most aren't visible
>he has almost no muscle tone
>Minotaurs are baffled
>any mino that spent that much time lifting would look like the hulk

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>>30220243
>the Minotaur talks and acts exactly like Hulk Hogan, but with tits
>you don't know how to feel about this

>>30221388
Read this>>30221309
Pretty self explanatory.

>>30221388
The staff doesn't know what to do with canon anthros half the time. For a while they would delete Carrot fan art on /a/ despite being from a popular manga. If they were to take action they would probably say it's R63 and anything non-canon is grounds for deletion.

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>>30221388
Anon, I'm pretty sure >>30220243 isn't "a character from the show just as a girl"

>>30221490
That's exactly what it is. It's genderflipped Iron Will down to the tie and mic.

>>30221672
You're retarded. There are no minotaur characters in the show. And before you say "B-but Putting Your Hoof Down!", remember that not all episodes are considered canon.
Iron Will is just as bad as a red and black alicorn and will be treated as such.

>>30221894
I actually laughed out loud, good joke. It had better be one anyway because that doesn't make any sense. Even if he weren't canon in the show's continuity he's still a character from the show.

>>30221981
Its just a retard, point and laugh till he goes away.

>>30221388
I've seen them have similar issues with diamond dogs in the past

>>30221415
>every Minotaur you meet is like a r63 version of famous wrestlers from earth, but with giant cow tits
>the cowtit version of the Warrior world rant unintelligible nonsence and froth at the mouth and a few other places to
>cowtit Macho Man was able to pull out a slim Jim from nowhere at any time
>cowtit Chris Benoit suffered from mad cow disease and had to be put down after she killed her husband and child

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>>30222154

>"Gotta confuse the body Anon, Whatever it takes Celestia dammit"

>"HOW MANY SCOOPS?"

Y...you really think I'm pretty Anon

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>>30221408
>tfw hit the jim six days a week for a year
>tfw still no fucking visible gains
>tfw still look like a fat fuck but makung invisible gains

>>30222154
>Ywn fuck Cowdy Roddy Piper

>>30222526
Strength training won't help you lose weight. It's all in the diet.
You don't need some fancy Hollywood diet, either. Just stop eating junk food, stop drinking soda, and don't have seconds.
Here's a rule: You can eat as many snacks as you want, as long as it's healthy. Eat an apple or carrot instead of a bag of chips.

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>>30222559
How the fuck am I gonna get B I G if I don't eat B I G ?

>>30222559
>Here's a rule: You can eat as many snacks as you want, as long as it's healthy.

Not even that. Speaking as someone who lost 50lb. You can eat the same unhealthy stuff, just (a lot) less of it. One, maybe two, slices of pizza. A (usually bunless) burger with water and no sides. And not a little burger, but one of the double bacon abominations. You do it long enough and you eat healthier anyway because you can eat a lot more of healthier foods without going over your BMR. I find you'll also seek out fish and other high protein/low cal foods, which is good if you don't want to become a skeleton.

>>30222559
>>30222526

Celery is one of the best healthy snacks you can get that's aren't expensive
>>30222459
>ywn have a body builder Minotaur girlfriend
>she will never put you naked under her to make your dick a prize for her getting extra low in her squats

>>30222601
>>she will never put you naked under her to make your dick a prize for her getting extra low in her squats

u-unf

>>30222583
By fucking big
Step 1 find a girl to fuck
Step 2 lift her up
Step 3 fuck standing only moving her
Repeat 4 times a day every day for best results
A sex doll will work if you don't want to pay for whores

>>30222583
Only go a tiny bit over your BMR and make over half of the stuff you eat high in protein.

Bulk in the winter but learn to cut in the summer. There's guides and diet plans to lose the fat without also losing the muscle.

>>30222622
>cardio
>lenogainzface.meme

>>30222628
>lifting 150+pounds high Rep is cardio
>>30222601
>Minotaurs using your dick for training
This interest me greatly
It would be like a girl sitting on a guys crotch as he bench presses to boost his testosterone

>>30217958
New guy jumping in on the conversation here, my only problem with it is the pacing of this latest update.

It just feels a bit too long winded, if that makes sense. Like you could have conveyed the same feeling in about 20% less post size, while feeling like the pace had a natural feel.

>>30221131
I wouldn't mind being a minogirl's absurdly unassuming but "impossibly stronk" boyfriend.

ghouls! and LaP posted green recently? I, too, want in on the green bandwagon!

Cont. from >>30177726
Cont. line 90 of https://pastebin.com/QydFV5Pf

>"Anyways, I made some pancakes, eggs and bacon for breakfast. There's still some left in the kitchen if you want," he says as he towels off, "I should probably mention that I sorta messed up the pancakes. Instead of one whole pancake, you get several uneven pancake pieces that equate to a whole pancake."
>You raise an eyebrow.
"How did you mess up pancake mixture, head chef?"
>"I dunno, I'd blame the latent autism," he shrugs, "And unless you could whip a better dish at a moment's notice, you should just be happy with what you got."
>You playfully sigh.
"Are there any more kitchen-related mishaps I should be aware of?"
>He mulls over for a moment.
>"Hmm, I would say that if you don't like the bacon, you could have your hair for breakfast instead, but it seems you've already did just that," he points over your shoulder.
>Looking at where his finger is pointing, you peer over your shoulder, spotting a frazzled bit of hair in its otherwise wavy shape.
>You run your hand through it, effectively doing absolutely nothing to remedy it.
"Eh, it was still better than your cooking," you slip.
>Your eyes widen once you realize what you just said.
>It's never a good idea to insult a guy on his cooking skills.
"Wait, no! Sorry! I didn't mean it like—"
>Anon anticlimactically snickers.
>"Fair enough. Anyways, I'm going to go take a shower and get prepared to skedaddle on out of here."
"Right..."

>>30222791
>You drop your bag next to the apartment door, watching Anon walk to his room out of the corner of your eye.
>It takes all of your mental capacity trying to not picture Anon in a shower.
>It doesn't work.
>You expel the thought and walk into the kitchen.
>Your attention is immediately caught by the colorful assortment of food in the frying pan.
>Peering closer at its contents, you realize what you mistook for scrambled egg are the actually the mutilated pancakes.
>Stacked onto them were a few pieces of bacon and eggs, sunny side up.
>You look around the kitchen counter, searching for a clean dish.
>Instead you only find your neglected responsibilities.
>You groan to yourself.
>You had vouched to do the dishes if Anon cooked.
>Improvising, you grab a fork and take the pan by the handle.
>You seat yourself on the living room couch, shoveling a forkful of scrambled pancake in your mouth.
>It tastes... good?
>Definitely not what you expected based on its appearance.
>You hit the power button on the TV remote, tuning into a news channel.
>You're greeted by a cheery newsman, chatting away with a guest with forced smile plastered on his face.
>Stuffing another forkful of eggs and bacon in your mouth, you find yourself unable to pay attention to the news channel.
>You can only listen to the sounds of rushing water coming from Anon's bathroom.

>>30222794
>Inadvertently, you begin to think about him.
>How much has he done to help you?
>You barely had any idea how to live on your own.
>Hell, you didn't know the first steps to rent an apartment, pay your taxes, cook or anything, really.
>Learning under Celestia as her pupil, these things weren't of concern.
>You lived in a castle.
>The castle cooks prepared the best dishes Canterlot had to offer on a daily basis.
>Instead of paying taxes, you were instead learning how to administer them.
>Heh.
>You really are spoiled rich, aren't you?
>Anon was the one who handled the things you didn't understand.
>Despite his appearance, he had way more practical life experience than you, even if you spent decades in that castle.
>...
>So why would he help you?
>Aren't you just dead weight to him?
>Sure you have a part-time job, but it was literally all you had going for you.
>Even so, he would garner a horrible reputation at school by being around you, never mind being your roommate.
>Anon had barely anything to gain from you.
>You sigh to yourself.
>...
>To be fair, he did come from a world foreign to this one and Equestria.
>Maybe you could pin it on some weird alien culture.

>>30222799
>The sounds coming from Anon's shower abruptly stops.
>You look down into the frying pan to find it completely empty.
>You must've finished all of it in a trance.
>Shutting off the channel you barely payed attention to, you want nothing more to get your mind off the subject.
>Maybe you could keep your mind occupied with some monotonous work by making some progress in your workload of dirty plates.
>Returning to the kitchen, you slip on a pair of rubber gloves.
>You rinse out the pan and fill it up with soapy water.
>Grabbing a sponge, you begin scrubbing the plates sparkling clean.
>You slowly lose yourself in the task, and the stack of dirty plates grows smaller and smaller.
>You chuckle to yourself.
>If somepony years ago told you you would be washing dishes willingly, you'd faster believe that Celestia stepped down from the throne and gave all ruling power to Twilight Sparkle.
>Washing off the soap bubbles off the last of the dishes, you place the final dish back in the rack.
>Exhaling, you pull off the gloves and throw them to the side.
>"Nice job, Sunset."

>>30221408
The minotaurs fear him, because he appears to be gaining zero muscle, but his strength is steadily growing, to the point where he's several times stronger than even the strongest of mortal taurs.

Legends spread of the tiny monkeytaur with the strength of ten cows twice his size.

>>30222805
>Anon's voice catches you off guard, causing to jump a little.
>Really womanly of you, Sunset.
>You turn towards the source of the voice to see Anon, leaning against the wall.
>He's wearing a plain grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans.
>Seems simple, compared to the extravagant, show-offy outfits you seemed guys wear around school.
"I, uh... thanks."
>He smiles back.
>"To be honest, I'm kind of relieved that I don't have to scold you for not doing your chores."
"I'm not a kid, Anon," you frown.
>"Yeah, and I'm not really an adult trapped in a magical teenager body," he retorts, "I'm ready to go when you are."
"Yeah, sure, I am."
>"Well, what are we waiting for?"
>You sling your bag over your shoulder and grab your keys.
>You look back to see Anon locking and closing the door.
>Canterlot High, here you come.

>>30222812
Okay, that about wraps up what I cooked up for now.
I'm relatively new to writing, so I'm very open to suggestions on handling writing character thoughts and dialogue exchanges.

Also, I'm not sure if the Google Docs file archives shorts, but the pastebin link is here: https://pastebin.com/QydFV5Pf

>>30222526
Get on a diet.

>>30222806
It does not work like this, faggot.

What happened to that story where Bon Bon was a cunt to anon then got arrested after accidentally hitting him in the balls?

>>30222822
Maybe it does in "Physics as we know them don't apply because the fucking sun orbits a planet 1/100th it's size if not smaller ... also magic" world,
Ya protestant fuckbucket.

>>30222861
https://pastebin.com/vYAg8B3P

>>30222822
It does if Minotaur evolved to be all look no strength, they look big but there muscles are inefficient as fuck. So a human would have less bulging muscles but more strength in comparison

>>30222995
So is that the whole thing? That's where it ends?

>>30222821
Thing is good.
I eagerly await more of thing.

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>In 2010
>6 ponies (and one autistic fanbase) changed the world
>Brony_Pizza_Hut.wmv
>And for nearly 7 years
>Various shots of season finales
>They spawned countless greens
>But now...
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cB3HXVvm0g
>Footage of Starlight Glimmer begins to reverse
>As we move forward…
>The rewind speeds up as it reaches Equestria Girls
>To discover what made these ponies top tier waifus…
>zooming past Princess Twilight displaying her wings at full mast
>We’re going back...
>/rgre/ proudly presents
>in association with:
>4chan(tm)
>Headcanon(tm)
>And some hack writer…
>This is where it begins
>Shot of a wingless Twilight with her friends in front of the Golden Oaks library
>The crowd goes ape shit
>many shed tears of joy as their prayers to Faust have finally been answered
>A new RGRE season 1 adventure
>reimagined classics
>Fluttershy hastily pushes a bewildered Anon into Photo Finish and flies off
>Anon playing spin the bottle at Twilight’s sleepover
>new episodes
>Anon, Spike, and Big Mac sitting around a campfire
>Anon gets his ass smacked by a drunk Luna
>(2:30)
>3 perspectives
>Anonymous
>Recovering(S1) Princess Luna
>Twilight Sparkle student of friendship
>All new sexist melodrama
>Anon poses uncomfortably while wearing a super slutty outfit in front of Hoity Toity
>Rainbow Dash pulls off a sonic rainboom diving past a hysterical Rarity and tumbling Wonderbolts as she reaches out for Anon
>The ultimate celebration
>Of past and future
>RGRE Mania
>Coming Never Ever(tm)

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<<30223300
Am I supposed to be laughing?

>>30223300
No lo logro entender, mi querido y bien ponderado Anónimo.

>>30223578
Being confused in what is hopefully spanish.

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>>30219169
Uhh, actually... the lines where Celestia imagines Anon are supposed to be more figurative than literal. There's no magic bond or anything, it's just the way I wanted to use to demonstrate that Anon still, to use a word, 'haunts' Celestia's thoughts throughout her day without saying it literally. Also, because of the time when Twilight and Rarity find the imposter's letter (in the afternoon when they come to see him for lunch) and when Celestia gets word from Twilight (also in the afternoon) asking about whether or not she should be worried about Celestia (in reality, the imposter) whisking Anon off in the night, it was another attempt to communicate that Twilight had sent her letter very soon after she noticed Anon was missing.


Just thought I'd clarify that. Otherwise:

>>30222711
>>30219169
More focus on the plot and smoother pacing/efficiency of storytelling; I gatcha'.

>>30221246
Yeeeaaah, I feel you Anon. I wasn't actually expecting that one to be so big, it was kinda' an experimental thing I wanted to do to get back into writing. That isn't to say that I don't think about it regularly or know what I want to write for it next, (both of those things are happening) but I always intended to do Aftershock and finish up FI before I continued with other existing/new ideas. It was a promise I made to myself, ya' know? I'd been saying 'I can start FI back up AFTER I do 'X' for almost a year. It was time. Involving another thread with it might have been not a great idea, but I'm still happy that so many people read it and enjoyed it as much as they have all and all, so I count it as a blessing.

Now if you lovely Anons can excuse me, I need to get back to the writefag dungeon. LaP gets depressed when we don't make regularly make SICK green gains and I need to #protecthissmile. Thanks again to everyone who talked with me about my story.

>>30223691
It would be for the best if you were able to clarify that in the green.
Just saying, I liked the update but to be brutally honest I skipped the beginning of this update, or most of it anyway.
I really loved how emotive the end became.
So much emotion in one scene.

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>>30222526
BULLSHIT! You just need to work harder! When you get on that treadmill and turn it to 15 you better stay on it till your legs hurt, then another 30 minutes! You gotta lift as much as you can! When you get home drink a protein shake think about how proud your pony wifu would be of you! When you eat think weather or no she'd like you eating more than you are supposed to, and one day, when you get to Equestria think of how proud she'll be of you! How happy she'll be to see you in good shape and health! That's how you get /fit/!

>>30223300
It umm, could be good?

>>30220243
>file deleted
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>30222791
Sweet, more Sunny and Anon.

>>30222812
>you seemed guys wear around school.
see* or seen. Seemed makes no sense.

>>30220243
ripperoni

>>30222812
love the story.

>>30220243
Dammit scruffy it's a show character!

>>30225943
>surprised that our mods are stupid
Welcome to 4chan's pony board.

>>30225943
>Minofag being BTFO
Oh fucking yes.
As much as I like Iron Will, this is a horse pussy board : undercover furfags aren't welcome.

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"Stay out of page 9, Anon."

>>30226998
You can't tell me what to do! I'm a strong independent man who don't need no mare!

>>30226998
bump at page 8 happy?

>>30226998
Aye chief, by the way, you know that tugging my dick for "special sauce" is going to take more effort right?

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>reading Ghouls' Mayor Mare thing
>nice
>when suddenly cervix penetration and "cunny" in one fucking sentence


You did this on purpose.

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Reminder that human males were literally made for the TZC (Tight Zebra Cunt)

>>30223024
I haven't gotten much of a chance to do further work on this green, it might be a little while before it gets an update.

>>30227802
When you do it'll be good

>>30222154
I don't know how to feel about this, because I'm a fan of the classic wrestling.

>>30222526
>six days a week

There's your problem. Go to the gym every other day to work on strength (upper body, rest day, lower body, rest day, etc.) and just go for a swim, walk, hike, jog, bike ride, whatever the rest of the time.

>>30227779
>how can a pone mare compete?

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Hey m8s, i was wondering what would be a story with a mexican in the RGRE?... someone make it happen pls...

>>30228712
Just take any RGRE story and randomly insert the word bean everywhere

>>30228894
Ok gringo puñetero... je

>>30228712
What do mexicans act like Anon?
If you could give me a couple examples, I may be able to cobble up something.

>>30228712
>Anons adventures have ended.
>He's saved the world, conquered the horsepussy, even removed the stick from Luna's ass.
>After settling down with a certain purple spastic princess they had some kids.
>Those kids grew up, with Anon taking on a very paternal role because while he might be a dick they're his kids and he'll be damned if they're not brought up right.
>His two daughters got married and moved away.
>But now, they're coming back to ponyville.
>It's time for the grandkids to meet their kind and borderline psychotic abuelito.

>>30228712
>all spanish speaking ponies speak castilian spanish

Wat do?

>>30228915
Uhm well, we are a little proud of our archivements, we eat comon homemade food, we like to improvise to build things, we love guns and big trucks, and uhh de hate our goverment so much that we wanted that someone shoot the president right in the nuts... thats a revirew of how we act...

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>>30228915

>>30228965
Not bad m8... i will be surprised if this become popular...

>>30228996
I lost count of how many times i see this reference before...

>>30229008
What number did you lose count at?

>>30229037
20

>>30228965
"Now nieta, making burritos is an art, first, you start from the skin..."
"Nieta, you don't worry about boys. Work hard, and boys will come to you, just like your abuela."
"Remember always, you have the blood of a conquistador in you. If you ever lose faith in yourself, remember that abuelito has faith in you."

>>30229116
Ol this actually funny.... y me gusta jajaja

Man we're falling fast, is there a new episode.

>>30226998
"You colts need to get back to page 1 where you belong!"

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>>30228915
I saw a mexican and his wife get hit by a car a while back. He walked away with barely a scratch, but she was bleeding on the sidewalk.

He kept screaming at me to call Nine Juan Juan, and I kept telling him I didn't know who those guys were.

Long story short, now I'm on the run from a Mexican cartel.

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>>30229743
Oh yeah, I almost forgot.
"Something something RGRE."

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>>30229743
>Mexican pony cartel is bretty bad.
>Smuggles salt and gryphons over the border.
>Anon takes it upon himself to build wall.
>Everytime he starts though mongol ponies attack him for no reason whatsoever.
>Mares tell him to get back in the kitchen so he doesn’t get raped by the mexiponies and mongolponies.
>What they don’t know is that was his plan all along.

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->"Im going to build a wall and make Marexico pay for it"

>"When you have bits and a big library like me, nobody cares, I've brought colts to my library, handsome ones mind you."
>"I grab 'em by the Shlong and they don't do anything about it".

>>30230110
>Anon gets swept up in the media shitstorm because he was one of those colts and didn't speak out against her

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>>30230110
>noBODY

>>30230282
>she married anon so his speech started affecting her's over time
>the liberal pone news ask why she is against foreigners when she married a talking alien monkey

>>30230305
>She points out that Anon is a civilized creature from a society and culture very similar to that of Equestria
>Points out the low crime rates of dragon and gryphon immigrant communities
>Reminds them of the latest Yak suicide attack

>A long time ago, before Sombra rose to power, the Crystal Empire was home to several humans.
>The Empire had aided the human kingdom in their time of need, and in gratitude, they sent a small group of Guards for the royal family, and the Crystal Heart.
>But Sombra distrusted them, he suspected they would oppose his ambitions and his methods.
>It was not a simple endeavor, for they were resistant to many forms of magic, but he was able to seal them away
>They were all but forgotten until the newest Princess of the Empire stumbled upon them and accidentally shattered the spell entombing them in crystal.

>Captain Anonymous and his men find themselves flung far into the future, and thrown into a duty they hadn't really expected
>Giving the Empress a break and babysitting Flurry Heart
>Stallions are supposed to be good with kids right?
>Anonymous has a bad feeling about this, after hearing the palace staff gossiping, and learning of their nickname for his new charge.
>'The Alicorn of Mayhem'

>>30216526
>>When the paper fails entertain you sufficiently, though, you decide to do it yourself, grinning as you lean to your left.
>“He likes me more than you, he likes me more than you, he likes me more than you, he likes—“ you whisper in a hurry, her drawn out groan of anguish transforming your taunting into silly giggling.
That was cute.

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>>30216601
>>30216629
GUUUEESS WHOOOO

>>30230531
...Sombra is Aku

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>>30230650
I'm gonna guess... (You)?

>>30222806

>A story begins to spread
>the monkeytaur is quietly drinking in a tavern, when four drunken minotaurs decide to pick a fight with the small, slightly-built creature
>They're emboldened when the monkeytaur tries to politely discourage the fight by any means he can
>They find that the monkeytaur is not only insanely strong, but very, very agile as well.
>One minotaur lands a haymaker which does exactly nothing. The monkeytaur simply keeps dodging and weaving and avoiding every other blow.
>It ends with three unconscious minotaurs, all of whom succeeded in knocking each other unconscious in their efforts to land a hit on the monkeytaur
>The last minotaur decides that cowardice is the better part of valor and runs, leaving monkeytaur Anon to his drink.
>"The Juggernaut Monkeytaur is faster than lightning and stronger than ten minotaurs. He is a storm, and only a lunatic or a fool picks a fight with a storm."

>>30230967
>anon is like the Greek myth Minotaur to equestrian Minotaurs

>>30226998
"Then stop being a furfag Bon2"

>>30223691
>...more figurative than literal.
>timing of letter deliveries.
Ah, ok. That makes more sense. Thanks.

>...get back to the writefag dungeon.
BACK TO WORK!
#crackthewhip
Thanks for sharing and taking the time to answer us silly Anons. I know I appreciate it.

>>30223705
Agreed. It left us with raw emotion. That much shined through and I love it as well. I can hardly wait until the light bulb turns on in their heads that Celly and Anon LIKE like each other.

>general minotaur prompts/talk
I'm kinda liking some of these montaur ideas. The only thing I've read of minotaurs is something about Iron Will's daughter and the story seems abandoned. Shame because it had promise.

>Anon is walking home on hearts and hooves day
>He ventured into town only to grab some of those bomb ass heart shaped sugar cookies from SCC
>He decides to take a short cut through the park
>As he is walking past mares and stallions acting all lovey dovey something out of place strikes his ears
>Its crying
>He follows the sound and finds a lone mare seated on a bench crying into a mostly destroyed flower bouquet

>>30231427
>Her snack got run over by a passing cart.
>She's literally crying over the equivalent of a fallen scoop of icecream.

>>30228915
There's a new cartel beheading webm going around
It's a kid getting beheaded with a dull knife.
I'd post it but I don't wanna get banned

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Thought this could make for a feelsy herd green
>Not all of their adventures are as happy go lucky as others
>It leaves them more disheveled than most would be comfortable with, to say the least
>But that won't stop them
>After all, who's gonna do it if not them?
>But it's not the wounds that hurt
>Those never last, and there's never any serious damage
>What hurts is that outside of their family they have no one to comfort them
>no one to hold them close and tell them everything will be alright
>All they have is each other so on the rare occasion that a stallion does approach one of them they have to deny them
>It's either all of them or none of them

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>>30231842
Lets do this.

>>30231521
Please no.
I don't know why but nice things being wasted is one of the few thing that can actually make me sad.
Go hug and fug that poor mare.

>>30231842
Fuck man I don't know if I could handle not being able to be there with them.
There's no way I'd get in their way though.

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>>30231427
>having a cookie
>even on Hearts and Hooves day
>not just adding a celebratory strawberry to your protein shake and going to the gym to lift the loneliness away

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>>30232443
L-... LaP? Is that you bud?

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>>30232624
>used to be fat and nerdy but had a cute face
>all the nerdy bitches would hit me up
>this weird furry spanish chick was really into me
>this cute /mlp/ girl was too
>realize the detriment to my life that my weight was becoming
>realize I was weak, both of mind and body
>start lifting
>with each passing day I grow stronger
>not nerdy enough for the cute nerd girls
>they think I'm a fucking normie because I'm at the gym constantly
>not /fit/ enough for the thinn cardio gym girls
>they think I'm a fucking dyel casual
I'm crossing through the valley of isolation on the journey to self-improvement

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>>30232680
Me and Ponk believe in you, anon
You can do it!

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>>30232680
>3d
>ever
>at all

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>>30232726
Anon you can hug the pillow all you want, but once you realize it doesn't hug you back you can never unrealize it and the pillow stops providing comfort.

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>>30232760
You are speaking to a wizard. It was over for me big long ago. Now I wait to be with her.

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>>30232793
If not for yourself, lift for her

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why do you guys always feel when i leave?

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>Oh hey, cutie! Why're you out here all by your lonesome?
>Oooh but you could chip a hoof! Um... claw. Here, I'll carry that for you.
>Hmmhmm~! Capable? You mean capable of hurting yourself. Cmon~ no need to be so uppity.
>*sigh* Good thing he's cute...

>>30233415
Strawberry's are literally the most disgusting berry

>>30230981

>The legend grows and spreads
>Minotaurs begin making pilgrimages to the Monkeytaur to prove themselves.
>the goal isn't to defeat him, since no one ever has, it's just to see how long they can stand up to him in a fight.
>in each and every case, the Monkeytaur tries to dissuade them
>when they refuse, he takes them down as fast as possible while doing as little damage as possible
>even losing a fight to him becomes a mark of prestige.

>>30233428
But strawberries aren't technically berries, Anon. They're accessory fruits ya silly goose.

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>>30233428
>Awww~ don't blow your lid, sweetie; y'might hurt your wittle head. You don't know up from down with all those colty feelings running wild. I know how fickle you boys get when you're upset, so I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

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>>30233527
>patronization

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>>30233594

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>>30233631
>eating the leaf on top

>>30233740
#Justponythings

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>>30233740
Well these are pones after all. If they eat can eat hay and flowers they would have no trouble with the leaves.

>go to fancy restaurant
>tell them to leave the fucking flowers out of the pasta
>they act like you just committed a culinary sin with their barely concealed contempt
>go to smoothie joint
>order a strawberry smoothie
>no hay, you tell them
>they keep all the leaves on the strawberries

Reeeeeeee

>>30233783
> "Anon! What are you doing?"
"Cutting the leaves off the strawberries, what does it look like?"
> The mare avoids the disapproving gazes of the other diners, squirming with discomfort
> "You don't do that! This is a nice restaurant, the leaves are crucial to the taste of the dish!"
> You roll your eyes
"Don't worry, this is normal."

>>30233783
Humans can eat flowers and leaves. It's not like you'll keel over from eating the top of the strawberry.

>>30233783
Is there a version of this image without the white background

>>30233962
But it's icky. Although I don't know if all that green left in the smoothie would actually affect the flavor, but I certainly wouldn't risk wasting a carton of strawberries to test that.

>>30233997
I would but I cant really try since strawberries would kill me

>>30234013
Do it anyway and stream it

>>30234030
>Anon trolls on the pony internet
>Likes to frequent boards just to make fun of the kissless virgins
>Ponies tell him to kill himself and stream it
>For a laugh he fakes his own death on a stream
>The lonely mares realize they just killed someone
>Not just anyone but a stallion!
>And not just ANY stallion but the only REAL human in equestria
>Anon singlehandedly breaks the pony internet for a few days until he puts out another video proving he is alive.

>Anon's scent acts like catnip to the ponies
>Despite still trying to act marely, they end up being like drugged up cats
>Tensions arise between Canterlot, the Crystal Empire, and Ponyville as each Princess tries to persuade Anon to stay/migrate
>The only pony immune is one Anon has a mutual dislike of/is mutually tsundere of (Luna?)
>They're forced to be around each other due to circumstances

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>Day RGRE in Mosscow
>It is as usual
>Squatting in the snow, making impressive aesthetics
>Sky is dark and snowy, as usual
>Suddenly the sky itself splits open
>A bright green light illuminates all for miles before spitting out a ball of fire
>It lands outside of town, shaking the earth as it touches down
>Sitting in the epicenter of the crater is an Anon
>A mythical creature known for their strength and for being a harbinger of war
>On its face is "?" the ancient symbol of Kratos, the god of war
>Anon isn't awake yet

>>30233783
to be fair the leaves would probably be ground so fine you wouldn't taste them anyway

>>30233486
>I don't want no trouble

>>30234056
>He eats potatoes and garlic on stream
>internet thinks he killed him self

>>30234409
>throws unmagical chili powder in Anon's eyes and punches him in the balls
>the myth is bested

>>30234431
>anon has a super potato on stream
>potato's alone are bad enough but he added pulled pork (ponies think he pulled it from the bone), queso with RED PEPPER, sour cream (lets assum sour cream is poisones to them) and GREEN FUCKING ONIONS.
>anon just at the pony equivalent to breaking into a hospital drug room and injecting your self with everything and eating all the pills in sight

>>30234484
>legend begins to spread that he is invincible
>that nothing can harm him
>its all true
> JUST LIKE THE DAYS AFTER NINE ELEVEN
Rise of Sundowner

>>30234454
Don't even joke about that man. My eyes burn just thinking about it
>>30234484
Bruh, ponies can eat potatoes just fine

>>30234454
As if that would stop Nonnie Chan for long.

>>30234484
>Anon ends in jail for trying to kill himself (thanks London) and is forever under Suicide watch.
>bad ending

>>30234524
Here come Nonnie Chan (Here comes Nonnie Chan)
Martial Arts Ex-pert Of Pony-Land

>>30234577
Fuck you, I can hear that fucking song now.

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>>30234517

>>30235533
I was seriously starting to worry nobody was gonna reply that.
at least someone has taste here

>>30235593
Not that anon, but that game was ballsy as fuck to have a line like that.

>>30232680
Holy fuck man, are you me?

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>>30236805
Possibly
Does it seem so unlikely for you to ever find love that you can only see yourself in romantic situations with fictional horses?

>>30236094
This is the only way they have of channeling their anger after the Nukes.

>>30234533
>Thanks Londanistan
fixed that for you fampai

>Anon lands in Prance
>Sees the massive amount of mooslims and the skyrocketing rates of kidnapping, colt raping
>Anon starts a newspaper and investigates the crimes
>Surprise, surprise, the mooslims are trafficking underage colts, salt and weapons
>Anon attempts to tell the truth, gets arrested by the prench police for racism
>Princess Twilight is visiting, sees what the poor deluded human colt is writing, goes to visit him herself
>Hours later and many, many charts about mooslim culture and (falsified) reports on crime rates Twilight is getting pissed that stubborn colt refuses to see that he's being racist

>Takes him into the city to see a concert and maybe meet some nice, totally religion of peace mooslims
>Mooslims attack, while anon is just grinning like a loon
>Twilight 'I'd rather die to a mooslim than be a bigot' Spergle gets to practice what she preaches

>>30234220
This.
Essentially how health nuts make kale sm... well, kale anything... taste not-vomit inducing.

>>30237357
Hey now, you're just cooking it the wrong way. I usually boil mine in a big pot with some salt pork and turnips thrown in and just let it sit and cook for a while, with some cornbread on the side. Same for collard greens.

>visit /mlp/ for the first time in years
>immediately see this thread
>leave never to return

>>30237422
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya

>>30237422
>visit /mlp/ two years ago
>see RGRE, check it out
>never leave
ive had this window open since october 2015, i dont regret a thing.

>>30237449
I followed ghouls here. I wasn't sure what to expect exactly. I like comfy stories that flip conventional thinking on its head. Found much of that here and figured I'd stick around for a short while. Now, this thread's the one I check on an almost daily basis.

Did the "Octavia can't get any" greens move here?

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>>30237506
Same. I just hate other faggot here.
>>30237521
No Octavian?

Here's a list of plants poisonous to horses
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_plants_poisonous_to_equines

>>30237680
I'm inclined to believe that ponies can eat almost anything that humans can besides meat.

>>30237680
>Taxus
Wait, I think I did hear about /int/ Asian eating with soup.

>>30237538
No, that's not role reversal, that's r63. The gist was Octavia was down on her luck and couldn't get laid. She was a depressed alcoholic. And she was constantly reminded of her failures by Vinyl who would bring home a different ick every night and be loud about it.

>>30237770
But that's not as fun.

>>30237830
The "Anon does something that ponies don't understand provoking mass hysteria" prompts get old after a while

>>30237680
>Anon is given one object he can bring with him to Equestria
>Chooses a bag of Locoweed seeds
>Becomes the most feared (and only) drug lord in the world.

>>30237770
no, they can eat meat and will if you leave it for them. just not a lot of it or they get sick, more of an emergancy "fuck theres no hay around" thing.

>>30237867
>>30237770
>Ponies can only eat meat
>All of the foods shown in the show are actually meat processed to varying degrees
>Apples are a kind of meat that grows on trees
>Bread is like a meatloaf made from wheat, which is another kind of meat that needs to be ground to be palatable.
>All of the edible 'plants' in equestria are more animal than plant
>Sort of like anenomes.
>The notion of eating things that are not meat is strange to ponies
>Anon reminds them somewhat of dragons, who can eat gemstones as well as more normal meaty foods
>Ketchup is extremely confusing to ponies and has caused several riots
>"How does it work?"
>"It looks like blood but it's just mashed up plant bits! Is he going to put gravel on his food next?"
>The princesses have had to intervene and after several incidents have issued a proclamation requiring Anon to not eat in public
>At least this means Anon doesn't have to go to boring dinner parties anymore.

>>30237867
>>30237770
Or if they're bored.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnYNmGMsU18

>>30237992
That horse likely had a deficiency in something.

>>30238051
ya fucking iron

>>30237770
I always like the old prompt idea that NOTHING in Equestria can survive losing too much magic in their bodies, but Anon can, and there are certain (moderately rare) materials/environments that are "universally" known to be very dangerous, as they drain ALL magic from the very localized environment.
>IE, a specific kind of uncomon/rare mineral (say, certain forms of obsidian?) will kill any known life that touches it for longer than a second or two TOPS.
>Anon uses a lump the size of his fist as a paper weight on his desk.
>Inevitably, Twilight is ecstatic about the discovery of any life that can thrive despite prolonged exposure to something that could kill even dragons with mere seconds of contact.

This sort of thing allows for shenanigans to abound. Also, this adds the potential for anon to be incredibly dangerous, and he's playing on easy-mode when hunting large game in the forest.

>Roseluck: "Princess Twilight says Anon kills the animals he eats from the Everfree by stabbing them with bucking VOID STONE!"
>Lily: "Isn't that the white death rock stuff that steals all the mana in you?!"

It'd be like the pony equivalent of an interdemensional alien chick who was entirely immune to ionizing radiation.

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>>30237988
I no like thing.

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>>30232443
>Those fuckers in the back

>>30238187
>Lily: "Isn't that the white death rock stuff that steals all the mana in you?!"

Black, shit. Dunno why the hell I typed white instead of black.
(Inb4 typical zigger racism.)

>>30234521
Boi.

>>30238187
I like this idea

>>30238187
>anon becomes a lab monkey
>touching things that are dangerous to ponies but no him
>but knows when to quit
>especially with uranium

>>30237770
kys retard
>>30238187
kys nerd

>>30238303
unrefined uranium isnt dangerous unless you breath in the dust. for obvious reasons.

>>30230375
Yak suicide attack
I think you mean camel.

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>>30238342
kys faggot

>>30231842
>Pic

>They were the heroes that saved the world
>Again
>They were dirty, battered, and bruised
>But victorious
>Evil had risen, and been beaten back

>Soon they would be back on the dusty trail
>Heading back home
>But for now, they rested in the nearly empty saloon as the long day came to an end
>Then sleep, and a new day
>That was the plan anyway

>Right up until the sound of wood slamming drew their attention to the entrance
>A familiar face was looking around wildly, before settling it's gaze on them and rushing over
>They could see a torrent of emotions battling for control of his features
>Joy, fear, anger, relief, love
>His jaw moved and he gesticulated wildly with his hands, but he couldn't seem to figure out what he wanted to say or do first.
>His eyes darted back and forth to their various injuries
>Twilight noticed that his eyes were drawn repeatedly to her own bandaged one.
>"Anon! It's uh, it's not as bad as it looks?" Twilight managed to say, without as much confidence as she would have liked
"We're all fine, darling. Nothing a little rest and recuperation won't fix." Rarity added.

>His face scrunched up
>He stood straighter, closed his eyes, took a deep breath and visibly calmed himself
>They could barely hear him mumble to himself
"Sunbutt is gonna have a new bootprint cutie mark when I'm done with her."
>When he looked again he nudged Pinkie's slice of cake closer to her and ruffled her poofy hair
>She hummed happily and licked some frosting off.

>"Pull up a seat sugarcube, you look like you ran from home all the way here." AJ waved her bandaged hoof down at his dusty dishelved clothes
>She squeezed Dash against her side with the other and whispered, "Hey, Dashie, guess who's here?"
>Rainbow just mumbled sleepily and nuzzled AJ's side