Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1116

>>29580374
Pastebin for this, please?

I'm not a robot

>>29593962
gimme a sec

>>29593867
peep a cute

>>29593962
http://pastebin.com/72P8tRDU

File: 1467170931802.jpg (57KB, 883x960px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 883x960px

I want the birb threads to come back.

Continued from >>29557117
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/PqUdUu9k

-----

"No thanks."
>"Anon, yah can't jus' give up every time you fail at somethin'. Yah gotta keep tryin'."
>You scoff at the absurdity of Applejack's statement.
"Uh, yea I can. I do it all the time."
>It's well past midday, and you're hanging around Applejack as she bucks apples.
>While you've come to accept the ridiculous superhuman/pony strength that earth ponies possess, seeing her fell all the apples on a tree with one buck is no less impressive now as it was the first time.
>Why she thinks you can do the same is beyond you.
>Applejack gives you a look of disapproval.
>You shrug.
"Remember the first attempt?"
>Applejack's eyes lose their focus on you in remembrance. She winces slightly.
>That was a fun event. You were convinced your leg was broken and used a long branch as a makeshift cane for the following day.
>In hindsight, kicking a tree that large was probably not your smartest idea.
>Trying to roundhouse the trunk didn't help either.
>...
>Mistakes were made.
>Applejack looks down at the ground in concentration before eyeing you with renewed resolve.
>"Well... Yah remember the second attempt?"
>You do.
>Months after the first try and armed with your newly acquired 'common sense', you decided to give apple bucking another go.
>Thankfully that session ended with no external injuries. Your pride on the other hand...
>You nod in response.
"Yea, but that was a failure. What did I do, shake the tree a little? Let's not forget it was a small tree."
>Applejack walks over to another tree, talking all the while.
>"Apple-buckin' takes practice, Anon. Yah think when Ah started out I was any good at it?"
>She reaches the base of the tree and turns to face away from it.
>Leaning forward on her forelegs, she expertly lashes out at the trunk with her hind-legs, hooves striking low.
>With a mighty tremble, apples galore drop from the tree, landing perfectly in the four buckets surrounding it.

>>29594209
>You examine the bare branches for any stragglers but there are none.
"Yeah?!?"
>You make no effort to hide your astonishment.
>"Well Ah wasn't! It took months 'fore I could even /begin/ to compare to Big Mac."
>You eye Applejack with skepticism.
"Do you /not/ have an ass-mark with three apples on it?"
>It's hard to keep a smirk off your face as Applejack's stern expression is replaced with one of surprise.
>She quickly recovers and gives you another look of disapproval, although the hints of pink on her cheeks dilute the effect.
>"It's called a 'cutie mark' n' yes, Ah have one."
"Nice."
>"Don't fold so easily, Anon. Ah reckon Apple Bloom n' the Crusaders would be mighty disappointed to see you quit like this."
>You frown.
>Low blow, AJ. Low blow.
"I'm not quitting, I'm just..."
>You rack your brain for a reworded version.
>Tactically retreating? Pausing indefinitely? Postponing for an un--
>"Well if you're not quittin' Ah say we give it another shot. Come on, Anon, get off yer flank and get over here."
>Sheesh lady, you're pushy today.
>Actually, no. She's always pushy with you.
>Damn her and her words of encouragement.
>With a sigh you rise from your seated position, taking care to bush off some of the loose dirt on your pants.
>You reluctantly trudge over to Applejack, who has taken position next to a new tree.
>There's nothing you can say to convince her otherwise. Better to get it out of the way with minimal fuss.
>You halt a foot away from her.
>Applejack is facing away from you, studying the apple tree in front of her. She extends a foreleg, using a hoof to push firmly against the bark.
>She must be satisfied with her findings because after a few seconds she nods to herself.
>"This tree here'll work jus' fine."
>She steps to the side, allowing you unimpeded access to it.
>You size up the tree before you.
>It's undoubtedly bigger than the previous one you tussled with, both in height and diameter.

>>29594214
>How the hell does she expect you to make this thing even budge?
>Your gaze drifts down to the light-orange mare looking expectantly at you.
"You see the size of this thing? Is there anything smaller I can start with?"
>Applejack shakes her head.
>"Size don't matter, at least not as much as you think."
>Heh.
>"Strength is good, but technique is what's most important."
"Really."
>Your flat tone makes it sound like a statement rather than a question.
>"Eeyup."
>Thanks for the advice, Big Mac.
>You focus back on the task at hand.
>You turn to the left so your right side is facing the tree.
>Just like before, Anon. Lean in during the windup so--
>"Try facin' away from the tree."
"You mean like I am now?"
>"Not quite. Turn so yer back is towards the tree."
>Ahh.
>You rotate another ninety degrees.
>How the heck are you supposed to kick it now...
>Oh.
"Ohhhhh. Just like you!"
>Applejack chuckles.
>"Eeyup, jus' like me. Now scootch forward a lil'."
>You take a hesitant step away from the tree.
"Is this good?"
>"Too far, take a small step back."
>You step back towards the tree, looking to gauge Applejack's reaction.
>She shakes her head.
>"Now yer too close."
>You huff in slight irritation before moving ever so carefully forward.
>Apple Horse, so help you this better--
>"Too far."
"Oh COME ON! I barely moved!"
>Another chuckle from her.
>"Like Ah said, technique is important! Now hold on..."
>Applejack closes the short distance between the two of you.
>Rearing up on her hind legs, her left fore-hoof finds purchase on the small of your back, while her right hoof rests to the right of your stomach.
>Hmmm?
>Applejack pushes gently with her right hoof, causing you to lean backwards. You instinctively take a small step back to stay upright.
>"There, that oughta do it."
>Her work complete, she releases her hold on you and takes a few steps back.
>"Now give it a try!"
>You turn your head to measure the distance between you and the tree.

>>29594226
>A little further than what you're comfortable with, but if Applejack thinks it's the optimal range, you'll make do.
>Facing forward again, you perform a small stretch with your legs.
>Speaking of legs...
"You know I'm only using one leg, right?"
>A new possibility creeps into your thoughts.
"...Unless you want me to balance on my arms and use both legs? That's not easy."
>Applejack rolls her eyes.
>"Stick with what works best fer you."
>You nod. One leg it is.
>After taking a deep breath, you rotate your head until you can make out the tree in your peripheral vision.
>Bending your knees slightly, you shift most of your weight on to your left leg. Your right leg raises, and...
>WHAM!
>The flat of your foot connects solidly with the trunk, a dull thud arising from the bark.
>Repulsion makes you stumble forward. You quickly recover, turning around to eye your work.
>The second tree you 'bucked' definitely did not shake as much as this one.
>Progress!
>Unfortunately the second tree you 'bucked' dropped as many apples as this one.
>Zero.
>Damn it.
"I--"
>Something strikes the top of your head and bounces off, postponing your declaration of surrender.
>You rub the top of your head, looking up to try and locate the source of your newly acquired irritation.
"Ow?"
>"What in the..."
>You glance back down to find Applejack nursing her forehead.
>Her too?
>You look to the ground.
>Barely a foot between you and her lays two apples.
>Huh.
>You stare at them for a second before looking up to the branches.
>You point to the grounded apples.
"Did those two--"
>You point to the tree.
"--come from this?"
>Applejack peers at the apples in front of her before looking at you. A smile breaks out on her face.
>"Sure looks like it! Nice going, Anon, Ah knew you could do it!"
>Your gaze shifts between the apples and the tree.
>Looks like you actually did it. No superpony strength needed, just technique.
>Only two apples though.
>Lame.
>You nod to yourself.
"Nice."

>>29594229
>Your voice is a whisper.
>...
>You snort in amusement.
>Applejack is still smiling, watching your reaction.
>You chuckle softly, slowly turning it into a chortle.
>Only two measly apples.
>Applejack's facial expression is now a mixture of happiness and confusion.
>Yup, two apples.
>You take a big inhalation of air through your nose.
>...
"WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
>Applejack practically leaps out of her skin as you shout, your fists raised high in triumph.
>You did it! You actually fuckin' did it!
>So what if it's only two apples? Why were you so focused on that?
>It's a massive improvement compared to last time. Going from barely swaying a tree to felling two apples in one buck!
"YEAH!"
>You pump your fist.
>Never since you arrived in Equestria have you felt like this! Pure excitement and joy; endorphins releasing like there's no tomorrow.
>Feels amazing!
>Your eyes happen back upon Applejack, who's displaying a full set of brilliant pearly whites.
>You must look like a complete idiot with the biggest grin ever on your face, yet she makes no comment.
>This mare...
>Applejack's pupils contract as you crouch down and wrap your arms around her back, enveloping her in a hug.
>"Whoa!"
>You lean back, forcing her to stand on her hind legs as you rock side to side with her.
>Her hat is somewhat in the way, but you don't mind.
"Thank you soooooooo much, Applejack!"
>You want to say more, but you don't know what. You hope the hug gets your feeling of gratefulness across.
>Speaking of hugs, this is the first time you've ever hugged Applejack.
>Ponies in general: No. Pinkie Pie has too little an understanding of the term 'personal space' for that to have ever been a possibility.
>Applejack has never struck you as a 'touchy-feely' type, so you hope this isn't crossing a line.
>You feel her forelegs touch your back as she returns the hug.
>"Aw shucks, just doin' what Ah can to help."
>You remained embraced for a little while longer before you ease your hold on her.

>>29594235
>Applejack falls back to standing on all fours. She takes a moment to readjust her hat.
>A small smile is still on her face, as well as a faint blush.
>Your gaze drops to the two apples at your feet.
>Aha!
"This calls for a feast!"
>You pick up the apples, making sure to wipe them off on your pants. You reach out to Applejack with your right hand, apple held in offering.
"To the victors go the spoils of war."
>Using a hoof, Applejack takes the apple from your hand before sitting on her haunches. She's about to bite in to it when she pauses.
>A perplexed expression appears before she speaks.
>"'war'?"
>You nod as though the reasoning is obvious.
"Of course! The past two battles with the apple trees ended in catastrophic failure. But we didn't give up; we pushed forward! And this time... /this/ time..."
>You choose not to finish your sentence, instead opting to waggle your apple for emphasis.
>Applejack nods in understanding. With a smile, she takes a bite out of her apple.
>Well, you /almost/ gave up.
>Thankfully Applejack did what she does best: push you to give things a second chance.
>And now you're on top of the world.
>You consider her your closest friend for a reason. You owe this mare a lot.
>A grin slips on to your face, and you finally dig in to your reward.
>This apple tastes like no other apple you've ever had before.
>Tastes like victory.
>You and Applejack continue to eat in silence, only the soft crunch of teeth meeting fruit being heard.
>You idly look at your surroundings, thoughts having no real focus. Every so often, your gaze drifts back to her.
>Eventually you catch her also taking a peek at you, and your eyes meet.
>You stare at each other, her emerald eyes unmoving.
>Her lips curve up in the beginnings of a smirk; and you quickly adopt one of your own.
>What's so funny about the situation? You have no idea but you want to laugh.

>>29594241
>Before you can ask her, Applejack's eyes and right ear swivel to face your left. Her head is next to follow.
>You instinctively match her gaze, scanning the area for whatever has caught her attention.
>Three colorful blobs stand out from the landscape, their forms steadily heading towards you.
>Apparently the Crusaders are paying a visit.
>Also sheesh, ponies can hear well.
>"Looks like we have company."
> In less than a minute, the Crusaders arrive. Each one skids to a halt near you and Applejack.
>"Well howdy there, Crusaders!"
>"Hey Applejack!"
>"Hey big sis'!"
>They sound pretty energetic today.
>Well, more energetic than usual
>You take another bite of your apple.
>"Anon!"
>Apple Bloom is focused on you now.
>That wasn't a greeting, so clearly something is up.
>You keep chewing, covering your mouth to be polite.
"Sup?"
>Yesterday's tree climbing session was a bust, albeit an enjoyable bust. The Crusaders can look past cutie marks and acknowledge when something is fun regardless of their still-blank flanks.
>Maybe they want to give it another shot?
>"WewerewalkingaroundPonyvilletryingto comeupwithanothercrusadewhenwepassedbySugarcubeCornerandwouldn'tyouknowthey'rehavingasaleondonuts!"
>Apple Bloom finally stops talking, inhaling deeply before panting like a dog.
>You stare wide-eyed at the filly.
>...
>You blink several times.
"Wha...?"
>Scootaloo rolls her eyes in exasperation.
>"Sugarcube Corner is having a donut sale! Half off!"
>...
>......
>You instantly spring to your feet.
>They're having a donut sale.
>They're having a goddamn donut sale!
>Sales at Sugarcube Corner are nothing more than a myth.
>Like unicorns, or the moon landing.
>...
>Unfortunately both of those things are now true, which makes the joke pointless.
>You mourned for a week over that loss.
>Focus, Anon. Donuts!
>You have to get over there ASAP, lest greedy chromatic mini-horses take all your sweets.
>You're about to sprint away when doubt begins to form.

>>29594246
>You need to be certain.
"Are you sure? Are you absolutely positive???"
>You can't keep the desperation out of your tone.
>Thankfully Sweetie Belle says nothing of it, nodding her head cheerfully.
>"Mhmm!"
"Thank you!"
>That's all the confirmation you need.
>You begin your mad dash towards SCC. A chant forms in your head.
>Donuts, donuts, donu--
>Wait a second...
>You need to head back.
>You kill your speed as fast as possible, feet rapidly stomping the ground as you accelerate in reverse. In no time at all, you're running back to the ponies you left behind.
>You come to a shaky stop not far from Applejack, quickly making a 'come here' motion with your free hand.
"Come on!"
>She's giving you perplexed look.
>"You want me to join yah?"
>Obviously.
"Yea, it's on me! Least I can do."
>You gesture again with your hand.
>Applejack face scrunches up as she internally debates with herself.
>Scootaloo is watching patiently, while Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are cheesing from ear to ear.
> Eventually she responds, looking between you and the Crusaders as she speaks.
>"Well, Ah was plannin' on takin' a break real soon from now..."
>Apple Bloom quietly takes the finished apple from Applejack's hoof.
>"Shoot, don't mind if I do!"
>Applejack stands up before making her way over to your impatient form.
>Of course you'll wait for her, but there are donuts to be had!
>You give a half-assed salute to the Crusaders as you start walking backwards. When you're certain Applejack is coming along you turn around and begin running again, speed increasing as you get back into your stride.
>You hear noise behind you, presumably from the Crusaders, but you continue on.
>Applejack falls in to position on the left side of you, matching your pace.
>She's easily faster than you, as are all ponies (except for colts and fillies). The only saving grace you have is in stamina but only for extreme distances.

>>29594252
>Damn ponies. Anything you can do, they can do better.
>No, you can do anything better than them.
>No you can't!
>Yes you can!
>No you can't!
>Yes you can!
>No you can't!
>Yes you can, yes you CAN!
>You effortlessly hurdle over the small-for-you fence surrounding the Apple property, Applejack doing the same.
>Goddamn it.
>A minute passes, only the sound of your semi-labored breathing being heard.
>"Anon, yer in an awful hurry to get to Sugarcube Corner. There should be more than enough donuts to go 'round fer everypony."
>Her voice is calm and even. Running at this speed has a negligible effect on her.
>You take quick glances at her as you dash onwards, wary of crashing into anything.
"Better safe than sorry. Also, the sooner we get to eat, the better, right? Time is donuts."
>You give her a grin.
>Applejack laughs.
>"That's one way of lookin' at it."
>You make your way through Ponyville. Unsurprisingly, a tall bipedal being tends to attract plenty of attention but you ignore the stares.
>Your eyes are set solely on the prize...
>Sugarcube Corner!
>You slow down as you approach the entrance. Don't want to go crashing through the front door.
>You're breathing heavily as you open the door. You're about to head inside when you remember your manners.
>You step aside, keeping the door held open for Applejack to walk through.
>She trots past, tipping her hat forward in thanks.
>You slip in after her, careful to avoid hitting your head on the short doorframe. A wonderful aroma of baked goods invades your senses.
>You can never work in a bakery. Either you never get used to the smell and you eat everything, or you get used to it and never experience heaven on Ear-- Equestria again.
>You note that the place is currently void of any customers, sans the ones sitting outside.
>Weird.
>"Howdy Mrs. Cake!"
>Applejack speaks first as the two of you make your way towards the light cerulean mare fiddling with plates behind the counter.

>>29594260
>Mrs. Cake straightens up, looking at Applejack first before leaning back a bit to see your face.
>That never gets old.
>"Oh hello Applejack! Hello Anon! What can I help you with?"
>You raise your free hand in greeting as you approach the counter, but say nothing.
>You're all business now. No time for frivolities.
>Sadly you're too tall to lean on the counter so you opt to stick one hand in your pocket, apple still loosely clutched by the other.
"I'd like a dozen glazed donuts and..."
>You look to Applejack, whose gaze is politely set on Mrs. Cake.
>Despite your voice trailing off, she doesn't look up.
"Applejack."
>Now she does.
>"Huh?"
>You motion aimlessly.
"Whatever you want. And I mean /whatever/ you want."
>Applejack furrows her brow in thought. After a moment, she responds.
>"Ah guess I'll have an Apple Crumb donut."
>Jeez, this mare loves apples.
"Only one?"
>"Ah'm not that hungry. The apple I ate earlier filled me up real good."
>You nod before turning back to Mrs. Cake.
"Two please."
>Applejack isn't thrilled with your dissent.
>"Ah jus' said--"
>A familiar pink mare emerges next to Mrs. Cake from behind the counter, interrupting Applejack's sentence. She places her fore-hooves on top, rapidly looking between you and Applejack
>"Hiya Nonny! Hiya Applejack!"
>You can see almost all of the space behind the counter; you know for a fact she wasn't there a few seconds ago.
>Where the hell did Pinkie Pie come from?
"Sup P--"
>"Don't worry, Mrs. Cake, I'll take it from here!"
>Pinkie gives her a blatant wink.
>Subtlety is not Pinkie's strong suit.
>Mrs. Cake gives her an apprehensive smile, clearly confused by Pinkie's actions.
>"If you say so, Pinkie."
>Mrs. Cake hesitantly turns, heading to the kitchen. She gives one final uneasy glance back before disappearing inside.
>You focus your attention back onto the pink mare who has taken to bouncing in place.
>"So Nonny, you want a dozen 'glazed donuts' and two Apple Crumb donuts, hmmm?"

>>29594266
>Pinkie gives another wink at 'glazed donuts'.
>Why is she putting so much stress on those two words? You'll never understand Pinkie.
>Your eyes nervously shift from left to right.
>Shit, now you're not even sure if that's what you want.
"Uhm... Yes?"
>Applejack doesn't put up a fuss this time. Maybe she knows it's an argument she can't win...
>Pshhh, yea right.
>'Element of Honesty' your ass.
>"Okie-dokie-lokie! Pick any outside table you want and I'll get things-- uhh, I mean deliver them to you in a jiffy!"
>Pinkie directs her next wink to Applejack.
>"Right..."
>Applejack is equally as puzzled as you.
>Pinkie stops her bouncing and begins to make her way to the kitchen.
>Hold on there, pink stuff.
>You call out to her.
"I still need to pay."
>Pinkie turns around and gives you a cheery smile, waving a hoof dismissively.
>"Don't be silly Nonny! We're friends, I've got it all covered!"
>She turns back and passes through to the kitchen, the doors swinging shut behind her.
>Well then.
>While you're no stranger to sampling Pinkie's latest concoctions in the bakery, this is the first time she's given you such a large amount free of charge.
>Either she's in a good mood or you're on fire today.
>You glance over at Applejack who's giving you an 'I don't know what just happened' look.
>"Let's jus' go sit outside."
>Good idea, Apple Horse.
>You follow her back into the warm, semi-humid air of Ponyville. Navigating carefully through the small cluster of tables, you settle for one just on the edge of Sugarcube Corner property.
>Applejack takes a seat and you follow suit, taking the spot across from her. Your legs are splayed out far ahead of you as per the norm with pony-sized tables and chairs.
>You place your unfinished apple on top of the table. You don't want it to go to waste, but you want to save your appetite for the main course.
>An acquaintance passes by and you give her a polite wave.

>>29594270
>For the next minute, you and Applejack are content to sit in silence and watch the inhabitants of Ponyville move about their lives.
>Then SCC's door opens.
>Pinkie Pie comes trotting out with a pink piece of folded cloth held in her mouth. She quickly makes her way to your table.
>You can see no box of donuts anywhere near her.
>What gives?
>Once Pinkie reaches the table she flicks her head upwards, releasing the cloth from her hold.
>The fabric unfurls as it ascends. Once fully open, it floats gracefully down to cover the top of the table.
>Wait, where the hell did your apple go?
>You still don't see any donuts.
>Pinkie hops back to the entrance, humming a small tune.
>Once she's inside, you look over to Applejack who's in a similar state of confusion as you.
>Your eyes meet with hers, and she brings up both forelegs in a shrug.
>"Pinkie."
>Amazing how one word can completely summarize and explain Pinkie Pie's antics.
>Thing is, placing that table cloth only prolongs the wait for your food. Like you said earlier, time is donuts.
>You just want your goddamn donuts.
>Pinkie Pie reemerges from the building. Balanced on her head are what appear to be...
>Wine glasses?
>What the hell?
>Pinkie reaches your table and performs another flick of her head.
>The glasses arc through the air before landing perfectly straight near you and Applejack, no wobbling whatsoever.
>You open your mouth to voice your confusion but Applejack beats you to the punch.
>"Uhh, Pink--"
>Her sentence is left unfinished as Pinkie suddenly dashes away, appearing as nothing more than a pink blur.
>You blink.
>The blur returns to your table for the briefest of moments before zipping back inside.
>You check the table.
>The glasses are now filled with a dark magenta liquid.
>Is that wine?!?
>Barely a second passes before Pinkie performs another sweep.
>A thin water-filled vase has been placed off to the side, equally distanced between you and Applejack.

>>29594275
>Another second, another sweep.
>In front of you and Applejack are what appear to be two Red Velvet cupcakes on a plate. What throws you off the most are their shapes.
>A heart.
>???
>Pinkie Pie zooms away.
>What else could she possibly bring?
>...
>Holy shit, is she finally going to give you those donuts?
>The pink blur reappears once more at your table, but goes nowhere.
>With Pinkie finally standing still, you can make out her features properly instead of seeing a colorful dot.
>"Oops, hehe! That's everything!"
>Pinkie looks between you and Applejack. Your expression must not be as baffled as you feel, because she continues talking.
>"You two lovebirds have a super-dooper date!"
>You freeze.
>Pinkie Pie takes the opportunity to bounce away back into Sugarcube Corner.
>...
>Date?
>What the hell does she mean 'date'?
>You finally look towards Applejack.
>You were so preoccupied with playing 'What's New?' with the table you couldn't gauge her reaction to all of this.
>Applejack is giving you the most bewildered stare you've ever seen.
>Guess that's what you look like to others.
>Is this her doing?
>...You doubt it, especially with that expression.
>"...Anon."
>Oh shit she spoke.
"...Yes?"
>You keep your tone as level as possible. Don't want to give her any wrong ideas.
>Applejack first glances down to the cupcake in front of her, then the wine glass, then the vase, and finally towards you.
>"Did you...plan all this?"
>She's not mad, thank goodness.
>Why you think she'd be mad is currently evading you.
>Wait a second...
>Oh fuck, she thinks this is all your idea.
>Your words come tumbling out quickly as you scramble to rectify the situation.
"NO! God no!... I mean, no! No offense of course! I have no idea what's happening."
>Your hands are all over the place so you choose to rest them on the table, drumming lightly with your fingers.
>Applejack lets out a sigh of relief.
>"That's what Ah thought. You don't strike me as a 'hearts-n'-kisses' kinda stallion."

>>29594279
>...Thanks?
>She reaches out with a hoof to drag her wine glass nearer. Once it's closer, she leans forward and gives the liquid inside a tentative sniff.
>"This is grape juice."
>Classic Pinkie.
>You point at her with both index fingers.
>You already know the answer, but you want to hear it anyway.
"So uhhh, just to make sure...--"
>Applejack shakes her head.
>"Of course not... Erm, no offense."
>You exhale, dismissing her 'insult' with a hand gesture.
"Figured."
>Thank goodness this situation was defused with no casualties. Fortunately for you, Applejack doesn't jump to conclusions often.
>Applejack huffs in annoyance, bringing her forelegs up to rest on the tabletop.
>"Ah don't think Pinkie planned this out. She seemed a bit...clueless 'bout us."
>You nod in agreement. Pinkie was just doing her job: making others happy.
>"Rarity?"
>You don't have to think hard about that one.
"Naah, she's more interested in gossiping about relationships instead of meddling in them."
>Applejack gives a reluctant nod. She brings a hoof up to rest her head on, face squishing in slightly.
>The two of you ponder for another minute before she speaks up.
>"Maybe it was jus' a harmless prank by somepony."
>A harmless prank...
"Rainbow Dash?"
>"Nope. She'd never come up with somethin' this elaborate."
>True.
>You're at wits end trying to guess who'd possibly set up something like this. Someone who knew you'd be at Sugarcube Corner today.
>No Anon, you've already established it wasn't Applejack. There are no plot twists here.
>Could you imagine, though? That would be pretty interesting, especially considering the steps she'd have taken.
>Telling Pinkie Pie to stay on alert today, convincing the Crusaders to fake excitement about a sale...
>...
>There is no sale today, is there.
>Focus, Anon. You can cry later when no one is around.
>Right, so Crusaders faking excitement, Applejack faking surprise n' all that.
>Those adorable little bastards really sold their act today.
>Yea...

>>29594287
>Hold on.
>They knew about the sale.
>The non-existent sale.
>...
>......
>You glance slowly at Applejack.
>She's also looking slowly towards you, eyes widening in realization. As the seconds tick by, her expression morphs into one of fury.
>She straightens back up, eyes still locked with yours.
>You nod once.
>Your voices call out loud and clear, annoyance and anger intertwining into one fearsome roar.
"CRUSADERS!!!!"
>It's as though time stops as the soft murmur of Ponyville dies down almost instantaneously.
>You immediately begin scanning the surrounding area for the troublesome trio.
>There are a /lot/ of ponies giving you and Applejack concerned stares but you pay them no mind.
>You're hunting.
>You /know/ they're around here somewhere. They would want to see how their plan played out.
>Then again, that ruckus you just caused probably scared them away. Goodness knows you'd be running for the hills if the roles were reversed.
>You look every which-way possible, trying to find a hint of white, a touch of yellow, a drop of orange.
>Excluding Applejack.
>Your search is turning up nothing...except for three newspapers conveniently blocking sight of the ponies behind them.
>Parking their rears right here in the SCC seating area? These fillies are ballsy.
>You lean across the table, careful to avoid getting frosting on your shirt. Your voice is a whisper.
"Applejack."
>The light-orange mare has taken to standing up in an effort to locate the suspects, looking away from you.
>Now she turns back in response to your call.
>You point towards the three newspapers still unmoving.
>Applejack's eyes light up for the briefest of moments before narrowing. She starts towards the Crusaders, her gait slow yet determined.
>You get up from your seat and join her, positioned behind and to the left of her.
>She seems pretty aggravated. Better to stay out of her way.
>In less than twenty seconds you're both standing across the table from them.

>>29594290
>You still can't see the top of their heads.
>Did they tilt the newspapers as you walked over just so they didn't have to look you in the eye?
>"Stop hiding behind those papers n' own up to what yah did."
>Applejack's tone is firm. She looks much scarier than she sounds.
>"But we didn't do anythin' wrong!"
>The middle paper rustles with Apple Bloom's retort.
>Applejack scoffs.
>"Are you kiddin' me? Yah made me n' Anon look like a pair of-- Can yah /please/ put down those papers?"
>The trio reluctantly place their newspapers on the tabletop.
>Each one is wearing the same defiant expression. Clearly they have no intention of going down without a fight.
>A glimpse of steel-gray fur in your peripheral vision makes you glance to the left.
>A small crowd of ponies have gathered and are watching your group as though it's an impromptu street performance.
>What the fuck?
>Goddamn ponies and their nosiness.
>You glare at the herd.
"This is a private conversation."
>The crowd wordlessly dissolves, each pony moving on as though they did nothing wrong.
>One violet mare pauses as she leaves, turning her head to look at you.
>You shoo her away with a hand, and she continues on.
>Once you're confident you're not offering anyone else a free show, you turn back to the issue at hand.
>The argument never stopped for you.
>"...punishment was good 'nuff fer yah. Did you learn nothin' from your lil' Hearts-n'-Hooves stunt?"
>Apple Bloom looks hurt at her sister's words.
>"Of course we learned somethin'!"
>"Yea! You can't force two ponies to love each other."
>"So we didn't use any weird love poison this time."
>Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are quick to chip in with their own perspective.
>Upon hearing that her emotions are not at risk of going crazy, Applejack eases up.
>"Mind tellin' me what this here is all 'bout, then?"
>The Crusaders exchange nervous glances, each unwilling to go first.

>>29594295
>Suddenly, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle simultaneously point a hoof at Apple Bloom.
>If looks could kill, those two would be squirming.
>Apple Bloom snorts in annoyance before starting up.
>"After Ah had a conversation with...somepony, I realized we went about tryin' to find Ms. Cheerilee a special somepony the wrong way."
>No shit?
>"Instead of pairin' her up with a stallion she barely knew, we should've found somepony she was already close with."
>What does Ms. Cheerilee have to do with you and Applejack? You hope she's going somewhere with this.
>Scootaloo decides to jump in for Apple Bloom.
>"Yesterday at school, Apple Bloom told us her plan. Once class ended, we waited next to Ms. Cheerilee for Anon to arrive."
>?
>"We left them alone to talk but nothing happened."
>...Wait.
>That was an attempted setup?
>The fuck?
"Yeaaaa, we're just close acquaintances."
>You take a peek at Applejack, who appears to be in a state of disbelief.
>Sweetie Belle decides it's her turn to continue the story.
>"We did some group brainstorming later on to figure out what went wrong and who else we could pair up."
>If you don't succeed, try, try again.
>"And we discovered two things! One: We didn't make the setting anywhere near as romantic as Big Mac and Ms. Cheerilee's. Two: We don't have to focus only on Ms. Cheerilee. If we want cutie marks in finding special someponies, we have to focus on other ponies as well."
>So they turned it from finding their teacher a hot date, to earning their cutie marks.
>No surprise there.
>"So Apple Bloom came up with an even better target!"
>The filly herself cuts in.
>"You n' Anon!"
>!?
>"Ah remembered what Anon told me, somethin' 'bout how he don't 'actively pursue relationships' and 'if it happens, it happens'."
>???
>"And Ah also remembered how much time you two spend together, and well, I put two n' two together n' figured all he needed was a lil' push!"
>Apple Bloom gives you a hesitant smile.
>...

>>29594301
>You're speechless.
>What is with this pint-sized horse and trying to hook you up with other small horses?
>Does she not know you don't like ponies?
>...Oh right, you didn't tell her or anyone for that matter.
>Well, your prior question isn't entirely true.
>You like ponies, you just don't like-like them.
>While her attempt with Ms. Cheerilee was bad, you can understand her reasoning for trying to pair you up with Applejack.
>You do like Applejack, and she is your closest friend, but that's as far as it goes.
>Now, if she were human...
>That's gross Anon, stop thinking about your best friend like that.
>Unfortunately you can't deny that she has many of the traits you find attractive in women.
>Shit, is that why you're so buddy-buddy with her? Does your subconscious secretly want you to bang a pony?
>Oh hell no, that is NOT how you plan on ending your dry spell.
>Human tiddies or bust!...
>Except there are no women in Equestria.
>There will never be any women in Equestria.
>...
>......
>Fuck, you're sad now.
>See, this is why you don't think about this shit. It hurts just as much now as it did a year ago.
>Just tune back in to the conversation, Anon. That'll dull the pain.
>"...but it looks like things didn't go exactly as planned."
>Apparently Sweetie Belle replaced Apple Bloom as Speaker of the House while you were dying on the inside.
>It looks like the three of them finally finished their story, so you look to Applejack for her reaction.
>Her eyes are closed, face devoid of any emotion.
>You look to the Crusaders, but they give you a worried look similar to how you feel.
>After what feels like forever, Applejack finally opens her eyes. She gives the trio a sad smile.
>"Ah'm glad to see that the three of yah care so much 'bout me n' Anon."
>Aren't they just doing this for cutie marks?
>"But, although we're tighter than a hog in a henhouse, we're jus' friends. Nothin' more."
>Well put, Apple Horse.

>>29594305
>You glance over to the Crusaders, who each have a deflated expression.
>You hate to add to their disappointment, but you need to bestow some life advice.
"Remember this piece of knowledge for your teenage years."
>Three sets of ears perk up in anticipation.
"It's possible, although rare, for a male and female to be close friends without wanting anything more."
>Sage advice, Anon.
>A light tap against the back of your thigh makes you rotate your upper body just in time to see Applejack's tail return to its resting position.
>Did this mare just whack you with her tail?
>Applejack is giving you an amused look layered with 'seriously?'.
>"What Anon means is, a friendship is a friendship. Gender don't matter."
>That is absolutely NOT what you meant, but you don't bother correcting her.
>The three fillies in front of you could not be any more confused if they tried.
>"Oh...kay?"
>Yup, completely lost.
>They'll understand when they're older.
>"Now, Ah think you three owe Anon an apology for lyin' to him 'bout the sale."
>Oh right, your precious donuts.
>Truly this is the darkest timeline.
>The Crusaders look up at you with flattened ears, eyes filled with regret.
>"We're sorry."
>Holy shit this is breaking you. One depressed filly is bad enough, three might cause heart failure.
"It's okay. I understand you guys' logic behind telling the fib; your actions-- well, action-- was 'bad' but your intention was pure."
>Their ears lift slightly.
"Honestly, I'm impressed with everything you've done today. You guys should be proud of yourselves for setting this all up, even if events didn't pan out as you hoped."
>'Impressed' is an understatement. How in the world did they know you'd bring along Applejack? They spoke to you and /only/ to you about the sale.
>Either you're easy to read or they're goddamn masterminds.
>Heck, why not both?
>The Crusaders' forlorn expressions have been wiped, replaced with genuine smiles.

>>29594309
"Just, in the future, please let nature take its course when it comes to two people's-- ugh, /ponies'/ relationship."
>A chorus of fillies reply.
>"We promise."
>You nod in approval, returning their smiles with one of your own.
"Good."
>After a moment, Applejack speaks up, rubbing the side of her neck with a fore-hoof.
>"If that's all, Ah reckon you three are off the hook."
>The trio exchange a multitude of excited glances, relieved at not facing punishment.
>"Get along now 'fore Ah change my mind!"
>They don't need telling twice, each one scrambling off their chair.
>Apple Bloom mentioning your conversation with her has made you recap on what was said.
"Apple Bloom."
>The pale yellow filly pauses from her escape, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle doing the same. She looks over to you expectantly.
"During our private discussion, I recall you said you were 'not playing matchmaker'. So, uhhhh..."
>You tilt your head to the side.
"What happened?"
>Apple Bloom looks at you in thought, as though she doubts your memory. Suddenly she gives you a sheepish grin.
>"Ah /was/ telling the truth... at that moment. But then we went inside the house and I got thinkin' and...well, sorry."
>You smirk.
"I'm just messing with you. It's all good."
>Apple Bloom sighs in relief.
"You guys enjoy the rest of your afternoon."
>"You too Anon! See ya, Applejack!"
>Man, they're good at speaking in sync.
>The Crusaders gallop away, presumably to cause havoc elsewhere.
>You watch them until they disappear behind a house, then turn back around to face Applejack.
>She's still looking in the direction where the Crusaders went. She looks unsettled, like something might be bothering her.
>You drum your fingers lightly on the sides of your pants.
"Yup..."
>Your movements stop.
"That just happened."
>Applejack slowly nods, now looking at your pants.
>"Eeyup, it sure did."
>You raise an eyebrow.
>Her head finally tilts upwards to look at your face.

>>29594310
>"Anon, what 'private discussion' did yah have with Apple Bloom that involved talkin' 'bout yer relationship with other ponies?"
>She still has the same bothered look.
>You can practically feel the judgment radiating off of her.
> If anyone else was in your spot, she'd probably be disgusted with them.
>You pinch the bridge of your nose in annoyance.
"She asked me..."
>God, you hate discussing your love life. Thankfully Applejack never brings it up.
"...why I don't have a special some...pony."
>Applejack mouth opens in surprise but closes near-instantaneously. She mutters to herself under her breath, but you can make out the words "nosey filly" among them.
>"Sorry fer that."
>You wave a hand dismissively.
"I understand."
>You idly glance at the ponies strolling through the area.
>Oh, there's Derpy with the mail.
>You think better of waving to her.
>Don't want her crashing into a streetlamp.
>Again.
>"What did yah tell her?"
>You glance back down to Applejack.
>She no longer appears unsettled. Rather, her expression is soft.
"What I told her?..."
>You /really/ hope she missed your unintentional stress on 'told'.
>Applejack says nothing.
"I said... I don't actively look for relationships. I just... kinda let it happen."
>If you keep telling this lie, maybe someday you can make yourself believe it.
>Applejack remains quiet for a couple of seconds.
>"...N' yer actual reason?"
>Oh, she's good.
>You keep your mouth shut for a few moments.
"...The truth?"
>Your voice is low.
>Applejack's only response is to keep looking at you.
>Just tell her, Anon. Of all the ponies in this world, she's the one you trust the most.
>And no, it's not because of the whole 'Element of Honesty' bit.
>It's because she's your friend.
>Your closest friend.
>She'll understand your plight.
>...
>You continue to stare at Applejack, her brilliant emerald eyes locked firmly with yours.
>...
>She has pretty eyes.
>...
>......

>>29594314
"No comment."
>...
>You and Applejack remain unmoving for an unknown period of time.
>Eventually, Applejack's body relaxes from tension you didn't even know was there. She continues to look at you, but it feels less intense.
>"Ah understand, Anon. Ah won't push it anymore."
>You nod, a warm feeling of relief enveloping you.
"Thanks."
>See, this is why you like her so much. She rarely oversteps boundaries, unlike most other ponies.
>Applejack finally breaks her near-hypnotic hold on you when she sighs.
>"Well, Ah guess I better get on back to the farm now. Break time should never be this long."
>She glances back up to you.
>"Yah comin' back?"
"Of course. Heck, I can finally help you out with apple bucking."
>You stomp in place twice to mimic your newly acquired technique.
>Applejack chuckles.
>"The Apple family can always use a helpin' hand."
>With that said, she begins to walk past you.
>You're about to follow her when she abruptly stops, one foreleg held in the air.
>After a moment, she does a one-eighty, brushing past your legs as she heads towards the Sugarcube Corner entrance.
>¿Que?
>She pauses her trotting to look back at you expectantly, motioning towards you with a foreleg.
>"Come on!"
"What, are you hungry?"
>"No, but you are! Let's get yer donuts you were promised."
>You hesitate.
"I'm alright. To be honest, I should be watching my figure. Too many sweets, y'know."
>Applejack rolls her eyes, but there's a smile on her face. She turns back to continue onwards.
>"It wasn't a question, or an offer."
>Are all of the Apples this pushy?
>You follow Applejack back to the door. Just before reaching it, you can make out a pink face smushed against the nearby window.
>Oh fuck, Pinkie looks crushed.
>Applejack opens the door and stands aside so you can walk in.
>You nod in thanks as you pass by her. You're barely through the doorway when Pinkie Pie immediately pounces on you.
>Not literally, thank goodness.

>>29594320
>"What happened??? Was the tablecloth too pink? Was it not pink enough? Or maybe you just didn't want pink! Oh ponyfeathers, Pinkie, why did you not think about that?!? Well don't you worry, Nonny, I'll get that fixed right away!"
>Before you can tell Pinkie otherwise, she zooms into the kitchen.
>You can hear various metals and objects banging and clashing together as she presumably tears the place apart for the perfect tablecloth.
>Applejack finally joins you inside, the door closing shut behind her. She glances up at you in puzzlement.
>You shrug.
"Pinkie."
>Today is going to be a long day.

-------
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/PqUdUu9k

Part 3 (and the story) done. Not gonna lie, it's kind of a blue-balls ending.
Criticism needed, etc.
If anyone (somehow) enjoyed it, thanks for reading.

>>29594332
I liked it. Applejack doesn't get enough green around here. As for criticisms, human legs exert more force from the front and the sides than from behind. A human bucking anything is impractical.
Keep writing.

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>Be typical Anon in Equestria
>Today was a bad day. You just got fired from the only job you've ever had here.
>You were a literal hired hand for the Apple family. You picked apples, you carried baskets of apples, and you planted apples. Basic apple stuff.
>Today started like any other. You were told to take some of the cider out of the barn to load up onto the sale cart.
>You were doing just that when along came Applebloom and her two friends who quietly asked you for some cider.
>Now normally this wouldn't be a problem, Applejack shares things with them all the time, in fact normally they don't even ask.
>However, as you learned today, cider is different than regular apple juice. It's actually alcoholic.
>Applebloom and her friends weren't old enough to have any and we're curious about it. Needless to say after sharing a large bottle of it, you had three drunk pony minors.
>So now you're jobless, your friend Applejack, and Rarity for that matter, are mad at you, and you learned that you could've been getting drunk this whole time.
>Life's funny that way isn't it?
>Time for a new job. You could probably become a masseur. Hands have to feel better than hooves. Nah they would never trust you enough to let you rub them.
>How about becoming an inventor and 'inventing' new technologies from earth? Well that wouldn't work either, you never learned how any of that stuff worked.
>Helping Twilight with spells, helping Fluttershy with animals, Pinkie with... parties?
>Dammit, why can't Celestia just give you an allowance for being the only one of your kind or something?
>It's almost as though you relied too heavily on the plausible and easily dismissable job of helping Applejack around the orchard, as though it were a given.
>Maybe, or maybe being an Anon in Equestria is hard. Shut up.

>>29594332
That's a lot of good fucking green. Props.

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>>29594353
Yup, that part was 100% purposeful bullshit, hence why Anon was initially going to kick from the side (and Applejack's heavy emphasis on 'technique'). I had a serious hunch that 'bucking' was impractical, and your comment confirms it. In hindsight I should've made Anon more skeptical of AJ's words.
Thank you for the advice. It's 8 in the morning and I need to sleep.

>>29594380
Yeah, the "Anon need no job because protected species / alien ambassador / whatever" is kinda boring.

>>29594775
I like the idea of Anon opening a franchise in Ponyville for retail or fast food.
The GAP or something putting Rarity out of business is funny to me.

>>29595085
>opens a second hand-hoof clothing shop across from her
>"Egads, darling, how he's making a living selling ehh...jnco's and those deplorable 'car go' shorts is beyond me."

>>29595109
She makes a killing doing alterations though, so it's not all bad.

>>29594775
It's one of the reasons I favor the whole easy access to Earth story as opposed to the lost alien story. Sure it's an idea that isn't used much, but it solves some of the issues of how Anon gets there and what does he do.
Tourism
Business
Teaching
Diplomacy
Degeneracy
Slaving
IT
The sky's the limit.

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>>29592880
That was me m80.
I decided to make it an thing for the upcoming holiday instead and fergot to say something. Sorry.
I'll drop something small when I get off work fo now.

If, in theory, one wanted to drop about 50K worth of pony perspective lewd AiE content, how would you prefer it done? Spaced out in parts, all at once? Pastebin links? Not at all?
This would be valuable information to me.

>>29595924
Spaced out chunks if it's work-in-progress, all at once if it's finished. Pastebin links at the end for posterity.

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>>29594177
As a fan of birb, I am inclined to agree with you despite having never seen a birb thread

>You and Rainbow are best friends
>You could even call her your Rainbro
>One day you're hanging out at her place and she runs to get some more hot pockets or whatever the equestrian equivalent is
>You decide to snoop around, and are surprised to see a laptop in her room
>It's really old looking, and had a Windows 98 sticker on it
>When you open it and see the screen, your blood runs cold
>In the 3/4ths of an inch of the browser window not taken up by toolbars, you can see that she's on 4chan
>/mlp/ specifically
>"Nightly Rainbow Dash Thread #99.999968: would Dashie sneak into Pacific Rim 2 with you?"
>You should have known

>>29594226
>>"Size don't matter, at least not as much as you think."
"Tell that to my ex-girlfriends."

I'm not a robot

>>29595909
Soup sandwich is just a saying Dash

>>29596379
Fat fucking burbs always scuttle across my roof

>>29593867
>#1116
>Last thread: #1114
I hate you.

>>29593848
But anon, who are the xenos?

>>29598927
The thread before #1114 was also #1114 because someone sucks at counting.

>>29598927
This >>29598982
Mandroid never went to school so he's isn't very well good at the counting. When it goes over 21, he gets stuck cause he runs out of fingers and toes.

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>>29599455
>Celebrates Christmas during the summer
>Thinks others are the retards
N-nani?

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>>29599675
>N-nani?
>implies others are retarded
Check yourself, fool

>>29593867
OP, you fuck up!

HOW SHOULD I MAKE A COPY OF THE THREAD!?

>1113
>1114
>1116

>>29599687
I'm sorry you and your emus have never contributed to the meme market.

>>29599917
If you read the thread, you'd know. Please refer to >>29598982

>>29594177
Make a new niche "fetish" thread, like >>29560449 and the less successful >>29576389?

What are some stories where Anon has to learn to speak horse?

>You have been stuck in the pony-verse for a few years now.
>You'd say that you missed earth but that's not entirely true. Honestly you were a lot happier here. Ponies were easy to get along with, and without things like murder, politics, and war, this was just a much more relaxing place.
>Sure there were things you missed, but there was only one thing you really felt bad about.
>Your family. Your parents and grandparents, your aunts and uncles and cousins. You hadn't seen them in years and you would probably never see them again.
>Assuming this wasn't all a coma dream, they probably thought you were dead in the woods somewhere.
>You don't like to think about that sort of thing though.
>Today Twilight had asked you to come over to her castle this evening. Something about needing help with some project she was working on.
>You liked Twilight. She had taken a strong interest in you when you first arrived in Equestria. She always listened with excitement every time you talked about your old life on earth.
>In fact she was probably your best friend. She even helped you get your house here in ponyville.
>You certainly owed her a lot, so when she asked for help you always agreed.
>You suspect she does it more to have someone to talk with while she's working, or to make you feel included in the affairs of ponyville. You're certain she could handle all of this stuff on her own.
>But you're still grateful for the friend you made here, and for the time you get to spend with her.
>As you walk through town you see shops starting to close up. It's mainly just restaurants that stay open after sunset.
>When you get to Twilight's you knock on the door and try to mentally prepare yourself for what you're going to be doing tonight.
>Would it be working on a spell, building some kind of machine, helping her restock her shelves of books again. You hope it's not the last one.

>>29600162
>You knock a second time but instead of Spike opening the door for you, you just hear "Come in Anon!" yelled from behind the door.
>You think to yourself that it seems a little odd but you comply. When you open the door you're greeted with darkness.
>"Hello? Twilight, are you there?"
>As you walk in you hear "I'm back here Anon, come in. And could you get the light for me?"
>You turn on the light but when you do you're greeted with "SURPRISE!"
>Twilight had planned a surprise party for you? Looking around you see streamers, a banner with your name, and a cake with a frosting portrait of your face on it.
>Pinkie clearly had a part in that.
>As if on cue Pinkie chirps up "So are you surprised!?"
>It takes you a moment to take it all in.
>"What's this for?" You ask.
>Pinkie Pie is inches from you now before other ponies start to join her around you.
>"It's our anniversary silly. Or Anon-versary." She giggles at that.
>Twilight speaks up "It's the five year anniversary of your arrival to Equestria, and we thought we'd throw you a party to show how much we care for you."
>Aw. You feel bad now that haven't really talked much with a lot of the ponies here.
>It's not just your friends but about everyone you know is here, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, the Apple family, Gabby, Snips and Snails and other fillies and colts, Lyra and Bonbon, even that pony you helped carry groceries for once. You forgot her name.
>"Did you plan all this?" You ask Twilight.
>"Well, with help from everypony." She says.
>You're genuinely surprised by all of this, you're almost speechless even.
>She continues, "You've had a big impact of everypony's life in one way or another. You've been here so long you've become a part of the ponyville family."
>"Thank you, all of you. This is awesome. Uh, I didn't really bring anything but..."
>Some ponies laugh at that and Pinkie grabs you by the hand and leads you over to the cake.

>>29600169
>"That's ok Anon, we took care of everything. Now hurry up and get a piece so the rest of us can have some. And look, I made it look like you."
>"That's really cool Pinkie." You say to assure her that you like it.
>Everyone starts eating cake and making the rounds with conversing with you. All the ponies share their stories of when they first met you.
>Turns out most ponies thought you were some kind of monster from the everfree. That is, until Twilight and the rest of the mane six convinced them all otherwise.
>It's hard to believe you've been here for so long now. The years have just flown by. You weren't very old when you got here and you don't look any older than you did then, but you feel it for sure.
>You've matured a lot. You've grown as a person, probably thanks to all the friendships you've made.
>You can easily say it makes up for all that you've left behind.
>You talk with the ponies and drink punch for about an hour before Rainbow Dash shouts to get your attention.
>"Anon come over here and open some presents."
>"You guys got me presents?"
>"Rainbow Dash! That was supposed to be a surprise." Twilight says in a disappointed tone.
>"Come on Twi, Anon's waited long enough." Rainbow says. She's funny.
>"Well he knows about them now see he may as well." Twilight submits.
>"You guys didn't have to get me any presents. The party and cake was nice enough." You say.
>"Nonsense Anonymous, it's the least we could do for all the times you've helped us. Now sit down here so we can watch you open them." Rarity says as she pulls out a chair for you with her magic.
>You sit down as all the ponies gather around you with big grins on their faces.
>Twilight speaks up, "So before any of the presents from us, I have a letter from the princesses for you."
>That's really surprising.
>"They said they were sorry that they couldn't be here to join us all, but they wanted you to know they still cared about you." She says.

>>29600177
>As you open up the letter you don't notice that Twilight is hovering over your shoulder to see what it says.
>"Dearest Anonymous. Since you arrived here, Equestria has changed greatly, but from what I've seen of your stay in ponyville, you have affected changes for the better."
>More praise, you're not at all used to this sort of thing. And definitely not from the princesses.
>The letter continues like that for a few more paragraphs until it ends in with the seals of both Luna and Celestia.
>When you're done with it you look over your shoulder to see Twilight brimming with joy and envy at your letter. That was pretty awesome though.
>You put it back into the envelope carefully and ask Twilight to put it somewhere safe until the party's over.
>Then Rarity floats her nicely wrapped present over to you. You almost feel bad about having to tear it open.
>But you do so upon Rarity's urging. Taking the fancy wrapping off and opening the box you see neatly folded pants, a vest, and a blazer.
>This would easily have cost a small fortune back on earth, especially considering she must have made it herself. Looking at the inside of the jacket pocket you see Rarity's cutie mark emblazoned inside it.
>"Thaaank you Rarity, this is amazing. This couldn't have been easy."
>"Well I still have all of your measurements from over the years, and your old suit was looking awfully shabby. And did you notice it's made of wool?" She asks proudly.
>"You can get that here?" Is all you say in reply.
>"Weeell, it's a lot harder to come by here but let's just say dragons will trade you anything for enough diamonds." Pure class.
>"Well thank you. I'll have to make it up to you some time." You say.
>"Consider us even for all the errands I've had you run for me."
>You don't mention how much you suspect she owes Spike, but instead choose to remain grateful.
>Then Rainbow Dash places her present in front of you.
>"Now open mine Anon." She says excitedly.

>>29600183
>It's a box, smaller but taller than Rarity's, and wrapped in simple blue paper.
>You were actually pretty excited for this one, fancy stuff is good but Rainbow's gifts are cool.
>She stares at you grinning from ear to ear as she watches you.
>When you open it up you see a bottle with a cork in it. Pulling it out of the box you see it's filled with that liquid rainbow stuff. The bottle is glowing brightly with the stuff.
>As you predicted this gift is really cool.
>"This is awesome. Are you allowed to give me this stuff? Won't the weather ponies get mad if they find out?" You ask.
>"Yeah but they aren't going to find out, Anon." She whispers to you.
>You smile at that and fist bump her.
>"Thanks Rainbow, I don't need to replace my lava lamp now."
>"Heh, sorry about that again." She says while rubbing the back of her head. You assure it's fine and thank her again while getting a warning from Pinkie not to drink the stuff.
>Then Applejack steps up with her gift, wrapped in orange.
>Opening it you see a small apple shaped box, carved carefully out of wood. You still don't know just how ponies can do things like that with hooves. But you've learned to stop questioning it.
>Applejack walks over and sits beside you and explains what it is.
>"I made it myself over the summer, when I had the time. Open it up."
>Doing so you see that it's actually a snow globe of sorts, with a little carved apple tree and instead of snow it has little red flakes that look like falling apples.
>"This is incredible, how did you make this? I didn't know you knew anything about wood work." You ask.
>"It's just a hobby is all, and I had to buy the glass dome so I didn't make ALL of it but I did my best." She says modestly.
>You give her a hug to show you gratitude.
>"You guys are so awesome. I've never made anything like this for any of you."
>"Ah shucks Anon, you've kept Applebloom and her friends out of trouble enough times to earn it." She says as you release her from the hug.

>>29600200
>Then Pinkie Pie bounces up to you with her present.
>"I didn't really have enough time to make you anything amazing since I was also getting this party ready, but I got something I know you'll like!" She says in her usual hyper way, although per your past requests she's not pushing her words together.
>You understand how hard that is for her.
>"Well open it already!"
>Upon opening the pink wrapped oblong box you smell the candies before you see them.
>They look like one of those really fancy assortments that were sold around valentine's day back on earth. Only from the smell of them they're made of something much better.
>"It's my super secret recipe that I never make except for special occasions, and it was really hard because I kept eating them myself but you have to be careful not to eat them all at once because they can upset your tummy."
>Wow, well maybe you should try some. Taking one, you bite into it and instantly feel yourself salivate. Pinkie's a good baker but this is ridiculous.
>"Pinkie why have you never made these before? They're amazing!" You say with your eyes lit up.
>Pinkie never disappoints.
>"You said it Anon, I never try to disappoint my friends."
>You didn't think you said that but it's Pinkie Pie, so that's just the way it is.
>"Thanks Pinkie. I'll try to space them out."
>As soon as you finish saying this she gives you a bear hug. While this is happening you can see Twilight move the box away from Spike's hand coming from under the table.
>After the sustained hug is finally over you thank her again and sit back down.
>"Here's mine Anon." You hear Fluttershy say softly.
>Turning to face her you see her hovering above the table and handing you a somewhat large box wrapped in yellow with a pink ribbon.
>It's painfully cute to see her smile like that.
>Opening the box you pull out a bouquet of flowers, put together very well.
>"I didn't know if you'd really like flowers... but I grew them myself um, just for you..."

>>29600207
>"I love them Fluttershy, thank you."
>She smiles and *squees* at that. Looking back to the flowers you see a card attached to them and open it to read what it says.
>"To Anon, thank you for being my friend and for not eating all my animals. You'll always have a warm place in my heart for that."
>She's got to be the sweetest person you've ever met, pony or human.
>"Ok Fluttershy, come over here. You're getting a hug."
>"Oh uh, you don't have to um, do all that Anon." She says nervously.
>But she's knows you don't give up that easily. You stand up and pull her into a hug which gets you another squee.
>You love these ponies. They aren't just like a family to you, they are your family. They're kind, caring, and nothing but warm and loving to you.
>You can actually feel warmth on the inside. You can't remember the last time you've felt like this. You're actually speechless for a moment.
>But then Twilight slides her present towards you. You almost forgot about her, your best friend.
>"There's one left Anon." She says with her cute smile. That giddy-nerdy smile she's famous for.
>Opening the box you see something you haven't seen since coming here. You're old smart phone.
>After it died for what you thought would be the last time you gave it to Twilight so she could have some human technology to study.
>But you had completely forgotten about it. Pulling it out of the box you see the back has been removed and a large battery of sorts is attached to it with Twilight's cutie mark on the back of it.
>"It took me a long time, but I found a way to get the power back to it for you."
>No way. All your music, and pictures and videos you forgot about. It's been five years since you've had this.
>"Thank you Twilight, this is... this is unbelievable. How did you do it?"

>>29600162
KEK.

>>29600214
>"Well I had to take it apart a few times, and I'm not happy with how long it took me to do, but I hope it works the way it's supposed to." She says.
>"Well let me check it out, I almost don't remember how to turn it on." You say.
>Picking it up again you look it over and recognise the power button. Holding it down you see the old start up screen. You try to remember your old password for it, before remembering it's the same password you've used on everything.
>Unlocking it you see it has a full battery and no signal. But that's not even a problem.
>At this point you realize Twilight is standing next to you staring at the screen with wide eyes.
>She looks at you and you tell her how grateful you are. She gives you a hug and buries her head into your shoulder.
>"I'm so happy you like it Anon. I was worried you wouldn't even care about it anymore."
>"No, this is a perfect gift. I can't make this up to you, ever."
>She just smiles at you and you give her another hug.
>So tonight has easily been the happiest night you've ever had. You quite possibly have the best friends in this or any other world.
>Before tonight you wouldn't have believed it was possible to feel like this.

>>29600227
>You're sitting by yourself just reflecting on this feeling while ponies dance and play games around you.
>Playing with your old phone, looking through old pictures you see all the stupid memes you used to think we're funny.
>Amazing how things have changed.
>After you look through all your old photos you move on to old texts you might have saved. Who knows what could be in there.
>Opening the messages menu you start looking through them, things you've sent to friends, mostly the same stupid memes as before.
>But then you see the box that says simply: mom.
>Opening it up you see that last thing you ever sent her, "Can you lend me some money until I get paid, I'm a little short this month." To which she replied, "Sure sweetie."
>It was sent a week and a half before you disappeared. You didn't say, 'I love you' or 'thanks mom', you just didn't reply because you didn't like being called sweetie at your age.

>>29600240
>You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes but you step out of the castle before anyone can see you.
>Once outside you lean against the wall beside the door and start to silently cry.
>How could you act that way? The last thing you ever said to her was you begging for money.
>The cold air does nothing to cool you down. You feel like you're burning up with self hate while you also feel like you're being crushed with sadness.
>You look over when you hear the door open. Twilight walks over and says "Anon what are you doing out here you're missing the par...ty."
>She see the tears in your eyes. You've never cried in front of her before.
>"Anon, what's wrong?" She says with genuine concern.
>You don't want to sob in front of her so you just hand her the phone.
>"...mom?"
>Then she reads it and understands why you're out here.
>"Anon... I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
>She puts her forelegs around your shoulder as she sits next to you.
>"I'm so sorry Anon. I didn't mean to ruin this night for you-"
>"No... Twilight it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong." You say between sad sniffs. You don't mind being hard on yourself but you won't have Twilight feel that way because of you.
>There's a brief moment of silence before she breaks it.
>"Do you still miss her?" She asks.
>"Yeah." Is all you can say.
>"I'm sorry Anon, if there was a way I could let you see your family again I would do it in an instant, I swear."
>"I know. Really don't feel bad about this. This was the best night of my life, it just... reminded me about how much I miss my family." You say.
>She hugs you tightly as you wipe away the last of your tears. These ponies truly do care for you, no matter how you're feeling.
>"Twilight?"
>"Yeah Anon?"
>"I love you."
>a moment of silence before she says:
>"I love you too Anon."

Hey everyone, I hope you liked it. I took Flutterrape's advice and started a pastebin. Enjoy.
http://pastebin.com/u/CasualAmateur

>>29594775
I've considered doing one where the two worlds meet, but exchange between the two is very limited due to the fact that the other world destroys some beliefs on the other side, so everyone's kinda shaky.

Earth: "Talking horses? You mean there's magic? They find finished gemstones just buried in the ground? Reality bending monsters?"

Equestria (and the rest of the world it's in I guess): "They willingly send some of their own to the moon? Wait, they volunteer? And farther? What do you mean "there's more out there"? There's no way the sun moves on its own, that's just silly."

Eventually there's some student exchange, and every nation in the world sends their brightest and best. The US tries, but there's some error in the system and they send Anon, who's average in every way, instead.

>>29600252
that was nice, thank you

Alright dunno if that anon that I mentioned the 40k Green to last thread it here, but this is what little I've got so far. Never written green for a thread before so don't expect Love and Powerlifting quality or anything.

>As you begin subconsciously cataloging the mess of pain responses that is your tortured body you try to recollect the events of the last few hours.
>You remember a brief conflict, some of your "brothers" had caught your trail, and nearly caught you.
>You'd managed to flee to your ship in orbit, a small warp capable frigate you'd recently stolen from some self styled warlord.
>In your flight for safety your ship had been badly damaged but you'd managed to escape into the warp.
>While this had won you free from your pursuers a new problem had arisen, the warp drive had been damaged in the fighting.
>You had immediately ordered an emergency translation to real space at the first sign of a problem and boarded one of the stormbird drop-ships in the hangar bay.
>Luck was with you at least for a short while, because no sooner had you cleared the hangar than the warp core suffered a containment breach.
>Flying away at full burn in your drop-ship you had watched as the frigate was rent apart and sucked into the immaterium, damning every soul on board and leaving you stranded or so it had seemed.

>>29600672
>Fortunately it appeared you had exited the warp in a rather sparse little solar system, just a lone planet and its moon orbiting a single star.
>Scans returned nothing in the way of radio signals or other communication, still the place looked at least inahbitable, and you wouldn't suffer the indignity of sitting in your drop ship until the air scrubbers failed and you suffocated.
>Unfortunately your luck couldn't hold out forever.
>The stormbird was old and ill maintained at best, upon entry into the upper atmosphere the stabalizers failed.
>You had fought for control with all your superhuman might, managing to pull the ship into a more shallow dive for the crash.
>That still didn't mean your landing was a soft one.
>That thought brings you back to the present, and you've finished your list of injuries as well.
>Your left arm is broken badly and will need to be set, you are at least mildly concussed, suffering from a myriad of contusions
and lacerations, and most urgently you seem to be impaled and pinned against the wall.
>A piece of support stanchion has snapped loose from the forward viewing port embedding itself firmly in your chest and piercing
your right lung and nicking your primary heart.
>The spear of jagged iron doesn't seem to have passed all the way through, for which you're thankful.
>Normally an injury of this type would be only a minor inconvenience to an astartes, but coupled with your other injuries things look bleak.

>>29600676
>Planting your feet against the wall of the cockpit, which now sits at a forty five degree angle you take hold of the stanchion with both hands.
>With a grunt of effort that brings with it a mouthful of blood you manage to wrench the chunk of metal free from your torso.
>The first thing you notice as you stagger from the cockpit is how little of the ship is left.
>What was once the closed space of the troop hold is now a pile of twisted metal giving way to the a fine view of the trench your landing dug.
>As you make your way from the wreckage one stumbling step at a time you notice you appear to be in some sort of forest.
>A strange colorful bird regards you from a nearby tree, it tilts its head to one side as if inspecting.
>You notice belatedly that the lenses of your helm appear to be shattered when they fail to give you the scrolling mass to tactical date you're used to.
>"Damn...I liked this helm" You manage before falling to your knees.
>Your sus-an membrane seems to be activating, dragging you into a healing coma in an effort to stave off your mortal wounds.
>You fall face first to the ground, as the darkness begins to take you, you're almost certain you heard a voice.
"I think it landed over here!" A high female voice cries in the distance.

>>29600684
>Blanketed in darkness, a fever heat burning through your body as your metabolism increases to mend your many wounds you are fimrly
in the grip of the healing coma now.
>Your dreams are a jumbled mess, cutting together scenes from a thousand battles across a hundred worlds.
>Amidst all the blood and fire of war you keep catching glimpses of a figure, the shape is indistinct, gone each time you try to look at it too closely.
>Once, as you battled your way through the silver palace of a Slaaneshi Champion you were able to look at it directly.
>Before it vanished you are certain you caught the impression of wings and glowing white eyes.
>A daemon perhaps, seeking to prey upon your mind while you are at your weakest.
>Trapped as you are in this erratic replay of your life's battles it is impossible to judge the passing of time.
>Some times something cool rests upon your brow, soothing, though it does little to abate your fever.
>Other times you are almost certain you hear voices around you, though real or imagined is impossible to say.
>".....to call the princess" one says. "Can't move him yet he might..." the reply fades from hearing but it would seem the voices are talking about you.

Still writing more as I go, anyone actually reading at this hour?

>>29600689
Yes.

Continue if you have more in you, please.

>>29600689
I've never played Warhammer 40k, but this looks promising.

>>29600727
Still writing more, got distracted by a play by play of a friends dark souls dickery.

>>29600689
>At some point your fever broke and you begin to regain your senses.
>The smell of antiseptic floods your nostrils, other more subtle scents are mixed in, sweat, a light floral scent, and something animal you can't place.
>You attempt to crack your eyes open, the glare of light adjusting quickly to tolerable levels thanks to your enhanced sight.
>You sit up slowly, you seem to be in a bed far too small for a man of your stature, though given the circumstances that's hardly suprisng.
>Upon further inspection you appear to be naked, covered by a sheet and hefty swathes of bandages.
>Your left arm has been set and put in a cast, though flexing your hand you find the bone is well mended already.
>You'll tear the plaster off later for now it's time to see about finding out who your saviors are, and what they've done with your armor.
>As you rise from the bed you bring a hand up to probe at the bandages on your chest, a few pokes tell you that the wound has closed and your
>rib plate is starting to regrow to close the hole left by the stanchion.
>Looking around you find the room is rather sparsely furnished, aside from your bed there appears to be a small desk, a cabinet of medical instruments, and little else.
>A cursory search of the medical cabinet reveals little of use: Pain relievers too weak to do anything for someone of your constitution, gauze, bandages, stethoscope,
>and a few devices you can only guess at the use of.
>You glance again at the cast on you arm deciding to do away with it sooner rather than later.
>You hook a pair of fingers under the edge of the plaster and begin to pull, the material easily giving way under your ab-human strength.
>As the tear in your cast reaches the halfway point the door begins to open, and there is a sight that gives you pause.
>A xenos...a small pastel colored xenos, equine in appearance, though with abnormally large eyes.

>>29596379

Birb breads were bretty gut.

>>29600755
>You stand for a moment, staring in incomprehension at what you're seeing, the xenos stands staring in wide eyed horror while looking at you.
>The xenos is the first to recover her wits, you're assuming it is a "her" based on the shrill voice in which she is now berating you.
>"What are you doing to your cast!? Get back in bed this instant! Do you have any idea how much blood you lost!?" Her tirade continues, mostly lost on >you as you stare.
>A few thoughts process simultaneously, one you seem to have been saved by xenos, two there is intelligent life on this world, and three, you are being dressed down by a tiny horse.
>Recovering enough of your wits to act finally you decide to do something about that last one.
>The tiny xenos is still in mid rant when you reach down and pick her up, you elect for now, to put a hand under each of her forelegs instead of the throat as was your first instinct.
>You bring her up to eye level, which seems to have given her pause as she trails off mid rant
"And just what are you...oh... You...you looked smaller lying down" her eyes lock with yours.
>You're no expert on xenos but you like to think that some of her outrage and shock has been replaced with apprehension.
>"It would appear I owe you a debt of gratitude for saving me." You say at length "So you have my thanks, and I have a great many questions for you."
>The xenos, opens and closes her mouth several times before managing meekly "Uh..You're welcome?"
>Held in her current position you note that she appears to be wearing some form of hospitaler's uniform.
> A cursory inspection reveals yet another oddity about your tiny captive, aside from her bluish fur and white mane and tail she appears to have wings.
>Finished with your inspection for the moment you decide to ask a pressing question "Where am I, and who, and what are you?"

>>29600799
>Regaining some of her previous confidence the xenos rests her fore hooves on your wrists propping her self up to better regard you.
>"In order, you're in a way castle in the Everfree forest, I'm nurse Soft Heart, and I'm a pegasus. Now my turn to ask a few questions."
>Deciding it's best to play along for now you nod, giving you ascent "Very well, fair is fair."
>"Who are you, why are you trying to take your cast off, and did you actually fall out of the sky like everyone is saying?"
>You consider your response carefully, given the fact that these xenos are still alive it's unlikely they've ever come in contact with the Imperium, still..
>"Who I am is a bit of a long answer so I'll answer the others first. My arm is healed, so I don't need the cast, and yes I did fall out of your sky."
>This last bit of information sets her wings to flapping and she slips from your grip, hovering in the air just a few inches from your face.
>If the starry look in her eyes and smile are anything to go by you've said something very exciting.
>"Wow! So is it true you were in a big metal box? Like an airship with no balloon? What holds it up?" Soft heart is tapping her hooves together excitedly as she awaits your answer
>The "pegasus" as she termed herself is oddly adorable, still you would feel better if she were the one giving up information and not you.
>"It was not a metal box, it is a ship called a storm bird, and it flies using a promethium engine. Now please I've had a trying ordeal and still have little idea where I am."
>She calms somewhat giving you a sympathetic look, taking that as your chance to continue you press "You said we were in the "Everfree forest" but what planet are we on.?"


That's all I got for now, thoughts, suggestions?

>>29600848
Think of a goal or end for your story, if you like it, just wing it to reach that goal, but better put some keypoints or goalposts to the story so you and we as an audience can keep track of what's happening and why

>>29600870
Thanks for the tip, I've got an ending in mind that'll give the option of a sequel if enough people like the story, also got a couple of plot points and action scenes planned for the next bit if I can get to them tomorrow.

>>29596379

Here's some pastebins with BIRB:

http://pastebin.com/u/FrankHogs555
http://pastebin.com/u/Speaker-to-Birds
http://pastebin.com/u/Bluebirdd065

[spoiler} Birbs are very important[/spoiler]

I work weird hours so I'm out for now but if the thread is still up tomorrow night I'll aim to have more of the warhammer story up for anyone reading.

>>29600913

We look forward to it, Anon. Do what thou wilt.

>>29600252

That was great work, Anon. I love comfy slice-of-life stuff. It's what keeps me coming here.

You do it very well indeed.

>>29601632
Are you hitting on me?

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>>29601632
>>29602154
NORMIES!

>>29602165
Yes?

>>29600729
me neither, I like the lore though.

>>29600891
Word

>>29600913
It should be around still.

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>>29595339
>>29597960

>"Hey kid, wanna soup sandwich?
>Looking up from the Lincoln Logs fort and miscellaneous tiny cabins you've made in the living room you give her an blank stare
"Dash, that's stupid. It's just an expression."
>"No way dude, it"ll be awesome! It's like, the best lunch combo ever but all at once."
>Shaking your head you go back to work on injun proofing the miniature fort walls.
"Naww, I'll just have some cheese and crackers or somthinghhh! Dude what the hay?!"
>Suddenly you're lifted up underarm by Dash as she hovers you above the carpet. "Your folks put me in charge of you this week while they're on vacay short round and were making soup sammiches. aight?"
>Shifting you into a hug with her left foreleg she noogies you playfully. "I saiiid, alllright?!"
"Aw geeze Dash c'mon! Thi-"
>The growl of your stomach betrays your protesting.
"Ugh, fine."
>"Coolbeans." With a flap she spins the two of you around and flutters the two of you over the couch and into the kitchen.
>Looking back to the fort you only hope the defences added at the last second can keep the settlers safe from the ravages of the buffalo hoards. May Celestia help them.
>Plopping you down on a stool at the kitchen counter she turns to the double doors of the fridge and settles to the ground.
>Standing on her back legs she shoots you a look. "Now, watch a master at work sport!" With a flourish she slams the doors open
>With a somewhat disconcerting amount of dexterity her wings rifle through the fridge, flinging ingredients into a precarious stack in her forelegs. With a spin she kicks the doors closed and slides down the counter laying the condiments and wotnot in a single line on the counter.
>With a twirl she reaches down to spin open the lazy susan in the corner of the counter and hoofs out a can of Camptown's vegitable soup before slamming it down next the row of foodstuffs before turning to you with an overly dramatic bow.

>>29604477
>She rolls her eyes at your halfhearted golf clap.
>Clicking on the stovetop burner she sets a pan and empties the soup can contents into it. Adding only a half can of water to preserve the flavor. Stirring it she turns to you.
>So squirt, what'chu want on your sammich?" Setting aside the spoon she opens the twist tie on the the Million Bit brand bread before laying out some slices for the two of you.
"Peanut butter and jelly, hold the soup."
>"What an odd way to say the Dashie Special." Tossing slices in the toaster and setting it to stun she proceeds to slice tomatoes, onions and a few lettuce leaves before setting them aside and stirring the gently bubbling soup before turning off the burner.
>With a sproing the lightly browned bread pops out of the toaster. Taking them up she spreads a small amount of mayo on each followed with some brown mustard.
>Watching now with some real interest you sit up higher to see better, your stomach chimes in again in a growl.
>Layering each piece she starts with lettuce, then the tomatoes and onion. Adding an extra squirt of mustard on top before adding slices of cheddar. With yours she adds a few slices of ham with only a minor grimace before add some hay bacon to her sandwich.
>Carrying the plates next to the stove she stirs the still steaming soup before ladiling just enough to cover the cheese before placing the halves of sandwich together, melting said cheese.
>Popping open the bag of cheddar and sour cream chips she shakes out some onto the plates followed with a slice of dill pickle on the side.
>Scooping the plates up in her wings she turns and places them down as she takes a seat next to you at the counter and pops the tops on a couple soda cans.

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>>29604490
Giving your hair a friendly tussling she picks up her sandwich in the other hoof, "See, told ya I could make them." Taking a large bite she lets out a satisfied moan as she chews. "Mmph, das gudd mmph."
>Taking a bite of your own you can't help but agree with a muffled reply of your own as the two of you enjoy your lunches and each other's company.

Dammit, I made myself hungry.

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>>29593867
Is this thread even technically alive after 5 years of existing? Also what ever happened to wuten and other oldfags like betty spaghetti? Is the special needs troll still around?

>>29593867
you're not supposed to feed the wildlife

>>29605518
Few from the old guard remain. Many have fallen in the line of doody, but the hardiest of them; Mandroid, Iceman, 8th, Anonpencil, and a few others I've likely forgotten, still pop in regularly.

>>29604944
>ywn wear celestia's skin as a battle trophy

>>29605518
>Third page
No....

>>29605528
Its weird seeing the thread like this, I remember when it was the one of most shitposting greentext writing fetish inducing generals on the board.

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>>29605518
Things are much bleaker over in Flutterrape, we've lost so many and the threads nowadays are like 80% bumps.

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>>29605574
The slow decline of a general and a board overall is always a sad thing to witness

>>29605528
THAT WHICH IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE.

>>29605574
Move here. We've offered something like a dozen times but you faggots always play hard to get.

>>29605601
How the hell have you made it so long Mandroid? So many writefags have passed on but you still remain.

>>29605610
Sheer force of will.

Also I have nothing better to do with my time and find writing these kinds of stories with these kinds of characters fulfilling as a hobby.

>>29605601
But would all the aie posters and lurkers accept us? I imagine they'd get tired of seeing stories with the Flutterrape formula over and over again.

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>>29605628
This thread started because of that flutterrape formula along with the classic rainbro stories back in the early days of /mlp/

>>29605628
Yes because it's so much worse than AiE.
Is Anoymous in Equestria? Than you belong here anyway. If people don't like it, they don't have to read.

>>29605628
It's not like we'd be overrun by you guys. Who knows, a merge might get FR writers to generate content outside the usual FR stuff they write and AiE writers might try a bit of FR.

Plus, AiE used to go nuts for Dashrape and Applerape. Or any kind of rape.

>>29605628
Our tradition is too instilled into us. It would take a lot of effort to move the few posters in FR over here, and it really isn't worth the energy. What may work is linking stories to AiE when you post them on FR, perhaps spurring FR Anons to venture out into the vast unknown.

>>29605663
PiE managed to do it, and they were stubborn bastards refusing to die for the longest time but they finally merged.

>>29605669
We're even more stubborn than they, considering we're older and, well, still around.
If you want to even call it "still around".

>>29605669
PiE is actually up and about right now

>>29479308

File: 1366444069605.jpg (146KB, 900x840px) Image search: [Google]

146KB, 900x840px

>>29605676
>2/14/17
Thats no thread, thats a graveyard

>>29605669
>>29605676
Yeah, but they come here when their thread is dead. I think one day they'll finally abandon hope and nestle under our wing for gentle mutual masturbation.

>>29605663
Do it backwards. Post here and link in FR if you REALLY want people to have to move.

>>29605693
>The plan to steal all of AiE's posters has failed
Retreat men, we'll try again tomorrow.

>>29600848
Despite everyone's best efforts at work I'm alive and I've got more green.

>The next few hours are spent in what amounts to a polite interrogation prying as much information from Soft Heart as you can while she in turn tries to do the same.
>So far you have managed to gather that you are on the planet "Equus" in the nation state of Equestria.
>Equestria seems to be inhabited by a number of species both sapient and otherwise, ponies being the primary species at least in Equestria.
>The ponies themselves come in several varaties, each of which have their own innate talents.
>You absorb all this information stoically nodding where appropriate and carefully dodging questions about your own origins.
>You've started to ask Soft Heart about significant cultural figures when she mentions a "Princess Twilight" and says something that gives you pause.
>"She's the element of magic" She explains in a matter of fact tone "Oh and she has this baby dragon spike that helps her out at"
>Unable to help yourself you interrupt at that "She has a dragon? " disbelief colors your tone "What exactly does an equestrian dragon look like?"
>Surely it can't be like the old Terran myths you think, pushing aside the fact there have already been so many other parallels.
>"You know, dragons, like scales and claws and wings and breathes fire" Soft Heart says doing her best pantomime of a dragon, wings spread as she stands on
>two legs doing her best brandish her fore hooves like the claws from her description.
>You nod slowly, taking this newest fact in to consideration "And are there other monsters, besides the dragons?"
>Soft Heart smiles and nods enthusiastically, happy to educate you further "Let's see " She raises a wing and begins ticking off feathers like you might
>fingers "There's hydras, wendigos, centaurs, Cerberus, though only just the one of him I think, cockatrice, bug bears, changelings, chimeras"

>>29606035
>You hold a hand up to forestall any further listing as you fear the poor pegasus is going to run out of feathers to count on.
>"Thank you that is quite sufficient for now. Your explanations have been most helpful" Mentally you upgrade the status of Equestria to "Deathworld"
>Deciding to get the conversation back on the previous track you move on "Now, this Princess Twilight you mentioned, is she the ruler of Equestria"
>Soft Heart shakes her head setting her mane to bouncing "No Twilight and her friends are the Elements of Harmony. They're big heroes here in Equestria.
>Princess Celestia and Luna are in charge. Celestia raises the sun every morning and Luna puts up the moon and stars at night."
>You suppress and eye twitch. There are two options given the manner in which you arrived on this planet.
> One, these Princesses have a cult of personality in which the populace is made to believe they are all powerful, or two, The status of Equestria has just
>been upgraded to "Daemon World" and there are two very powerful daemon princesses in charge.
>This may be worse than the time you were forced to ally with that cult of Tzeentch to escape that contingent of Dark Angels that had managed to track you down.
>You're drawn from your dark thoughts by the sound of Soft heart scooting a chair closer.
>Given her overall appearance and the overall size of everything in the room when compared to you the scene is adorable.
>"So I've been answering questions about Equestria, it's your turn to answer a few mister" She says in what you suspect is supposed to be an authoritative tone.
>She gestures for you to have a seat on the bed and grabs a small notebook from her desk along with a quill and ink pot.

>>29606047
>Trying to decide exactly how much of your origin to reveal you make your way to the edge of your humorously undersized bed.
>Though Soft Heart hasn't said anything about it you are still as nude as when you awoke.
>Without any ceremony you pull the top sheet from your hospital bed and tie it around yourself as an improvised waist wrap.
>You would prefer a surplice or body-glove but decide this will have to suffice for the moment.
>Your clothing situation as settled as it's getting you take a seat in front of Soft heart and decide that honesty, with a few omissions may be the safest way to proceed.
>"I assume your questions are about the nature of myself and my home, is that correct?" Soft heart nods an affirmative signaling you to continue.
>"Very well I have avoided answering that much long enough. My tale is a long one, as such I shall give you the brief version.
>My name is Anoniaus, called "The Forsaken" by those that once stood as my brothers. I am an Adeptus Astartes, a warrior of the first Legion Dark Angels
>A space marine in more simple terms." You can see Soft Heart scribbling down notes in her little book.
>After so many centuries of fighting and running simply to survive a part of you is wary of being so open, but her interest seems innocent and sincere.
>You start with your exile to Caliban alongside Luther and the 500 others sent to garrison the planet.
>It was presented as a great honor, but in time you knew it for the punishment it was, everyone did.
>You speak of Luther, the man who had found and mentored your Primarch, and of his efforts to keep the spirits of your brothers high.

>>29606057
>At first it had been easy to imagine that you would be called back to the crusade, you were young having only served in a handful of conflicts
>before your exile.
>Alongside the others you had marveled at the accomplishments of the warriors on crusade and the trophies sent back from the front.
>Many of you had even boasted of the deeds you thought to preform when you were recalled, feats to rival any of the tales of the great hunt.
>You had been born too late for the hunt, all of the great monsters of Caliban destroyed before your time, but the Crusade was a far greater
>endeavor, with opportunists for glory abound.
>Five decades had passed without your Primarch returning or recalling any of you to the front.
>Five decades Luther had done his best to keep spirits high, to keep any of you from feeling you had been abandoned.
>Most of you knew the truth, and his words rang hollow, but you could not fault the man for wanting to shield you from despair.
>You pause in your story long enough to see that Soft Heart is listening with rapt attention, though how she writes with a quill in her mouth is beyond you.
>Finally after fifty long years of waiting the Primarchs fleet returned, and things took a tragic turn.
>The next part of your story is more confusing, as even you are still trying to piece together the details of those events.
>Some say that your Primarch was a traitor, and that Luther justly gave the order to open fire on his fleet.
>Others say that Luther was the Traitor, jealous of your Primarch or mislead by dark powers.
>All you know is that day brother slew brother, and your home world of Caliban, and your legion were torn apart.
>Battle raged on the surface of Caliban, even as the orbital bombardment rained down from the Lion's fleet.
>Luther and the Lion were locked in personal combat, a contest to rival anything out of old Terran mythology.
>The blows they struck saw the fortress around them torn stone from stone and reduced to rubble.

>>29606101
>Then just as though it seemed Luther might strike the Primarch down, Caliban broke apart.
>The sustained orbital bombardment had cracked the planets crust, sundering the world apart.
>A warp storm had opened around the dying world, tearing those that had sided with Luther from the surface and scattering them across time and space.
>You personally had only been in the hellish ocean of souls that is the warp for mere seconds it had seemed, but when you had emerged ten thousand years had passed.
>You had spent the last few centuries constantly fighting or running just trying to survive.
>You had no interest in becoming a slave to dark masters like some of the other "fallen", and you had less interest in surrendering to the new Dark Angels.
>Their idea of mercy was torturing repentance from you before a swift death, if you were lucky.
>That was more than you had spoken of those events to anyone in centuries, it was...cathartic to share it with someone, even if she is a Xenos.
>Soft Heart looks conflicted as you bring your story to a close, as if she's trying to process how she feels about everything you told her.
>She opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by the growl of your stomach.
>She adopts a sheepish expression "Oh sorry, I guess you must be pretty hungry. I should've brought you food when I saw that you were up, we've just been
>feeding you by I.V. for a while now."
>You wave her apology away "The fault is mine for distracting you with so many questions. Though I would like something to eat, anything with a lot of protein.
>I doubt your kind eat meat."
>"The kitchens should have plenty of peanut butter, ooh and I think eggs, though mostly for baking. I'll see if I can get you a few of those."

>>29606127
Alright if anyone is still reading at this hour that's all I've got for now. Long day at work and I'm off the next few days so I'm gonna try to update regularly and in a bit more volume. Anyone enjoying it so far, or have any criticism to share?

>>29606131
So far so good, but maybe you could put in a few parts when the pony questions back or asks to explain something. And most importantly by the God Emperor, please do the interaction with the local chaos-god (and the build up) well.

>>29606150
Good suggestions thanks. As for the local chaos god I'm hoping I can manage to do him justice. I'm also debating if I should bring him in to the story sooner rather than later.

>>29606156
I think his presence is enough for a time, i would get the (demon)princesses and the whole subrace of psychers out of the way first.

>>29606131
Small detail, but please take the habit to put the main character's text in black. Make it easier so sort out who is saying what.

>>29604503
I dislike the idea of Rainbow Dash making food and not having it catch fire.

>>29600252
Nice.
>>29604490
lel.
>>29606131
woa.

>>29593867
Das cute mane

Rejected Anon ideas:
Made of grits Anon.
Never wears matching socks Anon.
French postman Anon.
Hides anal beads in your house Anon.
Only Fluttershy can see him Anon.
Always on fire Anon.
Toast wizard Anon.

>>29609431
>Only Fluttershy can see him Anon.
>Flutterape.

>>29609431
>Only Fluttershy can see him Anon.
Tulpa-Anon is a nice idea, but usually made with Twilight rather than with Fluttershy: it's easier and funnier to mess with that nerd.

>>29609747
Well in RGRE there was a ongoing story of Anon only being visible to Twilight and foals because their minds are more open or something. Then she turns into a alicorn and can no longer see him. But glimmer can.

>>29609995
He was visible to foals and the mentally unstable.

>>29609999

>>29610034
so?

>>29609431

>Always on fire Anon
>Be Anon
>You are always on fire
>Literally
>You are a human torch among ponies
>The first days it was weird, most of them tried to help you by throwing water or even the whole rainbow factory on you
>Didn't work, always got your flames back
>It is hard to get a job as a human torch in a world full of ponies
>Yesterday you got fired at your work
>Heh, get it?
>No, seriously, you set on fire all the entire library of Manehattan
>But that was days ago
>You tried different jobs these days
>Now you are the local lighthouse of Ponyville, which suits you very well
>The town is pretty chill... lots of mares that find you hot and what not. You can't help it, really, you can't. You are a fucking mobile flame
>This life is pretty okay for you, they'll eventually get used to it

>Also that time Pinkie gave you the welcoming party to Ponyville? The crazy party pony used you as a grill for some hay burgers, can you believe that? And you are no female.

>>29610729
I was honestly just trying to see who got it.

i want to fuck a sketch pony.

>>29611515
WELL HE STEAL MY THUNDER!!!!

>>29606127
It's me again, thanks to everyone reading so far and for all the suggestions. I'm going to try to incorporate those as I go tonight.

>Soft Heart departs to find you food and you are not kept waiting long before she returns with a tray bearing the promised sustenance.
>There are a variety of small colorful plants you assume to be vegetables and eggs mixed together in a stir fry dish, it doesn't smell poisonous at any rate.
>Off to one side of the tray is something less identifiable, a wedge of something two shades of brown with some sort of crust crumbled over it.
"What is this?"
>You say indicating the item in question, giving it an experimental poke with a fork taken from the tray.
>Soft Heart gives you a bemused look, "It's peanut butter chocolate pie, have you never had a pie before?"
>You consider explaining the sort of things you've been forced to eat when scavenging but decide a simple "No" is probably best for now.
>Once you've begun to eat Soft Heart gets the book she was taking notes in before and begins flipping through it.
>"So I had a few more questions, I know you have a lot of brothers, but your father was a lion? And who was your mother?"
>You can't help but chuckle at that, her confusion amusing if understandable.
"The Lion was just what he was called. He was a Primarch one of the Emperor's sons, and he was not my father in the sense that you understand it.
Members of the Adeptus Astartes are born human, and then changed to resemble our Primarchs."
>Soft Heart nods at that scribbling something down in her book.
>"Okay that makes a little more sense, so who were your parents then?"
"I'm not certain. Most Astartes retain little if any memory of their lives before."
>Soft Heart looks saddened by that, her large expressive eyes become more lidded and her smile drops.

>>29611824

>You decide to change the subject before your answers have a chance to upset her further.
"When I crashed, I was wearing a suit of armor. Where is that now?"
>Soft Heart perks up a bit "Oh that, I think the guards put in the armory where it'd be safe. It looked pretty banged up, and it was really hard to
>get you out of there."
"I am surprised you had the tools available to remove it"
>"Oh we didn't, we tried a few things but the unicorns were the ones who got it off you. They just used their magic to twist all the little bolty things
>out and then it slid right off."
"Magic...What sort of magic exactly do Unicorns have?"
>"All sorts there's teleportation, transformation,energy manipulation and a bunch more. The guards here mostly have defensive stuff like shield spells. They'd be able to tell you more about >it than I could, us Pegasai just control the weather around here."
Upon hearing that you calmly and slowly push your tray of food to one side.
"Please show me to my armor now, I very much wish to put it back on."
>Soft Heart tilts her giving you a confused look "Aren't you going finish eating?"
"I would like my armor now. I will finish eating after."
>Soft Heart looks a bit annoyed but relents "Well alright, but you're gonna finish eating afterwards. You're still in recovery after all."

>>29611837

>You get up almost mechanically to follow the little nurse Xenos.
>You've only been awake for a few hours and you've already learned a great many disturbing things.
>At least two of the subraces of this planet are psykers, and from the off handed way Soft Heart described weather control you're guessing they're fairly potent ones.
>It's almost certain now that Equus is a daemon world, or at the very least a world where the veil between realspace and the immaterium is disturbingly thin.
>The sooner you can find your arms and armor the sooner you can begin plotting your escape from this place.
>Until then it may be best to humor your hosts and stay on good terms with them.
>So long as nothing they feed you causes you to sprout a third arm playing the long game seems safest.
>As you're led out into the halls of the way castle you start taking stock of your surroundings.
>You see several ponies you presume to be guards as you walk, they're dressed in armor of some golden hued metal similar in style to the Terran
>armor of ancient Rome, or Greece.
>The few you've seen are armed with spears, given that information and what you saw in the medical room you're starting to form a basic idea of the level
>of technology on this world.
>You pass down the corridor to what is presumably the other end of the castle on the lower level.
>From what little you've been able to see the castle is at least well constructed, thick well cut stone fitted tightly together forms the walls and the hallways intersect in artfully styled
>vaulted arches.
>Here and there you spot a tapestry decorating the wall, the primary themes always seem to be a sun or moon, occasionally some combination of the two.
>One tapestry in particular catches your eye, it is a highly stylized depiction of a pair of creatures similar to Soft Heart, though taller and more slender.
>Each of the creatures sports a long narrow horn in addition to their impressive wingspan.

>>29611864
>Though the creatures are similar in build there are a number of obvious differences, one is white, the other a shade of midnight blue.
>You come to a full stop in front of the tapestry and regard the blue one carefully, the wings, the sparkly nebulous mane and tail flowing behind it.
>You're certain this is the creature you saw in your dreams, the thing that was always watching you from a distance.
"Who is this?"
>You indicating the tapestry, forcing Soft Heart to stop and turn abruptly to see what you're pointing at.
>"Oh, that's Princess Luna, the other is Princess Celestia, they're the rulers I told you about before."
>You keep your expression neutral, this new information making your desire to be armed once again all that much stronger.
"I see, thank you for enlightening me"
>Seeming satisfied she was able to sate your curiosity Soft Heart turns and begins leading the way once more.
>Only a bit further on down the same path you were following your nurse turned guide takes a turn and you find yourself standing before a gated room.
>Behind the gate you see a number of crates, shelves and storage chests as well as a number of other objects currently covered by tarps, and
>Before the gate sits an elderly looking pony, though this one lacks either wings or a horn.
>Soft Heart gestures with a hoof at the pony sitting by the gate "This is Paychest he's the quarter master here."
>Unsure of the etiquette for this world you draw your fist over your heart in a warriors salute.
>"Paychest this is Anonaius."She says gesturing back at you.
>The quarter master gives a grunt by way of recognition and drags a hoof through his mane.
>He leans forward in his chair and looks you up and down, mostly up given the difference in your size before turning his attention back to Soft Heart.
>"So this the one they drug in outta the forest? Suppose he's here fer that junk they pulled him out of?"

>>29611895

>Soft Heart gives a smile despite Paychest's tone "Yes that's right, could you unlock the gate for us please."
>With a grunt of effort he rises from his chair and takes up a key ring dangling from a peg board nearby with his mouth.
> He grumbles as he begins sorting through the keys with a hoof to find the right one, thanks to your superhuman hearing you can make out most of what is said.
> "Still don't see why a suit of armor'd need so many wires and bits pokin out of it. A chest guard and a helmet oughta be good enough fer anypony."
>His stream of complaints ends when he finds the correct key, and pops it in to the lock.
>The gate slides to one side on a well oiled track barely making a sound.
>"Yer armor's at the back, don't go touchin anything that ain't yours. I'll be keepin an eye on you while yer in there."
>You might be a bit insulted by the implication you'd steal something if you weren't being watched, but you did come here in a stolen ship.
>You pass through the gate and in to the store room beyond, moving towards the back as instructed.
>While you do make the effort to keep your hands to yourself you still give each shelf you pass by a quick visual inspection.
>Mostly the rooms seems to be populated with labeled crates, though this is less helpful since the labels are in a language you can't read.
>Those shelves that aren't populated with crates have most of the usual things you'd expect to see in the armory of a fortress, uniforms
>spare pieces of armor, and weapons for the guards.
>While the spears are far too small to be of any particular use to you, there are a few more intriguing pieces on the weapons racks.
>Among them are a handful of oversized axes and a very large if plain looking sword.
"What sort of pony wields that?"
>you ask Soft Heart nodding towards one of the axes.

>>29611943

>She giggles at the thought covering her mouth with a hoof "Nopony could use that silly, that's a minotaur axe. We get bandits this way occasionally so we"
>Soft Heart is cut off by a Paychest giving a firm rap on the bars of the gate "Get a move on you two I got important work to get back to."
>Having been put on notice by the elderly gatekeeper you decide not to press your luck for now and move on.
>As you near the back of the room your eyes are drawn to your armor, and even in its sorry state you are glad to see it.
>A bastardized set of Mark II crusader armor patched and repaired with whatever parts you could take from other marines over the years.
>The ponies seem content to leave you be while you inspect the damage, which is probably for the best.
>Your breastplate is punctured from the Stanchion, easy enough to patch if you can find some repair cement.
>Your mark III helm is in need a of a new set of eye lenses, though at least the vox and filtration systems seem intact.
>The largest problem seems to be the left arm, everything below the elbow is badly shattered the armor plating missing in places with most of the
>remaining fragments only held together by the underlayer and cable bundles run throughout.
>The ponies also seem to have retrieved your power sword, assuming this whole thing hasn't been some malicious xenos plot to gain your trust and
>lay eggs in your brain you'll have to thank them.
>You pick your sword up, even a cursory inspection reveals quite a bit of damage. The blade is badly notched and the cabling near the hilt seems to be worse for wear as well.
>Holding the sword at arms length you press the activation rune expecting the worst.
>To your surprise the powerfield hums to life engulfing the blade in a soft blue glow.
>Soft Heart gasps in excitement "That is so cool, you're a knight and you've got a magic sword just like int the stories. Only you're not a pony, also from space."

>>29611985

>There's something touching about her innocent and genuine excitement at something that's become mundane to you.
>You deactivate the field and set the sword aside, pleased that it still functions properly for now.
"I'm afraid my armor is in serious need of repair, does this castle have a forge I might make use of?"
>"Yeah we have one of those, though we'll probably have to get permission from my sister before we can use it."
"We need permission from your sister?"
> "Yeah Steel Heart, she's the Lieutenant in charge of the guard post at this castle."
"Ah, excellent, if she's anything like you I'm sure we'll get along perfectly well."
>A little flattery never hurts in these kind of situations, and truth be told despite the fact she's a xenos you do find Soft Heart's company pleasant enough.
>"My sister puts on a tough act but she's really nice once you get to know her."
>Soft heart brings a hoof to her chin tapping it in thought. "I think she's out on patrol with some of the others right now though."
>"Some traders came through the other day and said something about seeing a few manticores around, I think they're out looking in to that."
"Ah, well perhaps we can speak to her when she returns then."
>You heft the breastplate and backpack unit easily from the table and hold it up regarding it.
>Loathe as you are to admit it without the proper tools there'll be no getting this on yourself.
"Soft Heart I may need the assistance of those unicorns you mentioned before."
>"Oh right, I'll go find them, you can just talk with Paychest until I get back"
>With that Soft Heart trots off in search of the assistance you've requested.
>Paychest is still sitting nearby in his chair, giving you an annoyed look. How splendid you're making more friends already.

>>29612046
Gonna take a break and play some games or something for a bit, I'll probably be back with more a couple more posts later tonight.

>>29611063
>Now you are the local lighthouse of Ponyville, which suits you very well
But Ponyville is landlocked. It has neither port to guide ships into nor trecherous coastline to ward ships away from.

>>29612317
There are flying ships in the show.

>>29612046

>The next ten minutes pass in awkward silence as Paychest does his best to keep an eye on you and ignore you at the same time.
>You're running out of ways to busy yourself with inspecting your armor so you have something to do besides stand here awkwardly when Soft Heart returns.
>With her she has a pair of what you presume to be the unicorns, judging by the small horn each has sprouting from their brow
>With your instruction they get to work putting the armor back on you, sans the left arm which you have removed for the moment.
>When you indicate a piece to put on and how it should be attached it begins to levitate, encased in a soft glow that seems to be emanating from the unicorn's horn.
>You fight the wave of disgust that rises in your stomach at any show of sorcery.
>You were prepared to endure what you had to be done in order to don your armor once more but this is less horrible than you had first imagined.
>Whatever form of warp laden talent the unicorns have seems different from the sort you are so unfortunately used to dealing with.
>There is no smell of splitting ozone or spoiled meat, no greasy unclean feeling pervading the air.
>No matter your feelings on sorcery you can't deny the effectiveness in this situation.
>It would normally take several serfs nearly twenty minutes to get your armor on, but with your guidance the unicorns have managed in a mere ten.
>You mag-lock your power sword to your hip, feeling a bit more at ease now that you're properly armed and armored.
>You consider that it might be prudent to take a tour of the castle, to see exactly where you are and what defenses it has.
>However there is on thing stopping you from doing that, namely your nurse.
>Soft Heart is insistent that now that you have your armor you honor your promise to finish your food.
>With a word of thanks to your unicorn assistants you depart for the infirmary.

>>29612404
>The majority of the day passes without event, most of your time spent either answering further questions for Soft Heart or asking your own of her.
>You a bit after midday you take a tour of the castle, not sizeable by your standards but large enough to hold a garrison for this area.
>From the wall you were able to get a good view of the surrounding forest.
>A space of several dozen meters had been cleared around the perimeter wall in all directions, but just beyond that clearing the treeline grew dense.
>The scene brought to mind the Caliban you had only heard tales of, vast swathes of forest broken only by small bastions of humanity, and
>much like the Calibanite woods of old, this forest too is filled with monsters.
>In time the sun begins to dip towards the horizon and the air begins to cool.
>You're sitting in the courtyard taking an evening meal with Soft Heart who is currently explaining why you should recolor your armor.
>Apparently black makes you look like a "villain".
>You would have laughed at the almost childish reasoning had the look on her face not said she was completely serious.
>As she's going through a list of suggested colors you notice another sound, just at the edge of hearing, a voice that seems to be coming closer.
"Do you hear that?"
>You ask stopping Soft Heart short, "No, I don't hear anything"
>You rise from the ground where you had been seated making your way over to the castle gate.
>Through the bars you can see a pony running down the track leading up to the castle, one of the guards by the look of his armor.
>As he grows nearer you can make out what he's shouting in a panic "The Lieutenant needs help!"
"You have incoming, open the gate!"
>You shout to the gatekeeper who, likely due to your gigantic frame and vox amplified voices, quickly complies.

and that's all I've got for tonight. If anyone is still reading this I'll see about setting up a pastebin whenever we hit the bump limit on the thread.

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>>29612630
>Apparently black makes you look like a "villain".

Did Imperius ever un delete his WH40k stories?

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Anon discovers that it's possible to force musical numbers. Ponies try to get him to stop, but it's just too damn funny watching them air guitar for minutes on end when he yells FREEBIRD

>>29613648
We would all abuse this if we could.

The Anon who didn't steal Hearth's Warming

>Once upon a time in a quiet town called Ponyville,
>There lived an Anon in a house on a hill.
>He was tall and green, and a snappy dresser to boot,
>But though it was Hearth's Warming eve, he wasn't having a hoot.
>Winter Wrap Up was fine, and Nightmare Night too,
>And when the Summer Sun rolled round there was plenty to do.
>Though he skipped Hearts and Hooves in favor of fishing,
>But when it came to Hearth's Warming something seemed missing.
>The ponies had presents and a rip roaring feast.
>Still it wasn't quite right, not in the least.

>So he stood in his garden and he thought and he thunk,
>Puzzling his puzzler til he wished he was drunk.
>It was just at that moment that a brainwave struck,
>An idea so good, it had to be more than dumb luck.
>As Big Mac trotted past hauling his cart,
>The Anon smiled to himself "I know just where to start."

>>29614569
>In the dark of the night, the moon shrouded by cloud.
>A tall shadow crept, trying not to be loud.
>It slithered and slunk towards the toy shop,
>And forced open the door with a muffled, dry pop.
>It pulled out a sack and began to take this and that.
>It was the Anon, in a red suit, and a hat.
>He filled his sack full of gifts and toys, to be brief,
>And left a bag of coins on the counter, after all he wasn't a thief.
>Though many would think his behaviour quite weird,
>The Anon wouldn't care, he just smile and adjust his fake beard.

>The Anon reached the first house on his list,
>Crowbar clutched tightly in his fist.
>He jimmied and pried, and broke open the lock,
>The Anon couldn't waste time with chimneys, he was on the clock.
>As he tried to arrange the gifts around the fireplace just right,
>He was interrupted by a little filly who'd heard a bump in the night.
>"Excuse me, what are you doing?"
>But you know that Anon, was so sly and so slick,
>He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
>"Why I'm the Spirit of Giving my dear! I'm here to give gifts and spread holiday cheer."
>While he silently cursed for speaking in rhyme,
>The little filly bought the lie, hook, sinker and line.
>The Anon took the filly back to her bed and tucked her in tight,
>Then picked up his sack and fled back into the night.

>>29614578
>All through the night he snuck and he sneaked,
>Breaking into houses with hardly a peep.
>And in each abode, beside the fireplace he'd leave some nice gifts,
>Before heading to the next home, silent and swift.
>The sack was heavy and the going was tough,
>At the Apple Farm, things nearly got rough.
>He almost got caught, when Winona started barking with joy,
>But he silenced her cries with a gift wrapped dog toy.
>All through the night, he swept through the town, nopony was left out,
>Not even Simon, Fluttershy's pet trout.

>Morning broke, and ponies were confused and distressed
>Door and window locks in a mess.
>The toy stores had been cleared out, though payment was left.
>And the ponies gathered at the Town Hall to discuss this strange kind of theft.
>As her mother complained of her door being forced open with a wrench,
>The little filly spied the Spirit of Giving, asleep on a bench.
>She draped the empty sack over it like a blanket,
>And before she left, took the time to thank it.
>He'd been working all night to make Hearth's Warming the best,
>Before the Hearth's Warming feast, he deserved a nap and a rest.

http://pastebin.com/5pJw3SvZ

>>29594177
>>29599928
Update: New thread at >>29609834.

>>29616222
delicious biglestia

>>29616317
Meh

>>29615811
I'm a fucking moron, I followed the link thinking it was already time for a new RGRE thread.
The ambiance was quite different.

>>29612630
Shit is about to hit the fan.

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>>29616418

So, who are you waiting on for an update and which story?

>>29616972
me
that one with

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>Day HUNGRY MAN in Equestria. It's F-F-F-FRIDAY NIGHT MOTHERFUCKER and you're feeling a little peckish after work.
>It's been a long day of hard, tough, mind-numbing paper shuffling and procrastination.
>Why stress yourself out right at the start of the weekend?
>Fuck cooking dinner, it's time to order a sweet pizza pie!
>Straight to your door, 30 minutes or it's free!
>How could you go wrong?
>You ring up Ponimino's, fistful of bits in hand, ready to order a large plain pizza with left beef when your devilish side gets a hold of you.
>Oh yes, there would be far more than pizza in this order, far more indeed.

"Large Cheese Pizza. 2 Litre bottle of Fago," you say, teeth chattering in anticipation for your next item.
>"And will that be all sire?" the sweet sounding mare asks.
"No, it won't, I'd like to sweeten the deal."
>"Sweeten the deal?" she says lowly, barely a whisper.
>You huff and puff into the phone, the feedback from your heavy breathing rustling in your own ear.
"Lava cakes," you say, tongue licking your lips in anticipation,"yes, miss, lava cakes. Please and thank you."
>"Okay, all together that'll be 21.42, and if it takes more than thirty minutes it's free!"
>She hangs up on you, leaving you to rub your hands together in anticipation for your treats.
"Ah! The lava cake," you pronounce lavishly, arms spread wide and voice ringing out in your apartment.
>It's been so long since you've treated yourself, and what better way than with the dusty, crusty outer shell and the blazing gooey molten core of the Poni Hut's lava cake. You recline in your favorite chair and flick on the tube, watching with intent the 6 o'clock news.

1/...

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>>29617497
>Ding DONG
"PIZZA MAN!" you shout, jumping up and slamming your shin into the coffee table.
>Before staggering to the narrow hallway leading to the door, you glance at the clock under the TV.
>Damn! Only 6:28. Maybe if you wait three minutes. . .
>"Hello!" there is a knock at the door, "pizza delivery!"
>Your tummy grumbles, it's not gonna make it three minutes.
>You skedaddle to the door, money (with tip of course, they only make minimum wage after all!) in hand.
"Hey! How are—" you're taken aback due to the strange sight before you.
>Standing in the semi-grimy tiled hallway of your apartment complex was none other than Pinkie Pie.
>Her curl pink locks capped off in a cute blue Ponimino's hat, visor pointed forward.
>Under the shade of her cap was two wide eyes, snorting nostrils, and worst of all her tongue!
>Her long, wet tongue lolled out of her mouth, waves of hot breathing washing out of her and rolling down that dripping tongue.
>The strangest part, perhaps, was the fact that she was standing on two legs, coming up almost to your height.
>One forehoof rested on the door's frame for support, the other shakily held up a box of pizza.
"Pinkie, what are you doing here?"
>"I'm a delivery mare, Anon, and I'm here to deliver to you," Her blue polo uniform looking slightly baggy as it hung over her tummy.
"Wow, okay, guess it's just a night job?"
>"Y-yeah," her wide eyes were starting to freak you out.
>You attempt to hand her the money, but she just shakes her head, "new policy, you've gotta open up the box and inspect the pizza."
"Huh?"
>"Open the box," she pressures, "to make sure it's what your ordered!"
"Well, if it's a new policy. . .

2/...

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>>29617518
>Your hand descends for the pizza box's lid, apprehension slowing your movement. She was panting heavier now. In the back of your mind you notice you can't see a bag with the lava cakes or soda in it. What is this madness?
>You lift it up slowly, light breaking into the dark recesses of the pizza box.
>You feel like Indiana, trying to replace the idol with the bag of sand!
>Pinkie's eyes pierce into your soul, you know what emotion they are reflecting at you, lust!
>Suddenly your arm jerks forward, throwing up the lid of the box and revealing all to god's glowing light.
>Your lungs draw in air as your body gets ready to scream in shock, but nothing comes out.
>There, in the middle of your pizza box, right where the little white pizza table should be, THE HEAD OF PINKIE PIE'S FUTANARI HORSE COCK!
>The alien object pulsates with sexual energy, the tip flaring.
>Strings of cheese goodness are draped around it, it is one with the pizza pie!
>A small stream of precum dribbles out, and unwanted topping to your Friday night snack!
"This is what you wanted right, Anon?" Pinkie asks, her voice dripping and sticky with wanton lecherous giddy, "a cheesy pizza with extra sausage!"
>A ropy shot of cum accidentally squirts out, coating your shirt and face in horse baby goo. Just a simple drop enters your mouth and you recoil in disgust, at first. . .
>You swish it in your mouth like a wine-o.
"You've been eating a lot of Pineapple Pizza, haven't you?"

3/3

KILL ME FOR REAL @ THIS WEBZONE

>>29617527
No thanks.

>>29617581
Why not?

>>29616972
More like who am I not waiting on? I read every bit of green here, so I'm waiting for any nigga to post content.

But I should mention that Anon who wrote that circle jerk JL/Avengers story still hasn't updated even though he said he'd try. Some of us haven't forgotten

>>29612630
Back again, I should probably pick a name at some point if I'm gonna keep doing this.

>With the gate raised you step out to meet the bedraggled looking guard.
>His breathing is ragged, his coat lathered in sweat, and he's covered in small cuts, like from scrambling through the brush.
>You crouch down and rest a hand on the guard pony's shoulder, partly to stop his panicked flight and partly to steady him.
"At ease, take a breath and tell me what's the matter."
>His expression as he regards you is a mix of confusion and relief "It's the Lieutenant" He manages after several deep breaths.
>"We were out looking for Manticores and got ambushed by a huge pack of Timberwolves. We managed to get to a cave and hole up."
>He stops his hurried explanation trying to get his breath again, you open a compartment on your hip and remove a cylinder of water, offering it to him.
>The water is warm but he seems grateful all the same and downs it quickly before continuing.
>"We found a way out the back of the cave, but we had wounded so the Lieutenant sent me to get reinforcements."
"How far is the cave from here guard?"
>"About 10 miles I think, we put up markers, bits of red cloth, when we left the main trail. The cave was only a few hundred feet from where the wolves attacked."
>Soft Heart who has been listening from nearby looks deeply worried. "It'll take hours to get reinforcements that far and it's getting dark already."
>Something about her expression moves you in a way you've not felt in as long as you can remember.
>Though she may be a Xenos you owe Soft Heart a debt of gratitude, and here is your chance to repay it."
>You rise stepping away from the guard pony and point to the gatekeeper.
"You find whoever is in charge and have them begin assembling reinforcements immediately"
>The gatekeeper hesitates for only a second before bolting off, your tone having left no room for argument.

>>29617710

>You shift your gaze to Soft Heart now.
"The guard said there were wounded gather any medical supplies I might need and do it quickly."
>She looks to you, worry still writ plain across her face "But you're still recovering and he said there were a lot of Timber Wolves."
>You reach up and remove your helm and give Soft Heart your best attempt at a comforting smile.
"Your sister is in danger, and this sort of battle is the reason Astartes are created. I will be fine, now please gather the supplies."
>Despite the lack of chances to practice your social skills these last few centuries your attempt seems to have worked.
>Soft Heart sets off to the infirmary and you follow behind to collect the supply pack.
>While she's assembling a variety of basic first aid materials your eyes drift to the small desk.
>A pair of lit candles rest upon it throwing dim light into the rest of the room, but what takes your interest most is the ink pot and blank parchment nearby.
>The idea that comes to you is foolish really, an old tradition that no longer serves a purpose, and yet you never had the chance to do it before.
>Surrendering to the whim you grab the quill and quickly scribble out an oath of moment and affix it to your shoulder plate using drips of wax from the candle.
>Soft Heart turns from the cabinet she was digging through to offer up the supply pack, her eyes catching the parchment.
>"What is that?"
>Given the circumstance you decide that this is a conversation for later and simply answer.
"I will explain when I return."
>With that you replace your helm and secure the pack to your hip before setting off at a jog until you reach the courtyard.

>>29617713

>As you near the gate you can see the guard ponies beginning to assemble, ten of them in total, a squad by astartes standards.
>The sight is slightly amusing, they're preparing for a battle that will be over by the time they arrive.
>Still you doubt they'd trust the life of their commander to someone they've just met, better to do it this way for their benefit.
>Once you clear the front gate you move from a jog to a ground eating sprint.
>Assuming the terrain is not too treacherous you should be able to cover the 10 miles inside 20 minutes with ease.
"Wish I'd been trained as Ravenwing"
>You lament aloud, damn cavalry company and their assault bikes. Not that the bike would have survived the crash but still.
>As the miles disappear beneath your tread and the prospect of battle grows near your body begins to prepare as it always does.
>You can feel the adrenaline start to pour in to your system and your second heart beats faster, though this time something feels different.
>Your brothers, the bastards, always did say you were too much of a dreamer, and perhaps you are.
>Even so you can't help but liken the battle to come to the Great Hunt of Caliban, a knight charging to battle against the beasts of the forest.
>Perhaps you'll even take a pelt for your armor as proof of the deed. You always did admire that Caliban Lion pelt Incognito had.
>From the corner of your eye you spot a bit of red cloth dangling from a low branch on a nearby tree, and that is enough to tear you from your daydreams.
>You draw your sword and advance cautiously taking it in a two handed grip given the absence of your bolt pistol.

>>29617717


>As you follow the trail of cloth scraps you're drawn into a small hollow in the forest, the last wan rays of sunlight filtering through the leaves overheard.
>The first thought to enter your mind when you cast your eyes upon the scene in the hollow is that "Timber wolves" was a rather literal name for these creatures.
>They're moving and circling through the underbrush and through the clear ground of the hollow itself, without the auto senses of your helm it's hard to get a count.
>You estimate at least two dozen, though you allow for the possibility the actual number could be half that again.
>From your position behind the bole of a large tree you spot the cave entrance, half hidden by a bush.
>One of the Wolves wanders too close to the cave and is greeted with a flurry of jabbing spears that drive it back.
>The ponies are still alive then, that is somewhat of a relief.
>Well there's no time to act like the present and for the moment you have the element of surprise on your side.
>With the Vox amplifier in your helm set to full you let loose a deafening cry of "For Caliban!" and charge in to the Timberwolf horde.
>Your initial charge sees four of the beasts smashed to pieces, under boot and blade, perhaps this wasn't going to be quite the battle you thought.
>As you turn to make your stand you see the pieces of the beasts take on an unearthly green glow and begin to move towards one another.
>They begin pulling together forming a larger version of the creatures you just destroyed.
"Of course...why would anything ever be easy"
>You growl under your breath as you raise your sword and activate the power field, sweeping it about in front of you as you try to watch as many of the creatures as you can.
"Hear me beasts! I am Anoniaus the Forsaken, Dark Angel and Knight of Caliban, oathed to this moment and sworn to your demise. Face me if you dare!"

>>29617722

>Whether the wolves are possessed of some malevolent intelligence and responding to your taunt or just responding threat you represent they swarm in.
>A pair of them duck in to bite at your legs while another jumps for your throat.
>The leaping one is dispatched with a swift chop of your sword, the twigs and logs composing its being turning to ash where they contacted the power field.
>One of the pair at your legs snaps its teeth against the reinforced ceramite of your shin guard, you lift your foot and bring it down swiftly atop the beasts head.
>What passes for the beasts skull is ground to splinters beneath your foot, though you swing your blade through the bits of its body to stop it from rising like the others.
>The third manages to find a gap behind your knee guard and sinks its wooden fangs in deep, you quickly decapitate it with a back swing.
>Two more beasts throw themselves at you only to die sundered by vicious blows, their constituent parts scattered and burnt by the touch of your sword.
>You're finding your rhythm now, your mind slips back to the old lessons of the order hall, walking the spiral pattern set in the floor as you fended off multiple opponents.
>Beasts number ten dies pinned against a tree and run through, eleven manages to dig into the flesh of your unarmored left arm, leaving a ragged wound from elbow to wrist.
>You slam your fist into its skull stunning it, aiming to finish it before twelve and thirteen rush in, losing a head and leg respectively.
>The giant creature lowers itself to pounce at you now, you raise your blade ready to defend.
>Just as the creature leaps your sword releases a shower of sparks, and your heart sinks into your stomach as you watch the power field die.
>Your best line of defense gone you throw yourself aside as the massive creature crashes through the space you were just in.
>The creature slides into the underbrush snapping several small trees in its passing as it turns to round on you.

>>29617872
>You raise your guard again and press the activation rune on your sword once more but much as you expected it remains dead.
>The Alpha wolf is at least two heads taller than you at the shoulder and easily three to four times your mass, and you have a broken sword to fend it off with.
>Well you did want a story to equal those of the great hunt, with nothing else for it you charge.
>As you near the creature swipes at you with a massive paw, you duck the swing clip a few claws off with a low to high swing.
>Follow through on the momentum of your attack you pivot on your heel and slam the edge of your sword into the creatures face as it moves to bite you.
>Splinters of wood and broken stick-fangs spray from the Alpha wolf's mouth as it reels from your blow.
>To your dismay the creature is already repairing itself, bits from the wolves that failed to rise being pulled in to replace the damaged parts.
>As you ready your guard again determined to cut this thing until it can no longer heal you hear a voice from the cave.
>"Hey you out there! They hate fire, use the torch!"
>From the mouth of the cave a torch comes spiraling through the air, landing on the ground about twenty feet away from you.
>You begin to side step, moving towards the torch while keeping the Alpha in front of you, as if sensing your intent the beast charges again.
>You hold your ground until the last second then throw yourself aside diving into a roll.
>As you regain your feet you sprint the last few steps to the torch dipping low to scoop it up on the run.
>As you start to turn a timber wolf crashes against from side, throwing you off balance and causing you to stumble.
>That momentary lapse in your guard is all the Alpha needed, it throws itself forward locking its now healed jaws around your torso.
>The Ceramite of your armor groans in protest to the pressure and you can feel the plates beginning to buckle around you.

>>29617994

>Cracks begin to spread out from the hole in your breastplate and you feel a fang dig into your chest as it finds the gap.
>Begins to slick the inside of your armor, many men in this situation would panic and die, but you are Adeptus Astartes.
>Raising your sword high you swing downward with all of your might jolting the Alpha wolfs skull and carving a gash in it.
>The beast does not relent but neither do you, bringing your sword crashing down again and again.
>Just as if it feels like your chest will collapse under the colossal pressure on it, you bring down your sword with a roar of effort.
>The blade breaks under the thunderous impact, splitting from the place where it was notched, but you've achieved the desired effect.
>The side of the Alpha's skull is split wide and you thrust the torch inside, the creature shakes you in its jaws like a terrier might do to a rat.
>With a final shake the creature tosses you aside before staggering away from you, flames pouring from its eye sockets before spreading to wreath its head in flames.
>The great beast collapses quickly becoming a blazing bonfire.
>The fire, and the loss of their leader seems too much for the remaining wolves, as they scatter, fleeing into the safety of the darkened forest.
>You pick yourself up, looking ruefully at the shattered blade in your hand before making your way towards the cave.
>You're greeted by several spear points and a cry of "halt"
>"You have my thanks for the help but I don't...wait, are you the one we pulled out of the forest? I figured you'd be a goner for sure."
>The spears are lowered and a pony emerges into the light cast by the burning timber wolf.
>Even in this dim lighting she bears an obvious resemblance to Soft Heart, though with a few obvious differences.
>Aside from her light gray fur this ponies eyes lack the softness and warmth you're used to seeing in her sister.
>"Lieutenant Steel Heart, Equestrian guard Everfree Outpost" She says by way of greeting.

>>29618107
and that's all for now, might have more later. If anyone has any thoughts or impressions so far feel free to share them. Criticism is welcome too.

>>29617527
Life in Futaquestria is pain.

>>29618107
This is good shit dude, some good characters your building here

Things Anon is not allowed to do by order of Princess Twilight:
Exist.

All Anons must be disposed of immediately. Ponies harboring an Anon will be booped.

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Putting out the call.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcWVL4B-4pI

>>29621055
Tell him I said hi.

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>>29620509

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>>29622151

>You are depressed.
>There’s just no two ways about it, you’re feeling fucking terrible. You lay on your cold, crystal bed in the castle and just look at the ceiling, quietly hating everything about your life. Which reminds you, who makes beds out of crystal, anyway? They’re horribly uncomfortable and cold and not even suited for a pony or a human like you. You're no sleeping beauty, but hold fuck, man.
Meh. Whatever. You probably deserve the discomfort anyway.
>The fact is, you’re useless. You don’t have a job, you barely have any friends, and with the fact that your roommate is a damn princess, you feel inadequate no matter what you do. You can’t do magic, you can’t fly, hell, you can’t even buck apples on the farm, though you did try that once.
>There’s no place for you here. There’s no point to your being alive. You try to quiet the voice in your head that says this, but it just won’t shut up. You feel the weight of it pressing down on your body like a physical force. It’s hard not to pick up some booze and just drink yourself into a coma. Or better yet, drink yourself to death.
>You hear the sound of hoof falls outside your bedroom door. No use looking up, you know only one pony would ever come to visit you.
“Hey Anon,” Twilight says happily. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing,” you say flatly.
“Oh… well, want to help me with some spells?” she says, sounding undeterred by your morose tones.
“Not particularly.”
“Well, I know Spike could use a little help, so why don’t you-”
“No thank you.”
“If you’d like to get out of the castle you can always-”
“I said no thank you,” you say, a little more firmly.
>You know Twilight is trying to help. You know she just is trying to kill the inertia of depression by getting you up and moving. It’s a sweet thought to be honest, but you doubt she can help, even if she is a pretty pastel pony who's all about friendship.

(1/?)

>>29622486

“Anon, what’s wrong?” she says after a long pause.
>You think for a moment, then heave a heavy sigh before you answer.
“I’m utterly alone here. Even if I have friends, even if I make a life here, I’m alone. I can’t do anything right and… I don’t know. I guess I just feel like a worthless creature. I don’t see the point of life right now.”
>The princess is silent.
“You know,” she says quietly. “I… if you’re really that sad, maybe I can help you out.”
“That’s nice of you, but I don’t think…”
“No, I mean,” she says slowly. “With magic. I could cast a spell on you that would, you know, make you feel a little better about being alive.”
>Despite the voice in your head telling you that this is definitely not going to work, you have to admit it at least sounds like a new option. What could it hurt, after all?
“You know, okay,” you say. “I’ll try it, Twilight. Cast your heathen magic.”
>You look up to find her beaming at you from the doorway. With every last ounce of your strength, you sit up slowly in bed, and steady yourself on the edge of it. Before you can even ask how this is going to work, her horn begins to glow a shimmering purple, and a strong beam of light suddenly shoots out to impact your chest.
>You feel a warm glow spread over you, starting at that weird dark place in your chest that’s supposed to have a heart in it. It flows through your veins, like glitter, but less horrible and impossible to clean, and you feel tingly all over. Something is happening to you! You can feel the muscles in your face contracting, can feel your eyes opening wide, your eyebrows raising. Like your face is made of clay, the magic molds it and moves it. Your mouth opens, your lips pull back wider and wider, and then, all at once, it stops.
“Uh… Twilight?” you say haltingly.
“Look at that!” she exclaims with a clap of her hooves. “It worked!”

(2/3)

>>29622492

“I don’t feel any happier.”
“But you must, you’re smiling so big and gladly!”
>You reach up with one hand and feel your face. Sure enough, your lips are curled up at the edges into an impossibly wide smile, so wide that it even hurts a little. Your eyes curl up at the edges too, like you’re Santa or something, and your eyebrows are up like you’re constantly delighted. But deep inside, nothing has changed. The world is still a bleak place for you.
“Twilight,” you say urgently, but even your words sound sunny. “I think you just made me smile.”
“That’s good, right?”
“I mean, you JUST made me smile. And I can’t stop. I’m not happier, my life isn’t better, I just look glad. I’m still… I still feel terrible. I still feel like I want to die.”
>She’s silent a moment, and she rubs her chin thoughtfully. After a brief pause, she gives a shrug and smiles her own massive smile at you.
“Well, at least now when you kill yourself, you’ll look happy while doing it!” Twilight says brightly. “No one likes a frowning corpse!”
>With a smile plastered all over your big stupid face, you lower your head and begin to cry. Now you really do wear a mask to hide your depression, one you can never take off. Twilight begins to hum a familiar song you once heard Pinkie sing, about smiling, as she turns to leave your bedroom.

...

>Oh, also, Spike was kicked by a deer and lost one of his eyes. But no one cared.
>No one ever cares.
>There’s no love in this world.
>Life is pointless.
>We all die someday.


-End-
(3/3)

http://pastebin.com/0WqB8317

Happy Monday or something.

>>29618107
Had to get up early and do things today, I usually work nights so it was awful. Will be on later this evening to update more.

>>29622492
>I can’t do anything right and… I don’t know. I guess I just feel like a worthless creature.

doesn't matter what world you're on, this is universal for millennials

>>29622501
miserable, spiteful and with a permanent smile... Joker?

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I have a week's rest on one of my classes so I wanna start posting the story again, there's a lot I need to add and rewrite and draw.

>>29622906

...fuck. Damn it. Hadn't thought of it. I am disappointed in myself.

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>>29623155

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>>29605528
Part of the thread, part of the green.
Part of the thread, part of the green.
Part of the thread, part of the green.

AiE must have writers.

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What happened to Flutterpriest? Does he even care about us any more?

>>29605528
Don't miss me too much!

>>29623980
I remember reading the original version of mad science back in 2012 crazy its been that long

>>29622863
Millenials are not more or less worthless than any other generation. They're just better documented.

>>29618107
Didn't get to write as much as I want to today but here's a little something while I keep working.

"Anoniaus First Legion Dark Angels. I was told you have wounded with you"
>You say returning the salute before taking the pack Soft Heart had prepared from your hip and holding it out in offer.
>Steel Heart takes the pack in her teeth, pausing to look at your left arm "ur injurf" she manages around a mouth full of cloth.
>You glance down at the gash in your arm, it looks far more grisly than it is, the larraman cells in your system already having clotted the wound.
"Your concern is appreciated, but I can survive much worse than this. The crash for example."
>Steel Heart takes you at your word and moves back towards the cave.
>Now that spears aren't being jabbed at your face and stomach you're able to move close enough to peer inside.
>Fives guards in total, not counting the Lieutenant, three a bit worse for wear but largely unharmed, two more seriously injured.
>Of the two injured one has several gashes raked across his flank, likely caught in the retreat, the other has a hind leg that has been badly bitten.
>You are no apothecary and know nothing of xenos physiology aside from having rough ideas on how to kill most things you meet, so you leave the guards to tend their own.
>Once the wounded seem to have been properly cared for you call to Steel Heart.
"Lieutenant, reinforcements are on their way, though I suspect it'll be over an hour before they reach us."
>Steel Heart gives a single harsh laugh at that. "I think we're a little past needing reinforcement"
>Unable to disagree you shrug, the gesture exaggerated by the large pauldrons of your power armor.
"It seemed a sensible precaution at the time."

>>29625167

>"Well at least you think ahead, I'll give you that much" Steel Heart calls back from over her shoulder as she finishes bandaging the leg of the injured guard.
>You look take a moment to look at the hollow around you, littered as it is with the constituent parts of the fallen timber wolves.
>Given the lack of blood and gore one would normally associate with a battlefield it looks more like a particularly violent windstorm tore apart a few trees.
"We should take leave of this place before the beasts rediscover their courage. I will carry the wounded."
>"We can take care of our own, besides you're a little torn up yourself." Steel Heart says waving a hoof in the direction of your arm and chest.
>Ignoring her refusal you mag lock the shard of your sword renaming to your hip then walk over and scoop up the injured guards, placing one under each arm.
"I can carry several times my own body weight and these injuries are barely a scratch. We will make better time if I carry them."
>The Lieutenant gives an annoyed snort but doesn't further protest. "Fall in" She calls to the other guards as you begin your march out of the forest.
>A few minutes in to the walk, when the Lieutenant's annoyance at you has abated somewhat she glances up at you.
>"Sorry about your magic sword there. "She nods towards the stump of your power sword.
>You sigh at that, the loss of your last legion weapon a troubling one to say the least.
"Yes I imagine it will be difficult, if not impossible to replace any time soon."
>Unless you can find another space marine and part him from his, though that would be easier to do if you had a weapon.
>Probably best to keep that last thought to yourself honestly.

>>29625173

>"Well we don't have any magic ones lying around, but I'll see about getting you a replacement from the castle."
"I would like to use the force as well, to repair what I can of my armor."
>"I don't see why that would be a problem. I'll let our smith know to give you the run of the place first thing tomorrow."
>That taken care of you lapse into a comfortable silence as you consider your position on this strange planet.
>You've lost your only weapon but manage to secure a few potential allies and the use of their resources.
>Given the apparent level of technology on this planet it's probably best to plan for the long game, as it seems unlikely you'll be leaving any time soon.
>You never did get a pelt to wear over your armor either. Damn wooden wolves, didn't even have the decency to have skin and fur.
>You lose yourself in thought for some time until you spot the other guard contingent marching quickly down the road.
>When they near your surrender your wounded charges to a quartet of ponies bearing stretchers, likely to be a much more comfortable ride that your arms.
>The rest of the march back to the way castle is largely without incident, you can hear a few of the ponies speaking to their comrades in hushed tones about today's events.
>As you near the castle gate you pick up a high pitched sound just on the edge of hearing, though it is rapidly growing louder and closer.
>Your first thought is that the quiet has offended Slaanesh and that the noise marines have been sent.
>One would think surely a teeth grating squeal like this is a sonic attack, your theory is quickly dismissed as Soft Heart appears rocketing through the air.
>She Crashes into her sister at an alarming speed, wrapping her in a hug.