Royal Guard Mare Thread #22

>>29409928
First for dicking careful again and dicking brave and vannie for the first time

>>29409928
>While the title says "Royal Guard Mare," any gender or species is fine, as long as they are royal guards. But please take your gay centric prompts/stories to the Homo Horse Hangout thread.
You had one job new guy, one job

>>29409980
>its the royal guard mare thread
>but everything other than royal guard mares is fine

yeah, no.

>>29409980
then shouldnt lesbian stuff go in the lesbo thread

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>>29409608
He should question her about it and show her a little extra tender gratitude for trying so hard.

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>>29409608
>...You wonder what your family would think of your though, seeing you here like this.
>Probably not tons of great things.

>>29409928
This better be free of disgusting bat as well.

Get them and yourself clean. There will be plenty of time for awkwardness in bed.
When it is time for bed enjoy the snuggle pile and let thing flow naturally whereever they may lead.

>>29410793
>tries to preform oral
>every wink hurts his nose.
>blood everywhere again.

got bored, scratched in something i was too lazy to color
http://imgur.com/a/D9Lgd

>>29411292
Mmmm, nice

>>29403705
>"I... I've never cuddled with a stallion, before," admits Moondancer.
"Well. One more off the bucket list."
>You reach under her arm and lightly stroke her chest.
>You can practically feel her blush through the dark.
>"I-it's embarrassing. I'm a full-grown mare and I haven't been on a date. I've never even-"
>She stops abruptly, realizing what she's about to say, you figure.
>You pick up the conversation before the silence becomes awkward.
"It's nothing to worry about, Moonie. It's how the cards fall for a lot of ponies. Just less talked about than the alternative."
>She mumbles some syllable of acknowledgement but shakes her head.
>"Still."
>You think you can hazard getting a little more personal.
"You know."
>"Hm?"
"I never cuddled a mare before Careful, actually."
>"R-really?"
>You've got her interest.
>Of course, the message you might have gotten across to her is bullshit.
>Kind of.
>But, technically, you're not lying.
"Really!"

>As time passes, Moonie gets more and more comfortable, turning to face you, returning the cuddle, huddling every inch of herself under your arm and against your chest.
>Her tail swishes over your thighs and lower body underneath the blanket.
>It tickles.
>She even nuzzles your face, neck, and chest.
>You occasionally feel what you think is a light kiss on the fabric of your thermals.
>She occasionally sighs and inhales softly through her nose, getting a whiff of you, you figure.
>Little weird, but, you know.
>Pony stuff.
>You've suspected Careful does the same, but she's more low-key.
>"Guard sense" training or something, you figure.
"I wash up OK this morning?"
>"Oh! Y-yeah..." replies Moonie, nonplussed. "Not like a pony, but... uh. Nice."
"I'll take it."
>"Can we stay like this?" she asks, after a minute passes. "Just for a while. I don't... I don't want to fall asleep yet."
>You rub the back of her neck, her her tight, reassuringly...
"Sure thing."

>>29410817
Yeah, probably best to wait until the nose has healed before diving all in.

>>29410365
GUARD
>MARE
THREAD

Double mare > No mare

>>29411476
Yay, another CC update. I thought Moonie wasn't getting enough but nothing! Aww, our dear little nerd mare. Careful and Anon got you. I can see Anon is drawing on his awkward first experiences with Careful to guide Moonie through her first snuggle with a stallion. May this be the first of many snuggles to come. I imagine feeling her tail wrap around you as she pulls into your embrace would be a heart warming experience.

Err...What happened to Sunburst? Seems the poor guy got snuggle-blocked thanks to the MILFs.

Keep up the good work! I look forward to the next update.

>>29411292
Been meaning to say. I love how you're able to convey emotions in your drawings. The facial expressions are excellent. Details like a freckle here or a tuft of fur just a little out of place there really add a nice touch and bring out the overall aesthetic of the piece. Keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing more.

>>29411476
you need to get carfull in on this and make it a sandwitch.

also

>"I wash up OK this morning?"
not sure exactly what you mean.

>>29411476
>>Her tail swishes over your thighs and lower body underneath the blanket.
>>It tickles.
>>She even nuzzles your face, neck, and chest.
>>You occasionally feel what you think is a light kiss on the fabric of your thermals.
>>She occasionally sighs and inhales softly through her nose, getting a whiff of you, you figure.
hhhnnngggg

>>29410608

James

>>29411292
fug the bat, fug the bat
hold her hips and ram that ass

>>29412575
Yeah, that would turn me into human jelly. Wishing I could get some cuddles like that.

>>29413102
We all do, Anon. We all do...

I'll get around to getting an update out tonight. Long work week last week kept me away.

>>29412521
He's just making sure he doesn't smell bad. My headcanon is ponies are as much about scent as they are visual. Maybe more so.

>>29413347
Ugh! There's that four letter word again! WORK! Keeps getting in the way as if we had bills to pay or something. :P

Protect the guards from page 10!

>>29412521
Snuggle sandwich is best sandwich.

I think Careful doesn't want Moonie to feel any more uncomfortable than she already does. She cares about Moonie and she's trained Anon well. They are available team. She trusts Anon to take care of Moonie's emotional well being while she and Safe help keep them all physically safe. I've come to expect no less from our valiant Careful Watch.

>>29415313
>They are an awesome team.
Curse you auto correct.

>>29414991
Corporal Dash reporting for duty.

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>>29415884
Having nerd pone furiously masturbating to you after you leave in the morning, edging out what starts to be one of her most powerful and overwhelming orgasms of all time

>>29409608
>Seriously, the writing here is weird.
>You can pick out some letters in it, but other than that, it's like some kind of hybrid between English and Russian.
>Makes you wonder how it evolved into that, despite the spoken language staying the same.
>Though, just a bit horse-ier.
>Vannie winces slightly when you touch her wing.
"-Shit, sorry!"
>"No, it's okay. It's just sore."
>You nod, then focus a bit more on gently washing her.
"How did you mess it up, anyways? What happened?"
>She softly waves a hoof.
>"It was just a small accident..."
>"She pushed herself too hard, trying to get help for us."
>Vannie sheepishly smiles.
"So, you pulled some wing muscles or something?"
>-Do wings even have muscles?
>...You feel pretty retarded for not knowing the answer to that.
>"It broke because she was going too fast."
>You wince.
"Christ, that sounds terrible."
>At least, the idea of running until your legs break sounds goddamn horrible.
>And who knows, with wings, it might even feel worse than that.
>"Ah, it was no big deal, really."
>"But it WAS. If it weren't for what you did, we wouldn't even be here right now."
>That thought slowly sinks in.
>...Man, that's true.
>You almost DIED.
>Sure, you were aware of that AS you were, but not the weight of that.
>The last human on Earth, dead.
>Died living a mere quarter century.
>...But these two saved you.
>They saved your damn life.
"You saved my life..."
>A lump slowly forms in your throat.
>You look up at the two, and you can already see your vision blurring.
"Y-you both... saved me..."
>Without thinking, you drop the scrubby and reel them both in for a hug.
>It's not forceful, but sudden.
>But they surprise you in the best possible way, and hug you right back.

i spent a lot of time dicking around and sleeping, sorry its only one post

>>29416104
That's ok blue thank you for the update

>>29416104
Its cool Blu, praise the happy fucking of three people that survived together.

>>29416104
It's all good Blue. Sleep is important. Especially since it helps keep the creative mind working.

Here's some Vannie noises
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVz8rvIl_vY

>>29417072
Oh that is adorable.

>>29415953
>Anon almost makes it out the door when he remembers that he forgot his book. He makes his way back to the room.
"Hey Moonie. Have you seen my...."
>Anon freezes in his tracks as beholds the wondrous sight. He thinks to himself 'Is she in estrus?'

>>29417072
Soooooo fuzzy!

I will remember that very first day these threads came.

>>29378710
In hindsight, the days actually weren’t too bad.
>Not good by any means, but not bad.
>The first three days went as you expected. Orders were grumbled by some old dude while the young hopefuls moved about in erratic patterns. Your small battalion consisted of you, the private you encountered at the meeting room; Split Shot his name was, and five others. They didn’t do or say much. In fact, they were the primary ones sent to run errands or send scrolls. All you and Split had to do was observe.
>And observe you did. He actually wasn’t as much of downer as you thought. The time that wasn’t spent looking into the distance for “trouble” was taken up by a conversation or two. He’d like to aspire to Grand Library guard status. Good for him. Truth be told though, the only trouble you two received was from the occasional curious eye of a passerby from the nearby town of Ponyville. Even then, the populous seemed to keep to themselves and were a friendly bunch. Weather wasn’t too bad either.
>It was peaceful.
>You remember this fondly as you continue to pick splintered wood and dust from the chinks in your armor in the nearby tent. The barriers, as it turns out, did their job of concealment. The impromptu walls made from scavenged planks and hand-me-down tapestries did a fine job of containing the explosion from the sigil within the area you just so happened to be taking your ten minute break in.
>After the incident, the young, wide eyed, windswept maned scholars scrambled to grab the tossed papers and tombs. The professor merely looked on in discontent while taking a drink from his canteen. Nodding, he began to remake the sigil markings as if this was expected.
>You sigh and re-don the heavy, chilled metal and moved back to your post. Turning the corner of the repaired wall, you spot Split. The light blue colt was currently in conversation with what looked to be a royal messenger. You approach, spear in wing, ready to see what this one wants.

>>29417865
>”I can go get her. Please wait here.” You hear the young colt say as he begins to turn around. Seeing you, he stops and doubles back. “Speak of the devil, here she comes.”
>An entirely white stallion, wearing the same golden armor as the two of you, moves past Shot and up to you. Halting at his approach, you become keenly aware of a letter marked with the royal stamp is hooked on his side. You also take notice of a rather bothersome jabbing of a missed shard of wood in your shoulder. Keeping a straight face the best you can, you bring your hoof up in a salute.
>”Message from the princess for Professor Eastwood.” He states in a stern voice.
>Nodding, you hold out your other wing to take the letter proffered in his mouth.
>With the exchange, he immediately turns and makes back for the city. Hell of a walk. Someone should pull the splinter out of ass too. At ease, Split looks on as the stallion makes his way back.
>”Well, you’d think he could have sent it by magic through one of our communicators.
>You can’t help but slump your shoulder in relief.
“No Shot, these have to be new orders; they’re probably by the princess herself. That’s also why he couldn’t hand them to you to give to the old man.”
>”Oh right…” He seemed down trodden at first before perking up. “So, new orders mean we can leave!”
“You bet your plume! Let’s get this to the professor.”
>And with that, you both turn and head back in to the shambling shell of a makeshift shelter.
>Miraculously, in the time it took to speak with that guard, the students had gotten control of the chaos once more and the old man was nearly halfway done with reworking the sigil. You both approach and interrupt his work.
“Professor Eastwood, Sir! Orders from the castle.”

>>29417868
>You extend the wing with the sealed scroll. He finishes the section he’s working on which takes an uncomfortably long amount of time. His horn dims as he scans the glyph one more time. Finally, he turns and grabs the parchment in his telekinetic grip. He eyes over it for a minute as you and Split wait with anticipation and baited breath.
>A moment passes
>and then another
>and… then he folds it and places it in a pouch hanging from his neck with a “Hrmph”.
>”Alright then,” He began, “gather up the others and ready yourselves. You’re about to meet dignitaries.”
>what
“what?...Err, sir?”
>dignitaries? As in knock off royalty? Really? Here of all places? Before you can question him further, he moves back to the gathering of chattering pupils.
>”Good news everyone! We’ve been given the OK by Celestia to go ahead with the teleportation.
>Small ‘Woos’ and ‘yays’ can be heard from the timid students as they move around with a new sense of purpose and urgency.
>Nerds.
>You return to the professor to inquire more.
“Sir, what exactly will be taking place here?”
>You breaking his train of thought seemed to make him lose that glimmer of happiness in his eye. Returning to his grumbling mannerism, he responds. “Alright listen here, dignitaries from Griffonstone are arriving here shortly to meet with Princess Celestia.”
>You pause and wait for more as he does the same, as if he’s waiting for you to understand.
>”And, for what purpose, would they be coming here. Are you referring to the King?” The private pretty much nails what you were thinking of asking. Exhaling loudly through the corner of his mouth, Eastwood continues with this explanation.
>”No not the king, colt. Ambassador Coppertail and Bishop Moltus are coming here to discuss terms of the redistribution of power from the ill, near late, king to Archduchess Gilda.”
Huh.”
>Is all that comes to you.

>>29417870
>”So be on your best behavior and watch for danger as closely as you watch what you say, yada yada. When they arrive, greet them and take them directly to the castle. Watch for assassination attempts and civilians with sinewy builds who look froggy and want to leap, yada yada. You have the right to use the pointy end of your butter churner, ramble ramble. Failure to bring them safely to their destination will result in probably your heads and maybe a war, words words.” The murky gray coated stallion droned, all the while being punctuated with yawns.
>You’re fairly certain, affirmed by his yawning and bored disposition, he seems more inclined in to using his magic and blowing things up than dealing with governments or plated chaperones.
>”I guess thanks for keeping us updated?” Split questioningly thanked. All you did was nod and shift uncomfortably in your armor, the splinter every making it presence known.
>”Right.” He concluded before trotting over to another table with large books and melted candles. The two of you just look at each and shrug at the same time.
>”Oh, and one more thing.” The professor piped up once more. Alright man, we can’t go home yet, I desperately need to bathe, I might have a mild concussion, and an adventurous wood fragment has dislodged from my side and is now snaking its way down back across my withers from all the readjusting. What now.
>”It also said in that message that you need to cater to their every whim within loose reason, otherwise it’ll look bad on the kingdom as a whole if we aren’t accepting and inviting enough to their liking. Pretty much anything they need or want, tend to it.” You swallow with a dry mouth and droop your ears slightly.
“Anything?”
>”Anything.”

>>29417872
>Become a royal guard they said, get loads of respect from the civilians they said, become a slave pony to anypony with a royal pedigree or stamped parchment they didn’t say. You hear a quiet clink as the splinter nestles between a plate joint and your left thigh, digging in with malicious intent. You glance over the barrier, past the aged teacher, and to ever spanning hill and mountain that supports Canterlot.
“Shit.”

>>29411476
This better not be leading to herd garbage

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>anon gets brave pregnant with foals
>turns into his broodmare
>wants to have all the foals anon could possibly give her

>>29417873
OK, not what I expected. Looking forward to the next update.

And in case anyone forgot like I did. Emerald is a Corporal so she is likely in command of the rest of the guards at the testing site.

>>29418107
Eat shit and die. This is why the writefags are dying.
>Do exactly what I like, and only what I like or else

I might give this writefagging thing a try, anyone got a name for a bat guard that isnt edgy?
>something anon can shorten into a nickname pls
To the anti-bat faggot, theres a legit reason its a bat and not a day guard
they're all busy :^)

>>29418686
How about Crescent Dawn
Or
Aurora Skye

>>29418686
Night Light, Moonshine, Drowsy Drift

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>>29417072
Pet the bat.

hulkster

>>29419187
Sounds like the children of Thestral mothers and pegasus or unicorn fathers.

>>29418686
Blood McDarkedge

>>29419511
>Drowsy Drift
this please it sounds top cute

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>>29418686
Falesha.
She could hate it and anon could call her "filly"

Have an edited image of a cute bat that USE to have excessive piercings.

http://pastebin.com/u4HbciFL

Feather Scarf - Redeemed Edition

>Feather Scarf, who'd previously been looking like she'd nearly burst a vessel; had let out a sharp, calming sigh.
>The Princess, you presumed had a near deadpan expression.
>It was like she didn't expect a green ape to be walking around half naked in her castle, eating spaghetti.
>Everyone was still for a moment, until the tall princess had let out a snort, and burst out laughing.
>Feather Scarf sighed in relief.
>You simply just rolled up a string of spaghetti and started eating.
>After wiping a tear from her eye from all her laughter, she spoke.
>"I presume you are Anonymous?"
"Y-yeah."
>"Welcome to Canterlot."
>Her lips would melt into a smile.
>You just put down your dish and said "Thanks."
>"So, i presume you just arrived in Equestria?"
"Yes."
>"Come, i have many things to ask you, just as much i imagine you would like to ask me."
>She nodded her head, signaling for you to follow. You looked to Feather, she signaled for you to come along.

>>29420924
Holy shit your alive.

>>29420924
"So everyone here is a pony and all of them are special, one way or another?'
>"Quite so."
>She continued to pour the warm earl gray from the antique teapot.
>Feather Scarf was seated next to you. She simply maintained a serious look, not threatening but the equivalent of a poker face for a guard.

>Night was falling, you were starting to get tired. Your discussion with the princess taught you many trades about the land.
>While she explained the society and how the world works and how she raises the sun and her sister raised the moon really juggled your thoughts.
>It was amazing.
>Magic.
>Its usefulness, its appliances, its everyday use.
>Then there was flight, such as Feather Scarf. It was inconceivable how anything other than a bird can fly biologically.
>As she told about the world, you told her about yours. In comparison; your world appeared like a dystopian to theirs.
>Feather Scarf, who'd been seemingly bored before stared in awe at your words, she listened attentively as you described "Cars" and "Computers" and "Phones."
>Most of it seemed like a fantasy, too good to be true. How ever, when it came to history, earth's was filled with war. You described how there was racism and major conflicts caused by religion.
>Celestia simply nodded in wonder. Imaging what earth looked like.
>You were going to describe about television until she politely interrupted you.
>"It's getting quite late, Anonymous. We shall continue this discussion tomorrow, for now i'd like for you to get some rest."

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>>29420924
No... it can't be. You were dead. I saw you die.
I butied you dammit! I wept for you!

How... how can it be?
Is this... real life?

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>>29420924
>a mistake in the first sentence in your pastebin

>>29420839
that is one fluffy nigga
still cuddle, even with shitty piercings/10

>>29418472
Excellent idea Anon. Dispose of the bat and knock up the good guard.

>>29418686
Van Guard

>>29417873
pone gon get gangbanged

>>29421162
Jesus Christ, you're right. This is part of the reason i stopped writing. Should anyone be reading my pastebin be reading this green, feel free to send me a message with my typos.
Just refer to the line number and section of the sentence or word.

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>>29415953
Desperately in need of sauce, compadre...

>>29420994
>"So everyone here is a pony and all of them are special, one way or another?'
>>"Quite so."
So Griffons, Minotaurs, Diamond Dogs, Yakyakistanians and other sentient species don't exist in your universe?

>>29416104

>>29420924
welcome back mate

>>29416928
>>29416942
>>29417050
y-you too
sleep is for the weak anyways, i have ashamed myself for not staying up past 8am

>While you sit there hugging both of them, you realize how much of an emotional bath this has been.
>Which sounds kind of weird.
>You bring your hands out of the water, and big surprise, you have elongated raisins for fingers.
>Taking a deep breath, you try to wipe your face clean.
>-Really, you kind of just replace the tears in your eyes with water.
>And it burns, because you also happened to use the hand that's been holding soap this whole time.
>You can practically feel your eyes dissolving, but you try to keep your cool.
>The room is soundproof, but you don't think the girls would exactly like it if you just started screaming.
>Instead, you kind of just sit there, eyes already tearing up again to fix what you just did.
>It doesn't help.
>But the only thing the two see is red eyes and tears, so they move in and hug you again.
>"It's okay, Anon. You're with us, now."
>They're holding your sides, complete with your arms stuck underneath them.
>So you're practically immobile.
>You keep blinking, but your eyes don't stop sizzling like a damn skillet.
"G-guys."
>Brave stops snuggling and looks up first.
>"Hmmm?"
"I'm not crying."
>She smiles.
>"You don't need to pretend for us. You can if you want."
>Oh god, she just thinks you're trying to be tough.
"No, I mean I'm not crying. My eyes are on fire."
>Vannie slowly moves and looks up at them.
>"-Whoa jeez, they're really red!"
>She moves away first, then Brave follows.
>You instantly throw your face into the water.
>Your nose starts hurting shortly after.

>>29420994

>You nodded, its been a long night since you started speaking with Princess Celestia.
>"Feather Scarf will take you to your room."
"Sure."
>"Oh, and one more thing. She's going to be your personal guard for now."
>She smiled shortly after, her voice as gentle as a mother's touch.
>Feather Scarf shook her bed a bit, coming back into reality after your tales and histories of the world.
>"Yes mam'?"
"Wh-why?"
>"Because it's not only for our safety, but yours as well."
"What do you mean?"
>"I'm sure that at least one person in this city with a dark shadow is lurking and looking for rare creatures, i wouldn't be surprised if they attempted to kidnap or assassinate you."
"Y-you just described everyone here as peaceful race-"
>"Just like your world Anonymous, we have the few rough stones that shape our walls."
>You simply gulped. It was sound logic.
>The idea of being a "one of a kind species" made sense. If there was an alien on earth and people wanted it for various reasons, why not yours in this world?

>The two of you made had seemingly walked for a few minutes, climbing a stairwell and down a hallway.
>"I guess this is a start."
"It sure is."
...
"So, what brought you to the Equestrian Guard?"
>"Lots of reasons, mostly i just wanted to lounge around and relax, standing and guarding for a fair pay."
"Huh, sounds like a job i'd like."
>You chuckle, your poor sense of humor hopes to bridge that gap between her and you, considering you're going to be spending a lot more time around her.

>>29421549
>Rubbing your eyes under the water doesn't seem to help much, and they fucking STING.
>But after a few good minutes of doing this, the pain falters slightly.
>Slightly.
>You come up, blinking wildly.
"Does it still look bad?"
>You turn to Brave, who recoils immediately, like you're some kind of goddamn sea monster.
>...You'll take that as a no.
>Well, the small bit of pain you're not feeling allows you to ignore it somewhat, so you quickly grab the scrubby again while continuing your rapid blinking exercises.
>With no warning, you glob some more soap and start washing Vannie again.
>She jumps a bit, then relaxes and lets you do your thing.
>You gently clean around her wing, then speedrun everything else.
>It's super effective.
>Though it's just a bit faster this time around, probably because of the searing pain in your eyes.
>"Uh, Anon... that does look really bad. I think you should see a doctor or something."
"Hell no. I'm getting clean, getting dressed, and passing out in my bed. No broken nose or acidic soap is going to stop me."
>She bites her lip and nods.
>With your luck so far, you wouldn't be surprised if you slipped on the damn bathroom floor the second you got out.
>-You speed-clean her hooves and everything, so all that's left is her wings and the danger zone.
>And though, now thinking about it, you're kind of wondering whether you should help them out with that.
>You mean, it's still part of them.
>Still needs cleaning, ya know.
>But you're just now realizing that you've got nothing around here that they could do it themselves with.
>Vannie spreads her good wing out, and you hold it while lightly scrubbing.
>It's surprisingly not as leathery-feeling as you thought it would be.
>It's just soft.
>Like, the bony parts are solid, but skin-or whatever- around it is squishy.
>The actual skin part feels, well, like skin.
>But skin from someone who uses lots and lots of lotion.
>It's all just super soft.
>Like silk or something.

>>29421547
No, i never really neglected them. It's just that we're speaking in the sense of "Equestria" as a country, which is primarily ponies.

In hindsight; how does this post look? I feel like it's too inconsistent with the mood/setting. I want to go on and on about details of how the place looks and politics, but i don't want it to differ too much. I don't want drive it in to a "what the fuck is up with this place."
Character interactions are hard for me. They way i imagine i look writing this story is like a child playing with two dolls saying "Now Kiiiiiiss"

I'm planning on making this a much longer writing describing a lot more on location, and what anon is feeling rather than dialogue between the two.

>>29421549
Thanks, i appreciate it. Good writing, i'll be sure to read it up some time when i have the time.

>>29421601
>child playing with two dolls
it's alright. a little rushed but not too bad

>>29421566
See if brave will wash the backside as you wash the front.

>"e-easy brave"
>"n-not so f-fast and hard"~

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>>29421566
>silky soft, velvety bat wings
Niiiice.

Also how does he manage to completely fuck things up time after time?

tfw been watching Initial D lately and want to write a green about Anon drifting in a car while a poner sits in the side seat, shooting at some gang poners.

>>29421974
Multi-horse drifting?!

>>29411476
"So... Moonie?"
>You whisper, not intending to wake her up if she's drifted off.
>"Yeah."
>She's nearly coiled underneath your arm.
>If she was a cat, you suspect she'd be purring.
"You feeling alright?"
>She pauses.
>"I've sobered up a bit. Sleepy, though."
>Okay.
>So she's being that way.
"I don't want to pry. But, some stuff you were saying at Mel's? Careful and I, we're concerned. If you want talk..."

>Suddenly and unexpectedly, she wriggles out of your grasp, moving to the far side of the bed.
>"I was drunk. I don't remember what I said. I'm fine."
>You reach for her shoulder, but she shifts uncomfortably under your touch.
>You retract your hand.
>"Let's just go to sleep. Forget all about this by morning."
"... yeah. Okay."

>You rest your head, but something nags at your conscience.
>You know you won't forgive yourself if you don't just say something.
>Anything.
"Careful and I, right. You're kind of our only friend. We want you to be safe and happy. Tonight, all the time. If something's ever wrong, you can tell us. That's all."
>"Thank you, Anon," she says, impatiently. "Good night."
>"Night."

>Hours later, or minutes later - you can't tell - you're stirred awake.
>Moondancer's moving - heaving - unnaturally, her face pressed hard into the bed and pillows.
>If she wasn't a horse, you'd think she's sick, about to vomit or something.
>It can't be that, but, still, you're alarmed.
"Moon-?"
>She barrels into your grasp, knocking the wind out of you.
>She's crying.
>Hard.
>"I don't understand," she gets out between sobs.
>You take her in your arms, make some reflexive assurance...
>No good.
>"I don't understand..."
"I know."
>You don't, but you need to say something.
>She seems to respond to this.
>... or, at least, she's content not to try to talk anymore.
"I know."
>She cries into your thermals in the darkness of the room in back of the shop.

>>29422550
Aww the poor pone. Cuddle her and rub her ears gently.

>>29422550
Aw, Moonie. *Hugs*

>>29421564
The story had kept my attention so far. Please continue.

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>>29418472
>just brave
>not brave and vannie

I worry about you sometimes, Anon

>>29422550
This is hurtful to me.

>>29417873
Reading back on this, I realize how long it's been since I've done any actual writing. I've noticed multiple instances of weird syntax or wording and even story telling. Jeez. What pace does this need to take? Any constructive criticism would be welcomed before I move forward.

>>29423178
No. Just Brave. The bat does not deserve love, affection or sexual gratification. It can guard the door or something while Anon ruts a proper mare

>>29423178
Its just the anti fluffy bat guy, just ignore him.

>>29423385
Ignore who? I don't see anything. :P

>>29423216
Me too. What happened? I must go back a few updates and read again. Our dear sad Moonie. :'(

>>29423365
your determination is inspiring

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>>29420924
motherfucker I grieved for you, how can you be back? writefags never come back

>>29423327
I've been lurking for a while and I only recently started posting. I get the sense that greentext can be used as an open place to get the story out of your head with its imperfections and all. Get feedback and then polish the story in pastebin or elsewhere. This also allows Anons like myself to get our quick fixes of "green" within the stories we've become invested in while keeping in mind that there will be flaws. This is how I approach it at least. I don't expect perfection and I am often happily surprised; especially when I get kicked in the feels (I'm looking at you Blue. And don't think I don't see you coming Catalog and Sectopod.)

I think the pacing feels slower than it is because of the nature of greentext. Would it still feel slow if this were a completed story? Having said that I think the current pace is allowing a rich world to come into view. Could the pacing be picked up? Probably but I wouldn't want to compromise world building and character development, IMHO. I'm liking it so far and you've surprised me once already. Keep it up.

I find that each of the on-goings satisfies a different craving for me. I am enjoying them very much. Keep up the good work Writers. I look forward to your updates.

>>29422550
I know where this is going

http://ponyquarantine.tumblr.com/image/156919100820

>>29423365
didnt you say you were OK with vannie like maybe 3 or 4 threads ago?

i distinctly remember that happened once. maybe it was a different anti-bat fag.

>>29424323
FOUND IT.
>>28779133
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/28777269/#q28779133
eleven threads ago.

>>29424375
Nice work, gumshoe autist

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>>29418686
>To the anti-bat faggot
>The
>There is only one person who doesn't like what I like.
Must we have this fucking argument every thread?

>But there's a reason
I'm sure >>29419605 had a good reason too.

>>29423550
Ok, I think I know but can't be absolutely sure unless Moonie speaks up. Give her some cuddlin' comfort Anon. I'm thinking that's what she needs the most right now.

hulkster...

pilking

>>29424375
You are a credit to the guard.

>>29424212
Means a lot famalam. I'll take it into consideration going forward. Thanks.

Update coming tonight maybe?

>>29424420
>>There is only one person who doesn't like what I like.
No, but very few are stupid enough to stick around for months complaining about the same character over and over again, despite it being part of one of the stories that keep these threads alive.
So yeah, it's -the- anti bat fag. And it's fucking obvious because his posts look the same every time.

>>29425769
Actually I am convinced its one of the faggot posters trying to stir shit up, my guess is he is mad a cute little bat mad him question his dick lust. But that's just my guess.

>>29425094
My pleasure! I look forward to reading it when it's ready.

>>29425769
Why would you respond? We were doing so well too.

>>29426344
Because not every piece of discerning opinion is shitposting.

>>29421566
>In a short time you finish her good wing, and kind of just stare at her broken one.
>She quickly notices.
>"Oh don't worry about that one, it was already cleaned by the hospital ponies."
>Okay, good.
>Just lightly touching her wing earlier seemed like it hurt, you wouldn't want to be stuck cleaning it and make it a hundred times worse.
>But if that's the case, then there's only one spot left.
>You slowly nod.
"Sooo then..."
>With those mind reading powers you've seen plenty of, she sees how uncomfortable you look and quickly puts the pieces together.
>And naturally, a tint of red comes right along with it.
>"...What?"
>Brave peeks her head into your view, keen on understanding the situation you and Vannie brought up telepathically.
>You rub the back of your head.
"Weeell, I've finished helping you guys wash everything. ALMOST everything."
>She doesn't seem to get it.
"The danger zone."
>...Nothing.
>My god, this pony.
"Your, you know, the backside."
>You kind of motion around with your hand.
>And finally, she understands.
>"O-oh."
>You nod.
"I mean, if you both aren't okay with it, then that's fine, I won't push it further or anything."
>And with the scrubby thing you got, you're not sure if them just doing it themselves is an option.
>Without being a unicorn, you'd imagine that putting this in your mouth would be pretty damn terrible.
>You did see some bathing things that were for Earth ponies and Pegasi, but obviously at that time you weren't expecting to have this kind of company.
>...Or even be back in your castle room, for that matter.

>>29426622
>-Speaking of, now you're curious as to when you're going to get the hell out of here.
>Though, Celestia and Luna aren't as involved with you as they were last time, so you're wondering if you even should.
>Sure, that's your house in Ponyville, but living in the castle is pretty great, for obvious reasons.
>You only left like a rebellious teenager the last time, because the Princesses were practically treating you like one.
>Man, those were some weird times.
>"Just... j-just be gentle, alright?"
>-Huh, what?
>-Wait, WHAT.
>You blink a few bit of times, which you notice actually helps the pain in your damn eyes this time around.
>That, or there's nothing left to burn, and you're slowly going blind.
"-Oh, uh, okay. Y-yeah."
>Vannie slowly turns around, backside facing you.
>Though her tail's in the way, so it's not quite a rated X film yet.
>Brave moves beside her and does the same.
>You're not sure why she's already doing so now, but you're not complaining.
"If uh, if you guys feel uncomfortable at all or anything, just tell me, alright?"
>They both lightly nod.
>...And for some reason, this view is oddly familiar to you.
>Maybe something from a dream you've had.
>But instead, you know, it's REAL.
>-Okay, okay, nothing to fuss over.
>It's just cleaning, no biggie.
>...N-no biggie.
>You put another glob of soap on your scrubby.
"Alright Vannie, just let me know..."
>She nods again.
>You lightly push her tail away with your fingers and start washing before getting a peek.
>You scrub slowly and gently, because you know she's obviously more sensitive in that spot.
>Going around in circles, you kind of look away as you do.
>It's more for them, really.
>When they're comfortable with it, you can be, too.
>Thirty seconds are counted down, then you figure that it's good enough of a clean.

VELVET SHELL OH YES

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>>29426656
>>Vannie slowly turns around, backside facing you.
>>Though her tail's in the way, so it's not quite a rated X film yet.
>>Brave moves beside her and does the same.
F-FUG

HAPPENING

>>29426656
yes, Yes, YESSSSSS!

>>29427263
'N grind.

Sorry, couldn't help it. I'll go stand in the corner now.

>>29427701
>brave and vannie get intimately comfortable with each other
>go to dance party
"let me show you the dance of my people"
>all the pones are horrified and flustered

>>29427713
fucking tits, i meant with anon. ah well, itd be great to see regardless

>>29426656
>velvet shell
Rainbow six siege

>>29427919
>Mane bow six
An elite guard mare unit tasked with shutting down illegal activities
Like booping clubs
Or snuggling scervices
Or faggot shitposters

>>29426656
Honestly, Mira is really fun to play. Just plop a window down in a room and watch the enemy as they instantly freeze when they see the other side.

>>29422550
>...
>"Other ponies don't like me," she finally manages to explain. "Just a p-pattern in my life. I don't know why."
>You stroke her mane and let her talk.
>"I opened this shop and got no business. I didn't mind, because I thought, for once, nopony hated me. That I wasn't of any mind to them. Then I figure out it's just these... these CUNTS."
>She picks up something in the dark of the room and hurls it against the wall with her magic.
>Whatever it is, it shatters.
>"They needed to protest something and ruin lives, and, oh, there's the public flogging-pony, Moondancer..."

>"Moonie?"
>It's Careful, just inside the door of the back room.
>You never noticed it open.
>"Oh. C-Careful. Hi."
>Careful trots over.
>She's not in her armor.
>Safe must still be on shift. It's the only reason you can think of that Careful would ditch the uniform while on-duty.
>"I'm sorry. Couldn't help overhearin'. Then there was the noise."
>She gestures to the wall where Moondancer threw the... it looks like a vase.
>"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to wake you," explains Moondancer.
>"No worries. I sleep light on duty. And Safe, she'll come down from the rafters, eventually."
>"Oh my..."

>"So. There room left in there?"
>Before you or Moondancer can answer, Careful's crawling under the sheets, making a sandwich with Moonie as the filling.
>It's just roomy enough for the three of you to lie comfortably.
>"Listen, Moonie. This place'll be booming once those MILFs are gone. They've used legal loopholes to bully ponies too long. The whole RG is tired of them. They're getting disbanded first misstep they make."
>"Provided they make one..."
>"We love ya. Everypony'll love ya. And don't count on those mares keeping it clean much longer. I think they'll slip up soon.
>She smiles.

>Moonie doesn't manage to smile back, but she's calmed down.
>"I... thank you both. I'm really tired. Can we just...?"
>"Yeah," you and Careful agree.
>You pull them both close, close your eyes, and slowly doze off.

>>29428185
CUDDLE PILE

>>29428185
hnnnrg
A nice "C.A.M" sandwich is EXACTLY what Moonie needs. Well, it's a AMC sandwich but CAM just sounds better.

>>29427983
Hmmm. I don't know. Sounds like something the MILFs would employ. I'm not against the anti-shitposter part though.

>>29428300
Then again different story and my snuggling services are free.

>>29428185
Warms the hart.

>she'll come down from the rafters, eventually
Another bat? I didn't realize. EXCELLENT!

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>>29428407
She's a pegasus, senpai.

>>29426656
>...And for some reason, this view is oddly familiar to you.
>Maybe something from a dream you've had.
>But instead, you know, it's REAL.
Ah yes, the bar incident, those were good times

>>29429204
Ah, you beat me to it Anon. There's a drawing of it too but I'm on mobile and my mobile is dumb.

Cute

>>29428185
Hnnng, cuddle pile best pile. And they are both in prime Grabber distance when the MILFS start throwing Molotov's

>>29429569
Found it on derpibooru.
https://derpibooru.org/1339491

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boop

FS here, will write soon today. Strap on your helmets, I've got some action flick shit ideas going on.

canoe/

>>29430979
Bring it.

>>29430304
there's also http://imgur.com/a/jhGCh

>>29426656

>>29428016
just gotta get 36000 more renown in 4 days
woo

>Up next is Brave, then you gotta shampoo those tails.
>You move the scrubby away, and notice that she keeps looking back nervously.
>She seems just as nervous as Vannie here.
"You ready? I'll try to make it quick."
>She bites her lip, then slowly nods and faces forward.
>...Whelp, here goes nothi- WHOA JEEZ.
>That flick just gave you a full view of everything.
>Not what you were trying to see, but your mind took a shit ton of pictures in that split second.
>Fluffy AND puffy...
>-Calm down Jr, don't make a scene here.
>You try to shake your head clear, then slowly inch a hand over and start the scrubbing.
>She lets out a very tiny gasp when you do so.
>Turning away, you count another thirty seconds, then you're done.
>-With just the first half.
"Alrighty, now I'll start on your tails. Sound good?"
>You can't see their faces, but you can still spot those red cheeks on Brave's face.
>They nod.
"Alright, like I said, tell me if you feel uncomfortable."
>You place the scrubby on the edge of the tub, then get two heaps of soap on your hands.
>After a quick breath, you start to lather them up, before you feel a bit of their tails that, well, isn't their tails.
>It's that little part that lets them move it around and everything.
>The dock, you believe it was called.
>...You may have read up a few books on pony anatomy here.
>It only makes sense.
>How else would you learn horse terminology?
>Well, with the soap in, you try to work both hands and clean the rest of it.
>With one on each side, it's kind of difficult.
>Their tails are kind of just hanging, as opposed to being on them, like their manes.
>But still, you run your fingers through, cleaning and straightening things out to the best of your ability.
>You quickly notice how much longer Brave's tail is than Vannie's.
>Without that tie thing from her armor, it's just reaching all the way to the floor of the tub.
>It's pretty damn long.

>>29421564

>She smiled, giving a short giggle.
>Now that you've come to it. These ponies aren't so rough after all.
>They live like a parallel to earth, maybe a few centuries mixed around; but that doesn't stop you from interacting with them.
>You simply smiled back.
"So, what do you do when you're off duty?" you asked, as the two of you continued walking to your chambers.
>"Hm, Well i guess baking is something i like to do. It's just fun to do."
"Baking? Nice."
>Finally, you arrived at your doors. It was about a five minute or so walk from the conference room that you spoke with Celestia.
>Feather Scarf pushed open the two large doors to your room. "Here ya' are!"
>The room was huge. Like. Really. Huge.
"Wow."
>Her face turned into a smirk.
>"Yep."
>You walked in, looking around...
>The room had a fine grained carpet with a purple base and a gold design that weaved through the middle, The walls matching the purple with a similar shade and a base board that was white.
>In the middle of the room was a king sized bed, It looked at least five times the size of any other ponies average bed, or that's what you at least assumed.
>To the right of the bed was a balcony with large window doors and silky curtains.
>"Hope you enjoy!"
"Y-yeah."
>It was astounding, the architecture was wonderful and the colors were amazing.
>"Alright then!"
>"I'll be outside if you need me!"
"Kay'."
>She turned around and started to exit the room.
"Wait."
>The mare turned to look at you.
>"Yes?"
"Thanks for the hospitality, i really appreciate it."
>Only her lower lips moved, they melted into a smile.
>"Anytime, Anon."
>You swear she almost threw a wink.

>After taking off your clothes and you climbed into bed, It was pretty comfy. You just yawned and started to fall asleep...

>>29432088
>>"Hope you enjoy!"
"Y-you too."

>>29432088

>*Scrtch*.... *Scrtch*.... *Scrtch*....
>Hm?
>What?
>What's that noise?
>*Scrtch*.... *Scrtch*.... *Scrtch*....
>Where's that coming from?...
>Your consciousness, or rather your unconsciousness was in a dark state.
>Suddenly, a flame appeared in front of your eyes.
>A little screech sounded a distance away.
>...
>There!
>In the corner of your eye! There was something!
>*Tss.*Tss.*Tss.*
>Another scratch is heard from your opposite side, just as quickly as you saw it the first time, it disappeared again.
>This time you could make something of it. It was colored black like the limbo of darkness, you quickly moved one of your legs back.
>Who's there?!
>Nothing answered...
>And then a trampling sound of leather being dropped was trampling its way towards you.
>The figure!
>Its teeth were huge! Its shape was inconsistent!
>It's mouth seemed to grow larger as it leaped at you! The teeth were massive!
>It was going to consume you! The figure constantly shaping in and out of your perceived reality phasing in and out!
>You couldn't stop it!
>You tried to scream, the sound came out but your chest was heavy. Only you could hear it.
>Help! HELP!

>Suddenly, a bashful noise came through. You woke up from your abyss and only saw the light from the outside of your illuminate the room.
>A single silhouette was seen, it wore the Royal Equestrian guard armor.
>"What's going on?!" a strong voice, which you could only assume was Feather Scarfs, had filled the room.

>>29432155
>inb4 she cuddles with anon to guard him in his sleep

>>29431968
YOUR ALREADY IN THE BATH, MAKE THEM CUM BUCKETS AND EMPTY YOUR BALLS IN THEM ALREADY, YOU CAN WASH IT OFF LATER, BREED THEM!

>>29432323
>>29432298
Why the double post?

>>29432155
>Suddenly, a bashful noise came through
That's not what "bashful" means. Very far from it, actually.

>>29432398
Fair enough.

>>29432155
>You tossed and turned, side to side. You spotted nothing in the room.
>Yet when you looked left, toward the balcony, a seemingly black sheet pulled away. Though it only seemed to be nothing more than a shadow.
>Your heart was racing, your mouth open, panting and your forehead wet with cold sweat.
"N-nothing."
>She trotted towards you, to the left of you where she now stood in between your vision and the balcony.
>"You alright Anon?"
"I-i'm fine. Just a nightmare, that's all."
>She looked you up and down.
>"That was more than "Just a nightmare.""
"I'm sur-"
>*Scrtch*....
>You instantly inhaled your eyes darting everywhere.
>"Anon?"
>"Are you sure you're o-"
>*THRASH!* A figure collapsed over Feather Scarf, the same one from your dream.
>"AAAH!"
>The monster was swinging its large claws against Feather Scarf, it clanged against her helmet and smacked against her chest-plate.
>Feather Scarf covered her face and tried to use her rear hooves to kick the monster, which had the appearance of a bid-pedal wolf, but had the shape of a lion and a constant change of shape, it never stayed the same.
>It swung again at Feather.
>"Ngh!
>she screamed.
"OH FUCK NO!"
>Adrenaline spiked through your head, it was filled with energy. Anger melted into your veins.
"GET THE FUCK OFF!"
>Your legs. They moved on their own had raised from its laying down form into a squat, they seemingly launched you forward.
>Your anger ran through you like a hot knife through butter.
>Your arm moved back, then it was thrown forward. It, being combined with you jump had smashed the monster's muzzle.
>The punch stung its now malformed blackish nose.
>It growled. It didn't matter, the fuel that ran through you made you cling around it's torso. Soon you were throwing a fit of punches into its ribs.
>Suddenly, a stung sank in your shoulder.
>The form had reacted with a bite to your upper arm. Gnarling, it clung to you.
>After another punch, you dropped an elbow on to its muzzle, It growled.

Mind if we just delete the posts and pretend it never happened? I'm fucking retarded and i can't think straight today.

I'll be sure to correct it in the paste bin edition.

>>29431968
hhhnggg

>>29432418

>Soon after your rage filled strikes, the misshaped figure would burst in a flash of anger.
>It'd send you flying outwards off of it.
>And as just as quickly when it sent a shock-wave, it scattered away.
>The physics defying thing climbed invisible stairs through the air off the balcony.
>"A-Anon!"
>Looking down, you could see Feather winced in pain. Her helmet was a bit scratched with a small dent in the side.
"Feather! Are you okay?"
>Just then a group of guards filled the room, each branding a spear, looking for a target.
>"What's the commotion?!" a standard white coated guard asked.
"There was an attack!"
>They all searched the room, looking under the bed, scanning the walls and checked the balcony.
>Feather Scarf struggled to get up, you decided to give her a hand and help her up.
"Christ, i'm so sorry."
>"S-sorry?"
"I wish i could have gotten' him off you faster."
>She chuckled, despite being in a bit of pain.
>"You idiot, i'm supposed to be protecting you. Not the other way around. You saved me."
>A warm smile on her face lightly lit up.
>"Thanks."


(Critique please. I feel like this is shit, and i should just stop.)

>>29433194
Good work, though it was annoying waiting so long for the last portion and getting three rewrites of the same scene. Will read more though.

>>29433211
Sorry, i know. It's just that I have been busy lately, but on the weekends i can guarantee i'll do long write sprees, or better yet just write it all down then critique it over. That way i can drop 3-5 posts and write more.

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booty bump

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>>29433194
As said before, good concept but poor execution. This tier of grammar would be something I expect from a middle schooler. That's not an insult, just an observation. No one actively wants you to stop, and there's probably at least a few people reading. Keep going if you want to.

>>29433916
they look fat

>>29434309
Yup. They look obese, you're not wrong. The thing is, though, the artfag who drew that did it for free and for this thread. It's not bad art either. So, y'know, deal with it.

>>29434280
Yeah, that's what I feel. I should probably contemplate better pitches.

I'll tell ya' h'wat. I'll fuck off for now, and come back with something genuinely good. Then you can actually enjoy the reading.

Not retconning, just going to refine this shit.

>>29433916
Mmmmm those birthing hips.

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>>29433194
>I feel like this is shit, and i should just stop.
Yeah, but if you stop now, you'll never get any better.

>>29434418
Well-designed armor offering real protection.
U-unf

>>29434318
>le deal with it
>any criticism is bad criticism

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>>29434544
Not him, but you're the only one being autistic here. He said they look fat, they do, because accurate horse butt is toned, horses have very little fat around their legs. Yes, while I get making them chubby/fat was the idea, that doesn't change the fact that they are fat, and a little on the 'too much' side of it too.

People like you are why some drawfags turn into rampant attention whoring faggots who can't take a lick of criticism because you're too much of a pussy to point out problems in a misguided effort to spare their feewings.

Pic very fucking related.

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>>29434662
Constructive criticism is good, it helps the artfag improve. Except there is a time and place for it. If you're commissioning a piece that you're paying money for, sure, go ahead. Criticize it however you want. If a guy makes a piece and asks 'How can I improve this?', go ahead and criticize it. But when he, on his own free and with his own skills, makes a piece for you just because he can, you shouldn't do that shit.

>He said they look fat, they do, because accurate horse butt is toned, horses have very little fat around their legs. Yes, while I get making them chubby/fat was the idea, that doesn't change the fact that they are fat, and a little on the 'too much' side of it too.
Yes, you tard. I admitted in the first reply to the other guy that they do look fat.

> you're too much of a pussy to point out problems in a misguided effort to spare their feewings
Holy hell, you are retarded.
>I feel like I can be an asshole to content creators (FREE CONTENT) because their work isn't good enough for me

>>29434881
>you shouldn't do that shit.
Why not?

>>29434881
I think it's time for you to go back to tumblr, buddy.

>>29434881
Art in any form is meant to be constructively criticized, no matter how/when/why it was created
If it isn't, then the artist won't learn and grow to make better art. Even if it is just lewd horses

>>29434935
Let me try to explain with a eulogy

>Guy hands you a sculpture 10x better then anything you yourself could make
>He tells you it took him over six hours to make, and he really tried.
>It's a very decent sculpture, too.
>You take one glance at it
>"Eugh, they're too fat"

>>29434949
>letumblr xdddd go back to tumblr xdddd
Run out of arguments there, bud?

>>29434954
>Art in any form is meant to be constructively criticized
>If it isn't, then the artist won't learn and grow to make better art
Once again, constructive criticism is good. However there is a time and place.

>>29434961
You still haven't said why, and the word you're looking for is analogy, not eulogy.

Eulogy is something else entirely.

>>29434965
>You still haven't said why
I have said in plain, open English why multiple times. Constructive criticism is good. However there is a time and place.

>and the word you're looking for is analogy, not eulogy. Eulogy is something else entirely.
Okay.

>>29434961
>>Guy hands you a sculpture 10x better then anything you yourself could make
>this means you shouldn't tell him the nose is crooked or the hands look fucked
>>>/tumblr/

>>29434975
No, that's not a reason, that's an opinion, and your opinion is shit.

>>29434961
Okay pal, this is 4chan. You post anything creative here, expect it to get ripped to shreds. In fact, that should be the BASE expectation of doing anything here whatsoever.

If you can't deal with it then Reddit is a google search away.

>>29434991
>You post anything creative here, expect it to get ripped to shreds
And you still keep complaining about writefags disappearing.

>>29434961
Your analogy is lacking a bit. You don't have to be well versed in the medium itself to criticize it, that's a common misconception.
I'm all for an artist putting their best effort in, but if you DON'T tell them what could be improved, or if there's something wrong with it. All that anon said was that the mares looked fat, which they do, and which is the point of the piece itself. It's a stupid little thing, and it's not as if the artist was going for total realism, the point was that they got that booty and they can't fit through the door.

All that anon said was that they look fat, you're the one that went off and told them to deal with it for absolutely no reason and it became an argument about criticism. No matter when the time is, art should be criticized. That's like 50% of the art process, whether it be literature, sculpting, or drawing. Nobody gets better without being told what's wrong and how to fix it, and they shouldn't be spared that to sugar coat or soften the blow.

Which doesn't matter in this context because it wasn't a critique of the piece in the first place, just an offhand comment

How the fuck is the bat even able to fly like that? I thought winged horses were supposed to be lithe to be able to accommodate for lifting themselves

>>29435001
If a writefag disappears because he was given honest critique, he shouldn't be writing, and I say that as a writefag.

>>29435004
The answer's quite simple.

She doesn't.

>>29435001
Fuck off you codling shitbag, you are why we cant have nice things.

>>29435004
>How the fuck is the bat even able to fly like that? I thought winged horses were supposed to be lithe to be able to accommodate for lifting themselves
Hollow bones, PHAT HIPS.

>>29435004
Phat hips that are mostly fluff. But that's just my guess.

Would it be a bad idea to post a piece of music with the next update as a sort of soundtrack?
I've done it before but I felt like it detracted from the reader's experience in a way

>>29417873
>They wasted no time in preparing as you took Split to gather the other guards to inform them of the new orders. They were pensive, but ready. You felt about the same. You hadn’t exactly thought for one that they’d actually get the sigil working so quickly, nor two that what was essentially the voice of another nation would be within your vicinity. Celestia and Luna you didn’t have too many issues being around, as their presence was comforting in a way.
>But this was different. This was going to be you watching over posh, collected, and powerful beings that already have a tentative relationship with the matriarchy here. What if they didn’t like how you treat them? What if something happens? It all falls on your shoulders. What if…
>No, not now. Just relax. You’re just making this seem like a bigger deal than it is. Just think of them as peasants; simple and polite peasants.
>Two of the other guards take to the skies to be on the lookout. Another pair go to scout the path ahead. You take Shot and the last one to gather around the glyph.
>Yeah, no problem really. It’s a straight shot, clear-ish day, and your small band of soldiers following commands. Even the splinter has fallen quiet, but not out. All in all, everything will be fine.
>The professor goes about preparing the circle by tossing what looks like sand and stone on the archaic white writing. Some of it could be made out as a language, though probably a dialect that has since waned in use. After the rune is “complete”, he begins telling and helping the students in taking down the wooden barricades and stacking them in a neat pile. A half hour passes before it seems everything is ready for the teleportation.
>”Alright then, good work everyone!” Another collective cacophony of half-hearted cheers could be heard from the timid crowd. You weren’t sure if they were always this reserved or if it was how tired everypony looked. They appeared nearly as disheveled as you. Almost.

>>29435170
>Seeing them reminded how you must look and smell from the days of standing out here and how good it will feel come mid tomorrow when your next leave is due. Yeah, that’ll be nice. Laying down and drying off next to a nice warm hearth. Feeling the fire dance across your coat, coaxing the dampness away to allow pure fluffiness to flourish. Ah. You can almost feel it now.
>”Come on now, this isn’t a campfire! Put your horns into it! Hey you, light that side!” The gravelly voice of the umbra furred teacher yells, cutting through your zoning out.
>Zoning back, you realize you’ve been starring at the nimbus mountains tumbling in the distance, sunlight cutting the opaque grey sea of a sky. You can truly feel the fire, as you notice they have lit the stack of wood they piled up into a pyre of knowledge.
“W-wha..!” You make out, before glancing around that everything is still normal and this isn’t a crazy dreamscape.
>The pegasi above are also looking at the blaze in bewilderment. Before you can say anything, three of the universities party, Eastwood included, are now channeling the fire from the inferno in a serpent like pattern. The fire coalesces into a more snake like form as it makes its way slowly from the foot of the pyre to the sigil circle. It catches the script and quickly traces along the perimeter then the letters within. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think this was some twisted ritual to bring forth a being from Tartarus. Good thing you know better, right? At least there’s no chanting. THEN you’d know better for sure.
>Split and you look on as the pile of tinder is reduced to a mere mound of mud while the glyph burns bright. The three unicorn take positon across one another around the circle. Please no chanting. Their horns glow brilliant hues of different colors as it looks like they themselves are about to teleport. Though they stay in their positions.

>>29435179
>”Careful now, focus on the location then the destination! Location to destination!” Eastwood calls as the strain of the intense magic creeps onto the pained expressions of the students. Next time, you’ll go to the movies if you want to watch people summon Cerberus for some occult reason.
>The wishing and whirring of wind is complemented nicely by the now few and far between cracks and pops of lightning around the sigil. Dust is kicked into the air as the arcane display reaches an apex. You cover your face with your fore hoof to avoid the whipping whirlwinds and the inevitable explosion.
>Soon after, a familiar blast is felt in your core and heard in your still ringing ears. You suppose you’re lucky this time you’re not showered in wood and tapestry. When you deem it ok to lower your hoof, you blink a few times to clear the shell shock. Once you can see again, you’re astonished at the sight.
>A larger than normal carriage is standing where the rune once was. It resembles a Manehatten taxi, only less yellow and more grandiose. Fine metal and wood wheels hold aloft a glorious brass and steel platform and enclosure. A large swooping canopy top leads to two lanterns held at each corner. The front has a pair of ornate hooked hoops with four harnesses in the center, two of which are already being worn by, and you never thought you’d say or even see it, heavily clad griffons.
>Six other griffon guards flank the sides of the carriage, armored identically to the pullers. The metal obscured their facial details but instead showed off the polished spears, sheathed swords, and talon blades. It was daunting. All the confidence leading up to this moment nearly dissipated. It would have diminished completely, were it without the sight of the two being carried in the moving fortress.

>>29435184
>An all-white robed griffin with a brown tint to his near all gray feather scheme sat on the left, looking as if the task of breathing would make his withered lounges pop. You also couldn’t tell if he was slumped in his masterfully tailored throne of a seat or if in his age he might have more than a few disintegrated bones. The other griffon, wearing red and gold leather armor, accented by the Griffonstone crest emblazoned across the front. A kettle helm was being held behind him by a long grey tail with… copperish feathers at the end?
>No, that’s maroon you idiot.
>The artist in you takes you out of the moment briefly by the OCD and annoyance of hearing his name of “Coppertail” and it being obviously being MAROON. Jeez.
>Tracing the figure for more discrepancies, you’re met by piercing yellow eyes staring back at you, though not cut in anger; in intrigue. A gentle smile is on his weathered ivory feathered face. You feel frozen, but not in fear. What stops you is more the feeling of perpetual uncertainty. Something about him is similar but different. What is it? Moreover, that smile and expression…
>It’s disarming and kind but determined. This is what unnerves you the most.

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>>29433194
It's a little hard identifying your posts. I wish you would namefag or post images or something.

So far it's going ok. Could use a little more detail about the characters things like how they are standing or facial expressions or maybe a quick sentience or two or three from the other characters point of view. Could help pad it out a little. Maybe help with it feeling a little rushed.

Sut I'm still enjoying it. sure your no Bill Shakespeare or somethen'. But still entertaining, and I would like more.

Pic not related

>>29435160
Absolutely not. Work within the medium - part of what writing a story on a chinese cartoon imageboard allows you to do, is to attach music and pictures to it.
Just don't be surprised if you get called out on shit taste.

>>29434328
Fuck man don't give up already. Sure the grammar is not the best. Don't let it get you down. I would rather read something I like with bad grammar than immaculate crap.

>>29435644
Am curious, was this a joke on purpose, or was it copy pasted?

>>29435644
>In all my years I have never done or made anything worthy of a copypasta before.

I feel so honored.

Man, I just bumped with a picture, I didn't expect walls of text over it. And why is a namefag using said name for an opinion?

>>29435792
Same reason you claim to have posted that (shit) picture - you thinkn you're important.

>>29434418
>>29434438
>real protection
wings

>>29435190
nicely done man I'm liking it so far, keep it up

>>29435643
Agreed. I'm diggin' the story. Needs some polish but I liked it so far.

>>29433194
Just echoing a couple of the other Anons. Don't stop otherwise you'll never improved. Personally, I don't expect perfection. All I want is a good story that'll sooth the feels every now and again. (Ok, and maybe punch the feels too.)

Have you heard of Grammarly? It's a free Grammer Checker.
https://www.grammarly.com/

arctic

>>29436915
Subtropic?

>>29435190
Well alright. I was missing me some Emerald. Thanks.

>>29431877
*snicker* yeah, that's a good one too.

Hey Secto, I know what Sandstone said about his former rider but a thought just occurred to me. Perhaps he didn't want his friend to go through what he went through and that's the real reason he didn't.....

>>29433194

>You felt a littler remorse for the little mare, who'd been just overpowered ago by a monster a moment ago.
>Your empathy translated into physical reality and caused you to pick her up from the floor and hug her.
>"D'aww." she said, comforted by the mild limbs of your body.
>She nuzzled into your neck. The warm muzzle comforting your prior anxiety.
>The two of you break the hug, staring back at each other.
>"I'm glad you-"
>You could feel a warm liquid trickle down your arm, it was the bite from the previous engagement.
>"A-anon?"
"O-oh. Wow."
>You grit your teeth as the adrenaline wore off.
>The guards continued to move around the room, Celestia had at last arrived.
>"Is everyone alright?" She carried a troubled expression.
"For now, yes."
>Celestia rushed over to the two of you.
>Feather Scarf's armor was a bit battered and scarred, while your arm had a stinging bite. You'd estimate that the teeth were probably more than half an inch long.
>Celestia glanced at you, then Feather and looked towards everyone else.
>"Get them medical treatment, Search the courtyard. I want teams of four patrolling the walls. This is an order."
>A collective roar of "Yes Mam!" filled the room.
>The tall princess stared back at the two of you.
>"I'm so sorry, we should have positioned guards sooner."
"It's nothing, don't worry. I'm more worried about her than this," you said, as you pointed to Feather.
>Feather's cheeks turned a bit rose.
>"H-he sort of, uh. Saved me... Mam'."
>Celestia, who'd previously wore a grim face spoke;
>"It seems we have quite the champion among the midst."
>Her lips shaped into smile.

(Is this better?)

>>29437358
I like it anon

>>29437358
That's pretty cute desu.

Their relationship feels to be developing a little quickly. But stressfull situations do have the ability to bring people together, so it's opver lookable.

>>29436306
That's neat. Never even though such a thing existed. Gonna have to get me some of that. See if i can give an app a sizure.

>>29437358
>Her lips shaped into smile.
>into smile.

HNNNNNNG
So close...

>>29435001
As a writefag for a general who's currently a few weeks due on an update, I can very well say this is not the case. I could care less if people tell me my work is shit, though I never expect anyone to speak up and call me out on my mistakes in sentence structure or poor choice of jargon here and there considering it's a tiny thing compared to the glaring flaws in most green.

Mostly the reason writefags don't deliver on time is because we have something better to do and lose interest in writing for a bit. Or (more rarely), we get a spell of writer's block that takes a bit more effort than we're inclined to put in to get over.


Honestly, the whole, "hurr durr don't offend the content creator's feelings even though they haven't addressed it themselves," shtick is a bit annoying to me as a content creator. If I didn't like someone's criticism I would tell them myself--though generally if I ever get criticism it's from someone far better at writing than I, and more than welcomed.

As harsh as someone's criticism may seem, as long as it's not blatant baiting then it's always beneficial to take note of. The mindset of taking criticism--regardless of tone or "time and place"-- as an attack on oneself and immediately disregarding it is petty beyond measure, and that's when it's actually directed at you.

tl;dr
You shouldn't give a fuck about someone criticizing other people (on the internet, no less). Though you likely never did and just wanted to start a commotion. Kindly fuck off.

>>29439632
Not the guy you replied too, but he's right.

Look, dude. I'm a writefag too. Hell, most people on /mlp/ have tried their hand at writefagging. That doesn't give you credit.

I don't know how else to repeat myself, so I'll say it straight up: Being an asshole isn't cool unless you're an edgy fourteen year old. You retards continue on with the 'muh sekrit club muh sekrit rules' shit and it's absolutely retarded.

>You shouldn't give a fuck about someone criticizing other people

Okay, what's your writefagging name? Next time you come out with a post I'll criticize every little, minuscule thing I can possibly find and call you a retard constantly. I'll bet you won't be saying 'You shouldn't give a fuck about someones criticism ' then, you'd be mad. Why'd you be mad? It's because you just made some green for these guys and you expect at least a few (You)'s or appraisals. I mean, you made it with your skills, your time, and your effort, right? So it makes sense. Except when someone nitpicks every thing you've done they're just being an asshole. Same in this situation. Some guy made an artpeice for free, on his own time and effort and all he gets is criticism.

>>29439686
>>29439632

Alright assholes break it up and get back to horse posting. This is a guard pony general after all.

>>29439686
Go ahead, friendo. It'd be nice to have someone other than my lazy self who still hasn't corrected plenty of obvious mistakes actually pointing them out to remind me.

I hang around in the bat thread when I'm posting and mostly just lurk otherwise.

>>29439686
>Being an asshole isn't cool unless you're an edgy fourteen year old. You retards continue on with the 'muh sekrit club muh sekrit rules' shit and it's absolutely retarded.

You don't belong on this website if your skin is that thin.

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>>29439764
You don't belong on this website if you're this young.

>>29439737
Pic related.

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>>29439686
Fuck off, I'm a different writer who's released over 50k words of content in the past month alone. Every single other writer, (and not "writers" who wrote 1-5k words and called it quits) I've spoken to is like this. Nobody actually gives a flying fuck about harassment, especially on 4chan. Anyone who comes here and expects a hugbox doesn't stay long enough to write anything. If you personally do take offense from literally anything posted on 4chan under any circumstances, you need to get the fuck out and come back when you're 18.

>>29439632
Is pretty much correct on why someone stops writing. As an added reason, some writers may stop just because they don't like their work any more (either what it's about or how they've written it). But pretty much never just from shitbags ragging on the story. A good example is Somewritefag in SPG, his fic was constantly harassed by a single dedicated shitposter/flamer but ultimately only put his story on hiatus once real life got too quick for him.

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>>29439686

>>29428185
>Something stirs, rousing you from sleep.
>It can't be morning yet - no light under the door - but you feel you've slept about half the night.
>Somehow, you've ended up between two ponies instead of beside them.
>You feel around.
>Pone closest to the wall has a horn.
>Moondancer somehow got over you, then.

>Eager to get back to sleep, but not wanting to do so without an armful of pone, you reach for Careful and pull her close.
>She feels light, probably limber from her deep sleep.
>You stroke her idly as sleep takes you again, rubbing her ears, her back, her wings, her haunches...
>...
>Wait a minute.
>"Are you awake, Anon?" asks Safety.

>Reality hit you just early enough that you don't startle straight out of bed
>Moondancer snores on, belly-up, blissfully.
"Safe! I, uh."
>You just snuggled a royal guard non-consensually, Anon.
>Cut the late-night mush-mouth before you get tossed in whatever hellish facsimile of human prison criminals go to in horse country.
"God. I thought you were Careful. Sorry."
>"I suspected that when you rubbed my butt."
>You look at her.
>She looks at you.
>There's just enough light to see her neutral, tired expression.
>The silence is killing you.
>This is it, Anon.
>You're getting put away.
>You're-

>Safe is... pensive.
>Her eyes dart this way and that, like she's looking for something.
>Then, they widen with realization.
>She smiles, her ears flopping back unaggressively.
>You smile back, appreciating the gesture, even if the overall display was a little unsettling.

"Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. My bad."
>"On the contrary! I had an itch by my cutie mark. You got it quite nicely."
"Right. Glad to help. You're, um, cool, sleeping here?"
>"Yes. Um, if you're comfortable. 'Cool.' I mean. See, I'd wanted to sleep close to my post when Careful took over..."
>Right, the six-hour shifts.
>"-but she suggested I sleep in here."
>She pauses.
>"She said - suggested - that you, uh... 'give good snuggles?'"

>>29440842
....Grab that mares booty and snuggle grind her into a puddle.

>>29440842
>she's building his reputation.
Careful is such a wonderful poner to be sharing so freely. It makes me appreciate her even more.

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>>29439777
mlp related version

>>29440842
Careful is turning Anon into a cuddleslut. That's her goal. She's Anon's pimp now.

>>29439686
Holy shit the smell of newfag is overwhelming.
>>>/ponychan/

>>29439751
>batmemes are not migrating from their thread, you're just shitposting
Please post more unrelated bat pics in the OP, what could possibly go wrong.

>>29441408
Some of us like seeing bats do guard stuff, and we can't get that from the bat thread because they're all obsessed with foalcon and it's all they ever talk about.

Stay mad.

Listen. Here's a compromise. (I'm not a batfag nor an anti-batfag) but I do see bat guards growing in form. This isn't necessarily bad; it's just this is a guard pone general. Posting bats in armor is okay (or bats from related guard stories.) Let's just enjoy the little horses that wear armor.

Tldr; batpone is okay aslong as it's relevant to guard pone.

>>29441738
No shit sherlock, that's literally the point of discussion for months now. The anti-batfag shitposts all the time no matter what, but when the batfags start posting unrelated shit (which happens like a clockwork every 4-5 threads) and get called out, all the sane people want is to keep the >Guard in the Guard Mare Thread. And the poor ofended batfags are very quick to search for excuses.
>It's literally one person shitposting.
>Oh it's just those scary faggot shitposters.

tl;dr - Remember when Vannie was first introduced and she ate the entire fridge of Anon's at night? That was funny and interesting. Remember when some random fucker posted a literal "mangoes eee" picture 2 threads ago? That was cancer.

>>29441689
>I do not like a certain trend in my general, therefore I have come here to shit up the place whether you like it or not.
Funny, because this is the exact same thing one of the faggots tried to plead. Only with Caramel clop stories instead of foalcon. But I guess since it's batcancer instead of gayshit it's supposed to be okay now?

Also don't you have like a wiki of hour shitty OCs to update or something?

>>29441923
It's hardly a trend if it's been going for seven straight threads with minor variations.

>>29442017
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what would make it a thread. Also you seem to have missed my point of "why the fuck should we even care?" Go work it out with your fellow autists in your general.

>>29442068
Why should I when I can see horses in armor right here?

>>29442185
>why should I stop shitting up the thread with urelated content and trying to make it look more like my general if I don't want to?
A question for the ages that one.

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>>29442243
>There is only one person who posts unrelated garbage that I don't like
Hey, it's almost like there's only one person who hates bats.

>>29442267
Oh please, get of that moral highground. You have literally used a trip to prove that you are a writefag from /bat/. I somehow don't think you were very upset when someone posted a pic of bat oc in lingerie for the nth time in a roq.

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>>29442382
Actually, I'm not that guy.

>>29441861
I still don't get the mangoes thing.

>>29437358
definitely, it was good before, but I can feel a very good shift in the pacing has improved it, this is great man, keep it up

>>29433916
THICC

vizor

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What if assigned Jr guards?

>>29445342
I like this idea. Like they're in Jr.ROTC.

>>29445342
CMCG gattai when?

>>29440842
>"...rubbed my butt."
Oh, geez. That whole thing was hilarious. Thanks for the good laugh Catalog. I needed it.

>>29440893
Indeed. And it shouldn't come as a surprise that she wants all her friends to be happy.

>>29440842
>TFW we're going to be the snuggle whore for the entire Royal Guard at this rate

>>29443438
I 2nd that. I can see improvement. Keep it up, FS.

>>29446391
Sign me up! I could think of worser fates.

>>29446103
>>29446095
>Be assigned another guard to keep you from cuddling your first guards.
>Fails miserably. End up in cuddle pile.

>>29446391
Best job ever.

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>>29446391
I don't see a problem with that

>>29447409
>Doctor who reaction gif
>4chan
Right website, mate?

>>29441408
I have yet to post anything bat related in this general, and this is one of two posts with my trip I've used here. I wouldn't have ever had the need to reference the bat thread or my name had it not been requested of me.

I'm not sure what you think you're getting at here.

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>>29447611
>not liking DW
fucking pleb detected, captain

>>29437358

"It was nothi-"
>The adrenaline; the drug that kept you hammering away at the monster, had finally worn off, the pain now throbbing in your shoulder.
>You grit your teeth even more so.
>"We need to get you to the Infirmary."
"Yeah, s-sure thing."
>After that said, you stood up. The pain was burning in your shoulder; you knew it would hurt, but you really didn't expect anything this bad.
>You did your best to contain it, but your face had given away your agony.
>Feather had taken off her helmet, her red mane now free from its confines within the helmet.
>Her left cheek, now bruised from one of the many blows the monster had thrown.
>"Follow me, Anon."
>As the two of you walked through the room; The weight of a dozen eyes was on your back.
>You couldn't tell if they were disgusted or impressed by your antics.
>As you exited the room, a brown coated stallion gave you a stiff nod.

>In the infirmary, the nurse had given you some sedatives and antibiotics.
>Sitting across from you, sat Feather. A different nurse tending to her cuts and bruises.
>The side of Feather's forehead, behind her mane had a small gash. The nurses had carefully stitched you and Feather with a needle and some wire.

>As the nurses worked; the two of you spoke.
>"For a monkey, you fight pretty good."
>From calming sedatives, you managed to twist a smile out of your tired face.
"One helluva' night."
>"And I don't think they'll be getting any less crazy."
"Next time we see that thing, we're going to kick its ass."
>"Damn straight."
>The guard mare gave a strong grin, flexing one of her triceps.
>She carried a determined look.
>The two of you laughed.
>Your first friend in this world was a bodyguard.

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>>29447933
it's a good start. you got where you're going with it planned out?

>>29447757
Doctor Who is objectively shit, Anon.

>>29448250

Yes. I'm planning for a few interesting scenes to happen; but for now I need to rest.

I have a fever or something, and i can't write properly. I'll try to stir something up; and if i like it. I'll post it.

Thank you everyone, for those who provided motivation and support to write better. It makes a world of difference.

>>29448361
You had me at the edge of my seat there. Get some rest. Hope you feel better.

>>29446533
Kek, yeah that's probably what would happen.

Just a question to those who sat through the fight scene; would you like a revised version? I feel like it could have gone for two posts rather than a poorly written one.

I'm not really retconning, just adding some more descriptive parts and lines to make it taste good.

>>29448642
The scene was a bit confusing, I feel like I don't understand the invader's motives at all though that might be by design.
I don't think a rewrite is necessary but if you already got something figured out then go for it.

>>29446533
>Celestia sends Luna herself to intervene and break up any undesirable cuddles on duty.
>Fails miserably. End up in cuddle pile.

>>29448642
if you really feel you need to. Being short kinda showed the spontaneousness of it. it was just a quick violent attack and response.

>>29448642
The fight scene seemed to be all over the place but that might have been intentional. It is a fight scene after all. The description of the villain was a little confusing.

> ...had the appearance of a bid-pedal wolf, but had the shape of a lion and a constant change of shape, it never stayed the same.

Perhaps...
> it looked like a wolf standing on two-legs then it changed shape and looked more like a lion but not. It seemed to be in a constant state of change.

I also felt lost as to why it attacked. What was its motivation? This "mystery" might be intentional as well but a small hint might of been nice. Short, internal monologue or even a cheesy line like "Now for my revenge! muwahahah!" (ok, not exactly like that but I hope you got the idea.)

>>29449632
>"What hast thou done anon?! Corruption of the junior guard?!"
"Princess luna. Just look at how adorable they are. Are you saying you would not cuddle them, even if they ask you to?"
>...
>"i-I am not sure. No pony has ever dared ask to cuddle with their princess. most are afraid of us"
>Anon grins widely and flips the comforter open. exposing himself in his PJs and the junior guard.
"Please, my princess, It would be our honor to be the first."

>>29431968
>Good few minutes later, and bam, clean poofy tails.
>The girls sigh and sit in the water.
>Now, all that's left is your own cleaning.
>You bring your hands up to your face again.
>Holy shit, if raisins could become raisins, that's what your hands look like right now.
>Alright, you can speed-clean this.
>You grab that shampoo again and toss some on your hair.
>Lather with one hand, scrubby thing with the other.
>Put some more soap on it, then start cleaning the hell out of everything you can see right now.
>The girls turn back and notice all the black water dripping down you.
>You mean, it was pretty bad for them too, but yeah, you're kind of really damn bad.
"You guys can hop out already if you want. I'll take just a few more minutes."
>Vannie meekly nods first.
>"Me and Brave will be in the room, then."
>"-You don't need help with that or anything?"
>You stop and look around yourself, as if expecting to magically see something you can't clean yourself.
>But of course, you find nothing.
"Nope, I should be good."
>She nods then turns around, waiting for her co-worker to hop out of the tub first.
>Once she does, Brave stares at the same spot for a moment, then attempts the same thing.
>She fails, and once again, can't get her hind legs over it.
>"Oh hay, you stupid thing!"
>Her backside kind of hangs over the edge again, facing you.
>You try not to peek, but...
>Man, how can you not?
>Vannie helps her out, and they just disappear in the solid cloud of bubbles on the ground.
>Alright, now you got the whooole tub, all to yourself.
>But honestly, you just want to join those two.
>Like everyone's having a pool party, but you're that kid with the protective mother, so you can't go in because you ate just now.
>It kinda sucks.

>>29450861
>But now, Jr. can hang freely.
>You stand and start the scrubbing.
>All the black water you're seeing really does gross you out, but hey, it just means you're actually getting clean.
>It's kind of satisfying, actually.
>You finish your arms and move to your back.
>Thankfully, you were flexible enough to reach it.
>Not enough to be a cheerleader, but you could probably do a few cheerleader-ly things, if you wanted to.
>
>Finally, you feel content with your squeakiness.
>But standing in this slightly dark water is now getting to you really quickly.
>This is why you prefer showers, man.
>You find the plug thing and pop it out, watching all the water drain at a pretty fast rate.
>Just before you leave, you make sure to run your faithful scrubby under some water.
>And now, you can leave.
>Once you get close to the tub's edge though, you can hear hooves softly tapping against the tiled floor.
>Behind the veil of bubbles, it leaves.
>...Holy shit.
>You think you were being spied on.
>Well, everything being dry besides part of your legs and an arm, you-
>-You don't remember that towel being there.
>Fucking hell, did you really not see any of this?
>You quickly dry yourself off and wrap it around yourself.
>And of course, it's pony-sized, so it just barely covers you.
"Christ."
>With that, you push past all these goddamn bubbles and move towards what you think is the door.
>-Well, the space for the door.
>Because, you know, it exploded and everything.
>While you're moving, you notice lots of water from a trail that you definitely didn't make.
>Though, yeah, you forgot that you didn't bring towels.

>>29450864
awwww man, they waited out there wet? that's just no good.

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gnight guard mare thread. May your guards be diligent.

>>29449567
>>29449976
>>29450014

I appreciate the general feedback.
The reason I asked was because of the poor grammar and structure. I felt it could have been more thrilling and descriptive.

This won't put the story on hold; Im just going to write it better.

And yes; it was intentional to have a character to randomly attack. The motives will be clear further down the line.

On the note of the monster; it's hard to describe something that alters physics. Try to imagine discord, but his form was continuously Changing; not teleporting out of existence, but morphing Instead.

>>29452469
interesting, I await moar

buuuuuuuuump

Ok, green in production, but i wanna get a bit done before i post any. What would be a good color scheme for Drowsy drift?

>>29454843
Brown and tan
Maybe white and gold.

>>29454843
What is she?

pita

>>29455603
chips are pretty good, garlic and herb is my favorite.

>>29454917
B@ p0ne

>>29455813
Blood red and pale with death. Another disgusting bat is not necessary. We have one abomination. It doesn't need a partner.

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>>29456473
too bad

>>29454843
HEX
RGB

Coat:
#08347a
rgb(8, 52, 122)

Main/Tail:
#c0d0e0
rgb(192, 208, 224)

possible stripe in main/tail:
#f6edfc
rgb(246, 237, 252)

>>29452469
>I thought it in my head but didn't write it down:
I did like the dialog. Particularly it the last two updates. I can see some bonding going on there. (facing battle together can do that I suppose.)

bumparoo

>>29450864
Aww, B&V deserve some long snuggle time.

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bmp

>>29440842
>Your role in this group suddenly materializes: you are the designated snuggler.
>This is your fate.
>You are doomed to it by your size, reach, body temperature, and modest chest hair.
>At this rate, perhaps you could become Equestria's first human male model.
>Go on tour, wash out, assassinate the prime maneister of Mareasia, retire.
>Not a bad plan.

>You nearly nod off before you remember to respond.
"I... yeah."
>"Oh!"

>Safety stares at you.
>...
>She has no idea what to do.
"Here... here."
>You pull her close to you, put your head down, and close your eyes.
"Get as comfortable as you like. Let's get our snooze on while it's still dark..."
>"Okay."
>She begins wriggling around.
>You nearly scold her before you realize she's just fluffing up her feathers.
>Thankfully, they feel clean and soft, not scraggy and dirt-smothered like you expected.
"See, you're a natural at this."
>"I am?"
"Yes."
>She fluffs up a little more.
>"Thank you."
"You're welcome."

>With each of you satisfied, you shut your eyes tighter, doubly determined to return to sleep-
>"Is there another step?"
>Oh, come on.
"... optional ones."
>You keep your eyes forced shut, but you know she's just turned her head to look at you.
>Quizzically.
>Probably adorably.
>Adorable in her unique, alexithymic way, which, you admit, is growing on you.
"Well, the last few mares I've snuggled get comfortable with me, then they get teary and confide in me. That seems to be a trend. Then I say something reassuring."
>You think of what else you could possibly... appropriately... suggest.
>Nada.
"Then. We. Go. To. Sleep."
>"Okay. Let's do that."
>Thank God.
>You finally feel yourself drifting off...

>...
>"Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I have trouble understanding ponies. It makes me feel awfully sad sometimes..."
>Damn it.

>>29459245
>>"Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I have trouble understanding ponies. It makes me feel awfully sad sometimes..."
>>Damn it.
kek
she a cute

>>29459245
She seems awfully sweet in private. despite her awkwardness. I can imagen her unknowing, almost innocent eyes looking up at him.

Be nice anon.

>>29459245
>"Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I have trouble understanding ponies. It makes me feel awfully sad sometimes..."
>Damn it.
Fucking hell this story is so much more well-written than Blu's. Keep up the good work

>>29459440
That's not nice. Both are enjoyable enough that I've stuck to them all this time.

>>29459647
Its just some jackass looking for (you)s, just ignore him.

>>29459245
Top comfy. Anon will get a job as professional cuddler, specialized in comforting lonely guardmares.
>Anon therapy is officially recognized as a cure for shell-shocked guards.

>>29459245
>At this rate, perhaps you could become Equestria's first human male model.
>Go on tour, wash out, assassinate the prime maneister of Mareasia, retire.

OK, I think someone has been watching Zoolander. ;)

Here we have Anon, Counselor and Snuggler extraordinaire. This might be his Cutie Mark moment if humans could get CMs.

If a drawfag has the time; I have an image in my mind of Anon consuling ponies on a double wide therapist couch.