Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1111

FIRST FOR PINKIE PIE IS WORST PONY

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Twilight green when?

>#1111
will this madness ever end?

>>29044113
What an odd way to spell [insert your waifu here]

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>>29044114
I'm working on it, nerd.
http://pastebin.com/pUGK5fhy
Update tomorrow.

>>29044121
When you stop being a fgt

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>>29044099
>#1111
>dubs and then quads
check 'em

>>29044113
Unfortunately your opinion is as worthless as you.
Less than pesos even.
Sorry.

>>29044130
What about green where Anon fucks Twilight?

>>29044166
I've been told this is a Christian board, sorry.

>>29044178
You came to the wrong neighborhood

>>29044166

After finals

>>29044113
I actually feel bad for you.

>>29044198
In all seriousness, I just don't like writing lewd. I realize where I am and the very nature of this thread, but there is only so much autism I can take, and if you're not careful most lewd you write quickly decays into highly radioactive autism.
>>29044206
>finals
Lucky you. Mine start next week. Two days before Christmas and I get to worry about calculus, kek.

>You awaken in a darkened room the only light comes the thin rays of sunshine peeking through the drawn curtains.
>The rope wrapped around your ankles and wrists pull your limbs toward the corners of the bed you’re lying on.
>Your clothing removed and draped over a chair on the other side of the room.
>Nothing to do but wait
>It is not long before you hear the clopping of hooves in the hallway.
>As you look over the door opens and the figure of a pony walks in.
>Her light green coat, silver mane pulled up and tied into a bun and an image of an apple pie emblazoned on her flank.
>It’s Granny Smith
>As she walks over to the bed, a grin never leaving her lips, she looks into our eyes.
>”Well now ain’t you just a sight.”
>Rising to place her fore hooves on the bed she reaches to begin stroking your leg
>”Ah just love havin a big strong stallion all trussed up like this, makes me all tingly.”
>Her grin broadens to a smile, accentuating the already deep lines on her face.
>Reaching back behind her head she pulls out a clip allowing her silver mane to cascade down her neck.
>Placing the clip upon the bedside table you hear a slight plop as she removes her dentures and places them down as well.
>She looks back to you with lust filled eyes.
>”Now then sonny, how about we have us some fun.”

>>29044274

>You lay there watching as she drags herself onto the bed.
>She places a hoof on your chest and glides it down to your stomach stopping just before reaching your groin.
>Lowering her head she plants a light kiss on your cheek, then your neck and then moves down to your chest.
>Opening her mouth she begins tracing a circle around your nipple with her tongue.
>Working her way down your chest and abdomen, alternating between licks and kissing, she once again stops.
>Stepping over you she straddles your chest facing your feet.
>Her tail is still drawn into that little bun shape she keeps it in.
>Giving you an unobstructed view of her slightly sagging flank and wrinkled marehood and anus.
>You can see moisture on her lips as they lower in front of you
>You can smell her.
>The scent of fresh baked warm apple pie.
>You feel her breath on your member just before she gives the head a quick flick with her tongue.
>This was maddening.
>She knew just what she was doing.
>Running her broad tongue along the underside of your throbbing cock ever so slowly.
>Pulling the head just inside her mouth and holding it with her gums just below the crown.
>Moving her tongue around it in slow deliberate circles.

>>29044283

>Pushing forward she takes you fully into her mouth.
>Right down to the base.
>Not even a hint of a gag reflex meets you as hit the back of her throat.
>A testament to her years of practice with her experienced lips.
>She pulls back only to dive forward once more.
>It repeats at a slow and steady pace.
>All the while you are just lying there.
>Staring up into her hind end.
>The slight swaying of her hips as she works your cock.
>Watching as her marehood winks at you.
>Beads of her fluids forming on her lips.
>Falling to your chest.
>Her lips make a little pop as she releases your cock.
>With a kiss to your tip she stands and turns around.
>”Mmm nice and hard just the way ah like it.”
>Once again she is straddling you.
>She is looking into your pleading eye as she lowers herself to you.
>Rubbing her marehood along your shaft
>Wetting it with her juices.
>Her gaze never leaves your face.

>>29044293

>Even as she reaches back with her hoof and takes hold of your throbbing member.
>You still have no idea how the fuck they do that.
>” Ah hope yer ready because ah know I am.”
>Placing your tip at her entrance she lowers herself once more.
>You feel yourself enter the warm wetness of the elderly mare above you.
>There is no resistance only the gentle grip of the walls of her sex.
>Whether this is due to her advanced age or the size of her late husband you are not sure.
>The photos of her and her former husband show him to have been a massive stallion.
>It is easy to see where Big Mac gets his size.
>The thought of that large stallion tied to a bed and at the mercy of his tiny wife is amusing.
>At least it would be if you were not so distracted by that same mare now riding you.
>You feel her thighs griping your waist as she sits her weight upon you.
>Her eyes closed as she enjoys the sensation of being filled.
>”Ain’t nothing like the feel of a warm hard male inside ya.”
>She is rocking her hips now.
>A slow rhythm in her movements
>Her silver mane sways with every thrust.
>You begin moving your hips to meet hers.
>She looks down to you and grins her toothless grin.
>”See now yer gettin’ into it.”
>Leaning down she kisses your cheek.
>Her movements begin to speed up.
>The grip of her marehood tightens a bit.
>You can tell she is getting close.

>>29044301

>With all the teasing and foreplay you are nearing your own.
>She really starts bouncing on your hips.
>The bed is shaking and the headboard begins tapping the wall from her motion.
>Thrusting your hips to meet hers you feel yourself at the edge.
>Though she is the first to climax.
>Her loose marehood grips you a tight as it can as her body stiffens.
>It is all it takes to push you over.
>Slamming your hips to the elderly green mare you hilt yourself into her.
>You release into her depths, filling her.
>As her orgasm subsides she falls onto your chest.
>With a contented sigh she looks up into your eyes once more.
>Reaching up with a hoof she pulls the gag free.
>Leaning in, her lips meeting yours, her tongue invades your mouth.
>Breaking the kiss she pulls back and smiles down at you.
>”Same time next week sonny?”
“You know it sweetie pie.”
>Untying your wrists and ankles she moves back up to you.
>She lays her head down on your chest and the two of you drift off to sleep.

Dubs gets a 500-1500 word green on a prompt of your choice from me depending on how pants-on-head retarded it is

Happy fifteenth thread, AiE. Here's to fifteen more!

>>29044847
yay

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>>29044830
>get-based requests
don't do that

>>29044830
Big butt so what

>>29045002
I've done it before and I'll do it again.

Getting the topic is the hardest part to anything I write anyway.

>>29045028
If you want requests, ask for requests. Doing the dubs shit does nothing but make faggots spam the thread until their snowflake request gets digits, and is probably in violation of >>>/global/rules/3 to boot

>>29044830

Idea

Anon is an immortal viking that arrived in Equestria centuries ago. He along with his wooly mammoth stead has been living in the everfree unseen since then. He is somewhat of a mythical creature to the p0nies in same same vein as bigfoot. They only ever catch glimpses of him or the rare blurry photo of him on his mammoth. Twilight is sceptical of his existence and sets out to prove or disprove him. For science! Lyra, fully believing in him, is always chasing his trail trying to get him on camera.

>>29045054
this

>>29044166
sure

>>29044830
Do you want more retardation or less?

You release an update on your current story, probably upwards of 1,000 words

To those who asked, yes we'll do secret santa. I'll be making a more formal post on it later tonight.

>>29044830
Rolling. Hoping for kinky Sunbutt sex.

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Okay folks, for those who want to do Secret Santa for AiE this year, it's actually happening. It went well last year, and hopefully it goes well again this year.
If you want to be involved, you can contact me on Skype, just look up anonpencil, message me, and mention you're interested in Secret Santa. Then send me the following info-

Name (real or fake, I don't care, we need something for the package):
Address (no one will see this but me and whoever draws you for gift giving):
Gift preferences (tastes, interest, collections, etc):
Favorite Pony:

This upcoming weekend, I'll randomize the names and send out the info to you through Skype. From there, you've got until the 30th to get your gift to your selected person. On the 30th, at some time to be determined, we can have an unwrapping party. You don't have to participate in it if you don't want to, but it's a nice sorta community thing and will probably supergay too.

The spending limit is $20, not including shipping, because shipping is insanely expensive sometimes. Don't have money? Do art, write someone a story, perform a noh play version of Die Hard and put it on youtube. Get creative! You can still be a part of this. Just if you sign up, make sure you do it, I don't want to harass you about it because you're dragging your feet.

There are already 6 people who have opted in, so let's see how big we can get this for this year.
I'll probably also involve Flutterrape this time around, because 'tis the season and also, come on, what else do they have going on?
Your information will not be passed around, will not be displayed here or anywhere, and I'm not going to be a dick about it.

Anyway, ask questions on Skype if you like, I'll be around. And happy motherfucking holidays.

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>>29046276

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>>29046276
Im in.

Soz I can't be fucked proof reading this. u guys can do it for me

>>29036345
>Be Anon 096
>It’d only been a few seconds but the two natives were all up in your stuff
>Well they couldn’t cause any harm, all your equipment was military grade
“Now then, what do I need?”
>Probably everything
>They both stop prodding at your stuff to look at you, your voice catching their attention
>The stallion was trying to hide something behind himself
“What have you got there little fella?”
>You try to gently scoot him out of the way to see what he was hiding, but he pushes back against you
>There’s a brief and worried exchange between the two of them, with the mare getting quite angry, but the stallion doesn’t budge
“You annoying tiny beast of burden.”
>You switch tactics and put your hand under the pony’s chest, effortlessly lifting him up and away
>He struggles about but there’s not much more he can do
>The little guy had been hiding one of your Personal processors, the casing broken and electronics in pieces
>You bring the little horse in your palm to face you
>He looks away terrified and embarrassed
“Are you serious little guy? You’ve been here less than ten seconds.”
>You look back at the scrap heap. Every individual piece had been pulled apart
>/How/ did he do that?
>He looks almost in tears so you put him back down and leave it at that
>Honest mistake, plus you had others
>You pick up the broken piece of electronics, much to the stallion’s dismay, planning to toss it, but after reconsidering you drop the ruined electronics down into the pouch on his side
“You can have it if you want, shit’s fucked now.”
>The act seems to make the two of them rather happy which in turn leaves you feeling elated
>But now the mare didn’t have anything. You have to be fair

>>29044830
Simple, Anon work as security guard.

>>29046897
Proof reading? sure... if i have time.
>There’s a brief and worried exchange
a worried exchange?
>The stallion was trying to hide something behind "him"
Him or Himself?
>You look back "at" the scrap heap
On or At?

Also soz if i'm slow wit dah posting im getting high at the same time.

>>29046897
>You shouldn’t do this, but these natives are too cool
>Pulling a palm sized sphere from the wall you lean down and offer it to the mare
>She approaches you and inquires… horse-ishly
>Knowing you have her attention you grasp the sphere on each end and twist
>It lights up a glorious glowing bright blue
>Both ponies move closer, mesmerised by the device
>Twisting it back the glow fades away
>It was just a marker light, nothing special
>You hold it out for the mare, now that you’d displayed how to work it, and she grabs it from you with her muzzle
“You shouldn’t put strange things in your mouth pony.”
>She just looks at you
“Yes that’s right, I am speaking, blee, blee, blaa, blaa, bloo, bloo.”
>She continues looking, not a hint of comprehension upon her features
“Nothin’ aye?.”
>What the hell were you expecting? They’re aliens. It’s time to get to work anyway
>Pulling off a large rucksack from the wall you load up on ammunition, your E-mag rifle, food rations, medical nanonics, Neural Nanonic sets, a fission blade, a mapping satellite and just about everything else on the walls
>In the end you required two bags

>>29046899
And his job is to keep Pinkie out of the supply closet at Sugarcube Corner.
He is very good at his job.

>>29046909
That gave me an chuckle.

>>29046906
good keep going
>>29046909
>As perfectly designed as your body was, lifting and carrying both of those, each holding hundreds of pounds of equipment, and still maintaining a safe manoeuvrability, was entirely out of the question
>Even your new strange companions looked concerned with the two stuffed bags, but they were more amazed you could lift them at all, particularly after they’d both attempted it themselves the moment you’d put the bags on the ground
>They both only managed to struggle and flop around your floor
“Haha, you guys are the living end.”
>You had no true reason to be worried, as while by yourself lifting and moving such things would have been a mean feat, you had a little assistance
>Situated at the back of the room was a small button, at about chest height
>You press it

<| °_° |>

>Be Ratchet
>The alien had not only given you the parts of what you’d broken, he’d gone and given Sky a magic blue light
>What was up with this guy? You break his stuff and he rewards you?
>He moves off and begins pulling random things from the wall
>”I guess he likes us.” Sky says, spitting the orb into your bag
>”Thanks for carrying that for me!”
“Hooray.” You deadpan
>”What do you think he’s doing?”
>Thus far he’d filled one bag and had started on another
“I’d say he’s packing up just about everything here.”
>”You mean he’s actually planning on staying with us!?” She yelps excitedly
“I didn’t say that, but he is planning on going somewhere.”
>”Well we have to keep following him, it’s like a stray kitten, he needs our help still.”
>Did he though? So far he’d shown he was very capable at surviving just fine, and he had magical technology you’d never seen in your life
>Before you know it he’s finish, tossing two hefty bags to the ground
>Sky approaches them cautiously
>”How in the world does he think he’s taking all that with him? They’re like…”

>>29046915
>an
>TFW can't GO TO PAST!

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>pic related for what I was thinking of the suit. God I loved that game.

>>29046916
>She pushes against the bags and flops around in a poor effort to lift the bag
>”Like a gazillion tonnes.”
“Ha, yeah right.”
>You trot over and give it a go yourself but the bag wouldn’t budge
>True to her word the bag would appear to be a gazillion tonnes
>In the time you’d been struggling about the alien had pushed something on the wall
>A segment slides away and a cloud of fog rolls out, lights briefly blinding you
>You take in an involuntary breath at what’s revealed
>It was a might set of armour, of that you had no doubt, just formed to fit the strange beast’s physiology, as opposed to a ponies
>Sleek, rugged and imposing, the silvery armour stood fixed to a frame
>Soft purple lights lined the collar and ran along the sides outlining segments of the apparel
>It was. It was… Oh my, you wanted one!!
>Sky didn’t share your immediate love
>”That looks dangerous.”
“Did you say cool.”
>”Dangerous.”
“Yep, I heard cool as heck.”
>The alien smiles at you, clearly for an alien there were similarities between you
>He steps into the tiny side room and the door slides closed once again
>It only takes a few minutes, the two of you waiting patiently, before he steps back out, even taller, thicker, and much more terrifying
>But as the initial fear fades you find something left over
>It was awe
>You turn to Sky
“I think he’s a warrior, he has armour and all.”
>Rather than excitement you see fear on Sky’s features
>”You don’t think that means he’s planning on invading our planet?”
“No, I doubt he’d keep us alive, let alone let us in his storage box, if he were planning an invasion.”
>”Then why’d he put on his armour?”

>>29046925
>God I loved that game.
You poor, poor creature.
Templars a shit tho.

>>29046925
>Her question’s answered by the alien, who leans down, lifts both bags with a single paw and tosses them over his shoulder
“I think that’s why.”
>That’s some special armour, not like the stuff pony guards wore
>The alien says… something, and walks out
>”Come on Ratch, let’s keep going.”

<| °_° |>

>Be Royal Knight Anon 096
>You’d just equipped your power armour and were ready to go
>Your new small companions were not, currently stuck in some conversation, likely about you and your new appearance
>Powered up you easily lift the two bags over your shoulder
“I’m leaving so if you’re coming, hurry up.”
>Why do you bother speaking? They can’t understand you
>You step from the storage room and pull out your mapping satellite
>You set it on the ground and offer it to the rust orange horse
>As you expected he pokes at it, causing it to activate
>The satellite broadcasts to you the initiation of its micro-distortion field and the ovaloid sphere shoots into the sky
>It’ll take it about an hour to properly initiate so for now you’re still stuck with your painfully human vision
>It took some getting used to after spending weeks with the near omnipotent sight of a Terran spacecraft. The mapping satellite wouldn’t be that much of an improvement but it would be nice to have a constant birds eye view of your surroundings throughout the electromagnetic spectrum
>Sigh
>Your two native friends stand watching the ever shrinking satellite
>So what’s up next?
>It’d be good to see if your sleeping module survived
>It’s electronic tag must have because it was currently pinging in your visions HUD
>Only a click away
>Even better, after accessing your memory patterns of the crash for what little information you had on the surrounding landscape, revealed the forest’s edge to be a mere hundred meters away, the rest of your journey would be through an expansive wheat field, a nice and gentle landscape
>Definitely your new destination

>>29044830
>Heat
>Anon make SexToy
>Rich
>>29046925
Keep it up.

>>29046931
I usually played engineer or summoner.

Also I asked about this when I first posted the story as Anonymous, but I can include lewd if you want. Appropriate lewd suited for character development and relationships that is, not just some shoehorned sex scene. Last time I suggested it most people were neutral but l8tly ppl seem to be heck into wanking again

>>29046942
Anon's a genetically engineered lab-grown super-soldier
It doesn't really seem like it'd make much sense for him to even be properly equipped for lewdness, much less willing to engage in it with ayys

>>29046942
>engineer or summoner
My faith in humanity is restored once again.

>spoiler
I wouldn't mind a story having some lewd in it, just as I wouldn't mind it having none. Pick whatever fits best.

>>29046942
>5 years didn't know about that game
FUCKING DAMMIT! IT CALL A HELLGATE LONDON?
JESUS CHRIST!
The first time i see wallpaper on the wall i don't know what is that. until you say it was a damm game.

>>29046953
While he is a soldier he still assumes the standard role and personality of an anon. There hasn't been a lot of development yet on his part but he's sure to come out bland as hell and therefore likable to most readers.
Although who knows the story may focus more on ratch and he could be a lewd horse.

>>29046991
>and he could be a lewd horse
If only by accident.

>>29047024
Adorable accident.

>>29047024
>>29047063
Ohhhhhh you guy.

>"Ho ho ho" he did snicker, and he twinkled his eyes
>"You're here just in time for your Christmas surprise! I've been checking my naughty list-twice, dirty pony It seem /YOU/ are the naughtiest gal in the world!"

>>29047115
I've got the weirdest boner right now.

>>29047115
i like that ideas.

Post Your story.

>>29047467
>Day hugging Fluttershy.
>You feel like some kinda dirty whore, but now you understand why ponies act so weird when you hug them.
>It all makes sense.
>And now you are going to hug that butter colored pegasus.
>As you sneak through her front door you close it with out a sound.
>Grabbing angel you hurl him outside through the window.
>As Fluttershy turns around you stand up to your fullest and come down on her slowly.
"Its time Fluttershy!"
>Frozen with fear she lets it happen.
>Picking her up you begin to hug her.
>"Oh god yes Anonymous!" She screams.
>This isn't working at all!
>As Fluttershy's body quivers and shakes she continues to scream
>"Yes Anon! Call me a badpony."
"Your a bad pony Fluttershy"
>"Now call me your little cock sleeve."
>What...
>Dropping fluttershy she attempts to latch to you but fails, grabbing your pants she pulls them down.
>There you stand, fully erect.
>"A-Anon what is that." she pants.
"Your destiny." is all you say as you close in on her.
>Days later you are sent to jail for "forcing Fluttershy to suck on some awkward part of your body"

>>29047566
After that Anon explained that blowjobs are an important part of human culture.
They are now used to seal agreements and end disputes.
They can also be used in a congratulatory fashion.

>>29046731
>>29046773

Well, if you're in, gotta message me your details and stuff!

>>29047704
No! You have to read our minds.

Hey, everyone send anonpencil a dick pic for Christmas.

>>29047965
She already has a collection of baby animal dicks, why does she need pictures of human ones?

>>29048067
Research and development.

>>29047965
>>29048067
>>29048128

Eh, I'd prefer butts.

>>29048139
I really wish i can send a goddamit package.
>$20

>>29047704
Hit you up later

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>>29048139
You'll just have to settle for this then.

>>29046964
Welcome to my world. I don't watch movies or TV, and have no interest in 99% of vidya gaems.

Pop culture is full of things I don't comprehend.

>>29048297
I miss VHS.

>>29048394
I miss dialup Internet. I miss 8-bit "PCs" with Motorola processors that ran at under 1 MHz. I miss Usenet. I miss text-only email. I miss the world before cell phones.

>>29048486
So many nostalgic...

I wish we can play stick and rock.

>>29048535
>stick and rock
Never hear of it.

I really prefer science fiction/classic books to fantasy though. I better make it better.

>>29047566
>>29047696
Kek.

I thnk m1 key bard br0ken. fr000zen 0ver here

>>29049026
well plz
don't frz

>>29046899
Just got home, I'll do it anon. Not particularly pants-on-head so it'll probably be on the shorter side, but we'll see.

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>>29046899
>>29049282
>You were grateful indeed for Twilight hosting you in the Treebrary.
>Nobody else in this town would even rent to you at first, let alone let you stay for free.
>But of course, she’s not the element of generosity, and pretty soon you find yourself scrambling to find work to pay her admittedly very fair boarding fees.
>There isn’t much work to be done in a small town like this, especially for a large alien such as yourself, but you eventually do find something suited to your unique physical traits and behavioral anomalies.
>Night watch.
************
“So for how long has someone been giving you trouble?”
>The Cakes ran a respectable business, with no visible enemies in town, and you were honestly somewhat shocked that they deemed it necessary to hire a night guard.
>”I don’t know, three months now?”
>Mr. Cake exchanges a look with his wife before continuing, “We really don’t know who could be doing it, either.”
“But for some reason, somepony has been committing B&E’s, making off with merchandise and your belongings alike. Strange, certainly.”
>You spot discolored patches on the wall where photographs and paintings once hung.
>Each time, the burglar took only a few things, seemingly at random.
>And you knew it wasn’t their unstable unicorn kid or anything in-house either, since there was always a broken window or busted lock after each incident.
“Don’t worry, you guys – err, ponies. Between my large size, expert fighting technique, and can of powerful pepper spray, I’ll put a stop to whatever this is.”
>This seems to alleviate some of their fears.
>”Thank you, Anonymous. We’re counting on you.”

>>29050187
>The first night was quiet, as was the second.
>That wasn’t unusual, this wasn’t a daily problem, the burglar only came 2-3 times a week.
>’Only’
>About two hours into your first night’s shift, however, you hear a scratching at the door.
>Fuck yeah, time to use the pepper spray.
>And maybe also the magic Taser Twilight wanted you to try out.
>Sadistic psycho.
>After a few minutes, the lock has been picked.
>The Cakes had invested into some super-strong lock, but evidently it didn’t do much to stop this intruder.
>You can’t really get a good glimpse of who it is.
>It’s dark as shit.
>You can faintly see an outline of the character from the weak moonlight outside.
>A mare, or an extremely weak stallion.
>That much is evident from size.
>You decide to watch your intruder, and silently start rolling your video cam to get hard evidence for prosecution.
>You’d been offered a bonus for that. One large enough to pay for several months of NEEThood at the Treebrary.
>The intruder quietly steps around any obstacles in her path, seemingly looking around for something to take.
>You can’t really tell, the room is almost pitch black.
>You’re relying on sound alone for the most part.
>Human ears aren’t the greatest, either.
>She’s apparently clambered up onto a countertop, and you hear a soft thud as two hooves thump against a nearby wall in succession.
>She’s reaching for the family photo you know is perched there.
>You flick on the lights, just as she’s tucking the picture into her mane.

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>>29050196
“Fluttershy? What the fuck?”
>Her butter-yellow coat turns to a distinctly paler tint in an instant.
>How the fuck do ponies change the color of their fur like that?
>”Uh, h-hi, w-what are you d-doing here, Anon?”
>She’s petrified, but doesn’t put down the photo.
“I’m security. I’m being paid to pepper spray you right now. Would you like to explain what’s going on before earn my pay?”
>She squeaks out a quick “No!” before dashing out through the front door.
>Or, attempting to dash, rather. She’s rather slow, especially as a flyer.
>You’re closer to the door than she, and get in front of it sooner.
>She literally skids to a stop in front of you.
>She’s visibly sweating, and puts on a big grin.
>”Anon, c-could you please m-move for me?”
>Not a chance.
>It’s oddly satisfying as you pepper spray her from just inches away.
>Are you a sadist too? Maybe you could join Twilight next time she decides to butcher some backyard squirrels.
>The commotion has evidently woken the Cake family, and the elder two of them quickly come barreling into the main room from upstairs.
>They stop, incredulous at the scene before them.
>”Fluttershy?! What, why? You’re the burglar?”
>Isn’t that obvious enough?
>Oh, wait, she’s kind of nationally famous for being the divine representation of kindness.
>Sometimes you forget how important that bullshit is to these ponies.
>Even though she’s still writhing in pain from the heavy dose of pepper spray, she’s able to respond somehow.
>”I’m so-o-rryyy!” she sobs, although you’re not sure if the tears are from shame or, you know, eye irritation.

>>29050207
>Turns out Flutters just needed shit to decorate the home of one of her animal families.
>But since she’s a fucking NEET who lives in the woods she doesn’t have any money.
>So she started lifting a few things from the Cake’s home, since she thought they could help show the critters a “happy and loving family.”
>You knew she was fucked in the head but holy shit what the fuck?
>Anyways, things turned out alright on your end. You got your pay and a nice bonus for catching her on the first try, with video evidence.
>The Cakes got their stuff back and some raccoons are homeless.
>Last you heard Fluttershy got 30 days jail time.
>But who cares? You’re back at the Treebrary, /comfy/ as your rent’s been paid for the next four months.
End.

Could anyone help me find an older story?
From what I remember, Anon was climbing a mountain for days while a big gash on his back got infected and festered. Meanwhile Celestia and Luna order a lockdown on Canterlot and kinda just wait for him to get there.
That's all I remember.

>>29050227
Oh and another one had Anon get put in a circus or something and basically tortured every day. It was super edgy but I liked it. I think he ended up with an OC griffon? Thanks guys.

>>29050227

Wasn't that "One of a kind"? By who I do not know

>>29050242
Is this the one you're thinking of?

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/120686/misunderstandings

The human isn't named Anon but your description matches up pretty well.

>>29050491
>>29050501
Oh shit you're both right.
Thanks a lot bros

Write a goddamit Green!
Jesus, SOOO COLD!

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>>29050855
>mfw already wrote 1000 words tonight and can't do more due to work, but still want to contribute
To be fair, at least Zew updated today.

>>29050212
aww man that feels good

>>29046942
10/10 story so far. I've read one similar to this where Anon was to set up a warp drive or something on Equus but fluttershy attacked and things spiraled into an all-out war. Things seem more chill in this story, which I like.
Will Anon develop a system for language translation? I don't see him learning the language any time soon. I find the whinnies and other horse noises quite humorous, but that would get old over time.
Also, I have been noticing a worrying lack of quality lewd green on this board in recent months. I do believe you could have then answer to this problem if you can write lewd as well as you write cuddle scenes in your prison story. It would be interesting to see if you can work that out between an 8 foot tall human and a 3 foot tall pone, unless he ends up meeting certain princesses and they take a liking to him.

>>29051810
I agree with the language thing here, hope that changes honestly. Maybe a learning sequence rather than UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR LOLOL XD

Although I don't think lewd is a good fit here honestly. If anything, too many greens end up having it thrown in, and I think it would be hard to be in this story without being shoehorned

>Be Anon.
>Ponies are small.
>You are big.
>Make snu snu with ponies all day.
>Most ponies scared, but they are easy to catch.
>You promised Twilight not to eat ponies, but she never said anything about snu snu.
>Plus she always "trips" when you are hunting.
>Clever girl.

>>29052382
I love a good language barrier story. I hate translating spells though, and humans that learn to speak horse in less than a month. I could see Twilight learning how to communicate fairly quickly though, but not in complete sentences nor should anything be grammatically correct.

>>29051810
>I've read one similar to this where Anon was to set up a warp drive or something on Equus but fluttershy attacked and things spiraled into an all-out war.
Must be Writefag_is_Kill's story from /tim/ >>29033810

>>29052690
>Be Anon.
>"Invent" the toaster oven. Now you're rich and Twilight keeps trying to learn your secrets.
>It's annoying.
>You just want to sit around all day and watch bad pony soap operas.
>Mostly because they are basically soft core pornography.
>Stupid lewd horses.

>>29051810
>>29052382
>>29052619
Don't worry I had a way around the language barrier the moment I decided to included it as a thing. And yeah sadly its pretty much a deus ex universal translator, its just not called that in the story.

>>29052743
man I didn't even get a chance to post in the prison thread before it ded
why did you have to leave zew?

>>29053074
I started a new thread hoping to draw some attention but no other writefags turned up.

>>29044310
Hot

>>29046934
>Looking behind your shoulder you see the two ponies following you through the forest
>Adorable
>The trek didn’t take long, particularly after clearing the forest, yet it still took some effort
>Your reward was disappointing though
>Approaching the crater left behind by the sleeping module, nearby wheat still burning from the impact, you find a puddle of intensely reactive liquid plasma, pooled in the very centre.
>Everything it came into contact with was essentially vaporized as the goo tore the electrons from their very atomic structure
>As a result what was your bedroom was now simultaneously evaporating away, boring through the earth from the incredible heat, and reacting with literally everything in the vicinity
>The heat and light from it was intense, bordering on painful
>Your two little companions come bustling from the wheat field and stop beside you, their conversation dying away at the sight of your destroyed bedroom
>You and your horse companions watch a long time as the plasma tears further into the earth
>Once it had sunk out of sight the hole left behind look like a portal to hell, spouts of flame occasionally erupting out
>A truly magnificent sight, although now your home was an uncontrolled death soup
>It’d run out of reactive material soon enough
>But how could this have happened?
>The sleeping module hadn’t been designed for durability as the equipment module had and so upon impact it turned to a very helpful and sheltering goo
>Ha, sarcasm
>It was likely the impact caused the little fusion generator under the floor meltdown

>>29053344
>Fail safe mechanisms installed with the generator must have contained the detonation to the best of its ability, resulting it a tiny, localised, super pressurized blast, giving you the soup you’d just watch sink away
>The one surviving piece of the module was the most useless part; in space travel that is
>On the ground, beside a tiny splinter of wall casing flung from the wreckage before its unfortunate end was your pillow
>From your H.U.D you can see the module’s electronic tag had been located within that single surviving splinter of wall
“Well this is just great.”
>You look around at the endless and gently swaying fields of wheat, well, a wheat analogue, in the morning light as you take stock of your situation
>Right now all you can do is wait for rescue
>Without your ship you couldn’t even check the star system for your mission objective, whatever this “important’ thing was. An educated guess would say it’s some new weapon
>So what do you do?
>Well what you were trying to achieve just before. Find shelter, some place to wait it out
>Initial thoughts lead you to the idea of digging a small cave some ways down the shaft your old room had just created. It would be sheltered, stay warm and be well hidden
>But when you look back to the crater to see the two ponies staring down the hole you realise there would be no point to hiding, the natives had already found you and the jig was up
”I hope you ponies have a place I can crash for a few days.”
>You don’t get a reply from either, but the mare does look up and smile, galloping up the crater, snatching your pillow on the way up, presenting it to you proudly, the corner already damp with saliva
>You take it and her muzzle widens from smile to grin
“I’ll take that as a good sign.”

>>29053350
Go on.

>>29044114
Just for you http://pastebin.com/3gwUWJ1m

>>29053787
Love you.

>>29053857
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>>29048139
I have dingleberries for you then.

>>29053965
How about Milk?

>>29054000
You only get milk and dingleberries on Christmas eve. And those are normally for Santa.

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>"Hey kid, wanna sleep soundly?"
>You reach up and poke Rainbow Dash on the nose.
Pillows don't talk.
>You settle down into her fur as she wraps a wing around you.
>The two of you lightly doze under the shade of a large oak tree.
>At least until Twilight finds you and drags Rainbow off to aversion therapy again.

Any story where anon arrives in an equestria where humans have the intelligence of our dogs and are basically ponies pets?

>>29054880
Just the cringe worthy one on fimfic.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/111738/your-human-and-you
Be warned, it has every cliche in it. Almost as though the author had a list and wanted to include them all.
I read too much before I dropped it. I regret everything.

>>29054924
Oh man I read that shit years ago, thanks anyway. Now I have a sudden urge to write one similar.

>>29055024
Go for it. It is a good concept.

>>29054880
>>29054924

There's another one:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/156213/your-human-and-you-i-am-not-spartacus

Contains Equestrian humans as Planet-of-the-Apes-style not-quite-sentient beasts of burden, and ponies being dicks. It isn't badly written but I didn't care for it. Call me simple-minded but I found it difficult to enjoy a story consisting largely of cheerful cartoon ponies doing horrible things.

>>29054580
B-but Santa is a mare.

>>29055193
I don't get the whole grim derp pony thing either. They just don't seem the type.
Plus I bet there are tons of you guys out there that want to be some tiny horse's house pet.

>>29055620
No thanks.

>>29055620
Well--I think part of it might possibly have to do with contrast. Some of us watch an ultraviolent grimderp animoo and want to write fanfiction with the characters we cared about in a romance or a sitcom instead. Some of us watch an adorable sugar bowl show like MLP and feel a desire to see the characters dealing with real life, or even, for extreme contrast, with grimderp.

Not endorsing any of it, just trying to explain.

>>29054761
das nice

>>29056009
Who made this?

>Green update is halfway done
>Don't feel like writing the rest tonight
>Doing it anyways
Have a bump, I suppose. Green tonite.

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O-ookay! Smaller update, but relevant. Exposition is over, I'll be dicing it up into chapters now. PB: http://pastebin.com/pUGK5fhy
>>29034267

Chapter II

>For several minutes, you and Twilight silently observe the gentle writing of the unicorn in front of you, as his pen dances across a page before moving on to the next one below it.
>You can’t discern much of him in the dim light, and because he’s facing away from you, but you can at least make out that he’s a stallion with a rather dark coat.
>”You know, it’s rude to stare.”
>The sound of his deep voice causes you and Twilight to startle, before you both quickly clamber behind the corner you were only halfway hidden by a moment before.
>Nothing else happens, and you don’t hear any further movement, and so you sneak a look out from your futile hiding spot. He hasn’t moved, looked up, or even stopped writing.
>After a few seconds more, he puts down the pen, leans back in his seat, and lets out a simple, tired sigh. “Introductions are generally conducted with all parties in the same room, whoever you are. And since you’ve managed to enter this area but still fear my presence, I believe introductions are in order.”
>Slightly recovering from your shock and trepidation, you enter the room to speak with this newcomer.
“I am Anonymous, guest in Equestria, transported here through means unknown.”
>”And your companion?”
>Twilight also enters the room, although in a much more tentative fashion, “Princess Twilight Sparkle, alicorn and Element of Magic.”
>At last the stallion drops from his seat and turns to face you, using his magic to light a small chandelier above you at the same time.

>>29058476
>He appears rather unremarkable. A milk chocolate coat with a cream mane, cut across by streaks of light yellow. Far from an outlandish color scheme in this world. Average in height, and in build, his only remarkable feature was his face, which betrayed a soul hardened by knowledge and unused to the touch of social interaction which reached out to him today. He also wears a pair of reading classes, which are quickly folded up and tucked away.
Several moments of tense silence pass before you speak up, “So, how long have you… ehh, been here? Also, how did you get here?”
>His eyes widen slightly in surprise, before quickly resuming their tired look, “You’ve not been informed of my work? That would explain the entrance.”
>You and Twilight merely shake your heads to confirm his suspicions.
>”And this library, then? How did you know of it?”
“We didn’t. There’s nothing in the records on it, which is why we were surprised to discover a place such as this.”
>He pauses for a moment, as if to consider. “Then I suppose I must bring you up-to-date on things, then. An alicorn and a human, lost as to the purpose of this place. I’d have never thought it.”
>Before you can question him, he begins his monologue, “My name is Parchment, royal scholar and keeper of Starswirl’s Library. About a decade ago, I was assigned to work and research here, a continuing project of Princess Celestia. I realized that the existence of the library was shielded from public eye, but not to this extent. It comes as a great surprise to me that you, an alicorn princess, are in the dark regarding this establishment.”
>He motions for you both to follow, as he begins to move towards a small hallway on your right. “Please follow me, there is much to show you.”

>>29058480
>Another long hallway, this place seems filled with them. The theme of brass busts continues. “To come through here, you must have seen the library itself. It is protected by a set of powerful spells aimed to keep its existence secret. Outside of the immediate surrounding landscape, any mention of this place is magically scoured from text unless it is exceedingly vague.”
>Twilight interjects with a question, “Is that why there’s no record of it? Because those records physically can’t be kept?”
>He nods his head in the affirmative. “If you’ve taken any notes, be prepared for them to be scrubbed clean once you leave.” You’ve entered the next room, a surprisingly large room filled with laboratory equipment. Most of it is outdated by your standards, but impressive for Equestrian technology.
>Your impromptu tour guide provides an explanation for the scene before you, “This is the laboratory, designed to accommodate many disciplines of science. It’s not been used in a long time.”
“So, why all the secrecy?” you pipe up. “Why invest so much in a place like this, only to have it hidden away?”
>He looks uncomfortable answering this, but ultimately decides to anyway. “It has to do with a number of Starswirl’s… latter day experiments. The kind that, should the results ever be published or found by an untrustworthy party, could cause major harm to someone.”
>Mad science, then.
>Twilight is visibly unnerved at that, although it may be partly due to her long-held disagreements with censored science. “How much is stored here unpublished? Has someone catalogued it, at the very least?”
>Parchment curls his lips into a smile, and it’s not lost on you that it’s the first time his stoic expression has changed. “That’s what I’m here for.”

>>29058486
>Parchment is only the most recent scholar in a long line of library-keepers, essentially dating back to the week Starswirl died. As one nears old age, Celestia selects one of her most promising pupils to continue the task of cataloguing and studying the material contained within.
>Deaths, disappearances, or moves are staged, as this job is a one-way street.
>The statue which granted you entry was a bit of an oddity, one that Parchment was eager to investigate with your help. Starswirl had directly overseen its design and construction, and nobody in Equestria (or anywhere else, for that matter) knew what the hell that English text said.
>Except, apparently, Starswirl himself. How, why, and with what significance the language was inscribed appears to be lost to time.
>Celestia, Luna, and possibly Discord are the only living beings who knew of the library. That is, before you and Twilight stumbled upon it. The place is kept under lock and key, and while the guards ostensibly sought to keep out wild animals and looters, their true purpose was to guard the massive underground secret.
>The secret set of tunnels and passageways was almost as large as the main part of the library, and by and large contained much more sensitive material and some of Starswirl’s more secretive projects.
>They were only opened with Alicorn magic, according to Starswirl himself. The English passage supports that claim, although why it was laid out as it was remains a mystery to you all.
>Parchment is eager to begin searching for an answer, however. Most other matters in the library had been settled thousands of years ago. Now, the structure’s sole tenant mainly sticks around to ensure that its protective spells are maintained.

>>29058496
>Of course, the initial shock and excitement of finding a set of secret tunnels and learning of their past only stuck around for a short while. Before long, you find yourself itching to begin searching this new wing for information relevant to your quest.
>Twilight was content to immerse herself in a pile of reading material. Every once in a while she would send a shout down the hallway about some fascinating new discovery. Or a mundane one. Come to think of it, she was doing that a lot.
“Parchment.”
>He looks up from the large book he’d been poring over for the better part of an hour. Something to do with the statue out front.
“We did come here for a reason. I’ve been searching for some time for an explanation, or any research at all, on the true nature of magic.”
>”It’s magic.” Was he going to do this, too?
“I know, I know, but there must be an explanation for it! Even if it’s a simple, predictive mathematical formula. Twilight told me about rumors of Starswirl searching for similar answers shortly before he died. Do you know of anything around here that might be of use?”
>He pauses for a moment, with an unreadable look on his face. Distinct from the now-familiar flat expression he usually carried, this one was more thoughtful than anything else.
>At last he answers, “…I do believe that there is something on it, yes.” He places a bookmark on his page and shuts the cover. “I am also quite certain that it’s not finished, however.”
“Anything will be helpful.”
>”It’s not far. I’ll show you.”

>>29058502
End update for today. I always appreciate feedback and especially criticism.

PB (again): http://pastebin.com/pUGK5fhy

>>29053350
Keep em comin grandma.

>>29057615
bcs

>>29058513
Keep em comin grandad

>>29056421
I've always thought of Equestria as a world having different evolutionary conditions that are not near as cut throat as ours, but I also agree with your assessment.

crossposting
>>29052254
You can't keep your hands off them because they are covered in glue.
Ponies are made of glue.
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>The Princess of all Cosmos has gotten drunk and destroyed the world again.
>You have been tasked with rolling things up into a gigantic ball.
>She did not tell you why.
>This would normally be very difficult if not for the fact that ponies, being similar to horses in some ways, are made of glue.
>Which is very useful when you need to stick things together.
>Like say, into a ball.
>There is some complaining as you smear the ponies across and around the ever-growing sorta-sphere of assorted junk and anything else you can get your hands on.
>They shut up soon enough as you cover them up with ever more layers of ponies and stuff.
>So much stuff.
>Just huge amounts of stuff.
>All of it goes onto the ball.
>As the ball grows larger, it sticks to larger and larger objects.
>What was once just the size of a car is now big enough to pick up entire buildings just by smacking into and over them.
>This growth does not just stop there.
>Entire towns, villages, hamlets and even cities are glopped onto the surface of your big sticky ball.
>Eventually entire nations are being rolled over and they too adhere to the spheroid you push.
>When the last of the things are collected, the Princess of all Cosmos appears before you in all her glowy radiance.
>"I am pleased to see you have completed the task I have given you."
>"This ball is very impressive."
>"But I'm sure it's not as nice as the ones in your pants."
>She continues speaking with a suggestive wink.
>"How about we go back to my castle and you show me just how impressive they are?"

>Easter
>Ponies learn about the story of easter
>Decide to nail the princesses to sticks too
>They believe doing this will result in them all getting chocolate

>>29058502
God, i love this story.

>>29054761
I wonder do we have /ss/ thread before?

>>29060833
Sure, but we just use that image here.

>>29061282
Good point.

>>29058513
Good shit.

>>29046925
Me too, pitty it was broken. Wish some one would pick it back up and fix it.

>FAP is a lot more powerful than you'd realised, and it's about to get a whole lot more members

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>Day Gulag in GLORIOUS EQUESTISTAN
>you are Anonsky
>and glorious leader Sunbuttsky has declared you enemy of state!
>so you toil away in FriendChip mines.
>under glorious leaders hot sun
>all because
>you prefer pie over cake
>such is life in RUSSIANQUESTRIA

>>29062812
>Cheer.png
How nice.

>>29062812
>Day Borscht in GLORIOUS EQUESTRIA
>you are Anonsky
>Freshly released from gulag, you wander streets of Lunagrad
>Soup kitchen open!
>You join 4 block long line
>At last glorious soup kitchen serves you glorious rations
>One package of cigarettes and a liter of hard liquor
>PRAISE TO THE PARTY AND TO SUNBUTTSKY FOR GLORIOUS MEAL

We gonna need narration.

>>29064241
"We gonna need narration."

>>29064315
Kek, wait, not like that.
>Sitting on the chair and holding a book

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>>29064542
>I sat there cracking open another bear and then typing a reply.
>Knowing full well what the poster wanted but only making a half ass smartass reply instead.
>I'm not a robot. Probably.
>The captcha was select all the street signs.
>I did.
>It told me I failed.
>It was only a single square with a no parking sign.
>Suspecting this may me a Zionist conspiracy of some kind but not caring I continue to select all the storefronts until they are gone.
>The post should be successful.
>I make sure to add a picture of one of my two favorite pone before hitting the post button so this is at least pony related in some way.

>be faggot
>proncess dunt like.
>dey want dat hawt green bod
>to cuddle and fuddle and >rape
>but nuh way josè
>this green butt is for dah stallion dong
>mmmmmm
>you want the D

>you are Suhlestia
>and by your sister
>you want the D
>dat hawt monkey D
>but he's infected with the gay
>that plague was thought extinct
>at least.
>ever since you banished the gay to Uranus
>because anal turns you on because they like the butt
>better send him to prison
>rape him straight with the dick

>be anonymous in prison
>you plan to drop all the soap
Fin

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>>29064784
True story.

>>29064784
That other pony better be

I figure I'll bump with this here, too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25IhfWRO4Rk

>>29064946
That cute.

I have an old flash back from my ooooold story.

Fuck you, it's story time!

>>29066501
Post green then

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>>29066710

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>>29044099
HAPPY 1111!

>Be Anon.
>Ponies don't enjoy talking to you.
>Mostly because instead of their names you describe the last time they had sex.
Hey Threesome with the Cakes, can I have a chocolate muffin and a cup of coffee.
>"Sure thing Anon."
Hi Fucked my Magically Animated Mannequin.
>"Hello Darling, your suit is almost finished."
Hi Fucked up the Butt While a Bear Watches.
>"...hi..."
Hi Applejack.
>"Howdy."
Hi Paid a Changeling to be a Male Version of herself.
>Rainbow Dash glares at you instead of greeting you back.
>"I really hate it when you do that."
You're just mad you had to register as a sex offender for nailing that 10 year old human.
>Twilight walks in.
Hi Roughsex with Applejack's Brother.
>"WHAT!"
>"Oh horseapples."

>>29067036
Oh shit. It FAPMAN!

>>29067415
lol

>>29067889
>You're in Canterlot today. Meeting princesses.
>This will not go well.
>"Hello Anonymous."
Hello Princess horn fucking the headless corpse of a Shining Armor clone.
>"..."
Jesus, what the fuck!
>"Oh, I didn't quite believe Twilight when she told me so I set that little test up for you."
So, you're not some kind of monster horse or something?
>"Certainly not, now let us go and visit Princess Luna. I want to know if her date went well last week."
Okay.
>*20 minutes later*
Hello Princess double penetrated by Shining Armor clones.
>"Hello monkey that now resides in the dungeon."
Fuck.

>>29044099
>Thread #1111
Over a half million posts in this general alone.

Let's seen if you can reach a million.

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>>29044178
>Jew
>christian board

>>29068236
>Be Anon.
>Be Jewish.
>Not that it really matters in Equestria since they don't have Abrahamic religions here.
>No, they worship the sun horse.
>You've had tea with her, she's nice.
>You actually don't care too much about religion. You're not exactly devout.
>Much to the shame of your mother.
>You also haven't provided her with any grandchildren and you are neither a doctor or a lawyer.
>You bring shame to the family with your lowly profession of intelligence analyst.
>Not that you get to do that anymore.
>Nowadays you live off a Displaced Human Stipend.
>It's quite generous actually.
>You have a small house to yourself.
>The only stipulation is that you have to entertain Twilight once a week and talk about human stuff.
>She normally brings cake so at least there's that.

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>>29068236
Meant it as a "nah senpai there are children here" joke, but I actually am a Christfag lol

Jewish family, the majority don't know I'm a convert. I pull the "6 million" card regularly, because why not? Grandparents have some really cool Holocaust survival stories.

I want to read God Anon Part 3!

HEAR OUR VOICE!!!

WE WILL WAIT!!

>>29044178
>Christian
Me too!

>>29068611
... you now Anon, when someone give you a prompt, the aim it to make something fun and/or original with it. Not to find a way to make it the most boring thing ever.

>>29069423
Not every anon gets to be cursed with an interesting life

>>29069008
Was it the pork roast?
Mmmmm, pork roast.

>>29069252
no

Hey guys, reminder that tomorrow is the deadline for Secret Santa. Join in, be jolly, spend as little or as much as you want to spend, get weird gifts that may or may not be dildos, whatever.
Hope to hear from a few more of you.

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>>29070541
This.
Do it faggots

>>29069423
The goal was to be boring and mundane.

>Be Anon.
>You wake up in your bed.
>It's mid afternoon so you make your way downstairs to the basement laboratory where you guess Twilight is.
>On entering the lab you put on your lab coat and gloves.
>You enter the operating theater to the sight of Twilight carefully dissecting your previous body.
>No matter how or where you die in Equestria you always end up back in your bad after 38 minutes.
Anything new?
>"Not really, I was just bored and wanted to try out a new spell. It teleported your nervous system outside of your body."
Huh, neat.
>"No idea where they went though."

>*In Canterlot*
>"Sister, why is there brain in my Caesar salad?"

>Such is life in Edgequestria.

>>29072068
Did she at least adjusted his moral fibers?

>>29046953
>Day Rules of nature in equestria
>You are Raiden
>But you have amnesia because the author wants to self insert himself as you but needs an excuse
>You wake up in a cartoon world full of ponies
>"Oh-what-a-handsome-yet-scary-individual-you-are" says the writers favorite pony in a totally not forced sort of way
>"Yes-he-is-really-cool-please-mr-robot-wont-you-tell-us-your-name?" says the writers second favorite pony
"I dont know for I have amnesia" Says the awesome cyborg warrior (the author is too lazy to check a thesaurus for bigger words because it detracts from his worsturbation time)
>"We-must-find-a-name-for-you" says the authors favorite pony
"I wonder what I shall call myself..." says the robot ninja while striking an awesome pose
>"How-about-anonymous?" says the second favorite pony
>But before they could continue a villian appears
>"Haha-I-am-here-to-cause-distress-for-an-out-of-character-sort-of-reason" says the discord, who is now acting like satan because he is EVILLLLL and the thing with him and Fluttershy MUST BE STOPPED
>"Oh-no-wont-somebody-save-us" says the favorite pony who may or may not be an alicorn of immense power.
"Forsooth, I shall not allow you to be evil no longer" Says 'Anonymous' pulling his powerful murasame katana out of its sheath while static flows through his sleek robotic physique.
>The amazing cyborg moves quick as lightning and cuts up the hated enemy with his powerful and glorious razor tipped blade that is superior in craftsmanship because it has been folded a thousand times also it is sharp enough to cut a molecule
>"Ha-ha, You-are-no-match-for-my-uncharacteristic-evil" says Discord as he lobs some fireballs at "Anonymous"
>Unfortunately for the totally cardboard cutout of a villian, "Anonymous" awesome robot bawddy is capable of moving a thousand miles an hour (the author was unwilling to do research because at his self inserts actual abilities because he needs his wordsturbation NOW)

>>29072178
>"Rules of nature" the familiar theme song plays out in the authors head as the self insert jumps, weaves and dodges the fireballs just like in the demo
>"Anonymous" proceeds to move at full speed as the world is set in slow motion and cuts up discord into a million pieces
>Unfortunately, the author did not really get to play the game and only watched the trailer so this will probably be the last time that raid-"Anon" will do some fighting of significant quality
>"oh-what-a-heroic-and-honoroable-fighting-style" says the favorite pony
"Yes, for it is based on samurai ninjers that only my body is enhancced by nanomachines" says "Anonymous
>Twilight sparkle (if he is not the writers favorite pony) proceeds to pull out some quills and scrolls and says
>"I-wish-to-learn-more-about-these-nanomachines" while blushing at "Anonymouses" heroic heroism
>"Anonymous" proceeds to once again draw his sword and cut up the scrolls and quills, to the ponies amazed admiration
"You shall not because of reasons" Says the cyborg ninjer warrior nanomachine "For I am secretive in nature and totally not becuase the author was unwilling to do research providing some flavour text" says the mysterios phantom
>"But-at-least-let-me-introduce-you-to-my-teacher-princess-celestia" says the purple pony assuming that celestia was not the authors favorite pony, because that would not make sense, since the author already spoke to two of his favorite ponies not named twilight nor celestia
>The scene fast forwards into canterlot and celestia speaks to anon
>"I-wish-to-read-your-mind-because-you-might-be-a-threat-to-my-little-ponies" says the cardboard cutout of the alicorn, as if it was copy pasted from a million other fics
"You may" says "Anonymous" selflessly, wishing nothing more than to gain the ponies trust even though he just met them 3 minutes ago
>"Oh-no-what-is-this" Says the alicorn in shock
>"It-appears-you-are....-Immune-to-magic"

>>29072182
>The ponies gasp and blush at "Anons" manly immunity to magic
>"We-shall-still-give-our-trust-nonetheless-despite-your-heroic-act-of-murdering-a-deity-regardless-of-warrant-even-if-is-not-in-our-culture-to-kill" says the celestial alicorn who is coincidentally called celestia
>"Noeth-we-do-not-eth" A booming voice cuts in
>"We-eth-doth-eth-not-trustheth-thine-eth" says Luna, if she is not hte writers favorite pony, because the story would not make sense if she were
>"You-must-prove-eth-thineselfeth-to-be-trustworthy" she continues in the royal canterlot voice
"How may I do this?" says "Anonymous" sad at the ponies distrust
>"You-must-duel-eth-shinging-armor-eth-In-an-arena-eth-full-of-spectators-so-eth-many-more-ponies-may-be-impressed-at-your-mysterious-prowess-eth-eth-eth" says Luna while stomping her hooves
>"But-he-might-get-hurt" says the favorite pony on the verge of tears
"I will still do it" says "Anonymous" in a selfless act of valor
>The scene fast forwards to the duel because the author lacks ability in pacing
>"I-am-shining-armor-and-I-will-duel-you" says the unicorn
>"you are totally-brave-what-a-big-and-strong-man-you-are-to-need-the-most-advanced-technology-humanitiy-has-to-offer-in-order-to-defeat-a-small-horse-like-myself-armed-with-horse-grade-metal-swords-that-may-be-compared-to-tinfoil-in-durability"
"Yes and also I may or may not have a firearm in my person because this fight may not be fair enough" says "Anonymous
>"oh-please-be-careful-mylove" says the favorite pony, romantic subplot already taken place behind the scenes
>"Yes-do-be-careful" says the second favorite pony who is also in love with "Anonymous" the cyborg ninjer
>"We-must-form-a-herd" Says Celestia, undulating in anons sexual prowess

>>29072185
>"Let the bodies hit the floor" the music played out from the authors linked youtube video, which upon further inspection also turns out to be a naruto video
>Anonymous tubles and flips fighting shinging armor
>"What-a-surprisingly-even-match" says the guard captain, amazed at how the fight is fought in an even manner despite how anonymous killed Discord in less than 3 seconds earlier
"Yes I am also having trouble" says anonyous taxed at the difficulty of facing a foe who must swing a sword held in his tiny pony mouth
>"I-shudder-with-concern-and-barely-concelead-lust-eth-eth" says the lunar alicorn, amzed at the amazing fight takeing place
>"You-must-also-join-our-herd" says the favorite pony
>"Yes-for-the-author-is-unsafified-with-just-one-mare" says celestia blushing furiously from the way anons muscles rippled underneath his cyborg plating
>And the fight proceeds, as shining armor is bested by Anonymous, royal unicorn armor defeated through anoynmous mighty skill and not because horse grade armor is equivalent to butcher paper painted purple with glitters added for the shine effect
>"Oh-thank-you-for-only-crippling-me-for-life-instead-of-killing-me" Shining armor says, grateful for anonymous mercy
"It truly was a difficult battle" says anonymous, completely lacking in injury, the same way this story is lacking in proper punctiation and correct spelling
>"May-I-also-join-your-herd?" says shining aromor blushing at the amazing cyborg nindjer
"Only if the author is into stallion sex" says "Anonymous" glistening with nanomachine laced cyborg sweat
>"what-a-tiring-battle-that-was" says the favorite pony, rushing towards the love of her life, oblivious to the slaughter that just took place several seconds ago
>"We-must-consumate-our-affection-for-one-another" says celestia
>"Shining-armor-may-join-in-as-well-if-that-is-the-authors-fetish-eth-eth-eth" says luna
>"Yes-oh-no-but-dont-look-now" says the second favorite pony

>>29072190
>The citizens of equestria collectively gasp
>"oh-no-who-is-that?"
"Alas it is... DOCTOR DOOM" says Anonymous, in surprise at his hated enemy.
>"YES-IT-IS-I" Says doctor doom, appearing because the author must further establish Anonymous's dominance but has run out of enemies for anonymous to fight, forcing the author to pull a villian, from a different franchise
"Oh no, my mortal enemy, DOCTOR DOOM!!" says anonymous, taken by surprise at the appearance of his nemesis, who has little to do with the metal gear franchise, but alas the author didnt really play the game so he knows nothing about the villians.
>"Take-this!" says doctor doom, attack vaguely described because the author also knows very little about this character
"Oh no I am gravely injured" says Anonymous
>"My-love" the collective herd screams out filled with concern for the human cyborg nanomachine
"I will fight harder despite my injury" says anonymous, who alas still has not made any character development
>"Oh-no-I-am-defeated-by-the-kagebunshin-no-justsu" says doctor doom, further attesting to the authors affinity with the shonen manga
"Yes you are no match for me!" says anonymous, unsheathing his katana
>"haha-but-I-will-teleport-behind-you" says doctor doom, proud of his gambit as he proceeds to attack the now vulnerable anonymous
"Fool it was a hologram that you have attacked" says anonymous fighting with all his might
>"Oh-no-i-stand-defeated!" says doctor doom, collapsing to the ground as he is teleported mysteriously bnack to his home dimension
"Yes I will let my good friend and pupil, SUPER MAN" deal with you
>"Truly-he-is-amongst-greatest-of-heroes" says the cardboard cutout that is celestia.
>"But-now-that-he-has-access-to-his-home-portal-will-he-not-choose-to-go-back?" says another lover pony
"No I will stay behind" says anonymous, a single manly tear sheds from his eyes
"For I must protect you all, In case my other nemesis SEPHIROTH appears"
<To be continued>

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Remember to wash your pony every day.

>>29072192
>And then Anonymous turned into a rocketship and flew to venus.
>Venus was not inhospitable but actually just sort of overcast and everyone there had a penis.
>Even the girls.
>Especially the girls.
>But the girls had feminine penises.
>Anonymous fucked all the girls in the penises and some of the men too.
>He had superior sexual stamina and lasted a whole minute before ejaculating and crying.
>Everyone cries when the sex is so good.
>Even DOCTOR OCTOPUS cried when he had sex with Anonymous at Peter Parker's birthday party.
>Doctor octopus was not actually either a doctor or an octopus.
>He only had a master's degree and was a squid.
>But we don't hold that against him because he saved the city from a lack of spiderman suffering.
>He is the hero New York needed and the one it wanted.


>>29072638
This is good advice.
You must prevent your pony from becoming a smelly pony.

>>29072642
>You must prevent your pony from becoming a smelly pony.

There is a balance to be struck here, sometimes a bit of musk can really add to a situation.

>>29072642
>>29072662
The best reason to clean your pony is so you can get them dirty again.

>Be Anon.
>You have pony ass cancer.
>At least they think you do.
>Turns out they don't have buttholes and they don't poop or have sex.
>Reproduction is done via budding or some such nonsense.
>Twilight caught you pooping in the woods and demanded an explanation. Since you are bad at explaining things she thinks you have some kind of terminal disease.
>It took at least a week to convince her otherwise.
>Now she spearheaded the drive to get you an indoor toilet. Since ponies have outhouses for when they have to purge.
>They use their mouth for everything like a sea cucumber.
>Twilight let you watch once.
>You have nightmares now.
>You also do not wish to trick them into giving you a blowjob.
>They have teeth where they should not have teeth.
>You make sure fapping is a closely guarded secret.
>No one must know. Especially Twilight.

>>29072638
I just use a garden hose

>>29073298
No.

>>29073750
Yes!
Where else are they going to do it?
It's not like they're people.

>>29073827
Didn't horsemother once tweet that they use it to fertilize their flowers?

>>29073839
Horsemother isn't the boss of me.

>>29073298
POO

>Sitting in your market stall you can feel her eye upon you.
>There is a hunger in those eyes and a downright lustful glint.
>She moves to you with determination.
>Staring at your length as you sit there on display for the world to see.
>Reaching out to you she rubs her ever so soft hoof along your 8 inches of girth.
>Grasping you between her hooves bringing her face ever closer.
>You can feel her breath on your tip.
>Wrapping her lips around you.
>Her tongue moves over you with purpose as you slip deeper into her mouth.
>”*cough* Miss Derpy?” the mare behind the counter of the stall says.
>Derpy looks to her with you still in her mouth.
>”You ARE going to pay for that cucumber aren’t you?”
“Hmm? Oh yesh heheh.”
>Pulling you from her mouth with a pop she hands the mare a few bits before running off towards home.
>You are Anon the cucumber and tonight is going to be a fun night.

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And you can too!

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“Looks like this day has finally come,” you mutter to yourself with a great wave of dread washing over you.
>You stare deeply into your own eyes in the bathroom mirror.
>Your eyes look weary, your hands are hardened from all the years you’ve worked, while your skin’s colour and texture is closer to leather now that it’s lost much of its volume and smoothness.
>You’ve had all these for many years and it has never bothered you.
>Looking back into the mirror you sternly glare at your beard.
>“Are you ready yet?” Moonie calls out down the hallway.
“Gimme one more minute,” you cry back in an irate tone.
>The top of your head is bare because your bizarre dread of this day, that and pony mane dye doesn’t work properly in your hair.
>So you never really noticed these grey hairs. Hairs as in plural.
>There are so many little greys that adorn your chin mane.
>You eye the tweezers then decide to pluck one. You grip it tightly then pull quickly in hopes you can grunt through the pain.
>But you soon find out that even that isn’t possible for you.
>A few wild spams, flailing about for no reason other than pain, and lots of cursing happen before you pull yourself together.
“Alright, I’m ready,” you call out as you leave the bathroom only for a dark blur to whizz right under your legs and into the bathroom.
>“About time!”
“We don’t have long you know.”
>“Then why did you take so long,” shouts Moonie as she throws something at the door.

>You let out a sigh step into the lounge room to look around the room for something interesting.
>There’s not, because you’re not the decorating type, then again there is one lazy mare adorning your couch.
“Trixie, you really need to get off of the couch once in awhile. How goes either of those jobs?
>Trixie rolls her eyes at you as she twists her body away from you while her head and eyes stay locked on you.
“Why don’t you come with us?” You state with a sweet smile.

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>>29075849
>“The sweet and benevolent Trixie will not intrude on your father-daughter bonding time,” she mocks, “Besides, this time of year isn’t really… Trixie’s thing.”
“You and me both,” you sigh deeply.
>“Then why are you going?”
“Bonding.”
>You give her a confused look, she just said the reason why you are going only a moment ago.
>Was she kidding before or is she joking now?
>It’s hard to gauge the magnificently lazy mare who hasn’t gotten up all day and yet somehow looks about two winks away from falling asleep from exhaustion.
>Trixie goes silent for a minute, however she stares at you intently the whole time until she opens her mouth to speak before immediately shutting it.
“What?” You dryly ask.
>“You have still yet to tell Trixie how you two met.”
“I haven’t?”
>She shakes her head and finally gets up. Her hooves are still only the couch as she leans on the back so she can intently focus on you.
>It’s almost as if she expects the whole story now.
>Thankfully Moonie’s hoofsteps can be heard coming down the hallway before you can say anything.
“Well, I’m heading off. Another time though. Maybe when I have a drink in my system or something.”
>“Trixie always thought of you as one of those no fun allowed types.”
“Not today I’m not.”
>“Of course not,” she sarcastically pokes her tongue out at you.

>“You know, the princess probably like hearing you flirt like that.”
“Actually, I need to talk about that--”
>“Oh, look! There’s the festival.”
>She is off before she even finishes her sentence.
>You wonder why the two of you had to go together if she is going to dart off at the first sign of pretty lights.
>Instead of letting that bug you, shrug it off and also decide to leave that bit of sorry news, about you and the princess, for another day.
>You’d like to see Moonie enjoy a holiday that isn’t centred around her and terrifying others.
>“Anon, over here,” beckons Moonie.

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>>29075851
>She is standing in front of a cotton candy stand operated by a cheery little mare looking for your wallet.
“Alright, how much?”
>“Well, it depends how big you want to go,” the attendant replies.
>“ALL OF IT,” beams Moonie.
“Not a chance.”
>“Come on. It’s the holidays and the little filly wants a treat.”
>You eye her with an unyielding glare. You’re not one of those pushovers who give into a kid’s every demand.
>She isn’t phased though, that same overly cheery smile beams from her face as if she knows she’ll get what she is after.
>“What if I get the large then?” Moonie tries compromising with hope.
“You’ll have no other snacks for the night then.”
>“Psht, extra medium then.”
>You hold out the bits then mutter to the attendant, “the large, please.”
>The attendant’s grin starts glowing as if to warn nearby ships of danger.
>She and Moonie get what they want.
>But who cares.
>She’s right, it’s the holidays.
>You’re willing to spoil Moonie and little more than you usually do. You just wish you could do that without seeing this many teeth from the attendant.
>“So, who are you meant to be?” The attendant asks as she weaves the cotton candy.
“Snowfall Frost.”
>She gives you a disapproving glance while Moonie radiates a smug aura.
“It was the only way I could get her to come,” you lie as you take the puffy pink cloud of sugar on a stick.
>“Woah, this is huge.”
>Moonie takes it in her magic and begins digging in as she darts around the other stalls looking at their food.
>She doesn’t ask for any but you imagine she’s getting recon done for when the cotton candy is gone.
>As she is off and enjoying all the splendour, you hang back a bit. Eyeing the stage where the Ponyville Hearth’s Warming Eve performance will take place.
>“Anon?”
>You can’t help but feel a little bit of dread. Every year so far you’ve avoided coming to these events.
>It’s not your thing.
>“Anon~?”

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>>29075861
>But today is an important day. For you, for Mayor Mare, for Moonie, and even the whole town. So you need to be here.
>“Anon,” calls out the voice one more time, this time they nudge you a little.
“Oh, hello… Mayor Mare.”
>The mayor gives a sigh of relief.
>“I was going to ask you to give the opening speech but given how intently you were staring at the stage there--”
“Oh, I’m fine.”
>“It’s alright,” she interjects with a hoof, “I know you’re nervous. Still, I would like you to introduce the play so every pony knows you’re here.”
>You nod and Mayor graciously smiles before heading off as she’s got a lot to do.
>She said she wanted to catch up with every pony she knew during the festival, and given she’s the mayor of such a close community, that’s pretty much everyone.
>“Anon, I want Hearth’s Warming frittatas.”
>Moonie points to the nearby stall with the confectionary cloud gone.
“There is no way you ate that this quickly.”
>“How dare you underestimate your queen like that.”
>You shrug and just give in, buying her 4 frittatas before telling her to take it easy.
>Though, you know she won’t. It’s Nightmare Night all over again.
>The two of you walk along, neither really leading as Moonie eats her food.
>“So, what’s with the grey?”
“What?”
>Her quick and nonchalant way of asking feels like a sudden slap in the face as you stand there for the briefest moment in a daze.
>“Your beard,” she says, chewing with her mouth open, “It’s going grey. Are you getting old.”
>Moonie slyly smirks at you and while you have now caught onto what she’s doing, she still has you by surprise.
“It’s stress.”
>Mentally you kick yourself for lacking any kind of wit right now.
>You try your best to subtly take a deep breath to help compose yourself.
>It doesn’t quite work, but you do notice Moonie has composed herself a little and stopped.
>Now you’re standing away from the festival a little, at least out of earshot of every pony.

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>>29075864
>“Hey… How long do humans live for?” Moonie asks in a very sombre tone.
>Her eyes stare at you with a piercing intent, unwilling to break for fiercely that even you can’t turn away from them.
“For a very, very long time,” you reply as you squat down to her level, “I’m not going anywhere.”
>With a warming smile and slightly open arms in case a hug is needed, you feel like you’re being as reassuring and comforting as possible.
>Moonie however makes a complete about-face and heads off while chatting away to the open breeze about what other foods she wants to try before the show because you hang there for a moment.
>Still squatting alone.
>Burying your face into your hands, you resist as best you can the urge to scream.
“One last snack,” you call back as you catch up, “the show is about to start.”

>Moonie convinces you to get her a small bag of pastries and some popcorn. You pinch a small hand full before darting around backstage.
>“Ah, Anonymous. No time, you’re on,” Mayor Mare gibber jibber jabbers as she shoves you on stage.
>“Watch your step,” bellows Moonie, clearly with a mouth full of food.
“Heh, well first I should thank you all for coming. I’m Anonymous, the human.”
>“Obviously~!” Moonie rudely shouts once again.
“Once more and you’re grounded for a month,” you dryly reply which causes most of the audience to give a brief laugh, “Let me introduce our performance for tonight. Cheerilee and Pinkie worked very hard together to write a whole new performance which will be performed by Miss Cheerilee’s class. The kids did everything themselves; costumes, props, the set, all of it. And it looks great. So please give a warm stamp and cheer for tonight’s performers.”
>With that you step off stage as the little children scamper on in their various outfits.
>You even spot one poor colt as a tree.
>Honestly, you’ve always thought that kind of thing was a joke, but here you are looking at one.

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>>29075870
>You find Moonie sitting a few rows back and onto the edge with a spare seat beside her for you.
“Why did you move over here?”
>The Mayor had reserved front row seats for the two of you after all.
>“The only person your height are the princesses. Nobody wants a great lanky dolt blocking their view.”
“Oh, right,” you mutter.
>She has a good point, you just feel wounded that Moonie of all people pointed out how you were being inconsiderate.
>“This is the tale of a far away land’s version of Hearth’s Warming,” a shy colt states to the audience dressed in what you can overly describe as a puffy bard costume.
“You didn’t,” you mutter to Moonie.
>“It was too easy of a sell really. A fat human that gives presents for being good? Pinkie didn’t need any more convincing.”
>You sigh deeply into your hands, holding back a loud groan as the play continues.

>The play goes on, it’s a simple story really.
>A human, played by a filly who is constantly struggling to stand on her hind legs like you, is transformed by the ‘human gods’ into a fat old man who must reward all the well behaved kids each year.
>The ‘human’ resists naturally but eventually their stubbornness is overcome by good nature, and a wish to see kids smile.
>You also can’t help but notice the filly playing the human has a bald cap and a fake beard that looks a lot like yours until it greys and grows.
>The whole time Moonie beams at you while stuffing her face with the seemingly endless box of popcorn.

“What a wonderful little tale,” you remark as you head back on stage once the show is over, “I actually had no idea there was going to be a story based on events back in my motherland. Thank you kids. Now there will be a few more acts to go on, such as some carolling but first, Mayor Mare would like to say a few words.”

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>>29075877
>You gesture towards the stage right as the mayor steps out. Mares and stallions stamp, fillies and colts cheer as you smile at just how beloved the mayor of this town is. Then you do a nervous swallow as she takes the mic.
>“Greetings every pony. I hope you’re all having a great time, I know I am. What a wonderful show that was, also I couldn’t help but notice that Anon, your beard has begun to grey. Can the children of Ponyville expect gifts this year, or does the transformation take time?” she states in her usually cheery demeanour that everyone has grown accustomed to, “Now I have some bittersweet news. Princess Celestia has asked me, personally, to aside with things up in Canterlot.”
>The crowd works up into a thundering applause and hollering of pride for Mayor Mare.
>And who wouldn’t?
>She works so hard and even the princess recognises that.
>“Unfortunately, this means I’d have to leave this town I love so dearly, and all of you. Of course, I will visit often. But I know you will all be in the safest of hands. I have known Anonymous for many years, and have had the honour of working beside him for two of them. He works just as diligently as I. Plus, I’ll be stopping in to make sure he doesn’t sleep on the job,” she proudly jests.
>The audience laughs too and stamps a little before Mayor Mare speaks up again.
>“I will miss you all. Thank you for letting me the mayor of this wonderful town. Anonymous, please take care of them.”
“Only the best of care, Minister Mare” you reply.
>You notice Mayor Mare has begun tearing up a little. Not enough for people to see, you think.
>But you quickly take the reigns and introduce the carolling act so the two of you can head off stage.
>There you share a moment of joy and sorrow in a warming hug.
>“Minister Mare, huh?”
“Yeah, it fits,” you grin.
>“It has a nice ring to it.”
“You’ll always be Mayor Mare though.”
>“Thank you,” she murmurs into your chest.

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>>29075886
>Then the two of you head out for the night where you are both swarmed by ponies.
>Everyone Mayor Mare meets wants to say goodbye and that they’ll miss her.
>You however are swamped with concerns and wishes.
>Even when you break free of that crowd, ponies are constantly walking up to you all night.
>It is so bad at one point, Moonie decides to head off on her own, leaving you to the chatty masses.

>You finally return home, alone.
>Trixie is snoozing partly on the couch and partly on the floor. She is going to have some aching joints in the morning based on that angle.
>You consider fixing her up but you do have a spare bed, and her wagon is fixed so this will serve her right.
>Before you head to bed, you check in on Moonie’s room to find an empty bed.
>The covers and pillows have been moved around so obviously she has been in it.
“Moonie,” you gently call out as you search the house.
>You wander into the kitchen and notice the subtle creak of the backyard swing so you walk over.
>There Moonie is, swinging back and forth while looking up at the sky.
>You sit on the opposite site of the yard, in your hammock. Looking over to Moonie as you swing a little yourself.
“Hey.”
>“Hey...”
“How come you’re out here?”
>“I can’t sleep. Ate too many snacks,” she laughs softly.
“I really do spoil you too much,” you murmur back as you look up into the sky.
>The lights glow and twinkle as the stars shoot around to arrange a painting for tonight’s canvas.
>That means somewhere out there Luna is working her magic. Suddenly disheartened, you lie back into the hammock.
>There’s a silence that hangs in the air for what feels like the longest while before Moonie speaks up, “Congratulations on becoming the mayor, I guess.”
“You guess?”
>She just shrugs at you. However you’re not willing to let silence fill a gap once again.
“What is wrong? You’ve kind of been funny all week.”
>“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. I know something is bothering you.”

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>>29075890
>Again she shrugs.
“Come here.”
>Moonie looks over to you, curiously but apathetic.
“Please.”
>With a sigh, Moonie wanders over and you lift her up into the hammock beside you.
>The two of you have to adjust a little but she is able to sit there beside you.
>“I can fly you know.”
“Yeah, I know. But I like to feel like you’re still a tiny little filly I can harass as I please.”
>“Be wary of your Queen’s temper,” Moonie grumbles as she lies down, resting her head on your belly while she stares at you.
“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. It’s okay. But I worry, and I’m here if you need me, okay?”
>You run your fingers through her mane and so she closes her eyes to enjoy the sensation of your fingers parting her almost ethereal locks.
>She seems to take a slow breathe as you comfort her.
>Then once again, things fall silent.
>You stare up into the sky above, still running your fingers through Moonie’s mane as the softest breeze blows and noisy crickets echo in the distance.
>“I just m--... It’s been hard, to spend time with you lately. You know?”
“I know,” you sigh with a dejected sense, “But I’m the boss now. I decide my hours and everything. But, I’ve also… Cleared other stuff in my schedule. I’ve got all my time, that isn’t work, to spend with you. Alright?”
>“Alright.”
>She seems a little more at ease, as far as you can tell.
“I guess Trixie is going to need a little bit of that time too. I need to that mare to get back to work, or find her a new job.”
>“I could help?”
“Oh? How?”
>“I’ve always wanted a rug for my throne room.”
“Heh, no skinning your teachers.”
>You pet her once again as the two of you rock side to side, enjoy the rest of the tranquil night under the stars.

http://pastebin.com/4FdSiD7b

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>>29075768

Summoning complete.

>>29075849
>>29075851
>>29075861
>>29075864
>>29075870
>>29075877
>>29075886
>>29075890
>>29075897

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>>29075897

>>29058502
Update tomorrow and probably Sunday. Do you anons like them short (500 words or so frequently) medium (1000-2000) or long? (3000+ word updates)
>>29072192
This was fantastic, by the way. Self-inserts eternally BTFO.


Also I need more Zew funky space stories

>>29053350
Do you have a pastebin?

>>29074233
Why does that image always get deleted?

>>29077687
It ruins the mod's idea of a pristine utopia.

>>29077728
But they have magical horse poops.

>>29077687
Literal shitposting

>>29078316
But it was pony related.

>>29075897
This is fucking amazing.

>>29078577
Indeed

So, I had some to drink last night, and thus I won't assign secret santas until this evening. so you still have time! If you want to participate, send me a message over skype, just look up anonpencil. It's fun for all ages or something along those lines.

>>29058502
>>29077242
>Evidently, in a facility of this size, ‘not far’ means two flights of stairs and at three sets of hallways to reach the appropriate section. Most of the rooms in this hidden part of the library were generally equal in construction and size, filling out a space between thirty and sixty meters on each side, rectangular in shape, and filled with floor-to-ceiling bookcases.
>The odd opening between stacks of literature typically yielded a workplace of some sort, or perhaps a decorative emplacement.
>The room Parchment leads you to is typical in every sense of the word, filled with the same bookcases and hardwood finishes as most rooms before it. At its geometric center was a clearing filled by a basic wooden table and several cushioned but surprisingly uncomfortable chairs.
>”This is a part of the Theoretical Magic wing,” he explains as you enter. “This room in particular houses the research and studies carried out by Starswirl and others.”
>Further inspection of the bookcases reveal them to be filled, in addition to countless bound books, many softcover studies and research papers, all meticulously catalogued.
>To both your convenience and disappointment, many of the bookcases are also empty. This was a smaller room as well, likely less than thirty meters on a side. While this makes the likelihood of finding what you’re searching for smaller, it also means you’ll have much less work to do cataloguing the materials.
>Parchment quickly runs over the cataloguing and organization system with you before returning to his previous work. Between his newfound opportunity for study and Twilight’s endless curiosity, he has his hands, err, hooves full without you.
>You quickly come to the realization that not much of the documents here can be disregarded. Short of finding something literally entitled “Magic and Particle Physics” few of the materials can be distinctly held up as better than others for your purposes.

>>29079466
>Several hours later, you’ve only made progress on your planning and organization for study. You’d found a series of documents and several short books that seem particularly relevant to your studies, and set them aside to read first.
>After that, you had a flexible list of potential leads, in descending order of relevance. Reflecting on it, it’s solid work for only a few hours.
>But you’re growing tired, and suspect that your companions likely are, as well. A clock in the room indicates that it’s well past sunset. You’re still not sure if you’ll be going back to the surface or if accommodations exist down here.
>You make your way back to the room you first came in through, which was Parchment’s main office and quarters and where you and Twilight agreed to meet up for meals and collaboration.
>You expect to find one or both of them there, but in the next room over you find Purple cozied up to a pile of reference materials, fast asleep.
>You suppose you’re staying the night, then.
>You do, however, see movement of shadows through the hallway leading to the first room, and begin to head over.
>Wait, voices. Who’s talking?
>You’re not talking, and Twilight is still in view, a book of no less than 800 pages draped over her eyes.
>Following a few tips from your old redneck and hunter neighbors back on earth, you slowly and soundlessly walk the rest of the hallway.
>You can make out Parchment’s baritone speech easily; his pitch is much lower than the average pony, or even human.
>The other voice is female, but less distinct. You move a bit closer, still remaining inside the hallway and out of sight.

>>29079478
>”…Well that’s just great,” the smooth, low voice reaches out clear as day. “You expect me to have them out of here, without attributing it to you? Impossible. They already know of the assignment given to me.”
>Why did he stress ‘assignment’ like that?
>The other voice speaks up, “It would be best, but perhaps you’re right. Not an easy nut to crack.” The voices pause for a moment before she resumes, “Then I suppose I’ll have to confront them directly. Perhaps invent a story, or would it be best to just tell them outright? That they should leave, I mean. Not…”
>Hold the fucking phone, you know that voice. I mean, not often and not for long, but like anyone in Equestria, you knew the fucking voice of Princess Celestia.
>And it was… Asking for advice? From Parchment?
>”I know what you meant, of course. Normally I would say ‘just let them stay’ but the topic of his study is… unacceptable at the current time.”
>You really shouldn’t be eavesdropping. You’ve seen enough movies and read enough books. Now one of them says ‘Come out here and face us!’ or something along those lines.
>But instead, Celestia’s voice simply replies, “Someday that will have to change, you know. But I agree, not today. I’ll come by tomorrow, and tell them myself. Act surprised at my arrival.”
>The conversation peters out, and you’re left with more than a few questions. But Celestia didn’t want you here, so that was probably final. You move back down the hallway before anyone gets a chance to notice you.

>>29079487
>You debate relating the conversation to Twilight. On the one hand, she could freak out. She’s been known to do overboard at even the slightest hint of Celestia’s disapproval. Plus, if you couldn’t get her to keep mum, you doubt Celestia would take kindly to your spying.
>On the other, however, she’s a part of this expedition, too. And she won’t be happy to pack up and leave.
>You decide to tell her to keep up your streak of honesty with her.
>Well, mostly honesty. But it’s all about how she perceives it.
>Having woken her from a reading-induced coma countless times before, you walk over and gently flick her horn.
>”Huh? Whu? Anon?” As the book on her face slips to the side, she slowly blinks and looks around, and then at the books piled in front of her. “How long was I out?”
“Don’t know, I just got back. But, uhh,” you say, looking around the room for parchment. The dimming of a torch down the hallway likely indicates his packing it in for the night. “We need to talk. Preferably somewhere else.”
>Twilight yawns, and tiredly lets out a simple “okay” before following you into another room.
>Probably an unnecessary precaution, the stacks of paper tend to dampen most noise past a few feet. Still, better safe than sorry. Or locked underground in a spooky library.
>A safe two rooms away from prying eyes and ears, you tell Twilight of your unwitting visitor, and the tail ends of their conversation you managed to pick up.
>It wasn’t the words that bothered you so much as tone. Benevolent as Celestia admittedly was, she was rarely a pony to consider another her equal, aside from her sister. And yet, she spoke to Parchment with an almost deferential tone.
>Perhaps a simple formality, this library and its studies were his entire life, after all. He wouldn’t be happy to lose its first visitors in, well, who-knows-how-long.

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>>29079496
>Or a strange bipedal creature with knowledge of the cryptic languages outside.
>You say as much to Twilight. You’d learned over your time in Equestria to keep her privy to these sorts of thoughts and considerations.
>”If we’re being kicked out by Celestia herself, I guess we don’t have a choice then.”
“And you promise you won’t tell her about this? And you’ll try to act surprised?”
>”Don’t worry Anon, while I don’t approve of eavesdropping, I don’t want you jailed or whatever either.”
>Although the intentions are good, that’s hardly reassuring.
>”But if we’re going to be leaving, I think we should take some of our findings along with us. If we never get a chance to come back to this place, we’ll want to have what little rare literature we can find.”
>Finding no argument to the proposition, you go back to your work area and pick up the studies and books that were supposed to be your reading material for tomorrow. You stuff them in your bag, now significantly roomier since you’ve worn through much of your food.
>Best to get some shut-eye. You work your way back over to Twilight’s area, finding her curling up for the night around her saddlebags. Her old books were strewn across the floor, with the bag now filled exclusively with tomes taken from the library.
>You lay down a few feet from her, and use your bag as a pillow. Tomorrow’s a big day.
>You have royal guests.

>>29079506
End update for now. Next one probably tonight or tomorrow. Feedback always appreciated, and if anything in the plot doesn't make sense, do tell me.

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How about anon in prehistoric equestria?

>Testing, Testing 123
>
>"Hey Dash, you look kind of down. What's wrong?"
>The sad pony doesn't even look up at you.
>"I'm trying to learn the history of the wonderbolts. And failing."
>"I see."
>"Wait, you don't have any secret human study techniques that could help? Do you?"
>"Nah, pretty sure humans learn the same way ponies do."
>"Oh."
>Damn, she is really down in the dumps.
>"Have you tried singing about it?"
>"Pinkie did. Sort of."
>"Well. Chin up. I'm sure you'll think of something. You six always do."

>Trade Ya

>There's some random crap at this place.
>Junk, junk, more junk and the some- what the hell?
>Discord lamps? And a weird ass pony selling them?
>"Discord, what are you doing?"
>"Discord? I'm not-"
>"Come off it Discord, I know it's you."
>"I am-"
>"Name me one being in all of Equestria who would sell this junk, that's not you."
>A flash of light and the weird pony is replaced by Discord.
>"Fine. It's me. The jig is up."
>"Good. Never be ashamed of who you are."

>Inspiration Manifestation

>The view from your window is spectacular and strange.
>The streets are gold, buildings are gem encrusted and the trees have diamond leaves.
>No doubt the work of some strange, dark magic.
>A disaster of great magnitude.
>The ponies outside are panicking.
>And all you can think is how worthless it is.
>More gold and gems than any man has ever seen, except maybe Scrooge McDuck.
>And none of it has any great worth.
>The contents of your wallet has more value than the solid gold fence around your garden.
>It really makes you think.
>....
>Oh well, time to take a piss. In a worthless gold and gemstone toilet.

>>29080455
>Equestria Games

>"Hey girls, how's Anon doing?"
>"Twilight! The entry from Manehattan just got a bullseye!"
>"That pretty impressive."
>"Yes it is. But it isn't! Cause that means Anon's been knocked from 2nd to 4th place!"
>"Pinkie darling, calm down."
>"Awww, but freaking out is so much fun! Wanna stay and freak out with me Twilight? Rarity isn't very good at it."
>Rarity snorts in mock derision.
>"I'm sorry, but I should really get back to the royal box."
>---------
>By the time you get back to the royal box the contest is nearly over and Anon is last to fire.
>And still in fourth place if your calculations are correct, which they always are. He'll need a bulleye to place for bronze.
>He's certainly taking his time to fire, you hope he's not freezing up like Spike. You couldn't handle two of your frie-
>https://youtu.be/rTCq_UawSdA?t=13m8s
>Wait, is that music? Where's it coming from?
>A dull rumble builds from the crowd as ponies turn looking for the source of the music.
>No. It couldn't be.
>Anon said he can't....
>But it's...
>Is Anon tapping into the magic of song?
>Your thoughts are interrupted as Anon draws five arrows and nocks them all.
>Is that legal? Can he do that? Why hasn't he started singing yet?
>The music builds to a crescendo and Anon releases his arrows, the twang of the bow audible to you in a way it shouldn't be.
>The arrows sail through the air and smash into... inconceivable.
>The booming voice of Luna rings out. "BEHOLD SUBJECTS! ANON HATH SPLIT THIER ARROWS IN TWAIN!"

>>29080464
>Twilight's Kingdom 1 & 2

>The wall crumbles to dust as Tirek smashes his way into the building.
>"GIVE ME YOUR MAGIC!"
>A serpentine shape floats in after him
>"Oh I wouldn't bother with this one. While he may look like a distant cousin of mine, he has no magic to speak off."
>"Hmmph, why isn't he fleeing in terror."
>The strange figure lying on the couch licks a finger and turn the page of the magazine he's reading.
>"I'm on break."
>"YOU DARE IGNORE ME!"
>Magic builds between Tireks horns as he prepares a mighty spell.
>"Anon's gonna die the way he lived."
>The figure on the couch turns another page.
>Tirek unleashes a mighty blast of magic, obliterating the rest of the room.
>"Oooh marmalade."

>Day 4am in Equestria
>Pinkie is downstairs happily making chocolate pudding while singing
>How is this your life?
"I don't even like chocolate." you grumble from your bed
>Rarity passes by in one of her many trips from your dresser to your closet
>"Of course you do. Everyone from the ritzy upper class to the modest farmer loves chocolate."
>Atop said dresser sits Twilight casually reading your journal
>Your journal that started as a mission log along with reports of the horselike beings behavior, then turned into a sanctuary you could retreat to once the realization of being stuck here set in
>That is, until you found a certain nosy pony stealing peeks
>Now you just write increasingly absurd and offensive things to get a rise out of her
>"Don't mind him, he's just being a sour puss."
>You can't wait until she gets to the chapter about how Earth Twilight was defeated by Mothra and everyone lived happily ever after
"4am does not a happy Anonymous make."
>"Uh huh."
>Again your pleas are ignored
>At least Applejack is too busy working on her farm to harass you
>And Rainbow is quiet, though that is because she has a condition where she falls asleep the moment she touches any kind of bed
>Which Fluttershy has the nasty habit of always being close enough for Rainbow to grab and snuggle with before passing out thus the two of them take up the lion's share of your bed
>No fair they get to sleep while you are denied its sweet relief
>She probably does it on purpose
>Alas, the best you can do is wait for them to finish their morning routine and leave you in peace
>THEN, and only then, can you begin your day in true Anonymous fashion
>And they wonder why you spend every waking moment making their lives miserable

>>29054761
>"Hey kid, wanna stomp socialists?"
"I'm too young to understand what you're talking about."
>"You know that pink and purple unicorn that isn't Twilight, but tries really hard to be?"
"Yeah."
>"I wanna buck her in the face."
"R-rude."
>"I know! And I want to try and be friendly, for Twilight's sake, but I just really really really don't like her."
"You could try simply NOT being friends."
>"Anonymous, remember where we are."
"Oh. Right. What do you want me to do?"
>"Trick her into being evil again so I can beat her up without feeling guilty."
"What? No way. My Mom hates it when I do that."
>"Fine. How about when I do something nice for her you'll do something nice for me?"
"I guess I can do that. Wait, why do I have to do any of this?"
>"Because you're a good friend."
"Harumph. Okay, but harumph."

>"Soon to be with benefits."

>>29077420
Pastebin.com/u/Zew
Nigga what else it be.

Internetz ded and I gotta do this on my phone fml.
>>29053350
>Back to Ratchet the hatchet, or pony storm coming, hatchet coming
>Sky and yourself had followed your new alien friend out of the forest and into your town’s wheat crop
>Miles and miles of it
>Occasionally you’d look to the sky, hoping to spy the ovaloid the alien had gotten you to launch
>Not far off in the distance were wisps of black smoke rising from yet another crash site
“Did this guy crash like, six ships or something?”
>”It was a big crash Ratch, I’m sure there are parts of his ship everywhere.” She answers
>Makes more sense than what you’d been thinking
>On the flat ground the alien suddenly outpaces the two of you with easy, by accident you’d wager, cutting through the crop like a scythe
>But you no longer needed him for directions, you only had to follow the smoke
>You come bustling through the wheat to face the crater you’d expected, but you’re also met with a mysterious puddle of goo
>It shone a blinding white and hurt your eyes if you looked too long
>Something about it looked… Demonic, particularly as it sank deeper and deeper into the earth, digging itself down to the planets core
>”What the hay was that!?” Sky blurts, stumbling her way down the crater to see the goo up close before it sank too far to see
>You accompany her down, also wishing to get a closer look, but the two of you abruptly stop as great plumes of flame shoot forth
“Y-you know what, I think I’ll just stick with the alien for now.”
>”Me too.”
>The alien had just been standing there, watching morosely
>”Aw, look at the poor fella. He looks so sad. I wonder what that used to be?” Sky says, pointing to the flaming hole
“I don’t know, the alien does though.”
>She promptly turns to the alien, intending to ask him despite the language barrier, but he’d wandered off to inspect something
>It was a pillow

>>29081335
>Sky gasps
>”It was his house! His house died!” She shouts, sounding quite upset, her lower lip quivering ever so slightly
>Once again she makes for the hole, as if upon viewing the goo the structure would reform itself
>Or maybe she was curious to see it, now the roaring spouts of flame had disappeared
>Either way you once again move down with her
>Behind you the alien could be heard climbing to the rim of the crater, having decided there was nothing of value here
>You continue to the lip of the great shaft the goo had created
>Somewhere far down below a small dot of white could be seen, broiling away at the earth
“Yep, I’d say it’s dead alright. Why are you so sad about it anyway? I thought you wanted the alien to stay with us?”
>Sky’s face immediately brightens
>”Gosh, you’re right! What was I thinking, this is excellent!”
“Don’t say that near the alien.” You reprimand
>Speaking of; said alien shouts something incomprehensible down to the two of you
>Horizon Sky takes it as a prompt for action
>”I know what to do.”
>She rushes up the crater, nabs the pillow and presents it to the alien
>He takes it into his armoured paw and grunts something
>”I’ll take that as a good sign!” Sky says with much enthusiasm
>You trot up to stand beside your friend
>The alien remains motionless, looking at the two of you, almost… expectantly
”What’s he doing?”
>“Waiting for us to take him home silly!”
>She bounces around and makes for where you think the main road to town should be
>The alien dutifully follows her without a word, or grunt
>You don’t join them, the absurdity of your morning finally hitting you
>Just another day in Equestria you suppose. Ponies have dealt with stranger things
>Gathering yourself you gallop off to catch up with Sky and your new friend

>>29081355
>It took much longer than you’d expected but eventually your trio finds their way back to the road
>You’d in fact made it out of the wheat field right at the wreckage of your go cart
>The little engine sat a few yards from the wreck, easily salvageable. So you grab it; one day it would be powering the cart Mk II
>The alien grins at you while Sky claims the engine to be a lost cause
>You’ll prove her wrong
>You’d have continued onwards had the creature not come over to you, squat down to your height and presented his gloved paw
“Hey buddy, what do you want?”
>”He wants to see the engine dummy.”
“And how do you know that?”
>”How do you not? He has the same body language and gestures as all the prehensile limbed species. Minotaur’s dragons, griffons and the like.”
>Sky was right. It was a common gesture requesting for something to be placed in the paw
>In this instance he clearly wanted to see the engine
“Alright alien, you can have a look at it.” You pull out the engine and roll it over to him
>He takes it only momentarily as he looks over it warily before giving it back
“That was… pointless.”
>”He’s an alien Ratch, what do you expect?” She questions, skipping down the large dirt and cobble road, alien obediently in toe
>You sigh
“Next stop, home.”
>A home you didn’t actually own; it was a place you rented out with Horizon Sky
Nestled just outside the town. Literally, the sign welcoming ponies to Haytrail could be seen just down the road from it
>It was an excellent place. Away from the general populace it allowed you to indulge in your destructive constructive hobby
>As for Sky? Well as far as you could tell she was happy with just existing, the location in which she did that had never been an issue for her
>What a happy life she led
>”Dang it!”

>>29081368
"What is it Sky?”
>”The last time we cleaned the house was after Wild Grape’s party, the place is a sty! Gosh this is going to be so embarrassing. This is all your fault!” She yells accusingly
>Well she wasn’t wrong, approximately 50% of the filth in your house had come from the junk parts left over from your engineering projects
>The other 50% came from Sky’s art supplies, half-finished projects and commissions and never opened magic books
>You always wondered why she got those, for yes, your companion was indeed a unicorn, but she was shockingly bad at magic, only really mastering levitation
>She didn’t care, it was all she needed to make her art and so she never really made of focus of her heritage
>She was a good enough artist you’d let her hang most her pieces around the house
“It’ll be fine I’m sure. He did just fall from space so he should be fine with a little mess.”

<| °_° |>

>Royal Knight Anon 096 reporting for Green duty sir
>Your two native friend were mid horse conversation so you silently and very slowly plod along with them, their tiny legs hindering your movement speed
>Honestly this would go a lot faster if you just carried them with your bags, you had your armour on so it’d be no problem
>But then of course how could they lead you to, to…. where ever they were taking you? Home you assumed
>Unable to speak horse you instead go over the memory pattern you’d stored of that most peculiar little motor the stallion had taken
>He’d taken it from what looked to be the wreckage of some rudimentary 20th century earth style wheeled vehicle
>Despite their lack of fingers these creatures had technologically evolved quite well
>Images of the motor enter your mind
>At your cursory scan of the thing it would seem to be a kind of ancient electric motor, but for whatever reason it had little gems embedded all along it, their insides looked to crackle with an unknown energy

>>29081407
>Accessing the catalogue of known locomotive power supplies stored in your nanonics you can find no technological match with anything human engineered, or from any of the other known species
>Without the proper equipment you were left only to guess at how the device operated
>Truly a mystery when a species finds an unknown method of harnessing and utilizing energy
>This planet may make a great tourist spot, but some of the private sector R&D companies would pay enough for a small planet to get that little engine in that little pony’s little bag
>The journey you were on wasn’t too long
>Not another soul was to be seen on the way
>Likely to do with the time. Judging by the sun’s position it must still be early morning
>The end stop of your journey is what you believe to be the native’s house. Not far in the distance you could see the beginnings of a small town
>The house was obscured by a mighty hedge with a single tiny gate entrance
>You have to crouch down to pass through the hedge-gate, revealing the building beyond
>It was a simple two story white gone grey cottage.
>It’s outside was severely dilapidated, paint chips had peeled off at places and the entire thing had been overrun by vines
>Weeds grew from the gutters and the windows sported several dead and dying flowers along their bases
>The lawns were tidy
>All in all it looked magnificent, a quaint and rustic masterpiece. Coming from Terra such things were a wholly unique sight
“This place is my kind of crash landing getaway, you guys really know how to live.”
>They both bark something at you but you’re faced with that familiar issue
“We really need to find a way around the language barrier, but first.”
You gesture towards the front door and they scuttle to it
>The door creeks open with a groan as they push through
>You follow them through the small door, ducking low to avoid cracking your skull on the frame and dump your equipment on the extrodinarily messy floor

>>29081481
>Looks like these natives know how to party
>Inside you could stand to your full height but your head was in the rafters
>The feel of it all has you recalling an ancient visual recording of a popular movie in the 21st century
>Something about hobbits and a ring, you really only remember that large wizard fumbling about a tiny house
>You now knew those feels
>They watch in awe as your suit hisses and peels from your body, allowing you to step free
>It helped a little with the height but not much
>To your disappointment the weight of your armour had cracked the wooden floorboards beneath it
"So sorry about that."
>The white mare neighs happily to you and trots over to a small wooden table in a little kitchen area
>There were only two tiny chairs, one she pulls out for you, the other she takes for herself
>It was more like a foot stool so you take a pass, being the gracious guest, and leave it for the stallion
>You instead take to your knees, sitting seiza style, leaving you only a little under two heads above them
>A small tea set gently floats from the kitchen sink to the table, the tea pot pouring out three cups unaided
>...
>...
>Well this place just got a lot more interesting

>>29081503
This is so /comfy/
And did you type that all out on mobile, or just upload it from there? If the former, you have my condolences.

>>29081749
Typed it on the phone

>>29082959
KEK

hi there

Do peeps want more tech sci-fi stuff to happen? Or a peoriod of anon doing simple stuff with pony friends? Either way another major character will be introduced, preferably sometime soon.

>>29084279
I want both.

>>29084283
Can probs do that

>>29080474
I laugh my ass off.
I like God Anon

>Be Anon.
>Be on the phone with your mom wishing her a happy birthday.
>Or you are at least pretending since you can't actually call her.
>No phone line to Earth and you did not bring your charger anyway.
>Twilight is hugging you for some reason and telling you everything is going to be alright.
>If that is true, then why are you crying?

>>29084283
>>29084318
Seconded for both. The juxtaposition of Anon's space tech and comfy pony shit is strong.

>>29085192
Fug

>>29044243
>>29044206
What kind of prison shithole school do you two go too?

>>29085406
strong as in good or bad?

>>29086457
I assume good since he's voting for both.

I'm just sad that their wheat field and water table are poisoned for the next several hundred years.

>>29086683
Gotta spend money to make money

>>29086683
>>29086715
And by that I mean it's good plasma! It burns HEALTH into the water system!
I'm pretty high

>>29075897
please don't ever leave us

>>29086715
>Farm
I love my job.

>>29086948
Pls update

>>29084279
Sure