Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1109

>>28898447
I love you all.

>>28898465
no u

>>28898447
tripfags in equestria

>>28899085
But what if Equestria in Tripfags?

File: wet dream.jpg (25KB, 309x195px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 309x195px

Only 12 days to go, girls. You can make it!

>>28899168
12 days until what?
A vasectomy?
Because accidental pregnancy isn't a big worry for this crowd.
I made myself sad.

File: 953736__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_princess+twilight_vector_simple+background_absurd+res_transparent+background_sweat_nervous.png (2MB, 7000x10000px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 7000x10000px

>>28899242
12 days until you can clop again.

>>28899248
Oh, she was the first one to fail.
Story in last thread.

File: 213123124124124.png (308KB, 845x915px) Image search: [Google]

308KB, 845x915px

>>28898447
Reminder that she is the only pony for anon

>>28899306
All the ponies that mysteriously disappear around town is a testament to that.

File: 1074111__safe_solo_screencap_smiling_starlight+glimmer_cropped_the+cutie+remark_spoiler-colon-s05e25_evil_rapeface[1].jpg (354KB, 776x613px) Image search: [Google]

354KB, 776x613px

>>28899306
You'd like to think that, but Starlight can steal him any time she needs a coltfriend.

File: 23423423523525.jpg (221KB, 1111x1006px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 1111x1006px

>>28899306
>>28899320
Why not both?

>>28899340
Because Anon is dedicated to his waifu and will not let either of them touch him.

>>28899340
You can't have multiple waifus.

File: 1462507156684.png (236KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

236KB, 600x600px

>You wipe the sweat from your brow and finish preparing the last shed for winter.
>It's been mostly quiet and boring, but you like it that way.
>You're expecting a smooth season too, at least the almanac says it will be.
>All you've got to do now is, finally, relax.
>Sittin' and not workin' isn't good, though. That breeds laziness, and you ain't lazy!
>But then again, you do recall the girls showing you a thing or two about taking some time for yourself.
>And what do you do when you have some time for yourself?
>Have fun and play with the family, of course! Play games, teach, and enjoy the snow when it comes down.
>Only there is no snow yet this year, and you promised the girls that you'd hang around with them some more this year.
>And it's still a tad early to be going to town...
>So now you really are all alone and with nothing to do. What ever does a mare do in times like these?
>Something you're not allowed to do, apparently.
>You regret ever letting Rainbow bait you in to this.
>Anon and his whole race of monkeys come up with some pretty stupid ideas, from time to time. When they're not busy roughing each other up in ways too gruesome to describe, their culture produces drivel like this.
That colt, err, "man" himself has a heart of gold, and you respect that, but some times the ape's worse than Discord with his penchant for nonsense and duplicity.
>He's that kind of stallion who loves his wife dearly and shows it, then still goes on to cheat with half the town on her.
>You wouldn't stand for it. You don't think any of the other girls would, either.
>But Rainbow. Rainbow! That darn girl couldn't resist his bait. He knew her competitiveness would hook her right in.
>And naturally she challenges the only mare better than her, you.
>Been 18 days now and you've got 12 to go. Usually you could go much longer than one month without diddlin' yourself like that, but now that you're counting down the days, it's in your head all the time, now.

>>28899867
>You ain't gonna let Rainbow beat you. Heck, she's probably lost the challenge already.
>She's probably losin' it! No way that smug athlete's gonna outlast you.
>No matter how much you itch back there.
>Softly closing the door and walking into the kitchen, you press your muzzle to the window and watch, waiting for a snowflake.
>Or at least for the sun to come up a bit higher.

File: 898976.png (552KB, 1280x2932px) Image search: [Google]

552KB, 1280x2932px

>>28899306
Get back in the box, purple smart

>>28899875
Applejack sounds more lonely than anything else.

>>28900579
Cold mornings are lonely when everyone else is still sleeping.

This thread needs more green. Here, let me help with some femanon.

>They should be here any second now. You glance up at the clock on the wall and watch the second hand tick by before you again resume your pacing. It’s just another job, you remind yourself, nothing at all to be stressed over. You’ve been doing this for months, there’s no reason this one should be weird.
>Admittedly, you know why you’re nervous. Being a foalsitter was always stressful the first few times you did it, because you’d never taken care of a baby horse before. You were afraid you’d break them, say the wrong thing, or basically just fuck everything up royally. After those first few times? Smooth sailing. It didn’t take long for you to realize that they were pretty much exactly like human babies, except even easier! You’ve never been the mothering type, but it turns out, when it comes to foals, you actually have a knack for things.
>Okay, there was that first time when you had to take care of Moonie, but you consider that one a fluke. The child is a literal nightmare, there’s no way you were coming out of that one unscathed! Never again for that one, never a-fucking-gain. Still, that should just give you more comfort, right? If you can handle Moonie, you should be able to handle anything.
>Besides, how different can a pegasus foal be, anyway? Sure they can fly, and sure you have to watch the kid at your little cottage, because you can’t exactly come up to take care of the dear on a cloud. But other than that, same routine. Playing, changing, feeding, story time, bed, and then watching TV and drinking moderately while the kid slumbers. It should be great!
>You swallow hard and check the clock again. This waiting is torture.
>At long last you hear a knock at the door, and you practically sprint to answer it. You fling the door open, quickly trying to smooth stray wisps of your hair back into the braid you’ve worn. Then you put on your best, most professional smile.

(1/?)

>>28900720

“Well hey there! Welcome!” you say brightly. “Come on in!”
>The young pegasus mare enters, looking around your small abode with a polite but appraising eye. You’re proud to think that you’ve removed all choking hazards, sharp objects, alcohol, and vibrators from sight. No kid is finding anything that could hurt them or raise serious, world-view-altering subjects.
>She’s carrying a small, swaddled white bundle, which she gently sets down on your favorite armchair. It doesn’t move and it doesn’t make a sound, and for a moment you have the morbid thought that the kid must have died and she’s coming to ask you to help hide the body. But no, Cloudkicker doesn’t seem like that kind of mare.
“Nice little place,” she says gently, her voice high and vaguely musical. “It looks like you’ve prepped pretty well.”
>She nervously glances at your ceiling fan, and you quickly pipe up to reassure her.
“It’ll stay off all night, I swear,” you say calmly. “Tonight we’ll just play a little, have some dinner, then it’s story time and straight to bed. But in case there’s any flying, no one is going to get hurt, okay?”
>Cloudkicker bites her lip in unease, but nods slowly to show she understands. She continues to glance around as she wanders aimlessly through the small cottage.
“I, uh, really appreciate this,” she says softly. “I don’t often get a night out or get to have dinner just for myself. Cirrus is kind of a full time job, you know?”
>You shrug.
“Hey, I’m glad for the money, and I seem to be pretty good with kids. Happy to do it, don’t fret.”
“Right, just…”
>An idea seems to come to her abruptly, and she stills. Her ears prick up, and you too catch the sound of the quiet chime from your wall clock. Through her light purple coat, you think you can see her go pale.

(2/?)

>>28900727

“Oh goodness, it’s later than I thought!” she says with a little gasp. “I don’t want to miss opening curtain at Rarity’s show! Spike’s not in it this time, so it’s supposed to be a really good one!”
>You remember all too well the last show and how Spike stuttered his way through each and every line. Sure, the costumes were great, but you’ve made up your mind never to go watch [i]Pulp Fiction, The Musical[/i] ever again, no matter who’s directing. Spike even replaced all the ‘motherfuckers’ with ‘motherbuckers.’ Disgraceful.
“Yeah, don’t want to miss that!”
>She nods and flutters her wings as she paces quickly side to side, as if something is nagging at her mind. Then it seems to hit her.
“OH! Right, I have some food to leave with you just in case,” she says, producing a few small jars of pinkish paste. “She can be picky sometimes, and really messy, and I want to be sure you know how to-”
>You hold up a hand slowly to silence her.
>“I have plenty of food here, and I honestly don’t mind getting messy when it comes to feeding,” you say as you take the jars from her and set them on the kitchen table. “But I really appreciate you packing a few jars from home, sometimes that does make it a lot easier.”
>She seems unconvinced, so you set a delicate hand on her shoulder, feeling the soft feathers of her wings rustle a little beneath your finger tips. She looks up into your face, and you pat her gently.
“I’ve got this, you really don’t have to worry. Have a nice night, you deserve it, Mom.”
>As you give her an additional wink, you can feel her relax under your palm.
“Right, you’re right, Im sorry,” she says with a sigh. “The other ponies say you’re perfectly competent. I need to remember to take it easy. Just…come find me if anything goes wrong, okay?”
“I will. Now go have fun.”
>Cloudkicker nods and moves to the doorway with a simple flit of her wings.

(3/?)

>>28900732

“She’s been sleeping for a while, so feel free to just let her rest,” she says as she steps outside. “If anything, you’ll just need to feed her, then she’ll go back to sleep. Okay?”
>Is it okay? Hell, you get to skip playing and story time and go straight to the red wine and TV. This is perfect. You nod and wave her goodbye.
“See you at nine!” you call softly as you press the door shut so quietly that it wouldn’t wake a baby mouse.
>Then, with a grin, you turn back to the little bundle on the chair. Inside the swaddled blankets is the purple-blue face of an infant, resting dreamily and breathing easily. You lift it as if it’s glass, and you can feel how light the little thing is in your hands, lighter than other foals you’ve been around. Must be that whole pegasus thing, they’re probably more like birds than you’ve guessed.
>Tip-toeing, you make your way across the hall to your small room, and set the infant on its side in the old crib you set up. It barely moves as you draw your hands away and go back to the main room. With a smile and a practiced hand, you head to the kitchen and open the half-finished bottle of merlot that’s calling to you.
>Heck, you were worried for nothing! This could be the easiest job you’ve ever had.

——

>It’s less than an hour later before the silence in your cottage is shattered by the screams of what sounds like a dying rabbit. It’s so startling you almost drop your glass of wine, but fuck that, because wasting wine is for plebs. You hastily set down the glass and rocket out of your chair, then job over to your bedroom.
>You smile and remind yourself to be calm as you peek over the edge of the crib and down to the caterwauling infant inside.

(4/?)

>>28900743

>The swaddled blankets have mostly come undone, and two miniature indigo wings flap aimlessly about the back of the diapered foal. It rocks back and forth, flailing its little hooves, and emitting that desperate death cry like it is trying to curse the name of whoever felled it. Still, like a pro, you maintain your smile.
“Hey there Cirrus,” you coo as you reach down into the crib. “Are you all grumpy from your nap. Missing your mama?”
>The thing spots you and only wails all the harder. Undeterred, you pick her up into your arms, again marveling at how light she is. You rock her back and forth in a bouncy, easy rhythm, the way you’ve done so many times before, and wait for the screaming to abate.
>It’s always worked. Sometimes it’s a slow process, but it always works.
>This time, it doesn’t work.
>Five minutes later, the screaming has only risen in pitch, and your ear drums are beginning to hurt. What’s this kid’s problem? Hell, an eagle couldn’t scream this loud! Your smile is beginning to crumble around the edges, and you wrack your brain over what to do. All of a sudden, Cloudkicker’s words come back to you.
>Of course! You just have to feed her! Heck, you can even use the jars she left you, to be sure the kid gets something she’s familiar with. With a sigh of premature relief, you go back to the kitchen, still cradling the struggling pegasus foal.
>You set the foal down on your counter, and, holding her gently by a back hoof so she doesn’t flutter away, fish a spoon out of a drawer. The can Cloudkicker left for you opens easily, and while the stuff inside smells pretty nasty, you can only assume it’s delicious and nutritious, at least by foal standards. You use the plastic little spoon, the one you usually reserve for gelato, to scoop out a small amount, then crouch down so you’re eye level with the baby.
“Okay,” you say brightly, making a big, open-mouthed face. “Here comes the airplane, open up!”

(5/?)

>>28900747

>You make a soft buzzing noise as you move the spoon towards her mouth and, miraculously, the infant stops crying. In fact, she stares at you, then the spoon, then shuts her mouth tight and makes a whimpering noise.
>You frown. Huh, usually the airplane thing goes great with the little ones. Okay, well, try it again.
“Here comes the choo-choo, down the track! Open the tunnel!”
>Nothing. The kid pulls away from the spoon and screams internally, her little lips sealed tightly shut. Okay, well, no worries, there are other ways to try to get this kid to eat!
>You go through the car and the garage, the bat in the cave, the space ship in the docking bay, and even the skeezey van in the back alley, but nothing works. Okay, now you’re actually starting to panic. What’s worse is that the kid is trying to get away constantly, and your hand is getting super tired.
>What the hell does this child want from you? Are you not making the plane noises right? Does she expect to be breast fed, because that little creatures is not grabbing a mouthful of your tah-tahs. That pleasure is reserved only for boyfriends and mammogram technologists (hey, ponies use their mouths for everything in this place.) Does it want you to sing, dance, read poetry, solve riddles, what the FUCK does this kid want from you??
>Half an hour passes with this struggle. As if to add insult to injury, you feel the kid starts to slip your grasp, the strong little bugger, and you reach out to snatch her before she goes ceilingward. You have to find a way you keep this kid grounded until she’s fed!
>In desperation, you grab rubber bands, chip clips, and some baking twine from a nearby drawer and practically tie the kid to the edge of your counter. Practically… nah, actually literally. You create a weird harness, slip it over the kid’s body, and physically tie it down. Because that’s what a responsible babysitter does, right?

(6/?)

>>28900756

>Okay, if CPS saw this, you’d probably be arrested, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and at this point, you think you’ve reached desperation.
>Seeing that she’s tied down, Cirrus looks at the twine and rubber band contraption around her torso and legs, then begins to cry again. Louder this time.
>Okay, fuck it, you need help. Not from the mom, of course, you still want to get paid, but from a pegasus. Someone who’s kind, helpful, good with little babies and stuff. Someone who will make everything alright, who knows how to make others smile and feel safe. Someone who knows how to deal with small creatures. Do you even know anypony like that?
>The name hits you like a sloppy punch from a drunk basic bitch, and you bolt to the phone. You stab in the number with your finger and listen, over the kid’s crying, as the dial tone sounds. Once. Twice. Then you hear the click of her picking up.
“Hello?”
“It’s Anon,” you say in a rush, barely breathing between your words. “I’m foalsitting and I need help from a pegasus right now. Please! If you don’t help me this kid might starve or something, I don’t know what to do!”
>There’s silence on the line for a moment.
“Wait, what?”
“Look, just get over her now, okay?”
>Without waiting for an answer, you slam down the receiver and begin to pace the floor, just as you did before. Through the screechy, belligerent screaming, you say a quiet prayer that your savior will get there soon.

——

>After what feels like an eternity, you hear a knock on the door. You practically throw the door open and look down, panting, to find your new helper standing at the ready.
“Uh… hi there Anon,” Rainbow Dash says haltingly. “Apparently you need my help or something? It was hard to understand over the-”

(7/?)

>>28900763

>Without waiting for her to finish, you grab her by her chest floof and drag her inside your cottage. She gives an indignant squawk, but you slam the door before anypony who might be wandering can see and think you’re abducting her. She stares up at you as you release her, then glances at the crying kid.
“Woah!” she says wincing. “I can see why you said you needed help.”
“No shit, now…what do I do?!”
>As if nothing in the world were wrong, Dash walks over to the baby, looks it up and down, then gives you a disapproving shake of her head.
“Anon… did you tie down this foal?”
>You almost break into sobs.
“I had to!” you groan. “It was trying to fly away, and I couldn’t get it to eat… hell, I was moments away from using a spoon to pry the kid’s lips apart with a spatula and then getting a funnel!”
>Dash grimaces. Yeah, probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.
>The baby seems to have noticed that there’s another pegasus in the room, and the sight of a familiar pony seems to be calming it slightly. For now, it just sniffles and squirms in its bonds. You look from it, then thankfully, feverishly back to Rainbow Dash.
“What the fuck do I do,” you whine at her.
“Okay, first of all,” she says gently, “untie the foal.”
>Sniffing almost as much as the kid, you untie the baby and step away from it. Rainbow nods approvingly.
>“Good, and secondly… actually, I gotta ask, why didn’t you call Fluttershy? This seems like more her kind of thing.”
>You freeze, caught up in how absolutely sane that sounds. Yeah, why didn’t you call Fluttershy? She’s good with animals, she likes babies, she’s soft spoken… actually, why in the hell would you even think to call Rainbow Dash? She’s kind of a bitch sometimes, and she’s loud, and hasty and…
>Wow, you’re just full of bad decisions today, aren’t you?
>You hang your head in shame as Dash soothingly pats your arm.

(8/?)

>>28900773

“Hey, it’s okay, I took care of my little cousins growing up sometimes, so I got this.”
>She puffs out her chest as she speaks, proud and boastful as usual. Well, if what she says is true, at least it can’t be that bad. You wipe your nose on the back of your arm and nod to her.
“Okay, thanks,” you mumble.
“So, what exactly are you trying to do right now?” Dash asks.
“I just want to feed the baby. Then Cloudkicker said she should go right to sleep. But she won’t [i]eat[/i]!”
>Dash shrugs.
“Well, maybe it’s how you’ve been feeding her. Why don’t you practice on me.”
>She hops up onto the counter next to the baby, who looks up at her in teary-eyed wonder. Then, she assumes an innocent looking face, bats her big pink eyes, and holds her hooves up in front of her chest like a begging dog.
“Waaah and all that,” she says in her usual sassy way.
>Okay, you’re definitely not a lesbian, but some part of even you hurts with how cute she looks right now. You stifle your gnyygh as you again take the little spoon and get a tiny mouthful of the pink paste. All of a sudden, you feel with every fiber of your being how awkward this is. Rainbow Dash is sitting on your counter, pretending to be an infant, as you try to feed her baby food using a gelato spoon.
“H-here comes the airplane,” you say haltingly, then try to make the buzzing noises. You’re so nervous you mostly end up just spitting on yourself.
>Rainbow Dash maintains eye contact with you as she pulls her head away from the spoon in disgust. The gaze she gives you is so disapproving that you can’t help but lower your hand in shame and stop your very wet airplane noises.
“Anon,” she says tersely. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here?”
“…th-the airplane trick?”
“Don’t. It’s demeaning. Would you like if I tried to shove an airplane down your throat?”
>You suppose not.
“Well, okay, what should I do with the spoon then?”

(9/?)

>>28900784

“Put it away! That’s not how you feed a pegasus foal at all, everypony knows that. This kid is probably so confused about what you’re doing that it’s scared you’re trying to skewer it for dinner. Aren’t you, Cirrus?”
>Here Dash scratches the foal under the chin, and it sort of goos through its muffled sobs. It seems Dash is pretty good with kids after all.
“So… what’s different about feeding a pegasus?” you ask with a defeated sigh. “Do you use your hands or hooves or…?”
>Dash looks you up and down, and her expression seems to soften a little.
“You really don’t know, do you?”
>You shake your head no, and she rolls her eyes.
“Fine, I’ll show you, ya loser. You just have to do exactly what I do. It’s kinda like feeding a baby bird, so you have to do it gently and calmly, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll do anything if it gets this kid to eat!” you say pleadingly
>Eager to help, you pick up one of the jars and offer it to dash, but she gingerly pushes it away from her and shakes her head.
“Nah, I ate earlier so it should be fine.”
>That’s… a weird thing to say. Did she think you were trying to get her to eat? Why would her having food earlier matter. Before you can muse too hard on this, she waves a hoof at you to get your attention.
“Hey, giving feeding lessons here, you paying attention?”
“Yeah, of course, just walk me through it.”
>She smiles smugly at you.
“Okay newbie, just watch and learn. First ya gotta stand in front of the kid, like this.”
>Dash positions herself in front of the baby, and you move to the side so you can see it happening. Sure enough, the baby has gone quiet, and she’s watching Dash with large eyes. She’s not even really wiggling anymore, so Dash must be doing something right after all! You try to make a mental nots of exactly where Dash’s feet are positioned.

(10/?)

>>28900793

“Next,” she continues, “You gotta really feel down in yourself, get things moving, and pull your head back like this.”
>With these words, dash cranes her neck way back, keeping her chin tucked. Okay, this is really weird now, what is she even…
“Then it’s just a matter of getting things to convulse, the kid will figure it out, then…”
>As you watch, Dash’s chest seems to swell. Her fur all seems to stand up a little, and her wings open across her back. Her cheeks seem rounder, like she’s puffing them out, and her mouth opens a little as she begins breathing hard. The kid too has leaned forward expectantly, and her little mouth is opening up, wider and wider with each passing second. You want to ask what the fuck is going on, but you’re too enthralled and horrified to even break your silence.
>Then, Dash’s head begins to move. She brings it sharply forward, till her neck is straight, straining even, then sharply all the way back with her chin tucked, over and over, in a near rolling motion. You can hear soft ‘urk’ noises coming from her open mouth, and they seem to get thicker, more gurgly with each motion of her head. The foal has started flapping its wings, and now its mouth looks like it could swallow most of Dash’s face whole.
>Then you remember something. Something horrible.
>Like feeding a baby bird. She said it was like feeding a baby bird…
>All at once, Dash’s head rockets forward over the baby. With a garbled sound like a teenager trying to breathe in a vat of pudding, her mouth opens wide, teeth showing, and her eyes roll back slightly until they’re dilated and unseeing. She doesn’t even look conscious, really, and she begins vibrating, from her tail all the way to her head. You can see her throat undulating, like a snake under a thin sheet. Before you can force yourself to look away, she at last begins to vomit.

(11/?)

>>28900798

>The torrent of puke streaming out of Dash’s throat sprays in light brown down into the waiting mouth and onto the face of the foal, who makes a glubbing sound of delight as she begins to swallow it down. Her eyes too roll back, going wall-eyed, and just flailing her hooves as flecks of pony vomit spray her fur and your counter. The stream goes on endlessly, and Rainbow Dash’s head vibrates up and down, forcing more and more liquid-processed food out of her and down into the wiggling infant. Her wings flap forward and back with each small vibration, urging the vomit rain on.
>You stare, unable to break away from the scene, as it goes on for several minutes. Just Rainbow Dash, puking brown bile into and onto a baby. The sound of it is something like pouring wet cement onto an unsuspecting puppy.
>At last, the torrent stops. You can feel your body shaking.
>Dash wipes her mouth on the back of her hoof, and the baby convulses as the rest of the liquid in its gaping mouth slithers down her throat. A large, brown bubble pops across the surface of her mouth, then she closes it, smiles at you, and makes a little coo noise of joy. You’re utterly, completely overwhelmed. Your brain can’t make sense of what you just saw. The stench permeates ever part of your senses. Your body can scarcely take it.
>Dash smiles at you as well.
“See? Easy as pie, even a newbie like you could do it.”
>You stammer, making a soft creaking noise in your throat, as the blue pegasus picks up one of the jars of food, sniffs it, then offers it to you with a grin.
“Here, now you try! Seems like Cloudkicker purred these worms herself, so they should actually taste pretty good!”
>This proves to be too much.

(12/14)

>>28900819

>With a wail of despair, you turn from the scene and proceed to vomit up all the wonderful red wine you’ve been drinking, as well as probably both your dinner and lunch. It splashes onto the floor to form a stinky, smelly puddle, and you tremble as you sink down next to it, coughing.
“See? That’s the spirit, you’re getting the hang of it already!” you hear Rainbow Dash say behind you. “Now you just have to aim it at the kid!”
>You’re glad you turned away from both pegasi, because at least this way they can’t see you beginning to cry.

——

>Without letting the ticket master stop you, you stride past the entrance way of the small theater and walk directly into the lobby. You make your way to the doors, push one open, then trudge lifelessly down the isle, searching for Cloudkicker. As you spot her, smiling up at the ongoing performance, you quicken your pace, and she spots you as you get near. At first she looks confused, then just horrified.
>“Anon, what-” she hisses at you, but you don’t give her enough time to finish that thought.
>Instead, you extend your arms away from your vomit-stained dress and deposit the filthy, wiggly child into her lap. She looks from it, then back up to you, and stammers to find words. Others in the theater are staring at you, but you don’t care. Nothing matter. Nothing will ever be okay again.
“You can keep your bits,” you say to her emotionlessly, “and you can keep your kid.”
>Somepony tells you to shush, and you ignore them. Cloud kicker blushes deeply, tears forming in her eyes. Your heart remains cold.
“But…”
“No.”

(13/14)

>>28900824

>Before she can say anything else, you turn away and begin to trudge out of the theater. Behind you, the sounds of Silence of the Lambs, The Musical begin to fade. You don’t care that it might traumatize the child. You don’t care that you probably ruined the night for her and some other ponies. All you care about right now is getting home, and taking a shower.
>Then, you’re going to call the doctors at the hospital and make an appointment to go get your tubes tied. You’re not taking any chances.

-End-

(14/14)

Bin: http://pastebin.com/nYNEtvaE

Happy Friday horsefuckers. Off to drink now. Cheers.

>>28900831
Huh

>>28898465
Gawsh

>>28900831
>you’re going to call the doctors at the hospital and make an appointment to go get your tubes tied.
>>28900756
(hey, ponies use their mouths for everything in this place.)

>>28901899

...I like this.
Thank you.

Threadly reminder that threadly reminders are ded.

>>28901968
I like you

>>28902058
Threadly reminder, I wish I had a pony slave to suck my dick while I eat breakfast.

>>28900831
That was actually pretty tame for you. I liked it anyway.

Are we doing secret santa again this year?

File: It's 2am and the fear is gone.png (158KB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

158KB, 800x800px

>>28900831
Y-you too

>>28903440

Fuck. Yeah we should probably do that again, assuming you guys still want to. It went pretty okay last year, right?

File: Who would be a poor man, a beggerman, a thief, if he had a rich man in his hand.png (594KB, 1444x1600px) Image search: [Google]

594KB, 1444x1600px

>>28903661
>someone else using my filenames

Need another writefag? The thread I was writing for previously developed terminal autism and a pseudo-civil war.

>>28904374
Of course we do.

also crosspostan
>Day shinty-six in Equestria.
>Be Anon.
>Today is Tuesday.
>Prince Shining Armor is here to arrest you for breaking the law.
>"You are under arrest."
>He puts hoof cuffs on you.
>They fall off because you do not have hooves.
>Which is why he's arresting you to begin with.
>"Oh right."
>"I'll get them."
>His partner Princess Cadence leaves to get the handcuffs from their cruiser.
>"Don't try anything you criminal scum."
"This is totally gay."
>Cadence returns to hear this.
>"You are going to pony prison for your crimes."
"Gaaaaaay."
>They take you outside and put you in their chariot cruiser.
>They then fly you to pony jail.
>A pony comes out and takes you into the jail.
>You are locked in a cell and it's super lame.
>A while later Twilight's Mom comes and takes you back to Ponyville.
>Twilight is mad when you see her.
>"Stop committing crimes Anon."
"Pony laws are stupid. I'm a human, we don't have hooves. It's not possible for me to follow the law."
>"I can think of a way you can."
"What?"
>"You could have my hoof, in marriage."
"Did you arrange this all just to use that pickup line?"
>Twilight looks down in embarrassment.
>"Yes"
>"So will you marry me? We could be so happy together."
"Goddamnit Twilight, do you really expect me to make such a big decision without putting any thought into it?"
>"Um..."
"Twilight, we aren't anywhere near the point where marriage would be on the table. We aren't even dating or anything."
>Twilight's mom breaks in
>"If that's the problem, would you try giving my daughter a chance and go on a date with her?"
"If you can stop all these convoluted schemes I'll have lunch with you sometime, Twilight. We can see where it goes from there"

File: 1426747699057.jpg (210KB, 965x977px) Image search: [Google]

210KB, 965x977px

>>28898447
The picture the OP references is pretty heartbreaking

>Anon in Equestria
>Arrives very young
>Is adopted by Harshwhinny
>She becomes less and less affectionate as the years go by
>Works more and more, stays in the house less and less
>Starts insisting that Anon call her "Mrs Harshwhinny" instead of "mom"
>Anon doesn't know where he went wrong

>>28904581
Fugg, right in the feels

>>28904581
Goddamn, that's strong.

>>28904581
Jesus, is he going to In-N-Out with a photograph of his dead wife? The only way this could be worse was if he wasn't eating that hamburger because he didn't have enough money to afford one.

>>28904844
Ok.

>>28903737
I'm down if you are.

>>28904902
What do you mean? I meant it's such a sad picture that the only way it could be more sad is if he was unable to afford a 3 dollar burger.

>>28904926
>not even something from the dollar menu either

Would Bellerophon tame Rainbow Dash?

>>28905197
No, she' be too busy making fun of his name.

>>28905197
No, she'd be too busy fucking him. And Twilight. And Lyra.

>>28904504
I chortled, good sir.

>>28905197
I still don't know why that story is so popular. The sex scenes are lame, the main character is bad, and the story is just bad wish fulfillment tripe.

But I guess it's okay to masturbate to ponies acting pathetic over a guy with a douchtastic name.

>>28905715
Probably because a broad wrote it

>>28905730
The she is a shitty writer.

>>28905744
Lets see your writing then, nerd
Link your stories

>>28905752
I don't have to manufacture an automobile to prove that the Pinto was a shitty car.

>>28905791
That's a funny way of saying you can't do better

>>28905850
Why are you shilling for a shitty fanfic anyway?

>>28905861
>subject change
Did I strike a nerve?

I dont care about it I just wanted to give you a hard time lol

>>28905884
I figured that,and I'm not really upset.

A shame we didn't go further. I was going to threaten you with my good boy points and tendies.

>>28905971
Sarcasm is best in written form
Fact

>>28905977
I agree, but there needs to be a new punctuation for it.

>Dragon Quest
>
>"Thanks for coming Anon."
>"Yeah, yeah. You check that volcano, I'll take this one."
>--------------------
>"Well, well. What do we have here?"
>"I'm..."
>Shit, dragon name, dragon name.
>"Alduin."
>Yes, that will do.
>"Funny name for a dragon, well you're just in time for a belching contest."
>He belches a huge burst of flame. This dragon is dripping dickishness.
>"Think you can beat that?"
>Balls. Come on, think of a lie.
>"I'm a frost drake, we don't do fire."
>"Hahahaha! What kind of dragon can't breathe fire, what a joke."
>His friends join in laughing.
>"You like jokes? What did the five claws say to the face?"
>"Huh?"
>"SLAP!"
>You slap him across the face as hard as you can, sending him to the dirt.
>Why do you have a sinking feeling that the entire search for Spike is gonna be like this?
>
>Hurricane Fluttershy
>
>"Fluttershy? What are you doing out here, aren't all the pegasi supposed to be doing some weather thing."
>"I can't... I can't fly."
>Pretty sure she can but she seems really upset.
>You sit down next to her.
>"Why don't you tell me about it."
>-----------------
>"You know even if you can't take part, you can still cheer them on. Sounds like breaking this record will be hard, Rainbow could use your support, as a friend if not a flyer."
>"You're right Anon, I'll go, even if I can't help I can still support Rainbow."

>>28906387
>Ponyville Confidential
>
>Another fine day to sit in the park doing bugger all.
>"Hi Mr Anon, mind if I sit next to you."
>"Sure Rumble, it's a free country. What you got there?"
>"It's the Foal Free Press, our school newspaper."
>"School newspaper eh? Mind if I take a look?"
>"Sure!"
>Baby birds, so and so, blah blah- Wait!
>Sweet mother of Celestia.
>'Hairless or Hidden secret? Local Human sighted shaving his flank....'
>How did they find out you shave your butt. It's not your fault your ass is hairy.
>"Er Rumble? How many ponies read this?"
>"It used to be just us at school but everypony in town started reading it last week. It's even at the newsstand."
>Sweet father of Luna.
>"I have to go!"
>Maybe you pass this off as a human cultural thing. Maybe.
>
>MMMystery on The Friendship Express
>
>Spike waddles past you, holding a bucket of ice cream.
>Silly Spike, you're not Twilight Sparkle. You retain awareness of your surroundings whilst reading.
>"Spike. You shouldn't be eating that."
>"Oh come on. I thought you were gonna be fun, like we're having a sleepover."
>"Oh I am fun, I don't care what you eat."
>"Yes!"
>"But Twilight will wonder where her ice cream went. And one sore stomach later you'll be wondering why you did this to yourself."
>"Fine, I'll put it back."
>Spike-sitting is easy.
>
>A Canterlot Wedding
>
>Sometimes you wonder how things happen.
>What lead you to this point.
>What series of events, intentional or otherwise set this up.
>How the path of your life took your here.
>And now that you reached the destination, you can't help but wonder.
>What the hell is going on?
>You're defending a cakeshop from a horde of green eyed bug creatures, with only a trash can and a very stale baguette for weaponry.
>--------------
>"Anon, why are you dancing with bread."
>"Well Pinkie, me and this here bread roll have been through alot together. Thought I'd show it a good time."
>"Okie dokie lokie."


http://pastebin.com/LsRTPhwb

File: 1440681613621.png (653KB, 384x434px) Image search: [Google]

653KB, 384x434px

>>28900831
Birds are fukken gross, brah. Cute story though.

>>28904924
I'm in again.

>>28904374 here.
It acceptable to revamp something previously written for another thread that still fits within the criteria of AiE?

Stopped-coming-to-mlp-a-year-and-a-half-ago-but-checking-because-of-boredom-fag here

I know AIE threads have always been around, but how the FUCK does a general last 1109 threads? Does anyone perhaps know the date of the very first thread in the chain?

>>28907340
Sure, and I'll give you an example of what is considered acceptable.

[THE FIRST THIRD OR SO OF THE EXISTING STORY]
>And then you bumped into some guy who fell over
>"Oof."
"Sorry."
>You help them up and continue about your day
[THE REST OF YOUR STORY]

You don't have to try hard to shoehorn the thread requirements in.

>>28906396
Still fun.

Have you ever wondered what AiE would be like if ponies looked exactly like real-life horses? Long faces, sideways eyes, hard hooves, and no real way of telling their gender except for looking at their genitals? I get the feeling that Anon would be a lot less receptive to ponies special attention if they had fewer human-esque features and looked more like barnyard animals.

>>28907361
Spite
Yes

File: anon and realpone.jpg (576KB, 935x1500px) Image search: [Google]

576KB, 935x1500px

>>28907882

File: vhatug.jpg (110KB, 640x456px) Image search: [Google]

110KB, 640x456px

>>28907882
You underestimate our power level

>>28907882

But real horses give amazing cuddles and they have the softest noses and the twitchiest ears. I would have zero complaints.

File: 1473462819256.jpg (65KB, 440x478px) Image search: [Google]

65KB, 440x478px

>>28907971
>>28907983
These guys get it.

>>28908023
A lot of the time, I wonder how much of an animal's behavior with humans is natural and how much is trained. Does that horse feel horsey fondness with that girl? Is it trying to show a physical display of affection by nuzzling and groping her ass? Or was it given carrots and pats until it learned this exact response when someone gave it a hug? I want to believe that animals can feel love.

>>28908119

I cared for a pony that liked to put its head directly against your chest, and would do so until you wrapped your arms under it's chin so you were basically hugging its nose. It would not stop until you did this. She would even head butt you, painfully might I add, until you did this. For whatever reason, she thought it felt nice. And, of course, pony hugs are wonderful, so I rarely complained.
This same pony had a stallmate what died one week. I came to see her the day after, and she was pacing in her stall. She kept calling out to the next stall over, then standing still, listening, and flaring her nostrils. Then she'd pace again, call, and listen. Over and over. When I came into her stall, she came over to me and just pressed her head into my chest and sighed this big heavy sigh. And then she didn't move for several minutes.
I don't know if horses feel love, like we do, but I promise you that they can at least feel attachment, sadness, and loss.

>>28908119
Hugging in particular is mostly a primate behavior, stemming from baby monkeys holding onto their mothers while she keeps going around doing monkey things
Given that this pretty much the most common way that humans show affection/trust, to look for it in other animals one would have to look for their specific ways of expressing it
That said, horses don't really hug each other, so I doubt the horse in that picture really gets the significance of that gesture

>>28908176
That's really sweet, Anon. I hope it's true.

>>28908525
Smartphones find invisible monsters? What?

>>28908540
pokemon go

>>28908558
Didn't that come out, like, 8 years ago? I didn't realize people were still talking about it. I thought the novelty of going outside died out when people started strapping their phones to quad-drones.

>Type out greens for once in a long while
>Tippityy tapping away like a mofo.
>Fuck yeah we inna zone
>Autozone.
>few pages complete aaaaaand done
>Proofread proofread proofread
>Move to save,whoopsy!, Windows has gon full retard right at this fucking moment with a simple word document and can't save current file.
>Also closes it and reopens a blank new doc.
Well nevermind to that shit. What're you fags working on?

>>28908846
Rewrites. Sad to hear that your green's MIA, Anon. What word processor were you using?

File: ponkcorn.jpg (52KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

52KB, 1280x720px

>>28908846
>What're you fags working on?
Feeling like a shit about not being more productive while I watch Netflix. What was the lost green about?

>>28908883
>What word processor were you using?
>>28908846
>a simple word document

Hmmm...
Not the Anon you're talking to, just feel like being a bit of an insufferable prick

>>28909011
Could be using RTF, could be using MS Word, could be using LibreOffice. The world may never know.

>>28908922
Minthoers and Anon thing part somethingsomethingorother
>>28909031
Word to your mother

Bumping. Will contribute a green tomorrow and see how that goes. Night, Anons.

>>28909266
Goodnight fag.

>>28908883

Something depressing.

>>28909640
autobiography?

>>28909669

HAH.
...well, not exactly, but thanks for that.

File: xgz9nkR[1].gif (1MB, 320x240px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 320x240px

>>28909669
OH SHIT.

Horse pussy.

>>28906079
New.....punctuation....?!?!?
How, do you mean?

File: moonie_by_dereklestrange-d7e4n6t.jpg (55KB, 434x359px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 434x359px

“I’m home,” you tiredly state as you stumble inside.
>The lounge chair faces away from the door so you don’t notice Trixie’s presence until she pokes her head out from the side as she stuff her face with a floating sandwich.
>“Oh, hey. It’s been a while.”
“Thanks for noticing,” you shrug as you toss aside your luggage.
>“Where’d you go?” Trixie asks as she bites into her snack.
“The Mayor had me visit a few towns with her for the upcoming--Hang on, I told you this before I left?”
>With a sharp exhale you slump onto the couch so your body can thank you for finally getting some rest.
>The past week has been long, and incredibly taxing. Mayor Mare is a slave driver some times, but it all pays off in the end.
>“Even a mare so wise and wonderful as Trixie forgets things from time to time.”
>“How was the trip?” Awkwardly asks a tiny voice beside you.
>Beside you is the little terror of the twilight, the mischief-maker of the moon, also known as the ne’er do well of the night.
>She looks up at you curiously and your instinctively figure she’s up to something.
>Meanwhile you are completely unaware to her true goals and horror of her actual intentions.
“Long.”
>Moonie waits before she snaps to the realisation that was all you were going to say.
>“What, that’s it?”
“What are you expecting me to say? You’ve always found my work boring.”
>“Well, not today. So bore away Anon!”
>She cheerfully beams at you but you’re a little too tired to play along with that idea. So instead you slump over onto her.
>“ANON!” She squeals and laughs while she struggles to get out from under you, “You’re really heavy.”
“Are you saying I’m fat?”
>You wriggle as you try to put more weight into it.
>Moonie’s struggles get weaker as time goes on, eventually it’s just her hind legs that are stuck under you.
>So using her front legs to brace herself up, she glares at you.
“What?”
>“Get up.”

File: ^C85A2B47642E8DC131D61DCEBDF66E8EAB947FA2C523A7DB6A^pimgpsh_fullsize_distr.jpg (577KB, 2151x2659px) Image search: [Google]

577KB, 2151x2659px

>>28910252
“I’ve been slaving away for a whole week. I come home, positively exhausted and barely able to stand and you want me to move about after finally being able to rest?”
>You sigh deeply, placing a hand on your forehead as you try to sound as dramatically miserable as possible
>“You can be lazy all you want,” she groans while giving another unsuccessful heave, “just not on my legs.”
>She uses her magic to grab the couch cushion your head was on to smother you with it.
>You decide that’s enough and roll sideways to free her.
>Moonie decides with her new found freedom to jump on top of you instead of fleeing to your surprise.
>“Tell you what, because you’re so tired, why don’t I make dinner?”
>She beams proudly at you.
“No!” You abruptly state while jolting upright.
>You shove Moonie aside and make a quick dinner for two that you hand to Trixie and Moonie sitting at the table in waiting.

>“Not eating?” The sloppy and piggy Trixie asks with a mouth full of food.
“Nah, I’m actually going to pass out. I’m seriously exhausted from everything. And don’t do that.”
>Trixie mockingly opens her mouth to show what she was in the middle of chewing. Thankfully, Moonie uses her magic to shut it.
>“Nobody wants to see that,” reels Moonie.
“Goodnight,” you say as you head off.

>Lifting the covers, you slide into bed and begin dozing off.
>From what you can tell, it’s only a few minutes until Moonie creeps in.
>At this point you’re half asleep, barely even able to tell if it’s actually happening. Moonie softly flutters up onto the bed and looks at you closely.
>“Hm,” she murmurs before curling up beside you.
>Her back is pressed against yours so you can feel her warmth and steady breathing that you take a content comfort in as you fade the rest of the way into a dreamless slumber.

Pastebin Link: http://pastebin.com/5WWqvqra

File: image.jpg (44KB, 221x397px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 221x397px

>>28900720
No
>>28900727
Stop
>>28900732
STOP
>>28900743
S T O P
>>28900747
FEMANON IS CANCER
>>28900756
Please let it end
>>28900763
Uuuuuugh
>>28900773
Why do you do this
>>28900784
God damn it pencil you're a good writer don't waste it on this garbage
>>28900793
Oh god
>>28900798
Please no
>>28900819
Fucking Christ why
I can't even read more to shitpost at you at this point

>>28904657
>she is just very uncomfortable with how wet anon makes her
>she wants to be a good mother
>she doesn't want to rape her son
>why can't she stop thinking about him, then?

crosspostan
>>28910338
>Be Hay Bales in Equestria.
>There's a strange thing living in those woods by the town
>The strange woods that appeared after the Princesses dropped a Large Hadron Collider on that invading demon army.
>It's a spooky as fuck forest like the Everfree, except not.
>The trees are all spaced wrong and there are roads paved with asphalt.
>Nopony has been willing to go in.
>But some ponies have reported seeing a strange creature within.
>A strange creature with inequine grace and agility.
>And that thing is standing in front of you.
>Those tiny eyes staring straight into your soul, judging your every thought and memory by alien criteria.
>You dread to think of what would happen to you should you be found lacking.
>"Oh hey, it's a horse."
>You know what each word it says means, but together they are beyond your ken.
>The only thing you can do is stand there helplessly as this being passes by.
>It's passing by!
>Thank Celestia, it's decided to leave you alone.
>You can only hope that the rest of the ponies in the town are so lucky.
>Because it looks like that's where it's heading.

>>28910665
That pony is lucky it didn't get its tummy rubbed.

> Your name, or rather chosen pseudonym for years, is Anonymous.
> Your life had been at a crossroads for quite some time— and you figured that the time had come to take it off of the rails.
> You suppose that was why you settled into the driver’s seat of your car after a stop at the pharmacy.
> You never actually thought as to whether or not change could come— it brought about an uneasy sense of dread.
> For the longest time, you served the purpose of an unyielding bystander. When life shat in your face, you continued: unwilling to yield to the slightest problem ahead.
> That was why it didn’t feel right when you had chosen to quit.
> You overdosed on an anti-depressant, Celexa, which was a member of the Citalopram family.
> You had, to this day, never witnessed a cardiac arrest— but it was certain, now, that you had felt one.
> When it all went dark, it felt peaceful— tranquil, even.
> That was why you felt so deceived when it all ended— and you woke in an alleyway, clutching at your head.
> Your eyes stung slightly. It was nothing major, but enough to be a slight nuisance, as if it was bad enough that everything was unconditionally blurry. Distorted, fuzzy— it felt nothing like any high that you’ve been on, mind the supposed degeneracy of actually getting high.
> You reach around yourself, eventually clasping at something. It’s metal, clearly, just by the feel of it. You weren’t expecting, however, for it to be pulled down with your weight as you attempted to stand.
> Your legs buckle inwards. Something grimy— definitely trash— ends up crashing down atop yourself.
“. . . never using a trashcan to get back up again.”
> You mutter these words to yourself. The distortion of your vision fades, a slow process at first. You finally get to take a good look around yourself.
> Covered in dirt, grime, and smelling like a dumpster, you manage to sit up and grasp at the brick wall. It helps you stand, at least.

>>28911553
> “Alright. Ready?” the Unicorn finally speaks again.
> You nod your head.
> “What are you?”
> The inquiry confuses you— everything rattles through your head, jingling and clinking together like broken glass. Then, every little shard clicks appropriately.
> “Answer my question,” says the Unicorn, her tone sounding much bolder than it was before.
“I’m a human.”
> You pause.
“. . . and you’re a pastel white horse.”
> Your quick add-on of disbelief radiates from your gaze, and your words— clutching at the toppled trash bin, you attempt to get some footing to stand up.
> The pony takes a step back, their horn glowing yet again. The wispish blue aura lunges at you, nearly faster than a bullet.
> It makes you flinch, until it warps to cling to your wrist— prying your grasp away from the trash bin.
> “Don’t try anything hasty! I’ll restrain you!” she shouts, before the aura begins to refrain and release your wrist. “. . . jerk,” she adds— glowering at you from beneath her gold-shining Corinthian helm.
“I wasn’t trying anythi—“
> The mare sighs.
> “Look, you said you were human, right?” she asks, to which you can’t help but comically tip your head at her— the same way she did before.
> You nod your head, and the supposedly appropriate answer brings a faint smile of delight to the pony’s muzzle.
> “I’m always the one who has to deal with the weird stuff.”
> Her complaint is subtle.
> “Get up, and on your hoov— er, feet.”
> Dissuaded from enraging your captor after seeing how fast that blue aura could go, you plant a hand to the wall and right yourself.
> You’re surprised when the wispy aura locks around your wrists.
> It’s like a pair of warm, serpentine handcuffs, but their purpose is still definitely served.
> Lashing your arms about does very little to budge the blue mist— but it does make the Unicorn turn her head. Her eyes convey her frustration.
> “Stop your fidgeting.”

>>28911561
> You walk for what seems like an hour, tugged along by the irritable white unicorn. Eventually, you stop— before a pair of ornate great doors. Two more unicorns reside on either side of the door, with similar bronze armour to that of your captor.
> They bare what look like primitive flintlock rifles. Arquebus? Muskets? You’re not able to discern very easily.
> The two guards perform an impressive (for a horse) maneouvre to face one another, as the great doors open inward to allow you to be brought inside.
> The two look concerned, for the most part.
> “Keep moving,” says the Unicorn, back to you.
> Like before, you comply— having your feet dragged across the ground isn’t a pleasant feeling.
> Within the maw of the ornate great doors is the entry hall of a castle— roughly a time and a half as tall as the doors themselves. Most of the castle is made of a fine, ornate stone.
> Possibly white marble. Possibly limestone. It’s gilded with gold, or something similar to gold.
> The mist tugs you along, keeping you within three to four feet of your captor as she nears the next great doors.
> Two guards are also on either side of this door, baring spears. With a likely ceremonial salute, the doors open.
> Within the hall is an ornate room, containing two thrones. Six guards standing in lines of three flank a velvet carpet. This carpet leads before the thrones.
> The six guards are wearing what looks like improved half-plate, with scalemail beneath. The armour is still composed of golden bronze.
> The owner of the throne resides upon it at this time.

>>28911561
> With regal authority and height dwarfing that of these ponies, is a white horse. They possibly stand at five feet and eight inches— possibly less. With their polychromatic mane, long and flowing, she resides upon her throne with her legs folded beneath herself. Ornate gold jewelry adorns her, from head to hoof: a tiara rests upon her head, to boot.
> She also happens to have both wings, and a horn.
> “Sergeant, you were dismissed—”
> Her tone, as well, is elegant and poised, which you would expect from royalty.
> “—an hour ago. . .” she trails off. “Is this—?” She falls quiet.
> “Yes, Princess Celestia. This is a human,” responds the Unicorn.
> “Release them.” Princess Celestia demands— her tone becomes harsh.
> “As you wish, Princess.” She dips her head, and the serpentine aura leaves your wrists yet again. Unlike true handcuffs, which you’ve felt a few times, you don’t find yourself rubbing your wrists out of pain.
> Instead, you stand there— suspension of disbelief still strong.
> You step forwards, stopping just at the base of the throne. Your eyes catch the bare start of a thin-lipped smile upon her muzzle.
> Slightly shaking, possibly due to the remainder of the Citalopram in your system, you bend a knee. She stops you, however.
> “Please, stand. There is no reason to shake, is there?” Her tone has become much more maternal, and much softer than the voice that ordered the Sergeant whom brought you before her.
> “One of your kind has not been seen for many centuries,” Princess Celestia begins, as you stand to your feet. “This is an uncommon occurrence for a human to arrive here. Forgive any misunderstandings that you may have encountered— these were unintentional.” Her pink eyes tip up over yourself, peering at the group of guards.
> “Sergeant Silver Star, join the guards here and return to the barracks. Inform Steward Vanus that court will proceed tomorrow, if you would be so kind.”

>>28911571
> After the guards have left yourself and the Princess in the throne room, she continues to lecture you.
> “This land is a kingdom, first and foremost— the Kingdom of Equestria, if you desire such specifics.”
“So— others have been here?”
> You felt like it was necessary to ask the question. It felt right, at least.
> “Yes. Other humans have been here, within the last seven hundred years— usually at the cusp of great perils that threaten the world. Far greater than that of which we would usually fare,” she explains. “I do not know if that is the same case, with yourself, however.”
> “Might I ask your name, human?”
> You withhold your reply for a few seconds. It wasn’t uncertainty— it was a fear to the response of your rhetoric pseudonym.
“Anonymous.” You finally answer.
> “Very well then, Anonymous,” she tips her head, with the faintest wink.
> You’re starting to feel less and less like this is an elaborate hoax, or the effect of getting high. This all seems too real, from the faint, thrumming pain all about your body, to the feeling of everything. Temperature— all of that.
> Her horn begins to glow gold, and something prods at the back of your legs. The sensation is forceful enough to force your legs to buckle, and you end up seated in a chair that’s rather. . . small.
> “. . . my apologies, Anonymous. I did not intend to force you to sit.” The Princess frowns.
> “Your anatomy is much more different than that of my little ponies. I have not intensely studied it, even when there were limited appearances of your kin in Equestria over the last few centuries. Forgive me, if you would be so kind.”
> Dumbly, you nod your head.
> She smiles.
> “I would like to ask you a few questions, of which are not so pertinent to my idle chatter, Anonymous.”
> You remain quiet. She does, as well, until you nod your head again.

>>28911578
> She steps down from her throne, each step firm and elegant— for a horse, at least. You step to the side, yielding for her to take the lead.
> Lead out of the throne room, you are soon brought further into the depths of the castle. The architecture does not change, though the deeper you go, the more that little things change.
> The guards, for instance, wear darker armour. Some wear Corinthian helmets with a more darker, ornamental appearance, as well as half-plate and scale-mail. Others wear fullplate, with bassinet helmets.
> If they were up to your height, they’d be something to fear.
> Thankfully, they aren’t. Yet, you feel their eyes watching you— tracking you, even.
> Celestia unfurls a wing to stop you in your tracks, it extending out possibly as tall as you are.
> “This room was formerly held by a Knight whom arrived here over four hundred years ago. He spoke firmly— nobly, if that is sufficient for you to think of. I do not know if you know of what Order he served— his mark, a white cloth with red cross, was foreign here.”
> You knew enough about history to know that she was talking about a Knight Templar.
> “His capacity as an advisor and immense military knowledge made it possible for Equestria to further develop— something that I hope that you, yourself, may yield, Anonymous.”
> A means for her kingdom to further develop.

> “He was not the only notable arrival to share this room, however. Two hundred years ago, another human arrived. He carried with him what we thought at the time was a primitive musket— though it proved to be much more impressive than what we have, even now: he was also fond of carrying alcohol.”
> “Whilst . . . primitive, he was rather interesting, to say the least.”
> “If you are intent upon requesting— anything of their desired furnishing may be changed,” she explains. “It is understood that some,” she folds her wing to her side, “may simply not see things as he might have.”
> “I will grant you some alone time, to get acquainted with these quarters. They are rather quaint, if not outright austere. Good night, Anonymous.”
> You end up on your own for an hour. Without windows, the room itself was lit by oil lanterns, and was rather compact. A bathroom, living room, office, and bedroom— all in such a small space.
> You don’t know how they did it. Most of the room was partitioned by sliding doors of mahogany. They had to have been recently replaced— the wood would have probably rotted.
> You elect not to ask, and go about the base routine— clean yourself off in the bathroom, then move on to the bedroom.
> The bedroom was honestly just a bed meticulously stuffed into a closet. At the former mention of a knight— you had expected something like armour stands and weapon racks, but it was all rather quaint.
> Abandoning your shirt, unbuckling your belt, you end up sprawling out under the covers of the bed.
> Moonlight slowly begins to rise— and like an awe-inspired child, you stare out the window just an inch above the mattress.
> A faint, wispish blue haunts the moon in its rise, and as the faint light shines through the glass— you feel strangely at peace, hundreds if not thousands of miles above land.
> You awaken that morning to the sunrise. A knocking upon the door steals your thoughts.

>>28911582
>>28911586

My bad for not linking those two together. Post-quoting was being a shit.

Hopefully this is an interesting change of pace. I’ll namefag or tripfag if you guys are on board with continuation, and hope the “general” premise is easy to get, though there’s one or two twists coming up. Open to taking breaks from writing this storyline drivel and doing requests on occasion, too.

>>28911590
And a segment didn't even get posted. That's just a mess, sorry.

Paste's here: http://pastebin.com/C5NsbhSL
contains the removed segment between >>28911578 & >>28911582.

>>28910371
Relax nigga

>>28910371
>God damn it pencil you're a good writer don't waste it on this garbage
You've missed the point of everything AnonPencil writes.

>>28911590
>>28911624
It's not bad, has some things that could be interesting to read further into. Curious what Anon would actually contribute, if he could at all, and if he's even in the time period of the Mane Six or not. Though with Luna's guard, I'd probably assume so?

The one thing that I had difficulties with was the transition from this post >>28911553 to this post >>28911561 . It made me think that you had missed an entire chunk of posting. There wasn't even any indication that Anon was aware of the unicorn being there or was talking to him at all in the first post, and all of a sudden it goes to him having talked to the unicorn in some form?

File: hnnngh.png (185KB, 945x1001px) Image search: [Google]

185KB, 945x1001px

>>28910254

>>28911586
>Without windows, the room
>you stare out the window just an inch above the mattress.

nigga wut

>>28913042
Small issues in terms of proofreading. I'll work on better identifying issues in the next setup and grab a few people to proofread my shit so that this doesn't happen again.

>>28912950
Yeah, I noticed that I missed a few chunks of posts, hence why I linked the revamp in Pastebin-- that was just a bad setup. I usually split up posts by character count, though it was a hell of a wall this time. Character and story development has its place.

>>28910254
I'm gonna sleep happy tonight.

love a little horse

>>28899875

>Twilight groans and bites her lip, pushing her rump out a little more as the round tip of the plug pushes into her little purple butt
>On purpose, she moans, loudly while she stretches out more and more, until finally her ponut clenches around the bottom, forcing the plug a bit deeper and generating a loud "Unf~!" from the mare
>Almost immediately, her magic tugs on the flare, stretching out her ponut more, and more until her ring can't hold onto the plug anymore, it slips out rapidly with a pop, sending a jolt of sensation to shoot through Twilight
>"Oh- Fuuuuck~" she arches her back, heavily breathing and rubbing her exposed clit
>The Door swings open, revealing a shaking and flustered Starlight

"Can you STOP?"
>"Nnn~, so good..."
"We get it! You lost! But just because you're out it doesn't mean that you need to make it hard for the rest of us!"
>"Mmm, who's the one in heat here?"
"I- Wh-, that's not an excu-"
>Twilight shoves the plug back in, full force, sending drops of lube and mare juice flying around the room
>Many of which fall in front of your hooves, not wishing to dirty yourself you step back.
>Whatever... it's only 10 days left, anyway.
>You can go do something fun with Spike, or something productive. Don't need to touch yourself. Don't need to give in.
>The door is almost shut when you hear "And bring Anon back here, too! I need him again~"
>He's probably already found himself a neat hiding spot. It won't do him any good, Twilight will find him anyway.
>It was a testament to her magical ability how she could just hold down and have her way with a huge beast like Anon. His big, powerful arms, they could easily beat you senseless and choke you a-
>Don't get carried away now, Glimmer. You've got work to do.
>Ten more days.

>>28913041
Pencil.jpg

File: communism.jpg (93KB, 900x506px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 900x506px

>It's been 21 days since Anonymous first got zapped into Equestria
>Within that time he has already emboldened the ponies with the spirit of Communism and ousted the royal family
>Just yesterday Celestia and Luna were executed 1917-style
>Twilight escaped the chopping block because she was an early and ardent supporter.
>Still, you could always make a Trotsky out of her.
>Across Equestria some loyalist fighters remain, but they are quickly falling to your Red army.
>The economy is going well. With the help of magic each 5 Year Plan can be done in 5 days.
>The vodka and weaponry assembly lines are already coming online.
>You sense relations hardening with the Crystal Empire.
>Maybe because you slaughtered their alicorn friends.
>The door behind you bursts open.
>It's Comrade Sparkle
>"PRIVYET COMRADE ANONYMOUS"

Should I continue?

>>28915748
No.

>>28915748
sure

File: 1461533763456.jpg (17KB, 317x389px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 317x389px

>>28899340
>two waifus

>>28915752
fuk u
>>28916029
ok, I'll keep the trip and update, then.

Okay, i'm back to finish what I started...
last thread
holy shit, now I know why some oldies around here complain of the thread being so damn slow
shouldn't I have missed at least 3 threads by now?

>>28864909
>Rainbow Crash decides that now would be a perfect moment to try and do a motherfucking midair corkscrew inside the castle throne room
>Applejack gallops into the room, chasing after the two pigs that seemed to like bashing their heads into the thrones in the throne room
>Fluttershy follows her in, a bit slower and more cautious, and becomes very spooked at the sight of Twilight Sparkle with a few blobs of black magic swirling around her
>And to top it all off, Spike stopped eating the floor for long enough to see what was happening around him.
>What happened after this was, well... life threateningly stupid.
>For one, Rainbow Dash was too loose on her corkscrew, and ended up hitting Twilight head-on
>Next, the beam of raw dark magic that Twilight had shot at you began bouncing around the throne room, an at some point split into two separate beams due to the fact that Rainbow had knocked her off balance
>Thirdly, one of those beams of raw dark magic hit a cake that Pinkie had thrown at you (which had missed your thigh by an inch), and turned it into some horrific cake monster that was half the height of the ceiling
>Then, the other beam of dark magic hit one of the two pigs square in the forehead, which caused that pig to sprout a crystal pig head from its forehead.

Okay, that's it. I'm too lazy to do any more rn. Maybe i'll return in three weeks or something

crossposting
>Be Anon in Batquestria
>It's like Equestria but they're bats instead of ponies.
>Twilight Glimmer accidentally sent you here during a party at Canterlot U.
>Someone dared her to shove all her magic out into their horn while they did the same.
>They both exploded and you got sent here by the wizardsplosion.
>Worst of all, they ruined all the refreshments.
>Stranded in a strange world, you knew what to do.
>You called Princess Bat Celestia using the number Princess Celestia gave to you.
>Who then, being a Princess Celestia, tried to get herself some ayyylien booty.
>Which leads you to now.
>You're about to fuck a bat for the first time.
>You're tying Princess Bat Celestia to the bed and smacking her around a bit because she's a kinky little thing.
>And dick goes in the hole.
>Today had it's downsides, but it looks like it's going to be a good day overall.

>>28910254
This was sweet in all the right ways 8th. Great job.

So when are we going to get an adult Moonie story? Maybe Anon is an old man or something.
I get a feeling you'd be able to make it super depressing. Maybe it'd be because of the contrast with all the usual cute shit you pump out or something but I'd love to see something that has a different tone to what you always do.

>>28910254
OHHHH LY SHITTTT

File: 1409197792281.png (94KB, 700x700px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 700x700px

>>28916815
Got a place you could put that.

>>28917267
Your opinions too!

>>28917493
First thing I put in there, but then it clogged and I had to get the plunger.

Bathtub farts and horse pussy.

File: Raricow.png (379KB, 960x540px) Image search: [Google]

379KB, 960x540px

Since it's slow, a blast from the past:

>day 2% in Equestria
>Purplesmart asks you to get some milk and directs you to the Carousel Dairy in town
>you go through the streets with a basket of empty, clean milk bottles
>knock on the door of the dairy
>hear a feminine, vaguely British-sounding voice say "come in, darling!"
>you raise an eyebrow
>and enter the dairy
>and see the most fabulous, most adorable little cow, with a neatly coiffured mane and tail
>she makes eye contact with you
>you raise the other eyebrow
>she says "can I help you?"
>you are a bit startled by this, as you still aren't really used to talking ponies, much less cows
>nonetheless you persevere
"yes, a Miss Sparkle sent me from the library for three quarts of whole milk."
>"Ah. Just help yourself, then," she says, gesturing to her udders
>you look at her for a long time
"But madam, I hardly know you!"
>"Ah, a gentleman. Just wash your hands before and after, and be gentle."
>you follow her instructions
>and while you're milking her, she flirts with you
>just when you thought your day couldn't get any weirder
>finally your task is complete
>you wash your hands, and she gives you a dirty look
>"Aren't you going to tip me?" she asks, gesturing at a tip jar containing many golden coins
>you think about this
"Okay. Here you go."
>and you poke her gently on the shoulder with your fingertip, tipping her over
>she collapses dramatically onto a chaise lounge you're pretty sure wasn't there a moment ago and wails "This is the worst possible thing!"
>you leg it with the basket full of milk bottles
>today was a cow tipping day

More classics:
>Go to Canterlot
>Have meeting with Celestia and Luna
>Discuss religion
>"Anon, what kind of religion do humans have?" they ask
>"Well, one of the big 5 is called christanity, they believe that god incarnate walked the earth and essentially forgave us for all our sins" you reply
>"Well what happened to him? Does he lead your people like we lead our ponies?" they inquire
>"Well noo...." you mutter
>"Why not?" they asked
>"Well, we kind of nailed our god to a stick" you reply
>Luna and Celestia look at each other
>Celestia asks if you like bananas

another classic, 1/2
>be more or less normal human Amurrican
>go to shitty job each day, come home to shitty little apartment
>get fluffy pony as pet
>it's stupid, of course, but you did not expect otherwise
>take it on walkies, it eats grass
>feed it spaghetti, it becomes deliriously happy
>it's relentlessly happy in the manner of many Down's Syndrome children, you realize
>you come to realize the fluffy pony is the only thing in your life that doesn't cause you anguish
>the creature is, as you mentioned, quite stupid
>but it seems to love you
>nothing else does, God knows
>you try your best to be kind to it
>years pass
>you are surprised, the mortality rate of fluffy ponies is high
>despite being able to talk they are quite astoundingly stupid in every other way, they are not long-lived creatures
>still trapped in same dead-end job (lawl recession), same tiny apartment
>come home from work each day, walk pony, hold pony in your lap as you surf the Intertubes, go to bed, this treadmill is how you spend your days

>>28917963
another classic, 2/2
>one day you come home
>fluffy pony isn't there
>hmm, doors haven't been opened, windows are secure
>you call out to it
>there is a flash of light
>Princess Celestia appears, in all her radiant majestic rainbowy glamor
>mindboggled.jpg
>"I wanted to meet you in person, Anonymous"
>o rly?
>"So few humans show kindness to the fluffy ones. Fewer still understand that all ponies are my children."
>uh...
>"You have earned a reward: a blowjob from my sister Molestia."
>Molestia appears in a flash of sparkly silver light and leers at you adorably
>awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwright
>you reach into your pocket for a condom
>spaghetti comes out
>it runs on the floor
>both pony princesses are looking at you oddly
>spaghetti and marinara sauce are jetting out of all of your pockets now, spraying all over the walls
>"Then again, this IS a SFW board"
>you burst into treats

even more classic greentext

>day 69 in Equestria
>get summoned to royal party in Canterlot
>get much too drunk and proposition Princess Celestia
>"Would you care to try a bit of orangutangadingdong?"
>she's drunk enough to accept, oddly enough
>unfortunately
>"Anonymous, where's the rest of your penis? Whom do you think you're going to satisfy with that thing?"
>you tap yourself on the chest with your thumb. "Me."
>and stick it in her pooper, shouting "SURPRIZE BUTTSECKS"
>next morning you're both really hung over
>you can tell she's PISSED, too
>"so, Anonymous, do you like bananas"
>uh oh
>as the guards load you into the giant moon cannon
>you give a thumbs-up and shout "Totally worth it!"

some moar

>Day whooptidoop in Equestria.
>You and Fluttershy are hanging out somewhere.
>She walks off to do something.
>A stallion walks up to you.
>"What do you think you're doing with my daughter?"
>He kicks you and runs away.
>Fluttershy comes running back.
>"Oh my! What happened?"
"Your dad just walked up and kicked me!"
>"No, dude, my dad is dead!"
"THEN WHO WAS PONE!?"

Until you like it.

>day zalgo in equestria
>you finally got settled into your new home when a knock comes at the door.
>you open the door
>get on the floor
>Fluttershy is a dinosaur.
>She eats you
>Today was a bad day.

>>28917992
MORE!

Star Trek Episode 3 1/2, "The Equestrian Job"

>Stardate 6 7/8
>you are Cap'n James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise
>this week your ship is visiting Planet Equestria, to assist with a diplomatic crisis
>put on your best ripped shirt
>beam down to Canterlot with Spock and McCoy
>Spock gets separated first, distracted by adorable Purplesmart
>they spend the rest of the episode discussing metamathemagical theory
>Bones visits the hospital in town and starts grousing about how he's a doctor, not a wizard
>inadvertantly provoking a musical number by the patients in the rehab wing
>Outwit Celestia's guards
>Stride confidently into her private chambers for a one-on-one discussion
>cut to commercial
>come back from commercial
>Celestia is smiling like she hasn't smiled in years and brushing her mane ("brushie brushie")
>and you're sitting on the edge of her huge heart-shaped bed, putting on your boots
>conflict resolved
>roll credits
>damn, it's good to be the Captain

still more

>"Speak, then, Anonymous! Tell us what foods you CAN consume, so we may welcome you to our fair Equestria properly."
>The dark blue Alicorn smiles warmly at you, as you try desperately to remember the food pyramid. Why the fuck didn't you pay attention in school?
"Uh, well... we humans typically eat grains, fruits, vegetables, milk and other dairy products, meat, and... fuck, what was it they called it? Fatty stuff? I don't-"
>Luna takes a step back from you, a look of disgust on her face
>"Did you say 'meat', Anonymous? You would slay the living to sate your hunger for flesh?"
"What? No, I-"
>"Tell us why we should not end your life right now! Why should you not pay for the lives you extinguished in search of a meal!"
>Her eyes are glowing now, her horn leveled at your chest as she takes deliberate steps toward you
"I- uh, I don't-"
>"You cannot even argue your case? Very well, I shall- *snicker* I- *hee hee hee* I SHALL..."
>Luna collapses to the floor in the throes of a fit of laughter, the glow fading from her eyes
>It would be kind of cute if you weren't still half terrified right now
>"You should have seen- *gasp* the look on your face!"
>You frown as you wait for her to get the laughter out of her system
>She sighs contentedly, regaining some composure as she stands up once more
>In a blink, you find her standing next to you, a wing wrapped around your shoulder
>"Come, let us go get you a steak."

another classic

>You couldn't find the cookie jar.
>Pinkie hid it, you just KNOW she did.
>She always hid it when you ended up baking snickerdoodles, that way she could have them all to herself.
"Pinkie!" you call out, stomping around Sugarcube Corner. "Where are you? I know you stole the cookie jar!"
>The sound of muffled giggling perks up behind you.
>Whipping around, you see that the cookie jar is sitting on the floor.
>And Pinkie's tail is sticking out of it.
>...what in the hell?
>Taking the top off the jar, Pinkie suddenly bursts out, laughing joyously.
>"Surprise! Did I spook you? Huh? Huh?"
"Jeez, Pinkie, don't hide in the cookie jar, you know-... wait."
>You look at the jar, then look back to Pinkie.
"How... did you fit in that?"
>"Easy! I'm mooshable!"
"Moosha-wha?"
>"Moosh-A-Ball!"
"I don't follow."
>"Moosh me, Anon!"
"What."
>Pinkie sproings up to you and lands in your arms.
>"I'm super duper flexible! You could bend me all sorts of ways! See?"
>Pinkie folds herself into the shape of a swan.
"...doesn't that hurt?"
>"Heeheehahaha, no silly! It tickles!"
>She folds into the shape of a log cabin.
"Pinkie I'm gonna be honest this seems kinda freaky."
>"What do you mean?" she asks, no shaped like the Eiffel Tower.
"Pinkie please stop doing that?"
>"Doing what?"
>She's a dingo.
"Pinkie."
>Now she's shaped like a hot pocket.
"Please."
>Batman symbol.
"Stop."
>Today was jarring, to say the least.

and finally:

>day Year 1 in Equestria
>oh noes, the Joker has kidnapped the Mane 6
>the Princesses know what to do
>they go to the roof of the palace
>and turn on the Bate-Signal
>the Batecopter comes down out of the sky
>Patrick Bateman steps out
>he's already got the Joker trussed up in ropes
>kinky!
>and the Mane 6 are safe
>also trussed up in ropes, though
>kinky!
>Celestia says "How did you know?"
>in a gravelly voice he replies
>"I'm Bateman"

Who those from

>>28918814
Those from Anonymous

>Uncouth!
>Monster!
>Pervert!
>How dare she! How dare she call you these things.
>Oh, she’s going to get it now.
>Stupid Rarity, always ruining your fun.
>You were just having a tea party with Sweetie Belle.
>And by tea party you mean she was at school
>while you were in Rarity’s room
>going through her sock drawer
>Hey! Don’t judge me, she smells good.
>She caught you naked except for one of her socks dangling off your junk.
>Stupid mare bucked you out the window.
>Luckily you landed on Derpy.
>She’ll get out of the hospital next month.
>But tonight, tonight you shall have your revenge.
>You’ve sustained yourself on a steady diet of Rainbow Dash’s cooking.
>It’s safe to say that you have no idea what’s in you right now.
>You’ve also eaten an entire box of chocolate laxatives.
>You find yourself in a bit of a hurry now.
>The moment is close.
>You bring your tools with you as you head over to her place.
>She’ll be in Canterlot for the next few days.
>Plenty of time to go about your work.
>She left the house unlocked, stupid trusting p0nies.
>You go into her bedroom and knock a hole in the wall with a hammer.
>Quickly pulling your trousers down you stick your ass into the wall and release.
>Angry Cossacks thunder from within your colon.
>You are squeezed by the invisible hand of god.
>The smell has a physical force.
>It whispers evil things and must be sealed for the good of all.
>You repair the damage to the wall.
>It is easy considering how skilled a carpenter you are.
>The work is flawless. No one could know what took place here.
>You leave in the dead of night.
>Your revenge? Sated.
>That night you giggle yourself to sleep wondering how long before Rarity’s house is condemned.

>Today was a “for the love of god Montressor” day.

File: magical_night.png (23KB, 717x927px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 717x927px

>>28919259

I'm gonna addiction this.

>>28912176
who you calling nigger nigger?

>>28919259
Can't Help Laughing

Repost day?

>You weren't quite sure how it happened, but somewhere along your new life you picked up a fuckbuddy.
>Which wasn't odd in and of itself, with all that horse pussy on display it was bound to happen.
>The odd part was the horse you ended up with.
>"Hey Nonnapuss!"
>She was completely insufferable at times, and way too energetic at all times.
>But daaaayum was she an animal in the sack.
"What brings you here this early Panka, I thought the fun wasn't until tonight."
>"There's always time for fun, silly, but that's not why I'm here."
>Her expression was oddly serious, something must be going on.
>"Can we try something different tonight?"
>'Something different.'
>The phrase burrowed into your brain.
>You've already tried every combination of holes and positions either of you could think of.
>What unholy abomination has surfaced in the maddening expanse of her mind?
"Did you have something planned?"
>"Yup! Here, drink this."
>Her usual perky demeanor returns, and she's pulled a potion out from somewhere.
"...What is this gonna do?"
>"It's gonna get you ready for tonight, of course! Zecora says it should be safe for humans."
>She was up to something.
>This was the first time she's pulled your sex life into things, but she was up to something and knowing her she won't stop until she gets what she wants.
>You can only hope it won't be anything too horrible.
"...Fine, but this had better be worth it, you pink troublemaker."
>Snagging the bottle, you pop the cork and down it fast, trying to avoid tasting it.
>Zecora can accomplish many great things with her potions, but making them not taste like ass seemed beyond her power.
>The Ponkster watches intently until you swallow the mixture.
>Once it's down, she smiles big and zips away, coming back in long enough to give you a cheerful "See you tonight!"
>So now you had all day to ponder what new lewdness was in store for you.

>>28920334

>Aside from the asstacular aftertaste, the potion hasn't had any immediate effect that you've noticed.
>For all you know you're gonna end up growing a second dick or something.
>Penk hasn't shown any interest in adding any additional partners to the funtimes, but she'd probably love a good DP.
>Fingers, fists, and toys can only do so much compared to a proper double dicking.
>Or maybe you'll get a four foot prehensile penis.
>Anyone in town that might know what's in store for you is undoubtedly sworn to secrecy.
>Still, you had some shopping to do, and a visit to town would pass the time.
>Putting on some proper clothes and grabbing some bits, you venture out into the streets of Ponyville.
>All the usuals were out and about doing their usual things.
>You spend some time chatting with the flower trio, picking up the latest gossip.
>Nothing related to you or Panko, of course, but it was worth a try.
>Those three were the only ones remotely likely to spill any beans they knew about, so the rest of your trip was far more relaxed.
>A trip to Golden Oak for some fresh reading material, the market for some cooking supplies, and Sugarcube Corner to check on Pingie.
>Along with assorted chats with the ponies you're friends with.
>By the time you get back home, you've got just about enough time for your usual funtime preparations.
>A good hearty dump and piss to ensure those bodily functions don't get in the way of things, and a shower to clean up the day's sweat and grime to make way for the night's sweat and grime.
>You're lounging about in your bathrobe when Punks arrives.
>"Sorry I'm late Nanners, a big last minute order came in, and then the guy tried to leave without paying! Why would somepony want to steal forty cakes?"
"Because they're terrible, obviously. So am I allowed to know what the something new is yet?"
>She grins that big stupid grin of hers as she answers.

>>28920345

>"Yupperoni! I'd been doing some Pinkie Thinking last night, and it occured to me that there WAS a hole we missed. Yours!"
>Is she--
>"So I went to Zecora's and asked if her Butt Fun potion was safe for humans, and it was! Probably. Did you notice anything bad from the potion?"
>She is.
"Aside from the taste, I didn't really notice anything. What's it supposed to do?"
>"Weeeell, it does just about everything you need to put the fun in butt fun. Cleans out your poo so you don't make a mess, lubes things up so it's smooth sailing, and makes things extra stretchy so you don't have to worry about bleeding out from a shattered shitter. Plus it leaves your tush smelling minty fresh! Didn't you ever wonder why it was never a hassle when you fucked my butt?"
"Honestly, with you ponies I just sorta figured all that was normal. Or you were just a dirty little buttslut."
>Panko giggles.
>"You always say the sweetest things to me Nona, that's why I'm your slut."
>She giggles again, louder this time.
>"But I suppose that tonight, YOU are MY slut."
"Hold up a minute, Pinkie."
>Your use of the super secret grownup time codeword that is her name instantly has her sitting still like a normal pony instead of bouncing around excitedly.
"Just because I drank some mystery potion you offered me this morning doesn't automatically mean I agreed to let you have fun with my butt. This is something we both have to decide on. I'm not sure how it goes with you ponies, but humans aren't generally big on male butt fun."
>"Hmm. Well I don't know about generally, but all the stallions I've had butt fun with turned out to be total buttsluts behind closed doors."
>Rrreally.
>You'd have to see if you can squeeze some names out of her sometimes, that is some prime gossip material.
"And how many is that?"
>She starts counting on her hooves, but gets confused after she runs out of hooves.
>"Uhh, more than four. So have you decided?"

>>28920348

>Serious time is wearing off, you can see her butt starting to wiggle around again.
>With a long sigh, you speak the words that will likely seal your fate.
"We can TRY, but if I don't like it, we're stopping."
>"Heheh, that's exactly what all the others said!"
>Well crap.
>Popo hops up at you, pushing you from your reclining position and laying you flat on the sofa.
>Mostly flat, anyway, pony sofas weren't quite long enough for all of you.
>At least the armrests were well padded, makes for a decent pillow.
>Your assaulter has meanwhile turned around and sat on your chest, giving you a full view of her goods.
>In true funtimes fashion, she was soaked and winking.
>She didn't sit close enough for you to reach with your face, so you start teasing with a finger.
>Tracing along her outer edges, giving her winker an occasional boop.
>Once you've hit peak boner, Pinka starts her own teasing.
>A kiss, a lick, a few shallow bobs.
>You start slipping a finger in, her bobs start going farther down the shaft.
>It was a game of foreplay chicken; see who could get the farthest along without it turning into one of the primary events.
>Not that there was really any way to tell who wins.
>Like most games, it was having fun that mattered.
>And from the speed of her winking, she was having plenty of fun.
>Speaking of fun...
>Getting your free hand ready, you give her three fingers to the hilt, then another two in her ponut once she goes balls deep on you.
>Her muffled squeak of surprise ripples along your length as she wriggles against the unannounced intrusion.
>She slides you back out of her mouth and turns to look at you, panting for breath.
>"Impatient for the main event, are we? Okie dokie!"
>Not waiting for an answer, she turns back to the task at hand.
>A long, slow lick starts at your tip and makes it all the way down your shaft, past the balls, and is heading to parts untouched.

>>28920354

>Crazy stretchy poniWOAH!
>You've never had that hole licked before, and man is it a hell of a sensation.
>Once her face makes it to her destination, Penk finally gets up from your chest and follows her stretched out neck, settling in where it belongs on a pony that doesn't ignore physics.
>By now your general butt area is covered in pony saliva, and you can feel her pushing against your entrance.
>You try to relax as best you can, but those aren't exactly muscles you think about using all the time.
>Still, it seems to help, and you can feel her tongue slowly start to wiggle its way i-- HOLY FUCK!
>Your whole body tenses up as several inches of tongue suddenly push into you.
>Picking your head up, you look down and find yourself staring into a pair of blue eyes looking at you from behind your erection.
>Her eyes stay locked on yours as she starts to swirl around inside you, finding all the surfaces to rub against.
>She was clearly an expert at the anal rodeo, seconds stretched into minutes and she still hasn't run out of new sensations to show you.
>At some point that cute little curl in the front of her mane started rubbing up and down your cock, tracing little smily faces with your precum, but you barely noticed compared to what was going on in your butt.
>Finally, after what felt like an hour, her tongue retracts back in and she gets up to look at you.
>You were a sweaty mess, barely able to move aside from your twitching dick.
>"Weeeeell? Did you like it?"
"Y-yes."
>She lunges forward and gives you a buttsaliva kiss that you are in no state to try and fight off.
>"Oh, I knew you'd like it Nonny, I just knew it! Time for the main event!"
>A strapon gets pulled out from behind your TV and rapidly buckled into place.
>Once it's secure, Punki clambers into position, the tip of her silicone horsecock nestled against your waiting entrance.
>"So does my little buttslut want a big cock up his butt?"
"P-please."

File: it keeps happening.png (382KB, 720x720px) Image search: [Google]

382KB, 720x720px

>>28920361

>She applies a bit of pressure, but still doesn't penetrate.
>"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."
"I want your big cock up my butt!"
>And you get what you want, your entrance stretching well farther than her tongue could manage as the toy inches its way in.
>The sheer fullness you felt was beyond amazing, but part of your mind managed to stay alert long enough to notice something bad.
>Pinkie had the look.
>THAT look.
>"I'm so glad you agreed to try swapping roles, Anon,"
>It was too late, you had no way to stop it.
>All you could do is helplessly watch your boner shrivel up and go limp as the pink pain in your ass finished her sentence.
>"I'd never have pegged you as a bottom!"

File: rock candy.png (147KB, 793x730px) Image search: [Google]

147KB, 793x730px

>>28919997
you.

File: Sixty.jpg (105KB, 901x960px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 901x960px

>>28919997
>nigger

Almost christmas~

>>28921090
I didn't get you anything yet

File: hqdefault[1].jpg (8KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 480x360px

>>28921380
Here's your gift.

>>28922127
Can never have enough

>>28920306
Pooping in walls does incite the giggles now and then.

File: bubble_nightmare_by_zomgitsalaura-d5lnvo2.png (512KB, 1152x1508px) Image search: [Google]

512KB, 1152x1508px

>>28916777
>I get a feeling you'd be able to make it super depressing.
>Pretending I have any writing capacity beyond semi cute stuff
Nigger, what are you doing?

I dunno about Adult Moonie. I've always wanted to leave it for last, for when I write my final Moonie fic but I doubt that'll ever happen. I enjoy writing them too much.
But one day. It will happen.

File: oh fugg.png (215KB, 640x359px) Image search: [Google]

215KB, 640x359px

>>28922548
>final

File: 1477498960054.png (334KB, 754x823px) Image search: [Google]

334KB, 754x823px

>>28922548
How kind.

>>28900831
Dammm, it end. I love it.

File: Dr_ivo_robotnik_by_lordorga-d6ubk4k.png (268KB, 1024x1005px) Image search: [Google]

268KB, 1024x1005px

>>28920687
My God! Sixty niggers! Do you know that's the same as thirty double niggers?

1/2

>day 2% milkfat in Equestria
>you're visiting Raricow today
>giving her a helping hand
>or two
>literally
>Raricow is temporarily stuck as a cow, you see
>one of Purpledrank's magical experiments went a bit wrong
>it's supposed to wear off in another day
>but in the meantime...
>"Oh, Anonymous, darling! I'm so glad to see you!"
>"I know It's not ladylike to complain, but my udders are so full that they're starting to hurt again!"
>"And you're such a gentleman about it, too"
>you sit on a comically tiny stool while you milk her into a bucket
>she's looking back over her shoulder at you, her cheeks flushed, her eyes half-lidded
>"Mmm, such a gentlecolt. And you warmed up your hands before touching me. You're so polite!"
>it occurs to you that with her telekinesis she is almost certainly capable of milking herself
>"Don't stop now! Don't you dare!"
>her moans sound distinctly sexual
>you try to concentrate on the task at hand
>you visit her to milk her three times a day, and every time she produces two or two and a half gallons of milk
>about eight gallons a day
>some of your family were dairy farmers back home
>Holstein cows that weigh three quarters of a ton are often hard pressed to give eight gallons of milk a day, and that's eating a hundred pounds of protein-enriched dairy cow feed
>Rarity weighs half than you do, this should not be remotely possible
>but the first thing you learned when you ended up here is that pony magic is reality-h4x bullshit and common sense no longer applies
>so Rarity is moaning like she's about to drop her rocks
>given that you are basically fondling her teats to get the milk out, she probably is
>it bothers you that she's asked you to come in here to do this for her
>but it bothers you more that you see Sweetie Belle watching from the staircase
>at least that kills your incipient boner
>...and, here it comes, just like yesterday
>"Hold me, Darling! Hold me!" and you hug her around the neck while she convulses

2/2

https://www.derpibooru.org/1223834

>and, let's see...
>from beneath her tail, SPLOOSH
>you suspect she could drown a toddler in her panties--if she wore panties
>she sighs in your arms, panting, exhausted
>and gives you a goofy smile
>"Just think, after tomorrow, this won't be necessary any more."
"Will you need me to come back in about eight hours?"
>"Of course, Darling. And perhaps I'll have something special for you."
>that'd be nice, you suppose
>"In the meantime, please be a dear leave a quart in the refrigerator and take the rest to Applejack."
>Applejack will make it into butter, or cheese, or something
>or maybe just resell it to the grocer in town
>you wonder whether the other ponies in town know exactly what they're been putting on their cornflakes every morning this week
"Shall I help you clean that up?" you say, gesturing to the steaming puddle of cow vagina mucus she just ejected onto the floor
>"Oh, dear. Yes, please."
>and Sweetie Belle is still watching as you mop up
>you think you'd best get going, because you don't even want to hear this awkward conversation
>you carry the galvanized steel milk buckets down the street
>a grinning mint green unicorn is following you again
>she hasn't been brave enough to talk
>yet
>"Oh, uh. Hi there. My name's Lyra."
"Hello."
>"Are you the human?"
>you briefly ponder saying "No, I'm a dancing bear."
>"Because I hear you can do really amazing things with your hands."
>you stare at her
>"Like, uh." she stumbles. "Really amazing."
>just when the day couldn't get any more awkward
>while she chatters at you, you wonder idly whether the cheese in the local market is going to have Rarity's face on the label
>You hate your life.
>"What's the matter," asks the green pony
>"Aren't you into ponies? That's okay. I could be a cow for you."
>she didn't just say that
>you stare at her. She looks earnest. Painfully so.
>you hate your life even more than you did thirty seconds ago
>it was a low-fat dairy products day

>>28924172
l-lewd

File: 1400024969058.png (48KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 250x250px

>>28900732
>Spike’s not in it this time, so it’s supposed to be a really good one

>It was morning, and you were alone.
>A quick check of the other side of the bed found no residual heat.
>Either you slept in, or she got up early.
>Your morning routine is otherwise uninterrupted until a vital step.
>The daily newspaper is not on your front step.
>Half-asleep neurons manage to fire in the appropriate sequence, leaving you pretty sure you know what's going on.
>Damned mutant horses.
>Of all the things to not mention before moving in with one, this was probably the worst.
>Heading back inside, you get your coffee and some mobile breakfast, then head back to the bedroom.
>Taking care not to make too much noise, you sit down beside the bed, and look underneath.
>As your eyes adjust to the dark, you can start to make out a mess of newspaper, a lot of it shredded.
>And there in the middle, mostly obscured by the remains of the funny pages, was a grey wing.
>No matter how hard you try.
>No matter how many times you say that this time you will put your foot down.
>Every single time you find yourself looking under the bed like this, it is impossible for you to stay mad.
"So how many is it this time?"
>The makeshift nest rustles about as the occupant realizes they aren't alone.
>A pair of golden eyes find their way through the mess to look at you sheepishly.
>"Oh! Good morning! And, uh, two."
>You scoot one of the muffins you grabbed under the bed, and it quickly gets snatched up.
"Don't suppose you read any of the paper so you could tell me about it?"
>The answer is garbled around half chewed muffin to the point where you can't actually understand it, but knowing this horse, it was probably some variation of "no, sorry"
>Always so polite.
>Even in a world full of friendly faces, she stood above the rest.
"So why exactly do you pegasi nest in caves anyway? You live in clouds and stuff like that, why not up there?"

>>28924750

>Derpy's muffin is long gone by now, so her response is actually coherant.
>"Because if something happens to the cloud and you aren't right there to catch the eggs..."
"Point taken."
>Silence falls, with only a bit of rustling from the newspaper as she shifts a bit under the bed.
"So did anyone contribute to the eggs this time, or is it another dud batch?"
>A long wistful sigh preceeds the reply.
>"More duds, I know who I'd want to have contribute, but..."
"You can't put your life on hold waiting to see if the princesses can find a way for that to work. Is there really no pony you have any feelings for, it's only me?"
>"If I'm with somepony else, I can't be with you."
>Stupid stubborn mare.
>But she had a point, much as you hated to admit it.
>You weren't sure you'd want to not be with her either.
"...Will you at least start taking something so we don't go through this egg routine all the time?"
>"I like having the practice."
>Stupid.
>Stubborn.
>Mare.
"And I like my morning paper. Now come on out from under there, you've got weather duty to get ready for, I'll take care of the eggs."

>>28925325
Saucy spaghetti sounds great.

Sup wit chu?

File: Walk of the Gooses.jpg (347KB, 1400x1029px) Image search: [Google]

347KB, 1400x1029px

>>28926046
Really? I more prefer the Schutzstaffel myself.

> "Whoa nelly there, Anony'mus, that there's Page 10 forest-- y'never wanna go there."

>>28926965
relaxing

File: 1477523038153s.jpg (2KB, 125x93px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 125x93px

>>28924757

I'm slow with the updates. Who knew after exams life would get busier?

>>28892225
>Nothing gave you more pleasure than the soft lewd moans of a pony being pet
>Sounds of scuffing from behind and the doors creaking open once more has you turning around to inspect
>The sisters had gotten up and were exiting the theatre, their once smooth flanks now jiggling with each step
>Looks like the fatties are full
>They could have at least watched the show to the end
>They didn’t miss out on much though, as before you knew it everyone was on stage bowing as the crowd cheered and stamped in applause
>The show had come to an end

<| °_° |>

>You milled around the foyer of the theatre, nibbling on a few of the finger… err, hoof-foods strewn about the tables
>The show was over, but it was just the beginning of your night
>You had an after party invite that wasn’t going to waste
>As she’d said Ember Heart left shortly after the show to meet up with Dr. Witlick for his shindig
>Before she escaped you grabbed her in an embrace and gave her muzzle a kiss, causing a soft pink to rise in her white cheeks and making several witnesses pale as they looked away in embarrassment
>Now you were awaiting Platinum’s return from back stage so you could get your jam on
>Before you know it she comes bustling up from behind, once again dressed in her typical baggy pants with her chest tightly wrapped in a strip of cloth
“Are you guys ready to rock and roll?” She asks excitedly

>>28929273
>”Damn right. I’m thrilled to see how your parties compare to back home. Plus you said there’d be drinks.”
“Apple acres cider is strong stuff Anon, you better watch yourself.”
>Last time you checked around here drinking black coffee was the equivalent of eating coal paste, so you doubt you’d have a problem with their alcohol
>”I think I’ll be fine Platinum.”
“Well? Come one guys!” She shouts while bounding away
>Your small herd moves out

<| °_° |>

>Following Platinum’s lead takes you to the rec centre
>Inside were many of the other dancers and their invites
>A strange upbeat electro tune played dimly in the background, providing an adequate backing to the cluster of dancing creatures https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzsIA2exGuw
>Balloons gently list through the air, occasionally gaining a burst of energy as a hoof or paw swats at them
>Several buffets lined the walls, large punch bowls of cider upon each along with a veritable feast of food
>You did note the distinct lack of meat
>Finally in every corner of the room was a small lounge area with fluffy and enticing couches, several floating gas lamps orbited around the space, providing a dim light to the lounge
>Platinum splays her arms and twirls in place
“Come on guys, go enjoy yourselves, eat, drink and be mare-y.”
>”With gusto.” You reply, already heading to that sweet dependency nectar
>Your mares follow and you pour out a cup each
>”You girls have drunk alcohol before yeah?”
>They all nod

bbl hand massage

>>28929281
“Anon I was young once /and/ went to university what do you think?” Cotton asks rhetorically
“The night's watch has some pretty crazy parties when everypony’s asleep.” Says Silver
>Lastly Shear speaks up
“I go to my home town’s fête every year.”
>”Okay, just wanted to make sure you girls would know not to overdo it.”
>Platinum jumps over with some kind of delicious looking chocolate slice and pours herself a drink
“I’d be more worried about you Anon, you seem pretty eager to get into that, heh.”
>”Ha, real funny Platinum. I think it’s more the idea of there being a party in prison, a party with alcohol, that is in /fucking/ prison, sorry about the language.”
>Silver hits your leg with her wing
“We may be in a herd, but I’m still a guard Nonny. You swear like that again and I’ll be forced to go to the Warden.”
>You stand to attention and whip off a salute
>”Understood mare’am.”
>She just sighs
“So you don’t have parties in prison back home? You must have had such a boring time.” Asks Platinum
>”Hah! I’ve never actually been to a prison back on Earth.”
“What? How could you not? Have you seen how you act? If you swore like that in public you’d definitely be sent to jail [gaol] for a day or two.” Says Silver
>”Hahah! Jeeze you guys are hilarious tonight. On Earth you don’t get sent to jail for swearing in public, or sneezing without covering your mouth. You have to do something really bad.”
“Really bad…? Like breaking vase and lying about it?”
>”Bad like stealing lots of money, hurting people very badly, malicious destruction of property.”
>They all pale at the thought
“Surely nopony would do such things? To be so violent?”
>”Well I’m sorry to say Earth is a more… Aggressive place than Equestria.”
>Platinum eyes you over suspiciously

My hands are oily
>>28929287
“Anon? Why are you speaking about this ‘Earth’ place like it’s not part of Equestria?”
>”Oh yeah, I’m an alien, sorry. I was going to get around to that eventually.”
>Jesus! That came out way more nonchalantly than you’d planned
>Her eyes widen and she takes a few steps back, her paws rising to grab her horns
“Dude! You can’t just drop a bomb on me like that!”
>She points to your herd members
“What about them? Do they know?”
>”Yeah of course they do.”
“And they have no thoughts on that!?”
>”What exactly are you going to do with the information now you have it? What thoughts are you or they going to have? What does it change? We're still friends and I'm soon to be an official citizen for sure.”
>She releases her horns and moves forward, lifting her drink and downing it in one
“Huh? Doesn't change anything now I think about it... Damn you’ve got that alien wisdom Anon.” She laughs
>That went better than expected
>She looks at you slyly
“Is this a secret or…?”
>”Not really, but don’t go around telling everyone.”
>She looks disappointed
“Damn… So why are you on Equis? Exploration? Invasion!?”
>”Actually I just kind of woke up here half naked in the forest, so yeah…”
“Oh… So you’re not like a super advanced space traveling species?”
>”Not really sorry, we’ve got some neat things, like my phone.”
“Oh yeah! Shear showed me that earlier. I thought it was just a really advanced enchantment. It was cool, but, no space?”
>”Nope, we have gone to the moon though, that’s cool.”
>Silver does a spit take of her drink as they all look at you in shock

>>28929307
“What!? You’re species was banished to the moon! That’s not cool!” She shouts
>”What the fu- No we don’t have magic remember? That means no crazy princess and no magic moon banishments. We developed rocket propulsion and after many years, all the money and a lot a painful sacrifices, we traversed the distance between us and our moon. There wasn’t much there but dust and rocks.”
“So you guys went through all that to find some rocks? Why?”
>”I don’t know, why not? They were some pretty cool rocks. Also we got some awesome tech from the endeavour”
>Shear chuckles to herself
“You should really meat Maud pie Anon.”
>”Sure why not. Why are we even talking about this? We’re at a party.”
“Because it’s fricking cool dude!” says Platinum
>”If we’re getting into a ‘first encounter’ talk I’m going to need another drink.”
“You haven’t even started on your first. You should try it. Double A Cider is world class.”
>At the suggestion you push the rim of the cup to your lips and sip at the golden bubbling liquid
>Good God it was sweet! Just a tier below those damned pudding cups, barely tolerable but you could put up with it for the alcohol, of which you could taste none
>”Sheesh, that is strong stuff! How do you guys drink this?”
“Hah! I knew you’d be a light weight Anon.” Goads Platinum
>”No, god no. It’s so sweet! Why is everything you guys have here so sweet?”
>She rolls her eyes
“It’s not that sweet. It just adds a light tang to the aftertaste.”
>Oh lord have mercy, you were going to get diabetes drinking this for sure
>”What’s the alcohol content of this again?”
>She grins
“0.01% I said it was the good stuff.”
>You stay quiet a moment and let that titbit of information wash over you for a second
>”You don’t say?”

bed
>>28929317
>You couldn’t imagine how anyone could ever get drunk, or even tipsy from this, yet when you look over the dance floor, sure enough, there are several ponies stumbling about who’ve already drunk too much
>They can’t be serious
“Yeah I do say so, now drink up. It is actually a really special occasion that they’re letting us have this.”
>Out of pure courtesy you drink the remainder of the syrupy liquid and immediately regret it
>”I think I’ll hold off on that second drink for a while.”
“Pff, sure if you can’t handle it.”
>You discard your empty cup, the sweet taste in your mouth turning bitter
>”So anyone want to go dancing?” You say slowly moving to the dance floor
“I don’t think so.” Replies Platinum, placing a large paw on your chest, halting your progression
“You can’t get away that easily alien boy. Come on tell me about Earth. If you don’t they will.”
>She gestures to your mares, all of whom nod happily
>”Can’t this wait for a less casual occasion?”
>Her head shakes dismissively
>”Fine, fine. Same deal I gave them, ask away and I’ll answer some of your questions. But first I’m getting us all a plate of food and we’re moving this to one of those lounges. I hate standing and talking.”
>Everyone grins, eager to hear more of Earth
“Great idea.”
>A short while later you find yourself snuggled up on a couch with three of your mares; Platinum sat across from you
>Thankfully the corner spaces had been magically sound proofed, allowing easy conversation
>For convenience you’d simply taken an entire punch bowl of apple acres cider and a plate of various pastries with you to the lounge
>The girls, Platinum included, were certainly being liberal with the drinks, but you didn’t see the harm in it, aside from their inevitable sugar crash
>Although they ate some much of that stuff you doubt they ever came down from their highs
>”So ask away Platinum.”
>Her eyes drift upwards as she thinks

>>28929876
Silly horse, nooses are for traveling TO Equestria. If you want to get to earth, you need bleach.

>>28929905
Why not both

>>28929905
Kek

>>28930069
Because they do not want us there and have blocked all traffic to and from.

>>28930519
>tfw nerdy pastel equines have configured their firewalls and blocked their ports to keep you out
>tfw I have no face
>tfw I imply implications

>>28929876
Worst horse.

>>28931071
Yours too

>>28930548
You have to figure some of the autists from the early days of the fandom made it over there and ruined it for the rest of us. Imagine someone like Miro talking to Twilight Sparkle about how he got there.

>>28906396
>The Crystal Empire
>
>You're beginning to regret this.
>Cold, ice and endless white.
>Celestia asked you to make a solo expedition to map part of the northern tundra.
>At first you thought it'd be great, you'd have a fantastic adventure like Twilight and her friends.
>The second thought was why you?
>Apparently the tundra wouldn't be safe for 'her little ponies' but safe for you somehow.
>In the bulky winter gear she provided, you resemble a yeti and in theory nothing would tangle with a yeti.
>Right now you'd give anything for a something to tangle with.
>Anything but this endless, empty, blizzardy, white wasteland that-
>Wait. What the hell is that? Is that a city?
>A snow mirage?
>------------------
>This isn't a mirage. It's a crystal city and as real as your frozen extremities.
>Celestia is gonna wanna know about this.
>
>Too Many Pinkie Pies
>
>"Morning Mr Anon!"
>"Hey Green Grow. Er, bag of cherries and a dozen oranges."
>"Sure thi- AHHHHHHHHH"
>"WAAAAHH"
>The mutant orange hops in your direction, its pips alight with menace.
>
>One Bad Apple
>
>You really need to buy a calender or something.
>Don't even know what this holiday, parade thing is.
>The floats would make a good recipe for salad though.
>Maybe it's Salad Day.
>
>Magic Duel
>
>Ponies forget you can see magic. Really see it.
>And this blue pony has magic with an evil shade of red.
>Applejack called you paranoid when she helped you dig a bug out shelter beneath your house.
>But who's laughing now Apple?
>Well no one really, especially since that pony turned out to be as evil as her magic looks.

>>28931874
>Ponies forget you can see magic. Really see it.
Has there ever been any indication in the show that ponies can see magic? I can't remember.

>>28932194
Why wouldn't they? It's all colorful and sparkly n shit with chime noises

>>28927764
But that's where the pie trees are!

File: 1377211942313s.png (44KB, 1251x145px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 1251x145px

Remember the glory days of AIE?

>>28933388
no.

>>28933388
We never had glory days.

>>28931874
>Ponies forget you can see magic. Really see it.
more.

File: 1477530445900s.jpg (3KB, 125x101px) Image search: [Google]

3KB, 125x101px

>>28933388

>>28934396
>>28934053
>>28933388
We can make our own glory.
Here's my crossposted contribution to making AiE great again.
>>28934271
>Day One in Anonquestria
>Be Discord.
>One of the locals approaches you in curiosity.
>"Who the fuck are you?"
"I'm Discord"
>More of the locals crowd around you.
>"Someone else?"
>"It's been so long."
>"You're our new waifu."
>The large crowd that has gathered around you looks at you in a way that makes you very uncomfortable.
"Oh dear."
>"You'll be calling us that a lot, sweetie."
>One of them straps a set of false breasts onto your chest.
>"No Anon, get that gay shit off of him."
>They dejectedly remove the fake boobs.
>"Now who's going first?"
>"Use the wheel!"
>"Wheel!"
>"Wheel!"
>"Wheel!"
>The locals of wherever you are are all chanting and a large raffle wheel is brought out.
>Each of them takes a ticket and one of them spins the large colourful wheel.
>It lands on "Bumrush them".
>Which is exactly what they do.
>They all charge at you and try to violate your bottom in a very sexual manner.
>It's not very effective, since when one manages to start their violation the ones next to them haul them off of you so they can begin themselves.
>You end up getting more battered and trampled than violated.
>This stops when a huge white Anon lands gracefully nearby.
>"My little Anons, please stop." says the huge white Anon.
>The regular sized Anons do as they are asked, and the larger one resumes his speech.
>"I want some of dat ass."
>The crowd parts to let the big guy approach you.
>"But the wheel" interjects one of the Anons.
>"Fuck the wheel, I'm the biggest so I'm the boss!"
>"Fucking Anonlesita."
>"You can do what the wheel says once I'm done splitting this guy here in two."
>Anonlestia unzips his pants and you know you're going to have a bad time.
>rape

>>28934698
Welcome to Anonvillage.
>95% male everywhere
>5% Filly

>>28935401
And let me tell you, that filly is worn the fuck out.

>>28934053
this

>>28935401
>>28935515
> It's AnonFilly
> Make every other Anon feel awkward by constantly reminding them that "she" was a dude before
"Nah faggots you are all still gay, even if you say 'no homo' before. And my dick was much bigger than yours."

bump?

>>28936659
Hue
An Anonfilly related post that's not trash?
Weird

What're you thankful for, AiE?

File: fuuuug.png (78KB, 1280x572px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 1280x572px

>>28938253
füd

>>28938253
I'm thankful for all you horsefucking perverts to share a thread with.

File: Livin.jpg (16KB, 320x180px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 320x180px

>>28938527

>>28938527
Me too man. I'm glad I found this thread.

>>28938253
Alcohol.

>>28938253

Horse pussy.

File: 1155339__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_screencap_princess+twilight_magic_telekinesis_discovery+family+logo_out+of+context_cider.png (500KB, 1315x702px) Image search: [Google]

500KB, 1315x702px

A christmasy collab with pastebin.com/u/stegtorn
Story Pastebin Link: http://pastebin.com/ew4Agvzu

>Every pony, down in ponyville, likes Hearth’s warming a lot.
>But Anonymous the human, who lived up on the mountain top, did not.
>Once a year the ponies down in ponyville gathered round for their festivity,
>And once a year the human had to plug his ears to deal with their glee and positivity.

>He clutched his head and yelped: “Oh the humanity!”
>The noise, cheer, joy, and insanity!
>What could they possibly do to work our villain into a tizzle?
>Pinkie Pie and Applejack slamming on their pone-puddlers, hurdy gurdies, and wompo-wizzles.

>Ponies cry that Anonymous is just far too uptight,
>But Anon disagrees, this whole season just isn’t right.
>However the most likely reason of all,
>Is Anonymous’ penis is three sizes too small.

>Twilight and Rarity and all the unicorns gather round,
>To summon a Hearth’s warming eve feast for the whole town.
>What good will all that food do if it’s all varieties of vegetable stew?
>Where’s the beef, pork, and lamb too?

>The silly equines banished Anon to that tall, tall mountain top,
>Because of all the slaughter he refused to stop.
>Every day he'd take a harmless woodland critter,
>To delight at home, roasted and glazed for his dinner.

File: 1062024__safe_twilight+sparkle_screencap_cute_animated_train_hearth's+warming+eve.gif (2MB, 268x416px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 268x416px

>>28939722
>The Pegasi were the worst, to ol’ Anonymous the human,
>With their flapping and molting wings that kept him fuming.
>Who in their right mind would make the weather cold,
>To bring a new line of fashion, because yesterday’s is “old.”

>Three months of winter coolness,
>And dreadful holidays.
>Anonymous struggled to keep himself warm at home,
>They even took his supply of fuel; wood, royal phoenixes, and Twilight’s tomes.

>“I must find a way to stop Hearth’s Warming from coming!”
>Screamed the human as he wracked forth all his cunning.
>Then the Humany Human was struck with an idea.
>A vile, nasty idea. Although a little bit queer.

>So he set to work, dicing and slicing up all the furniture in his home,
>And when his project was complete, a new Santie Claws costume he did own.
>Red, furry, and trimmed with white too.
>And for his sled, a bit of wood, paint, and too much glue.

>The lights from the town dimmed, and so too did their endless tune.
>However the festivities continued, but Anon’s plan would begin soon.
>As the ponies of the town set down to feast,
>Up high, waiting in silence, was the bipedal beast.

>One by one, as the night went by, the lights flicked out,
>Once the aphrodisiacs worked on those louts.
>With a giggle, squeal, and a kick of his heel,
>The grumpy human set out with zeal.

>Down, down he rode, face frostbitten and body ice cold,
>But he was strong in purpose and will, and would not give in, he wouldn’t fold.
>Upon the first house he descended,
>To enact his revenge as he intended.

File: 1082728__safe_pinkie+pie_clothes_shipping_straight_crying_discord_commission_scarf_duo.png (436KB, 2000x2600px) Image search: [Google]

436KB, 2000x2600px

>>28939725
>“With this coat, and hat, why I look just like Saint Nick.”
>“The perfect disguise to pull my greatest trick.”
>The human cackled to himself, resting his sweaty mitts on a rounded belly,
>As this unaware mare’s house was the first of his spree.

>Toys for tots,
>Food, and lots,
>Drums, and plums,
>Guitars for strumming, and harmonicas for humming.

>Oh, how they’d all find this so unpleasant.
>Thought our villain as he grabbed every present.
>“Ha, what a grand and intoxicating innocence.”
>His sack got fuller as he felt no pangs to his conscience.

>Anonymous went from house to house,
>Stealing everything from toys to a blouse.
>Lifting things of value and trash worth nothing.
>It did not matter what, our villain took anything.

>Then in the middle of the night awoke a pony daughter,
>She rose from her slumber for a glass of water.
>Anon heard her coming round the corner with a creak and a crack.
>Without a moment to lose, he scooped her up and into his sack.

>“Clickety clack, you’ll remain in my sack!” he cried.
>With a dab of liquid and a smothering cloth, she was put into a state as if she had died.
>He took a moment's pause, and examined his unconscious prey.
>Fair and comely, he thought, despite hair being sleepily fray.

>As the sun began it’s morning climb into the sky,
>Anon hastily rode back home. Being ever so sly.
>He reached the summit just fine, perfectly in fact,
>With all his bags, and his new pony prize intact.

>“Soon the tears, will flow. They’ll wake up in a minute or two.”
>“This will break their hearts. I’m sure that’s what it’ll do!”
>Then from down below a sound he did hear.
>The cries of the ponies and those they held dear.

File: 1052447__safe_twilight+sparkle_fluttershy_applejack_ponyville_hearth's+warming+eve_hearth's+warming_artist-colon-sonicdramon_fire+of+friendship.png (2MB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1920x1080px

>>28939727
>They sung up to the sun: “Oh, how pointlessly tragic!”
>“All our presents and food gone, as if by magic!”
>“But it’s okay, the love in our hearts will grow.”
>“As we huddle closely in the gleaming snow.”

>“There is only one man lonely enough, in the entire town.”
>“Who would do something so dastardly for just a few frowns.”
>“Do not fret, the day is just about to begin.”
>“Your friendship and love, is what we will win.”

>Anon chanted back: “Dummies, dullards, and dolts alike.”
>“For all I care, they can go take a hike.”
>“But not up my mountain, that stands so high.”
>“I want to be alone, and you know damn well why!”

>“These presents and toys are all mine.”
>“Let’s not forget this mare, ‘cause damn she’s fine~!”
>“If you want them back feel free to try.”
>“But from my corpse you’ll need to pry.”

>Then something truly incredible began to happen,
>The sled came to life and took off with Anon as its captain.
>From her slumber, the equine awoke.
>A tone of confusion and fear, she quivered as she spoke.

>“Anonymous? What is going one here? Are you the one doing all this?”
>That chloroform mix was suppose to last for hours, Anon knew something was amiss!
>“Hush my dear, all is well. There is no need to fret your pretty little head.”
>He whispered to himself, hands clutched close, “once I’ve got you in my bed.”

>Away he did sail, cackling all the while
>And the ponies down below waited in denial.
>Anony never did return any of his bounty.
>Or his stolen bride, their marriage legitimized by the county.

>What was the lesson of this tale?
>Creepy marenappers belong in jail.
>Now farewell dear readers, and goodnight.
>Remember, beware of the lonely man’s plight.