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RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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Thread images: 113

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Previous thread: >>27962389

GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aoh8YH3I0q78czAnb9mt_4h5jUeCUbivFV5WhAh935U/edit?pli=1

Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea (embed)
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First for needs more catbird.
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When are we finally going to stop pretending and include dank worldbuilding as one of our founding principles?
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>>27981058
>>27981067
>>27981076
>>27981086
>>27981093
>>27981100
Reposting story in case all y'all didn't see it last thread. Have a nice day, now. Can't currently post the entire thing because I'm on my phone and my laptop decided to die out of nowhere.
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>>27982404
>Speaking of pics, does anyone still have the one of the kangaroo saying "Fuck off we're full" and the one where they drew me?
I had them saved but i lost them.

i want this too
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>>27982475
it was good, sis.
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>>27982475
It's good, keep writing more of it.
>>27982487
We should all just dump all the RGR pics we each have.
I'll start.
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>>27982555
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>>27982563
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>>27982570
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>>27982570
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>>27982575
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>>27982582
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>>27982599
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>>27982582
now just repostan ones i found in the last thread
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>>27982610
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>>27982599
This artfag posted one of Twilight calling Anon a nigger. I have it on my computer, but it's buried in the thousands of images I have.
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>>27982633
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>>27982633
>tfw kurwa Queen Taco is not with us anymore
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>>27982677
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>>27982683
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>>27982690
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>>27982695
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>>27982696
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>>27982843
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>>27982860
How did I not have this before?
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>>27982860
That's it, I'm spent
>>27982878
getting old, Dad.
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>>27982878
>obligatory "pregnant Dash is Karlsson" webm
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>>27982919
>obligatory
I don't think I've seen that webm posted here in my life.
how's life in sweden?
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>>27982919

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o7M4WbIM3I
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>>27982964
It's a Russian cartoon
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>>27982985

Karlsson on the Roof is a character created by Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren.
The character became popular in Russia though.
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>>27982985
Don't act up, Saddellite.
I'll have you know, I was involved in multiple raids on Al-Qatie and I have over three hundred confirmed kills.

>>27983004
How couldn't he? After all, he is a handsome, smart, moderately chubby man in his prime!
>>
Pinkie as a chad
Rarity as the straight 'gay' bestie
Flutters as a tuft beard weeb
Twilight as a pudgy nerd
Rainbow as the /fit/ marelet
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>>27983274
>Applejack as the neighbor who is only ever seen behind a fence.
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>>27983274
>Fluttershy writes anime fanfiction about her and "Anon-chan"
>In her stories Anon is a shy, delicate flower who falls in love with Fluttershy and tearfully confesses his love for her
>Fluttershy cries herself to sleep whenever she writes these fanfictions
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>>27983461
>Even though she is in a herd with Anon.
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>>27983461
>Anon walks by one night while hunting and hears this.
>Then goes and cheeks on her.
>Sees his little Flutterbutter crying when she answers the door, then sweeps her off her feet and fucks her till she sleeps in his arms.
Anon then goes to feed the bear, then goes to sleep with Fluttershy.
>>
>>27983481
Checks*
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>>27983483
*cheeky-breeks
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>>27983481
>Anon wakes Fluttershy up by fucking her awake
>Ponies have a bizarre sense of romance and intimacy (read: belly rubs, gift flowers being food, physical affection being common), so this is considered super romantic
>Anon just wanted to fuck Fluttershy
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>>27983481
>Anon and his house arrive in equestria
>A ways outside ponyville, close enough you can see one from the other
>This isn't all that's happened though
>Anon arriving really fucked with magic and now there are magical anomalies all through the region surrounding his house
>The Everfree was a mere Fukushima to his Chernobyl
>Some ponies try to enter to reach the building in the middle of the affected region.
>None manage to make it that far.
>Entry into this magical "Hot-zone" is restricted
>Fluttershy's house is right at the edge of the exclusion zone
>She wonders what the minotaur stallion she's seen roaming the wastes is like
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>>27983565
I like that idea.
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>>27983590
You just want to see STALKER pons get eviscerated by clouds of absolutely sharp 2d portals, cutting you as they fly past like the horrific rings of death they are.
You only care because you lust for that frantic clicking of the magic detector forboding that their day is about to be ruined by gravity deciding to take a break.
I bet what interests you is some poor fool going out on their own to find the rumored "gentleman of the zone" but only finding their doom, an eruption of wild magic turning half their body into that of a foal and leaving them futilely trying to drag themselves to safety.
Your sick mind just can't stop thinking about what those grotesquely mutated creatures, if you could call all of them creatures, would do to anypony unlucky enough to run into them.
I bet you stay up at night wondering what dark horrors of magic could lie in that building in the center.
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>>27983655
>Meanwhile, Anon takes a sip of his tea and opens a dog-eared book, settling in for the night.
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>>27983488
>>27983565
>*cheeky-breeks
...
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>>27983305
Lel
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>>27983655
yeah I don't understand any of that.

I just liked the idea.
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>>27982860
>That Cutie Mark placement.
Please stop..
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>>27984009
Obviously worst princess would come down with a case of cutie mark wandering, one of the worst pony STD's
>>
>>
>>27983984
It was meant to be more of the thing you liked
>>27984050
Pony STDs are much more fun than human ones
Well, they're certainly more fun for those watching.
>>
>>27984050
A displaced cutie mark is one of the root causes of all the pathologies in ponies.
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>>27984082
Twilight's cutiemark is actually upside down, but her mareliness prevents her from getting it fixed.
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>>27984009
Better?
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>>27984149
Stigmal torsion is no joke. If you feel that your cutie mark has been twisted - seek medical attention immediately, mareliness be damned.
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>>27983305
>Hey Big Mac, what you doing over there?
>Just squeezing my apples Anon
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>>27984223
>mfw my mind immediately thought of twisted ovaries
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>>27984649
Hey now, calm down.
Don't get your fallopian tubes in a twist.
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>>27984630
>Horses are magical and need magic to heal.
>Friendship is magic.
>Hence horse nurses being higher in rank than horse doctors at horsepitals.
>Proper bedside manner actually has a tremendous impact on everything.

>>27984649
Just don't think about mammary torsion
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>>27984223
>>27984149

>Twilight is actually much stronger than we've seen in canon, but her displaced cutie mark is weakening her
>When she finally gets it fixed, her powers are practically limitless.
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>>27984889
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnayvmyploE
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>>27984687
ayy
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>>27984720
>mammary torsion
Is this actually a thing?
>>
>To avoid rape, dress modestly.
>To avoid theft, own nothing.
>To avoid date, stay at home.
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>>27985397
This wise sage has descended upon us mortals.
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>>27985370
Not unless you have a very bad husband.
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>>27985408
So a good husband would torque them titties?
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>>27985397
Don't tell me not to unsheath my penis, tell mares not to rape!
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Hmm...
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>>27985434
>One time there was a human who made some really bucking puns.
>I got mad at him and he managed to get me unsheath by claiming I was whore. since I was a buckin whore I raped him and now we're best friends.
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>>27985536
nice english
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>>27985421
a good husband knows not to twist her teats too tightly.
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>>27985550
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>>27985555
nice digits
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>>27985555
>not twisting till they're black and blue
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>>27985555
Teat-twisting for presiden 2016
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>>27985421
>A good husband
>You can do this by placing your palm over the pony's twist and moving it in a circular motion, firmly and gently. Stimulate your pony twist for an hour, three times a day.
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>>27985615
>Stimulate your pony twist for an hour
>Stimulate your pony's twist for an hour
Goddamit.
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>>27985615
>Stimulate your pony twist for an hour, three times a day.

YETH PLEATH!
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>>27985626
so is that like
slang for her vag or something
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>>27985651
If you want to try it, gently rub or roll your nipples. Massage the darker area around your nipple
>>
This fucking thread
>>
Teats. Y'all mean "teats", not "twist".
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>>27985748
>not stimulating your pony's twist
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>>27985783
Aww.
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>>27986110
Twist has teats to twist, though. That's like double teat-twisting for her, the lucky filly.
>>
>Be Twi...
>Be Twili...
>Be the purple one...
>You had the horn and wings...
>Books...
>You liked books too...
>And you were a princess...
>You were that one...
>Yeah...
>You felt lightheaded as you draped yourself over Anonymous, to tired to even hold yourself up
>You were out of breath, your back legs hurt like a motherbucker
>Sweat covered your body and your marehood ached in the most wonderful way
>You had just cum
>But this wasn't an ordinary orgasm that you had just received
>This wasn't the kind of cum that you'd give yourself when you were alone in your bedroom and Spike was in bed or off doing whatever dragons did
>The orgasm that you just had had been the result of somepony else doing all of the work for you
>You didn't stimulate yourself in anyway the entire time
>And you whoo boy...
>It was a HECK of a lot different from what you're used to
>You had been able to feel your pleasure, which felt far rawer than you had ever felt before, rise gradually and slowly
>Your body had started twitching, all rational thought had left you, even breathing had become difficult
>You started making noises despite yourself, you had been able to hear the pounding of your heart as clear as day
>Sights, smells, everything felt new and different
>And then it had hit you: your orgasm
>The raw pleasure, the way that your marehood twitched and milked at nothing, the sound of Anon's heart pumping as you pressed your face against his neck and shoulder, his smell, the way that you moaned as his fingers danced across your muscles...
>A hoof or a dildo had nothing on it
>They weren't even close
"H-Hah~"
>You twitched as Anon, breathing almost as hard as you, continued to toy with your wings even as the last dregs of your orgasm finally left you
>It wasn't anything too overwhelming, he was just lightly tracing a finger up and down your back, but his touch still made you shiver
>You were still sensitive; your wings, your marehood
>Everything felt tender and delicate
>>
>>27986200
muh waif
>>
>>27986200
And here we go. My body is ready for moar.
>>
>>27986200
>A quiet whimper escaped your throat as you nosed Anon's collarbone, your wings twitching and flapping under teasing
>While you weren't against getting another wingjob, far from it, you were going to need a minute or two to--
"Hmm~"
>One of your legs twitched as Anon's finger grazed your wing joint
>It was a light touch, so light that you could have imagined it, but it made you bite your lip all the same
>Your eyes widened slightly as you felt that finger go up and up until it was teasing your main flight muscles
"A-Aha~"
>Your hips bucked, and you nearly screamed as your soaked groin slapped against his lower stomach
>You needed to say something
>If Anon didn't stop it with those hands of his he was going to make you cum again
>The feeling of his cum on your flank, the salty taste of his sweat on your lips each time that you kissed his neck, his light touches
>He was goin--
"Eep!"
>Your eyes, which were already as wide as could be, nearly bugged out of your head as you felt something slide up your flank
>Was that...
>...
>Was that a tongue?!
>You gasped again as Anon let you a happy moan, nearly throwing you off of his lap as his hips gave a buck of their own
>Why--
>Whatthebuckisthat?!
>Now you could feel another something dragging itself up your cum-covered flank, dangerously close to your cutiemark
>...
>Those were tongues weren't they?!
>You might have never felt a tongue against your b-butt but you were pretty sure that the feeling was one of those things that you instantly knew!
>Those were tongues!
>Tongues were licking you!
>And not only were they licking you, they were picking your BUTT!
>...
>Who the heck would be...
>...
>Oh my gosh...
>Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh...
>Slowly, you snuck a look over your wither
>A whine escaped your lips at what you saw
>You were right: the things that were cleaning the c-cum off of your butt was a pair of tongues
>Tongues that belonged to Rarity and Pinkie Pie
>>
ITS LAP
>>
>>27986271
>...
>Whatthebuckarethosefill--
>You twitched as Rarity's tongue traced your cutiemark, the fashionista humming happily as she did it
>Pinkie, who was on your left side, was busying herself by dragging her long, thick pink tongue over your tail dock
>Your ears pinned themselves against your skull as you felt her hot breath wash over your marehood
>kdjngdkfjndkjn!
>Biting your lip HARD so that you wouldn't make any noise, you immediately turned back around and buried your muzzle into the nape of Anon's neck so you wouldn't have to look at the surreal scene behind you
>You shut your eyes nice and tight, trying to ignore the pounding heart in your chest
>This wasn't real
>This was some trick
>Your mind was playing tricks on you
>You had cum too hard and now the sudden flood of endorphins was making you loopy
>Yeah... that was--
>"Eep!"
>You jumped as you felt Rarity nip your rump
>THAT WAS REAL!
>YOU FELT THAT!
>YOU BUCKING FELT THAT!
>TEETH JUST SUNK INTO YOUR BUTT!
>THEY CAUSED THE SENSATION OF PAIN THAT YOU'RE NOW FEELING!
>...
>Who...
>What...
>WHY...
>WHY THE HECK ARE THEY DOING THAT?!
>WHY ARE PINKIE AND RARITY, TWO OF THE BEST FRIENDS THAT A MARE COULD ASK FOR, LICKING THE CUM OFF YOUR FLANK LIKE IT WAS THEIR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM?!
>...
>THAT WAS GAY!
>AND YOU WEREN'T GAY!
>... Even though those tongues felt really nice agains--
>NO!
>NOPE!
>YOU'RE STRAIGHT!
>AS STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW!
>MOM WASN'T RIGHT!
>A STALLION HAD JUST LET YOU CUM ALL OVER HIM SO THERE'S NO WAY THAT YOU COULD BE GAY!
>...
>SHE WASN'T RIGHT DANGIT!
>Despite yourself, you could feel your wings stiffening from the tongue-bathing that you were getting
>You tried to ignore it, firmly clamping your tail down and praying that the sensation would go away, but it just didn't stop
>Anon had cum ALL over you
>He had cum not only on your flank but your lower back too, VERY close to your wings, so it took MINUTES for Rarity and Pinkie to c-clean you
>>
>>27986324
>You tried to hold completely still and act like you were asleep but you found yourself squirming
>The heat in between your legs, which had died down after the life-changing cum that you just had, came on once more
>You could feel a fresh wetness as you tried to rub your back legs together, and the scent of your musk was starting to get stronger
>You'renotgayouy'renotgaymomwasn'trightmomwasn'trightmomwasn'trightm--
"O-oh~"
>You felt a pair of soft, supple lips kiss your cutiemark
>Your legs twitched at the sensation, electricity shooting up your body as your back ached
>Your eyelids flew open before they slowly began to close
>NOTGAYNOTGAYNOTBUCKINGGAYCELESTIADAMMIT!
>You whined, holding Anon as close as you could as a pair of giggles erupted from behind you
>Your ears perked up
>You could hear Pinkie and Rarity whispering to each other
>Cracking open your eyes you focused in on it
>"-- And besides,Twilight and I had our own one-on-one time with Anonymous, Pinkie dear."
"Eep!"
>You began to flail as an unseen force grabbed you and lifted you into the air
>"Why don't you have some fun yourself?"
>Anon's stalliohhood slapped wetly against your rump as you were lifted off of his lap and off the couch
>"Are you sure Rarity? We can--"
>"Ah ah, I won't hear it, darling. Now get up there and enjoy yourself."
>BAD TOUCH!
>BAD TOUCH!
>YOU NEEDED AN ADULT!
>AN ADULT!
>Just as your rump touched the ground a pair of hooves wrapped around your chest
>A squeak escaped your lips before you managed to collect yourself
"H-Hey! J-Just wait a s-second--"
>Rarity, her mascara running and cum all over her face, pulled you against her with a great big smile
>"I can assure you that Twilight and I will enjoy the show~" she said, nuzzling your cheek
>You winced as you felt the cum on her face stain your fur
>OhsweetCelestiawhatthehayisthisfillydoingohlawrd
>Your eyes darted around
>You could see Pinkie looking at the two of you, her face just as much of a mess as Rarity's
>>
>>27986375
>You could see Anon, with his head rolling and his cock standing high and glistening in the sunlight
>And R-Rarity...
>You tried to slow your pounding heart and close your fully extended wings but you couldn't
>Now hyperventilating, you did your best to squirm in Rarity's clutches
>You n-needed to say something
>M-Momma didn't raise no c-carpet-muncher
"R-Rarity, wha--"
>Your breathing hitched as the fashionista kissed your brow, holding you even closer as she gave Pinkie a wink
>"Go on dear. I'm positive that Anonymous needs it just as much as you."
>Pinkie bit her lip as she looked between you two and Anon's stallionhood
>You could see that she was trying to hold herself back as she wiggled in place, her tail sporadically twitching
>She was trying so, so hard not to let her instincts get the better of her
>"If you're sure...."
>"I'm absolutely posi--"
>Before Rarity could finish Pinkie's willpower snapped
>With a growl, the pink party pony leapt into the air
>Through a feat of gymnastics that would be impossible for anypony else, she cleared Anonymous's cock and landed in his lap in such a way that the throbbing, leaking pole was nestled nicely between her butt cheeks
>Anon groaned as Pinkie growled, wrapping her hooves around his neck and roughly pulling him into a kiss and--
>"Don't think that I've forgotten you, Twilight dear~"
>You shivered as Rarity's hot, moist breath washed over your ear
>"From what I've heard earth pony stamina is as the tales say."
>Your back legs wetly slapped together as she nipped at your ear
>"Pinkie and Anonymous are going to be busy... entertaining each other for some time I fear."
>Your nostrils flared
>You could smell Rarity
>The flowery, sweet lingering scent of her perfume, the sharp, musky scent of her lust
>You could also feel how warm and soft her body felt against you
>...
>Why did she feel so SOFT...
>A hoof slowly traveled down your side
>>
>>27986446
>Your wings flapped as Rarity once again giggled, letting the tip of her hoof trace your cutiemark
>Thoughts of escaping had now completely fled you
>You couldn't think of anything
>There was only that softness, that scent, and that warmth
"R-Rar..."
>Another tender, intimate peck, this time on the neck, silenced you
>"Shush, It's alright dear. Just watch Pinkamena and Anonymous while I see to you~"
"I-I'm not, I c-can't, do--"
>You gasped as the hoof that was teasing your cutiemark found itself resting right above your rock-hard teats
>Your back legs tried to close, but a simply spell from Rarity kept them nice and open
>"It's alright dear. It's alright~"
>As the hoof SLOWLY made its way southward, your eyes snapped back toward the couch
>Pinkie was grinding herself against Anonymous's length noisily
>You watched entranced as Pinkie's rump jiggled and wobbled and clapped against Anonymous's lap, her earth pony behind threatening to swallow up even Anon's massive member
>Anon was groaning, his fingers digging into her flank as she held him close, whispering sweet nothings into his ear
>Your nostrils flared again
>You could smell their sweat, the smell of their arousals mixing in the air
>"Hmm~ Is that a sight to see?" Rarity cooed
>Your body tensed as you felt her hooffnskfjnskjfndkjfndlj...
>"You know, I'm beginning to wonder if Pinkie will be able to take all of him," the fashionista continued casually as her hoof began to expertly tease some very wet and VERY sensitive areas
"H-Hah~ Wha, an..."
>"Do you see how she's lifting herself higher and higher each time? I think she means to take all of him in one go. I myself would have preferred to ease into it but you know Pinkie."
>Your eyes slowly began to close as another kiss graced your neck
>The little mantra that you had been saying over and over in your head seemed to get quieter and quieter with each kiss, each touch, each leg-quivering stroke
>>
>>27986518
>"If I were you I'd try to keep my eyes open, darling. It appears that the show is about to begin~"
>Though she was making it DIFFICULT you forced yourself to open your eyes
>Pinkie had risen herself up as high as she could
>You could see that she was using the tip of Anon's cock to tease her marehood, forcing apart her lips and exposing the bright pink inside to the whole world
>You could see Anon twitching with each grind as he bucked his hips
>If he had just the right angle you knew that he'd sink into Pinkie with ease
>...
>That or he's tear her in half
>You had honestly no idea, but what you did know was that you kind of wanted to see it happen
>...
>Mom was right, wasn't she?
>Anon groaned as Pinkie raised herself just a bit higher, her tail waggi--
>All of the sudden Pinkie's body tensed
>Her tail stood ramrod stiff, her ears began wiggling, and her nose scrunched up
>"EVERYPONYFORTHEMSELVES!"
>With no warning, before any of you could react, Pinkie launched herself out of Anon's lap and scrambled behind the couch
>...
>What the heck was she--
>An earsplitting war cry sprung up behind you
>"DOWN WITH THE MATRIARCHY!"
>"BUCK MARES!"
>"PIGS! PIGS!"
>Your ears perked up as you heard something being thrown toward you
>Thinking fast, you yanked Rarity to the ground as something big and wh...
>...
>...Princess Celestia?
>...
>They threw Princess Celestia at you?
>THEY THREW PRINCESS CELESTIA AT YOU?!
"PRINCESS! WHA--"
>Your eyes widened when you noticed her trajectory
>Oh holy horse apples she was going to land right on top of An--
>Anon let out a sound that was a mixture of a cat's screech and the noise that Mr. Bear had made when a rock had landed on his paw as Celestia landed right on his lap
>His cock, still hard and wet and throbbing, disappeared in between her cheeks
>You teacher let out a quiet "omhp" as her rump loudly slapped against his lap and her buttcheeks clapped together
>"Dofvndfjndljdndfkjbvdkfjbdkjbfdkjbfkdbjkjbdk!"
>>
>>27986649
His penis isn't broke is it? Please tell me it's not.
>>
>>27986705
Those giant marshmallows Celestia calls an ass, oh no. He just planted a flag in the motherland. Celestia might be in a coma though from the edging.
>>
>>27986649
>The back of the couch snapped in half as Anon jerked backward, his eyes crossing and his toes curling
>"MOTHERFUCKERING CUNT!"
>Your old teacher, looking a little tired and sweaty but no more worse for wear, smiled
>"Well, good afternoon to you too, Anonymous," she said with a teasing wiggle
>"FOR THE BROTHERHOOD!"
>Ohshit!
>You were just able to pick your head up before Caramel hopped over you
>The stallion had a completely crazed look in his eyes as he charged toward an unsuspecting Anon
>Firmly clasped in his mouth was a barbell
>He had it pointed like a lance toward Anon's he--
>ANON!
"ANON!"
>The world seemed to slow as Caramel swung the metal pole in his mouth as hard as he could
>Anon's eyes were still crossed and half-lidded
>He wasn't prepared
>He wasn't ready to move out of the way
>He was going to get hit!
>Out of the corner of your eye you could see your teacher raise an eyebrow
>"Oh my," you heard her say as she leaned away slightly
>She wasn't going to help the human
>She was going to let him take the hit
>...
>No...
>Nonononononononononono...
>Get up Twilight, get up!
>Anon was going to get REALLY hurt if that thing hit him!
>You needed to get up!
>There might still be a chance to save him!
>With a cry, You launched yourself off of the ground
>With a powerful flap of your wings your soared toward the couch
>But you weren't ready for flight
>You wings were still stiff from Rarity
>Too stiff to flap properly
"Ano--"
>You slammed into the dirt muzzle first, your back legs kicking
>Oh horse ap--
CLANG!
>Though you now had a mouthful of dirt for your efforts, you could see the shaft of the barbell quiver as the end of it SLAMMED into Anon's cheek, right under his eye
>The sound of the collusion rang out loud and clear as Caramel leaned into his swing, doing all that he could to maximize it's power
>There was a smile on his face as Anon's head jerked to the side a little
>But then the momentum suddenly and completely stopped
>>
>>27986705
>Fights against the matriarchy
>Fatally injures a fellow stallion's male phallus
Typical stallionist.
>>
>>27986754
>Anon's eyes snapped to Caramel as the barbell creaked
>Though they had been hazy you watched as they instantly focused on the earth pony
>He said nothing, he didn't make a noise, he didn't even move; he just stared
>You, with your face in the dirt and your wings still stiff from what Rarity did to you, watched as Anon reached up and grabbed the end of the bar
>Each finger slowly wrapped around the thick, fat end
>By now the smile on Caramel's face was gone
>With the bar still in his mouth he took a half-step back
>You could see the muscles in his neck bulging as he tried to pull the barbell away
>He grunted and growled, straining as hard as he could, but he didn't even move it an inch as Anon held it
>The human's eyes began to narrow dangerously before, with a flick of his wrist, he snapped the end of the barbell clean off, sending Caramel to the ground with a yelp
>"Bucking curd!"
>Still deathly silent, Anon lifted the bit of metal away from his face
>You could see that he now had a cut under his eye; a cut that almost immediately began to bleed
>Grunting, you forced yourself to your hooves
"Anon? Are you alright?" you asked, as worried as you've ever been in your entire life. "Do you feel okay? Do you need us to take you to the horspital? Or maybe--"
>As you continued to dabble Anon dropped the end of the barbell to the ground with a clang
>His eyes snapped away from Caramel and over your shoulder, traveling left to right
>Then, to your immense concern, he started to smile
>It wasn't a very nice smile, you instantly noticed
>There wasn't all that much joy and happiness in it
>In fact, just looking at it made the fur on the back of your neck stand on end
>It was a crazed smile, a bad smile
>The kind of smile that you wouldn't want see while walking through an alleyway
>"It looks like everyone's here," he quietly said as he picked up Celestia, who giggled at the contact, and sat her right next to him
>>
>>27986754
Did this bitch nigger just interrupt happy time? Is he fucking suicidal?
>>
>>27986754
I fucking hate these stallions.
>>
>>27986799
No, he just wants some of dat monkey d for himself. And he's gonna get it.
>>
>>27986792
Oh he is going to get eaten alive for this. I feel sorry for the jealous idiot.
>>27986806
Deeper than Pinkie or Rarity ever could.
>>
Stallion-hater fag here

Can we get a one-shot where RGRE stallions get what they fucking deserve? I'd do almost anything for that. Thank you to lap for inspiring genuine actual anger in me.
>>
>>27986792
>"Every single one of you..."
>Caramel's eyes were wide as he began to crawl away from the human
>You and Rarity, who had also found her way to her hooves while you weren't looking, also took a few nervous steps backward
>Anon slowly stood up, his still hard cock wetly slapping against his belly as he stood to his full height
>He looked around once again, prompting you to look behind yourself
>There were dozens of stallions standing in the street with gym equipment in hoof
>Some of them looked angry
>But many of them looked confused
>...
>How did they...
>Bones popped in Anon's shoulders as he rolled them
>You could see a trail of blood dripping down his sweat-soaked cheek now
>There was no pain or discomfort in his face, in fact, if you didn't know any better, you'd think that he was about to start laughing
>He looked excited
>Jubilated
>Jovial
>He looked...
>...
>Oh geeze...
>A bad feeling welled up in the pit of your stomach as you and Rarity took another step backward
>Caramel, still crawling, looking back at the group of stallions
>"Don't just sit there! HELP ME!" he yelled
>The stallions look at each other
>"...Caramel? Why did you hit Anon?" one of them asked. "I thought that we were going to help--"
>"HELP ME!" Caramel screeched."BUCKING HELP ME!"
>The seemed to break the stallions out of their stupor
>Many of them shook their heads, readying their weapons as they took a step forward
>"YEAH! GET THOSE SLUTS!"
>"LET'S TEACH 'EM A LESSON!"
>"MUH RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS!"
>"COM--"
>All went quiet again as a giggle escaped Anon's lips
>...
>Oh geeze...
>"You're all out of my gym," he whispered quietly, almost as if he was talking to himself. "You're all out where I can get you..."
>Still smiling, he reached over and covered Celestia's eyes with a mammoth hand
>"Close your eyes, sun horse. You're not going to want to see what's about to happen."
>Giggling, your teacher closed her eyes and covered them with her hooves as he pulled his hand away
>>
>>27986831
>"Alright~ I promise not to peek," she promised
>Bending down, Anon reached under the couch and pulled out... the sign... that he ripped out of... the...
>...
>Why didn't any of you take that away from him?
>...
>Why didn't any of you think that that was a good idea?
>Anon took a deep breath, looking up at the sky as he tapped one end of the sign into his free hand
>His cock throbbed mightily as he looked back down
>"Hold onto your butts, boys," he said to nopony in particular.
>"'Cause there's no breaks in this train."
>>
>>27986831
>inb4 anon boops them and forgives them all b/c he's a beta fag
>>
>>27986831
>inb4 cliffhanger
>>
>>27986831
Celestia is going to feel bad when the screaming starts isn't she? Or I guess I should say the screaming stops.
>>
>>27986849
Alright, I'm done
>>
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>>27986849
oh shit. Those stallions must see pic related right about now.
>>
>>27986859
punish them
PUNISH THEM
>>
>>27986859
Bravo! Well done!
>>
>>27986866
>You are Caramel, the incredibly fucked.
>Why is there a skeleton standing behind Anon?
>And why is he yelling at you to get inside of his bag?
>>
>>27986859
Please end in sodomy. Righteous sodomy.
>>
>>27986859
Don't you fucking drop the ball, LaP. Your next part of the story will make or break your career of fanfiction author.
>>
>>27986859
Liked and subscribed
>>
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>>27986887
Go back to colt cuddler, this is rampage territory.
>>
Prompt:
>Apple Bloom wants Anon to be her special somepony
>Tries to imitate Applejack and be the perfect gentlemare
>Tries to carry stuff/pull carts for him, but she's too small
>Bakes a pie for him to show that she'd be a valuable addition to a herd (or something) but burns it
>Tries to cuddle Anon and be the big spoon but she can't reach her hooves around his neck because she's so small
>Everything she does makes Anon think she's cute as hell and he's largely ignorant that she's trying to be his mate
>>
>>27987098
If you haven't read it yet and were at all interested I have a pair of stories with a similar theme in them in my pastebin.

>>27986859
Looking good as usual LaP. I'm catching up and reading part seven right now, but I'll check this one out after I'm done with the previous installment.

>>27986897
Speaking of the crippling fear of failure: the FI prologue is done in case anyone was still interested. I still need to edit it and It's like 10K words and I'm fuckin' lazy so I'll prob be posting the final version tomorrow or the next day. Until then, have fun RGREing.
>>
>>27987188
Link please, sempai?
>>
>>27987247
Here ya go.
http://pastebin.com/u/tANDghouls

The stories you're looking for are under 'Spaghetti and Fillies'.
>>
>>27987269
Thanks ghouls. I'll be sure to check it out.
>>
Continuing "It gave me goosebumps" http://pastebin.com/ivLcbi1h
---
>Living in the palace must be a dream come true, seriously, the rooms were decked out in all the fancy stuff.
>There were more pillows on the bed than you had any idea what to do with.
>Maybe Celestia had those toilets installed that spray water up the
>”Uhh I’m thirsty.”
>Your date which you left on the bed asleep was now somewhat awake and groaning about being thirsty.
>She was going to hate her life in the morning, for two different but satisfying for you, reasons.
>First the hangover was probably going to be a doozy.
>The second and very important reason that brought a very evil looking smile to your lips was a bit more heinous.
>On your way to the room you decided to take the indirect route.
>One that took you through the ballroom, where everyone saw you carrying the drunk napping mare.
>You saw flashes coming from several reporters cameras, so the image was going to hit the papers soon enough.
>Wasn’t that just… unfortunate.
>Oh this night couldn’t get any better.
>”I want water!!!”
>Heard you the first time.
>Filling up a glassful you brought it to the pushy mare, who downed it without question before collapsing back into the bed.
>Her snores confirming that she was back to her alcohol induced sleep.
>Getting undressed you slipped into bed and pulled the covers over the both of you.
>The next morning was going to be a really interesting one for her, that’s for sure.
>>
>>27987342
>Be the Twilighest of the Sparkles.
>Princess of Friendship and reigning champion of the last Equestrian PonyClix Regionals.
>Oh yeah, you wrecked those ponies like it was a walk in the park.
>But back to why you were heading up to the guest rooms in the castle.
>Last night you gave the key to one of the rooms Princess Celestia had prepared for the guests to Anon and his date..
>To think your roommate, who became an overnight literary sensation was dating the author of one of your favorite series.
>Maybe you could ask her to sign some of them for you?
>In no time at all you stood in front of his room.
>Knocking on the door with your hoof you waited for a response.
>….
>Knocking again you listened for any sounds coming from within the room.
>Maybe they woke up earlier and went downstairs already for breakfast.
>Opening the door with some magic you peered inside to check just to be sure.
>Oh my!
>Yearling and Anon were definitely not up.
>Not up at all.
>Yearling lay curled up on Anon’s chest, her wings draped on him.
>Definitely too lewd for you.
>Should you wake them up? What was the protocol for waking up your friend in a situation like this?
>Backing up slowly you closed the door, you’d let them sleep in just a little longer.

>He's in the castle.
>The human behind all the extra work you had to endure.
>It was time finally to give him his comeuppance.
---
So there's a quick update.
>>
>>27983565
AH NU CHEEKI BREEKI VAN DAMKE
>>
>>27987356
Sweet.
>>
>>27986792
>>"It looks like everyone's here," he quietly said as he picked up Celestia, who giggled at the contact, and sat her right next to him
you always write celestia so cutely
and lewdly
>>
>>27986859
So did Anon just unwittingly form his own herd?
>>
>>27987518
Unless he says otherwise, all mares who touch a colts privates in public are part of his herd.
>>
>>27986859
Freaking awesome. Death is too good for Caramel.
>>
>>27987573
As is tradition.
>>
>>27987573
What happens if a colt touches mares privates in public
>>
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>>27987720
May as well ask what happens if Democracy takes root in Equestria. That never happens, not even in my doujins.
>>
Before I head to bed, update tomorrow, 100%
>>
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>>27987747
poor little nerd horses
>>
>Anon often takes naps in public, mostly in the park
>4 out of 5 times Anon will wake up with a pone snuggled up to him
>>
>>27987356
Oh shoot! I almost forgot about Goosebumps. Glad to see you're back in business with that green, friend.

>>27987493
My favourite Celestia ever is from his namesake story: Love and Powerlifting.

>Before the grinning princess could do or say anything you reached over and bopped her on the nose.
>Bitches love nose boops.
>Hey eyes crossed as she watched your finger touching your nose before she let out this adorable little sneeze that made you want to just drop ol' love slut and pet the SHIT out of sun god horse.

>>27987768
aww FUCK that's cute. It's cute enough that it makes me angry because that'll never be me.
>>
>>27987335
Sure thing. If you do get around to it feel free to tell me what you think and if it was up your alley or not.

>>27987356
Keep it up, Heli. I'm waiting for that aggressive hatesex.

>>27987720
>>27987747
>That never happens, not even in my doujins
Beat me to it. Where's more O&O when you need it.

>>27987762
This'll be the third installment of Monster Hunter Anon, right? Haven't started reading it yet, but I'll be sure to go and find it after I finally get my own shit together.
>>
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>>27987720
>>27987747
>tfw no unicorn stallion caressing your clit and pinching your teats from across the room
>>
>>27987842
Fuck, that reminds me a of an RGRE story that I don't have saved. Anon works at a sandwich place and all the unicorn mares molest him with their magic. Spoiler: he catches Celestia masturbating in the storage room and jizzes into her sandwich at her request
>>
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>>27987857
Man, why is Celestia always so kinky in rgre stories?
>>
>>27987720
The mare feels dirty and uncomfortable, but all her friends do is high-hoof her and say how they wish they were as lucky as she was.
>>
>>27987356
LAP, I have the biggest boner right now. Fucking whiskey dicked to all hell, but as soon as fucking carmel started swinging, oh boy.

I cant beat this one down mate, I fear this boner wont go away.
>>
>>27987872
When you've lived 1000 years, things get boring. Especially if everyone looks up to you as a mother figure.
>>
>>27987872
A thousands-years-old demi-goddess has done everything everywhere. Things like "modesty" and "decency" mean NOTHING to her any more. She'd fuck a stallion right in the middle of day-court if he'd let her. She'd probably still do it even if he DIDN'T let her.

Question real quick. I see art everywhere and ponies always seem to have yellow-ish tongues; Twilight especially. Is this a Thing, or what?

One more question while I'm here being a faggot. I read a fic (might have been RGRE) where ponies haven't heard of oral or anal and they think that Anon just doesn't know how to sex. Celestia teaches him and claims to have invented a bunch of sexual positions (all vaginal) and is shocked and confused when Anon tries to get her to suck his dick. The story ends when they fuck and Celestia volunteers to "teach" him some more about sex.
>>
>>27987903
Fuck, i fucked up.
Heli you give me a rightous chub tho
>>
>>27987791
Had that happen to me in Japan. Passed out on the train, woke up to find a schoolgirl passed out on my shoulder.
>>
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>>27987911
So you're saying she's working out her millenia of pent up sexual frustration on an outsider?
>>
>>27987925
This doesn't happen, anon.

She probably pickpocketed you.
>>
>>27987929
Hands can do a lot of things hooves cant. God bless our opposable thumbs, and dexterous fingers..
>>
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>>27987939
>adjustable vaginal penetration appendages with variable vibrating tips
"They're called hands Twilight."
>>
>>27987935
>doesn't know about gaijin hunters
why are you on this site, specifically created for macedonian basket-weaving?
>>
>>27987997
>gaijin hunters
You mean something blown out of proportion? I imagine this group is small enough to hardly even be considered a 'group'.
>>
>>27987971
No, they're called hoof-spiders.
>>
>>27988077
There sure are a lot of weird terms for hands here.

Hoof Spiders, Feelers, Grabbers, Claws, I'm sure the list goes on.
>>
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>>
>>27988131
Pleasure machines so great Soddhartha would cum in her metaphorical pants
>>
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>>27988144
She looks so squishy and fluffy.
>>
>>27987356
Just have anon write a pure text version of berserk
>>
>>27988154
>tfw I don't know if I want to cuddle with an animal or I'm just really craving human contact
I agree
>>
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>>27988164
How dare you call pone an animal?
>>
>>27988144
>Mares aggressively fighting against their herd mentality and cuddling instincts in order to impress Anon
Fund it

>>27988154
Look at her, she's so happy
SO FUCKING HAPPY
she's about to get cuddled for being so happy and so soft-looking.
>>
>>27988185
Not the pone, but the description above reminds me of my dog I left back with my folks
>>
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>>27988194
why contain it
>>
>>27988216
>tfw your pone waifu thinks you're weird when you lick her fluffy belly
I don't think I could act rationally around something that cute.
>>
>>27988230
I know that feel. I'd probably stick my face in her fluffy chest and not be able to keep my hands off her belly.
>>
>>27988185
We're all animals, anon.
>>
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>>27988307
>>
>>27988185
>Anon knows that ponies aren't dumb animals, but their appearance along with their childish behaviour makes it so that he can't help but see them as intelligent pets
>Thinks when they resist belly rubs (in public, at least) they're just being fussy
>Carries treats in his pockets to help them calm down
>Ponies act fussy and disagreeable on purpose so that Anon will cuddle with them and give them yummy snacks
please, writefags. I need this.
>>
>>27988307
I identify as plantkin. check your privilege you cis scum.
>>
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>>27988675
Fussy mares destroy my heart.
>>
>>27988744
>"Stop it, Anon!"
"Who wants a sugar cube?"
>"I'm not a foooaaaal~!"
>The mare wriggles around in your arms but you hold her tight.
>>
>>27981664
Are you ever going to finish that Anon gets into a fight thing?
>>
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>>27988762
>"Anon st-staaaawp, ponies are watching!"
"But you're so cuddly and soft, why would I ever stop?"
>"Please, colts are giggling at me..."
>>
>>27988798
"I'll put you down if you eat your treat, sweetie."
>"Don-Don't call me that... Okay, alright..."
>The mare opens her mouth and sticks out her tongue.
>Finally happy, you place a single sugar cube onto er tongue, and she pulls it back into her mouth.
>She tries to look irritated but she can't help but look delighted at the sugary treat.
>>
>>27988848
Do happy mares purr?
>>
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Do alicorn princesses dream of foals?
>>
>>27988980
Only magic foals, Anon
>>
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>>27988988
Magic, you say?
>>
>>27988980
>Celestia is seen as a foal fiddler
>>
>>27989009
>But gets away with it because she's one of the fucking rulers of Equestria
>Electoral debate ensues.
>One party for Celestia being innocent
>One party for Celestia being guilty
>Ponies vote guilty and Luna is made full ruler of Equestria
>Community wants Celestia banished somewhere.
>Luna knows she was banished to the moon for one thousand years.
>She banishes Celestia to the sun for one thousand years.
>1k years later, Celestia never returns
>>
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>>27988980
>>27988988
>>27988996
>>27989009
There's something deeply sad about the millenia old princesses dreaming and wishing of foals of their own.

Like they have all this wisdom and experience and a kingdom, but they're empty inside.
>>
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>>27989044
Literally.
>>
>>27989044
From regular Equestria views, yes. RGRE, no. Both Celestia and Luna basically don't give a damn about having offsprings and enjoys blowing all their bits on mare stuff.
>>
>>27989049
DISCORD!
>>
>>27989053
Anon, they're old as fuck. At some point in life every man in history has thought about having a family.
I'm sure it would be a lot worse when you live so fucking long.
>>
>>27989053
I wouldn't say they don't care; it's not like old and/or highly responsible human men don't care about having kids.
>>
>>27989064
>Literal billionaires caring about children
>>
>>27989067
Caring about THEIR children, yes. This is how life works.
>>
>>27989049
>tfw discord is Blueblood's great great great...great grandfather
>Discord being turned to Stone was the final fuck you in a very messy breakup

I don't know where I'm going with this
>>
>>27989075
I don't either.
>>
>>27989075
"Bluey! I'm back! Have the princesses been treating your family well? I swear, if a single ancestor sneezed and they didn't wipe it, I'll turn their manes into fart gas!"
>>
>>27986859
>raperaperaperaperaperaperaperape
>>
>>27987857
Here you go, fampai.
http://pastebin.com/tQmBN9SR
>>
>>27988077
>le hands are unheard of in Equestria meme

Fucking minotaurs exist so obviously hands are already a known thing. Goddamn do you people piss me off.
>>
>>27989271
>YOU'RE TRIGGERING ME, STOP TRIGGERING ME!

FTFY.
>>
>>27989271
>Small town folks knowing about a different race from another country
Even if Iron Will was a thing, I don't think anybody at his speeches bothered to look up the specific terms used to address his limb.
>>
>>27988980
Give them some?
>>
>>27989354
"Hey Princess. Ever thought about kids-"
>"Menopause, Anonymous. Estrogen spells weren't a thing several thousand years ago."
"...Oh."
>>
Anon is a good dad.
>>
>>27989661
Anon is the Allfather.
>Since Anon is taller than them, the ponies treat him like they do celestia
>Bigger pony that is kind to you?
>"Mommy!"
>Bigger [NOT PONY BUT SMELLS GOOD] that is kind to you?
>"Daddy!"
>Ponies start trying to get MOMMY and DADDY to spend more time together.
>They don't want them to be sad from being apart.
>Anon and Celestia have to try to get out of the neverending stream of dates the ponies are setting them up on so they can get shit done.
>They don't dislike each other, they just both want to do their own things.
>The ponies seem to be starting to suspect something is off about the cardboard cutouts left as distractions.
>Negotiations are ongoing with the changelings for assistance.
>>
>>
>>27987912
If you pause a shot of the show where you can see a pony's tongue, they're a slightly red-shifted orange instead of being standard red.
>>
Heart eyes.

https://derpibooru.org/1209196
>>
>>27988768
Didn't know anyone still cared.
I'll see what I can do, job has cut heavily into my shitposting time recently.
>>
>>27989842
Neat, I look forward to it.
>>
>>27989311
Taking into consideration how commonly various creatures with reasonable hand-like dexterity with claws and talons show up, I doubt even small-town ponies would have such a lacking educational system as to be completely unaware of what claws/talons are, meaning the most reasonable assumption should be to liken hands to soft claws.

Then again, their educational system is at least lacking enough that they'll all get superstitious enough to lock themselves indoors when their very first zigger comes calling.
>>
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>>27984057
>>
>>27989722
That's cute and funny
>tfw no being All-father
>>
>>27976396
>>27987791

I forget to threat you one time pluggo and then it's 2 days without green?
Shame on me
>>
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>>27990148
Expert on the subject and has raised many of Anon's foals.
>>
>>27990050
Imagine your reaction if you got a horse that has scarily, improbably flexible legs that bend in every direction that shouldn't be possible? Would the wrongness of it just elude you? Of course not.

This is what human hands are to the ponies. Yes, they know of dragons and gryphons with their claws, they know taurs and their hands, but these alien things move in all the impossible ways - as if they have a mind of their own, as if somepony just attached a pair of critters to the alien's appendages and covered it up with an illusion spell.
>>
>>27990343
>Ponies are convinced Anon is some unknowable horror from beyond reality
>This is reinforced by all sorts of things about him
>"Those wigglers just ain't natural"
>"Those tiny eyes stare right through your soul."
>"I can't feel him with my magic"
>"Ten thousand cultists and counting can't be wrong"
"Damnit stop worshipping me and get off my property!"
>"Why does he not want to be worshipped? Being adored by thousands sounds wonderful. I bet he's trying to hide something."
>>
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>>27990362
>The unendurable truths of who we actually are
>The excruciating and unbearable secrets of the origins of the human race
>Should never have been exhumed from their ancient entombment
>Far better to live in blissful ignorance
>Far better to be unaware
>>
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>>27989902
Thank you, Durnk mom
>>
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>>27984057
Why is one of her arms on her stomach. What the fuck.
I tried to fix it.
>>
>>27990515
Sloppy artist.
>>
>>27990515
Magical illness that she needs to get treated for when the horsepital opens up for non-emergency care in the morning.
Remember kids, be careful around unfamiliar toilet seats, they could be carrying disease!
>>
>>27990515
Better than original, but now a little bit too far to the right.
>>
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>>27984057
>>27990515
>support my work at patreon
>>
Thanks y'all for the feedback on the idea. I really do appreciate it. Next update coming Sunday, should I finish writing the next big chunk.
>>
As promised, green.

>Inhale.
>Exhale.
>Take a drink of water.
>You've done full day patrols, but even those weren't this hard; it's not even lunch and you're getting tired.
>Can't fall behind.
>Got to keep up with the others.
>"Just a little further and we'll break for lunch," Anna says, turning back to look at the group, "We'll rest and refill our waterskins then."
>You have to hold back a cheer at the thought of a break, need to save your energy.
>A very tiring fourty minutes later, and the group is brought to a halt.
>"Rest up and refill your water, I'll whip us up some lunch," Anna says heading to the wagon.
>Lining up with the others to refill your canteen, you can't help but glance at the other minotaur with your group.
>They're just standing agianst the side of the wagon, looking off into the distance.
>Your turn comes, and the water pours from the tap into your canteen, crystal clear and ice cold.
"How does...?" you start, before Cherry nudges you aside to fill her own container.
>"There's an ice crystal cooling system on the back, helps keep the water, and by extention us, cool on longer trips."
"That's impressive. Our caravans tend to use magic to keep water cool."
>"Where ponies use magic, other races like us tend to use natural or scientific means to accomplish things."
>A bowl is suddenly passed to you by her, and you take it in your magic.
>It's contents, a rather bland looking mix of nuts and dried fruits, as well as a suspicious block of something or other.
>"Make sure you eat it all, you'll need the energy," Anna says after everyone has their bowl.
>Even the other 'Tauress has hers and is eating, the bottom of her helmet moving with her jaw.
>Holding the bowl with magic, you munch on some of the fruits and nut mix, before taking a drink and lifting up the mystery bar.
>>
>>27990835

>A sniff doesn't tell you much, so you take a tentative bite.
>The outside is actually slightly sweet and tastes slightly of milk, while the inside is a fair bit less pleasant.
"What's in this?" you ask, holding the bar for Anna to see.
>"It's a compact nutrient and energy suppliment, with a cream based coating to make it not taste as bad."
>"Don't worry, dinner will taste better, I promise," she adds, "We just don't have time to make something better right now."
>The other minotaur sets her dish back in the wagon and pulls out her lance and a smallish bag.
>From the corner of your eye, and totally not obvious staring, you observe them performing maintenance while you eat your meal.
>Sharpening the point, checking for cracks or dents.
>And oddly, a lot of poking around some holes on the front.
>They must be part of the design, they don't look like damage.
>With everyone packing up, she returns her lance to it's spot on the wagon and takes up her place at the handle.
>Still, as the group gets moving, the tiredness you felt before the break is mostly gone, replaced by energy.
~~~
"Time to set up camp for the night!" you exclaim, the ponies behind you all but collapsing.
>Their commander, Brass is able to hold fairly well, but you can see the exhaustion.
"Pitch your tents, and I'll get the fire and dinner going."
>Removing your weapon from your back, you grip it's trigger and swing down, the tip folding back and the heavy base sliding to the end before clicking into place.
>The ponies recoil at the sudden action, but with a smile, you walk into the woods to find some firewood.
>Half an hour and a hefty armload later, and you have enough for the evening.
>When you make it back to camp, most of the ponys are relaxing in their tents, armor stripped off.
>One however, Shining, is over with Anon, watching as he does some exercizes with his lance and shield.
>Setting up a fire pit and pot hanger, you get started on some soup.
>>
>>27990839


>It's not long before the smell brings the ponies from their resting places, drawing them to the fire.
>"What's cooking?" Cherry asks, peeking into the pot.
"Just soup," you reply, "Though we have some travel bread to go with it."
>Stormy grimaces a bit, before saying, "is that the bread that's hard and tasteless, but last for weeks on the trail?"
"Not quite. The stuff we have with us isn't as long lasting, but it tastes better because of it."
>"Well, it's better than nothing, I guess."
"That's the spirit," you say with a smile, "Even if it's unpleasant, having food is better than starving."
>Even though it put a little damper on the mood, the rumbling of stomachs keeps everyone but Anon close.
>He's still exercizing, Shining drifting between the soup and him.
>In what seems like no time at all, it's ready, and everyone starts dishing up.
>Anon is very quick to take his bowl and bread and move off to the side, just at the edge of the camp.
>"Anna, do you think you could tell us a tale? We'd love to hear about your hunts," Stormy says, bowl cradled in her wings.
>"Yeah, like that Thunderlung, I bet you've beat one before," Cherry adds just before stuffing a bit of bread in her mouth.
"I suppose I can," you say, stirring the pot, "and I have killed a Thunderlung, just not alone."
"It was, hmn... Seven, maybe Eight months ago, in the dead of winter."
"We've learned that it's the best time to hunt them, since we can wear thicker clothes and ear protection without risking overheating."
"But anyways, it cold, snowy and windy when the two of us tracked it down..."
~~~
>>
>>27990843


>Crouched down, you listen to the soft, low hum in the air, carried by the wind.
"It's not far now," you say, shield already out to help block the wind.
>"Last chance to turn back," Anna replies with a smirk.
"Like hell we can. We'll be a laughing stock for weeks if we wimp out now."
>The hum suddenly changes into a whistling sound, and the two of you immediately put on your ear protection.
>A muffled roar echos through the trees, the Thunderlung claiming it's territory.
>Territory too close to a town, which is why you're here.
>The crunch of snow underfoot is inaudible to your plugged ears, but you can still just make out the steadily growing louder hum.
>Her Switchaxe is already swapped to axe mode, a phial of oil plugged in for the switch to sword mode.
>Stamina toxin, while not what you'd pick, it's still a good option for this fight.
>Your own lance is primed and ready, and you have reserve juice in various pouches on you.
>Reaching the last trees before the clearing, you peek out, looking for the patchy yellow and grey hide of the beast.
>While not quite warm blooded, the large reptilians like it are still quite active during the winter, just like this one.
>>
>>27990844


>Bones litter it's nest, mostly small to mid sized prey, but a few things you'd rather not see there as well.
>While it doesn't seem aware of you yet, it is still somewhat expanded, probably digesting a meal.
>Splitting to attack from different angles, Anna moves left around it, while you move right.
>And while this may leave you in front of it, your weapons not as effective here, but your shield is valuable.
>Your chest expands as you take a deep breath, before you let out the loudest whistle you can, moving into the clearing.
>The beast almost immediately turns to you, inhaling for a whistle of it's own.
>Crouching behind your shield, you cover your ears, hoping Anna is doing the same.
>It's whistle rings out, easily audible through the ear padding, but thankfully it doesn't have enough power to cause any harm.
>Resuming your advance, the Thunderlung opens it's jaws, steak knife sized teeth lining the orifice.
>Beyond it, Anna approaches from behind, still unnoticed.
>Lumbering towards you, the lizard starts inhaling, so you press the trigger on your handle.
>Two glass canisters inside your lance are shattered, the chemicals mixing in the chambers before they expand and combust.
>Flames pour out of the front ports of your lance, filling the air in front of you and the thunderlung with a blazing inferno.
>It's charge halts and a whine escapes it's horn as it's body deflates somewhat from the sudden change in motion.
>The beasts halting gives Anna enough time to close in and raise her axe.
>It's blade glints in the snow reflected sun, coming down with all her might and raising a spray of blood as it cuts into the Thunderlung's tail.
>This causes it to turn to Anna, it's bleeding tail leaving crimson spots all around the snow and bone.
>>
>>27990850


>Flames still roaring from your lance, you push forward, making them wash over the creature's side.
>Backstepping a tail swipe, you lunge forward, stabbing your spear in the smaller scales between it's rear leg and tail.
>Scales scorch and go black as the flames start to run out, a bloody hole left behind as you remove your lance.
>Up front, Anna lands a glancing blow before tumbling away from a sharp bite.
>A sudden swelling of the beast gives you warning of it's next attack, but Anna has no cover from it.
>Dashing towards her, she moves towards you as well, the Thunderlung's head tracking her.
>The inflation stops, and you dive towards her, shield between you and the beast.
>She dives as well, pulling as much of herself as she can into safety.
>There's a namesake crack of thunder and your shield feels like it got hit by a battering ram.
>All around you, snow and bones have been launched into the air, a small cone of safety untouched snow behind where your shield is.
>Both you and Anna scramble to your feet, well her to her hooves, and ready your weapons again.
>>
>>27990855


>The head of her axe drops down to the hilt, the tip flipping up and a sickly yellow fluid starts driping down it's length.
>Splitting left and right, you and Anna both strike at the same time.
>Her swing at the head is avoided, but you manage to make a scratch along it's leg.
>It's attention turns to you, teeth bared and chest expanding.
>Anna's blade bounces off the creatures hide on her side, the plates hardened by the pressure backing them.
>As soon as it's attack goes off, however, Anna's follow up strikes both leave small cuts, the poison from her sword sinking into them.
>Before it can turn to her, you throw a tranquilizer pellet at it's face, the dust all getting sucked up as it inhales.
>Almost immediately, however, it get's expelled by what some might call a sneeze.
>Still, it interrupted the attack, and that gave you time to pull out a pair of vials for your lance.
>Opening the twin ports, flames still flicker inside it, the shards of the previous vials glinting in the light.
>Keeping an eye on the Thunderlung as it breathes heavily, you slide the two vials into place, before closing the ports.
>Inhaling swiftly, the Thunderlung lets out a loud whistle, making you grit your teeth.
>Even muffled it still hurts, and with hands occupied you can't really cover your ears.
>While still whistling, the Thunderlung lumbers unsteadily towards you, shifting to the side for a tackle.
>Diving out of the way leaves you unable to react before it's tail lashes out at you, clipping your side and flinging droplets of blood all over you.
>Knowing it hit, it turns back to you, inflating for another shockwave while you fight to your feet, staying as behind the shield as possible.
>>
>>27990858


>However, this also leaves it's backside open to Anna, who doesn't hesitate to wind up a swing.
>As her blade comes down, she presses the trigger to switch to axe mode, the heavy head slamming into place just before it cuts into the beast's tail.
>This time, the strike slices clean through, bone and all.
>While not severed, the tail is only holding on by about a third of it's muscle.
>A pained howl comes from it, blood escaping the wound quite rapidly.
>It goes to turn to the one who caused the injury, but you interrupt with a lance to the shoulder, deep enough to interfere with the muscle movement.
>Pressing your own trigger once again, flames erupt from the vents and wash over the creature's yellowy hide.
>Withdrawing your lance, the flames move with it, angling up to it's face.
>During your distraction, Anna has recovered from her swing and has brought her axe around again, cleaving through the remaining tissue holding the lower hald of the tail on.
>Another roar of pain, but this one leaves it open to your final attack.
>Driving your lance, still spitting flames, upwards, it plunges into the back of the Thunderlung's mouth.
>There are a few twitches before it collapses, draging your lance down with it.
>"You alright?" Anna calls, moving over and removing her ear guards while you drop down to sitting.
"I'll live. Don't think it broke any ribs, but damn if it doesn't hurt. Are you good too?" you reply, taking out your ear protection as well.
>"My shins are a little bruised from that first blast, but other than that, I think I'm fine."
>Pulling a pouch from her pocket, she lights it with the still fiery end of your lance.
>After a moment, it begins releasing a purple smoke, and she tosses it next to the body.
"Now we wait for pickup," you say, leaning back a bit.
~~~
>>
>>27990868


"And that was about it, I guess," you say, tapping your chin.
>The four ponies stare with rapt attention and awed smiles.
>"That was pretty cool sounding, I wish I could have seen it," Cherry says, sitting back.
>"You and your partner work quite well together," Brass says, "I rather hope we have a chance to see your teamwork."
"Well, we do have the job, so..." you start, before Cherry interjects.
>"We know that, but we're going to be fighting with you. I think our commander means seeing you two fight something we come across on the way and can't avoid."
>"I kind of want us to go back and find that other Thunderlung from earlier for them to fight," Stormy says, before yawning, "but it's way too late. I'm gonna hit the clouds."
>Yawning as well, Shining says, "Sleep sounds good. goodnight."
>The ponies all return to their tents, and after handling the fire and pot, you enter your own.
>A pile of armor rests beside a mound under blankets, and divulging of your own as quietly as you can, you slide in under with him.
>His arms find you immediately, meeting your hands under covers.
>"Thanks for heling keep this a secret," he whispers, shuffling closer.
"Of course," you reply, reaching a hand over his back, "it's no problem if it's for you."
>A hand moves up, brushing your cheek before resting on your head, thumb caressing your little horn nub.
>"Dinner was great, thank you," he says before leaning in and kissing the tip of your short snout.
"Geez, you don't have to be such a bull about it," you reply, rubbing your nose to cover your blush.
>Arms encircle you, pulling you to his chest, only two layers of underclothes seperating you.
>"Let's get some sleep, love," he says softly, before closing his eyes.
>Bringing your arm back around him, you snuggle up tight.
~~~
>>
>>27990869

And that's this update.
Pastebin updated soon, and still accepting name suggestions.
>>
The google doc is empty :/
>>
>>27990876
So am I.

S' all good
>>
>>27990873
Names on what?

Also with Shuk's story going on, How many of you guys play Monster Hunter? and what main? I'm curious .
>>
>>27990873
Waiting for the inevitable fallout when the ponies walk in on the cow\cow action
>>
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>>27988900
Only pegasi purr. Other pony races make various happy noises, but pegasi have that thing in their throat that cats have that lets them purr.

>>27988980
You stop that.

>>27989661
Anon would be BEST father. I get the feeling from watching the show that ponies stop maturing at around age 12 and that instincts are the only thing keeping them from accidentally killing their foals.

>>27989722
Stop trying to poison me with cute, Durnk. I think I can see that simpler mentality flying with the changelings more than the ponies.
>Anon and Celestia usually talk about their pony friends
>This ranges from their latest schemes to get them together to their general cute behaviour
>They bond over how stupid and adorable ponies are

>>27989810
>Ponies have different coloured tongues depending on their race
>They all taste like different types of fruit

>>27989842
We never stopped caring.

>>27990276
See pic, Anon.
I'll have something written up for y'all today, I promise.

>>27990873
That was adorable, Shukaku. I don't play Monster Hunter, but I think you described the action pretty well.
>>
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>>27990929
No non-autistic humans have ever actually played that game and enjoyed it.

No one beside some downy friends of yours, at least. Like Shuk, for example.

Pic not related just cute
>>
>>27990954
>I'll have something written up for y'all today, I promise.
Best-writefag making more content? Yes, please!
>>
>>27990929
I've been maining aerial sns this time around. Occasionally do adept hammer for a change of pace.
>>
>>27990929
Name for the story.
>>27990929
I don't play, but am thinking of picking up the newer game.
>>27990944
Anon will be revealed in a different way.
>>
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>>27990963
A-anon, don't say these things!
>>
>>27990954
>pic
madskills.bmp
jerk dash pls pls pls

>>27990986
Helmet torn from him in battle?
I just hope that
>"Is Anon... is she.. Anon a male?"
>"No, he is a demon."
Like the award-winning "But you are a stallion!" - "I am a man." thing.
>>
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>>27990990
>>
>>27990986
How about 'Awesome Story McCool the Amazing Ponis Meme Arrow Greentext Fiction.'?

Better then Untitled.
>>
>>27991096
Unteatted
UN-TEAT-TED
because Anon is secretly a he and is hiding!!!!!
!!!!
BAM!!
!!!!!
>>
>>27990990
Keep being so animu kawaii and your herd will get you a lovely cock ring.
>>
>>27991105
But all humans have nipples, Anon.
>>
>>27990873
MORE
>>
>>27991064
>Anon fucks weeb-Twilight
>She keeps quoting her animu mango hentais
>"Your cum is driving me wild!"

>>27991108
Kawai on the streets
Sempai in the sheets
>>
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>>27991193
>"You're filling my womb!"
>"I-It feels so good, I'm going blind!"
>"I can't believe it, I'm getting fucked by Anon's cock!"
"TWILIGHT, STOP."
>>
>>27991212
Stop? This is so fucking hot.
>>
>>27991212
Does she make loud, unnecessary, slurping noises when giving bjs?
Cuz that'd be nice
>>
I want an Equestria that speaks exclusively in hentai quotes. Preferably one where ponies act to match their hentai quoting.
>Pinkie Pie has an icing device held in between her ass cheeks
>"Who ices a cake with their butt?!"
>>
>>27991229
She moans and screams 'yes' so loudly the neighbors can hear.
>>
>>27990929
Gunlance mah boi! Seriously, I fell in love with it in Freedom Unite, was a credit to team.
>>
>>27990929
Adept Duel Blades.
It's like a blender of death
>>
>>27990929
Bows. Pretty painful speed-wise on kills back in the MHFU days, but I valued the mobility too much not to stick with them and now they're much stronger. Just wish the status coatings didn't generally require nearly a full stack to get the job done, and forget a second application unless you also bring along full materials.
>>
>>27991383
This Anon gets it
>>
You fucks are making me want to buy a monster hunter game. Are any of them available on xbox 360/One and if so which of those is the best?
>>
>>27991885
>MH
>Xbax
Capcom is too fucked for that to ever happen
>>
>>27991909
There are a few on xbox, but they only released in Japan.
>>
>>27991885
if you wanna get the newest one, you gotta cash out for a Nintendo 3DS
>>
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>>27991240
>You are Anon, Ponyville's only resident human.
>Each town has at least one, you've never met any of the others though.
>You don't like it here.
>It's not that the ponies are hostile, they're actually quite friendly and welcoming.
>"Oh god Caramel! Push it in! HARDER!"
>"I can't believe how far in it goes! This is amazing!"
>Fuck this place.
That was Caramel and Ms. Hooves, trying to mail a package.
>An actual package, intended to be delivered to Canterlot.
>Everyone spoke like this here, you didn't know why.
>You asked Twilight, but she only started screaming about her purple pussy needing you.
>Everyone else nodded like they understood perfectly.
>You pass by a pony on their way to work.
>"LET IT ALL OUT INSIDE! MMM THERE'S SO MUCH OF IT!"
>She's a fire-fighter.
>It was pretty funny at first, but they don't stop.
>Ever.
>"Oh~ Anon~!"
>Oh hey, it's Rainbow Dash.
>"Taste my rainbow! PINKIE'S PUFFY MUFFIN IS SO MOIST! CUM WITH ME~."
>She's asking if you want to join her for lunch at Sugarcube Corner.
"Yeah, sure Rainbow. I'm pretty hungry."
>"I WANNA TASTE YOU! PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!"
>Now see, normally that would have been an invitation for oral.
>You've learned in your time here that she actually means something else.
>Translation: She's not really craving anything in particular.
>She'll probably just get whatever you order, but wanted to know beforehand.
"I'm kinda in the mood for a blueberry muffin."
>"LICK IT AND SAVOR MY PUFFY VAGINA!"
"That's sweet of you, I'll treat you next time as thanks."
>You fucking hate it here.
>>
>>27991909
3DS, and you should probably splurge for the XL with the 2nd stick for the camera. It's fun, but it has a Dark Souls like skill barrier to entry. Takes a while for everything to click, and loot/crafting is the only way to get stronger. No grinding for levels, you grind for drops to build yoyr bext upgrade.
>>
Pencil-anon sends his regards. 4 out of 9 requests are already done, including LaP ones.

He's out of internet coverage, expect him soon.
>>
>>27992191
Cool.
>>
>>27992191
Любим, нaдeeмcя, ждeм.
>>
>>27992026
kek
Okay, that was actually pretty funny.
>>
>>27986849
HULK SMASH!
>>
I'm delaying the next part of the Pie story until tomorrow or, at best, later tonight. The words don't want to come out.

But you know what would be fun? Anons writing oneshots for the rest of us to enjoy.
>>
THUD!
>You let out a quiet grunt as you felt your back legs slam into the apple tree behind you
>It wasn't a very hard kick, but then again you never kicked your trees that hard
>If you kicked a tree too hard the trunk could get damaged, and if you damaged the trunk there was a good chance that the tree could die
>You couldn't have that
>These trees, from the saplings that weren't big enough to yield any fruit to the behemoths that needed multiple ponies kicking it to get any fruit from its branches, were your family
>And an Apple didn't go hurting their family without one heck of a reason
>Your daddy had taught you that, just like his daddy taught him
>So your bucks weren't hard; they were tactical
>Years of experience had taught you where was the best place to buck a tree without hurting it
>Thousands of hours working under Celestia's sun had gone into your technique
>Your hooves had bucked every single tree on your property
>You knew where to kick without looking
>You knew how hard to kick, you knew at what angle to bring your hooves up, you knew how to brace yourself
>You didn't even need to think about it anymore; your body just knew
>A ripple ran up the tree from the force of your kick
>Though you didn't see it you knew that the whole tree was shaking
>A smile came to your face as you heard dozens of shiny, perfect apples fall from the branches and into the buckets that you had set up all around
>You looked over your shoulder, and sure enough it was another perfect kick
>The tree had been picked clean of apples, and every single one of those apples had fallen into the buckets
>Just like they always did
>You took a deep breath as you gave your limbs a stretch
>The scent of apples and grass and dirt was in the air
>Up above you could see that there wasn't a cloud in the sky
>Though it was in the middle of summer it wasn't stifling outside
>All was quiet on the farm, all was still
>There was just you, the trees, and more bucking
>Just how you liked it
>>
>>27993540
>Still smiling, you made your way over to the now full baskets and began picking them up
>You had a cart just a little ways away
>It was nearly full
>All you had to do was carry these baskets, unload them, and hull the wagon toward the barn where they could be sorted after dinner
>You were going to make Applejack help Applebloom with that when she got home
>It was the least that she could do since she didn't help with any of the apple bucking today
>Not that you were too upset about that or anything, in fact you rather enjoyed the silence and solitude, but that filly had to do her share like everypony else
>Placing the baskets on your back, you leisurely made your way through the rows of apple trees toward your cart
>A tune came to your mind, and as the wind began to pick up, rustling the leaves, you began to hum it
>After you pulled the cart into the barn your day would be done
>You could just sit back and relax for the rest of the day
>You could finish reading that Cosmarepolitan article that you had been leafing over the night before
>Maybe you'd go into town and get some ice cream
>You could see if your lil', lil' wanted to do something with her big brother
>Or maybe you'd just sit under an apple tree and nap the rest of the day away
>Coming upon your cart nearly filled with apples, you took another deep breath, your smile widening ever so slightly
>Yep
>This was the life...
Still humming, you quickly unloaded the apples, placing the baskets neatly into the cart before attaching yourself to it
>Cracking your neck, your dug your hooves into the dirt and took a step forward
>The cart was heavy, piled high with apples like it was, so much so that you could hear the wheels squeaking as they moved
>But this wasn't your first rodeo
>You had moved carts twice as heavy as this one when you were exhausted and the sun had been beating down on you all day
>>
>>27993589
"Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmmhmmhmm, uhu, uhu, uhu!"
>Your rump bobbed and swayed with your humming as you pulled the cart onward toward the barn
>The wind changed direction, picking your longish mane up a bit and forcing a bit of hair into your eyes
>...
>Hmmm...
>Maybe you should go and get a manecut?
>You didn't have an appointment for anywhere in town but you were SURE someone would be able to squeeze you in...
>You might even have them cut your mane like Fancy Pant
>Yeah...
>That'd look GOOD on--
>"BIG MAC! BIG MAC! FER CELESTIA'S SAKE, WHERE ARE YA?!"
>Your ears perked up as you gave a little start
>That sounded like Applejack...
>Returning your gaze back to the trail, you noticed that you were getting close to the barn
>She must have been here...
>It sounded like she needed something too...
>Ceasing your humming, you picked up your pace a little bit
>"BIG MAC! BIG MAC! FER LANDSHANKS, WHERE THE HAY ARE YA?!"
>I'm coming filly...
>Hold your horses...
>In no time at all you broke the treeline to see your barn sitting up on the hill top
>Your eyes narrowed slightly as you made your way toward it
>From here it looked like the white paint was chipping around the door...
>You were going to have to get Applejack to paint over it...
>You'd do it yourself but you were never much of a pai--
>"BIG MAC! There ya are!"
>Ears perking up once more at the sound of your lil' sister's voice, you looked around
>...
>Where the hay was that girl?
>Usually you'd be able to see that orange coat of her's a mile off...
>And sounded--
>"I'm down 'ere!"
>>
>>27993610
>Frown deepening, you followed the sound of your sister's voice
>Your eyes wandered over toward the old tree that you were standing not far from
>It was an old tree; one of the first apple trees that Granny Apple's momma put in the ground
>A shrunken and shriveled thing, it hadn't bore an apple since before you were born
>But you weren't paying all that much mind to that old apple tree
>What you were paying attention to was the pony under the tree
>It was your sister
>She was all tied up in what looked like giant rubber bands
>Her hat was missing, she looked as ornery as you've ever seen her, and she was crawling toward you like some kind of worm
>...
>Nope
"Nope."
>Looking away from her, you began to make your way toward the barn with your cart in tow
>"BIG MAC!" your sister screamed. "WHERE THE HAY ARE YA GOIN'?! I NEE--"
>You said nothing, simply raising a hoof to quiet her
>There was nonsense ahoof; you could feel it in your bones
>You also had a feeling that you were about to be roped into something that you'd rather not be roped into
>So, before you had to deal with whatever horse apples Applejack was about to throw at you, you needed to put these here apples away
>You didn't want them getting ruined in this sun
>So that's what you did, walking into the barn and putting everything away
>It didn't take very long
>Just like with nearly everything chore on the farm you've been doing it since you could walk
>You did it quickly, quietly, and without a fuss
>And with the apples ready for sorting you pulled off your old yoke and set it on your work table
>Rolling your withers, you then sighed as you grabbed a pair of sheers
>Alright Mac
>Let's see what your lil' sis got herself into now
>You exited the barn, seeing that Applejack had crawled to the entrance
>...
>Boy did that filly look sweaty
>"There ya are!" she said, her nose scrunched up as you made your way toward her. "What the hay were ya--"
>>
>>27993643
>Bending down, you quickly cut through the bands holding Applejack's limbs
>Her eyes widened as she looked down at her hooves, the anger draining from her face
>"...Thank ya."
>You nodded, taking a step back
"Eeyup."
>Slowly, with a grimace on her face, your sis' stood up
>Her bright green eyes flicked from her legs to your face
>...
>She wanted you to ask what happened
>But you weren't going to play her game
>Not today
>Standing firm, you raised an eyebrow, not saying a word
>Off in the distance a rooster could be heard croaking as the two of you quietly looked at each other
>You weren't going to ask...
>You weren't...
>As seconds turned into minutes Applejack began to squirm
>Her pained looked slowly became pleading but still you said nothing
>She wasn't going to get a thing out of you
>You were a rock
>...
>...
>...
>Finally, your sister could take no more
>"Mac! I need yer help! Something happened in town an' me an the girls--"
>You sighed again
>Looks like you weren't getting that manecut...
>>
>>27993655
Alright, just a quick update today
>>
>>27993660
the big apple proves once again that he is best colt
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP-De6pudm4
Here's a thing I found that is kind of relevant
>>
>>27993401
>the mares all discover Anons dick doesn't have a flare
>all horrified at first
>purple smart realizes lack of flare and medial ring probably accounts for him lasting longer than regular stallions
>Anon is horrified when horse flare circumscision becomes a thing
>>
>>27993855
>Male circumcision is already a thing in Saddle Arabia
>Thousands of young colts die every year from infections
>>
>>27993855
>>27993933
Guys please, that's cruel and fucked up.
>>
>>27993724
Never saw this before but the second I read the title I knew it was buzzfeed cancer

It is kinda' relevant though
>>
>>27993401
>Maud is a geologist
>A professional with tons of education and prestige
>Fucks stallions in bars and then kicks them out the next morning Quagmire style
>Maud/Anon hook up at a rock concert (lol)
>Both think they are playing the other, but
culture differences lead to confusion
>Horse sex and RGRE happens
>>
>>27994212
>Geologist
>Inability to display emotions
Tell me again how this mare gets horse cock?
>>
>>27994253
Colts can't get enough of Maud's HMD
>>
>>27994253
Rock puns.
>>
>>27994271
>"Is that a tufa formation in your pocket, or are you just ready to rock my world?"
>confused yet aroused horse noises
>>
>>27994253
Strong, stoic, smart.
Stallions can recognize a good herd alpha.
>>
>>27994253
Aloof, capable, strong, educated, well-travelled.
Indeed, why.
>>
>>27994343
>>27994336
>Implying she isn't just a country bumpkin
>Implying she could handle herself with colts, at a bar, no less
>>
>>27994253
Maud is easily the mareliest mare in RGRE. The colts all wish she would be the leader of their herd. But she won't be held down by some colt, she's got better things to do than herd, and that just makes them want her more.
>>
>>27993724
>feminists think this is what happens in real life
I don't think those blue-haired hamplanets have ever spoken to a man in their entire lives.
>>
>>27993933
>Meanwhile Equestrian mares get their "roses trimmed"
>They shrug and say it's easier to clean
>>
>>27994053

Just like real life.
>>
>You are Apple Bloom, and you think it's about time you found a husband.
>You're 8 whole years old, and you've already graduated from the third grade.
>You're ready!
>Applejack and Mac might have laughed at you when you said you were rearin' to get hitched, but you'll show them.
>You know that Applejack's been pining for that Anon fellow, so you'll steal him right out from underneath your sister's dumb, stupid nose.
>You wander around town for a bit and realize that you don't actually know what Anon does during the day.
>Sure, he works, but it's the weekend.
>Maybe he's out playing with this friends?
>Ooh! Applejack lets you sleep in on Saturdays, so maybe he's still in bed!
>EVERYPONY likes sleeping in!
>You wander over to his house and find him sitting under a tree.
>Well, he isn't sleeping in, but the important part is you found him!
>With your future husband in sight, you march over with your head held high.
>Anon smiles at you when you get near, making you feel a little bit smug.
>He already likes you.
>This is gonna be easy as apple pie.
>"Well hey there, Bloomy. What are you-oh!"
>Without so much as a "hello", you crawl up onto his lap and plop down.
>You heard from school that colts like it when a mare is comvi.... conifferden... when a mare knows what she wants and goes out to get it.
>"Well, good morning to you too. Comfy?"
"Mm-hmm!"
>You close your eyes and lay your head down.
>Golly, his lap is soft.
>Maybe you....
>Maybe you should....
>.......

>You are Anon, and you've been sitting under this tree for about three hours.
>Applejack's little sister just up and deposited herself in your lap this morning and has been asleep ever since.
>You can't get up or else you'll wake her up.
>soemthing something rgrie
10/10 my best work so far
>>
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>>27993655
>>27993660
kek
Big Mac is great.
>>
>>27994542
But I'm not here for real life.
>>
>>27994624
“Hey Mac how come you never tried getting a marefriend?”
>Your best friend, Big Macintosh, pondered your question for a second before giving you this odd look that was hard to place.
>”Most of the mares in this here town are a little too crazy for my taste to tell the truth.”
>Didn’t he date that school teacher though?
“What about the teacher lady?”
>”She was about as sane as a clown in an insane asylum.”
>You don’t get it.
“Okay then, I’m just going to assume that you’re not after some quick pump and dump.”
>”What’s a pump and dump?”
>One of these days you’ll explain the finer aspects of one night stands and their euphemisms, but not today.
>Today was about just relaxing with your friend on one of his seldom few days off.
“Forget it, so how’s life on the farm going?”
>”It’s tiring work, I wake up, check on the trees, buck some trees, move the apples, sort the apples, and then go back to sleep.”
>He chugs down more of the Arnold palmer you made. Poor guy always asked you how you made it, but you don’t think he’d live it down if he knew that half of it was made with lemons.
>”Not to forget cooking meals for the family.”
“At least you have Applejack around to talk with while working, that probably makes time go by faster.”
>Mac scoffed.
>The guy who didn’t display much care about anything just scoffed, and at the mention of his own sister.
>Wasn’t family like the biggest thing on the planet for the apples?
>”Applejack would be nice to talk to, but nowadays she’s off and about with her friends most of the time.”
>Just let it all out big guy.
>”She’s usually the first to start bucking season, now it’s a miracle if she actually is around for it.”
>>
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>>27994612
>>You're 8 whole years old, and you've already graduated from the third grade.
>>You're ready!
>>
>>27994667
>You nodded as Big Mac vented all his frustrations out, Applejack, his little sister Applebloom and all the trouble she causes that gets downplayed but still makes a hell of a cleanup for him.
>”Then granny said that I should start actin like a stallion and find a nice mare to take care of me.”
>And there it is.
>He always came back to this one point.
>His family, as much as they supported his overzealousness when I came to helping the farm, they wanted him to find a wife.
>Someone who would help him become a proper stay-at-home stallion.
“You know what bud, I think it’s time to break out some booze. No more negative crap today.”
>After grabbing some of the alcoholic cider, you and Mac spent the rest of the day just sitting on your porch and swapping stories.
>Both your and his laughter carried on into the night.

>”I’m telling you Twilight, it ain’t right.”
“They’re just talking Applejack, what’s so wrong with that?”
>”Mac should be out in town, getting his mane done, doing something colty and tryin to find himself a mare.”
>Deep down you agreed with your friend.
>But being a princess meant that you had to be politically correct about this subject otherwise you’d never hear the end of it from all the stallion rights movement members.
>You’re not going down that road again.
>Spike only just got the smell of skunk off your couch.
>”What are they doin now?”
>Brining up the binoculars you looked to the two stallions, both of whom were just talking and laughing.
“Looks like they’re … they’re laughing, oh the horror!”
>C’mon Applejack just let this go.
>There was a bunch of new totally non-pornographic neighponese comics you wanted to get back to.
>>
>>27994677
>And maybe try your hoof at drawing some of your own, ones that may involve you and a handsome human.
>For science! Yeah science and research.
>You most certainly did not have any lewd thoughts about the non-pony with gorgeous eyes and beautiful smile that made your heart beat faster.

“Hey Mac isn’t that your sister and Twilight over there hiding in those bushes.”
>”Eeyup, they’ve been there for the past two hours.”
>Wait, really?
“What do you think they want?”
>”Don’t care, you got any more of that there cider?”
---
I think Mac would be a good drinking friend, what do you all think?
>>
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>>27994694
Mac seems pretty down to earth and cool.

Besides, isn't there already a potential mare?
>>
>>27994672
I said the same thing to my mom when I got out of kindergarden. "Time to get me a wife"

>>27994694
The best drinking buddy. But given how marely he acts, he's got about a 50% chance of trying to kiss you at some point. But other than that, he'd probably be real fun to drink with.

>Tells you about all the bullshit Applejack does
>The two of you can laugh at the mares and how they try to herd with him
>He can give you tips on how to keep mares from getting "clock you over the head and drag you off by the mane" levels of determination

best drinking buddy
>>
>>27994739
Yeah, but she's locked all the way down the basement, getting beaten by mommy for not being the mare she wanted her to be.
>>
>>27994739
I thought you were going to reference that one fic about Fem!Mac during estrus season.
>>
>>27994739
Ya, we don't talk about her much...
>>
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>>27994796
Nothing wrong hardly blood related cousins going at it.
>>
>>27994867
Didn't the show say something like they were only very distantly related?
>>
>>27994796
Sounds like someone who has never lovingly filled their cousin up with their semen
>>
>>27994907
What a fucking pleb. Next he'll be telling us he's never made secret promises with her in the dead of night when everyone else is asleep.
>>
>>27994897
Yes, if related at all.
>>
>>27991212
Seriously, how does anyone find the dialogue in those things anything but boner-killing levels of cringe? Does it not sound as bad in Japanese?
>>
>>27995196
I think most people find it hilarious.
>>
>>27994612
need more child pones interacting with Anon. idc if they call him daddy, they just need to be cute and also in his arms
>>
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>>27995261
samefag
forogot pic
>>
>>27991212
>"You're gonna take this vagina, Anon."
>"You are gonna take every inch of my HMD."
>"You like that cuddling, don't you?"
>"I do too."
"What was that Maud?"
>"Shut up and slap my flank you slut."
>>
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>>27995261
>>27995270
They're too cute.
>>
>>27995282
>"Help me put this rock into my vagina. Boulder is getting lonely."
>>
>>27995282
>"You feel hard inside of me, Anon."
>"Like a rock."
>"Don't stop. I've culminated three times."
>>
ghouls reporting live from the scene of my fatal boating accident to bring you the end of the FI Prologue, the entirety of which will soon be found here: http://pastebin.com/grFxJqKR

>Cancelling appointments.
>Moving back meetings.
>Closing day court early.
>All for a few extra minutes with him and your fond farewell.
>You wonder for only a moment what the two of you might do to pass the time as your fiddle with the box in your hooves, the ornate glass within shifting subtly inside.

>The moment you left the dining room your day truly began in full force, a robust play of color and sound and paperwork and ponies.
>Common ponies, noble ponies, stubborn colts and yesmares; every class and personality type found you and tested your will.
>You rode everything out practically on autopilot, especially the afternoon hours.
>You didn’t have time to see Anonymous until the evening so there was nothing at the half-way point to reinvigorate you.
>Sign forms, formal greeting, bow to these ones, sign these, accommodating smile, be stern and don’t let up here, sign forms, repeat.
>Everything was starting to run together.
>You had a feeling that your subjects were noticing your sluggish behavior but there wasn’t much more you could do to cope.
>You wouldn’t exactly call your last few nights ‘restful’, and you had to miss lunch entirely to make sure that the construction mares making the finishing touches on your statue garden were leaving things in an acceptable state.
>Thankfully, beyond your hedge maze essentially not having a solution because of an errantly-placed wall, the repairs were rounding out nicely and well within budget.
>You even saved yourself some time and money by blasting the offending hedge wall to pieces, and that wasn’t even mentioning the therapeutic effect the action had on your mood.
>Still, it was all just work.
>Not like what you were planning for tonight.
>Well, ‘planning’ might be a strong word.
>>
>>27995372

>In reality you were just taking a sledgehammer to your previous schedule, removing some pieces, and scooting the rest forward.
>Any last-minute changes that could be made to improve your situation with the human before he left were being made, regardless of how much the sound of shattering itinerary turned your resident planner’s stomach.
>She was sitting next to you now, taking down a letter.
>The LAST letter, your final chore of the day.
>Unfortunately—like most long work days with a supposedly happy ending—the last hour or two was drawing itself out, and no matter how hard you fought the right words weren’t coming.
>Egnogg wasn’t faring much better.
>She had been at your side the entire day helping to pick up your slack along with her usual duties, but unlike you she had missed breakfast AND lunch, and her fraying nerves were starting to show.
“ ‘Furthermore,’ “ you dictate, peering out the window of your study, your sister’s quiet night framed in your burgundy curtains, “ ‘I think it would be in your best interests to-to… ‘ “
>You stop, your snout crinkling.
>The scratch of your secretary’s quill halts with your stutter, her bright yellow eyes coming up from the page on your desk to stare ahead listlessly.
>The paper was full of slashes and smooshed-in scribbles from failed thoughts and poor wording, and you had just made another mistake.
>’In your best interests’ could be construed as threatening, and the Gryphons were extremely sensitive to that sort of thing.
>>
>>27995326
"Anon. Stop. I'm still sensitive after your erection stimulated me to orgasm."
...
"I didn't actually want you to stop. I was trying to reassure you about your penile performance. Now put it back in my vagina."
>>
>>27995372
>end of the FI Prologue
aww
>>
>>27995382

>” ‘Furthermore,’ “ you start again, flinching a little as Eggnog somehow manages to make the sound of crossing something out on a piece of paper sound passive aggressive, ” ‘I believe it would be a great benefit to your economy if trade were to resume in Trottingham, but the extreme tariffs being levied against business with pony-folk there has made doing so very unrealis – No, no I can’t mention their… their money troubles.” You lament, placing a hoof against your forehead.
>You’re treated to agitated huff and the sound of more scratching as you break away from the window and pad deeper into the room, crossing your tall personal bookshelf as you pace.
>There were books there on Gryphon culture, common Gryphon ideologies, and mediation in general.
>They could be a great help to you at the moment, but as the grandfather clock in the corner ticks closer to ten o’clock the idea of scouring the thousand-page drawls to properly convey a single sentence seems like just the sort of thing that would kill off the last vestiges of your attention for the night, and then it wouldn’t matter.
>The formal speech you usually had quite the flare for was turning sour in your mouth after repeatedly tailoring it to a hundred-plus different ponies and non-ponies in one day.
>You can feel your mind going numb to elegance that usually comes easily with every new sentence.
>This isn’t working, and after a full minute of silence on your end your aid has seemingly come to the same conclusion.
>”Perhaps we should continue this tomorrow...” She relents, setting down the quill and massaging the base of her horn, likely trying to soothe a telekinesis-related headache.
>You snuff out the exasperated stubbornness in you that disagrees with the thought of quitting in an instant, turning to her.
>>
>>27995383
>"Anon."
"Yes?"
>"Nothing."
>.....
>"Anon."
>>
>>27995403

“I agree.” You respond quickly, the possibility of escaping the room that had been your cage for the last two hours returning a little life to you, “You did well today, Miss Cream. Go home, get some rest, eat something. I can handle things here.”
>The milk-yellow unicorn pushes her chair away from the table, leans back, and reaches for the sky.
>Her limbs shake and her joints pop as she stretches, her aching horn flickering to life one last time to sweep her quills, corked inkbottles and dry pieces of paper off the side of the table and into the bag waiting below to catch them.
>As she cleaned up the desk you hastily snuffed out the hanging lamps, leaving only the two bookending the double doors to the exit aflame, lighting the path to your escape.
>As Eggnog tosses her saddlebags drowsily across her barrel you approach the exit, stopping short of it when you remembered something important.
>Noticing you pause, Eggnog turns to observe your magic tugging a drawer open in the desk she’d previously been using, hovering out the small brown box.
>You try to write off the action indifferently with your body language, but the significance of the handsome gift box doesn’t escape her, not for a moment.
>”I assume you’re going to see ‘him’ now?” She states more than asks, turning to you as you close up the doors, the small clue to your endeavor still floating beside you, “That’s the reason why we’ve been running around in circles and cutting corners all day, isn’t it?”
>You nod simply, tucking the key and the small box into your own hip bag.
>You look to your companion and find her fiddling with her spectacles uncomfortably, her eyes peering up and away.
>”I-I see. Well, I’ll just leave you to it, so… well… you know… just be sure to act wisely.” She says cryptically, furrowing your brow in confusion.
>>
>>27995424

>Noticing this, Eggnog smiles as if to try clue you in to her meaning, but when that fails she becomes apprehensive again.
>”W-Well… you know…” she tries, shuffling her hooves about on the tiles below her as she stares at them intently, “Just… well, ‘you know’…”
>She’s trying to get it out, you know she is, and just when you open your mouth to move things along she looks up at you with restrained passion.
>”Just be sure to treat him gently, and-and use the proper protection!” she squeaks suddenly, her face flushed.
“P-Protection?” you repeat with some surprise, taken aback by her exclamation.
>She nods with some determination, her tiny white curls bouncing.
>What does she think you’re going to do?
>You just wanted to speak with him, it’s not like you were going to-to…
>You feel your expression flatten as a host of possibilities fills your head, all of which are exciting and terrifying.
>… COULD you go that far?
>Was that a possibility?
>You were sure that your lewd dreams were at least tangentially related to him, but… but that was fantasy, and this was reality.
>Could something like that really happen?
>The energized and mildly idolizing look your secretary is giving you right now is enough convincing that she thinks so, at least.
>Wait… what if… what if he’s been EXPECTING you to make a move?
>You’d been spending time together whenever you could since you’d met, and your interactions were always pleasant.
>Sometimes he even went out of his way to initiate physical contact.
>Does that… does that mean he’s open to ‘that’ with you?
>Your head is starting to spin from the sudden rush of heart-sinking excitement sweeping over you.
>Eggnog suddenly reaches out and grabs onto you with her front hooves, her face stern and focused.
>”You can do this, ma’am. Don’t worry about a thing; I believe in you.” She assures confidently, her glasses shining.
>What?
>What’s that supposed to mean?
>>
>>27995436

>It wasn’t like you were scared; you’ve courted stallions before.
>Why, it felt like only yesterday that you were with… with…
>Or that other time when you … had…
>Haha… hah… what-… what was his name, again?
>Okay, so MAYBE it’s been a little while!
>And, you know, MAYBE you’re a little rusty!
>Anypony would fall out of practice after a few months.
>Erm, well… years…
>…
>So it’s been a decade, so what!?
>No big deal!
>No problem was ever solved by worrying.
>There’s no need to panic, Celestia.
>…
>Oh sun you’re panicking.
>How does Luna do this all the time!?
>You suddenly become aware of your own breathing, which has quickened marginally.
>You’d flipped your whole day on its head to give yourself some extra time, and now you were going to be alone with him for nearly an hour, intoxicated if you had your way.
>Well…
>They didn’t call it ‘liquid courage’ for nothing.
>You had no idea what was going to happen tonight bute you’d be damned if you were going to get through it successfully while sober, which is great since ‘not sober’ just so happens to be EXACTLY where you’re headed.
>As fast as possible.
“Alright, I’m going!” you return with a little spirit, pulling away from Eggnog’s embrace and trotting down the hall, your stomach turning from the quick change of pace.
>Your secretary stays behind and simply looks after you, her voice filling the empty corridor in your wake, ”Go get him, ma’am!”
>You pad your hooves as best you can against the stairs as you ascend, knowing that it was still past ten at night and a lot of ponies would probably be turning in right about now.
>You could just teleport to your destination but the slight jog was helping your burn away some nervous energy, and it wasn’t like you were very far away to begin with.
>Case and point, you were already in your hall.
>Well, in HIS hall, too.
>>
>>27995451

>The tension is already mounting in your wings, and not even the good kind.
>You sneak to your chamber door, unlocking it and pulling it open as carefully as possible so as not to alert you neighbor.
>You can feel your heart strum in alarm when you hear something shift on the other side of the east wall as you dig under your bed.
>After a moment of silence you pull out the bulbous glass jar you’d stashed there weeks ago for a then unknown special occasion and levitate it into the air, framing it in the dim light cast from the moon in your window.
>Considering the weight of the sound you’d just heard you were certain that it was now on its way to serving its special purpose.
>He didn’t know you were coming so early, and he was in for a long night.
>The more cowardly part of you would probably have preferred that he’d be napping when you arrived, giving you an easy out, but the sun Diarch was no coward.
>Whatever the future held you were going to meet it horn-first.
>With this thought in mind you confidently stroll back out into the hall, collecting a spare cup from your nightstand on the way.
>Your chest burns with certainty as you lift your hoof to knock on his door, only for all of that courage to sputter pathetically when you finally follow through.
>Each time your hoof strikes the wood it bangs a little more bravery out of you, and suddenly you wish that you had taken a sip or two from the jug in your aura before you came over.
>You hear another noise from inside, and this time it’s approaching you, coming closer to the door.
>”It’s-It’s me…” you stutter, fighting your nerves.
>There’s a short pause before the latch slides and the center of his double doors crack open.
>A single sharp, radiant eye peeks through the void, filling you with familiar tingles.
>”Celestia?” whispers a familiar, silky voice, the breach widening until most of his body stood before you.
>>
>>27995460

>”Celestia?” whispers a familiar, silky voice, the breach widening until most of his body stood before you.
>You can see his expression change from worry to happiness as he looks down at you, his smile filling your lungs with butterflies.
>”You’re early. What’s going on?” He asks softly, pulling away from the door and escaping further into his room.
>You swallow the lump in your throat and step forward to fill the spot he was just occupying, your hips bumping the edges of his door as you shimmy inside.
>His room looks much the same as it did a week ago, except now most of the drawers and both chests had been thrown open and raided, and two sizeable suitcases sagged into his bed.
>One of them was open and partially full, but the other was shut tight and presumably occupied to its limit.
>Beyond his custom clothing and the little odds and ends he’d come here with he didn’t really have much to store, so he was probably just finishing things up when you arrived.
“I, ah… I didn’t have time to set anything up before today, so I thought the least I could do was spend a little time with you before you went. I brought this…” you say, licking at your dry lips and hovering the jug over for him to see.
>You feel your hold on the item pitter out as he takes it into his grabbers and peers at the dark amber fluid swaying within.
>”Is this…?” he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.
“Uhh, yes. I thought you might like this brand. It’s Luna and I’s favorite. I know you’re just getting over your injury, so if you don’t want to—”
>”No-no-no, I’m – I’m glad, just a little, ah… if I was expecting you to come over and treat me I might have gotten a little more, er, dressed up…” He replies sheepishly, peering down as his simple clothing.
>>
>>27995471

“Oh no, please, don’t worry about it.” You assure him with an accommodating look, scanning his powerful form briefly, “You always look amazing…” you go on unthinkingly, inhaling sharply as your brash mouth betrays you.
>Your face prickles in response to the appreciative look that blossoms on his face.
>”Hmmm, you’d better be careful with that sort of flattery if you’re planning on getting me drunk.” He warns coquettishly, chuckling as he turns and sets the jug on his table.
>You laugh too, if only to try and ease your nerves after his vague statement.
>His flirty little returns were starting to take new meaning in your mind and you couldn’t stop yourself from obsessing over them now.
>Why was this suddenly so hard?
>You’d been alone with him several times already but something felt very different now.
>You couldn’t tell if it was all in your head or if the atmosphere really was different, but you were hoping it was the latter.
>If only for the chance at receiving some sort of solid confirmation that he was receptive to you.
>Anonymous draws you out of your thoughts by patting the empty space next to him around the table, his packing forgotten for your company.
>Your legs feel stiff but they still get you there, setting you down at his side.
>Closer than usual, but not too close.
>At least, not by your in-the-moment definition of ‘too close’.
>He doesn’t seem to mind at all, but he does notice the singular glass that your aura sets down on the table.
>”Oop, sorry. I’ll get another one.” He says, rising.
>You halt him by draping a wing over his shoulders, your intimate distance allowing it to stretch across the entirety of his back.
”N-No, actually, that won’t be necessary.” You say, your voice wavering as you notice how warm he still felt, especially now that that more of you was touching more of him.
>He stops and turns, peering at you, waiting for you to elaborate.
>>
>>27995484

>Those eyes of his capture you and your wing stays outstretched far beyond its purpose, frozen.
“I’ve been meaning to give you, uh… this.” You stumble, lighting your horn and digging into your hip bag, taking a moment to distinguish the keys and other minor objects from the box that was your target.
>The can see the reflection of your magical light shine in his striking eyes.
>Eventually you produce the gift and offer it to him, swallowing as he examines it.
>He takes the small box delicately in his soft hands and trades looks between you and it, his smile returning.
>”Oh princess, you didn’t need to get me anything.”
>His elysian voice lies so completely; giving him gifts felt so right to you, so natural, even if watching him slowly tug the golden ribbon loose was making your heart pound.
”I wasn’t entirely sure what you might like the most, so if you don’t like it…” you backpeddle as he pulls the small cider glass from the box and eyes it with some reverence.
>It came out well.
>Furnace Gleam always did good work, but even while scrutinizing your own gift you could easily admit its quality.
>You’d made a good choice, so hopefully his tastes were as you imagined them to be, too.
>”No no, I – This is…” he whispers, cradling it in both of his hands, ”It’s amazing… thank you so much.” He continues, tracing his thumb slowly over the face of the glass, the engraved ‘A’ resting under the pad of his digit.
>Your chest warms from his reaction, and you have to take a tall breath in order to re-inflate your burning lungs.
>”Really? It’s all right?” you say hopefully.
>He nods, the small action and the warm look he sets on you afterwards being his only reply.
>He still hasn’t pulled away or commented on the position of your wing.
>Your wrist and patagium still rest comfortably along his shoulders, cradling the back of his neck.
>>
>>27995498

>There’s a contented silence between you that lasts until you lose track of each other’s eyes again, his drifting down to his gift while yours reflect your sudden, rapt interest in his mundane table cloth.
>”Haha, well? Lets test this guy out, huh?” he says, setting his present onto the table and reaching for the cider jug.
>He examines the thin paper label on the jar as he gradually works out the cork, “ ‘Bonnibell’s Classic Extra-Hard Cider, Canterlot est. xx78’. Sounds like good stuff to me.” He says, shooting you a grin.
>A bitter-sweet smell fills the room as soon as the stopper pops free, it’s aroma familiar and welcoming after your trying day, not to mention the edge your thrilling company was instilling in you.
>You were quite ready for a drink, so hopefully he was just as ready as you were.
>After the human had filled both of your cups—purposely filling yours first, you notice—he sets the sturdy jug back onto the table and lifts his glass into the air.
>You follow suit, leaving magic behind and taking your cider into your hooves for curtesy’s sake.
>He opens his mouth to say something, but stops, a thoughtful look crossing his face.
>After glancing back at his luggage a moment he moves in again, tapping his glass gently against yours
>”To the future.” He toasts.
“To the future.” You repeat, lifting your mug and drinking from it eagerly.
>The heat you feel in your nose, chest and stomach is overpowering but satisfying, and the spices intermingled in the brew linger on your tongue long after you gulp down the last of it.
>Faust that’s good.
>You didn’t know how much you missed this until the taste hit your tongue.
>Anonymous, to your delight, licks his lips to capture more of the pleasant flavor.
>”Smooth, very tasty.” He comments, his brow rising a bit as he reaches forward and tips your cup slightly.
>>
>>27995503

>”Well now, princess. Did you… Did you drink ALL of that in one go?” he says with some admiration, eyeing the tiny glob of alcohol remaining in your cup before lifting his again and finishing off the half he’d left behind.
>”Nnn-… Tryin’ to make me look bad, huh?” he says playfully, clearing his throat after the two large helpings he took in rapid succession.
>Oh?
>He’d told you about his preferences before, but a part of you that remembered the ponies of the past (especially the stallions) talking a big talk only to up the big chuck had been holding on to some doubt.
>Yet here he was, not only keeping up but expressing surprise at YOUR constitution.
>He was even grabbing for the jug again to pour you another round.
“Ah, please forgive me.” You say, offering your glass forward, “I thought we were going to DRINK, but I can always slow my pace if you need a moment.”
>You take the smirk spreading on his lips as proof that he caught the confident condescension in your voice.
>The booze burning up in your stomach was already starting to do its work, and thank goodness.
>”Miss Celestia,” he starts with some sass, finishing off your glass and pouring another helping into his own, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you were implying that I couldn’t drink as much as you.”
You chuckle softly, peering away as you take your next serving into your hooves, “Oh, don’t be too down about it. Drinking is a mare’s game pastime, so it’s nothing for a stallion to be ashamed of.” You say with a little sauce of your own.
>You chance a peek back at him, and a tingle rides your spine from the calm but predatory look on his face.
>Anonymous lifts his glass to his lips and tips it all the way back, slowly, his throat rippling as he drains its entirety, all whist keeping one of his collected eyes on you.
>>
>>27995512

>You’re treated to the rare sight of his small pink tongue as it peeks between his lips to catch the last drop.
>He sets his glass back on the table and watches you expectantly, a triumphant look plastered on his face.
>It takes you a moment to realize that not only are you not drinking, but you’re also staring at him, red-faced from his experienced display.
>You scrunch your snout a little and hastily lift your mug, draining it just as quickly as he had before setting it back down on the table with a small thud.
>The second one hits you a little harder, even if it goes down smoother.
>You can feel your otherwise empty stomach bubble softly as the un-tempered liquor hits your gut straight on with no mediator.
>He’s already pouring another glass, watching you with those dangerous eyes as he pulls you deeper into this little drinking game.
>This probably isn’t the greatest idea.
>You know you’re going to feel it tomorrow if you keep this up but you’ll be damned if you let him outpace you.
>The intermingling desire to both impress him and see how much he can actually take fuel you as you both take your third.
>Then a fourth
>Then a fifth
>…Then a sixth.
>The numbness in your extremities grows in intensity as the fluid in the jar in front of you sinks lower and lower, eventually shrinking below the bottom of the label and stagnating at about a quarter full.
>Your head was starting to swim, and regardless of how hard he was trying to hide it Anonymous, too, was starting to feel the effects of your quick binge.
>The subdued come-ons the two of you had been firing at each other throughout the affair had been traded for silence, an almost respectful quiet.
>He’s stopped filling your cups and you don’t care to bring it up.
>Don’t have the courage, more like, since you were quite sure given how you two were going that Anonymous COULD keep pace with you and then some.
>>
>>27995520

>He wasn’t all talk like the young things that showed up every year at the Galloping Gala, puffing their chests and strutting their inexperience until it was time to actually swallow.
>He could handle his drink, and if you kept gulping down whole cup-fulls like you were then somepony was going to have to ‘handle’ your unconscious flank all the way to your bed.
>Thankfully Anonymous seems quite content with slowing down.
>He stares quietly into his bare, hoof-crafted glass, rotating you gift in his fleshy claws.
>His head hangs loose and sways just the smallest bit, and his eyes are glassy.
>”Do you think the ponies in ponyville will…” he mumbles softly, and you almost don’t hear him.
“Hmm?” you hum, turning your ears toward him.
>”Oh, ah… I was just wondering if ponyville was a nice place to live is all. You think so?” he asks, adjusting his tone.
>You don’t miss the worry in his voice.
“Oh yes, of course.” You reply quickly, “It’s a small town, very cozy. Not a lot of ponies living there. It’s a tight community, so I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends.” You assure, giving him a kind look.
>”Are you sure?” he replies stiffly, uncharacteristically tense.
>Anonymous continues to stare pensively into his glass, unconvinced.
>He’s leaning into your wing freely now, cushioning himself against the flat of the footboard on his bed.
>The hair at the bottom of his head tickles in between the downy feathers around your wrist joint.
>The unique sensation triggers a memory in your mind of the first time you ever touched him, shielded him from harm in his dreary cell as he fell to the ground.
>It felt so long ago, and he was nearly unconscious then.
>You wonder if he would be upset if you did it again.
>Held his head, cradled it in your wing.
>You move to do so, his velvety mane invading your down further as your limb wraps around the back of his head.
>He notices the change instantly.
>>
>>27995533

>Your heart soars when he drifts his head back into your touch, rolling it right and resting his cheek against your covert feathers, gazing at you gratefully.
>”Nn, sorry, I guess I’m just being a sad drunk.” He says, turning his head to look up at his dusty ceiling before closing his eyes, “I’m just a little… I’ve never left my home town before, did I ever tell you that?”
”Mm-mm.” you reply in a negative, shaking your head likewise even if he couldn’t see.
>He chuckles softly, his lips drawing back to reveal his unique teeth.
>”Ok, so, when I was a kid I liked to ride bicycles around with my friends. We rode allll the way to the city limits this one time and dared each other to run into ‘the next town’, even though we were supposed to be staying within a few blocks of our houses.” He recounts, his eyelids fluttering as he tries to recall the details.
>”I was the only one who was too afraid to go across.” He continues, laughing softly as he turned to look at you, “Cried like a baby when they tried to push me over.”
>You offer him a light and sympathetic look, chuckling softly with him.
>”Well, fast forward; I have a job. A good job that I love. Pays ok, too, but you gatta’ hop states to reach more people and make any sort of decent money. But me, well, I’ve still never even left home for fun, and didn’t have any plans to sky across the country any time soon. That is, until my job actually depended on it.” He says with a wry smile.
>He rolls his head forward again, his short mane tangling further into your wing.
>His expression has turned solemn, disappointed.
>”I was actually, uh… gonna’ quit. I thought about going, of course. Thought about it harder than anything I’d ever thought about, but in the end I was too scared to leave what I knew.” He goes on.
>He’s laughs again, trying to get the words out as his belly shakes.
>>
>>27995546

>”But then – then I suddenly wake up in a new world! And it has new physics and new laws and new animals and I’m surrounded by-by—“ he starts, gesturing vaguely in the air with one of his hands, “Talking carousel horses!”
“Hahahey!” you retort with mock hurt, pulling your wing from behind his head and letting it tap gently against his bedpost.
>You weren’t totally sure what a ‘carousel horse’ was, but from his tone of voice it probably wasn’t a compliment.
>Anonymous coughs out the next few giggles, rubbing the back of his head gently with his hand.
>He speaks up again after the two of you have calmed down, his fingers still tangled in his mane.
>”… Everything here is so new and different and now I’m MOVING somewhere and I guess I just…” he says, trailing off and peering around, glancing at his bed, his dressers and other small bits of furniture, examining the walls that both hid him and everything else from him.
>“… I guess I just got attached to my tiny little town again.” He finishes softly.
>The human is peering into his glass again, rolling the glob of amber liquid around the bottom edge.
>You can’t help but to examine his room again, slightly more crowded with bits of his clothing strewn about but somehow more barren than before.
>It was good that you came here tonight.
>There was something important you needed to do.
>The joints in your legs pop a little as you suddenly stand.
>Anonymous reaches out to steady you as you sway in place but you’re in no danger of falling, not when you have a mission.
“Anonymous.” You say with some weight, peering down at him, “Come with me.”
>”Where?” he asks quizzically, but you don’t answer.
>Instead, you back away from him and approach his exit, whipping his double doors open wide with a gesture of your horn.
>>
>>27995554

>He flinches slightly from the compromising action, but the moonlight shining in through the tall windows in the hall caress his features in prophetic way that promises you that the plan forming in your mind can’t be all wrong.
“Anonymous.” You say again, your voice a little softer now, “Come.”
>He’s been cooped up in there for two weeks.
>No matter how much he might enjoy the familiar you KNOW that some small part of him must be dying, wasting away in the hopes of escaping.
>Soon, or right now if possible.
>You look for that part in his eyes, trying to coax it to the surface.
>Anonymous looks at you for a long while, unmoving, still fiddling with your present in his soft hands.
>Slowly but surely your companion rises from the ground.
>He places his glass back onto the table and quickly scoops up the almost empty jug to replace it.
>In less than a moment his bare, fleshy feet pad gently into the corridor to join your hooves.
>Anonymous breaths in a breath a fresh air, clearly enjoying the change from his stifling bedchambers.
>He might be nervous but he knows you won’t betray him or put him in danger.
>The clock on his wall gave you about twenty minutes.
>Twenty minutes to show him a little more of your world before he was whisked down the mountain to somewhere he’d never been.
>You needed to show him something before he left, and you knew just the place.

>The Dusk Guardsmares keeping watch over the field exit can only exchange anxious looks as you and the human approach them.
>”Princess?” one starts, “Is it time already? Aren’t you supposed to be leaving through—“
>You silence her with a simple shake of your head as you briskly pass through the doorless arch, Anonymous keeping close in hoof.
>The human, gripping the cider jug close to his chest, waves at them light-heartedly to mixed results.
>The stars overhead greet you as you leave the castle behind, crossing the rear patio and descending the connecting steps.
>>
>>27995571

>Hard stone turns to soft, moist grass that wiggles around the edges of your shoes and tickles your ankles as you adventure further, and you can see the dark outlines of busts and full-body sculptures in the distance.
>The air is even cleaner out here, and the cool summer night easily carries the smell of the distant rose bushes to your nose.
>”Izzis this where I, uh…?” Anonymous begins hesitantly, motioning toward your destination with his chin.
>You nod, signaling that it is.
>Or was, perhaps.
>A lot had changed since then.
>The sod and soil that had been whipped away on his arrival had been replanted.
>The wrecked statues that used to line the perimeter of the event had been replaced or repaired.
>The original hedge maze, all but completely erased, had been recreated with new paths and new streamers at the entrance, and looked just as magnificent as it used to.
>After it was concluded that there was no physical evidence of merit to be found at the site efforts began to return it to its former glory as quickly as possible.
>Something truly amazing had occurred here, but the great crater screaming that fact to the world was now gone.
>To your knowledge his existence was still less than a rumor outside the castle walls, and not even the wildest conspiracy theorists would make such wild jumps as to assume that he still walked about the repaired garden in the dead of night after bouts of hard drinking with their respected and dignified princess.
>”Wow… it looks pretty nice when I’m not using it as a landing pad for my big, fat head.” he jokes, chuckling softly, “You guys really did all this in two weeks?”
>You nod again, and for a while the two of you simply walk, the cool summer night caressing your alabaster coat.
>The smell of roses is getting stronger, and from the deep breaths you hear on your left you can tell Anonymous is starting to smell them, too.
>>
>>27995578

>It takes only seconds more to your hazy mind for you to leave the grass and step onto finely hewn gravel, the forms of mighty unicorn sorcerers, charismatic pegasi authors and sturdy earth pony athletes standing tall in carved marble in every direction, their detailed features unrefined but still noticeable in the lantern-less starlight.
>The human examines them with unrestrained awe, his intense eyes shining as he scans their forms.
>He then turns to look at the many flowers lining the hedge maze, all of which had to be transplanted from pots while they were blooming to achieve the vibrant look they now presented.
“I could’ve put everything back the way it was, but I thought it was time for a change. I had to redesign pretty much everything on the fly. Still, I think it turned out quite well.” You say with some pride, amazed at how minimal your slurring was with such a large mouthful of words.
>He turns to you, eyes wide.
>”You… designed ALL of this?” he says with plenty of admiration, “I almost can’t believe it. You’re amazing, Celestia.”
>As the male gazes at you the drunkenness you feel from his adulation begins to dwarf your literal intoxication, even if both states encourage you to run your mouth a little more.
“Ohh, it was nothing much. Redesigning entire gardens is trifling compared to what’s expected of a great ruler.” You say, the alcohol coursing through your veins removing any need to sound humble.
>”Haha, that so?” Anonymous replies with some mirthful doubt, grinning broadly as he catches on to your un-ironic boasting.
“Of course.” You return with plenty of confidence, “There’s a good reason why I get to wear this crown, you know.”
>He laughs this time, muffling his giggles in his non-jug-holding hand.
>>
>>27995586

>”Oh? Oh yeah? I thought ponies chose their talking carousel horse-queens by, you know, looking UP to see who’s tallest. That or butt si-size!” He teases, trotting ahead of you shortly afterwards as you swat at him with your wavy tail, just barely grazing his rear for the effort.
>Impudent young thing.
“Mmm, yes, very funny.” You say humorlessly, watching as he skips further ahead and turns, facing you as he walks backward, the quartered jar of liquid swinging haphazardly in his right hand catching your attention.
“Give me some of that?” you ask, nodding to it.
>”Hmm?” Anonymous responds dumbly, rising his brow a bit in confusion and leaning forward as if to hear you better.
“The cider, Anonymous.” You say, making sure that your lips move clearly in your drunken state.
>”Hn? The what?” He says, picking up his pace a little.
>He’s smiling impishly, eyes no longer shining with awe but with mischief.
>He definitely heard you.
>”Give it to me.” You say again, serious only in tone as you smile, your tail swishing in a lively fashion behind you.
>He’s backing up a little faster now, and he’s nearing the entrance to the hedge maze.
>”Wassat? Give you ‘what’, now? The cider?” he asks playfully, peering upwards in thought.
>He stops moving, and you do, too.
>“…Mmmm, well, sorry. It’s mine.” He states simply, turning suddenly and bolting away.
>The speedy movement of the physically imposing human causes you to freeze up, your heart strumming as he pulls away and tears around the right lip of the maze, vanishing within.
>You curse under your breath, realizing too late that you could’ve just taken it from his hand with magic before he went inside if you weren’t being such a jumpy little colt.
>”Anonymous!” you yell jovially, your wobbly hooves holding true as you, too, dash forward into the maze.
>>
>>27995604

>Like in the rest of the garden there are no lamps posted inside the maze, so your path is lit completely by the moonlight.
>It’s incredibly difficult to pick up the sound of his fleshy footsteps, even as they pound into the ground harder than usual.
>Thankfully the sound of his movement isn’t the only clue you have to guide you.
>He laughs gleefully he as pushes farther into the winding hedges, his coltish chortles both taunting you and luring you further inside.
>Your chest starts to heave as you push yourself faster, whipping around corners and settling on random paths in forks as you go, wracking your booze addled brain to try and remember the correct path ahead so you could head him off.
>Unfortunately your memory fail you, and the human always seems to be one choice ahead.
>You could always fly up into the air and seek him out the easy way, but in your mind that was cheating, and you didn’t NEED to cheat to win this.
>You were going to find him.
>You whip around another corner and, miraculously, you find Anonymous coming toward you in the distance.
>He’s panting, sweaty, and likely returning from a dead end.
>”Hah!” he gasps in playful fear, dashing left into the remaining path and powering on, the glint of glass catching your eye as he flees.
>Your hooves strike against the grass harder as you, too, come around the bend, a flash of his clothing from around the corner ahead betraying his new path to you.
>You follow the leafy corridor until you come to another group of branching paths, taking one at random.
>You have to stop hard shortly afterward, your crown jerking forward across your head from the force as you narrowly avoid going snout first into a wall.
>Dead end.
>You can hear the lucky little colt’s laughter mocking you from the other side as he passes, clearly having chosen correctly.
>>
>>27995436
>>She’s trying to get it out, you know she is, and just when you open your mouth to move things along she looks up at you with restrained passion.
>>”Just be sure to treat him gently, and-and use the proper protection!” she squeaks suddenly, her face flushed.
>“P-Protection?” you repeat with some surprise, taken aback by her exclamation.
KEK
>>
>>27995630

>You growl and fling you head sideways, freeing your crown completely from your damp mane and sending it to the earth before dashing away to find a new path.
>You might not remember which way to go, but as you ran you started to remember something else.
>Up until now your morning dream had passed by in your mind with only the highpoints sticking around.
>How you felt, that is.
>The panic.
>The rush.
>The impending pleasure.
>It was all coming back to you just the same as it was then, but now there was one important difference.
>Now YOU were the hunter.
>And your prey was getting away.
>You huff in irritation as you hit your second dead end in a row and quickly tear off in the opposite direction, the sound of Anonymous’ voice becoming dull in the tall growth.
>You take the third path and weave right and left as it becomes serpentine, listening intently for any signs of life that aren’t your own.
>Beyond you everything has become dishearteningly quiet.
>You slow to a canter to catch your breath, the air chilly against your strain and booze-flush face.
>The pointed ears atop your head swivel desperately, searching for any clue of his whereabouts in vain for a long, long while.
>That is, until you hear something faint to the northwest.
>You can’t identify the sound but whatever made it has to be alive.
>You slow yourself and roll your shoed hooves against the ground as you step, muffling your movement.
>The bends of your legs instinctively bow when you hear another sound, bringing you lower to the ground as you sneak.
>That one was close.
>Very close.
>A single hedge wall divides you and you KNOW what’s on the other side.
>You’ve been in this part of the maze recently.
>Earlier this very afternoon, in fact.
>He’s made another mistake, and this time you’re going to capitalize on it.
>You take a lung-filling breath as you creep around the corner.
>>
>>27995641

>Your target is just ahead, sitting on a bench in the middle of a square clearing, the gap he’d taken to get here torn and broken; it was the hole you’d blasted in the wall to ensure there was some way to reach the final chamber of the maze, the place he was now.
>There were no other ways out but the one that passed through you.
>He was trapped.
>Not only that, but he wasn’t even paying attention to you as you approached.
>Anonymous instead drank eagerly from the dark glass bottle clutched in his grabbers, slating his thirst with the sweet and spicy alcohol within.
>There wasn’t much left now but you were getting it, and this time he had nowhere to run.
>You charge, and the sudden sound your large hooves make against the ground startles him to standing.
>He makes a surprised noise and backs away, tripping himself up on the half of the bench that was still behind his right rear leg.
>The young stallion lands on his back with a small thud and you move in for the kill, pinning him to the ground with your body.
“Where do you think you’re going?!” you proclaim triumphantly between breaths, pressing your chest to his and laying your front hooves over his shoulders.
>You can feel his lively heart strumming through his clothing, and the slivers of bare skin you can feel in between his clothing are hot to the touch.
>”Hah! Hahah… you shcared me!” Anonymous slurs, panting as he covers his damp brow with his forearm and you take you prize, the thick cider jug glowing a brilliant gold as it levitates out of his grasp.
>You savor the knowledge that your lips now rest where his did a moment ago as you suck down the remaining drink, your throat burning from the tall, unspecific helping.
>You sigh as you finish off the bottle, tossing it aside as you peer down at your nemesis.
>>
>>27995656

“Think you’re funny? Hmm? Giving me all this grief for a little drink?” you say, shifting your body atop his to give him a better understanding of the weight of your position.
>The cheeky stallion snickers and nods, pulling his arm away from his forehead and laying it at his side.
>”Nn, it WAS pretty funny…” he remarks, chest heaving.
>His face is burning and his lips are parted as he tries to catch his breath, giving you a perfect view of his full, masculine lips.
>The subtle muscle that you can feel rippling against your fur as you press into his taught body prickles your skin with goosebumps.
>The forearm shielding you from his eyes is gone and they stare into you freely, singling out your form among all else.
>You can already hear your animal mind whispering vague and unrealized threats, warning you of what he might do and what he might be capable of, but your conscious mind has already dulled to such silly notions.
>No, not dulled.
>That’s wrong.
>Accepted.
>It revels in the feeling, exalts at the pulse of adrenaline that runs through your veins for every second you continue to straddle the large human, testing the ferocity of his will like he tests the ferocity of yours.
>Tests you, by placing his soft hands against your sides, neither pushing you away nor pulling you in.
>Tests you with the single line of sweat crawling down his exposed neck, inciting your pure and just mind to perilous thoughts of how his furless skin might feel against your tongue.
>Tests you with the cooing sigh that tumbles from his inviting mouth as you grind into his front a second time.
>The frustration of leaving your fantasy AND your body unfinished quickly bubbles back to the surface as his heady scent, intensified by his exertion, tingles in your nose and constantly reminds you of both his maleness and his proximity in intoxicating fashion.
>It’s been too long.
>You can’t even remember the last time you felt so alive.
>>
>>27995672

>You need to prolong this feeling, intensify it, and your hazy mind knows just how to do it.
>It’s so simple.
>Your head dips low and draws close to his.
>You can feel Anonymous’ breath shake against your lips in surprise a split second before you claim his, arresting his flirty, hard-to-get attitude in an instant with a hot, needy kiss.
>His lips taste like sour apples and sugar and sin.
>You feel a sensation against your ribs and realize that he’s gripping your slick coat.
>His lips aren’t moving, and after a while you feel him begin to squirm a little beneath you.
>You freeze, sobriety rushing to meet you as the possibility of him not wanting this takes center stage in your mind.
>You mean to break away, abandon your position of incriminating power atop his body and apologize, but your thoughts are suddenly dashed to pieces when a set of creamy digits wrap around the base of your horn.
>The human uses his hold as leverage to tilt your head, angling you to better accept his bold tongue as he thrusts it forth; if he felt any hesitance when you first started then he was clearly abandoning it now.
>The feeling of that naughty hand roughly caressing your horn as he deepens the kiss rekindles your drunken libido in an instant.
>The moan that rumbles up from his broad chest as you counterattack his mouth in earnest lights a fire in your skin that intensifies as you continue to rub yourself against his prone form.
>The small tongue fighting yours for dominance does so in vain, and you can’t help but enjoy the raw, restless desire of a stallion who knew exactly what they wanted demonstrating it in your mouth.
>Anonymous might enjoy his teasing, but the way he sucked on your tongue and bit at you lower lip as you retreated from the kiss for new pastures was far from what you would call ‘coy’.
>>
>>27995680

>”W-Wow…” he whispers breathlessly as you attack his neck, sucking and nibbling at his pulse in an attempt to milk out more groans of appreciation, “I-I wasn’t – N-Nnn… I didn-think p-ponies would… were even—” he stutters in drunken fragments, interrupted as you claim his lips again.
>His body presses upwards into yours as you lift it, his warmth clinging to you desperately wherever you go.
>He really did need this, maybe just as much as you did.
>And you were going to give it to him.
>”C-Celestia.” Anonymous gasps as you break the kiss once more, a line of saliva connecting your tongues from the heated session.
”Yes, go on.” You hiss, the uncomfortable golden brace around your neck unclasping itself as you light your horn, your last piece of unnecessary clothing soaring through the air to clatter to the ground next to the discarded cider jug.
“You’re going to say my name plenty…” you promise huskily as you stare into his dazed eyes, which seemed FAR less intimidating when they were dilated with lust.
>Lust for you.
>The exciting sensation of those sharp orbs focusing in on you and only you was now overwhelmingly satisfying.
>Which explains your tinge of irritation when you see them twitch away to look at something else, something behind you.
>You whip your head around in an alcohol-fueled rush to see what dared to steal away his attention when you see something that makes your heart sink to the pit of your stomach.
>Far, far away, plastered clearly against your sister’s large moon, where the forms of four Dusk Guardsmares twisting their bodies in midair and descending on the maze.
>…
>What…
>What time is it…?
>You scramble to your hooves in an instant, leaving poor Anonymous grounded and slightly confused.
“S-Somepony’s coming!” you exclaim in a whisper.
>You light your horn to lift him and then curse loudly when you obviously fail do so, kneeling instead to offer him a means to hoist himself up.
>>
>>27995687

>Anonymous stumbles to his feet with your assistance, his face still burning and his clothes strewn, disheveled incriminatingly.
>No time, just get—
>”Princess! Thank goodness, we were looking all over!” shouts one of the guards as she dives.
>Your wide necklace unceremoniously screams across the yard and strikes you hard in the chest, your breast stinging as you magic the clasp back into place a little too late for her not to see.
“A-Ahh, time? Already!?” you say, well, yell innocently, turning towards the bat-winged ponies as they descends in formation, each one coming to a halt before you.
>”We visited both of your rooms but they were empty. Private Veil and Private Clip said they saw you come through here so we came… came looking…” says the pony you now recognize to be Grey Gables, her eyes squinting in confusion.
>You cringe as you watch her examine your crownless, leaf-infested mane, your crooked chest piece, the empty cider jug on the ground, and, finally, your partner.
>He was facing away from you, hunched over, his arm buried inside a bristly hedge wall, presumably holding onto it for support.
>The meaning of his posture clicks in your mind just in time and you turn away, your ears drooping slightly as he wretches.
>The ears of the guardsmares droop as well, and for a solid fifteen seconds the air is filled with nothing the sound of poor Anonymous losing his stomach, the fading rush of his arousal presumably wearing off enough for him to remember how hard his booze-filled gut churned while he was running.
>You can only shut your eyes and wait for it to pass; you don’t even have the sense of mind in the moment to go and comfort the stallion as he groans and shakily straitens his back.
>>
>>27995699

>”… W-We, ah…” Gables starts again, clearly brimming with unasked questions that will never be answered, “We should go, princess? It’s passed eleven. We need to get him to the train station…” she finishes, casting an experimental glance back toward the human.
“Y-Yes.” you respond, reaching up to brush a hoof through your unkempt mane, “We should, uhh, he’s got some things up in his room—“
>”The ladies put everything they could fit in his suitcase that wasn’t already in there. I saw some silverware, a pot, stuff like—”
“A glass?” you say, scrunching your eyes and hanging your head as you try to sober up.
>”Uhh, that nice cider glass? Yeah, that’s in there. Why? Is that one yours?” Gables asks, her mouth crinkling with regret as she glances back at the other guards.
“No, no-no-no that’s… you got it right…” you assure, absently tugging your necklace piece straighter as Anonymous draws up your right.
>He wears a pitiable look, his hands folded over his stomach.
>A quiver runs through him as he peers up at the guards, his hand drifting up into his moist hair.
>”Ponyville?” he mumbles, reaffirming the subject of the conversation.
>A shared nod is his reply, and with little more fanfare the six of you begin your trek out of the maze.
>Well, you keep Anonymous company while HE treks.
>The bat-winged guardsmares are kind enough to hover above your heads and feed you information about which paths to take.
>Compared to the explosion of energy that had taken you inside the calm walk out felt like it took half an hour.
>With their help you probably made great time though, and after a while you reach the entrance once more, the colored streamers hanging overhead drooping sluggishly in the cool, placid summer breeze.
>Gables informs you that the guardsmares with Anonymous’ things are already on their way to the station, good news.
>>
>>27995709

>Now that you were with other sober ponies you were thinking a little more clearly.
>Considering everything you had done to make sure Anonymous’ existence was kept low key, leading him through the castle halls without having the guards clear them first wasn’t your brightest idea ever.
>All the close calls and near exposures you had almost suffered on the way with sleepy or curious ponies wandering the corridors had been little more than some added excitement at the time, but charming spontaneity was hardly an excuse to ruin all your planning.
>You weren’t so low as to ignore your blessing though; nothing happened, nopony saw.
>Any less than the whole town seeing him probably wouldn’t be beyond your means to explain away in such a sensationalist, distracted town, but the less chances you took the better.

>Neither you nor the human say much to each other during your journey to the south side.
>The most you get are quick looks of concern after wobbly-legged stumbles on the smooth stone paths.
>The gentle ascents and descents occasionally prove challenging for the two of you to conquer, but there are no embarrassing spills to speak of.
>Thank goodness.
>The last thing on Equis you wanted to do was make a foal of yourself tripping over your own hooves after what you were about to do with him.
>TO him.
>You feel you made it very clear.
>’You’ll say my name plenty’?
>This is why you shouldn’t drink.
>You turn into your sister and then you can’t look ponies in the eyes anymore.
>Or humans, apparently.
>You couldn’t even tell if he was upset or disappointed.
>In your mind those two the only possible emotions he could be feeling and the only ones that mattered to you right now.
>Both of them stung you and made you second-guess yourself and your actions at every turn.
>You want to apologize but your frazzled, anxious brain can’t come up with anything that your mouth will allow to pass.
>>
>>27994655

Too bad.
>>
>>27995715

>You can’t summon a single message to send him, not even as you climb the scant few steps to the train platform.
>Nor even as you find the Dusk mares carrying Anonymous’ luggage loading it into the already present train.
>You spare a glance at the small, bell tower-like clock as your hooves carry you closer to the huffing train, making out a time of 11:19 on the dimly lit face.
>11:15 was the target; you were late.
>If your name didn’t mean so much you’d probably be staring at an empty stretch of rails right now.
>Nevertheless, it was comforting seeing it there and knowing that everything had turned out for the best, even if the night you wanted to treat him to had flopped.
>The drunken, reckless trot in the garden topped off by your wandering hooves had probably left much to be desired when compared to the quiet, classy night he probably expected.
>And deserved.
>If you could undo choices and make new ones on a whim there were quite a few that you might reconsider.
>You wouldn’t have been surprised if the young male stepped through the sliding door that whined open before him and never looked back, which explains the surprise you feel when he turns on his heel to face you.
>And he’s smiling.
>Beaming, even, his haunting eyes focusing in on you and causing your chest to flutter pleasantly as he lingers in the doorway, stays himself right on the edge of his past and future.
>”U-uhh... crazy night, huh?” He says meekly as the guardsmares load the last of his things into the side compartments, “I guess it’s over now.”
>Gables gives you a simple nod before vanishing into Anonymous’ car, her form clearly visible within through the empty seats; there wasn’t a single other soul present, just as promised.
>”I’m, ahh… I wanted to say…” he starts, his happy expression faltering a touch as he tries to find the words.
>There came no florid speech or gushing 'so long's.
>>
>>27995730

>There came no expression of disapproval or passive aggressive sour from your brutish and unladylike behavior.
>No, his parting words to you are simple and sweet.
>”Thank you, Celestia. For everything.” he says, and you know that he means it.
>There’s a pause where the two of you simply drink the other one in, your chests rising and falling with each breath.
>After a while Anonymous turns to enter the car but you quickly trot forward, sliding your cheek against his and pressing your body in, wrapping a single hoof around his side.
>You feel his arms slide around the back of your neck and hold you there, sharing in your parting embrace.
“I’ll be waiting for your letters.” You say into his neck, hating how easy it was to speak them.
>You knew this was coming.
>Parting with anypony was never easy, but at this point you’d been doing it all your life.
>You’ve steeled yourself for things like this a hundred times.
>The only thing you truly regret was letting your admiration for him shine through so vulgarly at the very end instead of genuinely from your own mouth.
>Still, everything had turned out for the best.
>Today he was an official citizen of Canterlot, and tomorrow he would be an official citizen of Ponyville, a small town where neighbors only talked to neighbors and the papers never made it beyond city limits.
>A quiet place where nopony would agonize over his origins or pay much attention to his species beyond simple notions of ‘pony’ and ‘not pony’.
>Twilight would be there to receive him.
>You trusted her with your life and she’d no doubt be sending you reports of his assimilation in the coming weeks.
>Until then you’d just have to step back and wait.
.
>>
>>27995740

>Breath and smile as he pulls away from the hug and steps inside the train car, thanking you one last time before muting himself behind the wall of metal and glass.
>The head of the magenta beast roars to life and its nose light flickers, illuminating the path ahead.
>You lift you hoof and wave, a gesture he reciprocates as his cabin jerks forward, the instrument to his liberation chugging off and carrying him far into the dusky horizon.
>>
>>27995752
Welp, that’s that. If you got through all of what I just posted then fuckin’… congrats, jesus. You're probably a better man then me.

I’ll be updating my pastebin in a sec. I’ve also fixed a few errors in my previous sections, so I’ll be posting the whole .doc to the pastebin clear them up. I hope you enjoyed the ending, and if the Prologue is the first of First Impression you’ve read then I recommend read the main story which can be found in my pastebin here. Otherwise you guys should go ahead and tell me what you think. Good? Bad? I’m sub-human trash that deserves to be on a cross for my god-awful writing? Post it up bois.

http://pastebin.com/u/tANDghouls
>>
>>27995783
You're a blue-beaning Father-fucker, but it will make it all the sweeter when Celestia gets a vacation and disappears for a few days. I'm sure she and Anon will do a lot of catching up.
>>
>>27995783
You write well for an undead. You will be continuing the story right? RIGHT?
>>
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>>27995783
That's kind of a sad end for both Celestia and Anon.
>>
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>>27995783
>>27995872
They'll meet again, right?

Meet again and spend an even wilder night together?
>>
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>>27995899
I'm imagining Twilight stopping by on one of her checkups and finding them in bed, Anon with a wing draped around him and Celestia with an arm around her while cuddling.
>hfw
>>
>>27995388
All things come to an end, Anon. But especially this. Cause I've been writing it forever and my brain is starting to melt.

>>27995637
Tiny secretaries are quick to recognize lewd thoughts.

>>27995824
Yeh, I figured the
>no sex
would be a little disappointing, but it didn't feel right when I thought about the main FI story. Still, I hoped you liked it? I really appreciate another writer taking the time to read through all this junk while they're still writing a story themselves.

>>27995846
Ehhh, probably not, at least not soon. I worked on this for too long, and I'm not used to such long projects. Still, I was thinking of writing an alternate scene where Anon and Sunbutt don't get caught he misses the train, but if that happens I couldn't tell you specifically when.

>>27995872
I can see that. I had the main story to think of though, which is why I decided, in the end, that this is how it should end realistically. Though, still, see above ^. And hell, the part after Anon's drinking part with Twi, Rares and Dash isn't written, so there's always the future.

>>27995899
See above above. There's possibilities, but I'm not gonna say anything yet. In fact, I kinda' wanna work on something else right at the moment.

Fun fact for you though, Anon: the position Celestia pins Anon into in the maze is actually based on the picture you just posted.
>>
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Also, big big thank you to everyone who's kept up with the story. I appreciate you guys hanging on till the end of this monstrosity, seriously. It's still pretty weird to me that people can stomach my stuff at all, let alone get through 30K words of it.
>>
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>>27995988
>the position Celestia pins Anon into in the maze is actually based on the picture you just posted
The coziest position. All that soft underside pressed against you, the warmth from her chest, stomach and teats radiating into you, legs securely squeezing either side of your hips.
Perfect.
>>
>>27995988
Rarity thinks she's gonna snipe Anon from a princess? Ooh, this will be good. For what it's worth my money is on Rarara getting some of that HMD first.
>>
>>27995783
It's just so bittersweet, it makes your heart ache. Maybe one day, if you have the time, could you write the letters they send back and forth? Maybe little snippets of their circumstances while writing them, like Celestia going to his old room to have lunch, or how she keeps his letters and rereads them when she's feeling worn out...

These feels won't stop.
>>
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>>27994253
>anon, ill examine your hard cock
>im a geologist
>>
>>27995783
This story gave me the feels man, probably my favorite soo far.
Also, pls make Rarara and the girls encounter/comfront Celestia and Anon when they go on a date to simply cacth up.
>>
>>27996030
Thanks for the great story, my nigga!
>>
>>27996050
When I started writing the prologue proper I remembered that image and was like, okey, this is going in somewhere. I'm surprised the picture was posted so soon after the actual scene though, haha.

>>27996248
The Rarity/Celestia thing is gonna be hard to figure if I write more stuff farther ahead. I kept the herding thing as a possibility, but I've pretty much never written herd stuff and never hinted at herd (to my memory?) in FI, so I figured that'd be a pretty big copout. Who knows, I'll prob come back to the story at some point but I think I wanna take a short break first. Maybe write some oneshots or something.

>>27996457
If you did think it was sad you should have seen the stuff I cut out. It actually could've been a LOT more feelsie, but the series had been fairly casual and light up to that point and I thought it would be too cruel.

The letter-writing thing is a good idea that I've seen other people do well, so I could see that happening.

>>27996750
I'm really glad you liked it Banana. And who knows? I've been taking feedback here and there, but I'd need more time to create anything good.

Also, I don't really like calling the FI prologue... the FI prologue, so I'll probably be changing the name soon. Not totally sure to what I'll be changing it exactly but I'll think of something.
>>
>>27997196
>>27997201
Oop, just missed ya.

Thank YOU for reading all that, man. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.
>>
>>27995783
Well done ghouls, that was great. Good pacing throughout with enough shenanigans and feels leaving us wanting more. I'd love to continue to read what you have in store for Anon, Celly, and the rest of the Ponyville crew.
>>
>>27997209
>>27997221
I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote. I tried to make where I stopped satisfying since I knew at least a few people had probably been sticking with it for a while now. To the tell the truth I was actually stressing pretty hard over this, so I'm glad my effort translated into something you guys liked.
>>
>>27997274
I'll be 100% honest, you're an amazing writer. Seriously, almost professional-tier.
Just I hate RGRE romance.
And that's all you write :v
>>
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>>27994897
Even in the best case scenario described by Pinkie, Apple & Pies are probably the least related families in all of Equestria.
>>
>>27995783
Gimme a happy ending.
>>
>>27997201
Celestia deserves it more, there's no way rarity won't get a guy, but a decade long dry spell is not a good sign. Not with all the shit she has to put up with.
>>
The herd is happy to see you.
>>
>>27998041
Seconded. Rarity's flirting and his reaction was important to show that he was open to the idea, but I think it should be Celestia he actually moves forward with.

Offers an opportunity for character development, too, if Anon becomes accepted enough to do public travel and he actively goes on a trip to Canterlot (and Celestia) of his own accord, despite his difficulties with leaving "hometown"s.
>>
>>27995372
Damn it ghouls, I really needed to get to sleep.
>>
>>27986886
>>And why is he yelling at you to get inside of his bag?
what is this from?
>>
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>>27998590
An old /tg/ story. Was a great story about the personification of Death.
>>
>Ponies have object permanence similar to that of a baby when it comes to Anon because he has no magic in him to sense
>pones neighing loudly when they cant find him

please i need more of this, we only had like 1 last thread
>>
>>27998590
Wickety wack, into my sack. Could also be a ref to Bloodborne.
>>
>>27998807
Dash most certainly wasn't worried. Nope. That's only what stallions do.
>>
>>27998807
>Twilight suddenly found herself confused.
>"Anon? Anooon? Where'd you go? Neigh! Neeeeiiiiiiiigh!"
>Anon rushes back into the room
"God dammit Twilight, I told you I was grabbing a drink. What is with you crazy tiny horses?"
>Suddenly, Dash crashes through the window from sector 6, rolling to a stop in shards of broken crystal glass.
"Twilight! Where's Anon, we have to find him! Neiiiiiiiiiiigh!"
>She sees Anon and immediately calms down and puffs out her tuft looking tough.
"Oh. Uh. Hey Anon. Sup?"
>>
>>27998807
>ponies freaking the fuck out whenever he approaches them because they feel as if he just appeared there like a fucking ninja or some shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13YlEPwOfmk
>>
>>27999036
that was legitmatly scary

>anon exploiting this to its fullest
>>
>>27998807
Ponies make a magic beacon for him.
It ends up looking like a cross between Celestia's chest thing, a belt like gimp suit top and the frilliest magical girl chest gem thing in the shape of a heart you can think of.
Made by Rarity, of course.
>>
>>27999100
>Ponies make a magic beacon for him.
>It ends up looking like a cross between Celestia's chest thing, a belt like gimp suit top and the frilliest magical girl chest gem thing in the shape of a heart you can think of.
>Made by Rarity, of course.

>anon is not amused
>just leaves the thing at his house
>pones are non the wiser
>>
>>27999135
>Ponies try to visit Anon while he is home
>When he doesn't come to the door, they come in figuring the stallion needed help
>They find the beacon without Anon wearing it and assume he was kidnapped
>>
>>27999135
>Made flashy as fuck by Rarity because she wants the D
>Enchanted strong as fuck by Twilight because she wants the D
>Enchanted so strong, in fact, that his presence can be uncomfortable to most ponies
>The effect is as if someone strapped on a boat horn instead of a bicycle bell to their bike
>>
>>27997719
Your level of flattery IS professional-tier though, sir. I appreciate you saying you like my stuff, and I hope I can follow through just as well on anything I write in the future.
Meh, we like what we like. Maybe I'll write something more up your alley in the future. I haven't really noticed it, but I guess I do tend toward romance more than comedy or etc.

>>27997936
The ending in your imagination will always be superior to anything I could ever write and vague vague something something follow your dreams RGRE love and peace something something. (Maybe some day.)

>>27998041
>>27998243
Can't say anything for sure about the future, but If I do write a continuation I'll probably head toward Celestia since I think I made a stronger connection between her and Anon. I have a few ideas but nothing is realized yet. Also, I'm tired. And lazy. And I should probably be sleeping right now in fact.

>>27998529
sleep is for the little league baseball players and jews and non-jews and women and namefags called ghouls

Guhnight errybody, and thanks again for reading.
>>
>>27999317
>I think I made a stronger connection between her and Anon.

Rarity flirting and then going home to foreveralone masturbate to a guy she just met is nowhere near the bond of spending a large portion of time with someone over several weeks and then not only swapping spit with em, but having that cute as fuck goodbye.
>>
>>27995783
I want to give Celestia a hug.

>>27995872
>sad end
>Implying this isn't just the beginning
>Implying there won't be lewd human funtime later on when Celestia goes to visit Anon
>Implying they wont go as far as holding hands

>>27995899
Of course!
In fact, I'll write it now just in case ghouls forgets to.
>Be Celestia in Canterlot
>Finally managed to get ponlets to stop fussing
>Teleport to Ponyville to see human bf
>Have great time with him
>You give him the D
>Or he gives it to you, it's all a bit of a haze from the sweet-ass zebra drugs
>Das why you let them immigrate, ziggers grow the best weed
>Twilight is best wingmare, hooking you up with those oregano brownies
>You'll have to think of something to thank her for this
>Maybe hook her up with that white guardsunicorn stallion you saw her with so much back in Canterlot
>You're CERTAIN she has a thing for him
>You'll get the guards on finding out his name when you get back.
>For now though, you're gonna cuddle your alien.

>>27996030
I eagerly await more.
>>
Are manlets a thing in rgre?
>>
>>27999643

They'd probably be called marelets in RGRE.

Anon doesn't care though, as all ponies are small compared to him.
>>
>>27999668
He's a big guy.
FOR THEM
>>
>>27999677
Marelets would only look cuter to Anon. The size of a pony is generally inversely proportional to their cuteness. A smol pone would be cuter than a pone taller than the waist.
>>
>It's against the law to make a pony sad
>Punishment is an hour of community cuddles, mostly with the sad pony
>Mostly.
>>
>>27999706
But Fleur.
>>
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>>27999731
Anon knows what's good.
>>
>>27999731
She is a plus-size model
>>
>>27999731
Shuk, AiE needs your tender mercy.
>>
>>27999731
Literally pony Zyzz
>>
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>>27995783
I don't know how much my opinion counts, since it's hard for me NOT to like something that has Celestia in it, but I really really really liked your story. Heartfelt thanks writefag. I too am among the ranks of those hoping for a continuation.
Keep on writing m80 and whatever you do, stay away from boats.
>>
>>27999728

Does that mean it's illegal for stallions to turn down date requests from mares because rejection would make them sad?
>>
>>28000852
No, they just have to cuddle afterwards
>>
>>
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>>28001086
>you will never have a lap full of cuddly mares
>>
Wew lad
>>
>>28001110
Not with that attitude you won't
>>
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>>28001110
>>
>>27999489
>>Maybe hook her up with that white guardsunicorn stallion you saw her with so much back in Canterlot
This needs to be a one shot. There could be much lol in the reactionS.
>>
>Pony apocalypse
>Anon is left as the only male in Equestria
>Something something RGRE Lisa: The Joyful something
>>
>>28001766
>>Anon is left as the only male in Equestria
truly a dystopian existence
>>
>>28001766
>Ponies invite you for a threesome
>You've never had a threesome before and don't know what to do
>But thanks to Moondancer's quick thinking, it's not a problem!
>She quickly implements a vag-bindng engine for MVVM to help you out
>Mare-Vag-Vag/Mare
>As you fuck one, through the magic of vagbinding and dependency ponuts you also fuck the other!
>This really raises your events
>>
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>>28001862
>>
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>>28001924
>>
>>28001793
>Twilight spergs out as she white-knights her way through the wasteland, fending away any mares approaching Anon
>They're ALL after her husbando!
>Anon just wants groceries
>>
>>27990873
Holy fookin shite, nice action in there, looking forward to the next installment!

>>27995783
Started reading it now and so far I love it. I'm only at line 900 but the way you characterize everyone so far is superb
>>
>>27995783
Will you be continuing with the main FI story at a similar pace? Also that was golden.
>>
>>27999385
Celly only knew Anon for 2 weeks, and maybe for one and a half he was coherent. Even after that she was never honest about her feelings.

Rarity, in one evening has made far more emotional progress.

What remains is if any other of the girls or pones in town have similar feels.
>>
>>28002406
>Rarity, in one evening has made far more emotional progress.
She was fucking drunk.
>>
>>28002419
So was Celestia, when she tried.
>>
>>28002406
Anon confirmed for virgin. He doesn't know what the words "emotional" and "progress" mean and gets confused when they're put next to each other in the same sentence.
>>
>>28000347
A E S T H E T I C S
>>
>colt thinks he can into magic
Honestly, can you believe Shining hired this loser to mentor little Flurry? He wanted to give her a 'progressive non-parental male role model' or some horseapples.
Yeah, I'm firing his flabby ass the first chance I get. Then I'm shipping her off to the toughest military school in Griffonstone.
>>
>>28002428
It was one night and she was drunk off her ass. You don't know what you're talking about.
>>
>>28002876
I'll bet those glasses aren't even real. Just another fake magic colt. And of COURSE he's wearing a big flashy cloak; do colts think of anything other than fashion? I'll bet he only has that little beard tuft because some "actor" in a movie had one. What's he going to teach, how to enhance your hearing so that you can hear gossip from across the room?
>>
>>28002889
C'mon Anon, don't you know? Being hammered and talking to someone for a few hours means you're soulmates and it OBVIOUSLY beats learning to trust somebody over the course of several weeks. Geez, it's almost like you actually talk to people in real life on a daily basis or something.
>>
>>27999385
I agree.

>>27999489
>Be Celestia in Canterlot
>Finally managed to get ponlets to stop fussing
>Teleport to Ponyville to see human bf
>Have great time with him
>You give him the D
Until I write further installments this is cannon. Also, thanks for reading. Glad you liked it Durnk.

>>28000383
Heeey, thanks for saying so man. Hopefully something really good will come to mind and I can deliver some content that you guys'll love. Until then stay tuned. I'll be around, and the other writers have been putting out really good stuff lately, too. Stuff I have to catch up on.
Boats can't kill something that's already dead, Anon. ohshit no, wait, boats CAN kill the dead, I remember reading that in 5e nvm fuck

>>28002155
>900
Yeah, I... drone on a bit. Still, I hope you like it, and thanks for the compliment.

>>28002160
I'm prob gonna take a break from long stuff for a few days, but because of all the feedback/love I guess I kinda' have to keep going with it if I'm gonna keep writing. Dunno when I'll be adding more, but more FI is pretty much guaranteed if I'm still around.

>>28002406
>>28002419
>>28002428
>>28002456
>>28002889
>>28002907

I wanted Anon to stick around the castle for at least a week or two, enough for his concussion to 'mostly' heal. Couldn't have them spending so much time around each other without implying so or literally writing that time into the story, and by then their relationship naturally became tighter. Rarity being smooth as fuck is always cannon, but I do think Celly/Anon is a stronger pairing in this instance. Now, writing that after Anon's interactions with Rarity (...before? After? Hrm.) might've been a mistake, but what's written is written and I'll go where that takes me.
>>
>>28002929
Fanciest herd when?
>>
>>28002929
>>Yeah, I... drone on a bit. Still, I hope you like it, and thanks for the compliment.
(511) >The silky whisper of his makeshift clothing as he moves past your still body is a roar next to the loud thud of your companion’s hoofsteps as they enter his domain.
>>
>>28002929
But are you actually dead or just irradiated to shit?
>>
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>>28002961
Why can't it be both?
>>
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>>28002876

You know, Cadence. You should make sure I'm out of earshot before you start talking behind my back.
>>
>>28002876

>Anon is a mage
>Closer to a novice than an archmage in power and experience, but he can do a few things reasonably competently, and can learn to do more/better
>Human Magic is different than Horse Magic in a couple ways
>He's less specialized that Ponies, but a specialist will outdo him.

>Purplesmart is the magic cheatcode, can outdo even specialists with her OP-ness
>Twiggles scoffs at his claims of magehood
>Thinks he must just be the human equivalent of a unicorn, nothing overly special.
>So he can levitate things, and set things on fire, or do some minor healing, and some other insignificant things
>He can't even into magical theory properly!

>she still spends lots of time with him
>Not because he's the first colt she's met besides her brother who was the slightest bit interested in magical theory to begin with.
>let alone willing to talk to her about it.
>of course not!
>it's for...
>SCIENCE!
>yeah, lets go with that. For Science.
>This of course requires intensive investigation of his species physical-I MEAN MAGICAL-attributes, yeah...
>>
>>28002990
Everybody know that Shining gets off of Cadence badmouthing him
>>
>>28002942
Prod never, at least, not in this story? Maybe if I'd wrote the story with herd in mind as a possibility I could see it, but like I said in an earlier post I think herding would a copout here since I never mentioned it and, to be honest, didn't really have it in mind when I started writing.

>>28002952
anon pls

>>28002961
First one, then the other. >>28002979
>>
Circlejerking a corpse- The thread
>>
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>>28003009
>>
>>28003009
So your color blind to all the green then? Good to know, also here's your (you).
>>
>>28002990
Well, stop making bad decisions in regards to your daugher. If Cadence didn't send Flurry away, Shining would have brought in some obese stallion with a mohawk to teach her about stallionism and how to bring down the matriarchy.
>>
>>28002929
>Now, writing that after Anon's interactions with Rarity (...before? After? Hrm.) might've been a mistake, but what's written is written and I'll go where that takes me.
I always just thought of it as him teasing a silly mare with excessive drunk confidence.
>>
Was there a story some time about an Anon who has a baby filly left at his door?

And then i think memes happened. What thread was it in? I can't find it, it was cute. Also was it continued?
>>
>>27999760
“Flour.”
>”No Anon, Fleur.”
“That’s what I said. Now you’re just trying to confuse me.”
>”As easy as it is to confuse you”
>I resent that, thank you very much.
>”Try again, repeat after me, Fleur.”
“Flour.”
>”Uhhhgg. Why do I even bother with you.”
“Because you find my handsome good looks too much to resist?”
>”Ha, nice try. You’re cute, but not that cute.”
>Ouch.
“How about because I’m the only guy around who doesn’t run away because your demeanor scares the shit out of them?”
>”Possibly, but I think they’re just not up to par.”
“And I am?”
>”No not really, you’re just not smart enough to realize how lucky you are to be graced by my very presence.”
>Putting on a thoughtful look and tapping your chin you ponder her statement.
“Nah that’s not it, you’re really not that special. Besides half of Canterlot has a better ass than you, that stallion running the flower shop has better buns.”
>”I’ll have you know my plot is perfectly proportionate to my size.”
“Nope, going to call bullshit on that. Look at Celestia, whenever she backs up I actually fear for my life.”
>”I bucking hate you.”
“That’s what they all say.”
>>
>>28003130

I'd like to think Shining isn't stupid enough to bring in someone like that.
>>
>>28003245
ayy
>>
>>28003245
Moar fucking with fleur when?
>>
>>28003261
>Be Sunburst
>You've spent your whole life struggling have your talent recognized and get ahead in the mare-dominated magical field
>Now all that fighting, all those late nights in the library, has finally paid off
>Prince Shining Armor has requested you
>YOU!
>To be his daughter's tutor!
>You can't wait!
>You'll teach her everything you know about Starswirl's theories, and the Chaos Principle, and the Amniomorphic spell, and...

>"Yeah, I already hired a magical tutor. Your job is to instruct her on alicorn privilege and stallion rights. Make her sorry for being born with a vagina, y'know?"

>You are Sunburst
>And you think you might kill somepony
>No, seriously, you're going to cast Hecate's Hemorrhaging Heart spell on this piece of shit, and you'll feel good about it
>>
>>28003308
Good enough.
>>
>>28003261
I'd like to think a lot of things about the world, Anon.
>>
>>28003277
Now!
---
“So Fancy wanted to dress up like a baby and have you take care of him?”
>”I’ve herded with some colts with odd tastes, but that one took the cake.”
“So did you?”
>”Did I what?”
“You know, make him go gugu-gaga?”
>”I’m not going to dignify that with a response.”
“That’s a yes, so did you make him wear a bib? Or suck on a pacifier?”
>”None of the above.”
>Just like back home all those rich assholes somehow had the weirdest fetishes.
>”What about you?”
“What about me?”
>”Do you have some dirty secret that you’ll drop on a mare whenever you get together?”
>That’s actually a good question.
“I might, but I think it’s just too disgusting to talk about. Without a doubt it’s a hell lot worse than what you got.”
>”Oh do tell.”
“Well first, and try not to throw up here, I would get to know a mare with normal talk. Then once she let’s her guard down.”
>Fleur was on the edge of her seat awaiting your finish.
“I’d take her back to my place and we’d snuggle for an hour, maybe two if I’m feeling frisky.”
>”That’s not”
“I know I’m a monster.” You cut her off.
>Your friend just threw her hooves up in frustration.
>”I don’t even know why I bother having an adult conversation with you.”
“Because I am an adult and you love how many jealous looks you get from all the mares for just being seen with me.”
>”Your humility is also such a great part of your character.”
>>
>>28003367
>>Just like back home all those rich assholes somehow had the weirdest fetishes.

makes me wonder what Spoiled Rich has to do to keep Filthy happy
>>
>>28003381
They keep ponyville's lubrication market afloat single hoofedly.
>>
>>28003308
>Equestria is full of bitter, no-talent fat stallions who whine all day about the matriarchy
>Sunburst spends his entire life trying to distance himself from them and prove that he's where he is because of talent, not because some mare had to fill a quota
>Comes across the fattest, most bitter, and least-talented stallion of them all who somehow managed to con an alicorn to marry him
>SOMEHOW managed to cast aside his disgust for mares long enough to father a filly
>Probably was BARELY talked out of "cutting the rose" when Flurry was born
>Didn't care one bit when the pony they hired to be Flurry's magical tutor was a mare
>Doesn't care about Sunburst's achievements and largely hired him because of his gender
>In his new room in the castle, Sunburst nearly drinks himself to death when he realizes that stallions are the worst offenders when it comes to sexism

I like to think that Shining tried to divorce Cadence ten years down the line but her princess status took precedence over his stallion status, and he was kicked out of the castle instead of getting the house and kids.
>>
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>>28003409
>"B-but she raped me on our wedding night! I was raised in poverty among the noblest families of Canterlot! I deserve the castle! She can rule from a motel room for all I care!"
>>
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>>28003460
SEND IN THE CLONES! ITS A FUCKING MONSTER!
>>
>>27998807
Just for you, Anon.

“What are you guys… doing?” you ask, bewildered, trying to piece together the scene before you.
>Three ponies in various positions of unrest whip their heads around to face you, their expressions ranging from worried to absolutely distraught.
>Rainbow Dash, seemingly the most affected of three, rockets into your chest and curses loudly, hiding her face in your shoulder.
>You have to awkwardly juggle her in your arms atop all of the farming equipment in your hands.
>”N-Now I KNOW I told ya’ll to stop doin’ that!” Applejack says suddenly, sighing deeply in relief and replacing the stetson she’d just been kneading anxiously on top of her head.
>There are holes all around her, and they look like they were dug by a dogs.
>Or tiny horses.
“Do what? What’s—?” you say, stopping yourself short as you try to shift the cyan pony hanging around your neck into a position that didn’t cause a gardening claw to sink into your forearm, “What’s happening?”
>Twilight, curls of hair springing from her head and horn ablaze with purple magic, releases the tractor in her magical grip, the ground shaking as it slammed sideways into the dirt.
>”We were looking all over for you!” she exclaims, trotting to your side.
“You guys were too busy FIGHTING to get the stuff, so I went to the tool shed myself. I said I was going there, didn’t you guys hear me?”
>A silence falls over them.
>AJ and Twilight trade looks of mild embarrassment, and Dash, seemingly realizing your proximity, yanks herself away and lands on the ground with a thud.
>She folds her forelegs and tries to look aloof but her wings still twitch tensely every few seconds; her ‘calm, collected marely mare’ routine doesn’t fool you for a second.
“Were you guys really turning this place upside down because I was gone for two minutes? W-… What’re the holes even for?” you ask, incredulous.
>>
>>28003471
YISS
>>
>>28003471
>>28003473
Don't get your hopes up, it's short.

>AJ reaches up to tug her hat down in front of her face, but you can still see her tinted cheeks.
>”None’a us could see you or knew where ya’ was or-or… I panicked, alright?”
“Panicked?” you parrot, confused.
>AJ draws into herself further, her brown stetson completely blocking out her face.
>Was she just... did she think you were hiding underground or something?
>”You can’t just-just – RUN OFF like that, Anon! Who knows what could happen when we can’t see you? What if there was some sort of… CUDDLIST waiting for you to break away from us or something?” Twilight says, trying to smooth down her frazzled mane.
>”You just go away and nopony knows where you are and then not even Twilight can find you and then, a-and then…It’s like you’re… gone…” Dash mumbles, her face a stern mask.
>She doesn’t look you in the eyes, though, and her voice actually warbles emotionally when she speaks.
>You want to say something, pontificate about your independence and their over-reliance on their magic and their group mentality or whatever, but your thoughts are muted by a loud sound.
>In the barn just to you left a chorus of shrill whines and distressed horse noises begin to eek out of the glass-less windows.
>Your face scrunches, and you can just barely make out Fluttershy’s tone of voice in the sounds.
>The noise gets louder and louder, echoing in the barn and drawing close to the entrance.
>Sure enough, a small yellow pegasus squeezes through the opening in the barn doors not a moment later.
>”NEIGH. NEIGH? NEIGH! N-NEIGH!?” Fluttershy cries, jumping an inch and gasping when she finally sees you.
>”He’s here, we found him!” Twilight shouts.
>>
>>28003483
>You can physically see Fluttershy’s emotions shift from concerned to relieved to stern, her back straitening as she marches up to you.
>”Just where have you been, mister!?” she says in an uncharacteristically heavy voice.
>”He was in the shed! The SHED!” Dash pipes up, exasperated and slightly manic.
“Guys, please.”
>>
>>28003409
Why do you think Shiny was being mind-controlled by Chrysalis? She couldn't stand him talking for more than a moment about the matriarchy. She got more love from Shining's family about the fact he's getting married than Shining himself.
>>
>>28003488
Cute and amusing.

Anon should just wear a magical item so that ponies could wrap their heads around him.
>>
>>28002990
Whatever, "Armorina BigWeenie"
>>
>>28003409
>The smell was unbearable, these stallions smelled as if they hadn’t bathed in days or weeks even.
>To top it off most of them were overweight and looked like they were one hayburger away from a heart attack.
>But that’s not why your being restrained right now.
>Twilight and Rarity’s magic struggled to hold you back at the moment.
>If not for it, you’d have already planted your fist straight into this colt’s face.
>”Can’t you even see it, even now they’re holding you down. The matriarchy is what’s wrong with Equestria.”
>Keep talking fatass, it only fuels my need for wanting to beat the ever living crap out of you.
>”Maybe if you opened your eyes and cast aside their brainwashing you would be as enlightened as we are.”
“Girls please let me go so I can give this guy a good reason to go to the dentist.”
>These jerkoffs stormed into the diner earlier and almost made the place barren.
>And despite wanting to leave you weren’t going to give them the satisfaction.
>”As for you ‘Princess’, how dare you mare-handle a colt like this. This is the most oppressive act a mare can perform.”
>Pointing his hoof, which looked like it was crusted with something that was definitely not mayo, at Rarity he continued.
>”As for you, be sure that we’ll let everyone know how a so-called high class mare treats stallions. Yeah I know who you are.”
>In an instant the magic that held you back was gone.
>The grin that grew on your face actually made the fucker shut up right quick.
>Today you put several ponies in the hospital, most of them suffered from vicious Indian burns and being punted like a ball.
>Then you went and had a night of rough sex with Twilight and Rarity.
>Overall it was on okay Wednesday.
>>
>Durnk isn't just an Anon- it's actually a collection of multiple threads' writefags who hijack the name when they want to write weird shit
>>
>>28003523
I'm pretty sure there was a name some anons were doing that with a while back. Cant remember what it was. Might have just been specifically to trigger some autist though.
>>
>>28003523
Durnk is the Anon
>>
>>28003483
God that's adorable. We need more ponies having herd behaviour/instincts.

>Always sleep in groups
>Panic when they're alone
>Greet each other with seemingly-intimate nuzzling
>>
>>28003591
Pip
>>
>>28003488
Too adorable.
>>
>>28003523
W-wait. Are you trying to tell me that anybody can post under a name when there's no trip???
>>
>>28003607
i need it
>>
>>28003722
No, don't be silly. Who would even do that?
>>
>>28003722
Not at all. You're just imagining it.
>>
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>>28003722
Yup.
Generally people aren't assholes enough to bother impersonating someone, but some are.
>>
>>28003753
>Durnk Anon
I think we have an imposter in our midst, boys.

And by "boys" I mean "boy" because there's only one Durnk and that's me.
>>
>>28003834
awww shiiieeet...

Look missuh, I's jus' hidin' fo' a bit, aight?
Don't tell nobody, I's a good boy, I am! Dindu nuffin!
>>
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>>28003834
Stop impersonating me!
I'm the true Durnk.

Promise.
>>
time for namefag shitposting
>>
>>28003870
fucking kek
Good one, me.
>>
>>28003870
>>28003877

There's only one way to settle this.

A drinking contest.
>>
>>28003901
Vodka and Whiskey only.
>>
>>28003901
A written drinking contest mare vs mare to impress Anon
>>
>>28003934
I don't have to prove I'm the one true Durnk. I just know I am.
>>
>>28003934
>Rainbow Dash tossed back the remainder of her third hard lemonade and slammed the mug down on the table, hard.
>"An'... tha's how y'do it, Nnnnnnawn."
>And then she puked on your shoes and passed out.
>You hate drinking with ponies.
>>
>>28003957
But I'm me, but if i'm not than who is me?
>>
NEW THREAD SOON
>>
>>28003974
I am.
>>
>>28003974
I walked. I could do nothing but walk. And then, I saw me walking in front of myself. But it wasn't really me. Watch out. The gap in the door... it's a separate reality. The only me is me. Are you sure the only you is you?
>>
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New thread.
>>28004002
>>
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>>28004005
>Are you sure the only you is you?
Yeah, I am.
Thanks for asking.
>>
>>28003471
aww thank man

n-no homo
ok maybe a little
>>
>>28003488
>"I told you to stay out of my shed!"
>>
Jesus why are there so many drunk anons tonight.

If they fuck it counts as masterbaition rifht?
>>
>>27986200
>that picture

>IT Anon shows up to Equestria.
>Twilight solves electricity needs for his various computers, so Anon shows her databases.
>"Oh yes! Query again! Unf!"
>>
>>27990873
So Shukky. I've been skipping your stories for a while now. Your dialog has always been a bit stiff, but since everyone else seems to enjoy it, I figured I'd just keep quiet and jump past. But this story is action/adventure, I so decided to tune in. Gotta say, you've vastly improved since I first read your work in AiE. Doing good.

One note I will make is of your pronoun use. Anna refers to Anon as "them" to the pones, which is weird because this is usually only done for people whom the speaker doesn't know the gender of. The fact that Anna does this should tip the pones off that something's up. Anna really should be using female pronouns to hide Anon's gender, or if she's trying to not lie, avoid pronouns altogether.

Shining also refers to Anon as "they", which is equally weird because I believe he and the other pones think Anon is female and would just assume female pronouns on their own.
>>
>>27999092
Not really /mlp/ related, but go play this.
http://gamejolt.com/games/what-if-adventure-time-was-a-3d-anime-game/132926
The horse thing does that after you first find it. Admittedly, it loses effect after a whle (especially if you play in third person), but it's still a neat initial creep factor.
>>
>>28003901
Durnk's a Aussie, right? What we need is a greentext shitpost contest.

99% of Durnk's posts are green shitposts, after all.
Thread posts: 510
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