FimFiction thread - Now with 62% more bickering

>>27755127
futaloo get

>>27755127
QUICK
DELETE THE THREAD

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>>27755155
Well, then.

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>>27755155
No fucking way. First ever legit futaloo get.

It's been a roundabout path, guys, but I'm glad I could walk it with you all. Since my very first day here, I knew guys were special, just like my mommy says I am, and I knew I'll never leave this thread for as long as it exists. You are like my second family - always supporting me, but also helping me get my shit together when I need it most. I always knew you could all achieve your dreams if you just kept trying, because you're all amazing people - you just don't know it. Maybe someone has failed you before. Maybe your life hasn't been the easiest. Maybe you just can't handle being who you are.
But this Anon? He kept trying. He's a shining example of what we are deep inside, and what we could be on the outside. A beacon of determination, fighting for what we believe in until the bitter end... or a sweet beginning.
He believed. He believed in the get. And so he never stopped trying.
I believe in you.
So I hope you never stop either.

fukken screencapping this get

>>27755155
>tfw i got both futabelle and futa bloom before anyone got futaloo

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>>27755276
I love all of you.
Even with your shitty taste and stupid opinions. I wouldn't trade you guys for anyone else.

>>27755337
I know what happened now. There is no doubt in my mind.
For a True Futaloo GET, we had to overcome an obstacle - the other two members of the CMC had to GET their GETs as well. Getting past the Futabelle Get and the Futabloom Get were essential to achieving the ultimate goal of the Futaloo Get.
You have cleared that obstacle, Anon. I'm proud of you and your deeds, and I salute you. You have done us, the Fimfiction Thread, a great service, and for that, you'll always have a special position in our hearts, right next to the Anon who's achieved the actual GET Your valiant efforts will not be forgotten.

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[vomiting intensifies]

And here I was thinking Displaced was finally dead...

>>27755418
>This story will make use of mostly the original Japanese names for cards.
I'm a massive weaboo myself, but he went too far.

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>>27755155
DELETE THIS POST

>>27755127
>mfw most of the summary is about me
Time to kill myself.

>>27755404
The trials of the Futa?
I approve.

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>>27755276
I'm actually not Futaloo Anon.

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>>27755155

>>27755503
It's usually a different person posting it in every thread anyway. I was making shit up so it would sound better.

>>27755503
Anon, we're all Futaloo.

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It doesn't count! Futaloo wasn't capitalized! You can't have an ungrammatical get!

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>>27755155
Finally.

>watched the video
>immediately think of a better way present my story

Pixar are writing gods.

>>27755548
futarity get

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>>27755418
You think that's bad?

>>27755620
>plot an setting and grammatical stuff like that.
Please show us the like:dislike ratio.

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>>27755632

>>27755650
Welp, time to end myself.

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>>27755418
>5:1 l/d ratio
>displaced yu-gi-oh fic
>Sombra character tag

>>27755650
And here I thought face book buttons wouldn't drag my faith in humanity in the mud.

>>27755404
whatevs. someone screencap that shit and send it to TDA. maybe if he sees our level of autistic dedication he'll get off his lazy ass and write more futaloo if only to shut you guys up about it

>>27755418
>human-like 'ponies'
>no anthro tag
is confused

>>27755548
all god gets are mod gets anyway. you cant trust the system

>>27755817
>implying any of us even want more futaloo
It's just nanomamemes, son.

>>27755830
need to keep things in balance

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/285657/sweetie-belles-small-problem
futabelle, complete

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/146449/growth-spurts
our very own coagulatedGlucose's futabloom, in progress

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/161587/adventures-of-roommate-futaloo
TDAs futaloo, dead

we must have all the fillycocks fully sated lest our existence be forced to continue

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I see this is a fad that apparently wont be dying anytime soon.
Has anyone been keeping track of the total amount of distilled autism thats been making its way onto deadtree?

>>27755938
As long as people are willing to destroy trees for ponii, thre will be printings.

>>27755938
>American readers are reminded that it could get expensive for them.

Um, no, that's not what tanking your economy with the Brexit means, my UKIP friend.

>>27755938
>weak Pound means more expensive exports
>strong Dollar means less buying power

Good lord how do they come up with this stuff

>>27756340
He wrote a long ass self insert series about banging his waifu. I dont expect him to know how anything works

>>27755620
At least it's been dead for a year.

>>27755938
>signed copy of a fanfic
Sometimes, I can't wait for Hasbro to get wind of this and fire off the C&D nukes.

>>27756579
How the fuck does this shit get popular enough for its ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''author'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' to start handing out signed and printed copies?

These people need to be crucified.

>>27756850
to be fair the self insert series didnt make it to print so far as Im aware. this was a different project- of horses and whorses, which while being kinda amusing still doesnt rate for a physical copy in my opinion

>>27755418
I was hoping it wouldn't be awful, and that it would contain some actual Yugioh meta shit at least when I clicked on it (in that case i would have made it a guilty pleasure). But fucking nostgiafags ruin everything.

>>27754754
>Why not?

The fuck? You have a super-race of unicorn who can live 200 years, and instead of using those 200 years to use for crack training, you'd rather waste their 25 first and let them die?

This is just idiotic.

>>27754754
>They don't do that

Fighting and leading in an unit are two entirely different tasks. You can get up to sergeant and stuff while not following education, but anything above platoon level requires a deep understanding of combat and psychology to use your troops at full efficiency. This isn't just modern stuff, this dates all the way back to China circa -200, where commanders were not highly ranked soldiers but fully educated professional commanders.


>>27754761
Then what is the purpose of them living 200 years if they age and die like a normal pone?

>>27757335
What was it- ponies having card battles while riding motorcycles?

>>27757688
Not even. It was just shitty decks that were randomly thrown together in the style of the original with anthro characters/humanized characters (I couldn't tell).

I need to actually write a story that has actual yugioh meta if I want to see it.

What would be a good special talent for an MC staring in a war fic? No guns, just magic swords and stuff like that.

>>27757780
Mastering magic is already enough, coupled with situational awareness.

You aren't going to have any overly special snowflake talent or weapon, since everyone gets handed the same equipment for the sake of conformity and gets about the same training.

>>27757780
>What would be a good special talent for an MC staring in a war fic?
Gardening.
Beekeeping.
Cooperage.
Damask weaving.
Barking.
Fifing.
Besom making.
Charcoal burning.

>>27757780
He can pile pebbles into amusing caricatures of other ponies.

>>27757788
Isn't magic mastery twilight's thing?

>>27755418
>sex
>gore
>teen rating
>sex gore and teen all coexisting
>crossover
>untagged anthro
>yugioh
>the yugioh deck is the key to saving things, so either the bad guys who are waging a war with what are presumably actual soldiers and weapons agree to resolve things with children's card game instead or the cards summon actual creatures for some reason
>tryhard title
AU
>self insert
>self insert who has knowledge of the show from having seen it before inserting
>As above, but the knowledge is worthless because AU
>by "dashguy"
>"a rather dubious source"

Holy fucking hell. Why do people do this? And why did you promote it to our attention? and why is the rating overwhelmingly positive? Did I forget my medicine this morning? Or take too much? My brrraaaaain!!

>>27758076
>A main character knows how to handle magic
>Thus no OC should master magic!

Are you that dumb?

>>27755650

>420 likes

the satisfaction I imagine the author taking from that is making me physically angry.

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~18 minute long video about good dialogue.
It focuses on movies, but can also be applied to writing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l293Qyua5QM

page 10 yo

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It's probably shit, but it's something else to work on since my "Cuckold, guns, purple prose, and secret organization" story didn't work. Tell me what you all think.

>>27756976
That's an interesting point actually
what pieces of "DERIVATIVE FICTION" would you deem high-quality enough to put into your bookshelf?

>>27759294
as in a physical copy on a physical bookshelf in my actual house?

none.i dont advertise my power level in real life

>>27759294

Celestia Sleeps In(if it maintains quality to the end)
Harry Potter and the Natural Twenty.
Cenotaph
A Cloudy Path
A bunch of short stories that could go in an anthology or something.

>>27759286
You spent most of your summary talking about Fiction and then you casually mention that she's not the protagonist.
What's the story even supposed to be about?

>>27759294

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/18256/this-platinum-crown
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/73404/through-the-well-of-pirene + Sequel
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1886/the-immortal-game
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/6007/the-flight-of-the-alicorn + Sequels (when Ponydora eventually gets around to finishing the trilogy)
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/144198/long-road-to-friendship + Sequel (probably in another two years at the rate Albi is writing)
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5921/eternal
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/143516/moonstone
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/51703/salvation
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/7531/eyes-on-you
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/213853/the-gentle-nights-audience-of-one
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/234937/fractured-sunlight
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/276745/the-diamond-in-the-stars
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/230072/twilight-sparkle-of-the-royal-guard + Sequel
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/99526/her-majestys-secret-service
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/152/one-last-quest
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/141549/the-celestia-code + Sequels
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/34029/best-young-flyer

So far, I've got 2/24 (Pirene and Celestia Code) as hard covers. Hoping to get some more eventually.

>>27757687
There is a fantasy race that's well-established in the genre that uses your idea. Elves. They train for decades, if not centuries, and they're warriors par excellence to an elf.

But here's the thing. They don't just age slower. They don't age at all. That means they can train for however long they wish without having to worry about age-related ailments coming out of training. Your idea of having these 200 year old ponies train for 100 years means they're middle-aged before they're even considered boots on the ground.

Dwarfs, another fantasy race, live up to three, four, or even five hundred years, yet they don't stay stuck in boot camp for a whole century. Because it's dumb. Really, really dumb.

And besides, why should every fictional army or race have to abide by your vision of what the perfect army or race should be? If every fiction author abided by your writing philosophy, we'd be flooded with Suetopias that are all the same and don't have any flaws that are intentional on the writer's part. Nobody who's not autistic wants that.

>>27759294
I'd put FoE on my bookshelf.

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Someone link me to something really lewd

I don't care what it is

>>27759370
Shit begins to go down, and the protagonist is the cause of it. Fiction is the only one who can stop it, by killing the protagonist, but doesn't because of her affection towards him.

He basically is trying to convince her, and his friends, to kill him before more shit gets fucked. That, and his friends are beginning to cause more shit as well by being around him.

>>27759426
I was guessing that his race lived 200 years, but aged proportionally to a normal pony. 10 years old would be 5, 100 50, and so on.

>yet they don't stay stuck in boot camp for a whole century.

I never advocated that. I just suggested he use a normal training method, since just using a super-brutal method when you have twice as much time to train is stupid.

>why should every fictional army or race have to abide by your vision of what the perfect army or race should be?

It's not my vision, it's just pointing out basic problems in his idea. Brutal training could be applied when you don't have time to train normally, but surely not when you have twice as much time to.

Fighting and leading require totally different training, as there's a difference between hack and slash and commanding a company and ensuring it doesn't die.

How is that "abiding to your vision of a perfect army"? You can't just dismiss any criticism as shoehorning into your own ideals.

>>27759449
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/99130/foalcon-with-a-twist

>>27759449
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/195395/working-the-stall

>>27759453
Could you run that by me again? And try not to be so vague this time.
Also, I went through your summary, and it has a lot of holes.

>Now she is back
When did she leave? What made her leave?

>she's back, and our protagonist
See, the way your first sentences go, it sounds as if Fiction were the protagonist.

>Shit begins to go down
But 'what' is going down? What's happening that is so bad that Fiction has to kill the protagonist who I still don't know who is.

>He basically is trying to convince her, and his friends, to kill him before more shit gets fucked.
If things are getting so bad, what's stopping him from just jumping off a cliff?

>That, and his friends are beginning to cause more shit as well by being around him.
Who are his friends? Why are they causing trouble? What the hell is going on in your story!?

>>27759460
>You can't just dismiss any criticism as shoehorning into your own ideals.
But that's what you're doing. You're writing textwalls offering your own suggestions when nobody asked for them. That's a pretty good way to waste your time and have people blow you off as a pedantic know-it-all, but not a good way to convince people of your ideas.

There are plenty of historical examples of people not going through some formal officer training academy and coming to lead armies in battle. Famous ones, in fact. Julius Caesar, Sargon of Akkad, Alexander the Great, King Richard the Lionhearted, and so on. And even if there wasn't, why should it matter? It's fiction. As long the idea is presented in a believable manner, it's fine. A lot of people would criticize you for mixing war with ponies in the first place, and they make a valid point, but that doesn't mean you can't do it well in execution.

>>27759540
>As long the idea is presented in a believable manner

But it isn't. He still hasn't explained why the brutal training is necessary when you have so much time.

And those people who did lead armies without training did so when there were no training facilities available. After Tzu, most commanders in the Chinese army were trained, professional ones, because there was infrastructure and books to become a leader.

If the story takes place in present Equestria, where the technology hovers from 1900 to 1920, why wouldn't they give them appropriate leadership training when they have appropriate facilities?

Again, I've never told him to do anything. I've only asked him questions about why he made those choices, which he does not seem to be answering to.

>>27759566
>But it isn't
How do you know? You haven't read it. You were presented with the idea and rejected it out of hand because it conflicts with your perfect vision. Just because Equestria has some steampunk and even diselpunk elements doesn't mean it isn't a fantasy universe with princesses, castles, magic, and knights; and it certainly doesn't mean authors using MLP as their source material have to abide by this strict, arbitrary standard you've set for them. China is not the only classical/medieval martial culture in the world, and this Sino-centric approach of yours isn't helping your case and stinks of weeaboo.

>I've never told him to do anything
Untrue. And we have the archived posts to prove it.

>>27759294
I've been wanting to read The Last Ringbearer.

That said, there's already tons of more or less derivative fiction for sale. Like the Cthulhu industry, even though most of that is complete shit.

>>27759526
>When did she leave? What made her leave?
She left around the time Luna returned from her banishment. She left because of the Element Bearers and the Elements. Now, the Elements are in the tree and she realizes things can go wrong.

>See, the way your first sentences go, it sounds as if Fiction were the protagonist.
She is, it's just not from her perspective. Don't get me wrong, the story is about Fiction, but the protagonist is the point of view and catalyst for the story.

>But 'what' is going down? What's happening that is so bad that Fiction has to kill the protagonist who I still don't know who is.
The world is beginning to become intertwined with the Dream Realm, and Tartarus is broken open, allowing the demons and creatures inside to roam free. The protagonist is manipulated into opening the gates of Tartarus by a different personality that is connected to Fiction, think of a 'darker side' if you will, and Fiction has to kill him before the darker side of herself can control him more. The protagonist is a guard, a Lunar guard to be precise, as well as his friends.

>If things are getting so bad, what's stopping him from just jumping off a cliff?
Fiction and her affection for him prevent him from committing suicide, despite him wanting to.

>Who are his friends? Why are they causing trouble? What the hell is going on in your story!?
His friends consists of; His partner named Swift Justice, Afterthought, Hindsight, Desire, and Fiction. Then three ponies who were in my other story that I wanted to flesh out.

As for why they are affecting the world? He is the sole cause, and since they are around him all the time, the effect that was placed on him is starting to wear off onto them. That, and they know about Fiction, and she is supposed to be a secret.

>>27759397
>http://www.fimfiction.net/story/1886/the-immortal-game
The opening scene of chapter 1 is still fucking amazing.

>>27759632
Why would it have to fit to your European fantasy ideal?

And please, do show me the posts too.

>>27759929
>Why would it have to fit to your European fantasy ideal?
Copying me like some kind of preschool child will only hurt your case.

>do show me the posts too
>>27754640
Making these suggestions (demands) in the form of a question doesn't change the fact that you're making them. Without anyone asking you to. You also do this a lot in that other argument you went into, but we're not talking about that.

>>27760044
>Making suggestions is forcing the writer to do stuff
>Asking questions and criticism is bad

u wot

I literally asked him why he couldn't train them normally and told him modern officers have special training, which is a fact.

>>27759887
Ok, that's a bit better. Your story summary should give a clearer idea of what the story is about. I'm not telling you to go overboard and fill it with paragraphs upon paragraphs of infodumps, but try to make it more, let's say, informative.

>She is, it's just not from her perspective. Don't get me wrong, the story is about Fiction, but the protagonist is the point of view and catalyst for the story.
That can get confusing, but it's not as if it can't be done. I think the novel "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" was like that, where Jack Nicholson's character is the protagonist, but the whole story is told from the native american guy's point of view.
Still, I'd recommend against doing something like that if you're just beggining. Stick to more traditional storytelling techniques before you take a shot at more complex stuff. Either follow Fiction as your main point of view who has to deal with her dark side having a negative effect on the pony she likes, or focus the guard (whose name I still don't know) and him dealing with those insecurities and his doubts about whether or not it'd be better to off himself.

Still, these are just suggestions, but I do encourage you to take another shot at that summary.

Also, calling the protagonist "the protagonist" in the summary makes it look amateurish. Just call him by his name.

>>27760052
>I literally asked him why he couldn't train them normally
Why should he have to? Because it doesn't fit your perfect vision?

>told him modern officers have special training, which is a fact.
A fact that anyone who's done even the most cursory research knows already. And one that very likely isn't even relevant considering that he's basing it of an ancient model. And one that nobody asked for.

Do I spot some prime, roasted anus?

>>27760091
It's not even about perfect vision, it's about logic. Brutal training, as I said, is perfectly justified when you don't have any time to train correctly. Here, you have some super unicorn race who can live for more than 200 years, twice the lifespan of an average, extremely healthy pony, and thus twice the time to train them correctly and fully instead of letting them get killed in a super steep learning curve. Is that a perfect vision?

>A fact that anyone who's done even the most cursory research knows already

The only other guy talking about military that thread thought having a 25 year old general was acceptable enough to ask us. You'd be surprised by the amount of research some people don't do.

Also, I quote him,

>>27754597
>There's a less edgy way to do shock troops.

>>27754601
>Yes, but edgy is more fun

Does that look like any research done to you?

>>27760156
I'm not even arguing about the merits of his idea. Humans don't always act logically, so why should ponies? Wouldn't fiction be boring if everyone acted like Mr. Spock?

The Spartans were a flawed martial culture, but they existed for hundreds of years and even dominated Greece for a time. If they're realistic enough for reality, they're realistic enough for a fantasy world with magical ponies.

>>Yes, but edgy is more fun
>Does that look like any research done to you?
Looks to me like someone who writes for fun. And honestly, if you're writing my little pony war-fics and taking it 100% seriously, you've very likely failed at life.

>>27760199
As much as I want disagree with you on principal, you have a good point.

Let's be frank here. Our pony stories aren't going to win any meaningful rewards for us. If you can't take a step back and say, "Hey, this doesn't have to be painstakingly detailed and follow every rule and guideline for every real-world thing it parallels, you should be doing something more productive with your time.

>>27760199
Could they at least try to act logically to win a war? You're not going to win any if half your soldiers die before even fighting.

>But they existed for hundreds of years and even dominated Greece for a time

If by hundreds of years you mean 200, then yes, they were.

China was a flawed martial culture, but existed for thousands of years and dominated their whole continent until the 1800s and raised armies of hundreds of thousands of men without going through spartan training. How's that?

The English have ruled over their island and even most of the world for centuries, without spartan training. How's that?

Sparta is an exception in military training more than a rule.

>Looks to me like someone who writes for fun

Edge for the sake of edge is just bad writing, even if for fun.

>>27760267
>Hey, this doesn't have to be painstakingly detailed and follow every rule and guideline for every real-world thing it parallels

Not who you replied to, but agreed too. There is a limit to research. It's self-rewarding at best, and having a few books printed for you at the paradigm.

It's still not an excuse to go full fantastic edgestatic though.

>>27760267
Exactly.

>>27760272
>If by hundreds of years you mean 200, then yes, they were.
See what I mean by 'pedantic know-it-all'? Good god, no wonder they call you Autismo.

>Edge for the sake of edge is just bad writing, even if for fun.
Tell that to Games Workshop, who own Warhammer 40k, one of the edgiest franchises in existence and one of the most profitable. Grimdark can be done just as well as any other genre. It just requires a fundamental understanding of how and why it works.

>>27760322

WH40K is supposed to be dark comedy.

It is mainly extreme autists who take it seriously.

>>27760322
To be fair.
40K works because you end up with shit like the Orks combined with so much over the top shit that it's hard to take it seriously a lot of the time.
And when it is trying to be serious you get a bunch of retarded shit happening.
Still annoyed how the Sister have been treated.

>>27760343
All grimdark is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. If you're taking it completely seriously, you've missed the point. Especially if you've mixed it with my little pony on top of that.

>>27760322
>See what I mean by 'pedantic know-it-all'?

Someone who proved your argument wrong and countered it with proof? Yes, that's autism at its finest, and I won't change from that.

>Grimdark can be done just as well as any other genre

Done well does not mean choosing edge because it's "fun". It means choosing edge because it's necessary, and portraying it well and realistically to send the whole message grimdark does.

Grimdark isn't for fun. Grimdark is dark, serious and compelling to you, because it shows you the darker nature of people and their totally justified views for it, or because you just have nothing to do and go full edgelord.

>>27760354
>If you're taking it completely seriously, you've missed the point.

Tell that to anyone hardcore Project Horizons fan.

>>27760370
>Someone who proved your argument wrong and countered it with proof?
"Two-hundred years" is still "hundreds of years". Nice to see a guy who doesn't even know the difference between singular and plural nouns commenting on fanfiction.

>Grimdark isn't for fun. Grimdark is dark, serious and compelling to you, because it shows you the darker nature of people and their totally justified views for it
You don't know what grimdark is. A work being on the cynical side of things doesn't make it grimdark. The term 'grimdark' refers specifically to fiction that's so dark and so grim that it becomes a parody of itself, which is partly the point.

>hardcore Project Horizons fan
i.e. uber-autist who shouldn't be taken seriously on anything.

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Ok, I see this argument is going to carry on to this thread.
A'ight, then.

>>27760199
>>27760267
Sometimes real-life events are too absurd for fiction. The saying "you can't make that shit up" can legitimately apply to a story.

>>27760370
>>27760398
>Project Horizons
I read every last chapter in that piece of shit, but the epilogue proved too much. It got bad after she died the first time, and then just got worse, but I somehow soldiered on, all the way to the end, but then the epilogue came out and I tried reading it, but I just couldn't. Easily the most disappointing fic I've read that I didn't put down in the first couple of chapters.

>>27760398
>Hundreds of years

Hundreds of years is normally used to refer to several hundreds, not two hundreds. You should have just said "200 years" instead of making the number sound so much greater.

It's still nothing compared to other empires, like Athens lasting 500 so years, China lasting at least a thousand with the Egyptians.

>that's so dark and so grim that it becomes a parody of itself,

Oh.

I always thought of grimdark as edgy to the extreme instead of edgy to nonsense. In that case, have a blast and go full edgelord.

>uber-autist

Which there are hundreds of.

Where are the tardwranglers when you need them?

>>27760744
There were no tardwranglers in the first place.

We're all territorial tards fighting for our opinion. The tardwranglers were only the strongest of us.

>>27760667
>China lasting at least a thousand with the Egyptians.
The thing about China is it's too general a term to compare to more specific entities like Athens and Sparta. It's been fragmented, united, and fragmented again several times throughout thousands of years; Chinese states and dynasties have risen and fallen with just as much chaos and bloodshed as their European counterparts. It even has a period in its history called the "Warring States Period". That's when 'The Art of War' was drafted.

>grimdark as edgy to the extreme instead of edgy to nonsense
There's not exactly a solid line between those two. And a work's "edginess level" isn't as important as how that work carries itself.

>>27760759
>And a work's "edginess level" isn't as important as how that work carries itself.

Isn't there a limit though? I've always considered edge for the sake of edge to be useless, and edginess past a certain level to be just ridiculous.

>>27760888
There's a sliding scale between silliness and seriousness. If an edgy work is also very serious, then yes, there is a limit to how edgy it can be, simply because adding so much edge that it becomes unrealistic makes the work harder to take seriously, and it will very likely be so angsty and so dark that people will just not care about it even if you do get the realism right.

But the further away the work goes from the serious end of the scale, the edgier it can be, on the condition that it retains its comparatively lighthearted tone. Black humor, over-the-top audaciousness, irony, and other such things are ways a work can be simultaneously lighthearted and edgy.

>>27760749
Sounds like someone escaped his 'wrangler.

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I'd like to sum up some of the Twilight / Spike stories:

I cannot fathom how great this story is. I like to read it from time to time.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/224797/just-an-assistant
>Twilight and Luna shares a tea, while Spike is serving it.
>Spike interrupts, while the princesses discuss about some politics, just to get scolded by Twilight and ask him to pick up some confectionary.
>Luna praises Twilight, with how she handled well "servant's" insubordination.
>This makes Twilight wonder about Spike's upbringing as Luna tells the customs of servants before her banishment.
- It is perhaps the best analysis of Spike's character I've seen so far PLUS it hits some depressing tone, when Twilight comes up with more and more conclusions.
Conversation between Luna and Twilight gets more heart wrenching, but it shows some good promise at the end

Furthermore, I'd recommend this:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/100084/spike-on-strike
and any "The Descendant" stories.

Secondly, I need to point it out, because when You are searching Spike / Twilight stories, expect the following:
>Spike gets insanely mad about his mistreatment.
>Edgy mode:Insulting Twilight
>Runs to Everfree Forest, I GUARANTEE THIS SHIT happens so often it is predictable now
>Something dangerous happens
>Twilight saves him and reconciliation happens
>Edgy mode: Spike gets killed
PLUS I've counted such gems:
- half dozen, when he is cutting wrist, to "feel the pain"
- one/two times, Spike rapes Twilight

I just wish I should create the account earlier. I could at least put them into some kind of "TRASH" category and post them as anti-examples.

>>27760759
>>27760888
>>27760939
Jericho was a good example of that I think. Painfully edgy but designed to make you laugh every time it went too far. Too bad I don't think it will ever be finished, and the author hasn't been active for a very very long time, but that's ok, what already exists is, in my imo, gold.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5841/jericho

>>27761112
>drinking blends
>falling for the "calming" tea meme
>drinking glorified tisane and bullshit
Fucking dropped.

>>27761164
You obviously hate tea. Perhaps coffee?

>>27761112
As far as "Spike is treated like shit by the rest of the Mane 6" this has to be one of the best I've read:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/195065/remember-me

It's a RoseluckxSpike fic, but it deals with his own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, I think it's great.

>>27761186
>implying i'm not drinking pu'er right now
I can't stand coffee.

How does one avoid creating a Gary Stu character

>>27761221
I just find this fic really, really boring.

Fuck, I'm not even sure how the fimfiction community decides what gets upvotes and what gets downvotes. I've seen some fics with up/down ratios near 2:1 or even 1:1 that aren't even that bad (maybe even good), and fics with >9000:1 that are complete dreck.

I'm not saying this fic's dreck, but I do find it just a bit underwhelming.

>>27761411
Give him a realistic set of skills and the background to justify them.
Make him react to the world in the way that he realistically would given his skills, personality, and background.
Don't insert yourself into him.
It's okay to center the story around him if he's the main character, but don't center the world around him, and don't make him steal the spotlight from the mane six.

>>27761411
Mary sue et al can mean vastly different things by now

>overpowered boring character
give him weaknesses, make him depend on others to achieve his goals, let him fail when it hurts

>unreasonably popular character
even ponies are alwys nice to each other and to newcomers. And don't forget the live of most to all characters doesn't revolve around your main

>painfully obvious self-insert
Harder to avoid. Don't make him too normal, or too resonable, or too blank, unless that's his thing

I'm not a good writer myself, so cum grano salis

>>27761612
*aren't always nice

I swear I'm not that drunk

>>27761612
>give him weaknesses
Not that simple. By now, everyone has gotten the clue that characters "need" weaknesses (which is itself a pretty artificial way to construct characters), which is how you end up with DeviantArt-tier OCs with darkred shadowfear katanapower, "balanced out" by the fact that their parents are dead and nobody likes them.

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Written anything lately?

>>27762164
Absolutely nothing, and I don't feel even a bit guilty about it.

>>27762135
That's because weaknesses are supposed to disadvantage him, and not make him more likeable. If his parents are dead but he never mourns, what's the point? If nobody likes him but he's super powerful and with a ridiculous ego, what's the point?

>>27761411
Realistic abilities for his environment, no special snowflake (Being the best of X, the youngest in X, having X super special rare weapon, being the chosen one, etc) while not being too boring to the point he's an anti-sue.

>>27762164
I'll be honest. I'm considering getting into writing original fiction. I don't like having to deal with fandom baggage and strict adherence to source material; I find it too limiting. Plus, I'd like to make a bit of money. But the problem is I don't have formal training or an attractive resume to show to a literary agent.

>>27762135
>"balanced out" by the fact that their parents are dead and nobody likes them.
I might add that the former is a cliché that really only Batman has done properly, and the latter is generally going to be assumed of the OC's creator anyway (which adds to the self-insert thing).

>>27762265
>But the problem is I don't have formal training or an attractive resume to show to a literary agent.
Just start, man. Look for writing contests in your town or somewhere you can mail your entries. That's a good starting point, and even if you fail miserably, it still is a way of gaining experience.

After these last couple of threads I find myself really, really missing bumping

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>>27762809
You and me both, brother.

>>27762164
I'm trying to write some non-pony stuff, but every time I try to break through my writer's block, I keep getting distracted by pony.

Right now, I can't stop thinking about writing a Shining Armor x Cadance romance in the style of a paranormal romance novel (i.e. in the style of Christine Feehan or Sherrilyn Kenyon). The premise of a guard falling in love with a princess/demigoddess of love is almost perfectly suited to that genre. Unfortunately, I can't actually think up a good plot to go with it, so I'm stuck with just a premise clogging up my thinking.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/335899/shinings-flurry
Quality bants are happening. Feel free to join the rampant shitposting.

>>27755127
Hey, the person with the Reincarnation story here; which of these do you guys think would be a better opening? Opening with a dream sewuence then introducing the characters, or introducing the characters then segueing into a dream sequence?

>>27763106
I'd say dream sequence. You can show right away that something weird is going on, and immediately get the reader wondering what exactly it might be.

>>27763040
Clicked it expecting Starla making a fool of himself. Not sure if what I actually found is better than that, or worse.

>>27763040
Good shitshow thanks a lot
I especially liked the kid who went autistic over a joke questioning his gender

>>27763040
I am in awe. I'm not exactly sure what I'm in awe of, but something in that whole mess in amazing.

>>27763231
>I especially liked the kid who went autistic over a joke questioning his gender
It was just like the usual 4chan parody of an edgy middle schooler. Except, I'm pretty sure he was actually serious.

>>27762214
Would my MC being a fencing prodigy make them a Gary Stu, if it were incrediblely relevent to the story, and their entire point of existence?

>>27763817
How many true prodigies have we seen canonically aside from Princess Twilight Suekle?

And theres your answer

>>27763817
Ditto on >>27764180
Just say he's trained all his life to become proficient at his talent of fencing.
It's more believeable and less stue~ish than a natural prodigy.

>>27764262
Or better yet, just say he's a fencer then show him being really good at it.

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/261997/how-much-money-does-knighty-make-off-our-writing

I admit it. I had a good laugh.

I don't even know what this guy's point is. Tell everyone the site admin runs the site for profit?

>>27764262
>>27764499
yeah. natural (or in this case, special) talent will only take you so far. even if you're naturally talented in something it will still take plenty of time, experience and training to truly make something out of it

>>27764622
pretty simple.

Wants people to be aware that a fan fiction website is being used as a monetization front. Hinting that you could better spend your time creating content for free without having any monetization on your part. Basically, people are making content for free and the owner of the site is making money off their work. Its like if youtube kept all the money and used the content creation from users without paying them.

In other words, if people caught wind that they were putting money in knightys pockets without any reimbursement. Then, people would deletr their stories and/or retaliate etc.

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I'm at loss for words, really.

>>27764908
Woah.

>>27764908
>omg, someone is using a shitty alicorn self insert in fimfiction.

>this surprises you.

Get a life you cunt.

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>>27764928

Maybe he's just shocked it isn't red and black.

[Pt. 1]

>>27757780
>special talent
Depending on the race/species:
>parrying
>specific magic thing (teleportation, shield, horn lasers, telekinesis, etc.)
>healing/medicine
>air-to-air combat
>high altitude endurance
>siege engineering
>long-range flight
>pyromancy
>potions
>cannon stuff
>archery

>>27757788
>everyone gets handed the same equipment for the sake of conformity
Honestly, I don't think that would really be true for Equestria. They don't have guns, so there's no real "everyman" weapon and given the role cutie marks and special talents play in the society, it seems perfectly fitting that there'd be more niche roles.

>>27759286
I'm not feeling that synopsis. What's the actual plot of the story? "Darkest days" is incredibly vague, not to mention cliche.

>>27759887
>opening the gates of Tartarus
A single guard can just flip a switch and open it? That seems like a pretty big security flaw.

>darker side of herself
Why doesn't she just kill herself? Then she doesn't have to worry about the darker side influencing anyone ever again.

And what's the princesses and M6 doing in all this?

[Pt. 2]

>>27760199
>they're realistic enough for a fantasy world with magical ponies
The problem is, they've been done to death. This is the second story in two threads to have the "Spartan training from hell" shtick in it. It'd be nice to see a subversion of it from time to time instead of constantly going full 300.

And if you do use it, then at least try to have it make sense in the setting. Sparta didn't have a defensive wall and had to rely on their highly trained military to act as their defenses. Put it in context rather than just using it as an excuse for why the goons are so good at fighting/being edgy.

>>27760398
>so dark and so grim that it becomes a parody of itself
That's not really true. Grimdark really just means a genre that relies heavily on "darker" themes and plots, to the point where they can be overwhelming to the viewer. There's nothing there about it being a parody or pretending to be retarded.

>>27761411
Simply don't make him "special." Don't have the plot and characters orbit him like he's a black hole, don't give him some physical feature (metal wings, neon hair, tattoos across the body, three horns, etc.) that makes him unique to everyone else, don't make him better than canon characters at established things (better farmer than AJ, better flyer than Dash, etc.), and don't give him some special backstory.

>>27764180
Ironically we've seen a few.

>>27764262
I just meant he's really good at fencing. Like practicing every day because becoming a professional fencer is a viable career path for him good.

>>27765699
>Like practicing every day because becoming a professional fencer is a viable career path for him good
Okay, that's much much better. Stick to that.

So I've been gone for a while. Can someone refresh me on the RealityCheck vs. FIMFiction drama?

I mean, fuck... if they wanna piss off to another site because the FIMFiction mods hurt his delicate sensibilities then fine. But did he have to take down ALL of his completed stories, too?

But what exactly HAPPENED to jumpstart this debacle?

>>27765757
Something something he was told to fuck off and that apparently was the straw that broke the man, ao he ragequit the site.

I'll never forget the time he inadvertly condoned child abuse in the comment section of one of my fics. Good times.

>>27765794
I remember him basically saying in the comments section of either the profile of, or one of the stories of Aegis Shield, with what amounted to a very nasty "your stories are bad and you should feel bad" and then Aegis did.

RealityCheck was a pretentious dickwad.

>>27761112
>Secondly, I need to point it out, because when You are searching Spike / Twilight stories, expect the following:
Apart from Edgy mode, all of this literally happened in the show.

>>27762265
You can always self-publish on Amazon.

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>>27762164
Well, heh, I don't mean to brag, but I wrote 223 words of what I hope isn't pure garbage last night.

>>27765492
>Everyman weapon

Don't you mean everypony ^:^)

They would still have some kind of common weapons (Spears, crossbows, cannons) to prevent a logistical nightmare that special snowflake weapons would create. Of course, this doesn't apply to unicorn.

To the armchair generals in this thread, is there any good guide on fimfiction as too the organization of the Royal Guard? I'm trying to figure out the progression of ranks Shining Armor would have had throughout his military career up to the point where he became Captain of the Guard and what duties he might have had at each stage.

Specifically, I'm trying to write a romance story with him and Cadance that would take place while he is her personal bodyguard and trying to figure out how high-ranking you can be and still be able to take on such a position (I originally wanted to have it take place while he was Captain, but I'm pretty sure a Captain would never end up personally guarding the third most important princess).

>>27765757
What has RealityCheck written? The name is familiar, but that's all.

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>>27766120
nothing of significance it would seem

>how high-ranking you can be and still be able to take on such a position

Not very highly. You're still a line soldier if acting as a body guard, although probably an elite one. Anything beyond commanding a platoon would not be a mere bodyguard, since they rarely fight or even go on the battlefield.

>>27766158
Meant to reply to >>27766115

>>27766158
>>27766163

Yeah, I'm basically trying to figure out how high-ranking you can be without being stuck behind a desk. I want Shining to be as old as possible but I also need to give him enough time to become Captain of the Guard (although, I guess I could say that his progression post-dating Cadance was sped up due to favoritism).

>>27766176
Considering the his age (About late-30s? Since he's getting married and is older than Twilight obviously), I don't think he ever went as a line soldier, and instead went directly to a commanding post.

Since he's positioned in a reserve unit which apparently never saw combat, there would be no way for him to acquire the experience needed to make the jump from enlisted soldier to commissioned officer. Commanding smaller units can be done without training, but to manage a group as large and important as the royal guard would require significant training.

It's your fic though, so do as you want.

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>>27766231
Some pic related stats

>>27766176
are there any executive protection types that are active military?

in the US its the secret service, which was part of the treasury department until DHS swallowed it, not military

in the UK its the protection command, who technically work for the london metropolitan police service

and the pope has the pontifical swiss guard of the holy see, who are technically mercenaries and only passed swiss basic training

youd apparently have to be in some third world shithole like venezuela or north korea for the military to be in charge of the leaderships protection

>>27766231
>>27766235

To give a further idea about reserve units in towns and cities, we have two regiments stationed in Ottawa, which makes for about 2000-3000 individuals, commanded by commissioned officvers.

>>27766237
How would he make the jump from secret services to commanding a well known group?

>youd apparently have to be in some third world shithole like venezuela or north korea for the military to be in charge of the leaderships protection

Yet we let "Newly enlisted guards" such as Flash Sentry protect Cadence.

>>27766243
the other option is that the royal guard isnt really military, but nearly entirely ceremonial like the beefeaters or the yeomen of the guard

which would help explain why theyre so hilariously ill prepared to deal with anything that arises

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>>27766271
>the other option is that the royal guard isnt really military, but nearly entirely ceremonial like the beefeaters or the yeomen of the guard

Yup, that's where I would stand too. You're not going to let mounties or this guy fight on the front oh wait, he did., much less a reserve unit in the center of your country.

But if that's the case, wouldn't this symbolic unit be even more prestigious and hard to get into and rank up?

>>27766286
>But if that's the case, wouldn't this symbolic unit be even more prestigious and hard to get into and rank up?

doesnt cronyism run rampant everywhere? I mean the guy we're talking about is the brother of the god-queens semi-adoptive daughter and has been banging another alicorn princess since the aforementioned sister gained her cutie mark, so yeah I cant imagine how difficult it must have been for him to climb the ranks...

>>27766237
That's good point. Things get a lot simpler to deal with if I decouple the Royal Guard from the rest of the military.

So what kind of structure would such an organization have? I suppose I could make anything up in this case, but having some RL reference would be nice.

>>27766336
Just do some research on NATO, the Pope's guard, etc. etc.

>>27766336
though you could still use military ranks, just dont have them as part of the army.

And remember SA is Captain of the Guard. thats a title, not a rank

per wikipedia (so take that for what its worth)
>The Captain of the Guard is the commanding position of a military security force. The position of Captain of the Guard is not or no longer associated with the rank of Captain.
>The Guard is commonly associated with bodyguard duty for royalty or head of state, but the Guard can refer to the military security force of a city or region such as a province, state, or territory.

>>27766316
I was also thinking of extreme favoritism, either from his parents, Twilight's position or Cadence. But he still has to have some kind of competent training for him to be promoted and stay captain of the Royal Guard. Plus, I'd imagine quite a lot of other members of the guard would hate him for this, and if only one had all the prerequisites and didn't get the job, he could very well get Shining and whoever or whichever group promoted him in court for corruption and collusion.

>>27766378
>get Shining and whoever or whichever group promoted him in court for corruption and collusion.
so celestia could get dragged into court and risk facing the wrath of celestia in celestias penal system?

;^)

>>27766383
I don't think Celestia decides who gets promoted or not in the EUP. There's more likely a more competent council made of high ranking members who evaluate applicants' capabilities and decides who or not gets promoted or demoted.

Even if it was Celestia, it still is corruption, and unless he's going for a Tyranlestia world, she can very well be found guilty and sentenced, along with anyone who helped in the matter.

>>27766450
>EUP
goddamn I hate that more everytime I see it.
just keep envisioning big mac getting to be the one who decides what the military is going to be called

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNN1aTUXv0w

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Do you think the fallout crossovers will ever stop?

>>27766483
Proof Big Mac is a PTSD ridden veteran who has lost the ability of speech beyond saying "EUP"

>>27766499
Of course not. Are you crazy?
It's like an entirely separate fandom.

>>27761411
The truth is that the "Sue" term has become somewhat of a undefined negative ooze. If you ask ten Anons what a Mary Sue is, you'll likely get ten different definitions. If you choose just one of them and ask for ways to avoid writing one, you'll get ten different ways to do so.
But in my opinion, the term ultimately has to do with characters that are not appropriate for the story they're in. And they have to be compelling. It's not a checklist, where you at all times need to avoid or include certain things.
If you're writing space pulp, then I don't have any issues with "Doctor Space: Wizard of Science" being the smartest man on Neptune. Likewise if you're doing something Conan-esque, there's nothing wrong with Krognak the Corsair being as strong as ten men.
But you can't have Krognak and Doctor Space in every story. Just like they wouldn't work in a more "realistic" story, a more realistic character wouldn't necessarily work in their realms.

It is okay to have extraordinary characters as long as the characters don't break the suspension of disbelief, or feel out of place in their own setting. Most, though not all, stories are ultimately about unusual events and unusual people, and that's perfectly fine. But it requires a proper understanding of what kind of story you're actually telling.

It has to do with audience expectation. The Mary Sue term comes from Star Trek fanfiction, so let's take that as an example.

>>27766914
In Star Trek, you expect the world to work in a certain way. Sure, there's space, adventure and things often work out in the end, but characters are fairly human and normal. It's not some romanticised Romance of the Three Kingdoms tale, where it is within the work's nature that Liu Bei is an unfaltering paragon of Benevolence and Lu Bu can slay a thousand men. We expect a Federation crew to work in a way that's comparable to reality.
A Mary Sue breaks those expectations. She is too skilled, too likeable, too good, and too beautiful. She cannot be compelling because she doesn't work as a character. A "Nega-Sue" which is just an inverse character is just as jarring.

If a bride officer gravely insults another bridge officer, we don't expect the latter to forgive the first without good reason. But a Sue will typically be forgiven for everything and never face consequence. This is a major fault, since the reader ends up feeling cheated and frustrated.
Building tension requires the reader to, at least on some level, believe something that matters is at stake. But for a Sue, we either end up cheated once the character wins easily, or become unable to feel that tension once we realise that the character cannot lose, however much her losing makes sense in the tone of the story.

>>27764622
I don't see the point. I've got nothing against kniggly making money off me.
Also who doesn't block ads anyway?

>>27766821
>fourth grade
That seems super-early to join a fandom. Or maybe things have changed. I didn't even have a computer in fourth grade.

>>27766944
>That seems super-early to join a fandom.
seems youve forgotten the actual target age for the show. we're the weird ones here, brosef stalin

>>27764622
>I would estimate this post as being worth 50 US Dollars.
top kek

>>27765496
>It'd be nice to see a subversion of it from time to time instead of constantly going full 300.
Would you be content with a deconstruction? King Leonidas didn't even win that fight; Sparta was brought to its knees by a bunch of gay Delphian men. It's pretty safe to say the Spartan way is ripe for deconstruction.

>>27766998
Probably.
I just think joining a fandom isn't quite the same as just enjoying whatever the fandom is about.
Even though I was into space, dinosaurs, Johnny Bravo and the Powerpuff Girls, I never went online and joined any sort of fan community.
But then again, that might just be me.

>>27767528
Most of us were born in the 90's and late 80's. Online fandoms were only for the nerdiest (and wealthiest) of nerds, and certainly not for eight year old kids.

>>27767576
>tfw i wasn't always a nerd
Sometimes I wonder how things would have gone if I had continued doing sports hanging out with normalfag friends.

>>27767592
You probably wouldn't be here talking about horsewords. So, a lot better and more meaningful, I suppose.

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bump

>>27768412
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▲͏ ͏▲͏ ͏ ͏

>>27768693
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>>27768702
What the fuck, it worked before.

>>27768711
> ͏͏ ▲͏͏ ͏͏
>▲͏ ͏▲͏

>>27768711
Did you properly magnetise your hard drive?

>>27768726
Yes. Do I need to use a stronger magnet?

I'm using alt0129 and everything, god damn it. Am I doomed to be new forever?

I know everyone tells new writers to go for simple SoL/Comedy fics to begin with, but I just can't get myself to write them. They just seem boring and pointless, which makes me stop and wonder why I'm writing in the first place, eventually leading to total loss of interest in the fic.

What else could I write to start and get a feeling of what Fimfic thinks of me?

>>27768967
Literally fucking anything.

>>27768981
Anything short? I'm really pulled towards adventure fics, but they seem way too long to write for a beginner.

>>27768967
Try one-shots first, then. Regardless of genre. The point of writing SoL and comedy is to start simple so you can to get a good hold of the setting and the characters.

As long as you start simple and build your way up to more complex stuff, you should be fine.

>>27768993
Oneshots.

Are there any good Historical HIEs? I quite enjoyed The Best of all Possible Worlds and was intrigued by the premise of The Sun and the Rose (though that turned out somewhat disappointing) and was wondering if there was anything else like that.

>>27769419
uhhh
Through the Well of Pirene?

>>27769447
Not quite what I was thinking, but I guess the worldbuilding stuff would qualify as "historical." I was thinking more along the lines of a Human from the past ends up in Equestria.

>>27769477
Self insert stories from 2010-2015.

>>27769477
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/27065

>>27769502
How did you even find that? And how does a four year old story with that title have zero likes or dislikes?

>>27769529
>How did you even find that?
Google.

>And how does a four year old story with that title have zero likes or dislikes?
If a story has less than 10 votes, they won't be visible.

>>27769529
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/170851 is better desu

>tfw you get called a fascist for agreeing with Starship Troopers' (the book not the film) general message.

>>27770113
You fucking fascist fuck off.

>>27770113

Heinlein? MOAR LIKE HITLERLEIN!

>>27770113

Incidentally the film was mocking the novel's message because it was Hollywood bullshit.

But it did it so ineptly that when I first watched it, I thought it was just a really shitty adaptation. I don't like the film at all.

Even though I hate the novel's message, it's a hell of a well written book, and an adaptation should have some respect for its source material.

>>27770113
>feeling the need to bring that up in an entirely unrelated thread
It's your fault when this thread goes to shit.

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What the fuck? Why?

>>27770349
Yeah, why arent you using AdBlock?

>>27770349
Featured box confirmed for worthless.

>>27761459
>I just find this fic really, really boring.
Seeing as how 'Remember Me' is the first MLP-related story I ever read and what made me take fanfiction serious, please explain what you meant by this. It seems the rest of your post is just a rant about upvotes.

>>27762809
>>27762862
KYS

>>27770699
It's probably the same idiot who said feelings are for women in a related discussion last thread.

>>27770699
He probably means he was bored by it.

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>>27770793
But Anon.
Being honest with your feelings is wrong.

>>27770793
I wouldn't be surprised; most of 4chan is fucking retarded. Just look at /pol/.

>>27770908
I'd have acted the same way desu.

It's her choice to be dating a dumbshit, and I'd respect that instead of meddling into her matters. Each time I've tried meddling in someone else's relations, it has ended up very badly.

That's the beta life I guess, and it chose me.

>>27769529
check out all of that guys stories. its unpublished.

unpublished means few people even know its there

>>27770595
you just now figuring that out?

>Planet Hell is coming off hiatus
No new chapters yet, just blogs and the status changed back to "incomplete", but I'm still a little hype

>>27771379
What's Planet Hell?

>>27771431
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/190072/planet-hell-the-redemption-of-harmony
One of the better sci-fi fics out there. Went on hiatus a year or two ago, when the author went off to write real books instead.

How long do deleted stories stay in your account before Fimfic forgets it existed?

Person with the reincarnation fic here; I've got the first draft of my first chapter here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ueUJB7JxtmnHIbq3xqL_SxjFixqQKgnIwirCpcZUojM/edit?usp=sharing

I know it's not that good, but eh, gotta start somewhere.

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hey are you goys going to finally do something and help make america great again?

>>27772206
I really hope Trump gets elected.
Me not living in the US may have something to do with it.

>>27772206
Id rather a white business man be in charge rather than an old criminal lesbian. The last 8 years ought to show you what happens when a white guy isn't in charge

>>27771891
Seems all right so far. I went and spewed unnecessarily nitpicky comments all over it anyway. Your writing is generally okay but gets a bit wordy in places.

Not sure what to think of the crazy-laugh lady. A little more detail on why she's here would be nice. "The carvings from the Temple of Whatsit clearly indicated this was the place...", "Her life's work would soon come to fruition...", that sort of thing.

The college dudes seem fine so far. I hope you aren't about to introduce the other four right away. One of the more interesting parts of Five Score was watching the various groups as they tried to find each other.

My biggest concern right now is that MLP is a real show within the story. Now you have to explain how it manages to be both a children's cartoon and a literal retelling of historical events. Worse, given the bit about the MMDW dream, it seems like you may be treating the show as a 100% accurate depiction of the actual events.

Five Score tried to justify this by saying Faust (or Faust's neighbor's kid, or something) was sort of psychically attuned to the world of Equestria, and Faust wrote the exact events that she perceived that way, and somehow all of it, down to the tiniest detail, made it through the production process and into the actual show. But that's bullshit. We all know the production process doesn't work that way.

Also, what's the timeline on this thing?
- Did the laughing lady break the orb 19 years ago, releasing the spirits of the M6 to be reincarnated as newborn babies?
- Or did she break it yesterday, and the spirits took up appropriate hosts from among those living at the time?
- - Or were the spirits already in the right bodies, because of fate?
- - - Or because they've been passing from person to person for the full 3000 years?
Some of these options are easier to justify than others.

>>27772623
>MLP is a real show within the story
that has been done a lot.

it has never gone well

>>27771580
I'm curious about this, too. With all the authors who've been BTFO by caustic critics, you'd think fimfic wouldn't keep deleted stories forever.

>>27772703
>you'd think fimfic wouldn't keep deleted stories forever.
from what I understand thats exactly the case though. deleted things are apparently still there just not visible or searchable, much like unpublished stories except the writers can see those

>>27772809
I once deleted one of my stories. I had two before I deleted it, and my account still said I had two even after I deleted it. After a while, that number dropped, but I never kept track of how long it's been like that.

Well, seeing as we're getting into meta-discussion... I still think it's dumb that stories can avoid the queue after the author's put out... how many? How many fics do you need to upload before it doesn't have to go through the queue anymore? I forgot. It's probably something dumb.

>>27773009
>How many fics do you need to upload before it doesn't have to go through the queue anymore?
You can skip the queue at all?

>>27773170
That's what I heard at least.

>>27772623
The show within the story thing is a bit of a problem, yeah, and maybe I should change it around a bit; I would probably be better off just changing the actual history around just enough that it would be believable. I'll probably attempt to justify it, though, and make it so the minutae of the history is different. As for the last one, the fourth option is the answer; I'm going to try and explain that through the story.

>>27773170
think it was once you had two things pass moderation you you just no longer had to wait for mods to give it an ok. pretty sure the posting queue still applies

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>>27755127
Can anyone recommend a good fic for Discord tormenting Celestia or Luna (or any mane character would be good too) in the vein of his cameo in Cutie Re-Mark?

Nothing edgy, i've seen 'Discord Wins' fics where they have him eviscerating or torturing ponies in a crude and overly violent manner. I mean fics where Discord is at his worse of having fun at everyone else's expense, going full balls to the walls with his power to make humiliating jokes out of the princesses. Lots of torment not so much of a physical nature but of a twisted sense of 'fun' mental nature.

I really wanted to see more of this scene: it's a land full of insanity and depraved of hope.

>>27765757
>RealityCheck vs. FIMFiction drama
>RealityCheck likes to vocalize his political opinions via blog and story soapboxes
>people argue with him and report the blog posts
>mods tell everyone to stop being faggots and only report for legitimate reasons
>someone writes a fic where RealityCheck rapes Nyx
>mods somehow approve it
>shitstorm ensues
>story's eventually privated
>more comment arguing
>he eventually hops off the Fimfic ride
>but still logs in

>take down
http://archiveofourown.org/users/RHJunior/works

While being so openly aggressive didn't help him, I can't blame him for leaving after all the shit that was tossed his way.

>>27766237
For the UK, there is the Queen's Guard, which is made up from the British Army.

>>27766243
>How would he make the jump
I've always liked the headcanon Twilight's family's pretty well connected and high up in the Canterlot aristocracy.

>>27768967
Shortness is the key. Oneshots are always the way to go when starting out. Comedy and SoL are recommended because they most closely mirror the show, and thus, the characterization you want to shoot for initially.

>>27769419
The Descendant did one (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/50795/the-youth-in-the-garden) about an actual civil war soldier (who was declared MiA) who dies of his wounds in front of Fluttershy.

>>27774649
>I've always liked the headcanon Twilight's family's pretty well connected and high up in the Canterlot aristocracy.

Not really a headcanon imo. Her brother's married to a princess. Doesn't seem that happens without connections.

>>27775184
Hey, if you've made it to captain of the Royal Guard, chances are you already've made some conections along the way.

>>27775184
>Doesn't seem that happens without connections.
even before that twilight has an alicorn princess as a foalsitter. thats not going to happen for the town shit shoveler

was that ACW that has the flashback? did cadance foalsit twilight pre- or post-cutie mark acquisition?

>>27775232

Pre-cutie mark.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNvUeQin0MI

Cadance looks pretty young, too, and has a different model.

>>27775184
>Doesn't seem that happens without connections.
Twilight was Celestia's pupil.
Then Cadence became her babysitter.
Twilight is the connection.

>>27775253
>Then
But Cadence became Twilight's foalsitter before she got her cutiemark. >>27775238

>>27775253

Look at post directly above you. Cadance was Twilight's babysitter before she got her cutie mark.

>>27775255
Huh.
Twilight becoming an alicorn was Celestia's plan all along.

>>27775238
well there goes my theory that they suddenly became important because of twilight.

unless the long planning celestia cliche is actually true and cG was right in that celestia engineered the M6s families together in order to produce the offspring who would eventually become the element bearers

>>27775266
>the long planning celestia cliche
Is it a cliche? I remember it being just a joke theory a few years back.

>>27775270
it was done in a bunch f old ficsand has lingered

I mean do you really think the entirety of celestias plan was
>send personal student #2,582 to small town
>assume the population will tolerate her for a day
>???
>save the world

and maybe it was originally a joke that celestia manipulated various bloodlines in order to create the half dozen ponies necessary to become the bearers then manupulate things further to get all of them into the same low population village in time to do their thing. but it was better than the apparent asspull we actually saw in the show

>>27775284
>and maybe it was originally a joke that celestia manipulated various bloodlines in order to create the half dozen ponies necessary to become the bearers then manupulate things further to get all of them into the same low population village in time to do their thing.
What the fuck?

>>27775288
what youve never heard that before?

>>27775296
Not to that extent, no.

>>27775298
you think it was coincidence that flutters fell out of cloudsdale and landed where she did?
or that a likely flight school dropout would wind up as a weather manager?
or that ponk would just decide to leave the family farm and wind up in some small farm town?
or that celestia herself gave the land to some farmers who founded what would become a town that is within a short walk of an ancient castle in which the countrys greatest superweapon lay dormant?

but then again celestia did get TKO'd by a bug queen that her precious student told her about in advance so theres no real easy answer

>>27774649
He still took them off of his FIMFiction account.

I mean, I understand WHY, but he could have just, I don't know... left them up as-is and still fucked off to AO3?

But yeah, RC could really have a nasty attitude a lot of the time. That shit where he shot Aegis Shield's confidence to hell to the point where he almost scrapped EVERYTHING he was writing at the time was one of the most recent examples I could think of where RC was an utter twat for no reason than to be a twat.

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So is Chatoyance still a misanthropic SJW supercunt supreme, or has she finally started taking her meds and calmed the fuck down?

>>27775309
Yes, no, yes, and no. Some events, like Fluttershy falling from Cloudsdale, just couldn't be predicted by anyone. My preferred variant of this headcanon is that she manipulates at a high level, keeping track of the few dozen strongest individuals of each generation, and sort of nudging ponies in the right direction. For example, making sure X gets offered their dream job, which just happens to be in the same town where Y lives. When the timer ran out, she probably had two dozen candidates ready, but half of them didn't end up in Ponyville at the right time, and she picked the strongest choice for each element to run the celebration.

>>27775348
>That shit where he shot Aegis Shield's confidence to hell to the point where he almost scrapped EVERYTHING he was writing at the time
so RC nearly did everyone a favor?

page 10

>>27774455
>depraved of hope
>depraved
Depraved
Adjective
morally corrupt; wicked.

Deprived
Adjective
suffering a severe and damaging lack of basic material and cultural benefits.
suffering a lack of a specified benefit that is considered important.

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SOON

>>27776587
>book 1
oh fuck me theres going to be more

>>27776587
>Metaphors make me cool and a good writer

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>>27776660
Well, of course! The story's not over yet. These chucklefucks at the bottom right are still running around wrecking everyone's shit, and the good guys haven't even tried mounting a proper counterattack yet. Hopefully that will change once the M6 get out of the hospital.

IIRC they are pretty much cured, but in the last chapter, the hospital got blown up or burned down or some such thing, and now they're trapped in the basement underneath the rubble.

In the comments, Shin said he's planning on three books, roughly a million words. I assume that's not counting the side stories, since AAG + side stories is about 700,000 already.

>>27776587
>he's got a patreon
I don't want to know how much he makes. It'd only depress me.

Sad story idea:

>AJ writes letters to BM during the Crystal War AU
>Story begins with 4 of her letters
>Switches back to her in her farm, the letters being brought back by Caramel
>She asks why she got no reply whatsoever from BM
>Caramel reveals that BM died on the trip while trying to clear snow from the front of the train and so never made it to the front

Would you guys read it?

>>27776764
the thing is I had AAG on my RL list forever. And Im retarded enough to unironically enjoy some HiEs.

but once you decided to start commenting on it I couldnt remove that shit from my shelf fast enough

>>27776818
no but I generally hold AUs in a similar regard to crossovers theyre nearly guaranteed to be shit

>>27776841
It is a canon AU though.

>>27776841
>>27776847

And I'm really not writing it to focus on the war side, it's basically the quickest idea for a sad story I could think of.

>>27776847
anthro is technically canon and I wont touch that shit either

>>27776818
Why not keep the story entirely through letters, with the last letters stating that AJ found out Mac is dead but keeps writing him because sadness?

>>27776864
I've thought of that, might keep even more consistency throughout it.

>>27776863
EQG isn't that anthro, it's humanized with people of color.

>>27776886
>EQG isn't that anthro, it's humanized with people of color.
right up until the point where certain persons of color start sprouting tails and wings

>>27776886
That only makes it sound like a bunch of black people sprouted wings and horns.

>>27776901
>>27776902

Maybe I have an unique definition of anthro, but I don't consider it so unless they have horse faces.

Even then, it's a rare power-up, not the norm as in anthro stories.

>>27776841
Not him, but AAG is pretty damn good if you want something way different from your standard HiE/PoE.

It's just slow as fuck to update, as the author has had his focus on the Sunny June or whatever for a while. He's was also jacking off on the PS4 a good bit last I actually used the thing.

>>27776955
>AAG is pretty damn good if you want something way different from your standard HiE/PoE
Well, that is certainly an opinion

>>27776978
Remember anon, his opinions are all facts.

>>27776978
Hey, if you're looking for a HiE/PoE dripping with balls-to-the-wall insanity, you can do much worse than AAG.

>>27776862
/fimfic/ is full of lazy assholes who hate themselves for not writing their own fics and will shit on anyone's efforts to be any different. Don't put too much stock in what anyone here says.

That said, people who click on a Crystal War AU fic will want to read it for the Crystal War. They don't care that you're too lazy to come up with a more mundane reason for having ponies cry. If all you want to do is write a sadfic, think of something else.

>>27776987
Fuck off, that's my first post in the thread.

Please direct me to a fic like AAG. I'll wait.

>>27777005
>people who click on a Crystal War AU fic will want to read it for the Crystal War
Assuming he doesn't completely botch the description, nobody's going to click on that fic expecting epic battles and such.

>>27776955
>AAG is pretty damn good if you want something way different from your standard HiE/PoE.
>multiple love hexagons
>excessive needless drama
>massive plotholes
>constant dropping of the idiot ball
>love princess murders her own citizens
>family drama
>relationship drama
>the end of book one and no one knows who the villain is yet
>several millennia old deities have weaker thought processes and impulse control than mentally retarded toddlers
>etc
>etc
>etc
you have a funny definition of good

I'll stick with some self insert, less wrong brony displaced seventh element in equestria who bangs all of the waifus fic over that. because the SILWBDSEiE is less retarded.

>>27777031
I'll give you points for that acronym.

>>27777023
>http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125626/persona-eg

>>27777024
Yes, but who's seriously going to click on a sadfic set in an AU whose sole appeal is the war, when there are plenty of non-AU SoL sadfics out there that deal with more relatable themes? I know I wouldn't, even if I was a fan of sadfics in the first place.

>>27777050
I didnt even finish the acronym. I just ended it with the "iE" out of force of habit

>>27777101
too soon, brah

>>27777055
Har har.

>>27777135
It's the closest thing to AAG I can find.

>>27777056
>I know I wouldn't
Why the hell not? Are you morally opposed to AU fanfiction or something?

>>27777777 just to know when someone gets it.

>>27777149
That's my point.

While it has its flaws, which I won't deny, it is different.

It's not my favorite fic, but it's worth a read, far more than most of the trash that we're handed.

>>27777162
I actually write AU. It's one of my favorite genres, and an actual Crystal War epic would be something I'd sink my teeth into like Dracula on Bella Swan. My problem with this idea of his is he's putting it in a grimdark setting with a very specific appeal as a lazy substitute for decent writing.

>>27777199
Okay, stop baiting. Fuck off, please.

>>27777210
>with a very specific appeal

How is grief, want and doubt a very specific appeal?

The fic doesn't even focus on the war past the mention Big Mac is sent to the front. The rest of the letters are about AJ doubting about how her brother is, feeling the want from rationing and lack of help on the farm and finally mourning for Granny and Big Mac, who die in the last parts.

>>27777210
So hypothetically, if you were into sadfics, would you read a fic set in an AU where Equestria is at war with the griffons, in which Applejack writes letters to Big Mac not knowing he'd died in the war?

>>27776901
>right up until the point where certain persons of color start sprouting tails and wings
but that's a superpower that only some of them can use
and it looks more like some catgirl bullshit than actual anthro
someone upload that normal -> anthro ->bestiality chart over here

>>27777210
>with a very specific appeal as a lazy substitute for decent writing.
How did you even reach that conclusion? The guy wants to write a sadfic and found a situation presented in the show that lends itself to the story he wants to tell, how's that lazy?

>>27777005
>and will shit on anyone's efforts to be any different.
Are you stupid? We're shitting on exactly the opposite - doing the same dumb edgeshit that every other autist on Fimfiction uploads.

>>27777215
>Anything I disagree with is bait
I guess there is a lot of FIMFic in this thread.

>>27777241
>How is grief, want and doubt a very specific appeal?
I'm talking about the AU. It's called the *Crystal War* Universe for a reason.

>>27777249
This is a totally separate universe. Your idea would be great if it was part of a greater whole that dealt with the size and scale of the Crystal War, but by itself? No.

>>27777257
>How did you even reach that conclusion?
Because having it take place in the canon universe would take a fair amount of work and skill to make it work, whereas putting it in this AU would allow him to just say "oh, waa, big mac died in war". I'm not saying it can't be done well, because it can, but I don't think there's a big audience for this.

>>27777298
>I'm talking about the AU

It's barely a tool for the story, and barely gets mentioned. The story does not revolve around the war happening, it revolves around AJ's worry and grief. It's not the Crystal War with grief in the background, it's grief with the Crystal War in the background.

And might I remind you this "AU" is totally canon and confirmed to have happened in one of the timelines?

>>27777298
I honestly do not understand you.
From your replies I see that you'd rather read a story about a war between Equestria and whomever than a fic dealing with AJ losing her brother in the war, and that's fine. But why are you going out of your way to shoot down a perfectly valid idea?
If anything, it's better to use an established war setting presented by the show itself so he can focus on exploring AJ's feelings instead of trying to hamfist an explanation for why is there a war in the middle of a short sadfic.

>>27777329
>It's barely a tool for the story, and barely gets mentioned.
*That is why this premise is doomed to fail.* What part of that aren't you getting?

>>27777340
AJ crying over dead relatives can be done in the canon universe perfectly well. Even a pony as strong and healthy as Big Mac. Workplace accidents happen, cancer happens, et cetera. Setting it in this AU is pointless. (And yes, it is an AU.)

>>27777298
>Your idea
>implying

So what you're saying is:
>sadfic where Big Macintosh dies in a war against griffons: fine
>sadfic where Big Macintosh dies in a war against Sombra: shit idea, only acceptable as a side story to a full-fledged Crystal War warfic
Have I got that right?

>>27777387
I think you're letting your bias get the better of you.

>>27777486
No. You don't. What I'm saying is this premise will not work because it doesn't appeal to any sort of target demographic. It doesn't appeal to sadfic fans because it's set in an AU whose sole appeal is a war, and it doesn't appeal to warfic fans because it doesn't focus on that war. No matter how well you do it in execution, it won't do well.

But fine. Write what you want. Just don't come here and whine to us when your sadfic warfic struggles to get thirty views before it fades into utter obscurity.

>>27777546
You sound particularly bitter, Anon. Is everything alright?

>>27777693
Hey, you asked for input, and you got it. You can apply it, or you can ignore it. Hell, I wouldn't even downvote it out of spite if you linked it here like a lot of guys here would. In fact, if I liked it, I'd upvote it.

>>27777894
He's not even me, Anon, why are you so mad?

>>27777387
>AJ crying over dead relatives can be done in the canon universe perfectly well

Except it can't. If Big Mac dies just like that, stupidly in a work accident close to her, there's no emotion build-up I can do. It's just immediate grief. Plus, having that in canon makes no sense to me.

The show gives me the perfect grimdark AU where Big Mac can die realistically, and I should just use the normal canon MLP where everyone smiles and cheers for the story?

>>27777165
Great, and now it's been deleted.

>>27777960
This bickering is really boring. Look, your mind's made up already, so I'd rather not waste my time on yet another internet argument with yet another idiot desperate to validate his opinion. You asked a question, and you got your answer. Take it or leave it.

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>>27778019
It was this pic if you're interested.

>>27778029
Calm down, anon, seriously. No need to go calling people idiots for disagreeing with you.

>>27772565
Articulate your point.

>>27772565
You know who else had a white man in charge? Nazi Germany.

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>>27778530
You know who else had a blonde woman in charge?

Quebec circa 2012.

That's the bitch who fucked up our economy in 19 months.

Do you want this?

>>27778619
She looks suspiciously similar to Trump.

>>27765833
I think that's what bugs him. The complete retread of thing's we saw back in season 1.

>>27778704
She tried passing a law to remove all religious symbols (Burkha, muslim veil, daggers, amulets, but surprisingly not crosses) and making them illegal from public spaces, including schools and hospitals.

So yes, could be like Trump.

>>27778619
>Quebec
Key word recognized.
Autismo detected.

you could seriously be filtered out by simply filtering four words

>>27779823
I thought I'd just point out what happened last time we elected a blonde for leader, which happened very recently in Quebec.

>>27779823
>>27779841

Plus, it's not like I talk about it in every single one of my posts.

>>27779841
Luckily Qubec is the only place in the world with blond people, and thus extremely relevant for this discussion.

>>27779849
It's pretty fucking close.

>>27779841
>>27779849
I like how you specifically said "we elected" and then specified that it was in Quebec so you could still get filtered.

don't worry mate, it's just banter

>>27779860
Only """"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""significant"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" place I've heard of that recently elected a female blonde leader on a liberal platform who then fucked up, just like how Hillary probably will.

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>Needed a pre-reader
>Only one person offered
>Person doesn't get back to me until more than a week later after I prod them
>Turns out they had family drama (feel like a bit of an asss)
>A month later they say they're free
>Still never get back to me
>Say 'fuck it' and publish anyway.

I felt for the guy, but seriously, if you can't do something, say something.

>>27780087
Yeah, he should have said something. Family drama sucks, but it doesn't prevent you from basic decency.
I've done the same, bailed on things online, but I do at the very least try to remember to message people about me dropping out. Unless the guy's a real asshole, then I'll vanish without a trace.