Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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I don't know what the first post should be, so have a sexy Celly

>>27586423
>Sexy
>Celestia
Pick one. Would hit a fat ass; would not hit an ass with fat folds that's collapsing in on itself

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>>27586446
do u even praise the sun, bro?

She's still just a tiny, silly horse.

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>>27586404

>>27586525
But how else do you claim a stallion? Ponies don't have fingers, and only a third of the population have horns; the dong is a perfect place for a ring.

>>27586557
You mark him with the scent of your mare vag.

>>27586599
>Mark him with your musky piss
>Like a bear
Got it

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>”Such insolence, how dare you!”
“Face it moon-ass that helmet is coming off one way or another.”
>”Stay back you fiend, have stallions fallen so low as to attack their betters?”
“Nope just me, I heard a rumor you were actually bald under that thing and wanted to check myself.”
>Leaping at the frightened villainess you saw her eyes grow wide before a flash emanated from her horn.
>With a pop she was gone.
>Where did she go? Looking from side to side you surveyed the room.
>She was in no state to go too far.
>There she is, a tiny wisp of her tail barely fell beyond the cover of the couch.
“Swiggity swooty I’m coming for that booty!”
>Leaping over the couch you descended on the visibly distressed mare.
>You were taking that helmet off and going to give her cuddles, whether she wanted to or not.

>>27586756
If I saw anon coming for my booty while doing that weird Moonwalk bullshit that Pingu does. I'd be scared too.

Still waiting on BNWF to finish his anon was all the old gods green

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>>27586756
>'Is this what rape feels like?', thought Nightmare Moon as the rampaging ape fell on her.
>Soon she would be no different than all of the stallions she had taken hundreds of years ago.

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>be anon in Moscow
>equestria was nice and friendly but it couldn't compare to the joy of walking down a Moscow street
>surrounded but hot beef you walk to your job the Cup A Feel Massage and Sauna
>if you get a job you love then you'll never work a day in your life. It may have been among the few jobs a bull can do but you couldn't be happier
>you're not even mad when you have to give the occasional bull a happy ending

>>27586951
That's barely a minotaur.

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>>27587026
It's the best I had to show a massage

>>27586951
>give the occasional bull a happy ending
no...

>>27587026
if you've got better then post it.

if not shut the fuck up.

>>27587046
Why are you so mad.

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>>27587057

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

>>27586951
So Anon is a bisexual prostitute?

>>27587100
Na he just puts up with the occasional giving a bull a handjod so he can keep his kid that pays him to rub tits

>>27587132
So he's just a regular prostitute?

>>27587139
Yep.

> Small caravan travels across the land
> Anon goes with them because some places won't let them in unless they have a good prostitute
> Firefly in Equestria

>>27587173
>Small caravan travels across the sands
>Gets ambushed by bandits
>Too bad Anon was there
>He quickly subdues the bandit leader and her lieutenants
>The rest of the gang are too terrified to try anything.
>Only desert surrounds them, and the thing that just ended their life of crime knows it.
>Suddenly, Anon gets a stroke of inspiration.
>He slays the leader before everyone's eyes, explaining that there are no gods but God, and that he is his Messenger.
>The former bandits will now serve him in this life or another.
>They all see the error of their ways, as if God blessed them on this day.
>Anon leads them on a campaign of merry nationbuilding.

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>>27587294

>>27587294
Just leave already. You're not writing your edgy story in this general.

>>27587294
Faggot

>>27587469
>>27587442
>being this new

>>27587294
This faggot still believes in a god.

probably still believes in the tooth fairy and santa claus.

man look around you, we're a bunch of guys talking about a pony cartoon for little girls.

We're living proof that god is dead. we killed him.

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>>27587479
>being this retarded.

>>27587518
Woah there Sammy Sam you're acting more edgy than the green poster. It's like if I gave you a hat then you'd automatically start tipping it to what ever hights your euphoria leads you to.

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>>27587531
>using autism as an insult
>being this normie

>>27587294
This
This is proof that Summer exists in /mlp/. You don't see shitposting of this degree this often.

>>27587098
>Not having the pony version.
Kys

>>27587294
Wait, what?

>>27586446
Not calling Celestia your favorite sexy mare is one thing Anon, but to insinuate that she isn't sexy at all? That's just fucking Heresy and I hope you die in real life.

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>>27587561
That pic could use some sprucing up nonny.

>>27588129
In RGRE, implying that a mare can summon such torrents of cum is probably a great compliment.

Remember that one Anon who kept saying that summer wasn't that bad and that we didn't get shitposted more than usual by children?

That Anon's a dumb nigger and I hope he dies.

>>27588265
>Remember that one Anon who kept saying that summer wasn't that bad and that we didn't get shitposted more than usual by children?
Congratulations, you've proven him wrong by opening your mouth.

>>27588265
Didn't Moot say that traffic doesn't increase noticeably during summer months?

>>27588265
You're one of them.

>>27588286
>>27588290
>"N-No, you!"
You're adorable.

go to bed everyone

>>27588349
Later when there is more green.

>>27588366
>when
List of active writefags:
LaP
BNW (sometimes)
Shukaku (a week ago)

>>27588349
No, it's fucking four in the afternoon.

>>27588385
I have been seriously stuck for a bit, but hopefully I'll have an update soon.

RIP anal you were a faggot, but you were our faggot

>>27588429
RIP Pluggo
Burning in hell with all his friends

>>27588429
Pluggo why?

>>27588455
The plug was too small.

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>>27588429
>rip anal

>>27588429
Do you think they have butt plugs in Hell?

>>27588429
Let me tell you a secret Anon, but don't tell the other Anons... Anal is still alive, he is in another thread. Shhh
I understand him, maybe he wants a break.

>>27588517
We all know he got bored long ago. Oh well. Just another writer.

>>27588517
>Meanwhile in the afterlife, Pluggo reads this post and wonders if he needs to get a new trip
link?

>>27588385
>tfw Amphetanon is kill and Shukaku is on hiatus
Welp, time to test the magic bleach.

>>27588581
Waifu Elixir.

>>27587294
Amed pls go

>>27588385
I haven't seen BNW for a bit

>>27588349
WElp time for bed, thanks dad!

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>>27588385
So only lap then.

Did all the writers simply move on to greener pasture? I though amoeba killed himself or bought a truck, but I saw him post in the
/hhh/ thread, a few weeks ago. Which is a pretty dead general honestly.

He has like 5 different unfinished stories, including a war story.

>yfw ponies will never be systematically and accurately spanked.

>>27588287
It makes logical sense that it wouldn't.

Given the proposed explanation "underage users will flock to 4chan during the hours they'd normally be at school or doing homework" one is confronted by a number of immediate observations that throw the whole thing into question, most notably that the busiest times for /mlp/ are always the hours after work anyway, including US prime time and relatively late at night.
Not only does this imply that summer will have minimal impact, it also means that complaints about summer that occur during US "after school" hours should immediately be discarded since they're made regarding a situation where traffic and user patterns would remain largely unchanged.

Additionally, if you actually compare posts deemed "summer" with posts in the archives made during spring, fall, or winter months, you can observe no significant difference - the notable exception being posts blaming things on summer. Therefore, it would be logical to conclude that, if the problems /mlp/ experiences during summer are in fact due to underage kids making shitposts, then it is more likely than not that someone complaining about summer is himself underage.

tl;dr
There's no logical reason to think that summer increases the number of underage users encountered, but if it does, then they're probably the ones posting "it sure is summer in here."

>>27589014
Yo.
>>27589138
Nigga it's been like, 4 days. I started the Gripes of Wrath on the 3rd.

And I'm going to be picking it up again, I just, yanno. Have a job and all that other normie shit.

>>27589138
We just need good prompts and we'll post them when the coast is somewhat clear.

>>27589153
It's just thirsty niggas who don't know how to >ded meme.

Go back to doin what you were doin. Miss ya, brah.

>>27589153
>4 days
Amoeba used to make multiple updates a day, then dropped to once a day, then couple times a week, then once a week, then couple times a month, then once a month, now it's a couple times a year.

4 days Is just the start! i don't know what I'm talking about, nice to see you around f a m.

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>>27589139
You're doing God's work, Anon

>>27588412
I believe in you Shuk. Your Cadance-High-School-Child-Rearing-Changleing-Fighting-Luna-Romance-Anon-In-RGRE story is probably hard to write, but if anyone can do it you can.

>>27586620

>Anon starts dating a pony
>He quickly gets confused and grossed out when she keeps trying to pee on him
>Horsewaifu just thinks he's playing hard to get

>>27589711
>confused and grossed out when she keeps trying to pee on him
Immersion broken. I can't relate to this Anon at all. It's like looking into the mind of a space alien.

>>27589749

Not everyone is into watersports, Anon. Sorry to have to tell you that.

>>27589794
That fact doesn't change my personal experience with the (hypothetical) story.

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>>27586620
>>27589711
>Ponies use scent to mark mates/herd members.

>Pony chest tufts hold odors well.
>Because of this, ponies rub and cuddle each other to make their scents stick to the other's tuft.
>This is also why keeping your tuft well groomed is so important. Don't want it to hold the smell of BO or something else embarrassing.
>Tuft puffing, in addition to making a pony look bigger and more aggressive, also says "Back off!/I'm hot shit! I've got a herd/mate who will back me up."

>>27589894
The tuft is where ponies keep their scratch-n-sniff glands.

>>27589894
>tuft pumping.

>"anon? are you in there?"
"no! don't come in."
>"sweetie are you 'pumping your tuft' in there?"
"no! jeez mom!"
>"...do you need any help?"
"holy hell mom, go away!"

>>27589894

>the signature mark of a tuftbeard is a significantly unkempt tuft

>>27589972
Capitalization. Please use it.

>>27590049
no.

Whether or not summer is any worse than any other time of the year (and the evidence is pointing to summer is NOT any worse), people here on 4chan believe it and leave until September. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that at least one writefag disappeared because of "summer".

>>27589749
kek

>>27590117
Sorry, I'm on a diet and can't eat donuts. I'll take the dollars tho.

>>27590011
The "beard" part comes from how, when a tuft is dirty or oily, it sags down in a 'U' shape and looks like it follows the contours of a lower jaw (like a beard does)

>>27589894

>"Go on and touch it Anon. I know you like to head pat mares."
You give an odd look at the Rainbow Dash thrusting her chest out at you. A look you would give a kid if they where trying to give you a full paper bag and trying to convince you to put it on someone's porch.
"I don't know Rainbow. I see all the other ponies act weird about their chest fluff..."
>Rainbow gets up and flys closer into your personal space bubble and gives a sly look that could scare nuns.
>"Oh come on Anon. I know you want to...."
>*WAP*
>Before you can respond to rainbow you feel a feathery weight slam into your back.
>"S-sorry R-rainbow. Anon is m-mine!"
>The squeaking flying banana that is rubbing itself on your back says.
>"NO WAY HE'S MINE!" Rainbow screams launching onto your front and rubbing her chest all over you.
>As you walk home stunned as the two mares crawl over you like bees you wonder to yourself if you should feel raped or happy as you open the door.
>"O-oh Anon. What a-are we gonna to do at the h-house?"
>"Wha!" The rainbow horse cried.
*Creak*
>Raped it is then!

>>27590193
I like the idea of Anon facing the consequences of his innocent gestures towards ponies

>>27589711
"I just don't get it, Maple Feathers. We're doing really well right now. We get along together, we spend a bunch of time together, he lets me sit on his lap while he pets my head..."
>"No way!"
"I know, right! But... but he won't let me pee on him."
>"...what."
"I know. It-"
>"No, stop. What do you mean, pee on him?"
"...isn't that what we ponies do to claim a mate?"
>"What are you even talking about, Peachy Glory?"
"UHHH"
>You are Peachy Glory, a changeling spy.
>You're going to KILL Drone#816 for making you believe that ponies pee on their special someponies!

>>27588517
The spider thread?

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>>27590761
>spider thread

>>27568356
>Lyra keeps nervously looking from her comic to Anon's table and back again.
"You know there's no chance he'll sign something like that right?"
>Lyra quirks an eyebrow at you, she blows a raspberry your way, "Why wouldn't he? It's really flattering. Like if somepony made fap about me I'd be all about it!"
>You roll your eyes at your friend.
>Who in their right mind would make pony porn out of Lyra Heartstrings?
"Seriously, please don't ask him to sign that. I really don't want to get kicked out or anything for offending THE human at Humiecon. We live in the same town as him too, it could ruin everyt-"
>"Bon Bon relax! I've done tons of research into the subject of human-pony interaction-"
>By which she means clopped to a lot of porn.
>"-and I think you'd be surprised at the level of tolerance humans have compared to ponies. Besides, when have I ever been wrong?"
"Oh I dunno, 'flowers are human aphrodisiacs' was pretty far off."
>Lyra's ears suddenly perk then flatten against her head.
"Oh and the human mating call?"
>She dismisses you with a waving hoof, "Yeah well those were just little hiccups, everypony makes those."
"He had to go the hospital and called animal control respectively Lyra."
>She responds with a shrug and begins to offer a rebuttal but pauses on something going on at the front of the line.
>You follow her eyes to see Anon laughing and giving small praise to the group of mares at his table.
>All of them are tipping their sunhats at him.
>You can feel Lyra's smugness get wider as the temperature on top of your head increases.
>"How's the hat there Bon Bon? Fitting you comfortably."
>You scrunch your muzzle to fight the color already forming on your cheeks.
"Sh-shut up" you mumble.
>Lyra does as you commanded, while you both wait in line.
>Though she never does drop that smirk.
>And eventually your turns come next.
>You make one final prayer that Anon just calmly turns Lyra down rather than causes a scene.

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>>27590193
>>The squeaking flying banana that is rubbing itself on your back says.
>>"NO WAY HE'S MINE!" Rainbow screams launching onto your front and rubbing her chest all over you.
That sounds fantastic.

>>27590908
>"Okay, it's twenty bits per signature, fifty for a signature and a photo" the con worker informs you both as you wait to step up next.
>Wow, that's WAY cheaper than you were expecting it to be.
>"Just Twenty?! Lyra blurts out, "I'll take te-"
>"Lyra? Bon Bon?" a silky baritone voice calls out your names.
>You lean over to look past the tauress blocking your path to Anon's table and see the human leaning over as well.
>"Hey Anon!" Lyra greets.
>He smiles and waves you both over.
>"Hey girls!" he chirps back before turning his attention to the tauress, "Go ahead and let them through, I'll cover anything they want to get."
>The tauress raises an eyebrow on her firm but tired face but then follows it up with a shrug and lowers her arm so you can both pass.
>He leans over the table, smiling his handsome smile ever wider as you both approach.
>"I didn't know you two were going to be here! How's it going?"
>"Oh mare it's awesome! You were great at the panel Anon" Lyra responds.
>"Oh you girls caught that? Great, thanks!"
"Oh and thank you for letting us by."
>"Yeah seriously, I didn't mind paying for such a cheap price."
>Anon blows a raspberry, "You two could have had me sign whatever you wanted back home for free you know? You already paid a ton on tickets and travel to have me here, I'm not going to add on even more for the same thing."
>He really does encapsulate everything that makes humans so great.
>He leans over close and whispers in your ears, "Honestly I wouldn't have charged anything if I had the option, but the con made me to help cover their expenses. Everything extra that comes from this is going straight to a charity."
>And that just cements it even further
>This being is truly just a wonderful-
>"Say you wanna sign my doujin for me?"
>Oh Lyra, you damned fool-
>"Dou wha- ... WHOA!"
>Your heart sinks in your chest, Lyra is playfully nudging you as Anon's eyes slowly grow larger and larger as he inspect the dirty comic.
>"I-Is..." he mumbles.

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>>27590326
kek

>>27590933
>You close your eyes and await the inevitable crushing of any hopes you had of him thinking you were an upstanding gentlemare.
>A wide smile spreads across his face, "Is that... me?! HA HA! OH WOW!" he bellows out followed after with a deep laugh
>Wh-what?
>He looks taken aback by the cover, "Wow! That's uh.. that's some interesting anatomy there."
>He's...
>His eyes lower to the spot next to you, "Do you mind if I flip through this real quick?"
>"Not at all m'lord, my fap is your fap." Lyra responds, airtipping the sunhat she left behind in Ponyville.
>He snickers to himself before opening the book.
>You cannot believe what is happening right now.
>He is actually looking at porn of himself and ENJOYING IT!
>H-he's actually laughing at it...
>"WOAH! Those are some huge- uh..."
>He clears his throat and casually sets the book down on his table, "Well this is just a riot Lyra. But uh, sadly I gotta keep the line moving so where would you like me to sign this?"
>"The cumshot page please, it's on twenty-six" she quickly responds with a thirsty grin on her face.
>Anon smiles and nods as he flips through the book, "Okay twenty... ah, twenty-six. Ooh, I'm really enjoying myself there aren't I?" he muses aloud as he takes his quill to it.
>A few short motions of his wrist and hand later, he's blowing on the page and handing the book back.
>His bright eyes fall over you both once more, "Anything else while I have you here?"
>You are far to stunned to speak.
>"I'm good with this, thanks Anon."
>You get another nudge to the barrel, "Bonnie? Anything?"
"Guh- m-my uh..."
>He tilts his head as he awaits your answer in such an adorable manner that any hope you had of responding died right then
>"How bout a picture?" he asks.
>You don't remember nodding, but you are turned around and a bright light blinds you for a moment.
>When the dots fade from your vision you and Lyra are trotting out to the signing floor.
>"-was great huh?"

>>27590959
>You shake your head and turn to the source of the voice.
"Hmm?"
>Lyra is scrutinizing you, "You alright Bonnie?"
"Yeah I'm-" you feel a weight on your lip and hear a fluttering sound that gives you pause.
>"Oh, you should tuck that in your saddlebags girl, certainly don't want to lose that."
>Looking down you see what she was talking about.
>A photograph of you and Anon.
>His cheek is pressed right against yours, your hat is crooked as a result.
>You have something between a thousand yard stare and a half smile on your face while his is perfectly cheerful.
>You can hear his voice at the back of your mind, "Really cute hat by the way, I love the way it looks on you."
>You begin to feel light headed and very hot in face all at once.
>You reach out to pick up the photo but feel an immense pressure build up in your head.
>It quickly subsides and you see a splatter of red fluid hit all around your photograph.
>"Holy-!"
>Lyra quickly magics up your photo and turns your head with her hooves to face her.
>"You are! It's like something right out of my animoos, you just shot blood out of your nose!"
>You did what?!
>The familiar metallic taste begins to assault your tongue and you wipe a hoof over your nose.
>You look at the stain on your foreleg and can feel the utter shock coursing through you.
>"Sweet Celestia I can't believe it!"
"I-it's just my allergies Lyra sh-shut up!" you growl as you bolt for the nearest bathroom with Lyra cheerfully prancing right behind, goading you all the way.

Okay, that's all I have for this.

>>27589138
>>27588385
I know nobody asked (which I'd say is pretty fair considering my the quantity and quality that I make) but this >>27589153 basically. Writing takes a good chunk of time to do, which can get tough when you work and stuff

Hey, which one of you silly fucks messed with my name in the google docs pastebin archive?

>>27590959
>>You get another nudge to the barrel, "Bonnie? Anything?"
>"Guh- m-my uh..."
>>He tilts his head as he awaits your answer in such an adorable manner that any hope you had of responding died right then
Mares losing their spaghetti truly is the cutest thing in existence.

>>27591061
>LoveandPowerlifting aka Big Poppa, aka the Screwdriver, aka the armadillo, aka Puff Daddy Slam
That shit made me laugh.

>>27590994
Even though this episode is over, I hope this isn't the last we've seen of humie Lyra and Bonbon.

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>Trying to catch up with a writefag, but they don't link to any Pastebin page.

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>>27590959
This is amazing.

>>27591194
That's what this
>https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aoh8YH3I0q78czAnb9mt_4h5jUeCUbivFV5WhAh935U/edit?pli=1
is for.

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>>27591209
I know.
I made it myself.

Is it a good idea to post my green here or should I wait till summer is over?

>>27591334
post it or you forever hold the title of "biggest faggot"

>>27591334
Summer posters are a meme.

>>27591194
There's a pretty good reason for that, most of this short stuff I've done I feel isn't worth binning and at least a crosslink is easy enough to find in desu if it falls off the 4chan archive.

When I do continue from something I've binned in the past then I assure you I will link to it just as I did every relevant time before.

tl;dr I'm a lazy faggot

>>27591082
She's a mare, she can't help but fantasize about holding that hand with her strong marely hoof

>>27591134
I dunno, I can kinda think of more to do but I don't really have anything solid right now, if there's still interest/ any ideas I'd happily hear them out.

>>27591205
Thanks Anon, I appreciate your readership

>>27591359
First contact with the apelien kind.

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>>27587026
>>27587046
Here ya go anon

>>27591567
>glorious minotaur underboob

>>27591893
>>27591567
Now that is a real Minotaur not that monster girl shit

DESU I need to get a throwaway google account to link my pastebin.

Or can somebody throw mine up there?

http://pastebin.com/u/Light_Pony

>>27592019
Done.

>>27592234

Thanks bud. I put the tuff puff green on the paste. I'll start a paste for my one shots however.

>>27591567
>stupid sexy minotaurs
Now this I can get behind

be Anon
and be visiting Bullgaria, which unlike its earth counterpart is not an east european shithole
Its actually very nice, clean, great culture and best of all
DEM MINOTAURESSES
wide hips, thick chests, tall stature
just that air of power and finesse, strength and beauty. unf
Right now you are on the beach relaxing after last night's adventure of checking into your hotel and wandering around scoping out clubs and restaurants.
and well there was a convenient game of 3v3 volleyball being played by a group of minotauresses a few meters away.
sipping some water your gaze wanders out to the sea where you see some para sailing and fishing going on.
ahhh now this is vacat-WHAM
AHHHHHH
FUCK THAT HURT
It seems a rouge serve found its way to your face
FUKKIN TWA...
>"Oh i'm terribly sorry, you're not too hurt are you"
A firm yet smooth voice called out
okay maybe this could work out, chill anon use this to your advantage
"No, im fine. hell of a serve though"
Time to get up, get the ball and see if you can't work your way into this little game.

>>27590049
i WiLl dO wHAteVer i WaNt To DO.

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>"C'mon, Anon. You know you want it."
"Fuck off, Rainbow."
>Rainbow Dash hovers a bit closer to you and hums from deep in her chest.
>"Mmm... playing hard to get, huh?" she asks, playfully nudging your shoulder with a hoof
>"Don't think that I didn't see you with Bon Bon and Lyra last week, Anon."
>For fuck's sake, you haven't heard the end of that from ANYBODY.
>You turn and shove Rainbow Dash back through the air a little bit, hoping that she'd take the hint and stay out of your personal bubble
"I didn't know, alright?"
>Rainbow Dash quirks an eyebrow and makes petting motions with her forehooves.
"Nobody told me it was a sex thing! You little bastards take the most innocuous gestures and turn them into the most perverted things!"
>You make pointing gestures to emphasize your argument, but are dismayed when Rainbow Dash follows your fingers with a hungry expression on her face.
>You know what?
>Fine.
>Fuck this.
>Whatever.
>You're going home.
>You get up to leave, only to be met with a thick cyan tuft RIGHT in your face.
>You sputter and cough as Rainbow's long chest fur gets in your mouth.
>"Yeah! Take it, Anon! Take it all, you big slut! You buckin' like that, don't you?!"
>You're about to fuck Rainbow Dash with your fist down her throat.
>Furious, you reach out and grab Rainbow Dash by the armpits and hold out out at arm's length.
"I swear to g-"
>"Aaaaah~!"
>Rainbow Dash wriggles in her grip and moans like a mare in heat.
>The blush on her face somehow pierces the thickness of her blue fur.
>You feel (and hear) something splatter on your shoe.
>"Squeeze me tighter, you dirty bucking monkey!"
>Jesus fucking Christ.
>Is there any part of a pony's body that isn't somehow related to sex?
>It sure doesn't look it.

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>>27592520
>>You feel (and hear) something splatter on your shoe.
>>"Squeeze me tighter, you dirty bucking monkey!"
LEWD.

>>Is there any part of a pony's body that isn't somehow related to sex?
Ponies, especially mares, are sex machines.
SEX MACHINES.

>>27592606
>mares are sex machines
from what i've read on this board I believe it.
some of those real life horse fucking threads were glorious

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>>27592606
>>You feel (and hear) something splatter on your shoe.
>>"Squeeze me tighter, you dirty bucking monkey!"

>You look down to find the remains of an egg splattered on the ground.
>"Thanks, Anon!"
>You look up and Rainbow's returned to her normal, non-sexual behaviour.
>"It's nearly spring, so I've been producing a bunch of unfertilized eggs. That last one was REALLY stuck in there until you squeezed me."
>Just like that, Rainbow Dash wriggles out of your grasp and flies away.
>Why is this your life?

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>>27591567
Solid 3.

>>27592667
why

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>>27592715
Because I could, Anon.

Because I could.

>>27592434
Don't tease me like this, what happens next?

>>27592667
>>27592839
Would your pegasus waifu make you eat all her eggs?

>>27592925
Rainbow Dash would probably think that they'd make Anon big and strong and would have something to do with gains

Fluttershy would just awkwardly offer them and not tell Anon that they were hers until he'd eaten them all

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>>27592925
Holy shit, as if all pegasus herds aren't already the greatest thing.

You'd get free, fresh and delicious eggs all the time.

>>27592942
this

pegasus master race

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>Anon is in danger
>Uses his whistle that only the sensitive ears of a pegasus can hear
>His waifus swarm him, grab onto leather straps, and fly him away to safety

>>27592942
You could even milk them for something to drink.

All you'd be missing from a balanced breakfast is pancakes. And bacon, bacon too.

>>27592434
>lol he forgot to greentext what a skrub

>be anon
>and for the past hour or so be playing volley ball with this group of minotauresses
>one was happy to "take a break" and let you play
>bullshit she was taking a break, you could tell she was clearly checking you out from underneath her sunglasses
>on top of being great interaction with dem minotauresses if was wonderfully informative of their nation and culture
>just like pony land, females were the dominant ones, but they did normally eat meat that was mostly chicken and fish
>clothing was normally nice flowing gowns with warm colors
>they actually knew how to brew beer and spirits
>hot damn why didn't you land in this place first, wonder what their citizenship laws are like
>anyway back to the matter at hand, the bikini clothed, nicely figured matter at hand
>"I don't know about you all but I think its time we take a break for a drink or something"
>aww hell yeah
>"you said you were visiting? how about we show you a good place to eat later tonigh?"
>dang it, well its better than nothing.
>wait a minute, her eyes seem to hold something, is it anxiety?
"sure, I'm at the holigraze inn. come by at around 7pm.
>a smile lit up her face and what looked to be relief washed across her face
>"great, see you then"

>>27592672
nothing wrong with that

>>27593124
and speaking of see you then im out for the night

>>27593134
Same here

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>>27591567
Am I doing this right?

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>>27593223
yes

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>>27591567
>>27593223
Eh.

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>>27593223
MUH DICK

>>27591377

>Be Bon Bon
"Rose! What was that smoke?!"
>"Buck off, you taint! Don't see you with a good-looking K-D ratio!"
>"I BUCKING HATE THIS TEAM!"
>This is not fun, like, at all
>The score's 0-29, and your team's filled to the brim with geniuses
>At this point, you might just quit on Response Hit: International Aggression
>Respawn, gallop out and rush B
>"Go A, you cuntfart!"
"Buck off!"
>You bunnyhop across the catwalk, only to get taken out by a Crossbow from across the map
"AAAAAAAAAAAUGH-"
>In a fit of rage, you flail your hooves around and knock over the Peepsi can on your desk
>Which is right next to the keyboard
"SUN DAMN MY LIFE!"
>Unable to handle your team's incompetence, you toss away your headset, the cords snapping at the sudden strain
>At this point, you couldn't care about that anymore
>You just want to grab a new can of Peepsi and clean up the mess
>Down the stairs
>Around the couch
>Pass the human drinking your Peepsi in your chair
>Open the fridge-wait what
>You snap your neck around and look back

>>27593334
This is off to a great start.

>>27593334

>There's a human
>As in, a human, from that one show made for colts that Lyra obsesses over
>Just, sitting there, casually drinking a can of Peepsi as he blankly looks at you
>You take a hoof and rub your face
>...No
>No, this is all just your mind tricking you
>You turn back to the fridge, only for no canned sugary goodness there to greet you
>How did that happen?
>You swore you had one left in-
SLURRRRRP
>...
>You neck slowly cranks in a perfect 90 degree angle, where the human is still just sitting there, sipping on what's left in the container
>This time, he notices you staring, and makes a smaller sip, before stopping and lowering the tin cylinder
>"...Hey."
"Please tell me you're not one of those 'tulpa' things Lyra talks about."

I dunno what I can come up with, but eh. It's something

>>27593384
Its a good thing.

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>>27592019
>>27592234
>>27592338

>Changing my name because I was put down as Light Pony.

>>27592667
>>27592925
>>27592940
>>27592942
>>27593014

>Be weird pegsi man
>When you got here you immediately saw the wonder of the bird ponies.
>You also learned damn quick they where everything you want.
>After months of growing a herd to a size that raises a few eyes of even the herd promoters you got everything you wanted.
>A bare bed that gains a blanket of pegsi at night, raw eggs of that mornings lays, Some special eggs you keep close in a feather bed with a heat lamp, and a special silver whistle to go with your overcoat.
>Speaking of which you wanted to go to ponyville market today.
>Unbuckling the leather straps attached to the overcoat you pull out the whistle and lick your lips.
>Every time your lips touch it you get a shiver down your back.
>Taking a deep breath you blow into the still silent whistle.
>Because it's the early morning your "herd" was still home.
>As the house explodes with flying pegsi you raise your hands skyward.
>Each member of your flock flies down a grabs a strap as they start to fly upwards.
"Remember girls. Always wash your berries before eating them. And fly towards the sun!"
>As you start to gain air you can't stop but smiling.
>You found a place where you can be happy.

>>27590994
I expect more of this later.

>>27593124
Is this our original gryphon? If so have I missed any updates in the pastebin?

>>27592942
Pegasus herd confirmed based.

>>27586423
'OK!'
>*click*
>'d-did you really take a p-picture?'
'Yep!'
>the only thing on celestias mind was how she whould bed this sexy ,ballsy ape right now!

>Be Anon
>Finally constructed a portal to Equestria fueled by raw anger and a need to rape
>You step through the glistening portal proudly, wearing nothing but a crown constructed from cardboard and sporting an erection
>The flash of light temporarily blinds you, but it's not enough to halt your eagerness so you begin the planned speech anyway
"Greetings! I am Anon, destroyer of worlds."
>You hear a gasp and your vision begins to return as you see a form stumble to the ground
"Bring to me your virgins and then the rest so that I may defile them, for I am your god king now."
>Clattering of falling objects fills your ears as you relish in what must be a horde of terrified pones
>The blurriness fully fades and you can finally see the scene before you with all the-
>Wait this isn't what you had envisioned, you weren't in some town or village surrounded by horses
>You were in some cramped and dirty book filled room, there wasn't even any ponies here
>Or at least you had thought as a cream pony rose from the floor, scattering the books that had covered them back onto the ground
>"I-I'm a virgin." she spluttered out
>Her body smelt of unwashed sweat and Cheetos, but it would do
"Fine, I Anon declare you to be the first victim."
>Her face turned from cream to scarlet
>"You can do whatever you want with me."
>And like that your raging erection that had held strong for days straight waiting for this moment to arrive flopped down
>"Wh-What's wrong? Do you not want to violate me? Is it the smell?"
>The little horse gave you a pleading look as she tried to grab your attention
>All you could do is sigh and walk away as she gave pained moans of desperation
>Deciding to try finding someone else you left the house and ran throughout the town, giving the speech to every mare you came across
>Every single one was practically begging for it, not a single one tried to spurn your advances
>Anon Jr was unable to get back up
>Today was a can't rape the willing kind of day

>>27592606
>dat pic
>You will never become so close to a pony that she will, without realizing it right away, start cleaning you with her tongue like you were a pony

>>27592942
>"Surprise" the pegasus
>Your herd will never consist of Pinkie Pie clones dressed up as the other races of ponies
>The wings and horns will never be fully functional because that's just how Pinkie Pie does

>>27594854
Suprise is just G1 Pinkie but as a pegasus.

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>>27592942
You got a pegasus fetish, bro?

>>27593384
Keep going, son. It's looking mighty fine thus far.

>>27590326
kek

>>27588286
There is no summer, moot proved this a long time ago by showing the numbers. All that happens is around june, everyone gets really sensitive and calls everyone summer instead of the usual.

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>>27594333
>You are Celestia.
>"And then she threw her oranges at me and told me to throw them away myself!"
>Day court is in session.
>"The griffons are here, Your Highness. They.... ugh... they've brought a gift of... of... m-meat for you t-to enjoy."
>Ponies line up to tell you about their problems.
>"Why is the tax on socks so high?"
>You've been doing this for six hours.
>"Somepony stole my cabbages!"
>You aren't even paying attention.
>You're on auto-pilot; a state of mind where you can function without the benefit of conscious thought.
>You won't even remember what it is your little ponies were whi-er.... what issues your little ponies brought up with you until you read your scribe's write-up of today's events before you go to bed.
>Your thoughts are elsewhere.
>Anonymous.
>You'd dealt with stallions for quite literally hundreds of years; bordering on thousands of years, in fact.
>Quite frankly, they were all the same.
>Catty, vapid, shallow, and having the biggest egos you'd seen this side of... anywhere, really.
>A pain, in short.
>If a stallion had caught you doing your morning yoga, he would have promised you that he wouldn't breath a word and then turn around to his friends and spread gossip like you wouldn't believe.
>By the time day court started, you would have been FLOODED with ponies asking about your exercise regime.
>Asking WHY you felt you needed to lose weight.
>Asking WHO you were trying to look better for,
>Asking WHEN you were going to release your own Royal Exercise videos on audio/visual crystal recordings.

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>>27595299
>Oh, how you wish you didn't need to follow your own laws.
>A dungeon here; an execution there; a moon-banishment yonder, and nopony would bother you with anything less than the most important issues.
>......
>Oh, who are you kidding? You're no tyrant.
>You love each and every one of your ponies, even if they ARE insufferable some of the time.
>Anyway; Anonymous.
>With no shame to his name, he took a picture of you while you were flexing your glutes and said, with the biggest grin on his face, that was going to save that picture for "later tonight".
>You've seen the same look on the face of a mare who was going home from work on the first day of Spring.
>The same mare who had six foals and was always ready for one more.
>Anon wore the face of a creature who was going to be pleasuring himself to your photo.
>There'd been no questions in day court about exercise, so he didn't spread word of your workout.
>Which means he kept it all to himself.
>A picture of your plot.
>FLEXING
>It's only because of sheer self-control that you aren't blushing right now.
>You'd listened to countless poems and sonnets about how beautiful and radiant you are, but you've never had somepony - or, someONE - so l-lewdly express that they found you sexually attractive.
>You're going to either have to find Anonymous and... DISCUSS with him, or you'll need to retire to your bedroom and throw up some sound-canceling charms on the walls.
>A stallion being attracted to you without any ulterior motives is such a delightful novelty to you!
>"Your Majesty?"
>You're shaken out of your thoughts by your aide.
"Y-yes, Maple Hooves?"
>"Your last petitioner is here, Princess."
>Finally, your day is over.
>Time to eat dinner and go to -
>Anonymous stands before you, camera around his neck.
>He doesn't say a word; he just wiggles his eyebrows at you and winks.
>.........
>Well, maybe you can still have a discussion with Anonymous.
>With any luck, you'll have to sound-proof the walls as well.

>>27595311
That's Anon giving NMM a kissu.

>>27595311
Keep going

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>>27595311

>>27595153
I know, anon. And it doesn't get that bad around summer, we have people starting shit all the time.
Who cares how old the shitraiser is and whether they are new?

triptesting, pay no attention

btw need more nmm green

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>>27595675

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>>27595369
They all look the same to me, Anon.

>>27595311
>You bring the human up to your bedroom, paying no attention to the ponies giving you queer glances at the unusual sight.
>Why, they no doubt ask themselves, is their leader walking around the inner-most halls of Canterlot Castle with that bizarre alien creature?
>"P-Princess Celestia?"
>A familiar purple unicorn filly wanders up to you hesitantly, her gaze locked on Anonymous.
>Her ears are down and her back is slightly arched; she's clearly uncomfortable in the human's presence.
"Little missy, it's past your bedtime. What in Equestria are you doing up so late, Twilight?"
>Normally your new student wouldn't dare ignore you, but you suppose that the human is bigger matter of interest than you are.
>What an odd feeling to no longer be in the spotlight for once.
>"What IS that? It's the hoo-m'n you found, isn't it?"
>The filly meanders closer to Anonymous and, with her desire for knowledge overpowering her caution, walks in circles around him and bombards him with questions.
>"Why are you on your hind legs? How do you walk like that without a tail? Why are you wearing all that clothing? My daddy says that ponies who wear lots and lots of clothing are 'sloots'. Are you a 'sloot'? Is that why you're with the Princess? Are you the Princess's sloot?"
>Oh, buck you sideways.
>You REALLY hope you were right about Anonymous not being like other colts.
>If he is, you're in for one TARTARUS of a scandal; and so is Twilight's family.
>Sometimes you wish your little ponies weren't so curious and inquisitive.

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>>27595929
>Anonymous opens his mouth to speak and you brace yourself for the indignant shouts of an upset stallion.
>You're broken out of your tense and unpleasant reverie by the sounds of laughter.
>Not just from Anonymous, but from your student too.
>>"Oh, look at you! Aren't you just the cutest thing?"
>You open your eyes to the most unusual sight.
>Twilight is laying in Anonymous' arms on her back, giggling uncontrollably as he tickles her tummy.
>"I-I'm not cute! I'm a-a-a big filly an' big fillies aren't cute!"
>Anonymous digs his fingers into her belly and Twilight lets out a fresh shriek of laughter.
>>"Nuh-uh! You're the cutest filly in the whole entire world, and cute little filles get tickles!"
>"N-no! No, st-stop! Stop it, sloot!"
>>"Stop tickling you?"
>"Yes!"
>>"Okay. I can do something else."
>Anonymous brings Twilight up to mouth-level and blows a raspberry right onto her exposed tummy.
>Twilight wildly boops the top of his head with both forehooves and wriggles around, trying to escape.
>This is just too cute.
>You guess you can wait another night to "discuss" things with Anonymous.
>You're sure he'll be willing to be your "sloot" if you ask him nicely.

>>27595940
Unnng, this is too cute.

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>>27595940
In a decade you will like how Anon dresses up covering up almost everything.

RGR edition crosspost
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>At the library.
>Book lizard is giving you shit about not having a library card.
"Fuck you Spike, I can read what I like."
>You punt the dragon out of the room and go back to your book.
>Harry Baggins just poisoned his brother Jeffrey at his wedding.
>Shit is cash.
>Oh hang on there's someone next to you.
>The purple pony who sleeps in the loft is there.
>She has a ponicemare with her
>"Sir, put the book down"
"FUCK THE POLICE!"
>You use one hand to pull out your dick while still reading your book.
>You charge dick-first to glory.
>While you are busy buggering the ponicemare she lets you off with a warning for parking your car illegally in front of a fire hydrant.
>Clever girl.

>>27596257
Thanks Durnk.

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While waiting for an updates...

[spoilers]I need to finish at least one of my stories someday[/spoilers]

>>27595940
That's so fuggin adorable

>>27596325
And go to sleep to. Managed to fuck up spoiler...

>>27596325
Cooking for the mare coming from work? Neato.

>>27586557
>what are earings
you are maximum retarded.

>>27596368
>What are ear-rings
They are jewelry that requires you to punch a hole through your ear to put on.

Meanwhile, dong-ring just fits right on there, no body-modification required!

>>27595675
fucking ghost floating about, thinking that they own the place.

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>>27596508

>>27596325
Are you sure you're not reading my mind?
Some AU stuff I'm doing has Venus, Anon and burgers, all together.
Still, great work artfag.

>>27595940
hrrrngg

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>>27596508
I wouldn't mind this ghost poner.

>>27596583
To be honest, I've sketched that literally 3-4 hours ago, after giving up on "Twi, 'demon' dad Anon and lewd Ponk at SCC", so... probably? (It didn't ended like I wanted, and I'm sure that I've fucked up some major details without any references, but at least ponk is cute)

>>27596699
i cant believe amphetanon is fucking dead

>>27596325
Daddy a cute.

>>27596776
Looking a bit thin, though. No mare will want a bony stallion.

>>27596547
>>27596618
Hello, /swt/.

>>27595675
Hey, in case you want a gay custom trip, look up 'Tripcode Explorer'

>>27596895
>All the ghosts are haunting Anon's place so they can ogle him
>The townsponies are worried for him, thinking he must be scared out of his mind
>Anon is more concerned about having to clean up after them than any spookiness
>He doesn't want to clean up ectoplasm, and just treats them as roommates

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>You are Anon
>Private Anonymous, 101st Panzer Division, Humania Armed Forces
>Your forces have captured most of Equestria without a fight
>The worst casualty in the entire war was when someone slipped on a banana peel and broke his arm
>All this leading the generals to believe Celestia's forces have withdrawn and fortified the capital
>You won't be there
>You've been assigned occupation duty in a recently captured town
>You hop off the back of the deuce-and-a-half, followed by the rest of your platoon
>You shoulder your SKS and form a line with your comrades, while Captain Unknown addresses the crowd
"Attention, Ponyville! You are now citizens of the Greater Humania Empire! Play by our rules, and you'll be safe! If not-"
>He fires his Deagle into the air, the sound causing the ponies to clutch their ears in pain
>"Too loud!"
>"I hope you get pied!"
>"Show us your balls!"
>This will be an interesting operation

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>>27597207

>>27597207
>>"Show us your balls!"
kek
not a smart thing to yell at an armed killer

>>27596346
That's his daughter.

>>27597262
Yeah I noticed it too late. Not used to school uniforms.

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>>27597262
Number 1 dad cannot cook for number 1 daughter that went to work?

Also why not, added failed "at SCC" sketch (Twi horn too high, Pinkie's cutiemark, not sure about manes, style and such) and while waiting for amphetanon to come alive... any requests? Still sketches only, sorry

>>27597400
woah pinkies a fucking giant

>>27597411
Tried to draw her closer to "viewer" but without clean or bold outlines Ponk and Twigles looks like at the same "layer". That's one of the reasons why i did not finished it too

>>27597400
Dat lip bite.

>>27597207

KEEP GOING FAGGOT

>>27596743
>amphetanon is fucking dead
Genuinely saddening. His story was great.

>>27597400
>any requests?
A pony of your choice dropping fertility pills into Anon's drink.

>Go to war against pony kind ~2 months after WWII
>Use powerful, modern weapons of the time.
>M1s, KAR-98s, Grease Guns, MP-40s, all 9 yards.
>Stupid ponies use pies and pillows. No way that they could beat us.

>First battle blitzkrieg was enormous success.

>Ponies take their first offensive.
>It turns out that the ingredients in their everyday war materials are extremely toxic to humans.
>Pies are capable of killing anyone in proximity without a gas mask, and contact with the filling causes extreme, rapid-spreading, irreversable necrosis.
>Pillows are made from a glass-like feathery substance that pierces the skin like obsidian due to its chemical structure. Pegasi are completely immune to it. For other ponies, the substance causes minor drowsiness.
>The water in their water balloons has a deadly nerve agent that ponies have had in their drinking water for centuries, slowly building a herd immunity.

>What happens when these mares find out it's males that are fighting them?

>>27597207
Please do everyone a favor and don't continue.

>>27597607
Why don't you make like a jew, and get in the gas chamber.

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>>27597607

>>27597605
This is gonna be good.

>>27597626
How about not, these stories only attract the shitposters. We only just saw the stop of the faggotry since the last thread and now a random writefag is starting shit up again. I don't give a shit about the story and he can write it but its only going to bring along a repeat.

>>27597648
You are the shitposter, follow your own advice. You are complaining about a writefag not being what you like or the trolls that visit whenever they come around, kind of like you right now.

>>27597655
If the writefag is trying to be RGRE with war themes fuck off about it or do better.>>27597648

>>27597400
Mr. and Mrs. Cake cuddles, please

>>27597647
No, not really. This is edgy and /k/ as fuck, in a bad way.

>>27597681
Says you samefag.

>>27597655
So simply bringing up a point based on what literally happened not even three days ago makes me a shitposter?

I don't even care and won't bring it up again, have a nice day friend.

>>27597693
Shitposters and you chucklefucks come out really fucking quick to be a coincidence. Keep it to yourself. Thank you.

>it's an ebin /k/ gun wank story episode
kill me now

>>27597710
What gun wank?

>>27597707
take your own advice faggot

>>27597574
"Pills Inside" v2.0?
>>27597669
Cute and innocent cuddles or with hooves touching?

>>27597799
>that spoiler
YES

>>27597655
Friend, I don't think you know what "shitposter" means. It seems like you're using it as a catch-all term for "person who disagrees with me", and then you proceed to lose your goddamn mind. Your posts can be summed up as "N-no, you!"

Go back to fucking tumblr if you're getting so damned triggered, you dumb faggot.

The worst part is, you don't even try to make an argument. You don't defend yourself against whatever the Anon is saying; you just screech like a retarded chimp. By reacting the way you do, you're making gun-anon look worse. Posters look at your tard REEEEEEs and think, "This is the sort of person who thinks war in equestria is a good idea."

Do us all a favour and kill yourself.

http://pastebin.com/TCcd1EUz
More birdfu

>You are running through the snowy mountains of your old home.
>The feel and sound of crunching snow is like music to your ears.
>Suddenly you catch the scent of fresh meat ahead.
>Darting behind a rock you sniff again.
>Wine, meat, faint hints of sulfur mixed in with the scent of a male..
>Mmm…
>Following your nose you find a hot spring, a small picnic basket is set aside with roast beef and red wine on the rocks.
>In the hot waters is Anon!
>Under his sultry gaze you feel your chest puff out for the male.
>”Long time no see Gilda, took you long enough.”
“Yeah right, you just wanted the hot spring for yourself.”
>Waving his talons Anon gestures beside him, “Plenty of room if you want in.”
>Wings extending you give a rouge smirk.
“Don’t mind if I do.~”
>You let out a sigh as the hot water soaks into your fur and feathers, aches you didn’t even know you had start to relax.
“Oh, that’s the good stuff…”
>Letting your head loll back against Anon’s arm you tense thinking you might have gone too forward, but from the way Anon’s talon wraps around your shoulder makes you smile instead.
>”This is pretty nice, huh?”
“Oh yeah definity…”
>”Wanna know how to make it even better?”
>Cooing back in reply your eyes suddenly widen as his talons lift your beak up.
>”A kiss.”
“A-anon…”
>You close your eyes waiting for the kiss leaning up into it...

>>27597909
>”Ma’am? Excuse me?”
>...
>What the flying chickadees?
>Opening your eyes you stare at Anon in confusion before another voice comes from his mouth, “Excuse me Ma’am, can you wake up please?”
>Jerking back you feel yourself start to fall back off of something hard when hooves latch onto you.
>”Goodness miss! I didn’t startle you did I?”
>You look around wildly wondering where the hot spring with Anon is at, instead you only see some pony nurse holding you up.
>Shrugging off the nurse’s hold you shake your head.
“No, I was just, had a weird dream.”
>”Oh no need to worry about that then, most dreams are policed by Princess Luna, so you should be fine.”
>Nevermind that Princess Luna only patrols pony dreams…
“That’s nice, so why’d you wake me in the first place?”
>The white mare with the little nurse cap clops a hoof to her cheek, “Oh that’s right! I was here to tell you that your friend Anon is free to have visitors now!”
“Visitors? Was it really that bad?”
>”It was a timberwolf attack miss, we just want to keep him overnight for observation, make sure he’s able to recover with no side effects.”
>You eye the mare for any funny business, but she seems legit.
“...What kind of side effects?”
>”If you’ll follow me I’ll explain on the way?” The nurse offers nudging her heads deeper into the hospital.
>Following after the mare a frown marring your face you listen to the nurse explain, “It’s exceedingly rare for a timberwolf attack to happen, especially for a stallion of all ponies!”
>You feel like that comment was directed at you somehow.
“He does live near the Everfree, thought you ponies made friends with everything here…”

>>27597918
>”Oh not at all, the Everfree has always been uncontrollable, but the side effects can be rather varied. Timberwolf venom can be amazingly bizarre.”
>Turning a corner you see the door ahead with the word Anon on it.
“Whaddya mean by bizarre?”
>The nurse opens the door for you in response.
>Peeking inside you swivel your head to glare at the mare.
“What in the world is all this for?! He’s not some monster!”
>”That’s what I told them too.”
“Hang on Anon, I’ll get you out…”
>Feeling the nurse grab your wing you feel your talons tense ready to be used…
>”Miss we can’t let him be free right now! There is a reason for it!”
>Anon rattles the chains on the gurney, “And I told you that you're all crazy if you think I’m going to start howling at the damn moon!”
“What in the name of the Great Thunderbird are you talking about?”
>The nurse huffs adjusting her nurse cap from your attempts of breaking free, “Well I was going to explain, timber wolf venom has unusual side effects that can cause ponies to exhibit extreme behaviors and abnormal growths upon their body. Since we don’t know what Anon’s physiology is like we have no idea what reaction if any his body will have, so that’s why we have him restrained! It’s a safety precaution!”

>>27597923
Good stuff Comfy!

>>27597923
>”Don’t you silly ponies have magic or something to zap it away like you usually do?” Anon asks shaking the chains holding him down again.
“Yeah, most the time you ponies have magic for this that and everything else the sun.”
>”While true, timberwolf venom is highly potent, there have been attempts to remove it via magic, but the results usually were unhappy ones.”
>Why does this mare have to beat around the bush?!
“Such as?!”
>”Well the side effects usually become permanent and the behavioral changes are fixated upon the ponies mind.”
“What kind of extreme changes are we talking about here?”
>The nurse shrugs as she trots over to some machine that is attached to Anon, “With ponies they tend to act either like puppies, some of our more extreme cases acted like timberwolves trying to bite other ponies. However the venom passes after a brief period and the ponies return to normal albeit with some odd habits, but nothing that really hurts them.”
>”Wait,” Anon holds up a hand, well attempts to, “I remember there was somepony that sneaked through the hallway sniffing and barking like a dog, was that…?”
>Looking away the nurse keeps quiet for a moment before she sighs, “Yes, that was one of the first victims of the timber wolf bites, we attempted a standard toxic removal spell and her mind was changed from the attempt.”

>>27597923
>No way.
>Thats…
>”Well in the interest of not becoming a fucking furry I think I can stay a night or two then…” Anon mumbles sitting down dejectedly upon the bed.
“So we just wait it out? What kind of hospital is this anyway?”
>”Considering that we’re the only one with experience dealing with these supernatural type of afflictions we’re doing the best we can, thank you very much.” The nurse replies snappishly before finishing her checks on the Anon’s machines. “Now, I’ll leave you two alone, Anon if you need help just push the button there and we’ll come running.”
>With that the nurse walks out of the room refusing to let you have a chance to argue.
>Man, what a bitch.
>”Damn that Nurse Redheart can be kinda bitchy, huh?”
>Das mah chicka!
“Yeah…”
>Pulling up a chair to sit next to Anon you look him over, aside from a wrapped up hand and the chains he looks as normal as ever.
“How you holding up?”
>”Think I’m some kind of pain medicine, though they had to use triple the usual amount for me, too big you see...ehheh, can’t really feel my teeth though.”
“Should, should I get someone about that?”
>”Nah, the docs said that was normal when they have a cow over or something...guess being a hospital for horses means they can work as vets as well haha…”
>Chuckling yourself you find yourself relaxing a bit more than before, maybe you should have just approached him like you would with Dash?
>Before the whole run out of the party thing though.
>”...Gilda?”
“Uh, what? Yes!”

>>27597909
I love birdfu

>>27597934
>”I was asking if you were alright, you looked a bit dazed.”
“What me? Pfft, I’m fine. What about you? Taking on a timberwolf with nothing but a screwdriver? What the ruinous canyons where you thinking bonehead!”
>”Eh, it hurt but I made sure to pay the bastard back. Speaking of, you know what happened with my stuff? You all just rushed me out from my house I couldn’t even clean up.”
>This guy, more worried about cleaning up than the fact he went one vs two timberwolves.
“You’re more worried about cleaning?”
>Oh damn it, you never talk to a male about their preening habits, it will never end!
>”No I just didn’t want all my food and leather to get ruined is all, be a huge waste you know?”
>Huh, that's...pragmatic, you like it!
“Ah no, Twilight and the rest of them said they would clean up the place.”
>Anon leans his head back and smiles at that, “Well that was nice of th-” Suddenly he sits up with a jerk of the chains, “Oh son of a bitch, if they throw away all that meat I will be pissed!”
“Hang on, Twilight’s with them, she’s a cool chick and knows you’d want the meat saved relax man.”


And updates done, I really hope the info dump wasn't too bad.

>>27597943
Sometimes ya just gotta info dump.

>>27597943
>"We found a bunch of animal parts at your and those were super yucky, so we threw them away. What's 'filet mignon' anyway?"

>>27597934
>>”Think I’m some kind of pain medicine
You've always had problems with missing words in your stories.

>>27597997
There are some typos and plain incorrect words. It's fun to read regardless.

>They told you that due to the disproportionate amount of males even an alien like you wouldn’t have an issue finding someone.
>At the time however you were pre-occupied with freaking the fuck out about being thrown into a crazy world with magic.
>Priorities right?
>Well now you were settled in and all that, you even had a nice little apartment which you got to call home.
>Then “it” began.
>Mares came from far and wide to seek your hand in marriage, a green one kept putting on disguises in hopes that you wouldn’t notice her repeated attempts.
>She was a nice horse, but just a little crazy for your taste.
>Okay she was fucking bat-shit insane.
>Sneaking into your place while you were out, stealing your underwear, eating your yogurt from the fridge, some real sick shit.
>But a little restraining order managed to solve that little problem.
>But holy hell did the mare of your dreams come crashing into your life one night.
>Right through the living room wall to be precise.
>Nightmare Moon had returned to wreak havoc on Equestria yet again.
>And during her battle against both the princesses who called Canterlot their home she got thrown into your place.
>She was beautiful, majestic, regal, and even when she threatened you with evisceration you just wanted to plant your face in that chest tuft.
>With the power of friendship and being stuck with a large repair bill she was defeated and supposedly reformed.
>But you wouldn’t be swayed.
>You went through the proper channels, mainly bribing Celestia with two “All you can eat!” tickets to the Cake Emporium.
>The end result was a night out with a reformed villain with a plot you wanted to be friends with.

>>27598062
>You must escape, how did that dumb mare talk you into this.
>”Oh Moony where did you go?”
>Sweet sky above, you thought you were evil, but you couldn’t even begin to magic a candle to this monster.
>He was pleasant at first, slightly more marely than a typical stallion, which was nice.
>Also it has been so long since you met a colt who did run for the hills screaming out of fear.
>Then he invited you to his place for some fresh cider.
>That’s when it all went to tartarus.
>Sitting way to close to you on that oversized couch of his, he did something you would never be able to forgive him for.
>He took and held your hoof in his grabber.
>On pure instinct your horn lit up and you were outside his home, heart pounding.
>Instincts kicking in you galloped towards the safety of the castle when you heard his voice and footfalls behind you.
>It was only when the castle came into view did you remember a very important detail.
>You had wings.
>Taking off you flew the rest of the way, avoiding the questioning glances sent your way when you barreled through the castle halls.
>Lying in your soft bed you cried to yourself, you were no longer pure. What chance did you have now to find a husband?
>You would have your revenge on that vile hoof-holder!

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>>27597934
>Think I’m some kind of pain medicine,
HE
IS
THE
PAIN
KILLER

>>27598069
>You are Anon
>You were just shot down by the first mare you expressed interest in after you made an innocent gesture of affection
>badfeels.jpg

>>27598144
Don't make fun of Comfy just because he writes his fics on a potato,

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>>27598158
I'd never make fun of Comfy. We were horsefriends with horsebenefits.
Also,
>implying the fucking painkiller is a fucking laughing matter with his deadly wheels and wings of steel

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>>27595299
>>27595311
Holy fuck i didn't think my prompt whould get a green

>>27598150
>hoof holding
>innocent!
You probably think that colts earn just as much as mares do doing the same job!

>>27597943
Gilda is stupid to trust Twilight. This wont end well for her.

>>27597112
>13.8 million trips/sec
>CPU at 100%
sorcery

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>>27597207
>Day One of the occupation of Ponyville
>You're a successful older mare who is still very much popular with the stallions, so you must be Mayor Mare
>You've been summoned to Friendship Castle by the human captain, or more specifically, his secretary
>The poor dear, doesn't his officer know better than to send a stallion all alone into an enemy town?
>He could get pillowed! Or even cuddled!
>Giving him a few words of comfort, you fall into step behind him, taking in the view as you walk to the castle
>Human stallions walk to and fro through town, putting up posters, talking into radios, and everything else you'd imagine an occupying force would do
>One human bends over to pick something up, giving you a wonderful view of his backside
>unf
>You're not that attracted to humans, but you'll take what you can get
>The other mares in town certainly are
>Finally, you reach the castle, where the Equestrian flag has been replaced with the green and white flag of Humania
>You ignore that utmost shame and head inside to the throne room
>Twilight's magic friendship map has disappeared, leaving the table completely barren
>On the far side, a human sits hunched over a 'commuter', his hoofspiders clacking away at the keys
>Another secretary?
>You clear your throat, causing him to look up from his work
>He nods at you, squinting with his beady little eyes
>You're feeling distinctly uncomfortable right now, so you decide to break the ice
"Why, hello, dearie! Do you know where your boss is?"
>"That information is classified. Take a seat."
>Dammit, mare, play it smooth!
"Now, dear, I think we've gotten off on the wrong hoof. My name is Ivory Mare, I'm Ponyville's mayor."
>"I'm Captain Unknown. Take a seat."
>Oh
>This may prove to be an interesting experience

>>27598666
It must be hard for mares, an occupying force being full of males they want to sleep with.

>>27598666
What level of technology is in this satanic story? Is this computer some electromechanical thing from the 50s, or something modern?

>>27598666
Food for thought satan, no one in the military would ever tell a civilian "that's classified" because all it means is they don't know (lack of clearance) and no one trusts them (shitbag). It doesn't make the character sound "cool" to say that, it makes him look like a retard.

>>27598666
Based Satan delivers.

>>27598758
It's almost as though satan doesn't know shit about the military

>>27598813
Almost as though the only ones that care are butthurt /k/ommandos.

>>27598758
Then what WOULD he say?

>>27598193
Horsefriend!
We should horse more with our horses so we can horse around!
/horse intensifies/

>>27598867
Here's some examples that I used plenty of times: "Can't say.", "No clue." or how about "Don't worry about it."

I know, crazy huh?

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>>27598666
>You're pissed off, so you must be Captain Unknown
>This fucking pony
>You slam your laptop shut, not too hard or the quartermaster will have your ass again
>The mayor takes a seat across from you, a nervous expression on her face
>As well there should be, you're a badass soldier and she's an enemy civilian
>But, instead of impressing her with feats of strength, you've got a job to do
"You know why you're here, correct?"
>"Your, uh, secretary said-"
"There will be changes around here."
>"And, as Ponyville's mayor, I'll be glad to ease the transition into an occupied state."
"Good. You'll be my secretary."

>You are Mayor Mare, and you can't believe what you're hearing
>You, with twenty years of political experience! Secretary to some, some, some harlot stallion in a droopy uniform!
>Disbuckingcolt.scroll
>You're an intelligent mare though, and the last thing you want is to upset a heavily armed stallion
>Instead, you give him your best smile
>Not a political smile, but a personal smile, one fit for kissing foals and impressing stallions
>He doesn't smile back
>He's rather cute, with the whole 'badflank stallion' persona he's putting on
>But you know, deep down, he's just a soft little colt asserting his independence
>You'll have him under your hoof in a week or less
>Oh shit he's talking
>"-Needless to say, all privately-owned weapons will be confiscated-"
>Looks like the Cakes are screwed
>Maybe they can rent Sugarcube Corner as a barracks or something
>"Do you have any questions?"
"Um... Are you doing anything tonight, Captain?"

>>27598813
I saw part of an episode of Band of Brothers a few years ago, so I think I know what I'm talking about.

>>27598899
Oh I can smell the shenanigans in the office. Wait what about the cakes being armed, and can we expect pinkie pulling a Gatling out of her hair?

>>27598921
no they have dangerous cream field pies, lemon pies and other assortment of pastries that could be used to arm a resistance force

>>27598899
>>He's rather cute, with the whole 'badflank stallion' persona he's putting on
>>But you know, deep down, he's just a soft little colt asserting his independence
>>You'll have him under your hoof in a week or less
Haha, holy shit. I have a feeling she's in for a very rude awakening sometime down the line.

>>27598932
Oh shit. That sounds like a delicious way to die.

>>27598899
>Secretary
Go with aide, business owners have secretary's, officers and political figures have aides.

>Saw Band of Brothers
Despite it being a good mini-series and you obviously joking about it, don't use it as your only source for writing a military themed green.
I'm not a big fan of you writing this, but for the sake of actually trying to give constructive criticism to a writer i'll say look up how officers act.

You might find this little take on it helpful for your writing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-smiZCXFeps

>>27598952
>First woman to
And dropped. Getting real tired of seeing 'first woman to be the best at thing' everywhere.

>>27598069
>No good end for NMM
no please, she doesn't deserve that, let's see some more friendo.

>>27598958
Don't bitch because it is physically true, tumberina.

>>27598974
What?

>>27598958
watch the whole thing before you say that you might be surprised

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>>27598997
>did this
Many laughs were had.

>>27599043
Like a stack of tuna cans but all veiny

>>27598884
>"Can't say.", "No clue." or how about "Don't worry about it."
>because all it means is they don't know (lack of clearance) and no one trusts them (shitbag)

>>27599085
Guess what not knowing because you don't have a clearance does happen. I'm sure you'd have a super secret special awesome clearance to speak with Santa Jesus cause you're so witty.

>>27599117
>examples that I used plenty of times
That's real mature for someone who implies to be in the military.

>>27599085
I just saw my typo, it meant to say "or" not "and".

>>27599132
>implying
I was, past tense. Sorry to say that the military isn't really a giant special ops thing everyone makes it out to be. There's a metric shit ton of faggotry which overrides common sense. Information a toddler could figure out has more redtape than needed. And the leadership, especially the higher you go is based on how good you make yourself look at the expense of others.

Be my guest and ask anyone that served if I'm wrong.

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>>27597909
Fuck yeah.

>>27599132

Hate to break it to you but the military has a lot of full fucking retard.

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>>27599169
But dad I can't go to bed yet, I have to keep drawing to gitgud.

>>27599223
It's bedtime for everyone

>>27599172
>Avoid and Misdirect
Hm. That makes sense actually. You could have said to do so in the first place.

>>27599239
Dads right, I'm going to take a break from this place for a bit. Maybe by then this whole anon is a spec ops commando thing will die.

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>>27599239

>>27599248
True, I could have phrased it better but I am an idiot, which speaks very highly of our officer corps.

Where did all these posters that use reaction images with stale "meme fonts" come from? I don't remember seeing them before.

>>27599281
Summer is real

>>27599290
Keep dreaming.

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>>27597973
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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>>27598069
>you will have your revenge
Oh boy hate sex inbound

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>>27597943
>>27598348

Will Anon recover before Twilight hungers again? How long does it take an alicorn to go through a whole moose? Find out next time on Touching Wings.

>>27586404
>>>/trash/

>>27598899
>You are Specialist John Doe, and this is bullshit
"See this? It's called a 'dollar'. In Humania, we use them to buy things."
>The blue mare looks at the note, then up to your face
>She's got an expression
>"That's not money. That's paper. You need money,"
>She gestures at the tip jar full of coins
>"To buy goods and services."
>"Unless, of course, you're willing to pay another way~"
>She turns slightly, giving you a good 3/4ths view of her backside
>Saggy, cellulite-dimpled, wider than her withers and softer than a pillow-
>Bad boner! Bad!
>You're a goddamn warrior, you're not gonna let some fat horse get the better of you!
>Stuffing your wallet back into your pocket, you walk behind the counter
>"Oh? Willing to take up my offer, dea- Hey! You can't do that!"
>Oh yes you can
>You grab a cupcake from behind the glass countertop and smash it into her mane, crumbs and icing clinging to the surface of her beehive
>She shrieks and falls to the floor, twitching convulsively for a moment before falling still and beginning to snore
>While the other ponies in the shop run for their lives, you pull out your trusty box of ziplocs and start confiscating sweets
>Ooh, turnovers!
>"Honeybuns, what's-"
>A yellow stallion steps out from the kitchen, eyes wide when he sees the unconscious mare, and you standing over her, hand full of pastries
>"I knew this would happen! We never should've come to this town!"
>He's kinda hot too, you could have some fun with the li'l stringbean
>But first, you have to stuff your backpack with as many treats as possible before anyone else gets here
>Those guys'll be eager for a break from army rations
>Five bucks per pastry sounds about right

>>27599431
Am I the only one who sees the irony in fiat currency?

>>27599431
This is gonna be good, are they poisoned?

>>27599117
>>27598974

So what's with this one guy getting all butthurt when someone criticizes him and then responding with something retarded but with the tone like he just said something super clever?

>>27594108
no, no missed updates, this is just a thing bouncing around for me as I shake off the rust of not writing the past few moths.

>>27599581
>one guy
I already stopped caring. I never meant to sound clever, I don't like the concept but I'm just going to shut the fuck up about it.

Sincerely sorry for sounding like an autist.

Remember, this is all AU.


>What a wonderful day for a wedding, again.
>Shining stands at the altar, your Aunt behind him.
>To the left and right, family and friends.
>Your old friend and babysitee Twilight waves excitedly, and you acknowledge her with a smile.
>Nothing could go wrong today, after last time...
~~~
>Walking carefully through the streets with your disguised guards, you move ever closer to your target.
>At first, you had planned to capture the princess of love and take her spot to gather power, but while that plan crashed, you found a second source.
>Smaller, younger, but more potent.
>And best of all, unprotected.
>Arriving at the building, several of your guards disperse to observe the area.
>The others follow you inside and up several flights of stairs.
>Nearing the door, you pause, however.
>You can taste it in the air, the love here, but the targets not alone.
>There's another.
>A strong, ball of emotions, partly masked by the love.
>Reaching the wooden portal, there's a sudden surge of love, causing you to halt again.
~~~
>Daddy is making burgers for lunch.
>Buck yeah, you love Daddy's burgers.
>The neighbors don't like it as much, because of the smell, but you understand.
>Not a lot of ponies eat meat, even on rare occasions, so it must smell kinda gross.
>On the other hoof, your mouth is watering as you listen to the meat sizzling.
>Today is such a great day.
>No school, Dad cooking meat, and that pink egg donor will guaranteed be nowhere near you.
>She managed to sucker some poor colt into marrying her, even after the fiasco last time they tried.
>Boy is he in for a surprise.
>Hopefully they...