Reversed gender roles Equestria X6

Mare asks what's for dinner tonight.

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>>26860329
>mfw it's new thread time and the oppic isn't dongring
Forceful mares, one of the better oppics this thread has.
I wish BGF did another cool one, belching horse is great

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Mares would be so much fun to tease.

>>26860072
http://pastebin.com/8b9prAJs

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I've put something together, that is a mix between RGRE and Marital Problems. Hope you don't mind.

>Perhaps a bit more mango?
>I mean, it was supposed to be a green tea with mango and not the other way around, but...
>Just a touch wouldn't hurt right?
>And you kinda felt like drinking something very fruity today, even if it wasn't your usual way of doing things.
>Frankly, you mostly drank your own mix of deep black tea with a drop of lemon and a spoon of honey.
>But hey, variety every now and again sounds like a good idea.
>And it's not like you don't have enough supplies to experiment, so here goes nothing.
>You carefully add just right amount of the dried fruit pellets to the mix you are preparing, and begin to stir it.
>You always believed that the proper mixing was a crucial part of a serious tea making.
>Well, ever since you begun to pay it this much attention anyway.
>Which incidentally would be about the same time when you found yourself in this magical horselan-
>You are startled by a sudden loud noise, and almost tip over the small bowl you were working on.
>Which is quite silly of you, since it is nothing else than a kettle whistle that you should've been expecting.
>You know, having put it on a burner yourself and such.
>Mentally facepalming you shoot your left arm towards the stove to grab the noisemaker.
>It was a mechanical motion at this point, since you were always making your tea in the same spot, and boiled the water on the same burner.
>Except that now it was occupied by the meal you made yesterday, stored in a big cooking pot.
>Which meant that a very hot chunk of metal was now a good 30 centimeters closer to you than usual.
>Unfortunately, you felt it before you realised it.
>The impact with a scalding hot surface made you jump and grab your violated palm.
"MOTHERFUCKER"
>Oh, and shout.
>Thankfully you were home alone right now, or else your wife would give you hell for such "ruffian" language.

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>>26860501
>Marital Problems
AAAHHHHHH

>>26860501
>Marital Problems
Nooope. You have your own thread.

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>>26860501
>>26860521
>>26860563
>>Marital Problems
>Cuckthread General
No.

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>>26860501
>Marital Problems
There's only one motherfucker over there that isn't an out and out cuck, and you ain't him.

>>26860348
headshit:
>horses aren't big into food preparation, and even a salad is seen as something slightly fancy.
>basically nobody cooks anything complicated at home,leaving the stuff to professionals with talent
>a typical human recipe such as fucking pasta carbonara would be a very fancy meal.
>taking care of groceries and meals is a mostly straightforward job of making sure things are stocked, and thus delegated to stallone

>>26860501
I actually don't mind.

>>26860661
Suddenly am interest

>>26860661
>stallone
>Rambo in equestria gets nam flashbacks
>no survivors

>>26860664
Knock yourself out: >>26850741

>>26860683
I already read the interesting stories there.

Also no RGRE enough.

>>26860363
I'm behind on the thread, still reading 2 threads back, so didn't know what the current theme was. Hence the return to my default Classic RGRE pic. Of course classic also means thread number but i've long since lost count, so Xty6 it is.

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Itty bitty pony noises

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>>26860728
They make the cutest noises.

Especially that one.

>>26860674
Depends whether it's book or movie Rambo. Movie Rambo will rescue pony POW's from secret changeling prisons in the badlands. Book Rambo will utterly destroy Ponyville using only a straight razor and a lever-action rifle.

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>>26860521
>>26860563
>>26860568
>>26860619
Wew lad. I was wondering whether or not I should put that spoiler there, and it turns out that I made a mistake.

The thing is, I view the story much more aligned to RGR than MT. For something that has "marital" in the name I've found the stories very weakly based around an idea of marriage and much more around military anon going full nuclear and enacting revenge (save for Prince Anon, but that story is long dead).

I wanted to use the marriage as a baseline for the current scenario that uses RG to build the story. Guess I'll just go fuck myself then.

>>26860664
Nec Hercules contra plures.

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>>26860363
Well, actually I may create another pic for the thread.
Right now, I got a fuckhuge writer's block and can't squeaze any green out of myslef for shit.
No amount of fapping and drinking is helping.
Maybe, if I drawfag for a while, Slaanesh will smile upon me and grand me some inspiration to write horsewords again....

Any ideas for the RGRE pic?

>>26860876
Cadence hiding in a bush stalking Celestia and Venus who are hiding in another bush watching Anon and Luna out on a date.

>>26860876
Somebody beating a dead horse

>>26860876
A stronk earth pony asking Anon's opinion on some lingerie because he's "basically one of the mares."

>>26860876
anon fucking up the food he is cooking cause he no longer gives a fuck

>>26860876
Anon doing his best to reenact his favorite scene from his favorite movie, Clash of the Titans, and Celestia having none of it. Luna would help, but she's too busy laughing her ass off to do anything else.

>>26860726
Who cares what the theme is if it's RGRE, it changes thrice per thread.
Classics are good

>>26860876
Honest hardworking mares with tough jobs that built this glorious country.
Perhaps on a break, a la http://media.mutualart.com/Images/2015_05/15/09/092458252/96f4cf3d-3c8d-4940-94c9-f8fc6c0d764e.Jpeg

or, since this thread is in a constant baby-frenzy, something like this http://pulson.ru/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/pulson15.jpg
'Children - joy of the family'
'Children - future of the people'
'Be happy, dear one!'

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>>26861002
>since this thread is in a constant baby-frenzy
very much so

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>>26860802
>"I made a stew with potatoes and liquid shit"
>...
>"Well actually there is no actual shit in it, so I though you would like it!"
You really have only yourself to blame. Sorry, sis.
If it's not about the stuff that goes in MP thread, why did you mention it?

>>26861044
Imagine a big, happy herd on a picnic, all the adults and foals, just doing herd things, playing, enjoying life...

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>>26861002
>>26861044
Actually this sounds great.

>>26860882
5 characters on one pic?
You really think too highly of me, Shuk.
Though, I'll think about it.

>>26860923
Carlos pls. Also, not RGRE enough.

>>26860932
What type of linerge would it be?
A ballscak bra, or something?

>>26860951
I imagine Anon frying something on the pan.
An annoyed horse waifu is looking at him.
She shout at him that she's hungry and demand dinner now.
Anon is throwing all kinds of shit into the pan, basically making the food inedible.

>>26860964
So, basically Anon is sitting on top of flustered Celestia, trying to look heroic as fuck, with his shirt off and Luna is rolling on the floor laughing?

>>26861002
Pregnant mares you say... interesting, I never drew any.
Any interesting ideas on how to show RGRE pregnant mare?
The communist propaganda ideas you proposed smells too much like /pol/ for me, sorry.

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>>26861112
>It uses a marriage as a starting plot point, surely it's a good thing to mention MP

captcha was tea

>>26861237
>So, basically Anon is sitting on top of flustered Celestia, trying to look heroic as fuck, with his shirt off and Luna is rolling on the floor laughing?
Pretty much. Bonus points if Anon is wearing a sheet as a toga and carrying some busted ass homemade sword.

>>26861260
Celestia's not complaining because he's going commando under that toga.

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>>26861112
>Imagine a big, happy herd on a picnic, all the adults and foals, just doing herd things, playing, enjoying life...
I need this.

>>26861273
So she'd need a bit of a blush, and her wings would be in full effect.

>>26861237
You'd only need head and shoulders for the hiding pones, or even just faces through bushes.

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>>26861237
>Any interesting ideas on how to show RGRE pregnant mare?
Showing off maybe? I guess it would be the stallion asking the mare to take pregnancy yoga/water exercises and buying baby clothes and such. Herd sisters being slightly jealous.

>>26861345
I like to imagine Equestrians are really big on family.
Showing off they got knocked up would be a thing of pride.

>>26860876
Anon gesturing to a cocktail glass and saying "no... I said a beer. BE. ER. Not a sex in the woods"

>>26861388
what

>>26861388
I don't get it.

>>26861237
>The communist propaganda ideas you proposed smells too much like /pol/ for me, sorry.
I figured you would balk at communist propaganda so I picked out the most neutral one.
It's not even that communist, I bet any country could run with it really :(
Well, there probably is a perfectly good family pic I can cannibalize for it, or even do the fucking thing myself...

But what about the hardworking mares with dirty jobs?

>Pregnant mares you say... interesting, I never drew any.
>Any interesting ideas on how to show RGRE pregnant mare?
If it's going to be RGRE enough, the pregnant mares should sure as hell be working.
Marely mares don't need to be coddled like colts as soon as they start to show!

>>26861257
If I proposed my story for e.g. AiE I would sure as fuck avoid mentioning it's from here, because they are poo-poos

>>26861406
>Anon tries to convince his horse wife no to work 12 hours shifts but she think stallion's trying to keep a pregnant mare down.

>>26861474
You're mixing your real world women in there anon.

>>26861498
It's a difficult balance.

>>26861273 >>26861260
Gasp! That's not even RGRE at all!

>>26861474
>"Honey, I'm pregnant, not dying!"
"You could harm the foals, you could miscarry!"
>"Hah! My mother worked
to the very day of my birth, and walked to the clinic herself when she felt the contractions! I'll be fine."

>>26860876
The >>26861388 's fruity colty drinks have lots of potential.
Perhaps 'stallions enjoying their stallionly drinks and being coy little teases' ?

>>26861365 >>26861345
Implying Regular Gender Roles Terra doesn't have women showing off their pregnancies.
That isn't RGRE-specific at all.

>>26861516
I see more women aborting than showing off their pregnancies.

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>>26861541
stop going to gym, undelete facebook, receev ultrasound picture

>>26861516
You're bringing the idea down before it gets any details or specifics. Spoilsport.

Yeah ok anyway. Gonna post some green, but to catch everyone up:

>Anon hoerswaifus in food contest
>Him stuck at colt table
>Caramel has become top horse
>Smuganimehorse.face
>Anon likes tomato theme
>So much he eat tomato
>mmmm

Pastebin updated at the end

>>26861598
>Nguu ehr ERRNG EEEUH
>And FUCK you are full
>That pound cake... it expanded. Nopony told you it would expand
>"Now, our paramedicponies are on site to make sure to care for any mare who starts to have a seizure-"
>Ugh... whatnow - oh right
>You blink the spots from your eyes as you look at the glasses being set before you and the rest of your competitors
>Yeah, some of your herdmates made it, but. Now? Now it's all about who will be alpha
>You, Twi, RD or AJ
>Pinkie doesn't count because she's NOT EQUINE
>No groaning, no moaning, nothing. Just happy excitement for what comes next
>Twice other mares have demanded to have her place checked - but nothing. No pile of food on the floor, no portal... nothing
>She turns and smiles at you with a genuine, honest smile of a lover
>You give her your fullest fat-pone pouty face
>Damn... hoers... politics
>THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE ALPHA
>BETA IS JUST FIRST LOSER
>You feel something soft and heavy lean on you, and you try to shrug it off
>"Gnzuh? I'm... I'm here-" RD whines, shaking off the food coma
>COME ON
>PEGASAI PRIDE WORLDWIDE
>Your hooves bat at the table in defiance
>Other mares.... seem to join you
>What are you doing
>*bam* *bam* *bam*
>"Woooah! It seems we've got a challenge going on! Very well then; 100x, no magic, final destination!"
>The glass is filled up
>You're not concerned.... some of the tribes you've uh. Exposed to the western world?
>Liberated?
>.....borrowed from without consent or intent to return?
>Yeah. Borrowed from - used to stab small, pebble-like tomatoes with their arrows before firing them at you
>So you built up a mild resistance to the stuff
>Still
>You swallow
>It's more the volume than anything
>If you can just buy some time, maybe you can digest a little more and-
>"H...how are the colts d-doin-"
>You give the mare who said that a lazy glare
"Thas...fn' fain idea-"
>Whomever you are
>Luna bless you

>>26861610
"O-Oi Ref! How...."
>Mayor Mare tilts her head and trots over. "What is it, Daring? And don't get sick on me - I've got hooves to shake and interns to abuse after this."
"Hhhhow are the boys doin'?"
>The mayor cuts her eyes at you
>You cut your eyes back at her
>She stagewhispers to you "are you asking me to buy you time?! That's not how this works, Dari-"
"Aahr...you askin' meh... t' donate eh-*gasp*-er again?"
>Fuck you mayor you owe me after my "donations" to your campaign
>Sensing that she's going to possibly make one of her newer and larger donors look bad in public, she quickly puts on a stage smile
>"A-aha....ah yes! Let's see how our lovely boys are doing - aren't they great for cheering these mares on?!"
>Good save
>Grey-maned bit-
>The stagepony swings a spotlight over to the colt-area
>Really it's the foal area, but, you know how colts are
>Griffon-eyed when it comes to the chilluns
>And they all smile and wave
>You take it all in with a grin
>There's your herdcousin Big Mac
>That one pegasus you've seen a couple times
>Aah, Mr. Cake.
>Fuck you, Mr. Cake
>Limp-dicked stud....
>YEAH you're still salty over that pound pound cake! That's not NICE
>You just came out here to have a good time and you're just
>feeling so full right now
>There's some SLUT ON YOUR MAN'S LA-
>Oh wait not that's secondbest stallion, everyone's friend
>Caramel
>....your wings rise of their own accord
>Anon, the predator, cornering poor Caramel, doing....
>Whatever it is gay horses do
>Touch butts?
>Lewd
>And there's Anon, your hubby
>For some reason you see a blur of purple launch itself from your side
>Followed by pink
>Huh... he's just waving
>With a moist...smile?
>There's nothing wrong about that
>Hell, he's eating an appl-
>. . .
>that's not an apple.
>THAT'S NOT AN APPLE AT ALL.
>With the fury of a hundred fat pidgeons, you launch yourself ontop of the table, RD rolling off behind you onto the ground
"ANON! NO! ANON PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

>>26861598
Holy shit, you're actually here.

>>26861622
>You are Anon
>And as soon as the spotlight hit you, you smiled and struck a pose
>I mean... that's what the deal is here, right?
>A few mares looked at Caramel with a mixture of jealousy and lust
>He wiggles
>....the smug radiating from him could keep you warm for days
>So THIS was his game
>To be the horse-king
>Ah well, whatever
>Like a good pawn, you raise up your tomato, waving to the crowd
>Yeaus, yeaus, the king-horse on the tomato chair sees you all
>yeau-....
>you shudder
>Every single pony's eyes just shrunk to pinpricks in unison
>WHELP.
>NO NEED TO SLEEP AGAIN.
>EVER.
>And suddenly there's a whole lotta yelling
>Apparently AJ flips one of the tables
>Ponks and Twi are flying towards you
>No, you don't know how it works in ponks case
>Just
>There's a lot of quick, sudden movement rocketing towards your head very quickly
>Hey brain?
>Yeah, Anon
>Go poke Lizardbrain, see what knee-jerk reaction we should go with
>Aight
>Oi, Lizardbrai-
>FLIGHTFLIGHTFLIGHTFLIGHTFLIGHT-
>You straight up fliplaunch Caramel out of your lap, his spinning torso aimed directly at Twilight
>The look on her face is priceless as they collide, fwumping to the ground
>Spinning, you vault over the bench you were sitting on and make a mad break for the foals area
>USE THE CHILDREN TO COVER YOUR ESCAPE
>SURE THING, LIZARDBRAIN
>You dive into the foal's area, the cries of both mares and stallions filling your ears
>But there is no time
>There is only ammunition
>Kicking open the gate from the inside, you start picking up foals and skipping them along the ground
>It's like bowling, but with much more terror and adrenaline
>You start taking parents out at the knees, some of them diving to get hit in the tummy with 20lbs of foal
>Yeah. TAKE THAT EYE-RAPE HORSES
>Running out of earthorses, you quickly pick up a stray unicorn
>Leaning back, you're at the 50
>the 40
>the 30
>You toss the unicorn child like a football at Pinkau, who screams something about the cakes and makes a dive

>>26861641
>SHE DID IT
>IT'S GOOD
"SPORTSBALL! SPOOOOORRRRTTTTSSSS-"
>You lift the top of the baby gitmo, freeing the pegasai children
"FLY, MY PRETTIES, FLYYYYYY-"
>Giggling, they take flight, making a beeline for the hanging lights
>Mares and stallions lift off to grab them
>But your minions are undeterred
>....YES. IN THE COVER OF DARKNESS, YOU WILL MAKE YOUR ESCAPE
>YOUR TRAINING IS COMPLETE, LITTLE BIRD HORSES
>GONNALIVEGONNALIVEGONNALIVE
>YES LIZARDBRAIN!
>You launch over the baby barricade once more, the muffled "thank you, good sir! thank youu~" of the sacrificial foalsitter not registerring in your brain
>*pamf*
>Nnngh~
>You wobble as something fat and heavy-

>You are Daring
>HEY! That's not nice!

>Back to Anon
>FAT AND HEAVY AND SOFT slams into your side
>It's chirping and neighing at you
>LIZARD CANNOT HANDLE WORDS
>You begin swinging your arms around
>NO MASS RAPE
>NO HORSE EYES
>NO MORE RIDE
>Something else blue and fat and heavy poofs into your back
>Fuck you're getting COMFY
>Lizardbrain, help!
>NO. DANGER GONE. FIGHT, FUCK OR SLEEP?
>Fuck, you're not helpin-
>FUCK IT IS
>waitno
>Another horse takes you out at the knees, and you fall on your side
>Poppin' your questionable boner
>Why is this your life?

>>26861644
What is happening.

>>26861644
>YOU ARE DARING
>CAPS IS THE ONLY WAY TO THINK
>OH FUUUUUCK
>THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T LET HUSBANDOS OUT OF YOUR SIGHT
"OH FUCK OH FUCK"
>Ok, calm down
>He's on the ground, AJ's lifting his legs -
"AJ, he didn't pass out-"
>"CONSARNIT WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO-"
>She yells at you with wet eyes-
>You blink and look away
>everypony's panicking
>You've got to keep your cool
>Breathe in... Breathe out...
>RD's cradling Anon's head, weeping and peppering him with kisses
>That's not going to help! Stay calm! Keep him calm!
>Uh.. uh, ok. ok. Ingesting poison, induce vomiting
"AJ! Flip him over!"
>"B-"
"DON'T BACKTALK. DO IT."
>AJ, with credit to her entire race, flips your husbando over onto his stomach by his feet
>That's...that'd be impressive, if you had the time or mental capacity to appreciate it
>It's also landed Anon's face right into RD's tuft
>She latches onto him with all four hooves
>Know what? No time to warn her
>AJ looks at you
"The horslich maneuver!"
>With gusto AJ hops up, mounting your stallion
>She starts to squeeze
>Unfortunately, she's only really... hanging onto his flank
>Damnit
>"Ah! Ahnon!" *grunt* "Hold on! Ah'll save you!"
"Do you not know how to- JUST MOVE!"
>You dive onto Anon's mid-back, turning around to grip his abdomen
"HEAVE!"
>You squeeze
"HEAVE YOU BASTARD!"
>You squeeze again


>You are Anon
>Now, your world is blue
>It smells of fresh rain, a little tang of salt, and it's vibrating
>Those seem like sobs
>....wait, is that RD? Why is she cry-
>Suddenly there's a weight on your ass
>It starts to squeeze you
>OH FUCK YOU KNEW IT
>IT WAS ALL A RUUUUSSSSEEE
>Another weight lands on your back and starts rubbing your tummy
>YOU ARE NOT AN ALLIGATOR
>THIS WILL NOT RELAX YOU
>LIZARDBRAIN SAYS FUCKFIGHTFUCKFIGHT
>With inarticulate yelling, you rise from the pavement, blind and being humped, erection tenting your pants
>So, yanno. Average Thursday night.
"DAMN YOU, OLMEC! I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR TREASUUURREEEE-"

>>26861659
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDVVplAweZw
>You are not a pone you have been before
>You're also not the aplien, who's sitting on the ground being tended to by his mares
>You are PONICE CHIEF CUDDLE WINGS
>And if the stories you're being told right now are true
>This brave stallion before you, when he discovered untended tomatoes in the general population
>Immediately evacuated the stallions from the area
>And even rescued every foal in the tent single-hoofedly!
>What a hero
>And he's even refusing to be sent to the hospital - dang thick-headed colts
>The paraponies can't get near him without getting booped
>Such fire! Such drive! Such a desire for JUSTICE!
>You wipe away a marely tear with your super-soft wings
>Time to mare up and mare this mare with mare and mare
>maremaremare
>You stop chewing your notepad and step up to the plate!
>....mare
>stopthat
"Excuse me, Anonymous?"
>The human looks at you with a mixture of concern and annoyance, his hand retracting from a scrunchy-faced nursecolt
>"Hey, look - I dindu nuffin."
>Oh dear he thinks he's ponies - eer, in trouble!
"Oh! No no, you're not in trouble, sir! I'm just, I'm the ponice chief. I'm here to personally make sure whomever did this hayne... hay..."
>You scrunch
>You always get like this near a qt stallion!
>"Heinou-"
"Haynous crime! Poisoning a colt - and possibly multiple ones at that - that's, well. That's grounds for immediate banishment at best!"
>His herd nods at you and he sighs, shrugging his shoulders
>His broad... thick should-
>"I mean, ask away. I keep trying to point out that my species eats a lot that yours can't-"
>"That's just silly talk, anon! No species eats nightshade!" The princess chides, shaking her head
>Turning to you, one of the unicorns - Rarity, you'll learn later - pipes up. "Well, you know how colts are. 'I can't have this, it'll go to my barrel, I can't have that-'"
>Suddenly she's petted, and her snootie scrunches up
>LEWD. IN PUBLIC!

>>26861679
>You shake your head
>He'll... get away with this, but only because of his traumas
"Sure, sure. I know how studs can be."
>"Hey! Is... wait, is that an insult or-"
"But we gotta figure out what happened. Now, we got the skinny from your mares, but you gotta tell it to me straight."
>The colt huffs, his cute little chest rising and fall-
>FOCUS
>"-ying, I sat down with the other guys, we caught up-"
>Oh buck you're going to be here for a while
>"-with his ass right on my junk, and I'm like 'hey brain, no tim-' "
>You start doodling
>"-so I move our plates. Then-"
>Hey waitaminute
"So wait, uh. You moved plates?"
>He nods. "Yeah, cause Caramel was in my lap. So he couldn't reach, but I could - so I moved my plate away from me..."
"...and that's how your got the tomatoes slipped into your food."
>He shrugs. "I mean, it makes sense. The lights went out, I wasn't paying attention-"
>Typical
>"and so I had a couple of 'em. I mean, that's the festival, right?"
>Haha wut
"Wait... you..had multiple tomatoes?!"
>His mares stare at him with a look.... the look you give your foal when you realize that they'll wear a helmet all the time, not just for riding scooters
>He boops another nurse who got too close
>You sigh internally
"Alright...just...and you're SURE you don't need the paraponipatapons?"
>He shakes his head. "Hell no. All I need is a little bit of salt-"
>Another gasp
"Sir, drowning your sorrows in a shaker is not the healthiest way to-"
>"Please, cophoers. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
>You scrunch slightly
>Fine. Trauma'd male, just.... get to work, gumshoe
"No sir. We'll take it from here - just make yourself available for some follow up questions in a few days and we'll be good."
>Maybe he'll remember something? Maybe his mares can get him to open up?
>Who knows
>BUT PONICE CHIEF CUDDLEWINGS IS ON THE CASE!

>>26861696
>You are still PONICE CHIEF CUDDLEWINGS
>And it's into the wee hours of the night
>Luna... at least gave you a full moon, but
>You've interviewed nearly 100 ponies
>Had magic forensics on the case
>Tested the tomatoes - they came from the locked batch
>Tested the broken lock - or what was *left* of it....
>You sigh
>This is going to be one of those hard cases
>It could make or break your career!
>High profile attempted assassination of a half-dozen colts! Including the princess' own?!
>You bow your head, scouring the ground for more clues
>trying to WILL something into existance
>....nothing but your own hoofprints
>You sigh
>the silence is broken by a lone twig snapping
>You turn towards the noise

"Oh?! Hey, who's - oh! Sorry, this is a closed crime scene-"
>Your guest interrupts you
"...look, I don't know what you're talking about, and that's slander-"
>Your guest provides evidence, which you snatch from their gloved claws
"...h-how... how did you get this. How did you get this?!"
>A demand is made
"N-no. No! Do you have any idea what that would do to me- if they found out I was-"
>You lower your voice, looking around
"-l-look, I left that life... behind, ok? I've snugglestruggled my last colt. I'm clean."
>The demand is repeated
"....you're sick. But I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't, right?"
>Your guest's toothy smile flashes in the moonlight
"... you did this, too, didn't you? And now because of this I can't CLOSE THIS CASE!"
>You slam your hooves against the ground in rage, and your guest laughs as he leaves in the shadows
>DAMN IT
>DAMN THAT LITTLE BASTARD

>>26861696
>>He shakes his head. "Hell no. All I need is a little bit of salt-"
And now they think he's got a salt problem too.

>>26861610
>>26861622
>>26861641
>>26861644
>>26861659
>>26861679
>>26861696
>>26861714
Done.

Paste: http://pastebin.com/FRFeTU3N
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/brandnewwritefag

Sorry for disappearing on y'all for so long. But, work is easing off now, so... green.

>>26861729
I don't know why but this actually gave me a boner. The fuck is wrong with me?

Whatever, is good to see you again

>>26861729
Cool.

>>26860661
>"Anonymous, Darling, what IS that delicious aroma?"
>Oh, hey, it's Rarity.
>And she's in your house.
>Again.
>Locks mean NOTHING to a unicorn, those shits.
>You sigh, putting your wooden spoon down and reducing the stovetop's flame.
"Hello again, Rarity. It's a stir-fry."
>The white pony trots into your kitchen looking for all the world that she hadn't just invaded your house.
>You glare at her, which goes unnoticed.
"So I can't help but notice that you're in my house again, Rarity. You feel like telling me why?"
>Of all the fucking expressions in the world, Rarity chooses confusion.
>Privacy is a foreign concept to these beasts of burden.
>"I... don't quite understand the question, Anonymous. I was simply wandering by your house on my way back from a client's house when I smelled something that would not be out of place in one of Canterlot's finest restaurants. I simply HAD to-"
>Oh ho ho; buttering you up, eh?
>She's done something terrible, hasn't she?
"No, no, no," you quickly cut her off, waving a hand in irritation, "I mean, why did you just perform a breaking and entering? I've seen ponies knocking on doors, Rarity."
>You grab your wooden spoon and point at her with it; food-liquids splatter on the ground, and Rarity backs away to avoid getting any on her fur.
"Don't you tell me that politeness is a foreign fucking concept to you."
>Rarity, for her part, looks rather affronted.
>SHE's the injured party here?
>Nigger, you are NOT the bad guy.
>"Why Anonymous! You've been such a proper stallion in my presence so far, so I will resist calling you a brute. But one does not simple lock their doors when friendly company could pop up at any moment."
>With a glow of her horn, Rarity wrenches the spoon from your grip and gives your stir-fry a quick stir. ahahah
>"And with such a feast being prepared, I thought it would be imperative to be first to enjoy your cooking."

>>26861729
BNW! BNW!
I luv you!

>>26861333
Welp, the trips have spoken.
I'll see what I can do, but please be patient.
I'll be working on this pic along with the actual one for the thread.

>>26861388
Nice digits.
Also, like >>26861516 said, this idea have lots of potential.

>>26861516
I don't know why, but I can see that kind of dialogue between Anon and pregnant RD.

Alright, so I start working on some of those ideas.
Please, be patient...

>>26861813
>....really?
>She thinks you're baking up a potluck for everyone?
"I don't... that doesn't explain why you'd.... but it would be outside if I were...."
>What?
>Did you really - ugh.
>You know what?
>Fuck it.
>Fine.
>Whatever. You'll deal with this later.
>She'll leave after you feed her.
"Sit down, Rarity. The stir-fry is just about ready."
>Rarity titters and makes her way over to a table, magicking a human-sized chair away from the table and hopping up onto it.
>"Oh, thank you, Anonymous. Truth be told, I was beginning to feel QUITE uncomfortable in the stallion's domain. I dare-say I should be leaving the cooking to you, hmmm?"
>You scoop your stir-fry into two plates and carry them over to the table. Rarity is nice enough to pull your chair out for you.
>When she takes her first bite of YOUR lunch, Rarity's eyes widen and her irises shrink to pin-pricks.
>She proceeds to wolf down her meal without any of her much-lauded charm and grace.
>Without a word, she jumps up onto your table and tackles you to the ground.
"Rarity! What the actual fuck!"
>"Shhh..... No words, Darling..."
>She rolls around all over your chest, rubbing herself against you as hard as she can.
>"My mother always told me that if a stallion cooks well and isn't crazy, then he's a keeper."
>She aggressively nuzzles your face.
>"Having my scent on you should let the mares of Ponyville know that you're mine, Darling."
>Fucking Rarity.

>>26861397
>>26861404

Anon is given a "colty" drink instead of a beer, i think.

>>26861824
The way to a mare's heart is through her stomach.

>>26861714
Neat story, neat story.

But man that was confusing. Incomplete sentences were just slamming up against each other the whole time. And "paraponipatapons"? Jeez.

The situation was ripe (pun) for overreaction and comedy, but everything went so fast I never had time to enjoy it.
It was not what I was hoping for.

>>26861860
Yeah. It was messy to read. I had fun but it was hard to follow what was happening.

>>26861729
I liked it BNF, and I wasavingagigglem8 a few times, but it felt really fast paced, and I wasn't exactly sure what the hell was going on a few times. Given Anon was in lizardbrain mode all the way through, that makes sense, but it did make it more challenging to read.

>>26861729
>bnw is back
Its happening

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So, let's pretend that first line was never there and just judge the bird by its feathers, no?

>>26860501
>You quickly rush to the sink and yank the lever as far left-up as it can go.
>Apparently Equestria is more logic-driven than England, and does not consider separate knobs for cold and hot water a good idea.
>Go figure.
>An ice cold water quickly began rushing down onto your hand, bringing a slight relief.
>It still hurts like a bitch, but at least it won't do much more damage.
>One would hope.
>The whistle still keeps on going while you try to cool down the burn.
>It's out of your right hand's reach, and you don't want to let go of the heavenly cold stream.
>Maybe you could reach the burner's knob with your feet?
>...
>It's stupid.
>Very stupid.
>Oh well, here goes.
>You shift your left leg away from the sink and lean towards it.
>With new found reach you manage to almost sent your right foot far enough to do the trick.
>Almost, but not quite.
>Cursing the very foundation of this world you try to slide a tiny bit further towards the stove.
>And quickly realise that it was not a good idea, as you find yourself not able to keep the balance anymore.
>In a rush of panic you try to grab the edge of the counter with your hand.
>Left hand.
>You instantly recoil it away as sharp pain pierces you all the way through to the elbow.
>And end up falling down onto the floor as a result, hitting your head on the tiles with a dull thud.
>For a second the world goes numb, but the invasive sensation of a sharp whistle together with loud splashing water bring you back to your senses.
>Even if you wish that didn't happen right now.
>You roll over to your back and stare at the ceiling.
>It's one of those days, isn't it?
>"Sweet Celestia, are you alright Anon?"
>Definitely one of those days.
"Just peachy Shining, just peachy."

>>26861729
I have no idea what was going on, or how it ended.
I get ponies think tomatoes are poisonous to Anon, but other than that nothing else made sense.

>>26861968
Man, Anon's a fucking dumbass.

>>26861968
>You absentmindedly watch as your friend turns the stove off and removes the kettle with his magic.
>"You really need to be more careful with your daydreaming sometimes, one day you will really hurt yourself."
>You giggle despite the dual pain you're experiencing right now.
"Ok mom, I'll be more careful next time."
>Shining Armor snorts and walks close to you.
>"Seriously, every time I visit you manage to injure yourself in some creative way."
>His horn lights up and you feel a tickling sensation travel through your head.
>The headache gives in to it, and you feel like your vision got more focus.
>The faint glow then follows his eyes to your reddening hand, and you feel a cold sensation wash over it.
>Probably more effective than water, but being a dirty non-magical underling you do not know such joys.
>"There, should be better now." Your friend says with a grin.
>Indeed, the only sensation left is the weird stiffness in your left palm, and an occasional sting of pain there.
>Even if it was an entry level healing magic, taught to most unicorn guards in order to deal with any bruises and injuries that don't require the attention of a medic.
>You really wish you could do even the most basic of spells, it would make life so much easier.
>With a sigh you get up on your feet as your guest unicorn takes the mix you've been working on and puts it into a sieve.
>He then puts that into a teapot, and pours the still hot water into it, like a real professional tea-maker.
"You know Shining" you say as you walk over to your cookie cupboard "maybe you don't even need me for preparing this stuff. You're moving like a pro."
>He scoffs, and grabs the pot in his aura.
>"Drop the tea prepared by Anon into a designated place and pour boiling water over it. Say, if that's all it takes to become a professional then I think I chose wrong line of work."

>>26861714
>Alright, so I start working on some of those ideas. Please, be patient...
Take your time sis, we'll survive on dong rings in the meantime.

>>26861824
He had the spoon! The spoon is the holy weapon of the cook to defend unfinished dishes! He didn't use it!
Solid shot

>>26861766
I uh. huh. That is one of the side effects, but...

>>26861802
Noice.

>>26861818
I luv u to bby

>>26861860
>>26861882
>>26861895
Yeah, I was trying to go for a mix of "hectic" and "unreliable narrator". I also didn't want to drag out the tent scene, as it could be.... well, I tried that with the changeling hive, and it was my fucking namek. So.

>>26861948
yes. It's always been happening, friend.

>>26861971
This is the problem when it comes to me updating after... quite a hiatus. If you read the pastebin, basically tomatoes *are* poisonous to pones. At least, these horses. So they freaked out when basically Anon held up a half-eaten chunk of basically horse poison. Their freakout caused Anon to freak out, and then everything got intense.

Cuddlewings is a throwback to another horse this thread made up a long time ago. So... I guess I went a bit DEEPEST LORE there.

>"nothing else made sense."
I uh. Have... you never read anything from me?

>>26862141
>I uh. Have... you never read anything from me?
Different anon, but this feels like your most hectic shot to date.

>>26862160
Could be. It all slows down from here on out until the FINAL REVEAL/DENU..DE...denew...

....the ending.

>>26861968
>So, let's pretend that first line was never there and just judge the bird by its feathers, no?
Nah. Not gonna invest in a story if the payoff is cuckoldry Go back to your dying general.

>>26862141
Yes BNW, I have read your stuff.No BNW, It's not the throwbacks and DEEPEST LORE that confuse me. It's your lack of basic paragraph structure or explanation of who's saying which line what confuses me.

>>26862210
Well, I'm down to clown for some constructive criticism. Since I'm blind to my own blind spots, can you point out some parts where I fucked up?

>>26862041
marital problems don't belong in this thread.

>>26859624
>"Well I was bringing you some of that herbal tea you always enjoyed, but uh, I-I can go if you want?"
>Shy eyes Gilda with a worried look her hooves pawing at the ground skittishly.
>"D-did I come at a bad time?"
>"Yes."
"No."
>You and Gilda trade looks with another before looking back at Fluttershy.
>"No!"
"Yes?"
>Fluttershy slowly blinks at you then at Gilda before slowly backing up, "W-well I guess I c-could come back l-later and see, what's that hanging from the tree Anon?"
"That? Oh uh, well uh, it's a gift from a friend, for my food intake since I uh, have certain dietary needs and all."
>"Oh?" Fluttershy flutters up to eye level trying to take a look, "You never told me what it was that you needed, I'd be glad to help."
>SNAP
>Snapping a glance at Gilda you see her with a broken branch in claw.
"Uh, maybe later, still have to process it and it's going to get really bloody a-"
>Tires screech in your mind as Fluttershy slowly turns to look at you from the sheet covered carcass.
>"B-bloody?"
>Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
>"Oh by Thoradin's beak, Anon just tell her you eat meat!"
>Gee thanks Gilda you fucking cunt.
>"Y-you eat meat?"
>Gilda saunters over to curl around your legs is a possessive manner, "Yeah, and since I'm the only one that can get that for him you can just bug out!"
>Reaching down you flick the catbird's head.
"One, you being the only source of meat for me does not make you my wife. Two, you shouldn't be mean to my friends."
>Looking up at Fluttershy you can't see her eyes hidden by her bangs.
"As for you Shy, uh, well yeah I need protein that I get from meat or else I have health problems, I hope it's not too much a problem."
>For a long time you think you're going to need to worry about a crying pegasus, judging by the shaking withers.
>"...Ehehehe..."
>Wut.
>Fluttershy brings her head back and starts to laugh holding her tummy as tears come to her eyes.
>If it weren't for the topic at hand, you'd be proud of her being so loud.

>>26862406
To be fair, they do...
Just not the kind they have in Marital Problems thread.
Flash sentry took my wife. Again.

>>26862041
I don't notice any marital problems here.
I don't notice a story hook either.

>>26862482
>"Wh-what are you laughing at bird brain?" Gilda asks wings flaring in anger.
>"Y-you thought I w-would be upset a-about th-thahahat?" Fluttershy manages to get out before descending into giggles again.
"Uh, yeah, ponies don't really seem to eat meat..."
>Landing on the ground with a few more giggles Fluttershy beams at you, "Anon, I'm friends with a /bear/, you know that right?"
"Yeah, Mr. Bearington and I are bros, I just thought he, yanno just ate berries and things when he visited or something."
>"Oh course not, he eat's plenty of salmon to keep that winter fat after all!"
>"Hold up, how in the world are you just fine with meat eaters then?! You were terrified of me!" Gilda shouts getting up into Shy's face.
>"W-well, I-I was h-helping some d-duckies cross the roads and...you w-were um, really rude..." Shy says crouched down low in the face of enraged catbird.
>Reaching up to grab Gilda by the scruff of her neck you yank her back.
"Hey, relax Gilda, stop being so uptight and listen, maybe she can help."
>Even as she hangs like a rag doll from her pelt Gilda tenses up and chirps in anger. "What her?! She doesn't even have claws or teeth or even a beak!"
"Neither do I, I just use knives."
>"That's different!" Gilda answers with a flushed look to her avoiding your eyes.
>Shaking Gilda a few times makes her cry in protest.
"Look if you want me to skin and eat this thing I'm going to need help, and I doubt you know how to do that since you just eat the shit raw."
>Shy slowly stands again looking up at you both, "Skin? W-well I know how to make cuts o-of a c-carcass..."
>Now that draws both your attention as you and Gilda turn to stare at Fluttershy who blushes, "S-some of my b-buzzard friends needs help with getting at the hard to reach bits of their meal when they can't get to it...usually when they get too old to do it..."
"Know what, fine sure, ok that works too, I'll get my kit and we can try to get this to work, somehow..."
More?

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>>26861813
>>26861824
Holy shit that was adorable.
Like really goddamn cute.
Good job.

>>26862497
Yes, Gilda and Shy best tag combo for comfy.

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>>26862497
Heavy. Metal. Flutters

>>26861714
That was fucking bizzare and I loved it.

>>26860802
I learned a long time ago, never tell people the contents of a story as some go apeshit before post 1 is even finished.

I would only give out general "this is how I do shit" so people don't have expectations, like "my ponies are effectively humans in pony form unless otherwise stated" this kills off the "but that's poison to ponies" while letting you have them be a hair trigger in sex.

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>>26862242
Not the guy, but you overuse caps like L&P does. No periods. Several clauses after clauses that could be squeezed into proper sentences. It works for dialogue, but the "mind talk" and lines like

>Still
>You swallow

are clumsy in this case.

Characters tell what they see, but there's sometimes very little reader guiding action like head turning to focus the attention to to an event, or a detail. Instead it's often just line after line about the things that the character sees and it's very chaotic and overwhelming and not in "Wow, a lot is happening" but in the "I can't follow these incomplete sentences."

>*pamf*
>Nnngh~

What does this even mean? I'm assuming there's a soft of Daring's wonderful butt slamming into Anon and a happy groan but it reads like a script instead of a prose.

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Sketch1

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>>26862819
Sketch2

>>26862819
>>26862832
Aaah, wonderful!

>>26862819
AHAHAHAHA you did my idea!

WITNESS ME!

also, cool job. I like your art, the ponies still look cartoony whilst Anon doesn't look like an abomination, yet is still anon.

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>>26862832
rainbow dash crash and she loses the babies

>>26862242
I don't remember what part did you left on, so it's a bit confusing trying to tell who the perspective is centered on or what the hell is going on at first ( I think it's Daring Do, now that I'm re-reading it).

Starting a new line for every sentence makes it even more confusing since it makes it difficult to quickly figure out the structure of the text. Also, the complete lack of punctuation marks while greentexting tickles my autism, as well as some grammatical mistakes.

>Example
I would had organized >>26861610 like this instead:

>>26862819
eeeeeeeeeeee
Twiggles seems too innocent for "sex in the woods" tho

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>>26862873

>>26862873
You're worse than ten megahiltlerstalins.

>>26862893
“Nguu- ehr- ERRNGEEEUH!”

>Fuck, are you full.
>That pound cake; it expanded. Nopony told you it would expand.

>"Now, our paramedic ponies are on site to take care of any mare who starts to have a seizure-"

>Ugh... what now? Oh, right.
>You blink the spots from your eyes as you look at the glasses being set before you and the rest of your competitors.
>Yeah, some of your herdmates made it, but now? Now it's all about who will be alpha.
>You, Twi, RD or AJ.
>Pinkie doesn't count because SHE'S NOT EQUINE. No groaning, no moaning; nothing. Just happy excitement for what comes next.
>Twice have other mares demanded to have her place checked, but they found nothing. No pile of food on the floor, no portal; absolutely nothing.

>She turns and smiles at you with a genuine smile; the honest smile of a lover.
>You give her your fullest fat-pone pouty face. Damn hoers politics.
>THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE ALPHA. BETA IS JUST FIRST LOSER.
>You feel something soft and heavy lean on you, and you try to shrug it off.

>"Gnzuh? I'm- I'm here-" RD whines, shaking off the food coma.

>COME ON! PEGASI PRIDE; WORLDWIDE!
>Your hooves bat at the table in defiance.
>Other mares seem to join you. What are you doing?

BAM! BAM! BAM!
>"Woooah! It seems we've got a challenge going on! Very well, then. 100x. No magic. Final Destination!"

>The glass is filled up
>You're not concerned. Some of the tribes you've-
>Uh, exposed to the western world? Liberated? Borrowed from without consent or intent to return?
>Yeah; -Borrowed from; they used to stab small, pebble-like tomatoes with their arrows before firing them at you
>So you built up a mild resistance to the stuff. Even then, you swallow in fear.
>It's more the volume than anything else. If you can just buy some time, maybe you can digest a little more and-

>"H...how are the colts d-doin-" You give the mare who said that a lazy glare
"Thas...fn' fain idea-"

>Whomever you are, Luna bless you.

>>26862497
>Leaving the two to socialize you go and rummage through your kitchen for various knives, dont have many hide cutting knives because who the fuck is gonna be ready for cutting into a hide?
>None the less you have your super sharp knife with the self sharpener, the set you got for vegetables and then the final knife you had gotten as a gift from Celestia as a welcome gift.
>Twilight nearly took the damn thing from you, but you just had to show her the seal on the pommel for her to shut the fuck up about it.
>Damn purpler smart.
>Trudging outside like some mexican warlord with a knife fetish you soon return to a sight.
>Fluttershy is hiding under the picnic table you have and Gilda is atop of it hissing.
>For fucks sakes.
"Oi! Gilda stop terrorizing my neighbor, she's not as bad as the others."
>"No! She's plotting something I know it!"
>"I-I'm n-not! Y-you're paranoid!"
>[Hostile Chirping]
>Sighing you bring your knives and lay them on the table.
>Reaching over you pet Gilda on her head then down her back making her arch her back into your hand.
>The chirps die down a bit, enough for Fluttershy to peak her head out.
>"I-is it safe?"
>Before Gilda can start again you pinch the scruff of her neck again thinking she'll act like a cat.
>Indeed she does as she falls limp on the table though her eyes glare daggers at butter yellow.
"Yeah, safe enough, are these knives good enough for the job?"
>Fluttershy takes the moment to alight on the table and looks over the knifes before picking up the one Celestia gave you.
>"Oh my, this, this is a very superb knife Anon."
>Before you can act Fluttershy starts to do small tricks with the blade, twirling it around her hoof and then stopping it on the tip against her hoof.
>"Very well balanced! And not a mark of damage on the edge, have you been keeping it well kept?"
>Memories of finding it buried under your bed spring to mind.
"N-not exactly?"
>"Must be an enchantment, but this is a /very/ good knife."

>>26862915
>"Big deal, so it's a fancy pointy bit. My claws are way better than some measly knife." Gilda complains showing off her claws by gouging a light scratch in your table top.
"Hey stop that, no bad kitty."
>"What? It'll sand out."
"Unless you want to sand it you'll stop that."
>"Pfft, whatever kill joy..."
>"W-well um, G-gilda if you could I c-could show you how to skin the carcass...if you want."
>"Like I w-"
>Seeing your raised eyebrow Gilda deflates from her puffed up sense of indignation, "-ould love to learn, let's see what you got."Gilda manages to say through a clenched beak.
>"Okay then!" Fluttershy happily says taking the sun pommeled knife and flutters to the bloody sheet.
"Here I'll get that."
>Tugging the sheet down Fluttershy lets out a small eep of surprise.
"Yeah, Gilda had started to eat the innard before I could get to it."
>"N-no, that's not the problem, I-I had wondered what happened to Mr. Ten Point."
>Mr. Who?
>Looking you count the tines of the antlers on the moose and pale.
>Fuck.
"Uh..."
>"So what this was a friend of yours or something?"
>OH fuck Gilda please don't piss her off.
>"Y-yeah..."
>"Ha! Well you should know that he was a hell of a fight to take down, you see this?! He nearly gored me a couple of times before I took him down with a broken neck!"
>Slowly you turn to look at Gilda as she /preens/ at Fluttershy showing off a few missing patches of fur from her stomach.
"S-shy I'm s-sorry about your friend I didn't..."
>"It's alright Anon, Mr. Ten Point was, was a lot different from my other animal friends, he was a fighter and would have wanted to go down like this."
>The pegasus sniffs and looks up with a tearful smile, "At least this way his death is for a greater purpose in the circle of life after all."
>Holy.
>Shit.
>Gilda gives a nod of approval, "You know, I thought you were some pansy ass pony Fluttershy, but you know how it is, I can respect that."
>Wut.
>That doesn't...
>Holy shit Lion King got dark all of a sudden.

>>26862932
Gonna take a break for now, anything I could do to improve my writing skills? Aside from practice more I mean.
Also trying to show Fluttershy in a more down to earth druid type who understands that sometimes nature isn't all rabbits and cute furry woodland creatures.

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>>26862910
>>26862899
i don't see anything wrong about rainbow dash crashing and losings the babies

>>26862945
I like it.

Also, I like that you seem to be pre-writing, even if it is only one or two posts at a time. If you could do a massive dump like LaP, that'd be pretty cool too, but I don't mind it coming like this.

You seem to have some form of plot laid out, and you have a decent handle on the characters, but some of the timing seems out. If you whack it into Google Translate and make it read it to you, you'll maybe see?
>>Looking you count the tines of the antlers on the moose and pale.
>Looking, you count the tines of the antlers on the moose, and pale.

The second one, for me, works slightly better. I might be overusing commas, I'm not sure on that. But it was something that happened a few times. Experiment with commas, semi-colons, and full stops to ensure that you get a decent rhythmn going in text.

I don't know anyone who actually does this. But it is often given as advice, so it can't be that wrong, right?

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>>26862715
You learn new things every day, won't be doing that again

>>26863121
Yea, you also learn write for fun and fuck what everyone else thinks. Write with a "Fuck you, i belong where ever I post this" attitude, disregard any criticism (at least the "your not welcome in these parts, or similar) on the first and last post, as people will quote the first and the last post weather they read it or not, people who quote the middle generally are reading it.

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>>26862970

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Is it true? RGRE is great again?

>>26862832
O KURWA MAĆ
>le Rainbow face
10/10 I have no words

>>26862945
IMPRESSIVE GREEN
TWO BUTCHER WAIFUS
>Also trying to show Fluttershy in a more down to earth druid type
You're doing Celestia's work, sis. To hell with inept ponies.

>>26862853 Witnessed! This is like a second christmas!

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>>26863235
finally

>>26862945
But has she done the deed? Is she Carni-shy?

>>26861388
Based reference

>>26861729
Aw yis!

>>26862945
Your Gilda is cute and the down to earth druid shy is fucking based. I never imagined her that way but it actually makes SO MUCH SENSE.
No idea on how to improve tho, I suck

>>26863756
>Based reference
wat

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Continuing from: http://pastebin.com/PQpyiM9b

fuck me this is a huge dump. Epilogue will come later.

Last time: Failed spot check rolls
This time: The Final Encounter

>You are Anon, and you are in a dire fucking situation.
>Your best-made character yet, Cuntkicker the Unwashed, is on fire.
>You've been in situations similar to this before, back on Earth way back when.
>You've encountered fire damage and flaming weapons, even a spirit composed entirely of fire.
>You've never actually BEEN on fire before, though.
>Shit kinda sucks.
>There's only one thing you know to do in a situation like this, and you're pretty sure that it's only a temporary solution.
>You learned this from that one time you were running away from some wasps when you were a kid.
>You came across a pond and thought that you had the perfect plan.
>Lesson learned that day: Wasps express only two qualities: Spite, and patience.
>And you know what?
>So does fire.

--------------------------------------

>You are Twinkleshine, aka Ivory Dawn.
>Yes.
>YES.
>Moonie's finally taken off the foal booties with Anonymous.
>He's been given special treatment this entire time and it's made you SO MAD.
>You mean, this is just so much like Moondancer to "m'lord" all over a colt and spill her spaghetti all over the place.
>You aren't getting laid doin' that shit, Moonie!
>Sun-DAMN you don't know why this horseapples makes you so mad, but it does.
>But now, push has finally come to shove.
>No more extra EXP from doing sub-par roleplaying
>No more doing stupid dumb things and being allowed to do them just because he's got a ding-a-ling between his legs.
>For the first time in the trillion bucking hours you've been "playing" O&O with Anonymous, he's finally in a situation where actual nerd-cred comes into play.
>Let's see you penis your way out of this one, you fake gamer guy!
>Flame, foal! Flame!
>This is for making your mane all gross and sticky from the Dew.

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>>26863844
------------------------------------

>You are Lemon Hearts, or as you're known for this session: Crystal Rose.
>Cuntkicker's in some deep trouble.
>Is this your fault?
>Moondancer's been going kinda easy on the colt today, see, and that fire trap really only sprung up while you were on the minotaur's head.
>You're pretty sure that was meant for you, and Anonymous got caught up in the crossfire.
>Oh geez, you really hope he isn't going to hold this against you.
>Un-unless he wants to~
>If you're responsible for chasing off the only colt that's EVER played O&O with you and the gals, you'll NEVER live it down.
>You'll be kicked out for sure.
>You're just the fat little filly whose vag is stained orange from all those dumb horsechips you eat.
>The least-loved member of this group of four.
>The others don't need to say anything; you can see it in their eyes.
>Oh Celestia, this is why you stress-eat.
>You should probably do something for Ano-Cuntkicker.
>Something for Anonymous THROUGH Cuntkicker.
>Oh lord above, it would be just AWFUL if he thought you were doing something for him because you liked him.
>No no no, you don't need to see that look of disgust on his face if he thinks that you wanna maybe hang out with him later or something.
>Just gotta roleplay super-hard and make it CLEAR that anything you do for him is Crystal Rose helping out a fellow team member.
>It's time to look through your spell book.

------------------------------------------

>You are Minuette, the least spazzed-out member of this rag-tag group of buckin' nerds.
>You've got the best character here: Grimfeathers, a father-bucking GRIFFIN.
>'LESTIA you love griffins.
>They're super-bucking-OP in this edition of Ogres and Oubliettes, and that's why you like them.
>Fire trap? Water pool?
>Wings, bastards!
>The only way a griffin could get better is if they were invisible.
>What?
>Oh, right, Cunty's on fire.
>Boomshaka-laka!
>Hoofball is great.

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>>26863856
>Horseapples, right!
>Focus, Minny.
>What can you possibly do to help in this situation?
>Turning into a bear probably won't help; you're pretty sure that bears can still catch fire.
>Heh.
>All this attention on the stallion's character.
>Moonie's one of you, so she knew that this would happen.
>It's like she's doing this on purpose.
>.....
>....oh twist your teats, she IS doing this on purpose.

----------------------------------------

>You are Moonie, and you've decided to give your group the time to talk for a bit.
>Five minutes is more than enough before you start giving fire damage to Anonymous every minute or something like that.
>.....is that how often you're supposed to do it?
>Buck.
>You need to check the rules.
>You keep forgetting a bunch of basic stuff whenever it comes to Anonymous.
>It's like it was all instinctual until you actually had to think about it.
>UGH
>Why does Anonymous have to be a colt?
>Why do you have to such a LOSER?!
>Oh no, you're starting to sweat again.
>Why did you have to wear your turtleneck sweater again?!
>When was the last time you washed it?
>Was it recently?
>You sure HOPE it was recently.
>He can probably smell you from here.
>Why is Twinkles glaring at you?
>Has it been long enough?
>Should you be doing the fire da-
"Two damage to Cuntkicker for being on fire!"
>Wow, that sure was loud.
>Everypony (and Anonymous) jumps at the sound of your voice.
>Yeah, that was way too loud.
>Good job, plothole.
>Keep it going, Moonie; don't stop now or you'll look like a spazz.
"Time's up; start rolling those dice of yours."

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>>26863873
>Anonymous is up first.
>Anon: "I take a deep breath and dive underwater. Then I swim over to where the other party members are."
>Easy enough.
"The flames engulfing you are extinguished. However, you have serious burns all along your upper body, so progress to the shore will be slow-going."
>Anonymous nods and begins to mark down the fire damage to his character sheet.
"Ivory Dawn? It's your turn."
>Twinkleshine looks away at you, taking time away from her hobby of glaring at the human.
>Twinkle: "What? Oh, uh, right. My turn?"
>You nod.
>Twinkle: "Okay, I... uh. I look around, I guess."
>You look over the description printed in your brand-new adventure book (the one you ripped a page out of to give to Anonymous so he'd know where to go) and locate the description of the room.
"The room is immaculate. The masonry is of the highest quality and menaces with spikes of steel and gold. Pillars support the high, arced ceiling, and stained-glass windows let in just enough light to see. Time has passed since you started this adventure, and it is nearing sundown."
>Twinkle: "Okay. I ca-"
>Haha, NOPE.
>This is what you get for being a cunt, you cunt.
"That constitutes your move, Ivory Dawn. It's Crystal Rose's turn now.
>Lemon Hearts looks over her sheet.
>Lemon: "I cast 'Bugbear's Endurance' on Cuntkicker. That way he can get some kind of bonus for his swimming, right?"
>You grab your manual and look up "swimming".
"Yup, he gets a bonus for holding his breath. That's something he'll need."
>Anonymous reaches over and rustles Lemon Heart's mane, and she makes the most adorable noise, oh your gosh.
>....
>There isn't anything GAY about that.

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>>26863885
Okay, done and done. Grimfeathers? What're you gonna do?"
>Minuette looks grim, which is very out-of-place for a mare like her.
>Minuette: "Did none of you actually think of looking for enemies?"
>Finally.
>Twinkleshine speaks up, looking irate.
>What else is new?
>Twinkle: "I said that I looked around!"
>Minuette: "No, you never said that you were looking for enemies."
>Twinkle: "That's so dumb! How is that any different? When I say I look around, that implies that I'm looking for en-"
>Minuette: "No it doesn't! And even if it did, your character probably has a terrible spot check."
>Twinkle: "Well if I want to look for enemies, then what am I supposed to say? Tell me, if you're so smart."
>Ah, a classic nerd-battle.
>You've missed these. You hadn't had a single one since Anonymous joined the party.
>Minuette: "Dungeon Mistress?"
>....
>Oh! That's you!
"Y-yes, Minu-Grimfeathers?"
>Minuette: "Grimfeathers is suspicious about the trap and looks around SPECIFICALLY - "
>Minuette glares at Twinkleshine.
>Minuette: " - for enemies or any other creatures hidden in the dark."
>Twinkle: "Moonie, don't you dare. Don't you bucking DARE."
"It's up to the dice, Twinkleshine. You failed your spot check before."
>Twinkleshine bucking FLIPS her box of Dew cans.
>You can hear a few of them breaking open and spilling all over your carpet.
>Twinkle's character is SO not going to survive this next encounter.

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>>26863897
Whoops. Missed a quotation mark at the very beginning.


"You see a skeletal figure rising up from a throne at the far end of the room."
>You reach into a nearby box of figurines and pull out a rather large one. You plunk it on the table-map.
"A Lich Queen stands before you. An ancient, tattered robe obscures her four legs, but is torn around the hips and neck. You can see patches of furless skin stretched tight over her pronounced bone structure, terrifying you to your core. When she moves, she doesn't seem to move her legs, and her robes flow in an unseen breeze, thicker than air but thinner than water."

What happens next is a battle that I won't describe because I haven't played D&D in years and I don't want to bore you with turn-by-turn combat.

When the story picks back up, the Lich Queen is almost dead and Cuntkicker is out of the water. He is severely burned and has not taken part in the battle due to his pain taking heavy penalties on his rolls. Twinkleshine's character has been slain.

>Anon: "Fine, dammit! I don't care what Cuntkicker does. In fact, I say he goes and kicks the lich in her skeletal cooter. Can you do that for me, Moonie? Hmm? It's been fifteen goddamn turns and my minotaur has been sitting there doing fuck-all."
>Hoo-boy, this colt is pissed.
>You roll and prepare to take the -7 penalty and....
>Welp.
"Natural 20."
>Anon punches the air, and Minuette laughs.
>Minuette: "Is Cunty still gonna kick the Lich Queen in the pussy? Please tell me he is."
"Well, h-"
>Anon has the biggest grin you've ever seen when he interrupts you.
>Anon: "Abso-goddamn-lutely."

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>>26863909
>You wonder how this is going to play out.
"Cuntkicker sees that his friends are in distress and, in the case of Ivory Dawn, dead or dying. His... his determination to see this adventure through gives him the drive to ignore his pain, despite lacking the tolerance for pain that a female of his species possesses."
>You magically move Cuntkicker's figurine over right next to the Lich Queen.
"Rearing back, Cuntkicker delivers a powerful kick between the Lich Queen's exposed legs. He-"
>Minuette: "Does he get a bonus for already having experience with cunt-punts? Back with the vampires?"
>hehehe, you remember that.
>Buck it, sure.
"He does. His aim is true and his hoof slams into the dry, dusty and unused vagina of the Lich Queen. The Lich is lifted off of the ground from the sheer force that's meeting her genitals, and she soars into wall behind her. She..."
>You roll to see what happens with the wall, and...
>Buck.
>Another 20?!
"...her head shatters on impact, killing her instantly. Her body falls to the floor where it collapses. It doesn't move again."
>The group is silent.
>Should you say something?
"And, uh..."
>And what?!
"....Cuntkicker's penalty, "Little Colt's Bladder" kicks in. He pisses himself."
>Nailed it. Best way to end an adventure.
>......except that everypony is laughing now, so you guess it actually was?
>Sure, you'll take credit for that.


And that's it for now. Like I said before, the epilogue will be put up later.

PS pastebin's been updated.

>>26863925
Do pony lichs not have phylacteries?

>>26863953
She had a clit piercing in life that she had attached to her pelvis when she became a lich.

>>26862945
Heck yes, I love your Gilda and Fluttershy. I usually hate Shy, but you're actually writing her really well. Can't wait for more, writefriend.

>>26863953
>>26863968
This. Before she was a lich, the mare went through a long rebellious stage where she got a shittonne of piercings and tattoos. She couldn't keep the tattoos, but she made damn-well sure to keep all of her piercings.

>>26863909
>>What happens next is a battle that I won't describe because I haven't played D&D in years and I don't want to bore you with turn-by-turn combat.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Go back to /tg/ and tell them to advise you on the matter.

>>26864335
>back to
My friend, I was never from there to begin with.

>>26864445
Well do it anyways. I'd be easy enough to convince them to help you if you dress up the issue a bit.

>>26864445
there is your problem.

is it pony time

>>26864794
is always poni time

>>26864474
>>26864483
It's just as well; the fic is just about over. Next time, though.

>>26859247
>Why not just "bachelor"?
>Lives in his 'mustang stall', cooks himself simple 'mustang chow'

>Anon comes innaquestria
>never marries or herds
>Mares start calling him a 'mustang'
>He doesn't realize it's not strictly good.

define bad?

>>26864335
dude, from what i remember a turn by turn for fighting a lich would be 30 of pages long of people bitching about rolls with a good 5 souly on the fight over the dead character.

>>26863909
instead of going turn by turn, take the fight from in game to real world like its actually happening, breaking only when you want the character to have a natural 20, or when you want everyones reaction to twinkles dead character.

god knows i tried doing a few write shits in a d&d setting (anon came to equestria with his living space as reality ripped everything within 20-50 feet of him away and took it with him, twilight gets her friends to play d&d with anon because he misses his group) and i tried writing it with dice rolls. shit is hard to do solo, also tried to write fag a pseudo choose your own adventure with a d20, what ended this was my inability to dialogue for shit.

>>26865185
They think he's a slut maybe?

>>26865367
FUCK
That would have been so good!
Dammit, now I HAVE to do that.
Okay, so tomorrow I'll post the updated fight scene and THEN the epilogue and THEN I'll get back to work on the apple of her eye story.

You're a smart nigger, Anon.

>>26865742
....and THEN the Rarity estrus thing. I got PLANS for that, son. PLANS.

Okay, so I'm stalling a bit here in this update, so I'm going to dump what I have to get ideas.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Sister?" you ask, looking at yourself in the mirror.
>"A date can't hurt, and besides, it's Hearts and Hooves day, you should experience the holiday first hoof."
"Yes but... for me to court a stallion, isn't it a little..."
>"Oh don't worry about it," she says, holding up assorted mane clips, "He's not the type to care about your wealth or power, though it never hurts to flaunt a little."
>Finally setting on a moonstone crescent, she pins your mane down into a manageable wave.
>You're not sure how it works, but your mane is held close to your body, cascading off the curves of your shoulders and wings.
>"Now, do you have your saddlebag and bits?"
"Yes, I prepared them earlier,"
>"And the bouquet of flowers?"
"Also prepared. I may not have courted a male since before my banishment, but I remember the basics," you say, puffing out your chest tuft somewhat.
>"What if he wants to put out at the end of the date?"
"Then he is not a true stallion. They must save themselves for wedlock before copulating."
>Your sister rolls her eyes a little, before saying, "Well, I would have said, make sure to bring a condom, but if that's what you want."
"Colts these day are far too frivolous, they do not understand the weight of their actions."
>"Even Anon?"
>Pausing, you stare at yourself and Celestia in the mirror.
"He... did not make the best choices, I will admit, but he did the best with what he got."
>"So long as you are honest with yourself."
"So, where am I to meet this mystery colt?" you ask, rising to your hooves.
>Setting the brush and spare clips aside, she says, "He'll be at the Canterlot Central park, on the bench right by the fountain at Eleven."
>Picking up your saddlebag, you set it on your back, grabbing the boquet of fresh roses from the desk.
>Courage hardened, you head for the door, ready for this "blind date".

>>26865773


>Your sister assured you the pony was not actually blind, it just meant neither side knew who the other was.
>Exiting the castle, you take a brief look at the sun to estimate the time you have till you must be there.
>...
>Well, either way, you should have plenty of time to get there, it's not hard to find the central park, after all.
~~~
"So, I need to dress up why?"
>"Because you have a date to go to," Your daughter says, doing her best to brush your hair with her magic.
"Oh, and who decided this?"
>"Well, I did, Daddy, now hurry up, you have to be there by Eleven."
>Sighing, you pick up your daughter and seat her in front of you.
"Alright, let's start fromt the begining. Why did you decide to get me a blind date?"
>"But she's not blind..."
"Not the point. A blind date is when both people don't know the other."
>"Oh," she says, rubbing her head, "I think I get it."
"Now the question is why?"
>"You are the reason," she says, poking your chest with a hoof, "you never even try to go out and meet others, even though we have Auntie Celestia and now Luna to foalsit me."
>Trying to come up with an excuse, you find there are none.
>You don't really have any true friends, just work coleagues, and aquaintances.
"Alright, I'll go, but who's going to watch over you?"
>"Auntie Celestia is already on her way, I think. I told her to get here early enough that you could get to the big Central park for Eleven."
"And how will I know who my date is?"
>"She'll be at the fountain bench."
>Letting out another sigh, you rub her head before setting her down.
"Alright, I guess I better get going soon then. Don't open the door for anyone but Celestia or I, alright?"
>"Yes Daddy," she replies, smiling up at you.
>Grabbing your bit bag and keys, you lock up as you head out, Venus' smile the last thing you see inside the apartment.
>Your apartment is a decent walk from the central park, but you have time to spare right now.

>>26865779


>Not much time, but enough to look around as you go, Hearts and Hooves decorations everywhere.
>Most shops are closed, save a few relevant ones, such as flower shops and jewlers.
>Resturants and cafes everywhere are bustling with business, couples and herds enjoying time together.
>Weaving your way around ponies walking along, you eventually make it to Canterlot Central Park, where a great many couples are out and about on picnics and such.
>Surprisingly, the bench by the fountain is unoccupied, despite it's romantic positioning.
>There aren't any ponies around it, meaning you must be early.
>Taking a seat, you begin waiting for your blind date.
~~~
"Binoculars?"
>"Check."
"Emergency snacks?"
>"Check."
"Sneaky hiding blanket?"
>"Check."
"Looks like everything is here then," you say, looking to your partner in making family go on a date causing.
>Okay, you need to figure out a better name for that.
>Slinging the saddlebag over your back, you leave Anon's apartment, Venus following behind, locking the door as she leaves.
>According to Venus, Anon left not too long ago, so you should have no problems getting to the park before him.
>And of course, there's no way Luna could have gotten there already.
"Ready Venus?" you ask, and she nods, holding onto your leg.
>Charging up, you teleport the two of you just outside the park.
>"Whoo... dizzy..." Venus says, wobbling next to you.
>Steadying her with your magic, the nausea settles and she springs back to her normal self.
"Better?"
>"Mhmm. Where are we gonna watch them from?"
>Looking around, you spot a somewhat low traffic cafe on the edge of the park with a great view of the fountain.
"How about over there? We can grab something to eat, and watch over them at the same time," you say, pointing with a hoof.
>Turning to look, she nods, "Looks great. I wonder what they have there."

>>26865742
i can come up with a story, i can think of funny ideas and situations, i can help people do better in the future, but i cant fucking into dialogue to save my life. hell, the few things that i liked that i did had next to no dialogue and instead oped for situation humor and inside their own head thinking.

that shit works for a oneshot, but not for a story.

>>26865790


>Minutes later, you're seated at a somewhat secluded table, looking over the menu and watching the fountain bench out of the corner of your eye.
>"Hey, there's Daddy," Venus suddenly say, and looking off where she is, you see Anon at the far edge of the park.
>It doesn't take him long to get to the bench, which is still empty.
>He takes a seat, looking away from you, though you crouch a little, just in case.
>Your meals are ordered and delivered before Luna arrives, on the opposite side of the park from where Anon arrived.
"Luna's here," you say, and Venus looks up, her face stuffed with sandwich.
>Peeking through the bush, she spots where Luna is, actually on time for once.
>"Time for this to start," she says, before taking another overly large bite of sandwich.
~~~
>Remain calm, it's only a single date.
>Albeit with a stallion you do not know.
>In a world you are still unaccustomed to.
>Oh buck this may be harder than you thought.
>Looking up, you see the bench, and your heart leaps.
>Anon is there!
>Is he the stallion your sister set you up with?
>About to run over, you suddenly freeze.
>But you haven't confessed to him your feelings, how can you do this without being awkward.
>Giving a little stomp, you shake your head free of these coltish thoughts.
>You like him, and he is your friend, so you should be able to do this easily.
>Just trot up to he and offer him flowers.
>Simple as that.
>Just walk forwards.
>It's not hard.
>You did it all the way here.
>Why...
~~~

>>26865801


>Looking around again, you notice Luna down the path, seemingly lost in thought, staring straight down.
>Rising from your seat, you make your way over, patting her on the shoulder.
"Hey, Luna, what brings you here?" you ask, taking a step back as she looks up.
>"I... we... date, you, flowers?"
>Scratching your head, you motion to the bench.
"How about you sit down, you seem a little confused, flustered, maybe."
>Escorting her over, you sit next to her.
"So, what brings you down here?" you ask again.
>Taking a deep breath, she looks up at the fountain.
>"To be brief, my sister set me up on a date, and..."
"Did it not go well?"
>"I got set up with you, it seems."
>This makes you stop, hand half raised as your mind processes what she said.
"Were you told your date would be at the fountain bench?"
>"I was. Were you not informed of it?"
"No, since Venus set me up for a blind date with a mare at the fountain bench."
>"I think there is some scheming going on," Luna says, glancing around, "but since they went through the trouble to set this up, it would be a waste to not use it."
>Pulling a bouquet from her bag, she holds them out to you.
>"I wasn't sure what flowers you liked, but colts always like roses, so..."
"They're beautiful, but I don't know if they'll last till I can get them in a vase at home."
>"But why would you do that? Are they not the manner of flowers you like to eat?"
"Humans do't eat flowers, at least, not normally."

>>26865812


>She gasps and her magic reaches to take the flowers back, but you pat her shoulder.
"It's alright, they're a nice thought, and I thank you for them."
>Her magic fizzles out, but she still looks unsure.
>"I will make it up to you then. Where would you like to go for our date?"
"How about we take a walk for a bit, before heading somewhere for lunch?"
>"That sounds agreeable," Luna replies with a smile, rising to her hooves.
>Standing with her, the two of you choose a direction and start off.
~~~
>After what looked like a shaky start, it seems Daddy and Luna are heading off together.
"Ready to go, Auntie?"
>Three cupcakes dissapear down her mouth in an instant, and she nods.
>She pays for the food, and the two of you sneak off after Daddy.
>Him and Luna aren't walking too fast, so it's easy for you and Celestia to follow from a distance.
>You can't tell where they're going, but they're talking, and they seem to be happy.
>It's a good sign.
>Right?
>"I wonder where they'll stop for lunch? We'll need to figure out where to watch from when they settle."
"Maybe they'll do a picnic. That way, we'd have lots of places to watch from."
>"I don't think they will. They don't have any food for it."
"Aww..."
>Celesia pats your head, just like Daddy does when you're sad.
>"I'm sure if our plans go well, they'll go out on more dates, including picnics."
"But is this alright? Are we supposed to push them together like this?"
>"It's not likely anything bad will come of this, and even if they don't end up in love or anything, They'll still be friends after all."
"And you'll still be my Auntie," you say, smiling up at her with your biggest smile.

>>26865822


>Celestia smiles back down at you, "Well, we'd better keep moving, or they'll get away from us."
>Looking back down, Daddy and Luna just turned a corner a lot of streets down.
"Right!"
>Hurrying up, the two of you sneak around the corner after them.
~~~
>"She said that?" Luna says, holding back laughter.
"Yep, and boy did her friends facehoof. They ended up draging out of the bar not long after as she passed out."
>"As one would imagine, working at a bar certainly brings storys to you, doesn't it?"
"Not as many as you might think, but then, I almost always work days, and not nights, so few ponies are actually drinking."
>Bushing up against you as she walks, Luna's wing is unsteadily opening briefly, before retracting.
>Taking her cue, you reach out and rest a hand on her far shoulder.
>She stiffens, wings rising, before settling a wing around your back.
>It's warm and very comforting.
"Have you thought of any place you want to go for lunch?" you ask.
>"I already said we can go wherever you want," she replies, gently shoving you with her shoulder.
"Well, I don't really know anything in this area, so how about we stop at the next interesting place we see?"
>"That sounds fine."
>It's not long before the two of you come across a small resturant, modestly decorated for the holiday.
>What's more interesting than the decorations is the smells coming from it.
>You're almost tugged in the door by your noses, Luna just as interested as you are.
>"It seems we have found our lunch spot," she says, licking her lips as the two of you sit at one of the many empty booths.
>"Hey there, what can I get for you?" A pony says, coming out from the back.
>"Oh, your majesty, what brings you to our humble restaurant?" they ask, bowing to Luna.

>>26865839


>"We're just looking to have lunch. Would you be able to bring us a menu?"
>"Of course," the pony says, bowing again, "I'll grab it for you right away."
>Menus are brought swiftly, and scanning over them, you realize what that smell was.
>"Our resturant caters to all species, so you may want to stick to things you know."
"I thought I smelt something familiar," you says, scanning over the menu.
>Scanning over the menu, you don't immediately notice Luna slowly scooting around the bench.
>You do notice, however, when her wing wraps around your back.
>Smiling, you shift over, your hip touching hers.
~~~


And that's what I have for now.

>>26865742
I want to slam down some Dewitos with Twinkleshine.

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>>26865684
Sluts are a miracle of the universe, though. Specially sexy sluts.

>>26865850
Date night with Luna? Two species who are both the "man" in their society? Luna coming from a time period with outdated social dealies?! Oh goodness I am excite, Shukaku.

>>26865797
Shit, man, it sucks that you have so much trouble with dialogue, and I wish there was something I could say to you. Ever think of writing Mute!Anon?

>>26865852
As far as nerds go, Twinkleshine is a bro's bro. She'll beat your ass at Haylo and make you feel good about it.

>>26861824
>Rarity breaks and enters
>passes it off like it's nothing
>demands food
>sexually harasses Anon
>he's a-ok with it
Is everyone in this story drinking Xanax cocktails or something?

>>26865921
>Rarity breaks and enters
>This has happened before
>Anon is clearly sick of dealing with it
>Reasons that if he gives her what she wants then she'll leave
>Turns out he's a master chef to ponies
>gets sexually harassed by Rarity
>he's a-ok with it

>>26865919
I have got a good deal of planning done on a deaf anon, granted not by birth so there can be some interesting developments, that's on hold partially because what dialogue needs to be there is dialogue, and partially because i was seeing if there was any way to make it into a visual novel like thing.

problem is the only program thats worth a damn is 15$ and im not getting it while on not on sale, and the pirate version is several significant updates behind while the free one requires coding/scripting. i am looking into a text based adventure engine again, there was one a good 20 years ago that fit every single need for making a story with. I could make items you get by going into "rooms" that would act as flags further down the road, and single number choices to represent a dialogue tree.

that way i could get much of the dialogue issue our of the way if i could have a clip art of the character on screen talking.

If you ever see a short VN of anon going to equestria and everything that could possibly go wrong goes wrong (think anon getting sick, vomiting on twilight, passing out, being a magic vacuum so he takes all twilight mana away, and weighs to much for her to just push him off, especially the way he fell on her) that is going to be my version of "hello world".

>>26865854
what is that from?

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>>26865921
Oh no, however will I deal with all these sexy mares nuzzling against me. What a predicament.

>>26865850
Shuckle I love your stories, especially bound by a book, but you need to learn to pluralize words that end in y.

>>26865757
>the Rarity estrus thing
Gotta admit, I haven't been paying attention to your green, son. That little phrase there, though, that got my attention.

Get to it, faggot.

i would like to see a story in which both anon and the mare try to do things for the other as it would be expected for both their societies, both of them trying to give the other flowers, taking out the chair for the other while the other does the same, etc. i would like to imagine that it would be funny to see both of them getting confused by what the other is doing and becoming a bit awkward in the process or something

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>>26865850
>Smiling, you shift over, your hip touching hers.
cute
CUTE

Is it just me or do these rgre threads seem to move really fast?

>>26866175
>You and ponywaifu stand in the middle of the restaurant, glaring at each other.
>You have her chair in your hand, and she has yours in her magic.
"After you, dear," you seethe, your grip on the chair causing the wood to creak.
>"No," she returns, "After YOU, sweetheart."
>Everypony else has a hard time eating their food. Neither of you enjoy the dinner reservations you made.

--------------------------

>"Anon! What are you doing?!"
"I'm cleaning out the gutters, love of my life! That's what a MAN does."
>Your ladder is tugged away from the edge of the roof, nearly making you fall.
>"Nonsense, sweet-pea. Any properly-raised MARE takes care of all the hard-to-do housework."
>She glares at you and floats the ladder around behind her where it leans up against the roof again.
>"Don't you have a stir-fry to cook? Honey?"
>Ohhhh, the struggle is real.

------------------------

"Flowers?"
>You feel the vein in your forehead bulge.
"You shouldn't have."
>Ponywaifu grins smugly, a dozen flowers in her magical grasp.
>"They're a delicate shade of blue and they remind me of your eyes, dearest."
>That cunt.
"That's so sweet of you," you growl, teeth grinding, "I think SOMEPONY!"
>You shout out the last word.
"...deserves a REWARD tonight."
>You're going to suck her clit so hard tonight.
>Because a MAN knows how to take care of his WIFE.
>Ponywaifu glares at you, her eyes full of hate.
>She knows your ploy.

>>26866378
>"And just WHERE do you THINK you're GOING, Anon?"
>You're about to step out the door, a pair of overalls over your pressed suit.
"Well, my darling pony dear, I'm heading off to Sweet Apple Acres. Where my JOB is."
>You have one foot out the door now, daring ponywaifu to contradict you.
"You know, the JOB that brings home the BITS to SUPPORT this family."
>Ponywaifu is steaming.
>"Oh, really? Well, THAT'S funny."
>It doesn't SOUND funny.
>"Because I'M off to MY job. It's a nine-to-five office job where I'll SLAVE AWAY my FREE TIME in a SUIT and TIE because I LOVE YOU and I want to PROVIDE FOR YOU."
>She adjusts her tie.
>"You know, like a MARE would."
"Well, I guess nobody's going to cook dinner tonight, then."
>"I guess not. That's the HUSBAND'S duty."
"Is that so? Is that so? I guess I'll just pick something up on the way home from work."
>You stalk out the door.
"With the MONEY I'm earning from my MAN-JOB."
>Today, nobody won.

>>26866395
this just feels so right I cringe in sympathy for everyone around them

>>26866395
>>26866378

It is all a big play they put on for the public but when thay are alone they laugh it up at the others reaction

>>26865919
>She'll beat your ass at Haylo and make you feel good about it.
Then you go out for hayburgers at 2 AM.

>>26866424
>>26866482
>You look up and down the street; nopony's there.
>You jog back over to the open front door and peck ponywaifu on the lips.
"Seriously though, honey, have a good day. You got that sandwich I made for your lunch, right?"
>Ponywaifu nods happily, clearly looking forward to the lunch you made for her.
>"Mm-hmm! Don't work yourself too hard, dear."
>She gives you a lewd grin and licks her lips.
>"You'll need that strength for later tonight.
>Oh my.

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>>26866524

>>26865850
Obviously we need GRR Martin levels of food porn, offset by cute interactions and exchanged embarrassing stories of Venus and Celestia.

Intersperse that with the two groups of spies and you're golden.

Good update, mang. Thanks.

>>26866513
She's kinda chubby (being the nerd that she is), so you don't feel like a pig when you're eating gross junk food in front of her. You'll cram the last of the burger into your mouth while she takes a big, loud sip of her milkshake to soften up her mouthful of food.

>>26861641
>>USE THE CHILDREN TO COVER YOUR ESCAPE
>>SURE THING, LIZARDBRAIN
i died

>>26863885
>>Anonymous reaches over and rustles Lemon Heart's mane, and she makes the most adorable noise, oh your gosh.
I want said noise described in detail

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>>26866023
A doujin. What else?

Damn, the green just flowed like a river tonight.

>>26867048
It was a mix between a surprised yelp at being touched and a squee~ of finally being touched by a member of the opposite sex. There was also a touch of pleasure that head-pats and ear-scratches bring, but the touch was too brief for it to evolve into a full-on pleasurable moan.

>>26867163
doctorwhoeverybodylives.gif

>>26865850
Gotta say man I rather enjoy reading through this Venus story, very cuts feelsy.
>>26866378
This just makes me laugh at the struggles these two put on u wonder if some mare is going to shout fuck already or not with how they go on

>>26856767
>>26856870
Let's give this writing thing a try:

>You are Anon.
>No shit, who else would you be?
>Whatever, You are Anon and you are pissed.
>Why? Because fuck Purple Autism, that is why.
>You just wanted to read a fucking book, but apparently they are all written in horseglyphs.
>And no, you are not joking; they actually are called that.
>They are all literally a bunch of horseshoes of different size, Celestia and Luna’s cutiemarks, some weird squiggles and other illegible crap.
>After seeing you struggling, Twilight came over and offered her help in teaching you Equestrian.
>For free.
>”I would do anything for a friend~." She said, accentuating the ‘anything’ oddly.
>Yeah, it was pretty obvious what she wanted, but is not like there was someone else more qualified to teach you.
>So you decided to endure her awkward attempts at flirting for the sake of learning.
>You got the hang of it quickly.
>In fact, you pretty much learned all she had to teach you in a week.
> Twilight was really impressed.
>’Impressed’ being the keyword here. You almost slipped on the floor, twice. And you could barely handle the smell.
>So you just grabbed the same book you were trying to read and went home quickly.
>Just as you arrived, you decided to take a look at the book you brought with you.
>Alas, you still couldn’t read it.
>Understandably, you were upset. Again, ‘upset’ being the keyword.
>Actually, you ran all the way to the castle while screaming Twilight’s name at the top of your lungs.
>You were making a scene, true. But that bitch just wasted a week of your life.
>You didn’t even bother knocking; you just kicked the goddamn door open.
>The odor was still there, but to be fair, you only had been gone for an hour, at most.
>Before you could start screaming again, Twilight came down the stairs; looking satisfied.
>You don’t want to think why.

>>26868024
>Before she could even open her mouth, you were already in front of her.
>You asked, in the nicest way possible, why you still were an illiterate fuck.
>The answer didn’t improve your mood.
>In fact, you probably popped a vessel, or two.
>How else were you seeing red?
>Apparently, stallions are only taught simple form Equestrian.
>Which is the basic form, the form they teach little fillies and colts in first grade.
>The form in which all the everyday things you can already figure out in your own is written in.
>You asked if she could teach you the ‘advanced’ form.
>She just laughed and told you to not be silly.
>”Stallions can’t handle all the complicated symbols!” She explained, along with other shit you don’t care to remember.
>Here is the kicker, Fillies are taught the basic form at first grade, and then they pass to start learning the advanced form.
>Colts? They are only taught the basic form, with only the members of rich families even having a chance of learning the proper form.
>You are officially more illiterate than an average filly, with no hopes of learning.
>That was the part when you popped a vessel, turned around, and left before you did something stupid.
>And here you are, sitting on a bench in the local park, glaring at nothing in particular.
>You tried asking the few friends you have for help, but they either thought you were joking, or said they couldn’t.
>FUCK this world.
>You were about to express your thoughts out loud, but stopped yourself when you noticed that you weren’t alone in the park.
>While you were busy thinking to yourself some fillies and colts arrived and started playing around.
>Looks like school day is over.
>You didn’t even hear the bell.
>…
>Your palm makes contact with your face. Hard.
>Man, you sure are stupid.

>>26868035
>After a few minutes of making out with your palm and mentally kicking yourself, you stand, walking in the direction of the schoolhouse.
>You walk at a brisk pace, not caring about your surroundings or anybody you encounter in the way.
>Bitch, you are in a mission.
>The schoolhouse is not very far from the park, it only takes you a few minutes to get there.
>For a moment you consider kicking the door open, but quickly discard the thought.
>This isn’t purple bitch’s castle.
>Taking deep breaths to calm yourself, you open the door and enter like a civilized being.
>You have never been here before, so you can’t help but to take note of your surroundings. >There are some tiny wooden desks and chairs for the students, a few frames on the walls with pictures of ponies and places. And there is a board with child drawings hanging from it.
>Pretty unremarkable.
>There is also the teacher’s desk, with the mare in question looking at you curiously.
>What catches your eye, however, is the bookshelf full of books they have.
>It’s not really that impressive, but it has more books than you have ever read, so it still draws your attention.
>Wait…Is that?
>Holy shit, it is!
>There is a book with familiar symbols on its spine!
>You quickly walk up to the bookshelf and get a closer look.
>”B-bed time stories for colts of…ah you must be kidding me!” You can’t help but exclaim.
>The only book that is written in the form you can understand is a children’s book.
>And you had trouble reading the title.
>Fucking. Hell.
>”ehm… May I help you?” A voice suddenly asks, making you turn around.
>Right. Almost forgot why you are here.
>The mare has not moved from her spot behind the desk, but she looks more nervous than before.
>What was her name again? You have seen her around town sometimes, but you never interacted with her.

>>26867900
I actually really like the idea that their friends set them up and they're pretending to hate each other to get back at them.

>"Anon, where are you going?"
"I have a date."
>"...with wh-"
"With that CUNT."
>"Anonymous, look, we get it. If you hate each other so mu-"
"No, no. We're PERFECT for each other; you SAID so. So you know what?"
>You stomp over and get right up in your friends' face.
"I am going to go on a DATE with that fucking bitch, and she is going to have an AMAZING time. It's going to be ROMANTIC, and at the end of the night we are going to MAKE LOVE."
>You glare super-hard at your sweating friend.
"Because we're just PERFECT for each other according to you, aren't we?!"
>Anon stomps off and proceeds to have a very enjoyable date.

>>26868043
>Fuck it. Standing in front of her like an idiot is not going to help.
>Smiling softly, you approach the mare, kneeling to eye level once you are in front of her desk.
“Hello, My name is Anonymous, Pleased to meet you” You say, as you extend your hand towards the mare.
>Damn. You are one suave motherfucker aren’t you?
>”O-oh! Hello, Mr. Anonymous! My name is Cheerilee, pleased to meet you!” She exclaims a little too loudly, and shaking your hand roughly.
>She looks even more nervous, you didn’t show some teeth when you smiled, did you?
>Fuck. You probably did.
>Something you have come to learn while living in horseland is to not show teeth.
>Never.
>Ponies get all afraid when you do.
>Now you have to ask her carefully if you want her to agree.

And that is all I have. Please tell me where and why I fucked up so I can do better next time.

>>26868035
Oohhhhh, the anger is REAL. Please continue.

>>26865684 >>26865185
>"He is good, but if nobody would even stay for breakfast with him... "
>"What? HE kicks them out? No way!"
>"Perhaps he's just isn't a good pony, no matter what his facade tells?"

>>26868058
It's alright so far, there's not really much to comment on yet. It hasn't progressed enough.

>>26868058
Alright so far.
I'm glad Anon isn't best buds with Twilight, despite his belittling attitude for once.
Keep on keepin' on with the green of not-a-faggot Anon.

>>26868058
Moar please

>>26860661
Admiral Biscuit? I'd that you?

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Ok, I really have to ask. Writers, why doesn't Anon ever challenge these mare's bullshit assumptions, almost immediately?

If he figures out the reversed gender roles, and sexist thinking from the mares, why doesn't he make a point that he is NOT a stallion, not a male pony, he is a man, a human male, and that their thinking doesn't apply to his situation. Maybe some of the dumber mares won't grasp it, but surely a significant amount of mares would.

Using >>26868035 as an example, a realistic Anon would lay out to Twilight that he is not a stallion, that he is more intelligent than an Equestrian stallion, because HE IS AN ALIEN FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION! Perhaps, if she took her head out of her ass, she could pick up on the difference and think that he can grasp the advanced language.

I know, this is RGRE, and in order to enjoy the stories posted here certain plot points need to be overlooked and not nitpicked, but this really seems like something that could be done in a story.
/end rant/

>>26868320
I'd like it. Mares struggling not to treat him like they would a stallion could make for some adorable shenanigans.

>>26868072
>>26868198
>>26868244
Will do.

>>26868165
Really? No fucked up grammar? I feel accomplished.

>>26868320
I'm seeing Twilight as the fucktard that can't pick a clue, and Cheerilee as the sane mare that sees Anon as more than just a colt.

But you raise a very good point.

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>>26860501
>Marital Problems
Not to sound like a broken disk, but that's the cuck central, right?

>>26863925
Fucking beautiful m8, I also love your filenames
I love the way you characterized the O&O group in and out of character

>>26868058
Off to a pretty great start I think. I'm looking forward to more!

>>26861860
>And "paraponipatapons"? Jeez.
But that was the best line.

>>26863925
I want to lodge my testicles in Lemon Hearts's throat. That pudgy little freak is my kind of twisted.

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>>26868320
>why doesn't Anon ever challenge these mare's bullshit assumptions, almost immediately?
Because then he would look like a Stallionist to everyone and because men teach through example, not words.

That's why Anon always goes and punches the villain in the face, rather than telling ponies that he could do it if he wanted to.

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>>26868320
"Twilight I am not some pussy ass stallion! I am a goddamn human. Stop treating me like I am fucking retarded!"
>Your glare is met and returned by the little purple tyrant
>"Anon I dont care if you are from another world or not. While you live in Equestria you will be treated like every other stallion. We will not make an exception just because you walk on two legs!"
>Your jaw clenches so hard your teeth begin to ache
>This lavender menace is going to respect you if she likes it or not
>You lean down and wrap your fingers around her horn
>Her glare instantly fades and is replaced by a look of apprehension
>Lifting her up by her magical appendage you haul her to eye level
"Listen here you little twat. You will fucking treat me with the respect I deserve or I will fucking wear your hide like a god damn Sunday vest. Now when I set your fat pimply ass down the first thing I want to hear from you is a goddamn apology or so fucking help me god I will end you."
>Releasing your grip you let her drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes
>She takes a minute to get to her feet before she finally turns to face you
>You realize something is wrong only milliseconds before your body is wrapped in a purple glow
>Lightning quick you are pulled down to your knees by the magical force
>"Celestia help me I tried Anon. You have to be the most stubborn STALLION I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with. You are rude, aggressive, and downright unpleasant to be around. I would have tossed you out on your ass a month ago if I could have. Now though you have crossed a line. As much as I hate flaunting it I am a princess and I will not be threatened. Especially by an ignorant ape like yourself!"
>You are unsure of how you did it but you somehow freed one of your arms from her magical grip.
>Though you only realized this when you saw it smack into her jaw like a fucking comet and send her reeling back
>As soon as it made contact the magical forces holding you vanished

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>Briefly you regretted hitting a woman
>But then again she is a MARE
>"Oh that's bucking it Anon. YOU ARE GOING DOWN!"
>She throws herself at you in a flurry of magic and kicks

-Eight hours later-
>You stare at the ruined ceiling of Twilights throne room thing
>Splinters of crystal and wood surround you
>Laying on top of you is the unconscious form of Twilight Sparkle
>She twitches a bit as you wrap your arm around her back and try to stand
>You cant remember why you started arguing
>Or most of the fight
>Hell about the only thing you can remember is that at one point the fight stopped and you two began furiously fucking
>You think that was somewhere around hour three
>It takes you a few minutes but you finally manage to make your way to twilights bed
>With a pained groan you lay down on her bed, careful to put as little weight on the bruised areas of your body as possible
>As you finally settled down for a good post rage induced fucking nap your stomache started grumbling
>You suddenly remember the argument started about what you two wanted for lunch
>Ignoring your pain and hunger you let sleep take you

>>26868643
Love it.

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Is wing-length in pegasi and alicorns an issue when attracting mates?

>>26868300
No, but I'm in love with his world and worldbuilding, I guess it shows sometimes.

>>26868413
>I'm seeing Twilight as the fucktard that can't pick a clue, and Cheerilee as the sane mare that sees Anon as more than just a colt.
A mare that works with both colts and fillies and has some actual social life vs. a shut-in that had to be taught friendship and crushed on Starswirl the Bearded..
100% works, Anon. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing more from you

>>26868660
IMPRESSIVE LENGTH
TWO LARGE FEATHERY WINGS

"Twilight, to you ponies I'm a god damn extra-dimensional ape monster that sweats salt, enjoys eating stuff that would kill Celestia stone dead, and can puke stomach acid which is apparently strong enough here to melt stone.
"What part of "I am not a stallion" don't you ponies understand?"

>>26868624
>Trixie tries that stupid take over the town shit.
>Tries to order Anon around.
>Gets her fucking face stomped in instead of Twilight convoluted bullshit.

That amulet could only be taken off by the wearer, right? I'd but that doesn't apply if you just pull it through the neck meat.
She'll probably take it off when she realizes it's not a bluff.

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>>26868679
Flury Heart is pure sex.
When grown up.
Foals are not for sexual.

>>26868692
I want this.

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>>26868660
Considering the sheer number of people offering to sock Flurry right out of the womb, I'd say so.

>>26868680
>that sweats salt
Most, if not all mammals sweat already.
Salt isn't any more addictive to horses than it is to humans.

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>>26868654
I am glad Anon because I wrote it JUST FOR YOU!

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>26868320
> Writers, why doesn't Anon ever challenge these mare's bullshit assumptions, almost immediately?
He does from green to green.

>Maybe some of the dumber mares won't grasp it, but surely a significant amount of mares would.
You're trying to overcome biologically ingrained sexism. He is still a male, and they are still female. As long as ponies see him as one of their own, it's going to kick in - unless you want to portray ponies as some kind of social savants that can adjust to any alien culture.

I feel that this highly depends on just how sexually frustrated the mares he is trying to explain it to are.
Imagine explaining as a small horse that you are a strong, independent mare, a warrior, a worker and a scholar in one, to a... walking stereotype beta gentlesir.
Best you can realistically expect from most is an unconscious 'benevolent' sexism IF you really ram the point home.
So instead of not allowing you access to the 'difficult books' they will just give you the 'stupid books' so that you don't overwork your pretty, brilliant mind. I bet it will be detectable even if they don't see him as a sex object.

There is also the risk that the mares actually WILL realize that you're truly alien, and, perhaps, it's not your place in their town..

> a realistic Anon would lay out to Twilight that he is not a stallion, that he is more intelligent than an Equestrian stallion
"I'm not a stupid stallion, Twilight!"
>"Of course you're smart, Anon. I got you the smart book, it's for smart stallions like you!"
Also, good job on spreading the matriarchal propaganda that stallions are dumber :)

Now, I'm not saying you're wrong!
He could work with the successful alphas, but let's be honest here, we're on 4chan and writing from experience is easier.
The well-travelled mares.
The bitter, alicorn-potion-peddling maregtows could work, placing high expectations on him out of spite, but it seems that the general public doesn't like those here.

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>>26868704
>When grown up.
>Foals are not for sexual.
Is it even possible to be this wrong?

>>26868725
fuck yeah!

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>>26868737
>>26868712
I don't care if people want to fuck the Eiffel Tower, I'm not putting my dick in a baby.

All Equestrian races find wing-spans an attractive feature -- the bigger, the better.

However, Anon isn't from Equestria.

The Princesses, who never fail to turn heads, are baffled and a little insulted when he shows absolutely zero interest in them.

In fact, he actually is completely disinterested (as in a guy continuing to read the paper after seeing a naked chick trying to give him a pole dance session levels of disinterested).

Annoyed and their prides insulted, they try increasingly desperate measures to get a reaction out of him.

They're flabbergasted when he takes an interest in the most unlikeliest of girls, and spy to find out the key of cracking him.

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>>26868747
What are you gay?

because if so we have options for that

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>>26868764
Male baby dragons are still babies. Give me something that has reached the sexual maturity of it's species and we'll talk.

>>26868692
Yes

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>>26868778
>Sexual maturity
Yep a total pleb. Take a horny pinkie and get out.

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>>26868786
Sorry for not wanting to commit a crime.

>>26868759
this a good one

>>26868794
It's perfectly legal there, though.

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>>26868794
Have a colored version

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>>26865850
>"Our resturant caters to all species, so you may want to stick to things you know."
>"I thought I smelt something familiar," you says, scanning over the menu.

>>26861714
>spoilered part
That was Spike wasn't it?

>>26865850
Tell me about her hips.

>>26868720
nofunallowed.spoilsport

>>26862932
>Shaking off the rather disturbing thoughts that sprung to mind from Disney you quickly change the subject.
"So, how're we going about this then?"
>"Oh that's, easy enough, you see you start here..."
>So began about thirty minutes of bloody work as Fluttershy takes the knife to the carcass.
>Gilda swears in fascination once you found the connective tissue, "That stuff looks like some kind of mushroom! How'd /that/ get in there?!"
>"That's normal Gilda, Mr. Ten Points here was a big moose and needed lots of this to keep together."
"Yeah, I remember this from anatomy class, something about being the glue for living beings, you didn't know about that?"
>Gilda of course takes the moment to puff up her feathers to appear bigger, "W-well of course I did, I just wanted to make sure you two knew before claw, you know to make sure."
>"Of course you did Gilda." Fluttershy says simply before looking to you, "Anon could you go ahead and pull here please? I need it taunt to continue."
"Oh sure."
>"Hey what do you mean of course I do you don't beileve me or somethin'?" Gilda asks in a surely manner.
>Fluttershy with a small speck of blood on her cheek blinks looking over at Gilda in surprise, "No, I-I just was a-agreeing with you, I'm sorry if I made you mad."
>Gilda starts to continue her tirade, but at the simple apology stalls in place.
>"I...Good, alright then, let's just hurry up and get this done already before the meat goes bad."
"Won't hear me complain."
>Readjusting your grip the three of you continue before you have one half torn pelt of a moose.
"Neat, now I don't really remember the majority of what happens next, but I think I'll need a lot of salt and a drying rack for this thing. In the meantime let's get those meats on ice before it goes bad eh?"
>Gilda chirps at you and licks her beak eyeing the skinned carcass with pleasure.
>You bop her on the head before she gets any ideas though.
>"What's the big idea!?"