Anon in Equestria - Thread #1090: 8th is a lazy sack of shit edition.

Tripping fags in Equestria.
or something like that

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8th couldn't start the thread because he was at work, what a fucking loser.

>>26698086
>>26697709
I can't take this immense bullying you guys.

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>>26698130

Oh wow, old thread dropped off page 10 quick, there a happening afoot in /mlp/?

>>26698328
Nope, just dead.

>>26698086
I was too. Pls no bully
Pls

>>26698130
U ok?

>>26698157
Damn, I love this way of binding a pony's legs.

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>>26698157

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>>26697709

>"Alright, fillies! I hope you had a good sleep last night and are bright-eyed and bushy tailed this morning! Cause we got some WORK to do!"
>You are Stalwart Spear
>A trainee of her highness Princess Celestia's Solar Guard
>All your life you had worked toward becoming a guard just like your mother had and her mother before her
>But unlike them you wanted to take it another step forward and reach the pinnacle of what a guardsmare could become
>That's right
>You weren't trying to be a regular guard
>You weren't trying to be one of the guards that got shipped out to some no-name town
>You were trying to be a personal guard of the princess herself
>The best of the best of the very, very best
>To make your dream a reality you had thrown yourself into boot camp like a mare possessed
>You ran faster than anypony
>You trained harder
>Your bed and armor were the neatest and shiniest
>You had done everything and anything to get your chance to run with the big dogs
>And guess what?
>After all of that training, all of that hard work you had actually been selected for the elite training!
>Ha!
>Take that mom!
>YOU'RE the no good slacker!!
>Just like at boot camp you had thrown yourself body and soul into the now infinitely harder training
>Though every day you went to bed with your body screaming in agony you had refused to quit
>You were GOING to protect the royal highness and her family
>You were GOING to stand by her side
>She was GOING to have confidence in your ability to protect her and the one's that she cared about most
>You were going to do all of this or you were going to die
>Those were your only two options
>And because of your no-quit attitude here you were over two years later, beaten and battered but not broken

>>26699049
>Standing on either side of you were the four other mares that had managed to survive the brutal training with you
>Ponies that you had been through thick and thin with
>Your family
>Your sisters in arms
>Your ziggers
>ride or die mang
>Each and everyone of you were standing smartly in a row, decked snout to tail in full armor
>It was about 0520 in the morning, the moon was still stubbornly hanging in the sky
>And while most ponies slept in their warm and comfortable beds you, your girls, and your drill sergeant were about to begin your final test
>The test that would decide whether or not you all became the elite of the elite
>There were no do-overs for this test, no second chances, and from what the Sarge had gleefully told you this was going to put all of your other trials to shame
>Usually when she said that you'd be shaking in your horseshoes
>...But you weren't running around in the Boggy Bottom Bog
>You weren't in the Everfree
>You weren't even in the Badlands
>You all were standing in the royal wing of Canterlot Castle right in front of the door of Princess Celestia's private chambers ready to be debriefed
>Which was... odd
>"Princess Celestia's personal guard have many, many duties that we have to complete for her highness," the Sarge said, pacing back and forth in front of your little row. "Much of it concerns keeping the surrounding area around the princess secured and keeping the princess herself safe and kill her enemies!"
>That paranoid, sinking feeling that you had been feeling since you got here only got worse as the Sarge, the sadistic warhorse that she was, grinned
>"But that's not all that we do, ladies."
>Your Sarge turned away from you and walked over toward the door to Princess Celestia's room
>Grabbing the ornate doorknobs she opened the door wide open and turned to face you
>"Your mission is to go into this room and wake prince Anonymous up before the sun rises."
>...
>...

>...
>What?
>You and your squadmates looked at each other

>>26699066
>"...You mind running that by us again. Sarge?" SlipShine, a turquoise pegasus with an ego the size of the sun, asked. "I didn't think I heard that right."
>The Sarge's smile widened
>"I want you fillies to go in there and wake the prince up," she said again, pointing into the dark room. "And I want you to do it before her highness raises her sun."
>You had heard of prince Anonymous
>From what you could gather he was an alright whatever he was
>Liked his privacy; didn't go out in public all that much
>In fact you don't recall ever seeing him during the rare times you were in Canterlot...
>Even when you had asked some of the guardsmares around the city they had been oddly tight-lipped about the subject
>Almost like they were afraid about talking about them...
>...Whatever...
>All you really knew was that he made your highness happy, and that was good enough for you
>...But there was nothing DEFINITELY wrong here
>Really, really wrong
>Looking unto the dark room you could just make out Princess Celestia's bed
>In the middle of that bed, under a mountain of blankets, was prince Anonymous
>If you didn't know for a FACT that your Sergeant was a soulless, humorless she-demon she might have started laughing at all of your confused expressions
>"Well come on, ladies. The clock's ticking. Your time begins now."
>You and the girls quickly crowded around each other, not a single one of you taking your eyes off the room
>"You think it's boobytrapped?" Twinkle Shine, a pink unicorn, otherwise known as the brains of your squad, asked.
>Shim Sham, an earth pony like yourself, shook her head
>"Do ya think that princess would put 'er stallion in danger like that?"
>Sparkle Sheen, the other unicorn of your group, took a few steps forward
>Closing her eyes her horn lit up
>"Hang on," she said. "Let me check."
>You all watched as a little yellow ball of light floated off of her horn and into the dark room

>>26699079
>A wall of light erupted out of the ball, lighting up a section of the room, then another, then another until every bit of the room had been scanned
>"There's no traps in there; magical or otherwise," she said with a shake of her head. "And there's only one warm body in that room."
>...
>Yep
>That paranoid feeling wasn't going away
>In fact it was getting worse
>From the looks on the other girls faces they were just as iffy about this as you
>"What the hay do you think the catch for this is?" Slip asked." A hidden assassin, some kind of monster, what?"
>The five of you looked at each other, not one of you knowing the answer to her question
>You were going in blind?
>...Yep, you were going in blind
>...Awesome...
>"We should at least try to properly secure the room before anything happens," Twinkle said
"Yeah," you finally pipped up. "We don't want anypony snatching the colt out of his bed when we aren't looking."
>Princess Celestia wouldn't do anything that would hurt her stallion so you wouldn't have to worry all that much about your VIP
>At worst you might have a fussy colt on your hooves if you woke him up a little too roughly
>The only problem you'd have was fighting off whatever would attack or deter you
>So in all actuality this SHOULD be a cakewalk
>...So why was your gut telling you otherwise?
>As quickly as you could the five of you settled into formation
>Sheen in the front, you, Shim, and Sparkle behind her and Twinkle at the rear
>Faster than your eye could follow Sheen darted into the room
>Both of the unicorn's horns glowed, spells at the ready as the rest of you cautiously made your way into the room
>Your body was tense, ready to move or attack at a moment's notice
>The catch was going to rear it's ugly head soon
>You knew it
>So you needed to get ready to move
>You needed to be ready to spring into action

>>26699089
>Being mindful not to knock over any of the priceless artifacts in the royal bed room (you were sure that princess wouldn't like THAT very much) you all took up positions and waited for whatever it was that was going to stop you from getting to the prince
>And you waited...
>And you waited...
>And waited...
>...
>"What the buck's going on?!" Shim demanded from behind a globe. "Somethin' should of happened by now!"
>"Maybe the trap is triggered when we get near the prince's bed?" Twinkle suggested
>Without saying a word Sheen walked over toward the bed with a frown on her face
>Looking at you all she touched the bed with a hoof
>You and the other girls tensed, ready for something to happen...
>But nothing happened...
>No trap was sprung
>No assassins leapt out of the shadows
>No magical monsters crawled from under the bed
>The only thing that happened was the prince shifted in the bed a bit under all of those pillows
>...
>Your nose scrunched up as you sat down on your rump
"Alright... What the buck is this?" you demanded
>Was this one of those dumb tests that taught you some stupid lesson?!
>Because if it was something like that you were going to FREAK the buck out
>You might even kick something
>You were a death machine not a lucy lessoner!
>Slip Sheen looked at the bundle of blankets for a while before, with a shake of her head, she hopped up onto the bed
>"I can't believe that the Sarge pulled something like this," she growled, roughly pawing at the blankets. "We get all dressed up and ready to do to bucking war and we have to-URK!"
>A hand shot out from the blankets and grabbed Sheen by the muzzle
>Before you or anypony else, the pegasus included, could do anything your squadmate was pulled into the mountain of blankets
>"Sheen!" Sparkle yelled, leaping out from behind a VERY expensive looking table. "What the buck--"

>>26699098
>From within Mt. Blanket you could hear your sister from another mister loudly swearing, as well as the sound of something hitting flesh and steel very hard
>"Bucking... Curd... HORSEAPPLES... OWOWOWOWOWOWO!"
>You jumped over a smallish coffee table, ready to jump into the bed to save Sheen, when the mare shot out of those blankets like a CANNON
>"BUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!"
>Sheen was a blur as she flew through the air, all four legs kicking and her wings flapping uselessly, her eyes wide with panic
"SPARKLE!TWINKLE! STOP HER!"
>As one the unicorn's horns glowed
>Before Sheen could crash into the wall their magic wrapped around her
>Both Sparkle and Twinkle winced as they stopped the mare in her tracks
>"Sweet Celestia, it felt like stopping a bucking cannonball," Twinkle muttered
>"Yeah, whatever it was that threw featherbrain there isn't messing around," Sparkle agreed as the two set the frazzled pegasus down
>Without a second thought Shim, who was your medic, rushed over to check up on her
>"Are ya alright, darling? Anything feel broken or--"
>"What the buck was that?" Sheen demanded, pointing at the bundle of blankets with a shaking hoof. "What. The. BUCK. WAS. THAT?!"
>"That was prince Anonymous," your Sarge said, poking that bucking smug face of hers into the room. "And as you can see he doesn't like it too much when somepony tries to wake him."
>A rumbling could be heard from underneath the sheets, much like one would hear in a dragon's lair
>You and the girls twitched as something else shot out from underneath the blankets and hit the ground with a loud clang and rolled over toward your group
>...What the buck?...
>On closer inspection you saw that it was Sheen's helmet
>A piece of equipment that was a solid inch thick and made out of one solid piece of Dodge City steel
>At that moment it was a crushed up little ball

>>26699111
>The only reason you recognized it in the first place was because you could see the little lightning bolt sticker Sheen had placed on the thing on the first day of special ops training
>"He REALLLLLY doesn't like it," Sarge continued as you all looked down at the ruined helmet in horror. "Usually Princess Celestia herself is the one to wake him but on some days, days like today, she's not here to do her wifely duties. That's where the guard come in."
>Though you could have just imagined it you swore on your chest tuft that the Sarge giggled
>"You have fun ladies. And remember, if you can't get him up and adam before the sun rises you fail."
>With that she disappeared once more, leaving you to digest the new situation
>...
>You KNEW there was a catch to this
>YOU KNEW IT!
>"That motherbucker nearly took my bucking head off," Sheen growled, her eyes narrowing. and LOOK what he did to my helmet!"
>She was about to spread her wings, no doubt ready to launch herself at the prince, when Shim stopped her with a hoof
>"I wouldn't go doin' that, darling."
>"B-But he!-"
>Shaking your head you walked over and placed a hoof on her wither
"What do you think the princess would do to you if she found out you tried to beat up her husband?"
>"Tried might be the main word here," Tinkle said, eyeing the bundle warily. "Have you never seen a colt toss a mare like that?... Or do something like THAT to a bucking helmet?"
>"From what I heard the prince isn't a stallion," Sparkle said quietly
>"I heard that he was some alien," Shim muttered, shaking her head. "And I think I'm starting to believe it. I mean a diamond dog couldn't do that to one of our helmets..."
>Hmmm...
>Alright
>Touching him was out of the question...
"Sparkle, Twinkle, try to pick him up with your magic."
>The two unicorns looked at you before nodding
>Their horns glowed, encasing the bundle of blankets in their auras

>>26699119
>You couldn't help but feel just a little bit of hope when you saw Mt. blanket float into the air
>If you couldn't physically touch him then maybe you could get away with--
>"CONTACT!"
>You let out a grunt as Sheen tackled you to the ground
>A pair of pillows flew through the air where you were just standing, barely missing your other teammates as they flew toward the wall
>...Hitting it and leaving two holes in it
>...
>Prince Anonymous just threw two pillows and left holes in the wall
>HE BUCKING LEFT HOLES IN THE WALL
>WITH PILLOWS!
>WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME WAS YOUR BUCKING LORD?!
>Rolling over toward a table you pushed it over to provide a bit of cover before looking back at you team
>Shim was hiding behind the globe next to the coffee table and Sparkle and Twinkle were hiding behind her royal highnesses bean bag chair
>Army-crawling toward you, Sheen settled herself before she poked her head up over the table
>"Oh buck this," she muttered. "Buck Sarge in that loose, floppy, wrecked cunt of her's..."
>From within Mt. Blanket there was another rumble, and this time it sounded less than happy
>Alright
>Let's assess the situation shall we?
>You had a target that you couldn't hurt in anyway whatsoever without facing VERY dire consequences
>That target was unwilling to leave his position and was VERY aggressive and physically strong to the Nth degree
>Impossibly strong even
>...
>Where did the princess even GET a stallion that could do something like THAT?!
>Was the prince even a stallion?
>You've known a stallion or two and not a single one of them, be it a pony or gryphon or diamond dog, could do something like that
>He put HOLES in the WALL with PILLOWS!!
>And since you didn't know how many pillows the prince had under that pile using magic was going to be a no-go
>And from the looks on the other girls faces you could tell that they were spooked
>Horse apples, you weren't too proud to admit that you were a little spooked yourself...
>...
>...
>...

>>26699133
>And if your internal clock was right you and the girls were going to have to figure out how to get the royal out of his bed in...
>About half an hour tops
>...
>You can see why this was the final test now...
>Sweet curd, alicorns must be made of some tough stuff...
>...
>...
>...
>Nevertheless you were going to figure this out!
>You weren't going to fail this!
>Not after all of that training
>Not after all of that struggle and pain that you had to go through to get where you were today
>Buck
>THAT
>When no more feathery missiles flew through the air you motioned the girls over
>They quickly scurried over, huddling around you whilst keeping low
"Alright girls, how are we going to deal with this?" you asked
>"We could try to use some of those curtains to make a lasso and wrap it around him," Shim suggested. "Then all of us together can drag the bucker out of that bed."
>"Are you nuts? Did you see what he did with those bucking pillows?" Twinkle demanded. "PILLOWS! What do you think would happen if he managed to grab a hold onto a lasso with all of us holding it?"
>"Well why don't ya think up a better plan then, horny?" Shim snapped, getting in the smaller mare's face
>Not one to back down Twinkle let out a growl, slamming her muzzle against the earth pony's
>"Why don't you--"
>Sighing, Sparkle forced the two away with a spell
>"We don't have TIME to be squabbling," she chided, peeking over the table. "If we fight amongst ourselves then we WILL fail. So why don't you two instead focus your energies elsewhere?"
>You watched as the anger drained off the mare's faces, which was quickly replaced by shame
>"Sorry Sheen, darling.
>"Sorry Shim."
>Your snozzle scrunched up in thought as you peeked over the edge of the table
>What to do...
>What to do...
>To your surprise Sheen was the one that had the answer
>The pegasus' eyes widened and she pushed you aside so she could better scope out the area

>>26699143
>"Wait... I got it! Why don't we just move the bed?"
>You and the other girls blinked
>That...
>That just might be crazy enough to work!
>If you couldn't get at the prince directly you could move him indirectly!
>Toss that bucker out into the hallway by tilting the bed or something!
"Sheen if we weren't on a mission right now I'd throw you to the floor and have my way with you," you say simply before looking at the other girls
>A small blush came to Sheen's face
>"W-Why didn't you say no hom--"
"Alright, we gotta hurry up and see if we can get under the bed. Sparkle and Shim you two go first. Sparkle, I want you making sure that there's nothing nasty under that bed that we don't know about."
>The two mares saluted before hopping over the table and scurrying across the room
"Sheen and Twinkle as soon as they're under that bed I want you girls running over there. I'll go after you two are underneath the bed."
>They nodded, and with baited breath you waited for Shim and Sparkle to get under the bed
>You half expected pillows or Celestia knows what to start flying out from underneath those covers
>But to your surprise nothing happened
>Sparkle scanned underneath the bed, she gestured for Shim to follow her, and the two of them disappeared underneath it
>Alright
>You had fifteen minutes left
>Let's bucking do this
"Gogogogogo!"
>Leaping over the table Sheen and Sparkle raced underneath the bed
>The second they were under it you took off, sliding under it with a cool dive
>You might have given your tummy hella rug burn but at least you looked cool
>...Hopefully
>...Ow...
"Alright," you said quietly, so as not to wake the sleeping prince above you. ""Shim, Sheen you two get the back corners. Sparkle, Twinkle you get the front. I'll get in the middle. On my mark we lift and start carrying this bucking big bed. Do you get me?"
>The girls nod, quickly getting into position
>You did the same, bracing yourself underneath a thick-looking board

>>26699155
>Hopefully your armor would be able to hold up under this big bucking bed...
"Alright girls. Ready? One... Two... THREE."
>As one you all started to push against the bed, straining against its weight
>You were right in guessing that this big bucking bed would be heavy
>It was so heavy in fact that you and Shim, two VERY strong earth ponies, weren't even budging the thing
>"Come on... girls," Sparkle said, the strain as clear as day in her voice. "Don't give... up."
>"Get up... get up... get up... you bucking... thing" Twinkle demanded, her face turning purple
>Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeonceome!
>Getupgetupgetup!
>GETUPGETUPGETUPGETUP
>Slowly, the bed rose inch by inch until all five of you were properly standing
>Stars were exploding across your vision but you held firm
>You could do this
>You could do this...
"Alright... let's... get.... moving..."
>You don't know how you all did it but the bed moved as you all stepped toward
>Step
>Sweat was dripping down your face
>Step
>If the prince decided to stop you there wouldn't be a darned thing that any of you could do about it
>Step
>Your joints started screaming for you to stop, to put down this impossible weight
>Step
>Just breath, just breath, you were nearly to the door
>Step
>You were almost halfway there
>Step
>You've suffered through worse
>Step
>You could do it
>Step
>You could--
>You watched as Sparkle, with a gasp, buckled under the bed's weight
>The bed tipped toward her way
>You closed your eyes, ignoring the groans and whines coming out of your squadmates
>Keep the bed up in the air
>If you didn't keep it up there was no bucking way that you'd be able to get it back up
>Keep it--
>From behind you you could hear Sheen hit the ground with a thud
>Sparkle was next to fall, the unicorn crumbling into a heap
>You and Shim, thanks to your earth pony strength and stamina, were the last two standing

>>26699168
>But it was no good
>It was too much
>The weight was too--
"Urgh!"
>Both you and Shim let the bed drop with a bang, doing your best to make sure that it hit the ground in such a way that the bed wouldn't just up and crush you
>Your vision swarmed, and it was only by the grace of Celestia herself that you didn't pass out
"It... It's no... good," you panted
>"Get... the other's out... from underneath... this bucking... bed," Shim said behind you. "They need... air..."
>With what little strength you had you grabbed Sparkle and Twinkle and dragged their sorry butts out from underneath that bucking bed
>...
>...
>...
>BUCK!!!!
>Throwing your helmet off your head you looked over toward the bedroom's balcony door
>Though the sun hadn't yet risen you could see it's orange glow coming from the other side of the unicorn mountains
>You MIGHT have five minutes left before the sun was up...
>You wanted to curse, you wanted to scream
>You were supposed to be one of Celestia's personal guard
>The best of the best
>But now it looked like you were leaving this room failures
>All because you couldn't get some colt out of be--
>...
>...
>...
>You very slowly turned toward the mountain of blankets that the prince was sleeping under
"...Lord Anonymous? It's time to get up my lord."
>For a collection of seconds nothing happened
>Nopony moved, nopony breathed, nopony even blinked
>But then you saw movement from underneath the blankets
>Then you heard grumbling
>Until, from underneath the blankets you could hear the words, "...I'm getting up, I'm getting up."
>You and your squadmates watched as the blankets and pillows were tossed away
>What was under them was definitely not a stallion
>Underneath those blankets was something else entirely

>>26699178
>The being that rolled out of that bed and who stood in front of you was big
>Nearly thrice your size in fact
>Not only that but from top to bottom he was covered in hard, lean muscle
>His hair was cut short and there was a single scar right underneath his eye that ended at his--
>That'sadick!
>Your eyes widened in surprise when you noticed that his royal highness wasn't wearing any PJ's
>And it looked like he didn't have a sheath
>...He didn't have a sheath one little bit...
>Nope, you could see everything
>EVERYTHING...
>...
>...
>...
>You're staring too much
>You need to look away from the prince's junk
>You need to look away from his junk right now
>Rightthebucknow!
>The prince spreads his arms out wide, his muscles tensing and his bones cracking as he stretched and yawned hugely
>In the gaping hole that was his mouth you saw a pair of long, sharp canines, easily visible in this low light
>"What time is it?"
>Your eyes finally snapped away from prince Anonymous's... anatomy and up toward his face
>You could see one sleep-filled eye staring down at you
>Quick! The prince asked you a question!
>Stop staring at him like a dummy and SAY something!
"...W-What?"
>...
>BUCK!
>"I asked what time it was," the prince repeated, looking around the room. "And where in god's name is my wife?"
>"I'm right here, love."
>Though you were tired, maybe as tired as you had ever been, both you and the girls stopped whatever the BUCK you were doing to salute as Princess Celestia herself stepped into the room with a big smile on her face
>The second that she entered the room the sun's light lit up the entire room, nearly blinding you

>>26699204
>The light seemed to shone off the Princess of the Sun, who regally made her way across the room toward the big bastard behind you
>Said big bastard sat on the edge of that big bucking bed with a tired grunt
>"So how was my sunshine's sleep?" Princess Celestia asked, walking over and kissing her husband
>"Shittty," the prince grumbled, yawning again
>The Princess's smile turn apologetic
>Hopping onto the bed she quickly wrapped a wing around him and pulled him against her
>The prince sighed, closing his eyes as she pressed his face into her chest
>A small blush came to your face as you nervously looked away
>Whoo...
>It's getting a little WARM in here ain't it?...
>Celestia turned her gaze toward all of you
>"My little ponies, allow me to be the first to congratulate on a job well done."
>She leaned down and nuzzled her husband, who sleepily wrapped an arm around her barrel
>"To be my personal guard one not only needs strength and skill but the mindset to think outside the box when the need arises. You hav--"
>As the Princess spoke the prince didn't move a muscle, seemingly asleep
>You knew because you were watching him
>But when you blinked he was no long on the bed
>He was crouched in front of you staring directly into your face
>Eyes widening, you tried to take a step back, but were stopped when the prince cupped your face with his hands, squishing your cheeks together
>"Trainees of the Solar guard," he said, his voice ringing in your ears. "You have managed to pass your final test to become Celestia Solare's personal bodyguard. I congratulate you on your efforts."
>While such news should have made you start jumping around in joy there was an... edge to how the prince said it
>There was no sleep in the prince's eyes as his green eyes stared into yours
>There was a predatory glint in them, the same kind of glint that you've seen in animals that were stalking their prey

>>26699210
>Usually when you see such a look you snort
>You were a highly trained guard
>You could take pretty much everything that walked, crawled, and flew on this planet
>But you couldn't help but shiver under his gaze...
>You tried to wrench yourself from the prince's grip but he held you in place with that horrible strength of his
>"But just remember, I love that big horse over there with all of my heart. She's one of the main reasons I get up in the morning. If something happens to her under your watch or if you intentions are of the nefarious kind."
>You let out a squeak as the prince's grip on you tightened just enough to be painful
>"Make sure that you die in the attempt or trying to protecting her. Because if she gets hurt and I get my hands on you your deaths will not be clean. They WILL not be quick."
>Prince Anonymous suddenly released you, standing to his full height
>His eyes scanned the rest of the girls, who had wisely taken a few steps back
>"It has been many years since I have had to hunt another. Do NOT make yourself my prey. Do you all understand?"
>...
>"DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
>"Sir yes sir!" you all squeaked, nearly knocking yourselves out in your haste to salute
>The next few moments were filled with tense silence as the prince stared down at each one of you again, his green eyes burrowing deep down into your soul
>Whoo...
>You didn't think you were getting your teats twisted today...
>Wonder if anypony else was eyeing the door?
>Because you were
>Sweet Celestia above you were...
>FINALLY the prince nodded
>"Then you are dismissed. Celebrate your achievements and your victory today while you can because you will be working your tails off very soon."
>Turning away from you and your squad the prince walked over toward the royal bed
>With a single hand he reached down and grabbed the bed's edge
>With the princess still sitting on top of it he picked one end of it up and started to push it back to its proper place

>>26699219
>Though the bed squeaked in protest it moved smoothly across the floor
>The bed that the five of you had struggled to move even a few feet
>...
>...
>...
>Welp
>Now you know what it feels like when your asshole puckers so hard that it sucks in a bit of air...
>...It's an odd feeling
>And not the good kind of odd...
>Setting the bed down with a bang the prince looked over his shoulder at you
>"I do not like repeating myself, girls," he said, just a hint of a growl in his voice. "Get out of my room."

>Be Prince Anonymous
>Husband to your wonderful wife Celestia and the motherfucker that cracked the whip around this here castle
>At that moment you were also a very tired husband as the little horses that had been bothering you raced out of your room like their tails were on fire
>Celly knew you had been working most of the night, and because this little "test" that she had concocted for her personal guard you were going to get even less sleep than you had been expecting
>If you didn't love her at pieces ol' sunhoers would be getting a stern talking to
>One that would probably involve hitting
>"Why do you insist on scaring the daylights out of my guard like that?" your wonderful wife demanded as you flopped back onto the bed with a groan
"Because I want my wife to be protected by ponies that have the fear of god put into them," you say, your answer muffled by your sheets. "If they know they'll be consequences to failing their duties then they'll work their furry butts off to make failure not an option."
>You feel your wife's aura surround you
>With another groan you let her pick you up with her magic and place you in the middle of your bed and under the covers
>"Just remember that these mares aren't just protecting me, dear," Celestia said, crawling under the covers. "They protect the entire royal family, you included."
>You cracked open an eye as your princess's head popped out from underneath the covers

>>26699232
>She had a smile on her face as she looked back at you, but it wasn't the smile that she gave to her little ponies or even her other family
>That smile was only reserved for your big green ass
>You smiled back, reaching out and pulling her into a hug
"I'd rather they keep you safe. If they hate me for making sure that happens I'll bare that burden with a smile."
>Celestia quickly pressed your face against her chest, both of her lovely wings wrapping around you
>Your hands found their usual place under the pits of those wings, gently scratching
>You let out a contented sigh as Celestia's horsey scent filled your senses
>Your princess let out a sigh of her own as she nuzzled the top of your head
>"What am I going to do with you, my little human? she asked, her voice laced with frustration and amusement. "It's my job to make sure that my stallion is safe and happy and here you trying to flip my duties on their head."
>You twitched in surprise as the tips of those giant wings start tickling things that they DEFINITELY should be tickling
>"At least there's ONE duty that you can't take from me~"
>Your eyes opened and you looked up at the light of your life
>Your love
>The mare that made you whole
>The mare who was giving you the most bedroom bedroom eyes that you've seen in at LEAST a week
>...You could sleep another day
>Sleep was for quitters
"Oh really? And what duty is that?" you playfully questioned, a certain part of you "rising" to the occasion
>With a throaty giggle Celly leaned down and kissed your nose as her wings stroked you to full hardness
>"Why don't I show you~" she purred as she pushed you into your back and slowly began kissing her way down your body
>As you stared up at your ceiling, now wide awake and not at all tired, you couldn't help but smile
>Boy was it good to be the prince...

>>26699247
Alright, I'm done

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>>26699260

Didn't mean to interrupt earlier, I should've refreshed the thread before posting but it's been a while. Like I said before, no excuse for my absence, just couldn't find it in me to write anything. Came up with this earlier today so here you go.

>You are Princess Celestia of Equestria.
>About to cast the final judgement on the most notorious villain in recent history.
>"Dead pony walking down the green mile!"
>"Calling it that is an insult to us god fearing ponies!"
>The guards are bringing him in now.
>Anonymous the human.
>It's been over a decade since you last saw him.
>His hair and beard have become overgrown while his body has wasted away.
>Likely due to his time in solitary confinement without being fed regularly thanks to the guards hatred of him and fear of his power.
>The heavy iron chains and shackles impede his movement while a slitted mask spares anypony his evil mouth.
>"Walk you cur!"
>The warden has seen to his transfer personally and prods the beast with his stun baton.
>Anonymous falls to his knees, but you feel no sympathy for him.
>Not after what he did to Luna.
>To this day she remains locked away in a padded cell, screaming his name in agony.

>>26699498
>"Get up you animal! Time to face the music."
>Anonymous is once again struck, causing him to start wheezing.
>However, he returns to his feet and they bring him to the base of your throne where you sit violently still as it would do no good to sink to his level and outright destroy him.
>You are the leader of Equestria and must set an example for your little ponies by making an example out of him.
>The room goes silent and all eyes fall upon you as you rise from your seat of power.
"So, Anonymous, was a life sentence was too tame for you? Was every day such a chore that you had to take advantage of a young guards mistake and break free? What were planning on even doing after you were finished with him? Such a routine ceremony of removing you from your cell to clean it up, then put you back in. Surely you understood the improbability of escape?"
>He stands there silently. Almost mocking your words with a look in his eyes that shows no remorse.
"As I'm sure you're well aware, this is not a trial. Your sentence was decided when you ruined that ponies life and the lives of those who loved him. For the repeated crime of non-consensual booping, I hereby sentence you to death by banishment, to the sun. Any last words before I send you off?"
>Once again he goes silent, and before you lose your patience, the warden loses his.
>"He was my son you filthy creature!"
>The baton meets Anonymous' back in rapid succession as he falls to the ground.
>Surely you can allow a grieving father some form of relief.
>"A stallion among stallions reduced to a babbling mess all because of you!"
>The older unicorn continues his onslaught until he himself is a heaving mess trying to catch his breath.
>Anonymous, coughs and sputters as blood begins to seep out his mouth before he makes a far more sickening sound.
>The sound of laughter.

>>26699508
>At first almost indistinguishable from his coughing before becoming rhythmic and maniacal.
>It sends a chill down everypony's collective spines as he rises from where he stands and reaches into the puddle of blood before lifting up a key.
>How long he'd had it and when he'd hidden were irrelevant now.
>Too little, too late do the guards react as they try to pounce on him just as he's unlocked one of his hands.
>His movement's are a blur, faster than you can keep up with as he presses the tip of his finger against each of their snouts and simultaneously undoes his remaining bindings.
>They each drop to the floor, writhing in demented pleasure before he turns his attention to the warden.
>The warden raises his baton in defense but Anonymous simply grabs hold of it, and completely ignoring the electric discharge, he casts it aside before sweeping the wardens legs out from under him.
>With the warden on his back, Anonymous kneels by his side before placing a hand on the pony's stomach.
>You watch helplessly as his hand moves in slow circles and the warden's face melts from one of terror to stupified bliss.
>Then Anonymous stands again and his gaze meets yours as he begins to approach the throne and a cold bead of sweat runs down your forehead.
>Your personal guards stand between and the relief that two of Equestria's greatest warriors standing between you is quickly dispelled as Anonymous removes his tattered prisoners garb to reveal the toned muscular build of one who has spent all his time in confinement performing both meditation and isometric training within a cramped cell can attain.
>He has only grown more powerful.
>Just as you are about to yell for them to flee, he seemingly teleports between the two and already has his hands atop their heads.

>>26699508
>With only a single finger on each hand, he scritches your guards behind their ears and they fall.
>Ever so slowly he closes the gap between you both.
>You flinch with each step and sink closer to the ground until you're completely on the floor and he has to kneel to maintain eye contact.
>"Where is she?" Is all he asks.
>You know who he means and as her sister, all you want is to protect her, but in the face of this evil you relent.
"T-the asylum. Please... spare me."
>His hand slowly gravitates towards your face with his finger pointed out.
>A mild trickle of fear runs down your hinds legs as you shut your eyes.
>Your nose scrunches as far back as it can but the boop never comes
>Instead his open hand sits up on your head and he gently pats you as you open your eyes again.
>An act that is no less mortifying as he essentially applauds you for abandoning Luna.
>"Good girl."
>With that, he rises and turns heel to begin walking out nonchalantly over the piles of ponies he just ruined.
>In all your thousands of years, no creature has made you feel this degree of fear quite like Anonymous.
>And as the effect of his touch radiates from where it started, your blush and the growing desire for more lets you understand just why Luna screams his name at night.
>That same night he made his way into the asylum and escaped with Luna.
>To this day neither one has been seen or heard from but the fact the she has returned to lowering the moon herself, let's you know that they're both out there somewhere.
"And she's hogging all the cuddles!" You yell in frustration.
>Tonight was a horrible night to have a curse in Equestria.

>>26699529
An idea I'm sure other's have written before but the thought was in my head all morning at work so I felt the need to write it out. Hope y'all enjoyed it.
Paste here: http://pastebin.com/ws2NMvGf

I've got another story I was working on a while ago but I might be reworking it so it reads easier since I'm trying to tell a story within a story. While I'm on the subject, do you guys have any good names for Celestia and Luna's parents? All I got so far is Galaxia/Gaia and Nebulon.

In other news, I've also joined the PC masterrace thanks to my tax return so this will double the chances that I'm sitting somewhere staring at a screen doing anything besides writing.

>>26699570
Frank and Mrs. Frank

>>26699529
Loved it Tex! Mao!

>>26698835
>>26698157
Goddamn I thought this was a blue board

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>>26700799
mods are asleep, post boops

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Hoovsies

Why do grown men want to fuck horses?

>>26701032
Who knows
Cats are better

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>>26698759
Yeah <3

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All this boop.

>>26699570
Good to see you again Tex.

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>>26701260

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>"Anon, what do you know about me?"
>What was that supposed to mean?
>You know Gilda better than anyone else in Equestria
"Well, for starters, I know that you are a scone baker from Griffonstone. You bailed out of there to Manehattan once you saved up enough money; a task made much easier when Pinkie Pie, a friend of Rainbow Dash, a long time friend with whom you had a temporary falling out, helped you with your baking method, making your scones significantly more poplular."
>You pause only long enough to take a breath
"I know that your two biggest passions are flying, particularly high speed flying which you first gained an interest in when some pegasi performers visited Griffonstone when you were a fledgling, prompting you to attend a pegasus flight school in Cloudsdale where you met and befriended Rainbow Dash. Your other passion is baking, though you don't like to admit it."
>You're begining to draw a crowd now
>Not just the standard 'oh look, a near bald bipedal monster' type crowd either
>But rubberneckers be damned, you were going to show your girlfriend and maybe one day waifu how much you cared
"I know that you're protective of your friends, sometimes overly so, but that's because you're so afraid of being alone."
>Bring it home big guy
"I know that you hope that one day, your name will be up there with Gustave le Grand as a famous baker."
>You kneel down and put a hand on her shoulder
"And I know that I would give anything to be there with you every step of the way."
>She leans into you hand and looks up at you with those loving golden eyes you treasure so much
>"You have no idea..."
>But then they turn sullen
>"how much I want to believe that, but I can't."

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>>26702444
>What
>You heart drops
>No, that now what she was supposed to say
>Did you miss something?
>It's not her birthday
>Oh God, is she..
>Is she breaking up with you?
>"I can't because if you had asked me that same question? If you had asked me what I knew about you? I'd have nothing."
>You feel her pull away from you hand
>"We've been dating for, what, 2 months? And known eachother for about 6, and I don't know a damn thing about you."
>You keep expecting to see anger in her eyes or hear it in her voice
>But it never comes
>"You know nearly everything about me because I trust you. Because I opened up to you. You know what I like, what I hate, what I'm afraid of, and I know that you, what? Wear clothes? Eat meat? Make dumb jokes at just the... just the right time..."
>A tear begins to form as she chokes on her words
>"It's like you don't want me to know you. Whenever I try to ask you about yourself you always dodge the question or brush it off."
>The words you want to say, words you know could help, get caught in your throat as you start to choke up.
>"But what I don't know doesn't get me nearly as bad as what I do know but you still won't tell me."
>You can feel the stares of the ponies gathered around you on the street burning holes in you
>"Like how whenever you cook for me, you get the biggest, doofiest smile when I say it's good, but if I ask you if you like cooking it's just 'something you can do'. Or you'll space out looking at a little colt with his parents and when I ask you if you miss your family you just 'try not to think about it' and it just ends there."

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>>26702452
>Jaw muscles visably tense as Gilda's sorrow gives way to frustration
>"Or when I wake up in the middle of the night and you're gone and I hear the most beautiful singing coming from outside so I go outside and find you on the roof and you lie to my face and tell me you were just looking for whoever was singing!"
>She knew?
"That's not-"
>"NO! Don't you fucking dare tell you that wasn't you! You think I haven't heard you humming when you think no one's listening? But, no, music's 'not really that important' to you!"
>She rears up on her paws, putting her talons on your shoulders
>They're digging into your skin, but that's not what hurts you
>It's her eyes
>So angry
>So sad
>So afraid
>"Please, Anon, talk to me. Tell me about your home or your passions or your family or just fucking whistle for me. Please."
>She buries her head in your chest
>"I'm tired of waking up next to a stranger."
>
>Say something
>Say anything
>
>GOD DAMN IT ANON SAY SOMETHING
>Dispite your despiration, or perhaps because of it, you stay silent
>Gilda lowers herself to the ground, head low and her eyes never seeing yours
>Her wings fold out, readying for flight
>"Goodbye, Anon."
>And just like that, she's gone

>>26702457
Should I keep going with it?

>>26702467
Dont stop I am interested.

>>26702467
one of the rules of writing is, you dont stop writing unless we beg you to stop, even if no one responds to your writing, there will always be someone reading

>>26702457

"G-GILDA! Wait I..."
>Her shape fades into Manehattan's airtraffic
>What feels like the weight of the world decends upon you head, dragging your gaze to the ground
>You feel a heat wash over your face as you notice the crowd your little scene drew
"The fuck are you looking at? GO!"
>The ponies need no further instruction and scatter, returning to their lives
>If only you could do the same

-------

>The next day you take a cab to her apartment building, praying to anyone listening that you can make this right
>Once you arrive, you look up to her window on the 3rd floor
>It's sealed tight
>Good, that means she's home
>It tends to jam if it's closed, so she always leaves it cracked if she goes out
>She can force it open from the inside, but she can't get any leverage if she's flying
>And God forbid she actually use the door
>Plucking a pebble from the street, you aim for the bell she hung for you outside the window after you accidentally broke it a few weeks back
>The stone finds its mark and the bell cries out for its mistress
"Gilda!"
>After a minute or so the window rattles open
>You don't see Gilda, though
>Another half minute passes before a voice comes from the window
>"If you're gonna talk, talk."
>Alright, she's at least willing to listen, that's something
"Gilda, come down. We can go get breakfast and talk this over. We can jus-"
>An irate voice cuts you off
>"You can't small talk this away, Anon. That's what got us here. You know what the problem is, you know how to fix it, and you know where to find me."
>Her sentence is punctuated by the window slamming shut
>Something tells you you'll not make much more progress today

captcha: GOOSE

>>26702658
fucking hell, it's 3 am. I'll write more tomorrow.

>>26702669
and he was never seen again.

>>26702942
Stole my comment, Anon.

>>26703436
Just like your waifu.

>>26704524
I said yes already dammit

>>26699260
Nice, pastebin?

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>>26704524
I still have a rash from the last time you asked.

Hey guys.
Making a porno game of Anon in Equestria.
Thinking of starting with Fluttershy.

How should it start?

>>26704524
>"Hey kid, wanna share a shower?"
"Why would I want to do that?"
>"Why would you? Why wouldn't you?! All the cool kids are doing it."
"I've never heard of anyone doing that."
>"And what does that say about your social status? Lucky your pal, the Dash, is here to fill you in on all things cool."
"I don't know. I think I should ask Twilight."
>"Don't ask Twilight, she's the biggest nerd there is! She'll have no idea."
"Sorry, but I'm gonna go."
>"Wait!"
>LATER
>"Hey, Rainbow Dash, wanna share a shower?"
>"Go home Scootaloo."

>>26705748
Somehow this is my favorite version of Rainbow Dash. Lusting after kidAnon and being real shit at seducing him.

>>26705748
Too bad Scootaloo can't get laid.

>>26702658
posting as I write

>Every day for the past week he's come to you
>Every day he rings that bell
>Every day you open your window
>Every day you hope against reason that he's changed
>Every day he makes excuses or tries to brush it all way
>Every day you want so badly to rush out into his arms, to just forget about all of this
>But every day you remember the hollow feeling that came with the pleasure and the warmth
>And every day you close your window as part of you wishes he'll open up to you tomorrow
>But another part wishes he'd just go for good
>There was a time when you took pride in not needing anyone
>You enjoyed seeing Dash
>You liked the little exchanges you had with regular customers
>But you didn't need them
>Come hell or high water you would hold stay strong
>The iron shell that guarded your heart truly buckled for none
>Now, though, your shield had been melted through by Anon's gentle smile
>And from the fissure poured out your heart and soul, for him to sweetly and softly massage into submission
>You thought you could go back to how it was
>That you could, once again, don your armor and brave the storm
>But it hurt
>Celestia help you it hurt
>You longed for his embrace to quell your fears and worries
>Unfortunately, you knew well that those days had ended
>Now all you could do was hope

>>26702942
>>26703436
and you two can eat a dick
together
and m-maybe kiss or something

>>26706535
You can bet on it.
Thanks for coming back.
It's nice to be wrong once and a while.

crosspostan
>Be Anon in Equestria
>Summoned by Trixie because she needed something to show off
>You trip over her magic gubbins and fuck her spell right up
>Magic penis shaped lasers shoot out from her magic runes and zap her pony butt
>She turns into a succubus pony
>The crowd claps politely
>Trixie is then arrested by the ponice for kidnapping you with her magic
>You are also arrested for being an illegal immigrant
>The crowd claps as you are taken away by the ponice

>>26706520
Y'know I'd typically tell people to proofread adn rewrite before posting but you seem to have a knack for writing, keep it up.

>Discord and Anon. Part 2 Sort of

>--------10am in Anon's bed--------

>The sun relentlessly penetrates your Fortress of Sleepitude.
>"Fucking celestia..."
>You can ignore the wretched sun no longer. You've failed me for the last time curtains.
>Feeling something soft next to you, you snuggle into it in the hopes it will help stave off the baleful influence of morning for a few more minutes.
>You crack an eye open.
>"Morning Dis-JESUS CHRIST!"
>Scrambling backwards you fall off your bed.
>You're fucking awake now. Hauling yourself off the floor you inspect the bed intruder.
>It's a plush Discord, a really creepy one, like carnival creepy. You feel you should burn the fucking thing before it comes alive and murders someone.
>Nope. Balls to feeling like, you are going to burn it. After breakfast.
>Now where the fuck is the real thing, looking around you find a note on your door.
>To Anon, blah blah blah I'm an egomaniac blah blah cadence, advice for second date blah blah blah back in three days. PS. You're fired as my advisor.
>Well there's fucking gratitude.
>Three days.
>You feel kind of bad he left before you woke up. But leaving a plush of himself was kind of cute.....
>Oh good god. Manliness levels at fucking critical. You need to do something about this.
>"There will be no faggotry in this relationship!" You announce to the empty room.
>Relationship. Fuck.
>You actually said that. You need to talk to someone about this.
>You thought you'd got a handle on this last night. Nope.
>You're freaking the fuck out again.
>Come on. Think. What would DadAnon say in a situation like this?
>'Are ya winnin son?'
>No dad I'm fucking not.
>Ok, you're calm and cool. Just talk to someone who's not like your dad and everything will be fine.
>First breakfast and then something to make yourself feel better.

>>26706663
>--------One hour later--------

>"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!"
>"NO ANON! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

>--------30 minutes later at Apple Acres--------

>You don't know why the fuck you came here.
>You're either going to get predictable countryisms or you know... lynched for being one of them there fagmosexuals.
>"Hey Applejack."
>"Well howdy there Anon, what can ah do fer ya?"
>"I need your advice"

>--------5 minutes later--------

>"Now ah might not rightly approve of Discord but ah don't see the problem Anon."
>"What do you mean you don't see the problem?"
>"Ah just don't see a problem."
>"I LET DISCORD FUCK ME IN THE ASS!"
>Applejack shoves a hoof over your mouth.
>"Dang it Anon, keep it down. I don't want Big Mac hearin'"
>"Appleja- Wait why not?"
>Applejack suddenly looks embarrassed.
>"I shouldn't say but..... I suppose you'd understand since you do it too."
>Do what too, where the hell is this going?
>"Me and Rarity we, ya know, fool around like fillies, and Big Mac doesn't approve of that sort of thing."
>Fucking hell.
>"Oooookay, but that's not really helpful to me."
>Applejack places a hoof on your thigh and looks at you like a mother would at a child who just said something innocent yet profoundly stupid.
>"Anon do you like Discord?"
>"Well yeah but I don't-"
>"Does he like you?"
>"Applejack he-"
>"Then there's nothin' wrong with y'all having a roll in the orchard."
>"Appleja-"
>"I gotta get back to work Anon, see y'all later."
>It seems this conversation is over. Stupid lesbian farmer and her free love hippie attitudes.
>You found out you're gay, lost your butt virginity and started dating Frankenstein's other monster all in the same night.
>You're flying blind and appledyke tells you nothing's wrong.

>>26706686
Anon's problem is he's not winning.
also more crossposting
>Be Anon in pony prison.
>Eating lunch.
>Forget that ponies really don't like it when you hug them without asking permission first.
>Hug one of the guards.
>The guard just sits there shivering and whimpering.
>Oh fuck, right.
>They kick you out of the prison.
>Now you're back to just being Anon in Equestria

>>26706686

>--------Later outside Marshmellow Central--------

>You're going to regret this. You know this but you're here anyway.
>But you don't have a choice. Rarity is sensitive enough that she won't blow you off with typical pony, happy go lucky cheeriness.
>And you're friends, well friends when she's not caught in the crossfire of your shenanigans.
>You head in anyway, with any luck the littlest marshmellow will be around so you can use her as a shield.
>"Welcome to Cara- Oh Anon. It's you."
>She's glaring at you. You don't need to be Emperor Palpatine to feel the anger there.
>"Have you come about the window?"
>"What window?"
>You learned shortly after arriving that everything in this world is terrible at lying and detecting lies.
>Ponies, gryphons, whatever. It doesn't matter.
>They're not too hot on detecting sarcasm either.
>Celestia and Luna can usually spot when you're bullshitting, Applejack too for some reason.
>But that's about it.
>"Nevermind about that dear. Now what brings you to my boutique?"
>She's still suspicious but that'll do for now.
>"Well I'm... I suppose you'd call it... I'm having special somepony troubles. And I could really use your advi-"
>She holds up a hoof to you.
>"Ah Ah Ah stop right there Anon. If we're going to talk about that kind of subject, we need to be in the right surroundings."
>You don't like the gleam in her eye when she said that. Last time you saw that look you ended up wearing highly questionable clothing.

http://pastebin.com/UfS2P9td

Also how would people feel about a story where Anon enters the Equestria Games as the sole citizen of the Glorious Republic of Anonistan

>>26706520
>It's just after dust when you finish stuffing your few belongings into a duffle bag
>You're not really one to hold on to things
>You make sure to keep gifts and things that have a clear and common use but that doesn't really amount to much
>A few sets of clothes, a tool kit, a couple of books mostly on magic and culture, a journal, a mage flame lighter, and a couple of novelties
>You take a look around the room to make sure that you haven't missed anything and step out the door
>Staying in Manehattan was never the plan
>You wanted to see this new world to which you had been whisked away
>You had walked from Canterlot, to Ponyville, to Baltimare, to the Badlands
>When you got to Manehattan, you figured you should stay a few days to see everything it had to offer
>but you hadn't counted on falling in love
>But you never really got around to that
>You had only been there 2 days when you met Gilda
>The sickly sweet attitude that most ponies held had grown tired
>This firecracker of a scone baker was a fantastic change of pace
>At first she was less than pleased that her temper and belligerence were met with amusement rather than fear
>But she warmed up to you pretty quickly
>For a while you just stayed buddies
>Comrades in a war against rainbows and sparkles
>As time went on, however, she began to really start talking to you
>Verbal sparing turned to confessions of anxiety
>Jokes turned to gentle complements
>Wry smirks turned to warm smiles
>Friendship turned to something more

>>26706628
that's sort of the catch about how I write
I'll write it right the first time around, but it takes me a 15 minutes to write 5 lines most of the time

>>26706745
do it.

>>26706745
Stick your dick in the judges!
That means yes.

>>26706745
He gon be bottom always?

>>26702669
Looking forward to it

>>26706828
>But now it's time to get moving again
>Since you can't...
>Since she won't...
>Because things are the way they are, there's not much keeping you here anymore
>You walk through the still busy streets, gaslights illuminating your path
>Eventually you see the same building you've stopped at every day for the past week and a half
>One last try
>That was all you had left in you
>You cast your stone
>The bell sings with the voice you wish you could summon for her
>One last time her window slides open for you
>Silence seems to bind the world around you but you know she's there
>You know she's listening
"Gilda?"
>...

>>26707285
"Gilda, I just stopped by to let you know that I'm leaving."
>A golden talon grips the bottom of the window to seal her from you forever
>But you've not given up yet
"Come with me."
>She pauses
"Come with me, Gilda. We'll go together. We'll see it all together, all of it. The Northern Mountains, the Rainbow Falls, the Everfree, the Crystal Empire, Canterlot, everything. Or we could just pick a direction and walk and see what we find or stow away on a train to wherever. I don't care, just come with me!"
>Your histrionics call the attention of passersby
"Or I could stay here! Just say the word and I'll stay! Even if it's just so that I can come here every day and talk through an open window, I'll do it! Just say it!"
>But as soon as your words stop, silence flows back into the space between you
"Gilda!"
>...
"Gilda, please, say something. Anything. Say something."
>The window decends, the curtain drawing on what feels like the final act of your life
"Wait, WAIT!"
>
>It couldn't be more than an inch
>The window stops just shy of closing leaving a sliver of hope through which for you to speak
>'You know what the problem is, you know how to fix it'
>It feels as though all of Manehattan is watching you
>Your mouth turns to desert
>Anxiety binds you voice
"Sss.."
>'Tell me about your home'
"Ssay..."
>'or your passions'
"Say s..."
>Calm down
>'or just fucking whistle'
>Breathe
>Now sing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVgixOjGhVU

>>26707294
not done yet, but that's all for now

>>26707294
Do the ponies around start singing along?

>>26707340
I feel like ponies know when that is and isn't appropriate

>>26707360
Fair enough

>>26707360
But comedy doesn't, do it anyway.

>>26705442
With a better pony than Fluttershy.

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>>26708257
damn, son.

>>26708257
impossibru

>>26705442
Give it choices to lead to various scenes and make >rape always a choice

>>26709444
Great idea!

>>26708257
but ma waifu...

Okay if you give a quick short story on how anon gets to equestria, meets your waifu, then eventually develop a relationship to have disgusting sex then I'll probably go with that.

>>26697709
Is that Digiorno?

>>26709859
sounds like a plan

crosspostan
>Be Queen Buggums.
>Your scouts have found a crashed alien spaceship with a strange biped inside.
>He had technology unlike anything Equestria has ever seen, nobuggy has a clue how any of it works.
>The alien has been taken to your hospital, where changelings in the finest labcoats you could find are poking him with medical sticks.
>Even in his weakened condition you can feel the swirling energies of his emotions, stronger than anything you've ever felt.
>You need to know more about him!
>He was clothed when the scout team found him, maybe you can find clues in what he wore?
>You go to the hive's sciency place, where strange unknown things are put for studying.
>Workers are dilligently staring at the exotic artifacts when you arrive, trying to learn their secrets.
"Bring me the things found with the alien, I muct learn more about it."
>"At once, my queen" a bespectacled drone replies.
>When they are brought to you you begin to science the artefacts, staring at them to learn their secrets.
>When you are taking a particularly close stare at one of the shinier objects your nose bumps into it.
>The object lights up, showing bizzare alien symbols.
>You stare at the symbols until they vanish, the object returning to sleep.
>Maybe it's lonely?
>You gently touch it again and it lights back up.
>The more you poke and rub at the glowing block the more things it shows you.
>Most of what it shows you is beyond your understanding, but by the time the sun comes up you have learned enough to transform into one of these aliens.
>It feels weird having bare skin and your teats on your chest, but you hold the form of an alien female so that you can make your guest feel comfortable.
>With those emotions you feel from it, even from the other side of the hive...
>Your hive needs this.
>You need this.

>>26712702
And I just fapped too.

>>26712702
ayylmaos gonna ayy
>Still be Queen Buggums.
>It's later now.
>The alien has woken up and you are on your way to meet him.
>It's hard to walk around on only two legs, so you're not transforming to an alien until you get to the hospital.
>You've never met an alien before.
>When you arrive at the hosptial you check in at the front desk and head down to the foreigner's ward, where foreigners are put when they break.
>The emotions are almost overwhelming and make your horn spark.
>Many of the nurses are crowding around the window to the alien's room, wanting to see the strange new thing.
>You also want to see the strange new thing.
>But you're the Queen so you can go in without the doctors shouting at you for crowding them.
>As you enter his room, you see that the alien is in the bed under a blanket.
>His tiny space-eyes are looking at you.
>Right! You meant to transfrom to make him more comfortable.
>A wave of magical fire flows over you and you change into a female alien again.
>The alien makes strange alien sounds, unlike any language you've ever heard.
"Hello. I am Queen Buggums, what is your name?"
>"[Beautiful alien noises]"
>This might be a problem.
>You're not sure you can actually pronunce that.
>He continues to speak in that entrancing yet incomprehensible alien language.
>You don't have a fucking clue what any of it means, but it's really quite pleasant to listen to.
"Can you speak Equestrian?"
>"[It's like your ears are vulvas and beautiful stallions are eating them out.]"
>You'll take that as a no.

>>26713304
Do it again

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>>26713699
keep going

>>26713699
>>26714415
Pls halp rite
>Buggums decides she doesn't like not being able to talk to the alien.
>Mail orders a magical translator.
>A week later a parcel arrives in the mail containing a golden horsecock of translation.
>She brings it to Anon.
>They talk a bit.
>Anon stays at the hive because these changelings seem okay.
>The hive is meanwhile having to cope with having too much emotions to eat due to Anon's being some sort of freaky emotion cannon or something.
>They don't have a fucking clue why Anon's emotions are so powerful, they're too busy trying to discharge the excess emotions.
>Getting zapped by emotional discharge lightning from other changeling's horns hurts, it seems.
>Meanwhile much work is being done.
>Changelings bring Anon's car back to the hive from where it got bogged.
>Much staring at Anon's stuff is done by changeling scientists.
>Changeling engineers begin work on replicating the technologies.
>Soon they have completed their first project.
>Queen Buggums now has a brand new and very comfy car seat as a throne.
>As time goes on more and more mysteries of Anon's stuff are unravelled.
>The hive brings forth a golden age of comfy to Equestria, conquering all in their path with their unstoppable comfort.
>No army can resist the urge to defect from their much less comfortable assignments and get to use the good furniture at the air-conditioned changeling POW camp.
>Queen Buggums now rules over all from her comfy throne, which has since been upgraded to be self-propelled using insights gained from the science-changelings.

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I like my horses like I like my steak.

Rare with ketchup

>>26714506
Buggums is a great name.
Like Apelien and horse pussy.

>>26714799
Need the Flutterzilla pic now

>>26714506
>No army can resist the urge to defect from their much less comfortable assignments and get to use the good furniture at the air-conditioned changeling POW camp.

>I don't know what's better, the comfy chairs or these magic-wave burritos.
>>MY favorite is the fart de-smellers!
*raises tail to reveal air freshener tied to dock, dangling over butthole*
>>*PPFFRRTTT**SNIFFF* It's like a gust of wind from a pine forest!

>>26715544
https://derpibooru.org/151100?scope=scpe1e3f1e8fbd851c5e6e9a17af1797462fc11c748b nevermind found it

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>"Look at this cool book I found, Anon!"

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>>26717232
>"You really must read this book once I'm done with it, Anonymous."

>>26717275
>>26717232
Ew nerd stuff

>>26717949
you love it

>>26718684
Of course not
yes

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>>26714415

>>26719824

>>26720302
Correct

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>>26717232
>>26717275

>>26720836
I feel like there's comedy porn potential here.

>>26721590
There's always potential for that.

>>26717232
>>26717275
Fap.

>>26706745
do it

>>26720836
Lewd.

I would like to join you

You fags need to write more shit
here's a crosspost
>>26723590
>Anon is inner Questria
>Ponies are also inner Questria
>One day Anon does not come out of his strange human house
>He does not buy breakfast at Sugarcube corner
>He does not stop by Twilight Sparkle's house to steal her groceries
>He does not throw a shoe at Rainbow Dash
>He does not leave his bag of garbage out for Fluttershy to feed to her animal friends
>Bonbon is not given her daily pat on the head for keeping the princesses out of his house
>Rarity does not see him at the bar
>All the ponies are very worried
>A national emergency is declared by the mayor
>Their Human is missing!
>This must be fixed.
>Without their human, who'll slip them the dick?
>The guardsponies search, close and far.
>Rarity chooses to search at the bar.
>A meeting is called, all ponies attend.
>A plan is concocted, this hunt it must end.
>"Our measures all failed, our minds have run dry. Our options are clear: Panic or die."
>Riots break out, fires are started.
>The crazy train has now departed.

crosspostan more because i LOVE you lazy fucks

>Be Purple spike-headed pony
>Spike isn't literally on your head, the spike previously referred to is your horn.
>Spike (the dragon) is over there on the couch.
>He doesn't have a horn, but he is purple.
>Well, parts of him are purple.
>You've gone off topic again, haven't you?
>The main point is you're horny.
>Well being a unicorn you suppose you're always technically horny.
>No no no, you're going off topic again.
>YOU WANT TO FUCK THE ALIEN.
>There, much more straightforward.
>You and spike have been planning how to actually manage this for a while now.
>Out of the forty-one plans you've come up with so far, one is a clear front-runner
>"Plan 12: Use the dark powers of /co/ to seduce him."
>You're going to shove him into a comic book and have spike alter reality around the two of you to nudge him towards you
>This has absolutely no chance of backfiring whatsoever.

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What happened to Dwarf Anon? Spoon Licker? Errant Tomb? Anonpencil? Fizzles? CYOA?
Magic School when?
These are dark times.

ded

>>26724091
Eaten by furries

>>26724091
I know Pencil is on some podcast tonight, you can probably ask her there.

>>26723752
It took me til the end to realize you were rhyming.

>>26725061
Pod...cast?

>>26723994
>SOMEHOW THE PLAN HAS BACKFIRED!
>Who knew Anonymous would want to be the villain?
>Now you two stand on opposing sides of justice, forever wanting but kept away by law
>This is like some gay ass Shakespear shit or something
>You, the batmane to his kittyfilly
>Spike was no help either
>One little hiccup in the plan and he's out of ideas
>Figured a dragon who lives to barf up scrolls could handle a hiccup
>Instead he just drew in a crudely shaped Rarity and told her to help you
>What you got was a large array of new costumes
>You'll never get to Lois that monkey's lane.

One day, anon asks as many ponies as he can
"I want to fuck a baby into your fart box"
Just to see the reactions he would get.

>>26724091

ded

>>26726601
Did you get better?

>>26717232
Is it a cookbook? I hope so as I still don't see my dinner.

This is a bump, right?

>>26728344
No

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>>26699260

>"I see the icon that means the camera is on."
>You clear your throat and ready your mic.
"We're here...in the beautiful Cervidan Planes, observing one of Equestria's most splendiforous creatures...The Red Bodied Ostrich!
>Zecora pans the camera over your shoulder and captures the Ostrich on film.
"A quiet people who scientists claim are JUST on the cusp achieving sentience on an evolutionary scale, the Red Bodied Ostrich is truly one of the rarer sights in Cervidas due to the Diamond dog poachers that infest the region's southern hemisphere."
>The Ostrich lifts its head up and looks at the camera with it's enormous eye.
"Poppet! Get a-
>"Worry not about the cam, for on this specimen, I already am."
>Great Nelson's Trousers, you loved that mare.
>The Ostrich walks over to the two of you, closing the distance with its long legs in seconds.
"By George!"
>No one had ever gotten footage this close to one before!
>Zecora pans the camera up to match the creatures height and the-
>*THOCK*
>"Gah!"
"Dearest!"
>The Ostrich rears back and strikes forward again, this time pecking Zecora on the shoulder.
>"Away from me you fowl bird! Return yourself back to your herd!" she cries.
>The bird doesn't let up and keeps pecking, Zecora backs off and breaks into a gallop to escape the rouge Ostrich.
"Hang on, Sweetums!"
>You run up and grab the tripod before taking off after the two.
>This would make GREAT footage on the Ostrich's defense tactics!

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>>26729740

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>>26707294

>>26730596
Classic.

>>26724091
Dark times? This thread used to have walls of green, this is beyond dark times.

>>26731471
I live
I die
I live again!

>>26731471
It's always sad when something like this dies down. People burn out or move on with their lives. They're no longer interested enough to create anything or they only had one story in them.

I still love you all and I'm glad to have shitposted beside you.

Typing away at green and wondered something aka, autism triggered. Was there ever a jukebox in the show?
I remember record players but not those.

>>26731996
Not that I can remember, but they do seem to have a weird mix of technology anyways.

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SPOONLICKER CHAPTER 26.5

Extended Summary: Anonymous is a child that no one can understand, not even Flutters. Twilight is put in charge of monitoring this strange creature, at first taking notes from afar but quickly forced to take a direct approach as certain ponies throw caution to the wind. Twilight’s discoveries bounce her opinion from awe to fear to sympathy as she learns more and more about Anonymous and herself. Never one to tackle a crises alone, all of her friends also play their part in trying to protect Ponyville and its newest resident.

Last Chapter: After finally finding the answer to her question, Twilight asks Pinkie Pie a series of questions in order confirm her decision one last time, as well as answer a few other questions about what makes Pinkie so Pinkie.

Last/ Current Chapter Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/BdDy3jC6
(Continued on line 129. You can also look for the break.)

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>>26732285

“I mean, I know you will do anything for your friends and family, but we are all aware Anonymous is something completely new. I told you they are not a pet but I also told you that they were a wild animal, and yet…well, I do not want to influence your answer so, please, tell me based on what you think it means. Truthfully.”
>Still unsure, she places a tender hoof against her chest and looks down at her heart.
>”I guess it is like how when you cook for others you give it your best because you do not want to disappoint them. You want to see them happy; you want to know they liked what you made because even though everybody’s taste is different every failure is personal. But for those close to you, you want to make something extra special because you love them so much and are willing to try something new because you know they will still be there for you.
>And then there is that one peculiar stranger. The one you know nothing about and have never seen before so you have no reason to consider them as anything more than a potential friend, but something stands out. Something about them just feels sad, like life has stacked everything against them and shoved them into being an underdog. And you know, you just know, even though it should all be in your head. Then you find yourself rooting for them and wishing there was some way you could help, but it seems impossible.
>Still you try. Even while telling yourself that you are powerless against their nightmare you reach for the stranger and you become invested before even hearing their name.”
>Slowly she lifts her head to meet yours while her hoof remains at her heart.
>”I didn’t feed Anonymous because I thought they were some sort of pet, in fact I never even considered them an animal at all. I feed them because it was the only way I could think of to help.”

>You match her gaze with a gentle smile matched with peaceful eyes.
>She will be a great substitute.

(01/11)

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>>26732290

“Thanks for telling me that, Pinkie. I had no idea you felt that way.”
>Lowering her hoof she selects a more neutral posture.
>”Sorry that was the best I could describe it. It is really hard to put into words.”
“You did just fine, and I think I know how you can help the most.”
>As she stands there like a mellow lump of pudding you let out a final relaxing breath, clearing your head and strengthening your figure.
>Your voice beams with pride and authority as you addresses the one you have chosen to honor.
“Which brings me to why I called you in here.”
>Pinkie’s ears go alert, shooting up and swiveling to take in the serious tone. Her joints straighten, raising her to full height, and her tail goes rigid as if told to be on its best behavior though her mane wobbles with the curious turn of her head.
“Pinkie Pie. Would you be willing to take care of Anonymous?”

>”Do you mean like for a day?”
“I mean until we find Anon’s parents. It could be tomorrow or it could be a few years. I am asking if you would be willing to become Anonymous’ primary caretaker; the one to feed, shelter, and watch over them until we can send them home. Anonymous will become your responsibility; coming to rely on you; requiring you to always be there no matter how tired, busy or angry you may be. In exchange you will have the final say in almost—in ALL future decisions.”
>That mischievous puffy tail hanging stiffly from her backside tugs against the yoke.
>”In other words, you are asking me…”
“Will you adopt Anonymous?”

>The rogue tail breaks free and points skyward while the released tension produces an oscillating twang.
>Her cheeks grow and grow exposing her pearly whites and scrunching the corners of her vibrant aqua eyes.
>A deep whale sized breath inhales gallons of oxygen and you prep yourself for the outburst.

(02/11)

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>>26732294

>However, the inflated pink balloon instead shrinks to regular size and she heavily drops her rear onto the floor.
>”Hmmmm. That’s a pretty serious request.
> Feeding Anonymous isn’t much of a problem, I’m pretty much doing that already; hee hee. I’m sure Gummy would love the extra company and I can eventually squeeze another bed in my room. Until then Anonymous could sleep with me, but then there is the shop…“
>Rather than instantly accepting she is giving the situation the consideration it deserves, which is good, but it also means—
>”I need to ask Mr. and Mrs. Cake.”
“Right.”

>Mr. and Mrs. Cake, the two who may very well say no. They have plenty of reason to, and you cannot just ask Pinkie to get her own place.
>Even though Fluttershy is readily available as your runner up the coin in the barn revealed your preference for Pinkie and all that she brings.
>Still it is important that she asks them and you knew this was coming.
“If they say it is okay will you accept?”
>”Absolutely!”

>Streamers practically explode out of her ears from her sudden pop of energy.
>”I’ll go ask them right now!”
>Before you can utter another word she winds up for a run and rockets off.
>It is out of your hooves now.

>Returning to the kitchen, you hope to settle your nerves with some of that breakfast. What greets you is a very empty table with only Fluttershy, Spike and Anonymous remaining, each tackling their pancake mountain.
“Where did everybody go?”
>Fluttershy nibbles at her food avoiding eye contact with you while Anonymous briefly looks at you then goes back to eating. Spike forks in one more large bite, disregarding table manners and replying with a full mouth of food.
>”Applejack and them decided it was best to leave around when Pinkie started singing.”
“You could hear us?”
>”Well, duh. It’s not exactly the thickest door, and you can get kind of loud.”

(03/11)

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>>26732302

“I’m not loud. And what did I tell you about talking with your mouth full?”
>Spike quickly covers his mouth and swallows the rest down.
“Wait, how much did you hear?”
>”Not much, promise. We totally didn’t hear you ask Pinkie to look after Anonymous. Oops.”
>Nuts, you were being loud.
>You wanted to progress with your plan through stages, but that means Fluttershy heard already. And if she heard already…
“Fluttershy.”
>She raises her eyes then drops them back down.
>”Yeah?”
“I know you were probably expecting to be the one to care for Anonymous, especially after I asked you to watch them when I went into town, and I can assure you it was a very hard decision to make. Your skills with animals and foals cannot be understated, and you have been amazing with Anonymous. You helped both Anonymous and I at several crucial moments, and I do not even want to think about what might have happened if you were not around.

It was a very close call between you and Pinkie, and the reason I asked Pinkie first is because she lives in town allowing me to be nearby. Not only that, but there is a very real chance she may have to say no. Even if she does say yes I have absolutely no intention of cutting you out of the picture. On the contrary, I want you to be there the whole way. There is no doubt in my mind that despite only being with Anonymous for a few days you have made a lasting impact that they will carry with them throughout the rest of their life, and I would NEVER try to take that away.

So Fluttershy, I want to ask you: would you be willing to adopt Anonymous?”

>Daintily turning her head, she gazes at the puffy checked hominid that would be her burden. Soft empathetic eyes caress the child while her neutral expression lingers in true Fluttershy fashion.
>You know your friend, and you know her penchant for second guessing herself rivals your own.

(04/11)

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>>26732309

>Anonymous takes notice of her and stops chewing offering a deadpan stare in return. They then force the food down and give a hollow smile.
>Fluttershy responds with her own genuine yet delicate smile.
>”Of course.”
>Anon’s face warms at the display giving a hint of life to the fake expression, though it does not last long. Once again they withdraw from the scene poking the pancake with their fork.

>Your lips involuntarily mimic Fluttershy’s. Your backup plan is secure, and although brief you have just witnessed proof of Anonymous’ mending.
>Content in the knowledge, you tend to your own breakfast.
>With basic cookery knowledge you turn batter into pancake and eye the array of fixings.
>You know what, you deserve a treat.
>Syrup and whipped cream creates a thin surface layer which soon seats mounds of assorted berries. However, when you go to take your first bite two questioning faces stick to you.
>Regardless, you remain persistent and levitate the forked morsel into your mouth; not that it would stop Spike.
>”So, uh, what’s the plan today?”
>Taste buds tickle with sweet fruit juices gushing atop thick maplely waves cushioned by the sugary cream fluff; the warmth from the pancake base making everything go down smooth.
>It takes a few licks to clear the stickiness from the roof of your mouth.
“Wait until Pinkie gets back I guess. Once I know her final answer we can go from there.”
>So many words, so little time for pancakes.
*chomp*
>Fluttershy chooses that exact moment to ask her question. It is as if they were doing this to you on purpose.
>”Do you think it could really be years until Anonymous can be reunited with their family?”
“I hopf not,” you mutter before swallowing, “but so much of Anonymous is unknown that we have to consider it.”
>Her face concedes in pity while said hominid actively ignores the use of its name.
“I hate unknowns.” You mumble before taking a significantly less enthusiastic bite.

(05/11)

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>>26732320

>Spike instantly piggybacks on the question.
>”You said there were some clues on where they live right? “
“Well, yes. Anonymous did draw some pictures and from observing their habits they likely prefer a warm climate and must live near some source of water, but since no one else has seen a hominid before I can’t think of where that must be.”
>”Why don’t I take a look? A second pair of eyes never hurt, and not to brag but I was a pretty important dragon back in Canterlot you know. Professor Ranke and I talked to visitors from all over the world while you were at school.”
>Important he says. However, he does have a point and he was in fact quite the mingler.

>Armed with a second forkful, you point to the living room.
“The drawings are on the table, but you should ask Anonymous first.”
>Spike grabs Anon’s hand and pulls them from the chair causing Anon to awake from their stupor with a look of utter surprise; their plate also left on the table.
>”You gotta show me what your home looks like. Maybe I’ve heard about it.”
>A low groan escapes the confused biped as they both disappear into the other room.
“Don’t just leave your plates— aw forget it.“
>A yellow muzzle clutches one of the abandoned dishes.
>”That’s hokay, ow’ll cwean up.”
>You snort and grab the others with your magic.
>Like candy you were going to have her do all the work.

>After returning the kitchen to its pre-Pinkie condition, you and Fluttershy join Spike and Anonymous.
>Green claw points from the drawn buildings to the hominems along with cheerful banter.
>”You guys sure have a lot of variety huh; kind of like us. You’d think buildings going all the way up into the sky would be easy to see. From my understanding only minotaurs, donkeys and ponies build that tall. Hmmm.”

(06/11)

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>>26732327

>With two quick knocks against the table Spike grabs Anon’s full attention. First pointing to Anonymous, Spike then points to the house with the three homiems in front of it, swings an arm high in the air, and finally uses both a nod and shake of his head.
>[You]; [House]; [Tall]; [Yes] [No]
>Anonymous springs into action, banging their fists together, patting their chest, pointing to the house and exploding their arms out over their head like a wave.
>[Yes]; [Yes]. [My]; [House]; [Huge]
>Spike finds himself a crayon and adds his own doodles.
>[You]; [See]; [Minotaur]; [Yes] [No]
>[No] [No]
>[You]; [See]; [Donkey]; [Yes] [No]
>[Yes]
>”Alright, we’re getting somewhere.”

>Anonymous is the liveliest you have ever seen and Spike equally shares in the enthusiasm.
>You watch the exchange with your own coy smile.
>He is your little brother after-all.
>His methods follow yours and he is giddily drinking in the success. Unfortunately, you know how this is going to end.
>Anonymous apparently knows of many species as you found out with the science book, but none of them know of any hominems.
>And giant buildings WOULD be hard to miss.
>Despite all of the evidence things just don’t add up.

>”I think I have a few ideas where Anonymous might live, Twilight.”
>You forcefully hold your smile in place although a close eye would surely notice the fading brightness.
“Keep going.”
>”Right. Next question.”
>[You]; [House]; [Grassland]; [Yes] [No]
>[Yes]
>[You]; [House]; [Water]; [Yes] [No]
>[Yes]; [My]; [House]; [Small] [Water]. [No]; [My]; [House]; [Big] [Water]
>”No sea or ocean huh?”
>[You]; [See]; [Deer]; [Yes] [No]
>[Yes]
>”It has to be near White Tail Woods. I’m sure of it.”
“The deer know that area like the back of their hoof. They would have surely known about the hominems and Anonymous has already stated that they are not a Leshy.”
>”Maybe one of them is lying?”

(07/11)

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>>26732338

“It is possible, but what about the lack of any sort of buildings outside the forest?”
>A soft yet certain voice enters the fray.
>”I can promise you that Anonymous is not a Leshy. Leshiye are forest spirits who hate leaving their homes, and they commune with every woodland creature. We would all be able to understand them if that was the case.”
>”Maybe they, um…shoot.”

>Anonymous catches onto Spike’s outburst; their wanting eyes turning desperate and enthusiastic smile falling fast.
>Spike swiftly props up an optimistic exterior and holds up a single one of his claws.
>”Just a little hiccup, that’s all. Give me one minute.”
>He examines the pictures again, his brow wiggling with every thought. You keep quiet knowing full well how annoying any distraction can be when wearing THAT look.
>Anonymous shows the same patience, granting Spike his request without a peep.
>However, as each extra minute ticks by the ends of that smile pull farther and farther down, and those excited eyes become heavy.
>Fluttershy gives an exceedingly growing amount of comforting ‘Shhhs’ until…
>Tears burst forth, a loud wailing noise clogs the room, and all of you rattle in shock.
>Fluttershy practically body checks Spike out of the way in order to wrap around Anonymous.
>”There, there. We’re looking for your family really hard.”

>Anonymous simply stands there crying, unaffected by the warm fluffy yellow that surrounds them.
>Spike recovers from his forced trip to the floor and he raises a claw while opening his mouth to speak, but something about the wall of Fluttershy keeps him quiet and his claw returns to his side.
>You merely give an internal sigh. Until you find a lead this is going to become a regular thing.
>Your aloof remark barely has time to register as you catch sight of Spike.

(08/11)

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>>26732345

>His shoulders slump forward bringing his head along with them. His arms hang idle at his side and his green crowning fin sat limp atop his head like a wet toupee.
“Maybe we should give Anon some space.”
>Acting quickly, you snatch a few choice pictures and books in your magic then pull Spike into the kitchen.
>Setting things onto the table, you cast a silence bubble muffling the noise.
“Well that could have gone better.”
>Spike doesn’t take the bait.
“Cheer up, you were making good progress.”
>”It sure doesn’t feel that way. We’re back to square one, and all I did was make Anonymous cry.”
“So you got a little caught up your research and forgot who it was affecting. Everypony knows I’ve been there.”
>”Several times.”
>Smart aleck.
“Plus, at this stage practically anything would cause Anonymous to cry. Need I remind you of a certain somebody who ran away from home –twice-?”
>”That first time was totally justified.”
“BUT, just because we are in here while Fluttershy is with Anon doesn’t mean we don’t have our own part to play.”
>The papers ruffle as you straighten out the various drawings and splay the maps across the table.
“There’s a puzzle to solve and a small hominem to get home, so let’s do what we do best!”
>Spike wastes no time jumping into a chair to join you.
>”Okay!”
>He cracks open a book diving right in. You are all too happy to follow; you and your study buddy like two peas in a pod.
>Sticking to his original hypothesis, he combs over the area around White Tail Woods while you focus on perhaps other continents.
>Despite the uncertainties you do have your hunches, as well as a few other ‘facts’.
>Warm, open with nearby trees and ‘small water’.
>Not the most comprehensive of lists, but you have worked with less. Successfully, you might add.

(09/11)

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>>26732351

>As morning ticks by two sets of eyes travel the littered deskscape leaping from one item to another leaving faint ‘hmmm’s in their wake; the journey of investigation casting a light haze over the anxious minds.
>Taking a moment to recollect yourself before the next foray, your gaze settles on your good-hearted partner.
>Spike stands on his chair to get the best vantage point, hovering over his collection of maps, diligently studying them like a little general.
>Similar to how he was when helping you research Nightmare Moon, a cure for poison joke, or anything else you freaked out enough for him to deem important.
>Such a smart boy when not panicking about his place in the world. You could use some of his common sense.
>And he could definitely use some of your self-confidence. He sure talks a big game when it is you doing the worrying, but he never seems to apply those words to himself.
“Any luck Commander Scales?”

>His vision stays glued on the map; his posture unchanged by the interruption.
>”I still say White Tail Woods is the best bet. It would make so much sense. It is close to us, trains run through which would explain seeing the occasional zebra and donkey, there are trees mountains lakes and ponds around, and there is a lot we do not know about it. I got nothing for the missing buildings, though.”
“I think it may also be a bit too cold for Anonymous.”
>”The weather isn’t much different than here.”
“Right, and Anonymous is always in that blanket.”
>”Ah.”
“But you may be on to something. I’ll ask the guard if some of them can check it out.”
>He finally lifts his head to meet yours.
>”Also, I was wondering…notice how Anonymous drew the pictures of the past few days? They look kind of like a comic book. Maybe they would like to read some of mine? Even if Anonymous can’t read, the great thing about comic books is that the characters are so animated that you can tell what is going on anyway.”

(10/11)

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>>26732357

“That’s a great idea. I was considering starting Anon with popup books myself.”
>”Popup books? Really, Twilight?”
“What?”
>He sighs and rubs his head.
>”You’re lucky to have me. Stay here, I’ll be back in a jiffy. And no baby books.”
>Hopping down from his chair he goes for the living room but swiftly turns around.
>”Actually, think I’ll go out the back.”
>Silly dragon.

(11/11)

Done.

>>26732366
WHOOO!

Shit I forgot what's happening in this story and have to read the pastebin.

WHOOO!

>>26732366
Welcome back butthole.
You should talk more in the threads, i missed you

>>26732156
Fuck it, they have them now.
>>26732366
Mah african american

>>26732876
Works for me man.

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>>26732366
FUCK YEAH

crossposting
>Be Anon in Equestria.
>Poof.
>You have suddenly turned into a pony succubus for no apparent reason.
>You check to see if you still have a dick.
>You do, but it's an innie now.
"What can sucubusseseses do? Can i shoot lasers and shit?"
>You try to shoot lasers and shit
>You only succeed at one of those, and now have to clean the floor.
>After half an hour of cleaning up after your own filthy self, you go back to seeing if you have superpowers.
>You don't figure out how to use any, but at least this time you don't poop on the floor.
>Since this "Figuring it out yourself" stuff doesn't seem to be working, you go to the wisest and cleverest pony you know.
>Actually scratch that, you go to ask that donkey woman that lives on the edge of town.
>She tells you that you now need to eat cum because that's apparently something that succubus ponies do.
>She then takes you down to the town library to get some books about demons.
>Normally the townsponies would freak out about having some demon in town, but everyone trusts Matilda.
>So they just look at you with curiosity.
>When you reach the library you find Twilight sparkle reading books about summoning demons
>"Hi Matilda, could you and your succubus friend help me out? I'm having trouble with this demon-summoning spell"
"Goddamnit Twilight."

>>26732951
>>You only succeed at one of those, and now have to clean the floor.

That is funnier than it has any right to be.

>>26732285
FUCK YEAH SPOONLICKER!
>>26732366
I liked this chapter.

>>26732951
Isn't a male succubus called an Incubus?

>>26733061
Anon has a candyvag now, Anon.
Also a marely general shape.
FUTA FUNTIMES HO!

>>26733061
Yes.
>>26733066
This answers my next question.

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>>26733066
>Futa
Still gay

>>26733082
Doesn't matter. Impregnated her pony pussy anyway.

>>26733082
Is this your way of asking for a sex scene with anon and a dude pony?

>Be Anon, now a Succubus in Equestria.
>You're hungry.
>Go eat lunch.
>Still hungry, as if you didn't eat anything.
>You keep stuffing your face
>You can no longer force the food down your throat, it's backed up.
>Go to see Twilight and Matilda again.
>They tell you that regular food doesn't work for succubusses.
>You apparently have to either have sex or consume sexual fluids instead now.
>Matilda suggests Big Mac, and promises to look into finding more ponies to feed from.
>You go to the apple farm.
>You have lots of sex with Big Mac.
>You tried to just suck him off, but you already blocked your throat with your failed attempt at eating.
>He penetrates your anus with his big meaty throbbing horsecock.
>When he cums inside you you feel the hunger subside.
>Also your balls touched his many times during your sex with him
>So that was lunch, huh?

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>>26733175
Nope

>>26733262
Sorry I couldn't find it in my reaction images so I had to google it.

>>26733287
Fine

>>26733287
You should still feel shame for that.

>>26733124
>tfw no crazy demon pone obsessed with anon after first contact

>>26732366
Prime example of being too smart for your own good. We would have jumped to aliens by now.

>>26732395
That's a long read. Good luck friend.

>>26732478
Good to be back.
Maybe I should.

>>26732876
Yo dawg. <3

>>26732906
HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

>>26733026
HOW ARE YOU ALSO STILL ALIVE?

>>26734259
Twilight HATES the idea of admitting Rainbow might be right.

A gift for 8th-sin. Because he's written a fucklot of Moonie stories for us over the years.


>You stare fixedly at the tiny dark filly across from you completely at a loss for anything to say. She stares back in silence as well. This impromptu stare-off has been going on for several minutes now, and shows no sign of stopping.

>What were you thinking, volunteering to babysit this little…night creature. Sure, she’s cute enough, but that’s hardly enough reason for you to just up and offer a babysitting gig. Your maternal instincts aren’t that strong to begin with, and you’ve never been an expert in kids, especially little girls. Surely, fillies can’t be any easier. And yes her dad…guardian…whatever the hell he is looks pretty hot. And..ok, he’s the only other human here. But still. What were you even doing?

>Moonie glares at you, appearing to think hard about your mere existence, and you think the same of her. I mean…she’s a tiny nightmare. And she’s…lovable? How does that even happen? Isn’t she pure evil?

>Why did you do this to yourself.

>After a few more tense moments, you sit back and blink, shaking your head to try to wipe away some of your lingering self-doubt. The filly suddenly grins triumphantly and lets out a short sharp laugh.

“Hah!”

“What?”

“I win.”

“…we weren’t competing.”

“Well I was, and you lost. Bow down to your victor!”

>Oh my god.

>You count to ten as you breathe in slowly, and then ten once more as you breathe out. This isn’t going to be easy, but you’re sure you can manage it. It’s just one filly, how hard could it be?

“So kiddo,” you say, trying to lighten the mood with a smile and the nickname your mom used to call you. “You hungry?”

>The filly nods emphatically.

“Yes, your queen needs sustenance!”

(1/?)

>>26735222

“Well, we’ve got mashed potatoes, and I can make macaroni and cheese if you…”

>But Moonie is already shaking her head. Great, let me guess…the kid’s a picky eater, right?

“Cookies are the only thing that will do.”

“I’m pretty sure Anon doesn’t want you just eating cookies for dinner.”

“Of course he does! He want’s what’s best for me and what’s best for me is cookies.”

“Well, I haven’t got any, so what’s your second option?”

>Her face contorts in a sneer of distaste and annoyance. She looks exactly like a haughty queen sneering down at her subordinates.

“No cookies? Did…Anon send me here to punish me?”

>You sigh and massage one of your temples with your thumb.

“No, he just has a few serious matters to attend to tonight, you know that. You’ll just have to make do with the food us plebs eat, ok?”

>She eyes you warily, obviously unconvinced of your motives. You roll your eyes and again ask yourself why you did this.

“Would it help if I made the mashed potatoes into the shape of a pony or dragon or little man or something?”

>You watch as she squints at you once more, weighing the decision carefully. Please, for the love of god, let this be enough. It’s about the only bargaining chip you have to offer. After a moment she gives a decisive nod.

“Yes, that will do slave. Onward to the potatoes!”

“I’m not your slave, I’m your babysitter.”

>She shrugs, and makes a second motion with one hoof in a Heil Celestia sort of gesture towards the kitchen. Another royal decree.

“Same thing. Cary me sla-I mean babysitter.”

>She pauses, and suddenly looks quizzical.

“But wait…I’m not a baby. I’m a filly.”

“Same thing,” you retort back, imitating her.

>She glares at you. Real mature, you know, but hey maybe it’s best to get on her weird, equine, megalomaniac level or something.

“Fine. Then carry me, whatever you are. Your place is still to serve me.”

(2/?)

>>26735251

>You let out another sigh and host the squirming little beast into your arms before going into the kitchen to serve her a meager dinner. She gives you additional orders on how to walk, talk, and serve her all the while. Welp, you can tell tonight is just going to be oodles of fun.

——

>You watch as Moonie continues to play with her food. And by play, you mean call her mashed potato ponies you so artfully made ‘peasants’ and ‘unloyal citizens’ before smashing them into spattering piles of slimy white, cackling in gleeful laughter all the while. You’ve already resigned yourself to having to clean your entire kitchen once she’s finished, so now it’s just a matter of waiting until she satisfies her potato bloodlust and remembers you exist again.

>Still, somehow you feel compelled to try to speak to her. I mean, that’s what babysitters do, right? They actually interact with the kids they’re watching after? You don’t remember what any of your babysitters were like when you were a little girl, but you’re pretty sure that’s how it worked at least. You wait until she’s smashing one particular potato pony (she calls it a ‘pathetic whelp’) before you clear your throat to get her attention. She glances up from her mangled dinner and squints at you again.

“Oh, it’s you,” she says simply.

>And who else would it be exactly?

“Yep,” you say, doing your best to smile. “How’s the grub?”

>She glances from you, to it, then back again.

“It is adequate,” she says begrudgingly. “I like how you made some of them unicorns.”

>You did something right. Awesome. Good. You can so do this, keep it rolling, keep being a good babysitter.

“Well that’s good. So…um…”

“Do you like Anon?”

>Ok, well that didn’t last long.

“Th-that’s not really a subject for us to be talking about,” you stutter out. “That’s a very personal question.”

(3/?)

>>26735265

“I know, and you’re a person. Anon is my person. So of course it’s personal. So tell me, ya think he’s cute or something?”

>Of all the impertinent little… You force a smile again and try to give the filly a look of kindness and warmth. She just continues to eye you suspiciously.

“It’s not like that,” you say gently. “And besides, why would you even care if I did think he was attractive? Not that I do or anything.”

>Real smooth. Yep. You’re sure that was nonchalant as hell, not at so awkward that even a baby frickin horse would notice your unease. Sure enough she gives you a leering, knowing smile.

“Because anyone who wants to get at Anon has to go through me first,” she says darkly. “So if I don’t like you and you try to move in on my Anon, I’ll curse you for all eternity, or send you to the moon or…or…”

“Or what?” you say, suddenly smiling as well as she finds herself at a loss for words. “You’ll put me in stuffed animal jail? Tell on me to your first in command or something?”

“Sir Bearington would eat you alive.”

“I’m so sure.”

“Besides, I could always just cry and tell Anon that you were mean to me and called me names and punished me for no reason,” she lowers her brows at you and her voice suddenly sounds much more adult and sinister than before. “I might even say you smacked me one good or something.”

>You sit back from the table a little, both impressed and a little horrified. She’s conniving and manipulative, you’ll give her that. Who even cares if that would work, you’re just shocked she’d go to such extreme methods so quickly.

“Damn kiddo, you play hardball,” you say appreciatively.

“…What’s damn?”

>Oh…dear lord no. You just swore in front of the kid. You never took any babysitting or childrearing courses, but you’re pretty sure swearing openly in front of the child you’re babysitting is a huge no-no.

(4/?)

>>26735296

>You put both your hands over your face and quietly groan into your palms.

“Well shit,” you grumble softly.

“What’s shit?”

>Apparently not softly enough.

“It’s nothing, you say quickly. “It’s just a dumb word that you shouldn’t say, forget about it.”

“Then why’s your face turning all red?”

“It’s not,” you say, knowing damn well that the additional lie you just told will only make your face redder.

“Yes it is, I’m watching it change colors right now.”

“I swear, it’s absolutely nothing, just forget I said anything.”

>For a moment, she goes silent, and you think that you’ve finally won one. Then, a slow, dastardly, creeping smile begins to spread across her face.

“Damn!” she announces cheerfully.

>You wince. Well, this sure isn’t good.

“Moonie…”

“Shit!” she says proudly.

“Moonie stop.”

“Damn shit!”

“Moonie, I said-“

“Shit damn!”

>She’s obviously loving how much you’re protesting to her using this kind of language. As if to prove this point, she begins to break out into a sing song chant of ‘shits’ and ‘damns,’ even as you try once more to protest.

>You’re a terrible babysitter.

>Ok, enough is enough. You silently rise from the table and walk to the other side where the chanting, grinning filly is sitting, smashing her hooves into what was once beautiful mashed potato sculpture ponies. Without a word, you lift her out of her seat and into the air, your arms fully extended away from your body.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Put me down, peasant!”

“Nope.”

“Your queen commands you to set me down this instant!”

“It’s bed time.”

>She curls in your hands at the phrase, like you’ve just sent an electrical shock through her body. You can’t help but smile at how genuinely emotionally wounded she looks.

“B-but it’s not even midnight yet! I am the queen of the night!”

“Not tonight you’re not.”

(5/?)

>>26735313

“I-I’ll tell Anon…”

“You go right ahead, Kiddo. Do whatever you think is right for your kingdom.”

>She glowers at you, hooves crossed in front, as you make your way to the guest bedroom where you’ve prepared an area for her to sleep. She pouts out her lower lip at you, but you’re immune to the puppy dog look. You used to pull that stuff when you were a kid, there’s no way you’re falling for it from some tiny horse. Even if she is kinda cute.

>Moonie sits in silence for the remainder of the journey to the bedroom, sulking all the while.

——

>It’s been almost half an hour before you hear from Moonie again. You’re just sitting down to read one of those idiotic fashion magazines Rarity gave to you, when you hear a call from the guest bedroom.

“Slave?”

“I’m not your slave,” you call back, not putting down your magazine or getting up.

“…Fine, Babysitter then,” she says after a moment. “I request your presence in my sleeping chamber.”

>What in the hell is it now? Just when you thought you were going to get some real peace and quiet. With a resigned sigh, you rise from your comfy chair and trudge over to the bedroom. You turn on the light so you can see her, and are surprised and a little pleased to find that she’s at least stayed in the little four-poster bed. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

“What is it? Something the matter?” you ask, trying on that forced smile again.

>She straightens up a little in bed, probably trying to look more regal, despite the cute space ship and planet blank you gave her to sleep under.

“I demand…er…I would like a glass of water.”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Now?”

“…it’s please.”

“Why yes, I would be pleased if you would bring me water. Carry on sl…er, babysitter.”

>It’s a simple request. And she at least made an effort not to call you a slave this time. It’s a start. You shrug and nod.

“Ok, sure. Be right back.”

(6/?)

>>26735342

>She lights up, and you think you see her giggling as you turn to go. Not sure why the kid is so excited about getting water, but whatever. At least she’s happy for a change. You head to the kitchen and get here a large glass of water. Maybe if it’s big, she won’t bug you for more the rest of the evening. You quietly congratulate yourself on being so smart.

>When you return, she gives you this wondering look full of gratitude and wonderment. For a brief moment, you kind of feel like here hero somehow. Like this water was all she needed in life, and you finally provided. Scratch what you said before, you’re an awesome babysitter!

“Here,” you say as you hand it over. “Hope you’re thirsty.”

>Yes. A joke. Perfect, that’ll cement your awesomeness. She smiles a little wider.

“Oh, but I am. Thank you, you may go now.”

>You’re so pleased with yourself that you don’t even mind that she’s shooing you away like some sort of stray animal. You simply back out of the room and shut the door, leaving it open just barely a crack so that the hall light can shine in. You remember being a little afraid of the dark at her age. Er…at least what you assume is her age. She could be like a thousand years old or something, you’re not sure.

>You’re only just beginning to settle down into your chair again when you hear some sort of scuffling from down the hall. You freeze, concerned, and listen, but it stops only a moment later. That little filly better be in bed or-

“Hey…uh…babysitter lady!”

>Christ, what now.

“Yeah Moonie,” you call, any appreciation for the little beast quickly leaving you.

“C-could you come in here? I require your presence.”

>You let out a slow sigh and stand back up. So much for relaxing reading time, but you suppose this is what babysitters are supposed to do. You signed up for it, you’ve got to do it.

(7/?)

>>26735359

>You go down the hall to the door which still stands open just a crack, and you think you can hear Moonie making soft noises inside. It sounds…almost like sobbing. You feel your stomach sink. Is she missing her dad? Is she lonely or scared of the dark like you thought? Poor little thing, all by herself in here. Maybe you’ve been too mean to her after all. Maybe she’s not so bad and you’re just being a jerk.

>You swallow your pride and push open the door.

“Heya kiddo, what’s-”

>Anything you were about to say falls silent in your throat as you’re greeted by a sudden onslaught of cold water.

>At first, you want to shriek at the simple surprise of it all. You flail your arms, fighting back against some unseen enemy, your eyes shut to the moisture splashing down your face. You make some muted noise of shock and discomfort, and srink back against the partially open door with a thud. Then, something inside your brain settles enough for you to make a little sense of your situation.

>You’ve just had water dropped on you from above. And then you were…hit with something. A cup. It was the cup of water you brought that little brat Moonie. You look up at the door which you’d left ajar, for her, and realize that you’ve fallen for the oldest trick in the book. You’re not sure how the tiny thing managed it, but she did. She set the water there, and then when you opened the door, it fell on you. And worst of all, you gave her the water to begin with. In a way, this is self inflicted. You were just trying to be nice, and now you can feel the outcome of it soaking through your clothes, matting your hair to your cheeks and neck.

>Shaking from the cold of the water and from a swirl of crazy emotions, you look up towards where Moonie is.

>She’s no longer making that sobbing noise, which you now realize must have been giggling, and you can’t see her one of the large bedposts.

(8/?)

>>26735375

>As you watch, her face slowly emerges from around the bedpost, inch by inch. In the dark you can see a large, gleaming, fanged smile glinting at you. Her eyes are narrow, and practically glowing with childish malice. You both stare at each other a moment.

“Fear me,” she hisses slowly.

>Then she gradually retreats back behind the bed post again.

>You stand there, dumbfounded, at a complete loss for words and actions. Then, numbly, like you don’t even feel your body around you, you turn away from the filly and exit the room, shutting the door all the way behind you as you go.

——

>You’re on your way to pick up Moonie from the babysitter’s house, already exhausted from your meeting with her teacher at school. Seemed your little darling has been creating some sort of strange cult-following among the children, scheming to steal cookies or reward stickers from the teacher’s desk. It sounds more organized than Moonie usually is, but the little girl is smart. You wouldn’t put it past her.

>You just hope she’s been good for the babysitter all this time. It was a surprise when the only other human you know of in Equestrian volunteered to take her for the evening, but you’re not ashamed to admit it was a relief. The filly always did respond better to your authority, so maybe another human would have more luck than a pony babysitter. So far, those little arrangements hadn’t worked out so well.

>You knock on the door to her small house, but no one comes to answer. You wait a moment, then knock again.

“Hello?” you call. “Anyone home?”

“Door’s open.”

>The call from inside is almost too quiet to hear, and completely lacking in any emotion. You shrug and push open the door to find the babysitter seated in a chair right in front of the door. She looks…bedgraggled, and her eyes are empty and sullen. Her back is hunched like it’s been broken, and she looks up with dim recognition. Like she barely knows you exist.

(9/?)

>>26735411

>Yep, it’s just like the others.

“S-so,” you venture. “How did it go?”

>She continues to stare wordlessly at you. Well, so much for that.

“Did I hear my Anon?” you hear Moonie call from down an adjacent hallway.

“Yep, time to go home Moonie.”

“Now?”

“Yes, right now.”

>You turn your attention back to the babysitter, who has not stopped staring at you the whole time. You force out a weak smile and fish some bits out of your pocket.

“Here,” you say. “I threw in a few extra for your trouble, ok?”

>She doesn’t take them from your outstretched hand. In fact, she doesn’t move at all. Eventually, you just set them on a nearby table, hoping that she’ll find them later once she’s pulled herself together.

>Moonie appears around the corner, smiling broadly. You open your arms to her, and with a squeal of delight, she runs to you and launches herself into your arms for a hug. You give her a quick squeeze then set her down.

“I missed you!” she announces, and you can practically feel your heart melting.

“I missed you too. Now, say thank you to the nice babysitter and let’s get home. I…think we need to have a talk on playing nice again.”

>She shrugs and turns a smile to the girl. Her head swivels to look down at Moonie, equally numb to the filly’s presence. In an almost uncharacteristic show of affection. Moonie trots over and lovingly wraps her front hooves around the girl’s leg. The poor babysitter winces away at first, as if she’s being electrocuted.

“Thanks for taking care of me!” Moonie announces. Then, she looks up with big, adoring eyes. “I had so much fun.”

>You see a strange mixture of expressions wash over the girl’s face. She looks furious one moment, then sad the next. Then there’s this weird nauseated look, followed by one of pure exhaustion. For a second, she even looks as though she may hit the kid, and you’re worried you may have to step in.

(10/11)

>>26735424

>Then, all at once, it’s like something changes in her. She’s looking down, eyes locked with Moonie, and everything just kind of softens. Maybe it’s some latent maternal instinct, maybe it’s that’s she’s finally utterly broken, but she seems to suddenly register affection for the filly. Like she can’t take the cute anymore. Her head droops in defeat, and she reaches down with one hand to tousle the Moonie’s flowing little mane.

“Yeah, me too kiddo,” she says hollowly.

>Moonie releases her leg, trots back to you, and demands you lift her onto your shoulders. You offer another quick thank you to the broken girl, then exit her home and shut the door firmly behind you. From inside, you hear what might be weeping, what might be laughter, you can’t be certain.

“So…” you say uncertainly as you begin to make your way home. “Do you think you made a good impression?”

>Moonie is humming in a carefree way from your shoulders, swaying back and forth with your every step. She doesn’t sound like she has a worry in the world, and has no idea the havoc and pain she must have just caused just be being her evil little self.

“Oh, definitely,” she says defiantly. “She loves and worships me for sure.”

-End-

(11/11)

http://pastebin.com/wLfNWZi1

I hope I never write anything this cutesy ever again.

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I'm not dead. Let's go.

>You know what sucks?
>Not getting any.
>You know what makes it worse?
>Having a fresh, unopened, box of condoms hidden in the back of your sock drawer for the day it finally does happen.
>You know what's the worst?
>When that box of condoms is about to expire, and you're stuck in a world of technicolor horses.
>That's where you find yourself on this Saturday afternoon; standing in front of your sock drawer, picking between the red-heart underwear and the blue-striped underwear, trying to decide what to do with this box of condoms.
>They followed with you to Equestria, just before you were going to finally break that dry streak of yours.
>Life truly is pain.
>However, there's no sense on dwelling on it.
>You grab the box and turn it over in your hands.
>There's gotta be something you can do with this.
>You know there's no such thing as condoms in Equestria.
>With a sigh, you sit on your bed.
>So, for all they know, this could be some sort of balloon or some sort of ribbed plastic bag.
>Hell, it wouldn't even be fun to fling these at their faces, because they wouldn't be grossed out about it.
>You might get some fun if you give them to pinkie as balloons.
>Seeing a little filly carry a condom-balloon dog around town would be priceless.
>But there's gotta be something better.
>Something else that you could do with these.
>Come on... think.
>Use your noggin.
>What in Equestria looks like a penis?
>You put on some clothes, thinking of what your shenanigans for the day could be.
>It could be funny to convince Stallions that they help keep them warm in the cold weather, but it's spring.
>That would be one hell of a long con.
>Plus... would these even fit?
>Don't visualize that.
>Don't think of Big Macintosh in a scarf and -
>STOP.
>You shake your head, trying to erase that terrible image from your mind.
>You could try convincing spike it's a tail warmer.
>Shower caps for tails?
>Come on, you can do better.
>Think.
>Then, it hits you.
1/10

>>26735512
>The perfect plan.
>You straighten up, run into your room, tear open the box, and stuff the small square packages in your pocket.
>Step one: Find a unicorn.

[hr]

>You power-walk through Equestria, trying to spy your first victim.
>Pinkie Pie trots by with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, telling them some sort of story.
>You shake your head.
>On one hand, it would be a little fun to terrorize Sweetie Belle, but you have to think bigger.
>Plus, you have standards.
>You can do better than making fun of a filly.
>No, you need a challenge.
>You trot by the flower shop and spy Roseluck, sprucing up her flowers.
>Earth Pony.
>Damn.
>Next.
>You pick up the pace in impatience.
>Each pony only brings you more and more frustration.
>Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy? No.
>Mayor Mare. No.
>Octavia. No.
>Bon Bon. No.
>You trudge past her, when you notice the friend walking beside her.
>Turning on the spot, you see the familiar lime-green horse.
>Lyra Heartstrings.
>Target sighted.
"Hey Lyra!"
>Lyra and Bonbon turn to look at you, putting their conversation on pause.
>"One sec, Bonnie."
>Bon Bon nods as Lyra trots over to you.
>Alright, Anon.
>Play it cool.
>All you have to do is play the salesman.
>"What's up, Anon?" she asks.
"Well, see. I have this new invention."
>You pull one of the square packages from your pocket with a wide smile.
>"OH MY GOD YES! I really needed a piece of gum."
>Her green aura pulls the love glove from your hand, rips off the outer packaging, and pops the rubber piece in her mouth.
"I, uhm."
>She begins chewing on it, and her face lights up.
>"Tastes like strawberry!"
"I, uh. Actually, it's not gum."
>Lyra's eyes shoot open and her ears turn down.
>"Oh thank goodness. I didn't know how to break it to you, but this is waaaayyy too rubbery for good gum."
>You sigh and place a hand to your forehead.
"I'll keep that in mind."
>Lyra spits the condom out of her mouth into her hoof and stares at it.'
2/10

>>26735530
>"Well, what is it then?"
"Well, you see. I began doing some research on Unicorn horns."
>She looks at you curiously, her ears perked.
>"Really?"
"Yes. And, did you know that by exposing your horn to the open air, you continually lose some of your magical charge?"
>She shakes her head.
>"No! I didn't."
"Well of course not. It's a fact of life. It happens to every unicorn. Even Celestia. But I'm sure if you noticed if I took a bit from your bank account every day. If you lost a bit a day, every day-"
>"That would be a lot of money," she says, entranced.
"Precisely. So, I wanted to show you my all-new Unicorn Horn Magic Protector, trademark."
>"What's a trademark?" she asks.
"Never-mind that," you reply. "I wanted to give you a free trial of it and tell me what you think."
>"Really?!" she asks. "Wow! How does it work?"
>Sold.
"Well, it's simple. All you have to do is roll the little protector over your horn, and you should already begin to feel the way that it grips your horn, preventing the magic from escaping."
>She analyzes the device carefully.
>"Oh! I see, it's all rolled up... so it has to be this way..."
>Placing the condom on the tip of her horn, she begins to unroll it down her length.
>You do your best to keep a straight face as it grips tightly and rolls all the way down to the base.
>"Wow! It fits so well! And I can feel how tightly it grips me."
>Your breathing gets heavier as you place a hand on your mouth.
>"My horn feels waaay better protected now! What happens if I use magic at the same time?"
>You reach out a hand in panic.
"Wait! Uh, that untested!"
>Lyra lights up her horn, and the condom pulsates with vibrant lime green light.
>"It's like a glow worm!!! It's so cute!"
>You have to take a moment to recompose yourself as you turn away.
"Good. Great. Test passed!" you say, trying to keep yourself composed.
>"I really like these, Anon! I'll be sure to tell every unicorn I see about this awesome invention!"
3/10

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>>26735446
>I hope I never write anything this cutesy ever again.
I hope you write more, the thread can always use more cute

>>26735533
>"Lyra, what's taking so long?" Bon Bon asks, approaching the two of you.
>"Bonnie, look at this cool horn protector Anon gave me!"
>Oh shit.
>Well, here we go.
"Yes! Uh, sorry Bon Bon. It's just for unicorns."
>Bon Bon stares at the condom carefully.
>"Anon," she says flatly.
>Shit.
>The jig is up.
>"You realize that this is just a wing warmer for horns, right?" she says.
"Uh, yeah."
>"It's genius," Bon Bon says. "I've been telling ponies for YEARS that I have no idea why something like this hasn't been made yet."
>Your jaw drops.
"Really?!"
>"Yeah! In fact, you know who you should show this to? Rarity. I bet she could put these on the MAP! Goodness. With a few color choices, and some glitter, I bet you could get unicorns all accross equestria wearing your horn warmer."
>"But Bonnie! It gets even better! It protects my magic too!"
>"Really?" she asks.
>"Yeah! Look!"
>Lyra lights up the condom once more."
>"Ohmygoodness! It's like a glow worm!"
>"Right?!"
>Your sides begin to ache from trying to hold back all of your laughter.
>This is ridiculous.
>"Anon, you have to go see Rarity this instant. This is too good to pass up."
"You got it. I'll see you guys later."
>"See ya, Anon! I'll tell everypony I see!" Lyra says.
>You set off at a run towards Carousel Boutique.
>This is the greatest idea you've ever had.
>If you could get a large chunk of Equestria wearing condoms on their head.
>Heck, if you could get a Princess to wear a condom on their head.
>You would single handedly became the biggest troll in Equestria.
>You now have a new purpose in life.
>When you get to Carousel Boutique, you knock hard on the door.
>"Uhm, it's open?" calls Rarity from inside.
>Oh, right. It's a shop. Not just a house.
>You burst inside and close the door behind you.
>Rarity stares at you in shock and curiosity.
>"Anon?"
"Are we alone?" you ask, trying to set the mood.
>"I uhm, yes?" she replies.
4/10

>>26735541

Oh, I'll always write more.
But not cute. Unless you think vomit is cute.

>>26735545
>You lock the door behind you and move to the window, staring outside.
>"Anon, is something wrong, dear?"
"Nothing we discuss gets to leave this building, do you understand?" you ask.
>Rarity's tail goes still and she takes a step back.
>"Uhm, yes?"
>You turn to face her, taking slow, careful steps towards the fashion pony.
"Rarity, we have the chance to change the world."
>She looks at you in surprise.
"You've heard of the wing warmer, right?"
>"Why of course? Who hasn't?"
"Well, today, I'm going to show you the next biggest thing. A horn warmer."
>"A horn warmer?" Rarity says. "Anon, the fashion industry has already looked into horn warmers. They constrict your magical ability. They're impractical."
"But! You also can't run in a dress. What I have today is different. This," you say, pulling a package out of your pocket. "Is disposable."
>"Like pantyhose?"
"Wait, you guys have pantyhose in- Actually never-mind. Yes, like pantyhose."
>"Interesting," she says, taking the package with her light-blue magic. "How does it work?"
"Simple, open the package and let the fun begin?"
>"Fun?" she asks, interested.
"I, er. I mean, it's fun to put it on. Kinda. Just, try it out."
>Rarity looks down at the package, then opens it, pulling the condom out.
>"Well, it certainly isn't much to look at."
"Well yes, it's just a beta. That's where I'm hoping you could help. Different styles. Different colors."
>"Hmmm. So then... Do I just put it on?"
"Actually, it unrolls. You need to have the rolling side down."
>Rarity turns it over in her magical grip, then has a moment of clarity.
>"Oh! I see. It's so simple."
>She lifts the condom over her horn and unrolls it over her horn with her magic, the material glowing a bright neon blue as it covers the horn.
>"My goodness! It's so snug!"
"Feeling warmer already?"
5/10

>>26735564
>"Why yes! It is. And with different colors, I'm sure this could really take it off! I could see mares and stallions alike wearing it to parties! Gifting them to children! They're will have to be smaller sizes for the young ones of course."
"Erm. Maybe just for adults."
>"Why of course. Just at first. We have to assess interest, of course. But then, we can take it in a sexy direction. Just think of the ways this could go in the bedroom, why I bet-"
>Rarity's eyes shoot open.
>She stares at you.
>A bead of sweat runs down your forehead.
>"Anon. I'd like to purchase this idea from you."
"Why?"
>"Horn Fetish is a very real-"
>You have to do everything in your power to remain standing and not begin to cry in laughter.
"How about we work out the details after I get done with this beta test?"
>"Done. Just keep the test size small. In fact, get Twilight involved. If we could get her as a backer, then these will sell like hot cakes."
"Oh my god. You think so?" you ask, trying not to lose your shit.
>"Yes. Who else knows?"
"Lyra Heartstrings."
>"Oh my goodness! She'll tell everypony! Okay. I'll get to Lyra, you get to Twilight. Then, we can discuss a plan of attack."
"Deal. Let's do this."
>The two of you make your way out the door of Carousel Boutique.
>With a quick nod, the two of you set off on your journey.
>You immediately set a course for Twilight's Castle.
>How in the world are you going to sell this to her?
>Twilight's always been a bit more nervous when it comes to trying new things.
>And drawing attention to her horn?
>She could worry that it would be disgraceful for a princess.
>You could try peer pressuring her by saying it's for Rarity's fashion line.
>It's worked before anyway.
>"HUMAN!"
>Shit.
>"Human! You halt right this instant! The Great and Powerful Trixie demands it!"
>You turn on a dime to see the infamous traveling magician trotting towards you, with a very angry look on her face.
6/10

>>26735574
>"How dare you not invite The Great and Powerful Trixie to join in your product testing!"
"Well, uhm. Sorry Trix, I just."
>"Don't you 'Trix' me, Anonymous. I do not have time for your apologies. Do you not realize that The Great and Powerful Trixie is one of the most Great and most Powerful unicorns, in all of Equestria?!"
"Well, of course, but-"
>"Then, does it not make perfect sense that you shall give me one of your Magic Enhancement Rods?"
"That's not what it's-"
>"Does it not?!"
"It does, it totally does," you say, taking a step back.
>"Then! Give me one and The Great and Powerful Trixie will consider forgetting this mistake ever happened."
"I, uh, sure."
>You pull a condom out of your pocket and she quickly snatches it from your grasp with her magic.
>She rips it from the package and forcefully shoves it on her horn.
"I, uhm. You have to be gentle."
>"I will treat it as roughly as I want to."
>You can't help but feel slightly turned on at her choice of words.
>Come on, boner.
>Calm down.
>Let's not make this weird.
>Well, weirder.
>Trixie unrolls the condom down to the base of her forehead.
>"There. That's much better. Trixie already feels her magical powers growing from this magic glove. Thank you, Anonymous, that will be all."
"You're... welcome?"
>Trixie turns tail, then trots off proudly, leaving you alone and slightly bothered.
"What just happened?" you mutter.
>Actually, never-mind, back on course.
>You turn towards Twilight's Castle and set off at a run.
>Crossing the bridge to her castle, you come to a dead halt in front of the large doors and knock three times.
>You take a moment to catch your breath as you wait for Princess Twilight to answer.
>Come on, Anon.
>This is it.
>The moment of truth.
>If you don't wrap this up, the consequences could be dire.
>You could have found a way for all of Equestria to love you.
>But you have to make this work.
>No glove, no love.
7/10

>>26732366
I've never seen your story before; time to read from ch1 on the pastebin!

>>26735584
>The door opens and Twilight stands on the other side, with her usual cheery smile.
>"Oh! Hi, Anon. What can I help you with?"
"Twilight, thank goodness you're home. Quick! Rarity and I wanted to talk to you about a business proposal."
>"Really?" she asks with interest.
"Yes, yes. Can I come inside?" you ask.
>"Sure, just be sure to put on some protection first."
>You look at her in shock.
>"We just waxed the floors, so Spike and I are wearing socks."
"OH!" you say just a little too loudly.
>You take off your shoes and enter the castle behind Twilight.
>Following Twilight to the dining room, she levitates a pitcher of water and two glasses.
>"So where is Rarity? I'd think she would be joining you if she wanted to propose something business like."
"We're trying to expedite the process. She's seeing to our focus group right now."
>"Wow!" Twilight says in surprise. "She must think this really has promise. What is it?"
"Well, it's quite simple. We want to help Unicorns everywhere keep their horns safe."
>Twilight gives you a curious look.
>"Really?"
"Yes. You're a smart pony. How many different things could happen to a horn?"
>"My goodness. So many things. We can get it caught on things. Accidental spells. Frostbite on the horn is a nightmare. Horns really are quite a bother sometimes."
"Well, we've came up with a new invention that could not only protect your horn, but become the next big fashion trend."
>"Oh really?" she asks.
>You pull another package from your pocket.
"I give you, the Horn Protector."
>"Not much of a name."
"It's a work in progress."
>She looks at the package carefully.
>"It's awful small."
"Well, I'll give you the rundown. First of all, it's sterile, for those neat freaks out there."
>You tear the packaging off and pull out the condom inside.
8/10