Anon in Equestria - Thread #1081 PiE Died Again Edition

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First for Cutie Dancer.

>>25810984
Tripfags In Equestria

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Second for Aero trying to fly and annoying Anon

>>25811045
Fourth for ponies with MS Paint cutiemarks.

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>>25811051
Aero has a nice butt tattoo

>>25810984
What's with the extra junk on the bottom now?

>>25811306
PiE dead, merged with AiE to live. It's been talked about for a while now, not surprised it finally happened.

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>>25811306
We adopted PiE.

>>25811306
PiE had a bad dream so we will sleep together now

>>25811306
>PiE Died Again Edition
So that's just there for people to know that PiE can go here too, because it's been proved for the hundredth time it can't survive on it's own.

>>25811332
>>25811330
>>25811323
>>25811321
kay

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Posting what I have now... It's part new and part rewritten old stuff.
Enjoy~

>Turning off into the first alleyway that comes along and still will somewhat direct you to your home, you gently place Gratia's heavy head down on your shoulder and start to whistle the melody to a random song that came to your mind.
>You can't remember the name of this particular song any more, but you used to listen to it non-stop back on earth.
>If you concentrate just hard enough you can even recall some of its lyrics... Nowhere near enough to actually sing this old favourite of yours though.
>For this that what comes to your mind is just too fragmentary and arbitrary. Not that you particularly want to break into song now, but it's still a pity.
>Can't change what you can't change though... Still you wish you were given the chance to take some of your old worldly possessions with you when you were ripped out from earth and brought to Equestria.
>Just something with the ability to play the music you loved so much but foolishly took for granted.
>Seems like you only realize how valuable some things really are when you lose them...
"Tcha."
>Sadly Mous wasn't able to help you along in this matter either since he basically arrived stark naked here with only his boxershorts and an old gameboy that is now being displayed in the National Museum of Canterlot as some kind of human artefact.
>With a copy of Tetris in its cartridge slot as you had to assess on your first and only visit there.
>Exiting your comfy and lonesome alley, you turn into the small road it lead you to and begin to follow it.
>It's quite the detour from your usual way home but you should be still be able to get there before the sun has fully set behind the horizon.
>And luckily the path you have chosen seems to be just as unpopulated as you hoped it to be. Not a singly pony in sight.
>Very nice~

>>25811431
>"Have you heard about Obsidia?"
>Huh?
>"No I haven't, but do tell! What has she done this time?"
>Where's that coming fro... Oh, two pegasi mares. Flying a few metres above you and fortunately minding their own business.
>Still you take Gratia off your shoulder and let her hang from your side lest they see her and begin to scream zeter and mordio.
>"You're not going to believe this... She managed to get sacked again!", the light blue one excitedly chirps.
>"No way! Really?", her violet friend responds.
>You think the name of that one is Flitter... She had to sleep her intoxication off in the drunk tank last week after she trashed some snack stall for not giving her a discount.
>Also if you remember correctly, she made quite the mess out of the cell and gave it several, mostly brownish, colours.
>Apparently horses do have the ability to vomit. Or at least the small and colourful representatives of their species.
>Who knew?
>"Yeah!"
>Flitter titters and gently bumps into her friend.
>"By Celestia... How long did she have that job? A week?"
>Meh... Just boring gossip about someone you don't even know.
>Though...
>You have quite a nice view from down here. Especially Flitter's glutes are particularly eye-catching and alluring.
>Let alone of that what sits between them...
>"Not even! Just four days!"
>But before you are able to satisfy your voyeuristic cravings, she takes a turn to the right and flies away, taking her dark purple and rather juicy looking pony goods with her.
>Pity... You wouldn't have minded to gaze at them for a while longer.
>But that mental image of them will suffice for a fantasy or...
"Fuck!", you blurt out and slap yourself.
>God... You really need to get laid somewhat soon before you turn into a full-blown pervert.
>Easier said than done though... Most mares just don't seem to be all that interested in you and your strange alien physique.

>>25811441
>Even if you somehow manage to get the attention of one by telling her stories of your former adventures, they all get rather repellent once you start to get flirty.
>One even threw her drink in your face after you just lightly brushed her withers and called you a sicko.
>Mous just got lucky with Rainbow Dash it seems.
>She is a bit skinny for your liking but she got some nice toned flanks and legs for days.
>You wonder what she would look like in socks or stockings.
>Just like that whore in Baltimare...
"God..."
>If your mother could hear this... She would be so fucking proud.
>Not to speak of your father.
>Fuck that thought. You were beyond help after that fateful summer night with Swift Claw. So why care about morals and values that don't concern you any more?
>Back on earth what you have done and now crave might have been seen as a sin or even a crime, but earth doesn't matter any longer.
>The inhabitants of this world are as far away to animals as humans are to apes, despite their appearance and sometimes behaviour.
>Good job... Now you have made your yourself upset about absolutely nothing.
>One more reason to get drunk tonight.
>Groaning, you grasp Gratia at the base of her blade and swipe at the air in front of you a few times in an attempt to get the thoughts and emotions that bother you out of your system.
>And it works... The stallion that just watered his plants might have gotten the shock of his life when he saw you, but you feel better now.
>Maybe you really should just accept Honey Dawn's advice and see a shrink... She only means well and was perhaps right about her assumption that the mercenary life has left more marks on you than you might like to admit.

>>25811449
>Things weren't always particularly easy and good for your sanity back then. Especially the beginnings.
>Learning to fight... To defend yourself... To kill... All were things you never had to do before back on earth.
>Yeah, there was the occasional fight with some punk in a bar or an idiot in school... But that was all in more or less good fun compared to what you experienced here in Equestria.
>Your first victi-... Casualty... You will never forget: Some random brigand who stole from your constituent and allegedly tried to rape his daughter.
>An injustice you can't stand at all... So you were hell bent on catching him.
>And you did so after a night of pursuing the malefactor through the woods and finally confronting him at a moonlit clearing.
>The fight itself was short, onesided and exciting. To this day every single moment of it is etched into your mind.
>Including the not so nice ones you would love to forget but can't...
>The look in his eyes when you delivered the killing blow and brought Gratia down on him... His scream when she ripped through his neck... How his body was drained of all its life-giving blood in mere seconds...
>You hoped he would dodge the blow or at least try to parry it with his spear, but he didn't. Either you were too fast or he just accepted his fate.
"Why didn't you run away... Was it worth it?", you mumble to yourself.
>A cold shudder runs down your spine and your steps slow down.
"Sixty bits...?"
>He fought so desperately for that measly sum. Like his life or maybe even more depended on it.
"Was it worth it?"
>That stallion probably had a family and was certainly someone's son... And you tore him away from them with a single strike.
>"Mortality clarified in a single strike!", an ancient memory resounds from the darkest corners of your brain.
"Heh..."

>>25811453
>How fitting yet so morbidly unfitting.
>Perhaps Dew Drop is right? Maybe you really are a monster?
>You doubtlessly aren't the same person you used to be a long time ago any more.
>...
"No!"
>Before any more dark thoughts can manifest in your mind, you let out an almost feral scream and break into a run.

>After a short yet very strenuous spring, you finally manage to escape those haunting memories and your steps gradually slow down until they come to a full halt.
>Staggering towards the nearest wall, you lean against it and try to catch your breath again.
>God damn it... It has been a while since you last had to run with Gratia in tow.
>She seems small for a two-handed weapon but she's almost entirely made out of metal... Making her heavier than she might appear
>You slump down to the dusty soil and wipe the thick beads of sweat off your face before you take it into your two hands to regain your composure and senses.
"Fuck..."
>Sometimes, this... This just happens.
>Parts of your darker past, memories you thought you have forgotten, experiences you believed to have drowned in alcohol.... One of those things randomly just catches up with you and the chances are high that it then totally overwhelms you.
>For what reasons? You don't know... And that sometimes keeps you up at night.
>Another reason to actually see that shrink Honey talked about... Maybe talking with someone about it might help.
>Even if you aren't too fond of them and their outrageous salary expectations.
>A silent chuckle escapes your lips and you rest your head against the wall, looking at the gradually darkening sky and the building you currently use to recuperate.

>>25811471
>You recognise it... It's the old western watchtower. Silenty holding a vigil over the river that separates Ponyville's midtown from its western outskirts.
>And of course over the two bridges there too.
>Pity that it's going to knocked down next month. You enjoyed all those evenings spent getting horribly drunk with Mous in its spire and watching the sun slowly rise while enjoying your respective last bottle of cider.
>Well... Can't do much about that, can you?
>At least it will keep your wallet a bit more filled once it's gone... Fancy Star was getting real greedy lately when you asked him for the keys to it.
>Thirty five bits is sheer robbery. Especially when he uses the money to
>Enjoying the coolness of the stone bricks for a moment more, you sigh and get on your two legs again.
>No use in wasting time on the cold ground when there is even colder beer waiting for you at home.
>Also you don't exactly need another cystitis... The last one was rather painful and took ages until it finally went away.
>You would have asked Honey Dawn for help but she got way too eager to examine you when you told her that you got a problem down there...
>"Of course! Of course! Just take a seat, pull down your pants and let Doctor Dawn see if she can't kiss that booboo better!"
>So you aborted that endeavour before it got too weird and just bought some medicine from the pharmacy.
>She can be fairly strange sometimes. Endearing, yes. But mostly strange.
>Funnily enough, Honey only acts that way when you two are alone... She's totally normal otherwise.
"Hmm..."
>Anyway.

>>25811477
>Main thing is that you are feeling better again, so there is no reason to dilly-dally.
>Grabbing Gratia from her grassy bed that you apparently threw her into, you dust yourself off real quick and then get going again.
>Once you crossed the river it isn't too far any more. Maybe another ten minutes or so if you don't take additional detours.
>Which you might have to do... If you remember correctly there isn't a single piece of food in your ice box left.
>Well... At least nothing you would deem edible or fit for human consumption.
>Those carrots probably already have founded their own civilization there... Right next to the Republic of Molbania.
>That's what you call the mouldy banana you wanted to throw away weeks ago but somehow always forgot about.
>Maybe tonight will be the night...
"Nah."
>Future Anon can do that. He's cool and will surely understand why you couldn't have been asked to do that today.
>Yeah... That sounds good.
>But that doesn't solve your food problem... And drinking beer without something fatty to snack on just isn't the same.
>It isn't the same without surfing the internet either, but... Eh. Equestria sadly doesn't have a ponynet yet so your light novels and the few tapes for that projector you own will have to suffice.
>What to eat though...

>>25811485
>Setting foot on the other side of the river, you reach for the small leather pouch that hangs from your belt and check its contents.
"Meh... Thought so."
>What you see doesn't infuse with you optimism though... Two gold, six silver and around twelve bronze coins.
>All in all roughly sixty two bits.
>Given that you need to buy regular groceries and other stuff for your household too this week, that isn't all that much.
>So your options are limited to the less fancy food stalls like that fried hay booth down your street.
>Hay isn't exactly your favourite, but slathered in dough and then fried auburn it isn't all that bad. Especially with a spicy dip.
>Also its quite cheap. Only five bits for a twelve piece box of hay-nuggets and a small portion of hay-fries.
>Small is not enough for your superior human appetite though... So for one bit more you will take a medium one.
>There should still some hot sauce packets left in one of your cupboards from last time, so that's dealt with already.
>Well, lookie there... A full, unhealthy meal and you can buy toilet paper too? Amazing.
>That's almost like chri-
>"Stop that!", a nearby female voice cries out and interrupts you in you train of thought.
>Huh?
>"Aww, come on now babe. Don't be like that. Just this once and I swear I will stop bothering you.", a much deeper voice responds.
>Just this once?! That's not better be about what you think it is.
>"N-No! I had, like, a rough day and just wanna go home... Hey! Let go of my hoof!"
>"Please, babe... I can't get you out of my head! Just give me another chance!"
>"Noohoo! You had your chance! Now let me go!", the mare yelps.
>"Sorry, babe. Can't do... I need you."
>Yep. It is what you think it is.
>Time to step in and do what you are being paid for.

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That's it for tonight. More tomorriw if I find time to write, if not in the next days.

Pastebin is updated and ready to be shilled: http://pastebin.com/VCGEsx3U

Feel free to leave critique and maybe a few encouraging words..

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>Be Rararararararararararararararararararara
>The dress hoers one not the gaudy fake-maned hack
>It was a wonderful day in Ponyville today
>The sun was shining
>Rainbow had finally gotten off of her lazy flank and did her job so there wasn't a cloud in the sky
>And you were in a good mood
>A VERY good mood
>You had finished a big order from a noble in Canterlot the night before
>The noble had been ecstatic on your fast work and had given you a rather large bonus along with your agreed upon price
>So, in light of a job well done and money well made, you had treated yourself to a spa day
>You had been working ever so hard, and you just needed a day to relax and recuperate
>A lady needed to know when to work and when to play after all
>And "play" you did
>Aloe and Lotus had been wonderful as always
>You felt relaxed
>You felt pampered
>And most importantly you looked MARVELOUS
>In fact as you trotted through town you couldn't help but notice that you were turning more than a few heads!
>In fact--
>"Squiggle tail!"
>Turning your head you watched as Anonymous ran toward you with a smile on his face
" Oh horse apples... Anonymous! Good afternoon darling!"
>Though you smiled when you saw him you couldn't help but take a few steps back when you saw a particular look in his eye
>Anonymous, bless his kind heart, was a very affectionate stalli--er man
>He'd pick up anypony and hug them for any reason
>Even if said pony didn't want to be picked up and hugged or petted or anything else that the silly man did to them
>And while you were nothing but supportive of all of your friends... quirks you had JUST gotten out of the spa...
>And Aloe had spent HOURS getting your mane in the state that it was in now...
>So, it was with a heavy heart that the second that Anon came within a few feet of him you grabbed him by his pants and hoisted him up into the air with your magic

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>>25811932
"I'm sorry darling," you apologise when you see his confused expression. "I've just come back from the spa you see."
>Moving your head to and fro you give the dear a chance to look over your figure
"So I'm afraid that I can't give you a hug at the moment."
>Gently setting the human down you give him your winningest smile
"Perhaps a hoofshake might be more appropriate?"
>Anon just started at your outstretched hoof
>Though you were sure that he was none too pleased by your admittedly rough handling you were sure that he'd be quick to forgive you if he just thought about it
>You were just protecting the perfection that was your body at
>Aloe and Lotus had spent the whole morning making you look like this
>It's be a slap in the face if you didn't do anything in your power to look like this for as long as possible!
>Without warning Anonymous's face began to twist into a scowl
>"Rarararararara."
>Your smile twitched when you heard the tone in his voice
"Yes dear?"
>"Come and give me a hug you silly horse."
>You took a step away from him as he got to his knees
>Oh goodness...
>You know that look in his eyes...
>And you most certainly know the smile that's forming on his face!
"I'd love to hug you, dear, really I would!"
>Anon makes his way to his feet and stands up to his full height
>Panic starts to well up in your stomach as you watch him roll his shoulders and crack his neck
>That ruffian better not be doing what you think he's doing...
>You JUST came back from the spa!
"...Would you take a raincheck dear? I really can't--epp!"
>You managed to dodge just in the nick of time as Anon leapt for you, his arms outstretched
"Anonymous! DON'T YOU DARE!"
>As quick as a snake he rolled back to his feet, a determined look in his eyes
>To your horror you could see that dirt covered his suit
>Which meant if he managed to get his grubby hands on you you'd be covered in dirt and Celestia knows what in an instant

>>25811932
>>25811962
Is Anon... Like mentally challenged?

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>>25811975
>somebody dressed a retard in a suit and set him loose on the world.

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>>25811962
>All of that hard work ruined in the blink of an eye!
>NO!
>You could NOT let that happen!
>You would not STAND for it!
>Anon was just going to have to be an adult and--
>You jumped as Anon threw back his head and roared
>"GET YOUR FURRY ASS OVER HERE, RARITY!"
>...What were you thinking?!
>This was Anonymous!
>Of COURSE he wouldn't act like an adult!
>The two of you stared at each other for about a minute
>Time seemed to freeze in that moment...
"TataDarlinggottago!!!"
>Without further ado you took off down the road as quickly as your hooves (within reason of course. You didn't want to get any dirt on you) could take you
>Though you could see ponies staring oddly as you weaved around mare and stallion, cart and stall, you paid them no mind
>You needed to get away
>Needed to get into the safety of your home
>Anonymous might have been... brash but not even he wouldn't break into your house!
>Especially not when you placed a few protective spells on it!
>To your surprise you don't hear Anon pursuing you
>And that worries you more than you cared to admit...
>Risking a look over your shoulder you see that the human had disappeared
>Skidding to a halt you looked around
>Where was he?
>WHERE WAS HE?!
>...
>Stop that this INSTANT Rarity Belle
>A lady such as yourself does not lose her composure like this over something as silly as a HUG!
>Forcing yourself to take a deep breath you close your eyes
>Though you expect Anon to swoop in and tackle you nothing happens
"...Anonymous?" you called, cracking open an eye. "Anonymous, are you there, dear?
>Silence and some stares by a few of the townsponies are your only answer as you look around the humanless street
>...Huh

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>>25812004
>He must have respected your decision and left you alone...
>...
>...
>...
>Horse apples
>Frowning gently you once again began to make your way to your abode
"Anonymous is not one to give up so easily," you mutter to yourself, reaching up to quaft your mane. "So where has he gone?..."
>You feel as though you are being watched as you cautiously make your way to your house
>At every turn you expect Anonymous to be there
>In every alley you expect him to be lying in wait
>But the whole way home you aren't ambushed
>You don't even see hide nor hare of the stallion...
>Humph
>Maybe your gentlecolt lessons have had more of an effect of him than you first thought?
>Maybe he found somepony else to hug?
>Whatever the answer may be it appears that you, and your mane, are in the clear!!
>Though you still kept an eye out for that giant green ruffian a smile made its way into your face as you fished out your keys and unlocked your door
"I hope the dears not too upset at me... I know that he wanted a hug but I MUST keep myself as unsullied as possible! I can make it up to him another day if nee-"
>You didn't even have time to react as your door was thrown open, revealing a grinning Anonymous
>"Got ya squiggle tail!" he gleefully cried
>Though you SHOULD be concern about how Anonymous got into your LOCKED house the only thought that you had at that moment was getting away
>But, alas, it was all for naught
>Your guard had been let down and Anonymous was far faster than he looked
>Neither magic nor your reflexes could save you as the human picked you up and bodily carried you into your own home kicking and screaming
"Anonymous! ANONYMOUS! YOU PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!"
>Though you batted at his head and shoulders the ruffian only reacted to your blows with a manic giggle, carrying you into your tea room
>Well...
>If nothing else he at least took off his shoes...
>With a smug smile on his face, Anonymous picked you up so that your noses your touching

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>>25812053
>You stare at the human with narrowed eyes, your nose scrunching up dangerously
>Ohhhhh!
>That. Was. It!
>Enough of this nonsense!
>You were going to give Anonymous the talking to of a lifetime!
"Anon, you put me down this--"
>You could only let out a gasp as Anonymous lifted you up so that your stomach was exposed to him
>Realizing what he was doing you squirmed even harder but it was too--
>"PHMPHMFPMFHPMFPHMFPMHFP!!!"
>The second that Anon puts his mouth on your belly he starts to blow as hard as he can
>Instantly you begin laughing, squirming and kicking all the while
"HAHAHAHAHAHAH! ANONYMOUS! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! L-LET ME DOWN THIS--HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! INSTANT YOU RUFFIAN--HEHEHEHEHEH!"
>Anonymous keeps held firmly in his arms as he give you his vile raspberry, only pausing to take a breath
>"PHMPHTPMTHPTMHTPHMTPHMPPPPPPPP!"
"STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOOOOOOOPPPPPPIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!"
>You tried to use your magic to do something but you couldn't with how hard you were laughing
>As time dragged on tears started to blur your vision
>Your wiggling became so frantic that Anon lost his balance with a grunt
>Since he wasn't a COMPLETE ruffian he made sure to tuck you against his chest during the fall
>Still laughing, you managed to free yourself from Anon's grasp the second that the two of you hit the ground
>"Naha," Anon yelled, laughing just as hard as you. "You get back here, Rarara!"
"You get away from me this instant!" you yelled as he crawled toward you
>"Not until I get that hug you silly horse!" he retorted, grabbing your tail
>All you were able to do was yelp as he pulled you back toward him
>You and Anonymous then began rolling around on your once clean floor, playfully shoving and ticking and batting at each other, both of you laughing so hard that your stomachs felt like they were going to burst
>Eventually, as any lady would in a situation like this, you ended the your little tussle on top of the ruffian that had so tormented you

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>>25812108
>Your mane was RUINED, you could feel yourself covered in sweat and dirt from Anonymous's coat, your mascara was running and you had tears in your eyes
>By all rights you should be FURIOUS
>All of that time at the spa RUINED...
>But...
>Sighing, you give Anonymous a look before resting your head on his chest
"I don't know why I put up with your nonsense..."
>You couldn't help but let out a pleased hum as Anon's hands scratched your back and sides
>"Oh you love it, marshmallow," he snarks as you
>Humphing you boop his nose
"I expect something from this hug, Anonymous," you say, sticking your nose up into the air. "I believe that I deserve it after all of your nonsense!"
>You giggled as Anon's fingers danced across your ribs before he rested his hands on the small of your back
>"You were gonna get dirty eventually, Rare," he pointed out as you gently nuzzled his chest. "Me doing this is better than your sister running in and spilling something on you or something like that."
>...True
>But you were going to have to insist
"When we get up off this floor you are going to go upstairs into my bedroom--"
>"Saucy."
"--Shush! You are going to go into my bedroom and you are going to grab the white pearl comb that's sitting on the nightstand."
>Your hind legs begins to kick as Anonymous's hands start to scratch your shoulders and neck but you ignore it
>You were a lady on a mission
"Then you are going to come back down here and you are going to do your very best to brush all of this filth off of my AND you are going to fix my mane."
>Looking up at him with narrowed eyes you wrapped your front legs around his chest just as his hands reach your ears
>Though your eyelids flutter at his surprisingly delicate touch you manage to fix him a stern glare
"There. There's the hug that you so desperately NEEDED."
>Patting your head, Anon tries to sit up...
>"Alright, just let me get your comb and--"
>...Only for you to force him right back onto the ground

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>>25812152
"I said that you would comb me AFTER the hug, Anon," you chided
>Your horn glowed, encasing his hands and forcing them back into your head
"As you can see I haven't finished this hug."
>You give him another look
"Now if you know what's good for you I'd continue lathering my mane in affection."
>A sigh escapes you as Anon ran his fingers through your mane
>Still silky smooth, your hair flowed around his fingers like silk as he massaged your scalp
>Though you would never admit it to ANYPONY the feeling was heavenly
>And you weren't going to even get started on what he did with your ears!
"A little harder than that you beast..."
>You bounced on Anonymous's stomach as he chuckled, his long arms wrapping around your body and holding you as close as physically possible
>"As my lady commands," he said as you closed your eyes
>Hmmm....
>There was some hope for this stallion yet...
>Not much but SOME

>>25812181
I felt like writing a bit of rarararara today. I just noticed that I have almost no dress hoers pictures...

Well, I'm done if anyone feels like writing anything else

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>>25812181
Pillow Poni approves

Chills, chills come as I read your text, as the words run through my brain.
With shaking breaths, I wonder what may come next,
will Anon give the D again?
And I know, I know that this is the height of autism.
but why does it feel so good, your beautiful writing is blinding
for me to read all day, slowly trying.
I want you to know you're the best thread I see on this board.

So when you're dead, don't fret I'll write some green for you.
In your shitposts, I will bleed ideas.
When you need me, I'll be on hiatus.
I'll write Rainbow as a queer.
I'll write AJ as a queer.
So you can claim it's fanfic tier.

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*poof*
Noteworthy has been spawned in Earth!

>>25812483
Noteworthy has been banned from all official and noteworthy Ponies in Earth servers.

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>>25812569
>"That's why I'm using VPN!"

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>>25812196
As a fan of rarararararararararararara, this makes me absolutely delighted

>>25812929
>"I'm gonna pounce at that green mother as soon as he comes through that door..."
>"Nopony puts a glass on my table without a coaster!"

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>>25812921
See? Is ok.

>>25812952
yes. just. yes

>>25811513
That's Japanese though, what the hell are you thinking mixing the mighty Jap culture up with the Ching Chings'

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>>25812959
Oh. Of course. Haha.

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>>25812181

>You sigh, flipping open your journal to a fresh page, before putting your pencil to the thin paper to write your name and the date.
>Leutnant Anon. Y. Mous. -Date: Juli 5, 1943.
>This is it.
>The major offensive begins in but a few moments.
>Ivan knows it's coming, but we have little choice but to follow the Zugführer's commands.
>I, myself, have no disillusions in my mind.
>There is a great chance we will die.
>I only pray that it's swift.
>It's the best we can hope fo-
>The voice of your radio operator interrupts your writing.
>"Leutnant Mous! The ready has been given!'
>You sigh, closing the small book and placing it in your uniform's front pocket.
>Damnit.
>If you get some time later, you will return to your writing.
>If you aren't dead by then.
"Affirmative, Gefreiter. Inform me when the offensive begins."
>"Jawohl, Herr Leutnant."
>Taking a moment, you do one final brief inspection of your crew.
>The radio operator, Gefreiter Klaus Bernhard.
>The best shot out of all of you, you think he could have been a sharpshooter if he wasn't a crewman.
>Though, with his hate for mud, you know that he would absolutely hate being a sniper.
>At least he has a hull mounted MG he can use to take out Ivans with.
>Unterfeldwebel Hans Ackermann.
>The gunner of your merry band, he is not the most accurate shooter, but you couldn't think of anyone nearly as accurate as he is on the move.
>It's saved your skin more times than you can count.
>Gefreiter Erhard Fuchs.
>The driver's last name truly did him justice, he had saved your tank from many a mine's fate.
>You know that had he not been where he was, you would be in many pieces by now.
>Unteroffizier Gerald Hummel.
>A common joke with the loader was to ask him what he's not doing inside a Hummel.
>Most often, his retort was to ask the offender what they're doing out of the pens.
>Which triggered the return jab of fake exasperated claims of not being infantry.
>And then, there was you.

>>25814621
>Leutnant Anon Y. Mous.
>You're not anything special, your scores proved that.
>What the scores couldn't prove, however, is your penchant to sneak the tank around.
>It's why you've been able to take out IS-1s, even if you're just in a lowly Panzerkampfwagen IV H.
>Oh, what you would give to be the Kommandant des eines Tiger right now...
>For now, you have to deal with the 7.5 cm KwK 40 L/48 gun that your tank packs.
>Satisfied with your rundown, you content yourself with waiting for Klaus to report.
>You don't have to wait long.
>Soon enough, he begins to speak.
>"Battailion gives the order! Operation Zitadelle has commenced! 1st Panzerkompanie is to advance and engage all enemy targets!"
>You raise a hand up to the top of the tank and open the hatch and stand with your upper half out of the tank, while issuing your first order of the offensive.
"Panzer, vor!"

>>25814631
>It didn't take long for you to come in contact with Ivan.
>After all, they knew the offensive was coming.
>But that's the least of your worries at the moment.
"Loader, AP!"
>"Jawohl!"
>A series of metallic clinks rings out as the loader slides the shell home into the breech, and locks the mechanism.
>"Panzergranate 39 geladen!"
"Feuer!"
>The shot fires, your tank rocking backwards slightly from the force of the recoil.
>You await the report of your gunner as you peer through the slits on the top of your hatch.
>"Hit, low left! Doesn't seem to have done much!"
>Damn those T-34s!
>Why are they so damn hard to punch through?
>You bark out another command to the loader.
"AP!"
>Erhard retrieves another shell from the rack and slams it home as the first shell slides out.
>Locking it, he returns to get another shell prepared.
>"Geladen!"
"Feuer!"
>Once again, your tank rumbles backwards slightly from the force of the shell, and your gunner peers intently through his sight.
>A wicked grin appears on his face.
>"Direct hit! Looks like we hit the Bastart's ammo!"
>You look through the slight amount of space your windows allow.
>The Ivan's tank is spewing flames from the top of the turret, and a expression similar to Erhard's grows on your face.
"Panzer zerstört!"
>Another one appears from over the ridge, but as you command your gunner to aim and engage it, it violently explodes in a manner not unlike a fireball.
>You look to the left to see a Tiger I's barrel let off a plume of smoke as it advances.
>Ducking down, you chuckle.
"That's the power of German Engineering, boys!"

>>25814639
>Gerald grabs an empty shell from the floor and opens a side panel, tossing it out of the Panzer, before responding to your observation.
>"If they ever find a way to get the used shells OUT of the tank without me having to grab it, I'll truly believe that!"
>"Maybe if you didn't have such such sensitive Frauenhände then you wouldn't complain so much!"
>"Halt's Maul, Klaus!"
>The smile on his face belies the anger his tone had.
>You know, despite your anxiety regarding the offensive, it has gone nothing but smoothly so far!
>In fact, once you crest this hill, you're going to drive the Ivans back to their smelly hole of a capital!
>The Pzkpfw. IV H slowly climbs over the hill, allowing you to see the first glimpse of the battlefield ahead of you.
>What you see wishes you had a full bladder just so you could piss yourself.
>Not even 100 meters away...
>...Is an IS-1.
>"Scheiße, Panzer!"
>Normally you would berate your driver for losing his cool, but at this time you can forgive him.
>Not wanting to get a 12.2cm surprise, you immidiately correct your Panzer's course.
"Zurück mal! Zurück mal, jetzt!"
>Erhard snaps the engine into reverse, backing the tank up for your friendlies to advance and help with the threat.
>*THUNK*
>The sound of the shell making contact almost makes you void your bowels, but you manage to maintain your spinchter's hold.
>A quick inspection lets you know that everyone's fine, but as the driver continues to back up the Panzer, it slowly starts to spin to the left.
>"Verdammt! Ketten verloren!"
>You are now side-on to the IS's mighty canon.
>'Was my voice always this high-pitched?', you think as you shout out a desperate command for your gunner to engage the enemy Panzer.
>He rotates the turret to point at the IS, and then lowers the gun elevation.
>"Target acquired!"
>Clenching your hand tightly, you give the command as you pray it will save you.
"Feuer!"
>The shell thunders out of the barrel, towards the enemy Panzer.

>>25814650
>The pinging sound followed by a high pitched ring as the shell spins off of the turret of the IS gives an awful feeling in your gut.
>Every member of the crew who had seen the round bounce off of Ivan's tank (or heard, in Gerald's case) slowly turn to look at you.
>Violently trembling, you reach up and take the cap off of your head and hold it to your chest as you meet the gazes of your crew- no, your friends.
"Aufwiedersehen, meine Freunden."
>A thunderous sound makes itself known on the side of your Panzer, and time seems to slow to a crawl as the shell penetrates the comparatively thin side armor.
>It makes it's way inside, heading on a collision course for the ammo storage.
>You have one last thought before the shell connects, and everything goes to hell.
>If you could do one last thing...you would want to see the hills of your hometown again.
>Well, that and maybe visit your dad's restaurant.
>And swim in the river.
>And go to Oktoberfest.
>And-
>The piling up wishes cease as the shell makes contact, you and your friends perishing in the intense flames as the shells cook off.

>>25814659
>.
>..
>...
>You groan as you sit up, your back in a strange angle, half-balanced on the platform your feet were supposed to be on.
>Who's bright idea was it to sleep -inside- the Panzer, anyway?
>...wait.
>You didn't go to sleep in your Panzer last night!
>In fact, you could have sworn you died!
>Didn't you?
>Blinking, you look around the interior of the Panzer.
>There's Klaus, Hans, Erhard, -and- Gerald, all fine and at their positions.
>What the hell just happened?
>Well, only one way to find out.
>Taking a deep breath, you do the one thing you know will get them ready.
"ACHTUNG!!!"
>A series of four clanks and curses ring out, and you can't help but smile at the complaints of your friends.
>"Verdammte Arschloch, why did you..."
>Gerald looks confused for a moment, before looking around the Panzer like you did.
>A quizzical expression emerges from his twisted features.
>"...Did we die?"
>You shrug.
"I guess we didn't, by some miracle of god."
>Shaking his head, he looks at the ammo storage behind him.
>"No, the ammo most certainly exploded."
>A sharp expletive comes from your driver, who slowly turns his torso to meet all of your confused visages.
>"Uh...guys, you might want to look outside the tank..."
>The rest of the crew scrambles to get out of their awkward sleeping situations, opening various hatches to look out of the vehicle.
>Standing up on your small observational platform, you open the top hatch and pop out, looking at your surroundings.
>After taking a moment for your eyes to adjust to the brightness, your jaw drops at what you see.
>Trees, everywhere!
>Your friends have the same reaction as you do, and they turn to look at you from their respective openings.
>Unterfeldwebel Ackermann speaks up first, his voice tentative, as if he doesn't believe what he's seeing.
>"Leutnant Mous...just where the hell are we?"
>Taking a moment to compose yourself, you survey the area with a uneasy glare.
"I don't think we're in Kursk anymore."

>>25814670
>You ordered a full examination of your Panzer, while Bernhard kept watch with the MP40 that was stored in the Panzer.
>Much to your collective surprise, the Panzer was completely fine.
>The tracks that were destroyed before were in tip-top shape, as if they were just recently fitted.
>Scratching your head, you kick one of the drive wheels in disbelief.
"Well, as far as I can tell, our Panzer's in excellent shape..."
>The crew perks up at your voice, an unsaid question on the air.
"And no, I don't know how we're alive or how the tank is in one piece."
>The crew looks off in their own directions, before Gerald speaks up.
>"Maybe...maybe we went to heaven..."
>The radio operator sputters in disbelief.
>"No way! There's no way you Arschlochen made it into -my- heaven!"
>"What do you mean, 'your heaven'?"
>Klaus huffs and hops off of the tank.
>"If it was -my- heaven, I'd be surrounded by women and wine right now!"
>Erhard shakes his head.
>"How come I knew you would be one of -those- guys?"
>The Gefreiter spins around to face him.
>"What do you mean, 'those guys'?!"
>Erhard smiles wickedly, but you cut him off before he says anything rashly.
"Klaus -does- have a point. If this -was- heaven, do you think we would be stuck with this Scheißwagen?"
>A slow murmured agreement rumbles through the crew, before you speak up again.
"Now that we've confirmed that we're not in heaven, nor hell -because we're not all being dunked in lava baths, Klaus-, we need to find out just where the hell we are. Any ideas?"
>Silence reigns once more as the crew relaxes and tries to think of where they could possibly be.
>If your thoughts are anything to go by, then they also have no idea.
>One of them sits up, taking a deep breath in excitement-
>-before going lax again, a grim expression on his face.
>As you rub your chin in thought, your attention is once again caught by one of your crew members.
>It's Klaus, who is sitting on the edge of the Panzer, gazing into the distance.

>>25814682
>Wanting to know what he's doing, you catch his attention.
"Klaus, what do yo-"
>He violently shushes you, before returning his attention to the point he was looking at.
>A few more moments pass, before you decide to pull the ultimate asshole move.
>Pulling rank.
"Gefreiter Klaus Bernhard, I command you to-"
>"Shut up and listen, dammit!"
>His outburst caught you off guard, and you cough the rest of your gathered force into your hand.
"What?"
>"Shhh! Listen, don't you hear something familiar over there?"
>Craning your head, you attempt to listen far off into the distance...
>And are rewarded by the dull sounds of explosions in the distance.
>The color drains from your face, and you spin around and begin to climb the side of your tank.
"Get in the tank, now! Whatever the hell happened, it appears we weren't lucky enough to get out of the war!"
>Hopping up, you pause to look at your dumbfounded crewmates (sans Klaus, he knew the importance of the command) from the top of the tank.
"That means move, dummköpfen! Come on, Los, Los, Los, Los!"
>The command shocks them out of their reverie, and they all begin to rush into the tank, getting to their positions.
>You shout out commands to the crew as they settle in.
>"Loader, AP! Radio Operator, check the frequencies, see if we can get in contact with friendlies! Gunner, check the sights! Driver, ignition!"
>A chorus of 'Jawohl, Herr Leutnant!' ring out, and the crew begin their various tasks.
>"Panzergranate 39 geladen!"
>The engine roars to life, and you issue one final command.
"Driver, get us moving! Ivan's not gonna wait for us to show up!"
>He cranks the levers forward, and your Panzer lurches into action, the powerful engine growling as the treads dig into the terrain.
>You turn out of the tank with your binoculars in hand, ready to look for targets.
>Sighing heavily, you fiddle with the zoom wheel on the ocular device.
>Seems that even when you die, you're still bound to fight Ivan.
>Great.

>>25814693
>The Panzer thunders through the forest, the brushes in it's path being devoured underneath it's mighty treads.
>The sounds Klaus noticed before have intensified, slowly becoming more and more audible.
>As it stands, you can now hear it over the growling of the engine and the crunch of vegetation.
>Fitting your binoculars to your face, you look into the distance, but curse as the trees block your vision.
>Say what you will about Rusland, the plains gave you much better situational awareness then they did now.
>Though, it doesn't seem like you're going to have to worry about it much longer.
>The shells you heard before are now much more defined, giving off strange sounds.
>'Maybe the Ivans are firing a new type of shell', you think.
>It sounded out like a normal round, but with a sort of fizzing sound like a firework.
>The sound of the explosions were more higher pitched, instead of the bassy sound you're used to.
>As you clear another tree, you manage to see a small crest.
>Finally, out of the treeline, and into the firestorm!
>Here's hoping they weren't expecting a Panzer from their flank.
>As you crest the treeline, you turn in and lean down to your radio operator.
"Anything on the radio, Klaus?"
>He shakes his head, still turning the dials.
>"Nothing, Anon. It's like we're the only ones with this type of radio out here!"
"Keep searching, maybe we're just out of range."
>Klaus's "Zu Befehl!" rings out as you begin to stand up again, catching the attention of your gunner.
"Get ready to engage on my mark, Hans."
>He nods as he continues to stare down his gun sight.
>You go into the top of the commander's cupola, and peer through the slits, waiting to see what there is on the other side of the treeline.
>As soon as you crest the small hill before the firefight in front of you, you bark out an order.
"Panzer, halt!"
>The Panzer grinds to a halt, and you peer out of the small slits on the top of the cupola.
>What you see dumbfounds you.

>>25814706
>The gunner, who has a much clearer view because of the magnified sight, voices your confusion.
>"Was der Hölle?"
>In front of you are two groups of Panzers firing at each other with strange shells that glow green as they fly through the air, before exploding with heavy force and a flash of green light.
>The two sides have drastically different Panzers, with one group being bright shades of white and gold, and the other a muddy brown mixed with black.
>The designs are unlike anything you've ever seen, with both side's tanks being very blocky, except for a few points where there were angles built into the armor, mainly on the lower and upper glacis's.
>That's not even the most confusing bit.
>One side has a multitude of...small horses?
>The other has...dogmen?
>Just where the fuck -are- you?
>Everyone who has glimpsed the two sides (except for Gerald, that's the price he pays for being able to handle the shells) have been struck speechless (once again, except for Gerald, who is questioning everyone excessively on what they saw).
>Hans finds his voice and turns to you, the exact definition of confusion on his face.
>"Uh...Leutnant Mous...what the hell do I shoot at?"
>You have been struck speechless by the event.
>Nothing has ever prepared you for this moment.
>They never covered 'Post-death Experiences' at the Panzerschüle.
>Your jaw flaps uselessly, before Erhard speaks up worriedly.
>"Anon, the ones on the right are starting to turn their turrets towards us!"
>Too far gone, your mind struggles to process this bit of information, before the sound of their weird shells makes itself known.
>*ffffzzzZZZZZ-CRACK*
>The wave of force shakes you out of your stupor, and you pop up into the commanders hatch to see a trail of green-tinted smoke coming from one of the dogmen's tanks.
>Relief floods through your system.
>Finally, a target that you can shoot at!
"Gunner, engage the enemy that dared to scratch our beautiful Panzer!"

>>25814716
>The promise of firing the cannon breaks him out of his stupor.
>"Which one?"
"The one that just fired at us, you should still see the trail of smoke from his barrel!"
>He peers through the sight, scanning for the target.
>"The brown and black one?"
"Yes! Now engage him before he loads again!"
>Returning to the task at hand, he accesses the controls and maneuvers the turret to point in the enemy Panzer's direction, before depressing the gun to point at it.
>A moment later, he blurts out a report.
>"Target acquired!"
>A small smile appears on your face, one that only a man who is about to witness the destruction of his enemy can bear witness to.
"Feuer!"
>The cannon rockets backwards as the shell fires out of the barrel, embedding itself in the enemy armor just below the turret, but above the tracks.
>What happened next took you totally by surprise.
>That seems to be happening a lot, lately.
>The shell made contact, and you must have hit the ammo rack because it blows up in such a massive fireball, the force appears to rip the enemy Panzer nearly in half.
>Hans freezes in place at the sight.
>Erhard, having nothing much better to do than watch what was going on, whistles lowly.
>"Jesus und Maria, good fucking effect on target!"
>Blinking yourself out of the shock, you issue an order while you come to terms with what you just saw.
"Loader, AP!"
>Gerald, who lacks the ability to see what was going on outside because of no window, springs into action, dropping the loading mechanism down, spitting the spent shell out.
>He slams a shell home, and locks it up, fully readying the cannon.
>"Geladen!"
>It had a chain reaction with Hans, who begins to rotate the turret again, setting his sights on another Panzer.
>"Target acquired!"
"Feuer!"
>Surprisingly, the shell didn't hit the ammo rack, but landed in the rear of the tank and sets the engine on fire.
>Instead of it being a reddish orange fire, it lights up with a blue flame, with a slight tinge of green to it.

>>25814729
>The dogmen in the tank dive out of the top, the tank slowly being consumed in flames as what was apparently the fuel tank bursts from the heat, covering the ones who attempted to flee the wrecked Panzer in the same flames that erupted from the tank.
"Loader, keep putting in AP! Gunner, engage as many of the brown and black Panzers as you can! Feuer Frei!"
>The two crew members shout out 'Zu Befehl' as they busy along with their tasks, when you notice something odd.
>Klaus is still fiddling with the radio.
>One way to fix this.
"Hej, Klaus! Make yourself useful and light up those Hundmänner down there."
>He looks up at you with a passive expression, before it dawns on you what you said.
>Klaus swivels in his chair and looks down the MG's sight, before the telltale chatter of the MG34 bounces around in the hull of your Panzer.
>The cannon fires once more, slamming into another tank by the sound of Hans cheering, followed swiftly by mechanical *clinks* as Gerald loads another shell.
>As well as it's going, you only have enough chances before the enemy hit you.
>Gerald aims at another enemy Panzer, before shouting and crouching down.
>"Incoming!"
>Not too long afterwards, a heavy force hits the front of your Panzer, almost knocking you down while succeeding in knocking Klaus out of his seat.
>Shaking your head from the wave of force, you call down into the crew area.
"Head count!"
>"Up!"
>"Up!"
>"Up!"
>"Gah, fuck...my head...Up!"
>You poke your head into the cupola and look out of the slits provided, to see the enemy line slowly crumbling.
>And the Panzer that had fired the shot that just connected at you before has attempted to go full 'Nein' and get the hell out of there.
>Unfortunately for them, Hans was on the case.
>The turret slowly tracks it's movement, before stopping and unloading the payload into the tanks rapidly moving rear.

>>25814745
>Once again, the engine cooks off with that weird blue-green flames, but it reaches the ammo rack and launches the turret up into the air about 10 meters, before coming back to the ground.
>The dogmen's infantry have realized the battle has been lost for them, and begin to retreat from the field, leaving their weapons behind.
>Your supposed 'allies' press the advantage, pushing them even further away.
>Of course, you couldn't let them have -all- the fun.
"Gunner, load HE."
>The previously loaded shell was ejected and placed back on the rack, being swapped out for a HE round.
>Gerald slides it home, and locks the mechanism.
>"Sprenggranate geladen!"
>Hans adjusts his aim slightly, aiming for a clump of infantry.
>The shell is fired, landing in the front of the group, but the shell did it's job, shredding the group of dogmen into little bits of kibble.
>Gerald tries to load another shell, but by the time it's loaded and in the 'up' position, the enemy has cleared the field, leaving you and the equines the victors.
>Speaking of the little horses...
>They appear to be all milling around each other, pointing at your Panzer.
>The only thing you can tell that they're doing, is discussing -something- about you.
>You can only hope it's not 'Let's shoot at the Panzer that just helped us!'.
>Not that you're too concerned with one or two Panzers...
>But there are a hell of a lot of Panzers there...
>Eventually, a small motor car appears out of the treeline to the rear of the equine's Panzerreihen.
>One of the horses that gets out of the car adjusts his cap as he looks over in your direction.
>Obviously a leader of the equines.
>He speaks with a collection of Panzerführen from the tanks.
>You can only guess what they're saying...

>>25814756
>Be General Valiant Command.
>You're currently speaking with the tank commanders of the 38th Equestrian Tank company about the gray tank on the hill, with markings even you have never seen before.
>From what you had heard from your radio jockeys, this battle was going to be a very slow grind to the end, in the favor of those sun-forsaken Diamond Dogs.
>And yet, just when your forces were about to crumble...
>They appeared.
>Like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, they rained holy fire upon the enemy.
>Well, not exactly.
>But you did love your poetic comparisons.
>At any rate, the sound and projectile of the cannon was unlike anything the commanders of the 38th had ever seen.
>Instead of being a magical explosive, it fired what looked like an extremely fast slug of metal, with the magical powder being detonated at the start to give the shell some extra speed instead of punch on detonation.
>But whatever they had loaded, it delivered a hell of a punch to those mutt's armor.
>Looking over at the field, you see the remainder of the first tank they engaged.
>It's little more than twisted scrap now.
>Turning your attention to the hill, you once again behold the gray tank.
>Your commanders chatter to you about what it had done, but it's nothing they haven't told you.
>They're praising the crew of that tank like it was commanded by Celestia herself.
>But you know that they have no idea what they're doing there too, if the reports that say they delayed their shots until they were fired upon are true.
>The symbols on the tank...
>It looks like four 90 degree angles surrounding a white and black cross.
>It's nothing you know of, even the obscure allies of the Gryphonian alliance.
>And that means they can be persuaded to help you...
>Hmmm...
>A small, gentle smile appears on your muzzle, and you speak up, interrupting one of your assistants prattling on about 'official procedures'.
"I'm going to go talk to them."

>>25814767

>There's a few moments of silence as you walk off, as if they were in shock from your actions, before they all try to speak over each other.
>"General, no! You don't know if they're actually friendly!"
>"General, they might be conditional allies!"
>"General, what would we do if they're hostile, and attack you!"
>"General, who would lead us if you died!"
>Their pleas fell on deaf ears, however, and you calmly trotted over to the mysterious tank.
>While the turret doesn't move, the feeling of eyes are upon you as you slowly advance upon the 'maybe-but-might-not-be' friendly.
>You come to a halt just a few feet from the front of the tank, and snap to a crisp salute.
"I am General Valiant command of the Equestrian Armed forces. I am grateful for the support you could offer to the 38th in their hour of need. Mayhap you could come out of your tank, so that we may talk stallion to stallion?"
>That'll get em, use the fancy words.
>Never fails to impress.
>However, what sounds out from the interior of the tank doesn't sound like any known language you have heard of.
>"Wer hier spricht English?"
>"Nicht mir."
>"Nicht mir, auch."
>"Auch."
>"Auch."
>"Verdammte Scheiße!"

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>>25814786
>The top of the tank's hatch slid open, with a strange creature poking out of the top with a cap sitting evenly on it's brow, it's uniform being a matching black with it's hat.
>You hear the slight click over the din of the engine as the being snaps to his own form of attention, holding one of it's appendages to it's brow.
>Then, as if that wasn't a big enough surprise, it speaks in heavily-accented yet fluent Equestrian, with only a few words you don't recognize, but pick apart with context to find out their meaning.
>"I am Leutnant Anon Y. Mous, Kommandant of this Panzer of the 4th Panzerarmee, 1st Panzerkompanie. As for the aid of your Panzers, you are very much welcome. However, I would like to ask you a question in return."
>You both snap your salutes down at the same time, after which a very confused expression appears upon the creature's face.
>"Just where the hell on Earth -are- we?"

Man, it felt good to write this. Comments and criticisms are allowed and encouraged on this piece, as well as requests if you have a desire for more of this story. If you have any questions, be sure to ask them and I'll try to answer them as best I can.

If anyone remembers my writing style, especially this last bit, be prepared for something special tomorrow.
Shit, forgot to post a pic of the Panzer IV H at the first post. Here it is now.

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>>25814799
Interesting. I'm not too fond of war stories, what with them normally winding up being bad reads in these threads, but it's already got me hooked into wanting to continue.

I would mention when you use a pony POV to try and keep the lexicon of the race fitted to them. Reading their POV and seeing words like 'hell' over something such as 'tartarus' would be more fitting of their own culture. Remember, one of the strengths that an AiE story can hold is the cultural differences clashing from one to the other, try to use this to your advantage at all times and don't lose consistency when doing so.

And finally, please get a pastebin. It's a pain in the ass for readers to stay up to date on your work without it, some do miss threads and aren't willing to dig in a past one just to catch up with a story with no paste.

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>>25814799
nice story too bad my M4A3E2 will wreck your kraut tank

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To whomever sent me all this, you have my most sincere thanks. Many sensible chuckles were had, between the Matroyshka doll boxes, the rubber spider, and the ice themed paraphernalia. And the Mini Cooper looks awesome, I'm probably going to build that tomorrow. Here it all is in shitty iPhone quality.

Also, RPBN, if you were wondering who sent your gift, it was me. You're very welcome.

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>>25814799
Very interested. No idea want most of the German mean but it's easy to ignore for the most part with context clues. I'm going to guess that Ivan is a name for Russians and it's World War 2?

>Shit, forgot to post a pic of the Panzer IV H at the first post.

Yeah I was going to comment how you should provide images for that type of stuff.

Why did Pinkie Pie cross the road?

Han Solo is killed by Kylo Ren, his son

>>25815630
Jokes on you, I don't care about Star Wars!

Haven't been around here for a few months. Is somewritefag dead, or just busy?

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We're all dead Anon. We just find humerus to write from the grave.

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Who wants updates? Cuz I got updates.

Am I Evil 20

>You open the fridge and frown in despair.
“Eriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...”
>”Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?” you hear from the other room.
“We're out of milk.”
>”That sucks.”
>You walk into the living room where Eris is watching cartoons and having cereal and chocolate milk still in her pajamas.
“So we need to go get some.”
>”Anon, what day is it?”
“...Thursday?”
>Eris chews another spoonful. “It's our day off the band.”
“Yeeeeesss...?”
>”And so why would we go out and -do stuff- on our day off?”
>You're silent for a minute.
“Because I want milk.”
>Eris falls on her side onto the couch, her cereal continues to float and be fed into her mouth. “Nnnoooooooooo...”
“Eeeeeeeeriiiiiiiis...”
>You walk over, grab her foot, and start tugging.
“Come on, sometimes we have to go out and do things.”
>”I'd rather we stay in and do me.”
>You cross your eyes and put your feet in front of your bottom lip.
“Hurr hurr hurr.”
>Eris mirrors your expression. “Hurr hurr hurr hurr.”
“Come on, seriously, I want milk.”
>Eris rolls her eyes. “Why do you wait till -now- to do this? Why not get some roadie to go?”
“Because I'm not a worthless sack of shit.”
>”I am.” she responds.
>Pfft.
“You know you can't make chocolate milk without the milk, right?”
>Eris is silent for a full ten seconds before she retorts. “...I'm magic, I probably could.”
“But you might not be able to.”
>”Y-you don't know that.”
“I know that there's a 100% chance you'll have chocolate milk if we go to the store.”
>She's silent again before speaking softly. “I want to get cookies too.”
“It's a deal.”
>”Let me find my pants then.” she say as she rolls off the couch.

>>25816961
>A few minutes later the two of you are walking down the road from your house. Eris knits her fingers between yours in the cold early spring air as you go.
>”So I'm thinking of getting something pierced.”
>You try to suppress a surprised cough.
“As an effected party of that bit of you, I must express my discomfort in the thought of metal there.”
>Eris shoulder checks you lightly. “I meant my nose or ears, ass.”
“You were being vague, fuck you. I get your ears, but why your nose?”
>Eris shrugs. “Tirek had a nose-ring in the old tales.”
“You're old as dirt, were you really not around when the old man was knocking about?”
>Eris takes little offense, she's head it all before. She was still a little vain though. “I was busy back then, you wouldn't get it.”
>You don't pry.
“Earrings could look nice, but your face is too pretty to ruin with bits and bobs of metal.”
>She smirks a bit. “Not your best save.”
“Abloo bloo bloo. Your look is fine, don't worry about it, worry about the music.”
>”Mm...” Eris says.
>The two of you walk along a bit more.
>”...Anon? Have you thought what you want to do after this?”
“Have a late breakfast and then watch tv in bed?”
>Eris plays with her hair, a habit she did when she was nervous. “I mean after us, after the band. No band lasts forever...”

>>25816971
>Ah...
>She wasn't wrong. Even the old poppy crap bands of yester year were rare to last too long. Truth be told after meeting up with everyone and starting the Neon Knights, you hadn't put much thought into what came after you were all sick of each other...
“...I dunno. You?”
>Eris moves her hair and looks away from you. “I dunno...maybe do a solo act? Get some of my less metal songs out of me for a few albums. I've always been more classical than everyone else.
>You mull that over, the idea didn't immediately turn you off and Eris's soul music she'd shown to you was fun to play along to.
“Do you need a guitar player?”
>Eris shuts her mouth and looks up at you, you were about six inches taller than her. “You're serious?”
“Yeah? Sure? Why not? Could be fun.”
>She blinks twice but keeps looking at you. “Why? You've always been heavy and sharp, wouldn't...whatever I do be weird for you?”
“Maybe, but I can learn.”
>You bring your hands up.
“Besides, no place I'd rather be.”
>Eris positively beams at you and lets go of your hand in order to wrap both her arms around yours, she nuzzles your shoulder but doesn't say anything.
>Neither did you, nothing really needed to be.

>>25816997
“Hmmm...Do I want Admiral Featherweight or Gorilla Munch?”
>Eris leans against the small handcart you have. “You said we only needed milk...”
“Yeah but we could also probably use some other stuff.”
>Eris groans and seems to melt onto the floor.
“Quitcher bitchin'.”
>”It's my day ooooooffff...I want to be at home either naked or in my pajamas...I'm missing my shows...my feet hurt...”
“Stoooooooop.”
>”Noooooooo.”
>”Excuse me?”
>You turn your head and look behind Eris who reverses like an old VCR and goes back to her feet with an audible pop. “Eh?” she grunts.
>In the aisle behind you was a shorter woman with purple and silver hair and a gray sweater on. You and Eris glance at each other for a moment.
>”Who's askin'?” inquires.
>The woman moves a strand of hair from her face and walks a few steps forward .”My name's Twilight Velvet...” she giggles “I'm uh...a fan.”

>>25817004
>You see Eris thinking over what she said. “Velvet...velvet...way...Twilight? As in-” Eris snaps a pair of glasses onto her face, changes her hair purple, and adopts a haughty pout before she poofs them away.
>Twilight Velvet laughs into her hand. “Yes, that's my little girl, I'm very proud...don't tell her about this though.”
>”Uhhh...” Eris says.
>You step forward a bit.
“I think what my...friend here is trying to ask is why the mother of the lead of a band who was...let's just say “contemporary” since we're in public would be a fan of...well...”
>You point at Eris, smoke is coming from her ears.
>Twilight Velvet digs into her purse. “Well us proud moms weren't always so vanilla. I was a young lady too once!” she produces a small notepad and pen. “Could I...trouble you for an autograph?”
>Eris's eyes now start spinning like a slot machine until the words “TILT” appear in her irises.
“Hold on.”
>You grab Eris's hair and give it a tug, her eyes rotate back to their normal gold and red and she pops up.
>”Uhh...sure? Sure. I've always got time for a fan.” she says, taking the notepad and pen.
>Twilight Velvet is beside herself in the aisle as Eris signs her name and does a little doodle.

>>25817011
>You and Eris leave the store and cut through the park on your way home.
“That was nice of you.”
>Eris turns a bit red and plays with her hair. “She was a fan...”
“A fan who's daughter turned you to stone once.”
>”I made some of my best bird-friends like that.”
>You chuckle and keep walking with her, but Eris lags behind a bit.
“Eri?”
>”...Do you hear something?” she asks.
>You close your eyes and listen to the music that wafts through the trees.
Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztvsL2j4rkQ
“...Wow, that's pretty goo-Eris?”
>Eris hurries down the path in another direction, looking about for the source of the tunes.
“Shit.”
>You follow behind her and find her standing a few feet from a girl with spiky hair and purple frosted tops strumming away on an acoustic.
>A hat with some bits sits in front of her and she continues to play with her eyes closed. Eventually it ends, another passerby dropping some bits into the hat. “Be here all week, buddy.” she says.
>Eris claps like a retarded seal after the song ends and grins. “Awesome! Anon, give me money to give her money!”
“...You're serious?”
>“Money money money money!”

>>25817043
>You hand Eris a few bits which she immediately deposits into the hat. The busker takes them out and counts them before looking up. “Mighty kind of you. Any requests?”
>”I'll think about it. You sound awesome, who are you?”
>She pours the bits into a bag and puts the hat on her head. “Name's Gilda, local busker.”
>You take a few steps forward.
“You're pretty good. You in a band or something?”
>Gilda strums her strings and tunes herself “In-between, making some cash on the side this way. Got mouths to feed.” Gilda looks up at a girl with small pigtails who was playing around near a pond with some ducklings, the girl looks back at her and Gilda nods before strumming again.
>Gilda strums a bit more. “Don't think I don't reco'nize you two. I know stars when I see 'em.”
>You instinctively step behind Eris, this was why you wore a mask.
>”If not for you two...I would be able to make any money for us. Few years ago music was almost gone outside of the radio, now a girl like me can afford to make an almost living off this.”
>She looks up at you again. “So thanks.”
>If Eris felt weird in the store, you did now.
“Y-you're welcome.”
>Gilda sticks a pick in her mouth. “Here's one free of charge.” she says as she starts to strum again.
Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LreG-Xr_rXg
>Eris and you take a seat on a nearby bench.
“...We inspired someone.”
>”Pretty cool, huh?”
“Better than your lame cartoons any day.”
>Eris doesn't say anything and just rests her head on your shoulder.

>>25817049
Pastebin updated.
http://pastebin.com/u/Mandroid
For 8th: http://pastebin.com/Y59Mba5K
Thoughts?

Thank god this one was cute, short, and sweet because it's too damn close to Christmas for 4000 words of Dragonforce again.

Will I have something to deliver here for Christmas? Like some retarded dickhead Santa? Will it be Christmas themed?
Maybe, we'll see how the week goes.

If I don't stop by, Merry Christmas, fags!

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>>25813593
I'm... I'm sorry Hiro.

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>>25817086

Apple apple apple Bros/FM apple apple.

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>Be Anon.
>Super stud in Equestria.
>All the mares want a taste of that hawt monkey dick of yours.
>Even some stallions too.
>Truly a blessing and a curse.
>You wake up in the morning and even your mother, the pony who took you in when you found yourself lost and scared in this world, wanted to take you to bed.
>Sorry, Momma Twi.
>As much as you'd love to give it to her, it would feel wrong…
>Well… Maybe just once… Maybe it's not so bad here…
>On your way to school, all the ponies would stop to look at you, eyes filled with lust.
>They looked like they might take any chance they could get to pounce on you, like if you looked away for too long or something.
>You wouldn't give them the chance.
>As you walk in the classroom the class goes dead silent, polar opposite from all the talk and commotion you heard from outside.
>Friends having fun together before class went to staring at you.
>Even the teacher, Miss Cheerilee stopped what she was doing just to give you her gaze.
>Three ponies you recognize as the Cutie Mark Crusaders giving you the bedroom eyes as you passed, even Diamond Tiara too.
>You take your seat and prepare for class.

>>25817649
>Miss Cheerilee sending the Equestrian map back up, revealing the chalk board, she announces what today’s lessons would be about.
>Your face drains of color when you realize the only thing on the board is chalk drawings of dicks and clipped pictures of your dick.
>How the fuck did they get those.
>”Today's lesson…” Cheerilee stops to lick her lips “Will be about Mr. Anonymous' dick.”
>All the ponies turn to look at you.
>”Anon! You're going to be late for school if you don't leave here soon!”
>Oh shit.
>You close the spiral notebook you were writing into and walk off to get ready for class.
>The self insert story you're writing is coming along nicely.
>Twimom kisses you on the forehead before sending you off out the door.
>As you walk, none of the ponies stop to look your way, not even the mares.
>You're teacher doesn't even look up when you enter, the class keeps talking.
>Taking your seat, you get hit with what you think is a spitball.
>You knew it was Diamond Tiara, you don't even have to turn around to know.
>The CMC attempt to defend you, which is nice of them, but at this point, you don't really care.
>Eventually, Miss Cheerilee stops them by threatening to give them extra homework.
>Seeing Scootaloo look back before continuing to her seat, you swear you even saw her blush.
>You chuckle, wondering if it's possible she liked you.
>Fin.

Haven't written in a long time, but I got a request for Anon to write a shitty self insert of himself where he gets all the mares and shit.

Decided to post it here... And now I'm gone again.

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>>25815630
The fuck did I do to you anon?

>>25816214
Literally dead

>>25815630
Saw it opening night because I knew this would happen otherwise.

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Bumping makes this horse happy.

>>25818120
Fuck that horse.
Fuck her right in the pooper.

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>>25811513
Hay nuggets and fries. Sounds really filling. The man will starve to death. Keep it up.

>>25818120
Why do people think those 3d models are anything but pig disgusting? The show's appearance was not designed for a straight translation to such things.

>>25818314
Because if you try to fuck something that's 2d you'll cut your dick off.

>>25811471
>After a short yet very strenuous spring,...
sprint*

>>25811477
>Thirty five bits is sheer robbery. Especially when he uses the money to
Incomplete sentence.

>>25811513
Fuckin' love nekubi, nezumi, and Hoihoi. It's a shame that something happened with Hoihoi and he won't be able to art anymore.

>>25812196
Good god that was adorable. And she ranks last out of M6 for me.

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>>25811032
https://derpiboo.ru/1031714

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>>25818681

>>25818681
Unf...
I never got rimmed... does it really feel that good?

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>>25818537
Will correct those mistakes after work. Thanks.
I knew that I wanted to complete some sentence yesterday, but I couldnt find it. Happens.

>>25818288
Dont worry, Anon wont starve. He will get something better to eat later~

>>25819070
>Anon is in Ponyville
>None of the pony foods provide him with any nourishment
>The ponies race to find something Anon can eat so that he won't starve
>Eventually a solution is found
>It is determined that Spiderpony food will nourish Anon
>Even if it's kind of gross
>Now the friendly spiderponys from a nearby town are tracking Anon, trying to save him from starvation
>By forcefeeding him the liquified insides of various monsters they caught and coccooned in silk
>Eventually Anon gets caught in one of the webs the Spiderponies left to help find him
>And is set upon by doting arachnids who have decided they know what's best for him
>"That poor alien, just let me get some basilisk goo for him."

>>25815052
Thanks for the comment. I see your point, and will amend that in the future.
still feels weird spelling fuck 'buck' as them, though.
Oh, I -do- have a pastebin. Since no one guessed who I was, I'll put on a trip to give you a hint. See if you can recognize it.
I'll have this story and the other chapter I'm working on up later today.
>>25815080
Not bad, Americanski. Not bad...
>>25815486
Yep, Ivan is german slang for Russian, at least in WWII.
If anyone has problems reading the german and would like translations, don't hesitate to mention it. I'll put something up in parantheses or brackets so you guys can tell what's going on.

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>>25819140

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>>25818705
That's a pretty good way to not get such a treatment ever again.

>>25819934
good

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>>25820008
You'll never get your waifu interested in you if you aren't willing to experiment a little.

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>>25820051
I guess I have to return the favor.

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Right then, heading out to see TFA, if I don't make it back, tell lovelymuffins I said she's cute

Hey, wanted to let folks know that all secret santa gifts are either sent or in the process of being sent.
Thanks for being on the ball, you should all be receiving your presents shortly if you have not already.

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Cross-posting
>>25818645
>>25818771
"I'm gonna do it."
>You stand, poised to do 'that thing she told you not to do'
>Twilight frowns.
>"No Anon, don't do that thing."
>You smile wider
"I'm gonna do it."
>"Anon, please."
>There's a pained not in her voice
"I WILL!"
>"I'll give you a free book if you don't do the thing!"
>Bargaining, ha.
>Now's the time to strike!
>You grin and pull two books from the shelf
>Staring at Twilight the entire time, you cross your arms and watch her tremble in rage as you put them into opposite slots
"Your move, Purple."
>"ARGH!"
>God you love doing the thing...

>>25820336
Can I be cute too?

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>>25820414
Of course.

>>25820344
Merry Christmas, Pencil-san.

>>25820344
I sent a horse dildo. Merry Christmas senpai.

>>25820541
Awesome

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>>25822503
Every Anon can be cute! He just has to be a filly first.

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Okay... Update tomorrow... Got roughly half of what I wanted to write for the next part now.
Also bumps and stuff for more P&L stories.
I fucking love his stuff.

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>>25823706
I meant L&P of course...

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>>25820336
I return!

>10/10 Better than the prequels -IGN

Gonna have to see if I can get back to writing some greens for The Force in Harmony

>>25823096
Can I just be cute without tf?

Right, it's been awhile, huh? Time to delve back into the life of a dwarven monk once again.

>The streets were clear as you advanced on the treebrary, which didn't help your tense mood.
>There's no telling what that little unicorn will do in revenge for your pre-emptive celebration.
>Though, considering all that she did before was tickle you for supposedly 'kidnapping' the smaller lasses...
>Maybe it won't be all that bad?
>You give a small jump as you hop up the small stairs in front of the door, and very slowly open it while peering inside.
>...
>Looks like there's no one there.
>Maybe she went out somewhere?
>Phew, that's a load off of your back.
>You walk into the house, closing the door behind you.
>Now, where to put these groceries.
>You start to walk to the kitchen, when a strange tingling sensation comes over what you're carrying.
>Ah, Twilight's helping you bring the groceries in.
"Thanks, Twi-"
>Wait...
>Ever so slowly, you turn your head to look at the unicorn in question, as the groceries you brought home slowly float into the kitchen, covered in her magical aura.
>The look on her face is...unnerving.
>You shift from foot to foot uneasily.
"Erm...lo there, lass. How was your rest?"
>She ignores your question, and turns to pull a book off of a shelf and use her magic to turn the pages.
>Okay, then...
"I'll just take my leave, then."
>Taking a few steps backwards, you begin to head for the exit
"See you in a while, la-"
>"Do you know how exhausting it is to teleport something to a location you've never been?"
>The sudden question catches you off guard, and you stop suddenly.
"I- no, not really."
>She continues to flip through the book.
>"Oh? Interesting..."
>A half of a minute passes with her not saying anything, nor responding to your presence.
>You manage to get to the door, whether she noticed or not, and try the knob.
>A dull lavender coats the apparatus, and you find yourself unable to budge it in any direction.

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>>25823824
Perhaps~
Maybe not for me but your waifu will always think you're cute

>>25823852
>You feel eyes on your back, and you slowly turn around to see Twilight sitting, a dissappointed look on her face.
>"Leaving so soon?"
>You say nothing, simply trying to move the doorknob.
>No dice.
>After a moment, a feeling of weightlessness overtakes you.
>You float up into the air, and are turned around to see a decidedly agitated look thrown in your direction, courtesy of the lavender unicorn who is so generously giving you the zero-gravity experience.
>"Do you have any idea how late I had to stay up to clean up your mess?"
"I dinnae-"
>"Very, very, very late."
>The residual effects of her sleep deprivation are now known to you as you focus on her face, the bags under her eyes becoming very apparrent.
>"Now, if you would, look at this through my perspective."
>She clears her throat, holding a hoof to her muzzle before beginning.
>"I go to Canterlot with Spike, have a nice but exhausting dinner catching up with my parents, take a long night train home, only to find that the individual that I so kindly let lodge in my house has hosted a party without my knowledge."
>She looks up at you and speaks with slight sarcasm.
>By 'slight', that would be like saying the ocean was 'kinda wet' or the desert was 'kinda hot'.
>"So, I had to spend a few hours sending everypony home while I would have liked nothing more than to just go to bed. But that's not the worst part."
>She shudders.
>"There were a lot of ponies who couldn't hold their drink. They...well, you know what happens when somepony can't hold their drink."
>The unicorn shivers and lowers her head, muttering to herself.
>You catch a few words, them being 'puke' and 'cleaning spells'.
>Yeesh.
>After she composes herself, she looks up to you.
>"So? What do you have to say for yourself?"
>You avert your eyes, Twilight's speech having a shaming effect on you.
"...I'm sorry, lass."
>She stares at you harshly for a few moments, before all trace of anger disappears from her face.
>"Apology accepted!"

>>25823861
>wat
>Her magical aura fades from around you, and you plop onto the floor.
>She turns around, and starts to trot back to the book she set on the floor.
>You're struck speechless by her actions, staring dumbfoundedly at her.
>You try to attempt speech, but all that comes out is confused gibberish.
>Composing yourself by shaking your head, you finally find your footing again and feel ready to attempt speech.
>"W-what? That's it? Yer not gonna do anythin' to me?"
>She simply replaces the book back into the slot she took it out of, before taking out another and looking in the inside cover.
>"Oh no, there's definitely going to be some repercussions. I hope you don't miss your cider too much."
>Your blood freezes as she makes the offhanded thread.
"Y-ye don't mean..?"
>A very small, sadistic smile appears on her face.
>"Yep. No alcohol for a week because of this little stunt you pulled."
>The room begins to spin, and you fall to your knees.
>There's only one thing you can do.

>Be Spike, Maremancer of the highest order.
>Heh.
>If only.
>You're helping Rarity hunt for gems again, as is usual as the case of Fridays.
>Maybe one of these days you won't have to spend time with her only by helping her with her work, and rather you'll be spending time in the park, lazing away the day with her.
>As you stand up from the pile of gems you found and begin to bring them to the small wagon the two of you brought with you, your frills poke up at the very distant, yet somewhat familiar sound.
>"...Nooooooooooooooo!!!!...."
>Your lady turns her head back to the town, a concerned expression darkening her features as she holds a hoof to her mouth in curiosity.
>"Just what is that dreadful screaming coming from Ponyville?"
>You recognize what made the sound, and mock taking off a hat and holding it to your chest.
"The sound of pure, unfiltered despair of a stallion."
>You wonder just what Twilight has done to Anon as you and Rarity get back to work.
>Eh, he'll be fine.
>Probably.

>>25823871
>Be Anon, very depressed monk of the Stonefist order.
>How could Twilight be that cruel?
>Dwarves exist off of Ale and stone, taking one out of the equation messes with the natural order!
>...okay, not really, but it's still going to be really painful this week.
>At least she's not locking you in a room and letting you go to Sweet Apple Acres.
>After recovering from the second greatest sadness you've ever experienced, you told her that you had to meet Applejack at her farm for work.
>She gladly gave you the directions, and said that she would work out the rent that you would have to pay while you were out.
>So, here you are, on the dirt path on the way to SAA.
>Speaking of, you can see the gate appearing on the horizon.
>Breaking into a half-jog, half-run, you reach the gate in no time, slowing down only slightly to hop over the chest high object.
>As you clear the slight hill, you gaze over the splendor of the orchard, a presence makes itself known to your right.
>Turning, you see an absolutely massive pony, who's height rivals the horses of your world.
>He looks you over with an appraising yet calm stare.
>Eventually, he speaks up in an incredibly deep baritone.
>"You Anon?"
>Nodding calmly, you begin to speak.
"I'm here fer the offer of work extended by Applejack. Would ye know where she is at the moment?"
>He nods, turning away and beginning a slow trot away from you, but in a specific direction.
>There's an unspoken suggestion to follow him, as he will probably lead you to Applejack.
>Shouldn't take that long, right?
>No reason to not talk to the pony next to you to pass the time.
>Though he doesn't appear to speak much, he'll probably respond to you.
>Clearing your throat, you see his ears twitch in your direction.
"So, are ye a farmhand here, too?"
>He slowly shakes his head.
>"Nope. Applejack's mah sister."
>Annnnd he just ends it off on that.
>No continuation of the conversation, just that.
>Welp.

>>25823882
>A minute or so passes before the silence is broken again, this time by him.
>"Ah'd like to thank ya fer savin' both of mah sisters."
>What does he mean by...
>Oh yeah, the Timberwolf.
>That was more of a fight for your life, but you don't mind having some extra credit thrown your way.
>But what does he mean by 'both of his sisters'?
>Wait, wasn't that wee lass related to Applejack?
>...
>Oh, yeah.
>So you did save both of his sisters, you suppose.
"Ah, it was nothin'. Monks are sworn to protect others. That came tae me as naturally as breathing would tae you."
>He takes a moment before he nods.
>"Ah can see why Applejack wanted ya on the farm. It's not too often ya run into someone of such high character like you."
>Adjusting the yoke around his neck, he continues a moment later.
>"That, an' we Apples always help out those who've helped us."
>The conversation fades into silence once more as the two of you walk through the orchard.
>Eventually, a dull thump makes it's audible presence known, growing steadily louder as you walk towards the source.
>The two of you walk out into the next row of trees, and turn to the left slightly as you spot the orange pony...kicking the trees?
>As the kick she delivered impacts the tree she was in front of, you see the apples on the tree neatly fall down into the baskets below.
>Huh.
>Efficient.
>Applejack surveys her work, smiling as she does so, but her gaze eventually reaches you and her brother.
>Her smile only widens, and she trots out from behind the tree to head towards the two of you.
>She extends a hoof to you, which you grasp and shake once.
>"Glad ya could make it out here so fast, 'Non."
"Likewise."
>She turns her gaze to look up to her brother.
>"Ah see ya've met mah brother, Big Macintosh."
>You do a half-nod, before stopping.
"Well...yes, lass. He refrained from mentionin' his name, though."
>Her smile fades, and she points an accusatory glare at 'Big Macintosh'.

>>25823893
>"Consarnit, Big Mac, didn' ah tell ya it was rude ta' not introduce yerself by sayin' yer name?"
>He scuffs a hoof along the ground ashamedly, hanging his head slightly.
>Applejack's ire fades quickly, and she sighs.
>"Look, ah know it's hard for ya to talk ta ponies like the rest of us, but ya gotta try, alright?"
>He nods sadly, and she sighs once again.
>"Alright, now git outta here, Ah gotta speak ta Anon 'bout what he's gotta do on the farm."
>He turns around and walks off in the direction you came from, leaving you alone with the orange earth pony.
>She looks at you, and shifts her stance slightly.
>"What do ya know 'bout apple buckin'?"
>You cough into your hand roughly.
"E-excuse me?"
>"Ya know, apple buckin'. Where ya hit the trees with yer hind legs, knockin' the apples into the baskets?"
>You sigh in relief.
>Thank Kols, you thought she meant...
>Nevermind.
"I dinnae suppose I do, lass. Do ye wanna show me how it works?"
>She nods happily, before leaning her head down to slide a bucket on her back.
>"First, ah'd appreciate you helpin' me get these buckets into the cart over yonder."
>She trots off, careful not to spill any apples as she heads to a nearby cart.
>Huh.
>Strange how you didn't see that before.
>Must have been hidden by a few trees.
>Regardless, you crouch down and grasp the handles of the bucket before standing up, making sure to lift with your knees, not your back.
>Would have been a real shame to come out here only to pull a muscle on a basket of apples.
>Speaking of the basket...
>It's actually pretty heavy, but not anything cripplingly weighty.
>Good.
>A few trips back and forth for the both of you, and the buckets are empty while the cart is half-full.
>It also appears that Applejack had hit up a few trees before, which is why there were already apples in it.
>The cart itself is about 4 ponies long and 3 ponies wide, so it will take about four or so more trees, depending if they all have comparable amounts of apples in them.

>>25823900
>She brings a few of the empty buckets along with her, placing it around a tree full of apples, and also directs you where to place the ones you brought along with you.
>Eventually, they're all in place, and she takes a stance in front of the tree.
>"Now, apple buckin' is a long and valued apple family tradition, ever since our great-great-great-"
>She continues for a while, making you question just how many generations there were in her family.
>"-great-great grandparents first settled in Ponyville. Now, what you do is stand in front of the tree, widen yer stance-"
>She does the two things, and you see her muscles tense in preperation.
>"-spin 'round, and-"
>Whirling on her front hooves, she cocks back her rear legs and launches a kick towards the tree, but stops at the last moment and rests herself on the tree.
>"-Well, it's kinda obvious what happens next."
>The orange Apple spins around once more, and lands to face you once more.
>"So, do ya wanna try it out?"
>You raise a hand to your chin, stroking your beard slightly.
>Doing this for a few moments, you compose your thoughts before you speak.
"Well, as much as I'd like tae...there's a slight problem."
>"What's that?"
"I'm not a pony."
>You approach the tree, and lay a hand on it.
"While I'm certainly strong, I doubt that the same technique that works for you will work for me. I mean, I don't think I can match near the force of that kick."
>Applejack holds a hoof to her muzzle in thought, slowly nodding in agreement.
>"Ah see yer point..."
>She clicks her tongue a few times.
>"Do ya wanna try anwyay? Ya might have some luck with that fancy 'pressure point' thing ya did to me and Rainbow a few days ago."
>After you nod, you shake your head.
"I'll give it a try, but I don't think that the tree has any Ki points. It's not exactly living, after all."
>Closing your eyes, you take a few moments to clear your mind and have a few cleansing breaths.

>>25823908
>Opening your eyes, you draw back for an open palm strike, and slam it into the center of the tree.
>A single apple falls down.
>"*Snrk*"
>Ignoring the snickering of the orange pony behind you, you focus on the image before you.
>Much to your shock, there is -actually- a Ki flow going throughout the tree.
>Is there so much magic in this world that even the -trees- have flow?
>Keeping your palm pressed into the tree, you close your eyes and focus on the small 'pings' of energy in the tree.
>"Anon? Ya alright?"
"Yes. Give me a moment, lass."
>Interestingly enough, the energy pings are not appearing in the same place.
>It seems random at best, and it seems that the marking strike you made just happened to hit one of them, causing an apple to fall.
>However, the first strike appeared to have sort of a connection to the rest of the pings.
>So that means...
>Opening your eyes, you draw your palm off the tree-
>And unleash a Flurry of Blows into the center point.
>The fast strikes you deliver into it make it so that while all of the apples don't fall at once like Applejack's, but they fall down in a very rapid succession.
>Eventually, your strikes cease to bear fruit (heh).
>You stop your striking, drawing back into your stance, letting off a final breath.
>Applejack, who you had forgotten was there in your striking, looks over the buckets of apples and the tree.
>Raising a hoof to her muzzle in thought, she nods.
>"Well, ya did get all th'apples into the buckets, so ah can't complain..."
>Wait for it...
>"...but.."
>She turns to you, looking at your hands.
>"Ah can't help but feel that yer hurtin' yerself by doin' that."
>Lifting up your hand, you inspect it to see that it's only slightly red, with some brownish scuff marks from the bark.
>And your fists feel fine, besides.
"Nay, lass. I could, quite literally, do this all day."
>Her eyebrow attempts to escape her face.
>"Oh, really, now?"
>You sense the doubt in her tone, and you turn to face her.

>>25823916
"Yep. All day. Done it before."
>Her eyebrow is beginning to breach the stratosphere.
>"Ah don't mean nothin' bad, but ah'm not quite convinced that anypony, even you, could do -that- all day."
>A smug smile creeps onto your face.
"Are ya sure, lass? Maybe as much as tae make a little wager?"
>She purses her lips.
>"A bet, huh? Go on, Ah'm listenin'."
>You lean back against the tree, telling her of the wager.
"Well, ye go and find me a nice strong tree, or somethin' like that for me tae hit for quite a while, say..."
>You look up at the sky, marking the position of the sun.
>Just barely headed to the west, which means that you've got quite a bit of time until sundown.
>Maybe...six or seven hours worth.
>Plenty of time.
"...'til sundown. If ye don't want tae waste time, I suppose I could spend the time hittin' the trees for ye...but ye'd have to move pretty fast tae keep up with me."
>She purses her lips, furrowing her brow in thought.
>"An' jus' do ya get from this? What do -Ah- get if you can't hold up yer end of the bargain?"
>Pressing off of the tree, you walk up to her, stopping a foot or so away the earth pony.
"Me? A barrel of cider, that's it. Ye don't tell anyone about it, only me and ye know about it. As fer what ye get, I work half a week, no pay."
>The stakes are pretty damn high for you, but you wouldn't be raising them to that level if you couldn't win.
>Applejack nods, lowering her eyes in thought.
>A few moments pass, whereupon she looks up to meet your gaze.
>"Ya've got yourself a bet, mister Anon."
>She raises a hoof for you to shake on it, and you accept it.
>After releasing it, you ask her what she wants you to do.
>Smiling, she asks you to follow her, which you oblige.
>You feel slightly bad for sneaking a bit of hard cider under Twilight's nose...
>Aw, who are you kiddin'?
>There isn't any way you weren't going to last the week without -some- alcohol.
>Besides, what kind of monster disallows a dwarf to drink?
>Preposterous!

>>25823927
>Applejack eventually leads you to a patch of land where it looks like the trees have begun to decay, mostly because of the removed branches.
>As you walk, she begins to explain what is happening here.
>"As ya can see, the trees here've been clipped of all'a their branches. This field's s'posed ta be cleared for a new type of apple trees comin' in all th'way from Germaneigh from our cousins livin' over there. Ah was gonna get Big Mac to help me clear these here oaks out for the new'uns, but since ya've taken that bet with me, this is a perfect place for ya to prove to me if'n ya can or can't. That way ya still help us out while not havin' to have some help come in t'run the carts back n' forth."
>She waves at the dying trees.
>"These've still got some kick left in 'em, so they're gonna be mighty hard to knock down, though Ah'm sure that a dwarf like yew will have no trouble with them."
>Taking a few steps towards the nearest oak, you look back to her with a small smile on your face.
"Is that a hint of over-confidence I hear in ye voice?"
>"Not over-confidence, jus' doubt."
>She sits down on her haunches a few feet away from you.
>"Well, Ah'll just sit here and watch, make sure you win or lose, fair n' square."
>You turn to face the tree as she says one more thing.
>"Whenever yer ready, just start on that there tree."
>Sliding into your stance, you take a few moments to energize yourself with the ambient energies, before striking the tree in front of you rapidly, slowly feeling it's strength begin to wane under your withering assault.
>Your mind checks out as you begin to lay into the tree, your body taking over the actions.
>Beginning to delve into your thoughts, you don't notice the music slowly filling the enviroment.
>'I wonder how big the size of the cask that Applejack's going to get for me is...'

>>25823934
>Be awesomest pony in Equestria, Rainbow Danger Dash!
>Currently, you're flying over Sweet Apple Acres, thinking of what stunts you should work on today, and if you should change your middle name to 'Daring', when a strange sound from the field filled with trees without branches draws your attention.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVBpAikvnHk
>Is that...music?
>As you fly down towards the ground, you notice two ponies there.
>Well, one pony and one dwarf.
>With your awesome eyesight, you saw that the pony was Applejack...and it's kinda obvious who the dwarf was.
>Y'know, the only one in existence.
>Wonder what they're doing out here...
>Only one way to find out!
>Going into a steep dive, you rocket down towards the ground next to AJ, pulling up at the last moment, flaring your wings, causing the dead leaves on the ground to whip up into the air.
>Applejack snorts in surprise and turns to meet you, but Anon doesn't even notice your arrival.
>In fact, he appears to be totally decimating the dying tree in front of him with punch after punch after punch.
>A look of confusion appears on your face, and you turn to look at Applejack.
"Hey, AJ. Why's Anon beating that tree like it stole his Wonderbolts tickets?"
>Your friend turns to look at Anon, a self-assured smile resting on her face.
>"Ah, he's helpin' me clear out these trees, while also tryin' ta prove me wrong?"
"What do ya mean by that?"
>"Ah, the stallion's helpin' me out with the work on the farm, but he convinced me to take a bet up with him."
>You take a few moments to watch as the tree snaps in half, and he kicks the stump out of the ground before moving on to another one.
"What'd ya bet on?"
>She gestures at him with a hoof.
>"Ya see how fast he's goin'? He's s'posed to keep up that pace 'til the sun sets."
>Looking at him with a tone of disbelief, you shake your head.
"There's no way! He's gonna wear himself out at this pace!"
>Your apple-inclined friend smirks confidently.
>"Exactly."

>>25823944
>An hour passes, and he's still going.
>Pretty impressive, but considering how long the other members of the apple family can last, it's nothing too worrying for Applejack.
>Another hour passes, no sign of him stopping.
>Applejack is starting to tap her hooves worriedly, he's starting to exceed earth pony stamina entirely.
>Yet another hour passes, and Applejack has started to panic, swearing under her breath and pacing back and forth.
>Two hours pass, and both you and Applejack are sitting there with your jaws wide open as the dwarf has STILL.
>NOT.
>STOPPED.
>Pinkie Pie has shown up by now, and has not greeted either of you, contenting herself with sitting with the two of you and copying your expressions.
>The final hour dawns upon Applejack, and she has since recovered from her shock, simply settling for being impressed beyond all belief.
>She finally finds her voice, swallowing a lump of air.
>"T-that's enough, sugarcube."
>The dwarf (whom you highly suspect is inequine by now) pauses mid swing, panting heavily as he turns to look at Applejack.
>A tired smile appears on his face.
>"Looks like *huff* I win, lass."
>She smiles, but it twitches as it goes onto her face.
>"That ya have, sugarcube. Fair'n square."
>He continues to pant, seeming to consider something for a moment.
>"Ye know what? I feel a little bad from winnin'. Tell ye *huff* what, lass- I'll take that cask o' cider, but fer two days *huff*, I'll work half pay. That sound good to ye?"
>The farmer blinks in shock, stammering out a reply.
>"N-n-no, it's fine, after all, ya-"
>"I -insist-."
>She looks away, grumbling to herself, before meeting him with a fierce glare.
>"Fine. But yer goin' to have dinner with my family tonight."
>The weary dwarf smiles tiredly, nodding once.
>"Alright, lass. It's a deal."
>Your presence having been forgotten, you decide to make it known again while getting a jab in at your rival.
"Wow, Applejack. When it comes to stallions, you really move fast!"

>>25823956
>Her flustered expression and panicked sputtering was well worth whatever she could cook up with later.
>"A-ah do not! Ah'll have you know that Ah'm the perfect picture of-"
"Yeah, yeah. You really need to learn how to take a joke, AJ."
>She huffs and begins to march off towards her house.
>"Ah know somepony that just got themselves un-invited from dinner tonight."
>The slight scent of apples comes in on the wind, promising fritters and more, causing you to shiver in delight.
>You shake yourself out of it as you watch the two of them walk off into the distance.
>Taking off after them, you desperately plead with Applejack.
"Oh, come on, I didn't mean it! Pleasepleasepleaseplease let me come to dinner with you!"

Well, there we go. A nice, long, next installment of Dwarf in Equestria. This makes 10 chapters so far!
This chapter:http://pastebin.com/BRqFRgv9
My pastebin:http://pastebin.com/u/Thovar
The German tank crew story I posted earlier:http://pastebin.com/KPN90hdY
Sorry for the delay, but I like to write in spurts. Comments and criticisms are welcome as always! See you guys next time.

>>25823969
I've never heard of you but I've obviously been missing out.

>>25823969
nice

>>25825149
this

>>25823860
Twilight looks as though she regrets that spell now.

>Be Anon in Edgequestria.
>Hanging out with Luna in your living room while Celestia mopes in the spare bedroom.
>Puff puff pass.
>"Are the enchiladas done yet?"
Ten more minutes.
>Puff puff pass.
>You sit there watching One Punch Man for the fourth time. It's okay though, because you forgot what happened.
>You both think this is the best way to deal with all of the other ponies and their edgy bullshit.
Mostly though you just like having loud stoner sex with Luna while her sister listens.
>"Dude, you just said that out loud."
I did?
>"Yeah you did. Just wait until after enchiladas. I'll give you a pony blowjob then."
Sweet.

>>25827368
>Be Anon's penis.
>That pony put you in her mouth again.
>It's not so bad. Anon has put you in worse places.
>You wish she'd brush her teeth more often though.
>Oops, time to throw up.

>>25827926
>Be Luna's mouth.
>Yup, that's a penis.
>Luna needs to eat more cake.

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>>25828269
>Meanwhile in Celestia's mouth.
>Ugh, yet more cake.
>Why can't she ever try anything new.
>Luna seems to enjoy penis, maybe you might too.

>>25829124
Fucking unf.
Dies a coloured version exist?

>>25829228
Nope.

>>25829124
Got a printer?
Got some crayons?

>>25811321
>>25811323
>>25811330
>>25811332
That's nice of us. Or you. Or them.

Nice.

>>25817086
>If I don't stop by, Merry Christmas, fags!
And Merry Christmas for you, too, ho ho ho!

>>25817466
Hue.

I have a question, fags. How many threads do you lurk, and which ones?

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>>25829672
This one really. I used to hang around in /sun/ and satyr but they're shit now.

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>>25818681
fucking unf
Has anyone here been rimmed? What does it feel like?

>>25829695
>that feel
When satyr decided it was a great idea to roleplay as the kids on an imageboard in the latest thread, I knew it was time for a break.

>>25829824
Not that great actually. It was awkward for me, but she was super into it. She also did ass to mouth. I thought it was gross.

>>25829835
>rp
You... serious?

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>>25829835
Isn't RP that isn't questing against the rules?

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Got another short green. Working on the next chapter of Changing Lanes, hopefully will have that updated within the next week.

>"What are you doing, Anon?"
>Luna walks into the room from the doorway behind you as you toss away another empty box.
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
>"Uh.... wasting saran wrap?"
>She kicks at one of the empty cardboard tube lying on the floor.
>Demonstrating for her, you slap a hand on the invisibly blocked doorway, the saran wrap recoiling with a sharp twang.
>"Like I said, what a waste."
>You shake your head at her, as you raise your voice to a volume hopefully loud enough for Celestia to hear.
"Man, look at the size of this red velvet cake that the chefs just pulled out of the oven!"
>"Anon, this is not a good idea."
"Yes it is, you two are always playing pranks on each other. Now, step back from the doorway."
>Reluctantly, she obeys, shuffling off to the side with a decent field of view.
>As the sounds of hurried hoofsteps begin to close in, you take a seat at the empty table.
>A blur of color rounds the corner, Celestia heading full speed towards the doorway.
>Just as she begins to slow her pace, she runs head on into the plastic barrier, the elasticity and sheer amount you used enough to throw her backwards about a foot.
>Falling flat on her ass, you bust out laughing, watching as she raises a hoof up in shock at the opening.
"Holy shit, that worked even better than I expected!"
>You hear Luna off to the side trying to stifle a giggle.
>"Okay, you got me good. But where's the cake?"

>Kicking at a rock, you watch as it lazily drifts off through the air.
>"I told you it was not a good idea, Anonymous."
>Luna sits on her haunches nearby, looking at you unamused as you turn around.
"How the hell was I supposed to know Tia would get that pissed about the prank?!"
>"You never make a joke about cake. Trust me, this isn't the first time I've been banished to the moon."
>You scratch your head, confused.

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>>25830256

"Hold on, you were banished for going nuts, not a prank. Right?"
>She turns her head, gazing at the Earth slowly rising on the horizon of the desolate wasteland.
>"Banished for a thousand years..... and one hour. It just sounds a lot better keeping it simple."
"Fuck."

http://pastebin.com/u/AutoPony

>>25830267
>Be Princess Celestia the bestia in Equestria
>You hear somepony saying there's snacks
>FUCK YEAH SNACKS!
>Run towards where you heard it from
>You smack into some kind of barrier
>On the floor, not doing the dinosaur
>You get up and there's Luna and her Apelien friend
"Okay, you got me good. But where's the cake?"
>There is no cake
>Sadlestia.jpg
>You send them to the moon and go look for snacks elsewhere
>Maybe the guards have some?

>>25829955
That ass is glorious.

>>25830328
Apelien is the best word ever.

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>>25830679
I enjoy pony butts.

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>>25831353

>>25831442
Fuck off BonBon, I don't want to do monkey butt stuff to you.
L&P, more BonBon when? I enjoy Tsunlestia, but we need more anger horse.

>>25814799
glorious.
Gonna go play WT now.

>>25831442
Gonna watch.

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After watching the 2002 he-man cartoons, with all the leaping about and tossing mountains, I played with the idea everything in equestria has low density combined with low gravity, which is how something as un-aerodynamic as a horse with wings can fly at mach 1. So in equestria Anon from high gravity earth is essentially He-Man

>The door slams open as Rainbow bursts into the treebrary
>"Twilight! A Hydra is rampaging through ponyville!"
>"Oh no" That's bad
>"That's not all, anon is here"
>"OH CELESTIA NO!" It's worse than you thought. He's as big a troublemaker as Discord, just swap the magical might for physical might.
>Then you hear it
>"BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL! I HAVE THE POOOOOWWWWWWEEEEEERRRRR!"
>Racing out into the streets you see exactly what you dreaded
>Ponyville is covered in bits of dismembered hydra and in the middle of it stands Anon with his loincloth and sword
>You don't know how he convinced Rarity to make him that. Clothes of his people your purple fuzzy ass.
>"The best way to work out differences is through talking not fighting. If you're willing to do that almost any problem can be solved."
>"Anon who are you talking to?"
>"Quiet Pinkie. COME BATTLECAT LET US AWAY!"
>And with that Anon leaps on Mr Bear's back and rides off into the distance, or at least back to Fluttershy's cottage.

>>25829824
I've rimmed a girl before. It's not bad if the person showers a little bit before it happens.

Warning: rimming a girl may lead to hot anal.

>>25831692
>Warning: rimming a girl may lead to hot anal.
t-tell us more

>>25830256
>>25830267
This is adorbs and will always read more of it.

>>25831442
Tsun-bon a best.

>>25831442
Wouldstare/10

>>25812593
Newspone a qt

[PiE]

>Be Anonymous, the inner city the ice cream shop clerk
>Ponies love sweets
>This is a fact
>This is a fact that you have been living day in and day out ever since ponies that could talk became a thing
>Also they can move clouds
>There's so much red tape keeping them from doing that, though
>And the ones that are licensed to fly don't want to be hit by a jet trying to prevent this from being an unseasonably warm December
>Seriously, it hasn't snowed an inch and it's less than a week from Christmas holy shit
>That's a holy shit of surprise more than shock
>Warm weather sells ice cream
>Anything above 60 Fahrenheit is ice cream weather, so they can just keep lobbying for plane-free airspaces forever
>The little jingle-bell door chime rings out as the shop's door glows and swings open
>A little pony walks in through the paradoxically un-radioactive glowing door with a glowing horn on her little pony head
>Her green mane wraps around it like doppler radar scanning a hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, complete with little turbulent offshoots
>Her coat is the color of archived paper and her purple eyes remind you of the eyeshadow that the hot news anchor on channel 5 wears
>Wait, why are your thoughts drifting closer and closer to journalism?
>Oh right, her hat
>This is what you miss when you recognize individual ponies by colors and hairstyle
>It's a fedora (WHYYYYYY) with a little "Press" card tucked into the brim
>You actually know who this pony is

>>25832662
>She approaches the counter and does that thing where they prop their front hooves on it to get closer to eye level with you
"Miss Noteworthy, I presume. If you're here to do a review then you're not a very subtle food critic. What can I get you?"
>"I'd like some- Wait, you know me?"
"Yeah. You're the girl that did the column about non-consensual human on pony snuggling. I read it after a customer told me about it."
>She just blinks at you
>"That doesn't go to print until tomorrow. How has anyone read it?"
"It's already on the paper's website."
>She does a little silent "ohhhhh" with her mouth and lifts up her hat with magic
>A pen and notepad float out as the hat plops back into place
>She scribbles out a few lines of shorthand/hoof
>"News travels faster on Earth. Need to get an internet connection. Right! I'm actually not here for a review, but I am looking for some scoops."
"There's not much in here worth writing about. Except ice cream. We have ice cream and sherbet."
>The pony pouts slightly
>"But I was told there would be scoops here."
"We have scoops of ice cream."
>"I know! I'm looking for a very specific scoops, though."
>Either she forgot how to use plurals or she just gave you the hint you needed
"What, like Haagen Dazs? They're in the freezer at the end of the counter."
>There's a brief twinkle in her eye as her smile comes back in full force
>"Yes! Thank you! I should have written that down."
>She rushes off to the sliding-door freezer

>>25832673
>A couple of minutes later, she returns with several tubs of ice cream hovering alongside her
>You start punching the prices into your cash register
"You want a cooler bag for those?"
>"Nah, I read a magazine about some household spells. Watch this."
>She glares at the ice cream
>Her horn shines brighter for a second
>There's a flash
>When the light fades, all of the tubs of ice cream are embedded in a massive snowball
>Her glare has also shifted to include a raised eyebrow
>"Okay... not what I was trying to do, but I guess that will work."
>The befuddled unicorn pokes at her handiwork with her pen and angrily mutters something
>All you catch of it is something about magic distortion and "I didn't do anything wrong"
>She still hasn't actually bought this ice cream, and this is a "you enchant it, you bought it" situation if you've ever seen one
"Can I get anything else for you?"
>This gets her attention again and brings her back to being relatively cheeful
>"Ah, right! I'd also like a small cup of mango sherbet to go, please."
>You pop the lid off of the sherbet container and scoop some into a plastic cup
>The cup flies over to her the second it touches the countertop
"That'll be 25.80. Cash, credit or debit? Local currency only, can't accept Bits as payment, blah blah, you know the drill."
>A plastic card flies out from under her hat and lands on the counter
>"Debit."
>You slide the card through your register's reader and wait for the screen to read "approved"

>>25832684
>The register prints out the receipt
>You hand it to her with her card
>Both of the items zip out of your hand and into her hat
"Jeez, how much room is there in that thing? Are you gonna keep the ice cream in there too?"
>She just giggles
>"I wish! 'Container of holding' is for unicorns that actually study magic, not just read about it in magazines."
>This prompts her to look back at her notepad and scribble some more
>"Huh. That could be a good follow-up column. 'Misconceptions of magic.'"
>Speaking of which...
"About that column you wrote. It seems like you really struck a chord with some ponies."
>"They liked it?"
"Hell yeah. There was this blue mare that came in earlier today who wouldn't stop talking about it. Sounded like the girl'd been hugged one too many times without permission."
>Noteworthy smiles at you
>"What can I say? Ponykind didn't choose to be cute. Cute chose to be us."
"Can't argue with that. Have a nice day."
>Your customer starts on her way to the door, flipping through her notepad and scooping sherbet into her mouth as she goes
>She stops as she gets to a page with a checklist
>After checking off a couple of items, she turns back to you
>"Say, I'm stocking up for a self-congratulatory snacking spree. Do you know where I can get some prenkles chips?"
"I think you mean Pringles. Gumanaam's got some at his convenience store. Take a left out of the door and go two blocks. Tell him Anon sent you."
>"I will. Thanks!"
>It was a marvelous day

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>>25810984
What would you guys think if a little happy thread about Starlight Glimmer merged with the big scary whale that is AiE?

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>>25832735
You want to write a story about glimglam and anon here? Go ahead.

>>25832735

Does it have anon in equestria? If yes, then sure.

>>25832761
I want to continue a story about Glimglam and Anon*
We're pretty much dead right now, with a hugeton of green for just one thread though.
>>25832763
Glad to hear.

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>>25810984

Original prompt:
>"Oh what's the matter Anon, are you scared?"
"I just don't think we should be down here all alone in the basement like this-"
>"Oh whats the matter, are you scared? Afraid if we do this we'll see a spooky ghost? Ghosts aren't real Anon! I'm just trying to have some fun ok, it's all just pretend, we won't be in any real danger, now come on."

Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/bqyUGJ2e

NSFW spin-off by Game Sphere Bumpfag http://pastebin.com/GGh4RxwH

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>>25832837
Thought you were gonna actually post it here.
Would have quickened the thread abit.
Anyway, I will give it a read later. Thanks.

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>>25833217

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>>25833230
>via 9gag.com
>memeful.com
I see what you did there hopefully did there

>>25833242

>9gag a shit

>memeful a shit

>using soly to piss glimmerfags off

>>25817086
honestly asking here
what the fuck is this

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Ahh... Fuck.
Had to start over with the next part of my story so no update today.
Maybe I will just switch to larger updates once or twice a week... Seems easier and many other writefags do that.

>>25832701
Ponies are for snugglings.
Whether they want them or not.

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Any tips on how to overcome a part you are stuck on? or hjave written yourself into a corner?
Would appreciate that.

>>25834285

Drink heavily. Write drunk, edit sober.

>>25834285
suicide is always a option

>>25834285
Write something random on the paper. Literally the first thing that comes to mind. Erase that, and try to write something less shit.
Eventually you'll figure out what works.

>>25834363
>Eventually you'll figure out what works.
Or you'll end up having anon fuck a timberwolf to assert dominance.

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>>25834301
Im kinda doing that already. Should I drink more?

>>25834340
Nah still have some bills and debts to pay. Can't leave this world like this.

>>25834363
So just fuck around until I find something thats good? I gonna give that one a try, Thanks.

>>25834382

>Should I drink more?

Yes.

>>25834381
Some things you never live down.
Also, that was before I started using this method.

>>25834382
>Can't leave this world like this.
why not?

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>>25834410
Dunno. I hate leaving things unsettled or open.

>>25834390
>>25834382
I'll race you!

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>>25834436

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>>25834390
Okay then... Lets see how much I can drink before being unable to work tomorrow.

>>25834449
Gotcha

>>25832837
Pastebin is shit on phones. Post the story in thread.

>>25834506
Just download the paste mate. But I agree... He should post the story here.

>>25834506
Use a browser like opera mini that allows text wrapping, or download it like >>25834520 said.

>>25834381
>>25834401
>Be Anon, innawoods
>Magic tree wolves are growling at you
>You stand up
>Oh look there's a squished little magic stick wolf where you were sitting
>Anyway, your parents gave you advice for just such an occasion
>"Anon, if you're innawoods and animals are giving you sass, fuck them up"
>You approach the biggest one, because the biggest one is going to be the boss
>After some struggling you manage to stick your dick into it
>The other woodwolves are all watching you
>You cum inside
"Do any of you want to try something? Huh?"
>The other naturebominations back away
"Now YOU, my new fuckbuddy, are going to show me around this place."
>And that's how you showed up on the outskirts of Ponyville riding a cum-dripping Timberwolf.

crosspostan
>Ya'll are Applejack, Farmer horse pony who makes apples
>It's after dark and almost bedtime
>Applebloom is practicing on her hurdy-gurdy
>You hear somepony knock on the door
>There isn't anypony there, just some boxes
>One of them has a card with words on it, but you can't read so you ignore it
>You take the boxes inside and give them to Big Mac, maybe he'd like them.
>You don't have any time for fragile looking boxes that you couldn't put apples in.
>You go to sleep.

>>25835182
the mystery
the suspense

Update to http://pastebin.com/sLyVaRNh

Continues on line 145.

"Oh Fluttershy? Come out, come out wherever you are."
>The timid pegasus' soft voice rings out from behind her bedroom door.
>"Never. I saw what happened to Twilight, you won't make drink any of that evil soda."
"It's always a little awkward the first time. Remember how Rarity couldn't stop burping?"
>"Which embarrassed her to no end."
"Applejack handled it well."
>"She suplexed a tree when it wouldn't drop any apples."
"Because the Dr. made her handsome and stronk.
>"You didn't forget what happened with Pinkie did you?"
"No one's found the body right? Besides, ever since she can remember Pinkie always wanted to be a gangster. Even if she has the attention span of a goldfish."
>"BODIES. It was bodies Anon."
"And the cragadiles appreciated the generous donation of meat pies."
>The house is quiet while you wait for her response.
"I already know what you're gonna say."
>"But Rainbow-"
"Oh come on, we both know that every other one of Dashie's stories ends with ("...then I came and started farting.") She's gross like that."
>A short giggle escapes from her mouth.
>"Well it was pretty funny that it happened to be the same day the Wonderbolts came to visit Ponyville."
"Right? Look, will you please just give it a chance? I even brought you something different than the standard since I know you're the definition of delicate."

>>25836285
>A short pause to consider your offer before she replies, "Okay."
>You turn the knob and the door slowly opens to reveal a pair of cyan eyes looking up at you.
"I could've done that at any time by the way."
>Walking over towards her bed, you set your cooler on the night stand and take a seat.
>Patting the space next to you, Fluttershy obediently, albeit timidly, plants herself next to you.
>Opening the cooler, you withdraw a single striped can from within and pop the top which only manages to half spook the homeowner.
>You even put a simple bendy straw in the can for her before letting her take hold of it in her hoovsies.
>"Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? Are you saying I need to lose weight? Oh, it has been getting harder to squeeze into my pajamas recently."
"No, no, no! You're fine the way you are kid."
>Gotta protect that booty for the sake of the world.
>And your fap material.
>"Okay, well here goes nothing."
>She looks at it sideways for a second before bringing the tip of the straw up to her lips and gingerly sucking up her first sip.
>You can see her eyes light up as the first drops hit her tongue before she grips the straw with her teeth and yanks it out only to spit it away so she can properly grip and sip from the can.
>"Oh my goodness! This is sooo tasty."
>She spins the can in her hooves to read the nutrition facts.
>"And no calories? Why isn't every pony drinking this?"
"Sometime's there's just no accounting for taste." You say grabbing the can and taking a swig for yourself before passing it back.
>She smacks her tongue before falling back and kicking her hooves up before resting on her side.
>"And that wonderful after taste of vanilla."
>She returns to her upright position to take another drink and giggles as her cheeks turn red before she continues sipping.

>>25836301
>Oh god she's not-
>"Y'know Anon, I may be too shy for my own good, but I gotta shay. Umm, I forgot what I was gonna shay. *hic*"
>Sweet merciful christ, she is.
"Okay Flutters, just finish your drink and head to bed."
>"As long as I don't gotta shleep, *hic*, alone..." She slurs.
>Fuck's sake.
"Okay, but you're the little spoon got it?"
>"And from what Applejack's told me, yer a BIG spoon. hehe, um. sorry..."
>She digs her way under the covers while you slide right in next to her.
"So shall I read you a bedtime story or will-"
>A quick snore followed by another and you can tell she's down for the count.
"Silly ponies."
>Pulling her fuzzy warmth up close to yourself, you bury your face in her mane while she adjusts her head along your bicep.
>Today was a good day to-
>A sudden crack of thunder and flash of light go off next to the bed as a disheveled Twilight Sparkle stands on the now charred floor of Fluttershy's cottage.

>>25836317
>"Anonymous! I've seen it all! The beginning, the ends and everything in between. We can make this world perfect if we just-"
"I'm gonna go ahead and stop you there Twihard. What you saw was what has been already. We are on an endless cycle of living out our lives and doing things differently with each go, you can't change the future because you seeing the past was all a part of this timeline's plan. Everything you've done and will do is set in stone regardless of whether or not you think you're doing it of your own free will."
>"R-really?"
"Nah, I just like messing with you and even though I say that, I know you're going to spend a lot of time over thinking what I just said until it drives you mad."
>"But I KNOW what I saw and experienced while I was gone."
"Actually after you had that first sip, you ended up transported into Discord's closet where he kept whispering crazy shit in your ear as you slept it off."
>"How could you possibly know that?"
"He invited me to come mess with you too, so I did. Guess he made it so you'd teleport back to town once you woke up.
>The gears in Twilight's head come to a screeching halt as she tries to process everything and fails spectacularly before she passes out from the mental exhaustion.
>Aww yuss.
>Mother.
>Fuckin'.
>Sleepover.
>It's always a good day to mess with Twilight.

Hope you enjoyed, night y'all.

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>"So, Dr. Anon. Whata think?"
>You raise the x-ray printout again, just to be certain your eyesight isn't playing tricks on you.
"Pinkie, what did you have to eat today?"
>The mare looks up to the ceiling, contemplating on meals prior.
>"Hmm... Well, I had six pancakes in the morning, then a dozen cupcakes for a snack twenty minutes after. For lunch, I had a red velvet cake that I've been working on for ages! Oh and then for a mid day snack, I had six strawberry tarts!"
>You look over the x-ray once more.
"Anything you might be leaving out?"
>Pinkie looks down to the floor and shuffles her hooves.
>The exam table's paper crumbles along with her leg swings.
>"Well, there were a few other things that I had."
>You take off your glasses and grab your chair.
>An exasperated sigh leaves your lips as you take a seat.
"Pinkie, I'm here to help you. Lying, or keeping things away from me only hurts yourself in the end. I'm not going to get mad at you. I'm only here to help you. But to do so, you have to let me do so."
>"Alright."
>Her perky smile grows into a grim frown as she looks into your eyes.
>"I... I... I ate three ceramic plates, two cardboard boxes, and a whole drawer of wooden spoons."
"Do you eat things like this on a usual basis?"
>"Y-Yes. I don't know why, but some things look sooo yummy and I can't help myself!"
>You nod your head and write down your notes.
"Pinkie, what you have is a disorder known as 'pica'. As you know, it's a disorder in which you'll eat objects that have no nutritional value."
>Standing up, you grab a pamphlet from your drawer and had it to the mare.
"It's common in children, but there are cases in which adults are known to develop it."
>Pinkie skims over the pamphlet, catching glimpses of colorful pictures inside.
>"What do we have to do to fix me, Doc?"
"You're not broken, Pinkie," you chuckle. "Just... misinformed if you will. If you'd like, I do have a treatment I've been wanting to test. Only if you're willing, that is."

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>>25836505
>Pinkie, reluctant at first, finally nods her head.
>"Sure. As long as I get better."
"Good. We'll meet back here in my office tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."
-----------
>Sure enough, as two o'clock rolled around, Pinkie waited by your office door.
"Please, come in," you greet.
>The mare enters the room noticing a small stool, a table, and multiple object littered across said table.
"Take a seat."
>Pinkie plops her hindquarters down on the chair.
"I'll need you wear this as well."
>In your hand lies an electric dog collar.
>"What's this for?"
"It's for your training. It'll help your body realize that eating things that aren't food is bad for it."
>Pinkie shrugs and puts on the collar.
"Very good. Now, you'll notice the objects in front of you, ranging from food to random household objects."
>The pink mare licks her lips in anticipation.
>"Yep!"
"I want you to eat the bread there."
>The mare reaches for a slice of bread, then proceeds to chomp down.
>Before the blink of an eye, she downs the entire loaf.
"Good. Now I want you to eat whatever you'd like next."
>Pinkie looks at the items, hesitant about her choice.
>She turns to you, hoping for an answer.
"Don't mind me. Just imagine I'm not here. Pick whatever you like and eat it."
>Pinkie turns back to the table and scans it once more.
>Her hoof leads towards the pack of light bulbs.
>She's indecisive at first, but after a moment, she grabs a bulb and attempt to put it in her mouth.
>With the simple press of a button, you activate the collar.
>She jumps from the jolt.
>At one point, you're pretty sure you saw the light bulb flash.
>"That hurt! Why would you do this, Dr. Anon?"
>You pat her on the head, a stern look across your face.
"This is the quickest, most efficient way of training. If we continue like this, your body will not eat something it shouldn't because it will fear that it'll be shocked, even if you know you don't have the collar on."

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>>25836516
>"Wow! That actually makes sense! I think..."
>With a nod, you motion your hand toward the table.
"You may continue."
>Pinkie continue to go through the items, eating a tub of butter, a jar of peanuts, a raw sweet potato, and a bunch of bananas.
>However, she did try to eat a plastic bottle, a couch cushion, a box of pens (twice), and a wooden tire.
>She has now reached the final item: a clock.
>The room begins to stink as the smell of scorched hair fills the air.
>Pinkie looks completely exhausted.
>She's drenched with sweat and she's even smoking at this point.
>There is one thing, though.
>She doesn't reach for the clock.
"You're not going to eat that?"
>The mare shakes her head.
>You walk over and give her a small pat on the back.
"I'm so glad that you won't. Here."
>You place a paper on the table.
>A "diploma" of sorts.
>On it reads, "This diploma belongs to PINKIE PIE for completing her trials of overcoming pica."
"You've earned it. Now you'll be able to liv—"
>You find yourself cutting that sentence short as Pinkie tries to eat the diploma.
"Pinkie! I thought you didn't find inedible objects appealing any more?!"
>Pinkie shakes her head.
>"No, I said I don't want to eat that clock."
>You look at the clock.
>Just seems like a normal clock.
>Nothing weird about it, nothing odd.
"Why not?"
>"I don't like clocks."
>You shake your head, perplexed.
"Why?!"
>"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming!" she says with a cracked up smile.