Reversed Gender roles Equestria

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>Teat-twisting in Equestria

mares are so last season

minotauresses is where its at

>>25456579
Nice try faggot. Take your fur to the >>>/trash/

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>>25456579
>Strange fascination with minos
>Wouldn't fuck a horse
I sense cryptofurries ITT

>>25456594
>>25456597
>not wanting to touch the cow
>not wanting free milk for the rest of your life

>>25456610
I wonder how pancakes made with minotauress milk would taste.

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>>25456533
>Anon gets bored living in Canterlot
>Decides to become a thief for fun since no internet and most video games are still 8-bit.
>Using his video game skills, comic book knowledge, and otherworldly luck he becomes a male Catwoman
>Starts having an on and off again relationship with Mare-Do-Well who keeps saying she isn't Princess Luna.
>She keeps trying to reform him, but he is just having too much fun.
>Gets recruited to join Chrysalis's legion of doom.
>Finds out that the only reason he was allowed to join was cause the legion is trying to expand and needs to diversify and promote equal opportunity to attract other villains.
>Decides to stay around anyway since the villains keep saying he is a "critical part of the team"

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>Anon is a black widow style serial killer
Why hasn't anyone done anything with this?

>>25456843
For all the RGR we try to do in this thread, it's still hard for people to get over the idea that a man committing a crime is more serious than a woman committing the same crime.

The readers would just see a man killing women, and probably wouldn't be able to compare it to a woman killing men on the same playing field.

Plus, serial killers either need a very strong character motive (as in Death Note, and probably Dexter), which "Anon in Equestria" style greentexts seldom use, or they're an antagonist in the story that the main character works against.

>>25456843
Because they might cut themselves on the edge.

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>>25456719
Udderly delicious.

Gotta ask; how does one know when a thread's about to hit its limit?

>>25457051
Get out.

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>>25456911
>911
I have a bad feeling about this

>>25456911
>>>25456843
I had thoughts, but, as always there's this thing called work.

>>25456982
You don't have to walk along the edge, you can just look at it nope the fuck away

>>25457147

Actually, fuck serial killers, let's start with murder first:
>Anonsy in RGRE
>People accept him more or less due to his good job choices and people skillz
>Think he's the sweetest thing
>Lives his life, twists the teats, etc.
>Xenophobic mares enter stage left
>Harass him here and there.
>One night as strolls around they push him into an alley and try to reeducate him
>He doesn't want to hurt them
>the head bitch goes in for a geldslap and he just kicks in her general direction
>she connects, but so does he. right in her throat
>with his steel-toed boot
>with his practiced kick from playing soccer in college
>she collapses in shock and doesn't move
>the other two bitches realize that shit got serious and advance on him
>Anon runs to one of his little horse friends
...
>let's pick Bon-Bon
>rushes into her house at night
>stammers something about being attacked in an alley
>BonBon the superspy and Lyra the guard auxiliary put on their ass-kicking faces and rush out
>turns out everypony heard the commotion
>the three mares that attacked Anon are surrounded by angry townsfolk
>two sidebitches get sent to jail for processing
>the head shit expires before medical help can reach her.

>>25457092
put your dick in a toaster, if you see its shadow then the thread is almost up. If you don't...
sorry about your dick.

If getting a girl to suck your dick is near impossible for us humans

And the gender roles are reversed...

Does that mean mares want to suck their stallions cock but he won't let them?

>>25457192
Stallions won't nibble their clits.

>>25457192
It's the same with Anal. Stallions are sketchy about dicking the booty.

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>>25457092
I have the 4chanX addon, so it might be placed different for me, but there's a thing that tells you how many posts there are in the thread (with the maximum being 500 on /mlp/ before it can't be bumped) and which page it's on, with 10 being the last before it dies.

>>25457192
>Does that mean mares want to suck their stallions cock but he won't let them?
I think it would more likely be that they want their stallion to eat them out, but the stallions generally won't or just use it as a reward.

>>25457170
>with a pony dead the investigators are very thorough
>all witnesses questioned, all bruises examined, all evidence cataloged.
>Anon is absolutely distressed. It's the first time he killed another person.
>he tells everything how it is.
>his bruises are photographed.
>since tender human skin bruises easily and he fell once or twice in the dark while escaping, he's a MESS
>the sidebitches try telling that the evil monkey killed their friend
>some locals heard the confrontation and call them out
>besides, how could this poor battered colt kill a construction mare with a hell of a temper and history for violence?
>sidebitches go away on assault and battery
>Anon is CLEARED OF ALL CHARGES
...
>Anon thinks about life for a second.
>He just killed a female
>A female that couldn't have possibly hurt him seriously
>She was unarmed
>He could have ran away
>He could have subdued her, all of them even.
>But he panicked, and now she's dead.
>Back home, he would be facing Murder II
>Nobody would believe him how these scary women threatened him and hit him
>Here - not even exceeding self-defense. Nothing. He didn't see trial.
>He just killed someone, and all he got for it was...
>New friends, love, sympathy, and lots of hot calming sex.
>... he got away with murder...
>Neither the guilt nor his injuries could sour his mood.
>The bruise has almost healed
>And the bitch deserved it

>In some way...
>Seeing her choke on her own blood, pleading for help, surrounded by ponies who would not give any was...
>Good. Cathartic.
>Having her look you in the eye, silently begging for forgiveness...
>Strangely arousing.


So, here's a skeleton. maybe I'll follow up with the flesh. More probably - you won't see shit from me cause I write like a lame turtle and I just got a ton of bug reports and they are my fault.

>>25457306
P.S. So, if anyone wants to have it - take it, you murderous bastards.

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Hey, I didn't kill the thread, did I?

>>25457693
Thread is just slow. This happens.
That or they're stunned by how great you are.

I'm just chillin in this thread waiting for more Scootaloo has a hot brother.

Please Frosty, do it for the children. And the manchildren. And the men who like children. Well maybe not that last group, but they still like your writing.

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>>25457734
ok.

>>25457306
I like it. Not enough to do anything with it, but still.

>>25457837
>I'm just chillin in this thread waiting for more Scootaloo has a hot brother.
My sibling. My gentleman originating from the second largest continent.

I, too, wait for based Frosty and his new Scootaloo hotness. Let us wait together.

This general is literally just waiting for three guys to write shit. There's nothing else.

>>25458478
And some fucks trying to chase the last writers away.

Somenonny's harem fantasies are endangered by the teat-twisting general.

>>25458478
Sometimes we come up with little ideas, discussions, but that is about it. I'm trying to write a couple of stories but I keep typing more than I intended and don't know what to put next.

>>25458401
>My sibling. My gentleman originating from the second largest continent.
are you calling his momma fat

>>25458478
I'm studying for the GRE, so I come here to chill and read fun green. I enjoy contributing, but I don't have a ton of time at the moment.

>>25456843
>The whistling in your ears reaches a familiar pain that signals terminal velocity
>You hold the null impact rune firmly in hand
>Approaching 2000ft above your drop point
>Terminal speed is about 200 feet per second
>The spell only lasts for three seconds
>You begin counting
>At eight seconds into your decent, you activate the spell
>Your body glows green, and a wrenching sensation overwhelms you as the force from the fall rapidly dissipates
>One second after, the wood ceiling meets your hands and feet
>A second after that the glow fades, and you once again can feel gravity bear down on you
>You remain crouched for a time, the sudden transition of forces always does a number on you
>"Agent, our readings indicate that your landing was a success, can you confirm?"
>You hold a finger to your earpiece
"Y-yes ma'am, just needed a second... I'm here"
>"Time is of the essence agent, You've got your orders"
>Get in, add more faces to your nightmare stock, get out
>Same as always
"Yes ma'am"
>You pick the lock to the roof's hatch and drop down
>Barely a sound when you land, you steady your breathing and listen out
>At least six distinct voices patrolling the complex below
>Hopefully these mares are stupid enough to leave gaps in their patrol
>The last ones were very organized, almost ran out of bolts for your crossbow having to take them all out
>You activate your medium strength featherlight rune, every footstep you take is completely silent for the next five minutes
>Alright, you've got your orders

>>25458777
>"I heard him, keep your eyes sharp ladies!"
>Damn, needed just a few seconds longer before the rune wore out
>It's so easy to underestimate how good a pony's hearing is
>"Come out colt, we'll take it easy on you" one mare calls out
>You chance a peek down from the wooden beams you took refuge in
>Another chuckles, "Yeah, we saw you in that tight outfit. Can't wait to see you out of it"
>It's funny, if there's no pegasii in the groups, they never think to look up
>You wait until the mare who wants to undress you pauses right under you
>You line up a shot with your crossbow
"Such a tough mare huh? I've got something for you to look at right here between my legs"
>The mare looks around out of instinct before looking up
>Her eyes shift from confident to terrified faster than you can pull the trigger
>She's too slow to react otherwise though, and that's one more pony on the pile
>"Hey, I heard something over here"
>You load up another bolt
>Now to add on the rest

>"P-please! Don't shoot! I-I'll give you anything you want!"
>You have the drug lady at bolt point
>Credit where it's due, you had one hell of a time getting to her, but this mission is almost over
"Can you give back all the lives you ruined to build your fortune?"
>The mares eyes go wide
"Can you restore the families you tore apart peddling your poisons?"
>She shuffles back as you advance towards her
>The mare yelps as she bumps the back of her head against her desk, she looks about ready to wet herself
"Because if you can't do that, then there's only one thing I want from you"
>She brings her hooves together, pleading on the floor before you, "Anything!"
"I want you to meet your maker-"
>Her face sinks, like a deer caught in the headlights she can't even react
>You-
>Are blinded by a bright light
"Aah! What the fuck?!"
>"Such language! You should know to speak properly by know Mister Anonymous"

>>25458793
>You remove the linkband from your head and hold a hand out to shield the sunlight from your eyes
>"No Anonymous! Don-"
>A death rattle escapes your character's lips as you watch him fall to his knees on the screen in the middle of the room
>The drug lady was buying time to get her crossbow from behind her desk
>Both you and Chrysalis groan as the game over screen appears
"Damn it Buzzy! Look what you did!"
>"We were at the end of the mission!"
>The changeling butler remains unphased as he continues opening the curtains to let sunlight into the royal throne room
>"Well forgive me for interrupting your "missions", I just assumed the Queen of the Changelings might want to know that it has been three days since shacking up with her male, and the rest of the hive is just about to reach a standstill without more orders"
>A heavy blush runs across your Chryss' face, "M-my male?! He's not-! We are friends who really like mindlink games is- is all..." she stammers out
>Buzzy rolls his eyes before unfurling the last of the blinds, "And here I thought that musky smell was coming from something other than day old pizza"
>Chrysalis attempts to respond, but the bowtie wearing changeling is already carrying the trash you two piled up out of the room with his magic
>You sit with Chrysallis in awkward silence for a moment
"Jeez, has it really been three days?"
>Chrysalis doesn't respond, she's completely entranced by the floor
"So uh... switch off?"

>>25458806
>She peeks up at you through a split in her oily hair
"We did say switch off after a death" you explain while holding the linkband out to her
>A small smile spreads across her face as she takes the band in her magic, "Buzzy did say 'about' which means I've probably got another mission's worth of time. Bet I can get through it without being spotted"
>You shove her gently
"Yeah, now that you've seen me suck at it my first time through, like usual"
>She leans forward, "That's not true, most of the time you don't even die. You're great during your first time..." and then she falls back onto you, likely weak from the three day binge you two have been on
>"You're warm..." she mumbles sleepily
>Before you can respond she jump up to her hooves,"I- mean... I think the system is getting too warm to keep playing. AndIshouldcheckonthehivebye!"
>She scurries out of her room as you touch the system
>It's warm, but not really hot
>You slip the linkband back onto your head and hit restart
>She can play the next mission, you almost had this one

>>25458478
More content makers would be great, help keep the place more active. I'm glad we have AnalplugAnon as a regular now, that writefag is pretty cool.

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Does anyone else feel like /mlp/ is moving faster than usual? It's only been about 1 hour since the last post.

>>25459545
I think we've hit another golden age. Things are looking up for Mr. Bones Wild Ride.

>>25459545
>iunderstoodthatmeme.cap

>>25458806
>"And here I thought that musky smell was coming from something other than day old pizza"

Daaamn. Buzzy got a mouth on him.

>Anon is invited to a slumber party at Sweet Apple Acres with his stallion friends
>He would have rather not go, but Caramel made him come
>He partcipates in pony games and such and eventually enjoys himself
>They're all unaware that the Mane 6/CMC have been peeking in from the other room.

>>25456719
>You are Anon and your mouth feels like it has just been kissed by the goddess of pancakes.
>A goddess who is sitting across from you in your kitchen.
>A goddess in the form of a minotaur named Maybelle.
"Oh my god these are amazing"
>Your minotaur girlfriend looks up from her own stack of pancakes, a smile gracing her pretty face.
>"I knew you would like it, I found some blueberries that were imported from my homeland at the market and I thought you would like them and some other ingredients that I... bought... in your pancakes."
>Normally, some red flags would go up at the sight of her smile going from genuine to slightly forced and nervous. But, goddamn, these pancakes are tasty as hell.
"Heck yeah, I like them!"
>You stuff another blueberry pancake in your mouth and close your eyes, feeling the sweet blueberry taste invading your senses.
>Taking your time with that particular cake, you roll the bite around in your mouth, sliding your tongue over each individual blueberry chunk you find, humming with pleasure as you feel the juices flow over your tongue.
>Weird faces be damned, your girl
>"Hng."
>The grunt of your ladyfriend causes you to open your eyes to the sight of her biting her lip and staring intently at you.
>You shift in your seat in slight discomfort under her predatory stare.
"You alright there?"
>She starts and looks at you, eyes wide and blushing.
>"Y-yeah, I'm alright. Just keep eating."
>She licks her lips.
>Giving her a confused look, you cautiously start eating again.
>Ohsweettittytwistingchrist
>Your mind goes hazy at the taste of the pancakes, all thoughts of Maybelle's weird actions thrown to the breeze.
>"Yeah, keep eating it you dirty, dirty boy."
"Did you say something?"
>Again with the wide smile.
>"No, no. You want more pancakes? Maybe some milk?"
"Some milk sounds good."
>She bites her lip again, her breathing getting heavier and stares at you for a bit before getting up and moving to the fridge.
Limit

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>>25458845
I need more of this.

I need more of that changeling butler.

>>25460845
Oh my.
Son, I'd milk her myself to use the milk for cooking. Ain't no need in hiding it.

>>25460543
> Anon says he would fuck them all if he could

>>25460845
Oh, whoops.
>"Yeah, keep eating it you dirty, dirty boy."
That was supposed to be spoilered to simulate her quietly saying it.

"So what ingredients did you use? They taste a little different than the pancakes I used to get at Sugarcube Corner."
>The Minotauress sashays back to the table, setting the milk bottle down and leaning towards you with a smile.
>"Everything aside from the milk and the blueberries are stuff that you can find anywhere."
"The milk?"
>You take the bottle and refill your glass, noticing as your pour that the bottle is different from the one you usually buy. This must've been the milk she used in the pancakes.
>"Yup! Just something that I whipped up really quick, do you like it?"
>You hand back the bottle before taking a sip from your glass.
>May's eyes dilate and glaze over slightly after, to your confusion.
"I do, where did you get it?"
>"From a pair of girls, I'm close to."
"Really? All the way from the Minotaur lands and on such short notice?"
"Don't worry about it, I can get as much as you want. They're much closer than you realize and won't run out anytime soon."
>Awesome.
"Maybe I can see them sometime to see how they bottle the milk?"
>"Of course, maybe later today after I get home from work?"
>You take another bite from your pancakes and chase it down with the tasty milk, muttering about how good and refreshing it is before looking at her with a wide smile.
"Sounds good to me, I gotta thank them for this."
>She walks over to you to plant a quick kiss on your lips.
>"Alright, just to let you know, they love hugs and kisses!"
"For milk this good, I'll give them as many kisses as they want."
>Maybelle gives you a quick squeeze before leaving the kitchen to go upstairs to go change for work.
>You sit back in your chair and think of how lucky your were to get a girl like her.

Another limit, one more post for the end!

>>25456730
Fund it.

>>25456533
we need more RGRE images and comics

>>25461123
>Be Maybelle, big busted Minotaur extraordinaire.
>You are on the bed squealing and wriggling around like a calf getting her first axe.
>Anon liked your milk!
>Shivering with lust and excitement for tonight, you run imagine the scene.
>You, weary from a hard day's work at the office stand in the doorway, calling for your h-husband.

>A squeal leaves you when you think of him like that.
>Husband. The very thought makes your heart swell.
>With a sigh, you fall back into the bed and lose yourself in the daydream again

>Anon walks in, wearing nothing but an apron after a long day of tending to the house and polishing your axe, gushing at your womanliness and worrying about how tired you must be and telling you that dinner is ready.
>Being the strong, confident girl you are, you tell him that you were hungry for some other kind of meat.
>You stride towards him and scoop him up in your strong arms, asking him if he's thirsty.
>The poor thing will say he's so parched from polishing your axe and from slaving away at the stove, lovingly preparing your dinner.
>With a wide smile, you carry him up to the bedroom, saying that you have just the thing to help quench that thirst.
>"A-are the two girls you mentioned upstairs?", he would tentatively ask, to which you would chuckle, the silly boy.
>You would kick down the bedroom door and throw him into the bed.
>He would ask what we are going to do on the bed, unsure of what's about to happen..
>To his surprise, you would rip open your shirt, your straining bra popping open and exposing your glorious breasts with Anon's mouth opening wide in amazement.
>You would then slowly advance on him as you introduce "the girls".
>For the last few steps, you pick up speed and tackle him, holding him down onto the bed and press your mouths together in a passionate, lust filled kiss, your tongue wrapping around his.
>Then, before sliding the apron off of him, you would have only two things to say to him:
"Touch the cow."
"Do it now-"

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>>25461522

>>25461522
>A loud knocking pulls you out of your daydream.
>You look down, noticing that in your dreaming your pants had made their way to your knees and your hand in your soaking loins.
>"Hey, May? You finished in there? I need to grab my tablet for that shindig Pinkie invited me to."
"Y-yeah, I got it! No need to come in!"
"Ah!"

Whud!

>You fall off the bed in your haste to wipe your hand, pull your pants up and get his weird future slate.
>With a sigh, you calmly redress and get his tablet and bring it to the door to give it to your boyfriend.
>Opening the door you hand his gadget to him.
>"Thanks May."
>Your eyes widen when you see him sniff the air.
>"You smell that? Smells kind of musty-"

SLAM

>He's lucky you have work, otherwise you would've jumped his bones.
>Fuckin' Anon tonight

So how do you stop yourself from running out of steam when you are getting to the end?

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>>25460543
>Okay, Dashie, keep it together.
>This window is too high up. Nopony ever even looks up here.
>You could park your cyan face right up against the glass all night and they'd never know.
>......
>There's nothing PERVY about wanting to check up on the colts without disturbing them.
>You want to make sure that Anon is making friends.
>A little peek is justifiable.
>....
>Sweet Celestia, Anon wears CLOTHES even when he sleeps?
"D-dirty colt...."
>Maybe....
>Maybe this will be a sexy slumberparty.
>Your wings stiffen and you have a little bit of trouble keeping airborne.

>One Hour Later
>Time to check up on the colts again.
>See how Anon is do-ARE THEY HUGGING
>Anon... is he...?
>No way.
>No. Bucking. Way.
>Anon is rubbing Caramel's belly.
>OOooooohohoho this clop material will last you for a MONTH.
>Caramel is really into it.
>Look at the way his muzzle scrunches up
>The faint blush on his cheeks
>The way his back leg kicks
>And Anon has the biggest smile on his face.
>He knows EXACTLY what he's doing.
>Rarity said he was an innocent, naive little colt, but you know better now.
>Sitting there in his thin, loose clothes; Caramel draped over his crotch; Anon's fingers digging into his soft fur and wriggling around on his unresisting belly...
>HNNGG

>Two Hours Later
>Now that you've... taken care of some, er, urges... you are back to see how Anon is doing.
>You fly your cyan keister up to the window and... is that giggling?
>You hear playful laughter and the sound of something soft hitting something else.
>oh filly are they having a pillow fight
>pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
>IT'S EVEN BETTER
>They're playing Twister!
>Hot, sweaty colts piling on top of each other, muscles twitching as they try not to collapse into a sexy pile of pone
>You're Anon and this story si going nowhere.
>Rainbow Dash twists her teats and cums all over Applejack's barn or wherever Anon and the colts are.
>The End.

>>25461123
>"I do, where did you get it?"
>>"From a pair of girls, I'm close to."
OHOHOHO
I LIKE HER

>>25458845
>Pony vidya
MORE
>>25460845
>>25461123
Minotaur confirmed for belongs in kitchen.
>>25461841
Keep going.

I've got a stupid one-shot idea here.
>Anon notices Minogirlfriend's ax is dull, so he sharpens it
>the next day, she goes to the hospital with a lacerated anus
>turns out those things are just sexual aids

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>>25461755
>>You look down, noticing that in your dreaming your pants had made their way to your knees and your hand in your soaking loins.

>>25461979
>anus
yyeeaaahh right
'anus'

Anons, serious question time. Why do you like RGRE? What element of the story appeals to you? Why do you like it when Anon is regarded the same way as a 1950's woman?

I like the stories because the women in them care about Anon and his safety, even if their attitude is sexist. Instead of rape or physical assault being used as comedy, or something for Anon to shrug off and "be a man" about, it's treated the way it SHOULD be treated: with proper, human dignity. If a mare hits anon, nobody laughs. THey're upset that somepony assaulted anon. If somepony tries to force Anon out of his pants, it's treated with the outrage and seriousness that the reverse would be treated IRL.

Mares look at anon and they don't see a gullible rube to be seduced for profit, or a source of thankless hard labour. They see him as something valuable to be cherished, and something with feelings; in short, a person, just like them.

>>25461841
>Rainbow Dash twists her teats and cums all over Applejack's barn
Dash is pretty kinky.

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>>25462009
Well.
That's definitely part of the appeal. The other part is adorably sexually frustrated little mares.

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>>25462009
>What element of the story appeals to you?
Getting away with anything because >muh double standards.

>>25462054
See? Anon gets it.

>>25462009
You're being kinda faggy about this m8.

I just enjoy ponies being confused by the stark differences between humans or otherwise shocked at alien behavior. This just happens to be one such topic that its done very well. Hven't had a lot of stories recently like that in a while but I'm holding out hope some will return/be created

>>25462009
Because I want to be doted upon by loving mares, content in knowing as long as they come home to a clean house, happy children and a hot meal they'll be happy.
Or maybe I just want free drinks when I have a night out.

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>>25462009
It presents mundane situations in a new and interesting way, and it's a rare kind of conflict to see in most of what I read.

There's a certain kind of honesty about it, and... fundamental good-natured humanity. It usually doesn't have any kinderquestria garbage, and it shows that, even when characters are acting badly, they usually mean well. That's probably the regular gender roles of having even the worst female villains get redeemed when male villains wouldn't have a chance at redemption, but it provides a more plausible villain role than the typical cackling big bad evil guy I usually see.

Also, there's everything you mentioned in your post.

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>>25458845
H-hey... I see you got some bughoers there.
Come on baby.
I need this.

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>>25462690
I need more lovebug in my life.

>>25462009
Because I like cultural clashes. My favorite AiE stories are often when Anon introduces his technology (firearms, cars, whatever). RGR is another level, and it's no coincidence that my favorite RGR stories have a stubborn Anon refusing to meet the local 'ideal male' image.

The only downside is that the stubborn Anon stories usually have Twilight as the resident antagonist sperge, which sucks because Twilight is pretty much best pone.

>>25462009
>Why do you like RGRE?
If we take the fact that all positions of importance in Equestria are filled by mares, most work is done by mares and the world-saving heroes are mares; if we take the fact of the skewed gender ratios - which everyone does...

You cannot NOT have RGRE. The only reason for a horse society where males are used for little more than pulling big loads to be male-led is if the author wants his self-insert have a nice harem of subservient females just because. They will be nice and sweet, and not seek to fuck him over because there isn't enough males for them to be choosy, so they will accept our poor author as he is and wait on him, while our hero enjoys his freedom and superiority over all the local stallions, mmm....

So, if we punch the faggots in the face, we are left with the logical choice - RGRE

Suddenly, we have added yet another detail of a completely alien society that completely fits the previous ones. It feels real, and the fucking harem-builders get punched in the face, which is nice.

Plus all that cultural clashing, delicious

>>25462009
I like seeing vastly different cultures interact and clash especially pony culture with the kindergaurden-esque thing with a normal ass dude. LaP hole anon, Frosty's dead JaGoG and Magical Boy anon come up as notible examples for illustrating pony shock to Anon's behavior and I really enjoyed a lot of the kindergarten Equestria stuff LaP and BNW did.

>>25463121
>Frosty's dead JaGoG
You mention JaGoG. I say thankee.

>>25461522

PIECE OF SHIT

>>25461755
>Dem spaghettimancer cows

>>25463368
Isn't it the best?

>>25463395
Tradcon mares are better still.

>>25462009
Since nobody else has mentioned it, I'll say that for me it's the humor.
I mean at the basis of most good RGRE stories is the humorous situations that Anon gets in.
Think about it, the average anon thrown into a world where he is the equivalent of a hot alien woman.
If you can't think of multiple possibilities for funny stories right off the bat, you aren't trying.

>>25458696
It's Africa. He's saying 'my nigga'.

>>25463438
>Think about it, the average anon thrown into a world where he is the equivalent of a hot alien woman
My nigger.

>Be Anon
>Your car fell into an interdimensional sinkhole because your town council is just that terrible
>Now you're in a land full of tiny magic ponies
>Apparently to them you're a sexy space alien babe
>It's pretty okay
>Get free housebassy in captial city because ponies want to be friends with the aliens
>Use diplomatic immunity to fuck around
>Bone all the world leaders
>International politics becomes focused on who gets your dick next
>Almost start a war over dickings
>Narrowly avert said war by fingerbanging the generals

>>25463776
I love you Durnk Anun. Never change.

>>25456533
>Wing horses puffing out their chest to non
>He giggles thinking they're being silly
>On the inside they are destroyed
>To them anon just laughed at their tiny penis

>>25463794
>Pegasi puff out chest at Anon.
>Anon gets annoyed with them after a bit.
>Does not like them blocking his way with their crazy pony bullshit.
>Anon tears off shirt and shows them what real chest hair looks like.
>Puny pony puff cannot compete with anon's hairy chest.
>TOTAL EMARESCULATION

>>25463952
>>Pegasi puff out chest at Anon.
>>Anon gets annoyed with them after a bit.
>>Does not like them blocking his way with their crazy pony bullshit.
>>Anon tears off shirt and shows them what real chest hair looks like.
>>Puny pony puff cannot compete with anon's hairy chest.
>>TOTAL EMARESCULATION

what will actually happen is good old JaGoG
Anon is totes a mare and trying to counterpuff mares with her own chest fluff.
Then they all go to drink and AJ even lets Anon fuck her brother

>>25463952
>ArmstronginEquestria.kek

Frosty, JaGoG when?

http://pastebin.com/pSeAqG9T

>This mountian of moo stares down at you
>But you don't even care - you've already made up your mind that you're going to jail today
>Be a cow, girl
>Gritting your teeth, you tense up to swi-
>*tonk tonk tonk*
"M-mooo-"
>"Moo..oo..."
>Who in Labarynthia would be using the sacred cowbell outside of spri-
>"So, uh... I guess that got your attention?"
>Both of you turn and look at Anon, who's standing there in a robe a-and his boxers...
>...
"H-hi."
>"Hi. Why are you, uh... assaulting each other?"
>Ok time to be the white hoplite here and save the day!
"Well, I was here delivering milk - as I'm SUPPOSED TO - when I noticed this stalker-"
>You hear a huff beside you, but you continue anyway
"-was just waiting outside your house to snatch you away! Possibly t-to a secluded, abandoned quarry, w-where all sorts of things could happen! There could be ropes! A-and
curds!"
". . ."
>Anon looks up at the stalker, knitting his brows
>Aww, he's having himself a thought! That's ador-
>"Did you try asking her why she was outside of my house?"
"I uh...kinda?"
>"And did you respond?"
>". . . ."
>Mystery Beef Mountain looks away shyly
>HA
>IN YOUR FAC-
>"So, instead of trying to talk it out - or just waiting for me to come out, seeing as how it would be lunacy to kidnap me with a witness - you decided to, uh... fight? That was a fight, right?"
>Wow, the ground sure is interesting
>It's like. Gravel, but more hard-packed into the dirt itself
>Huh, I wonder if I can move a rock with my hoof-
>Anon sighs, placing his welcome-to-labarynthia commemorative cowbell on the ground
>"Alright, let me... just. Get ready for the day. You both can come in - if you're not going to fight!"
>He grins as he folds his arms. "That's just not the whey we do things around here."
>Both of you groan

>>25464629
>. . .
>You're staring at her
>And she's staring at you
>And you're staring at her
>And she's star-
>"So, uh. While the toast cooks... I never did get your name, even though you agreed to help me."
"Help you with wh-"
>"Brunhilda."
>"Well, Brunhilda, it's a pleasure to meet you properly!" Anon smiles from the counter as he pulls down a few mugs. "I take it you're not a woman of many words, so-"
"Help you with what?"
>"Sorry."
>"Oh, there's nothing to be sorry about. I'm guessing you're more of an introvert - and uh...so.. coffee, though?"
>The heifer hussy nods
>"Alright, I'll get a po-"
"Help you with whaaaaaaaat~"
>Anon looks at you and you give him the biggest poutyface you can possibly manag-
>He quickly looks away
>jackpot
>"Sh-she's uh, helping me train. For Socioball."
>. . .
>The toaster oven dings cheerily
"SHE'S WHAT?!"
>Anon raises his hands. "Woah woah woah, hey, calm down!"
"I AM CALM!"
>"Stop yelling, then. Damn."
>You sit back down, pouting hard
>Oooh you're gonna pout forever
>"I just. After I said yes to having you two cheer for me-"
>At this, Brunhilda perks up a bit, staring at you with...
>You don't know
>But you don't like it
>"- I realized who I was going to be up against. And to be honest, I'm not exactly in the best shape possible. So, I found the cow who is in the best shape-"
>At this, she smiles
>You however, suck in your gut
>Just a little bit
>.... it's fluff, not fat! OK?! YOU HAVE A THICK AND LUXURIOUS COAT-
>"-to help me train so I can not be the bitch of the team. It's not that big a deal!"
>Anon goes back to preparing a pot of coffee - or whatever, you don't know
>You haven't cooked breakfast for yourself in what seems like years
>. . .
>She's staring at you
>And you're staring at her

>>25464634
>You are Anon
>Again
>And you can cut the tension in your kitchen with a size 4 butterknife
>...fuck you need to get out more, you actually know the different sizes of butterkni-
>The pot begins to rumble, and that's your cue
>Quickly taking it off the heat, you dump in your grounds and stir it up
>Damn pre-industrial/post-industrial weird-ass tech-tree civilizations
>Sure, you have flashbulb cameras and jumbotrons
>But an automatic coffee maker is BEYOND you
>Ah well. Time to fix this with awkwardness and food!
"So, coffee's almost done - does anyone want toast?"
>Helga raises her hand
>Brunhilda raises the opposite hand
>Arm wrestling?
>Wanting food?
>....why are they just flexing at each other?
"Okaay... so two for toast. Neat. Butter?"
>"Who made it?" Brunhilda rumbles
"Uh. Come again?"
>"Yeah I will, babe." Helga retorts
>. . .
>Gonna just, let that one hang out there
>Collect the toast, lay them out in a spiral pattern, butter bell in the center with jam-
>Fucks' sake, this is your house not at work
>Yet, serving cows, so your muscle memory kicks in
>The plates hit the table with the sound of porcelain-on-wood, snapping them out of their tit-waving contest
"So...shall I get the cream?"
>For some reason Helga goes bright red
>"I-I uh, I mean, i-if you want-"
>"Who made it?" Brunhilda rumbles again, reaching for the toast
>Once again, on muscle memory you flick the back of her hand, and she retracts it
"Really, what in the hell are you talking about?"
>Brunhilda looks at Helga with a ... look
>Helga's got her ears splayed back and-
"There's something that I'm not being told, is there?"
>"N-noooo..."
"You know honesty is the foundation of any-"
>"It's alright. No cream, thanks."
>Oh, well then
>You sit down at the table, and there's another look shared between the girls
>But this one seems less... antagonistic?
>Whatever
"So, did you bring my delivery today?"
>"Aah!? I uh, y-ye-"
>You chuckle
"Well?"

>>25464641
>Once again, two frosty-cold bottles are placed on your table
>Once again, you must choose
>And choose wisely
>Staring at Helga, you reach for the one on the right
>. . . .
>the one on the left?
>. . .
>Right?
>Damn pokerface
"Seriously, though. I know you make one of these 'special', but - what does that even mean?"
>You miss Brunhilda's eyes popping open, her head slowly tilting to the side as she stares at Helga
>"I-i-i-it just h-has moo-more cream th-than the other-"
"So..."
>"S-so it's a premium product. I-I'm not supposed t-to... take them..."
"Oh. Well, look, don't... I mean, I know you've been sweet on me for a while, as Diamond would say, but don't do anything that would jeopardize your job. Is it the right one?"
>She nods
>Without a word you uncap the top
>...hey, actually, this does look a bit thicker
"Well! If you don't mind-"
>"hhh~*" Helga rasps
>Aww, that's adorable. Yes, I accept your gift, little tauress.
>Man if she's like this every time she gives you something...
>The cool, thick cream goes down your throat quite easily
"~ah! Hey, that actually wasn't too bad!"
>You lick your lips, getting rid of that milk mustache
"So... uh..th..the toast?"
>Both of your guests are bright red
"...are you two hot or-"
>"YES."
>"WINDOWS PLEASE"
>Hofuk ok already damn

***
>They didn't touch their breakfast at all
>Fuckin' did all that work for nothing
>"Bad before a workout"
>"Oh, I'm just so used to my Happy Cow, I can't-"
>But that didn't stop them from encouraging you to drink the entire bottle and "eat up"
>Bitches
>Ah well. Cold Toast for dinner or something

>>25464651
>"S-so... so I'll see you at work?"
"Probably. We're staring a bit late today, but the idea is to work out and then go to work-"
>"R-right, right. Well, uh. S-see you then?"
"Yes, Helga. I'll be there for the same shift I'm always at. I'll see you then."
>You smile and wave at her, and she responds in kind
>"Ok! Y-you too!"
>She's still standing there
>infront of your walkway
>....just smiling and wa-
"Ok, so. Brunhilda - where to?"
>"Gym."
"You don't have to be so chatty, you know."
>There's a single chuckle before you feel a hand on your back, pushing you gently forward
>Gah. Size differences
>Why must you be a perpetual manlet now?!
>You two begin to walk into town, and you fail to notice that her hand lowers slowly, resting on the small of your back

>>25464629
>>25464634
>>25464641
>>25464651
>>25464658

Working-from-home-and-decided-to-write-instead-of-do-actual-work-bump.

>>25464665
SHE SPEAKS

>>25464629
He's back! Quick, everybody eat a steak and drink a gallon of milk in thanks!

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>The Friendship Map sends the mane 6 (and Anon) to a small town in the mild west
>It's populated entirely by minotaurs
>Anon is suddenly reminded of his childhood, and the shitty cartoons he used to watch

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>>25462009

>>25463794
>Birdpones present tuft to Anon
>Anon is enraptured
>Ponies are down to clown with physical contact, so Anon does not hesitate to squeal and bury his face into the chest puff
>Birdpone is thrill
>Anon is now birdmarried
>Anon fucked some hot birdbone pussy that day

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>>25464985
>First thing he does is go to the saloon to drink himself stupid and fuck the Lily Bovine lookalike senseless.

>Captcha
>Milkshakes
Oh yes

>>25464658
Loving your stories, Brandnew. Minotits are the best tits.

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>Day Scottish Apple Ponies in Equestria
>You are Anon, hard-working farmhand at Sweet Apple Acres.
>You wrangle bales of hay into submission and use your superior human upper body strength and core to toss them into the barn.
>You haul baskets of apples two-at-a-time into the carts to be brought into town.
>All under the watchful eye of the tiny baby horse, Apple Bloom.
>"A'richt, Anon, keep yer back straecht! AJ wull tan mah scouk something awfy if ye pull something."
>This was the deal you set up with Applejack, your boss.
>You can do all the physical labour you want, but only if somepony is watching you to make sure you don't get hurt.
>It was a bit of a hit to your pride when the decided that a filly was the best candidate for you, but you like to think that it was because Big Mac was too busy to keep an eye out.
>You LIKE to think that, but you're probably wrong.
>Applejack had this speech ready for Apple Bloom, and you THINK it was supposed to be about protecting you.
>The words 'stubborn' and 'delicate' were thrown around pretty frequently, but in all honesty you couldn't understand a word that orange mare said.

>"Tis bin three hours, Anon, sae it's aboot time fur yer break!"
"Sure thing, Bloom."
>You sit down at the base of a nearby apple tree and lean back, closing your eyes.
>"Anon, a'm aff tae gang plooter th' ither Crusaders fur a while, okay?"
"Have fun, Bloom."
>She paws the dirt anxiously.
>"Ah will be back afore yer break is ower, sae dinnae stairt anythin' wi'oot me."
>Yes, Jesus, you get it.
"Get outta here, Bloom. Time's a-wastin'."
>She nods happily and runs off in the direction of the clubhouse.

>>25464665
You made the right decision.
I caught myself doing a "Bison Yes" when I saw your posts.

Love the story, brand!

>>25465382

>She's back after just a few minutes, though, and she's got her friends with her.
>"Anon, th' ither Crusaders didnae believe me whin ah tellt thaim we let ye wirk oan th' farm, sae ah brought thaim tae see ye. "
>Nobody ever does.
>You get a good look at the little fillies. You haven't been formally introduced to them yet, and it's always nice to meet new faces.
>The white one walks up to you, looking kind of nervous.
>You ARE three times her size, though, so you guess you understand.
>>"You're not a giant."
She says that so accusingly.
"Is that was Bloom told you?"
>"Well, you ARE pretty tall. Heck, you're probably taller than the Princesses. If that don't make you a giant, I don't know what does!"
>You guess she has a point.
"What's your name, kid?"
>SB: "I'm Sweetie Belle. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
>She raises a forehoof and does this little bow, but she stumbles forward and falls into your lap. The other two crusaders laugh at her, and you chuckle along good-naturedly
"Well, it's very nice to meet you, Sweetie Belle."
>No need to make it hard on the kid. You scratch behind her ears, and she curls up in your lap.
>Then, the orange filly walks forward, a slight strut in her walk.
>"The name's Scootaloo! You'll be wanting to know what to scream into your pillow, so don't forget it!"
"What?!"
>Scootaloo shrinks back at your outburst.
>S: "Did... did I say that wrong? Rainbow Dash told me that was the proper way to greet a stallion."
>Of course she did.
>Fucking birdpones.

>>25465402
Classes now, will post ending later.

>>25465402
I like it so far. Though the thick accent makes me picture ScottBloom being constantly a bit cross for some reason. Scootaloo seems like she'll be fine. Did anyone else picture the voice of Spike from Mentally Advanced with one of these characters?

>>25464651
fucking kek
these reactions are wonderful

>>25465402
>>"The name's Scootaloo! You'll be wanting to know what to scream into your pillow, so don't forget it!"
lmao

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>>25466274

>Anon discovers minotaur milk has certain 'side-effects' on humans

>>25466660
Like? T-turning him into a milky human?

>>25466660
Natural aphrodisiac and stimulates semen production?

>>25466688
CoC pls

>>25466719
>CoC pls
12' Futa Succubus Master Race reporting in.

>>25466688
Trips and dubs demand it. Anon has to become a titty monster before this day is out.

not because he is easy, but because we are hard

>>25466776
Horse-futa with 4 tits, 2 cocks, and an ovipositer for impregnating others, reporting in.

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>>25466660
>>25466688
Or making him build muscle like a mootherfucker.

>>25466894
I prefer living Mexican kids over dead Mexican kids, any day of the week.

>>25465638
Grandparents are pure-blooded Scots. Believe you me, being constantly a bit cross is what passes for a good mood. I'm pegging her mood as slightly annoyed and exasperated. Like, that Anon colt needs her attention but she kind of wants to do something else, and she isn't really sure what it is she wants to do.

>>25466905
>I'm pegging her mood as slightly annoyed and exasperated. Like, that Anon colt needs her attention but she kind of wants to do something else
That makes sense.

>>25466688
get out

>>25466688
666 means go to hell
88 means go back in time

So please go back in time to a more old hell and fuck off

>>25466980
>>25467077
Why so salty?

>>25466980
>>25467077
B-but potential
>Busty Femanon and Milky Way sharing drinks and boasting about how productive they are and how stallions so want them

>>25467094
Come on. Done throw words like that around just because someone doesn't like a thing.

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>>25464641
>>Sure, you have flashbulb cameras and jumbotrons
>>But an automatic coffee maker is BEYOND you
There are easier ways to make coffee than that that don't require any fancy automation.

This fucker right here is really simple. It's basically a three-stage boiler with a straw from the middle stage (where you place the coffee grounds) dipping into the water on the bottom stage.

The bottom stage water boils, because you put it on a hot stove element. The steam goes to the top of the bottom stage.

As the air pressure gradually increases, the boiling water is forced up through the straw and into the middle stage with the coffee grounds. There's a bunch of tiny holes punched into both sides of this stage, to let the water flow without the coffee grounds going with it.

The boiling hot water filters through the coffee grounds and continues up through another central straw where it emerges into the top stage, which is basically a cup with a pouring spout on it.

The fact that the hot water is flowing up instead of down means that it picks up more of the caffeine and the oils in the coffee grounds or something like that, so the resulting coffee is stronger than it would normally be.

The website I grabbed this image from was selling these things for $20, and it looks a lot like the one I have and use.

>>25465402

>And so, this is how you spend the rest of your break.
>Babysitting children, one of which is under the impression that she's babysitting YOU.
>Scootaloo even manages to get up into a tree.
>Took her three tries.
>Heh.
>You still can't believe she said that shit.
>Are you the first guy she introduced herself to like that?
>You hope not.
>You're going to need to talk to Dash when you shift is over.
>As funny as it was, that shit needs to stop.
>Ugh, should you, though?
You get that things between mares and stallions are... DIFFERENT than what you dealt with back home, and you don't want to be that stuck-up suburban mom that complains about shit "corrupting the youth".
>Ehh, fuck it.
>It's not your kid.
>S: "M-mister Anon! Mister Anon!"
>Oh jeez she looks scared.
"What's the matter, Scootaloo?"
>S: "Mister Anon, Apple Bloom's stuck up a tree and she can't get down!"
>You follow the scared filly to where Sweetie Belle is anxiously circling a tree.
"Why didn't you go find Applejack?"
>S: "Rainbow says that you were probably really skilled with your wood, so that must mean you can do something about Apple Bloom, right?
>Hahaha, god dammit, Rainbow.
>S: "Apple Bloom, Anon's here to get you out of the tree, okay?"
>AB: "Anon?! bit he cannae buck trees, he'll git hurt! Juist git mah sister!"
>S: "Don't worry, AB, Anon here's really good with hi-
>You cover Scootaloo's mouth with your hand.
"Stay where you are, Bloom, and I'll come up and get you.
>You crouch down and spring up, grabbing the lowest branch.
>Doing things that this Anon can't describe because he can't climb trees for shit IRL, you reach the perch where Apple Bloom is.

>>25467235

>You scare the SHIT out of Sweetie Bell at one point when a branch you were grabbing snapped, and she ran off.
>You scoop up the scared filly, and tuck her in the front of your jacket.
"Easy now, I've got you. You're safe."
>Apple Bloom wriggles around and turns to face you. She wraps her hooves around you and buries her face in the croof of your neck.
"How did you even get up here, Bloom?"
>A mumbled, heavily-accented response is all you get.
>You don't understand a word of it, but you pretend that you do.
"Well, be more careful next time. I don't want to see you hurt, okay?
>Apple Bloom nods into your neck.
>AJ: "Apple Bloom! Sweetie Belle cam tae git me, 'n' said ye wur in trauchle! Whaur urr ye? "
The cavalry has arrived.
>You hop down deftly, landing a few feet in front of Applejack, who gasps and jumps backward.
>AJ: "Anon! whit wur ye daein' in that tr-Apple Bloom! Whit wur ye thinking, climbing that tree! "
>You try to put the tiny, yellow pony onto the ground, but she tightens her grip and nuzzles your neck.
>Was she really THAT scared?
>AJ: "Apple Bloom, ye let gang o' Anon this instant. Keek at a' th' trauchle ye caused th'day. Ye cuid hae gotten hurt, 'n' Anon cuid hae gotten hurt trying tae hulp ye. "
>She take a pull from the tiny cider barrel she has tied around her neck, and glares at her sister.
"C'mon, Bloom, you need to talk to your sister. I'll still be on the farm when you're done, okay?"
>Apple Bloom nods and lets you put her on the ground.

>>25467108
You weren't talking about a busty Femanon, Anon.
You were talking about transformation and male lactation, and that's gross.

>>25467365
>male lactation
Oh no, god no. I meant a woman from the start.

>>25467381
>T-turning him into a milky human
>him

>>25467392
Well yes. Because he was male when he started drinking it, but turned into a woman. I guess I should have specified that but I didn't think people would take it the wrong way.

>>25467318

>AJ: "Apple bloom, ah thought ye wur smarter than that. Ye ken that none o` yer mukkers wid be able tae hulp ye oot o' a tree, 'n' ye'r damn jammy that anon didnae hurt his-sel climbing that tree fur ye. Ye wur suppose tae keek efter th' colt, nae pat him in danger! ah assigned ye tae keek efter him, nae th' ither wey aroond!"
>AB: "Scootaloo git up thare na kinch, 'n' her wings dinnae even wirk properly yit! forby, ah didnae need anon tae git me doon. A'm an earth pony, ah cuid tak' th' fall! 'twas scootaloo wha git anon, even efter ah tellt her nae tae. Aj, if a'm auld enough tae keek efter a stallion, then a'm auld enough tae climb a tree."
>AJ: "If ye wur auld enough tae climb a tree, ye'r an' a' auld enough tae ken howfur dangerous it cuid be! ah dinnae care if ye'r earth pony, pegasus, unicorn, or princess celestia herself. If ye fall 'n' land th' wrong wey, ye'r aff tae injure yersel' something pure mental!"
>AJ: "'n' anither thing. Whaur dae ye git aff takin wae me Anon intae this? whit if he fell? whit if he dropped ye? ah'ament a scholar lik' twilight is, bit even ah ken that th' heavier something is, th' harder it hits th' ground. Ah dinnae care whit Anon says aboot howfur muckle 'n' tough he is; at th' end o' th' day he's juist a colt, 'n' colts ur nae something ye juist toss intae danger, willy-nilly."

>Apple Bloom tries to say something, but Applejack takes another swig of her cider barrel and cuts her off.
>AJ: "We'll blether in th' hoose. Noo say cheerio the nou tae yer mukkers, 'n' git back tae wirk peepin' Anon."

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>>25467412

>>25467476

>And with that, Applejack stomps away in the direction of the fields. Apple Bloom sighs and turns to her friends.
>AB: "Bye ye guys. It's time fur me tae get back tae darg."
>Before her friends walk off, she turns to you. You sit down to get eye-level with her.
>AB: "An' thank ye Anon fur gettin' me oot i' yon tree. Don't clype anypony else, bit ah wis really scared up aire."
>She nuzzles your arm and, smiling, you pull her into your lap, just like you did with Sweetie Belle.
>The other Crusaders start to laugh again.
>SB: "See you later, Anon. Take good care of your daughter for us, okay?"
>S: "Yeah, bye-bye, daddy!"
>Apple Bloom is too busy getting belly rubs to care about what her friends said.
>What a cuddle-slut.

I tried to make their accents as incomprehensible as possible. Success?

>>25466875
This is slaneeshi type bull shit right here

>>25467490
I'm not sure what you're trying to say to me now. I shouldn't have specified that he became a girl, because you like male lactation?

>>25467504
>I tried to make their accents as incomprehensible as possible. Success?
Yes, very. I had to read in slowly and there were still some things I didn't get.

>>25467504
why would you do that

>>25467476
For the love of god please end Scotland so I can read this

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>>25467621
>>25467587
>>25467561
It's too late to end Scotland.

It was always too late.

>>25467504

Aye, I cannae understan' a thing the wee bern said.

>>25467657

>>25467476
AJ: <Scolding AB. None of her friends would be able to help you, and she's damn lucky Anon dind't get hurt climbing the tree to save her.>
AB: <Argues that Scoots go up there just fine, even if her wings don't work properly. Besides, she didn't need Anon to get her down. Earth ponies are tough, and they can take a hit. 'Sides, it was Scoots that got Anon, not her. If AB's old enough to watch over Anon, then she's old enough to climb a tree.>
AJ: <If that's the case, then AB should know how dangerous it can be. Don't care none if she's any type of pony, falling on your neck will still fuck you up.>
AJ: <And who the fuck does she think she is, endangering Anon? With an ass as fat as his, he'd hit the ground REAL hard. And she doesn't care what Anon says about how big and tough he is, at the end of the day he's just a colt. Colts arent something you just toss into danger willy-nilly>

AJ: <Tells AB to say goodbye to her friends and get back to watching Anon.>

>>25467504
AB: <See you fuckers later. I gotta get back to work.>
AB: <For realzies, Anon, thanks for gettin me out of that tree. Don't tell a soul but I was scared shitless up there.>
Then Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle tease Apple Bloom about how Anon is her daddy.

Better?

You're lucky I left Granny out of this story.

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>>25467381
>Oh no, god no. I meant a woman from the start.
>>25467412
>Because he was male when he started drinking it, but turned into a woman.

>>25467621
But the Scotland is what makes it good.

I'm hoping for more of the adventures of Anon and the Scottish Apples.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGxKhUuZ0Rc

>>25468100
By "start" I meant from the first post.

>>25468125
And i'm hoping for something readable

>>25466688
>Be Anon
>On a trip to Minotaurville
>Buy milkshake because you're thirsty
>Drink it
>Magic minotaur milk makes you a milky man
>Literally
>You're now made of milk instead of meat
>It's really strange being a liquid
>Might be fun for lewding it up later on though

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144th for molesting miniature mares.

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>>25468534
AHA!
The post number counter includes the OP. So you are, in fact, post number 143! A-FUCKING-HA!

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>>25468650
CURSES! Foiled again by the Matriarchy.

I'll have my revenge, Bookhorse Spergle!

>>25467412
>transforming Anon into a woman.

Sounds great. We could ask Frosty for some inputs on the matter. He has quite the experience on that subject.

>>25466875
You are a 7 foot 0 inch tall human, with average thickness and a bevy of perfectly defined muscles. You are currently wearing your goo armor and using your large claymore as a weapon. Under your thick, black fur you have a human-shaped head with sable skin. A set of razor-sharp, retractable shark-teeth fill your mouth and gives your visage a slightly angular appearance. It has a square chin and chiseled jawline. A pair of floppy rabbit ears stick up out of your short, black transparent hair, bouncing around as you walk. Your mouth contains a thick, fleshy tongue that, if you so desire, can telescope to a distance of about four feet. It has sufficient manual dexterity that you can use it almost like a third arm. A pair of four inch horns grow from the sides of your head, sweeping backwards and adding to your imposing visage.

You have a humanoid shape with the usual torso, arms, hands, and fingers. A pair of tiny-yet-beautiful bee-wings sprout from your back, too small to allow you to fly. You have noticeable thighs that give you a graceful stride, and your big, burly rump stretches your gear, flexing it with each step. A fuzzy black dogtail sprouts just above your well-built, voluminous derriere, wagging to and fro whenever you are happy. Your legs are muscled and jointed oddly, covered in fur, and end in a pair of bestial hooves. Of course, your legs are partially transparent due to their ghostly nature.

You have two hand-filling tits, each supporting one 0.7-inch cherry-like nub. You could easily fill a C-cup bra.

Your cock is 16.3 inches long and 1.8 inches thick.
A fuzzy scrotum filled with quadruple testicles swings low under your prick. You estimate each of them to be about eight inches across.

You have one tight pucker, placed between your butt-cheeks where it belongs.

Reporting in

>>25469161
Sounds like a furfags terrible OC I really fucked my character up

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>>25468140
Does a transformation happen?

We're not talking about WHEN it happens, but whether a sex change transformation fetishe is part of the story.

It doesn't matter much if the story starts post-transformation or not. It's the "Anon was transformed into a woman" part that we're trying to establish here.

I don't know how I can make it any clearer.

>>25467504
>>25467476
This reads like a drunk yankee pretending to emulate southern country-isms... poorly.

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Frosty, are you gonna continue the Prince Anonymous story? I was really looking forward to that one.

>>25469374
I think it reads more like text through an online translator.

>>25469374
You say that like it's a bad thing.

>>25467181
I love percolators, they make my kitchen smell like heaven when I put it on the stove in the morning.

>>25468887
I still want him to continue that story.
He shouldn't have stopped just because one anon decided to sperg all over the thread.

>>25470938
He said he was continuing it anyway (and he did a little after it too). He seems to have stopped after he got sick and presumably just doesn't know where to go seems to be that way with his Magical boy anon story too.

Starting new stories is loads easier then finishing old ones.

>>25470938
That's just the way frosty is.
He's always putting stories ON ICE

>>25470897
Percolating is when something drips downward through something and maybe picks something up along the way.

I think the word for this thing is more like a steamer.

Mayhaps Anon could invent this thing for his diner. Give the coffee a bit more kick.

>>25471221
>>percolate
>(of a liquid or gas) filter gradually through a porous surface or substance.

no direction implied

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>>25471892

Percolation is generally understood to be powered by gravity. The thing you guys are discussing is a moka pot wherein steam passes upwards through the grounds and then settles in a third chamber. A percolator, by comparison, simply lets the heated water travel up and then filter down through the grounds. There are diagrams on wiki:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moka_pot
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coffee_percolator

Moka pots are cute, but they make shitty coffee.

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Aside from movies like 300 and the Conan movie with that guy from Stargate Atlantis, people seem to complain a lot about actresses and female celebrities being asked about dieting and going to the gym to look good rather than being asked about their character's motivations, or other things more relevant to what they do.

How would equestria treat it's stallion celebrities compared to it's mare celebrities? Trenderhoof is a small-time blogger who Rarity just seems obsessed with, and Fancypants... might actually be an example, now that I think about it.

Rarity's giddy about his attention and the extra business it could bring in. We already know that some celebrities like bringing their popularity behind whatever political causes they want to support, and endorsements are valuable advertising based on the popularity, not on respect.

Aside from Sapphire Shores, I don't think we've really seen a superstar media celebrity in the show. They only have the news, books, and characters with traveling shows that no-one's ever heard of before they show up to town.

Wow. That sounds kind of boring.

>>25471892
The gas pressure from the steam buildup forces it through the grains. It's not all that gradual.

There's a good chance I'm wrong about this definition, but it made sense to me to see it as a (technically) different process, even if 95% of how it works is the same.

We're just splitting hairs at this point.

It's a good way to make coffee, and the fact that it flows up quickly instead of down gradually means it picks up a little more of the coffee infusion than normal I think. It also doesn't require buying coffee filters every so often, so that's a perk.

TFW you're pulling an all-nighter to write an essay on a chosen story, but you find out too late that there's not all that much substance in it.

How do I find external sources for unreliable witnesses, investigation fuckups, and situations with victims with no criminal to punish?

>>25469326
>Does a transformation happen?
Well, yes.
>but whether a sex change transformation fetishe is part of the story.
The story is non-existent, but yes.
>It's the "Anon was transformed into a woman" part that we're trying to establish here
Well, he was.
>I don't know how I can make it any clearer.
I don't know how to make myself clearer, either.

>>25471940
>"Moka pots are sometimes referred to as stove-top espresso makers and produce coffee with an extraction ratio similar to (but somewhat higher than) that of a conventional espresso machine.[10]"

>10. Navarini, L.; Nobile, E.; Pinto, F.; Scheri, A.; Suggi-Liverani, F. "Experimental investigation of steam pressure coffee extraction in a stove-top coffee maker". Applied Thermal Engineering 29 (5-6): 998–1004. doi:10.1016/j.applthermaleng.2008.05.014.

Huh. Neat.

I'm just in it for the caffeine.


>>25471956
It looks like I really overestimated the length this essay was supposed to be. Just gotta do proofreading and manage the bibliography now.

All you cofee guys have to remember is that pony coffee is like, 1/3 sugar, 1/3 cream and 1/3 weak coffee.
Pinkie's coffee is 60% sugar, 40% caffiene.

What the fuck. I go to bed and suddenly this thread's about moka pots and lactating dick girls? Jesus Christ anons. Pull it together.

>>25472736
What about dick girls lactating coffe into moka pots.

>>25472866
Only a very drunk anon would even consider writing anything like that..

>>25472885
What about just a Femanon having to deal with the changes, such as flirting and wiles being worthless, and being expected to join a herd and be submissive.

Or a loli Femanon.

>>25472885
>>25472866
I hear and obey.

>You are Anon
>Yesterday you showed Twilight how to use your computer
>Now she's got a huge futa cock and balls
"Nice dick you've got there."
>"Thanks. Check this new spell out."
>She stands on her hind legs, using her front to hold her massive wang over the table.
>A little telekinesis and the coffee pot is lined up with her urethra
>Is she really going to...
>A familiar purple glow surrounds her member
>"Ohhhhhhh"
>She twitches a little and you hear the pot filling up with liquid
>Which on a second glance is a familliar dark shade, and smells like coffee
"Did you just cum coffee into there?"
>"You did tell me you wanted something stronger, so i 'brewed' my own special blend"
>Well coffee's coffee, so you pour a cup and take a sip
>It's pretty good.
>It's more than pretty good, it's great!
"Twilight you fucking genius, come here and let my guzzle more of your go-goo"
>Today twilight got laid

>>25472897
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Here have some of my green arrows and write it yourself.

>Twilight enters the candle lit room
>Her eyes fall onto the bed where you lay, wings flaring out as they scan your silk laden form
"Hey" you coo
>Twilight doesn't respond, she's biting her lip too hard to speak
>You curl a "come hither" finger at her
>She seems to get the message somehow, despite her face not changing at all since she walks closer to the bed
>You turn onto your side so you can face her, your unbuttoned silk shirt drapes down, revealing half of your naked torso underneath
>Twilight's nostrils flare, taking in your scent as she stands before you, captivated by the sight
"Come on~ I'm getting cold here without you Twilight"
>She readily climbs up into the bed, straddling over you as you rolled back so her face hovers just above yours
>You hum contentedly as you run a hand from the back of her neck up her mane and resting it on the back of her head
>She shivers from the contact, her breathing becomes slightly ragged as you lower her face closer to yours
>Her hot breath spreads across your face, minty with a hint of hay
>You lower her closer, so her lips hover just above yours
>Her eyes are staring into yours, arousal and desire burning in them clearly
>That burning only intensifies when she feels your tongue just graze the middle of her lips
>You pull her in completely and press your lips to hers, she gasps from the sudden transition of proximity to contact
>The gasp gives way to quiet moans as your hands trail down her back, slowly grazing along her silky smooth wings
>Her forehooves part your shirt, she begins doing the same by leaning on one of her sides and using the opposite hoof to trail your chest
>You take her hoof in your hand and slowly push it away
"Nuh uh~"
>You continue pushing, rolling Twilight onto her back as you kneels just over her rearlegs, pinning her in place
>Her gaze is hazy with lust, her breathing is heavy, and she can't stop from using her legs to fondle your crotch

>>25473050
>You giggle sweetly as you rest one hand in the middle of her chest, during it deep in her velvety soft chest tuft
>She gasps as your hands gently scratch her warm chest
>Or maybe that gasp was coming from your other hand coming to rest at her soft belly
>She's completely enraptured by your ministrations as you scratch and rub her body
>You gasp and chuckle lightly as you realize she's figured out how to coordinate her legs so she can fondle you much better
>Your hands both lower, her body shivers as one of your hands trails down from her chest to just above her crotch
>She tries containing it, but fails as a loud gasp escapes her as you circle your fingers around her teats
>"Oh A-Anon... That feels so good" she says between a stifled moan
>You bring your thumbs down slowly, touching them to the tips of her teats at first and sliding them down to rest against her waist, opposite of your curled pointers
>A ragged breath escapes the purple princess under you, coupled with a shiver that racks her entire body
>You watch and listen for the transition as you begin squeezing
>Her breaths become moans, and her shivering becomes an arched back and wings that spread even further out on the bed
>You start to twist but release her small mounds the moment she sharply sucks in air
>Twilight gasps from the sudden loss of contact, "A-Anon? Why'd you sto-AAH!"
>You smile deviously at her as you watch her face shift rapidly from confusion to pure ecstasy as you firmly grasp her and twist
>An intense heat wafts over your wrists, her pink pearl is winking rapidly now to meet the demand her body is putting out
>To have you
>To drain you
>Her musk is becoming all you can smell, a strong earthy lavender fills your nostrils
>She's ready
>You remove your hands from her and rest them on your chest
>She watches you intently as you trail them down your body, slipping your fingers under the band of your silk boxers

>>25473057
>You lean forward some, pressing her legs into the bed harder, she winces a little but bears your weight just fine
>Her tongue lols out of her mouth as you slide the boxers lower, revealing more and more of your shaft as you do so
>Her eyes widen, hunger is clear on her face as your cock springs up from it's prison, dangling in the air above her winking pussy
>Twilight's breathing is ever more ragged as she watches you scoot back and free her legs out from under you
>Her pink slit eagerly awaits what she's expecting, it parts itself slightly to you as her clit peeks out rapidly, exposing some of her velvety smooth insides to you as you shuffle closer
>You rest your cock on her crotch, her clit kisses your shaft eagerly, your balls are quickly slickening with the marecum leaking from her twitching cunt
>Using one thumb you press it down on her, your cockhead coming to a rest between her teats
>She shivers from the pressure, from your heat on hers
>Slowly you slide your hips back, pressing firmly onto her as you do so, coating the underside of your dick with her juices
>A low long moan escapes her as you graze along her winking pearl
>She caps it with a short gasp as you press your cockhead at her entrance
>You run your thumb over her clit, forcing her to leak her frothy yellow pre all down your cock
>She bucks her hips, legs gently bumping against your stomach, as she tries drawing you in
>You anticipated her eagerness though, your hand gripping her lower thigh firmly prevents her from gaining any purchase
>"A-Anon..."she whines as you continue prodding and rubbing
>Fully coated now, you sit back on your legs
>Twilight looks at you between her legs, her face couldn't be any redder without taking blood away from her swollen pearl
>You stroke your cock slowly, it must be glistening with pre from her point of view

>>25473066
>Your other hand trails down from her clit, the back of your fingers graze down her pussy, it quivers from the contact, eager to have anything plunged into its depths by now
>They continue trailing down, Twilight gasps as your knuckle circles her puffy ponut
>The skin is a dark purple pucker now that it's been thoroughly soaked with her leaked juices
>You slip your thumb just inside her pussy, it contracts tightly around it and put immense effort in drawing it in further
>Her ponut twitches from the sensation and Twilight's body tenses as you put more pressure with your circling knuckle
>You remove your hand from her nethers, she starts to whine before you bring you silence her with your cock
>She's in almost a trance like state as you trail your cockhead up and down her nethers
>You push on the dark purple ring, eliciting a gasp from the princess
>She mewls under you as you trail your tip up and down her eager lips
>A yelp escapes her as you nudge her exposed clit
>And she moans when you rub your slick cock between her teats, slightly sore from your actions
"So Twilight-" you say between heavy breaths of your own, "I've got one question for you"
>She tries to speak, but only manages to let out flustered stutters
"Are you ready?"
>She nods eagerly, her forehooves grip your arm firmly as you continue teasing her nethers
>She tries to force herself on you, but you've got one hand holding her down on the bed
>You've got her so riled up she can't even remember she can use magic
>She gasps and moans as you continue alternating from one spot to the next
>Her frustration reaches its peak and she finally manages to get out, "R-ready for what? Where are you-"
"ARE YOU READY FOR THIS SUNDAY NIGHT?! WHEN EWE CHAMP JANE CENA DEFENDS HER TITLE IN THE EWE SUUUUUUUPER SLAM-AM-AM-AM!"

>>25471940

There's no accounting for taste.

I personally just run a shit load of whatever I can get to grow in my back yard through my espresso machine.

>>25473073
>Twilight jumps with enough force to leave the bed completely since you had to let her go so you could lock your arms by your sides as you screamed into the open air
>You watch the dazed pony on the floor for a moment before she come to, "Y-you... YOU WHAT?!"
>You giggle like an idiot as you watch her try to get back to her hooves, she's still so shocked and aroused that her legs aren't cooperating
>"TH-THIS WAS ALL ABOUT GETTING TICKETS TO THAT STUPID WRESTLING SHOW?!"
>You take pity and reach down to pull her back onto the bed, but she slaps your hand away choosing to sit on her own juices instead
"It is not stupid Twilight, this is the Super Slam we're talking abo-"
>Twilight groans, "Alright! I'll buy your stupid tickets already!"
>You reach down and pull the frumpy mare up onto the bed and hold her back to your chest, setting her in your lap
"Aww, you're too sweet to me Twilight..."
>She mutters something about how "colts should even like wrestling"
>Watching tiny pastel horses body slam and suplex each other? Who wouldn't love that?
"And since you're being so sweet~"
>She rapidly shifts from crossed arms to wriggling limbs as your tongue trails up the length of her horn slowly
>She yelps as your tongue flicks off the tip of her horn
"I can't help but take a nice long lick of you~" you coo
>Her wriggling seems to have had some benefit as your cock slips free from being pinned under one of her cheeks to throbbing against her puffy purple pussy
>God you love being a man in this sissy stallion world

This was supposed to be one post long for a stupid joke and it became all this... Later thread.

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>>25473073
>>EWE champ
>Ewe champ
>sheeprelated

Pom is now officially known as Jane Cena

>>25472897
>Or a loli Femanon
Now, Anon, don't tempt me.

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>>25473284
I will tempt all day if I need to.

>>25472968
I don't know why, but I can honestly say I would read a multi-chapter story about ponies (or just Twilight) cumming delicious drinks.

>>25473297

Would be funnier if it was just a sock.

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>>25473161

>>25473161
Twisted my teats/10, I came.

>>25472968
you're too good for this world, drunk!

>>25473161
You never fail to stoke my fires Frosty. You write a damn fine erotic scene.

>>25473161
bruh
that was fucking hot

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Emergency bump

>>25476156
Quick, somebody think of a prompt! That's at least half of the material components needed to summon writefags

>>25476156
>day green unrelated to picture or post
>You are Anon
>And dangit if your horse friends keep dropping off their little sisters/orphans at your home
>Something about "needing a stable coltly influence" and some such nonsense
>But it's alright. You usually corral them into your living room, give them snacks and coloring books, so no biggie
>You get paid in clothing, bits and cider
>Speaking of, it's time to check on those little shits
>Like with toddlers, if they're silent for more than 5 minutes it's trouble
* * *
"Ok, that's been 5 minutes! Y'alls' turn!"
>"Gah!" Sweetiebelle gags, wiping the glitter out of her mouth. "-and I'm gonna fire it right back at you, Scoots! Truth or Dare!"
>"Hey! Come on, pick Applebloom-" Scootaloo whines
>You shake your head furiously - it's better to watch a war than' participate in one
>"Applebloom didn't make me eat glitter-glue and pretend it was twilight! TRUTH OR DARE!"
>"Fine! Dare!"
>"I dare you.... hmm..."
>Sweetie looks around the room
>Poor filly - she's not as devious as Scoots or as brutal as you - she's the marshmallow of the group, after all-
>"Knock knock, girls~! You doing ok?" Anon's head leans in from the kitchen, and the three of you smile and wave.
>"Alright! Just... remember, no property damage."
>Anon disappears back to do adult colt stuff
>Whatever. He's nice, but so boooooriii-
>"I dare you to get a Prench kiss from Anon. And you have to flirt with 'em beforehoof - no tackling an' kissing, he has to want it! Like in Rarity's books!"
>"WHAT"
"WHAT"
>Sweetiebelle crosses her forehooves and smiles
>Today's gonna be interestin', that's for sure.
>Sadly you know this is just a bump, so it won' go nowhere

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>>25476441
>it won' go nowhere
But lewd fillies best fillies though

>>25476393
OKAY! UM.
>Anon is getting ready to cross the street
>"M'lord should not have to sully his gorgeous shoes! Please, allow me."
>what the fuck is this mare who's taking her coat off talking about?
>oh wait, there's a puddle in front of you
>good thing she pointed that out, otherwi-
>she throws her coat right on top of it
>what the fuck?
>"M'lord may now proceed at his leisure."
>she's looking at you with this weird, smug and self-satisfied grin
>you can't help but stare at her and the coat she just threw into a puddle for some moments
>then you walk a few paces to the side and then across the street, around the puddle
>what a weirdo

Fuck I don't know. Something about ponies being chivalrous to him and he's like "man ponies are crazy" and doesn't get that they're being chivalrous to him in particular because he's male?

>>25476530
I loled, I like pones doing things like that and anon just doing the normal smart thing to do.

> Anon opens the door to let people out
> Mare stand in the door not knowing what to do

>>25476511
Lewd fillies are always entertaining.

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>>25476393
>endurance spells are the tool of choice for the unicorn rapist (if they're strong enough to cast it, that is)
>an unfortunate mare casts it on a buzzed Anon at a party and leads him to a secluded area
>she's found the next day in a broom closet acutely dehydrated and catatonic with a dislocated shoulder, several bruised ribs, lacerations to the throat, and pen 15 written on her forehead in permanent marker
>this mystery goes on to be the basis for the bestseller novel "The Colt with the Dragon Cutie Mark"

>>25477174
Did we ever go anywhere with forest anon?

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>>25477417

PLOT TWIST The spell failed because humans are non-magical and she couldn't pull the power requirements to infuse him with magic first.

True cause? Whiskey dick.

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>>25469161
How long have you been playing for? A fucking hour?

Posting some old green

>Be Sunset Shimmer
>Be listening to your besties as they talk about some socialite event that happened last night
>Rarity asked all of you to go, but only Applejack was free to go be her wingmare-err, woman. Wingwoman.
>You could have gone too, but you didn’t really want to go
>Besides, the basketball game was on that night, the Baltimare Badgers against the Griffonstone Griffons.
>This world had the right idea getting guys into sports
>Bunch of hot guys, running around being all sweaty and stuff
>”So there I was, making a fool of myself trying to get Trenderhoof to notice me, only for him to go up to Applejack and ask her to dance with him! And then she had the nerve to refuse him!”
>”Heh, I was flattered and all, but he ain’t really my type, ya know?”
>Ah, she wasn’t one for those “colty” colts
>You could understand that; Flash would spend an hour in the bathroom fixing his hair back when you were dating him
>”I just don’t understand what I keep doing wrong. I’m the most beautiful girl in school, I’m popular; I even have a sparkling personality!”
>You’re really modest too
>”I’m afraid at this rate I’ll die an old maid!”
>She then cried into her arms, sobbing overdramatically while Fluttershy and Pinkie try to comfort her
>Oh gosh, this girl is so beta you can hardly contain your laughter
>”Sunset! There’s no reason to laugh at Rarity like that! She’s already feeling down enough as it is!”
>Oops, guess a little got out
“Sorry, sorry; it’s just if that’s how you act around boys, then it’s kind of a no brainer why you can’t keep one.”
>”What… *sniff*… What do you mean?”
>Woah, she really was crying this time
>You feel pretty bad now…

>>25477783
“Well, it’s just that in my experience boys like a ma-woman with confidence. You said that you spent the entire night chasing after this guy. Why didn’t you just ask him to dance yourself?”
>”W-what!? I can’t do that!”
>You raised your eyebrow
“Why not?”
>”It’s…. The man is supposed to ask the lady, not the other way around!”
“And how well did that turn out for you?”
>”…”
“Thought so. I’m sure the other girls can tell you how easy it is to ask a guy out, right?”
>Everyone else avoided your gaze, faintly blushing
“Seriously, none of you guys has ever asked a boy out? I expected Fluttershy might not have asked a guy out, but I thought at least Rainbow would have.”
>”Hey, what that’s supposed to mean!?”
>”Nothing. I just thought you out of everyone here would have the ovaries to ask a guy out.”
>Her entire face flushed red, either out of embarrassment or anger you couldn’t tell
>”Oh yeah!?! Well, if it’s so easy, why don’t you do it!?”
>Huh... Now that you think about it, it has been some time since you had a boyfriend
>Your fling with Flash wasn’t even that serious, you were just using him to get Homecoming Queen
>Didn’t stop you from making out with him all over the place, though
>Still, it’d be nice to have a serious relationship now that you turned over a new leaf
“Yeah, sure. Why not?”
>”W-wait! It can’t be just any guy! You have to ask out…”
>Suddenly, Rainbow put on an evil grin
>”That guy!”
>You look to where she was point at
>You see a green skinned guy sitting by himself, listening to headphones
>He may not be drop dead gorgeous, but he was pretty cute
>Without wasting another minute, you get up from the lunch table and walked over to him

>Be Anon
>Be eating by yourself at lunch
>Again
>At least you got your music with you

>>25477809
>You open up your playlist and pick the next song you wanted to listen to
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTHsOSGJHN0
>You’d die if anyone caught you listening to this stuff
>Last time you revealed your power level, you got ridiculed so badly that you had to transfer schools
>Still, other than some pink girl that showed you around the school on your first day, no one has bothered you
>You just hope you can keep it up for the next couple of years…
>!
>What happened to your music?
>”Hey, I’m trying to talk to you!”
>You turn to your right and see an orange girl with red and yellow hair sitting really close to you
>And in your hand was your headphones
>Playing on full blast for the whole school to hear
>You quickly unplug your P-fone, hoping no one noticed what was playing
>”My name is Sunset Shimmer, what’s your name?”
“I’m… Anon.”
>”Anon, huh? Well it’s nice to meet you!”
“Thanks…”
>You two just stare at each other for a moment
>Neither of you doing anything
>Just her smiling at you
>MENACINGLY
“…Can I help you?”
>She smiles grows even wider
>IT’SATRAP!!
>”I was just wondering what a cutey like you was doing by yourself.”
>Cutey? You have been called a lot of things before, but cute was not one of them.
“Uh… I don’t have any friends…”
>Brain, what the heck!? Why did you tell her that!?
>What? It’s not like she didn’t already know that from you sitting by yourself.
>”Aww, you poor thing.”
>She scoots even closer to you than she was already
>”So I guess that means you don’t have a girlfriend either, huh?”
>Whelp, might as well be honest at this point.
“N-no…”
>”Well, I could help you with that.”
“Huh?”
>”How would you like to go on a date with me?”
>This has to be a trap
>Just say no Anon before this gets any worse
“S-sure…”
>BRAIN! I thought we were in agreement this time!
>lolnope
>”Great! I’ll pick you up after school on Friday, okay?”
>You’re doomed

>>25477845
>”And just so you don’t forget…”
>She leans in and gives you a quick peck on the lips
>”I’ll see you later, cutey!”
>She gets up and walks to a table full of other girls
>Giving you a good look at her butt
>It’s like she’s waving it at you
>You couldn’t help but stare after her until you were broken out of your trance by a girl screaming
>”OH COME ON!!!”

>>25477737
No for a week I just don't eat everything I fin

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>>25476530

>You are Rarity, and you have ruined your jacket for NOTHING.
>The new 'human' colt in town, Anonymous, was about to soil hisself by setting hoof in a cold, dirty puddle on the street.
>And not a single mare walking around offered to help him!
>These..... alpha-mare Neanderponies don't know how to treat a stallion right.
>Are concepts such as 'respect' and 'courtesy' truly unknown to these boorish pigs?
>Guess you have to be a jerk to get a stallion, now a-days.
>You did what any gentlemare was honour-bound to do.
>You unclasped the polished gem on your cloak, and magicked it onto the offending puddle.
"M'lord should not have to sully his gorgeous shoes! Please, allow me."
>You even raise a forehoof and do a little bow.
>You, of course, can do this perfectly.
>Something your little sister cannot say for herself.
>Oh, the countless hours you've practices in front of your mannequins...
>Being a genglemare is HARD.

>Anon looks so confused at your actions.
>My Celestia, is such proper behaviour so foreign to him?
>Twilight told you he was being treated with 'the respect and dignity a sentient being deserves'.
>Clearly not, if nopony has ever gone out of their way to make Anon feel appreciated.
>You understand, though.
>Colts tend to be a little bit slower than mares, so you know you need to give him a bit of a push in the right direction.
"M'lord may now proceed at his leisure."
>A+, 100%, ten-oudda-ten.
>That's right, darling, this is a mare who will make you feel special.
>Just take that step and accept your help.

>>25479289
>....
>The buck? He just stepped around it.
>Your jacket, that you GENEROUSLY and SELFLESSLY sacrificed for him.
>Sacrificed because you value his WELL-BEING over a silly JACKET.
>You even called him "M'lord".
>Stallions LOVE being made to think they're superior!
>Dammit, he should be on his knees, licking your clit by now!
>Fucking colts, you do SO MUCH for them and ask for SO LITTLE in return, and this is what you get.
>You get spit in the face, is what you get.
>Doesn't he know how special you were? How well you would treat him? How high a pillar you would set him on?
>Any PROPER stallion would be falling over themselves to have you as a marefriend!
>Anon must have some tight-cunt mare waiting at home for him, who... who... LAVISHES attention on him when she isn't working to the bone to PROVIDE for his unappreciative ass.
>Fucking colts.

>You did not get your pussy stuffed today.

>>25479308
>Be Anon
>Dress pony just up and throws her cape thing into a muddy puddle
>Step around it and keep going, don't want to get mixed up in her bullshit
>Continue on to post office to teach derpy more tricks
>Birdponies are way better pets than dogs

>>25479467
>Be Anon
>Sitting on a park bench, enjoying the warm summer day.
>Start to whistle a merry tune
>Perhaps some Lady Gaga
>Hear the frantic flapping of wings
>Birdpones have gathered around you, looking confused
>Rainbow Dash lands on your lap and paws at your chest, making chirping noises.
>You pet her and she curls up, tucking her head under her wing
>Birdpones

>>25479308
poor rareware

I WANT DANGEROUS AMOEBA

ok now i am tripfag
also bump

maybe i should write some EXTREMLY shitty green

>>25480034
First the Microsoft buyout then Anon rejects them.

>>25480034
Wasn't aesthetic enough

>>25480292
We all do.
>>25480353
>Namefags
>Tripfags
>Doesn't post content of interest
pls lrn2basicettiquite
Around here, you EARN your name
That means i want to read your green
>>25480034
>>25480360
RIP
I look forward to Yooka-Laylee though
>Dem musics
>Dat trouser snake

>>25480492
Yooka-Laylee is technically not Rareware. It's only being developed by former Rare employees.

>>25476441
>"Applebloom didn't make me eat glitter-glue and pretend it was twilight!

I laughed far harder than was necessary.

>>25478578

>>25479638
>Be anon
>Things are getting a bit out of control
>All the local Birdpones have apparently decided you're a fantastic perch
>And then subsequently pulled a Rainbow
>You have 15 tiny balls of fluff sitting on and around you
>You thought Derpy would help when she arrived
>Instead she claimed your head
>You dare not move; comfy level is at maximum
>Today was a relax in the park kinda day

>>25481874
All I can imagine is poor anon covered in bird pone and you can't even see the poor bastard. Hope it's a fall day where such cuddling is needed or else it's going to get hot in that pile very fast.

>>25481874
>Be Anon
>And today, you're going to live out a dream
>"Anon? Ah'm here just like ya ask-"
>Ah Applebloom, you didn't really have time to find a kid related to football so you made do
>The filly gasps when she sees the wreckage that was your home, "Anon! Are y'all all right?!"
"Yes Bloom, I'm fine"
>"But yer house, wha- who did this?!"
>You stroll out through the open door, Bloom trailing right behind you
"Ponies, Applebloom, bitter, jealous, and flightless ponies" you muse aloud
>"W-we can fix everythin' up, send those ponies behind bars, me an' my sister ca-"
>You kneel down to rest a hand on Bloom's head
"Don't bother, It's time for me to move on anyway"
>She looks up at you with a somber expression
"Applebloom, Don't be sad, you and your family have showed me that some ponies are good and honest"
>Birdhoers still a best though
>Her expression gradually gives way to concern as she scans around under your palm
>Flutters of wings and nickering begin to sound around you
>Your flock of wives arrived a little early but that's fine
>You rise and take a few steps away
>"Where will y'all go?"
"Somewhere I can live in peace with my mares. To care for them like they do for me. If one needs to be preened, I'll be there. If they weren't able to scavenge well, I'll be there. When it's cold and down feathers aren't enough, I'll be there."
>Your flock begins flying in and around you as you talk
>They latch on the loops all over your flight vest
>AB watches in amazement as they group around you, almost covering you completely
"I can only hope there's an Apple family wherever I go to next"
>You raise your arms, and your wives get to work
>In a flurry of wings, you are lifted off the ground, to Bloom's wonderment
>The little filly shrinks ever smaller and smaller as you are carried away
>"There prolly will be! Our family is HUGE!" she calls from far below
>You chuckle to yourself
"Goodbye Applebloom!"
>Today was a tribute to Arnold kind of day

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>>25482013
Apple Bloom will never forget you, Anon. You'll always be in her heart.

>Years later, Apple Bloom is no longer jailbait
>Just as you predicted, there was an Apple not too far from where Anon and his wives settled.
>Your sister understood why you had to leave, but Big Mac wouldn't say a word to you during your goodbye.
>All you had on you was a sattlebag filled with the essentials.
>Maybe Anon can make a flight suit for you too.

>>25482315
>No longer jailbat.
But Anon! All those days he just followed her around, jizzing on her in public when she was just a tiny filly. Are you saying that wasn't alright?

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>>25482466
Oh Anon, you made me actually laugh out loud.

You make a good point. Apple Bloom waited until she got word from one of her distant cousins that Anon had settled nearby. Then, she packed her things, and travelled to find Anon.

>>25482315
>>25482315
Is this what we're doing then? Alright...

>"So girl, what do you say? Want to earn your wings?"
>You thought Mac didn't know what he was talking about
>"You're going to chase off after one guy! Don't be an idiot Bloomy"
>Applejack understood, or maybe she's as much of an idiot as you were
>Your friends too, they were angry at first, but patted your back the same as always when the day came
>Big Mac didn't say one word to you when you were saying your goodbyes
>But with your bags packed, you made your way to him
>The journey was long, cousin Honeycrisp's farm is pretty deep in the wilds
>Trains only got you so far
>Trails got you a little further
>Your hooves and some gumption got you the rest of the way
>You didn't stop for long at Honeycrisps, how could you hang around when you were that close?
>She got you fed and rested and you took off into the deep
>The last leg of your journey was the toughest, it wasn't meant for earth ponies, but you're an Apple and you saw it through to the end
>You laid out everything for him, ignored the glares from his wives, and he...
>"Oh Applebloom... I am so sorry but-"
>He didn't even look at your flightsuit designs
>Anon did offer to bring you back to Honeycrisp's but you declined, partly hoping you might not make it back
>But you did, your legs carried you far past where your heart wanted to stop
>Past the deep, past Honeycrisp's, through the trails, and beyond
>A guard stoped you, her armor shined so bright in the sun
>Her wings looked strong
>She asked you where you were going
>You told her you didn't know anymore
>And she offered you the one thing you needed, so Anon would want you
>"So girl, what do you say? Want to earn your wings?"

>>25482982
>"You'll carry a crossbow like this"
>It looked more powerful than anything you'd seen at the shops in Canterlot, when Applejack took you so she could get something to protect the farm
>"You'll be paid enough to set yourself up as the alpha in any herd"
>You told her that sounded pretty good
>Golden armor, clean and polished, you were shining just as bright as the recruiter was
>They chopped down your mane, but it still looked alright
>You marched and sang, learned how to say ma'am often
>A few others had trouble with it too, you all became fast friends
>Happens when you learn how to fight and defend together
>Saddle Arabian sand is tough on the eyes, but you get used to it quickly
>The brightness in the faces of the locals you helped made your chest swell with pride
>A hero, that's what you'd be
>When you got back, wearing your wings proudly, everypony would be so proud of you, and Anon would beg to take you in
>You kicked in the door, wasn't anything compared to buckin' trees
>The ponies inside screamed
>You and your squad yelled louder, gave your commands simply, clearly but you were forced to get a little rough when they didn't listen
>They heard you clearly though, that's what you were told on the way to the base
>You had identified the mares you needed
>The stallions and their foals, they all cried and screamed
>Your squad took the targets away, with bags over their faces, away from their family. their friends
>They dressed up the mares, took pictures, one of them had an idea after that
>You told them to stop
>But they were your friends, the mares you all had captured were bad
>So you joined in
>You all beat them with the butt of your crossbows, over and over
>Golden armor, cleaned thoroughly but hazy because you ran out of polish, it didn't shine as bright anymore
>A hero, that's what you'd be
>When you got back, wearing your wings, everypony would be so proud of you, and Anon would beg to take you in

>>25482995
>He walked, it took a moment to realize that the stallion was walking towards you
>You called out to him
>Told him to stop
>The sand was being drawn up pretty hard from all the commotion on the field
>You could just barely tell it was even a stallion
>You begged him, pleaded, that he stay where he was, that he go back until the area is clear
>He kept moving
>So you raised your crossbow, as did the mares with you who had a bolt in
>The twangs sounded out
>Bolts flew through the air
>Most of them struck, but only yours hit him
>The rest buried into the sand, now soaking with crimson
>He laid there, a flag in his mouth
>A flag as white as Sweetie's coat
>You begged him to go back
>You were the oly one who got that opportunity
>Fillies, colts, mares, and stallions; they all looked at you as you walked past
>A hero, that's what they called you
>That's all they saw
>Scars and shiny armor
>They were all so proud, but that pride only went so far when you asked for a job, for somepony to talk to
>But at least you answered the recruiter truthfully
>You weren't just ready, you did it, you earned your wings
>They're lying at the bottom of your saddlebags

>>25483001
"Applebloom..."
>The young mare stands before you, if you can even call it standing
>Her legs are shaking so much it almost looks like the world is crumbling under her hooves
>"A-Anon... Ah did it... I- I earned mah wings..." she sobs
>Her mane and tail are cut shorter than you remember, she doesn't have er bow anymore either
>Her bags, you recognize them
>Standard issue brand
>"S-so... will ya please..."
>She falls to her knees, she can't stop choking on her own tears to keep talking
>You kneel down in front of her and put a hand on her shoulder
>She looks up at you, her eyes look full of hope, no, desperation
"Of course I will. Come on, let's go home"
>She throws her arms out, trying to wrap them around you
>You pull her closer so she can
>This poor girl needs someone
>Hopefully you can be what she needs
>She was a good kid, good and honest
>That kid is still in there, buried under the mare sobbing into your chest
>Together with your wives, you're gonna find her

Started listening to Rise Against lately

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>>25456533

>>25483010
>the only way to counter a determined pegasus with non violence is to make yourself look bigger than you are and make alot of noise
Just like with the average bear, boo.

>Anon gets tired of dash being retarded and shaves off her tuft
>She becomes more meek than fluttershy

>>25483118
Anon secretly trims pony tufts to change their personality.

>>25483118
Flutters is only shy because she has a small tuft and is self-conscious. Anon helps her grow it out, and she becomes the new Rainbow.

>>25483005
This did not go in the direction I thought it would. I didn't want to break Apple Bloom.

>>25481874
damn does that sound cozy

>>25483094
>Rainbow Dash has been harassing Anon as of late
>Plays in his birdbath, breaks your bird feeder, and shits on his front step
>Anon gets a big tin can with bits in it and shakes it at Rainbow Dash the next time he sees her
>Rainbow Dash goes running back into the woods
>You later capture Rainbow Dash in a cage by soaking a bag of cloth in soda and hooking that up to the door-trigger
>Put her cage on the back of your carriage and release her into the wild where she can be with her own kind

>>25483577
wow, i fucked up the narrative perspective pretty badly. my excuse: I'm drunk.

>>25483005
Great, it's like 2008 all over again.

>bump

>>25482995
I'm fairly certain that most of this post is a thinly veiled reference to "Hero of War" by Rise Against

So hey, in RGRE would stallions still be called "handsome", or would they be called "beautiful" and "pretty" and shit like that? If you saw a mare in a very nice evening gown, would you compliment her by telling her she looks handsome?

>>25484893
I imagine the words would be the same, but the tone would be reversed.

>>25484893
Hoofsome

>>25485074
I looked it up and you'r right, the root of the world handsome is "something you'd like to handle with your hands." So hoofsome is a logical adaption.

>>25485104 >>25485074

OBJECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hands are derived from handle, not the other way around. so they would still be handsome.

czech meat amethysts!

Also, a human calling their hands "hands" would be the same as a unicorn calling their horn "magicer" or a peg calling their wings "flappities"

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>>25485211
That's irellevant to what they said, and also not true.
Even if it were true, the word in and of itself would not be considered strange, since body parts are often used as verbs. For example: 'wing it', 'eyeballing', 'footing', and many others.
Even if by some contrivance of logic you managed to be correct, it still wouldn't make an objection relevant; this is due to the fact that their statements are based on the origin of 'handsome' being named after the appendage(in that it is something you wish to touch), thus making the equivalent become 'hoofsome'.

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>>25485473
To continue, while the origin of handsome does not directly relate to the appendages, it's definition changed before becoming something which you would use to describe a person, as it was originally attributed to animals or tools which were easy to use and/or handle. The transformation to a desire to touch allowed it to be used as a legitimate compliment towards a person rather than a comment as to the usefulness of something.

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>>25485473
eee wut You pulled on your wizard hat too hard. can you reword for plebs?
>>25485533
So we have handsome that is good to handle. That becomes handsome as in 'good' to 'handle'
So we can live on and not spawn the shit that is HOOFSOME
FUCKING HOOFSOME
WAT EVEN

>>25485626
>Handsome is a word of minotit origin.
Problem solved. Hoofsome would hurt to read.