Reversed Gender roles Equestria, its a cockring edition. Again.

anons
overprotective
forest

>>25384570
Does his venus fly trap evolve into a venus fly pony, who just happens to be a trap?

>>25385049
Anon.
Stop.

>>25385049
I'd read it.

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>>25381732
>>25377427
>>25377302
>>25375600
>>25384570
>>25385049
So how exactly does this magic works, considering the Everfree is a place where everything resembles Earth much more than it does Equestria (wild plants, dangerous animals, and weather free of he control of pony magic)?

>>25385104
Anon always refered to it as a male, but as we all know, men are from mars, women are from venus and shits are from Uranus.

>>25385180
>>25385049
Most plants are hermaphrodites.

>>25384546
>Turning over in bed you breath deeply.
>The scent of flowers, rain water, books, apples, fabric and cake fill your nose in a heady aroma.
>What a lovely smell...
>You feel a feathered limb bump against you once, twice then settle back down again.
>Slightly more awake now you just reflect on this peace and calm.
>It's not often you get a chance to catch your breath after all.
>Have to rush there, save the day, solve a friendship problem usually involving something rather corny that made your inner Carlos grin in glee.
>A muffled thump of a tail hits your leg, that's probably Applejack, mare always hit things with her tail for some reason...
>Eye opening with a crack you peer out from the pile your herd had formed on you.
>Pink strands dance lightly in your vision, blowing them away you trace the wavy hair up to see Fluttershy somehow managed to get under your head, again.
>Vision free now you glance over to the wind up clock that sits on the table past a certain purple dork you know and love.
>Oh it's stopped at three...
>...fuck you all probably over slept.
>Really need to bug Twilight about making a electrical clock, or a spell for that...
>Right as you think it Twilight's horn starts to vibrate like your cell phone.
>BRRR
>BRRR
>BRRR
>Amused you watch as Twilight's horn causes her to sleepily look about then at her horn before she brings a hoof up to flick it quiet.
>With a happy sigh the mare nuzzles deeper into your side.
>So that's why you're always late to things, Twilight's just lazy.
>Typical.
>You try to move your arm to get ready for the day when you can't feel it.
>Looking you find it's pinned under the form of Rarity as she holds it close her face mask goop having smeared into your skin.

>>25385501
>This is why you needed showers in the morning, despite the girls shouting about colts taking an hour to use the bathroom.
>You only took like ten minutes altogther, you even timed it!
>Still doesn't stop them all complaining about it tho...
>Adjusting a yourself a bit you find that each limb is occupied or asleep by a corresponding pony, and you can't even move that much of your torso.
>The cause is non other that the top cunt herself Rainbow sleeping on your chest curled up as a cat.
>Lucky for you that she's so light, otherwise you wouldn't be able to breath...
>You all need a bigger bed come to think of it, your already using Twilight's XXXL sized bed for princess sized mares and it's barely fitting you.
>You could say your a big guy.
"For you..."
>Snickering to yourself you watch as Rainbow's ear twitches at the sound before sleeping once more.
>You're so warm though, would it be so bad to just go back to sleep again?
>Your eyes start to drift shut at the thought.
>Then you lick your lips and grimace.
>Nope, need water, badly at that.
>Wiggling a bit more you find you can't get free.
"Damn clingy mares..."
>"Snrk.. no Nawn, you don't...apple there..."
>The fuck? Applejack why must you have such strange dreams?
>"Frossssting..."
>A shudder travels up your spine then as your leg is now wet.
"Come on Pinkie, not that dream again...Jeez..."
>Bringing your superior digits to bear you begin the length process of waking your herd up.
>A few belly rubs later you soon have two sleepy unicorns that are now awake, if that.
>"Anon, we still have time, can't we sleep in?"
>"Please Darling, my beuaty sleep!"
>"Do you have to be such a colt Rarity?"
>"I know you're not a morning mare Twilight, but that's no reason to be rude."
>"Sorry, I wanna sleep or coffee..."

>>25385512
"Psst."
>Two pairs of eyes, one amythest the other saphire look to you.
"Help me out and I'll get us some coffee made, sound like a deal?"
>Twilight grins at that, "See this is why I told you he'd be perfect Rarity."
>"Quite, but Dear if your going to get a pot on, do you want any help with breakfast? I know you get annoyed when we don't help."
"Yeah, that'd be great, but you don't hafta, sides you got some fashion meeting today don't you?"
>"Oh my word you're right!"
>With a pomf the ivory mare is out of sight and already in the bathroom as her robes go flying out.
>A purple hoof comes round to cup your cheek turning your head and hello!
>Twilight pulls away giving you a grin, "Now let's get you free."
>One light show of her horn and you suddenly appear out of bed with a burst of a light.
>A goofy grin stretches your face wide as Twilight winks at you.
>"Dork, hurry up I'll wake up the others."
>Giving a breif salute you march down stairs passing by Spikes bedroom.
>With a rap of your knuckles you call in, "Spike, hey buddy time to get up lil man!"
>"...Okay...fina...ds..."
>Knowing that Spike probably won't wake up until breakfast you shrug before heading down the rest of the stairs.
>Opening the cabinent you look over the fifteen or so different brands of ceral and frown.
>Ceral just doesn't sound great to be honest.
>Usually you just serve the girls a bowl with juice and call it a day, but today feels like a waffle kinda day.
>Bringing out the waffle iron you get the mix and crack open some eggs into a bowl.
>Spoon in hand you start to cook.
>Some time later and you hear the clopping of hooves coming down the stairs.

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>>25385501
Cozy.

>>25385521
>"Howdy Sugahhhn-cube, scuze me still tired from last night."
"Heh, yeah pillow fights take it out of you little ponies huh?"
>"Now ya'll know t'aint fair you and your long gangly arms have the advantage!"
"Whatever you're just sore that you lost to a guy isn't it?"
>"Eeenope!"
"You're a terrible liar Apples, now you gonna help me with these waffles or what?"
>"Yeah yeah I fiugred as much, Twi mentioned something like that. Hey we still got them apple chips in here?"
"Should be on the second shelf to the right of the fridge."
>"Found 'em!"
"You know that's stuff is just pure sugar right?"
>"Beg pardon?"
"Well I mean, don't get me wrong I love your thighes but won't those go stright to them?"
>"PFft ahaha Nawn you crack me up, by the time Ah get done eatin' 'em Ah'll already have worked it off by then!"
>Pouring a portion of batter into a smaller bowl you shrug before sliding the bowl to the orange mare.
"Fair enough, don't say i didn't warn you about diabetis."
>The cowpony gives a snort at that pouring some apple chips into her own little batter bowl.
>"If anypony's got that problem it be Pinkie Pie."
"Yeah I know, still she just 'works' it off with all that jumping around, right Applejack?"
>A small glob of batter is flicked at you in response.
>"Smart ass."
"Guilty!~"
>Applejack just laughs at your antics while you lick the batter off your finger.
>An evil idea crosses your mind then as you bring up some of the batter on your finger.
>While Applejack sets the waffle iron to cook her own waffles you tap her with your clean hand.
>Turning the mare has no defences as you boop her nose with a dab of batter.
"Betcha can't lick that off your nose."
>"Can too, if Pinkie can do it Ah can at least try!"
>Cleaning your finger you go about making the rest of the waffles while watching Applejack try to lick her nose clean.
>She doesn't seem to get that you put it out of reach of her tongue.
>An adorable scrunch crosses her face as she strains for the dab of batter

>>25385561
>>25385535
That's all I had for story times, I just wanted to write something comfy you know?
Plus I can't into conflict or funny stories well it turns into a conflicted mess or doesn't make sense half the time...

>>25385160

>You are Anonymous the human gardener.
>And you could be more happy about it.
>You and your house got completely sucked into a mystical portal.
>You end up in a paradise know as Equestria.
>It was weird at first, that someponies tried to hit on you, you are happy that you still got it.
>But it was still weird whent you started to look for a job.
>Some of the works were weird, like give belly rubs, or massaging or use skimpy clothes.
>While that would be ok and you gained some money, you still were unsatisfited with your work.
>So you used your money to buy more appliances and some materials to make your very first but not last green house.
>All was fine and dandy.
>But one morning, while taking care of your little green friend you find some kinds of herbs growing in front of your house, like some sort of grass.
>And like the gardener you are, you started to taking care of if.
>Sinces that day, it startet to grow nice and fresh.
>You didn't have to cut it or anything and it looked amazing around your house.
>You smile while you look at it.
>That reminds you, it time to water all your plants.
>This was gonna take some tome, but always worth it.
>You check your pots, and vases, your little flowers, well, not so little since you arrived here.
>They turned beautiful.
>Not just your flowers, every plant turned more big and more pretty.
>Even your once little Venus plants grow.
"Ok guy, time for some water and then to work!"
>You start to sing while you water them and give them care.
>Replant that, more earth here, some cuts here.
>Everything takes you and Hour and a half but damn, it was fucking worth it.
>You saves alot of cash on veggies.
>Take that you fucking market.
>You are done with your plants and your house.
>Time for your date witn the gardens of the other ponies.


>"see ya later and have a good day"
>-tup-tup-tup-tup-tup-tup-tup-tup-tup.
>Click.
>You make signals to the lilies on the window of the front door.

>>25385742
Is the venus' name Audrey?

>>25385561
noice man

>>25385742
>>25385561

interesting

>>25385561
Fucking adorable.

>You wait aaand.
>Ok, Master Anonymous is on his way to work.
>Time to being.
"Ok guy, the master is out."
>Yawms are heard around the house.
>We need to get ready.
>Those horses will try to make something to master anon's house and they will pay.
>You are White Tulip and you and your friends will defend Master's House.
>You all got your water and sun, it's time to roll.
>You group every leader of each company with you, you ready to deliver orders.
>Today is like anyother day.
"Partners, today is Wednesday, you know what happend on that day"
>"Yes Tulip, we all know what is gonna happendd."
>Says commander Calla Lilly while she drinks more water.
>You don't question her, wednesday is a tough day.
>"Like always we will keep on caution in any weird movement."
>Your vigilant and sniper master Devil's Tongue Cactus makes shots his point.
>Literaly, he almost got you with his torn.
>They hurt you little petals.
>"Dont worry mayor, the grass is ready to roll and all the venus brigade is in position."
"Perfect, Tell the shogun fungus that the change of turn is now, and every prisoner is bringht to the hall room."
>"Yes sir, ma'am, Sirna'am.
>The little sproud says as it starts to run to the basement.
>Thanks to the shrooms and their works, master had been without problems since we arrived.
>You remember like it all happened yesterday.
>The day you arrived to this world was the same day you meet your caretaker, your beloved master, Anonymous Incognitpo.
>He takes care of you, takes care of everyone of you.
>He makes you feel something, but you can't put a leaf on it.
>Your thoughts are interrupted when you wear a clear thump in front of you.
>"hunts-up dear sist'r Tulip, 'tis good to seeth thou factious, we hast matt'rs to discuse right in this moment with thou and what we capture lasteth night."
>Your sister Datura is here with her legion of shrooms, always cute with their camuflage and war paint.
>You wish your peas would put something cute.

>>25386544
>Ponies sometimes try and get into Anon's house. Sometimes to steal his underwear, sometimes to eat his tulips.
>Plants really don't like ponies. You wouldn't either if something tried to literally try and eat your penis and your vagina .
>Master is good because he keeps the bad ponies away and eats other animals who try and eat them too.
>Ponies think Anon is raising monstrous plants on his backyard, but it's the ponies who are the real monsters.

"Yes Datura, what is it, and what did you capture?"
>Your sister put her serious face, this is not good.
>"Dear sist'r, we found a pony watching mast'r in front of his bedroom window."
>This had happened before, they alway come and watch his room, even in the day.
>"This pony beach'd the security."
>What. this had never happened.
>They don't operate like this.
>What is the meaning of this?
>You watch at your sister puts her leafs on her middle seccion, the worst in yet to come, .
>"One third of the bedroom window guardeth got eaten."
>WHAT!!
"WHAT!"
>"Yes...hic...yes dear sister, in this night there were casualties"
>"We captured and send the pony to the center of ponville"
>"Her name, Cherry Berry, she lives on the horseshoe street, number 23. The Carrot Company comfirm this information."
>This new information just makes you dought.
>What this is happening?
>What's going on?
>Why is happening this now and not after?
>Now, while your sister is awake, is time to talk of strategy.


>You are Anonymous, the sweaty human gardener.
>And today is a hot day.
>Drops of sweat fall from your face while you cut some little details from a bush.
>It is good that the care that you put in your work is deflected on this good garden.
>"Hey Anonymous!"
>You heard your friend Blossomfort calling you from her window.
>You turn around and greet her with a wave.
"Hey Blossom, what up?"
>You take your the sweat out of your front face.
>You want to look presentable,
>"Just making sure you are alright, it's hot outside and that's a lot of work for one pony"
"Don't worry a bit Forty, i'm used to this kind of work, you just keep doing what you are doing and let me do this."
>You say with a smile on your face.
>You see Blossomfort biting her lips.
>Well, maybe she have something to say.
"What is it Blossomfort?"
>Is she gonna give you shit about your BIZZ?
>You swear to good.
>"Nothing Anon, i-i-it's just that i left some water on the stairs if you want any"
"Thanks Blossomfort"

>>25385049
you fucking nigger

THATS BRILLIANT

>>25386713
>You take her word and go for some water.
>Just to find one glass.
>...
>Fucking Ponies.
>You take the water and down it.
>It was good, but you are thirsty.
>But this will have to do while you finishs to cut and clean the garden.
>With the place in perfect order you take the the hose reel, open the tap and start to water the shit out of this garden, and while you are at it, you take a drink and cool you head.
>It feels nice.
>You heard the noise of someone whinning and the smell of Lemon, lime and oranges with a touch of oak.
>Maybe Blossomforth is cleaning her bathroom.
>If she use the Fresh Prince Fresh Brizzie you will be freshener buddies.
>...You can be a faggot sometimes.

>You are Blossomforth and you are working.
>If you can call working watching Anon while he works in you garden.
>You have something else he can work on.
>You watch as he starts to plow some dirt in a pot.
>Maybe he can plow you and put his seed inside you pot.
>UNF.
>Just looking at his big and strong arms moving heavy things puts you in fire.
>He keeps going at it.
>You keep watching how he is taking care of every little detail in your garden.
>If he is like this in the garden maybe he is even better in the house or taking care of your foals.
>Just thinking that puts you on the edge.
>"Honey, you sandwich is ready."
>"Love, i finish the laundry"
>"Sweetie, welcome home, would you like dinner, take a shower, or would you prefer... me?"
>You can't take any more, just thinking him plowing you on de table or in the front door is enough to make you reach and cum.
>You stay still while your limp body recovers from that hard orgasm,
>The smell of your sex and hormones lingers in the room and goes to the garden window.
>You hope Anon finds out, so you can calm this arousement.
>You get up and walk to the window just to see him playing with the hose.
>Splashing himself dripping wet.
>...
>Well, let's start round 2.

Done for tonight, be back tomorrow.

>>25385049
So a trap, which in rgre means it appears as a stallion, but is actually a mare.

>>25375600
>>25377427
Well I fucked up. When I read "pre horseland" I thought it meant "before Equestria was a thing", and that he showed up a thousand or so years ago. Now Anon giving rise to Everfree doesn't make much sense.

>>25386931
Yes.

Oh, like he is the father of the forest and all fauna and flora know him when he is gone, but when he comes back in the times of the actual season of MLP he goes like anything inside and the mare make a rescue mission just to get captured by the childs of Anon, that are the beasts and monster in the flora and fauna.

Dude, that sound awesome.

>>25387834
>Anon, hundreds/thousands of years ago creates the Everfree
>Grows old, is on his death bed
>Forest accepts him, discards his primitive meat-body
>Anon is now immortal plant-creature/dryad

I kinda want to see green where shit's going down in the Everfree and the mane 6 go to investigate only to be met by Plant-anon. Planon.

>>25387970
Keeper-of-the-Grove Anon

>>25387970
>Anon becomes sexy plant man dryad thingo because dying of old age is pleb-tier
>Just hangs out in his forest because ancient ponies had fuckall techwise
>>No vidya
>At some point the ponies make a castle near the forest
>Forest gets bigger and they abandon it
>Anon mostly ignores the rest of the world for a few hundred years
>Modern day ponies are less shit at things but Anon hasn't noticed yet
>Anon ends up meeting a modern pony
>Follows them back to ponyville because he's curious
>OH GOD INDOOR PLUMBING AT LAST!
>AND THEY'VE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO HEAT WATER!
>Anon immediately starts work on transporting his house to the edge of the forest so he can get in on the sweet sweet technology
>Plant friends follow from the middle of the forest to the edge so they can be with Anon
>Plant friends are not as keen on the ponies as Anon
>They don't like having bits chewed off by those four-legged bastards
>But Anon seems okay with them, so they only act defensively
>Ponies are pretty thick though, keep trying to eat the flowers near Anon's place
>Plants deal with intruders 'creatively'
>Anon has to keep the peace between the factions

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>>25387970

>Sensing Anon's wishes to be the little girl the Everfree turns him into a dryad pone mare
>thanks moot you flaming faggot
>centuries later the mane 6 find her and invite her to Ponyville
>despite acting like a wise and serene nature spirit due to er age and only having plants to talk to Anon is still Anon at heart
>"Anon! Stop going up to random ponies and whispering "plant pussy" in their ear!"

Or just normal Anon.

"Bob, Andrew, What did i told you about eating ponies"
>"rwawr rwawr rwawr rwawr rwawr rwa?"
>"wryyyy?"
"No, I told you not to eat them. Now spit them out young plants"
>"Where i am?"
>"What is going on?"
"I hope you are ashame of yourselves."
>Sad wrigling and scared plant noises.
"Ok, now appologize to the ponies.
>Apologetic and wrigly plants noises.
"Those are good boys. Come for a hug."
(HugSSSS)
>Happy wrigly plant noises.
>You can hear stomps from the distance.
>You fell yourself being lifted up, you see a lot of orange.
"Garry, Larry, Morrie, Bob... i swear to god... What the fuck. HUG TIME!?
>The ponies run for their lives just in time to not be crushed.
>That day was known by citizens for the day that the forest came alive and congregate itself in one spot.
>Today was the day known as The day That the Everfree yelled with one big voice.
>"HUGGIES!!"

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>>25388245
That was stupid. Why did I laugh... That was really stupid.

>Today is a sad day from the Everfree forest.
>You are Princess Celestia.
>And you watch as another of your friends is dying in front of you.
>If it were not for him, you could have died.
>The forest and the ones who won the war.
>You just saw from afar.
>They fed them and gave them your strength necessary to win this war coverage.
>But at what price.
>You see how all the beasts of the forest near the place.
>Timebwolfs, Bears, Manticore, Basilisks, Hydras, Ursa Minors, Ursa Mayors, all kinds of creature approaches the mausoleum of the fallen king of the forest.
>You look like as a bunch of sticks and vines wraps around your friend.
>When he was alive he played with them, so now they lull him to the beyond.
>The air takes a sweet and revonfortante aroma.
>Small flowers bloom from the vines.
>Flowers of various colors of the rainbow begin to sprout from the ground.
>The place becomes beautiful.
>It is the perfect place to rest your friend.
>As soon as finish flowering plants, a strong wind blows THROUGH the forest.
>You are frightened by the screams and roars of forest animals.
>And viewing more closely, you see small golden drops out of a little baby fenix over the branch of a tree.
>You look to your friend and start to drop tears from your face.
>He has left.
>Today was the start of a week step into history throughout Equestria.
>The week the Everfree Forest was silent.

>>25388159
>Anon gets the atention of celestia and luna.
>They get to meet.
>Shenaningangs happends.
>And then one pony tries to put Anon in the kitchen.
>Anon doesn't want to because he doesn't know how to cook.
>Mare of the old world (Luna) hits Anon for his mediocrity.
>The forest and critters loose they green and collective shit.
>Mares try to defend their colts from the forest by fighting it.
>The forest want his king back and will have it, even if it has to expand and eat the pony citites.
>Anon just wants to play more vidya and drink and eat more Dewritos.

>>25388162
Huh you do realize that plant mare anon also unlocks tentacles made of vines right?

>>25388478

The ponies don't need to know that till it's too late.

>>25388478
>Mares want to lewd Everfree dryad stallion
>Dem vines
>>25388377
2sad4me
>>25388245
>>25388458
>>25388162
>>25386858
>>25386581
This plant stuff is cool, we need more.
>>25385577
ponies are 70% sugar, cannot get the betes

>>25388520
What works even better is that plant anon would be able to satisfy all the mares! Then the vicious cycle begins as the mare juices cause anon to grow stronger and more vines until the whole town is filed with anon and happy mares!

>Anon arrives in Equestria pre-NMM
>Anon lives in a small hut, located not too far away from where Ponyville will eventually be founded
>He has a large garden made up of all kinds of plants; not just food-providing plants
>He dotes on them lovingly, devoting almost his entire day to taking care of them
>Friendship is magic, and so his love makes his garden flourish.
>His plants slowly begin to grow self-aware
>Anon gets vine-hugs from his garden
>Years later, his garden is flourishing. It doesn't need him any more.
>Now the size of a small forest, he dubs his garden "Everfree", the wild and untamed.
>Eventually becomes closest bros to Luna and Celestia
>This leads to him becoming their herd-colt
>He moves into their dank Ye Olde Forest castle
>As decades pass, Anon's old garden continues to grow
>Eventually, Anon dies of old age.
>His last wish is to be buried in his garden
>The Everfree remembers Anon
>The Everfree loves Anon
>His body is incorporated (ie digested) by the Everfree
>Anon's spirit is now bound to this forest
>Anon is now the Grove Keeper of the Everfree
>Anon's death contributes to Luna's madness
>Celestia cannot bear to live by Anon's garden-forest any more
>She sets up shop in Canterlot (or Canterlot sets up shop where she decides to build a new castle)
>Everfree grows and grows under Anon's immortal care
>Timberwolves are grown to keep the local monster population in check
>Eventually, Ponyville
>Mane 6 venture out into the forest
>Anon greets them in plant-body
>Becomes wise old fatherly figure to pones
>Grants safe passage for his "children"
>Don't know how this factors into RGRE, but wanted to build up on sick forest-Anon idea

>>25388968
Well could make it that the wise old fatherly figure is the equivalent of Elves for ponies, a mystical figure in the woods that has a top unf body and is unworldly pretty.

Plus wouldn't the Sisters hear about this from Sparkle then come in to find Anon to tap dat ass with the fist of a sexually frustrated god of a thousand years of waiting?

Hell Moonbutt I imagine would be the worse off considering she was in stasis...

>"Luna I get first dibs as eldest!"
>"Buck off Tia you got to sally forth with the youths of the past mellienia!"
>"You were in stasis, you don't have any feeling from those years!"
>"THAT'S THE POINT! I CRAVE A GOOD BUCK!"
>"Luna please, not the voice it's undignified."

>Meanwhile Twilight is having a squicky moment as her mother/teacher figure is arguing with her sister about who gets to fuck Anon.
>Anon twiddles his plantecles and hums in thought.
"I could just use these vines of mine to..."
>"NOPE!" Twilight teleports out with the rest of the mane six as thinking about your Mother figure and possibly father figure doing the dirty is gross.
>Rest of the girls are annoyed as they wanted to see some DILF action and Twilight just blue beaned them bad.

>>25388968
>Don't know how this factors into RGRE

RGR Equestria is best Equestria, and Keepper of the Grove Anon is pretty good, so here's your relation.

>>25389044
KEK
I like it and I want it.

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>Anon and Fucking BonBon fall in love
>Fucking BonBon disappears mysteriously from time to time
>Jealous Anon decides to tail her one day
>Turns out she's a spy!
>Oh no!
>She got attacked on a job went wrong!
>Anon comes to help guns blazing
>Or whatever he has, idk. Bow?
>Rescues Fucking BonBon
>She's all like:
>"Anon! You can't be here, you could get hurt!"
"Shut up BonBon I just saved your sorry ass. Why'd you even lie about your job anyway?"
>"I did it to protect you, I swear!"
>"Oh no Anon! Now you will be in danger too!"
"BonBon, ok, I have only one question"
>"?"
"Should we shoot them?"

and then Anon was a trigger-happy boyfriend

>>25389811
Anon Ryan: Pony Recruit

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>>25389877
>Jack Ryan, as a young covert CIA analyst, uncovers a Russian plot to crash the U.S. economy with a terrorist attack.

Are you serious?

Also, is it watchable?

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I like the idea of anon being the one that started the Everfree and integrated with it before he died.

Not directly controlling the forest, but giving it suggestions, subtle pushes in a specific direction. The forest has a mind of its own, and is fiercely protective of him.

>>25389910
Not the worst movie I've seen recently. The story is alright, and there are some good action scenes.

>>25389931
Oh man, what if anin is like done green watcher 'type thing with him in a tree and can morph the tree to show his face or move from tree to tree? Like grandmother willow from pocohauntus. Our wee could go Lord of the rings with a ent anon

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>You will never serve cocktails for you spy pony waifu's friends

>>25389931
>the forest tends to listen to him
>really dislikes the civilized races, whether they be pony or griffon
>anon asks the forest not do anything drastic, to not hurt anyone
>forest gets passive aggressive instead, chasing anyone out with the timberwolves it controls or completely screwing their sense of direction

>>25390051
>anon likes the ponies company, enjoys talking with them after all the time spent alone with the forest
>as long as they're close by him the everfree doesn't harass them
>even though they can still make out the flickering of yellow eyes in the dark underbrush from time to time, the forest always watching to make sure they 'behave'

>>25390051
Why do you think it created poison joke?

>>25386858
>It's the afternoon, the sun feeled good this day, and with the water given to you, it was better.
>You are Pink Tulip, and you are and your sister are on the side of the entry door of the house.
>Guarding the house and ready to action.
>This was a busy day.
>First there is this weird thing walking around.
>Looked like a purple lizard.
>Commander cactus and his company where crying like babies for two hours.
>Then this pony that you and your sisters let in and took your master's dirty undergardment.
>Probably to clean them.
>You know that master is a little unorganizes.
>But it's good, she didn't eat anyone of you.
>She even bring us some dirt of her garden.
>How sweet of her to clean your master's clothes and bring you a snack from time to time.
>You all say goodbye to the pegasus and her assisstant.
>She looked strange, having wings and horn at the same time.
>But thanks to the nuts and sunflowers we find out that they were good.
>The book that master took from the library is very infromative.
>"Bye Yellow Unicorn!, Bye Purple Alicorn!"
>Your superior comes outside to say farawell to your friends.
>What good ponies.
>Totally better that the others.
>You remember that mint colored and that baby blue ones.
>The roses never got over them.
>But that's in the past.
>Master is good, you have pony friends, master too, and everyone at the green house is happy.
>This can't get better!.

>>25388968
>>25389044
I need it

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>>25390374
And then the plants took over the ponies body, only assimilating the docile male gender to only seed its unholy spawn upon the living.

>>25391049
>slow-ass slideshow
Why bother?

>>25387970
>"AaaaAAAAAHHH~!"
>Rarity squeals as this - this THING lifts her up
>As if to inspect her
>"Applejack - you know trees - DO SOMETHING"
"D-don' fight it, sugarcube! It could just be a branch swinging back up to-"
>It seems to vibrate
>"TREEE?! I AHHMM NOO TREEEEE. I AHM AN ENT."
>"IT TALKED. THE TREE TALKED"
"STAHP ENCOURAGIN' IT"

And that's how Anon led the everfree to rek Tirek for his crimes against wood.

>>25391544
WANT IT NEED IT

>>25391544
Missed your chance to say I AM GROOT!!!

Is the guy who was writing Prince Anon still lurking?

>>25392704
>Be Anon, only human in Equestria
>Ponies decided that since you're the only human around you must be the highest ranked human around
>They crown you prince and put you innacastle
>Get bored, declare war
>Less bored now
>Problem: your troops are pussies, can't take a pillow to the face and keep fighting
>Solution: take a stick from the garden and conquer shit
>Stickalibur pwns ponies
>Accept surrender from ponies
>Go inside and play vidya

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>>25393612
>>They crown you prince and put you innacastle

>Honorary Alicorn Anon continuation never.

>>25393682
Honorary Alicorn Anonymous
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSO0lCO3TIg
Continue it yourself then you pussy.

Little idea that I might try later:

With nothing better to do with his time, Anon starts writing horror stories. Since he can't just upload them to the internet, he goes and publishes them as an anthology of short stories. Anon gives free copies to Mane 6 because they helped him publish it and they all read it together because nothing a colt could write could be too scary. Since this is ponyland, most horror stories involved a boogie pony stealing your horse shoes or a dragon living under your bed that eats socks, his tales are downright disturbing to them. His tales spread like wildfire and ponies can't stop reading despite how horrified they are. In a week, most of Equestria refuses to sleep at night and psychiatrist offices are overflowing. Anon is reviewed to check his mental health and his book is immediately banned. So ends Anon's Book of Spooky Skeletons and Spiders.

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>>25394579
mite b cool
Out of spite, Anon writes some real mindfuckery. Like Silent Hill/Resident Evil level. It's all published with the help of a pen name and a proxy in his place
A week later and even Luna is too afraid to be out after dark.

>>25394975
>>25394579
Yusssss, I NEED this.

>>25394975
>Celestia's bedroom is completely filled with nightlights and a fucking miniature sun to make sure there isn't a speck of darkness so no spooky skeletons or one eyed one horned flying purple pony eaters have a place to hide.

>Even fucking Queen Chrysalis starts spamming nighteye out of fear and paranoia in the caverns.

>>25391544
Fucking Anon is a huge nerd. He LOVED lotr before he came to Equestria, and he's been waiting hundreds of years to say that line.

Fucking Anon.

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>>25394975
>>25395142
>>25394579
And that is how Anon got a one-way ticket to Tartarus. He would go on to molest all the succupones in horse hell and hang out with his spoopy skeleton pony poker friends.

>>25394579
I like the idea of Anon just shitposting creepypasta and making all the tiny horses scared.

Jesus the Midnight Game must be TERRIFYING to these little innocent p0nes.

>>25395229
LITERAL SEMEN DEMON
I
T
E
R
A
L

S
E
M
E
N

D
E
M
O
N

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>>25395255
What's the worse that a tiny pastel cum devil mare could do to a colt?

>>25395342
Force him to cum twice
Then no cuddles afterward

>>25394975
>Silent Hill/Resident Evil level

not crossed, now pones know true evil is not in tartarus but in themselves

>>25395255
>Ponies think that Anon is an incubus-like demon
>Comes from another world
>Summoned by a mage
>Wears lots of clothes, how lewd
>Sexually active all year round instead of just estrus
>Ponies have never seen him naked without his dick being unsheathed
>Will pet and cuddle anypony around him, even in public

>Ponies are divided about what to do
>Some see him as friendly and want to keep him around
>Others want to banish the 'demon' to tartarus where the other demons are

>>25395819
>anon is banished
>and then he returned with an army of demons

>>25395869
>Anon in RGR DemonQuestria

>>25395234
>Anon was actually just writing clopfic involving bat-ponies since he is into bloodplay.
>Equestria goes to war against fruit-bats

>>25394579
I remember a short green about Anon being on ponechan and dumping creepypastas. It was pretty good.

>>25395234
>You hold the flashlight up to the bottom of your chin
>Everypony around you is shuddering - the colts turn away from you, the mares hold each other
>A few ponies have already left for their tents - unable to handle the spookies
>Though they'd never admit to that
>Even the princesses are, well, uncomfortable
>If ears back & wide eyes are any indication
"But then...."
>You make sure to look at them all... who's gonna be the victim - ah, Twiggles
>Sitting up straight, trying to put on a brave face, despite her whole body shaking - how sweet
>You lean forward suddenly, almost lunging at her
"WHO WAS PHONE?!?!"
>Everypony screams
>Twilight falls onto her back, kicking her hooves in the air, trying to fend off the terror
>The princesses have smushed themselves into a solid mass, eyes darting around the darkness, trying to see WHO WAS PHONE and if they can be stopped
>the campfire pops, and everypony screams again
>This is why you always accept every camping invitation these tiny horses give you

>>25397378
The collective shit that is lost by these pones are what feed the everfree

>>25395601
>>25395209
Since Anon is banned from ever writing horror again, he rehashes the plots of all the video games he played for a quick bit. Ponies don't have fiction as every story is based on true events and figures. Pony historians come wanting to know more about the human history Anon has been sharing.

>>25397415
That just leads to anon making up dumb stuff that has donald trump as president and ronald Reagan fighting commies while rising a velciraptor, cool stuff, but its just silly

>>25397494
One night, he tells them the story of the founding of the great Amareican Empire and sings the song of its God Emperor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7iVsdRbhnc

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>>25397415
>>25397494
>>25397539
>What is The Invention of Lying.

>>25397539
I thought our emperor was Norton I, Emperor of the United States, Protector of Mexico?

Once upon a time there was a man without a name.
Now you might be wondering something like 'Hey there mister narrator, how can he not have a name?'.
Well he doesn't have a name because of several reasons.
There's tradition, which suggests the use of an anonymous protagonist when you don't have an actual need to identify them.
There's immersion, which can be helped by removing some of the unneeded trappings that might hold readers back from stepping into the shoes of our her.
But most importantly there's a deterrent to faggotry such as you might see on FimFic, where lesser writers fall prey to temptation and make the protagonist an over-the-top weeaboo fantasy in all the wrong ways.
For every time you let faggotry into your heart or onto your page the good lord does cringe.
Now we've gotten a bit off track, what matters is that there's a dude in a place.
And not just any place.
This dude was in a place that had all manner of strange and wonderful creatures.
Why, one of them was right next to this dude and was trying to pick his pocket!
Our hero isn't going to stand for that, now, is he?
No no he is not.
He falls right over and sprains his ankle.
This isn't exactly what you'd call pleasant, as you might imagine.
And it wasn't discreet either.
The whole street turned their attention towards the fallen human, who had let slip a yelp of pain.
And the miscreant who had just made a rather costly mistake.
The thing about these ponies, you see, is that while they may be friendly as can be, they hold certain views about the proper treatment of those of a masculine persuasion.
They tend to be rather protective of them, for example.
And so witnessing an apparent unprovoked assault on such an individual, they become rather displeased.
Right about now nobody on that street is feeling pleased about much at all.
You could say that many of them were downright angry.

>>25397316
I tried to help earlier today, but it seems I'm banned on my phone for some reason.
http://pastebin.com/Vt1qUpJP
Go to line 131 for the spooks, or just read everything.

>>25398037
>The Invention of Lying
What a fucking waste of a great concept. That movie was such a disappointment.

>>25398237
It was a pretty funny movie, but they wasted it with the romantic comedy plot.

>>25398174
I miss those threads. Ponychan and ponynet stuff always makes me kek.

So the stars have aligned - I'm working from home today, and skipping my workout tonight.

I'm also in the mood to write some green. So, if trends continue, I should be dropping some later tonight.

Anon realizes a few things. One, his sweat is extremely salty. Two, salt is like alcohol to ponies.
And so Anon's Gym and Bar was born!

>>25397378
>>Twilight falls onto her back, kicking her hooves in the air, trying to fend off the terror
hhnggg

>>25398954
What kind of green?

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Beware of lewd ponies

>>25399199
>that way it straddles him
Stop it. I don't want to fuck cats.

>>25399284
>not wanting to fuck a cat.
Next you'll tell me you wouldn't fuck a horse.

>>25384546
oi shuk, remember to include link to moldy bread in OP, mkay?
>>25284272
it's super useful.

>>25398954
here's hoping it is working on existing green, not something new even if i'm sure to love new green from you

rip in piss rgre thread

time to die

>>25400360
NOT TODAY

>>25400692
Bump!

>>25398954
>>25399174
>>25399737

Nope, I'm a filthy fucking liar and my evening just exploded.

>>25400360
>>25401556
literally time to die now rgre

sage

>Be Anon, master hanger of clothes
>It's laundry day today as well as your day off from work.
>You are silently thanking god with a smile that your minotaur girlfriend is off doing whatever minotaur girls do during their own free time.
>Something about visiting Applejack about fresh milk, which was strange because she didn't like orange pone at all, you were usually the one getting the milk because of it.
>Either way, you are going to enjoy this nice quiet day after finishing this and making yourself a nice sandwich as a snack.
>Your smile gets wider
>Nothing is going to get in the way in your quest for fresh, sun dried shirts, pants, underwear and towels.
>Nothi-
>"Doing laundry are you? That's good, like how a stallion should be. Maybe when you are done, you can make your guest a snack for her visit, especially after a long, tiring day."
>Oh for fucks sake.
>You recognize that voice anywhere.
>Turning around with a scowl, you lay your eyes on possibly the most annoying and sexist pony in town.
>Fucking Octavia.
>She always does this. You think the girls are bad when it comes to their accidental sexism?
>Octavia is loads worse.
>At least most of the mane 6 catch themselves and go into an adorable little tizzy trying not to hurt your feelings. But Octavia is loud and proud of her perception of how mares are superior and colts should stay in the bedroom and kitchen.
>You shoot her a dry look.
"What do you want, Octavia."

I'll try and continue this after class.

>>25401694
Just rape her mouth already.

>>25401853
Stallions can't rape

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>be Anon
>all your friends are pretty gay desu
>not just in the regular reverse sexist horseland way
>Braeburn has a tattoo of an almond at a ship's wheel on his butt
>on earth, you went on 4chan
>you will always be surrounded by fags

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>>25402799
The perfect cover.

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shitty one-shot GO

>You are Anon, the human.
>You currently work for Rarity to pay for the damage you caused to her boutique.
>These damages were incurred when you fell from the sky at terminal velocity.
>You scared the HELL out of her cat.
>Lucky for you, whatever magic that blinked you into existence a few kilometres above the ground kept you from getting hurt very badly.
>The magic that kept you alive fucked RIGHT off once you were done falling, though.
>If the earth-shattering kaboom didn't wake Rarity and her sister, then your ungodly screams of pain did.
>Anyway, it's been nearly a year since you've arrived in Equestria, and turns out that the boutique is expensive as shit.
>That, or Rarity just likes to keep you around.
>Half your pay goes to damages, and you get to sleep in the guest room.
>It's a pretty generous deal for a weird alien thing that scares the piss out of your average pony, for whatever reason.
>Anyway, you're making your way downtown walking fast faces pass and you're homebound
>Lunch time.
>Being the only human, you garner a bit of attention.
>"Look, Bonnie, it's Anonymous. Eating alone again."
>Well fuck you too, tiny horse. We can't all be social butterflies.
>>"Well, what did you expect? It's not like Rarity CARES about him or anything."
>Hey now, that's not cool. Your bro works STRAIGHT through her lunch hour.
>"Ugh, I KNOW. I'll bet she doesn't even touch him."
>And suddenly the conversation is about touching your no-no place.
>>"And it's so obvious what she's doing, too! He's her tuft."
>"You think so? I thought he was just a trophy-colt!"
>>"I don't think so, Lyra; I KNOW so. What kind of herdless colt stays off the market for as long as the human has? Rarity clearly has SOMETHING hanging over the human's head, and she's using him so that nopony figures out how much of a huge DYKE she is."

And that's how you learned that Rarity was gay and was using you as her beard.

>Everyone wants to be somebody before they die
>Maybe what "somebody" is, is different from one person to the next, but it's something everyone strives for at some point
>Not everyone becomes somebody, hell most don't
>You're not
>Well, not before you died anyway...

>A voice calls out from... somewhere, it's airy and light but there's certain weight to it you can't quite place, "Anonymous, being of the Red, welcome to our sanctum. Welcome to the green"
>Before you stands a small gathering of trees
>That's about the only part that makes sense in this place
>Everywhere past them is... difficult to describe
>Vines lead to bushes lead to flowers lead to trees
>All interwoven together, green everywhere with a few vibrant floral colors interspersed here and there
>You were out hunting by the forest lake
>There was a rockslide from the cliff above
>You didn't get out in time and then you awoke here
"Where... am I?" you call out to the voice
>Chuckles echo around you, but it's strange, it's not like a chuckle that comes from someones throat, it's airy. More like it's the rustle of leaves imitating the sound
>"We have told you Anonymous, you are in the green"
"The green?"
>"You stand in our innermost ring, the place of the Parliament of Trees"
"Okay... So I've either got some serious brain trauma from the rocks or..."
>"Do you see! This one does not respect us! It was a foolish decision to bring it here-" a much younger sounding voice calls out
>"Cypress please..." the elder voice responds in a firm but calming tone
>Firm enough to make you step back still
>It didn't push you physically but, you definitely felt that weight again
"So uh, Parliament? What do you... what can I do for you?"
>The voice that initially accused you of disrespect hums indignantly
>"Since your sudden arrival into our world we, as has the Red, watched you"
>The red, they add a "the" to it for some reason

>"You are a most curious being Anonymous, unlike any this world has known."
>Small white flowers emerge from the grass around you, memories surge to the front of your mind
>These same flowers greeted your face when you awoke and found yourself in the dense forest of this strange world
>"We watched as you spared our fallen young from their original fate, becoming victim to the Rot."
>The ground rises, its moist and flowing, branches and saplings emerge from the growing mound of mud, the sticks help keep it stable as the mud dries and hardens
>It's almost a scaled down replica of the hut you made early on
>"It was curious to us, a being not of this world but still of the Red, choosing to repurpose our fallen rather than take from our living. To show us this respect made our interest in you grow"
>Well, you didn't have any tools or the strength to make a log cabin or anything, but respect is a good reason too...
>"We heard whisperings, the Red was baffled by this. Their being with so few sharp teeth would show respect to us, "their lesser", rather than take from us as they do? Their confusion pleased us greatly"
>The airy chuckling sounds around you again
>"So dispositioned you were to hunt us, and yet you chose otherwise, you hunted your fellows"
>You had to eat, and with all kinds of plants and shit you didn't understand, animals seemed like the safest option
>Until you came across a fucking space bear anyway, you still hunted but far more cautiously than before
>"You hunted like our timberwolves do, trapping, cornering, tiring, but there is a difference between you and them. They are ruthless and unforgiving, as expected of the most aggressive defenders we have. You however hunted purely out of necessity, and treated your prey with respect. You killed quickly, but it pained you to kill did it not?"
>You nod, it wasn't like your cushy first world life prepared your for innawoods living, it never got easier

>>25403378
>"Very impressed we were by your actions, enough to assist you when we felt it was necessary, to ensure your survival, so we might have understood more about you"
>A small thud from behind you draws your attention, blackfruit as you called it, it was the only plant you took a chance on, when your hunts had come up empty two days in a row. The fruit dropped near you while you were laying against a tall tree, fighting the delirium from hunger.
>You ate it without any concern for poison and found it to be very filling
>You searched the trees nearby the next day but couldn't find any more of the fruit, makes sense now
>Vines drape down from above, they feel very familiar
>These are the same vines you grabbed hold of and climbed to get away from that space bear
>But why you? Presumably you're right in guessing that you're the only human in this place, so maybe that was enough of a reason
>The elder voice hums, as if it knows what you're thinking, "There has always been a champion of the green, one of our own given the strength to maintain our hold in the world, just as the other two do"
"Other two?"
>"The Red, those who breathe the oxygen we produce. Who consume the energy we create ourselves. Whose bodies are made of blood and bone or mimic the structure of our fungi"
"So animal life?"
>"They are all connected by a nexus that lies beyond the physical. That place and those connected to it we refer to as the Red, just as this nexus here is the Green"
>Plant life
"So, what's the last one then?"
>"It is the domain of neither red nor green, it is the domain of all else. It is everything we are not, a force of decay and disease."
"So death?"
>"No, it is not death. Death comes to both the red and green, where it is repurposed for our own needs. The Rot is sickness, it is toxic, it is what happens when we or the Red are unable to reclaim one of our fallen"

>>25403390
"So... I think I understand what you're saying, but you're trying to answer my question aren't you, the one I didn't ask"
>A pleased hum echoes, "You are a unique being Anonymous. Your alignment is with that of the Red, but your make up is mostly water like we of the Green. In the past we always made one of our own into our champion, as did the Red and the Rot"
>"But the balance is shifting, favoring one side over the others. The Rot, it thinks itself entitled to take more than its share, to the point that we have lost our champion"
>You think you know what they're getting at
>"It is becoming more aggressive, the Rot has taken some our own, forced them to tell what they know. Of our interests, of you"
>This sends a small chill own your spine
"So you're telling me that rock slide-"
>"It seeks to claim you for itself to what end we know not, the Red seems unsure of how it feels about you. You are of them, but not of here. Your actions confused them. Thus we have decided to intervene before the Rot could"
"Because you lost your champion right?"
>More chuckling, "For one so young, you are wise... Yes, the Rot takes from both sides, uses them for its own purposes. The Red has shown little interest in you and so... we wish for you to join us."
"Join you? Become like a tree or something?"
>"No Anonymous, we have far greater intentions for you than a tree. We require a champion to replace the one we have lost. You possess something that we feel is unique, restraint."
"Restraint?"
>"This is not the first time the Rot has pushed its limits, as has the Red, and as have we. It is balance we must always strive for, but our boundaries can change, seem more like suggestions than limitations"
>Like overpopulation, pollution, overgrowth
>"You treat all sides with respect, you take only what you need, it is this trait that we feel could make you our greatest champion"
"And what If I want no part of this?"

>>25403406
>The winds themselves seem to cease flowing, an abnormal quiet creeps over the Parliament
"I didn't ask to come to this world you know? I was just doing my best to survive and now you want me to get wrapped up in some kind of secret planet wide defense force?"
>"This is not a simple request you fool! To be asked to become our champion is an honor for-!"
>"Cypress, clam yourself!" the elder voice roars
>You felt her command hit you to the core and it wasn't even aimed at you, can only imagine what it must've felt like to Cypress
>"Anonymous, we can understand that you may feel lost"
>Stuck in the middle of a forest of indeterminate size, yeah...
>"When one feels lost... it is the work one does, the choices one makes in the world, the gives back ones self. Makes one who they are"
>What you've done...
>"Anonymous, You are not obligated to become our champion."
>Cypress begins to groan, but the elder voice continues, "We were merely presenting our side of things, however you should know that if you leave here there is nothing more we can do for you. If the Red chooses to act quickly and aggressively they may be able to reclaim you, but... given how torn they are over you it seems unlikely to us that they will succeed"
"So I become your champion or I risk the Rot?"
>"As I said it is no obligation, we have housed you safely here in the Green, should you wish to remain here for however longer we will survive you may."
"However longer?"
>Cypress speaks now, with a much more meek tone than the haughty one she had before, "The Rot is threatening to take everything, the balance is shifting heavily in its favor. Our forests, the Red's populations, they're falling faster than we can reclaim it. We don't know how much longer we will be able to fight off the Rot in all the places it challenges us"
>"Cypress, do not pressure Anonymous. We are only to present what we know a-"
>"Is this not what we know?! How grave the situation truly is?!"

>>25403432
>"It may appear grave Cypress, but we are the Parliament, we speak for all of the green. We cannot allow outcomes we are not fully aware of taint our vision"
>Makes one who they are huh?
"Hey!"
>The winds stop again
"I'll do it"
>"You will...?"
"I'll be your champion or whatever. If its as bad as you say it is"

>"Anonymous? Are you coming down from there or what?"
>Drawn from your memories, you look down to your deer escort on the ground
"I'll be down in a minute" you call down
>"Psh, all powerful plant entity and he still needs forever to get ready like any other stag" she mumbles in earshot of nearby flowers as she trots away
>You look back down, your legs dangle off the high branch you perched yourself on
>Bright green, the new nice and healthy color for you
>The skin color change was a pretty big shock when you first woke up on that giant waterlily in the middle of the lake
>You've gotten used to it over time, but it still catches you off guard now and again
>"Come on already! We have to get moving or we'll never make it out of this forest before sundown"
>You leap from the branch, making a diving arc that should land you just next to Nettle
>Her eyes expand to the size of dinner plates as you plummet towards her
>A vine fires from the tree and wraps around your ankle, catching taught and dangling you just in front of the trembling deer
>She peeks one eye open and jumps back in surprise when she finds you face to face with her, "Gaah! You bastard!"
>She whips around, putting you eye to fluffy white tail, before your vision is obscured by a faceful of kicked back dirt and grass
"Hey! C'mon don't be like that" you respond, flipping over to your feet
>"Like what? Responsible?! Let's just get moving, we're going to be stuck here another night"
"We don't have to be. I could always call Barky-"

>>25403442
>"NO! Uh, no..." she responds, trying to hide her fear under a false bravado, "Th-that's just another thing I have to keep an eye out for"
>Heh, you remember the first time Nettle met your timberwolf mount
"You know, I don't need anyone keeping any eye on me. I did just fine on my own in the deep forest for a while"
>"Yeah, until the Rot decided to stop watching and start taking action. You heard the Queen, I'm supposed to make sure you reach the Red's champion safely"
>Fucking deer, in tune with the world beyond but they didn't think you were worth their time until you got roped into this champion business, then you're all of a sudden the top priority and they let you into their stupid hidden forest kingdom
>Though it's not like it was hidden from you after you accepted the Green's offer, but at least you have company even if she's slowing you down
"How much further until we get there?"
>Nettle extracts a scroll from her satchel, "Well our shamans say that they sensed a density of Red in the land of Gryphonstone and we should reach the outskirts of Equestria proper by tonight so... a few more weeks unless we can find a way to travel faster"
>You open your mouth to speak but are cut off by the little brown deer, "And not by Timberwolf!"
"Alright alright... You said Equestria's full of ponies right?"
>She nods, "Mostly, there are other races according to the elders who traveled out here, but pony was who they saw the most"
"Hopefully they're agreeable to strangers"
>"And if they're not then that's what I'm here for" she growls bobbing left and right in a sort of shadowbox
>You can hear the plants calling out to you, the closer you get to Equestria proper the louder they've gotten, seems like your first challenge as Champion of the Green is soon upon you

Eh, gave the forest idea a shot. Doesn't really seem to be very RGRE related despite how much I tried, at least my vision of it isn't anyway. Oh well, an attempt was made.

>>25403456
> gave the forest idea a shot
SOLD
TIME TO READ

>>25403456

Green Lantern Anon?

>>25403456
9/10 would read another 100 chapters

>>25403456
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE RED
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE GREEN
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

>>25403738
I imagine it's like a prologue, anon.

Such things would be explained further in later chapters.

>>25403738

It's a thing in DC comics that the author is bringing into this green.

>>25403738
Red is animals with red blood, Green is plant based life. I guess the Rot is fungus or something. It would make sense as fungi decompose dead matter to gain nutrients.

>>25403886
So orks

>>25403886
But the Parliament said that the fungi was theirs, I think the Rot is more like bacteria.

>>25404018
I'm pretty sure it's pollution like fern gully type thing

>>25404195
>like fern gully type thing
Unless there are sexy, little fairy sluts I'm not interested.

>>25403886
Rot seems like pestilence to me.

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>>25398174
That was glorious.

I need more of this.

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>>25405020
>>25398174
>Everyone is a namefag.
FUCKING NORMIES, GET OFF MY HORSE

>>25403343
I like the justification you have for Anon being brought into a different world here. It feels pretty original in how it was done.

Your writing is also getting better. The dialogue is still kind of iffy, but it's still a big improvement.

>>25403456
I like it. There's a good sense of adventure and freshness in here.

Faction exposition could use a bit more development, but I guess that'd be what chapter 2 would be about.

>>25405074
I actually read them more as irc conversations and chatlogs.

page 9 bump

>>25405074
/r9k/ a shit

Tfw you have green to post, but keep forgetting.
I will post it at work, assuming I don't forget again.

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>>25405140
Thanks, Anon. It's really nice to get feedback on my writing so that I know what to focus on.


>Day stripper/cakesmith in Equestria.

>You are Anon, and as your calendar implies, you are Pinkie Pie's co-worker at Sugercube Corner.
>And right now, you are being forcefully evicted from the kitchen by an amused Mrs. Cake.
>"Don't feel too badly about it, Anon. He's just over-reacting again."
>You turn your head back to see a pouting Mr Cake staring at you. As soon as he makes eye-contact, he whips his head back around towards the kitchen, and resumes cleaning up your mess.
"I still don't understand what's gotten him so upset."
>Mrs. Cake sighs.
>"He's.... passionate, Anon. He knows better than anypony else that the way to a mare's heart is through her stomach."
>She brings you to the back room and begins to rummages through some cardboard boxes.
>"And when you told him you didn't know how to cook, well...."
>She pulls her head back up, a light-red piece of cloth in mouth, which she deposits on the ground.
>"He took it upon himself to teach you."
>You snicker.
"And we saw how well /that/ went."
>Mrs. Cake laughs along with you.
>"Sweetheart, I have /never/ seen a stallion as bad at food prep as you are."
>That's a little bit harsh. You lived alone before you arrived in Equestria, and you managed to survive without a huge mount of take-out food or canned beans.
>"I think he saw it as a mixture of failure on his part, and also worry for you."
>Worry? Jesus, you weren't THAT hopeless when it came to feeding yourself. Hell, you've lost weight already just from cutting meat (and junk food) out of your diet!
"Worried about what? That I'll be unable to fatten myself up in time for winter?"
>Mrs. Cake sighs and shakes her head.
>"No, Anon, I mean he was worried that you would have a hard time gathering a herd."

>>25407354

>Not this shit again. You were in Equestria for /maybe/ a week before your caretaker/interviewer/jailer brought up the mating rituals of ponies.
>Apparently you, being male, needed to have a certain range of skills in order to attract a "proper herd".
>>"One that will treat you right and provide for you and your foals", Twilight told you.
>As that implies, the males in Equestria didn't exactly do the heavy lifting.
>You remember when you applied at Applejack's orchard as a farmhand.
>After she was done laughing, Applejack pointed you in the direction of the SCC and told you that Pinkie might be able to talk things over with the Cakes.

>A hoof prods you in the shin, and you look down to see Mrs. Cake presenting you with the salmon-coloured fabric, which you relieve her of.
>"It's your uniform, colt. It's designed with a pony's body in mind, so it'll have to do until we can work something out with your friend, Rarity.
>You look at it. It's just a pink, flowery apron.
>Sometimes you forget what qualifies as a uniform for a species that doesn't wear clothes.
>"It'll probably be a tight fit, so you'll have to ditch your top-clothes."
>She has a point. There's no way this thing will tie itself together around your snuggley clothing.
>........
>Not only is this apron skin-tight, but it's also tiny.
>It spans from about six inches below your neck to just above your belt buckle, and you've got clearance on either side of the apron.
>It's like you've strapped a dish towel onto your chest.
>"There we go, Anon, it fits perfectly."
>She beings to push you out the door and towards the front room.
>"If the mares don't find you handy, they should at least find your handsome. It never hurts to slut it up a little bit, Anon."
>With one last shove, Mrs. Cake disappears to the back again.
>"You'll thank me for this when you're sleeping in a pile of ponies!"
>Fucking dammit.

>>25407371

>As you stalk behind the counter, the shop falls silent.
>You could swear you heard somepony mumble "l-lewd", but you can't be sure.
>You know what? Fuck it. Fine. They want a slutty colt? You'll /show them/ a slutty colt.
>Man. Slutty man.
>Whatever.
>A certain blue birdpone walks up to the counter, and a line forms behind her.
"Well hey there, Dashie," you purr, "Welcome to Suger Cube Corner. What does the Wonderbolt-in-training want to /eat up/?"
>"J-just a blueberry muffin, please,"
"Just a muffin? Wouldn't you like to get something a bit more...."
>You lean forward and brace your arms on the countertop.
"....thick, and satisfying?"
>Oh yeah, she's blushing now, and her wings are diamond. Time to go in for the kill.
"Hmmm... impressive wingspan you're sporting, Dashie."
>You remember the day you walked in on Fluttershy holding out one of her wings to a ruler.
>It took you nearly an hour of mane-brushing and belly-rubbing to calm her down.
>Back to the present.
>Rainbow stutters and just points to a display of rich, chocolate cakes.
>You slide a slice of it onto a plate, take her bits, and hand the treat to her.
"See you around, filly."
>You throw in a wink for good measure.
>She blushes hard, and you hear the sound of splashing.
>She drops her plate and hoofs it out the door.
>You get the feeling that business is about to pick up.

>Today was a good day.

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>>25407371
>If the mares don't find you handy, they should at least find your handsome.
It's nice to see another blatant Canuck on the board.

Also, I'm pretty amazed that I wasn't able to find ponified images of the Red Green show hosts. I thought we'd ponified damn near everything at this point.

>>25407438
Ice-brother! How are the frozen wastes treating you?

No ponified Red Green? How come? God that was such a good show.

>>25407438
A canadian and Gluttershy bump into eachother. It takes two hours of sories before some random pony finally yells for them to just buck already. Two more hours of appologies happen before they're seen entering a bedroom.
The sex leaves no outside survivors.

>>25407497
Of course I had to screw up something. Freaking phone screen cracks.

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>>25407497
>The sex leaves no outside survivors.
Well, it's a long winter.

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>>25407514
Anon hibernated, as all Canadians do, and Gluttershy is able to survive by licking the maple syrup out of Anon's beard.

New idea for RGRE. Fluttershy has an ass that's to die for, but a nice round mare-bottom is only considered desirable in colts. Anon disapproves.

>>25407729
Disapproves or disagrees?

>>25407384
kek
fantastic

>You remember the day you walked in on Fluttershy holding out one of her wings to a ruler.
>It took you nearly an hour of mane-brushing and belly-rubbing to calm her down.
HHNGGG

Green.
>"What happened next!" Rainbow exclaims, Wings puffed out in anticipation.
>"Well, I kind of cheated and teleported us out," Celestia says, "we didn't want to waste the power of the elements, and we didn't exactly have weapons either."
>You can see the rainbow pegasus visibly deflate, sinking down into her pillow.
"That event led to a rather slow period for a while, given everyone was after us for months."
>"We hid out at mine and Luna's house, having Dusk doing shopping for us as needed."
"A long, rather boring time, honestly."
>"But as this was slow for us, the outside world was changing. It was almost unnoticable at first, oddities with wildlife or plants."
>"It wasn't long, however, till he showed up."
>"Discord," Twilight says.
>"Correct. He was establishing a hoofhold in the already tumulous times, so his power grew rapidly."
"When he first came out, he was seen as harmless, he was a guy, after all."
"Well, that quickly changed, as town after town suddenly changed for the worst."
>"Earth pony, pegasus and Unicorn alike were affected, and nothing any of them did could help."
>"And given what we had, we couldn't just sit back and do nothing, even if they hated us."
"In a time of chaos, we took up arms again, to protect those who shunned us."
~~~
>Weapon at the ready, you walk ahead of Anon, heading towards the nearby town.
>Even far out here in the wilds, the corruption of the world is obvious.
>Trees are twisted, inverted and even made of incorrect things, The normal animal sounds are replaced by whoops, screams and you could swear you heard a couple moans.
>Terrain itself is mostly unnafected, but even natural paths through the forest twist and turn wildly.
>There's no need to follow these paths, however, since you know the way to town quite well without them.
>It helps that there are massive dark clouds hanging over the town.

>>25408279

>Town slowly gets closer, and the thunderheads above grow more meanacing.
>Strangely enough, there's no rain or thunder.
>Just massive, looming clouds.
>"Geez, it didn't feel this long going from town to your place..."
"It wasn't. It seems like things are longer here."
>Reality suddenly jumps forward, and the two of you are on the edge of town.
>Anon stumbles beside you, unused to the act of teleportation.
>Or something similar.
>That wasn't teleportation, that's for sure.
>Looking around, the town is nothing like you remember.
>Buildings are floating, upside down or even rearranged as if by Ponecasso.
>The ponies themselves don't look much better.
>Once vibrant colours are dull and faded, the normal cheerful bustle of town now a silent march.
>As you approach, ponies notice you and you expect the worst.
>A faded orange pony comes up to you, and before you can react, a basket of oranges is pushed towards you.
>"Take it, you stupid alicorn, I just have too much, so you can have the leftovers."
"Uh, thanks," is all you can manage before the pony runs off, vanishing into the growing crowd.
>Others come up, to similar effect.
>Soon, you have a bunch of supplies, food and drink, all given for free.
>It's just further proof that things are wrong here.
>Whatever the source is, however, isn't here.
>From outside the forest, however, seeing the source is far easier.
>A floating fortress atop a huge brown cloud.
>Anon notices it almost immediately as well, slowly drifting across the sky.
>"Well, there's our big bad's base..." Anon says, "Now how do we get to it?"
"Wings help with that," you say, flapping your own.
>"You think you can carry me that high?"
"This, as you put it, Big barbarian butt, isn't going to heal itself."
>"Cheeky," he replies, giving your flank a spank.
>Swatting him with your tail, you look back up at the castle.

>>25408289

"I suppose we better start going now."
>Supplies in tow, you and Anon set off again, aiming for the general direction of the castle and where it's drifting.
>This proves to be harder than you thought, as it tends to change directions and speeds of it's own volition, and with no sense to it.
>And whenever you get close enough, it shoots off away from you, taunting you, teasing you.
>And not in the sexy way like Anon.
>After hours of chasing the castle, both you and Anon are getting rather frustrated, much to the castles seeming delight.
>It's even bobbing in laughter now.
"I am growing tired of this castle," you say with a snort, before grabbing Anon with your magic.
>"What are you..." is all he can say, before you've prepared enough power to teleport.
>The world around you shifts, and you suddenly smell chocolate.
>Beneath your hooves, the cloud sinks, but thanks to pegasus magic, you don't fall through.
>Keeping Anon on your back, you walk into the castle untill you feel the stone floor under you.
>Anon hops off, looking around.
>"Now, if I were an evil villain, where would I be?"
>"An interesting dilemna, if I do say so myself," a strange masculine voice says.
>Looking around with Anon, there's nobody in sight, but the voice says, "What are we looking for"
>A face suddenly pushes through the wall, coming out of the stonework as if it was a cloud.
>Mishmatched horns crown the long, brown face with vivid yellow and red eyes, a large tooth poking out of it's jaw.
"Who are you?" you ask, bringing your re-handled axe to bear, flickering flames rising from the blade as it starts to consume your magic.
>What can you say, you've grown fond of the axe, and decided it needed an upgrade.
>Magic fire and glowing fits your cutie mark, so why not.

>>25408348

>The face in the wall feigns surprise, before slithering out, more mishmatched body parts being revealed as it's serpentine form leaves the wall.
>"Discord's my name, and chaos is my game," he replies, floating up to a bipedal position before bowing, his snake-like body looping before it's done.
>His body twists further, contorting into strange knots before he pops back to normal.
>"But enough about me, what about you? I've never seen a pony with wings and a horn, or a tall monkey in a dress."
>"Hey, these are mage robes, not a dress you freaky snake thing."
>"My my, the monkey sure has a short temper. I'm just saying what I see, and speaking of..."
>A dislocated eyeball suddenly rolls back from behind Celestia, bouncing up into discord's claw.
>It moves as if whispering, and Discord covers his hand with his mouth.
>"My, is she really that big?" he says, before springing back as Celestia's flaming axe parts the air where he was.
>Her normally white face is flushed red, both in embarrasment and rage.
>"Hey, only one person gets to make fun of her big butt and that's me," Anon says, putting a hand on your flank.
"Not the time, Anon. He's obviously one the evil lord's minions, so we need to get rid of him."
>"Oh no no no, you have it all wrong," Discord says, waving it's claws, "I'm not the evil lords minion."
>His arms raise to the sky as he yells "I AM THE EVIL LORD!"
>Confetti and popcorn explode from behing him, making him stop and look back.
>"Darn it, I thought I had that. Give me a moment, I want to try again."
>Tinkering with some boxes behind him, he turns back again, smile at the ready.
>"There we go, now where was I... Oh, right."
>Raising his claws up, he yells "I AM THE EVIL LORD!"
>Lightning and thunder crackle behind him, winds whirling ominously.
>"Ah, much better, But anyways, I have to run. After all, you never fight the big bad in the entrance, after all."

>>25408368

>Phasing through a wall, he pauses just at the edge before adding, "Oh, right, MINIONS, ATTACK!"
>Strange creatures lurch through the doorway, huge, twisted monstrosities of normal creatures.
>Enlarged rabbits with legs longer than your body, Timberwolves coated in lashing vines and thorns.
>Also Ursa's the size of teddy bears, but they're hardly a threat.
>Behind you, Anon's magic gathers, and you ready your axe for the fight.
~~~
>While Celestia describes the battle, you take a moment to sit back and look around at the gathered ponies.
>The current bearers of the Elements of Harmony.
>Interesting how each element chose a single pony, unlike you and Celestia.
>It could just be circumstance though, which makes sense in this world.
>"Chance" hardly comes into play much, since Fate has such a tight grip on things.
>Things often happen because they're meant to happen.
>Except you.
>Being an outsider to this world, you pass through the weave of fate, rather than follow it.
>It's also why Celly has broken her line of life, and Luna too.
>Perhaps if you and Celestia hadn't gone for the elements, another adventuring group would have.
>A group of six, just like these ponies here.
>How much has the world changed, just because you wound up here.
>Looking over, you smile at your white coated partner.
>In the end, it doesn't matter.
>You're here with her, and everyone is happy.
>"Oh, hey, this is where I come in again!" a familiar voice says.
>Looking at it's source, you see Discord sliding through the wall, popcorn and chocolate milk in claw.
>"Ah, I was wondering when you would show up," Celestia says, "I'm sure you remember Anon."
>Turning to you, his mouth turns into a bit of an o, before he smiles.
>"Good to see you again, Anon, how are you doing?"

>>25408393

"Better now, after you..."
>You are silenced by him, and he wiggles his other claw in front of you.
>"No, don't spoil the surprise. I'm quite interested in what happened after too."
>He sits down next to you, and the two of you turn your attention back as Celestia starts talking again.
~~~

And that's the end of this update.

>>25407789
Either/or

>>25408404
>>25408393
>>25408368
>>25408348
>>25408289
>>25408279
>ohshit.nigga

>>25407729
>but a nice round mare-bottom is only considered desirable in colts

ehhhhh wut pardner? you saying them coltish flat-bottom mares are what colts want?

only if they can't get a real mare, heh

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>>25408368
>But anyways, I have to run. After all, you never fight the big bad in the entrance, after all."
*cough*

>>25408912
>Real mares like cush in the tush
>Only diamond dogs like skin and bone

>>25409319
What the buck is a mare supposed to do with a stallion's tush?

Fat stallion -> useless in the field && useless in the bedroom -> useless everywhere.

>>25409506
I dunno, use it as a pillow? Rim it?

>All the mares want Anon to be their husbando
>It's like no matter what they do, he only laughs and scratches their ears
>That only makes them want him more; he's a challenge that no other mare has faced
>One day, Anon starts to respond to their affections, taking herd invitations left and right
>His rough personality has also smoothed into that of a perfect trophy husbando
>However, the mares soon lose interest and becomes bored with him
>All the mares agrees to break up with him, leaving Anon all alone
>It was a changeling the whole time, the real Anon was in his basement playing Fallout 4.
>When he finally leaves his house again, he's confused why nopony will look him in the eye anymore

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>>25409506

>>25409649
maybe 5% of girls actually think like this. And even then, fat people are just too unattractive to compensate. I should know.

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>>25409595
>"Look at this one's butt! SO HUGE! I bet it jiggles SO HARD when he's stufin them muffins!
>"Oh my, I don't know if he should ever stuff muffins. If he stuffed my muffins, I'd probably be flattened like Harry's pillow"
>"Come on Flutters, you know not every mare can afford to be as choosy as you! Maybe he can still stuff muffins really good!"
>"And every other mare can't afford to put themselves in this kind of danger! At least I know how to talk with pigs"
>"Pffrt HA HA good one Fluttershy!"

>>25409649
Correction: loser edgepunk vs FUCKING BIKER

As if fat magically teaches you to how to twist dem titties and stuff

Eat a salad, my friend.

>The changing of social roles in Equestria is actually fairly recent
>It started 1000 years ago after Nightmare Moon was banished by Celestia
>The war that led to the final battle had severly lessened Equestria's male population; there was only 1 male for every 15 females
>To ensure that the pony race didn't go extinct, stallions were closely guarded while the mares took controll of nearly aspect of the country
>As time passed, the gender gap slowly closed but the difference was still obvious to any outsider
>1000 years later, the crystal empire returns, but they never went under the new social change
>The new princess and prince tries to "modernize" the empire, but is met with heavy resistance
>Cadence calls the Mane 6 to try and help with their efforts and they bring Anon along so he can learn to be more stallionlike
>When they finally arrive, the crystal mares are estatic about finding a real stallion that isn't a total wuss, even if he isn't really a stallion

>>25409828
>As time passed, the gender gap slowly closed but the difference was still obvious to any outsider

The skewed gender ratio would disappear as soon as the first generation died out. 0/10 would not headcanon

>>25407384
love it more?

>>25403456
KEEP FUCKING GOING

>>25410590
this

step up senpai

>>25409828
>It started 1000 years ago after Nightmare Moon was banished by Celestia
>1000 years later, the crystal empire returns, but they never went under the new social change
>the crystal mares are estatic about finding a real stallion that isn't a total wuss

If they didn't have any changes, wouldn't that mean Anon would just act like any crystal stallion?

>>25411036
I wondered that, too. Think it may be 'current gen pones do tourist things, show culture to crystal pones.' They see the current culture, and see Anon as fitting their culture more, thankful there's someone out there like them?

>>25411036
>Anon is thrilled to find drinking buddies who don't want to constantly gossip or wear frilly things.
>Also stupid, dangerous fun stuff that present day ponies try to keep away from.

>>25411314
>stupid, dangerous fun stuff that present day ponies try to keep away from
What, like stealing slippers form a hotel? They're still ponies.

>>25411409
Sure. It reminds Anon of his frat days.

>>25409828
no one has actually taken this concept

hope someone would make a green of this

>>25411626
>no one has actually taken this concept
Pretty sure someone did, but only with Luna. The gender roles were supposedly still reversed back then, but the sexism wasn't as strong as it is 1000 years later, so Luna treats Anon more like a beer-buddy than a fat cock.

>>25411660
but never really got anywhere

it be awesome tho

>>25411409
>Crystal Empire reappears
>Anon makes new friends that current mares/stallions don't approve of
>Anon leads the first slipper raid in a millennia
>His target: the princesses slippers
>Slips the guard advance warning, still succeeds
>Where in Equestria is Anon Sandiego

>>25411862
>>Slips the guard advance warning, still succeeds
>Steals guards slippers first

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>>25411314

>>25411314

>You and your new best friend, Harvest Solstice meet up in the pub, "The Green Horsefucker" and chat over drinks.
"Swear to god, Harvest, it is SO good to finally talk to a stallion who isn't a fuckin' pussy."
>"No shit?"
"They're like a bunch of gossiping nannies. It's embarrassing."
>"Ehh.... I'll hold judgement 'til I meet'em muzzle-to-muzzle. Can't be THAT bad."
"You know what? It isn't the stallions that're bad. It's the MARES that are fuckin' unbearable."
>"What, are they even bigger pussies than the stallions?"
"God, I wish. You will never meet a bigger group of self-righteous white-knights than the mares of Ponyville. From day one it's been nothing but, 'Oh, Anon, let me carry your luggage! I don't want you to hurt your back!', or 'Anon, you can't be serious about getting a job! Why not find a nice mare to take care of you?', or 'Anon, touch-hoofball is probably a bit too much for you. Why don't you join the other colts inside and play Monopony?' "
>Harvest snorts into his drink in disbelief.
>"Bull. Shit."
>He wipes his muzzle clean of cider and looks you dead in the eye.
>"You actually had me goin' 'til the bit about those mares not wanting you to find a job. What, did you read a book about the Empire's history from 80 years ago?"
>He grimaces, catching his error.
>"....1080 years ago?"
>You're about to retort with something very rude (most likely insinuating something or other about his ancestors), when the pub door bursts open. Light floods the dark pub and the atmosphere is completely ruined.
>>"Anon!"
>Oh Christ, it's HER.

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>>25412047

"Here 'comes. Harvest, friend, sit back and enjoy the show."
>Twilight Sparkles rushes over to your side, her expression a mixture of worry and anger.
>>"There you are! Anon, I told you not to come to this part of the city. It's not safe!"
>She picks you up with her magic and starts flipping you around, looking for injury.
"Twilight, please. I'm a grown man."
>She ignores you and instead magicks you into a hug.
>>"Do you have any idea how worried we were? We thought you might have gotten RAPED, or worse!"
>She presses a kiss onto your forehead and nuzzles your face.
>>"Let's go home, Anonymous. I'll tell Applejack that she can call off the search party, and Pinkie Pie can make you some of those cupcakes you really like. You know, the ones with the liquid chocolate filling?"
>Twilight trots out of the pub with you in tow, trailing behind her like some kind of bizarre kite.
>You look back at Harvest, hoping to see his reaction.
>You know it's too late for rescue. You'd given up hope long ago.
>Harvest Solstice is looking at you in confusion, but you can see dawning horror stretch across his face. His eyes are pinpricks.
>Without a word, Harvest downs the remainder of his drink, and then goes after YOUR drink.
>That fucker. You paid for that.
>God knows the only alcohol these ponies will let you have is those disgusting fruity cocktails.
>Fucking ponies.
>Fucking Twilight.

>>25411905
>Anon Sandiego steals the canter out of Canterlot
>Steals all the fluff.
>It wasn't the stars that released her, Anon Sandiego stole the Mare in the Moon.
>Steals the Dewey Decimal System
>Celestia's throne
>All of the apples from half of the Apple Family's orchards.
>Starswirl's beard

>>25412090
>She ignores you and instead magicks you into a hug.

>She presses a kiss onto your forehead and nuzzles your face.

>Pinkie Pie can make you some of those cupcakes you really like. You know, the ones with the liquid chocolate filling?"

There are worse things than being trapped in paradise, you know.

>>25412163
Gilded though it may be, it's still a cage.
And boring as fuck.

>>25412135
>Starlight Glimmer's Cutie Mark and Tirek's magic.

>>25412188
>Sombra's voice and Chrysalis' heart

>>25394579
Anon writes "King in Yellow" level eldritch horror to pones. He is the mad arab Abdul Alhazred of Equestria.

btw to all the faggots who care: i update my shitty pastebin when i post something halfway decent here.

>>25412208
No wonder Chrysalis wants his D so bad.

>>25412135
anon the bloody magpie

>You pull your covers tighter to your chest.
>It won't do anything, you know that, fucking forgot to buy some firewood after work.
>Still, you pull those fuckers tight and shiver in bed.
>Your door creaks slightly, "Anon? Hey, are you awake?" a voice whispers out to you.
>You lift your head up, your light brown stallion roomie is looking back at you with a fluffy hood over his head.
"Yeah I'm up... something wrong?" you mumble, voice must still be weak from not having talked since adjourning to bed a few hours ago.
>"I-I'm way t-t-too cold..." he responds trotting into your bedroom, shaking lightly as he moves.
"Yeah I know bro, I fucked up. I'll be sure to stock up tomorrow for sure. We just gotta deal with it t-tonight th-though."
>Damn cold is really getting to you too.
>"I t-t-tried... but I can barely feel my hooves" he says holding out a slippered hoof towards you.
"S-sorry Caramel."
>"D-do you th-think I could stay h-here with you t-tonight?"
"Dude, what?"
>"I'm so c-cold!" he whines.
"I am too b-bro, but we just g-gotta deal. Besides, sharing a-a bed with another guy is a little..."
>Caramel rears up onto your bed, he rests his head down on your mattress, "C'mon! Y-you're c-cold too, it's just us g-guys right? Nothing st-strange about th-that."
>Oh god, he's giving you that face.
"F-f-fine. But we're facing opposite sid-"
>"Yes!" he chirps as he tunnels under your covers.
>His hooves brush against your side as you were turning to face away from him causing you to jump slightly.
"Personal space bro! We're s-sticking to opposite sides alright?"
>"Okay okay" he says, shuffling around under the sheets behind you.
>He continues shuffling for a moment, then pauses, then resumes shuffling around.
>Finally he comes to a rest.
>You shut your eyes again, trying to take your mind off the loss of your original warm spot as you generate a new one.
>"Anon?" Caramel whispers.

>>25412408
"What?" you ask with a slight bit of irritation in your voice.
>"I'm s-still cold, c-can we trade s-spots?"
"Your spot is just as warm as mine is Caramel, I was sleeping in the middle of the bed."
>"Then c-can I move in closer?"
"That's gay bro..." you respond sliding a little further away from Caramel.
>"It's not g-gay Anon it's basically survival!" he snaps, sliding closer to you.
>His icy hooves slip under the bottom of your shirt and press into your back causing you to arch your back and tense up from the sudden cold.
"Gaah! What the hell Caramel?"
>"See! You're like a living fireplace!" he responds.
>You push him away and sit up in the bed, glaring down at him in his little fluffy hoodie.
>He gives you his pleading eyes again as he shivers next to you.
>You let out a deep sigh.
>This is sort of like your dog sleeping in your bed, just like a smart talking dog, it's not gay if you think about it like that right?
"Alright fine... but this gets out to noone" you grumble.
>Caramel gives a whispered squeal and hugs into your side.
>You lay back, and he follows you down onto the bed.
>He gives you space as you shift onto your side and throw the covers over both of you, which he then fills after by curling up close to your chest.
>You drape an arm over his barrel, resting it gently on his wither.
>He slides up his rearhooves and presses those icy fuckers into your belly to steal your body heat more directly.
>You can feel his warmth on your arm, even through his hoodie, and small puffs of it as he breathes onto your neck.
>With both of you under the covers now, you don't feel as much of a need to pull them tightly, it feels like you've finally got enough heat that you don't have to worry about it escaping.
>Caramel breathes deeply, a comfy sigh escapes his lips.
>This is... actually pretty nice.

>>25412420
>Not gay though, because... reasons and stuff you both explained earlier...
>Can't brain well anymore, now that you're finally approaching comfy, you realize just how fucking tired you are.
>And sleep takes you not too long after.

>You awake with a yawn.
>The softness under your arm reminds you of last night.
"Aww, shit, sorry bro. Didn't mean to yawn in your... pillow?"
>You grasp the pillow that was resting close to your chest and pull it up to your face.
>Yup that's not a little light brown horse at all.
>Did you dream all that last night?
>Aw shit you hope not, that might mean you're gay.
>And worse, you're gay for the guy who just recently got dumped by his four horse girlfirends.
>That fucker is hella straight to have bagged four chicks and have them be cool with it.
>Though apparently some new dude stepped in and fucked everything all up.
>You don't really know the whole story, little guy was pretty raw about the whole deal when he showed up on your doorstep a few days ago asking for a place to stay.
>If you got fucked out of a deal like he had, you'd probably be pushed to the point of tears too, maybe not quite as many as he had but still...
>Pushing all these potential homo thoughts from your mind, you make your way out to the bathroom and hear some cooking noises coming from the kitchen.
>"Anon? Are you up?" Caramel calls from the kitchen.
"Yeah I'm up."
>"Come and eat then."
>Oh shit, this little nigga done made you breakfast.
>You assumed he was making it for himself.
"Yeah, I'll be right over. Thanks bro!"

>You are Caramel.
>And you are blessed!
>Sure last night started off rather... uncomfortable, but you and Anon made it through alright in the end.
>This is twice now he's saved your haycon.
>"Nah bro, forget that "just until..." stuff. You had my back when I first came here and I've got yours now, this place is your home now too."
>Oh, you could just cry you're so grateful!
>Well, cry again anyway.

>>25412427
>And now last night, he kept you far warmer than any of those icy cunts ever could!
>"Morning Caramel" Anon mumbles.
"Oh, Anon! Good morning!" you chirp.
>Anon reaches for the fridge handle.
>You give him pause by clearing your throat.
>He looks at you and follows your extended hoof over to the display you've laid out at his place on the table.
"It's all ready for you."
>His eyes widen in complete surprise, "Whoa, dude that's amazing! You didn't have to go through all the trouble though Caramel, I've got cereal and stuff y'know" he explains as he takes his seat.
>You wave a dismissive hoof in his direction, though on the inside you feel all warm and tingly at the surprise on his face.
"Don't be silly Anon, consider it a thank you for being so accommodating last night."
>Anon coughs in the middle of his second bite.
"Anon!? Are you okay? Is it bad?!"
>He holds out a hand towards you, "No no, it's great... just uh, got reminded of something important is all" he responds meekly.
>You hop into the book filled seat across from him and sit on top of the small stack so you can reach your bowl of oatmeal safely.
>"You seriously didn't have to do this though, It was my stupid fault for forgetting to bring some firewood home last night."
"You sure seem keen on trying to dissuade me from doing this again, are you sure the food is okay?"
>"Yeah yeah, it's great bro. Thank you."
>You're not sure how much you believe him, Berry Punch was the same way telling you how great your cooking is, then complaining about it behind your bac-
>Oh no, there he goes, shoveling it down quickly.
>Really quickly.
>He's practically inhaling it!
>Anon downs his glass of orange juice and sets it down roughly, breathing out a contented sigh as he does so.
>"Oh dude, that was great! My breakfast is usually just cereal, if anything."
"Really?! You liked it that much?!"
>"Yeah 'Mel, just-"
>Your ears go flat against your head.
"Just what?"

>>25403456
More of this shit please, it's fuckin good.

>>25412438
>You prepare to hear the same old-
>"Well, it's just that this was probably sized for one of you guys is all, so I'm going to make a bowl of cereal to-"
>Request for more?!
"No!" you respond hopping down from your chair, "just sit right there, I'll make you some more" you chirp.
>"Nah dawg, you did plenty. Starting to make me look like a greedy frie-"
"Don't you dare say it Anon. You took me in when I was at my lowest, and without question! This is the least I can do in return and besides-" you crack another egg and drop the contents onto the skillet, "- I love cooking!" you chirp.
>Anon rubs a hand on the back of his head, "Mmn, alright. But I've got dishes, it's only fair."
>Your ears perk up.
>You'll cook, and he'll do the dishes?!
>It's like a dream come true!
>This is exactly how you wanted your herd life to go, instead you wound up doing everything yourself because they were all "too tired" unless of course they wanted some personal time.
>You let out a small sigh.
>Still though, they may have had their faults but they were still your herd, until they weren't...
>The sizzle of eggs draws your attention away from those thoughts.
>Oop, time to flip.
>You bring the second serving to Anon's plate and he thanks you once again for the meal which makes you have a little dance on the inside.
>You may miss your herd still, just a little, but you definitely don't miss all your work not being appreciated.
>You resume your meal as Anon resumes his, cooking up that second serving gave your oatmeal just the perfect amount of time to cool.
>Both of you finish around the same time, with both of you leaning back in your chairs and sighing.
>"Caramel, you are the man- er, uh, stallion?"
"Colt, we call each other colt. I'm far too young to be called stallion, ugh" you respond, sticking your tongue out at the mere though of being called stallion.
>"Well I'm no little horse so... I'll call you colt, you call me man. Cool?"
>You chuckle lightly.

>>25412445
"You got it. So what do you have planned for today Anon?"
>Anon smiles before looking up at the ceiling and blowing a raspberry, "I dunno. Off work today, but I gotta get firewood for sure."
"Shopping?!" you exclaim, feeling the small tingle of excitement that a shopping trip always gives you.
>"Oh yeah, if you're living here now you probably need to get some stuff for your room right?"
>Like boots and jackets and paintings and MUCH cuter furniture an-
"I could use a few things yes..."
>"Alright, lemme get the dishes and dressed and stuff. We'll head out after that, does that sound good, colt?"
>You smile back at him, forgot how good it feels to just have another guy around.
>Its strange though, he's so much more... direct than your other friends.
>You helped him get situated when he first arrived here in Ponville, but picked up a herd shortly afterwards.
"Oh! Sounds perfect, man" you respond quickly, realizing that you left his question hanging in the air for a moment.

>The market is all abuzz with shoppers and sellers.
>And most importantly... SALES!
>"Whoa, you alright there Caramel?" Anon asks.
>You give him a sheepish smile, guess that wasn't an internal jump.
"Yes, sorry, It's just... it feels good to be out and about today."
>Anon chuckles, "You sure it's not cause you're pimping out today?" he responds motioning to all the stuff he's carrying for you.
>Pimping out?
>Is that what humans call shopping sprees?
"Well, "pimping out" was something I hardly ever got to do with my girls so..."
>Anon laughs, "You were with four girls, I find that pretty hard to believe Caramel."
>Ha! Take that you stingy cunts, now who's "being ridiculous"! You knew that your shopping requests were reasonable.
>"Hey 'Mel, I'm feeling a little hungry... and my arms are getting tired. What's say we drop this stuff off at the house and hit up sugarcube corner for a bite?"

>>25412464
"Sugarcube corner? Oh goodness no Anon, you can't find anything there that's good for you."
>"I don't want "good for me", I want good food."
"B-but what about your figure?!"
>Anon blows a raspberry, "Figure?" he asks, almost baffled that you'd even mention it.
>How can he not worry about his figure?!
>You had to watch what you ate all the time, keep yourself looking good for your mares-
>But you don't have mares anymore do you?
>It's just you and Anon...
"Alright, Sugarcube Corner it is!" you chirp.

>"Told you Caramel, the Ultra Berry Surprise is hands down the best thing they have here."
"Oh stars and moon above... I don't remember the last time I had anything so good!... I think I came" you whisper to him.
>You and Anon both erupt with laughter, slapping the table heartily only to lean back and groan from the full tummies.
>"Caramel? Is that you?"
>Your ears hit maximum perk as you match the voice to the pony in your head.
"Oh no..."
>Anon leans up a little in his seat, he must be picking up on how uncomfortable you must look right now.
>"Caramel it IS you, hi!"
>The words are fairly neutral, even the way they're spoken seems almost pleasant, but you can hear it, that small tinge of smugness and venom in there.
"H-hello, Time Turner."
>You dread doing it, slowly though you turn to face the dark brown stallion.
>There he stands all primmed and proper.
>Meanwhile you've probably got ice cream and berries splattered all over your muzzle.
>The smug look on his face almost confirms it.
>"Yo, I'm Anonymous. 'Mel's bro and stuff" Anon says holding out a hand for Time.
>Time Turner looks over at Anon, and tries to keep his look of disapproval from seeming too obvious, "Yes, the human. Hello" he responds shaking Anon's hand once.
>"So Caramel, you're certainly looking... vibrant."
>Your ears go flat against your head.
"Heh, yeah... A-Anon here wanted to try coming here and-"
>"Hey, you alright Caramel?" Anon asks.

>>25412481
>"Yes, you seem a little... puffy. You're not allergic to any of the food here are you Caramel?" Time Turner goads.
>You scrunch your muzzle before relaxing it immediately, he''s trying to get a rise out of you.
>Rub the fact that, with his youth and physique, he managed to take your herd from you.
>And... it's working.
>You try your hardest not to, but a few sniffles escape you.
>Time Turner's smug grin widens over his dumb face.
>"Hey, maybe Time Turner here's got a point, you said you never eat here after all" Anon says, butting in between you and Time Turner.
>He brushes a hand under your eyes, wiping your tears away, "Yeah, that swelling can't be a good thing. Here, let's get back home and set you up with some nice tea or something."
>Anon places a hand on your lower back and the other on your chest.
>He hoists you up into his arms with relative ease, "Thanks for the catch on the allergy Time Turner, you're a real pal."
>"Oh uh, y-you're welcome?" he responds, completely thrown off from his original gloating goals.
>He marches up to the counter and makes some small talk with Pinkie Pie briefly.
>You can't really hear any of it, most of your focus is being spent on trying not to make yourself into a sobbing mess.
>"-reciate the help Pinkie."
>"Anytime handsome, I hope you feel better Caramel" Pinkie calls as Anon carries you through the exit.
>"Alright, you feeling better?"
"I-I'm not having an allergy atta- atta- at-"
>Anon cuts you off from your sob loop, "I know bro, I wasn't asking about that. Just asking if you feel any better now."
>You shake your head into his chest.
>Anon chuckles, "Well you might feel better after this..."
>He turns around to face Sugarcube Corner, your ears perk up from the commotion you can hear picking up from the sweet shop.
>"Hello heya hi~! I'm sure you've got to run~! But paying for our snacks you got sure sounds like it'd be fun~!"

>>25412489
>"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TAB YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT I DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING!" Time Turner shouts back, trying to be louder than Pinkie's one pony band set up.
>Pinkie continues repeating her little song, following Time Turner off in the direction of your old place.
>You can't quite fathom what's happened... but you love it!
>"I told Pinkie that Time Turner felt so bad for you that he agreed to pick up our tab. Wasn't that cool of him?"
>You put a hoof to your mouth as you giggle.
"You knew?"
>"How much a bitch that guy was being yeah, figured he was the one who went and broke up what you had."
>You nod to confirm his reasoning.
"Thanks... man."
>Anon smiles down at you, "I've always got your back colt."
>No longer feeling like crying, out of sadness anyway, you ask to be let down.
>Anon complies and you both walk together, towards home.

And done.

Finally living with a head not dragged down by medicine, wanted to get some writing in tonight as a warm up before getting back to Maybelle (if there's any interest still in it).

This story is something of a prequel to the one where Caramel accompanies Anon on his late night beer run (which can be found here: http://pastebin.com/18YSzH1X). I hope you Anons enjoyed it.

>>25412507
Anon and Caramel seem like real bros.

>>25412507
This was a good thing. Started out a little homo. But what seriously bro relationship isn't a little homo?

>>25412507
i like these caramel and anon stories, are you going to do more

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>>25412507
Topcute

>>25412507
Love clueless anon

>>25412090
kek
harvest sounds like a bro

>>25413399
Didn't sound too clueless to me. Sounds like he knew what he was doing.

>>25412507
Holy shit man horsebando is real

>>25412090
>Ponies in the bar fuck up Twiggles because thay actually remember what it's like to fight
>and the shit this mare just pulled is just ridiculous
>Anon moves to the Crystal Empire forever and becomes their Crystal Stud.
>twiggles retreats in shame
>tfw no qt green monkeybando

>>25412507
>This story is something of a prequel to the one where Caramel accompanies Anon on his late night beer run (which can be found here: http://pastebin.com/18YSzH1X). I hope you Anons enjoyed it.

Stallions in RGRE are the fucking best, always, all the time.

>>25412090
hey Pluggo, will crystal pones rescue anon from the mladies?

>>25412507
So . . . is there going to be more of this? Because I'd really like to see more of this.

>>25412507
Do you have any ideas on what happened before this moment?

You're making me have thoughts about fresh greens, but I wouldn't want to intrude on your plans.

>>25412507
Story is good, but do not want gay hoers smexy tiems.

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Astrologers proclaim this weekend the time of Caramel! Stallions in RGRE greens doubled!

>>25415017
Do you mean a prequel to this prequel? Like when Caramel had his herd stolen from him? or when Anon first arrived to Equestria and Caramel took care of him? I kind of have loose ideas about both but nothing I've given much thought to, if you want to write more Caramel or stallion stuff in general go right ahead Anon.

>>25415003
>>25413157
Nothing in mind right now, but there will probably be more. I like writing Caramel stories.

>>25412532
They are absolutely bros to the close.

>>25412615
>>25413340
>>25414105
>>25414267
>>25415027
Totally fucking agree with you Anons

>>25415022
>Not wanting gay hoers smexy times?
You some kind of faggot Anon? Won't even cuddle his little horse bro

>>25415096
Little colts are for bro'ing and keking, not fucking, boxmeister. It is the way of things that monkey D belongs in mares. That's why, in the most ancient of Equestrian tomes, humans are refered to as The Great Mare Slayers.

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>>25415127

>>25415096
>You some kind of faggot Anon? Won't even cuddle his little horse bro

Besides, it's not gay, it's not even sex! It's just stallions being stallions. Oh, they are just so affectionate.

>Do you mean a prequel to this prequel? Like when Caramel had his herd stolen from him? or when Anon first arrived to Equestria and Caramel took care of him?

I'd like to start from the beginning of their beautiful relationship, when they first met and became friendos.

>>25415133
>>25415127
"Stop doing this! Anon, how can you be so cold? Won't even greet your friendo with an peck on the cheek? This doesn't mean they're TOGETHER. All stallions do this, Anon! It's just you who is weird about this."

>>25415133
Dubs declare the legend of The Great Mare Slayers.

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>>25415156
>dubs
>10% chance
>declare

This is more pathetic than NAT TWENTY obliterating entire armies

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WHERE ARE MY MINOTITS, WRITEFAGS?
WHERE ARE THEY?!
THE LACK OF MINOTITS IS MAKING ME AGITATED

>>25415250
take a seat bonehead it's stallions weekend

>>25415250
>MINOTITS
They are an inferior product and you should not be so thirsty for them.

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>>25415344
STALLIONS A SHIT

>>25415536
FUCK YOU

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>>25415250
>>25415636
Horse milk > cow milk

Keep crying beef-zigga.

>>25412507
Think I've got some timeline nailed out.

From earliest to latest:
Basic Bastard/Labels (Time Turner mentioned in friend group.)
No Homo House (This one, Time Turner steals herd.)
Beer Run (Caramel living w/ Anon)
Colt's Night seems to be able to fit anywhere, since there's no mention of Time Turner.

Instead of writing a paper that's due in pretty much two hours, I'm sitting here figuring out timelines for horse stories. Kinda sad.

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>>25415640
> Horse milk > Cow milk
Then how come we can only buy cow milk at a grocery store?
CHECKMATE, BITCH.
COWTITS SUPERIOR. MINOTITS SUPERIOR.

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>>25415640
>>25415636
Stallion milk > horse milk & cow milk

I figured I'd be stuck on the ponynet with a bunch of monosexual bean-jilling cryptodykes.

>tfw no stallions on ponynet
>tfw no REAL mares either

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>>25415664
What kind of a homo are you Anon? Dontcha want to touch the cow?

>>25414795
Haha, can you imagine how Ponyville would react to the Crystal Empire granting Anon asylum?

>Twilight paws anxiously at the ground while Princess Celestia circles the war table.
>"Do you think it could be Changelings again, princess?"
>>"No, Twilight, I don't think so. Changelings would be much more subtle about foalnapping Anon."
>The wavy-maned alicorn spits on the ground in disgust.
>>"And they would already be making demands by now, if it were them."
>"Can you imagine what kind of inpony labour they must be forcing him to do? Breaking rocks? Maybe even..."
>Twilight begins to tear up.
>"....forced to be a consort?"
>Rainbow Dash, worried both for her friend and the ape-alien, trots over to Twilight and nuzzles her neck.
>"Oh, he must be so scared!"
>Twilight forcefully nuzzles her back.
>"I tuh-told him not to wuh-wonder the streets! I told h-him it wasn't safe! Wh-why couldn't that S-STUPID COLT just listen to muh-me for once!"
>Rainbow Dash either doesn't know what to say, or knows that nothing she can say will help calm Twilight.
>"D-doesn't he realize we're j-just trying to k-keep him safe?"

>Be Anon
>Be back in The Green Horsefucker
>Harvest Solstice is there, along with a few of his friends.
>Happiest you've been in months.

>>25415344
drinks half price if you flash your sheath

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>>25415684
>monosexual xenophile filly-foolers on my ponychan
>bent c.uck dykes try to tell me that I'm in the wrong

1) Fucking minos is race treason
2) Refusing stallions is degeneracy and self-genocide

Mare and stallion should be with mare and stallion.

Also, shitposting on the ponynet as a stallion? haha.

Sheath or gtfo

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>>25415662
>Cowmilkers think they are hot shit
>horsemilkers have been raiding their shit since the dawn of time.

Come back when you become a real man and learn how to make your own cheese and shoot a bow while mounted, casual.

>>25415662
Cowtits are fantasic, yes. Minotits are knock off trash, though. As such, Minotits are the bottom of the tit barrel.

I want Milky Way to give me a bath of milk and post pictures of it online to brag about how productive she is.

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>>25415815
The steppes separate the strong from the weak

>>25415837
Yes.

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>>25415853
>little ponies being used no different than livestock
Yes please.

Mongol Anon in RGRE when?

>>25415748
What the fuck even is this post . . . I've read the grammatical mess you just shat out three times and I still don't get what the fuck you're trying to say.

>>25415913
...and with those words, the name Celosia was passed almost into obscurity. Her name was replaced with a title: Ruler of the Heavens, Principissae Caelestia!

>>25415709
kek

>>25415923
Poor thing. The keking cost you not just your dignity, but also your brains.

>>25415853
>>25415913
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el93MIxAf-c&feature=youtu.be