Write what's on your mind.

>>8391162
How's about you write what's on YOUR mind, buddy?

>>8391162
>ywn have qt asian gf

>>8391162
I hate women and their roastwhore cunts

>>8391175
i don't hate them but they are pretty dumb

>>8391162
what's on your mind

>>8391162

I have justified myself. And now I am very tired. Only, the work is all ahead.

>>8391162
Wondering if my Urban fantasy Novel could be successful even with Socioeconomic, sociopolitical, and sociology being the themes and conflicts throughout the series

>>8391162
Should I go out to the bars tonight, alone?

I don't understand why people always put pictures of hot girls on their threads for no reason.

>>8391218
they capture male attention more easily

>>8391210
Depends what you mean by successful, and how you work those themes into it. At the end of the day, no modern novel will ever have the kind of status that the classics had in their heyday. Just focus on writing the best book you can write and hope it becomes canon after you die.

Also what the fuck is Urban Fantasy? I've never heard that term before in my life

>>8391162
pretty depressed about a break-up; didn't expect to care

>>8391217
bars are for idiots

>>8391239
Where else am I supposed to meet women?

>>8391242
you don't meet "women" at bars

>>8391245
Sure, YOU don't, faggot. I'm probably talking to a teenager.

>>8391242
What kind of women would you like to meet? What sort of personality traits?

>>8391260
I'm just trying to get laid, bro.

Why can't I help myself?

>>8391259
i'm not the virgin crying about meeting women on a lebanese crotchet appreciation board

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>>8391270

>>8391270
you sound like a clown, virgin

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>>8391162
Elliot Rodger is perfect!

>>8391263
Oh, cool. Yeah, just go to the bar then.

I'm low on patience and afraid of what the future holds in store.

>>8391162
Lemme open that thread so I can enlarge that pic of that asian qt
soon followed by
Damn look at them tiddies

>"I wonder if my professors' compliments really mean anything, considering I go to a state college with comparatively lax standards. Are my essays and writings really as great as they say they are? Will I ever be able to get a novel out while working as a school teacher, or will I give up as I fall into a cycle of complacency? Should I start smoking cigarettes again? I really miss them"

>>8391306
>Should I start smoking cigarettes again? I really miss them
You're about to fuck up real bad son, trust me on this one

>>8391242
Events related to your hobby and other activities.
I met my gf at music lessons, and my ex at a book club.
If you just want a one night stand just get a hooker and save yourself the trouble.

French or Arabic in college

t. native english speaker who has already learned Spanish

I hope I'll see that girl I saw in starbucks this morning again.

>>8391162
I whish I had a normal childhood

>>8391328
I don't know how to talk to women in that capacity. No idea what to say. Can never gather it up to ask them out either. Feels like they're always aware of it and I don't know how to make it seem like I don't want to fuck them them and never see them again.

should i quit the lacrosse team? not on scholarship so dont need

>>8391162
I am not a good person. I could have move away by now, and I could have stopped being a problem from everyone, but I didn't, because I'm lazy and never did what I had to do. I sort of tried to off myself once, and I still think about it daily. I want to go to the psych, but I don't, because I'm to lazy to call and make an appointment. I feel I should dumb down my appearance, because people think I am smart, but I am in fact as dumb as a person can be, and what is worse, my academic failure doesn't seem to convince professors that I am a total worth-for-nothing idiot. It would be useless, I cannot try to look stupid because of my vanity, and for the same reason I can do anything, I feel people expect something good of me, and the fact that I know I can't met their expectations makes me do nothing. I spent all my day doing precisely what I don't have to do, regardless of what I am supposed to be doing; it works in this way: if there's something I enjoy do it, I will do it, but if I have to do it because it is a task I must complete for college or something else, I will do something else not related to the task I would do if I didn't have to do it. My family is a mess, and as the time passes I barely talk to the people I live with, and to the people who pay for my food, clothes and etc. I don't know why I do that anymore, but I keep pushing people away. I believe someday I will end up homeless and asking for coins in the street, but no, I would definitely kill myself before that. I remember my ex-therapist thought I looked more calm when I was on the meds, she said I was the exigence I imposed on myself for now reason was lower, and I think that is true, but the exigence is in reality a joke, I put things on my shoulders that I can't do and I punish myself later because of my inability to accomplish the tasks I set myself to do, tasks that I may have been able to do if I had worked on them, but I didn't, because like I always do, I was doing something else.

>>8391372
Obviously, only upside is the parties

>>8391162
Making some progress on the novel. Slow and not so steady, but the tone and the words are starting to click. Does everyone focus on the internal metaphorical and literary consistency as much as I do? As I much as I admire Borges, McCarthy, and Pynchon, I can never be them. I have to find my own way and excel in the way that I can.

Waking up early in the morning is definitely the key to progress though. It's easy now and as my mental powers remain mostly undivided, but it will grow hard in the Fall.

I don't really know why I'm doing Computer Science anymore other than to have a way to pay off my student debt. Would things be better if I had never begun? I'm decent at it I suppose. My parents are taking out another loan to help me. They have no retirement plan and everyday they look older. Their skin hangs like a gizzard from their necks and the tint grows more sallow by the day. I feel guilt. So much depends on me.

I probably shouldn't be drinking now. It fucks with my mental health. Silences the simple pleasures of my mental life. Feels good now though.

>>8391162
hope someone buys this soon - getting sick of editing it and want to start something new, but want some sense of closure

>>8391391
do not self publish

>>8391341
Don't we all.

Starting to think that I should see a therapist more and more these days, but ultimately I'm just too ashamed to admit my issues to anyone other than myself. I've always felt the only person you really need to be honest with is yourself, and I think I've done a good enough job of that. But maybe it isn't enough. I'm tired of feeling so shitty. I try to work through it on my own but success is always temporary.

woke up at 4am

fuck insomnia

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i can't find any of the good memes like the one a boy sent me from this board. i want him to send me more memes so i do not have to look through here. haha i love memes even if i don't understand them

The more I read the dumber I feel, will stuff start to make sense eventually or will everything just get more confusing?

>>8391297
this

>>8391162
I'm kind of tired but I might watch an episode of Twin Peaks and read a bit before I go to sleep. Or maybe I'll just read.

I just want a qt asian gf who has an appreciation for cute things like cartoons and teddy bears but also edgy things like WS Burroughs and industrial music. We would watch anime and go to art museums together.

I am going to bed. I will lay in bed and fantasize about this hypothetical girl. Hopefully she will visit my dreams. Goodnight /lit/ !

>>8391162
I'm about to go to rehab and if I were to actually attempt to write even 10% of what's on my mind right now it would flood the entire thread.

>>8391374
and this

>>8391671
do it

Sleepy but so anxious thinking about dumb things I shouldn't have said that don't matter anyway.

>>8391231
is it a depression though ? Try to occupy your self, go for a walk. That will make your mind clearer and you'll forget sooner

>>8391671
>wish i had some drugs

>>8391671
Who cares? Do it. Reservations are for non-anonymous places.

>>8391374
well, there are two of us. Only that a debt almost 30K to a bank and like 5K to the state. I have to pay it in 8 years.

Nah

Why am I so tired these days? I've been depressed before but this is different. I can hardly even get out of bed. Today I woke up at noon and napped from like 2 to 8. It's 11 now and I want to go back to sleep... My meds must be fucked.

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I literal succubus visited me last night. I dreamed that I was in bed with ten girls wearing little to no clothing and they were frisking around paying little attention to me when suddenly I was attacked by an aggressive naked young woman. She had light brown skin, thick black hair in multiple places on her body, and a long beaky nose.

I didn't want her to fuck me because she was a vampire! I had to hold her off, that if we had any fluid contact I would turn into a vampire myself. Eventually I realized that her saliva had already dribbled into my mouth and it was too late, so I gave up and kissed her deeply. She writhed in my arms.

She sighed happily and I started to fuck her. As I slid my penis into her cunt I felt the scrape of her little white fangs along the shaft.

I hope she comes and visits me again tonight.

>>8391841
>turn into a vampire myself
whats so bad about this
don't you become immortal or some shit

>>8391855

I don't know, I was frightened. I have a lot of bad dreams about plagues and infection. I had this terrible nightmare once that I was on a rickety spaceship that some Christian fundamentalists had bought, and we were going to found a colony on a distant world. Space ships that could leave the solar system had just been invented and we weren't really prepared. Halfway through the journey the ship's water supply became contaminated and the passengers started going insane and becoming violent. In dreams like this I usually wake up just as the infection takes hold.

This time I gave up and everything became easy. She was very attractive in her own way.

I was drunk when I wrote rhis and I'm drunk now so
It's raining, again. It always seems to rain when I'm going home, but never when I'm home. I look up at the sky but all I see is clouds and lightning and nothing worth looking at. I've stepped in enough puddles tonight to fill a bucket, and my shoes are showing it. I only have the one pair of socks and this is the third time they've been through the rain but I just can't bring myself to wash them. Everything is too much; the rain, the lightning, the socks and shoes, the puddles and the responsibilities. It's times like these that I envy the suburban families shown in shows on television. They've found their niche and do what they're expected to, they play their roles like an oscar-winning performer. Is it really that easy? Have I just not found my niche yet? What if I never do? Will the rest of my life consist of clouds and lightning and wet socks? Living in Florida has given me the perfect outlook on life; in that, while it may be sunny now, rain's never far away. No matter how many times I get soaked and dry off and wash off, I go out again the next day and it's the same thing all over again. Summer rains. You can never predict them. I feel like New Orleans must have when the levys broke. I always feel protected from the waters and as if I have all of these safeguards built up and then suddenly it all comes crashing down and I've just been pushed back so far and buried under such crushing weight that I can't see any way out of it. The sun will always shine again, the dawn will always come once more. The clouds will come across the sky and rain will fall down on everything countless times. It's a never ending shift between the two forces. Does it really matter if I dry off, if I'm just going to get wet again? Does it really matter if I get wet, if I'm just going to dry again?

I have one friend, and one hole in my chest. I haven't told anybody about our ending, because I don't want their sympathy or advice. My life is a ruin, I'm constantly judged by everyone and I continually fail to meet their expectations. Most of my life is dedicated to my job, an entry level position at a retail store, and the time I don't spend there I spend in a drunken stupor of my own choosing.
I got kicked out of my home at 18, after losing my job (which my parents were aware of when they kicked me out), and I've been living off of the kindness of others since then (6 years). My mother still sees me and acts as if everything is okay b3tween us, but I've renounced the family that rejected me.
I've attempted suicide twice in the last two years, only to be thwarted by misguided people who used to care about me. I desperately n3ed medication to regulate my life but I lack the funds needes. I'm going to die in a few shirt years and honestly that's too long.
I wish I had done things differently.

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Three whole weeks we've been together. I wish we lived closer to each other.
I'm sorry for ruinning those fun moments of banter we have by saying "I love you", I just can't help it, looking at your profile picture makes me remember how it feels to kiss your tiny mouth, and to touch your delicate pale hands. When I'm with you, time has no meaning, and your hair has a scent that I could call home.
I want your virginity, to hear you moan and feel you hold me tight.
These are things I won't say to you, I don't want to scare you, but I crave you more than anything else in my life.
The truth is I'm addicted to you, and I can't help but wonder if you feel the same.

>>8391162
I should get my ringworms checked out. Maybe I should schedule an appointment tommorow after I finish writing.

Being fat is bad.

I should be able to say this aloud in mixed company without becoming asshole.

I'm uncomfortable with every relationship I have, I don't like having sex, I don't want to work a job, I just want to stay in a room and read and play guitar, write a journal entry, and drink.

>>8391162
I'm pretty deprimated and desperately want to get a copy of Julien Gracq's 'The Opposing Shore'.

Apparently my dad it's going to die due to high arterial pressure amongst other illness. I can't help but feel indifferent to the situation, mostly because my father seems to go on his days like any other day, maybe he has accepted his faith. Shall I feel bad about it? I struggle more because of the lack of emotions than for the situation itself. And it's not like I hace no emotions, I just don't feel anything for this particular situation

>>8392035
>Maman died today

I'm addicted to "Tha Webs", as some would put them. I sigh, and then think about the last 12 hours and how meaningless i had spent them; just for me to repeat this again, and again and again. I non-ironically believe that i've spent more time on "Tha Webs" than with my family; or with my friend! or maybe both, both combined... Or add books as well. And the result is an empty human. I don't even do meaningful things here! All I do is watch youtube videos and masturbate to cute asian girls. Even the people who play Pokemon Go or watch shitty hollywood movies engage in more profoundness than I do. I might as well be dead, kek. I laugh embarassedly.

>>8392039
I think that's the saddest part of this situation

>>8392035
Literally Meursault

lol that girl is doing the "show off my tits and ass" stance that comic book women do and feminists complain is impossible

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My sex drive has been crazily high ever since I got off my anti-depressants. I can't get through the day without masturbating at least 3 times.

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my nuts smell fuckin good but I'm not gay. I want a bitch that will just lay her face in my smelly crotch for hours.

>>8391162
I want to retire to a small apartment above a cafe in some city in southern Vietnam. Why did I get married and stop myself from living my dreams?

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>>8392035
you will after he dies, a lot of guilt and sadness and regret.

>>8392035
>The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways - I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows.
t. Socrates

I would perhaps change it to "nobody knows" or even "nobody can know", though the point still stands.
When someone dies, I am not sad for them, but rather, if at all, sad for the people who will miss them.

>>8392401
>I would perhaps change it to "nobody knows" or even "nobody can know", though the point still stands.
*tips fedora*

Why did you ran away that far from me?
Why did you act so violently?
Why did you do this to me, to us?
I'm mad at me for loving you and hating you at the same time.

>>8391162
I forgot that semen demons name and I still want to fuck her.

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>>8392409
>haha this guy isn't a gnostic theist
>I will post the fedora meme
>that will BTFO him!!

Thinking about the potential impact of a 4chan post. For the poster it's such a noncommittal act, yet there's an audience of tens of thousands from all across the globe. Some of whom may even be prominent individuals- let's face it, 4chan is no longer solely the domain of NEETs and other basement dwellers. Any one of the several posts I make on a daily basis could significantly impact someone, and I'd never even know about it.

>>8391162
Just watched two videos of SJWs getting owned
>my soul feel nourished

>>8391162

Just went to toilet and I hope it was only a sensory hallucination and not a turd the size of a subway that tickled my ballsack.

I woke up one day and realized I'm a 240 lbs mentally ill transsexual otherkin who thinks they're a dragon. But I still continue acting like nothing's changed. Is this a Metamorphosis rip-off story?

>>8391270
shut up and watch nasralla speech you dickmonger

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of

>>8391162
im all the way up
no one can stop me

what is a rebel?
a man who says no

staring at the sea
staring at the sand

it amounts to the same
absolutely nothing

no one man should have all this power

are humans the best race because we are the most humane?

>>8391162
sex

>>8391374
>>8391722
I don't have any debts because college is free, but that only make it worse.

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>>8391162
I want to flip that skirt up and go to town on that booty.

>>8391645
if you're <25, keep reading. if >25, give up. if 25, kys

>>8391897
stop drinking you weak motherfucker. your writing will improve.

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>>8392009
>three whole weeks
>i love you
top-shelf jej

>>8392018
it's only allowed if you're fat or semi- ex-fat

>>8392041
install cold_turkey or similar

>>8391675
>>8391714
I will when I have time. Promise ;)

>>8391706
And pretty much.

>>8391162
I want to lick her thighs

>>8391374

I think you're about one step away from cutting your fucking ear off.

I was just in a coffee shop trying to read an epistemological account of the experience of mystical enlightenment and I couldn't stop staring at teenage girls' asses

I will do literally anything to have a harem. I don't care if it takes me the next decade to get it, I'm going to have a fucking harem.

>>8392018

It is bad. Big and Tall stores are a huge ripoff and it's hard to cut my toenails. But if you say that around anyone with "body issues" then they will interpret it as a criticism and get their knickers in a knot. Especially women, even the thin ones will close ranks with the fat ones, maybe because they're all so insecure by default?

i'm gay

>>8391228
Urban fantasy is fantasy in modern times and in an urban or suburban setting.

>>8391228
Like Harry Potter or Twilight or capeshit. Supernatural shit in the present day.

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Do ı tell my professors about Blood Meridian? It's a 19th century literature class, but the books is so drenched in Civilization and Barbarism and it's so similar to what we're discussing that ı feel it will blow their minds. I mean the things ends as an exact mirror of Echeverría's Slaughter Yard, and that short story by Kleist they gave us has a scene that's so much like the Dual-wielding Delaware; let's not forget about Rousseau.

Anyway, ı'm glad ı got a concept to channel all my perversion into again out of these classes. I wonder how a novel like that would be received though, the only similar referent ı can think of for the levels of fucked up that ı want is Go Nagai.

I want to reread BM and masturbate to Fatal Pulse now.

>>8392035
My dad died a couple of years ago, when he was alive we didn't have a very strong relationship because my parents were divorced, so when he was dying from cancer I felt the same way you do. Very soon after he passed I still felt the same, I saw my mother cry for him and I couldn't bring myself to feel strongly about it. I only cried a few weeks after he passed away because I lost my house and my 10 year old dog, but still the feeling was for myself and not for him. It didn't hit me until a few months ago when I started having dreams with my dad in them and I will wake up and think "Oh he's not here anymore" and I'll cry a bit thinking about the trips we took to other countries and all the trips we will never be able to take now and how I acted like a little shit to him when I was a teenager. Show him a little love now even if you have to force yourself, it will make you feel better in the future, I promise.

>>8393237
Kys, faggot

There are so many goddamn books I'll never be able to read them all. Drives me nuts that I'm going to die never discovering so many unknown treasures.

i don't know if i want to leave all my pleasures for a pious life even though i believe it's the right way. i feel the urge to live and by live i mean do stupid shit, get drunk, and aspire to lose my virginity which will be 19yo soon

>>8393379
I got drunk to lose my virginity at the ripe age of 18 years old. Sad and alone, I set out on an intoxicated journey, lasting a year before I got laid. When I did, I was heartbroken. The experience meant nothing, in the morning I was like "get the fuck out of my house", sex is disgusting and now my life is meaningless. All of the purity is destroyed, I'll never be happy again. People are revolting animals.

>>8393379
The life that you seek you never will find:
Only the gods dwell forever in sunlight.
As for man, his days are numbered,
whatever he may do, it is but wind.
(Gilgamesh)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erbSF2S_GIE

>>8393416
>Only the gods dwell forever in sunlight.
>forever
i'll be glad with just a few years mate, don't worry, no complex is present here

>>8393409
>sex is disgusting and now my life is meaningless
why are sex and meaning connected. there was a flaw in ur persuit
>All of the purity is destroyed, I'll never be happy again. People are revolting animals.
i smell b8

>>8393473
I wasn't baiting. I was already a drug addict at the time, and then that just finalized my dead-insideness. Everyone I've been with since just means nothing to me. I fake my interest in those around me long enough to get what I need, and when the high fades, along with the "love" and sexual energy, I'm embarrassed and jaded. I go back to the "literary lifestyle" hur hurr.

I guess I made my own mistake by looking for emotional meaning in sex like you said, but I can't really be sorry for that. It's a reasonable desire.

>>8393489
>the sexual is the emotional
my friend you are a victim of modern romanticism and of your own gullibility.

Now you're just drowning yourself in unneeded self pity and inner drama due to a normal mistake. it's not something to be blocked by, but a chance to stop being pathetic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPOuIyEJnbE

>>8393473
>i'll be glad with just a few years mate
But do you still look for "always"?

>there are people in this thread who believe sex is meaningless
wew

>>8393541
All the best sex is anyway

i love you all. literally. everyone who posted on here. i love you anons. i hope all your problems get solved and you live a better life. be save. don't suicide.

>>8393541
>sex has no meaning
false
>sex is all meaning
false
>sex is needed in love
true
>sex is love
false
>sex is the ultimate manifestation of love and the peak of emotional connection
a point up for discussion

>sex with the right person is heaven, sex with the wrong person is hell
good valid point but it poses the 'right person' debatable term. overall: true


>>8393562
take your i love you culture away from here we're not suicidal and this is not tumbleur. love you too tho

>>8393538
no that's childish. unless i misunderstood you- so make your point clearer if you want

wish she would text me

>>8393562

I'm not going to commit suicide I just really hope I get into a fatal car accident. I want to buy a Triumph Spitfire or something similar to make this more likely. They crumple like a tin can and you're not legally required to wear a seatbelt if your car wasn't manufactured with one.

>>8393541
It is. It's just a way to get dopamine.

>>8393570
>sex is needed in love
Right, this is why I fuck my mom

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>>8393580
Just fucking text her, you nu-male beta faggot.

>>8393562
> i love you all
Really? True loves involves money eventually. If you really loves us, are you willing to donate to my paypal account? If not, you were just pretending.

>>8393593
i know you want to.
i meant more of a romantic thing

>>8393600
i am poor and we don't use paypal or anything similar to it where i am from. if i had money i would give you some, believe me.

>>8393580
text me.

I want to go home. I want to sleep.

>>8393612
kik me @ fabriczygot

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>>8391162

I think I'm genuinely ugly, and that annoys me.

So far in my life, I convinced some 6/10 English girl (18 y/o) to masturbate for me on webcam. Then I dated a 36-39 y/o single mum (3 years) from the ages of 18-21. Don't ask me how the fuck that happened, it was a mess.

All of my most meaningful experiences with women have involved low hanging fruit.

I have no friends and I'm always paranoid about going to movies/concerts/etc alone, as a single guy, because in mind there is this constant (perhaps paranoid) perception that people deem single guys going anywhere alone as suspicious/rapey as fuck. So I'm stuck in a vicious cycle where I can't make friends, but feel self-conscious doing anything alone.

But back to my ugliness. Because of the aforementioned perception, my only real way of meeting women is through shitty dating apps. I probably get as many 'matches' in a year of using Tinder, as someone attractive would in a day. Having been single for a few years, I average 1-2 dates per year, and they're always dead-ends.

My loneliness, both literal and existential, is making me depressed as fuck. I spend most of my time thinking about how ugly I am, *or must be*, to be so unappealing to women. What time I don't spend on this, I spend on trying to make myself (to the best of my ability) not ugly. I then consider that I must be inwardly ugly as well, to have no real friends.

Maybe I should just An Hemingway desu. Tomorrow I'm going to a concert by myself, as I have no one to invite or go along with. Maybe I'll meet people or something.

>>8393665
post pix

>>8391162
I'm taking a shit and it's messier than usual. Might have to bust out the wet wipes.

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>>8393665

>I'm stuck in a vicious cycle where I can't make friends, but feel self-conscious doing anything alone.

I know this feel.

>>8393665
do shite alone, no one cares, loser, we'll stare for two seconds then forget about you
exercise and read daily
going to concerts alone is the same as going with friends
post face

>>8393665

>in mind there is this constant (perhaps paranoid) perception that people deem single guys going anywhere alone as suspicious/rapey as fuck

It's certainly weird, but you're overthinking it.

Try to get a wingman or wingmen desu, however. Makes life easier.

>>8393665
You should stop trying to prepare for events with others the way you are. You can't control these things so stop trying to in your head

You should work on your self image so you like how you look more. Start working out and stop drinking anything that isn't water, black coffee, or tea

>>8393665

Bad feels desu. I hope you get proven wrong.

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>>8393696

>You should stop trying to prepare for events with others the way you are. You can't control these things so stop trying to in your head

What should a single guy with no friends do, though? It's a weird situation desu.

>>8393699
Get into some weird niche subculture

I am autistic as fuck. Girls asked me out when I was in high school and I rejected them all. They asked me to go their houses, and I said no. They put their heads on my shoulder, and I didn't even look at them.
Now I am a 25 y/o virgin who spends all his time on tinder, asking matches to go out, and never speak to them again after they say yes. I think about getting a prostitute. Sometimes I feel I want a girlfriend, but that is only when I masturbate, after I orgasm I want to be alone.

>>8393505
I like romanticism and sentimentalism, so I'm going to continue to be sad. Just no longer gullible, not for years now. Back when I made that mistake, yes.

>>8393707

Posting on a Indonesian totem-carving board? Ok.

>>8393719
watch the link senpai you can be sad later

>>8391162
>>8391162
I should end it all. perhaps a kitchen knife to the chest. pierce the heart. they will miss me of course. but time heals all wounds. would be better to go out to the fields. the mountains and the light of the moon. the lake. then it wouldn't have to be my sister who finds me. just some nameless farmer. or passer by. no need to leave a farewell note. it would just make it more painful for them. have another drink. drink myself to sleep. hold out for one more day. sleep it all off. repeat. when the time comes I will know. when the time comes it will be done.

(english is not my first language so apologies)
What's the point of this whole thing?
9 year relationship gone because "she wasn't feeling it anymore". I gave her everything, and did anything she wanted. I literally put my life on hold for her. Stopped going out with friends. Stopped drinking and generally having fun. She would not even give me small concessions like going to the theater for a movie she didn't particularly care about. She did not give a damn.
Still a virgin because she's a devout christian. Not that I have any sex drive to begin with.
Studying for a career I hate. I almost blew my brains out because of it.
Hate how I look. I feel fat and ugly. I wish I was invisible.
I wish I could give my mom and dad any semblance of pride, since my schizophrenic brother is enough to deal with.
I began the slow road to getting my shit together. Paid for a new place so I could move out of my parents' house. Began eating healthy. Going to drop out to study something I do like. Updated my Facebook profile. Called my old friends so we could hang out and get up to speed with today's society.
Then she shows up. Stephanie, friend of one of my friends. Works at the mall, upscale clothing store. Finishing her social work degree. Didn't think much of her at first. A bit plain for my taste, I thought. Was probably too busy staring at the floor while being introduced. I just wanted to go home and sleep for 10 hours.
I see her again, with another friend. Searching for Pokémon at the park. We talk a bit. I look at her for what felt like the first time. I notice her deep almond eyes. Her long, raven hair. Perfect smile. She has a nice body, but her eyes. Man.
Something stirs inside of me. Is it my old, discarded heart? It can't be. I saw this woman the other day and didn't think twice about her. I drop her off at her place.

>>8393765
Few days pass, a friend invites me to the park to catch Pokémon again. She's there again. My friend leaves us alone for a couple of hours. We exchange life stories. She had a bad breakup, ex kicked her out of his apartment after she made a surprise visit and caught him cheating on her. I tell mine without too many details. How she met my friends, what she does for fun, etc.
I get a feel for her personality. Very friendly and welcoming, yet aloof and seemingly uninterested. Very open about her feelings, yet slightly mysterious. I'm not very good at reading people, but she didn't seem uncomfortable or annoyed at my presence.
My friend calls me and asks if we can pick him up. We wait outside the building. I'm quickly running out of non-cliché things to talk about. I just blurt out: "okay, so tell me something people don't know about you. Doesn't have to be a deep dark secret, just a random factoid about you." She gets this funny expression on her face, big grin and wide eyes. "No one's ever asked me that before...!" We go back and forth. I like corn-flavored ice cream. I'm allergic to shrimp. Sometimes I drink soup on a glass. When I was a firewoman, I really liked fires because of the rush.
My friend arrives, we go back to the park for a bit then I drop her off at her place again. Add her to Facebook, accepted a few minutes later. I try to sleep without success. There's just... something about her. I hold off on talking to her on Facebook, or being all over her when she's with my friends. Done all that before, never worked. Not a master of seduction, but I learned that I can't show all my cards at the first chance.
Next day, I ask my friend a few things about her, without giving up that I might be attracted to her. I learn she's in a relationship, but the guy hasn't seen her in weeks and she doesn't really care about him. He tells me she's a friendly person and that I shouldn't get hung up on her because her easygoing personality and chummy demeanor is often mistaken for romantic affection.
I let it sink in. I can't stop thinking about her now. Keep trying to tell myself "more fish in the sea", not really working.
I feel anxious all day. Can't stop fidgeting. Not even video games are doing it for me. I'm screwed. Falling in love with a woman who will never love me back. Why would she? I'm just a sad excuse for a human being. I have nothing to give her.
I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I don't want to go through this again. I'm done.

>>8393772
ask her out senpai whatever happens, happens

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>>8391162
Uehara is cute but I wish she were less of a frog-person.

>>8393772
Just give it a shot bro

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>>8393782
>>8393796
In my previous relationship, I felt like I was comatose most of the time. There are good memories, but it was mostly bending to her will and doing what she wanted.
When she ended it, I went through the five stages of grief so fast. I didn't want to believe she broke up with me, so I kept visiting her and doing things for her. I was angry that she would unceremoniously dump me after I gave her nearly 1/3 of my life. I tried pleading with her to take me back. I was sad when she didn't. Then, this feeling. Like reaching the mountaintop and having Buddha touching my forehead with a finger. I had finally accepted it. I embraced it, loved it. I felt liberated for the first time in a decade. I thought I had unearthed the secrets of the universe. I was genuinely happy. Making leaps towards continuing my life.
Turns out I didn't know shit. And now I'm thinking "might as well give it a shot". But I don't know if I could take the rejection. I don't want to smell of fear either. What if it's too soon? It's only been a couple weeks. What if I do it too late, and whatever window I had for a shot closes?
Only thing I've learned is that I've learned nothing.

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>>8393665

>/r9k/

>>8393814
I just keep analyzing the situation. Thinking about strategies. What to say, what to do. But you can't plan for these things. People are unpredictable. I'm the main character in my story, but everyone else has their own saga. I can't plan for this. I don't know how she or I will react. I don't know.

>>8393814
>I don't know if I could take the rejection.
man up senpai stop thinking and do it

>>8393596
no, it's her turn now

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I think I'm falling in love with the girl that used to be like a big sister to me.

99% sure it's unrequited

I've been thinking about how I don't really like most of my friends, and wondering what I should do about it. It's not that I really dislike them either; they're nice people who have never done me wrong and I wish the best for them. But I feel like we don't connect in any meaningful way. I don't entirely get why they invite me out so frequently. I think they're just the type who find constant human interaction reassuring. I guess they also think that the pretext of socializing justifies their desire to drink 5+ nights a week. I first met them at a low point in my life, so the prospect of getting trashed nearly every night really appealed to me, regardless of who it was with. But now I'm in a much better place, and I'm not looking for that anymore.

Our conversations just feel like extended small talk. They just go on about the minutiae of their days at work, tell anecdotes, comment on their immediate surroundings. Gossip too. We actually have fairly similar taste in a few things (none of them really read, but we like some of the same music, for example) but our discussions about that rarely go beyond "yeah that was good." When I try going more in-depth about something they just laugh it off as an endearing idiosyncrasy of mine.

I often feel guilty when I confront that fact that I don't want to spend my time with them anymore, that I never really even liked them, just liked having an excuse to imbibe. I've always valued friendship and I feel bad for wanting to reject theirs, almost as if I'm defiling something sacred. They call me around 2-3 times per week (used to be more but they toned it down slightly as I've continued to decline) and I feel obligated to meet up with them probably once per week. I feel like guilt is a major impetus for much of my life. I guess it's true what they say about Catholics, even though my Catholicism was only ever really nominal.

>>8393578
I mean if you think you can escape pain for the rest of your life. Why do you want a pious life?

>>8393922

is oneechan old enough to be your mom?

>>8391162
You.

>I can't decide whether to be ambitious and "get somewhere", or to take a backseat and be "content", in life. Probably because i have no idea what it takes to fulfill either option...

Also:
>Why would you want to seperate emotion from poetry?

>>8394190
<It's a false dichotomy. You have no real control over the first and the second depends on you submitting control. They don't need to exclude each other.

<You can't. At most you can intellectualize it, which isn't the same as not feeling anything from it.

>>8393995
She's only 4 years older, a lot more in terms of life experience. That's one of the reasons why I can't see her loving me back.

>>8394214
I saw the irony in what i said as i typed it! It probably is the case that ambition is just inherent within your character, and that it cant be chosen.

On your second point: thats how i understood it, hence why i stuggled to find an answer myself.

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>>8394278
Ambition is conditioned like anything else in life. It might be that your biography aims you to it, but your life isn't over. You might get one good day when you get the inspiration to look for gold and just happen to find diamonds. That's unlikely to happen though, but then dedication is not about likeliness; it's simply that with an (in theory) in-finite amount of time, anything can happen.

>thats how i understood it, hence why i stuggled to find an answer myself.
Why were you pondering over it? I'm genuinely curious.

>>8394221

why not?
If you're over 17, go for it, tell her your feelings, etc.

4 years is no big difference, unless you're very young and still have a childish personality.

Also, if you already are friends, I guess she'll understand your crush, i guess.

t. girl

Decided to stay in, instead of going to the Bars. freaking out about job interview monday

i smell so bad right now it honestly defies comprehension

i've smelled bad before, but this is like when you uncover some old food you forgot to clean up and you already know it's going to be gross, but you're expecting wrinkly and smelly at worst, and what you get is like an entire fungal universe that explodes into dust and covers everything while bugs skitter in all directions

i'm inventing NEW stenches

I've got my mind on the money and money on my mind.

i think lads
that it will be ok
we will find a meme
outside of misery
a tree of meme
that will make us seem
like normal people

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>>8394628
When you make the whole world your home
Then you're always with family and not alone
So you have no outside where to walk
You have no speech for you to talk
You'll still have soft, uncalloused feet
You'll do it all, while still a NEET
You'll gain a lot, without an end
Foes being nice, or a naughty friend
Without the risk of becoming a junky
Yet at peace with being a monkey
Eat the fruit from the tree
And let knowledge set you free
Let yourself go into the stream
And realize... you are that meme

>>8393092
I obviously know her for more than three weeks

>>8393570
i am at least

>>8391162

i wanna stick my penis in your butt

I've been hanging out with a girl for the past 5 or 6 months who has made me find myself again. I was playing video games all the time and being a useless piece of shit, but through her, I was able to respark my love for literature and philosophy that u used to have just a few years ago. I was reminded there are others out there like me and that I don't need to try to conform to what I observe to be lot''s of people''s human condition. But nowe she's moving and I'm going to miss her. She's my best friend and I love her. And she knows and is okay with it. I guess it's time to really find out if I'm really the person I've thought myself to be recently without her gaze on me. Wish me luck to not fall into smoking weed, drinking, and playing video games all the time. (Ive worked a job this whole time not a NEET)

You're mom had God-knows how many men and God-knows how many more abortions. You were a mistake and she must have stayed up whole nights thinking about killing you. When she divorced your dad it broke you and now after all that you have the fucking audacity to look to this woman for relationship advice? Why does she get a say in what we do? We could have been happy but now you'll just follow in your mothers footsteps and give birth to another accident just like you.

>>8394871
Your*

I need to stop drinking and I need to drink

>>8391162
The city lights have the same color as the greed of those living there. There is no point in idealizing anything, as disapointment reach every place in this universe. Physical clearness and wealthy, the ideals of the undead.

>>8393096
thanks nigger, it's really been helpin' me out. I got to read some nice Quine for like 4 hours str8 usin this shit. And the turkey logo is pretty cool lookin'.

damn im so horny but i just posted a selfie and if i masturbate its gonna show also im gay

i dont understand why the world doesnt just agree with the bible and make the world nicer

im sorry i made you feel suffocated, i just like you so much, and i know i'll never have a friend as good as you in my life again. I love you.

All praise and glory to you, Lord Jesus Christ, light of all my days. I have felt some fleeting happiness in other things, but only in you do I feel true joy. Help me, O Lord, to cleave more closely to you.

>>8393096
what is it?

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>>8393665

>I have no friends and I'm always paranoid about going to movies/concerts/etc alone, as a single guy, because in mind there is this constant (perhaps paranoid) perception that people deem single guys going anywhere alone as suspicious/rapey as fuck. So I'm stuck in a vicious cycle where I can't make friends, but feel self-conscious doing anything alone.

Are you me?

>>8394331
Well I posted what was quite literally on my mind; I had just been on Kenneth Goldsmith's "Ubuweb" where the idea of "a poetry of intellect rather than emotion" was described in an introduction (theres also a pdf), where the style was coined as Conceptual Writing.
www.ubu.com/concept/index.html
T B H i feel that i have a limited knowledge on the subject, but it seems that all they are trying to do is undo the legacy of Romanticism and revert back to a more Classical form poetry, which I thought was interesting, although at the same time needless.
>Also, why the genuine curiosity on your part?
:)

>>8394331
Thanks for your advice as well! I suppose we are all waiting for inspiration on this board...

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>>8393665

Your life sounds like a fucking mess.

>>8393945
I don't think i can escape pain forever, whatever that means. Struggle is inevitable
Pious life because i feel it's only right

I've stopped pursuing the come-ons I get from girls because I've internalised the idea that it can't go any further; they'll change their minds as soon as they get to know me. Unless they're mentally ill, that is. Both my ex girlfriends attempted suicide when I left them. I'd like to avoid that happening again.

I finally got catharsis.

I'm a virgin in my 20s and I believe it's mostly because of one reason in particular. I've never had alcohol, it absolutely disgusts me. My father was an alcoholic and became a monster every night. Alcohol smells and makes girls gross. Because of my disinterest I've turned down nearly every invitation to a party. At the ones I've attended I was off to the side, unable to turn my mindset upside-down the way everyone else around me was with a couple beers. I alienate myself but it's alright.

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thinking to myself
>You did pretty well for yourself.
Yes you did all by yourself with nobody else's help. That's what you tell yourself and it's mostly true. You've done well for yourself and that's all thanks to you. Morning, Dawn, Aurora. A pot of water boils and a bag waits inside your golden chalice. You pour and pour, steam billowing out of your golden chalice. Now you have tea to drink from your golden chalice. Set to cool on the side table stands your golden chalice. You've done well for yourself. You watch your child watching Fantasia, listening to Tchaikovsky's Arabian Dance. Saved from the crib, your their savior. Between bites of Honey Nut Cheerios they tug at your pants for a kiss at every chance. You've done well for yourself. You wake with your child and boil some tea and sit for awhile in a home you don't pay for, food you don't work for, yes you've done well for yourself. Only... what unknown sufferings lay wait just around the corner? What secret brooding brews over fires kindled and forgotten? What detours wait for you as the day advances? What ignored laws of nature write the poem of surprise? You'll do well for yourself. Devastation is yours and for nobody else. Deviation brings you back to good health.

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>>8395903
>But what would a non-expressive poetry look like? A poetry of intellect rather than emotion?
My take is that this is misguided. Language is by definition expression (this can be expanded to all of human action); intellectualism isn't non-expressive, but rather a different language of expression. Likewise the matter/idea (of language) dichotomy is simply an arbitrary line between a spectrum of experience. And of course when one takes sides on these debacles, what happens is that the other side becomes the great Chaos; this is how the dialectic wheel keeps going forever, as some part of reality always gets excluded, as the center of reflection weakens itself by its own contradictions, then you have the greatest empire known to man fallings to some horse riding, coarse barbarians. I'm getting too Hegelian though; the thing in the end is that you end underestimating your opponent if you go that way--emotive expression as it's usually shown is far from simple, and to happen needs millions of precess, but these remain unconscious (that is the real problem). It's only a matter of studying things further--a matter of giving time to things.

I only wish people would be a tad more honest about their wants, myself. It's perfectly fine to be tired of a way of doing things after a couple thousand years, there's no need to get something better than best for it. But that is just another way of going at things, one more convoluted. Man really is a strange animal!

>it seems that all they are trying to do is undo the legacy of Romanticism and revert back to a more Classical form poetry
It seems to me they're closer to something like Formalism than Classicism, more interested in poetry as poetry rather than in the service of something else.

>why the genuine curiosity on your part?
Oh, ı just wanted to know what caused that question.

>>8395977
>Pious life because i feel it's only right
Why so? You feel it's right, but the other life feels right too, doesn't it? Who's the you that feel one life is good, the you that feels the other is good, the you that has to decide between the two? Are they separate? Are you one man, two, or three?

>>8396384
>Why so? You feel it's right, but the other life feels right too, doesn't it? Who's the you that feel one life is good, the you that feels the other is good, the you that has to decide between the two? Are they separate? Are you one man, two, or three?
isn't it obvious we're many? but with decisions you take one course only. even if you can take two, on a certain level you'll be hypocrite.
for me, just because i have many desires or to use your term, which very much reminded me of steppenwolf, i am many ones, it doesn't mean that a single one of them far more right and correct than the others. the problem is making pleasure and right synonymous, which isn't true, but actions are more difficult than words

I'm living a plot straight from the YA novels I despise. And I'm liking it.

>>8396460
What's it like being a vampire?

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>>8394390
>tell her your feelings
Nice one, Alan.

>>8396444
>the problem is making pleasure and right synonymous, which isn't true
Aren't they?

cerebrospinal fluid

>>8391374
Do shrooms

>>8391162
Why are /vr/ mods such fags? Later I'm going to prepare six paragraphs telling them exactly why they are wrong.

>>8391162
dat ass...

He'll never know that I adore him.

>>8391162
I'm so close to making it but I'm convinced I'll fuck it up somehow.

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I realize that being even a little overweight carries tremendous health risks. I realize the "healthy at any size" meme is complete bullshit. I realize being overweight, and then obese, is a disaster for the person involved.

But, fuck, I adore fat girls. They're my major fetish and I can't get enough of them. If I were ever in a serious relationship with a girl I'd probably be unable to stop myself from gently encouraging her to gain weight. Really fat women make me incredibly aroused.

I don't quite know what to do about it.

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>>8397260

tell him already, you fucking nu-male-female anon.

>>8397330
you are even more disgusting than the morbidly obese women you adore

>>8397330

my sister is fat (210lb) and always dates skinny to fit guys. Can you explain why? she's also very dumb.

>>8397347
There is actually a small amount of truth to /fit/'s High Test meme. Higher levels of testosterone do indeed tend to prejudice men towards a more 'fertile' female body type.

But beyond that, I'm convinced that the fat fetish is just a lot more common than most people are willing to admit. Most people won't admit having it publicly because it's pretty weird, but I think a pretty substantial minority of the population has it.

>>8396965
depends on your philosophy. mostly not.

>>8391174
just go to asia or japan. I mean, your dick is way bigger on average

I am alone and in a lot of pain. None of my self-knowledge has helped me.

>>8397433
But what do you think?

I'm drunk and I wish I was sane.
Good night fellow europoor posters

>>8391228
Contemporary fantasy?

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>>8397330
>she will never ride your face

>>8397336
Too shy/scared.

I met a girl that goes to an Ivy League school and now I feel like trash in comparison.

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>>8391374
i am in the same situation.

Only those who fear the dark search for immortality.

A pidgeon feeds on a piece of bacon, flicking it around to break off edible portions. In the distance a scraggy crow waits to feed on what is left. You sit on a bench watching the scene knwing that the pidgeon is not going to stop until all the bacon is gone, and the crow will go without. You sit with the knowledge that you can alter the situation.

How far dark matter extends through the universe is only measured by how far light is prepared to explore.

>>8398899
Whys that?

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y do boys make the best kind of children?

>>8397635
i think the harder the struggle against pleasures, the better

>>8391175
Jealous 'cause of all the dick they're getting that you're not

I need to stop caring about politics. It's ruining my happiness and friendships. But i don't even like the people I'm supposedly friends with. They don't add anything to my life and I only hang out with them because we are all in the same dorm and we are a "group". I feel that I'm not smart enough to actually get a job relating to compsci. I also hope my girlfriend is not frigid. She is the best thing about college but I'm a fucking horny bastard and she "doesn't feel ready for sex" so I don't understand her.

>>8399231
But why?

Is it less honourable to point guns at those who stand against injustice, or to let down those who have also stood up to look down the barrel?

My life has been such a passive mess so far and I think I'm reaching another breaking point, though unlike how it's been in the past I'm sort of anticipating it. I need fundamental change to wade out of the swamp, and I think this approaching death might just do it.

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I took the plunge and made the commitment. My problem has always been commitment, so getting married has been huge. I knew why i didn't like to commit to things, because it limits your options, but at the end of the day true commitment and perseverance is the only way to get anything admirable/respect worthy done. I could fuck around on the Internet doing some stupid degree again if I ran away back home, but it's just wasting time.

The hardest part for me has been properly realising you can't do anywhere near everything you want to do in your life, you can't be a bookworm/hacker/painter/judoka/drifter/mechanic/ etc all at the same time. Pick 1 or 2 as major themes in your life and something else and just focus and go with it. There's nothing else to do if you don't want to be a worthless Jack of all trades.

Even with that being said, and keeping "the grass is greener..." In mind, the thought of running away to Lithuania or Poland living in a garage working some shit job and spending money on nothing else but tuning a tight little fair lady z31 to hoon around at night in is so very tempting to me. When i live the slow life I wish for the fast one, when living the fast one I wish for the slow one

The only thing I deserve is a bullet in the back of my head

>>8399887
because seeking pleasure always leaves one empty and alone. you worship lust and power and end up feeling empty and and weak at the end of the day. it feels better to worship and idealize something better than bodily pleasures

What's going to happen in the next two months? Will I keep putting off what I need to do or will I grow balls and move country? I hope I grow balls but evidence from my past tells me otherwise. Munich is so far away right now yet it's never been closer. I've got nothing lined up but I've told everybody I'm moving. Work, friends, girlfriend, parents, everyone. They all know.

I need a fucking job.

>>8398899
My family friend studies lit at an Ivy and I was still able to impress her with my literary knowledge and opinions. Maybe she was just being polite but it made me feel bretty gud.

Anyway it's just a school man, don't sweat it too much. If she's worthwhile she'll understand this concept and respect your intelligence regardless of where you went. If she's a stuck up bitch more caught up on the Ivy seal of approval than ideas and learning , fuck her, she isn't worth your time.

>>8398899

There's a surprising amount of ivy league students shitposting on /lit/

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>>8399974
>because seeking pleasure always leaves one empty and alone.
I think the problem is in the seeking, not in the pleasure.

Today my dog threw up on the sidewalk and I used a Hillary Clinton campaign poster to wipe it up.

>>8400340
You're so elegant, cleaning with trash.

>ching
chong

>>8400307
what am i supposed to do if not seek pleasure? i'm programmed to do that

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>>8400509
>i'm programmed to do that
That's simply a way of looking at things, a couple ideas and phrases jammed together. And even then, the biological imperative is aimed towards continuation, not pleasure; so the pleasurable things are simply those that help life to go on (food, reproduction, goods), but of course an obsession of these things can be detrimental to the larger scope of life, and similarly if one aims to continue through things that aren't bodily one is liable to sacrifice their body. You're programmed to shun the things that kill you; if you feel you can't deal with something, you will live in fear of it, but not without foundation.

>>8400509
>i'm programmed
I wish people would stop saying this or at least take a more nuanced approach

>>8391162
Day two of sobriety.
Sunday morning I woke up abruptly at 6 AM shaking, fully clothed lying on top of the covers of my bed. I don't remember getting there.
I went outside for a smoke. I cried.
It was all very profound, but the hard part is this. How do you translate the desire for change into change, especially when faced with addiction? I feel like I am not so far gone as to warrant some group or program, but not so strong-willed as to keep myself afloat alone. I've heard that you should replace the source of addiction with something else. What replaces drinking and smoking alone? Socializing?

I think that's really it, I'm addicted to myself. I'm a selfish bastard and I love being by myself and fuck others. But this is slowly killing me, makes all my relationships hard and I am not confident enough in myself to deal with these consequences.

I am thankful now that I don't have cravings or immediate sadness. I have work to do, a list of movies to watch at the moment. These will get me through some days for sure. What after, though? How to transition from isolationist asshole to good friend?

>>8400573
nigga the point is to not live in fear

>>8400586
it's just an easy way to justify your point biologically. x gives u dopamine, so u tend to x. it's easier to say programmed. i know it's a very pseudointellectual term to use but don't worry i'll have 'retard' as my epitaph

I can't wait for sex robots, so I can have a squad of Asian ones for fucking and dancing like qt kpop stars.

Even decent VR will do.

>>8400664
Life without fear is a contradiction.

>>8400791
tumblr is next door

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>>8400824
See what ı mean?

>>8400849
a sincere 'no'.

I feel like both nihilism and existentialism aren't edgy enough for me, I can't use them to describe my worldview. Making up another -ism would go against the whole idea of this thing, which has apathy and inaction at its core. I'm just waiting to die, and I hope I don't have to wait too long and suffer too much.

why can't I always be electric. I was electric last weekend, everything was energy and motion, everything I said or touched was just fine, perfectly timed.

now I don't care. I don't care about books, I don't care about Art. I barely care about people. what I really care about is finding some dopamine and sitting around with my brain slowly sinking down into my body and my limbs a nice pudding.

i need to find some good drugs.

>>8400902
Would you like to be "tumblr"? Would you like to be close to "tumblr"?

>>8400982
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philipp_Mainländer

>>8401003
Interesting, didn't know about him. Can't seem to find his works, but it doesn't really matter since I probably would only download and never read them. Thanks.

>>8401054
You're welcome.

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>>8400622

I recommend transitioning to an exercise addiction. Endorphin highs are real.

>>8400982

Your post made me cringe but you might get a kick out of Antinatalism.

>don't want to go to a therapist until i can pay it with my own money
>need a therapist to help me now so i can finish my studies and get a job

>>8401003
no, tumblr is everything i despise, besides the porn

>>8401182
Then you're making your fear useful.

No matter how much I try to improve myself I feel worthless and that everyone around me are superior.

Sometimes though, I feel superior to everyone around me instead. When I realise this, I quickly start to hate myself again.

I'm envious, spiteful, dumb, humble, smart, forgiving, compassionate, hateful, envious, spiteful

>>8401189
i am sensing some anti-romanticism and anti-sentimentality in your tone, and frankly i like it, however i don't see how it related to my initial post around 50 posts above.

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>>8397330

If a girl has a cute face the fat doesn't bother me, the opposite in fact. If you adore them then go for it, who cares? They would probably be happy to have a man.

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When she talks it's the wind
She walks never leaving the soil
In her mouth ı see the sea
(When the world was separated
The sky gave the earth its warm heart
And as reward took the moon
For the strength of the sun)
So she's steady, but soft
Muddy, thick, viscous
And in the trenches there are city lights still
This desire to enter, but not hurt
For you

>>8401212
Am pretty lost myself, frankly. What specific points do you want adressed?

>>8392009
dude, totally fucking identified with this. kill me god.

>>8401239
i honestly forgot
kik me @ fabriczygot

>>8401258
This? https://www.kik.com/
Gimme a sec.

>>8400982
You are just depressed.

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honestly, i met this guy about two weeks ago on omegle. turns out, he lives fairly close to me. im so scared of meeting him irl because i feel like he's gonna hate me. i kind of have feelings for him, but i have a lot of self hatred over my body and im scared ill be crushed. :/ i guess ill have to see how shit goes.

still miss my BPD ex

any advice?

I want to write a book about rain.

I'm worried that I won't be able to live up to my ideas in execution, and that I will permanently ruin what could have been beautiful.

>>8393379
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cak8OW5b_5A

I haven't seen my girlfriend in 3 weeks and today she ditched out on our plans. It doesn't even matter if I see her tomorrow, Im upset that she would do that.

>>8401989
Ya, it's over. Sorry anon, I feel you.

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I need to read, but I'm tired and lazy.

Please tell me to quit being lazy and read.

>>8402150
Quit being razy and lead.

I spent over 250 in an ivy league biophysics lab this summer, which had been an amazing experience. I hope I get into this school after I graduate high school. But I was really concerned with getting a boyfriend which is yet to happen.
I cried because a straight friend of mine said I deserve some dick and now I know he's not just going to drop me as a friend for being gay.
I'm writing this while contemplating if /lit/ is just going to call me a faggot or devolve into some conversation over "boypucci being best pucci"

I really just want someone to cuddle with and couldn't care less about anything else if I got that.

>>8391306
smoke cigarettes. write 200 pages of whatever comes to your mind for however long it takes.
write absolute shit. then send that shit out to publishers and literary agents.
write a suicide manifesto. put it on facebook.
write a love poem for something you hate.
write about killing yourself in the worst way imaginable (according to you).
then and only then will you be able to write an essay that combines the primal aspects of being human and valid arguments.
the professor's comments will now be accurate.

Today was the first day of law school. I'm excited and horrified.

Normally when I get a new interest or hobby there's a board on 4chan that correlates but /lit/ doesn't seem to much care and I can't think of another board that would maybe have a law school thread in it.

>>8391162
People misunderstood nihilism and made a meme out of it. Tfw there's no such thing as nihilism and all he ever wanted to do was to clear the values with no intrinsic worth into something that did have touch of the divine.

I.....LOVE MY GRILFRIEND

>>8402678
>Normally when I get a new interest or hobby there's a board on 4chan that correlates but /lit/ doesn't seem to much care and I can't think of another board that would maybe have a law school thread in it.


>>>/lgbt/

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>>8391162
I'm waiting on a text from a girl who I was introduced to recently. She's a rare catch who actually seems to enjoy discussing literature and philosophy, even if some of it isn't /lit/core. I really don't want to fuck this up, my nerves are eating away at me like gnawing maggots on the kind of garbage you find at the bottom of an uncleaned fruit stand. I hate this feeling but simultaneously enjoy it. This reminder that I'm alive and that my emotions have this power over me.

t. biomajor stemfag who likes to read /lit/ books.

i hate niggers

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The idea of depression is a copout and a dismissal of very real, relevant angst. As far as I am concerned this depression meme should just die altogether. Depression is not wrong, it just falls short of the sort of total apostasy one must adopt in order to achieve true equinimity. What I have learned above all is to stop feeling any obligation to engage in the affirmation of life. The concept is simple; you cannot appreciate white against a backdrop of white. If things are going well, common "wisdom" dictates that is how it ought to be, afterall life on the whole is "precious, beautiful, romantic." If things are going poorly this ought to be taken then as anomalous. Given this sort of context, the chiaroscurro presented by this beautiful sort of mythological concept of life and the rather tangible mundanity of quotidian existence, may quite conceivably manifest as a state of angst and sustained disallusionment, if not despondency. I have found my life, ironically enough, greatly more livable since espousing the position that life itself is worthless to me. I recognize the domain of sentient experience as consisting mostly of irrelevancies, of which the worst sort of malignancies are also a part. Life presents itself as the pitch against which I can appreciate a simple moment eating a good meal, talking with friends or reading a book. I can now enjoy these moments because I recognize the sheer improbability that for any moment I should be insulated from all the pervasive irrelevancies that beset my existence.

>>8403010
are you not suicidal though?

I'm with my girlfriend I've been dating for four years now. We go great, like a rare steak and a wine aged to perfection. But there's this other girl. Once when my girlfriend wanted to leave me because she thought it wouldn't work, I found solace in another girl. She has many health problems, but is still beautiful in every sense of the word. Breathtaking like a moving landscape of nature breaming with pure life. We hit it off well, with conversation and intimacy in each word. I got back with my girlfriend a week later and the girl and I stopped talking. Then at a restraunt I saw her again and all those feelings came back. I love my girlfriend, but it is taking every ounce of willpower to not text this girl. What do I do /lit/ how do I cope. (I don't ever write so sorry if this was shit)

>>8393562
If you loved me then you would respect my right to an hero.

>>8393765
>>8393772
You are a terribly boring dull and redundant person.

>>8394331
Most autistic version of Carpe Diem ever

Analytics should just kill themselves.

>>8391162
I'm a fucking fraud. A hollow nothing. If I weren't such a repugnant coward I would have killed myself years ago. I'm giving in to the drink so I can manufacture something to look forward to.

>>8391162
I want a big cock down my throat but I don't look gay so no one wants to fuck me

Should I take a better paying full-time job or get my masters.

>>8403135
>I'm a fucking fraud. A hollow nothing. If I weren't such a repugnant coward I would have killed myself years ago. I'm giving in to the drink so I can manufacture something to look forward to.

even your cliches are dull.

>>8391162
A year ago I realized that I don't have half the mind and the talent to pursue the one thing I ever loved. Worst yet, I've come to doubt even that bit. Did I ever love it? The idea that I was destined for this was planted in my head by other people...they, peers, family, and teachers alike, saw what I could do and they were in awe and said that I should pursue it. So I did and an adolescence later I realized that it was just my "gimmick", an artificiality, or a fix...it doesn't really fucking matter.

An abuser oftentimes feels omniscient to their victims. Realistically, you are aware that there are no windows into the bomb shelter: you are just one girl in his sea of destruction, just one more insignificant life he will not think to mourn. And yet a single noise from across the no man's land hallway is as good as the slamming open of your bedroom door in sending a sharp chill down your spine, checking that nothing within your body language seems even vaguely provocative. Another war is the last thing needed. The Treaty of Number 11 is fragile.

"Good morning" sounds all too much like an air raid siren these days.

Shit cock. That is all.

I don't want to be respected, so I deliberately do things (or don't do things) that will disappoint those around me so that they stop caring about me. I hold no special feelings for my family. The people who I love and care about are far and few between. Complements do nothing but upset me. I have put considerable effort into making myself look, act, and seem like a generally unsatisfactory person. I have taken to hiding things that I consider to be accomplishments from those around me. And yet, I'm still not a failure or a disappointment in their eyes. I'm a dumb, arrogant prick and they see me as the opposite. I secretly want to die.

my neck hurts, i want conor mcgregor to beat nate diaz but fear he's gonna get destroyed. I don't know what to do with this ants trapped inside this glass container: kill them? let them live? It's six AM and i haven't slept so releaising them outside seems unlikely, however releasing them inside my room seems unlikely as well. I don't know if asfixiating 100 ants to death is an incredibly immoral act or not. My scalp is itchy, i have to clean my room, turn the heater on, probably go to sleep right now.

>>8403010

My problem with depression was that
>eating a good meal, talking with friends or reading a book
was very rare because I never had any energy to do anything. If I forced myself to do it I absolutely hated it or failed at it.

It feels like you're writing about a mindset, one I happen to share, while calling it depression. I adopted your sort of mindset while in a depression, but I found my life greatly more livable since I ceased spending every day in bed. There's a difference between the existential crisis that causes a depression, and the depression itself.

Sorry if I misunderstood, I'm not very bright compared to most of /lit/

I've listened to Townes van Zandt's Self titled LP countless times. I've had Our Mother the Mountain just as long as the s/t but I've only listened to it maybe 2-3 times and it never seemed to give me the same feeling as its sequel.

I'm listening through it again, sitting ourside in cool 60 degree weather, giving it my active attention and I realize how great of an album it is.

I'm enjoying it. After its over I think I'll read some Bukowski.

>>8403310

>I want to be respected...

there, I fixed that for ya. Have a nice day :^)

>>8401992
I guess I made it sound worse than it is, something came up and there was a group of people getting together that she apparently would not be able to see all together like that again for a long while. I get why she did it but I feel annoying because obviously I missed her a lot more than she missed me. I'll see her sometime this week I guess

>>8391162
I'm excited and nervous about making a post on 4chan.

Other than that, I'm just constantly wondering whether I'm doing the right thing by dabbling in art, or if I am just wasting my time and talents (whatever they are) that should be spent on something else.

I am also bothered by the knowledge that I haven't truly applied myself to anything, that I haven't really put effort into doing some thing that I care about.

It seems like not being able to truly commit to something and exert significant effort for its sake is what leads to boredom, days devoid of feeling, and art devoid of personal truth.

I'm going to try this art stuff for a while and try to exert myself.

>>8391306
Yo same here.

A couple of my professors say really nice things about some of my writing (not stories), films, and other miscellaneous stuff.

I am always anxious that it's getting to my head and that I'm not doing what I should be doing though.

>>8391338
I feel this way about girls too.

Cute girls are cute girls, but then there's the kind of girl whom you instantly imagine stories about.

>>8391162
I don't want to share my rough manuscript with my mom.

But I do want a beta reader that's willing to look over my 230 page fiction novel. I'm not sure what she will respond to.

The novel opening in a city I've never been in or the fact that I'm not writing about myself like a nonfiction writer.

Im am feeling like I'm inside a novel. The constant train of thought is exhausting and my personality seems almost liquid. I want to stop feeling, stop thinking, until only my senses remain. I want to escape from my own story. Anyone else feel this way?

>>8401535
Yeah, I know. Nothing that I do seems to help it, though. Thanks for understanding.

It's interesting exploring various pessimistic philosophies and trying to guess how much they were influenced by their biochemical makeup vs rational choices of a "healthy" person. As in, how much their depression influenced their philosophy, if it did at all.

I attempted to have an affair and failed.

I won't be ready to read for high holyday services this year.

I've taken on too much in terms of my work life/hobby balance.

I just want to drink coffee and whisky and go to the gym.

>>8404424
More or less, some times.
I meditate and it all gets better.