Trans Help General #126

Is there a guide for how much antiandrogen to take per week and what week to start taking estrogen?

How do I self-med here in the US?
Specifically what websites are reliable without a prescription? (MtF)

I thought I was nonbinary but now I am certain I am just a really androgynous FTM. Is this a thing? Am I just a special snowflake?

Still looking
>>7070131

>>7074956
Yes, they will bend over backwards for you, but that may mean bringing them to court. Call and ask.

>>7074952
You know, contrary to what tumblr can tell you it doesn't matter if you're "nonbinary" or or an "androgynous FTM" or any other gender words

all it matters is whether or not you want to transition, and how much if so

What's a good workout for MtF? I'm trying to shape my body

>>7076126
Eat everything, work out never.
You'll shape your body (like a pumpkin).

>>7076135
Maybe not that curvy senpai

>>7074780
Why would you want to know the doses per week? You take them every day. Starting dose spiro is usually 50-100mg then ramp it up to 200mg later. with estro its 2mg -> 4 mg.

>>7076712
But when do you ramp? That's what I'm trying to figure out, as well as if you even ramp with Cypro.

>>7076856
You don't ramp with cypro, you start on 50mg and stay there. I guess you can ramp spiro up 50mg a week and estrogen by 2mg after two weeks. should be fine.

>>7077408
Okay so I stay with cypro. Do I start taking estrogen at the start or do I wait a month or two to start estrogen?

Where exactly in my head am I supposed to feel my resonance if I'm doing a girl voice? The nose? The palate? Is it different for people?

Anybody has that pic with the exercise to get a feminine butt? Thanks

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>>7078085
This one?

37 pre-mtf here, finally made my first appointment with a gender therapist and a little nervous. What kind of questions/discussion can I expect with the doctor? Thanks

>>7078102
>In what ways do you experience gender dysphoria? Socially, mentally, and physically.
>How long have you felt this way?
>What do you expect HRT to do for you?
>Have you been diagnosed in the past with a mental illness or disorder?

>>7078093
Yeah but then other one had actual picture

>>7078175
Are you referring to the "How 2 Trap" guide? It's shit, don't bother.

How does ordering from asset chemist work? Do I just hit "I need a prescription", then pay for a private prescription and I'm good to go?

I'm only used to qhi but asset has cypro preeeety cheap compared to qhi.

>>7076856
with cypro you ramp down rather than up
i took 50 mg for 9 months and now in my 13th month im taking 25 mg and my levels are in the lower female range

>>7078279
Is there a self-medicating guide for Cypro?

Should I take Spiro or cypro?

>not a girl
>have no will to live because
>can't be a girl
>can never have will to live
>nothing matters because not girl


why am i so mentally ill

>>7078562
Cypro

>>7078609

>tfw waited too late to come out because you live in a conservative area
>tfw you will never visibly pass
>tfw giving up and just presenting as assigned gender

>>7078609
I feel your pain senpai

A few questions, MtF here:
>is it normal to cringe in pain from watching SRS videos? the principle of it doesn't bother me but the cutting up such sensitive areas of the body always seems really gross to watch.

>is it normal to get dysphoric after being really angry? like rage type stuff and blaming it on your testosterone?

How much does HRT usually cost, both through official channels and self-medding? I'm looking into starting hrt, but I've found out my insurance doesn't cover it. I promised my doctor I wouldn't self-med, but if it's significantly cheaper to do so I'll probably talk to an endo about what to take, then get the meds myself. I'm in Montana if that changes the cost.

>>7078609
I'm 5'10 and 130lbs. Is this a good weight to start at or should I go full anorexia?

>>7078658
what do i even do


kill myself?


i wish i just didn't exist at all

>>7079020
>What do I even do?
Probably drugs.
>>7078968
You're fine

>>7078968
I started nearly the same. I'd recommend dropping weight to help get rid of both muscle and fat in the areas you don't want, that or alot of cardio as it has the same effect.

>>7078710
Have your doc call it something other than gender dysphoria. Mine uses "hormone imbalance".

Guys, how do I not kill myself?
I'm officially out of the honeymoon phase of this. It was great when I realised being a woman made me happy, but I'll have to wait at the very least two years to start actually getting hormones and that's just way too long. I'm supposed to live a year as a girl before that with no hrt and I'm fucking ugly as it is, there's no way I'm gonna even remotely pass.

Is it better to just kill myself now and not have to live with this, or is the wait worth it?

>>7080101
Why do you have to live as a girl before you get hormones? In the US they stopped doing that years ago. If there's a confirmed consent clinic you can go there and you definitely don't need to do anything like that.

>>7080121
I've heard it's more common outside the US, where anon might be.

>>7080101
idk i ask myself the same question


i have no will to live and i can't really express why without writing an essay

i should probably go to a therapist but idk what they're gonna tell me that i haven't thought about mysefl

>>7080121
>>7080130
Yeah, I'm in the UK.
My current timeline is that I'll need to wait a month and go back to my doctor so he can give me a referral to the Gender Identity Clinic in London when he's sure I'm serious about this, then there's about a year's wait until I can see them, where they'll send me to therapy and such, and then I'll need to spend a year living as a woman before they'll begin my hrt.

Unless I say fuck that and self medicate but I dunno how much dosage I'll need and I don't wanna fuck myself up. Plus, my step dad will definitely kick me out when he finds out.

>>7080293
Oh god fucking damnit stupid NHS,
Heres some stuff on not killing yourself and doing something useful.

http://bytenoise.co.uk/oh-for-fucks-sake/mascara-and-hope.pdf

>>7080327
That was informative and beautifully written. Thank you for sharing!

>>7080327
Oh god thank you, thank you, thank you. This was just what I needed

>>7080327
Is there anything like this for the US?

I'm on the fence about transition due to worries of my parents not approving of me (they have both made transphobic jokes in the past despite them knowing how I feel about this matter)
What should I do?

How do i truly find out if im trans or not?
If im submissive or dominant?
If im gay straight or bi?
I wanna know. I fap ALOT.

>>7080824
None that i know of, but US's probably boils down to

1. Do you have lots of cash?
2. If no, do you have a well paying job?
3. If no, get fucked poorfag.

Seriously, money makes everything run in the US.

>>7080875
AGP?
AGP.

>>7078483
should be in hrtgen

>>7078710
im paying about 40 euros a month for mine
i use 4 100mcg patches a week + 25 mg cypro per day

>>7080293
For meds, /hrtgen/ >>7040471 should answer hormone and anti androgen blockers questions. Seeing you are in England, you can also go private for them if you can afford that. 50mg Cypro, and 2mg to 4mg of Estradiol (E) taken in divided doses should be a good starting point. Natal females first breast development is all done when they have low estrogen levels. E doesn't increase to adult female levels until later when menses starts. The main thing is to get rid of testosterone (T) so the E can do it's job unhindered. Many boys get some first stage breast development before T levels increase and stop it.

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Do AAs do anything about fat gain/loss? Seeing as spiro is basically a way to drive out fluid..

>>7080916
>sub
>bi (i haven't had sex with women but prolly would if the were dominant)
and i fap alot as well, i don't really get aroused from thinking of being a woman though, does that still make me AGP?

>>7081119
No. By removing T from your system, they will make loosing weight harder due to lowered base metabolic rate. If you have high enough natural E levels, then they can help spur growth of the feminine fat layer all over the body. Obviously if you take E with your AAs, then you will build the feminine fat layer.

>>7081152
>(i haven't had sex with women but prolly would if the were dominant)
iktf I love a dominant women too. The ones I like the most are prime candidates for going FtM.
>i don't really get aroused from thinking of being a woman though
Then you are not AGP.

>>7081165
Thank you very much <3

>>7080916
Maybe.
I dont know much about AGP.
How do i know if i have AGP?
I have fapped atleast 4 times today. Always to some deepthroat or abuse or slave shit.

Which is better for breast growth, Cypro or Spiro?

>>7081297
Cypro because allegedly spiro fucks with breast buds, although I have yet to see some proof to that.
Even disregarding that; cypro has some progestenic qualities so it should be marginally better.

>>7081297
cypro, but both are shit
take lupron and either micronized progesterone (if non-agp) or medroxyprogesterone (if agp)
this will be expensive though so if you can't pull it off then pick between cypro and spiro depending on if suicidal depression and liver failure sounds better to you than being slightly flatter than other trannies

>>7081371
*medroxyprogesterone acetate
i forgot the second part, i fucked up

>>7081371
I've heard that breast growth is mainly about genes, i doubt my countrys shitty healthcare would provide anything else than Cypro or Spiro :(

>>7081371
>suicidal depression and liver failure
>shilling so hard against cypro
most people can't afford lupron because it is super fucking expensive
cypro is a potent anti androgen and a very good cheap alternative
i drank pretty heavily during my first months of cypro usage and my liver is still fine and you can take vitamin b12 supplements to counter the depression as it's linked to vitamin b12 deficiency

>>7081261
If you are trans or not, your AGP status means nothing and should not count for or against transition.

>>7081371
>>7081374
>medroxyprogesterone acetate
I'm on it using the 150mg Depo Provera injectable birth control shot form. I take one injection every thirty days, and my T is down in the 16 to 18 ng/mL range. It can also be taken in pill form at 10 to 20 mg a day. I get generic prefilled syringes paid for by my drug coverage plan. Otherwise I think you can find it as low as $50 each at discount pharmacies. List from my pharmacy is $98. Lupron would be better, but it is much more expensive, and not covered by my drug plan.

>>7081419
>If you are trans or not, your AGP status means nothing and should not count for or against transition.
What do you actually mean with that? I dont get it. Whats so special about this AGP?

>>7081371
Why does it matter whether or not I'm agp?

After you start taking estrogen and anti-androgens does the libido ever come back or is it gone forever? Even if you get lower surgery?

>>7081474
>>7081466
It's a meme this board uses to try to scare 18+ from transitioning.
Read this. http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
After coming to this board I figured I was "just AGP" but reading this feels like reading a biography.

Does anyone have a workout guide for mtf? Preferably one that doesn't require machines

>>7081519
When I read this I identified with G3 for the most part but I never pushed myself to fill a manlier role. I've always been me, not a girl, but not quite a boy. I feel I would've been more in line with G3 if I had sexual attraction to females but I have no desire to be in a relationship.

>>7081669
Starting strength with hip thrusts on the days you don't deadlift.

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>>7081669
I'm using this to get off my fat ass, after you finish you're supposed to run 30 mins 3 times a week. And do squats. Lots of squats. And no weights- you want to lose upper body muscle.
If you're trying to lose weight though, that's more about dieting (though exercise helps)

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>>7081702
>weighted squats
>building upper body
Who hurt you?

>>7081710
assisted squats, not weighted

>>7081734
Bodyweight squats are almost useless, you CAN already squat your bodyweight unless you're obese and doing 100 of them in a row is not going to give you a nicer ass or anything other than more stamina.
At least recommend something useful like pistol or shrimp squats.

does it get better ?

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>>7081943
Yes, my tits are growing every day.

how do i not depression and suicidal

>>7081371
Does Spiro really inhibit breast growth like that?
Is that the case even if I'm on a small dose?

>>7082036
i don't know anon

i am also of depression and suicidal

it's a lot worse than i ever thought it would get

>>7082036
Therapy maybe?

>>7082062
Is therapy really worth it ?


I'm too skeptical that it's going to be useless and won't help and I'll have to come out as a tranny for no reason

>>7082059
im terrified to order the pills
and have no guarantee ill be able to afford them for over a year
my friends are less than supportive about it
my entire family already hates me
im working a dead end job running in circles
im a broad shouldered fatass who can't drop weight
all the bad thoughts are just making me eat more
id never pass, i have a cleft, im covered in hair and my fucking torso has made a few of my fit'er friends jealous they say i waste it being fat
"it'll get better anon"
"it'll get better anon"
the biggest fucking lie ive ever heard in my life

>>7082036
I fill the void with weed and video games

One day you'll meet someone who will make you very happy, it just takes time. I'm still waiting myself

>>7082086
order the pills anyway, might as well try it BEFORE suicide right? Nothing to lose

>>7082087
life is not like an anime it just doesn't "work out"

>>7082065
>I'll have to come out as a tranny for no reason
No, what? You realize that as medical professionals they're there to A: help you, and B: have a duty to not disclose anything you tell them unless you're going to hurt someone (including yourself)/commit a felony.
>Is therapy really worth it?
Do you have insurance? Because if you do they can write off gender therapy as "depression" and your copay will be 0.
Even if cost wasn't a factor, do you think therapists would still have jobs if they weren't able to actually help people sort their life out?

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>>7082099
i don't work outtt

>>7082111
I'm not on my own insurance plan.

So I'd have to ask my parents a bunch of questions about their insurance and get an insurance card from them , etc.

And they'd want to know.

I hear a lot of people say their doctors write off their gender related stuff as something else so insurance covers it. How often do they actually do this, and would they be in trouble if they get caught?

>>7082154
Literally all the goddamn time, and not even for trans. Most insurance companies won't touch anything with "gender dysphoria" on it. No, they never get in trouble.

So I'm going to be ordering stuff I need for injections today. Is there anything I'm missing?

My shopping list has:
>Alcohol prep pads
>23G 1.5" 3ml needle and syringe
>Adhesive bandages
>Sharps container
>progynon depot

There's no way for me to get on HRT for the foreseable future, and since I came out to my family everything has gotten worse. Back in full depression/ doubt mode.
Literally what can I do ? Even if I eventually transition I'll always be a man and most people will treat me as such. Fuck.

>>7082217
You don't really need bandages, 23g is small enough to usually not cause any bleeding at all.
You might want to get 21g or higher needles to draw.

>>7082127
You might have to get creative. However you end up doing it, therapy will help. If your uni has a quack that's also an option, though less ideal (they will likely know fucking nothing, but an active listener can help).

So I'm at the point where I'm sure I'm trans. Do I just call up my general practitioner and ask for hormones or what?

>>7082263
No, go see them and talk to them about it, but they're probably going to recommend you to an endo to talk about hormones.

>>7082263
Yeah, that's where you start. Make an appointment with them, say you believe you have GD. They will likely have no idea what that even means, and ask weird questions. Ask for a referral to an endocrinologist, and probably a gender therapist in your area as well.

>>7082217
23G might be too thin depending on the thickness of the liquid.

>>7082263
order internet hrt while you wait to get on a prescription

>>7082246
Have you gone through therapy?

What was it like? How did it help ?

>>7078679

>is it normal to cringe in pain from watching SRS videos? the principle of it doesn't bother me but the cutting up such sensitive areas of the body always seems really gross to watch.

I don't cringe in pain at all. I don't even find it gross. Now neurosurgery, that I find gross.

>is it normal to get dysphoric after being really angry? like rage type stuff and blaming it on your testosterone?

I know that as a kid, really young like 5-7, when I would get extremely, blindly mad and start "seeing red" almost literally, the idea would enter to cut off my penis. I don't remember if I wanted to cut my balls off too, but the point is that I felt like I would be free of my anger if I just cut it off. Since, there's a point where you get so mad you're in pain, of course you would want to be free of it. My more rational self knew I would be going to the emergency room if I did, so I just waited out my anger.

I don't think that's anything like what you're talking about though. I'm not even sure those moments that I had were a sign of dysphoria either.

>>7078710

60 2mg estradiol pills (30 days) are $8 at Walmart for me. Although Walmart's website says you can get a 90 day supply for $10, just make sure your endocrinologist writes that much.

>>7080140

>but idk what they're gonna tell me that i haven't thought about mysefl

Doesn't that make sense, though? :P

>>7080859

Your parents will be dead for a good portion of your life. Better to think of how you want to spend your life than how they want you to spend it.

>>7081669

I'm trying to make some sense of this girl's maintenance routine myself. Clearly she has results.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BFeEHDNAWqp/?taken-by=miss_olsen87&hl=en

>>7081702

Senpai... Tell me what part of these exercises requires your arm muscles to do work?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5eGGZXb0Is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2b8UdqmlFs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci4rsmlOk24
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk1OfkMmVt4

>>7082377
>>7082127

So you're not on your parent's insurance plan already?

>>7082233
>>7082282

It's good to know I won't need bandages then. I think progynon depot is suspended in arachis/peanut oil. Is that thick enough to need a larger fill needle? If I do still need a fill needle what range of sizes are good? What if I decide to use 25G for the actual injection instead of the 23G? Won't it still be hard passing the fluid through the needle into my body, so what's the point of using a larger fill needle?

>>7082246

It surprises me people tell me their university counselors don't know shit about LGBT issues. I was called into the office of the counselor who was assigned to me by him to introduce me to his services, and when I stepped in I saw a 6'3'-6'5" feminine, maybe gay black man wearing purple eyeshadow.

>>7082381
I AM on my parents insurance plan.

>>7082385

So why would you need to ask your parents for the insurance card? I carry mine in my wallet.

>>7082391
I don't have one because I never go to the doctor.

>>7082335
I have an appointment for the 1st for a real gender therapist. Rn, I'm just seeing a quack at my uni.
The main benefit for me was, even if they don't know what you're going through, or how to help, they can still act as a sounding board for you.
It helps a lot more that you'd think just being able to talk to *someone* about how you're feeling, and have them actually listen. Bottling all of this stuff up just makes it worse and worse.
Before therapy, right after I started realizing I was trans, I didn't sleep or eat for two days because of stress, then went to the hospital because I had a panic attack. After around 3 sessions, I can sleep again, I have my appetite back, and feel a little bit more comfortable with myself, and that's just after talking to the undergrad stand-in who doesn't know how to help.

>>7082395

And you don't know where your parents keep the insurance card? I assume there is an insurance card with your name on it in existence somewhere in your house.

>>7082395
Come up with a good reason to ask for it then. Alternatively, find a copy of it, copy the info.
If insurance gets billed they will see it, though. If they check.

I finally have an appointment with a gender therapist in 3 weeks who's known to wright HRT recommend letters after one $20 session. I originally made an appointment with a LGBT clinic who wanted like 6 sessions at $40 each before they got me a letter.

I don't have an endo or anything else, can I expect the therapist to refer me one or should I find one before we meet?

>>7082233
>>7082282

Adding onto the questions I asked in >>7082381, is a 1" fill needle too short to get everything out of the ampule?

>>7082447

Can't you call the therapist to see if they know anyone in advance? Although the psychiatrist that gave me the diagnosis already knew an endocrinologist.

>>7082468
You will turn the ampule upside down when drawing liquid. Needle length doesn't matter.

>>7082468
yeah I'll ask him, I probably should have known that but thanks.

>>7082476

So will I be fine if I drop the 23G needle and instead use a 20G to fill the syringe and 25G for the injection?

Hey /lgbt/

I'm very new to this board so sorry if this has been posted a million times before. I am fairly sure I am trans I'm not sure what the signs are but since I first started puberty as a boy I remember being very upset that I wasn't going to be growing up to be a woman. If you could give me some more signs I would be grateful.

I am 23 now and I have kept these feelings hidden my whole life and this is my first time sharing with anyone. If I was to ever come out with this I would lose everything, I have a girlfriend who I would never want to hurt, my family would turn their backs on me and I would have to move as far from my town as possible. Recently my younger cousin has come out as trans (ftm) and from this I have heard all of my family voice their very strong opinions about this and it has really shown me what my family would think. Another thing that bugs me and some of you may take offence in this but I don't think I can ever be a girl. I don't think I will ever pass no matter what.

So I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not entirely happy in my situation but is this it? Will I just remain this unhappy till the day die.

I'm sorry for not being a good writer and I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read and respond to this.

>>7082486
You may not be able to get the liquid out of a 25G needle. Just use a 22G. They are large but it can be almost painless if you use an icepack before injecting.

Hey, so I'm mtf. when i was in my early teenage years i was sexually abused a lot and so even before i started noticing dysphoria, i've hated my penis. since starting HRT it's only gotten worse, and almost every guy I end up dating turns out to be a chaser or just a fag who wants me to fuck them with it (I have a larger than average bepis) and i keep hoping HRT will make penis is kill but it doesn't.

I've been on HRT for a few months, is there a point at which erections kind of just stop happening? I hate my dick so fucking much but super can't afford surgery. Would an orchi be cheaper/easier?

>>7082509
>http://imgur.com/lDBLSVR
according to this around 6 months

>>7082508

Does the length for the needle I will use to inject matter? I was told 1.5" is better if you're injecting into your butt because even if your butt is small at the time of purchase, it will get bigger and then 1" won't be enough.

>>7082509
Have you had your blood work checked? What are your T levels?

Spontaneous erections stopped within 24 hours of taking AA medications in my experience.

>>7082540
1.5" is adequate for injecting into the butt. I would get a 1" for the thigh.

If 1.5" for some reason costs more, the 1" should still be fine for the butt.

>>7082505
I'm the exact same age as you, and I can say the best thing you can do is find someone to talk to.
Read this, too:
http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm
It helped me decide to stop repressing.
Also, I'd look at the trans timelines in /mtfg/. Some of those helped calm me down, cause I can find similar features to my own and they ended up fine. Hell, there's a couple of pre-transition lumberjacks that pass perfectly in those.

>>7082553

>If 1.5" for some reason costs more

It does. I live in NJ where you can't get needles without a prescription, so I'm using healthykin.com which seems to be willing to go against that rule instead of other sites.

>>7082541

im working pretty closely with my doctor & psychiatrist. I started HRT about two months after getting onto prozac, but i had to switch off of prozac a little bit after. The prozac killed my erections which was nice but after getting off of it they came back. i go in for bloodwork in about two months but when i went in last month my dr said my T was about where it should be. I was raised from 100mg spiro to 200mg at last meeting. she said that'd probably help but im still getting morning erections and erections when aroused.

>>7082588
why is new jersey such a shitty state


>can't get needles without prescription
>terrible gun laws

>nj has tons of shitholes with huge amounts of drugs
>shitholes with huge amounts of illegal weapons and gang violence

those laws really help i guess

>>7082567
Thank you kind stranger, reading the link now.

>>7082605

I found out California also doesn't require name changes to be published if it's for gender identity, while NJ requires all name changes to be published through one of the state's newspapers, and all of them require notices in the paper to also be put online. I'm tempted to move to California for however long it takes to be considered a resident to get the name change and then just come back to change everything else.

I'm going to send my state legislator a letter to at least get the name changes for gender identity publication-free here too. She's a co-sponsor of the bill that would allow the gender on birth certificates to be amended without SRS, so I assume she would be willing to support it.

The gun laws are even worse for me because I live in one of those shitholes and I have been assaulted twice already and been robbed without physical violence, although it was threatened.

Despite that crap, the city's also raising the property taxes on my parents as if this were a decent place to live.

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Is there a way to make self-medication less expensive? I'm 18 so my grandparents would murder me if they knew what I was buying.

>>7082505
Senpai chill, you don't have to be professional here. I guess I don't have to worry much since I don't really have friends/relationship/family besides some senile grandparents that I can work around. If they did know I'd be fucked though.

>>7082670

How much can you afford per month?

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>>7082688
I have about 2k$ in my bank account but I have no income. Currently in college so decided to go for a job second semester rather than overload myself first semester. That 2k is going to be stagnant until I find a job in 3-4 months. Haven't started yet, doing as much research as I can.

>>7082505
I'm also 23 and I've only just booked my first appointment with a therapist but I can tell you what I've figured out for myself.

My plan right now is to get on hormones as soon as possible and just let them do there thing for now. I'm going to work on making myself as feminine as I can for myself and worry about socially transitioning later. I've accepted that even if I end up not passing, that I'd rather be an ugly girl than a broken boy. This works for me but it's something everyone has to figure out for themselves.

Though my case is definitely different, I have almost no relationships that I need to worry about ruining and my extended family already thinks I'm a failure so I have no one to disappoint and frankly I don't know if I'd care at this point.

I have no idea what to do regarding your girlfriend since I'm khv but I'd guess that if she's someone you trust and care about then you'll want her support even if she decides that she doesn't want to stay your girlfriend if you transition. Again, no relationship experience here.

If you do anything right now at all, I'd recommend just finding someone you can talk to about it, be it a therapist, someone you trust, or anonymously on one of those lgbt support chats I never got the nerve to try.

And just read and learn as much as you can about other people going through these same challenges, to add to >>7082567 . Right now I'm constantly reading /r/asktrangender and finding out that everyone has the same questions that I do when they think they may be transgender.

The biggest thing that has helped me so far is finding out that I'm not so alone in this, and neither are you.

>>7082706

I had $2k in the bank, I still have money after 13 months and I plan to buy more HRT. I even gave my dad a $1200 loan. Of course, I have no expenses.

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>>7082732
What did you buy? And did you buy bulk or the smaller bottles?

>>7082769

For my first shipment, I bought 4 boxes of progynova and 12 of spironolactone from QHI.co.uk. Progynova is 84 2mg pills per box. I take two a day. Progynova used to be €14.20. For this next order, I will be switching to injections for my estrogen. The spironolactone is 14 100mg pills with two a day after ramping up to 200mg a day in 25, 50, 100, and 150 mg steps. I started getting bad side effects with spironolactone, so I switched to cyproterone acetate from inhousepharmacy.vu and bought 200 50mg pills. Since I take 25mg a day, that lasts me 400 days. You could try assetchemist.co.uk since they seem to offer cyproterone much cheaper than inhousepharmacy if you choose cyproterone. I don't know why you think HRT is expensive.

>>7082769
>>7082860

I forgot to say that I made another 4 box order of progynova some time after the first. I also saw an endocrinologist who gave me a prescription that added two months to my supply of estradiol. That was $8 a month.

>>7082871
Yeah I'm not really able to get any prescriptions. Also why'd you switch to injections? I would but i have a bad habit of fainting around needles.

>>7082871
Also don't you need prescriptions to use Assetchemist? I'm super closet mode plus so I won't be able to get prescriptions.

>>7082892

Everything except the stuff I got from the endocrinologist was without prescriptions. Assetchemist I think has a doctor who will write you one for whatever you order from them.

Because injections were cheaper to begin with, now QHI has raised progynova's price, and many people report injections are better for feminization than pills. The only thing better in the feminization aspect is apparently pellets/implants in your arm.

>>7082921
Do you have to inject yourself? I think I'd probably stab myself on accident so as much as I'd hate to give up a little bit of feminization. Oh well. So assetchemist writes their own prescriptions? I'll have to try that.

>>7082567
OP here, just finished reading the link now. wow did it hit the nail on the head, I'm a little upset by it because I really don't want it to be true and I'm not really sure what to think now.

>>7082718
Thank you for your kind post I will have a browse through that subreddit.

To expand on the whole relationship thing, this girl is more than just a girlfriend she is my best friend. She helps me through everything and I would genuinely be lost without her. I would never forgive myself for breaking her heart. Before her I was a virgin but when we first started going out I was just amazed that I got to touch her female body. Sometimes when we spoon as pathetic as it sounds I hold her breasts and in my head I pretend they are mine as I fall asleep. I honestly can't believe I'm even typing this.

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>>7082951
Yeah, when I read that I felt like I was reading a biography that could tell my future, lol.

Well, for me, the part that hit me the hardest was when she talked about older-age mtfs, and how they unanimously thought "it's just a phase" or "I'll just get over it eventually" or "it isn't that bad right now, I can handle it". I've been telling myself very similar things until recently...
Transitioning is scary and there's a lot on the line, but I honestly think that the much scarier thing is living a life where you're just a puppet trying to appear normal while slowly dying on the inside. I'm scared of what my friends, family, and society will think too, but lying to myself for another second scares me worse. I don't wanna end up a bitter old man wishing for what could have been.
I've also read a lot of stories online about people our age that decided against transitioning for one reason or another (society, fear of passing, family/friends, etc) and kept repressing- but unanimously they end up transitioning anyways when they are older, and regret not doing it when they last *seriously* considered it in their twenties. (read: every single member of susan's place)

Your girlfriend might be more supportive than you know, too. If she is your best friend and she helps you through everything, it's possible she could be the support net your family won't be. If you're curious, test the waters with a trans topic- like the bathroom debate. See what her stance is, and if she seems open to the existence of trans, maybe pry further.
Don't convince yourself it's a lost cause off the bat, because the second you do it will be.
If she seems against the idea of trans people or gives you the same vibes as your family, don't let that stop you from being yourself. You've taken the red pill now, there's no looking back. Be glad that you realized what's going on with your life before it got to be like that professor in the paper.
But first, find someone to talk to. It helps.

>>7082951

to add to >>7083116 even if she is apprehensive or negative about about the concept of people being transgender, she may still be willing to set that aside for you if she cares about you as much as you care about her.

As for me, I had to come out as trans to my mormon, conservative father and even in his sometimes misguided view of such uncommon characteristics, he was willing to put that aside because he cares about me, and he trusts that I know what's best for me.

>>7083173
My grandparents haven't seen much but whenever I act even slightly feminine I just get told to "stop acting gay" and to be more like "men your age"

>>7082950
>Do you have to inject yourself?

Yeah, until I get a boyfriend who will do it for me. I'm looking forward to that day.

>So assetchemist writes their own prescriptions? I'll have to try that.

Good luck with your transition.

>>7083230
well that sucks, my grandparents talk about me being a failure since I haven't gone to college and and have a dead end job, but they have the decency to not do so when I'm around.

Maybe you could try to explain things to your grandparents politely and if they don't listen you can just tell them to go fuck themselves (as long as they aren't supporting you in any way that is).

I have an anxiety disorder and I've spent most of my life terrified of how people will react to me. Over the years I've gone through a lot of shit that had forced me to push through my paralytic apprehensions no matter how painful they are because I am so sick of having my life dictated by others' expectations. Getting angry at other people has been incredibly fulfilling for me even if I don't act on it.

I apologize if I come across as overly aggressive. I have a lot of emotional baggage.

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>>7083297
>if they don't listen you can just tell them to go fuck themselves (as long as they aren't supporting you in any way that is).

Yeah unfortunately my biological parents are dead (dad's been in prison for almost all my life so he might as well be dead) and they've been the ones that have raised me.

>>7083236
>Good luck with your transition.

Thanks! I hope yours goes well too :D

>>7083345

>Thanks! I hope yours goes well too :D

Your welcome, and thank you for being so nice.

>earliest i can get hormones is in 9 months possibly 15 months
It feels such a waste of time, how do i cope with this? I'm terrified of self-medding as i'm allergic to multiple drugs

Why does this board hate mtfs that like girls?

>>7081474
it's nothing to do with >>7081519 because agp trans women are still trans women, and aap trans men are still men
micronized progesterone and medroxyprogesterone acetate both have the effects of progesterone (namely increased breast growth), but the former will greatly increase your sex drive and the latter the inverse. non-agp trans women tend to embrace having female sex drives and find it lessens their dysphoria, but agp trans women tend to find having continued agp fantasies during/after transition distressing and prefer to maintain lower sex drives to avoid agp-driven dysphoria attacks.

>>7084000
*still [trans] women and [trans] men, i was thinking faster than i typed, didn't mean to imply preferential treatment to either group

>>7083971
This board hates everyone.

>>7084064
especially themselves

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I've been dysphoric for a number of years and the only thing stopping me from transitioning is knowing that I will only be fooling people from thinking I'm male and knowing that I can never get rid of my y-chromosome.

I've never told a single person about wanting to be a girl, where should I start? And should I seek medical counsel in this process?

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>>7084348
>knowing that I can never get rid of my y-chromosome
having a y chromosome turned out fine for all the cis women in pic related
neurological sex is the determinator of who you are moreso than physiological is, they're identical in 99.8% of cases but we're the exceptions and exceptions are okay
you should seek medical counsel to get legitimate hormones and surgery but you can also buy hormones online to tide you over

>>7082086
Tbh, that's kinda part of what's going on here. It's not Gender Euphoria, right? It's perfectly ok to be depressed during this and hate your body cos that's basically the only reason you're here.

I guess, for me at least, it's more about fear. Like, I do this all the time. I turned down a promotion at work - not because I didn't need it or want it - but because I was scared that I might fuck up and the consequences would be so much greater (the fuck up here mostly being "turning into a woman and getting customers angry"). That's kinda what I'm going through with my body. It's not that I don't /want/ to transition, but it's /safe/ not to. I pass as a guy cos I am one, but I have no guarantee that I'll pass as a woman. I don't know that I won't, but it's still scary.

The thing is though, this is a long, long process. I dunno how good the programs for this are where you're from, but as long as you're saving up money you can do anything. You don't have to stop training your voice until you're happy with it. You don't have to stop feminising your face until you're happy with it. You don't have to stop finding ways to hide or be more comfortable with your shoulders until you're happy with it. It's down to you. You're still in control of your life.

>>7084378
>neurological
>physiological
get a clue

>>7085591
How do you hide these damn shoulders? I didn't know it was possible.

>>7085865
Have you actually measured your shoulders? The average adult female has shoulders of 17". If you're above that, there are types of clothes you can wear that help. http://www.parisciel.com/blog/en/tips-tricks-minimizing-broad-shoulders-women/#.WAjKceArJ9M

>>7086038
>The average adult female has shoulders of 17".
I read it was 14/15

>>7086041
Do a bit more searching- some females certainly have shoulders that small, but there are a lot of females that have shoulders in the 17-18" range.

>>7086038
>tfw i have 18" shoulders and 39" hips
in other words im pretty well off?

>>7086212
You're towards the upper end of the female range, and you'll definitely have to dress for it, but you're nowhere near screwed, no.

>>7086223
okay, thats reassuring
also, are off the shoulder tops good or bad for broad shoulders? i have heard both

>>7086038
Now I need to go buy measuring tape. Dammit.

>>7086238
They're like, a dollar in the tailoring section of walmart.

>>7086235
Try one on and see if you look good or shitty?

>>7086298
guess thats what i will have to do
thanks anon

>>7086235
I heard that most of the time it's bad, since the bare skin draws people's attention. If you can pull it off, it can work well though.

>>7086247
17.5 inch shoulders, 29 inch waist 36 inch hips.

How fucked am I

>>7086948
Very not? Seriously you're fine. If fear of passing is holding you back from doing hrt stop, it only gets worse w time

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>>7086971
Well I figured that I'm either going to do this or kill myself so I might as well give it my best effort.

>>7086989
The whole "you won't pass unless you start at 18" thing is kind of a meme. If you're stressing about passing (I know I did) look at trans timelines from the /mtfg/ and hold a picture of your face next to them, find one that's similar to you. Also, find a therapist to talk to. Seriously. And remember that hormones take up to 2 years to finish their work. You may not start passing until then.

>>7087072
Oh that's fine, I'm planning on stealthing until that point anyways. My usual clothes are already extremely baggy and I'm planning to use bindings on top of that.

>>7087088
Be careful binding while you're budding, a lot of people here say it inhibits growth. Then again, this is 4chan so who knows how accurate that really is.

>>7087088
Don't bind. Baggy clothing should be adequate enough to hide boobs up until A cups.

>>7087188
Is there a guide for starting out? I just ordered my first batch of AAs and I don't want to do something horribly wrong.

>>7087194
http://i.4cdn.org/lgbt/1476171406177.jpg

This covers most if it.

>>7087207
Switching to injections isn't necessary right? I don't know why but I am incredibly afraid of injections and would probably fuck it up.

>>7087241
Not an expert by any means, but my understanding is that it's just for convinience, you can stay on pills if that's better for you. I hear it's not as bad now, but there's also a shortage of injectable estrogen going on right now so it might be easier not to.

>>7087241
Injections are considered by most superior to oral. However, they're only another form of medication and not necessary. I think you should consider trying injections at some point to see what physical/mental effects it has.

Is there an easy way to feel less disgusted with yourself? This whole thing feels so unnatural but it feels natural for me at the same time, I hate this ambivalence.

what can be done for a 21 year old mtf who will literally never be able to pass?
it's too late for me, my life is already over, i literally already look like a dying old man
what can i even do with my life now

>>7087545
Anti-androgens can help with hair loss if that's your problem.

>>7087560
no
my entire body is just shit-tier in terms of genetics
what else can i do with my life in order to cope with this?

>>7087567
You can transition and stop worrying. I'm certain that you aren't as without hope as you think you are, just give yourself a chance.

>>7087575
i just said that's not going to work for me, you're being kind of insensitive right now
i'm afraid transitions simply isn't an option for me, like i said i'm 21 years old and i look like an aged man on his deathbed

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>>7087588
Do you want help or do you want to pity yourself because you can't have both.

>>7087635
i should be pitied

>>7087588
And I just said it is going to work. What do you hope to accomplish by just complaining that you're screwed because of something that's out of your control? At least by trying has a chance to do what you need to be happy instead of just accepting that you're doomed to be miserable.

>>7087656
i'm utterly defeated at this point
would you like to see a picture of me?

>>7087660
Can't hurt, go ahead.

should i give up and order hormones ?

>>7087825
That's what I did.

>>7087936
how is it going so far

>>7087961
Just ordered the first batch, feel both disgusted with my self for being like this and happy that I'm actually doing it. It's really confusing.

>>7087990
I feel disgusted with myself for wanting to do it too.

I can't imagine what my family would think if they found out.

>>7088016
You could just hide it like I am. I don't plan on ever coming out to them, I'd rather move far away and only communicate via letters.

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i'm 5 months into hormones and i'm passing pretty much all the time. i still need to work on my voice (barely passable) but i'm full time and i don't get dysphoria anymore unless it's about my dick. i'm going to have a cute fwb over at my place for dinner. most of my immediate family is okay with it and i have a good circle of friends

this is pretty much everything i could have hoped for from transition. i'm finally okay with the way i look and act now and that's a really good feeling

but i feel like i don't deserve it. i still feel like personally i'm the same boring piece of shit i was when i was a guy, and i'm finding myself trying to self-sabotage. i get high as fuck too often, mostly to just forget about how terrible things were just a few months ago. it feels like no matter what i do, who i was before transition will always be a part of me and that makes me worthless. i can never really be who i want to be because of how fucking gross i was before

what the hell is wrong with me?

>>7088016
>>7088030
To both of you, if you don't have a reason to think your family would hate you for it you should tell them. If they love you they should accept what you need to be happy. Having others that accept you can help reduce that feeling of disgust with yourself.

>>7088034
you're a fucking faggot for taking your genetic privilege for granted
i'll never pass
how old are you? i'm probably younger than you
i will never pass
i would murder hordes of people for the privilege of living a day in your life

>>7088030
I don't even know if they would hate me.


I know my dad would probably be very angry and he might hate be but I have no idea how my mom or grandparents would react.

One of my grandmothers is sort of a hippie, and I don't think she would care that much. The other is very christian but really likes me a lot so idk how she'd react. It sort of helps I'm the only grandchild they have that talks to them at all.


>>7088041
It's just too scary and not worth it.

I've never been able to talk about myself or my emotions or anything, and I probably never will unless I go to a therapist.

>>7088034
Talk to a therapist about it, maybe they can help. It sounds like you might also have depression, so talk to a doctor too.

>>7088054
Then go to a therapist. I know it's scary to come out to people, but it's 100% worth it. Having someone who you know supports you and will love you no matter what is so important when you're transitioning. Besides, if you're mtf it'l be great practice, girls are supposed to talk about their feelings.

>>7088041
As for me I was raised by very socially conservative grandparents. I'd probably get disowned since they already tell me to "stop being gay" whenever I act feminine at all around them.

>>7088054
I'm going to a therapist right now, I'm not really sure if I'm making any progress but it's nice to talk about feelings once in a while.

>>7086971
Apparently I fucked up and didn't measure between the seams, actual measurement is closer to 16 inches I think.

So I'm starting to question if I might be genderqueer or something. I'd like to try being a girl for a while to see what it's like, at least, but I know that HRT isn't exactly a, "Try before you buy," situation. How do I decide where I want to go with this? I know a couple trans girls (and an actual makeup artist, luckily) who are pretty excited for the chance to help me crossdress, at least, and I'm definitely going to try that, and I think I'll probably start antiandrogens if that goes well, but I think the end result I want is more androgyny than feminity (partly since I would NEVER be able to come out to my family, ever, but also just because I want to be androgynous). Do I even belong on this board?

>>7089945
Do you experience any gender dysphoria?

>>7090034
I'm not sure I know enough about gender dysphoria to say. I hate my body for a few reasons, some of which are masculine traits and some aren't (I hate how hairy I am, for example). I feel guilty about how un-manly I am sometimes too, like I'm supposed to be more like an awful 90s superhero because I'm a guy, and being me instead is wrong. I often wish I felt pretty. Is that some degree of dysmorphia or not?

>>7074956
GF says Kaiser covers those in the US (norcal)

>>7076712
and all these can really depend on the person. I'm at 8mg E (6 had me a bit low on my blood tests). And my housemate's body destroys it with a vengeance so even 30mg wasn't enough for her to have reasonable blood levels so she had to switch to injections which are working better.

I started on 2, and I think normal range is between 4-8mg/day

Ideally you can get blood tests, but if you can't, I guess go by feel??

>>7090086
Would you still be interested in HRT if it didn't make you pretty?

>>7090205
I'm not sure. That's kind of what I'm trying to figure out.

>>7090230
How would you feel if your transition is a success and with HRT you looked indistinguishable from biological females, yet you are an ugly female at that? Would you be happy or at least content that people saw and treated you as a female?

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>>7074766
Somebody please explain to me HOW the tanny people are a GOOD thing for civilization.

This is not bait, im being a dweeb because im frustrated, not trolling. plz help.

>>7090257
Who is arguing that? Mental disorders can never be a good thing.

>>7090255
I'd definitely be disappointed, but I think I'd be happier than if I'd never tried any of it. I think of myself as ugly now, so being ugly and a woman would definitely not be any worse, and might be an improvement. I don't know. I don't really associate being a guy with anything but guilt, so I might feel better without that, but the person I'm closest to says I just have guilt issues and that if I'd been born female I would feel guilty about that, so who knows if I can get rid of the feeling that I'm not good enough at being a guy by not being a guy anymore? At the very least, I'd have more socially acceptable options for trying to improve how I see myself (makeup, hair removal, dressing nicely, etc).

>>7090283
I do agree with your friend. You should address your guilt issues before considering HRT. It doesn't sound like you suffer much from gender dysphoria, if at all.

>>7090283
>>7090322
I disagree, that sounds like it's not super strong dysphoria, but definitely some there. Definitely talk to a therapist about those guilt issues, but I think going forward with transitioning, at least to try, is a good idea.

>>7090337
Well, the guilt could be rooted in gender dysphoria, but we're not sure yet. They can crossdress and explore the idea of living as a female, but HRT has to wait. Permanent infertility and breast growth is too much of a risk right now.

>>7090353
I think I said in my first post that my plan was to crossdress and see how I felt about that, if that helps any. I'm just not even sure if I fit into any particular category at all or if I'm just a nothing. I'm not planing to start estrogen ever, and I was just considering androgen blockers if the crossdressing goes well to keep from getting more masculine-looking, which I know I don't want. What I don't know is how to decide what I do want to do with this or who/what I am, really. I always thought of myself as somebody who failed to live up to the standards of being a guy, and I'm starting to suspect that maybe I don't need to meet them or worry about being manly after all, that maybe I could be something else instead, but I don't know what for sure.
I'm sorry if these posts are just overemotional vomit, but it's two AM here.

>>7090399
Taking antiandrogens alone is a bad idea. It creates more problems than it solves. You should have at least one hormone in your body, whether it be male or female.

>>7090418
I didn't know that. What sorts of things can happen?

>>7090450
Violent and frequent mood swings, hot flashes, weight gain, bone density loss (known as osteoporosis), fatigue, sexual dysfunction... The list goes on.

>>7090468
That is pretty terrible. I wish my friend who suggested pills had mentioned some of that.

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>>7090257
We're not a good thing but it's either this or suicide for a lot of us.

>>7090468
Wait what? Damn. I didn't know about this.

>>7090468
>>7090484
>>7091236
this is not truly accurate
t. had no sex hormones for 2.5 years

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Been on estrogen for three months, and have been putting my patch on my hip. My pharmacist said I could put it on my arm (close to the shoulder). Is there a specific spot that best or just anywhere where it won't rub off and isn't too close to the breast?

>>7091693
i put mine on my butt

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>>7082505

>Will I just remain this unhappy till the day die.

Not it you just learn to be at peace with being male which you are. it's way better anyways why are you convinced female is better please give me 3 logical reasons other than "muh dysphoria" your just a narcisstic unimportant little faggot who grew up in a society where the hot fucking stupid women are put up on a pedestal by everyone and nobody ever paid any attention to you right? nobody ever put you up on a pedestal because you're just another worthless male drone in their eyes, a tool to serve the weak, frail, stupid, vapid, driveling women children and faggot men. Is it that you want to feel for lack of a better word adorned for once in your miserable life? The kind of admiration and attention some hot women can't even go out in public for an hour without receiving and you've never experienced it a minute of your life? It's cool, I get it the mentality, narcissim in a way but also not because you've been so deprived. So you're willing to go to extreme lengths in an effort to "transition" or whatevr the fuck however what you need to understand is that you are the only one that matters, it's sad to say but when we die we die alone and leave all these sad, stupid fuckers behind don't torture yourself on a daily basis because you feel that you aren't good enough for other people, fuck other people this life is for you to live don't live it for them faggot.

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>>7091797
>this desu

>>7091797
>>7091797
You kinda contradict yourself at the end, if he's going to be happier in the end why should the reasoning matter, why should he care about your judgement? Anyways you can get on a pedestal as a male especially if you're gay, like i can go to a bar without my wallet and still get wasted because there are always thirsty guys, i think he should think would he still be happy as a ugly woman if no then he probs shouldn't transition.

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>>7091797

If you actually think MtFs want to be women because of the social perks then you are out of your goddam mind. Being trans is a fucking nightmare.

I'm not risking my capability to be perceived as a functional, stable member of society in order to get compliments and have men hold the door open for me. I'm doing it because I'm fucked in the head and the only way to not want to kill myself is to put on a dress and fill my body with estrogen. I'm already a shut-in so it's not like I'm going out of my way to have people pay attention to me.

>"muh dysphoria"

what the fuck do you think the basis for diagnosing and treating a mental condition is? Being in pain that is not caused by outside stimulation or having an irregular negative reaction to normal outside stimulation is at the core of every treated mental disorder and illness. Most conditions of this sort both physical and mental require a person to alter their lifestyle to accommodate the condition so as to attain the most sustainable and comfortable life as they can.

Most mental health conditions and even some physical ones were sometimes misinterpreted as having some outside, sometimes mystical purpose behind their expression. Schizophrenics were thought to be possessed by demons, AIDS was considered divine punishment from God for being gay, ADHD is still sometimes seen as a defect in children who do not conform to the limiting and intellectually debilitating education system.

Transgender as a legitimate mental condition is still treated with hostility and skepticism because there's a ton of social baggage from the times when treating and separating people as male and female was necessary for the survival and stability of the human race.

The truth is that it's just another peculiar deviation in the human mind that affects a tiny population and it needs to be treated like any other condition that prevents a person from living their life to its fullest potential.

How much is dysphoria supposed to fluctuate, and how long are periods of dysphoria supposed to last?

I'm feeling shitty for a weeks at a time. I though the good and bad periods were supposed to last a few days at most? It kinda feels like I burn-out on happiness and then get stuck at a low point for ages.

>>7092587
I've felt pretty shitty my entire life but sometimes the dysphoria gets slightly worse for a few weeks at a time. I recently suffered a nervous breakdown and had the worst dysphoria I've ever felt that made me stop eating and completely isolate myself. The worst of it lasted almost 10 days and now It's been over a month since then and I still haven't completely recovered.

So yeah, I dunno what's normal and probably there is no real "normal" for dysphoria other than feeling awful for long stretches at a time for no reason.

>>7092587
It's gonna be different from person to person. Some people are extremely dysphoric and can't go a day without noticing it, some repress and are able to rationalize what they're feeling as depression/anxiety. It's really your own story here.
My dysphoria has existed for a long time, but I'll have periods where I get motivated and more okay with it that last a couple days or weeks. Sometimes maybe a month. Then its back to repressing + crippling depression for me.

Are these signs I could be trans?

since the age of 10-12
>avoid mirrors
>if am in front of a mirror I will look down to avoid seeing my reflection
>do not let anyone take pictures of me
>if I was forced to take a picture (ex for passport) I would try to hide it so that neither me nor anyone else would see it
>always wore baggy clothes to hide my body shape (stuff 1 or 2 sizes larger - it could get pretty ridiculous)
>do not look at my body when naked (I have always looked at my feet when showering for ex)
>am afraid of others seeing my body (even without a shirt). This got worse over puberty and now going to the beach has become torture so I wear long trousers and a shirt and read books while hiding my arms

sorry for long post :c

>>7092995
I was pretty similar to you. I became painfully uncomfortable with others seeing my body once I hit puberty. I also had tons of baggy clothes and I wore a jacket every single day no matter how hot I got from age 8 till I finished highschool. I also have only ever worn long pants and jeans as long as I can remember.

I remember even as early as 5 that I hated having my picture taken but I was able to handle that anxiety as I got older (still don't like it).

I still have some dissociation with my own image so that looking in a mirror feels like looking at another person.

>>7092995
Could be, could not be.

If you woke up tomorrow as the opposite gender, would you be happier?

>>7092995
Not necessarily, but it is questionable. A lot of people have body image issues without being trans.

Does Bica increase photosensitivity?

Is it dangerous to have laser while on Bica?

>3 weeks into HRT
>nipples are hard and slightly sore most of the time
Is it beginning or am I just being hopeful?

>>7093226
that's female puberty
grats

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Fucked a mtf acuintance in the ass today was very spontaneous she tolled me she was dd free. This was my first time experimenting outside my cis ness also sucked her dick abit should I be worrried about AIDS she didn't seem like a horrible lier but yeah I'm scared
>pic related

>>7093241
wrong thread

>>7093241
/b/ is the board that tends to fetishize traps, you may want to try your luck over there.

>>7093241
>should I be worrried about AIDS

no, the risk as a top is quite low, but think about using a condom next time and get tested in 3 months to be sure.

>>7093226
>tfw that stopped, and I'm only 7 months in
Did I fuck up?

>>7094023
If your levels are fine, then no.
Sometimes you get C cups in 2 months, sometimes don't get real growth until the end of the 2 years cycle, and sometimes you're stuck with AAs. Be patient.

>>7092587
For me at least it's been getting worse over time. It used to just be I'd have a few hours or a day when I felt really bad.

Now it's like a day to several days of nothing but depression and apathy and I lay in bed crying and hardly accomplish anything and make plans to kill myself and sometimes cut myself.


And it happens more often.

I need to stop being a pussy and order hormones desu.

>>7092587
Mine stagnates at a somewhat low level but can spike for seemingly random reasons and cause mental breakdowns.
>>7094061
me too senpai I need my drugs.

At what point do you stop hating yourself for being an abomination?

>>7093046
And now you're sure you're trans?
>>7093048
It's hard for me to imagine such a thing, but I think it would at least make me comfortable with my body
>>7093050
I hate how my body looks and spend my time avoiding looking at it. I look like an average male bodied person. Despite this I hate all male characteristics of my body. Looking at myself by mistake can cause panic attacks on days that I feel particularly "dysphoric". For ex I last night I noticed that my shoulders are wider than my hips. I then couldn't sleep for a couple hours as I kept wishing to have wider hips and I even googled pictures of women to compare their shoulder to hip ratio with mine. However there are some times where I don't feel as bad and I can mostly ignore these feelings.
Does this sound like gender dysphoria?

thanks for the replies c:

>>7091797
OP here, I think you may have mis understood my situation. If I wasn't so uncomfortable about my gender I would probably be a very happy man. I'm very successful in my job, have a beautiful girlfriend and a lovely home. The reason I'm so down is because I feel if I "transition" I will lose everything.

Also like the other anon said you contradict yourself at the end, you actually sound like someone in denial.

>>7094504
To be honest his post probably hits me more at home than it does you, even with his contradictions.

>>7094070
It's not that bad when I am how I am now, I can just sort of ignore it and might feel a passing sadness.

But with how bad my previous episode of being depressed was it makes me really scared.

I'm dumb and it was during the time I had a midterm so I didn't study at all and barely did notes and got a 55% on a midterm, which dropped my grade in a class from a 97% to a 76%.

Like, it's affecting my life in a negative way.

>>7094663
Order hormones! That's what I did, even though they're still in the mail I already feel a little better now that I'm working towards fixing myself.

Is spiro or cypro better?

I've heard that spiro gives you conetits and is worse?

>>7095970

there is evidence that spiro inhibits boob growth, yeah

other than that it's really not that much different from cypro. best option especially if you don't want srs is to just get an orchi and get off blockers

>>7095970
true 'conetits' are hypoplastic tubular breasts, which are exceedingly rare in transitioners under 25 (though common past that point). it is worth noting tubular breasts are not unheard of in the cis female population -- the prevalence amongst those who do not seek surgery is unknown, but can be high as 5% (1 in 20 women) amongst breast augumentation patients. to the best of anyone's ability to tell, this is not affected by choice of antiandrogen.
the meme that 'conetits' are incredibly common comes from the fact that very few trans women, particularly after the age of 20 or so, develop tanner 5 breasts (which is full development for a cis woman). given the age of transition around these parts is so low, a substantial number will eventually reach tanner 5 around some years, but most will stop at 4 and some at 3. tanner 2, the earliest budding stage, can look very cone-like and so can 3 and 4 on some people. in general, trans breasts are not as developed as cis breasts and this can be perceived as 'conetits'. your choice of antiandrogen will categorically NOT impact what tanner stage you end up at.
there's a common perception that spiro hampers breast development, but i can't see any evidence in favour of this. cypro is a progesterone and thus increases breast development, however. spiro screws with one's potassium somewhat and is a diuretic, but i'd say cypro's side effects are worse, what with the depression, heptatoxicity, and tumours.
if you can afford it, get lupron.

who are considered the best surgeons for srs, i have no idea how to find surgeons, and half the websites look really sketchy

>>7095992
Which form of estrogen would be better?

I'm looking on the 3 or 4 sites that people recommend for DIY and I can't seem to find lupron at all.

Hi, last month I never thought I'd be posting something like this but I have no clue what to do.

I've wanted to crossdress properly for years, always reading porn about it and using family members leftover stuff to partially dress when I could.

I started Uni a little over a month ago and through some mixups I'm living on my own. As soon as I realised I could I bought a load of girls clothes and makeup and padding and began dressing whenever I could.

I'm starting to think it might be more than just crossdressing. I've been reading about transitioning and hormones for the past week and I don't know but hormones just seem so right?

The part I'm confused about is that I don't think I want to live as a girl though. I know the idea of being more feminine is what I want to be and that the idea of, naturally, getting more manly is something I really don't want to happen but I'd rather be somewhere inbetween, meaning more fem then I am now.

I'm in the uk and from what I've read getting hormones here is at least a 6 month progress and even then that's for those who are sure they want to be 100% women. And the NHS is apparently very sensitive to any type of hesitation so I was wondering if my desire would be considered by them as a phase. I just don't want to decide it's a phase or that I'm just a crossdresser and then change my mind in a decade of being depressed and now too late. Is self medication a death sentence? Would a doctor/therapist ever accept someone like me as legit? Am I even legit? I know that until I started feeling like this I was the type to judge anyone who really thought they were a gender other than the main 2 (and I'm still not sure if I still feel like that, I don't know if I'm actually some sort of inter gender snowflake or I'm just a guy who really enjoys being femme).

Sort about the long meandering comment but I'm so lost here

British mtf here, I'm only just starting this and I'm kind of terrified of the NHS gender therapy clinic because friends have told me they've had awful experiences there. Any tips?

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Looking for some in the know advice please! My first two rounds of FFS helped feminise my appearance somewhat, but also gave me new sets of problems (mainly asymmetry) and there are still some things that could be worked on another time. Both my previous surgeons who guaranteed results (chettawut and facial team) have now said that they have "done all they can" and aren't willing to do any more work on me, either as revision or further refinement.

And this point i'm considering Dr Raphael or Dr Cardenas for my hopefully last round of surgery. Which one would people recommend to me?

>>7095992
Is there a way to avoid these side effects while taking cypro? I already ordered about a 5 1/2 month supply to start with so it's too late for me to switch until I run out.

>>7096896
not that anon but those side effects are rare at the dosages trans women usually take
most start at 50mg and can eventually go down to 25mg or even 10mg

>>7096896
you can lower your risk of side effects through:
1. taking vitamin b12 supplements
2. avoiding alcohol or other liver-stressing drugs
3. exercising

>>7096905
...no, they're rare at the dosages -cis- women take
when you see references to 'low' or 'high' doses of cypro, low is the cis dose, high is the trans dose
though the worst side effects are rare in general

>>7096908
Okay that's good. I already take a multi-vitamin and I'm too much of a beta-fag to drink underage.

>>7096912
the usual dosages of cypro are in the 200-300mg range, for treatment of prostate cancer

>>7096917
Don't worry cypro isn't that dangerous if you take less than 100mg per day.
And spiro can be deadly as well if you eat too much potassium, because your heart might get cardiac arrhythmia or even a cardiac arrest without any signs beforehand.

Am I agp?

The idea of having sex in my current body is disgusting to me but I'd be open to it if my body was more feminine. Getting lower surgery would also help with the disgust.

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>age 5
>remember dressing up as a girl
>parents bully me for that
>age 13
>starting puberty
>the gendysph gets worse
>sexual fantasies don't match up my biological gender
>try to ignore all this as hard as I can
>age 20 (now)
>feel very depressed and suicidal
>parents are completely intolerant
>the society is too as well for the most part
>the hrt means you most likely won't ever have children

>>7097643
>won't ever have children

Personally I want to get pregnant. I couldn't imagine impregnating someone and the thought makes me feel sick. What's wrong with me

>>7097664
I would go for in vintro fertilization.

>>7097674
Doesn't that require eggs to begin with?

>>7097844
Obviously they'd use your sperm.

Shalom, goyim.
I'm going to cut to the chase here, I'm probably transgender but don't have a snowball's chance in hell of passing and don't want to deal with all the issues surrounding hiding HRT. Is repression really just delaying suicide/transition/breakdown or can I make it work?

>>7100569
Very likely the former. I say go for it, most people can pass with a year or two of work.

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opinions on spiegel

>>7100648
I cannot. Seriously shit's fucked and the surgeries I need don't exist. If they did I couldn't afford them. This isn't the "Oh woe is me I won't look like a supermodel better cry!" not passing this is "Why is that silverback gorilla pretending to be a woman?" not passing.

>>7100778
https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/50ggkr/dr_jeffrey_h_spiegel_boston_review/
there are some real horror stories of him out there that he tries to suppress, and even his positive reviews are more along the lines of 'he doesn't do that much' or 'he's decent but a dick and tried to upsell me past the point of reason'

>>7100860
theres not really a better option that accepts bcbs tho

So I have guns and live in Australia, if i go to the psych and tell him im trans will he take my guns away?

>>7100778
nationale trots

>>7101910
>nationale trots
?

>>7101939
Confused him with someone else
Pls ignore

>>7101010
Might as well just not get ffs until you switch insurance then

My 20yo gay bf really really enjoy to crossdress (or just wear fem clothes overall), and he's quite feminine-looking but doesn't seem to hate his male attributes/body (he doesn't like some features or would like to be more thin, etc. but I think it's quite common, everyone has complexes)… I date him for few weeks now but it increasingly bothers me: he's just gay AF, not one of those crazy MTF, r-r-right?

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>>7103115
Join us. There is no escape.

>>7102666
Spiegel isnt that bad. If you can get it covered, do it, he wont fuck up your face, The fact that Ive never SEEN a bad result and only heard about them tells me that it was probably done by girls who judged their results too early and are not pleased with the subtlty. the fact that he also does free revisions helps.

Ive seen good recent results and I have no reason to believe the couple of things that pop up on him are really as bad as they sound but go into it realizing that you might need revisions.

25 mtf here. haven't started taking any sort of meds yet or anything really. very nervous about it all. but i'm ready to get started on the process. im just not sure where to begin. was going to call planned parenthood and ask around but i'm a little lost. would anyone mind helping figure out where the heck i should get started?

>>7106334
Talk to your primary care doctor > get official diagnosis of gender dysphoria > get referral to endocrinologist > get hormones. Or go to an informed consent clinic.

>>7074766
So I am kinda questioning right now. I have on and off thoughts about wanting to be dressed in girl's clothing, wearing panties, a bra, and just dressing up. But other than that I am usually masculine, and I can't tell if this is just some kink I have or if it's a thing. Either way I'm 6 foot look masculine as hell so it's never gonna be a thing.

>>7106382
Are there any aspects of your male biology (penis, facial hair, flat chest, etc) that you feel discomfort towards?

Don't you think that forcing hormones of the opposite sex into your body is dangerous?

>>7106408
I really don't like my facial hair, I like my dick. I'm kinda chubby so I don't have a flat chest. I do like having these man boobs though.

>>7106416
Risks are minimal or even nonexistent if the individual is knowledgeable and takes the correct precautions. Someone dying from HRT is unheard of.

>>7106427
How do you feel about being referred to with female pronouns online? What if someone mistook you for a female and used female pronouns in person?

>>7106436
What risks are associated? What's the literal worst that could happen?

>haven't had erection in forever
>when it does it's painful as fuck

ffffffffffffffwhyyyyy

Fucking why

Like I needed more reasons to be uncomfortable with it.

>>7106436
Dying directly from HRT is unheard of yes, but people dieing from blood clots due to HRT increasing their risk of such is not an impossibility. Still not a huge risk, but it's not completely without consequence.

>>7106443
I honestly wouldn't care and would just go with it. Sorry I know I sound tumblrtarded saying these things, but it's just how I feel.

>>7106450
Blood clots, which can be hard to detect.

>>7106454
This is why some doctors advice trans women above the age of 50 to discontinue HRT.

>>7106456
You don't seem like the type of person who suffers from gender dysphoria. What does it matter to you that you sometimes enjoy crossdressing? It doesn't need to be more than simple fun or a fetish. Do you want to take HRT?

>>7106471
not really, just kinda wanted to know more about what I might be getting myself into, and this seemed like a convent place to do it.

>>7106489
You're not going to become a transsexual because you crossdress. That's not how it works.

>>7106493
oh no, that's not what I meant. I'm sorry you took it that way. Just wanted to know more about it.

>>7106500
I wouldn't completely write off the possibility that you are trans, I felt very similarly to you for a while before I realized I was, but it seems to me like you might just like crossdressing. Try doing it a bit more and maybe talking to a therapist about it, maybe that will help sort things out.

>>7091797
>tfw considered attractive as male

TRIGGERED

t. future hon

new thread?

>>7108866
yeah,yeah, in a minute

new thread:

>>7108879
>>7108879
>>7108879

>>7108881
Thank you

>>7101893
Mine didn't even ask about my guns. Maybe it's because they're unregistered though... Fuck Howard and the NFA tbhfem