/acegen/ - Let's Play Bingo Edition.

Also, the map.
https://www.zeemaps.com/map?group=1764048

I was getting real twitchy after the last 404'd and a new one wasn't up. Thanks anon, you're my bamf for the day

>>6557836
I believe in u, OP anon.

>>6557848
I really like this map. I wish I could find someone near me.

>>6557928
Old OP person here. I didn't put up a new general just to see what would happen and if anyone else would do it.

>>6561588
You're evil. I thought you were dead or something dude

>>6562722
Not evil just lazy and curious. A very bad combination.

>>6557836
>be fooling around with someone because I'm flattered they like me and they have self-esteem issues that make me worry how they'd handle rejection
>it gets to be really uncomfortable
>ashamed to say anything, but have to try to make myself blurt out something to get it to slow down
>yell "RAPE!"

That could have gone better.

Anyone else researching the cure for asexuality? My research keeps coming back to oxytocin and I've come to the point where I want to get ahold of it to see if it can give arousal.

>>6564967
You seem to be missing the point of what asexuality is. If you want to be aroused and have sex more than you currently do, that's sexual desire, and asexuality is the absence of that. You're not ace.

>>6564967
the only "cure" would be to brainwash someone and basically do the opposite of what the "pray the gay away" places would do.

>>6565257
>If you want to be aroused and have sex more than you currently do, that's sexual desire

I'm not that anon, but I don't have sexual desire and I wish I had sexual desire. The desire for desire. The want to want sex.
I want it because every relationship I have had has failed due to my lack of desire to have sex. I want sex to have healthy relationships.
If I was able to find someone who would be happy without sex, I would never have it.

>>6565885
Probably just attach something to your brain that injects dopamine and oxytocin into your jugular at every sexual thought, arousal, and sexual activity.

>>6565902
You got me cracking up, anon. That sounds horrifying.

>>6565932
that's basically the only way you could start getting your body to desire something. That's how addiction works and stuff.

>>6565902
So basically eat chocolate while you fap

>>6566826
No, that would just make you want to fap. You need to give yourself chocolate every time you think about sex or have arousal or show any bit of interest in sex.

>>6568046
But I don't want to fap either

>>6568330
the act of having chocolate at every sign of arousal and such would make you want to fap to get more chocolate.

>>6568367
I don't know if that would be very healthy.

>>6568397
Well, I did suggest the needle to the jugular

Hi acegen.
Is there any way to become ace/aro or at least to go in that direction on purpose?
I had multiple bad experiences. People are shit. Life is shit. And I know I have to take care of my mental health first But it's difficult sometimes to control my feelings and fantasies.
What do?

>>6568679
You too can become a special snowflake. Just come out to your friends and family as ace, get triggered by any talk of sex and start a tumblr where you can talk about your oppression.

>>6568718
That wasn't the response I was expecting. I don't want to be a "special snowflake", especially a fucking tumblrina, I just want my life to be easier.
I'm not making fun of the ace/aro people, I know most of them are on this side of the spectrum because that's the way they genuinely feel. I only want some advice so I can concentrate fully on my therapy and other important stuff.

>>6565257
I'm not missing the point. I'm "diagnosed" as an asexual and told to stop thinking about wanting to experience arousal and sex.
I don't experience these things but want to, and I want there to be a cure for my asexuality.

Pretty much what >>6565885 described except I don't have any incentive to get involved with people and I want to have that fixed as well.

>>6568679
Maybe just try celibacy?

>>6568679
Just be celibate and go with those "no fap" faggots

>>6569382
the amount of happiness you have is proportional to how special of a snowflake you are

Hi Acegen.
What do you guys actually think of demisexuality? It seems like it's an edgy way for straight kids to try to be lgbt, but I don't have very much evidence on either side of the argument.

>>6569691
I agree with you.

>>6569691
It's not part of asexuality because asexuality cannot be changed by a certain variable. For grey asexuals, it's random as far as I know.

Being able to have sexual attraction/desire only if it has rained 4 inches in one day does not make you inherently lgbt.

>>6569691
It really has nothing to do with being straight, I mean some people are hetero-demisexual but it's also possible to be bi-demisexual or homo-demisexual.

>>6569691
I think it's a little more benign than that. It looks like they're just overthinking sexuality. They compare themselves to the hypersexual, who are constantly ready to go, no matter who it is - and they think that because they don't feel attraction to the every day people, there must be something wrong with them.

My opinion about sexualities is that it's a communication tool to the people around you.

"I'm gay" says "I am romantically and sexually interested in my own gender, and those of the opposite gender are not potential partners."

"I'm asexual, homoromantic" says, "I am romantically interested in my own gender, but I am not interested in having sex with anyone."

But then you look at demisexual.

"I'm demisexual, homoromantic" says, "I am romantically interested in my own gender, but I won't be interested in having sex with you until I know you better."

It's not really a necessary specification to have, since it implies that if you AREN'T demisexual, you will always be willing to have sex early on. It's a cop out to having a real conversation with your partners, and to account for differences you have from relationship to relationship.
It's okay to just say no to sex. It's okay to say, "I'm not ready." That's normal!

I'd love to hear from someone who is demisexual about why they felt the need to have the label. Because if it's due to the fact that they felt broken, I don't understand. Because they're not.
Maybe they're surrounded by people who are like, "Wow, look at that person! That person is so hot. I would fuck that person. Would you fuck that person?" and people are confused when they respond, "Well, idk. I guess."

Also I don't understand why it's called demisexual. I'd guess for the half sexual to be given to grey asexuals.

>>6569816
That explains why a lot of people think that normal people are just hypersexual fuck monsters.

>>6569888
Maybe it's due to the fact that the people who talk about sex a lot are hypersexual. And the people who aren't that into sex don't talk about it.

>>6569816
It's incorrect to view demisexuality as the opposite of hypersexuality. The proper opposite of hypersexuality is hyposexuality. Whereas demisexuality isn't about how frequently you're aroused, it's about only experiencing sexual attraction to people you're already close to.

>>6564967
Look into the MSH analogues too, there are a few that gives the horny. (proven from clinical trial, but not sure if effective on asexuals. Also there are many fakes for sale, careful)

>>6570151
They aren't viewing demisexuality as the opposite of hypersexuality, you dingus. Read his post again.

>>6570938
They're criticizing demisexuals as calling themselves the opposite of hypersexuals. I'm pointing out that that is not what demisexuals use the term demisexual to mean.

>>6571276
>"comparing" is now "X is the opposite"
holy shit, read a book and go back to a literature class. Where does it imply "opposite" in that post?

>>6564967
There was an anon that told us there is some sort of asexual gen in some type of fly...?
Does anyone remembers that?

idgi

>>6571284
> They compare themselves to the hypersexual, who are constantly ready to go, no matter who it is - and they think that because they don't feel attraction to the every day people, there must be something wrong with them.
This seemed to be implying that they see themselves as the opposite end of the spectrum from hypersexuals.

>>6571653
>not being a thing = opposite of thing
wow, you are retarded.
F-
See me after class

>>6570151
>>6571276
>>6571653
Sorry for the confusion, man. I was not implying that demisexuals are hyposexual.
Would you say this is accurate?
>"I'm demisexual, homoromantic" says, "I am romantically interested in my own gender, but I won't be interested in having sex with you until I know you better."

I suppose that there are two things I'm guessing demisexuals compare themselves to. Hypersexuals and asexuals. Because if they look at hypersexuals and think that's the norm, they might think they are not sexual. So they look at asexuals. And they see that they are not asexual - they still have sexual desire, it just needs to be the right context. They think, if I'm not sexual and not asexual, what am I?

The major flaw here is them thinking that they are not sexual. That, due to the fact that they are not hypersexual, there is a thinking that means that they are not considered sexual.

This is what I have gleaned from trying to make sense of demisexuality. If I'm wrong, I'd love to discuss it. I feel like I'm missing something important in the thought process that leads to a demisexual conclusion.

>>6572248
Don't even try to talk to them. I'm pretty sure they're mentally disabled.

>>6572262
Idk man, I've had times where I'm convinced someone is saying one thing, and later realize it was something else. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Are Asexuals a persecuted sexuality or are you like lesbians who like to push themselves onto gay issues so they can pretend they are not privileged females?

>>6572364
The general consensus seems to be that we are not heavily disadvantaged. We have some unique issues (trying to understand sexuals, romantic desires for sexuals, etc) that make us turn towards discussion forums. I would have felt broken and a mistake if I hadn't met other asexuals.

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>>6572364

>>6572364
>Are Asexuals a persecuted sexuality or are you like lesbians who like to push themselves onto gay issues so they can pretend they are not privileged females?

No one is pushing us into gay issues except the gays that claim we are on this board.

>>6572248
The way I see it, hypersexuals don't really come into the picture at all. A demisexual comparing themselves to just normal allosexual people will realize they're different, because the vast majority of people do have some sexual attraction to strangers, even if they're not willing to act on it.

>>6572364
I don't think you understand how intersectionality works. Even if one accepts the notion of "female privilege", lesbians are still oppressed for being gay.

>>6572518
>Even if one accepts the notion of "female privilege", lesbians are still oppressed for being gay.
>lesbians are still oppressed for being gay.

Haha that is funny. Lesbians are LGBT easy mode, unless you count LGBTA where A would be easy mode. Lesbians do not face the violence or discrimination gay men and trans people face. Lesbians are not targeted for hate crimes. Lesbians don't have nations trying to kill them off. Lesbians are protected by a thick layer of female privilege where they can not be harmed or criticized and will always be protected.

>>6572518
>>6572576
Why are we talking about lesbians in acegen?

Let's talk about how cripplingly alone we are instead.

>>6572586
>you will never be in a happy sexless relationship

>>6572576
>Lesbians don't have nations trying to kill them off. Lesbians are protected by a thick layer of female privilege where they can not be harmed or criticized and will always be protected.
You think "female privilege" counts for ANYTHING in societies so backward that women are literally considered property? Any country where people are killed by the government for being gay is too backwards to have any such thing as "female privilege". Sure, even in those countries men may still protect women, as property, but if they have no control over their own fate, it's not really privilege. I mean, we're talking about places where women can be legally killed by their husbands and/or fathers, I have a hard time seeing how that can be considered "privilege".

If female privilege exists, it only does so in civilized, developed countries, and in those countries gays don't have "nations trying to kill them off".

You're basically saying lesbians in America have it better than gays in the middle east, and therefore lesbians aren't oppressed. That's like comparing a physically disabled 2 year old boy to a 26 year old female bodybuilder to argue that "females are stronger than males". It's obviously nonsensical, because you're not isolating the factor of gender.

In modern western countries, both gay men and gay women experience oppression. The oppression takes different forms in some cases because of social norms regarding gender (i.e. violence against women is wrong, but violence against men is okay), but the oppression is still there and in both cases is due to being homosexual. "Female privilege" hasn't given lesbians the right to marry, or protected them from being disowned by their parents

>>6572364
>>>/r9k/

I hate to ask for help on my homework, but does anyone know of a good source on animals displaying asexual behavior (i.e. disinterest in sex)?

>>6575391
There was a study about rams at the United States Sheep Experiment Station in Dubois, Idaho in 2001. 2 - 3% weren't doing anything with males or females.

>>6575391
http://www.kristinagupta.com/2014/01/09/asexuality-in-non-human-animals/
You'll probably find something good here in the resources at the bottom

Does anyone else here have massive trouble when it comes to matters of gender? I can't comprehend or emphasise with the idea of genderfluidity at all. I have basically no feelings at all towards what my own gender is, and I don't really apply feminine or masculine to any traits.

I've had people act like I'm a horrible monster for not understanding, but it feels like on a fundamental level like gender is something completely alien to me.

>>6576426
I don't know who you're talking to, but most people I've talked to who aren't trans feel similarly. My viewpoint is basically this: I have no idea what they are going through. I don't get it. It makes them happy when they do xyz, so I won't get in the way of that.

>>6575590
>>6575682
Thanks guys!

>>6576449
There's body dysphoria, which is easy to understand, but genderfluid and non-binary stuff doesn't make sense at all to me.

Been told before that I sound like I'm agender, so maybe that has to do with it.

>>6576426
I feel like because of my asexuality, I feel off kilter when it comes to my gender. I don't personally feel truly female because of my distaste for things that come "naturally" with the female mind that the typical channer from r9k would imagine (enjoying penetration, wanting children, wanting attention from males). However, I do not feel male either and I personally enjoy my female form at times.

But I honestly do believe that if I can have problems fitting into a sexuality, there are other people that have problems fitting into a certain gender. Maybe they feel more comfortable fitting into the square hole than the round hole or something. idk

>>6576484
I guess... but it's still something I can't really get. I feel like I want to say "just be whatever you want and don't care what other people think", since a lot of genderfluid stuff seems to rely on social perceptions.

At the same time I feel really childish for wanting to say that, but it's the only way I can respond.

>>6576508
As far as I know, I think that's what they want to hear. Just don't let the anti-hon people know.

>>6576484
>(enjoying penetration, wanting children, wanting attention from males)
Are these what people says makes up being a woman? I consider myself very solidly cis female, but these aren't really the things that makes me feel that way. I don't want children, I really don't like attention from males, and penetration isn't really interesting to me at all.

>>6576481
>Been told before that I sound like I'm agender, so maybe that has to do with it.
I can only really understand agendered if they don't feel comfortable in either gender. But you don't sound uncomfortable with what you've got going on.

>>6576524
I won't lie, I'm a bit screwed up when it comes to the aspects of male and female. If you asked me what makes up being a female/male, you would end up with some freudian-tier shit.

And that's not what a lot of people say. Just a lot of narcissistic, women-hating, heterosexual men. The typical PUA expert or a redpiller.

>>6576524
I think it's more apathy towards gender rather than feeling uncomfortable.

>>6576552
If you're apathetic, then why go through the hoops of being agendered?

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>be aroused at porn
>can barely imagine a real person interacting with them in the same way without feeling uncomfortable
>feels like someone just asked me if they could take a shit on my chest every time I try to think of someone naked and/or having sex with them

>>6576552
That is being cis.

How do I know if I'm really asexual and not just some really repressed self-hating homosexual?

>>6576710
You could fuck a gay and see how you feel

>>6576710
>having sexual activity with someone of your same gender
>going to a therapist
>thinking about what you feel when you think about having sex with someone of your gender

>>6576666
But what if you don't identify with any gender, gender doesn't have any appeal to you, don't think it matters since you're not attracted to any gender traits physically or mentally, but at the same time don't feel uncomfortable because you've simply stopped caring?

>>6576781
Congratulations, you're a normal human, unlike the rest of the freaks here on /lgbt/.

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>>6572518
>hypersexuals
>demisexual
>allosexual
>intersectionality

>>6576862
Except for the part about not being attracted to anything.

>>6576722
>>6576740
Well I'm not really interested in having sex with anyone, but when I see other guys I'm like "oh he's cute, he's attractive" but nothing beyond that. I consider myself mostly aro too but sometimes I don't think it would be so bad to be in a relationship with a guy? But it's also not something I'm actively looking for or that I'm depressed that I don't have.

I don't know, I just feel like I've been seeing a lot of people online lately saying stuff like "Asexuality isn't real, they're either straight people trying to be 'queer' or repressed gay people with internalized homophobia" so it got me thinking.

>>6577221
>I don't think it would be so bad to be in a relationship with a guy
>repressed

I think you already know the answer

>yfw someone says "acephobia" unironically

>masturbate a lot
>have tons of fantasies
>but every single sexual interaction ive had with another person has been 99% boring aside from light touches
>yet not into fictional waifus and such

I'm no virgin but sex is incredibly boring to me. I've tried some fetish stuff rather than 'vanilla' but even then if I'm dating or hooking up with someone, I don't feel attracted to them no matter how they look. I think people are prettier or more handsome than others but thats as far as it goes. No sexual desire. I just do some sexual things for the sake of them, but it's so casual to me. Like blowing someone is just like, walking someone's dog to me. Having to penetrate or get penetrated annoys me to the point of being uncomfortable because its like being forced to watch paint dry.

This is ace, right? Is there a way to 'fix' this? Really only the time I get aroused by someone else is if they do shit like fondle my ear, kiss my neck, rub my thigh, but thats literally it. I hate having fictional fetishes(like penetration) but rl shit ends up being shit. I've been with enough people to say that its not just 'bad' sex.

>>6582756
>This is ace, right?
I believe so.

>Is there a way to 'fix' this?
>>6565441
I don't think so mate, unless you try that.

>>6582756
Yeah, sounds pretty asexual to me.

>>6582756
I have that same kind of thing where I have fantasies but I don't want to actually want them to happen because it seems too unappealing in real life.

Like, yeah, I would totally love to imagine myself climbing Everest but I'm not going up that shit covered, corpse ridden mountain.

>>6572364
Well, it used to be that if you didn't marry, you were a weirdo, but now a fuckfest of degenerates magically happened, so that's kinda normal now.

>>6572591
fucking hypersexual normies

>>6576426
t-they are girls wen they want attention (for free)
b-but boys when they want to be strong
they are girls when they watch my little pony so they're not bronies, therefore no one can critizize them
then they're boys when they want a stem job because money.

At convenience.

>>6576881
is that a problem?
it isn't lol.
just go to /sci/ and learn some math, unless you're retarded.

If you're asexual and aromatic, then you should get a hobby or something, but for people who want nonsexual relationships, what should we do.

>>6587281
I'm going the "die alone while crying in your pillow" route.

>>6587300
well, I'll keep lurking wizardchan then

>>6587331
Actually, you could find someone that is okay with a sexless relationship, have an open/polyamorous relationship, or having sex now and then.

>>6587395
>polyamorous relationship
yeah, that could work, I guess. yeah..

>>6587598
the #1 thing about that is making sure that everyone is comfortable with the situation both physically and emotionally

>>6587281
Go out to literally anywhere in the world and find someone, you fucking straightie

>>6588004
>fucking straightie
I think we found a new acegen edition name

>>6587281
That's probably the thing I like the most about being aro. I have time for everything.

>>6568679
Just like you can't make yourself turn gay or straight on purpose, I doubt you can make yourself go asexual. Try celibacy. Just don't fuck, even though you actually want it.

>>6569691
I feel like that label stems from a misunderstanding of how complete the lack of desire is in asexuality. "Well it's not like I want to bone everyone, so I oughta be a LITTLE asexual, at least! Like, semi, or- DEMI!"
I think it's nonsense.

>>6572518
Demis are allos, they just think (as you do) allos were hypersexuals, to speak with your terms. Maybe you yourself think that normal sexual desire was way higher than it actually normally is- which would make sense, since you're posting in acegen.

>>6576426
That means that you're a normal cis person. Trans people really notice that something about their gender is wrong- if it wasn't, they wouldn't notice.

>>6576484
Do you hate being a female? No? Congrats, you're cis.

>>6582524
Dude, I get it in the contexts of partners going "have you been to a new doctor? Your old one said nothing was wrong, but he's obviously wrong. Have they got a cure already? Can't you ignore it and fuck me anyway? Why can't you be normal? Is there a cure yet, is there, is there?" and them crying and having to phone their besties when you go "uh, no" about how abusive you are.

Not like that happened to me. Yeah it totally did. Fuck.

>>6588004
You're the funniest little sunflower

Sexual lesbian here. I like this ace girl who looks like a dyke, shows no interest in men or women, WENT TO GAY PROM, but when I ask her she just says she's asexual.

Am I dealing with an aro-ace? A very butch heteroromantic? Either way, should I just give up?

>>6590488
Would you be able to handle a sexless relationship? Would you be able to not take a hit to your esteem when all of your sexual advances are met with rejection? Would you be able to get past the self blame of telling yourself that you're not attractive enough, not empathetic enough, not loving enough?
Every asexual is different with their physical comfort level. Some will have duty sex. Some draw the line at making out. Some only want to cuddle. Some will stiffen up if you hug them.
Take a good hard look at yourself and how you express your love and what kind of intimacy you like and need.

She might be aro-ace, or maybe she's just given up on relationships with sexuals, or maybe she's being unintentionally confusing.
Go ahead and ask her out, if you want. There's no promise that she'll say yes, but there'd be no promise with that even if she was compatible sexually.

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>>6589677
>feeling off kilter suddenly means that I must be thinking I'm another gender
Holy shit, go ride your high horse somewhere else

>>6576426
holy fuck i can relate anon

>>6590488
>she says she's asexual
>should I keep trying to fuck her?

Gosh, I wonder. It's almost as though she's an independent person with tastes of her own that don't align with yours, not just a warm body for you to fuck. But that can't possibly be true, because your feelings are the most important thing in the world.

>>6565885
>>6569417
Man, fuck that shit. You're treating it like other people's sexuality wins by default and you should be the ones to change instead of them. I don't want to desire sex more; I want other people to desire it less. And since you guys are living proof that you can guilt someone into wanting to change who they are, I resolve to be the one doing the guilting instead of the one being guilted.

Do you want kids?
Or a family?

>>6594360
>Kids
No, yikes.
>Family
That sounds nice in a romanticized kind of way. But I kind of see myself ending up like my aunt. Her husband died decades ago, so she lives alone with her cat. But she has good friends that she spends a lot of time with, and some who have kind of adopted her into their family. She has Thanksgiving with that family.
In fact, she's not even technically my aunt. She's just a friend of my mom's. She has no siblings of her own and her parents are dead. So she's done the same thing with me, kind of having me as her psudeo niece. But I completely consider her a relative.

I want to be like her.

>>6594360
Kids, no. However, I do want to be the "cool aunt" when my siblings have kids.

>>6594360
I definitely want to adopt kids.

Anyone here tried paying a prostitute for the whole girlfriend experience thing but without the sex?

>>6598279
What's a "girlfriend experience"? Dinner and a movie or something?

>>6598279
That sounds pretty dumb desu...

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This basically my mindset when a sexual person admits a crush on me.

>>6601871
It's funny to make people elaborate when they try to confess to crushes on you. You know, asking them how specifically they thought you were going to react to this news, what they think they offer as a partner, having them talk you through an imaginary date with the version of you that exists only in their heads. Before long you can either make them back down and retract their offer, or get them to admit to being so vain and entitled that they even shame themselves.

>>6602604
Check that square off of your bingo cards, everyone.

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>>6602604

>>6602604
Oh, hey, welcome back.

>>6604753
They're like herpes. They never left.

>>6601871
>>6602604
wow never really come to acegen, you guys have some weird shitposters

>>6605489
afaik, they're not a shitposter. They're just sociopathic.

>>6605498
oh, is this your recurring poster you cant get to leave? Like the freddie of gaygen and PotC of mtfg?

>>6605526
eh, basically

>>6576484
>i'm not female because i dont like the things /r9k/ thinks women like
what?

you're definitely female based on how completely irrational that statement is

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>>6605539
>I don't feel truly female and feel off kilter = lol I'm not female

okay

>>6589677
>>6605539
hi trannies

>>6576426
Yeah. I'd honestly feel better identifying as agender and abandoning gender altogether. I'm not attracted to anybody, I feel very uncomfortable with people being attracted to me, I got zero libido and don't feel anything to the point it's numbing to even try, and honestly, my body just feels more like a burden made of flesh that I have to look after rather than live in. Gender is just another burden to me and some days I even wish I was dead so I didn't have to worry about looking the way I do.

>>6606990
same fampai

Some people believe that all asexuals should be included in the lgbt community because they are not heterosexual.

what does acegen think?

>>6607655
I would say probably not, but only because asexuals have no social struggle or stigma in the same way that 99% of LGBT do. People don't get killed or worse, awkwardly portrayed in movies and TV for being ace.

Asexuals aren't discriminated against (and if they are, I've never seen it) and unlike most LGBT issues it's actually rather simple to explain to someone who's never heard of it.

LGBT people need to band together to educate others and support each other, asexuals don't really have that goal and we can't really aid them in their goals (understanding and all that) other than the basic supportive ways.

>>6608077
>unlike most LGBT issues it's actually rather simple to explain to someone who's never heard of it
I've tried to explain asexuality to multiple people in real life and about 10% understood it enough to not immediately go "b-but sex is natural and the main reason for a relationship so why do you want a relationship?"

>>6608221
>"b-but sex is natural and the main reason for a relationship so why do you want a relationship?"
This makes me so sad. Are their relationships really that shallow?

>>6608317
When you really think about it, a lot of cultures have the mindset of "girls and boys get into relationships to have sex and have babies". So I guess, yes? It's kind of a big reason why people wanted to get married back in the day so you wouldn't have to pay for whores.

>>6594360
>Do you want kids?
Yes, Adoption is a good option
>Or a family?
Maybe, but i'm not sure.

what does acegen think of aromantic people?

>>6610418
I personally don't care about them. They do them, I do me. Haven't met one but I've read up on it and it seems to make sense in my mind.

>>6610418
I think they're fine. Sometimes I get a little jealous because they don't yearn for romance like I do and then have to go through all the hurdles involved where sex=romance.

>>6610547
Being aroace does seem quite nice after the "where are my grandchildren" talk withers away

>>6565441

The funny thing is that if those places actually worked,they wouldn't be churning out heterosexuals. They would be churning out asexuals.

How does it work? Well, lets say you have an orange. You ask for someone to take the orange away. The orange vanishes. You don't magically get an apple just because you asked for your orange to be taken away, you just don't have any fruit.

>>6569691

I used to think that demisexuality was basically a title for the grey aces, as a means of distinguishing themselves from those who have no sexual attraction.

Hanging around here (that and my Pan ex claims that she's demi) has disabused me of that notion.

>>6592305
But you are coming from a different place than I am.
I consider sex and arousal an important part of the human experience, which it would be nice to take part of.
I'm not repulsed by sex or intimacy, which according to what I'm seeing makes me different from other asexuals.
I'm coming from a place where I do consider my pattern to be a disorder and I believe there is a cure out there.
Its just that doctors and psychologist would rather I just be medicated so I don't think about it, rather than to work with the options that are out there.

>>6572364

It's more that Aces tend to be invisible. I mean, we don't show up at pride parades, we don't make out with our partners in public and we don't need marriage equality. The LGBT community generally doesn't know what to do with us and the Fundamentalist community hates us for not providing more arrows for their religious wars.

>>6575391

I'd love to say the Great Panda seems to be so disinterested in sex, they have bred themselves into an unsustainable position (Most animals have heat periods measured in weeks. Great Pandas have heat periods measured in minutes),but I have no sources.

Let them die out, they clearly want to.

>>6587281

I'm going with "Look for companions" rather than cry myself to sleep. I may not need or desire bedsport, but I do desire companionship. I'm two years away from becoming a wizard and I really don't see anything changing that.

>>6611781
Don't forget the LGBT community even downright hates us sometimes because we're not with anyone, we may as well be classed as straight since we're invisible enough that we have "straight passing privilege".

Although, there are a few tumblr aces who seriously haven't helped our relations with the LGBT community. They're the self-righteous ones who try to say LGB people are "dirty" for being obsessed with sex and they're angelic for being free of such gross mortal desires.

>>6611781
>I mean, we don't show up at pride parades
There are ace people who go to pride parades and are even included in the parade itself

>we don't make out with our partners in public
There are aces that are comfortable enough to make out with their partner

>we don't need marriage equality
Not all aces are heteroromantic so yes they still need marriage equality

>>6612198
I've actually heard of people saying that bisexuals have "straight passing privilege" when they're with someone of their opposite gender.

>>6612198
>"straight passing privilege"
I'm asked if I'm gay all the time...

This thread was a nice read.
I haven't seeked out any sort of community before and I wonder if I should.

>>6612836
nice in what regard?

>>6612820
>tfw your family thinks you're gay because you haven't been on a date

>>6612855
In the regard that I might come over again.

It's nice knowing I'm not entirely alone, even if I mostly prefer to be.

If you can get aroused but you don't want to have sex does that make you an Ace?

http://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/post/147906850151/acephobia-is-real-phynali-aphobiakills-so

How does stuff like this make the rest of you feel? I honestly see the points on both sides.

>>6613198
Do you experience sexual attraction?

>Yes, I do.
You're not asexual

>S-sometimes...
You're probably graysexual

>Not at all
You're asexual

>>6613986
I find it both interesting and draining. I personally feel like all asexuals are lgbt because asexuals aren't straight aka heterosexual.

However, the idea of "aphobia" sounds so weird to me. I personally don't believe that we're really oppressed. It's mostly just a lot of people misunderstanding shit and thinking we're all sociopathic/damaged/repressed/closeted.

The only true backlash I've felt was from "true" lgbt members that were screeching "THERE'S NO A IN LGBT"

>>6613986
My general reaction is groaning and asking what the point is.

>On top of that, aro/ace people being in lgbt spaces often sucks up resources actual lgbt people need, so it really is harming us. Scholarships, funds, beds at homeless shelters, lgbt suicide hotlines, pride clubs and other safe spaces with limited space, food that’s handed out at lgbt centers and clubs, et cetera.

I don't really understand this part. Are aces really so big and so damaging that it's making a significant difference in those things?

I just don't see what the issue is.

I figure that LGBT communities would be the places for people to go when they feel distressed/alone/weird about their orientations and sexual identities.

I laughed when they said that if they allow aces, then they might as well allow kinksters!! And pedophiles!!! And rapists!!!

>>6612791
>There are aces that are comfortable enough to make out with their partner

Thus adding to the invisibility of aces since we're then labelled as gay or straight because we do have a partner. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

>>6615606
Isn't that called a "slippery slope" fallacy?

Also, I think the reason is that it's kind of a "safe space" and also a community for people that are similar to themselves. We don't really fit into any of their holes.

I'm still a bit confused as to why intersex people are allowed but asexuals tend to not be allowed. Are they technically trans? And if so, why aren't they included in the "T" of lgbt? I've only seen them mentioned in lgbtqia+ or things similar to that acronym

>>6613986
If LGBT wants to champion the rights of non-straight people, they gotta accept asexuality (using the "but then we'd have to accept pedos and rapists" excuse is a total cop out - paedophilia is against the law for obvious reasons, but being asexual isn't). Saying we take up resources because we're not "as deserving" is frankly, discriminatory. It's even worse when it's implied we're not even allowed to seek support for ourselves. It also makes a lot of presumptions about the experiences of aces, but as demonstrated in this thread there's probably a lot of us that have trouble with our genders.

If anything, it's almost like they're saying that aro/ace people are unfeeling robots who don't need any sort of support because they don't experience relationship troubles. And yet trans and non-binary people are all about their own personal issues and they're happily accepted.

The fact that a cishet guy wanted the A to stand for Asexual doesn't mean anything. It doesn't erase the fact that asexual people deserve recognition and have been asking for it both before and since without any influence from him. That it took a cishet guy to ask for it shows just how much the voices of aces are truly ignored.

And once again - that fucking "systematic oppression" shit comes into play. This erases individual experiences of oppression which can be just as devastating and traumatic for a person. Ace people being threatened with corrective rape (and that only lesbians can claim that word is insulting to pretty much everyone), or being pressured their entire lives into performing acts they don't want to do because "that's how people show love", or being told they should go to a doctor to be "cured" are terrible things and need to be recognised.

I almost feeling like making a tumblr account solely to respond to this fucking terrible post. If anyone has a tumblr post and wants to repost this, go ahead. I won't complain.

>>6615849
>and that only lesbians can claim that word is insulting to pretty much everyone

Yeah, it's pretty dumb as well. What are we supposed to use when the word we need is right there? That's like saying we shouldn't use the word "algebra" because it came from another culture.

>>6614445
Well I like looking at porn, but I don't want to have sex with the people there, I don't want to have sex at all actually.

>>6616073
A lot of asexuals will ingest erotica and even masturbate so there's a chance you could be asexual. Try reading more about other's experiences if you still feel unsure.

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"When are you going to get girlfriend, anon?"

>>6616100
Sounds like you guys are just alone on your computers for too long desu

>>6618773
check that off your bingo cards everyone

>>6618784
OK I read the bingo list just for you and nope, it's not there.

>>6618818
oh shit, really? I thought your post sounded like the "you guys just don't get laid" square

>>6618784
Oh, we're pretty much just missing the plant thing now...

>>6611775
I'm not repulsed by sex either; I just find it to be a chore.

You can have sex and see what all the fuss is about if you make sure the other person is doing all the work. It's pretty easy to find someone who's desperate and unable to see faults in anyone willing to pay attention to them.

>>6619592
I have no arousal or incentive to have sex with anyone, thats what I want to have. I want to be horny.
I couldn't just find someone because its a world I'm not able to understand and I can never connect anything into a sexual situation.

>>6619611
But you want to have sex. That's what sexual attraction is. If you're not physically aroused, there are a lot of cases where you can just fake it. In fact, you can understand the world of sex and courtship from a distance much better than people who are stuck inside it and can't see the proverbial forest for the trees. People who act with complete authenticity will screw up their relationships because they have no filter - they never consider if expressing their feelings is right or wrong for the situation. People like us can say all the right things and simulate all the right feelings. We can be the perfect partner for as long as we care to keep up the facade.

>>6619703
Ultimately I want to have sex, yes. But I want to be aroused before that. When someone asks me if I'm horny I want to be able to answer yes, and understand what that actually means. I don't want to fake it.

When people say they get hard as a diamond from just looking at a picture or seeing someone they find attractive, I want to experience that. I want to find someone attractive.

>>6619727
Then you can add yourself to the dozens of "how do I change my sexuality" posters on /lgbt/. The short answer is that you can't. Drugs can get your cock so hard it turns black and dies, but nothing in the present or the foreseeable future can make you into something you're not into.

>>6619892
That is were I fundamentally disagree. Asexuality is a lack of sexuality and thus not a sexuality in itself. Same as atheism is a lack of theism but not a belief system but a lack of one.

The more I look into oxytocin the more I am convinced that it is the cure for asexuality. And yes I am firm in my belief that it is a disorder.

>>6620026

Not asexual and just a lurker that came in here to post this. How the fuck is not wanting to have sex a disorder? Within mental health something is a disorder if and only if it affects your ability to cope/live/work. If it doesn't then it's not a disorder. Sure if some one was asexual and wanted to have sex, it would be a disorder. For the most part being asexual doesn't affect anyone's life for the worst.

So basically you're a fucking retard because you don't know what a disorder even is.

>>6620026
>hurr durr I think all asexuals are just people with disorders because I'm sad about my asexuality
okay

>>6620376
I've been "diagnosed" as asexual by a doctor and a psychologist that had nothing to do with each other.
I am told to stop thinking about sex and find another goal in life. It is affecting my ability to work and function, as being near sexual people makes me incredibly depressed and even suicidal.
Again, I'm not sex repulsed or don't want to have sex - I just don't experience any sexuality. I have never been aroused, I have never gotten random erections, I have never felt the need to pursue anyone or felt attracted to anyone.
I have always wanted these things.
When people write that seeing a person, or seeing a picture or seeing porn makes them diamonds - I get depressed. I want that to happen. I want to be a slave to my urges, I want to be horny, I want to understand what being horny means.

I don't think people coming from a place of not wanting to, but being sexual is what I am. I think that is having a low libido. I have no libido. And it is affecting all areas of my life. I feel like a zombie. I have nothing in life I'm good at or no interests of like to pursue. I can't hang around with people my age because I feel disconnected from the reality they live in. And I wish there was something in this life that could give me a drive, a motivation, a horniness.

>>6621209
>I want to be a slave to my urges
Not judging but why the fuck would you want that?

>>6621282
Because I don't feel human. I feel all wrong and like a drone. I want to relate to songs, movies, the people around me, literature. I want to feel like I live and not just seeing things happen.
Even when people are lovesick or get rejected it seems like the fire of their libido burns in them and their hurt is so much more real than anything that has ever happened to me.

>>6613986
I find it an exhausting, pointless argument that continually goes in circles, and it's also an argument that I've never really seen pop up offline. That said though, I think the problem that causes it to go in circles like this is that there ARE points on both sides.

Personally I think that asexual people have a place in LGBT spaces, but I also have to question why male aces who want a gf or female aces who want a bf would want to be included.

I also agree that I've seen a lot of homophobia/racism/etc in the ace community, but other LGBT people can also be those things and they're not excluded. Not to mention how many bi and lesbian women are TERFs, and just the general transphobia that exists in cis gays.

I will also say that while they are certainly unique prejudices that ace people experience, they're still nothing compared to the actual oppression faced by LGBT people. I think the best solution would be a sort of venn diagram sort of thing: community for LGBT people, community for aro/ace people, and a community where the two can overlap.

>>6615606
I also agree with this. I see so many people yell "Aces are taking our resources!" but I sincerely doubt the amount of ace people is high enough to actually be a threat so I'm a little baffled as to why this is such a common argument. Plus the "If we let aces in, we'll have to let in kinksters" is like, the exact argument used against gay marriage.

Sorry if this post is a mess, I've been needing to vent these thoughts for a while.

>>6620026
Your clumsy, ill-fitting analogy between the sexuality people are born with and the beliefs they adopt as adults is much more convincing than all that pesky science. You clearly know what you're talking about and are not an idiot.

>>6624311
I'm ok with other asexuals not wanting to change but I do and I'm sure there are others.
Where is your science that people can't be medicated or treated to go from anhedonia and hypoactive sexual desire. But I believe it can be done and nothing is going to stray me from that path.

30 mg adderall/day
200 mg testosterone ethanate/week
Fixes asexuality in males in 100% of cases, go look it up if you don't believe me.

>>6624378
You can't really prove a negative. Treatment may certainly be possible one day. But right now we've got nothing that does what you're imagining. You're going to waste a lot of time and probably money and maybe give yourself health problems.

>>6624487
This kind of horseshit is probably why you believe that it's possible. There will never be a shortage of false rumors and quacks looking to cash in on desperate people. Chris-chan believes that he can give himself reassignment surgery through hypnosis, too, but that doesn't make it so.

>>6624512
>Physically taking a sex hormone to fix low-libido is the same as willing yourself a vagina through hypnosis

Excellent false equivalency my """"""asexual""""" friend!

>>6573976
>The oppression takes different forms in some cases because of social norms regarding gender (i.e. violence against women is wrong, but violence against men is okay), but the oppression is still there and in both cases is due to being homosexual.

>being killed or beat up is the same as being disowned
>gay men are disowned and kicked out of house by family at a far greater rate anyway
>gay men are more likely to be victims of all types of oppression, except in regards to laws and only then in the last 20 years if that
I mean I guess the statement "lesbians and men are both oppressed" with oppression being a binary value is true but that's a real stupid way of looking at it.
NHBTW

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>>6624512
You have to separate the shit from the shinola. I don't care if I'm wasting my time, my time is spent on nothing anyway so this is an improvement. This is all that I'm thinking about anyway so I consider it my goal in life.

>>6587281
>aromatic
Wouldn't it be easier to have a relationship if you smell nice though?

>>6615849
>but being asexual isn't
It should be

>>6624512
Testosterone stimulates libido.
Amphetamines stimulate libido.
Both can be used to cure low libido, the second even works in women and there are clinical trials underway.

And, of course, anyone that tries such treatment was "not really ace to begin with" so your delusion is a self-sustaining catch-22. Anyone that seeks treatment is not really ace, which is why treatment doesn't work for ace, since there have been no ace people that have ever been successfully treated, since anyone that seeks treatment is not really ace :^)

You're just an idiot with a disorder that believes you are superior because of the disorder. You have formed your identity around the disorder and now seek to prevent yourself and others from fixing the disorder. Literally no different from asperger's tards that believe it gives them super powers.

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Is there any way to make myself like sex? I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of life and I'm sick of my relationships dying when I can't pop a boner.

>>6624663
>>6624541
>>6624529

libido =/= sexual attraction or sexual orientation. Just like a straight or gay person doesn't suddenly turn bi when horny, an ace person with a high libido won't just suddenly grow an orientation. You may suddenly feel like masturbating more, but you'll feel the same way about other people that you always have.

I'm an ace with what is probably a pretty normal libido. I masturbate every few days, but even when I'm really feeling hot and bothered it never crosses my mind to go out and find another person to settle this with. Why bother? They'd carry a bunch of other emotional baggage with them and just generally create a logistical problem where none existed before. They're unnecessary.

>>6624743
>>6621209
>>6564967
The free space in the middle of the bingo card should be "how do I fix myself"

>>6624764
But I don't think like that at all, we're quite different in that regard. I do want to bother, I don't think they create logistical problems and would love to listen to other peoples emotional baggage. To engulf myself in other people.
My problem and the reason I'm told I'm asexual is because I have no libido. If I could regain libido I would no longer be asexual.

>>6624764
>libido =/= sexual attraction or sexual orientation
Sexual attraction is part of libido. Are you thinking libido is erectile dysfunction?
I agree with the second one, which is why ace isn't a sexual orientation.

>>6624764
>I masturbate every few days, but even when I'm really feeling hot and bothered it never crosses my mind to go out and find another person to settle this with. Why bother? They'd carry a bunch of other emotional baggage with them and just generally create a logistical problem where none existed before. They're unnecessary.

>I have sexual urges and desires but don't want to have sex with another person because it's too much hassle. This is a sexual orientation.
I'm LGBT too. I masturbate and have sex but sometimes when it's hot outside I don't really feel like mowing the lawn.

>>6624798
Who is telling you this? It sounds like they're conflating asexuality and HSDD. It's only asexuality if it's not interfering in the kind of life you want to live and therefore isn't a disorder.

Imagine there was a group of people that claimed they suffered from "advanced boneitis" and all the sufferers of the disease had symptoms that were indistinguishable from low bone density, including having low bone density itself, but they all insisted that it was completely different and unrelated and untreatable and also not a disease. Sometimes one of these sufferers would get treatment for low bone density and no longer display symptoms of advanced boneitis, at which point everyone else with boneitis would say that they had never really had boneitis to begin with. There was no record of anyone thought to have boneitis that had ever received treatment which failed, but even so everyone that had boneitis reacted violently to any suggestion or discussion of treatment of boneitis, or any individual that was thought to have boneitis but that had received treatment.

The people with boneitis called people with normal bone density "clunkies" which was a derogatory term based on the "advanced boneitis" belief that having low bone density meant you were more deliberate in your movement and measure with your hair, and this made you superior to every "clunkie" out there. They also believed that many of the world's ills, such as automobile crashes and slip and fall accidents, were due to the reckless actions innate to "clunkies."

Also imagine that, even though it was neither a symptom of low bone density nor a trait of "advanced boneitis" as described by those with boneitis, people with boneitis were terrible shitty boring people with bad attitudes and no manners who spent all day whinging about and informing everyone around them about boneitis; just really awful pieces of shit with no redeeming qualities that inconvenienced the lives of everyone around them; individuals that just sucked all the joy out of living and made the lives of everyone they knew--family, friends, romantic partners, coworkers--worse for having known them.

That's what asexuality is like.

>>6624940
Show me on the doll where your mean ex refused to touch you, Anon.

>>6624947
Never had an ex with "ace" I've just come to the conclusion that you're all terrible from seeing this off topic thread on the front page.

You don't need to date a turd to know it stinks. (I'm saying you're turds; I feel like I have to explain this explicitly because most people with "the ace" are none too bright.)

>>6624932
First person, a woman treating me for alcohol addiction. Second person, a psychologist. Third person, my general physician.

All three suggested asexuality independent of one another. All three suggested I was thinking too much about an issue that can't be fixed, have to accept life as is, and so on.
All levels have been tested, t and e normal etc. I have wanted to try testosterone for a long time because I feel all the symptoms of having a low t-level but general physician said that t is not given out to people with normal levels.
When asked if she would say the same to a person that claimed to be trans she sidestepped the issue and said I was thinking too much again.

>>6624966
That physician is right, though. Testosterone treatments for low sex drive are extremely dangerous You're likely to just go bald, grow tits as your body makes more estrogen to compensate, and still not function in relationships the way you want to. Other drugs to the same effect are barely better than placebo. It's just not something we can do anything about yet.

>>6624964
And yet you're here instead of in threads that interest you. The real waste is you, not us.

>>6624985
>Testosterone treatments for low sex drive are extremely dangerous
Not in amounts that aren't above 100mg/wk, injections (NOT gel or pills), and prescribed with an aromatase inhibitor. There's also amphetamines, which greatly increase libido and carry no major side effects at therapeutic dosages.

The range for "normal test" is also not based on age even though it is known that levels of test in men decrease as they age, so a 22 year old with levels that would be low-normal for a 70 year old is still counted as normal.

>>6624995
These threads do interest me though because my sexual orientation is making fun of people that claim to be a made up sexual orientation.
How come asexuals believe that not having sexual urges makes you mentally superior, even though none of you have done anything worthwhile?

>>6625043
So let me see if I've gotten this straight. You, a random idiot from the internet, believe that you know exactly what drugs a doctor should prescribe for you. But in the opinion of three different doctors with actual experience and education in this field, your idea is stupid. So to confirm that you were right all along, you, a random idiot from the internet, are asking the opinion of other random idiots on the internet. What are you going to do, show this thread to your doctor to prove you're right?

>>6625058
Who the fuck in this thread said asexuals were superior? Most of this thread is "tfw no qt gf"

>>6625076
That's a different anon, I'm >>6624966
And >>6625043 is not me, although I have thought the same but I am currently more interested in oxytocin than amph and t.

And yes I do believe there is a cure. A private psychologist agreed with me more, but he was also male, the others were women. I don't really trust women in the medical field.

>>6624801
sexual attraction and libido interact with one another to engage a person into sex

In a normal brain
>I desire sexual stimulation (libido)
>This person fits my criteria (sexual attraction)
>sex ensues

Low libido brain
>That person fits my criteria
>...I have no need to fuck them, though


Asexual brain
>I desire sexual stimulation
>No one fits my criteria
>Pleasuring of self ensues

>>6625106
>I don't trust women in the medical field
Is this nigger serious

>>6625076
I am right though.

>>6625106
Look up "llewellyn's anabolics" there is a list of doctors that you can see that are more open to the idea of prescribing test.

If all else fails there's
https://m.reddit.com/r/steroids/wiki/thecycle/examples?utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true
Pick the test-e beginner's cycle and see if that helps. Possibly even go half dose if you're worried about it.

Don't let the idiots in these threads hold you back anon.

>>6625210
If you think increasing your libido is going to work then sure go for it. I don't really care.

If the increase of libido does help, you probably weren't asexual to begin with.

>>6625157
Women doctors generally think anything related to male sexual health is irrelevant. Getting them to prescribe anything, even for things like ED, or to change a prescription because you are experiencing ED as a side effect is like pulling teeth.

They do not care, because penises are bad and gross and used for raping. In a perfect world there would be only flaccid, limp, tiny penises from infancy to death.

>>6625228
Please give credible sources for these words and I'll believe you.

Also, if this were true that means that you simply shouldn't trust women in their opinions with male sexual health, not the entirety of the medical field.

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>>6625224
>If you think increasing your libido is going to work then sure go for it. I don't really care.
I'm not asexual or low libido.

>If the increase of libido does help, you probably weren't asexual to begin with.
Ahahahahahahahaha
Like fucking clockwork.
This is why nobody takes you seriously.
Asexuality is a fake sexual meme orientation.

>>6625239
>if this were true that means that you simply shouldn't trust women in their opinions with male sexual health, not the entirety of the medical field.
I agree with this.

I'm not the guy you were initially replying to, only the post you're replying to in the post I'm replying to wit this post.

>>6625210
I'm not in the US but thanks, I'll look into it.

>>6625157
yes I am.

>>6625239
Again, this >>6625228 is not me.
I don't trust female physicians and female psychologists/therapists because of the treatment I have received.
Every time I've talked about my problems with females they have insisted that what I'm saying is simply not true (e.g. I don't like how I look, I am sickened by myself. reply: nonsense, you look normal) etc. versus when for the first time I visited a private, male psychologists and he actually listened, asked questions and dug deeper from what I said and discovered stuff.

Males I find are much more on point and females try to "ease" what you are saying by being emphatic thinking that will somehow cure you.

>>6625250
I'm not sure but have you read our links in the OP? Asexuality is mostly known as "lack of sexual attraction" and a low libido does not make you asexual. So if the libido is increased and you are normal, you weren't asexual.

>>6625263
>I'm not sure but have you read our links in the OP?
I skimmed the OP but did not click anything .
>Asexuality is mostly known as "lack of sexual attraction" and a low libido does not make you asexual.
Right, but low libido and lack of sexual attraction are both potential symptoms of low testosterone.
>So if the libido is increased and you are normal, you weren't asexual.
The two are related, especially in the case of testosterone.

>>6625262
>Again, this >>6625228 is not me

Thanks for the clarification.

That's really strange because I have both a therapist and a psych that are female and they will do such things that you say the males do.

Perhaps this is just anecdotal, though. Is there anyway for you to change doctors to make yourself feel more comfortable?

>>6625283
And that's why we usually get the "check ur hormonez" talk because it is very important. I only skimmed your talking and it's a bit hard to see who is who when everyone is anonymous. Have you gotten yourself checked?

>>6625298
>Have you gotten yourself checked?
I'm not low libido or ace, I'm a gay male roiding /fit/izen that came to this thread to shitpost.

>>6625312
I never really understood shitposting. How is it fun? I like to tease people now and then but I guess it's not my thing.

>>6625319
>How is it fun?
It's pure sex in text form.

>>6625370
Oh, well that explains it.

>>6625319
When you can get a rise out of people, you've seen how their behavior is predictable, and this gives you some measure of control over them.

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>>6625572
Oh, come on, sociopathic anon. Are you back again?

>>6625581
You don't have to be a sociopath to enjoy shitposting. There's a ton of shitposting all around us.

And is that not the appeal of shitposting? To get a rise out of someone just because you know you can? By all means, tell us why you shitpost if it's for different reasons.

I'm not sure if I'm ace or not. It's pretty rare for me to get a crush on anyone, but I definitely am biromantic. And I like the idea of sex and think to myself, "I'd like to have sex one day," but when I actually think about having sex with somebody it's like, "nope nope nope!" When I think about the person I'm interested in, my default is to think of platonic intimacy and kissing at most -- I have to make myself think about them sexually then it's kinda weird.

Halp?

>>6625043
>amphetamines, which greatly increase libido
Then why is it that after being prescribed ritalin and adderall, nothing has changed for me?

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Can anyone reccomend asexual dating sites please?

>>6576481
>There's body dysphoria, which is easy to understand, but genderfluid and non-binary stuff doesn't make sense at all to me.

Non-binary is just dysphoria without feeling any affinity to the other gender. It's the feeling of being highly uncomfortable being born into a male body, but not identifying as, or feeling the need to identify as female.

It's torture because you don't feel like or identify as either gender, you're just left stuck with an uncomfortable feeling of constant dysphoria. There's nowhere to transition to, no surgery or routine or support groups that can give you a sense of purpose; you're just an awkward peg in an awkward hole.

I look male androgynous and am mostly gendered as male, I never correct people or tell people I'm NB unless they seem like they'd understand, which is very rare. Sometimes I will switch my gender when people ask just because, I never get on any kind of rampant special snowflake rant about it though.

It kinda makes me sad when people say NB is a 'tumblr gender', I find the label has been useful in helping me realize that I'm not on my own and that there are other people like me who aren't people just latching on to whatever sounds cool and ambiguous.

Coupled with Aro/Ace sexuality means that I just feel like a lump of grey matter most of the time; I don't regret it in that I feel I have to live through my achievements more than my own humanity though, if that makes sense. It pushes me harder to get achieve the things I want in life.

>>6625883
I personally have the same mindset as you. It's like watching an action movie but then not wanting to go sky diving or something.

I call myself asexual currently and I'm still trying to feel myself out so maybe the name will fit for you? Also, remember that sexuality can change throughout your life. If you thought you were something and you changed your mind, that's entirely okay.

>>6626220
Because that anon is not a doctor.

>>6627510
Thanks, anon. This actually made me feel a lot better. So far I've just been kinda identifying both as bi and ace, and it works for me.

>>6627510
>Because that anon is not a doctor.
I know that it's obvious, but I do appreciate you saying it aloud. Sometimes all the misinformation can get to me.

>>6627596
>>6625883
I feel a lot like you, if I understand you correctly. I consider myself grey-asexual biromantic. I can force myself to have sex for someone else's sake, and have initiated a handful of times. But my general feeling tends to be, "Can we not? Put your underwear back on. Let's just lay here. I want to hold you. Stop kissing me."

I agree with the other anon about changes. Feel out how you're feeling in the moment. I used to tell my sexual partner, "I'm having more of an acey day today."

My favorite thing to say is that this is about language. It's giving you definitions to greater understand circumstance, and to express what's going on to other people. It's imperfect, and that's okay.

>>6626259
ChristianMingle

>>6626220
>ritalin and adderall
Which one? Surely not both?
Methylphenidate (Ritalin) is fucking terrible, and does not fix low libido.
>>6627510
>Because that anon is not a doctor.
Actual doctors do prescribe amphetamines (not methylphenidate) for low libido, though. And my advice was to get himself a prescription through a doctor, so its basically like telling someone with a tooth abscess that they need to go to the doctor to get antibiotics.

>>6625637
That's not me lol.

>>6627378
>Non-binary is just dysphoria

Except there's a huge push by people to say dysphoria doesn't need to be part of it. Some people base their entire gender off their clothing choice for the day or simply wanting to make other people uncomfortable through how they present themselves. I have a friend who "feels" her aura every morning and bases her gender for the day on if it's pink or blue.

Male and female feelings are nothing. They are simply feelings and don't need gender attached to them.

>>6629781
>reading auras
>dressing in ways to make people feel uncomfortable

This site is for people 18+

>>6629781
>wanting to make other people uncomfortable

I get the feeling you're making a jab at Milo Stewart.

>>6628966
>Which one? Surely not both?
No, not both. Tried one and tried the other. Neither cured my asexuality.
What's so terrible about it? I like ritalin a lot.

>>6630780
Confusion, lack of motivation, and lack of sex drive are all potential side effects of methylphenidate. You can also have episodes of stimulant psychosis at therapeutic doses, which is a huge bad thing. For amphetamines you're looking at taking several times the max prescription dose for a week or more to have that, if you ever do. Methylphenidate is a terrible drug whose only benefits are making ADHD kids sit still no matter what regardless of any side effects and making lots of money.

>>6627725
Yes!! Absolutely this. Gotta admit, it's pretty awesome to know I'm not the only one

>>6629781
>Except there's a huge push by people to say dysphoria doesn't need to be part of it.

I can't speak for those people, I don't actually know anybody who is NB, I'm not a mouthpiece for the 'movement' (if there is one) and you shouldn't generalize based on what I say or what anyone says.

Judging by what you've said there though it sounds like you don't understand dysphoria at all. That argument reminds me of "How can you be trans if gender is a social construct!!!11". If you can't see past that then you'll never understand NB.

I was just born this way, it wasn't my choice - there are many things I wish I was instead.

>The "Ace of Spades" is sometimes used as a symbol of the "Ace" community and worn by some members as jewelry or even as tattoos
>Some members of the asexual community opt to wear a black ring on the middle finger of their right hand as a form of identification
>Aces don't want to have sex with their romantic partner, but encourage them to have sex with other people
>Aces still masturbate to internet pornography though, sometimes while their "romantic partner" is out having sex with other people
Is it just pure coincidence that all the symbols and traits of the ace community are shared by the cuckold community, and the first two in particular with the section of the cuckold community that wants their "bulls" to be black?

Or is the asexual community really just a bunch of closeted cuckolds?

>>6631387
I'd die of jealousy if I was cheated on, even though I don't want sex myself.
Relationships can get complicated.

That's not the kind of partner you'd want, though. Someone who doesn't have sex with you and then doesn't let you have sex with anyone else. My jealousy would be completely uncalled for.

Thankfully I'm not in any relationship.

>>6631406
Why is there a problem then?

>>6631429
Might want to reread the post if you didn't grasp what problems the setting described might bring.

>>6631293
Weird! Between the two, I didn't notice that drastic of a difference. With ritalin the focus is more noticeable and my heart beats more, compared to adderall where I felt the comedown much more strongly without comparable focus.
I have inattentive subtype ADD.

Ritalin helps me function in society much more than adderall does. I'd say it's oversweeping to say it's pointless.

>>6631387
The ace of spades is an overused symbol anyway. It's also a symbol for HIV chasers, since "ace of spades" is Cockney rhyming slang for "AIDS"

>>6631454
>Might want to reread the post
I did.
>I don't want sex
>I'm not in any relationship
What exactly is the problem here?

>>6631502
Try extended release adderall. If that doesn't help you then you just have severe brain problems and the fact that methylphenidate """"works"""" for you and the asexuality are just both symptoms of being retarded and having your shit all fucked up.

>>6631649
Explain the black ring around the middle finger then.

>>6631649
So you're saying not only do you want your partner to have sex with a black guy, you want them to get aids too? That's pretty weird anon.

>>6631387
>Aces don't want to have sex with their romantic partner, but encourage them to have sex with other people
Actually, that depends on the person. You're overgeneralizing. Some will have sex and some won't. And some are okay with an open relationship and some aren't.

>Aces still masturbate to internet pornography though, sometimes while their "romantic partner" is out having sex with other people
Again, overgeneralizing. Some asexuals don't even masturbate. Some look at porn while masturbating while others do not enjoy porn.

Also for the information over the black ring:
>black represents asexuality (this is also shown on the asexual pride flag)
>many swingers do not wear it on the right middle because of asexuality

It's kind of like saying france must be russian because their flag is also red, white, and blue. Many different groups share symbols. It also doesn't help that asexuals tend to be clueless about swinger and poz community stuff as well.

>>6631657
Just a reminder.
Hypothetizing is allowed.

>>6631657
That anon is saying that due to their lack of want for sex and desire to allow their partner to have sex with someone else, they would not be a good person in swinger or cuckold relationship.

>>6631669
The extended release adderall is what gave me the worst comedowns.
Yeah I'm pretty fucked up. But my cocktail of prescriptions keep me functional and happy, so I don't mind.
Maybe I'll ask about trying adderall again after my 3 months of written scripts are used up.
You made me bust out laughing in the middle of lunch, I'll give you that. Particularly the incredible scare quotes.

How do you handle dating? Do you just use OKCupid and look for someone that already identifies as asexual? Or do you just start dating someone you like and deal with the asexuality later? And if the latter, how do you do it and when is the appropriate time to bring it up?

>>6632220
I usually date non-asexuals I'm attracted to.
I don't bring it up right away, and will generally try to do hugging, kissing, touching, sex for their sake at the beginning of the relationship/dating.
I have had the best success with bringing it up after they've grown attached to me and aren't likely to bolt when I tell them. Most people I find this way stick around for over a year before leaving me. You have to have sex with them sometimes, generally speaking, so not doable unless gray like me. Once every two months after you bring up that you are asexual seems to be enough and a good compromise that both people can be happy enough with.

>>6631780
No its not.

>>6631796
>they would not be a good person in swinger or cuckold relationship.
Well of course not. Anyone in any role in a swinger or cuckold relationship is an objectively terrible person and deserves death.
Still don't see your point.

I got a bit lost with everything you're talking about, but... can I get free amphetamines for being asexual?

>>6631347
No, the proper question would be "How can you be NB if gender is a social construct?"

Which is a totally valid question.

>>6633286
non binary is the rejection of the traditional idea of gender

whether you say non-binary means being between genders, both genders, neither gender, or that gender isnt real

After reading this all, I gotta admit... I'm not good with gender stuff either. When someone says something like "traditional idea of gender" I feel like I'm going to have an existential crisis. Maybe it's because I've grown up with more non-straight friends than most people and we just didn't give a shit about how we acted because we were such nerds. The idea that someone would have dysphoria because of how much emphasis they put on assigning gender to everything seems weird to me.

>>6633767
My general feeling is that since I can't comprehend relating to gender, I must be cis. I don't really think of it much deeper than that.

>>6633946
I think the same could apply to someone agender though. I'd almost say someone who doesn't comprehend gender and is confused thinking about it and where they then fit in can't be cis.

>>6634010
But why bother with that if you're not severely distressed by it? How does it get in the way of daily living?

>>6634010
I honestly don't know anyone IRL who isn't confused about what gender really means.

>>6634070
Why does it matter if you get distressed about it or not? How upset do you have to get in order to be defined as "not cis"? If a person is confused and can't work out where they fit in or can't even comprehend gender so they don't want anything to do with it, then forcing them to accept being cis is obviously not going to help.

>>6634558
What's wrong with being cis? I don't understand why someone would need to fully conceptualize gender just to be cis. People are a big spectrum. Tomboys are still female and femboys are still male. Just because an individual's expression differs from the extremes of the girly feminine and the macho masculine, doesn't mean there's something inherently abnormal about them.

Dysphoria over the physical body makes sense. Policing how you're supposed to feel mentally does not.

This seems like a case of over thinking. Someone is going to come to the conclusion that they are not cis, because they believe that something about their experience is fundamentally different from the experience of the typical psychology. But this is taking the experience of what is normal and narrowing it down to unattainable standards.

Why be so desperate to escape gender? Is it dissatisfaction with how people treat members of one's gender? Is it wanting to distance from what one's gender is thought to believe? These are issues with culture, not the fault of an individual. Nor is neutral pronouns and clothing even going to really change those things from society's perspective of the individual.

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>>6636332
This has gotten to the "why does any of this matter at all then?" level. Gender can't be defined because of everyone's individual experiences towards it and we can't dictate what people are and aren't just because we don't agree with their opinions.

What is male? What is female? What is being both and being none at the same time? How can non-binary people be non-binary if the only way they can decide they're non-binary is because they're assigning genders to everything based on their own opinions? Wouldn't there be a bias in their assignments in order to benefit themselves in their determination to call themselves non-binary? What kind of power do they have to label others as cis when they're just as clueless as the rest of us? How can anyone get upset when the only one judging what gender things are is them alone?

How do you cope with the fact that you're unlikely to ever get into a relationship in this lifetime?

>>6636332
This - "genderqueer" folks who don't have body dysphoria have a very limited idea of what you can get away with as one particular gender. They think that because they have the usual range of human emotions they must be super special and beyond everyone else's petty categories. They don't realize that everyone else in the world is just as complex as them (and probably more so.)

>>6634168
It's a granfalloon - a group that exists as a brute fact but has no essential traits.

>>6636797
I'll just adopt a bunch of dogs

>>6637878
Doesn't work for me

>>6637819
I don't really understand. Could you rephrase?

>>6637907
Adopt a bunch of bunnies.

>>6638645
I hate bunnies

>>6638649
You fucking monster

>>6636583
I think we broke anon.

>>6636583
>>>/tumblr/
You can go scream about dumb shit over there

>>6636583
Now I'm questioning everything too...

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when people are ogling someone else? Like when someone is going obviously drooling over a person?

It feels so weird like seeing someone being aroused by a weird fetish. It's like they're not acknowledging the person is human.

>>6639775
You're just really uncomfortable with sex.

It's also why you think you have an imaginary sexual orientation.

>>6557836
Acegen I have a question for you, mostly to help me get a better understanding of one of my friends.

The thing is, they identify as androgenous a-sexual, lack interest in any kind of sexual activity/relations, etc. But identifies as "pan-romantic" and expresses a desire to date various people they know or meet. What compels an attraction to someone of not sexual arousal?
However, they often coment on or talk about people in a sexual manner "I'd like to grab his ass" and "I wish I could take her to the bedroom" and the like and it never really made sense to me as that seems to contradict what they say they identify as.
To be fair I also don't doubt this person to just be a special snowflake tumblrina in reality, but they often just act and date straight and I feel like they are making a mock of orientation and gender. I feel like it would be offensive to ask them Incase I'm just being a bitch but I dunno.

>>6640612
>What compels an attraction to someone of not sexual arousal

Its so hard to explain a "purely romantic attraction" that I'm not going to worry about it too much. Maybe just think about any times you were cuddling without any sexual undertones with a partner, one of you was teaching the other something, or going on a walk together or something.

>sexual comments

They might be just doing it because its "normal", want to fit in, be desperately trying to pretend to relate to their friend in a way that they know is out of their grasp, or be overcompensating. It could be a lot of things and its really hard to tell.

>it might be offensive

If they're a tumblrina they might choose to take offense and if they're not it depends on how stoic they are and how personally they take everything. If they do more than just talk about it, as in take some concrete action like laying randoms, you could be "understandably confused", and probably ask then.

>>6638004
It's a made-up word from a Kurt Vonnegut novel. It describes a group that people think is meaningful but is actually meaningless.

>go out with girl
>find out she's sexually repulsed ace
>find out after we've gone out and too emotionally invested
>try fooling around with heavy petting
>her body responds
>over time the idea of touching her genitals doesn't seem so bad to her
>finally get to sex after some time
>she's actually feels indifferent about it

If it were a sexual person, I'd feel terrible, but in this case I feel like a winner.

>>6643040
That's rape.
Coercing someone into having sex is rape.
Saying you are unsatisfied with the relationship because of lack of sex or saying you will leave the relationship because of lack of sex is coercion, and hence rape. You are exploiting an emotional dependency to acquire sex via coercion.
That's also why maintenance sex is rape.
Some people misconstrue this to mean that you you can't leave a relationship--which is stupid. You have every right to leave a relationship but announcing it beforehand and trying to extract sex to prevent your leaving is rape. If you want to leave a relationship because of lack of sex, then do. But don't use ultimatums as a bludgeon to rape your partner.

>>6625145
>Asexual brain>I desire sexual stimulation>No one fits my criteria>Pleasuring of self ensues
Explain romantic aces then.

>>6643657
Ehh its not so cut and dry
Im asexual and i don't care to have sex. I find it boring and not exciting, i am not repulsed by it i just have better things to do with my time.
If my partner was willing to go to art museums with me or go on long hikes despite there own disinterest then i would be willing to have sex with them despite my own disinterest.

>>6644067
I'm rather indifferent myself to the idea, but I avoid relationships because I don't want to bother with the sexual aspect. I have zero libido and I don't masturbate because there's nothing enjoyable about it. If I got into a relationship with someone with more libido than me I'm afraid I'd be either a total limp fish or I'd start complaining about the mess. Probably both. I hate feeling slimy. I'm sure that would make my partner feel bad as well, which is basically why I've given up on love altogether.

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>they think not wanting to eat cake is a fucking sexual identity

>>6643666
Define "romantic".
Do you mean an asexual having sex or do you mean an asexual in a romantic relationship? Because you're using the word a bit wrong if you mean the first one.

>>6644479
I'm guessing satan meant romantic aces. Asexuals than can experience romantic attraction. The ones that are not aromantic.
I'm curious too, explain them?

>>6644749
What part is to understand? I mean this truly, not sarcastically.
Do sexuals really believe that there is nothing to their relationship if there isn't sex? There is so much love that happens in relationships. It is a commitment and connection that goes beyond simple platonic friendships.
Is it that people who ask this have never experienced that kind of relationship? Or maybe they have deeply close friendships?

>>6644749
sexual attraction
>wow, I want to have sex with that person

romantic attraction
>wow, I want to be in a romantic relationship with that person

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>>6643657
calm your tits bud, I've never said anything of the sort that I made any threats or use emotional dependency as leverage, nor do I actually do those things. What I did was slow exposure that led to desensitizing her repulsion, slowly and manually going through the stages of "one thing led to another" over the course of several months, and always without pressure. If she doesn't mind sex, why should you?

I really don't get why asexuality gets thrown under the same tumblr-bus as sapiosexual, aliquasexual, aceflux or amicussexual. Asexual just means no sexual attraction, what's so fucking unrealistic about that?
Why will you always get the "not found the right dick/pussy yet" drivel even though the same would be considered deadly offensive towards heteros and homos?
What the fuck is so hard to understand about not wanting any sex from anyone?

>>6610418
Just annoyed that everyone assumes ace and aro go hand in hand. Aro aces have it easier than aces that whine for the impossible dream of the sexless relationship, aro sexuals just aren't the kind of people I would really like to hang around with I feel.

>>6615849
Holy shit, corrective rape.
Tbh I believe it's the biggest issue for asexuals, because we're told that it's not rape at all when our partner forces us to "try out" sex with them, even if that happens regularly. Even if they guilt us into it by breaking down, crying, making themselves the victim when you just can't do it, until you have sex with them, no matter how how sex-repulsed you might be. And because you're ace and never want sex, it's not rape.
I do not understand this.

>>6618773
For me, it's like this: a few times a month, I will feel the need to masturbate for around 20 minutes. If I'm at my pc, I will go, open up a few websites, and look at fully-clothed 2D transformation sequences that cause the person shows a shitton of distress. I just start masturbating doing it "on my own" but feel pretty much the same as before. It's a tiny bit of relief, but not even as much or as good as taking a good piss. After 5-10 minutes I feel disgusted, wash my hands, and nothing changed, except that I don't feel the need to masturbate anymore for another week, month, what have you.
And that's how you can imagine an asexual wanking.

>>6624487
I love it when I actually know living examples of why something is false.

>>6624663
But I took that shit, and while my libido got higher, I'm the guy who just described his wank routine- worthless 10 minutes twice a month to clothed 2D animu grills' distressed faces. I've grown a bit MORE disgusted with real sex and genitalia, even. The libido being higher is really just a hassle because nothing changed about me not liking sex.

>>6646230
That's because he thinks that asexuality is just a libido and/of hormonal imbalance

>>6644759
>Do sexuals really believe that there is nothing to their relationship if there isn't sex?
I have had many fulfilling and close unromantic and nonsexual relationships, but never a romantic relationship that was not sexual or vice versa.

>There is so much love that happens in relationships. It is a commitment and connection that goes beyond simple platonic friendships.
>Is it that people who ask this have never experienced that kind of relationship? Or maybe they have deeply close friendships?
I have felt the love and close relationships you speak of, but again these are neither romantic nor sexual relationships. There are no romantic feelings in my relationships with my mother, my child, or my best friend for example. Those are all very close relationships.
Do asexuals feel romantic feelings in such relationships (or mistake such feelings for romantic feelings?)
Also see below.

>>6645086
Literally the only time I have ever heard of separating the romantic and sexual parts of relationships is as part of a Madonna-Whore complex, and that's a developmental psychological issue. It seems like romantic aces are just people with a Madonna-Whore complex without the whore part.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
Which would also lend support to the idea that its not a sexual orientation.

>>6646825
It's actually a mental disorder.

>>6646230
Really?
You injected testosterone? Because that's the really important part, not the adderall.

>>6646205
>After 5-10 minutes I feel disgusted
So you're squeamish around sex.

Did you have any sexual/romantic experiences during puberty or was it no contact?

Have you considered wanking to things that aren't whatever the fuck animu you're wanking too?

>>6646189
Romantic asexuals do not deserve to be raped, but they do not deserve relationships with sexuals.

You trying to have a relationship with a sexual is like a hetero guy trying to have a relationship with a lesbian, you will never be able to give your partner what they want but would be fine with all your needs satisfied, which is extremely selfish. You have this idea that you're the lesbian in the relationship because it makes you the victim, but you're the guy.

Date other romantic aces. You know, like how a real totally not made up actual sexual orientation would work.

>Dating this guy since a few month
>I'm his first bf
>He's ace
>Never fucked because he don't like it, but we do masturbate together time to time.

Am I doing it right anon ? I don't know anything about aces. When I read some reply here I feel like I'm raping him or something. Yes, sometimes I tease him and I push him a little, he seems to like it, but I try to be as gentle as I can with him. I don't mind doing it this way, it's enough for me, I don't need more.

>>6648109
>Yes, sometimes I tease him and I push him a little
It is rape.
>him
Oh wait nvm its not rape then since you can't rape men.

>>6648109
Communication is very important in a relationship like this. I personally don't believe this is rape because it doesn't sound like you wore him down into saying yes.

But if you're worried just talk to him about it

>>6647704
>>6647678
>>6647670
Are you done being an armchair psychologist?

>>6647670
Let me lay out a scene for you.

You have a pair of spouses. They live together. They share their finances. Every major decision is run by the other. They are constantly aware of the other's wearabouts. They raise pets together, maybe children together.
When one is emotionally struggling, the other steps in to help. They work with each other to become better people. They work with each other to tackle personal issues.

They sit together and stare into each other's eyes. When they see the other, they grin and their heart swells. All the drugs of love fire in their brains by just thinking about each other. They want to hold the other- they hug, they cuddle, maybe they even softly kiss. They spend hours just next to each other- Giggling, sighing, running fingers through hair, giving massages.

They write poems about the color of the other's eyes. They spend hours cooking elaborate meals and eat together with the lights low and candles burning. They surprise each other with bouquets of flowers. They buy each other expensive accessories (watches, jewelry, etc). They get a caricature artist to draw a portrait of them both, and they frame it and hang it in their house.

They feel strongly bound to the other. They are committed to coming running whenever the other is in need. They feel firey protection towards the other when danger comes around. They tend to put the other before themselves, and wish nothing more than the other to be happy. They like to surprise the other by completing a task to make the other's life a little easier.

And they don't have sex.
Does this final fact negate the commitment of everything prior? Is this not romance? Is this not love?

>>6565885
If you keep failing in relationships, it probably because you insist on dating sexual people. Clearly, you can be romantic and asexual, and you aren't the only one. So maybe the solution isn't trying to "fix" yourself (you aren't broken) and you shouldn't expect others to change for you like someone else suggested. Maybe things would work out better if you entered a romantic relationship with another ace person. Look for that sort of thing online.

>>6568679
Yeah, the difference between celibacy and asexuality is choice. Asexuality is an orientation. You're born that way or you're not, just like being gay. Sure, you can choose to have sex with someone of your same gender, but you can't choose to be attracted to that person. You either are or you aren't. Same with asexuality. Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex. If you want to physically curb your libido, there's probably not a lot of ways to do that outside of taking hormones (or hormone blockers) but mostly it'd be about willpower.

>>6646127
it's not difficult to understand that someone might not want to have sex

it's difficult to understand how narcissistic you need to be in order to turn it into an identity you mentally ill freak

>>6569691
Demisexual here. The difference between a demisexual, grey ace, and "having standards" as some people like to simplify it (incorrectly) is that like all things related to sexuality and gender, asexuality is a spectrum. You can be completely asexual, you can be grey, or you can be demi. And of course you have sexual people.

What is the difference between being demi and having standards/not taking thinks too fast? What makes this an orientation and not a preference of behavior is the lack of choice in the matter (just like with all orientations.) If you meet someone and you think they're attractive right off the bat, but you just want to get to know them before anything physical happens, then you aren't demi. However, if you meet someone and you feel absolutely no attraction to them whatsoever right off the bat, but they get more and more attractive the more you know about them, then you're demi.

The easiest ways I can describe it are thus:
[example 1] You know how you can see a really attractive person and you think "wow, they're hot!" but then you talk to that person and you find that they're not intelligent or they're on the opposite side of your politics or they're just rude and a terrible person and suddenly they become unattractive? Imagine that, but instead of finding them attractive to begin with, you just saw a blank slate that had the potential to become either attractive or repulsive.
[example 2] If you're a sexual person, chances are, I can hold up a picture of any human being and you would be able to tell me, yes or no, whether or not you found that person sexually attractive. A demisexual person cannot do this because they don't have sufficient data to make that assumption. Even if they find the image aesthetically pleasing, they aren't immediately attracted to or repulsed by the person in the pic. "10/10 would bang" is not a concept that exists to a demi person while discussing an image.

>>6569816
I don't think it's that simple. Being attracted to someone right off and being willing to fuck right off are two different things. I could be attracted to you immediately but not want to fuck you until I know you. Or I could be demisexual which means I cannot feel sexual attraction toward you until I know your personality because the personality is what I'm attracted to.

>>6572364
The thing about being ace is that people are so conditioned to seeing sex as a normal desire that when you tell someone that you're ace, people think there's something wrong with you. That's why whenever you look up support for asexuality you see the slogan "you're not broken" a lot. But even asexuals are sometimes interested in medicalizing it and citing correlations between asperger's/autism and other disorders and asexuality. I personally don't think it's a good idea to medicalize sexualities (recalling a time when both being gay and being trans were considered sicknesses or mental illnesses) but if someone truly wishes to find a reason for why they are who they are, I'm not going to stop them. But I do think that that's another source of persecution. That it's assumed that there's something physically wrong with you if you simply lack sexual desire.

>>6572576
Just gonna leave here that it's really not unheard of for straight men to go to lesbian bars to hit on lesbians and try and force them to kiss and stuff for their entertainment because they're seen as sexual objects. It's probably not an everyday occurrence, but it's far from unheard of. And, just like when a straight woman is sexually harassed/assaulted, if the lesbians in question refuse to perform for their antagonist, it's also not unheard of for them to be met with direct. immediate, and brutal violence. Kinda like how gay men are often met with direct, immediate and brutal violence when they simply walk down the street holding their lover's hand, or walk out of a gay bar, or look flamboyant. (Also consider that it's not unheard of for lesbians to experience the latter as well, especially butch lesbians. And if you think that being asked to perform sexually with your girlfriend while some strange man from out of nowhere watches is "privilege" then you can get the fuck right out of here because that is sexual assault/harassment.)

>>6576426
I don't feel like gender and sexuality correlate in that one really influences the other in way society expects them to. [i.e. if that were true, all cisgender men would be straight or all asexuals would be agender. But this is not the case.] So I wouldn't call it a direct correlation, but I can relate. I'm demisexual and genderqueer, but they have nothing to do with one another.

>>6576481
Genderfluid people can be dysphoric, too. My friend is genderfluid (anatomically female) as she feels just completely wrong if she has to do things like shave her legs or dress very femininely. She prefers to present androgyny/masculinity and if she can't she's uncomfortable on a deep level that I can only describe as dysphoria.

But this isn't true for all people who aren't FTM or MTF. I'm genderqueer and I personally don't have a lot of dysphoria the way I once did when I was confused about my identity.

>>6576710
There's a difference between sex and sexual attraction. If you love people of your same gender, but you don't feel sexually attracted to them, you may be ace and homoromantic. But, if you feel attraction to them and don't want to act on it, maybe you can look into your repressed theory.

>>6587281
You can totally find people who are also ace but romantic. It might take some searching, but you are already online, so...

>>6598279
I think a therapist would be the closest thing an ace person gets to a prostitute lol.

>>6608077
Remember when being gay was considered a medical issue and was something "wrong" or a "mental illness" and people that were gay needed to be "cured?" That happens still, but most people defend LGBT people from those sorts of treatments and it's only crazy abusive parents who send their kids to places to have them "cured."

Meanwhile, in this day and age, you tell someone you're ace and you're met with "you're broken; there's something wrong with you; you need to keep seeing doctors; maybe you have a disorder." Maybe ace people aren't bludgeoned in the streets for being so, but they still struggle and the fact that you *have* to experience sexual attraction or you have medical issues is a pretty fucked up stigma desu.

>>6651969
>Meanwhile, in this day and age, you tell someone you're ace and you're met with "you're broken; there's something wrong with you; you need to keep seeing doctors; maybe you have a disorder." Maybe ace people aren't bludgeoned in the streets for being so, but they still struggle and the fact that you *have* to experience sexual attraction or you have medical issues is a pretty fucked up stigma desu.

Poster you replied to here. I don't totally disagree with you and your post made me sad. :C

I know talking to a few of my sexual friends is difficult, they legitimately can't seem to disconnect sex and love, or aesthetic admiration from wanting to fuck it. That's kind of hard for me. I'm sure in the future it will be able to click with people a little better...right guys?

>>6652242
I usually compare it to looking at a flower. You can find it pretty, but you don't want to fuck it.

More accurately, (especially when people claim that romantic orientations don't exist) I'm like, with most people your romantic orientation is actually more dominant than your sexual orientation. Like, that's what a relationship is, sex is just something you do therein if you want to. It's like saying "you can never really love someone until you go bowling with them." Like, completely inconsequential.

>>6651494
>>6651895
Wow, thank you! I never thought of that. My life is forever changed.
Forgive my bitter sarcasm. In my lifetime, I have met maybe three aces. I was not romantically interested in any of them in the slightest. Asexuality is mostly invisible. While I can research if someone is gay by finding out if they've ever dated their own gender, I can't exactly easily ask around on whether someone would be okay with no sex. Even just finding out their virginity status is inconclusive. There's plenty of virgin sexuals, and here's me, an ace who is not a virgin.

Online dating goes against some basic privacy values that I really do not want to waver on. I am not so desperate that I will go against my values.

Even if I was okay with it, where are these asexual dating sites? People come in every thread asking for them, but no one really has a good answer.

A friend of mine is trying to play match maker for me with a mutual friend that they are guessing is ace. Unfortunately, part of the guess is because they are not a touchy-feely person. And I'm a cuddler.
I don't really feel much connection to this new person, but maybe something will happen.