Trans Help General #98

Alright people I've got problems. I'm fairly certain I have gender dysphoria, but I was diagnosed with schizophrenia with hallucinations, delusions, and strange behavior before coming to the United States. One of my biggest problems was the idea that a woman was sharing my body with me. I went extremely far with it; a different voice(not the first time I had done this), arguing with myself over clothes, even 'her' threatening to hurt me if 'she' didn't have her way. It was the event that made my parents put me into therapy despite being deeply ashamed of my problems and just wanting to keep it all a secret. I've since overcome this thanks to a lot of counseling and enough thorazine to kill a baby elephant. Back here to the present, no such delusions, and I plan to see a therapist about GD. Here's where the problem starts. Apparently my diagnoses didn't follow me, and that's fairly advantageous because I don't want them on my record again. I know you might be thinking that's wrong of me, and maybe it is, but I am better now, and there are a lot of reasons I do not want this following me for the rest of my life. It's not like I'll have a chance to get away from them again. I'm just wondering if it might be possible that the only reason I am having these dysphoric feelings is a result of that period of my life, while the alternative is that repressing these feelings led to that problem in the first place. Chicken or the egg and all that. I guess I want to know if you guys think it might be an issue, and whether I should keep it from my therapist or not. Thanks in advance.

>>5759626
Are you on meds now? And how bad is psychological state. Like suicidal? Bad depression? Traumatic shit in your life before?

Odds are you have one or more serious psychological conditions that needs proper continuous monitoring treatment. If there's anyone who should NOT just go informed consent, or hiding your previous psych record, it's you.

>>5759629
Look, poo just smells like poo.

Please stop this meme.

>>5759642
I'm alright now, no meds, and honestly pretty good with myself and stuff except for the whole wanting to be a woman thing. I've never really felt suicidal but I've wanted to hurt myself in a state of hysteria... kinda complicated since it's technically suicidal behavior but I didn't feel like I was in control of it. All the trauma in my life has been self inflicted, honestly. It's possible I might need help in the future, but I don't feel like I'm at risk or anything. I'd really rather not self med but still don't want my record following me forever. It's tough. Thank you for your input.

>>5759626
>I guess I want to know if you guys think it might be an issue, and whether I should keep it from my therapist or not. Thanks in advance.
definitely do not keep it from your therapist. they won't be able to help you adress your issues if you keep them from them. according to my therapist some schizophrenic people do transition if it's in their best interest.

>>5759655
If your dysphoria is serious enough that you're going to self harm or be critically depressed, you should be seeing a psych pro anyways.

If it's not, then do you really need to transition?

>>5759626
Well, you do have problems that's for sure. I think you should just tell your doc. I don't know why you want this off your record but if it's 2nd amendment related I think you best not. Whatever 3rd world shithole you came from might send your papers forward later and land you in hot water.

>talk about my problems with a professional
>talk about small steps to take
>feel better about myself
>think about getting on hormones
>everything seems okay now
>maybe I'm not trans, I feel better now about myself
>see myself in the mirror
>want to die

>>5760847
Take your fucking titty skittles you whore.

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Can someone tell me what the FSH and LH levels mean, and also why my E2 and E1 skyrocket like this?

I took 2mg Estrofem 4 hours before this test on my 8-hourly schedule, means I'm taking 6mg a day spread over 3 doses as I don't feel so good on just 4mg daily.
I feel though my levels shouldn't be that high after 4 hours? My endo didn't comment on this apart from saying "if you feel okay like that then all's good."

Is it common for trans people to have fetishes linked with their, uh, "transness" or what?

>>5761950
FSH and LH are fertility hormones, and sex hormone regulators (what tells your body to produce sex hormones).

>>5762057
So I guess low levels are good, given that my body produces T.
But still, what's going on with my E levels?

Going off to college next semester, as MtF. I've only recently started hormones and don't pass much at all, but , I've been wondering how many women would be into this kind of thing. Coming from a small highschool, i can safely say I've met zero.

>>5762166
as in, into you sexually? if so then you might be out of luck, because most people who are into you pre transition will not be into you afterwards.
Worse if you do get in a relationship they might try and manipulate you into not transitioning

>>5762013
>having a fetish to be the little girl
d-does this count?
I just want to be daddy's princess, and wear cute dresses ;_;

>>5760935
Basically I'm going to just talk pills with my therapist next time I see her and what I want out of it. I'm telling her I'm about one week away from just self-medding.

>>5762166
>I've only recently started hormones and don't pass much at all
If you plan to present as female you will be reviled. If you plan to go boymode a lot of guys will be into you, probably not too many girls though. Bisluts are your best bet, and will continue to be your best bet forever.

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I'm a few months on HRT, but I'm in a position where I don't feel comfortable coming out and presenting as female. I also don't want to get found out, because the south can be pretty transphobic.

What are some good ways to conceal some of the body changes, so I can just present as a girly boy? Aside from just wearing baggy clothes and goodies during the summer, I mean.

>>5762321
>goodies during the summer

I meant hoodies. Fuck off, autocorrect.

>>5762230
That sounds like it counts.

The fact that no one knows is killing me inside, but if someone knew I'd get disowned.

>>5762321
Attitude. Don't be super shy homo who also looks girly, they'll see right through it in a second. Be a massive brodude jackass. Start calling everybody 'dawg'. Get a Cawadooty logo cap.

>>5762321
for breasts wear a tight singlet/ baggy clothes, but to be honest you might not even need that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6baah9U7qQo

The best advice you'll ever hear.

>>5762380
Get this devil worshiping nigger out of here.

>>5762380
>trans people are just confused gay people guys!!!1!!1
Nah.
I haven't listened to someone who talked like that since I was into Spirit Science

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>>5759541
How do I stay motivated to keep working on my voice? I've only been doing it for like 5 minutes, and I feel so discouraged. I know it's going to take lots of time and effort on my part, but I need to find some way to motivate myself to put that in.

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>>5762722
Also, any tips for raising pitch and getting rid of resonance? I looked at this: http://pastebin.com/dgipdsge already, but so far all I'm really doing is swallowing, kind of clenching my throat to keep my Adam's Apple up, and trying to talk. It's...not the most natural or comfortable thing. Am I doing something wrong, or does it just become easier with time?

>>5762743
>It's...not the most natural or comfortable thing.
Welcome to being trans. You'll find this is your life now.

>>5762722
Do some activity that involves talking or find a friend to practice your voice together. If you don't like listening to your voice, put on some music.

>>5762743
It'll become easier with more practice, though I still get a sore throat some days despite having practised for almost a month now.

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Who are the 5 best FFS surgeons in your opinion?

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Does anybody feel their desire to be female is rooted in homosexuality? I desperately want a boyfriend, but I can't see myself as a male in the relationship.

>>5763495
Nah, or at least, that isn't the full of it. I mean, I felt like this when I was in primary and secondary school, pre-puberty, so it would be odd if I was concerned about homosexuality or anything in that regard.

There was a point where, out of a mixture of loneliness, and sheer desperation to convince myself that I *could* live as a guy for the rest of my life, I hired a prostitute (condom, etc. duh). It was... okay. I didn't enjoy the actual act itself, or kissing the girl, and I didn't really enjoy being the penetrative partner, so I quickly lost interest and it went from a 1 hour sex session to a 1 hour back massage, probably to her chagrin.

Then I tried to prove that I was just a homo via. a craigslist ad with a sane looking person, with a condom on, etc. etc. Also didn't enjoy it because I was too worried about STDs etc. etc. to let him penetrate me or actually enjoy it, but I DID really enjoy the position I was in as the submissive partner along with the cock in and of itself.

Trans or homo - well, I have a hefty history that hints toward my transness for a long damn time. I even thought about it several times since middle school and always convinced myself I could live with it. The fact that I totally despised the masculinity as it manifested, combined with my history, was really enough for me at that point.

So I did it. Almost there.

>>5759541
>first pastebin
>first article
>For these boys, being on a date with a girl is a chance to spend time with a girl in a way not generally allowed under other circumstances. Dating serves two purposes for these boys. The first is social, as it gives them the all-important appearance of being normal. The second is therapeutic. Being close to a girl's softness, and even her female smell, has a mitigating effect on gender expression deprivation anxiety. The fantasy is not to make love to her but to actually be her.
>coincidentally dating a trans girl currently
>all I ever wanted in school was for it to be socially normal to be platonic friends with girls
>the feels suddenly make sense

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck I really might actually be trans. I'm having a moment here.

>>5762166
...Ema?

Anyways, trans, bi, and pan women are going to be your most likely target demographic.

>tall
>wide shoulders
>strong jaw
Haha, excellent. Perfect. Really great. Awesome.
Fuck. Do I just kill myself or what?

>>5764312
Pass as an amputee with ffs?

is this a weird question?

I'm FTM, and an 32A. I want to get a breast reduction/top surgery, but since I'm a 32A there's not much stuff to remove. Also, my nipples are tiny and not very female looking to begin with so I don't necessarily need any cutting done on them.

What are some options I should pursue?

>>5764336
>tfw not being a passing floating head in a jar
full body amputation when?

>>5764777
I need to live long enough to get an immortal cyborg body. This flesh is too weak. And not nearly modular enough. And tall. Much too tall.

How much are FFS prices in the UK? How much would jaw work be on its own, and what's the quality like? And most crucially, how much chin length can they take off, maximum, if there is one? I have such chronic manjaw/buttchin, it's by far my worst feature

is transition and/or suicide the only way to cutr gender dysphoria? i'm not interested in any of those

>>5765414
cure*

>>5765414
Transition is the only known working treatment for gender dysphoria. I guess you could try get your doctor to prescribe you Pimozide that gets shilled around here by /pol/.

>>5765543
What I take for my bipolar also *kinda* works. Not enough for me but it makes you function as a male. I used Lamotrigine.
Psychiatrist says thats an odd side effect though.
Quetiapine works differently and just makes me mentally numb, also not enough for me but it makes me not care for the time being and I can focus on other stuff.

>>5765543
that's bullshit though

>>5765543
Sometimes I tell myself I can just deal with it and accept that I'll never be female but it only lasts for a few days and then I'm actively feeling bad about it again.

>>5765709
Yup. And it just gets worse with age too.
But as you're dealing with that you end up picking all kinds of other baggage too from it.
I hate women, gays, my body and the way I feel about my body. I'm so bitter about everything.

At this point there is no "good" way out, just least worst options. Things might get better, but tehy probably won't.

>>5766025
Yeah. I'm not even old, that's the worst part. I mean theoretically I have the chance to transition but I don't think I could handle it.

>>5766324
Choose a name you like; paranoia over being identified as trans because of it (which would happen eventually anyway if your name is really the deciding factor in that rather than your body/voice/whatever) is secondary.

Snowflake names are okay; people have snowflake names, and if they choose them themselves then they presumably like them. As long as it doesn't make you sound like a stripper or anything it'll be fine.

If nothing else, changing your name a third time would be more inconvenient.

>>5766324
Just get what you want as long as it isn't Alice, Lacy, Chastitee, or any stripper name like Diamond or Crystal.

>>5766198
>I mean theoretically I have the chance to transition but I don't think I could handle it.
iktf
I'm on HRT and living as a man since I don't want to be an Elder Frankentranny like Bruce. Actual transition is a bitch but at least I'm ready for it and not dooming myself to be a hon.

>>5765090
>>5765090
>>5765090
Anyone???????

>>5766835
HRT is probably nice. I've just been purposely doing things that are bad for me to sort of stop myself from transitioning or thinking about it. Basically boxing myself in so I couldn't even if I stopped being a pussy and decided to.

>>5766324
If you like that name and it isn't a stripper name like >>5766370 says then you should go for it.

>>5766324
look up a list of common names the year you were born

I am a 26 yo male and recently got married. I've never had trouble with getting women and had had many relationships (with a handful of serious ones) before her.

Off and on throughout my life though, I've gone through sudden, seizing gay spells. A lot of times I'd dress as a girl if I had a gf's spare clothes hanging around. I felt like a gay werewolf, because the other 70% of the time I felt fully attracted to females. But even before that when I was little I would sometimes fantasize about being able to wear girl clothes or be a girl. It's a little schizo looking back, because I compartmentalized it so hard in my mind that it became a separate, distant aspect of myself which I acknowledged but only accepted in those moments when it possessed me. Anyway, most of you already probably know what I mean.

I never told her that right before we met, I was seriously questioning if I was trans or not, had started dressing under my clothes in public, and was almost ready to start the journey.

Then I met her out of the blue, and it knocked me back to what I felt like when I first fell in love at 17.

Now I have no idea what to do. Married life is pretty good, but it's killing me thinking that every day that passes by is a day less that I have to make my deepest desires a reality.

Guess I just needed to get that off my chest, holy shit when I see it written out I realize I have some major decisions I need to make right now.

>>5767007
Don't do it. Being unhappy 30% of the time is leagues better than being unhappy 70% of the time and throwing away something good.

>>5767020
This is what I tell myself, but I find myself questioning more and more what those percentages really are, how much of my happiness is just coping or just being happy that I'm playing life safe

>>5767007
You've made it clear that you have desires to be female, but not whether it's necessary to start HRT and transition. It sounds to me like you can bare to live life as a man.

>send help
I'm mtf
How do I stop hating myself?

>>5767080
embrace nihilism
nothing really matters, and it doesn't matter that nothing matters

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I want an ass bigger than any cis girl in existence.

Where do I start?

>>5767111
>>>/fit/
READ THE FUCKING STICKY

>>5767111
McDonalds. Nothing will make your ass swell like MICKEY D'S. https://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/getnutrition/nutritionfacts.pdf

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> TFW Didn't start questioning my gender identity until shortly after I turned 20.
> TFW Now I have to do a crapton of introspection to figure out if I'm actually trans.
> TFW I need to take my time thinking about things in case it turns out to be a phase.
> TFW I have to figure things out as quickly as possible so I can start HRT sooner rather than later if necessary and avoid becoming a hon.

>>5768055
>over 20
>avoid becoming a hon
20-24 is basically all the same in that respect. Take your time and figure this shit out.

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So guys I need a little advice. A little backstory first.
>just truned 18
>live with mom
>have a car and part time job
>Crossdress (also paint my nails/make up)
>order crossdressing stuff online
>mom opens a package
>asks me why
>say i like to crossdress
>tells me i must want to be a girl
>I dont

Ok so she says that if I crossdress I must want to be girl but I don't. I tell her that I don't but she says that if I crossdress I have to want to be a girl and that I'm just in denial. So what do I tell her to make her see that I don't want to be a girl? Or am I actuality in denial and want to be a girl?

>>5768270
>anime
>crossdressing
>4chan
You're probably trans desu, but I don't know you. If you're comfortable not transitioning just tell her straight up that you're not interested in the bullshit that is being trans.

>>5768270
>Crossdresses, paints nails and does makeup
>Not trans
Go see a gender therapist, but if you don't want to be a girl you're probably not trans.

>>5767007
Do you feel like you can talk to your wife about this?

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>>5768409
>>5768337
I would not care if I were a girl. I am not sad being a guy most of the time thou. However sometimes do feel like it would be better if I were a girl some times.

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>>5768065
Thanks for that. It's a nice change of pace from all the people on here acting like if you didn't start transitioning at 5 you're automatically a hon.

>>5768439
>I am not sad being a guy most of the time thou.
Bear in mind that transitioning is hell. You WILL be unhappy during transition.
>However sometimes do feel like it would be better if I were a girl some times.
Your typo here suggests you're overstating how rarely you feel like it would be better. Call me Freudian but this stuff is one of the few ways we can see how we really feel.

>>5768270
>>5768409
it's possible. that's the case for me too afaict. even if not true in this case I'd set boundaries with your mom before making any kind of decision on her terms, it's not her decision what you identify as and the fact that she'd say something like that suggests she has some cis bullshit idea of what being trans is anyway, like she read a bunch of clickbait articles about being Trapped In Le Wrong Body

>>5768439
is it possible you might be nb or genderfluid?

>>5768481
>is it possible you might be a retarded attention whore?
Rude desu.

Help coming out?

Guys help me. I identify as a retard, like I'm a trisomy 21 person in a 23 paired chromosome body. It's not fair, why do I not get to ride the short bus? Why don't I get to go to the padded classroom? Instead I'm oppressed by having to endure normal leveled classes of 'education'. Fuck those close minded bigoted people who say "you were born with the NORMAL amount of chromosomes". NO! Fuck you, you don't get to decide what is normal, only I know what I truly am. I know the LGBT community would understand my struggle, and so I thought maybe you guys could help me find a way to make them see me for the Downy that I truly am. Please, I need your help!

>>5768729
Don't.

>>5768781
what if i already told them everything minus the trans part and they've already trusted me enough to tell me about what's bothering them when they're severely depressed and now they know how shit i feel and want to know what's wrong
and they're sworn to secrecy

>>5768772
>I thought maybe you guys could help me find a way to make them see me for the Downy that I truly am
don't worry you pass, hon

>>5768824
Same deal with my parents, but I'm not telling them because 1) they could go back on everything they've said and 2) I don't need their support.

>>5768837
But they don't think so, they try and tell me I'm not "biologically" a trisomy 21 person. Like wtf, just because I have 23 paired chromosomes doesn't mean I'm not actually a Downy.

I've been considering getting the removal surgery. Is it actually as expensive/painful as they say?

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>>5768481
I don't know I always thought those genders were just memes. I will look into it.

idk if its correct to ask here but how do you girls get rid of pubes, is it the same for the butt kind, and how often do you do it

the methods i've seen on google look kinda painful

>>5769132
Electrolysis. Electrolysis everywhere. It just werks.

I've decided I'm not trans and am not going to transition about seven times now.
Is it safe to say I should just go see a therapist?

>Daniel Gilbert, a psychologist at Harvard, has shown that evolution has ensured that we are terrible at guessing what we will like. We guess that we will like stuff that is possible for us—that looks attainable—which is what makes us keep going in life. We are generally optimistic that things will get better. This is not rational because, for the most part, things stay the same in terms of how happy we are.

>>5769944
you should have seen a therapist about seven times already. just to make it clear: go see a therapist that is experienced with gender issues!

Has anyone here ordered from all day chemist using a credit card? I don't want my identity stolen and the other payment methods look like too much of a hassle

>>5769991
brb chopping my dick off because of a passing interest

thanks daniel

>>5770878
Pretty sure a lot has, considering it's one of the 3 well trusted websites mostly everyone on here uses.

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>>5759541
How do you know when you're in a good frame of mind to make decisions regarding transitioning?

> Ordinary day, things are going well.
> Wearing some makeup, clothing, etc.
> Feeling good about life - don't really think about transitioning because I'm not feeling dysphoric.
> Fast forward a day.
> Bumming around my apartment, totally depressed.
> Feel like transitioning is hopeless.
> Tell myself it's just because I'm depressed.
> Can't figure out if that's actually true.

I don't know. I just feel like no matter what I do, I'll end up hating myself at least 10% of the time. Sometimes I feel what is obviously dysphoria, but other times it's just regular depression, and half the time I manage to "trick" myself into thinking that it's all just in my head (so to speak).
I'm currently seeing a counselor, but my next appointment isn't for 2 weeks. I've confided in a friend about a lot of this stuff, but as a result of feeling all depressed, I just feel really distant from her and feel like she probably doesn't want to talk to me.
What do I do, anons? It's 10 AM where I am and I have stuff to do today...I don't want to feel like shooting something all day.

>>5771305
Is that like an NS feeding or something?

I feel like I'll only really be happy if I transition and pass. Not necessarily be beautiful, but not hideous and definitely passing. This is completely unrealistic for me, 5'8" w/19" shoulders. Should I just embrace defeatism?

>>5771530
>5'8"
this is normal female height, why do you think this would be a problem?
try being 6 feet or taller then you can come back and whine

>>5771530
Honestly, you could probably still manage. Just wear the right clothes. Not to make light of your problems, but try being 6'6"... :/

>>5771536
>5'8"
>this is normal female height
Shit, I forgot this a hugbox board. I'll try /adv/.

>>5771542
It's maybe not "normal" height (according to Wikipedia, the average female height in the US is about 5'4"), but it's definitely not obscene. If you've done your makeup well and dressed appropriately, I doubt you'd get clocked because of it. Maybe that's just me, though.

>>5771542
im 5'11" and i pass just fine
you just want something to blame you not putting enough effort in on

>>5771542
You can be insecure and pessimistic all you want, but saying it's "completely unrealistic" for you to pass because of your height and shoulder width is indefensible.

Your height is about 90th percentile for the USA and considerably less than that for the countries with the tallest people (Germany, Netherlands, Norway, etc.); seriously, that's not that bad (unless you live in a country with very short people on average). Being tall doesn't in itself look masculine unless it's really extreme, though it can contribute to it when other features are masculine. Do you really think that you're not going to pass because of your height when you're likely to see cis women taller than you every time you go out somewhere reasonably populated?

I can't find any data on distributions of shoulder width as far as I cared to look; only averages, but again: you're quite far above average but not that bad (women with shoulders like are somewhat rare), and certainly not to the point where you outright wouldn't pass because of it. Shoulders are more of a problem than height though.

If you're otherwise pretty feminine you'll be fine. Any small number of masculine features aren't even a problem except in extreme cases. Women with a few manly features only look (somewhat) manly; it's when every feature looks "manly" that you just end up looking like a man.

How much hair is normal for MtF's to have removed with laser or whatever? Obviously the beard, but what else? My legs are kinda werewolf right now, but will hormones thin that out? I'm about to begin HRT so I don't know what effects that will have on body hair exactly.

>>5771542
Okay, so in most countries only 20% of girls are going to be 5'8" or taller.

Wow, you sure have it rough, being shorter than a fifth of the population. Those six foot peeps who make up less than the 1% have nothing on your suffering.

This is not a hugbox board. You are just fucking stupid.

>>5771795
All body hair grows slower after a while. A lot of it will eventually start growing in as little blonde hairs instead of black hair.
Some of it might stop coming in completely.

I imagine your leg hair will keep coming in, just not as fast or as crazy.

I don't know why you would laser your legs unless you really wanted to. Just develop a good routine for shaving them. Cis women shave their legs.

The only thing you should absolutely go out of your way to get rid of is facial hair. HRT simply isn't going to make that go away.

>>5759626
>>5759655
Wow!! Your honestly is brutal. Best material I've read in a while.. You should maybe consider contacting an author or some movie people.
People love watching and hearing about fucked up people in fucked up situations. (sry)
Maybe you're a writer and not a girl, or maybe both??

>>5771924
I just mentioned legs as an example, my body hair is in general very light so it's not super visible. It's just that I don't really want it at all. I get what you mean though.

I'm definitely going to have my beard removed, with the rest I'll just have to see how HRT changes it. Thanks for the reply.

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Could I use this orange concealer for beard shadow?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00XPW9IHQ?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=ox_sc_act_title_2&smid=A1TDFVRQNZD2X6

>>5772305
Yes, to offset the green hue. You could also use some color correction makeup.

>>5768837
10/10

How do I start with Self-medication?
Legit is no option as my country sucks.

Also, when going legit, you have to go to a therapist first without a choice of saying no? Can't you just go to an endo right away?

MtF here, pre almost everything (starting blockers and finasteride within a fortnight and hormones around june).

I've got past shoulder length hair and I started using 5% strength minoxidil a week ago. I've only got hair loss around my temples but it's progressed a bit (mpb started 7~ months ago). My facial hair is pretty light and I'm having a two hour session of electrolysis every week.
Also I'm pretty thin, can't put on weight and really self conscious about my shoulders.

All measurements are probably off by a half inch either way.
weight: 52.7kg / 116lb / 8.3st
height: 168.5 cm / 66" / 5'6"
shoulder diameter: 105.5cm / 41.5"
shoulder width: 42cm / 16.5"
chest: 79cm / 31"
waist: 70cm / 27.5"
hips: 84cm / 33"
Age: [spoiler]16[/spoiler]
BMI: 20th percentile (M) / 18th percentile (F)

How does it look for me? I've got nothing to compare myself to so I don't know if I'm fucked or not.

>>5768918

They're not memes.
Being non-binary just means that with your gender dysphoria, you feel most comfortable in-between male and female, or flipping, or whatever.

However you can also just be someone who likes to cross-dress.

What's the difference between a trap and a tranny?

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>>5772813
>those measurements
>that age

You have it pretty good. Your measurements are similar to mine, although I'm much older. What's your foot size?

>>5772934
Trap = MtF who actually passes and very much looks like a girl
Tranny = The opposite

>>5772965
About 10.5" from the tip of my big toe to center heel.

Sorry but I have no clue what my actual shoe size is.

>>5762013
I am very attracted to crossdressing and trans. Most of my doujins involve a little boy pretending to be a little girl

>>5763795
Nah, my name is Aidan.

>>5772972
Our measurements are strikingly similar. My feet also measure about 10.5" and I'm a size 8 US. That's 10 US in women's size, which is pretty easy to find.

You're on the tail end of puberty, so consider yourself lucky for not having started at 25 like me.

>>5768439
Im not ever sad nor disgusted with myself (beside my face but that's not a gender problem perse) but I'm still transitioning. If you feel like it woulf be better, there is no need for any negative feelings and shit

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>>5771305
Don't mean to be a pain, but I just got home and I'm still super out of it. I spent pretty much the entire day feeling at least moderately depressed and about the only times I wasn't thinking about my identity were when I was in class or programming.

Please, does anyone have any advice? I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.

Again, sorry for bumping my own post.

>>5771542
If you are a NW European white person, then that is a totally reasonable height. Go to Minnesota, and North Dakota. Women with that height are literally everywhere. My mom is 5'9", and I have 2 cousins over 6'.

>>5773201
>programming
You're a better programmer when you crossdress. It's a proven fact. If you room alone, why not spend 20 bucks at sears and try it out? It can't hurt.
Look forward to that counceling, hopefully you'll find out what's up. It sounfs legit.

>>5773251
> You're a better programmer when you crossdress.
Seriously? Lol That's great!
> Why not spend 20 bucks at sears and try it out?
Oh, I've spent much more than that...Half the time I go to university wearing light makeup and mascara, and sometimes on the weekends I do full makeup, wear a wig, and spend the day in my apartment, pretending I pass. :P

>>5773270
2bh sounds like you should progress.
You're only gonna get those moments of depression more often if you wait.

>>5772934
They can be used interchangeably (especially on 4chan). "Trans", "transgender" "tranny", and so on really don't have well defined definitions, nor definitions which are consistent between different demographics.

I'd say that a "trap" is a male crossdresser who attempts to pass as female, hasn't had sexual reassignment surgery, and also doesn't qualify as transsexual (as in, doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria and doesn't identify as female). There's still ambiguity in distinguishing a trap from a transsexual to an extent, because of having to decide when they're "trans enough" to stop being a crossdresser and start being a transsexual who crossdresses; and also between a crossdresser and a trap, since I'm mainly defining the difference as whether they care about presenting female or not.

"Tranny" is term (which is often considered derogatory) for trans people, or in some usage even just people who don't fit gender roles in some way.

Shit it's relatively simple but somehow i cant write it out in a coherent manner, not a trans issue but i dont know where else to ask

>need fashion advice for looking andro and not looking bad (is it even possible?)
>dont want to post pics on public sides
where do i go

MtF here. My beard shadow is getting worse. How can I hide it? I can't shave three times a day to look totally clean.

>>5774113
Lasers.

Have any other ftms here had phallo when they got bottom surgery? How exactly does the air pump work and is it uncomfortable? Can you still get orgasms when jerking off like normal? Can it ejaculate at all?

>insurance wont cover hair removal because it's "cosmetic"

Biological females do not have beards yet if a MTF chooses to get theirs removed, it's considered cosmetic (i.e. unnecessary)? Someone please make sense of my insurance's reasoning so I can sleep a little better tonight.

>>5774610
Do women with hirsutism get hair removal paid? Honest question

>>5774099
I don't see why you would need to post pictures of anything for fashion advice.

Yes, it is possible to look androgynous while looking good too.

>>5768055
We are the same, you and I. Such is life in the indecision.

>no money to pay for therapist because work has been slow
>don't want to put more on insurance because I needed surgery a short time ago
>urge to self-med rising
>worried about level-checking and other stuff
On the upside, in a couple months it'll mark a year of me flip-flopping my stance on whether or not I'm actually trans.

>>5774610
All humans have facial hair, just that girls are blonder and grow slow enough that they can just pluck them if they're noticeable.

>>5774757
I guess for what it's worth, according to what I've read, the average cis person doesn't think about this kind of thing. In particular, they don't obsess over it like I (and it sounds like you) do. Might be worth trying to self-med and see how you feel. Worst case scenario: You don't like how you feel and stop within the first 3 months, before changes start to really happen.

That's just kind of where I've gotten to after finally getting my head to clear a bit. :/

>>5774843
Yeah I'm with you. Basically just waiting to be off antibiotics for a bit to start at this point. I'm pretty excited to be moving forward again.

Hey guys

Mtf here, I'm pretty early on in my transition but my facial and body hair really upsets me. I've looked quite a bit at hair removal stuff and I really need some advice: laser is cheaper, and a lot easier to find but a lot of people say it's not permanent and sometimes just straight up doesn't work. I'm not wealthy but I have a fair bit of money set aside for this and u want to get something I know will work and I know will be permanent. Is laser an option at all for that or should I just insist on full on electro?

If it matters I have pale skin and dark hair.

Can you experience the feelings of dysphoria without linking them to being trans, or is it something that you will know is going on when it begins

>>5774719
Not that anon but they don't where I live, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if most insurances followed the same logic for trans and cis women when it comes to hair

>>5774743
>>I don't see why you would need to post pictures of anything for fashion advice.
Hard to describe shit in words, if people ask what type of figure/face/hair I have I have no clue

>Yes, it is possible to look androgynous while looking good too.
How

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>>5776290
What clothes you buy isn't dependant on what figure/face/hair you have. You also don't need to dress in accordance to your skin, hair or eye color, lol. The most information you should need to provide is your measurements and what style of fashion you like. That last part is optional. You probably don't know what you like, which is fine. You can figure this out later.

How to look good while dressing androgynously? That's easy. Buy expensive as shit designer clothing that looks cool as fuck. If you don't have the expenses to do that, the least you could try doing is finding clothing that fits properly, even if you're working with a small budget. The most common mistake I see in /fa/ WAYWT threads is people wearing pants that buckle at the knee and ankle. That looks no good. Observe how people dress around you, females and males, then start incorporating both styles into your outfits. Dressing androgynously is that simple.

I'm a mtf pre-everything.
I need an honest opinion about my body.
will I ever make it?
http://imgur.com/a/qpsKp

>>5776731
>lose weight
>shave
>try again

So I recently got hired at a higher-end women's clothing store but I have come across an issue. In their new hire paperwork it requires me to put in my gender which for all intensive purposes I'm still considered male in my state because Michigan is one of those states that requires SRS to change your gender marker. I have had my name changed months ago so I'm all good in that regard.

My question is that should I put female on my paperwork and be safe with that but then also be okay handing my forms of IDs(driver's license, social security card, etc.) which still have a male gender marker even with my updated photos and IDs?

>>5776813
tough question. legally michigan has lgbt anti-discrimination laws? if so it depends on wether you're theoretically hired already. like they said you have the job, they stopped interviews and didn't contact anyone else and the last thing to do is sign the contract. then even if you put in male they shouldn't be allowed to bitch out in the last minute. if you put in wrong information the contract may be invalid later on but it may not. all in all either way if you still being legally male is offputting to them it would go in front of a judge but i think you'd have a stronger case if you're honest.
but i don't have any source or clue about that stuff. just putting together what little i know about lawstuff in general.
i'd say best thing to do is talk with them and explain your situation is your best bet?

>>5776731
Your shoulders are a little wide and your hips are pretty small. If you're past hip fusion, which you appear to be but it's hard to tell since you're chubby, you're probably not going to get a super feminine form.
>will I ever make it?
Depends on what you want. Passing is almost all about the face, desu, barring extreme height, musculature, and some proportional stuff you can't do anything about without starting HRT at 12. If you want to become a porn star or pass perfectly in a two piece I'd say the odds aren't in your favor, but they never really are unless you start at 12 or win the genetic lottery.

>>5774099
>need fashion advice for looking andro and not looking bad
Say no more. >>>/fa/ They'll get you looking like an androgynous queer in no time.

>>5776880
Thank you for replying to this. Michigan actually doesn't have any workplace protections for gender identity/expression. So you can be fired or rejected from employment for being trans.
This paperwork is online and basically is about tax forms and other shit. I think I will address if asked about it by my manager but other than that I'm at a point in my life where I want to be as stealth as possible outside of people who knew me before I transitioned. I'm honestly surprised that I got hired at a place like this where absolutely no males work there. I think the issue is that the online form does not allow the option to go back and change your gender if in fact having your legal gender is indeed crucial to taxes or anything else like that.

>>5775198
>I have pale skin and dark hair.
Laser will work, but will not be permanent. It's not a permanent thing.
>something I know will work and I know will be permanent.
Electrolysis is THE permanent hair solution and works for just about any living creature with both hair and skin.

Otherwise there's laser, waxing, and shaving, which should all be considered temporary, although laser will outlast a wax which will outlast a shave.

>>5773270
>Seriously? Lol That's great!
It has been extensively tested by the /g/entoomen and has been shown to be universally true. I don't understand it but it werks.

>>5776939
https://www.equalitymi.org/resources/cities-with-legal-protection
maybe your city is in here and you're lucky?
i don't have a clue if that stuff is detrimental for taxes. i'd assume it is just some not important detail to further describe a person in a data base. if that's the case they might overlook a mismatch in gender or someone might call and ask you about some mistake that may happened? "they" in this case would be the government i'd assume. idk. you might want to call a lawyer or someone who does taxes professionally if you can afford it but i can't help you, sorry.

>>5776953
>Laser will work, but will not be permanent. It's not a permanent thing.
it is, if you are on hrt?

>>5777052
Laser does not remove the hair follicles nor does HRT.

>>5777088
it destroys most hair roots and there is too little testosterone for new follicles to get activated?

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Is there any way to do body and facial hair removal at home? I want my hair to be gone, not just shaving it down as a temporary thing.

>>5777106
There will be no more beard growth if there is a female level of testosterone in your body.

>>5777106
>there is too little testosterone for new follicles to get activated?
That's not how this works. Your hair will be thinner and definitely hard to see if you're blonde, but laser doesn't work well on blonde hair so that's moot.

>>5777115
NEW beard growth will not occur, I mean. Hair will still grow in the beard and mustache area if any was present prior to HRT.

>>5777124
then tell me how it works because laser destroys roots and roots won't regrow as far as i know.

Is 200mg Sprio alone enough to bring my testosterone down to female levels?

>>5777138
I think you may be confusing laser with electrolysis.

>>5777138
It does, but you're not going to get them all in one or two sessions. You're looking at 7-10, which will end up being more expensive than electrolysis in every case I've seen. So unless electrolysis is prohibitively expensive in your area it's what you need.

>>5777142
Most likely, yes. I wouldn't jump onto 200mg from nothing though. Start at 100 and if you feel fine up it until it's 200mg. Side effects might hit you like a sack of bricks.

If you're self-medding though, why even do spiro? You know it's a potassium-sparring diuretic for people with high blood pressure? Just buy CPA. It's not illegal to buy or own, it's just not FDA approved. Or hell, do bicalutamide.

>>5777160
>>5777153
so it is permanent with hrt! obviously it's not gonna be one session. electrolysis takes much more than one too. and how many you need depends on how much you have. so what was your point really?

>>5777175
Did I suggest laser and HRT is enough to permanently remove a beard? Because that's not true. Electrolysis does that.

>>5777142
start with 50 rather and up it every week by 50. you want to make sure you aren't allergic and can handle the drug fine when starting a new one. especially if you're self medding!
>>5777174
spiro is much safer for self.medding if you watch out for spinach and bananas and some other stuff. it's way healthier for your liver and generally.

>>5777175
If you're lucky it might be permanent with HRT.
That's really the best you can be offered.
It's not advertised as permanent and it's not meant to be permanent.
>Electrolysis uses electrical epilation to permanently remove hair. A practitioner delivers electricity directly to the hair follicle by sliding a solid hair-thin metal probe into each follicle, causing localized damage to the areas that generate hairs. The power is started at the lowest setting and then turned up until the hair comes out easily.
>Laser hair removal uses selective photothermolysis (SPTL) to cause localized damaged to the hair cell by selectively targeting the melanin in the follicle.
Laser can achieve similar results but you're still getting inferior results if you get lucky. You're making apple juice out of oranges.

>>5777187
>permanently remove a beard?
do you mean to remove every single follicle or what is your point? because i am talking about not having a beard anymore and you were pretty much admitting that that is done by laser.

>>5777174
>>5777194
I've worked my way up from 50mg in the last four weeks. Today starts 200mg. I feel different, but I'm not seeing any of the effects. I still wake up with erections and masturbating isn't difficult. I also have rashes on my face that won't disappear. Is that a common side effect of Spiro? I'll ask my doctor about alternative medication.

>>5777194
>Spiro is much safer for self medding
Really? Interesting. I hadn't heard that. Safer than CPA you mean I guess?

Bicalutamide seems like it has the least side effects but it seems really uncommon. I think it's one of those other options they try if the patient has problems with spiro.

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>>5777210
Are you having hives?

I had that for a bit on 2mg progynova and 100mg spiro about two weeks ago but I just took some anti histamines and the itching and rashes have long subsided without making changes to the dosage.

>>5777205
"Not having a beard anymore" implies permanent hair removal, which laser is not intended to do. Electrolysis is the best method for removing every single follicle.

>>5777213
>Really? Interesting. I hadn't heard that. Safer than CPA you mean I guess?
much softer on your liver! also weaker but that doesn't really matter, you don't want to nuke your testosterone level. females have test too. don't get me wrong i want cypro but only prescribed with regular check ups.
idk about bicalutamide desu but it seems to me like overkill.

>>5777230
Hives? Whatever I have, it's very minor: mild dryness, slight skin flaking, some redness, and only on my face. My doctor gave me 1% clotrimazole cream which hasn't done jack shit except alleviate the dryness. The rashes disappeared last week but now it's back again.

>>5777210
hrt takes a long time for everything. living your life and occasional surprises at how you have changed a little more is what you can expect. are you on estrogen too?
idk about rashes. yes, ask your doctor.

>>5777237
Very interesting. I guess that's why CPA isn't FDA approved then; they kind of have a stick up their ass sometimes. It feels like they're very slow to approve things. And here I thought they just hated trannies.

I'm probably going the bica route for self-medding because even though it's twice the price the safety net that knowing it's not chemcially castrating me makes me feel like I have more time to back off. Also won't cause osteoporosis by itself.

I'm fucked in the head though, so when the gyno inevitably kicks in I'm thinking about downing ralista to make it stop. It's acts like e everywhere else so it's a bonus. I'm just too far gone socially to really transition.

>>5777287
>not wanting to be chemically castrated
Isn't that the whole point?

>>5777287
Do you know if bicalutamide is as effective as an anti-androgen as cyproterone acetate?

>>5777287
>I'm probably going the bica route for self-medding because even though it's twice the price the safety net that knowing it's not chemcially castrating me makes me feel like I have more time to back off. Also won't cause osteoporosis by itself.
just read up on it. it seems to have less side effects but it also seems to push your hormone levels to unknown heights. while test is blocked off completely you may not even need to take E or it may even be dangerous to take E. your test level is basically always going to be off the charts and it may be hard to adjust the dosage? please make sure to get your blood work done regularly. but i only read the wiki article real quick and there aren't any numbers so i may be overcautious.

Tried posting this on the main /lgbt/ and got nothing but attacked
I genuinely need advice
here's the post in case you can't read it
My name is Dave and I'm a pre everything ftm transgender, My insurance won't cover anything, and I'm trying to get a job, but no one wants to hire a trans person in this community. (Super conservative place I hate it.)
I'm accepting donations for art and selling art, so please support me. Also if you have any advice on getting a real job, please help me out. Thank you!
My go fund me is at gofundme slash karmadingodave

What are some sentences, phrases, songs etc I can memorize while training my voice? There's only so much I can talk about before I run out of things to say, so I'd like to try something repeatable. I've been counting, repeating days of the week, and singing lullabies. Anything else I should try?

>>5761950
E levels should peak 4 hours after taking your dose of Estrimax. Your E is way too high, decrease your dose to 4 mg. If you have mild depressive symptopms, then decrease immediately.

>>5777402
>pre everything
>no one wants to hire a trans person
Then you present female at work until you're not pre everything and can pass. Stop pretending you don't have options.

>>5777437
I was forced by an abusive parent to present as female for seven years. Not doing that again.

>>5777468
you'd rather beg for money instead of getting a job quickly so you can pay for yourself and your treatment?

>>5777482
No one will hire me for many reasons, not just the trans things, and not just the piercing thing.
I don't speak spanish and 90% of the population down here doesn't speak english. I'm trying to sell art as a job, but that's not working. I'm taking donations in exchange for art.

hey people, question

I'm with a girl, have been since before transition, but now with estrogen I've finally got a sexuality, but it's towards guys.

I really don't know what to do, I really like her, but... you know, not a guy.

Do these feelings subside or not? I'm not sure how HRT affects sexuality

>>5777530
you were always straight but your with your gf because you coped with her femininity. Thats why you suddenly "got a sexuality" it was repressed is all. Tell her the truth and break it off clean there is no other choice unless you want to hurt her worse.

>>5777402
This isn't the place to advertise. Even if the thread were intended to be used for that purpose (which it isn't), it's against 4chan rules.

"Present" however you want. If you work somewhere where you don't have to wear a female-specific uniform then the worst that will happen is that you'll have to say that you're female (when asked and in your job application; no need to actively demonstrate it unnecessarily). If you pass as male then you'll be perceived as male; if you don't then you won't be. Presenting as female temporarily so you can get a job will allow you to be able to transition so you can present as male effectively sooner. Seriously, deal with it rather than whining and begging for money, even if you don't like it; it's clearly a reasonable thing to do and is going to help you, and is temporary anyway.

>>5777492
Learn Spanish then. You don't think that's a very obvious and major problem you should fix?

>>5777565
yeah, I fear that to be true.

I guess I'll be an emotional wreck over the next few days

>>5777578
don't be afraid to be who you are. you will find it beautiful after the storm has passed.

>>5777530
Different people have very different experiences with their sexuality on HRT. Some report similar experiences to yours. It'll probably be a complicated issue, and it's something you'll have to spend a while working out (with her and on your own). Maybe your sexuality will change in the future (even if just from you understanding it better).

Were you apparently asexual but still had romantic attraction before HRT then?

How long do you think you've felt like this for, and how long has it been since you've recognised it?

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>>5777601
>Were you apparently asexual but still had romantic attraction before HRT then?

yes, 100% this

>How long do you think you've felt like this for, and how long has it been since you've recognised it?

I recognised it a month or so after starting hrt

>>5777615
>>5777611

well, correction

I didn't really have romantic attraction, pretty much 100% asexual aromantic

>>5777615
>>5777618
The physical differences in hormone levels and the psychological effect of starting to transition (and expressing yourself or thinking of yourself differently or whatever) will certainly have had an effect, but I'd think of this independently from HRT, and more in terms of discovering your sexuality like normal. It happens to cis people too; the purely psychological aspect for any number of reasons, and the physical effect of the hormones with puberty or age.

Like I said, it'll be complicated and you'll have to think about it a lot. Maybe you're attracted to men but not totally and exclusively so. Maybe your sexuality is such that you could keep your current relationship successful and happy, or maybe not (and if it isn't then you shouldn't try to force the relationship to work). Regardless, I wouldn't make absolute judgements of your sexuality after such a short period of time.

>>5777678
I've been on hrt for about a year, so it's been there a while

Hey I need some urgent advice. Firstly I am not even sure if I am trans. Based on my answers to these questions, what do you think? (and yes I have read the info about the answers, I just need more opinions)

1. Look in the mirror, what do you see? do you see a man(mtf) or woman(ftm) and it feels comfortable or do you see someone and it feels distant/disconnected or weird?
>feels distant and weird

2. Does thinking about being a girl(mtf) or boy(ftm) make you happy/bring up a good feeling?
>sometimes it feels good but sometimes it's more of an embarrassing feeling

3. If you could live the rest of your natural life as the gender you weren't assigned at birth, would you?
>maybe, maybe not. Honestly not sure.

4. When you look at members of the other gender, what do you feel?
>no attraction (don't even get turned on by girls unless we are getting physical) , and a bit of jealousy.

5. Does wearing the clothing of the other gender feel 'more right'?
>yes

6. If you knew you were going to look more and more masculine(mtf) as you got older, how would you feel about that? What if you were going to look more and more feminine?
>sad, I like looking feminine. This actually worries me because I know the longer I wait, the more masculine I'm getting (18 now)

7. Would you rather have a female(mtf) or male(ftm) body?
>not sure, sometimes yes, sometimes no

8. Would you rather have a different genital configuration?
>also not sure.

9. Would you rather live as a woman(mtf) or man(ftm) in society?
>the thought of this terrifies me desu

10. Based on the evidence that is available, and what your thoughts, behaviours, past and feelings suggest, what is more likely: that you're trans or that you're cis?
>I'm still not sure, mainly because of question 9, 3, 8

Also, I know I need to see a gender therapist but can't I just see a normal therapist at first? Can't they help?

>>5777782
You need to do some more thinking and get a clear yes or no to the not sure questions. If you want to be a woman, then you are trans.

>>5777418
I did that some days ago already and also split doses into 1mg each. My mood got a lot better, but thanks for answering.

do you need a prescription for transgender stuff at inhouse? i saw that i "need to provide a valid prescription for the prescription only products" but i'm not sure how i'm supposed to know what the "prescription only products" are? is it everything there or?

Do hormones have an effect on how you think? Would they finally clear doubt I have in my mind.
Or is it just for a physical change once I finally decide?

>>5777983
No. Place an order, select the box that says you'll email the prescription, but you don't have to. They will ship your medication without it regardless.

>>5777782
Those questions you were unable to answer are the most important ones needing an answer.

>>5777992

thanks for your reply. is there like a point of quantity where they'll pay attention and force you to actually show a prescription? like i don't live in the us but i'm going to travel there, and i want at least 4 months worth of 'mones, since then i'll prob be able to go back to the us

>>5778002
>>5777959
Is it possible to be in denial?

>>5778021
inhouse is surprisingly competent from my experience, so if you have any trouble with your order, just contact them and explain what's up. The worst they'll do is cancel your order and refund you.

>>5778030
It's pretty reasonable to suspect you could be in denial about your actual gender when you've been living as a male for 18 years without previously questioning it.

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What's the least painful way of killing yourself? I, at least, want my exit to be the only painless thing in my life.

>>5778259
Same desu.

>be me
>on estrogen for a couple years still in boymode
>facial hair removal completed
>long hair that's well taken care of
>on good days, I think I'm sort of androgynous looking
>talking about SJW craziness with girl from class
>girl is totally un-PC
>last part of conversation she gets a little quieter and says: "and like with those transgenders, if someone is where you can't tell if they're male or female, then they shouldn't get so mad about pronouns, how are we supposed to know".
>me: I know, right, lol, it's fucking crazy.

I really do agree with her. I'm just frustrated that I'm apparently that much of a fucking hon that nobody even has a clue that I'm on hormones! I just want to be euthanized. If I do pills and alcohol, what pills? I will need an anti-emetic with it too, correct?

>>5777417
This is one that seems to be somewhat popular:
https://www.rit.edu/ntid/speechlang/slpros/media/rainbow

>>5777417
http://www.cs.columbia.edu/~hgs/audio/harvard.html

>>5778571
>>5778586
This is great. Thanks.

Is it true that the eyebrows reshape themselves on HRT?

I've known myself to be a girl since I was just about 15, I had a hugbox skype group and all.

However, along with my girlfriend and my other love interest that didn't end up happening wanting to leave me because of it, the idea of my parents acting awkwardly and so on, and mostly the costs of this whole process (schooling probably would have been too stressful if I were to guess comparing to how it is right now) and a couple of other things it was a better idea to just not do it.

I'm 19 now and I don't share this dysphoria that people talk about, I mean I am passable without hormones naturally, I have a curvy body, my hair is long curly dark, I have amazing eyelashes and great lips. I acquired all this confidence through my relationship that evolved to being something really healthy and I am constantly cross-dressing and slowly being trans without the hormones and all the transfer. I like to justify me not doing it that no matter what I go through I will never actually be a girl, I won't have the life experiences a girl has through her childhood and adolescence so why should I try so hard to re-establish that at a very different point of my life where my looks and how I am viewed by others is so much more important because the more I am viewed as a girl the more access I have to girl experiences, from sharing bathrooms to having amazingly close relationships with girls and being viewed as a girl regardless of my sexuality. I guess gender seemed to take a much more important part. What do you guys make of all this? Because now things seem clearer to me as to why I would or not go through hormones. How expensive is transitioning? Will I be able to cope with stress the same way? Will it become an obsession that most people seem to have over themselves as opposed to being part of the society I am actively participating in. I hate the selfish aspect of the community where everyone seems to really care about themselves and letting the world by white noise.

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>>5774099
>>5776290

So I think I might be Transgender...MtF...

I've had these weird thoughts for years, but I always hid it. A few days ago, I had a big panic attack (feeling depressed lately), and then I got to thinking for a long time, and the thought hit me again. It just came out of nowhere, but I got scared and thought "what if?"

I have some Transgender friends, and I've been asking them about it. They said that they had similar experiences, though they were already sure and accepted it. I'm kind of a more traditional person, and I even had a phase where I was really anti-LGBT and all that, so thinking that I might be Transgender was really freaking me out.

I've told a few good friends about it, and they seem happy for me. I'm still really confused, though. So, is there any way for me to really know if I'm transgender, or is it just a phase? Any experiments I could try to test the waters?

>>5779059
Think about this hard, have you ever felt sad or distressed about your body and male features, i.e. have you ever looked in the mirror and singled out male features like a facial hair, broad shoulders, really tall, ect...

have you ever felt really sad and jealous of other girls because they're so lucky to be born cis.

When you were with your hug box group did you feel happy being referred to as a girl?

When you cross dress do you feel happy (not horny) like truly happy

Think of the future... these natural feminine looks won't last forever, and soon will be poisoned by testosterone.

Yes being trans is hard, you won't have a female childhood, you won't ever be normal, but this is still better than the alternative of depression and eventual suicide

The worst thing is that you'll look back on this time and see regret, either because you started and you weren't actually trans, or because you didn't start and your body changed and became more masculine

The choice is yours and you will need some introspection, do what makes you happy, now and for the future.

>>5779479
>>5779482
I'm pretty sure that this mostly applies to you too

>>5779479
>I've had these weird thoughts for years
You didn't explain what the thoughts you've had are, could you elaborate?

I need some advice. I've been taking 100mg spiro per day for about three weeks, and for this last week, I've been nauseous, with acid reflux, dry mouth, and difficulty swallowing. Could this be a coincidence, or do side effects normally take a few weeks to appear? I didn't take it today, and felt somewhat better, but obviously I don't want to stop taking an antiandrogen. Should I continue taking it and see if the side effects go away, or ask to switch to a different medication?

>>5779482
Yes, actually. I often do look in the mirror and feel really bad about my appearance.

And I do feel a little jealous of women sometimes...though the only times I've been referred to as a girl was online, on a forum I frequent, but I did find the mistakes to be a little funny.

>>5779504

Well, of what it would be like to be a girl, or becomeing a female.

>>5779482
I know I am trans. I don't need the cheesy questionings, went through it 6 years ago.
>depression and suicide
see the reason why this is hard is because I'm not that selfish. I don't want to be this inconsiderate to my social belonging here.

how long more do i have to transition before it gets iffy?

What would it take to get access to hrt? A friend of mine who's underage wants it but doesn't know how to get it
Also, should I talk him out of it? He seems like he doesn't really want to go trans, but he just wants to be more feminine
What would it even do to him?

>>5779515
Are you having the appropriate blood tests done? Spiro is a potassium-sparing diuretic, so your system may be off due to dehydration or build-up of potassium, among other possibilities. If you have a doctor working with you on the HRT, you should talk to them about these symptoms, in any case; they'll be more able to help you make an informed decision about staying on spiro or trying something else.

>>5779519
When you have thought about what it would be like to be a girl or becoming a female, how did you feel?

>>5779535
I am, but it's an informed consent clinic, and his specialty is in HIV (which I don't have). He prescribes hormones, but was completely unwilling to entertain the possibility of switching drugs, or even that the side effects were related to spiro at all. He prescribed me omeprazole for what he believes is just GERD, and told me I could try going off the spiro for a bit, but was pretty dismissive of my concerns.

>>5779521
>how long more do i have to transition before it gets iffy?
That depends a lot on the specifics of your body and how quickly you'll masculinize, it's going to be hard for anyone to answer that question with any kind of accuracy.

One possibility might be to take hormones but not transition socially, or at least not yet.

>>5779545
Well, I thought I should find it wrong or weird, being a guy who's usually actually pretty laid back and, well, manly, but to be honest, I liked it.

When I told my friends and they all sounded understanding, and when I thought about being a woman, it was embarrassing, but in a good way, if that makes sense. It was something that made me nervous, but also excited.

>>5779555
I'm sorry to hear that your doctor is being dismissive of your concerns. With that said, you might want to try being on the spiro again and seeing if the symptoms you were having re-appear.

>>5779479
I don't see anything to indicate that you are trans, but obviously a few posts on a message board isn't enough for anyone to tell, and you should distrust people who are that certain that fast. However, it looks like there may be some psych issues. Perhaps you should try therapy?

>>5779059
Are you OK with being a girly dude who likes girly things? If so, then why not just roll with that?

>>5779521
>how long more do i have to transition before it gets iffy?
Body chemistry is complicated. You might get a partial prediction if you have continuous pictures of your father.

>>5779599
I mean, I know the people I chat with personally, and have known them for a while. We just can't meet up IRL due to distance nowadays, and jobs. They took a whike to come to their conclusions, though.

I do enjoy girly things, I guess. I have some feminine habits, I enjoy songs and movies that a guy may not normally like, stuff like that.

>>5779583
That's not inconsistent with being trans, at least.

About your other questions: The cost of HRT will vary depending on if you get a prescription and are covered by insurance (possibly $20 or $30 a month) versus if you self-med by ordering hormones online (which will depend on what you order and from where). You'll also want to get blood tests with some regularity to check that you're at the right doses and aren't putting yourself at risk of serious side-effects. You may get emotional in ways you didn't before but you will probably still be able to cope with stressful situations. It probably won't make you more self-obsessed or consume your life to the exclusion of other things you care about, although what you care about might shift around slightly.

>>5779587
Well, I think I'll go off it for a few days, and see if I go back to what was normal for me. Still don't feel great. After that, I'll try going back on and see what happens. I'll probably look into switching doctors to someone who actually specializes in trans health, which, given where I go, shouldn't be difficult.

>>5779521
So let me get this straight... you know you're trans but you want don't want to transition because you think that others could get upset...

Do you seriously think you'll be happy in the future without hormones? if so are you really trans?

>>5779705
i just havent been thinking in that long term i guess.

>>5779705
>>5779712
whats the difference between transitioning now and later?

>>5779531
>What would it even do to him?
- less body hair
- boob growth (some get little, but mine were hard to hide after ~8 months)
- more female face (as in, people will think you look weird)
- hips (because he's underage, this is likely)
- softer/thinner skin
- infertility
- erections are hard to get and virtually never accidental
- sex drive will drop significantly (it's still there with estrogen, but not as strong)
- genitals will smell... different
- genitals will also shrink

off the top of my head

>>5779712
sorry... look the whole idea of life is the pursuit of happiness, and if your trans that ultimately involves a lot of pain and heartbreak. If you are transgender getting on hormones faster and earlier will usually make you happier in the long run.

Don't delay you will have to face these issues eventually, the sooner the better

>>5779719
how good you look, the younger you are the more feminine you are,

>>5779762
would it be too stressful for doing school alongside? I'm in university and it's already really heavy

>>5779776
There are plenty of people that transition while at university, if anything you'll probably have more resources to help you there than if you wait until later.

>tfw 25 and wanted to transition since I was 15
I'm so dead inside.
I hate socializing, I can't handle more than one person at once, women are disgusting psychopaths, gays are faggots, most men are assholes.
Looking at my body I feel like the biggest loser in the world.

I've thought about going femgen. But I'm just too dead inside, whenever I have feelings I'm immediately tired after a few minutes. I sleep 10 to 12 hours a day. There is no agency left in my body. The only thing that moves me forward is others telling me what to do.

Plenty of people give up. I'll join them and just become an alcoholic. Maybe find some real drugs.

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How hard is it to get HRT in the US?

>>5779972
Not hard at all if you're self-medicating. If you wish to go the legitimate route with an actual prescription from a doctor, you should save yourself the trouble and first try to get a diagnose from a licensed therapist that specializes in gender/sex. Your doctor will need this to be confident that HRT is right for you.

>>5779969
If you're at that point, why go for alcohol or hard drugs when you could at least try hormones first and see how they make you feel.

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>>5780001
Isn't self-meding extremely dangerous thou?
Link on how to self med?

100mg spiro, 2mg estradiol, 5mg finasteride. Move up to 200mg spiro and 4mg estradiol after a month or two.. Id also recommend taking a herbal supplement called Purera mirifica, make sure you get it from Thailand because when grown outside of that area the plant tends to lose its phytoestrogenic effect.

Is that good advice?

>>5780037
I'm see a therapist about my body issues.
I'm almost positive I had GD as a teen (you shouldn't feel jealous of girl's bodies. you shouldn't want breasts or long hair or hate having gorilla arms). As I've gotten older I've accepted my maleness but not my body. I remember when I was a child (5? 6?) I had a thought that maybe I'd get in trouble if mom and dad found out "I was a girl" but became a weird mix of happy and sad when I realized that was impossible because I was a boy.

Basically I'm paranoid about the social and family upheaval. I'm not mentally strong enough to deal with it. Which is what I've been wrestling with for the past few months and trying to make compromises with myself (stages of grief?) I'm thinking of going the bica route and killing any breast growth with ralista. Because bica might nuke my balls slower than spiro.

But then what's the point of half measures.

I'm a freak inside my head, maybe it's best if my outside doesn't match my insides so people will have a harder time immediately judging me.

>>5780070
I'm not a doctor, so I won't tell you what dosages to take. You should look if there's an informed consent clinic in your area. They will prescribe you HRT regardless of a diagnoses and make sure everything is right.

Every time I do drugs I have a uncontrollable urge to CD, do girlie shit. Shaved my legs last night.

>>5780121
Narcissa?

>>5780134
No

>>5780121
So what do you need help with?

>>5780121
I get those urges when I'm sober.
Now when I'm drunk, then I'm really horny and masturbate to gay porn.
Almost every time. Get drunk, get horny.
I think the alcohol makes me less judgmental.

>>5780150
Logical explanation.

I've never been to a therapist and I don't know what to expect with one. Much less what to look for.

Is it like going to a regular doctor where you just give a quick statement of what's wrong, then answer shit off a list of questions they have (and interrupt if you give too long of an answer), then take the prescription and that's it? Do any of them get impatient if you try to go too in depth with explaining what's bothering you? Do they try to rush you out of their office as fast as possible?

Cause see, stuff like this bothers me with regular doctors. They don't want to have an actual discussion and just dodge legitimate questions. They just want to do minimal effort for maximum insurance payout. Even if following their instructions doesn't fix a problem, they get pissy if you keep coming back wanting to try looking at other perspectives for an issue they failed to address properly in the first place.

I kinda want to avoid this with a therapist because being trans is a heavy issue and I'd prefer open discussion and patience with how nervous I tend to be when talking about heavy issues. (I get that the sessions have time limits but I don't want to walk in and be immediately pressured into ending them early every time.)

>>5780188
Therapists like to talk. Expect an appointment to last like an hour.

And if you get pills after only one appointment I'll be pissed. I think most wait a few months until they get to know you and other problems in your life.

>>5780088
I get the paranoia; I had the same sort of thing, a really strong irrational sense that if I opened up to anyone about wanting to be different than I was that everyone would hate me and think that I was disgustingly confused and incurably immoral, and I felt that they wouldn't be wrong for feeling that way because I felt that way about myself, things like that. It took me a long, long time before I was able to get past myself to do anything productive towards transition because it was just too frightening. There wasn't any rational reason for me to feel these things, and when I did finally come out to doctors and parents there wasn't anything bad that happened, but each new person is another paranoid fear, although it's getting a bit easier. Just do your best to look at things objectively rather than worrying about unknowns and worst-case scenarios. (And good luck with whatever route you end up taking!)

>>5780167
Drugs do a lot of things to your brain that can cause all kinds of urges; I'm not sure if there's a better explanation to be given without knowing the specifics of your biology and the drugs you're taking.

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>>5780099
>You should look if there's an informed consent clinic in your area.
The closest one is a state over.

>>5780205
That's good to know then that it isn't as impersonal as with other doctors. Mental health stuff was always frowned upon in my family too. I grew up thinking that therapists just sat you down and gave you "happy zombie pills" and sent you on your way. And my experience with other types of doctors just helped reinforce that idea.

>>5780212
I appreciate the empathy. Thanks.

>>5780222
If you must self-medicate, then follow this regimen. It's an oldie, but a goodie.

http://pastebin.com/raw/yzMzTA5u

I highly suggest getting a legitimate prescription. It's very important that a doctor monitors your health. There is a real risk that you'll fuck up in some capacity if you don't seriously educate yourself beforehand.

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>>5780261
>http://pastebin.com/raw/yzMzTA5u
Thanks so much, will it kill me if I fuck up?

>>5780235
Yeah, therapists don't prescribe pills, psychiatrists do that; you might get referred to another doctor for medications and such, but with the therapist you'll mostly be talking through things.

>>5780277
You run the risk of permanent breast growth, infertility, and liver damage. You have to be in an incredibly misfortunate disposition to accidentally kill yourself. You can get bi-weekly blood tests for the first three months to make sure everything is OK while you are continually increasing the dosage.

If you're like me, it might take a few months to get a legitimate prescription from your doctor. You can self-medicate in the meantime if you are so committed to starting now.

My only concern with that regimen is that it may be suggesting to increase the dosages too fast, which will result in poor growth on HRT (primarily breast growth) -- like a cis female with hormonal issues.

>>5780277
In theory it could; spiro is a potassium-sparing diuretic, so you need to be careful to monitor that your potassium levels remain in safe bounds; if you have too much potassium in your blood (hyperkalemia) that can cause potentially fatal heart arrhythmia. I think that's the most likely serious side effect from those meds, although there can be others; again, getting blood tests done and having a doctor to help you make sense of the results is advisable.

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>>5780344
>>5780336
Thanks anons!

>>5777990
>Do hormones have an effect on how you think? Would they finally clear doubt I have in my mind.
most likely no. sorry.

I don't want this. It's not like I'll ever even appear to be a woman to anyone but a half blind old man. Why can't I give up if it's clearly so hopeless?

>>5778259
>>5778446
Embracing death is defeatism, at least choose to go out in a blaze of glory. Carry yourself through the gates of Valhalla. You shall ride eternal: Shiny and chrome.

>>5780437
I just wanted to weigh in and say that although spiro will cause you to hold onto more potassium, your body will STILL secrete it in your urine, etc. like a normal person.

You need less potassium, but do not avoid vegetables and fruit and such altogether. Eating four potatoes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Really bad idea. Eating a reasonable portion of hash browns with breakfast and some fries with supper? Perfectly OK. Bananas? Perfectly OK, just don't eat 4 of them a day. Also note that it's only really a problem looking at a longer time frame; if you eat 4 bananas today, you're not going to die, but probably cut back on potassium for a day or so afterwards.

I say this because some girls hear, 'monitor your potassium' and 'spiro can raise potassium' and then cut all potassium out of their diet... which is stupid because, despite taking a potassium sparing diuretic, you still need potassium and your body still secretes it.

Reposting here because no one responded

I really need to get a job but I'm not sure if I should apply as a boy or as a girl

I don't pass and my voice is awful but my boymode has become really difficult to maintain recently and my boobs are hard to hide. Also side note I'm a nervous wreck who can barely leave the house so I'm not sure a job would work anyway

>>5782055
do voice training and go to a therapist. pro tip: not every therapist is competent and/or is the right one so look until you find one who you feel comfortable around.

>>5782173
I don't really have the money for a therapist hence the need to get a job

>>5782213
if your voice is still awful and people usually gender you as male apply as male. boobs are no problem, just say you have gynecomastia due to medical issues and anything else is nobodys business. though if you plan on presenting female in the near future you may want to be more honest. it all depends on where you live too. if you live in a conservative area i'd say male + gyne would be safer, if you live in a liberal area being honest may be better. idk how much of my advice applies to you.

>>5759626
You need to be completely open and honest with your therapist. There could be potential health risks involved with HRT and whatever you take today to control your schizophrenia. You must never stop taking your meds (this could evolve over time) either or you will wind up as one of the gibberish spouting homeless in America.

The problem with scizophrenia is, most think they don't need to take the medicine but do and the social system will let you fall through the cracks so very easily. I see it almost daily where I live in Canada and it's worse in the US of A.

So I've been tucking pretty much 24/7 for years now, and I noticed recently that my testicles are like gone. They don't descend at all anymore.

Should I be concerned about this?

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so i just got my first laser appointment done. i got everything above my jawline done. the lady was really nice but i felt kind of uneasy because she apparently doesn't understand what estrogen or spiro is and told me it would negatively affect my results and make the hair grow even more. she also kept saying man so that kind of sucked.

anyways the groupon was only for 3 treatments and i like the place enough to get more without a groupon, im just not sure i could afford it. would a different place be opposed to me buying another groupon for 6 treatments for my face? i think they will be able to tell ive gotten laser done else where and im not sure if it would affect the groupon or not..

I would like my therapist to file a letter of recommendation for HRT to my doctor. She doesn't know how to do this, so that leaves me to figure it out on my own. Can anybody help? Isn't there some kind of official form for this stuff?

>>5782735
I don't think there's an official form or anything. I think the therapist just explains to the doctor that you've talked about it at length about the potential outcome of going on HRT and after a psyche evaluation, her training tells her that you would be appropriate to transition to a female via HRT.

You should try to find an endocrinologist specifically, not necessarily just your GP, if you can find one that your insurance covers. They know all about hormones. Preferably one who is "trans friendly" if at all possible.

Find such a doc, setup an appointment as a new patient, explain you want to be seen to start Hormone Replacement Therapy. Bring a nice note from your therapist that shows you are well informed of the effects and her expertise shows it will treat your gender dysphoria.

Or something like that. She should know how to word a nice letter in her field.

17 here with 5-6 months of receding hairline on the front. My hairline is still the same in the center front but to each side there is an empty patch that goes up about an inch and a half.

How much of an effect is finasteride and minoxidil going to have, if any? I've read that even when it does work the regrowth is extremely minimal and falls out when you stop using minoxidil. Searching around I've found a huge range of opinions on this though, and most of the people discussing seem to have started in their 20s and above.

I'm really freaking out about my hair so any help would be appreciated.

>>5782839
Getting a letter of recommendation is the last step before I can finally get HRT. The help means a lot. Thanks!

Does anybody know where I can find prices for individual procedures with Bart van de Ven? Also how good/extensive is he with jaw work? That's what I'm most focused on getting.

>>5782854
It's different for everyone. Results aren't guaranteed. Get familiar with the potential side effects and then give it a try.

>>5783088
anyone????
wow this board is slow

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>>5783685
Pay 50 euros and go see him.
Pic is what I'm getting. No idea what jaw costs.

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>>5783685
adding onto the other helpful anon

>>5783712
>>5783738
Hm, shit, that really is totally outside of the amount of cash I can ever hope to have at once. Both my parents are about 50-100k in debt because of their poor life decisions. Guess I'm fucked. Guess I could start a GoFundMe but that feels like kinda a hon thing to do.

>>5783753
>Guess I could start a GoFundMe but that feels like kinda a hon thing to do.

Just do it. Bite the bullet. Spend a day creating a GoFundMe, then forget it ever happened while the money flows in.

is there a particular health insurance commonly used among trans people?

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>>5783817
It's pic related until you resign and self med.

Let's say I know someone who is under 18 and has parents who are completely against transgenders and really anything in lgbt. Let's say that this someone is trans and has no money of their own. How would she be able to get treatment without her parents knowing?

>>5785052
Go to a local LGBT support group.

>>5785052
I'm guessing the parents would need to sign off for treatment for a minor so the only real option here that I can see is self medding just make sure they know what there getting into

>>5785090
How would she self med? She doesn't have any money, and she can't exactly guard the mailbox at her house, she's at school all day.
Are there any jobs for pre-everything trans girls in high school?

>>5785109
The same jobs for any teen - Grocery stores & fast food.

Then your 'friend' can get a PO Box.

>>5785109
>How would she self med?

There is a lot of information on this if you scroll up.

>she can't exactly guard the mailbox at her house, she's at school all day.

Have it mailed to a friend.

>>5785109
>she can't exactly guard the mailbox at her house
a PO box would help here but that costs money, the only thing that I can think of if she is old enough is find work at mc donalds or something. Also if her parents give her money for lunch at school, birthdays etc save it.

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>>5759541
I've only really started seriously questioning my gender in the last 4 months or so, and it's been really up and down. Some days it really bothers me to be a male, the days that I've cross dressed or even just put on makeup have made me really happy, and some days I'm just really apathetic towards the whole thing.
Here's the problem, though. I know how difficult transitioning would be for me, so that, combined with the general state of apathy I'm feeling right now and the fact that this hasn't been a very noticeable issue for me for very long has me feeling like maybe it's just a phase or something and if I just stop dwelling on it so much and forget about it, it'll just go away.

What do you all think? I know that a lot of people who have experienced severe dysphoria have just tried to ignore it and been largely unsuccessful, but since I have not really had it bad in a big way, I just wonder if maybe this is all in my head (so to speak).

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My arms are more vascular than usual. In fact, I feel an almost unbearable tingling, like when your foot falls asleep. Could this be a result of too much Spironolactone?

>>5785500
I'm not a doctor but from what I remember about the endocrine system that's a result of not enough hormones. As in too much spiro and not enough estrogen.

>>5785506
That would make sense because I'm not currently on any estrogen. But I've heard doctors put people on Spiro for 6+ months before estrogen. I'm not sure what to think.

>>5785509
My doctor started me with both right away. Your body needs a hormone, be it E or T.

>>5785511
Right, or else I'll eventually have osteoporosis to deal with, among other issues.

Is it anything but a far fetched dream? There's nothing you can really do to truly pass unless you were fortunate enough to have started so impossibly young. Sure you might be able to pass in the right clothes and full makeup, but to pretend you could ever pass in a swimsuit is absurd. I want to be a woman, I want to live forever, I want to be a famous musician, but they're all just absurd dreams that will never come true. No point in wasting time and heartbreak trying.

>>5782009
Yes!

I wish more people understood this. Potassium is only normally a risk with impaired kidney function or if you use salt substitutes that have potassium. Both my endocrinologist and GP reassured me of this.

>>5785561
Maybe it is a far fetched dream, maybe it's a waste of time, maybe you'll cry your heart to pieces over failure, but not trying won't make your dreams come true. Dream on.

>>5785358
>combined with the general state of apathy I'm feeling
apathy is a state of mind that people usually resort to when they feel awful for a prolonged period without hope that it will change. why are you apathetic?
>the days that I've cross dressed or even just put on makeup have made me really happy
what was it that made you happy?
>Some days it really bothers me to be a male
anything in particular?
>I know how difficult transitioning would be for me, so that, combined with the general state of apathy I'm feeling right now
those aren't signs of it being a phase. neither are those signs of it not being a phase.
> this hasn't been a very noticeable issue for me for very long
>noticeable
so you think that it may be an issue that you haven't noticed until recently but that may have existed for longer?

>>5785509
>But I've heard doctors put people on Spiro for 6+ months before estrogen.
not a doctor either but that's plain retarded.

I'm crazy for wanting to go through with this.
But I'm crazy for hating how I look now.

I'm feeling like I need to back down. But I think it's just because it's such a big decision.

The therapist told me to find an endo now. Told me to setup an appointment for laser hair removal.

I've been so apathetic for so long. Dealing with these thoughts again after years of just not caring how I look anymore is mentally draining.

Also I'm already 25, so fuck my life, right?

I just took my Spiro and progy at the same time. Is that bad or should I space it out?

Also Spiro is the worst tasting mint ever. Especially when you have to wash it down with spit

>>5786256
You're probably going to be fine.
Congrats.

>>5786255
listen to your therapist, girl! 25 is not the end of the world.

>>5786136
> Why are you apathetic?
Honestly, I wish I knew. The last few days I've just woke up not caring. And whenever I think about transitioning, it's kind of, "Yeah, whatever". But I also feel the same way about staying the same.

> What was it that made you happy?
It made me happy to look in the mirror and feel like I looked like a woman. Even though I'm sure that I wouldn't pass to anyone else, I was able to pass in my mind. The days that I just wear a little bit of makeup out (like mascara, etc.), I look at myself and either think that I look pretty or that it just makes my face look more feminine. Both thoughts make me feel happy.

> Anything in particular?
Well, I've never really associated with lots of masculine characteristics. Like, whenever I think about it, I hate the idea of ending up with gorilla arms like most guys I see (I shave mine on a semi-regular basis). Sometimes I get varying degrees of genital dysphoria. Not to the point of being seriously depressed over it, but I've had thoughts about cutting it off, breaking it, ending up with testicular cancer or something so I would "just have to lose it" (even though I don't know if that's how that works...), etc. Especially if I've been tucking for the day and it's not cooperating and causing me a lot of pain. I've gotten really frustrated and just wished I didn't have to deal with it.

>>5786136
>>5786409

> So you think that it may be an issue that you haven't noticed until recently but that may have existed for longer?
Potentially. I mean, in all honesty, until a friend of mine came out as trans last year I thought it was the kind of thing that only existed in internet fiction. So, even if I was feeling something, I couldn't have really associated it with anything. I don't remember experiencing major problems with my gender when I was younger, but I do know that I've never really fit what I would consider the "boy stereotype". I tended to be a lot quieter, more peaceful, studious, etc. I know that's something that really varies from person to person, but still. Also, I remember when I first had chest hair coming in my mom would sometimes point it out. I always made a point to just rip the hair out in front of her when she did - I guess I never really wanted hair to grow on my body unless it was on top of my head.

>>5786409
>And whenever I think about transitioning, it's kind of, "Yeah, whatever".
> I look at myself and either think that I look pretty or that it just makes my face look more feminine. Both thoughts make me feel happy.
given that transitioning will make you more feminine and will give you the oppurtunity to pass to others as well i think these two answers are contradicting each other, no?
>But I also feel the same way about staying the same.
>...I've gotten really frustrated and just wished I didn't have to deal with it.
> I hate the idea of ending up with gorilla arms like most guys I see
do you really feel indifferent to staying male?
>whenever I think about it
well, that's already a pretty strong sign that you dislike something. how much time a day does that occupy? how much does it interrupt your daily life?
>Potentially...
so the possibility is definitely there. you may find some more signs in your past now that you know what to look for. don't beat yourself to finding "enough" signs though, concentrate on how you feel now and if you find further confirmation in the past then that's great.

>>5785561
Equally, thinking you could cope with living as a man for many more decades when it makes you feel as bad as you do now and you're only going to get vastly more masculine in the future is at least as far-fetched.

Passing sometimes is better than never too.

>>5786433
> I think these two answers are contradicting each other, no?
You're exactly right. They do. My mind is so split on this. At any moment I can convince myself that I should transition (due to some of the feelings of dysphoria, how cross-dressing, etc. makes me feel, and so on) or that I shouldn't (due to the stress it could place on myself and my family/friends, the worry that it's just a phase, etc.).

> Do you really feel indifferent to staying male?
Well, I tell myself that I would put up with it. Like, if for whatever reason I couldn't transition or it was recommended I didn't, I think I would just suck it up and deal with the hand I've been dealt. Not much else I could do, really. I guess that's what I mean by feeling indifferent. I feel like I could at the very least tolerate it and hopefully not want to off myself or anything.

> How much time a day does that occupy? How much does it interrupt your daily life?
I think about it numerous times a day, often for an extended period of time. Sometimes it'll take me out of what I'm doing (like sitting in a lecture or something), though usually if I'm in the middle of something I can just stay in the zone and forget about it. When I have time to myself, it's pretty much the first thing my mind latches onto if I have no other stimuli.

> Concentrate on how you feel now and if you find further confirmation in the past then that's great.
Thanks, I keep telling myself to do this. It's really difficult to not feel like I just need to check off so many boxes and then I'll be good, though.

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55KB, 250x210px

>finally manage to contact place for therapy
>find out i can't schedule by email and need to talk to people on the phone
why do this to me

>>5785500
It's me again. I'm back from the hospital with a $800 bill and can be referred by my new name: Fucking Retard. It turns out I was overdosing on Spironolactone. Self-medders beware, this is the danger you face. I don't want to blame my doctors for making it so difficult to obtain a legitimate prescription, but seriously. Fuck my doctors. Fuck me.

At least I got a cool xray to take home with me.

>>5789494
That's rough, Fucking Retard.
At least I was right with my diagnosis.
Little victories.

>>5789494
How much were you taking, out of curiosity?

>>5790007
I accidentally doubled my dosages. Started with 100mg during the first week. Increased to 200mg during the second, then 300mg during the third. I've been on 400mg for two days now and I'm really feeling the effects.

You cannot comprehend how mad I am, both at myself and my doctors. But mostly myself.

>>5787582
It's because of privacy policies.

>>5790211
i used to be able to do that when i saw a therapist before...

>>5789494
tbqhon i don't see how you took so much. did you just not read the package?

>>5787308
from what you posted i feel like you know already what you want to do and what you do not want to do. please think thouroughly if transitioning might benefit you. i'm not telling you what you should do but for most people who feel similarly like you it is worth every bit of stress it does and they'd do it gladly again. it won't be easy in the first years but after a while you and you're family will get accostumed to it and you can live a mostly normal life. wether or not you could live as a male if you had to is up to you to decide but i can tell you that usually dysphoria will get worse as time passes and most people that decide not to transition for various reasons do at a later point in life. they usually then regret not transitioning earlier as it will make passing less likely and the years of conscious repression are even less pleasant than "just not knowing what can help you feel better".
good luck, anon and i hope you find the right decision that will make your life a pleasant experience.
i should have actually wrote this in the first reply: visiting a therapist specialized in gender issues might help you too, in figuring yourself out and if you do decide to transition in acquiring hrt too.

>>5790574
Thank you so much for sticking with me and replying. I really appreciate the advice! :)
For what it's worth, I've been seeing a counselor for a few weeks now, and I have an appointment with a gender therapist around mid-March. I'm really hoping things will become clearer then. I just suck at making decisions on my own, but I know that nobody can make this decision except me.

next thread:

>>5790862
>>5790862
>>5790862